Trusty Hogs - Ep30. Motherhood, The Megabus, & Murder Podcasts

Episode Date: April 28, 2022

THE BIG 3-0! Thank you so much for all your support over the last 30 episodes - we couldn't do it without all your listens, reviews, tweets, and indeed patronage. Here's to many more xThank you so much for listening! Support us at https://www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more! Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] Please give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socials Be sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Simon Moores / Guy Goodman / Janinna Bautista / Mary FoxPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / SBDubz / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Emma Walton / Karen & David Bull / Harald van Dijk / Kierah Leach / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Anthony Conway / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Kim Dubhghaill / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Jo Holmes / Caitlyn Lyth / Sarah & Molly / Melissa Dunkeld / Sarah Jarque-Deakin / Sarah & AdamWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi. Episode 30, Catherine. Episode 30. Can you believe it? The podcast is a grown, mature, independent self. And I genuinely have matured so much whilst doing this with you. I genuinely, I know that, right, so like a couple of weeks ago, I said to Andrew in all seriousness, I really feel like I've matured recently.

And then I took a sip out of a slushy cup that was emptying. And he just laughed in my face. I mean, fell off his chest. That's crazy because we've been to the mature independent women's seminar at Trek Adventure and I don't understand why he didn't get that but yes I feel like it's honestly

thank you so much for supporting us for 30 episodes and for letting us do it for 30 episodes but it wasn't for the patrons in your support and for all of you leaving reviews we couldn't get there so thank you so much Through the fog

step for the trusty hogs yeah you're gonna give them your problems and they will solve that Or maybe they won't And that's your problem They'll have guests And Andrew White on the tech

Oh It's Helen and Catherine And the trusty hogs Trust the trusty hogs Or maybe not 30, 30, 30 We're both in our 30s now 30, 30, flirty and thriving

How do you feel about being a new 30? I'm 31 now I know But I still don't remember That I'm 31 so I still refer to myself as 30. I've always done the opposite. Annoyingly, I'm always aging myself.

People are always like, what age you? I'm like, I'm 35. Oh, no, I'm 33. I'm 33. That's great. What about, what do I? Then I sound like I'm lying.

But things the 30s are great. I always thought it was one of those things that people tell you. Because it's like, you know, things people tell you which is just a bullshit. Like, I've been told my entire life. Like, oh, you know, boys won't like you because you're so loud and confident. But just you wait into you're in your 20s.

Then I turn 20 and nothing. Turn 25, nothing. and now they're like just you wait until they're fucking 70 they'll be fucking gagging for you then like it's just those things are like a bullshit do you know what I mean but 30 and just being like comfortable in yourself

and like it's so I don't know how much of it is like placebo effect of being told that I won't care as much I still really care what people think I still get anxiety but like fuck it if I don't want to do something I'm more than happy to like go you know what not for me yeah I think the thing that people also don't tell you about it though

and I, maybe I'm wrong, but I think there's a strong correlation between like just doing the stuff you want to do with the people that you care about and finally making some money. I mean, like, I honestly, by that I mean,

like in your 30s, your career starts out at least, you at least have some sort of pattern, right? You know where you're going probably or like you have some, okay. I love what you're saying this and you're looking at my face. To be honest with you, even as I said, I didn't buy it for myself.

Here's what I would say is. You know where you're going? No, here's what I'll say instead is I'm making more money than I was my 20s. Oh. Not making shitloads, but I'm making more than I was in my 20s. And that means that time by myself isn't desperate bleakness, unless that's what I'm going for.

It's like, it doesn't have to just be beans on toast. Being by myself can look like... You got toast? I know, right? I always had toast. I worked in bakeries. That's the one thing. I was always broke, but I always had food because I always worked in catering.

Because I will never sacrifice food. And I lived in a house there. So there was always somebody's bread in the freezer. You know what I'm like? Oh, who's is this? One piece of each. We were talking about a means to Neil the other. day, it's like that lovely thing of like, I haven't had to check how I can get somewhere,

depending on how much money I have for ages. So I used to have to go to gigs by just bus because I couldn't afford to get in the tube. I used to walk to my London gigs. Yeah, so you take the cheapest route there. So walking was like one option. Yeah. Yeah, not walking back, but there we go. Yeah. But like, you take a bus, but now it's like, I'll just take the two tubes and a bus. Yeah, imagine. Oh my God. I haven't walked since I was 29. And it's been a fucking privilege, an absolute privilege. Okay, something to think about, but all right. Everywhere I go, I just, you know, like, in Wally, when they travel around in those, like,

chairs that move. And they stop having, like, bone masks. Yes, yes. Love it, love it, love it. Yeah, I don't remember. I just want to be a roly tubby top. A roly sweet baby. Yeah, yeah.

I want you to roll me around. They don't even have, like, joints anymore. There's just, like, nothing needs to move. It's fabulous. Oh, my God. I had the worst hang out. I have to tell you. I just, I'm trying to work out whether I should tell you or not, because.

Because your face already looks nervous. Like, so, you know when you hear, like, disgusting stories? And, like, if I thought it was gross. Oh, no. So, right. Right. I know this. When you get a cut, you have to disinfect it, right?

You have to, like, anti-back it. Yeah. To get it clean. Yeah. I do that. Men don't. And I know that you shouldn't generalize, but they don't. So, we were joking.

So... Where is this going? I don't... My friend had an infected, leg. Huh? Poked it with a bireo.

What the fuck are you talking about? And this leg has lived on infected since then. And this is like from three years ago. Said friend Go to the doctor. At a New Year's party I threw years ago was doing viewings in our bathroom

of the leg. To look at the leg two by two. Well of course he's not going to the doctor. He's making money over it. It was like, Chloe Pets for Bates and went oh no that's bad but I've seen worse. I've seen maggotson one before. Oh!

Andrew's gone Andrew's gone No no no no So like horrendous I'm sorry I need to I need to circle back So then Why is this person not going to a doctor

They have done But the doctor went What happened And he went poked with a bireo So then So then the doctor said that You're not worthy of NHS time It's over now

It's over for you No no no They gotta sort it out So legs now works So then But then another guy who was there This is like Literally last night

It was like Oh my God Oh my God I had that with my elbow but I didn't use a bireole, I'm not a moron. He was on a megabust of Cardiff. Oh no, I don't like it already. I don't like it.

And he'd fallen over and hurt his elbow in the Hyver, Edinburgh. Oh, geez. For like dirty, dirty room. Yeah, that's a sticky wound. I don't know why I whispered that. The Hyver Edinburgh, just in general, if you fall over and cut yourself there, pour gin on it immediately. Yeah, yeah, do something. Wash everything.

So quick. Yeah. Okay, so elbow puffed up with infection, so puss. He was on a megabus. No, stop it. A megabus and was like, oh, oh, this is really hurting. Why is everyone disgusting on a megabus? I got this is a thing.

It's always people cutting their fucking fingernails or toenails or like making a sandwich on their lap. But this is the thing, he had nail scissors. He had nail scissors on him. So he poked the infected elbow and drained it on the megabus. Use the napkin he had from Gregg's to clear it up. No joke. I hate you. And then he said,

when the doctors next week and they went, you did the right thing. Not on the beggar, but they weren't like, Megabus was the perfect location. It's like a travelling GP surgery. Pass has not come out on the bus. But the doctors were like,

you good sir, I've done the right thing. Why Catherine angry? Catherine's angry. Andrew, she's broken. Catherine. It wasn't my elbow. Do you know see mine?

All clean. What was it? Yeah. All clean. How disgusting is that? These two lads were just talking about draining their appendages with different like house odd objects. And I was like, fuck, I'm doing well. Like, you know what I mean?

It's smashing it. And that made me realise, you know what? I am 31. The worst thing I had recently was a spot on the inside of my nose. Oh, I love those ones. Andrew, I don't want to know that. I don't want to know. I don't want to know.

I'm going to go naturally. No, no, no, sorry. Who, no. That's, I love how that you're fine with, but Andrew's got a spot on me. No, I'm not fine with it. No, I'm not fine with it. My point is I've hit my fucking limit with this.

And you don't add on at that point. When you get something of shit cake, you're not like, allow me to just add some vile sprinkles. No, let's see with this. Keep that to yourself. I'm so glad she wasn't here that week when we, um, looked for the pictures of my spots I was squeezing. No, but genuinely.

It was really hard. this podcast is disgusting I don't know if I want to be part of it Roger my tour support said to me he had to stop giving it he had to give up the podcast because he too often was listening and had it roamed a lunch and I thought that's a bit

judgmental and now I totally see where he's coming from and I also feel like for so long without money I had to get the megabus just so many horrible gigs overnight megabuses as well and it was fucking horrific like really like already intimidated already scary you've already rated by the side of the road as like a lonely woman sometimes I'd go to the cinema

to kill time, maybe like just stand in into something to cinema because I couldn't afford to go there. Then get this fucking horrible overnight bus and then there's some skis fucking draining his elbow. I think that's a very one

I wouldn't say if you get on a megap bus there will definitely be someone draining in their elbow. There's always some bullshit and there's always some disgusting dude. He's always got his socks off, put them back on. Yeah. And honestly I went to a wedding

to Oxford, right, recently. Correct. Got on the train and felt bad. Felt so much because I bought one of those mini Katsu curry thing from Ittsu and I thought I'm absolutely starving

but I felt so inconsiderate I know what you mean Yeah yeah yeah Because that's what women are Women are going like Or at least like civilised polite people are going Oh I feel like a cunt

Because I might create a little bit of an aroma On this train And you have Like that is fucking disgusting I know I think it should be criminal I think he should go to jail I think the doctor should report him immediately

I think that's what they should have to do It should be like We are going to well done Congrats I guess you saved your own arm But you are going to have to go to prison now. Andrew, I don't want to hear another one of your disgusting stories. Andrew, I've got this. Don't worry. I'm honestly, I'm sorry.

No, I think, I want to move on. Catherine, how are you doing in yourself? I'm not great, I'll be honest. Okay, do you want to tell us all what's happening with you? Yeah, you keep telling me disgusting stories. Look, I'll change the subject. What a pretty dress. Oh, my goodness. Thank you. Look at those sleeves. It's so poofy.

Thank you so much. This is, oh my good. And what are you? Are you that's pretty? Maybe I just feel like maybe it's, thank you for the compliment. I feel like someone's burnt and you on a train recently and you just got really triggered. I've just had a lot of time alone lately and you know when you're like sharing, I don't usually share with men or like and I just I just like I've worked really hard not to have men in my life and recently I've had to spend a lot of time with them and I just, my, my capacity to deal with like horrifying things. Honestly, I have nothing left in the tank and the tank's empty. That was that was disgusting. This is an example.

of me being like this will be a cookie fun story and you being like absolutely I will walk off into episode 30 slash our last ever episode yeah I just feel nauseous now and I don't like it I don't want any of it actually no part of that please I can tell you what I've been

up to in my free time and I think you'd be very pleased I looked at the moony yesterday I've been watching a lot of helicopters oh people dying there's a lot that's the thing so this is an ambulance helicopter that goes over our house all the time.

If they make it. Are you serious? If they make it. Oh, statistically the time deaths in helicopters is crazy. What's the rule of like there's a body in an ambulance if they've got the lights on

but there's no sirens? Then there's a body in it. Not necessarily. No, they can have the... I thought that was when the transport in a body. I think there are rules now. Dead body or body?

Body. It's not like, oh, every time it's that, it's a body. It's just like when you have a body you have to do that. I think that's the... Do you ever watch 24 hours a name?

Yes, oh my God. It both repulses me and also makes me cry so much it's so sad. It's so beautiful. These people, they love each other. Have you seen it, Andrew? Oh my God, so sweet.

You're trying to save each other's lives and I just, oh my God, the old is, same as everything. What is there with elderly, straight couples? It's always elderly straight couples. And they're always just like, oh, so delicate, so sweet, so kind, so adorable, so loving. And you feel like they can't lose this person

but they also don't want them to be in any pain. I know, it's horrendous. Oh my God. And then they're kids. kid arrives and tells their story. I know. And it's like you forget about the fact they probably were dicks to each other at some point.

And at one point their kid was like, you don't fuck yourself, ma'am. Every single time the husband's like, and she was the most beautiful one out of them all. And they show a picture of a completely average looking woman. And you're like, I mean, who were her friends? But you have to be like, no, that's beautiful. I guess black and white photos help everyone.

But it was like. They do. They do. But they're not great looking woman. And they usually have a wound or some kind. So you're like, I don't really get it, but they're so into them. Could you imagine if I went on 24 hours in A&E, or you did? And then, like, they were like trying to find someone to interview for our life story.

And then you were just like, what's the fee? Like, I don't know. Like, I'm recording something else. What is the fee? I don't know what the fee is to appear. No, seriously, it's crazy. People don't love when you ask what the fee is. What would you do is my life story?

Um, I guess in your case, like, if you were in there with a wound caused by accident. Let me say I've got, like, I've fallen over and I've landed on a Barbie doll. and she's coming out of me arm first. Okay, so I guess I'm, like, she's shaking my life. I guess I'm asking, like, was she drunk? Was she on mushrooms? Yeah, classic hell. Okay, I mean, she's got to, she actually is really working on looking after her liver

because we had a psychic, because we do a podcast, because we're both comedies. Oh, you're going to plug the podcast. Yeah, obviously. Do you not want me to? Oh, I'm sorry. 24 hours and Annie, I'm dying and bad. And Catherine was like, so we do a podcast together. Yeah, we'll do a retrospective on this entire thing,

whether she makes. it or not, you should check it out. I guess, to be honest with you, I do think it would be a disservice to have me tell your life story when you have a natural, much more natural performer for that particular soliloquy in Anne. I know, God, my mum would love to do my eulogy. She would be like the year.

That's awful, isn't it, to say that? Oh, no, but she would. I mean, the worst thing for a parent is to lose a child, but at least the silver lining is, Anne would get to do a dramatic monologue. Yeah, I think the worst thing for her would be to lose you and have me tell your tale on television. You know what I mean?

And she'd have to react to her own birth, but she wants to play the baby and the mom. It's an absolute cluster fuck nightmare. No, she'd be like, the year was 1989. 1991. I refused to accept that. Okay. That couldn't possibly be true

because if that was true, you'd be a child. By I'm a baby. You're a baby. I cannot believe you were born in 1999. That's obscene. You know, I had the baby chat with someone the other day. What baby chat? Just like, do you want babies?

People ask me that at this wedding. All the time. It's happening a lot to me at the moment. Yeah, me too. I've not had it before. And it was really, I don't know what to say. People got to stop asking women if they want children. But like I usually I just sort of go, oh, huh, maybe.

And just ignore it, but I got like caught up in it. You know, when you're like, you can't stop? Who asked you? What was the context? I hate when they ask you when you're vulnerable. I was holding a baby when somebody asked me if I was like a baby. I was like, come on. Oh, I wasn't holding a baby. That's awful.

Yeah, it's just not right. Just go on. Oh, just with like mates. Yeah. But we were sort of like just chit-chatting a baby. about it and then it just sort of like got a bit like serious the two of us sort of talking about it because it's like I've always been like I do want kids yeah I know I want kids but I've never felt like the pressure to have a nuclear family yeah so like I want babies but I don't feel like I have to find one person my entire life with them and create a unit where it's like us as a group yeah because like families come in loads of different shapes and sizes like I mean realistically I would love to have human children but if I ended up with a three farm of disabled goats I'd be grand

you know if people that run like special needs farms and it's just so lush like they're just taking animals that no one else wants because they're disabilities I want a blind sheep That'd be adorable I want a goat with Tourette's

I love that I love that I love that! The goats with Tourette's I mean okay That'd be great Beat and then they bleat like on like a non-bleat

I got you I think I think I'd love that for you I'd love that for you Yeah I'm like I also feel like To me it's just a really odd question I sort of feel the inverse which is like I would be happy to have children but I don't

have any interest in doing it by myself so then and that doesn't mean my life won't be great if I don't have them I'm just like that would be yeah it's a bit like asking like would you like would you like to make eight times the amount of money you do it's like yeah sure if that happened that'd be great that's what it is it's so hypothetical yeah in this situation if you were in this place and you had the means, would you want a child? Yes, I think I would. I've got a lot of love to get 100%. But who knows if I'm going to get there.

And so it's just sort of like, it kind of just feels like, hey, have you thought about the things your life doesn't have? And you're like, and also it does feel sort of like... And you've got me, and I think people do forget about that. You know, it just feels a bit like, oh yeah, I know, exactly. I'm like, my responsibilities are huge. I've got Helen strapped to me 24-7.

But yeah, it does feel a little TikToky and... But it is. That's what it is. That's the other downsides. You turn 30, you get comfortable in yourself. And then all of a sudden these questions start coming. And I genuinely believed we wouldn't have them because our generation. I thought it was like Christmas cards. We'll let it die out. You know what I mean? And then we'll start out of new tradition. But no, and you do. And I feel it. I feel that pressure. And I'm like, oh my God. Apparently my mom said to my brother that she's considering asking me if she wants to help me freeze my eggs. Oh, you told us that before on the podcast. Like, W-T-A.

I know, it's not okay. It's not okay. What the black? It's crazy. I just think, I also just think like, you don't. What, he got 20 in the freezer at home? I know what I mean? Also, like, you can just pluck them out of your moon cup. Like, you don't need her help.

I do. I freeze each moon cup. I pour it into an ice cube tray. Lovely. Pop the little over and so now goes, is that? And I'm like, Sangria, baby. Oh, oh, my God. Sangria's cubes, honey.

But you all the other thing is. Big strong boy now, lots of iron. I'm also just. of the view. Are we still, we're not at the point where we're like, guys, you have no idea about the medical situation of a woman. Just don't ask. You have no idea what happened this week.

You have no idea what happened last week. You have no idea whether or not that's an option she has. A pipe might be wrong. I could, I could end up giving birth through my butt, you know? You don't know. Exactly. Exactly. That's the most scientifically accurate possibility I've heard here. I could have a butt baby. You don't know if we can give birth. You don't know if we can

have children. You don't know if we can conceive you. You don't know if we want to. You don't know what trauma, if we had before. Like, you don't know anything. It's just, don't fucking randomly ask women who haven't started the conversation and haven't offered the information. And also, if you're going to do it

and you'd expect me not to think that you're an ageist misogynist, you best be asking the three dudes beside me. Oh, you're not? Cool. Then shut the fuck off. Because I do want to have a baby. I don't want on right now, but I do want things that come with a baby right now.

Like, I want to lactate really bad. I want that experience. But it's like, I don't want to have a baby but I do want to have milk coming out my boobies and pretend to be a... Just to pretend to be a cow for a while.

What would you tell them it was if you froze that in ice cubes? Milk? Chicken stock. Frozen. Why is my milk like chicken stalk color? I think for the first three days it comes out weird.

No. See, this is what I want the experience, Andrew. The first three days, I can't remember what it's called, but it's basically the like shantilly cream of breast milk. It's like the best stuff. No matter what you want.

No. Like if you were only going to have your kid breastfeed for three days you'd want it to be the first three because it's the most nutrient dense and apparently it comes out like butter See I'd want to breastfeed my kid until like fucking GCSA's

Oh wow Come home to mummy back on the tip baby Really intense Because don't you keep making Well on average You keep making milk as long as they're suckling Yeah But eventually your nipples would end up like long

Long but they're going long anyway No but like real long You know Like noodles Yeah Thick noodles Like by count handles more than more than

so bike handles yeah you heard like the tassels and bike handles no like the rubbery handle part what did I say tassels if I meant oh like tough rubber yeah they're like fabric wise yeah no fabric wise you know I mean you know like long cow teats yeah really yeah wow yeah I'm just saying women are a mystery aren't they

please stop blowing on your nipple please stop blowing on your nipple please stop blowing on your nipple that's not okay I can see you the camera can see you that's not fucking okay oh my god oh my god you know i was thinking about like having babies for me i feel like an ideal world where it happened in which is like me and my friends all raise babies and like a commune together but then i'm creating a cult but the idea of like you me fucking winnith francis like the gang who all just sort of like i want to have babies but i want to like experience it with everyone i don't want this to be this thing that like you know because

you do get that fear that it will cut me off from everyone else and it doesn't necessarily really, but it is a big shift. While that sounds fun, I genuinely feel like... Oh, breastfeeding each other's kids. Oh, God. You know, like, we swap babies for changes. Like, you know, like, just everyone's, everyone's in love with each other. But, Helen, that would just be like...

The kids will grow up to marry each other. No. So, Neil's all of their dads. Oh, sweet God. They were all conceived from a sock, Helen stole from the landing. He didn't consent to any of it. I love that you think. have stairs.

I know. Right. Optimistic. But truly, truly, I just feel like if you want to know if a person wants children, then just wait and see if they have any. You're so wise. I just like, that's, and also then, don't assume they wanted it. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, yeah. Don't be like, congratulations, be like, oh, no. They'd wait to see if they keep them, right? Like, it's very simple stuff. Like, honestly, it's just so fucking rude. It's one of those things, but like, and it's also like, it's also just present I'm just that like, that's the logical next day. Do you still get paranoid of it again, though, that you do want it

and that you're missing out on opportunities? No, because I feel like I can have a job. Well, I don't know. I don't know, but like, not any more than I do, like, wonder if, like, I should maybe be living in a different country or I should, you know, like, yes, everyone has that, but I just, I don't like the idea that it has to be the logical conclusion of successful womanhood.

And. Well, you know, you will never be happy unless you know the true joys of mother. obviously of course until there's a like an actual ripped seam between my cunt and asshole no motherhood doesn't have to mean giving birth

no no also that I mean this is another thing is like I was mother to chickens for two wonderful summers oh no dad of course I came into my own and I hope the children would be kept safer than those chickens

I bet oh that wasn't fair their real dad was not very good at closing the door okay one who's like I want to run like this that's why I wouldn't raise them in a commune with you

because if they, they died bouncing, you'd be like, who left the kids outside? Baby died bouncing, Kathleen. I still see that in shadows. I still see that in every shadow. Like, just walking down the street and I'll see a chicken just headless on a trampoline in my mind. Not okay. Not okay.

It's really fucked me up. Not okay. It is fucked me. You know people say like, oh, well, you know when you see your first body, like you'll never the same again. Like, I've never fully recovered from that. Are people saying that to you often? Like, in your line of work?

What? You see your first body? I'm a comedian. What's happening? Okay, I listen to a lot of murder podcasts. You know this. So like on them they say like, oh my God, it was the first time I'd seen a body

and I've never been the same again. Have you left to gone south? What's gone south? Oh, I've just started it. It's very good. Is it about nipples going south? No, it's about a wasted life because a woman didn't have a child.

No, it's not. No, it's very sadly about a district attorney being murdered in this part of the States, but nobody knows who or how or why. It's very exciting. That sounds way up my screen. I mean, awful, obviously, actually awful. But this is why I don't like true crime podcasts.

Because now you're saying it's entertainment. Because you're saying, it's so gross. You just end up saying things like, it's so good. You're like, fuck off. That's horrible. I know what you mean, but I do the exact same thing. I'm like, oh my God, I listened to this amazing show last night. And so in 2015, this woman was murdered with her chill.

Oh, what the fuck am I doing? Yeah. It's just gross. I know. We're so accepting that the patriarchy can't be cured. We're just like, well, everybody get the women's some popcorn and they won't even notice. And it's like, no, that's crazy. I don't! That's the problem. I am so distracted by it.

It's so bad. We've got to stop doing it. But then what else do I listen to? I tried listening to some audio books, but I was like, I've already put money inaudible before and I was like, right, try to save some money. So I started doing it on YouTube. Then you've got to like get it up on your phone and then turn it over so the light isn't blinding you. Yeah. And then I was listening to a Jacqueline Wilson book. And because it shouldn't be too challenging when you're going. I'm not going to go to sleep listening to Finnegan's wake, am I?

Like, by the way, I tried reading Finnegan's Wake. What a nightmare. That cannot be a book people want to read. Why don't you have Samil read to you at night? Do you think he would? Could you imagine if that was the one thing that he was like, yes, my love. I'd love to read you a story. I hope he takes this in the right way when he inevitably does not listen to this podcast.

But don't you think he has the perfect voice to fall asleep to? It's just very monotone. in a nice way I know what you mean it's quite white noisy yeah like just soothing but the thing is we're in this pattern

of I go to bed before him he watches his YouTube videos he can stay up and read while you fall asleep and then off he goes but he's been sending me to bed a lot recently

well now you say if you want me to go he obviously wants you out of the room if you want to go you really wants me out of room you have to give me one chapter make it use it against him he wants the space

I'll go to bed and I'll be like oh I can't so I get up like a sick child like I can't asleep like give me attention and he'll be like roomie roomie which means in my room well now you have another move bookie bookie bookie bookie bookie bookie bookie and I'm and I've got a book on my bedside table why am I like ruin his life Helen ruin his life bookie bookie bookie he loves it he loves me but he just he's finding me hard at the moment hard does he said that he looks tired he looks tired okay no he hasn't said that I think we're in the best

place we've ever been that's such a lie that is such a lie I'm no longer allowed to knock on his window when I'm outside because it's like got nicer right so I'm sitting outside on this picnic table I bought like working away and then if I get bored I'll be like like bash on the window behind me for him to come play and he's like no no and like barks to me like a dog I did not know what our neighbours think I genuinely don't I do that's fair I'll be honest with you if I room time I think in a shared house is sacred yeah I know that I feel like like you have to assume they're wanking they're crying they're having a moment they've gone in there because they need to be away from you you have to assume all of those things.

It's absolutely unacceptable to bang on the window. I think he should announce a wank. I feel like everyone should always announce wanking. No, I feel like that should be closing the door to your room. Yeah, Emma Black always told me not to announce a wank. And I'd be like, I'm going upstairs for a wank. And she'd be like, I don't want to know. I don't need to know.

And I said, but how much have you come in? But how much do that? Your door is coming. To say hi. That was different with Ella. We were into his rooms all the time. Even without knocking? Yeah, I think so, yeah.

That's horrible. Just wandering in and out. I hate that. Could you have not, like, came up with a code that was maybe not as explicit? it. I'm going for a rub, love. Sorry, love, I'm just going for a quick rub. I think you mean a love rub. I love rub on the tub.

She knew when I was doing it in the tub, I thrash. Splash and war everywhere. What's happening in there? Why is there water all over the floor, Helen? You did it in the bath. Have you never wanked in the bath? Well, no, really. You have to focus.

It's definitely not. You're not in a shared bath. Yeah, I would say. Well, it's like shared between two of us. I mean, I have my own bath, but I just. wouldn't want to, I don't think that's... You are inviting a yeast infection in. I would say that, I think that's also, I get too warm in the bath

because I like a very hot bath. I don't think I'd add in any extra activity, to be honest with you. So you'd have to, like, have a very shallow bath, getting with a shower head and then really... No, that's not for me. I'm literally turning myself on. I just felt like, I feel like the flutter of clit waking, like a proper, what's it called?

Fanny flowers, click, click. Yeah. I feel like you need a wet room That's more your vibe A wet room A real German-style wet room Where I can just slip and slide around Fluid of my own making

And it all just drains into the middle Yeah yeah Well let us know how you like Hello lovely listeners Thank you so much for supporting our podcast If you're coming to the Edinburgh Fringe All three of us Yes that's right

Helen Bauer Catherine Bowhart Andrew White We all have Edinburgh shows on in different venues so we're going to tell you about them i'm on a 320 at the monkey barrel my show is called this isn't for you and i would absolutely love to see you there i think tickets are like eight quid so get yourselves down and book a ticket it's a wonderful show highly recommends me katherine me what about it what about it i guess i don't know i'm at the pleasant courtyard

Cute. Bunker 2. No, that's a lie. No, it is. Bunker 2 at 540. And the show is called Madam Good Tits. Of course it is. Andrew, come on. Tell us about ye. I am at 6.50. So you could do a full run of us all in one afternoon. The trusty hoax triple. It's a bit of a tonne over between you and me, but I reckon we can. It's doable. It's a close walk at your scoot on. Yeah. I'm 6.50 on Calgate at Just Tonic at the caves. And the show is called Andrew White Brackets, but not in a gay way. I love to see you there. We love that. You have some updates, actually.

People have updated us with the problems that we've solved. Oh my God, what? So this is our 30th episode. We did our 20th episode, just the three of us as well, so it's quite nice. This is so exciting. We have updates. We have updates from people whose lives we have made immeasurably better. Really?

Yeah. Are you sure it's not just a bunch of people being like, you said to do this and you've fucking ruined my life? You know, look, this is the email subject line. Lawsuit, Captain Bowhart, Helen Ball. No, we've got some follow-ups. I was worried. We've got three follow-ups.

This is so fun. We've got an update on the boyfriend bum situation. Yes, yes. Remember this one? Oh my God, the one who was like, don't touch my bum. Yeah, yeah. My butt's elusive and for me. So the woman of the relationship would like to touch the man's bum and he was...

Yeah, he was understandably setting his own boundaries. Say everything. Go on. What did she say? Hi, Hogs. hope you're doing well. I just wanted to update you on my boyfriend in the bum situation because some of your advice was actually not terrible.

That means everything. As much as I wanted to use the if and out put a finger in method or stuff for his shorts with padding, I've been reassuring him that generally I would never do anything he wasn't comfortable with or push his boundaries. And he seemed really happy with that. I also explained why I was so obsessed with his bum and I just love him very much.

Then, a few days later when we were having sex, he took my hands and moved them down right onto his bum. And it was pretty much the best thing that's ever happened to me. Oh my God, this is so beautiful. He said in that sort of context, he finds it less surprising slash tickly and he's more in control. So things are going well. Thank you, oink, Jay.

Oh, fuck job. I can't handle it. This is so beautiful. We helped a man get the confidence to put his girlfriend's hand on his own ass during fucking beautiful. And also to the people that. mailed in with your updates who didn't want them read out on the podcast. Thank you very

much. We just had a very nice moment. Another one. gorgeous. Yes, me. This was the person who wanted invite a lot of their work colleagues to their wedding but not one new work colleague. It's quite an early problem. They signed off Laddie Dye, I don't know if you remember.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ladi Dye says, Dear Hogg, thanks so much for responding to my question. I had an invitation in my bag, ready for the one person and, faithfully, she got a new job. So the problem solved itself. So that's not. so much I thank you for your help that so like it turns out I didn't even need to write in in the first place

no but in many ways I'm letting us know in many ways I'm glad I in many ways I think I'm proven right in that situation because I was like fuck them you don't need to invite them and you and Cindy were like what does the universe care blah blah blah blah blah so so great

oh my god people took our advice do you feel like we should solve one now though I feel like we're on a roll Andrew can we solve another problem yeah let's do it and also if anybody else has updates that wants to send them to us thrilled to hear we're helping trusty hogs at gmo.com for all your updates problems thoughts and feelings yes please uh or sponsorship opportunities as well if you have a business oh yes also that also

oh and by the way if anybody wants um loads people have been messaging me on instagram about curly girl questions i'm thinking of getting my hairdresser vicky to come do the podcast so if you have curly girl questions send those in as well good idea uh so this is from m hi em m says i've currently got a bit of problem i thought you could help me out with the other night Me and my boyfriend were having sex and about 15 minutes in, the door opened. 15 minutes in there were having sex for more than 15 minutes. Sorry. It could be full play.

Can we just acknowledge that? I can't tell you who, because I think he listens to the podcast. But one of my friends wants to have a three-hour sex session. Oh, yeah. I've had loads of three-hour sex sessions, but with two women. What, to the first orgasm, three hours? Yeah, yeah. Wait, sorry, three hours before they came.

Yeah. Oh. With them, with them five-minute cigarette express. as well that's how it was described well obviously a single rap break were they two men who'd taken too much Viagra it was a man and a woman too much Viagra

no no Viagra okay I've had sex for three hours but you have to come in that time like you come and then you sort of like snuzzle do a little bit of like playing around and then you get back into the game one big three hour climaxed yeah I don't think I've got the energy for that

that's unacceptable I don't think I ever did I would just be livid I'd be an hour in if you hadn't made me half an hour in you had I'm bored 30 minutes in yeah I'm bored and also furious. He said she enjoyed it. He said she was having great. She wanted to go longer.

Wow. You know what? There are mad people out there, Catherine. Mad people. Sorry, no. Okay, whatever. Go on. So these people are having 15,

they've had sex for 15 minutes. Maybe it's foreplay and then chat. Yeah, potentially. Anyway, the point is, at 15 minutes, his 11-year-old brother walks in. Yes. In there. No, Helen.

This is my sort of problem. Helen. So blind the child and deny it ever happened. Sorry, do you know what? I was sorry. This is just a diversion that made me think of this. You know your BBC shorts, which is amazing, by the way. Yeah, it is.

Thank you so much. Small doses. Small doses, go to Port Helen. It's so autobiographical. It's that thing about kissing a 15-year-old true as well. It's not autobiographical. My pilot is not quite. My name's not Kate.

Yeah, and her hair never looks that good in real life. There we go. There we go. No, I was never an opair in Germany. Yeah. Sorry, my back. Wow, Andrew. Wow.

It's creative. of writing, even though I did accidentally refer to the mum character as my mum in person with her. It's really weird because actually what you tapped on, by the way, we do need to go back to M, but Andrew, you would have meant to, but you did step into sort of a patriarchal space there because people

predominantly ask female authors more than they ever do men if it happened to them because there's an assumption that we couldn't possibly have created something. Catherine, you referred to me as an author. Well, you're a creative, you're a writer. I have a co-writer. She does in fact have the capacity to invent things because she is also smart. That is very fair.

And I will be aware of that. I will say in my defence, Helen is my only friend that has a sitcom pilot. Thank you. It's nice. Thank you. So you have only got unsuccessful male friends. Is that your point?

Yes. Right. Wow. Beautiful. Now, let's go back to M because... Yes. Well, hang on. Is it straight sex?

Yes. Yeah. Okay, they're having sex for 15 minutes in walks, this 11-year-old brother, nightmare. And... The position we were in meant there was no way to hide what we were doing. So he obviously walks out, closes the door. what should we do?

Because we're very worried that his brother will tell his parents but also we don't want to make his brother use sex as something to be ashamed about should we just ignore it? Will that traumatise him? Should we address it? They've not done something yet.

Jesus, okay. They've been this a while. Okay, so. It's over now. Honestly, No, why should we play guest's a position? No, they should have acted earlier.

Sorry, so is that the end of them email? Yeah, what should... Okay, so I think that's an understandable. Let's play guess the position first. What position can you... Does it have to be sex? You can't explain how. of it because doggie there's loads of excuses 69 69 no that one you can be top and tailing

in bed I think her on top on top like straddling maybe but reverse cowgirl because you could be like oh I'm just playfully straddling but if you're the other way around it's like anything you can explain this would be obviously sex for fuck sake he's 11 he's not too how about up against the wall and then she's six to nineing him with like elbows in the air oh my god you're just being impressed with the strength here's the thing I know a girl who got licked out upwards like a guy pushed it up against a wall and he licked her out like up like a la la la la la la

he was a gymnast he was a gymnast he was a gymnast he was wow she's not here's the thing though I think okay we need to act with urgency here

because I think you probably should have already dealt with this but I think I understand the trickiness of like you both okay so you don't want him to think of any shame however you are behaving with shame

by being A not addressing it so that is teaching him shame and B by being like I hope he doesn't tell your parents because that's also acting like it's a shameful thing. I think you should have already told his parents and involved them in this conversation and not be dealing with yourselves

because it's kind of up to them. In realistic terms, he, you know, it wasn't intentional. You weren't having sex in the kitchen and he walked in. He walked into your bedroom. So it is an understandable, a situation. It's not like, you know,

you were doing it in the garden and he saw. I think so in the first instance... Oh, that would have been so hard. It's completely expert. This is what weeding is. And then that kid goes to Scouts it is a gardening badge and he's their fucking 69 and one of the other scouts.

First of all, I definitely go plowing, not weeding, but okay. Oh, damn it. It was right there, Helen. Planting seeds. Right there, right there. Come on. Come on. I know. I know. Crazy. But I just think, um, I think you have to deal with it and I think in real terms you should tell his parents. Never mind, let him have to tell his parents. I think that's not okay. You're the animal.

Wrong. Wrong. No, I can be... It's over now. It's done. The kid will grow up to probably shoot loads of people and you've got nothing to do with it. It's sex. It's not a big deal. He's 11. He walks in. He sees someone. talk of each other. Exactly. Let it go. No, don't let it go.

Let it go. No, it's not a big deal. So you should say to the parents, hey, this thing happened. We're embarrassed. We don't have shame, but we are obviously, we're worried about him.

And we obviously appreciate he shouldn't have seen it. But equally, we were in our bedroom and the door was closed. Did you see something around that age? And it's like, No, not at all. So when I was... But if I had and nobody had addressed that with me,

that would be really upsetting. When I was five, we went on a family... No, three even. We went on a family trip to Dover Dungeon. Okay? and there was a section that was like over 18s only so my dad was like oh the kids will love this so he took me and my brother into it

my mum stayed outside from my sister was in a pram because she was a newborn and I it was a woman and it was like a hologram of a woman and then she was telling a story like I only needed to steal some bread for my family and then she goes hurrah! Turns into a witch and jumps out I screamed and I ran

and they lost me in Dover Dungeon for 20 minutes and apparently I've never been okay case sense. Okay. So I remember, no, it's exactly the same. I don't think it is.

It's exactly the same. And I'm fine. Sure, not the same. So like I said, I really think that it should be up to the 11 year old's parents

and not you and that if you don't want him to learn shame pretending that it's, I didn't happen, isn't leading by example with the lack of shame there. There seems to be like

an awkward under turn of like saying I don't want him to tell the parents. Maybe they're like a younger couple and that's kind of awkward to broach with the parents and be like, oh, hey, we... Yeah, but if you want your parents to treat you like you're old enough to have sex then you need to act like you're old enough to have sex. Oh, that's a good point.

That is a very good point. That was like really... No, you're just being very, like, clear. Yeah, I just think like, you haven't done anything wrong. He made the mistake and it's understandable and explicable. Beat the child. But I would say beat the child to telling the parents. And certainly, I think you have to be grown-ups about it.

So if you're grown-up enough to be having sex, you need to acknowledge what happened because actually the worst thing that can happen in your situation is you have an awkward chat with the parents and you're embarrassed

right you might be embarrassed even for a couple of days it will blow over the worst thing for the kid is longer term than that and if you actually care you should do something decent oh my God

I cannot wait to walk in on Catherine having sex at some point it's a really good show and then to have a really good chat you'll want to talk about it you'll have questions would you sit down don't even leave the room

what's happening what's that move I'm walking in a captain with a girl and I'll be like, just watching. Don't worry, you just ignore me. I'm just having a watch. You hear me just standing there. Fucking heavy breathing in the corner.

Yeah, yeah. But like, what's that called? Yeah. Is she liking that? Thumbs up for happy. Just asking all my little questions I have. I'm sure I'd have some. I love that.

I think I'd have never, as someone who's only ever had straight sex, it'd be really nice to see two people coming together in an equal union of hotness instead of just one person being like how much longer getting beaten like a

other three hours to go that's the thing I think what we say three hours I'm picturing penetrative sex which is just me there going yeah

no great you'd be raw you'd be raw wouldn't you be raw wouldn't you be raw I wouldn't have a taint at the end of it my life

I'd be one big hole I would just be I'd be sore dusted down like sand just from pure friction I'd be one hole one hole helen I'd be shitting out my uretha

like an absolutely mess oh that's not wasn't urea okay you never mind you know it's fine katherine okay remember how upset you were earlier with the past story you've really come up

should you brought that up again should I no why you just move past it should you get the problem yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah go on then oh dear um for the listener who's new by the way we usually have a guest on this is us

just having a nice catch-up. Oh yeah, I'm sorry, 30-ish. This is not always this way, but I'm bloody loving it. And looks like our actual 30th and one of our friends wanted to come today.

Go on. Go on. Dear Catherine and Helen, I'm a lesbian that's naturally self-conscious and awkward around women I find attractive. For some reason,

I can't tell when women are hitting on me or giving me signals. I'm also not the best at flirting myself. How can I get better at reading signals and approaching women?

I'm attracted to you. Thank you for your time. See. Does anyone else feel? roll play coming? See? Do you want a roleplay? No. I feel like, okay, I'm C.

Mm-hmm. Hit on me. Hey. Oh, hi. How are you? I don't know. Do you think I'm fair? I think you're fair.

Whoa, wow. Oh, too much. Yeah, that's the example of what you don't do. Here's what you do do. Okay. Okay, I'm C again. Hey. Oh, hi.

What's your name? I'm C. Hey, see, me too. We're wild. I think you're wild. really cute. Would you like to maybe go on a date sometime? Just you know, I'm a bit awkward but I'm nice.

Oh, you have me. I don't know. Was that bad? That was bad. Yeah, it was actually fine. I mean, it was a bit intense and forward. But it was not, it was just, but I think anytime anyone reassures you that they're nice I'm like, oh, what's wrong with you? Oh yeah, like when a guy says he's a nice guy. Yeah. Pazba,

fucking Paph of the friendly ghost. I'm the friendly ghost. Well, how friendly are you? Yeah, it feels a bit intense. You're fucking creak. Yeah. Because in which he's like 12 in that film. role play the other way maybe. Okay, so I'll be you. I'll be the flirty girl. You just be a lesbian in a bar. Okay. Okay. Oh, let's get some props. Yeah. I'm a lesbian in a bar. I'm a lesbian. I'll take I don't know what do lesbians laager? What? Good for you. I'm a laager. I'll have a couple of lagers and I've got on a um yeah probably just this actually to take the cardigan off. Yeah, nice black

t-shirt. Love it. Love it. Oh, I've got a denim jacket. I'm so sorry to see. You don't have to do Most people are listening to it in an audio medium, Helen. She's taking it off. She's putting on a double denim outfit. Oh, please do subscribe to us from YouTube on YouTube. We're very close to a thousand subscribers. Oh my God, please. Yeah, thank you. Ready? Who's up? Hey.

Hi. What's your name? My name is Jeannie. Hey, Jeannie. Cool name. Thanks. What's your name? You don't get a lot of people rubbing you, I hope. What? I don't know.

No, Aladdin's fictional. huh I really hope this is helping see can we try one more time can I just say one thing see must be reassured that frankly

Helen has had sex and she's awful at this oh see I've been fucking I've been taken every which way only punish him in the badge hole but every which way and I honestly

if I can get away with it anyone can Can I maybe suggest something? Yes. How about if Andrew plays, see? Oh, have I lost my role? I think it's not going to work out. Give me the dead baby. And that's a good first lesson.

That's a good first lesson, okay? Actually, we've had two good lessons so far, C. One, you can be awkward and get fucked. Two, I do think it's useful to go somewhere where you know the context is that most people are queer, like a queer show or a queer bar, because it's just going to see that safety of, like, yes, they are interested if they're talking to me and, like, and we're being flirtatious. So you have that guarantee. don't you think, Andrew? Like, queer faces are quite safe

because you feel like, yeah, probably it is flirting. Or at least they definitely are likely gay, right? And the third lesson here, I think, is that you don't have to, everything doesn't have to be successful, right? So, like, you can still, like, you can also treat it like a little, like sometimes you can flirt and it doesn't work out,

but you're still learning from that. So that's useful, right? Yeah, I think I definitely... I used to practice on my dad's mates. Oh, don't do that, see. I do agree on the flirting. I've definitely had, like, dates or hookups, which is like, this isn't necessarily good,

but it is a learning experience. Exactly. And you realize you can put yourself out there. That's so true, actually. It's the practice experience and just sort of being like, it's not a rejection. It's just a bit of fun.

Yeah. But also, also, you cannot flirt and go out and try to flirt with people and not get rejected. It's like you can't do comedy and not die a death because if you're not,

like everything cannot be for everyone. Like I'm not attracted to everyone. See, I'm sure you're not attracted to everyone. It's actually not that personal when somebody on the first, first instance isn't interested because they don't know you and also yeah you're not physically attracted to everyone

it's fine like that's it's unfortunate like but it's just the way it is and also the other part of that question you don't always know if they're flighting back but you can figure it out and you can ask your friends be like hey was that will we flirting and then if at the end of the night you still don't know just sort of be like I might be completely wrong here

but do we have a vibe you can just say it yeah exactly or like if you leave it three weeks it's awkward if they tell you that evening they yes or no then at least you know I also be careful with retelling your friends because I normally put a spin on it

like and then there was like kind of cartoon hearts coming out of his hair yeah I would I would say that retelling your friends also can be tricky my view is more like no I wouldn't say

do we have a vibe because it sort of that kind of puts the impetus on them to have to say like yes and would you so then if they're scared of that you kind of they might just go oh I don't really know

because they don't want to ask you out because they're scared it might just be useful to be like hey I'd love to get your number remember but no pressure yeah or hey would you like to get a coffee sometime but no pressure like then it's like very easy for them say yes or no but um I want to practice with Andrew I'm excited for this Andrew's now in denim yeah hi hi how's it going good thanks how are you yeah not too bad cool have you been here before no

that's my first time oh my gosh same it's cool yeah it's nice vibe yeah I'm Catherine by the way oh I'm C hey um so what do you do oh I um I paint I have a painter oh my gosh really yeah yeah That's amazing. What do you work with? Oh, I'm mostly kind of doing like kitchen kind of decor sort of stuff. Oh, interiors. That's so cool. Yeah. What about you? What do you do? I'm a comedian.

No, I have zero practical skills to speak of. I'm very impressed. I mean, that's, no, that's so much cooler. Like, I think that's the hardest you're actually. Oh, well, we both wear dungarees just for different reasons, I guess. So that's nice. I'm Helen. I'm a friend of Catherine. Are you guys flirting?

Do you know this woman? I genuinely don't. We're best friends! She's like a fan. Oh, I see. That's cool you've got fans, though. Yeah. No, it's so nice.

So, Helen, we're going to head out. Yeah. Because you were flirting. Yeah. And your friend, I ascertained that. Can I tell you that something that Andrew did that was amazing that Helen did not do? Oh. He finished every sentence with a question.

And it just meant there was something for me to bounce off, right? And it's like, also he gave me facts about him so then I could say things like, I'm so impressed. Because ultimately I don't give a shit if he paints, cupboards, cleans, cupboards, looks at cupboards on the internet. I just want to fuck. Well, sometimes you have to lie. Just to be clear. I used to ask questions and then I was read some original poetry and it's been a learning curve trying to get back.

And I feel like we just allow me a bit of room and growing space. But can I say that we're working with different things here, right? You must never ask a man a question because you all get to speak again. You must always ask a woman a question or else she won't know if you're interested. Do you ever have a date so boring that you? you just keep asking the questions so they'd monologue and you can just

disassociate for a bit. Yeah. Maybe not dates, but I've had many of those conversations. That's how I found out. I was going out with the guy that gave himself a stomach ulcer because he didn't have a fridge

and he just drank U.HT milk for a year. I'm sorry, is this the same as the poetry guy? Different guy, same summer, same summer, same summer. And were any of them the condom guy? Nope. You've had such a tough time.

I'm so sorry. Helen, you deserve better. We all do. You wouldn't even kind of consider women. But I'm in my 30s now. You must be straight if you've had all of that. I don't honestly. It's insane, isn't it?

That's dumbfounding. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. How much U.H.T. drink. I will think. Actually, you brought up a good point though. See, look, I am going to be realistic. Lesbians will, if you're not careful, read you their poetry.

And to be honest with you, whilst it's not U.HT, they'll also are prone to talk too long. about their milk preferences so we're all learning about things to avoid here and um what's the lesbian milk oh like dairy alternatives do you mean i thought you meant like a uht chat that was a common no they'll go through which one they put in which so they'll be like well actually i do like um soy in my milk but out on my cereal and then i love that chat oh my yeah because then you do like hazelnut milk and porridge so you have like a chucky i know i've been to a gay bar jesus christ Anyway, see, I hope that helps.

So basically, I think what we always said was context is helpful if you're worried about knowing, so like maybe go to queer bars. Ask questions, see if they respond. And also, like, be aware of things. Like, are they looking around or are they focused on you? Are they giving you eye contact? Or are they trying to get out of the conversation?

Are they laughing or not? Are they asking you questions back? Or are they trying to shut down the conversation? And have you actually asked, like, obviously not in the first five minutes like, Helen, Jesus Christ, but maybe like have you asked at some point for things like their phone number

or have you found a common interest that you could then lead to go like oh we should maybe I'd love to do that with you sometime but yeah I mean be an Andrew was for a phone Instagram baby I feel really proud thank you

yeah it was good flirting babe it really was I think it was going really well until that Helen chick showed up yeah it was crazy for Ray hi hoi hey I'm not so it provided us an outlet oh yeah we're gonna we're gonna go know Helen but yeah that was that's what I was doing Oh yeah

It worked really well Maybe that's actually a good Wingwoman technique If you go and like bowl in And you're like I'm so sorry We should get out of here Yeah should we go outside

Oh common enemy Common enemy Gorgeous Gorgeous Okay yeah See if you're in London Or anywhere that I'm digging A hundred percent message

I am more than happy To come and ruin any vibe For you to have an excuse To get out there with the partner Love it Love it Love it I'll tell them the story

About the elbow Oh good The other thing I would say is Don't be afraid to chat to people on dating apps and treat it just as this. It's like, oh, it's a chance to like, see how I like to practice my chat and see what gets responses. Rather than like everything has to lead to something. Oh my goodness. I was also like sometimes if people aren't being responsive or they're only talk about themselves,

that's not necessarily a reflection of your flirting. They are just, they are not a good flirt of them. Oh yeah, 100%. But also like it's interesting to see what other people open with. Maybe if like what you find interesting, what you don't. a little bit maybe but I mean that might be too clinical but just a thought no it's not I'm I'm actually learning a lot from this I'm a terrible flutter yeah I don't believe that I am I'm very banter banter banter okay yeah yeah but too naggy I sort of like I've become like a shock comic I just say

things for shock value oh no not neggy but I would just say like something like really mad like I get really naggy and I once I want to milk to cat and they're like what I didn't I don't know why I said like just I don't know why I said that like I become very naggy even like it's just not it's not very nice like insulting the person yeah and it's just like grow up like a teenage boy yeah and I can't stop it and it's just like oh my god I get a grip my god it's horrible I you've necked me before mm-hmm should wrap up this episode and leave it there for now because I think we're doing something very excited for the extra episode today yeah I think that's a great great idea okay you know what we're doing guys join the patreon because we're doing the

trusty hogs episode 30 quiz oh my god I'm like ladies I actually have listened back to some episodes. Like, I am genuinely prepared. You studied for this? Yeah. What the frick. This means a lot to me. You'll be surprised.

I want to know everything. I want to show you that I'm a good quizer. Five fans on Patreon for the extra episode, you guys. I think that's a good deal. And that I can tell you what M said behind your back about you quizzing last week. Okay, let's do that. Wow. Thank you so much for listening.

Wow. Bye you guys. Thank you.