Trusty Hogs - Ep20. Sobriety, Sustainability & Spring Onions

Episode Date: February 17, 2022

Catherine & Helen fly solo for the milestone 20th episode but we have a lot of fun getting stuck into your problems, workshopping hair methods, and Wuthering Heights...Thank you so much for listening! Support us at https://www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more! Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] Please give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socials Be sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Simon Moores / Guy Goodman / Janinna Bautista / Mary FoxPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / SBDubz / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Emma Walton / Karen Bull / Harald van Dijk / Kierah Leach / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Lee Myerscough / Anthony Conway / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Kim Dubhghaill / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Jo Holmes / Caitlyn Lyth / Aideen McQueen / Sarah & Molly / Carrig Duke / Melissa DunkeldWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Can you see that I've still got last night's set list under one of my hands? I absolutely. You write it on the opposite side to me. So you write it in your sweaty, so he passed. I can't believe you're still touching it, knowing that it hasn't been properly scrapped. Oh, okay. Good for us. I didn't, but that I couldn't do the math.

Hello and welcome to trusty hogs, the podcast where we're amazing. And then we have an amazing guest. And then we solve one of your amazing problems. It's bananas and amazing. Welcome to episode 20. If Helen Burr and Catherine Bohar, what is too. wacky fucking mental bitches I'm here saying the truth

I actually hate this intro more than I can say Through the fog Step forth the trusty hogs Yeah You're gonna give them your problems And they will solve them Or maybe they won't And that's your problem

They'll have guests And Andrew White On the tech Oh it's Helen and Catherine at the trusty hogs Trust the trusty hogs Or maybe not Welcome

What you do this week? To trusty hogs You're doing that again Okay Through the fog No, I feel like we need to talk about you this week Oh that's kind A lot of people

Are concerned What? And have questions About what's happening On the top of that beautiful Irish head of yours Are they concerned? And personally, as a feminist, I'd rather they were questioning what was going on inside of that Irish head of yours. But they're not.

It's all about my hair, isn't it? Your hair curls are just, you're thriving at the moment. I'd say the last three weeks of episodes, you've just been glowing. It's like, it looks like you're ready to compete in Irish River Dance at any given moment, which I see as a positive. I'll take it. You know what? I'm 33, and I've only in this last two months decided to just fucking experience. my hair is curly.

Correct. It's curly. Like I've always I've always had it curly some of the time but generally like for shows or for you know going out I would do.

You've straightened. I've seen you straighten it into a French plant. I straighten it and then I'll platt it or I'll straighten it and then curl it again or I also for a long time did the twist method you know where like you wrapped around your fingers I know it but I've never done it.

Okay but then you need like eight hours for it to dry and shake it and it looks amazing but I don't always have time for that so I've recently embraced the fact that it is just naturally curly and people either have had two reactions some people have gotten in touch to be like it's amazing how do I what do we do

yes and I'm going to answer some curly girl questions because actually I didn't know and the other reaction is to be like hey I saw your French you okay and which I think is a good question like you know I have a theory I've had it for a long time like the higher the friends the worse the mental health

oh sure and I don't disagree at all points no matter how low it is there's still something going on daddy's not hugging someone's not fucking You have been recently left Sure Have I only ever had a fringe After traumatic events

Sure But this one is actually just for me Okay You say it and then immediately Look off to the side Like you can't even be honest with yourself Well the thing that started me Into accepting my curls

Is I went to finally to a place That actually cuts curly hair Which I can't recommend strongly enough Tell us all about it They actually know what they're doing They don't use razors And wreck your curls And also everyone else there is

curly hair and I don't know why that made me feel weirdly emotional but when I went to this no but you don't understand when everyone else is getting like when literally you're like oh hey my hair is curly and they're like cool so we'll blow dry it and you're like okay no no I think it's the equivalent of me going into the tall section or long tall tallie and I'm like oh my god my people that's it and it's just nice to be like they're going to like they assume you want your hair as it is um which is nice and I want you to tell me about it because I actually have naturally curly hair I have brushed and serum this out and I am going to do What? I do. I do. I'm like a little duckling.

Helen, you'd be gorgeous with curly hair. Stop it. I look like the angels from the Philadelphia advert back in the day. Do you remember this? And they'd be like, buy Philadelphia and stir it into your pasta with chicken. Hey, hey, babes. How angelic. Put Philadelphia inside your chicken and wrap it with ham. Date night. And they would all be on a cloud with a harp.

and they'd all have like crazy curly hair with cherry tomatoes in it. So angelic. Okay. So whatever you tell me, I'm going to do and then debut it next week. I would absolutely love that. Okay, first thing to say is I get my hair cut at unruly curls. There are lots of other great places that do curly haircuts, but I think the main thing is to just check they do.

The other thing to say is this is something I've only just learned. It matters when you put your product in. So my hairdresser is like, I don't care whether you use mousse. I don't care whether you use like a curly girl serum if you use, oil whatever she's like it doesn't really matter like any old products they all do the same thing but she's like you've got to put it in when your hair is soaking wet like we even get out of the shower

like comb it through your hair and then scrunch scrunch scrunch scrunch scrunch until it all like with your hands yeah so like I throw my head over put it I use Tiggie Catwalk but that just because it suits my hair I comb two pumps of that through upside down and then I scrunch it scrunch it scrunch it

until it get all the heavy wet out of it and then don't touch it just leave it alone until it dry not even a diffuser hair Oh, you can do a diffuser. That is the only alternative. But if you're going to just let it dry naturally, just leave it alone. Stop touching it. You're going to make it frizzy, right?

But the idea that I would always tell dry or dry at least and then put my product through, then brush it through, then scrunch. And she's like, oh my God, no, just put it in and leave it alone. It's too late to scrunch it then. Yeah. And also, it was fascinating. And then it's sort of this one. That can't be it. That is it.

That is it. That is it. I know. That's like when people would fall of skin, like an M in the corner there. Just like, what's your secret? Nothing. I know. Yes, I just have no pores.

No, but this involves putting a product in properly upside down. But here's the thing, right? Then I was like, that can't be right. But then it dries and I need to scrunch out a little bit more because it goes a bit crunchy and I don't like that vibe. But here's the thing. I thought that, okay, now I'm going to have to wash my hair every day. Right.

Who has the time? I can't be going out with wet hair all the time. Preach. Incorrect. I was watching Queer Eye. How do you sleep then with her? So that's what I was thinking, right?

So I have one of those like silk scrunchies that you put your hair back and apparently, I was like, this is going to save me, right? It's fine. That's disgusting. It's covered in so much of your hair. Please put that away.

She's taken out her scrunchy. It's covered in her blonde hair. So I was like, but every time I'd wake up and yeah, my hair would be flattened and I was like, this is no good to me, right? It's ruined. JVN on Queer Eye was like, put a bit of your hair.

product, which I did, a couple of pumps of my product, a bit of leave in conditioner did that all into a bottle with some water, shake it up. I just spritz the end of my, I spritz my hair, scrunch it through, it's back to curly. And then I get on with my day. The thing that I'm most blown away by. You're making it sound easier than it is.

I know you are. That's the thing is, for so long I was like, it cannot be. It must be, I'm not, and I was just weighing it down, weighing it down with product and then it would just get like limper and limper. But it turns out I just need to leave it the fuck a lot. All that's going to happen when this episode comes out is we're just going to start running into the listeners of this with just insanely bad going to be like,

you're right, it works, it's a miracle. And I will inevitably be like, you look great and you'll be like, oh, I'm not done, I'm not, I will say several things. Stop using shampoes with sulfates in, use a co-wash every other wash and try not to use sulphate. What the fuck's a co-wash?

Okay, so a co-wash is like a boot clam or a diva shampoo that just doesn't have sulfates in, basically. Like pantam privy? No, that would be bad for your hair. Okay. So just get curly hair products That like it's really easy Loads of the loads of the ones in Lush are good

They're all on Amazon And I love a Natterin Lush so I'm in Yeah we're just sulphate free Sulfate free is fine So that's the other thing Great And to say condition obviously Your curls need moisture like they're dry

They're dry they're dry And then I realized Don't put oil and all that crap in It just weighs your curls down I was trying They need to bounce up So just one product you're good Oils are for one thing

Cooking and fighting in porn Which is the same same thing. You can put it away as at the end when it's already dry, but not when it's wet. And the last thing I would say that I've realized is that... More steps than you. There was more steps. No, no.

I was just saying with a shampoo, that's important. But the other thing is, it takes, it took me a couple of times. Like, when I first did it, my hair was like, I was like, I remember that day. Yeah. He'll and rain. Fuck you. And the next. It's natural.

But it turns out, hair basically, like, it gets used to being dragged down. So it sort of stayed dragged a bit. And after, honestly. after a couple of washes, I was like, oh, it's getting curlier by each wash because it's like being left to do its thing. Like when you wear a bra that's too small and you have four boob and then even when the bra's not on, you still have like the extra bit

of boob coming out of the top. I've not found that to be true. So like if you wear a bra that's two sizes too small, you know, we've all seen it on babes when they're like wearing a bra too small and they're wearing a t-shirt and they've got like four tits. Yeah. But when you take the bra off, surely they just fall that. If you've had it on for so long, the boob mulls into four boobs. It does. No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't.

I had four boob the entire of 2010. Behaviourself. And it was like moulded into my body. Now, we're luckily back to two boob. Yay, two huge boobs. Yeah, I just think there's like, not muscle memory, but essentially. I swear my feet are a different shape because I was desperately trying to be a smaller shoe size when I was younger. Wow.

I guess foot binding is a real thing, but you shouldn't have been doing it. But I'm going to show them. I won't take my socks off. That's probably too kinky, isn't it? Yeah, I don't want that. Sign up for the Patreon. and I have like it goes in so significantly there but my toe is basically

they're supposed to be purple that's not white is it on the bottom is it filthy it's filthy okay well at the end of the day I live with a severely molting middle-aged Asian man there is a lot of black hair around our flat okay it's mixed it with my long blonde hair

but I think I fucked myself because my quite an incline it is and this toe is like basically attached to the other toe because it's been pushed in and this is something I would like to talk about more in depth. Evidently since you got from curls to that

please put your fucking foot off the table. I also want to end up from wiki feet. Please give me five stars. I don't think they will. Why did you want a smaller shoe size? Because I am a size nine which means that I go. Thank you.

How many times can you ask me? Take your foot off the fucking turn down. I was, I think this is quite common for anyone who's like in a body shape that doesn't mean they can shop on the high street. So my foot size is nine, which means that I can't buy shoes on the high street. Most places, particularly growing up.

Now there's a couple. I mean, I still have to order them along because I'm a wide fit. But like everyone was getting the same shoes. Some new look and from like prime up, all the shit places. But I wanted to what everyone else had. So I was in denial about my size, trying to convince myself that I was a size eight or a seven.

Do you think you're less of a like follower now that you've had to embrace like just being, having bigger feet. I want to say it's part of embracing it. I also think I'm lucky enough that I've got to a point with like support from this podcast and also with comedy going better and better that I can afford to get shoes that fit me. I think you can't always like I still, I need to make more of an effort to get less like I

buy so much fast fashion, but sustainable fashion that comes in my size. Like there isn't vintage that fits me just in general because back in the day apparently everyone was like fucking toddler. absolutely insane so I think it is I can now afford to buy shoes that fit That is one thing I find a little bit frustrating About like the

Sustainability Movement in clothes Which I think is vital and important But I do think the sort of First of all First of all I don't think that most women are doing fast fashion As it's actually understood Like when we talk about influencers

Who are like throwing away things After they've worn it twice I'm like I can wear a new look dress for 12 years Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what you're talking, but that's not fast fashion, right? The other thing to say is,

I think it forgets. Like, when people are like, just do charity shops. You're like, sweet. And if I was a size six to maybe 12, I could. Andrew does better in charity shops for women than I do. Yeah, that is.

He's got the better shape than I do for charity shops. Well, he's buying elderly dying women's clothes. And they look good on him. With shoulder pads, so they really do. But I just mean, like, it's really hard if you're a bigger woman to go into a charity shop. and tall so like the chance that have my exact leg and weight measurements are really so it's just

yeah but there are things that are coming up now but being able to afford to do it is another thing but actually that would be actually quite useful for me if anyone listening to this does know any like plus size like good brands like not a bank breaker I'm not at that point yet but I am willing to pay a bit more for something that's sustainable yeah it's a shame because Newlook does such fucking cute stuff do you know what I'm I mean. I feel like you should have been, I feel like we're both past new look age-wise. But like vibe-wise, I'm thinking for, so I've made a couple of, I know we've already done New Year's, like that was a month ago, a month and a half ago at this point, really.

I feel like I should have been a bit harsher with myself with what I wanted to be from my year. Okay, tell us. I want to change my aesthetic entirely. Okay. I want to look. First of all, who learned how to say that word properly? I'm so, Brad to me five times at home in one day. We had a fight. I cried. I now know how to say aesthetic. You don't say a aesthetic. No, you don't. Why were you saying it five times in one day? Because we're moving and we moved. And then we had to discuss the new aesthetic of the property. Because I didn't think having a Mike Tyson wall in a smaller property was a good choice for the aesthetic. I get it. Yes, well done. I'm so proud of you.

Thank you. If you're me, you say aesthetic. Aesthetic. Aesthetic. Aesthetic. Athetic. Forget it. I think the vibe that suits me honestly the best, always having a bum bag on,

looking like I'm an adult at Disney World who's been there for a week's holiday. So a bit disheveled, a bit tired, spirit jersey on, because I already have only big colourful jumpers. I don't know that that's true. And then I'm just going to start bringing back fat lasses wearing shorts all year round.

I'm sorry, we don't see it enough. Obviously we get them out in the summer and it's suddenly a big thing. I'm going to be the big lass in February just wandering around with little denim shorts on. It's called body positivity. Not one wants to see it.

I don't want to get them out, but I will do it for feminism. You have killer legs. You actually should wear more shorts. I do have killer legs, but when I was showing them off a minute ago, you were like, get them off the table. Was it your leg that I had an issue with?

It was attached to it. Was it your leg? Where is the leg start? That's an interesting question. Where does the leg start? Not with your dirty sock. You know what? This is one of those classic debates.

This is like philosophy. Where does the leg start? As old as time. It's like that famous philosophical thing. It's not with your dirty. Where do you stop cutting? Above the ankle. The leg starts above the ankle.

Yeah. And certainly not at your filthy thumb. Where does the ankle end? Make it. I can't. Don't do it with her. But it's like, you know, on the spring onion, this is the white and that's the end of the green.

Yeah. Tell me when to stop. Okay, go. I'm going to do it towards the camera. Okay, go. So we're all the way through the white. Keep going to the start of the green. Keep going to the two-thirds down the green.

And it's just drags. Cut, stop. I would use that top part for salad. Just me personally. Oh, okay. I get that. Andrew, M. Where would you have stopped earlier or later?

I try to use as much of it as possible. I don't like springangin. What? I would use the whole thing. Correct. Okay, yeah. I think I should be using the whole thing, actually, and should stop wasting.

And you're the reason. There's global warming. And the next tsunami's going to be called the boehart. Wow. I'll put it out there. I'm saying it. Okay. I feels like you don't know anything about meteorology.

but that's all right. It's the same thing. And I do know meteorology. I've seen Bruce Almighty. When he lawsuits the moon and he brings it in too close and there's loads of problems and Jennifer Aniston's upset.

I know how it works. Okay. Do you remember that scene? It was iconic. Consider me correct. Like he was God and within 10 minutes the character of God

who had wished that he brought the moon closer and made her breast bigger. That was his first two acts of God. And what's so, I'm sorry, I've just got to say this. You're making me think about wishes is making me think that you didn't tell us what you should have done as you're

oh i will tell you but when i was younger we went to sunday school every sunday we were like super involved in the church for a few years and um when i was in like i think i was like 12 and you sort of like age out of like baby sunday school into bigger sunday school so one of the men like one of the stewards of the methodist church had like a night of his for the older religious kids and we watched proof almighty and he we didn't we know how it sounds A great daughter's name was Norman And I was like... Norman. Norman wears a kind of like a parker.

What are you talking about? This is Christianity in northeast Hampshire. Please be respectful of it. And we had to go to his and he clearly picked out what he thought was a wacky Christian movie, which was Bruce Almighty. And then when the breast thing happened,

he could just see him and his wife in the corner being like, oh shit. It's not right. So what are you revised? So that's my aesthetic. I'm going to go full Disney. And also,

I'm going to get into theatre. I thought you were already into theatre. No, no, no. I'm into musical theatre. Without songs. Which I've been told repeatedly without songs. I'm so excited. I'm going to see Wuthering Heights.

How are you saying that? Wuthering. Okay. It sounds like withering, but it's got a you in it. Have you read the book? It's, yeah, well, I've had the song. And have you read the book? The song, okay, I don't want to be a dick right now,

because I know reading books is important, but like the song is the book right heathcliff it's me i'm kathy i've come home i'm so cold let me in through your window oh oh oh heathcliff so kathy clearly has had a fight with this heathcliff fella she's been chucked out on a cold night which is an ideal and she's basically like come on heathcliff let me in through your window So clearly, I'm assuming in Act 1, there's a problem with the door lock. Listen. And then there's some sort of dance and she's wearing a red dress. The thing I love about you is you're so cultured.

I'm thinking of a national theatre. Fabulous. I'm actually pretty much. Can I give you an update on one of my resolutions? 100%. Because I really wanted to stop drinking for the year. You're doing it though. So far I'm doing it.

You're actually doing it. I know. I started on the 29th because I thought if I wait till the first it'll feel like some sort of big, I just was like, come on, I just get it over with. Ripped the Band-Aid off. Also, when a girl's got perfectionism, why not start you as a resolution on the 29th of December? And then no one can beat me at all.

That's what it is. If anyone else is sober for the full year. Well, actually, I started on the 29th. I don't know who that was. But yeah, I started on the 29th. And it's going really well. And I have an app which makes it fun. And weirdly...

Doesn't sound like you think it's fun. Weirdly. I'm enjoying it. You are, you were saying this the other night when I was, I was drinking. Sorry, I don't, I don't want to be one of those people who, I hate that. Oh no, I've actually got loads of sober friends. My mom was sober for most of my childhood. Okay, but I think I'll drink again.

Like, I'm not like, life is long. I'm not taking a rules for my whole life. But I just wanted to be able to see if I could do it because I didn't feel like I was, I don't feel like I have a drinking problem, but I also felt like I wasn't choosing to drink at any point. I was just sort of like, oh, I guess I'm drinking. Going along. We used to do it every week for Giggler. Yeah.

I'd come to yours and we'd just get a fucking. And I'm okay with that because lockdown was fucking hard. I'm fine with it. I lost so many Pokemon, bleary-eyed on the bus from yours to mine. Don't blame me for that. Trying to catch Pokemon going past Hyde Park, just like chucking balls.

I think the reason I bring it up is not everyone is being as supportive as you are. You're just like, yeah, chill, whatever. You're sober or not. I don't give a shit, right? And also I like, I drink a mocktail that was the best of them. But the other, because I'm a fun mom. The point is the amount of people who've reacted,

like who are aghast that I will be attending specifically their events as myself is astonishing like so many people are like oh but what about my birthday and you're like yeah I'll come and they're like oh like like as you

Catherine is fun though I know but so is sober Catherine sober Catherine's there wow wow sober Catherine sober Catherine. It's right in front of you right now.

Yeah, she's right here. And she's a great gal. Let's once again shout out to our producer Andrew White for saving that from being a full-on tier moment for both of us. Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Anyway, I don't know if anybody else is... Your hair looks so good.

Fuck all. I don't know if anybody else is doing it, but my top tip for that. I'm getting out a lot of advice today, which is really absurd because I don't have my shit together. It fits in with the podcast, as always. Yeah, the thing I have really enjoyed. And I know other people don't like to rely on them because, say, if you go out and there aren't any, you feel a bit screwed.

But I genuinely love alcoholic replacements in terms of me feeling like I have something, like, I bought some fake, like, no seco that I put in champagne glasses. It feels like, I'm still out. I'm still. Yeah, like non-alcoholic gin, apparently is really good. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, I love the liar one. Ooh, I mean, I don't know any of them. But it just makes me feel like I'm still having my, because it's part of it's like.

I've got a crate of beer at home at the moment. I have some fake beer. It was an absolute disaster. I thought it was lager, but it's IPA. So now Seneal's just drinking through them, and now it's gas is fucking off the chance. But IPA is way better than lager. I don't get it.

I don't get the IPA thing. Oh, okay. I feel like it's just... What a slice of orange in? It's kind of toxic. It's not toxic. It is. Everything can't be toxic, Helen.

I'm 30. Everything's toxic. Everything's toxic. And anyone who's like slightly rude to me? They're toxic. They're a narcissist. One thing I would like your advice on. Yes.

Oh my God. Really? Yeah. Me? Yeah. I know. Fucker. I'm when in doubt put a finger in.

Oh my God, stop, stop. Just wait for the question. Wow. I'm so excited. I never got asked for advice. You know I went to Margaret on a little holiday. Yes, yes. But I spent a lot of the time that I do take off, and I don't take that much time off, but whenever I do take time off,

I get real anxiety about not working. And you seem very good at compartmentalising. You work really hard, but when you're on holiday, you're on holiday and you don't feel bad about... It's because I'm busy when I'm on holiday. Is that what it is? You just feel it with so many activities. Well, the pressure of the holiday buffet

and eating and drinking and stuff. That's a lot of things to focus on. Oh, okay. So you just feel your... I'd say I'm still working. In many ways, I'm just working on different projects. Okay, so I thought you might give me some advice on head to unwind and like let go.

No, I do know what you're saying. It's that thing of like when you're self-employed, you feel like you've got to be constantly working because if you're not, then you're missing out on something. You're not earning, so you're actively losing money. And it is a massive... stress we are inherently better at working with a rest yeah you just are like even we all know what it's like when you're working with someone we're like they work so much and they're all go go go they come in

frazzled because their mind is in like a hundred different places yeah it's it's not that you're taking time off work you're getting yourself better for the next week and I totally know that it feels stupid saying not working as better for work no I know what you mean but picking a specific time to like not do it means you are better and nicer to work with in general I think I needed to hear that I just because I do I get immediate guilt like oh my gosh I should be I could be too I this is an hour I could be guilt goes within like 10 hours um or two no no no which is really bad I know but it's important to not work because then what are you working for yeah you're you're so right no you're absolutely right and I but I think I just needed to hear that out loud um do you want me to tell you

the example of the man who works so much okay I love your parables just didn't have the name his name is Ebenezer Scrooge and he would not stop bloody working he couldn't stop himself all that money but who to share it with people people were there happily waiting and go do you think Scrooge were me all car no no and he could he had enough money but he was just there just counting counting counting yeah pathetic and i know that this was you just look at your bank balance just to fill an afternoon i i don't these i think as well like when you're when you're so far away from plausibly doing something like owning property right it feels like well it depends on the property you want you could buy a wendy house for like a 50 quay that's so true you know what i don't know

what i was thinking perspective but say when you but you feel like you're at an age where you should be able to do those things. I feel like anytime I'm not working, I'm like not, you know. But you will, I understand what you're saying, but I'm literally going to come back with the same point. You're not working so that you can go back to work, even more refreshed, even more focused.

I come up with ideas and I get so Ged up to work, so even when I take a break, because I genuinely love what I do. You love what you do. With a break, I get so excited to go back. I've got these ideas. I want to try this on stage. I want to try and get this.

pitch in. I want to write this script and without that break everything feels like a stress and I think that does translate into your work. Yeah. So you take the break and you come back even better and stronger which inevitably if we're talking purely financial, you will make more money in the end by being passionate and excited by what you do. She is wise guys. And this isn't saying you need to spend like a month in Barbados. It can just be spending two days at home and doing an email alert to people being like, hey, I'm having a weekend. Yeah. Anyone ever heard of these. I don't know what you're talking about, but yeah. It's, it's fine. I do think people are better in the end of it. Right. Look at Steve's jobs. Look what happened to him.

He works so hard. He got cancer. Helen. Is that how it worked? I don't know how we got it. Okay. But like either way, worked a lot, you know? Whereas Richard Branson still alive and has an island. Huh? Yeah. Business. I didn't economics A level. Okay. That's correct. GDP. Hi. I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who has given us a five-star rating and review so far on iTunes, who has commented and liked on our videos on YouTube. It makes such a difference because we are a baby podcast. We are producing it ourselves. And we really appreciate it. And we would ask you, if you haven't done it already, please do just chuck out some likes. It makes a massive difference to us and being able to keep doing it. only five-star reviews, please.

We've got some gorgeous ones. I love reading them. Helen hates the one bad one. Let's forget about the one bad one. Let's forget about it. Please keep telling us that you love the oinks. It makes my world feel complete. I hate it.

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please and thank you thank you so this week Helen this week we don't have a guest I love this I love how you're like we don't have a guest like it's an awful thing I love it just being the two of us and M obviously yeah Andrew's gone Andrews disappeared

halfway through this episode so great girls night basically I told Andrew in the extras what Disney character he was and he stormed off crying so it's all over with it's all over with we were like screw it let's just carry on with Adam

I was at a gig deal well we were at our gigless gig yeah yeah yeah and Em I don't know if you ever have this but there was this three people in the front row right a married lesbian couple and one of their moms

who'd clearly like tagged along to what was evidently a date and I was trying to explain to Helen that this happens all the time if you're a gay woman like I didn't realize I didn't think it used to happen all the time when we had house

when I have lived with housemates in a couple, right? Like, where if you, like, you'll be like, oh, we'll have a romantic dinner. And every member of the house is like, girls night. And you're like, no, it's not, it's not girls night. We fuck, we fuck, it's not girls night.

It's not girls night. Yeah, exactly. I can't. But I now feel like I'm bringing that same energy whereas I was like, girls night. I've never taken a guy home that I was dating. And when I lived at home as a teenager, my mom was so like, get the boy out of your bedroom.

get the boy Ivy bedroom. I've never had this problem. No, whereas moms, when you bring home a lesbian partner, they're like, let's all go shopping. And you're like, no, we were going to do a thing that's like, I don't even want to go shopping with my mom just me. Right? Even though she still tries to trick me into doing it by saying,

I'll buy you a pair of jeans. I'll buy you something. And I'm like, it's not worth it. No, it's not. It's not worth the 25 pounds are going to drop in Dorothy Perkins. Like, I'm not, I can't, I'm not being tricked into this again. Because I don't, I have to go out of the changing room and let her thumb me in front of all the other mother

and daughters as they all sit there praising each other. Where is she something around the hip? You're not a size 22 you're lying to yourself. Wow. Wow. Oh my God, my mother. Wow. Hi, Ann, if you're listening. Hey, Ann. Congratulations in your size eight figure.

Oh my God. You like to tell us about all the time. You know what? Sometimes you aren't hungry. I'm going to say something about Anne. Highs eight at her age probably makes it look gaunt on the face. There we go. There we fucking go. Sorry. Sorry. You know what's annoying? It doesn't. No.

I wish it did. I wish it did. It doesn't. She looks really good and she can do the splits, but she will tell you and show you. Are you fucking kidding? Yeah, she's very flexible. Wow. Is there not, not and regardless, obviously,

but like, I'd say maybe it's more impressive at her age, but so like, but I would say ages between between the ages of 15 to 45, is there anything more obnoxious than a woman who's like, I can do the splits? Do you want to see? You're like, no. Okay, I do that.

Can you do the split? Yes. What? It's like, it's not through training. What? It's just something that I can do. What? But it's not like an active training thing.

Are you both very hyperflexible? Maybe, I don't think I'm very flexible. I don't know, I've never done like a flexibility test. You can do the split? Yes, well, not like side on, like just straight out. That's incredibly impressive. Em, am I, that's impressive, right? Yeah, that's incredibly impressive.

Thanks, Em. But I'm really, really proud of you. that hasn't become like an obnoxious party piece? Have you not seen me do this? No. You know what it's because I got burnt my last year living in Germany by doing it and ripping trousers. I did it,

but the trousers, like, there's certain outfits you can do it in and obviously there's certain outfits you can't do it in. And so I went through a lot of years of pulling my skirt up and just doing it just with legs. Oh wow,

that's also very expensive. It's still a strong choice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's quite exposing. But with jeans, I had a massive rip, but not in the company of people I could say I had a rip to.

I think it's a true testament to you that I didn't know you could do that because everyone who I know because I've seen them do this place is a bad person I want to show you no no keep wearing jeans that's the problem though

keep your jeans you don't want to have to go out with Anne to buy some more okay we've been over this and then she'll make me go to like a big lady shop and she'll point out how much better it is for me to be there

oh my gosh come on why I tell you she wants this is like one of the traumatic memories for my childhood which is in technically traumatic but it was like

it stays with me to this day so my mother for all of her oh that's really difficult she's great she's very liberal she's very like on things and we went to H&M and Redding

now Redding for us when we were growing up would be our town we went to for the bigger shop clearly there was like a wedding or a funeral as well as needing some new outfits

for school Reading was a big day out Redding was the big day Redding or Basinstoke but Reading was the bigger one the only thing I know that's good about Reading is that it's not that far

from Manchester or somewhere else you might want to get to. Okay, well, your geography once again is frankly disgusting. No, but when you go to Reading, they're like, frankly disgusting. It's only three hours to Manchester. It's only three hours to this place.

It's only three. And you're like, that's a terrible thing to say about it. It's close to Oxford. No, I didn't say it was close. It doesn't mean like, the way people sell it to you is like, it's around the corner. You're like, my dad used to work in Reading in the sewage there.

Yay! Yay! But she, I was like, it must have been about 13, and we went first thing for the shops to open. Now obviously when you're from fleet if you go shopping in Reading there's a risk that someone else will be doing the exact same thing shopping with

their mum. If you want to go early you don't have any run-ins it's not good for anyone involved. We're in H&M it's just open, it's just us in there inevitably you're nervous. It's not going to fit, it's not going to work, we're going to have an argument we like different things. I come out, I like what I'm wearing. That never happens. I'm 13

I'm like it fits, it works, let's buy this and we can be in the car and home in like an hour. This could be amazing. I come out, she looks at me and goes that's not right and I was like what she's like that's not right

she's looking at the mirror I'm looking in she's like that's a slimming mirror you're not that thin and I went what and then she was like

I'm going to tell the shop manager and I was like mummy no mommy no mommy please no like please don't get anyone please don't get anyone and she went

and got the shop assistant was like that's a slimming mirror this is bullshit you're lying to young girls and I was just standing there like mommy please please mommy please

please just like free out and then I put my clothes on and then I leave and then we have to have like a crying cost to talk about it that's horrible she was doing it for political reasons but all it was for me is a 13 year old being like please please don't do this like I don't I can't start today like that's objectively horrible but you're 13 so you're trapped but she basically went oh no no no no you like yourself in this yeah but you can't see what you look like possibly have that awful that's horrific she's great in everything apart from body Good Lord. You know what, though? And I will never fully recover from that. No, how could you? So I look in mirrors and changing rooms.

And if I like it, I'm like, oh, I'm probably being tricked. That's deplorable. A couple of weeks ago, I was filming something. I had my own trailer. And I put it on. And it was my size and everything. But there's always a nerve-wracking thing when you go to film something. That they've brought a costume for you.

Even though you've had a chat, you've told them your sizes. I always feel like, and I really double down when I'm telling people my sizes. I'm like, I'm this size. Yeah. But also I'm very tall. and I've got really big breast and like shout out to everyone for this past year

who has been amazing and they've all gone on like a glove this went on so well I looked to the mirror and I was like I look nice that's got to be a slimming mirror and then I actually ask

the costume women I was like it's that slim mirror they went no and I was like oh yeah no yeah obviously who those exist that's insane that's so awful it's weird isn't it

I think I think that that notion of like never recovering I totally understand because I do you have a traumatic shopping story not a shopping story but there are so many moments in my life where I'm still unpacking the bullshit

that we're taught about our bodies and we grew up in like as in everyone prior to now slash still is now like grew up in such a toxic environment like for example my sister reminded me the other day that the woman I read most about when in my like early teens was Bridget Jones

and Bridget Jones' main character flaw was that she was fat. She was morbidly fat. She was morbidly obese and then my sister was like what weight was she and I was like oh like 200 stone she in the books is nine and a half stone nine and a half stone

and that's at the beginning when she's at how heavier correct reply there what the literal fuck we were all taught that that was like that was her main floor like she's this like lumpy dumpy one who can't find love and is constantly trying to fix if only she could just have some goddamn fucking self-control nine and a half stone it's mad isn't it what the fuck

like I'm like I know wouldn't her. I spent my whole life hating my body. But I think, like, so obviously, classically, you're coming from the book angle and I'm coming from the film angle. Yeah. But I remember, I hadn't read the book. I've read it now. But the film coming out, and there was, we would even talk about it at school

about how Renee Zelliger had to gain weight for the role. And it was like, oh my God, now she's got to lose it. That's so awful. It's so bad. She gained like five pounds. Well, no, she probably gained more than that, but she became ultimately like a size 10. A normal size. Like, if I didn't know, well below the average.

well below the average should be 10 I know the average is 16 but last is seriously we need to start eating more salary it's fucking disgusting it's not fair and the people have to look at us no fuck all it's disgusting but it's so crazy like it's absolutely insane

this reminds me of literally a minute ago we were all having lunch outside together me and Catherine and Andrew and me and M were sitting on like a long bench and Andrew and Catherine the other side and like automatically in my brain when I'm on a long bench I'm very aware of the balances of the person who's sitting at the other end

of the long bench because if I stand up then they might go over and vice versa and I was like oh M heads up I'm going to stand up and you might and I was like no wait you're thin just that moment of clicking that I stood up and there was no movement and I was like wow I really need to yeah I can't just assume I assume everyone is the same as me and has my experiences at all time that's good that's a nice way to be I guess but um yeah I'd rather be the fat person in that situation because I like on a seesaw I never have to worry on a seesaw I have to worry on a bench how often are you on a seesaw twice a week yeah I've seen some oh my god seesaws when I was a teenager and you'll go hang out in the park even though you're teenagers I ruined a couple of emmas

and Lauren ruin them like vaginally they were fucked we got it we got it we got just me going just watching Torrey Ratcliffe's cunt splitting too like devastating. Shout to Tori, I love you. We're trying to unpack so much stuff and it's like I don't really know how you get past it like we can't we can't but like I don't know about you

but like for to live in a time where like I think we are still we still bind so much goodness and badness like to fat and thin and it's like when you're like even when you're thin it's still like so bound

in that is your goodness I always like trot it out and I know this is not a the world favors thin people, I know that. Oh no, I was thin for a while. It was amazing. But I was trotted out as like, it was like, oh, Catherine's so thin. She's so thin. Isn't this great? Yeah, she's done it.

And then, and compared to like cousins, which is just horrific, imagine having them stand there with their mother's going, see if you could just be like, but it meant that like I was petrified to change. Petrified and starved myself for so long to try to stay the same size as I was when I was 16. and now that I eat like eat enough from my brain to function I can never be that size and it's like I've somehow lost goodness and that's fucking insane all I can say is like everyone's body's their body but my body when I was thin all I was thin yeah because I had to put so much work effort and focus into it there was no room for anything else yeah but like other people

it doesn't work that way other people have to put loads of work into being bigger to gain weight. Yeah. Or to be funny. And that's not a problem we're here. You know what it's easy to be fat and funny. Like honestly, honestly it is. Because there are things that are funny or on fat people and thin people. Like if a thin person falls down, it's a worry when a fat person falls down, it's like TV burp. Do you know what I mean? Like it is. It's better. It's like when you surprise a fat person when they're eating really funny. Surprising a thin person eating, sad and haunting for some reason. But if you, if I'm eating cake and you go boom and I go, oh, you're like, But you surprised Victoria Becker me in cake

and you're like, oh no, she was getting her food for the year. Yeah, just let her have it. Let her have it. Keep going, keep going. I'm sorry, I won't look directly at you. Oh, God. It's just so fucked. We just spend so much time torturing ourselves. Do we try and fuck someone else up? No, I just hate that we spend so much time torturing ourselves. Like, I don't, like, and I really, like, I constantly have to remind myself that I am the most successful I've been since I started eating.

But, like, that's a fucking weird. Because you've got energy to think and do things. It's a weird thing to have. have to like tell yourself like this is good this is good good yeah but you know that it just takes one comment or one look or one slightly tight seat on the piccadilly line yeah but i yeah but i think you know what i was when i was talking to my sister about this and like all i could conclude all we could conclude from the conversation was just consistently like we gotta leave young girls alone we gotta just leave them and their bodies the fuck alone just stop talking about it

you fucking weird i feel like you're saying that directly to me because i'm trolling pancake No, pancake dessert, no I'm done. But no, I feel like I just need to keep reminding myself. And my sister said that was my takeaway. I was like, we've got to leave the young girl alone and leave her the fuck alone. And my sister said something, that was my conclusion, like leave young girls be.

My sister was like, yeah, and we have to leave the young girl in us be. Like, you have to leave the little girl in you alone. That's cute. And I was like, I know that's very earnest to say, but I was like, yeah, I am like, I would never say it to an eight-year-old, but I do say it to myself and that's fuck because we're repeating

this learnt behaviour yeah it's so hard to unlearn but I just when she said the thing about Bridget Jones I was like what the literal hell have we done

on that note with a little bit of self-acceptance and love in the air should we solve some goddamn problem I hate myself let's do it I said a little

just a little just a smidge of love you're reading out the problem I'm so excited for the first time ever oh my God M how exciting Um, okay, so it's quite a heavy one.

Okay. Oh, wow, what a star. Let's keep that tone of earn. Who's it from? Um, it's from Jay. Jay. Hi, Jay. Um, there's a lot of praise at the beginning, but we'll, um, we'll cut to the chase.

Oh, we're savage. I love that she's like, there's a lot of praise, but I, give me one line of praise. Like a tip of the praise. First of all, I love you both. Oh, okay, we love it. Thank you so much, Jay. We'll read it off her. Okay.

Um, I've lived in London for a long time, but spent most of the time in an most emotionally abusive relationship. Oh gosh. My ex isolated to me from the friendship group. I made at uni, and I've lost touch with most of them over the last few years. I left him about three months ago, took a few suitcases and ran, burning bridges with all of the couple friends we have. Yeah.

My problem is, I'm living alone in a flat by myself in Hackney in my early 30s, and I know basically no one in London. I don't have much of a support network at home. I'm an extrovert, and it's killing me to spend all this time on my own. I've been on dating apps for the crack, and I can feel myself using sex slash attention to fill the void when what I really need are some mates. I'm going to gigs or moon, walking through graveyards,

wearing long scarves, murdering all my sims. Love that. Love that feature. Mordering all my sims. I love that. Please help, thank you. First of all, congratulations on leaving a toxic relationship. Yeah, I just wanted to say, first of all, well, fucking done, I'm really proud of you. That's so brave and well done.

The next thing to say is... All of our listeners need friends. Have you noticed then? Are we not going to talk about that? No, no, they're not alone, 100%. But I think, well, I think I have a couple of things, and I'm sure you have a couple of pieces of advice here. I feel like we have said a couple times in the podcast about like feeling lonely in London and finding the other people,

your people at groups, at activities, at clubs. But lonely isn't just people. Like, it's that, like, the finding the people that you lost. 100%. I would say that I have a couple of things. first of all, I had a big breakup and it wasn't out of an abuse of dynamic but I did have that initial fear

especially because it was during lockdown that I wouldn't have friends because people would have to choose and they wouldn't choose me and what I have realized is that in the adult world people kind of are more on board with the fact that you don't have to choose so the first thing I would say is like when you say you burn bridges with all of your old friends, I wonder

how much of that is true or how much of that you just suspect is true. And I do think it's worth because I think you will regret it if you don't. If you reach out and they don't get back to you, you've nothing lost, right? You already think they're gone. But if you reach out and say I miss you, I would really like to be your friend. I wonder is that something they've space for

when I'm, you know, not with this person. You'd be surprised how many people will go, fuck yeah. We miss you too. We just didn't know whether or not you wanted to hear from us. Like, it was an awkward, blah, blah. So there's that, first of all. And he doesn't get to take the friends. You get to at least put yourself out there. The other thing to say is I would strongly encourage you coming to Gigless Live

and meeting like-minded people. It's always like, even if you come by yourself, I feel like. They often stay for drinks afterwards. Yeah. And even if they don't, it's just like it's a community vibe, which I really like. I would say if you can, you don't have to say I'm coming off dating apps, but what if you came off dating apps for a week or two? Well, this is a separate thing, isn't it?

It's all part of it, but the, like, trying to replace, like, this relationship you're in. Yeah, because you're not going to find, you're not going to find someone good when you need someone for attention. Like, you'll only, that'll attract the worst possible people. So if you came over for a week or two and thought to yourself, every time I'm bored or every time I want that attention, I'm going to reach out to a person I haven't spoken to in a while. Or monetise it and become a sex worker. No. It's always an option.

You know what? If you're going to self-harm, you might as well make money from it. No. I do not endorse or judge that advice but based on how this person is feeling at the time I think it's probably not a great one The other thing is Please treat yourself to some therapy

I mean that Not in terms of it's being a replacement friend But in terms of like goodness me You've been through a lot And it's really hard to get to know yourself Hell knows I don't want to do it But if you do have to do it It's nice to do it with somebody

who is making sure that your best interests are at heart Totally after that join a goddamn old school activity I'm an extrovert Brownies become a brown owl You could be a leading All your friends little 10 year olds And tell them about your trauma

And warn them against it That would be the best brown owl meeting of all time I totally get being an extrovert And I think like an activity Where people have the opportunity to socialise But at least there's something to do While to do it like I don't know if you're a choir person

If you're a hockey person My housemates now in a D&D group I'm not allowed to be home when he does it but like yeah yeah like there's stuff you can do i don't know like if it's if it's a sport that's easy enough if it's if it's singing that's easy enough if it's a clan let's do netball together oh my god yeah j message please but i think like really really if you can if you can take some time to go to be proactive about doing something instead of like uh doing something that will might be helpful rather than hurtful you deserve that one more thing to add this is just so much

jay because there's a lot going on here these are all options You don't have to do all of them. Yeah. Sounds like this partner cut you off from your friends from university. Yeah. They're not disappearing forever. Reach out. Like they might be upset that they lost you too.

They probably are. We've all watched that friend go into a relationship where you're like, oh, you're going further and further. Oh, and you've gone. That's so true. But they're still there. There's still those people that you loved and you knew for so long. They've watched this thing happen, which is horrible because these things do,

these people get into your brains. But I have been in a relationship that we've, was quite damaging and being cut off from my friends before when I was in university and I would say you're going to probably have this sense of guilt and shame but the ones that are worth it will be there and want to chat about it

and if not hey it's an option but also like what's the worst I can happen again I just think like in the situation you're in you're already lost them so what does it I literally would copy and paste are like hey I'm really sorry I disappeared

you know I was in a relationship it wasn't working out and it made me feel really bad about myself and it made me feel like I wasn't worth being of friends without any pressure or I just thought I'd let you know that I'm here and I'd love to hang in. And I think that's just classic like even talking to your inner child just sort of like take a deep breath and send it. Like my first day at tumble tots when I was four

and I was such I was so nervous like so scared of other people and my mum just said like just take a deep breath and go my name's Helen let's play. And I literally, she saw me, my shoulders went up, like tiny little four-year-old head, and I went, and I turned my back to my mom, and I walked over to a group of kids. I was like, my name's Helen, let's play. And apparently I never looked back. And now I'm 30.

And she's like, I've never seen you come back to me. She lost me forever that moment. And so she takes that out on you by shaming your body in department. My name's Helen. Let's play. But that is the same for the message. It's just like taking a deep breath, sending it. it's sent what will be will be

but you have reached other person and you've tried. Yeah and look it's not a reflection on you if they don't come back to you like no it's not they might be in that relationship now like God knows the circumstances are understandable you know they might have moved on whatever but like at least try and definitely definitely join a new

activity like a class or something that not only because you might meet new people but also because like it's really important to carve out things in your life that are now yours that we're nothing to do with him but he never touched I think is really important. So like if it's,

I mean, you went pottery making recently. You're the queen of there. I'm all for learning a new skill if you need to learn a new skill. But like, yeah, do whatever. And I think, I really hope that helps. But honest to God,

more taking time to go, to be proud of yourself. You did the big, scary part. Yeah. And I'm going to recommend it and Helen's going to fucking hate it. Yoga with Adrienne. Yeah, I knew it.

It really helps me. She's like a good friend and she makes me feel better. are you happy now m what do you think any last words of advice or do you think we covered it um i think you covered it very comprehensively i would say go on if you're queer

even though this person wasn't in relationship with a man if you're also queer by any chance there is a really good service in east london called elop that provides like uh subsidised therapy yes and actually you need it and there are there are those provisions as well for people who aren't queer it's just their different services

so you can absolutely look up and pay what you want subsidised therapy in the interim where you and you're absolutely entitled to do that and then just the same blanket advice to give to anyone having a bad time don't watch this as us

yes don't watch this as us that's a completely reasonable very sound stuff listen to Disney don't watch this as us yeah and also getting to like a long series if you can I found post breakup honestly

like which one did you go from I don't remember the office the American office oh that's a great one helped me so much

because it was like cool there are a bazillion episodes per series and these people I miss them so much when they were gone but they got me

through a read after I did a heartbreak big bang theory once the whole thing it was incredible I love that I also love

Superstore on Netflix if you need a character based bunch of girls Amy Jonah so good it's not good but it's good Dina's amazing

Don't you dear yeah Love, love, love. So there's some advice for you on that. Last, shall we do another problem since we don't have a guess? What time are we on? We have time? We've got plenty of time.

Yeah, let's do it. Let's do one more problem. Yeah. Okay, great. Okay, this is relevant to what we were talking about earlier. I have an eyelash in my eye. Wait a second. We can't give help until Catherine gets an eyelash out of her eye, everyone.

Sorry, this is so, oh my God. Come here? No, I think it's gone. Is it gone? I can't see it. Okay. Maybe it's just a scratch now. I think we're good.

Yeah. Okay. Let's go. From one, two, Los Gids. Let's go. Hi, trusty hogs. This is from Pee. Hi, Pee.

Oh, I love Pee, because it reminds me of Courtney Kardashian's daughter. Hi, Trusty Hoggs and Tech Piglet. I'm seeing a few girlfriends this weekend that I haven't seen in over a year. I love them all very much. Great. They're not particularly judgmental. However, they are all quite athletic and slender. And in contrast, over the past year, I've gained a lot of weight.

Great. Not due to negative events or trauma, just to discovering the true joys of food over various lockdowns. I love. I love me. Can you repeat that sentence? Because I think it's really, really grave. Over the past year, I've gained a lot of weight, not due to negative events or trauma, just to discovering the true joys of food over various lockdowns and day-to-day stresses. Fabulous. I'm worried that it's going to be an obvious elephant in the room situation, and I don't know if it would be worse if it's mentioned by the others during the weekend,

or if it's not mentioned at all. I can't stop myself feeling self-conscious about it, and I don't know if I should just own it and acknowledge it with them, or just try not to think about this at all. relatively speaking, I know deep down it's not a big issue and it won't affect their weekend but it's still hovering over me. Okay, first of all,

don't put yourself down by saying it's not a big issue because it's a big issue for you at the moment, not that weight's an issue but it's the fear of it is an issue. I am insanely body confident. I get naked all the time.

I'm nervous to go back to Germany which I'm hopefully doing at some point soon because I haven't been there in two and a half years and I have gained fuck tonne since then. and I'll be around people who are German as fuck and will just say it.

Oh, really? And I personally, with my family, I can't address it. I will wait until they make a comment, pretend I don't care and go outside and have a cigarette. Whereas with friends, I will 100% bowl in as the fat lass, reference it myself and move on. But referencing it in a way with a full stop at the end of it. Right.

So how, for example, would you do that? Oh, my God. I was going to wear this outfit, but I tried it on. And, oh, my God, I have gained so much more than I thought I had. It didn't fit. So this is me now. Okay. And do you think that helps you in that scenario?

Like, is that what you think she should do? That, this is the thing, I think everyone is so personal with weight. I find it easier to mention it, get it done with. And then everything else around the weekend, I bowl into as fast as possible. Okay. Now, does this make sense, or is this the thing that's my hair? So, like, as fast as possible, when there's, like, when you've gained a significant amount of weight and you're around a lot of people, the fear of eating in front of them becomes a very big thing.

Like, people are watching you eat. They're going to be judging what you're putting in your body. So as soon as the food is laid out and it's a buffet, just go for it. Don't hand back. Just go in with everyone. Grab what you want. Yeah. It's all fine.

If, like, like, if there's a hot tub situation, be the first in your swimsuit and get in. don't be like awkward putting it on everyone else is fucking terrified and awkward as well chances are your skin's nicer than them because you're more fuller out and your tits are better than they're deflated yeah you've got all your vitamins you've got all your vitamins get in the pool confidence is so attractive it is it just is and I wish I didn't feel the need to mention it in a self-deprecating way I'm not there yet not doing that yeah I'd love it if P is but if you're not make a joke about it, reference it, move on. Yeah.

And if one of those bitches starts trying, DM me and I'll send you my number and put me on speaker. I have... I swear to fucking God. I think that's really good advice. I have two things I think that might be relevant. Go for it. I have some friends who love to go swimming in the sea. I have a lot of anxiety around my body, unfounded rationally, but nonetheless true for me.

and in order for me to I really want to start doing things that I had stopped doing just because I don't want people to I don't want to be seen and so I would usually in a scenario I would just not get in the water so what I did

the last time I went there and I really wanted to get in the sea because I didn't be in the sea the whole of lockdown I just said hey I want to come swimming can I please ask that we just that I'm going to not talk about my body and I won't talk about your body as a covey did the same about me

and they were all like what and I was like I know it might sound silly but I'm just not comfortable with it right now and if we I'll feel better if I just know we're not going to mention it and literally everyone was like that it's interesting I was with a straight couple everyone's relieved when you say it oh my god but what was interesting was it was him he was like oh my god same yes please and you know you never know who's having that same feeling but I didn't think it would be like this just assume everyone's having that feeling I look like I don't because I have it the most I think I think a bit of honesty is okay too to just be like hey i'm experiencing this i feel but i know none of you

are judging me but is it okay if we don't talk about it and literally people will be like of course the other thing to say is you've said that they're your friends they love you you love them and specifically that they're not very judgmental i would try if you can to treat yourself at the weekend like you would if it was any of them who'd put on weight by which i mean i hate that we're having one's chat about so do i so do i but but i but i know that scenario of not I have not gone to things because I've put on weight. I'm really, I'm already like, good for you for going. Like I, I know, that's fucking, that's so fucked and speaks to such a disordered way of thinking about myself.

But like, if it was them, you wouldn't give a shit. Like, you truly wouldn't. It's so true. You might not even notice. And if you did notice, you would, like, first, if, honey, like, that's the most annoying thing is they probably have a notice so that you bowl in and go, old gubern's here spinning in the pies. And it's like, oh, for fuck's sake. Yeah.

And in terms of like elephant in the room, like, I don't know that they will actually be thinking, gosh, it's the elephant in the room. And I have a strong feeling. They'll just be like, oh, okay. Because literally, we're all so fucking self-involved. We are so self-involved. And when in doubt, cut a fringe and get a facial piercing.

It distract everything. Distract. Distract. Distract. Big sunglasses. Fun hat. Big sunglasses in a fun hat. Actually, yeah, P. Can you forget everything we've said into this point? If you're feeling awkward about gaining weight, massive sun hat, insane sunglasses. Are you picturing the hat glasses combo of

Meredith's Blake in the parent wrap? Absolutely. Me too. That's so mad. The other thing to say base tattoo. Yeah, why not? Absolutely. Little little droplet, little cheer drop. Make them ask the real questions. But genuinely, what I would say as well is like, you're not alone. Like, who got, who the fuck went through lockdown and didn't gain weight? I know people. Well, they're scabs. They're fucking scabs. They're scabs. Like, that is what we were all. That's what we all did.

Because life was miserable. It was difficult. I misunderstood the saying when they said, if you haven't got a puppy or a baby or an air friar in lockdown, you haven't done it right. But I thought they were saying, friar isn't deep fat friar.

So I thought we were all gaining weight. We were. I thought we were all gaining and everyone was frying things with the air. But I promise you. Which I already have more of because of the mouth breathing. Of course.

Of course, but honestly, I just think like they would never, if they are actually thinking anything remotely judgmental that says way more about them than you. Fucking go enjoy your weekend. Have fun with your friends and as best you can. Fucking, just enjoy your body. And let us know how it goes. I'm genuinely

excited for you. Please do. Please do. I think you're going to have a lovely time and be like, why was I worried? And then write yourself a little no when you come back from it to remind yourself of next time. I think that's a fair shout. I really do. When you say, by the way, just to circle back to Germany. It's so funny because it's so interesting

that you were thinking like, oh great, they're going to mention this. Whereas like, I wonder how many of them must be like, I'm really excited to see Helen, but I also wonder if it'll be weird because like she's so successful now. Like if you started comedy with them, no, but you've just done live at the Apollo.

You're just doing big television shows. It's so funny how they... Gives the shit. But that's the point is, depending on the person, that's exactly what they'll give a shit about. And I think, or they'll be thinking, like, oh, I haven't done that much or I haven't. Like, you'd be surprised.

People's perception of scenarios are so fucking different. There's me, like, putting it off being, like, the ideal to be slightly, like, more successful and happy when I get back. And they're like, it'd be ideal if I had got one job, I could brag about it and I saw her. You're right, live with the Apollo's come out and I was big in that. If they've seen it, they've seen it. Yeah, but they're also... The damage is done, P. Right.

Right. To the airport. My point was more that they'll be like, she was on front. fucking Apollo what have I done and that they also shouldn't be thinking that way my point I totally get it and I just I just I cannot make out how little of a thing life of the Apollo was in Germany

but that's also great because for some people that's how little weight means you know what I mean like they're like to what the smurfs no one was ever like smurf that's big do you have any other advice em uh no you once again very good advice I don't think I should really be speaking that much on this because I don't really know

like I know that obviously I spoke about the troubles you can talk about this okay fair enough but my point is that it's all in our heads and in many ways anyway so fucking fuck it

also like do you honestly think that you're meeting up with a gang of women and they're all like my body's the best it could ever be even if they're thin they'll fucking hate themselves

for a thousand pound sisters Amy and Tammy together are a thousand pounds they just went on holiday good for them unlike Pee I'm not saying anything I know you've gained weight during lockdown

but I seriously doubt you're a thousand pounds I really doubt But you know what They deserve a holiday too Amy and Tammy Yeah They had a great time

From Tammy got annoyed On the second night And went home early Oh okay Well I bet you Amy had a better time Yeah well Amy was with her baby Amy's got a baby Tammy doesn't

It's a whole thing Listen can you please Let us know how the weekend goes And thanks for riding in And thank you for listening to Trustee Hogg Absolutely Right should we go look in a mirror And cry

What? Feminism You think I'm gonna believe a mirror after today. Have a great week, guys. Bye. Bye. Be kind to yourself.

We should all be the one. No, be kind to yourself. Bye. We so appreciate the support. Please help us keep the podcast going. Thank you so much to our exec producers, Guy Goodman, Simon Moors, Gennina Batista, and Mary Fox.

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