Trusty Hogs - Ep200. THE END

Episode Date: August 21, 2025

Wow, what an amazing and life changing journey. We'll never not be blown away by how much you all took us into your lives, your hearts and your weekly schedules. We're so excited to go forward into the next stages of our careers knowing we have such a lovely base of supporters in the Hogs. Enjoy our last hurrah and see you all again sometime soon I hope...HELEN'S NEW PODCAST: Helen's Log12th OCT @ CLAPHAM GRAND: TicketsHOGS MERCH: www.trustyhogs.com/merchThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Angela S / Sadie Cashmore / Charlie WeemesPRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Claire Owen-Jones / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Amy O'Riordan / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Ezra Peregrine / Bryn / Laura Pollock / Leah Overend / Steven Chicken / Hayley Singer / Dougie Robertson / Chris G / Aisling McGlinchey / Julia Rose / Paul RichardsonWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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it's the work platform your team will instantly click with. Head to Monday.com, the first work platform, you'll love to use. Hello and welcome to episode 200, the final ever episode of Trusty Hogs. I'm Catherine Bowhart. She's Helen Bower and this has been the podcast where we have discussed our perfect lives and answered as many of your problems as we could humanly do. That's not true. We could have done more but we did our best. As you know, we're ramblers. You're going to give them your problems

And they will solve them Or maybe they won't And that's your problem They'll have guests And Andrew White on the tech Oh It's Helen and Catherine As the trusty hogs

Trust the trusty hogs Or maybe not Helen How you feeling Prepared a poem You prepared a poem That checks a poem I'm prepared a poem.

Well... I'm so sorry, I really need to sneeze and I don't want to sneeze over your poem. Andrew. Why are you sneezing? Andrew, do you suddenly have hay fever? Episode 200. Andrew just admitted in the extras

that he thinks hay fever was man-made and that we do suffer, but only because of big farmer. It was a mad concession. It's like he had to acknowledge it exists but couldn't possibly just accept the two women might be right. This was not the episode 200 I was expecting.

Sorry. read your poem do you still need to sneeze good do you want a lilo and stitch tissue no i'm okay you sure i've got lilo and stitched tissues someone saw them an azda and gave them to me that's that scans no i'm ready for your poem i'm okay i read this um i've read this at a funeral once before when pancake died and now i read it to all of you we're not dying in many ways we are stop all the clocks by w h ordain stop all the clocks cut off the telephone

prevent katherine please don't laugh prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone silence the pianos and with muffled drum bring out the coffin let the mourners come let aeroplane circle moaning overhead scribbling on the sky the message he is dead

put crape bows round the white necks of public doves let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves he was my north my south my east and west my working week and Sunday

rest my noon my midnight my talk my song I thought that love would last forever I was wrong the stars are not wanted now put out everyone pack up the moon and dismantle the sun

pour away the ocean It's long, isn't it? And sweep up the wood For nothing now Can ever come to any good And that Is, that's just something I wanted to read to the listeners

I thought you're going to say In that is something I wrote That's something That's something that me in W.H. Auden have been working on For this very special occasion. It's our last episode and I wanted to read a poem. It's our last episode.

It's weird, huh? It is weird, but it's nice. It's weird and it's, that's also what's strange. It's, yeah, it's like, oh my God, I've been looking, yeah. You didn't finish it. It's been looking across the table at you for so long. It's weird. My hair used to be straight.

I really loved making this with you so much. Remember when my hair was straight at the start? I remember. And you were wearing this top on the first day? I know. So nice. I found it this morning. because I was like, I want to, yeah, I want to forecircler.

That's so nice. I don't know what I was wearing on the first day. I should have checked. You're wearing a dress. That tracks. But now I have tracksuits and curly hair. Crazy. Wow.

My hair's still blonde. Yeah. I haven't changed much. You have. Maybe mentally. You've done a lot of therapy. I did so much therapy. So much.

Be mad if you hadn't changed. I'll be sad financially. You should get a refund. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be tough. but you're like, hey, so it's like a discount code for the people who are still coming. Do you feel like therapy is coming to a close with me? I keep thinking at the end of each session, she's going to be like, okay, Chuck, you're done, fixed.

Why would she do that? To make room for the next mentally ill person in the southeast of London. That's so funny that you think it's like a one in one. Do you not think that she'd just be like, wicked, we can, why would you turn away a paying client? Because it's time for the next person to, to get to a nice, nice relationship with themselves. Maybe. Maybe.

I don't know. I've never been, I've never been broken up with by a therapist. Right? But I understand some people do tend, like they do send them on their way, but. Of course people get broken up. Therapists retire.

Yeah. And therapists go like, oh no, I don't think I'm the right one for you. Yeah. Definitely heard friends say that. Okay. So what does it mean that she hasn't on her?

There's still something very wrong with me. There's still something wrong with my brain. But this has been one of the right things of my brain. That's nice. This is something that I use like trusty hogs

as a whole as an example of something where I was like I don't know I don't know if we should do this do a podcast do a podcast

do you remember because I was like I was still doing all wrong with Rosie Jones and I was like I don't know like if I want to do another podcast

or like you know and then it's been life changing and now you love to pod now I fucking love to pod in fact

if you're already feeling sentimental or emotional or like there's going to be a chasm in your hearts don't worry because at the end

you'll hear about Helen's new podcast, ready to step into the void. So do not panic and nor should you. And also you can obviously listen to Catherine Bohart's radio show and go, watch it getting recorded as well. You might be able to catch the last two. It's now called Too Long Didn't Read. Did I tie it? Because the old people didn't know. Because let's be honest, the listenership of Radio 4 weren't quite getting TLDR. So that's exciting. Too Long didn't read is now too long, but you got to read it. going to be that can't be a clip because the BBC probably wouldn't appreciate me slagging

at all but it's quite funny that their listenerships that old i think radio four's coming back in i love radio i love getting into the radio i am getting amazing stuff on radio four i fucking love i fucking love radio for and i love doing that show so much so whatever it takes the BBC sounds up has stepped up in a big way big way i don't have it but i fucking love it because i get it to listen to Icklewick and um radio uh was it called synony was bagging an heiress and everything and then you get us all your friends have amazing shows on that

yeah it's great and you're like I know this through clips I know through clips but I haven't listened to it yeah you know what shout out the BBC there we go I've said it shout out the BBC shout out Lord Reef thank you for making it you conservative fuck all bet they were waiting on that endorsement

and now they have it do you reckon yeah I reckon Andrew yes will be the making of the public broadcaster got me problems for us yes so I've got more important importantly got any updates because I love updates I have a perfect email to lead us into the

goodbye perhaps so I will save that for down the line okay um you tease I was also I just went back to look at the Alison Spittle episode one uh on our on our YouTube just to see you know what was happening there are two pieces of um set decoration that are still in this room whoa it's the material girl yep and the candle yes perfect absolutely smashed it the dolly part and Yes. I think Chris Vak gave that to me for my birthday, the boy who I was in love with at school, who we've had so much about over the years. No way. In year eight. I think he gave that to me for like my 26th birthday. He was like, oh my God, I want to give you this Dolly Parton candle. And I was like, are you sure you're gay? Are you sure? And this material girlfriend.

Yeah. Which, which, do you remember what happened in the first episode? It fell off the walls. It fell off the wall every time. She's had a terrible time when I hook up over the years. It's lucky she made it alive last week. She nearly died, got hit on the head, emotional breakdowns. Like, we have not been good. She'd vomited one episode. Jeez. Way.

Wow. Maybe it's good that this tyranny is ending for her. She must be so relieved. This thing is done. The threat can stop persisting. That's okay. Has she been our most frequent guest? I think Chloe Petts probably...

Oh, yeah. That checks out. That checks out. Okay. Tell us what else, Andrew? The top comment. on the uh that very first episode one is i haven't been here very long but i'm glad to see the show has always been unhinged wait i forgot about the comments on are people commenting now on like the

first couple of episodes yeah people going back and listening and then so i'll get very occasionally i'll get a notification and it'd be like oh oh i can't wait to hear about pancake and i'm like oh oh that breaks my heart oh god that breaks my heart that is tough to hear yeah but again i'm like Who thinks they live that long? Well, Pancake was supposed to live forever. Yeah. And Pancake does live forever. He does.

In the hearts and minds. In all of our hearts and minds. Yeah. What happened to the snails? Oh yeah. That was got that whole saga. There's a question. Hey, there's a question.

A really good question that actually I've never had a straight answer to. Wait. So we find out? You know what? Actually, I would love to know. she does owe an explanation to people. There's a plot hole for me. Whatever happened to the snail? Wait, we're going to find out. We're going to find out. I've heard, I gave them away, they ran away to the garden, I forgot them somewhere. I think I've heard all three of those.

Did she eat them? What do you think all about our women are just running around eating stuff? Actually, yeah, in a lot of weird stuff. She eats a lot of weird stuff. Yeah, but you can't eat. Is she not answering you? I know, that's a bit harsh, given that she just called me like, here we are. Marianne. Are you still emotional? No. Yeah, a little bit, because it's still the last episode of the podcast, and that makes me feel very emotional. And you get some zoo tickets.

Not now. We'll talk about zoo tickets later. I have a serious question to ask you. Is she asking that because we got her zoo tickets? Yes, sweet dad. Do you remember what happened to the four snails me and Ted got you? Yes. Can you tell me honestly what you did to them? My friend took them and now I don't know where they are.

Which friend? Sandra. Okay. And you don't know where they are now? Well, she said they stopped. They didn't come out of their shallow, wouldn't they? Right. Yeah. Do we think they're dead? Do we think... And now she won't tell me.

where they are. Okay. Okay. Should we leave it there then? Yeah, well, you can ask her. I'm not going to ask her. I'm scared of her. She pinched, she pinched

Sunil so hard. Who's sad? Well, maybe she was annoyed at him. She was, in all fairness. A good point, solid point to be fair. Okay. Oh, you look really red. I'm not going to see you tomorrow.

Mariana, I'm clearly, no, I can't see you tomorrow. Why not? Stop saying I'm going to die. I didn't say you're going to die. Yeah, that makes me feel like I'm going to die. You should have someone with you when they put you to sleep. Yes, I have... Sometimes they do practices.

You've got to stop telling me that the junior doctors did not practice some people. They do. Stop watching BBC News at 10 with Dad. Can you ask for them taking it? I mean, why not? Does anyone have zoo tickets for Marianne? Yeah, she has this theory that they constantly get and fed ice lollies at the moment at London Zoo. And she needs...

Okay, well... Those videos are from 2021, you fucking moron. Hey, no, no fighting. Hang up. We don't know if they're getting ice lollies all the time. Helen, no more fighting with your sister. Hang up. And we'll let you know, Marianne, what anybody says if they have any zoo.

tickets my darling. Love you. We'll let you know bye. I've told her she is not allowed to ask the audience for anything. They are having the tigers. Look at the date. This is from nine weeks ago. Nine weeks ago.

They're making blood ice lollies for the tigers. That's cute actually. I think the girl has a point and also like you say that she's not allowed to ask them for anything but we ask them for something every I guess she's not on the podcast but she's already She's a very occurring character. There is a very sweet she gave us pancake

who has given her like six zoo tickets over the years listen she's chancing her arm she knows we're on our way out Can you get zoo tickets? It's the last kick

of a dying corpse why not pretty tough that she said you might die in the operation I'm sorry she said that a lot of times she always says

like might be the last chance to it's like stop enjoying it and she really thinks the junior doctor's practice on bodies don't don't like it gives me anxiety

But if they did, they'd be supervised. It's not like, they're not like going there and wing it. Yeah, but why are they, they can't, they can't, not even if you're having surgery, they can't practice on you for an hour or whatever, can they? I don't know. I don't know either. It seems like they would practice on bodies. So, um, to answer your question, Catherine, the snails are dead.

Sounds like they're dead. Did we ever get that attached to them? Because Helen, she never liked. She loved curry and donkey. She didn't like Golemma. I forgot the names. I forgot the names too. Donkey, Helen and Gollum

with the names of the four snails. Look, I think, I just wanted to know like, as a plot point, what happened. So the snails have died. Is what we're going to. And we're not, we can't mourn them because we've got to say goodbye to trusty hogs today.

We cannot say, you know what, let's just quickly do it. Rest in peace to Curry, donkey, Gollum and baby Helen who quite frankly never stood a chance. Marianne never liked snail Helen. And also, don't call. one of your snails, Helen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's bad sister moves. It's not great old rim, but listen, I'm glad that we've acknowledged that they died. I can see Zofia trying to figure out the snails. What is the question? Were they just garden snails? My brother was supposed to be getting giant African land snails, but I think he lied to me.

I think I gave him 20 quid for each of them, and I think he gave me four garden snails because they never grew. And yes, it does feel bad. That does feel bad. And yes, I had to travel up to East London to get them from his warehouse to take them down to my sister's flat and yes they had to travel with them oh my gosh and that was on one of the hottest days of the years a couple of years ago oh so in many ways you might have killed them so i was like 80 pounds out of pocket to give someone four garden

snails and then turned around and went i'm calling that one helen and they will be dead soon yeah and then i have to go home and go another brilliant day being a good sister fuck my life christ fuck it wow that's a lot okay well listen I just think I reckon stick with the therapy

for a little while you know what I mean I reckon a little bit more why not I reckon I'm gonna need more therapy when this ends because I really

both of us treat this and I'll say the extras particularly as a therapy session you're not wrong you're not wrong we're gonna have to get some professionals involved

but for now we're gonna pretend we're professionals and for now we're gonna answer a goddamn problem Andrew hit us this is from E hi E Dear Hogs, long-time listener, first-time writer here.

I have a problem that I feel is equal parts Helen and Catherine with a dash of Andrew. Oh my God. Okay, can I guess what it is? Sure, yeah. Why not wild, but sure? It's a parking ticket outside of a Pilates place where the woman who teaches Pilates is an expert in Irish history. Wait, where are you? I'm not, well, I'm Ian.

And, weirdly, she's deciding whether the parking ticket is something she needs to deal with or should she go for a job interview instead at Shrek world. You forgot about you at the start didn't you and then... I did. Yeah. All right. And the improv went bad. It's okay.

The improv went bad. It's fun if you just like slow down, no one can even tell that you're definitely still thinking of the next bit that's awful cat I'm worried because I've used alone

that is what you did I know ready Andrew yes and okay I didn't audition for the English SNL

surprise did you do what no I didn't audition could you imagine no you did it Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing Zing

to that I say sometimes you have to look at yourself in the mirror as a comedian and go Helen, if you are live it should not be recorded. Yeah, I had to have a word with myself similar to that as well, which is like... I can be live on stage when it's not recorded

and I can be recorded when it's going to be edited by a sweet Andrew or an M later. This is going out live. Oh, how? It's a special for R200, the broadcast. Could you imagine? I couldn't. That would take a lot of admin.

No way. Oh, man. Come on, Andrew. tell us. So he says, I'm a 35-year-old woman who has just realized I'm a big bisexual. Slay. Big old bisexual. Not that it makes much difference, but.

Well, I'm glad you got rid of the old, because 35's not old. I know, oh, L, big old. Still no. No? No, I don't even like to hint at it. I like it because it makes me think of old El Paso, and I love those enchilada kits. Nice, yeah, to be fair, me too. Such a good group dance.

Okay. Isn't it, though? People please are. likes it. And everyone's like, oh, you get the old El Paso box. It's like, yeah, all the time. For everything. Okay, I haven't bought it in about a decade, but I remember being a great time. For everything. For everything. For any occasion. Births, funerals. What's the question? The thing is, I am very happily married to a lovely man. At the same time, I feel this part of my identity emerging that is mad attracted to women. There is a part of me that desperately wants

to experience sex and love with a woman by also, pardon me, but I also. Sorry, did you get so repulsed by the thought of having sex with a woman that you sort of burped Andrew. That is the best thing. Sorry. Andrew what? Did you just burm out of disgust? Are you embarrassed? Are you embarrassed?

I was thinking if I got to the end of that sentence, what if you could jump in and I could, I could hiccup off mic. But we're saying hiccup is that, that's what that was. Are we? I could retch off mic. Yes. I honestly, as someone who's currently a bile expert, that was bile. That was bile rising in your body.

What it was was grim. so they're very desperate to experience a woman and he wants to have sex with a woman and is and I'm fine with that this is actually honestly fine you can't

you can't us I'm fine with it too then fine you can't us that's why we're ending the podcast is because Andrew's turned humble fowbeck okay go on but I also still really fancy

my husband of five years and have great sex with him and value our monogamous relationship a bisexual friend says I should read the ethical slut and explore non-monogamy, but that sounds hell of scary. My therapist has suggested that being part of a queer community

may help me, but I'm bad at sport and scared of people. How can I find my queer community? If I never sleep with a woman, will I always be a little bit sad? Please send help. E. Me? Me first. Me first.

If you'd like to. Yes. Okay. Obviously I'm not married, but yeah, Part of me just feel like I'd love to experience sex with a woman. Like that's something I would be interested in experiencing, but it's also like I don't want to tick it off like a list of a thing, but I'm also not married. What did you think the question was?

So what's, is it, because it's not, does Helen want to fuck a woman? Wait, wait, wait, are they asking to fuck me? I don't think so. We have had DMs like that, but no, I think this is, is, um. Have you had DMs asking to sleep with me and Catherine? um let's let's get into the that certainly the undertone of a few dms yes it's you because i'm not single people are messaging to yeah you're not single i want we we get those of comments being like

katherine it's hell of sexy here yeah i don't like that's good i think you're gorgeous because you're gorgeous thoughts on ease problem wait can you just quickly tell me what's the ethical slide i know what ethical non monogamous is it a book about EMM? The ethical thought is about E&M. Okay, it's about E&M. Yes, it's often called

the Polybible by Janet Hardy and Dossi Eastern. And according to this post in R-Dash polyamory on Reddit, it is slightly problematic and dated, but some people think it's still good. So, you know, I'm not saying

necessarily fully endorsing it. There's different opinions. Look, I think if you want to explore your sexuality, you can explore it and you've got, sounds like a wonderful, wonderful partner who you will be able to discuss these things with and you can figure out your boundaries it's just i think that's the discussion that's had between the two of you you figure out your boundaries and then do not

push them do not cross them and if you want to push them and cross them and that is another discussion to be had before they are pushed and crossed right because it sounds like you do want to explore sexuality and it sounds like you wouldn't ask will i be sad if i never have sex with a woman if you don't think that you would be sad if you didn't have sex with a woman but it sounds that you have a partner who deserves to have that be a conversation as well. So once you set those boundaries don't cross them until the conversation has been re-had. And if you're struggling, this is me like taking everything I've learned for Catherine of the years. If you're struggling to have that conversation, the two of you,

then there's people who are experts in this and you can have a session with them. There's like counselors and stuff, huh, to like about open marriages that are specific for it. And then you can, well, I know friends who have done like boundary setting meetings with people. yeah and sort of someone who can guide that conversation without well there's obviously emotion but yeah is that right i'm not the arbiter right or wrong that's a great answer yeah i'll also say the opening is not like it's not like oh god i can't close this door again you can um reestablish and change your boundaries all the time so if you open it to try try things out a little bit and then you want to go back to your monogamy that is also perfectly fine what do you how do you start do you

reckon? Just like wanking to tith. Oh, interesting. I get a sense. Yeah, I don't think Andrew's the expert on how you start fucking women. If I may. Like you'd start with just like certain porn searches, huh? I think they've already gone past that. Could I offer an answer? Please. I think there's a world where you read a bit non-monogamy and then if it is still of interest to you, you bring it to your husband. And the nice thing about you and your husband is that it sounds like you have a really nice relationship, which means you're coming from a place of not needing to fix something

or trying to fix something with an extra person. Also where you are having sex, so he won't feel like it's some sort of like criticism or a challenge to him, maybe. But there's also a world in which you bring it to your husband and you deeply hurt his feelings because he might hear it as, I'm not being enough for you,

or he might just also really only want monogamy, in which case you essentially tell him that that's not enough. enough for you or you or you bring it to your husband and you have to be okay with him saying no and then you also have to be okay with him knowing that you asked and what that might it you know imply for him for at least some time I think if you find your queer community that's interesting that their therapist said finding the queer community might help from my experience this is 100% anecdotal but also 100% happens 100% of the time if

you find your queer community you will sleep with a woman and probably that will end your relationship yeah unless you do the pre-bedding unless you do some pre-bedding that happened with carol and friends huh i just think it's so unlikely that you would go join a queer community have flirtation with women have interactions with queer women and that would save your need for sex and love with women as opposed to make it a more accessible be more real and see more likely that just doesn't seem logical to me um so do with that what you will um i wonder if there's a third way to go here which seems like for me the only option where you get to both have sex with women and well not the only option an option where you get both get to have sex with women and you also keep

your marriage in the like very like hypersex loving state that it is which is that potentially you both date someone together so rather than like open it you add to it and obviously it does involve opening it but you know what I mean like it rather than it being like that you go off and both have sex with separate people that you decide that it's something that you're going to do together um that might limit the kind of person that you get to date it also might limit how far that relationship can go or how easy it is to find a person but that is still an option

I think yeah I think Helen's right I don't think you're asking the question will I be sad forever if I don't have sex with women and now look the best of all worlds here is you go to your husband I need to explore the side of myself and then he says go off do it but like the much more likely scenario is he says like okay then I'm going to do that

and then you are ultimately if you're about sleeping with people and you want to love with the woman, not just sex with the woman, that there's a world in which that because like the premise of non-monogamy and polyamory is a good one, right?

This idea that like you could have love for more than one person and that we aren't like singular in our capacity to give affection or love to people. However, there is like you are also introducing more risk. That those dynamics,

that the dynamic, the new dynamic won't work in the way that the current dynamic does. Well, that's just, yeah. So it's just so many more chips to remember, like different birthdays and things, isn't it? Yes, of course. The admin wise, God, yeah.

You definitely won't need a hobby or like a community if you open your relationship because you will be busy. Like who do you spend Christmas with and like who do you call last when you go to bed at night and stuff? And if this, the thought of losing your husband or the thought of it changing your dynamic or the feeling of all of this makes you go like, oh, actually I don't want to that, then don't. And if it awakens

an assurance, an assurance that you'll put it off for a while, but it ultimately is going to happen, then that would also track with everyone I've ever met who's had this dilemma. Does that always happen? They always, like, they explore a queer community and then they end up like falling in love with a woman. I'm going

purely off my anecdotal I would say yes. Yeah. Zafia? Yes. I get women are fit. I get it. Like, yeah. But also, it's like, like it's there's a newness bias as well right like which i think is unfair is like if you think that this thing has been repressed you've discovered it about yourself you feel like it's off limits all of that makes it hyper sexy there's a newness bias and also like it's like the new

girl at school sort of a thing but also like access to a course she's cool she's got a different pencil case yeah and also it's like access to a part of yourself that you didn't know you had access to and like that's true i don't and also like relationships with women are often different to relationships with men sometimes obviously interpersonally every relationship is different but it just all like has a different

I don't know can you come to our live show and tell us if you fucked yeah I really would love sorry sorry excuse me could you come to our live show and tell us if you smashed yeah but it'd be so sick if you and your husband want to do that and then you happen to find a woman who's into you both that'd be wicked at trusty hogs live

at trusty hogs live we can bring you on stage is it a good time to plug it now Well, because this is our final, like, Trust Jokes episode. Stop saying that. I'm sorry, but there is technically an epilogue. There is the Trust Jokes Live, the Clapham Grand, which I don't know, when we're recording this, it's still not announced that Trust Jokes is finishing.

So there may be, it may be all fully sold out now, but if it's not, please do come join us for that big kind of party goodbye. You think it's fully sold out now? Surely there's loads of tickets left. I don't know. There could be a man. massive sort of rush of people. Oh, because I hope so. It's so weird, knowing that we are recording the last episode and they don't even, like,

they don't find out until episode 196, which is next week. I know. Andrew said earlier, I think you were on the toil. Sorry. I don't know why I said it like that. We all know what you said like that. I was in the Louie, yes The thing is I don't even think I was in the Lee

for what you're about to say, but go on You really enjoying yourself And you're really sorry Thank you, Ron But wait, what did Andrew say earlier? Yeah I'm so sorry It was a toilet.

And then Andrew, were you not here when Andrews said? What was he said? You're all waiting by then. When Catherine was on the toilet. Yes, yes. It was something like about how we haven't, we're recording the last episode, but we don't like and but so with us,

we want me to jump in. We've got no response to episode 196. It's like we're bracing for a car crash. But by the time people. Actually, sorry, an impact. The news is coming out next Thursday. Like a big moment. But we've already walked away from the thing.

We've already walked away from the, I don't want to say crime scene. It gets worse. So when people respond. No, no, I got you. I was just the car crash analogy was so intense. It's just like bracing for an impact. I think we all feel it in our body's like, oh God, they're all going to find out it's ending.

I feel like we've released, it's more like we've released like one of those little balloons into the sky and everyone else is going to lock up and see it. in a minute rather than like a car crash it's more like okay i like katherine's better i'm sorry is that okay because i really liked yours earlier but now i really don't okay katherine came up with that on toilet i did i had time to think of it and that were beautiful katherine thank you thank you for everything you do yeah i feel like everyone's just going to look up and be like oh see you guys yeah and i'm still so glad we did the last four weeks to be like oh just you know know it's ending but and again

I just want to stress like I really love and I hope that people will miss it because otherwise like what the hell are we doing but I also think like people will understand the podcast end and that like they can come and see us live and that no one's dying but we're not going to be all together again it's like when Beth dies

the podcast is Beth in little women in which case people knew she's going to die the whole time and then oh they did the sickly one playing the piano they did right I, that was foreshadowed.

I've learned that word recently. We will all be together again. At the October show, October? October. But not in this, not in... We just won't be... Why am I trying to make this emotional? I'm actually forcing it to be emotional at this point.

It is emotional. We're not going to... We're not going to... All the sisters together again. That's true. We'll be together. The sisters. I mean, we're literally... We're going to have a dinner.

Oh, yeah. We're going to have a dinner, of course. But like... You mean the hogies. Not with, like, they're going to... But we're not going to record it. People are going to make, they're going to, we're going to get messages. I'm assuming. Imagine if there's absolutely no reaction at all.

I feel like it's an idiot. But I am assuming. If the hogs remain unmoved, unmoved by the end. I feel like we're going to get some very sweet messages and I'm going to, normally we'd come on the podcast and respond to them, but we can't because by the time we get those messages, we've, well, quite frankly, packed up everything. I know it is weird. I don't want, though, for anyone listening to feel...

Obviously, all chat is going to you, Helen. Yeah, you can have all of the tat. Can I have this on my balcony? You can have whatever you like, my darling. I want to give a couple of things away maybe at Trusty Hogs Live. That could be fun. That's a great idea. That's a really good idea to give away some of the set.

Yeah. Oh, I love that. Yeah. That's so fun. And obviously, do not message people. people who gave them to us. Don't be like Sophie Hagan. They gave away a gift.

But maybe we could have a raffle for AKT or someone. Yeah. That sounds nice, actually. I like that. What do you think? Yeah, that's a really nice idea. Let's raffle off some of the set. I want some of the tariff.

Oh, no, no. There's some of the stuff here that's very meaningful to us and lots of gifts that we will treasure. Yeah, but I'd rather the hogs had it than anybody else. Yeah, yeah, 100%. What am I then? What am I doing to sit in on toilet? sitting on toil

with no gifts no I need something to remember it and you can have it but then maybe we could also raffle some off and that would be quite nice

and again is it quite poetic yeah of course I want to give some stuff away but I would love to I'm going to I'm going to leave today with the candle and the frame

that I came in with in the first day that's fair that's amazing that's so fair wearing the same top well you put them in your new hands

with the same nipples. Yeah. That's true. What I don't want though, just because the podcast is ending is for anyone to feel like they can't or shouldn't or couldn't bring like to our shows

Toblerones or Tony's Tocalone or Champagne or anything. I don't want you to feel. Please do. I just don't want you to feel that you can't. I will be... Please remember I'll be having my gallbladder out by then. But I won't be offended by Toblerones.

That's all I wanted to say is like personally, would I be offended if you showed up with the hazelnot toblowerone or the hazelnut, Tony Chuck Only or a regular Toblerone or Fizz of any kind, would I be mad? No. I want to say I wouldn't be mad, but I feel just on behalf of my sister, I would like to say we are looking for London Zoo tickets. The Bower Girls are looking for London Zoo tickets.

We're so outrageous to be asking you for more. Because we would like to watch the Tigers. Spoiled brats. Be fed on ice, lolly. Spoiled brats. And her sister is not willing to pay 50 pounds for the off chance. she gets to see a tiger eat and I slowly live. We are going to have to get used to just being like

regular comics. You don't get gifts every time we show up. I've spoken to Marianne about this. But like, no, we haven't spoke to you about it. About which? Just being like, you've got to say goodbye to the gifts. Yeah, we've got to get used to it. Like she was like, oh, I want Gus from Cinderella a top with Gus and Cinderella on it.

She got the rat of two pajamas. And I was like, that you, that was a one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you have to, you have to say goodbye to that. Like, I will do my best. But we no longer have a team of people. no it's true a thousand strong team

who were working for you Marian also on gift reminiscing and the London Zoo actually I just remembered and found that their lovely name Matt who gifted us the Rema gifting Rema gifting Rema gifting

was our Rema gifting section Matt who gifted us the London Zoo tickets and just what a lovely day that was and if you've not seen it it's on our Patreon our whole London Zoo vlog Thanks Matt

Thank you for all of the tickets We're never going to get Whishikers ever again we will I actually really see where Marian's coming from now I would have announced this Oh we cannot oh no No it's fine I'll find a way

I knew we were going to feel this at different points Right now I've got to the beautiful stage of it ending And now you're in the hell I'm in the Whittaker's face Oh no The Whitaker's peanut butter face specifically You're also feeling emotional about not looking across the table at me now Not yet but I know it'll come

Do you need a tissue? No I'm okay I spoke to Sam Campbell and he was like Oh my God have you let him know You recorded the final episode

And I went We've recorded us Saying that the podcast is ending But we haven't recorded the final episode And he went Oh was it awful Did Catherine cry And I went no

And he went But you cried didn't you And I went yes And he went Just a slow silent nod I was like you piece of shit We can now reveal What a bastard

Sam was on his episode Because he knew The podcast was did. So he kept being like, I'm, trust you're going to live forever.

I don't know what I do if this podcast ever ended. I don't know what I do to myself of this podcast ended and I was like looking at him like

you stop. He's of shit. Stop it right now. That's not comfortable for me. This is uncomfortable. Sorry, but that's so.

It was hilarious. What the fuck? Are you happy about it? You listen to it, you piece of shit. That's sorry. That's so funny. Oh man.

I found it very stressful. Okay. It was a long idea. It was a long edit for you. He said it, what, like 80 times? Oh, so much. Yeah, especially in the extras. When I bought my last car, I felt totally overwhelmed.

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up to 50% off the limited edition smartbed, limited time. All sleep number smartbeds offer temperature solutions for your best sleep. Check it out at a sleep number store or sleep number.com today. I was just going to say with Patreon and the extras and stuff, I would have announced how it's going to work to our patrons, but here on the public feed, I just want to say that's going to stay up. It's not going to disappear. You can still access it. At this current point in time, we've not fully worked out.

how that's going to look, whether it's going to be like a single-tier payment and you can access it for as long as you subscribe or whether you can buy the whole collections. But yeah, if you are only just catching up with the podcast and you're like, fuck, I want to do the extras. If it's 2048. There's still an option to buy them. Still an option to access them and buy them in some way.

Unless one of us has gone, actually, I cannot have that out in the world because there's a lot of stuff in the extras. No, Helen, it's too late. You never know. Al, we can't be doing that to people who've just joined and listened to all the episodes are now what the extras. Happens if I give birth to the next president

of the world and they are campaigning. It'd be probably the first president of the world, I suppose. And their mother's podcast is out there. Like, they can't have that and who's to say that I won't give birth

to the future president of the world? Well, you bring up a good point, Helen, there's no way, that's too much of a jump because you'll remember... From podcasting clown to president of the world.

You'll remember earlier, earliest podcast version of us said that the podcast would only end if I got married or you gave birth. Yes. And I think it's time to tell the audience the truth. I am married and pregnant.

And I am married to a lovely man with three children and Steve's my world. Catherine lives in Kent. Catherine lives in. If Catherine's my real name. And Steve loves you. Yeah. And he worships those bands. He worships those birds.

No idea what we're doing here. He doesn't have. But yeah. And I have a. I have a child on the way with my husband Andrew Tate Oh

Is it a choice? Okay you know what I can't improv I can't improv I'm trying and I'm sick of trying That's okay Everything I say is so deeply upsetting No we just decided ultimately

No one can wait that long So the podcast has to end Can I try again Can I try again? No I think the moment's on what it is time for final problem of trusty hogs ever do you want to say I really enjoyed listening to your problems

and maybe not solving them but I hope that we've helped someone and remember if we didn't that's your problem as the song goes is that a song I'm gonna just wait for you to figure it out it's our theme June that's brilliant Catherine Thank you.

That's brilliant. Thank you. Wow. Thank you. So this is from B. Hi, B. Not C, really. I'm hoping you're still doing the problem solving

because I have a doozy I need insistence with and because it is to do with the hogs, you are the ones I need to solve it. Because it's to do with the hogs. Oh, B, this feels so momentum. Okay, go on. For context, I'm a 52-year-old.

Although by the time you hear this, I'll probably be 53 or 54. Wow, thank you, B. Actually, this is from 13 days ago, so we're very on the money. Okay, B is a 52-year-old? Non-binary lesbian married with a baby. Awesome. If you were to imagine me, think the kind of people Catherine is attracted to.

Yeah. Big climb, B. Yeah. I've never dated anyone older than me. Oh, no, that's not right. Then it was one. Go on. Anyway, two years ago, I learned how to drive a car because we were planning on having a baby.

And as a result of completing my two years on an N-license, accent free my wife allowed me to upgrade um stay with me because it's still relevant uh previously i've been commuting on a motorbike amazing as a result i never had in-car media system and knew nothing about podcasts i have a job where i travel the length and breadth of island to visit teams of people doing very hard work and i like to listen to things in the car my first podcast was limerick lady as i'm based in limerick and friends host it plus it's very good little shout out there for limerick lady shout out limerick lady then trusty hogs started to come up on my insta and I thought why not give it a try why bloody not I'm currently on episode 63 and for reference the guinea pig is still alive

the queen is dead and you have just cried about Christmas oh no I'm obsessed with you I'm probably a mix of Helen in behaviour and Catherine with social justice I think I may have a crush on you both to the point that my vocabulary has completely changed oh no I now say Hyundai when I mean exactly and I say fascinating at random breaks in the conversation. I love that. This has developed to the point when my wife is concerned I might be having an affair.

The problem is this. Fascinating. What do I do when I catch up on episodes? I imagine it will take maybe six months at my current rate of consumption but it could take longer. When I catch up I'll feel an intense loss and emptiness. I may be tempted to become a patron and get the additional 200 plus episodes but once I've listened to them I will once again be at a loss

please help out my future self thanks in advance so a problem from B for all of the hogs in this current moment really what do we do now I love and hate that so much fuck

there's so many brilliant podcasts B so so many thankfully Alison Spittle has just started one called magazine party you'll love it thankfully Helen Bauer has just started one called

Helen's log you'll love it you could go back and listen to It's My Party which I made a season of this year you could check out at ELDR on BBC Sounds if you want a deep cut you could always listen to you'll do if you want to go like a blast in the past

you can listen to us on many other people's podcasts we've both done episodes of Off Menu we've both done many podcasts do not listen to my off menu that was before I did binge eating recovery It's bad I regret all of my choices too I got diagnosed on that please do not listen to that

you could also we we both tour in Ireland Helen's coming there next year you need to get some tickets but as far as like in the car goes but these are all things you can play in the car

true or you could drive to our live shows what is your advice yeah those podcasts are good recommends and I think and normal gossip which I will never stop recommending there we go and single ladies in your area

with Amy Glad Till and Harry Hemsley that one I love gorgeous but yeah I don't know I think it is just it's weird that it's ending because I think we've shared so much of our lives with you and then through that we've seen a lot of you over the years and like shared in your lives a little bit and yeah it's weird it's ending and there's people who have been here listen to everything it's like part of their their week yeah I don't know what to say I think it's so lovely that people listen to every week and we're part of like how they structure or like we're just like fun for them in a week

but I think it's also makes it sadder that it's ending as well then because of that but I also think it's that yeah you'll you will find other things and then you'll slowly you'll be like oh I remember that time that I would listen to those two girls screaming every Thursday I was not well then

and it would just be like a little thing almost ruin my marriage and then some of you unfortunately on your deathbeds you will hear the theme tune in your head and you'll be like what the fuck oh for fuck sake. For fuck sake. There's your answer, B.

Think of us while you die. Think of us while you must. And thank you. That's a lovely problem. Okay, well then. Shall I, because I've still got the first ever episode up on YouTube.

Should I read out our first ever exec producers, producers list? Almost all of whom are still executive producers, Simon Moors and Guy Goodman. My God.

Producers Richard Bicknell, S.B. Dubbs, L, Richard Bold, Neil Redmond, Victoria Hutchison, Emma Walton, Karen Bull, Harrow Van Dyke, Kira Leach, Sadie Cashmore, Anthony Conway. And they had signed up before we'd even put out an episode. That is insane. A massive shout-out to those people who were there at the beginning, who allowed us to make stuff for people who were just finding it now.

Wow. Do you have to say goodbye now? I think it's time. Do you want to go first, Andrew? You don't have to. No, no, I can go first. Yeah, it's really weird. feels so it is strange to sort of do this before anyone knows because i feel like if if we could

record differently um that we'd have loads of emails and thank yous to go through and we'd get very emotional and it'd be sort of a big hurrah but i like that it's this nice intimate sort of it's very secretive it feels huh yeah it's nice to sort of quietly sink away not sink away that sounds bad you know what i mean slink slink away all of your analogies are so dark you know so there's like a ten car pile up we're in yeah we sink

into uh quicksand and no one knows till it's too late and we're already gone um yeah trusty hogs has been uh mega it's been uh the reason I could uh keep doing comedy full time

coming out of lockdown uh the reason I have a house now in Portsmouth yeah it's been you've been there through everything obviously not just trusty hogs gigless as well before that

it's weird to it's impossible to imagine my career without trusty hogs not just professionally but also emotionally and you know this sort of weekly check-in and this friendship that we've

all built over the last three four years it's it's been really nice and And yeah, I'm struggling for words because I feel like if I go in certain directions, I'll just get emotional. So I'm just going for very neutral. The podcast is good. Your support is appreciated.

Yeah. Well, all your hard work is incredibly appreciated by not just me and Catherine and M and Zofia and like everyone who's like Alex who's worked me over the years. But like just, yeah, you put in a lot. And I think the hogs all appreciate and know how much you do. Thank you. It is weird. Like I do my weekly. to-do list things

and there's like Tuesday upload trusty hogs for the patrons Wednesday promote the early access Thursday promote the main episode Friday promote the extras

it's like you know four five and then the clips it's almost every day of my life for the last three four years it's going to be so weird to not have that anymore it's going to feel very empty

you've done amazing it's been yeah it's been life changing it's been beautiful I'm so glad we have this archive of our lives. I will no doubt when the dust is settled, go back and listen to them all. Yeah, it's been really, really beautiful.

Thank you so much. And thank you for supporting my career away from the podcast as well. That your support in crowds means a lot at the fringe and I'm poor and everything. You're really good hogs. We don't tell you that enough, but you guys are really good hogs. And I love you very much. And we are not breaking up because of you. and it is not your fault.

That was lovely, Andrew. Thank you, Andrew. Do you want to say anything? Yes. The main thing I have to say is that downloading and uploading 200 episodes of massive video and audio files has absolutely run my laptop into the round. It's completely destroyed. Yeah, it's been such a pleasure.

And four years was a long time to be doing something. Like Andrew said, almost every day. there's something to be done almost every day. So it will be very strange not to be doing it anymore. Thank you for everything you do. Yeah, it's so strange. It's really strange.

I don't want to say it very much because I'll absolutely hate editing my invoice on the podcast. But it's been so nice. I love my nice. You all say that you always come in with the loveliest attitude and you're always up for whatever tangent we go on and no matter how many edit points there are, you're always like, yeah, no worries.

Well, I've already written that down. Obviously, we're not keeping that on. it is my favorite M comment when we go like oh by the way I think in the episode I said something like and it's like yeah obviously that's not going out it's already gone I think I'll use my own judgment with that topic I reckon and we're like yeah please do use your own judgment we have no judgment in this imagine what goes in the episodes and then think what M must have had to edit out just think about that for a second you ever see M out with a laptop do not take that laptop there are things on it okay well well thank you Thank you M very much. Yeah, thank you guys for me. And to Zofia, who has been with us for this last. Is it year? We finally got a lesbian in the chair, thank for.

No, this feels very full circle because when you guys first joined us here at Audio always, it was like one of my first days. And Trusty Hogs is the first podcast that I was allowed to engineer on my own. So, yeah, it feels crazy that it's now finishing a year later. Oh, my God. you killed it I'm kidding we love Zofia

I'm kidding we love well Zofia is going to be on Helen's log which is very nice how fun oh my god amazing okay so it lives on

the duo live on this is very exciting do we now say goodbye together I'm happy to go first no oh you want to go you go

okay I mainly want to say yeah thank you for listening thank you for more than listening thank you so much for caring it's so still surprising to me that you do and so affirming and lovely and it's been so nice to meet you all

I hope that you'll keep introducing yourselves even the men I don't mind it, it's nice not my favourite but ultimately fine and thank you for listening you still don't believe they're a manned I can't fathomish some of them aren't even listening because their wives made them anyway thank you

for listening I have to echo Andrew's sentiments which is that like without a doubt having you extend your support into our live careers has been the best thing about this podcast for me. You are the best audience members and the most generous and present and supportive gang that a person could hope would show up at their shows. So I really hope that you'll continue to because I feel like you've emboldened us all actually as comics because it's like having teammates in the room, like even if you're going to try something new and fail or say something exposing and regret it or whatever it might be, it has felt like having a sort of safety pad

while you do something scary. And I hope that you'll stick around for that because it's so important to us. And I, regardless, I just wanted to say thank you for it. I know it's the reason I was able to build my last show and I hope it'll be the reason I'm able to build future shows. Well, that's beautiful, Catherine. And I really think that often I know you do all appreciate them but I do often think that it is very easy to have

like to not see how much effort goes into making a podcast and I think that even Helen and I often don't see how much goes into making a podcast because we're ignorant slats well because yeah and Andrew why are we such ignorant slots Catherine

and Andrew and Emma right there is something to do every day and we don't do that shit we don't we just text and have you done this? That's awful. And they're like, yes, you don't fog. I'm sorry. And sometimes you haven't.

We haven't even checked that you have done it. Yeah. And there's so, so much that goes into making this. And it is so easy to be us who come in and tell you about our stupid lives. But it's much harder to be the people. You've got a beautiful life and you've made it beautiful.

But there's, it's much harder to be the people who, who made it happen. I still don't know how to do that. Or how it gets to the internet. internet and I don't wish to know but I am very grateful to Andrew and M for all of the work they do and they are the reason that it has worked and it wouldn't it literally wouldn't have worked without them so I'm very grateful to them and I'm really excited Helen Bauer to be friends as we have always been and not be business partners and I'm excited to genuinely hear your secrets without some part of my brain going, do you want to say that out there? I don't know if you want that detail.

What will Anne think? Or us actually giving each of the secrets and then being like, oh my God, can we delete that? How do we not say that on the podcast, even though we've just spoken about it? We've just cried and now we can't mess. Like, oh my God. It'll be huge. It's complicated.

It'll be huge. And I'm very proud of us. I think we have been incredibly lucky to have the support team that we've had. We've been incredibly lucky to have the listeners that we've had. But also, I think that this has been a real reminder to me that just because the industry or the world doesn't hand you things on a plate doesn't mean you can't build things that people really love. And we did that.

Yeah, we did a really good job, huh? Yeah. So thanks for supporting us and see you on the road, I hope. You are really good audience. You're such good pigs. Yeah. I've loved it. I don't want us to say.

I've really loved it. And it's been so, yeah, it's been so lush. It has been. It has been lush and mega. It's going to be really sad, not seeing Lou like in this context,

but I know it's a good thing. And yeah, that will do, pig. A perfect end. Final word goes to Helen Bauer. That'll love. do pigs that'll do

and um yeah and now I'm doing a podcast by myself because you're like eight now that's awful are you gonna come to my first day at school no can you take me to the gate

there's literally a gate downstairs no but you got this you got it I'll miss you so much I'll miss you too much yeah I just yeah it's been really special

and yeah whatever whatever I love you I love you too we did it we did it okay

bye bye hugs bye bye Through the fog came forth the trusty hogs Well ye gave them your problems And then they solved them Maybe they didn't

That's your problem They had guests and Andrew White on the tag. Yeah, it was Helen and Catherine as the trusty hawks. Trust those trusty hawks, or maybe not. just heard the ending of hogs, which I'm literally about to record, which is so, so weird.

And this is, this is my new podcast, which is coming next week on the 28th of August, three days before the 31st of August, linked to 1997 Princess Diana. We don't have time for this right now. The podcast is called Helen's Log. And everyone I've said that too has been like, oh, because you poo. And it's like, it's nothing to do with that. It's literally nothing to do with that. It's a diary.

It's the diary of me because that was my favourite thing about Hogs is that we have this perfect living diary and now I'm doing my own podcast which is weird and exciting and I'm going to have on all my friends and maybe members of my family which is gross

and then I'm going to tell you what's happening in the world politically or mainly what I had for breakfast and lunch you can subscribe to it now Helen's log there's a link I'm posting on Instagram right now. Thank you. Good night and God bless. Oh, and if you head over to Helen's Log

right now, you can hear the theme tune. And yeah, it's by Huge Davies. Of course. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcast everywhere.acast.com. Hey, do you want to hear the next big new tech podcast? podcast hit before anyone else? Check out the Daily Tech News show Experiment Week. We're swapping out our normal shows to try out some new ideas. We've done this before and launched big hits like Behind the Data, the Tech John, and more. This year we have exclusive Android faithful reactions to the Pixel 9 event.

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