Trusty Hogs - Ep35. BELLA HULL / Taxidermy, Travel & Tilikum

Episode Date: June 2, 2022

Another high energy, high laugh-rate episode with the brilliant Bella Hull who makes one of the more dramatic Trusty Hogs entrances to date!Follow Bella @BellaBellaHullThank you so much for listening! Support us at https://www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more! Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] Please give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socials Be sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Simon Moores / Guy Goodman / Janinna Bautista / Mary Fox / Annie TonnerPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Emma Walton / Karen & David Bull / Harald van Dijk / Kierah Leach / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Anthony Conway / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Jo Holmes / Caitlyn Lyth / Sarah & Molly / Sarah Jarque-Deakin / Oliver Jago / Alex PughWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW... @HelenBaBauer @CatherineBohart @StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, welcome to episode 35 of trusty hogs. Are you holding in a burp? Is that why you're not speaking for the first fucking time in the intro ever? No, it's because I just had a sip of this and then I just remembered something I listened to about carbonated drinks and now I feel like I can feel my mouth rotting.

Oh, well, I should have got, I will just do it with it. We'll do it later. Welcome to episode 35 of trusty hogs. I'm Helen Bauer. You're Catherine Bowhart. And we are your trusty hogs. No, no.

No, just today someone's ever listened to this before. I want them to think that we start like that every single week. Okay, well, hello, new person. We are doing a podcast where we talk about our wonderful lives, and then we helped our listeners to solve their problems. And we have a guest. Today we have a guest called Bella Hall. She's amazing.

A new comic, but a very good one. She's so cool. It's a bit too much, actually. It's like, why are you doing comedy if you're so cool? I know. Who hurt you? But I went through the same thing when I started, and you know, I thrived. Yeah, that's true.

You were way too hot to do comedy. Thank you. Still I'm, still am. Yeah. Welcome to trusty hogs. Through the fog. Step for the trusty hogs. Yeah.

You're going to give me your problems and they will solve them or maybe they won't and that's your problem. They'll have guests and Andrew White on the tech. Oh, it's Helen and Catherine. Trusty hugs Trust the trusty hogs Or maybe not Okay I mean

Forget about me I'm doing well I'm thriving I know you don't like me right now So I just picked a spot Before we started this It was you made eye contact with me And then squeeze the pus at me

It wasn't it was towards my phone That I was looking at for the camera This wound in your face That I just have to look at Which is still better than the disgusting White Puss you just left But I just I sanitised it You didn't wash your hands before

You didn't use a tissue you just acted like that's an appropriate thing to do in your workplace and I hate you. You said, oh yeah, that's ready to go. Not here, not without washing your hands. Not without using your tissue. Have you seen the bathrooms where we record? At least there are bathrooms.

This is where we all have to work. But I sanitised it with my beauty and the beast hand sanitizer. This is the bell scent and the scent is a scent of enchanted roses. Well, heavy on the beast, frankly, because that was disgusting behavior. Oh, poor Helen. behavior. Okay. Do you want to hear my update though? Is it about pancake? It's about that. Then I'm sewing, yes.

We haven't heard about pancake in a while, so I feel like it's time to reintroduce that. If you're new and you don't know who pancake is, Helen has a sister who has a pet hamster, who's the size of a guinea pig, has to wear clothes for rats or dogs of the stage. She's in the chinchilla aisle at the moment of pets at home. She's got an eating issue. She's got composed for every eating disorder. But then you named her after her food, so it's like, what do you want the girl to do? I don't know.

Pancakes are hungry little bitch, and she is eating herself to death. sister is a hundred percent doing it but what's amazing is every face time for the last two weeks the marianne being like you're so fat you're so fat pancake you're disgusting whilst giving her peanut butter and it's like this is it's so toxic it's so funny so I don't know if anyone who doesn't know as well this is autistic so like that's part of her fun game and but we've all been worried for a while right because pancakes life will be coming to an end soon how long the hamsters live from what I understand two years and that'll be beginning of September for but I don't think pancake will make it the full two years given obesity because of I

mean yeah it shouldn't kill you lack of exercise as well like pancake her wheel she can't physically get on it anymore gosh don't she's I think the hamster's got asthma which is really hard to diagnose on a rodent are you sure she just can't she breathes heavy it might be like the weight is like hurting her windpipe because they're like they're circled schools basically. And her shoulders got fat. Her shoulders got big. Oh, pancake baby, gee. But Marianne has actually started planning towards the end. You think she's facilitated the death? She's not facilitating a death. Oh my

God, she's going to facilitate the death. As soon as I was saying that. It sounds like she's beating her extra now to kill her off faster. No. She wants that new one. She wants a new one. She does, but she's also made it very clear now to me and my family that she will not conceive of a life without pancake. Pancake has to be there the whole time. Excuse me? So Marianne, my little sweet sister. Is she keeping the ashes?

Uh-uh. My sister has found that you can go on a taxidermy your own pet course. It's one day. No. And she wants the taxidermy pancakes. But what? She shouldn't do it herself. No, no, no.

This is the thing. She feels like she has to. Because she also really likes the idea of pulling pancake apart and stuffing her. No. Because she's like, she's so big and I want to make sure she's big. So she is going to... I don't think she should have the power to taxidermy because if she knows how to do it,

that means that I'm definitely getting stuff. I'm getting stuffed. My dad's getting stuff. Everyone in my family's getting stuff. Hang on, rewind. First of all, agreed. You're 100% getting stuff. But should autistic people have the power to taxidermy?

And that is the topic of today. No, sorry. No, no, no, no. Did my autistic little sister have the power to taxidermy? Because your sister is terrifying. Not everyone with autism is. That's so true. She's so frightening.

It is specific to her. She has a murderous quality that isn't innate to autism. For anyone who's listening, my sister's favorite thing to do is plan the deaths of everyone in our family and she describes it to us in detail. But most of them are like,

the plan's got better recently, but in general they've been quite laughable. For some neurodivergent insight and balance, maybe go to neurodivergent moments with Abigail Shaman and Joe Wells, which is a fantastic podcast, which is a bit more informed than this. How much more balanced you need than I said

the fact that it's not autistic people? Well, it's that Marian's a fucking murderous. But anyway, she wants to stuff pancake. So. No, Helen, no. But I don't think it's my choice. Also, have you, do you follow bad taxidermy? Yes.

It can be done terrible. But she, right, she does, she's very artistic. She's very good at cakes. I spend all that money on the taxidermy, you know, but my... The squirrel, yeah. If you, I once... I think it's in one of the extras. Okay.

Be a patron. I don't think it is, actually. Is it not? I once tried to... We'll be in this week's extras, maybe. I once tried to. tried to win a love back by buying, she loves squirrels and taxidermy

tried to buy her a taxidermy squirrel. I bought a very expensive one of the most expensive taxidermy shop by accident. That's just the one I happen to be walking by. Did you know that a taxidermied squirrel cost £500? I didn't know that. Oh my God. Anyway, turns out I think it looks fucking creepy, but apparently it's very well done. Then I was shown this

Twitter account that there's all the bad taxidermy. Wow, goodness me, that can be bad. And what I'm worried about is with Ed and like not I'm sorry I'm paying for Marianne to go on the course I think she can't live without pancake she's made it very clear

and also I think pancake is because Marianne accidentally left her door open the other day and the husky that stays at theirs every now and again came in and stared at pancake and pancake apparently hissed at the husky that's a fucking bold move for a hamster to look at husky in the eye and go okay so either she's genuinely trying to kill it

because that's why she invited the husky over alternate plan want to suggest this to marianne get it cremated and then get it made it into a stone for a piece of jewelry i'm going to suggest that it just feels and i will prepare for drama hey babe i'm just talking to my friend about what happens when pancake passes away not saying she's going to but when she does as an alternative to you do the taxidermy course you could get her cremated and then turned into a stone what do you think let us know love you or all the priests of jewelry

you love jewelry that'll be fun or a professional or a professional could do it could do the taxidermy okay let us know love you I'm gonna get a call

later in tears that I once again said pancakes gonna die even though she has accepted it every now and again she makes a massive thing I don't know I felt I panicked now that's too late now

I assume we weren't making her crap oh yeah and she doesn't not like you. She hates Chloe Pets. Oh, does she? Why? Me too, but why? Because Chloe Pets and Rosie Jones have promised pancake gifts over the years and never done it. And Marianne thinks they're liars. She hates Rosie Jones.

It sounds like objectively they are liars. It's the only person I think in the country who hates Rosie Jones. Like whenever Rosie comes on FaceTime, Marianne's like, you're a lying bitch. Did she say those words? Yes. I fucking love her. I love so much. She's a quaint. She's like, you promised and Helen said you

bought a house. which is true that you said you'd buy pancake-a-bucats I love that Marianne's calling her on her shit she's like I will She's a dick It's not, don't why

We both panicked My phone just lit up And we both went Thank God It's just BBC news It's probably just an earthquake It's fine It's fine

I'm also I wanted to say Thank you to everyone who has been messaging me With recommendations of podcasts Oh yeah What do you get? Because like I got a lot

But I've listened to a lot of them Hit me But so liar liar which is an Australian one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You listen to that. No, I haven't listened to it. It's a very good one.

I don't love the hosts, but I do love the story. Okay. I've also had Twin Flames, which we've obviously listened to. I've had a lot of people send me the scam fluencers which I listen to. A lot of people send me American Greed, which I listen to.

I've had them, somebody sent me, was I in a cult, which I hadn't listened to, which is great. Very much enjoy. I do like cult ones, but usually I listen to them like, through the medium of murder podcast.

It was like very Jones Townsie. And like, what's the other one, the ones that lived in the cowboy ranch, the abandoned movie set? Those lads. Manson family. The Manson family. I've never heard them describe that way.

So excited. The Manson! The mansons! You know, good guys, fun guys. I've also had, let me see. If I, oh, here we go. The missing crypto queen,

which I've listened to. Yes. And a lot of people messaging, by the way, we do a, we do a gig online called Giglis. We did it all the way through lockdown, but we also do it live

and now we've been streaming it again. Yeah. Just streaming it, which is exciting. But people have been messaging to say that's meant a lot to them, which is really lovely. That's so sweet, because all I saw from the first one was just being tagged in some pictures that I thought were lush, but I was like

Catherine is going to lose her fucking mind. And I was like, I'm not as shallow as you think. Then you saw the picture? I hate myself in photos. I just hate them. I hate having my photo taken. I hate locking up myself in photos. I hate looking at myself in mirrors.

You know, like I had like a minor panic attack over the weekend because I went into sweaty beddy with my friend. I just, I don't want to try on clothes where there's a mirror. I don't want to do, I hate all of it. And I think I have this really, it's not like I have like a, I walk around hating myself all the time. I think I actually have quite a, I actually think I'm hotter than I appear to be when there's photos of me.

And I look in the mirror. So then I'm always. You're fucking hot. So then I'm always disappointed because I'm like, oh no, is that it? That's horrendous. But you're basing this of all photos of you talking. Oh yeah, photos of when you're doing comedy are the worst. Because you're constantly on the go.

So, like, how are they ever going to capture the right moment? I hate them. You're not posing. I hate them. Because you're so hard. But do you feel good in yourself when you're walking around in general? Like, do you feel like, yeah, I'm fit? No, but that's why I have a therapist.

Very good. Very good. Of course I don't. I feel fit sometimes. That's so cool. Not 24-7. That's how you should feel. I have a new therapist who's like

he is very good of it being like finding the balance between it being legitimate to want to self-improve and to simultaneously not hate yourself. To accept oneself. Yeah, I'm not really there but I try. I can feel you're not really there because for anyone who's not watching on YouTube

she is currently hugging herself. while slightly rocking. Like, we're going to be okay. It's going to be fine. Don't worry. It's tricky. It's not my best. I will say it's my poorest.

It's a great shame, but no, I don't have a huge amount of love for my human skin. Oh, damn. But I really try. No, that's not true. I haven't tried. I've actually been very, very cruel to myself, but I'm going to try. We're both in therapy for like similar but opposite things because I'm an ex. I'm trying to have sympathy for.

for myself as a younger person. And I'm like, no way. I was a fucking bram, gross. And that's the main thing. And do you remember how like two weeks ago? I think it was just in the extras I was showing off, but how I didn't take my medication. Because I forgot them when I went holiday to Croatia.

And then I was fine. Turns out, not fine. I know. Immediately back on the pills. I was like, holy fuck, this is a disaster. Well, I was kind of struck by you being like, you know what? When I was on holiday,

and the weather was beautiful, and I was just there with my friend and the drinks were free and everything was cooked for me. And I was like going to museums and I didn't have to do any work. And it was glorious. I actually felt fine. I was like, okay.

And if life comes? I was literally just like, I don't even need though. And then I was just at home. I think Sneil was out gigging. And I was like, oh, I've got an evening in. Oh, my God, I'm wasting my life away. Oh, my God, I should be out working. Oh, my God.

If I'm out, then everyone will hate me because I'm there and I'm being really annoying. But if I don't go out, they'll hate me because I haven't shown my face. Oh, my God, I'm the worst. This is all awful. Oh, my God. No one likes you. You're awful.

And then the next morning I woke up and I was like, Tablet, tablet, tablet, tablet. Like, this is insane, right? Because your brain just goes so much faster. I don't know exactly what it does to me, but for some reason, it only allows me to those thoughts once. Also, Helen, you're not supposed to come off them cold turkey.

Yes, but I forgot them. And that's fine, that's fine. I'm just saying, I'm glad that that was the decision you made. And it was very funny listening to tell me how absolutely chill you felt when you're on a sunbed. But this is why in all my suitcases and bags from now onwards, I'm sewing pills in to the lining of it. So I can never feel. get them again and that means if I ever get stopped

to border control the robot's like this and I'm right so I'm mentally unstable and these are a Justin Casey and they'll be like you're the worst but they are just in Casey oh my God they're just in Casey they're just in Casey you just invent a TM TM TM TM you can't scream TM you have to register it

online or something Andrew TM it TM it Justin Casey it's for something in a case that's in bill and you want me to take that out of the Hogs budget the yeah okay yes no I pay with that yes just in Casey and it's basically a suitcase. I'll register it to Trustee Hogg so we all get the

profits. It could be like, oh my God, you can even build it into your skin like everyone when they're bored. They get a pocket of skin that opens up where you keep like a phone charger, some mince. So you like give yourself up. Some change. Okay, but not doing the skin thing, but I did just have an idea

an insert that goes into any suitcase. Okay, hear me it. And it has a little it's a little thing that you put all your medications or whatever in but on the outside it has a checklist of things you always need to pack just in case keys antidepressants phone charger passport and they all go in the same place tissues and it's called it just in casey

hand sanitizer those aren't emergency objects we're talking about the things you absolutely have to have when you go away passport a good attitude a good understanding of the local culture just in case but it has all of the things you absolutely need to go in your case I felt this is an episode of Gilmore Girls and they make the locker emergency care

maybe it's not I think this is a genius idea. Just in Casey. So, get to the dragon. And they buy you a person, you get bought a kit and it's personalized for each person and it's like laminated on there. Oh, ooh, it could be, they could make their own list, yeah, interesting and you just check the boxes and it

comes printed onto your case. So you could get like different vibes. You can get it for like, babies for mentally ill women. Yeah. For like mental men for like a fuck party. Or for men who forget like their fucking toothbrush and pants and a change of socks. Yeah. Are we talking about hashtag

tag all men here, guys. Come on, that was gross. This is fucking genius. And then it could be on the outside to everyone knows exactly what's wrong with you at all time. No, no, not outside your suitcase. Just an insert that goes in each one.

I would love that for pens and pencils. Okay. Well, T.M.ing it, Andrew? Yeah. Are we really not cool with the skin pocket thing? As humans develop, we could learn to develop ourselves with pockets in our skin.

Because when was the last time we evolved? We're always evolving. No, but when was the last time we had like an extra finger? It's not Pokemon. It's not how it works. I feel like we haven't changed for about 400 years. We've had dragons then for my idea. Alternatively, we should get Deborah Median on the show.

She's done podcasts. She's done Richard Herring. I could picture my trouser whole thing. See, you know, people get elbow patches. Yes, because they work harder, but it's for the thighs so you don't get holes there. That's clever. That's my main idea. Can we please get Debra Medan on?

And Sunil Patel's got an idea. He's got like two business ideas. The main one is that he buys a power washer and he goes to divorce guy's houses and goes, give me 20 quid and you can play over that for an hour. I love this. We get Debra Medi in the podcast. We just get comedians lying up to pick up. Andrew.

I'll see if I can do anything. I'll put it on my list. How do we get in contact with her? If anyone listening to this has contact with Deborah Meaden or any of the dragons, we're not going to be a dick about there. Preferably Meaden, obviously preferably Meaden. Can we just go on shark one? Shark tank. Yeah. Because I really like them because Mark Cuban. Mark Cuban and it's on Grace and Frankie, which I finished by the way. Have you seen it?

Oh my God. The end. But I'm so glad they got to live. But also Dolly, but also tragedy, but also like, oh, the painting. Oh my God. I loved it. I loved it. I loved it. I loved it. I loved it. Me too. I loved everything about it. Anyone hasn't seen Grace and Frankie. You have to watch it. It's fucking amazing. And, oh. But they go on Shark Tank in the final two seasons

to plug a toilet. They got beef with Cuban. They've got such beef with Cuban. Well, it's not even their beef. They're like inherit this beef or marry into this beef. Just to be clear, I feel like I don't want to get nasty,

but I feel like I did invent the suitcase just in Casey. Oh, fuck off. If we were around this episode, I think we'd find out I came up with the idea. Sorry, no, we both realized that the in Casey went and then I actually developed the idea. Yours was a skin bag.

Mine was a bag with a list on of the things you actually need to put in your suitcase. to think is your own idea i'm not plugging it with you i think people are more likely to invest in just me than the artist just me and katherine um business wise um you are the frankie baby girl i mean you just invented blisters just the skin pockets that's all you no like a proper pocket that you can put things in it needs like a pouch even this i'm helping with it for god's sake i am your great you need me i ruin your day i'm very serious but i will get stuff done who's going to the spreadsheets who's going to make the marketing like Andrew yeah who's going to do

it if you do it anyway who's going to tell Andrew to do that am who's going to tell em to tell Andrew what we get coffees pets who's going to organize the meeting where we have them all bring our things to us my age me you do oh yeah no god have you got an invention though like a genuine one because mine was mine was also the travel holes that was me oh for fuck sake fuck off anyway let's um let's oh no time to get our guest on, is it? No. That was I was jumping ahead. I also have more ideas.

I don't want to hear any more of your business. Oh, go on. Okay. Roller coasters, but for children, but really high impact ones. Because when you go... Are they just roller coaster? No, no, no. When you go to theme parks when you're younger,

it's so frustrating when you're not tall enough to go on the ride because the seats aren't the right size for you. But kids are natural thrill seekers. So do a big roller coaster, but have half the seats fucking tiny for babies. No. Next idea. No, that is genuinely good. Help and safety, that won't work.

For babies who don't even have fully like formed neck muscles. You want them on high impact rollercoast. That would be so, because you can have like a thought park and have like nemesis and then have like nemesis, Jr. That's quite cute. I like that. That's really cute. Yeah. Not if it's high impact.

Babies heads, they roll around anyway. They're very robust. Yeah, and their heads are used for the brains getting shaken up. Neither of you must ever have children. I'm going to have so many babies that. Andra, it's going to be so adorable. What, just to test out as crashed her dummies on your rollercoaster? Yeah.

How much bigger can your boobs get? Here's another thing. How about we travel by rollercoaster instead of by motorway? Follow me here. That's the trains. You've invented the trains. No, they're not roller coasters. Thinking about boobs while you say nonsense.

That's another thing, actually, in roller coasters. Could they make more room for my breasts so that when the seat thing comes down? Nope, I'll fall out of the chair. Are you thinking about my boobs still? Mm-hmm. finer Catherine tell me how you're

a week's been amazing because we did gigless which is our live show and the Jesbians brought

me their dog that's so true you lost your mind you know they message me in advance what that's so cute okay so what

was really weird is I basically these lovely women have been coming to our show for the whole time

through lockdown the heroes they're Jews they're like they both work as actual cantor and

I thought they were a rabbi. And a rabbi. One's a cantor one's a rabbi. So like, hello Jewish, hell of gay, married to each other.

So like, full Jesbian. And they have two dogs. And they brought, the one. They brought the one that is best placed for a public space

and excitement. They brought the Catherine. They brought Milo and he was a sweet baby angel and he came on stage with me and he was so loving and he gave me little kisses. And then some girl in the audience

was like trying to be a dog hog and I was, Catherine came up first where we like, all chill out in between in the break of the show and she was like livid and it's like what the fuck's happened

you got a dog you're having a great gig what could be wrong and you were like this Kiwi girl stole my dog yeah it was I'm sorry I was there she seemed very nice

but she kept touching the dog when it was my turn to touch the dog and I thought she should go to jail so um you're very possessive of a dog I've just been given who I've been told

they specifically said we brought our dog here for you because people always bring Helen gifts and we didn't know what you like but we know you like dogs which by the way makes me think that

I need to start doing what you do which is just like list to the stuff I want. Just say things you want. What do you want? I mean I do want people to bring dogs that was amazing. That was amazing.

Yeah, bring dogs to gigs. If you're going to see a cartoon to tour show, contact the venue, ask if it's okay if you bring a dog and bring a dog. I will be thrilled and I will bring your dog on stage

and I will lie down on the stage I like anything from the Disney shop and anything from chocolate shops. I also like tickets to West End shows. Thank you. I'm going to sneeze. Andrew? I'm going to sneeze.

Um, I still haven't had a go. How are we on Andrew when I haven't even said my one? Andrew, he said broke dog. Okay, fine, what's going on there? Dogs, that's not it. I also like, um, the problem is I have expensive taste. This thing, because we've seen me over the years and episodes of this now, trying to bring you gifts.

But the problem is that I, so I don't really buy myself things, but I'm always like surprised by the things people buy me because I'm like, I did well at Christmas. You did so well. You do so well. So I love the fancy. is so much. You also buy me beautiful candles. I love a fancy candle. I love a fancy soap. Like a gel soap. You know why I like candles that I buy for her? Because I buy the ones that she

bought for me. Yeah. I love Joe Malone. I love the pomegranate noir scent for them. Oh my God. I like yeah. Catherine, you've got a list like more accessible things. I know that's the thing is it's ridiculous. I don't actually. But also my every time I get a gift I try to give it away and my therapist said that's because I think I don't deserve nice things or don't deserve to give things. So I do like nice things, but then I'm always like my mom bought me the most beautiful I don't think I've ever

had to do big Joe Malone candle because I only get like one maybe a year and make it last and she I was like oh my God I must give this away because I don't deserve it and he was like

oh I was one of candy floss maker and a rolled ice cream machine I forgot about that oh my God I'd love an ice cream maker no no I see it first okay I've researched this there are two main ice cream makers because now I've got my velvatizer

I feel like I want something no okay sidebar what I'd actually most love in the world is KitchenAid but those are like a thousand pounds Also, like, they're basic as fuck. Okay, rich girl. That's my dream is when I get to a kitchen where I can have a kitchenade all made.

What's wrong with a spoonie? No, I'm just saying that when I like, I'll know I've made it made it. Well, actually when I, the first person I would buy a kitchen aid for with my mom. But the second will be me. The second will be me. Surely there'll be like loads of kitchen aid competitions. I swear I always see them like win a kitchen aid. Oh, really?

Yeah, that's win. Everyone win Catherine a kitchen aid. No, you don't have to win me. But also I am now just listening ridiculous things. What else do I like? Okay, so the ice cream makers, so there's like, you can get like one which is like you put all the ingredients on it and you just like do that. There's another one which is like a big round ball that you like play with like volleyball or like football with and you put ice in it and then you put the mix on the other side and then you spend two hours playing with the ball and at the end of it it's ice cream. What?

No joke. It's a genuine ice cream making machine but you have to like churn it up by like playing with the ball. So you could play with a dog. And at the end of it you get ice cream It's the way of making ice cream How was no one understanding this Why wouldn't you buy ice cream? Because you want to make it yourself It's like the reward of making it

I love those, I'm addicted to those little moons I just got into those Oh yeah Oh my god I've never had one before the last few weeks The coconut mochi little moon The pistachio? It's all about pistachio for me Oh my god

I'd never heard of them What a great time They sell them just that The pistachio ones are the ones for me I love them Actually anything pistachio I love I'm back into Clipos this year Interesting

Never we're a big a fan The push up Clipos or like No just Yeah no push up Yeah the mini ones A Clipo Mini. One of those weird bowl things Yeah they're like Clipo Dots

Oh yeah I remember that year When those balls came out There's just no dignity in it I don't What do you mean there's no dignity Like shoveling ice balls Back into your head Now I'm gonna feel self-conscious

Well done. Tell you what, you know, twister ice creams and saleros. I do like the taste of them, but I remember this girl in my year when she got braces, her eating them,

and it was just such a disgusting thing to witness that even I've been put off them because I remember she just had the creamiest mouth. And like, just like, fucking it was like all spotty teenage and creaminess. And I was like, no, no, no.

She was like sucking on a salero because she could eat. Please, stop it, please. It was so bad. Do you know, do you know, know our listeners comment on YouTube videos and Patreon posts warning of each other when not to eat

they give us time stamps for not to eat is that because the Catherine is awful so what's the problem they've got it covered yeah well somebody has to sacrifice themselves first what's his problem sacrifice I've watched you sacrifice I've sat across from you while you try to eat a dominoes with your sore mouth hanging out

giving out about it and that was bad do you know I it was worse for me out across the table worse for me having to watch it in the house we sat in the hotel lobby the hotel where they sell pizzas and walked in with our own dominoes. I'm allergic to eating it in your room

that makes it so much better. No, we did in the foyer. P.S. I'm allergic to gluten and he has that, like, couldn't chew from his mouth and the two of us were going, we're like, fuck it. It's actually really harrowing. Leeds, it was bad. It was bad. It was bad.

It was bad. I paid for it in Sheffield, but we did what we did. We did what we did. What happens when you eat gluten? Oh, I get like incredibly bad. blood, bloating headaches. Farty? Sadness. No, not sadly.

Just like, I'll get like a third trimester belly. Oh, third trimester's like about to pop baby. Yeah. Do you ever get off of the seat? I said to my friend Karen, who's a nurse. Oh yeah, I go a bit second trimester. And she said, no, that's third. And I was like, okay.

I always assumed that when I'm pregnant, I won't have a belly and my baby will just grow up my spine. Like, you know that happens on them? They didn't know they were pregnant all the time. It's very common. It happens on that show. You know, they didn't know they were pregnant. But they grow up their spine.

And you can have babies that grow upwards, like the womb sort of like further back. So, baby can grow up up spiny. So they don't realize that they have baby in them. Yeah. Is that not incredibly pressuring your spine? I think it's very painful, yeah. Then how do they not know?

Because they just like, I've got a back problem. Wow. But there's a baby all down their back. This might not be, this one might be exact science. But it's spine babies, spine babies. It's like a whole thing. Andrew, don't tell women how to talk about women's bodies.

Oh, oh yeah, I forgot about that privilege. Fuck on. Andrew, if I want to have a spine baby, I'll have a fucking spine baby. How fucking dare you?

A lovely healthy spine baby. Women can be scientists too. I'm going to grow them in a dish outside my body. Oh, nice. I'm going to just get another woman to do it. I am. I spoke to Steniel again about having kids. Anything?

No. God. He's so rude. He said, I'm buying a boat. I'm moving out. I hate you. Yeah,

but you just need the sperm. That's what I said. I'd milk him. he wouldn't even have to be awake. And then we had another conversation about consent and what I talked about my friends. Because me and Gwyneth were talking on the phone and then he walked in while I was like,

I could just milk him. And I didn't realize that he was in the room. And then he was like, what are you talking to your friends about? And I was like, oh, like milking you for Spunk. And then he got really upset. Do you know what's nice? He's such a drama queen. Anyway, Andrew, this isn't tough for you.

This is not for you. This is lady talk. Okay. Bye, Andrew. Bye, my God. This guy. It's like. He's jealous of my spine, baby.

Wow. Unless he was about to offer me. the spunk in which case I'd like to indulge it. You don't want his spunk. No, because I want to be like Mindy Kaling. You don't want his spunk. What do you? What do you know who the parents are? You don't want his spunk. Your spunk would be fucking amazing. Yeah. You don't want to.

Can you imagine how like great? I mean, our kid would know the lyrics to every musical theatre show. But as far as the talent for singing goes, zero. It'll be devastating for them. They'll want it so bad. You, your child would, I don't think you could raise the precocious kid that his spunk would make.

What do you mean precocious? Because if you and I, Andrew had a baby, it would come out like me, being like, right, let's sort this place out. Yeah. Your confidence, his level of organisation. That could be quite useful. Sorry, the way you said that, it's like it comes straight back out, looks back at Helen's vagina and goes, let's sort this out.

Yeah. I said, I said what I said, Andrew. You've got to deal with that sister some point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get this going. Can somebody? Yeah, come on. No, no, no, no. I wouldn't mind a kid that did that, though, apparently I was at that. You're already lashing out because you know I've got a pension and you don't. It's true. I actually still can't believe I just, oh god, I just remember that. How is that true? I need to look at my life.

Everyone, please welcome our guest, Bella Hall. Thanks guys. Hi. The whole episode with Bella, like with really good poster. No, but I actually, I can't be, I can't be clear enough. I've never said this usually. She's not, she's not right about much, but she's right about them. Feel these. Tell me if I wouldn't know what I'm talking about. Go under. Wow. You get knots in your back. Yes.

I've got one right now. I do 30 minutes of yoga. Do you mind if I get on it, Andrew? That's not supposed to cause nuts. No, it's supposed to relieve them. Interview Bella and I will just give her a quick massage. Again, again. Yes, this is what I want.

It's like right there. May I touch you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's right there. It's right there. Hold on, Ellen. Oh, yeah. And I said to my boyfriend, I was like, I'm doing yoga with Adrian and he was like,

who's Adrian? Oh, my God. Does he not exist? We've covered this in the podcast before. will not be discussing yoga with Adriene again. Oh, okay. And she has built a mansion from our tears. I love her.

She really helps me. Oh my God, this is good. Okay, Bella, so you're going to be sharing a room, by which I mean, like, you're in the show after Helen at Edna. Yeah. I don't think she's going to massage you every day. But sometimes. But sometimes maybe she will.

Now, she was just saying before the listeners got to tune in, and Helen was saying, oh, my God. Are you guys? I think I might have an auger, is it? I feel like you might, too. Did your breath, it'll come faster. Oh, you know, you know, what that's fixed my posture wow I feel fantastic well I feel great as well means the

blood's flowing also because Catherine is not like me really touched today so this is great oh great yeah I don't love when you grab I was trying to sing to you earlier in your ear it was so close to my face I was um everlasting love like that you pointed with your middle fingers I'm not a good person I don't know what to do with my body her breath was all on my cheek it was horrible it was really horrible I was like that's too much you want it Sorry, can we, sorry, can we just, like, show that women can work together? Yeah, let's start again.

Let's rewind. I'm sorry, can we do that? Are we allowed to work together? Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Thanks for your permission, Andrew. Jesus fucking Christ, what a dick. All right, so you're doing Edinburgh.

I am doing Edinburgh. It's your first hour-long show. Yay! What's it called? It's called baby cakes. Love, fucking cute. It's about, it's about love, basically. because it's about like love all throughout my life and like my parents and how like

fucked up they were and then how I then kind of absorbed that and re-vomited it on to all my relationships and then it's all the conclusions that I've drawn from those things stop now as people who know everything I've done one though Catherine's done two three this is the third one wow any questions so for anyone who doesn't know that's not a good No, it is. It is. Well. Anyone who doesn't know, the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, we go up every single year and we do a new hour in theory,

but we haven't for the last two years because of the global pandemic. It's basically we all go up and showcase ourselves. There's so much pressure because of the last two years. That we have to all have amazing shows. Yeah, and mine's like fine. Do you know what I mean? Mine's. Don't say that.

I'm sure it's great. Mine's really good. Catherine's is amazing. I've already seen it. Thanks. You have to make it really good. I think you just have to have fun and enjoy it and care about it and then it will be good. Okay.

Yeah, I care. Any questions for you guys? You're both in the same... Okay, we're in the same bunker. Yes, bunker too. And Helen was just explaining before her that even when it's not sold out, her room gets so incredibly hot because she's such an energetic performer. Which I thought was hilarious.

When it's hot, it feels full. Yeah, I guess the oppressive nature of the air does make it feel like you've got to get out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. That's a very good point, nice. When in, when lacking audience, just whack the heat up. yeah yeah lovely questions I have okay um okay then my first one was about outfits what do you wear oh is it important that you look really fantastic funny question when you're really hot I only thought about it for this year and I think I will be getting a couple of outfits that

are basically the same to wear every single day yeah because also it's a uniform yeah I did not do my first year I just wore whatever I had on yeah I think a uniform is quite useful in terms of like making you feel like you're at work you go like okay I'm in show mode now on tour this is the first time I've ever worn pretty much the same two dresses like every show yeah and it just makes me feel I think it's up to you it doesn't have to be but I quite like to dress for the show in a way like the show I'm doing has like kind of sad content so then I really wanted it to be a high energy show and to dress like um like maybe even more of the top than I usually would because I feel Like, it says like, I'm together.

You dress the job you want and you want to see. Yeah, and I'm good. But there's limitations to what you can and can't wear on stage. You can't just be naked with a blanket and stuff like that. Yeah. I checked. Consent of the crowd. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We don't want to see a cunt. Why? Does it have to be funny the whole thing? The show has to be funny. The whole thing got to be funny. I think people expected to be like jokes pretty much the whole way through with a little. It can, with a little bit of sad, for like a minute. I find sad really funny.

So it depends on what you're supposed. Yeah, I'm like, but I'm like, do you know what I mean? Your sad's very funny. You're funny when you go sad. When I go sad, it gets down. Yeah, I have to go up. It depends on what you can do it. You, you can make tragedy.

You want to laugh enough out. That's what it is maybe. It's like, I don't think that's the only sense of humor we have. It's like, oh, a dark thing happened. Let's laugh at it. I tell a joke that is purely fun and everyone goes, oh no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's true, actually. You'll make the show you want to make. It doesn't matter. You do what you want. Yeah, do you. Okay. It's your hour to do whatever you want with. And, like, someone's going to love it

and someone's going to think it's shit, like, no matter what you do. So all you're going to do is make sure is the show that you are happy to perform every single day. Exactly. It's too late for it to be that. No. No, it's not. It's never too late.

Your show will change throughout the month as well. But also actually, I think the bigger thing is when you're in Edinburgh do things that make you feel sane around it. So like eat nice places, see nice friends. The poodle cafe. Oh, wow. Yes. There's a poodle cafe in Edinburgh.

Last time I went up with Duka and Joe Sutherland. How am I finding out about this? So the little poodles. No, sorry, Chihuahuas. I'm an idiot. Chihuahua cafe. But one of them, wait for this, played Bruiser Woods. Shut up.

In the Royal Conservatoire Scotland version of Legally Blonde the Musical Celebrity Chihuahuas come and sit and have tea with you. Okay. I'm sorry, there's a Chihuahua. How have I? That's good. Pet therapy. Yeah, let's therapy.

But all the Chihuahua are terrified they don't want to do the work. Yeah. So they're like, they're thrown out of you. You know what I mean? They're like, I have to say, I was more excited when I thought it was a poodle cafe. I know, I don't know why.

My mom's got a giant poodle. Oh my goodness. Wait, how big did a giant puddles? They're giant. They're big. They're real big. She's champagne colour She's called Marge

Marge! I love her already! Why did you say that so sexually? Because she's champagne colours She sounds kind of sexy. She's called Marge. I love her. She's quite awkward though. She's like an awkward dog.

All the sexiest gal are. She'll just sort of go like and then walk away. That's her vibe. Okay and if we're listening to this on the podcast I'll describe it. Sort of like side.

She'll give you like side eyes but it's not in a sexy way it's in a kind of like I don't know if I should be here way. Oh. I could see you with a giant poodle. Yeah, I could see you with two giant poodles. Like an apricot one and like an Auburn one or a chocolate one.

Apricot. Apricot. My God. I've never heard anyone describe the color of dogs the way you do and I'm so much to it. Oh, thank you. And do they have that shaved thing so they've just got pom-poms? Yeah, so she's got bloomers because I think my uncle made a comment to my mom once about how poodles are gay and my mom was like, right, I guess I'm going to have to fucking buy one then.

Great move. Very powerful. bought one and it's got like, she's got full like blooms, like trousers. Wait, wait, her fur is the trousers. Her fur is the trousers. It's the trim the way they're cut. Her legs are cut to be like a flared trouser. And her tail is just a sphere.

It's a sphere. Mard. Her nose is shaved within an inch of her life and she's actually really a pretty girl. I'm sorry, can I please meet her? Yeah, can I please meet her? I feel like Marge is the women who's her plastic surgery. I love her. Do you know what I mean? I can get some pictures of Marrard.

Like a real housewife of Beverly Hills sort of a vibe. Marge would have bullied us in school. Marge would have been such a kind of school. No, no, she's too awkward to avoid you in school. Are you sure? Yeah, for sure. Wait, where is she? I feel like this could be your future now.

She has layered trousers. Oh my God. And can you like take her in each week and be like, oh, we want her to wear a bikini this week. If your show doesn't go well, I think you could do ASMRG's naming the colors of dogs. This is Marge. Okay, this is less of a sphere in that photo. But normally it's a bit.

Let me see, let me see, let me see, let me, stop hugging the dog, you're a dog, you're a dog, turn that around. Oh my God. He's gorgeous, isn't she? She's very gentle girl. Oh my God, her naked feet. That's unbelievable. That's hilarious.

Her legs, you're right, she just not look bright. Yeah, yeah, her feet looked like, you know, like a, you know, like a, you know, like a Victorian table that has the clawed feet. Yes, that's what it is. That's what her feet look like. It's, oh my God, she's a fucking stunner. She's beautiful. What's her? Okay, how old is she?

She's maybe four. Oh my God, she's so cute. She's amazing. I love much. She loves the birds. She loves other poodles as well. Oh, I love that. But not dogs of other breeds.

So she goes to the poodle club every week. She's like a racist dog. Yeah, yeah. Do you live with your mom? No, no, no, no. But my mom lives with my stepdad and a poodle. And a Siamese cat called Timothy. Are they close to here?

Timothy's a Simey's cat. That's my dad. Do you want to see a picture of... Yes. Are you kidding? Yeah. This is the most basic. to get up at all time.

Our tits, our backs hurt. Let's get massages and here's dogs. This is Timothy. He's really skinny. Can we talk about the... Wait, where's his head? Can we talk about this as an hour roll experience? Like, people are just listening to her.

Bella get a massage and then you look at pictures they can't see. Oh my God, this is not a good looking cat. It is. Timothy's gorgeous. That means he's long. I thought that was an eye and it was looking down. His head is just.

Just a triangle, okay? You don't need to judge because I don't like cats. Oh, really? I'm a cat lady. Really? Cats and dogs. I've become less depressed in the last few years and that's made me more of a dog person.

Hey, there it is. Yeah, nice. I've always been depressed but still a dog person. Really? I found dogs too emotionally available before. I liked that you had to earn it with a cat. Do you know what I mean? I've always been allergic to cats,

so I like them, but I feel like that that's better. I can see the cat face even that he looks like a lion he is he's a lion he's a beast he's a little beast interesting are you living with other comedians in Edinburgh yes I am I'm living with um Georgina Thomas from thick and fast great um Charlene Jahan the comedian and Mary O'Connell how lovely it'll be a nice little that it'll be a nice of the crew everyone debut no nobody debuting other than me I think right that's good it's a better energy that's a better energy.

Because I was going to live with a million debutante but then I thought I will kill myself. Yeah and not that many people can wear white when you're all going out together. What does that mean?

Like a debutante's wear white and you can't all wear white. I'm so good at jokes. Wait, I don't... I don't... Debutant balls, they all wear white because they're being outed into society.

Like in the Gilmore girls when Rory Gilmore has a debutante ball to please Emily and her dad Christopher flies over to do it with her. It's not going into the pace to my brain that it should be going.

Like, white... This is, I feel like you're bombing right now. I feel like the audience... She is bumming. She is bumming. What an interesting audience member you are that you're like, this is about her, not about me. Em laughed straight away

because M's smart enough to get the joke, bitch. I didn't get it. But it's on me. That's my fault. Like, that's such privilege to be like, I don't get it. You're bombing. You're bombing.

Oh, she came on my podcast to tell me. Gang Balming. Our podcast. Our podcast. Wait, one second. The Helen Show number one. Can we all just take a minute to regroup?

I feel like what's happened here? We're not getting to your star sign because there's something going on here. Cancer. And you're a... Leo. Right, let's just put you to figure this out. My ex-boyfriend for three years was a Leo. No, mum's a cancer.

Really. Very attracted to each other, I think, but kind of it can't work. Interesting. Cancer and Leo's a very ambitious. And you're not? Leo wants the love and admiration that cancer is happy to give, while cancer enjoys the emotional fulfillment they can get from their Leo bestie.

Since Leo and cancer are both looking for dedication and support, this has all the makings for a strong ride or die friendship. So whatever the fuck's going on here, it is not to do with the stars. Okay, okay. Oh no. Wait, guys, let's restart then. Leo and Cancer sexually.

I've come across like a bitch. I figured it out. There must be a sexual vibe. Cancer and Leo's sexual compatibility and are both general, adrenaline lovers in their own way. According to Rebus, Leo will bring passion and excitement to the bedroom

encouraging their partner to come out of their shell. Leo's love feeling adored and cancer who's attentive will make them feel desired. Leo will bring passion and excitement. And what do I bring? Cancer who's attentive will make them feel desired. Yeah, I'm very good at that, I think.

Leo and cancer toxic relationship. Now, both cancer and Leo have strong personalities in their own way. If either person focuses too much on themselves and not on their partner, it can cause an emotional rift that leads to hurt feelings and break up. That's what happened. I think he just went through a full relationship with the two of you. I'm an Ares. I'm a ram.

Yeah. What a saga? I thought you were a little goat. I'm the year of the goat. My star signs are ram, very different. Okay. Very different. And my primal zodiac is a catfish.

What the fuck? Like MTV? No, it means that I'm very mysterious. And I can appear somewhat like a hyperactive child. Love that. Appear. Interesting. Have you not done your primal astrology?

Helen, no. I haven't done it. I have a job. Oh my God, I can press on this link and we get a message from your angel. No, I don't want that just... It's only 50 pounds. This is definitely going to give your phone a virus. I remember, like, when I was like 16, I got...

My dad was trying to buy my love, so he bought me like a big MacBook computer. Whoa. And I clicked on so many weird, like, I can have my love. I gave my computer so many viruses that every time I turned out and it was like, Bing, Ming, Ming, Ming, Me, Lealoo, like all of these different... Lime wire phase. Yeah. Do you know how much older than you I am?

Once I got a... Well, now you actually know, no, but because this is... Ten years. This really... A decade. Okay. But I, um, I, um, I... I got a virus warning on my laptop.

So I call the phone number. And I'm like on the phone for 20 minutes trying to figure out how to fix this virus. I'm about to give them my card details. No. They asked for the name on the card. I say my name. He says, and this is what made me realize it was a scam, 20 minutes in, not everything else. There's 20 minutes in.

He went this. He goes, Catherine, that's such a beautiful name. And I went. You must know what my name is. No, it's not. Yeah. Like, in my head I was like... Well, it is, but...

No, but I was like, he said it like, something really rare and exotic, but I'd said, like, Catherine, and he was like, Catherine. Because he was used to scamming who, like the Clare's. Yeah, exactly, exactly. So then I'm like,

oh my God, he's lying to me. Oh, Kevin's fucking poor for a lot. Then I was like, he's lying to me. He's lying to me. Then I run into the MacBook store, the Apple store, and this guy's like, don't worry, it happens to lots of women over 70. And I was like,

can I get my money back? Not my granny though, my granny was banned for life from BT. What? Because she kept on ringing them up and asking for like discounts and stuff and they had to like take her off the way. What a baller! And she's been banned for life from B&Q as well. Excuse me, why?

Because she got into a fight with a woman through a pot plant at her and then ripped off her wig and ran out. Excuse me, you're gonna start and get a band from place. Your granny's wig got snatched at B&Q. No, she snatched someone else's wig. Which being Q? The one in seven eight. Yeah.

I mean, it's Kent, babe. Like, stuff happens. That's insane. She, and she was like, what was the fight? I don't care. It was a fight about a discount. She's like a pathological, like bargain hunter, hoarder. In the garden of the Bingman that's like, like 1984.

Yeah. Nuts. Oh my God, do you want to hear a crazy story? This is quite a shit, piss, period heavy episode, but I think that that's okay. Is it a poo? It's a poo. No. I don't want to hear it.

I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. No, I'm out, so. No, I don't, I don't consent. I had the wettest shit the other day. This is so... What I do? Okay, okay, okay.

It was like oil. I've got two poo stories. I don't want to either. I don't consent. Take a break. No, you know what? This can be the extras. I'll leave the room.

Okay, really? Okay, I can leave it. Okay, can you be here for the extras? Yeah. Okay, everyone stick around for the extras. Catherine, you are an or okay, okay, okay. So, my grander refuses to throw anything away. She can't throw anything away.

Not, if you don't be like, she doesn't, No, she's flush. But my, my cousin went to her house to help her clear out all of her medicine cabinets. Yeah. One thing that was about to go off the next month was like a big pack of laxatives. And my cousin was like, you're not going to use these. You're not going to take these in the next month. No.

Just throw them away. No, I don't like, you're fucking crazy. If you think I'm going to fucking throw anything away that I purchased with my own money, how are you raised? Correct. She went into the kitchen and she downed six laxatives just to spite him. Like America's next top model? And then my cousin was like, I'm going to leave. I can't be here while you shit yourself to death.

And I do think that she did go temporarily blind. Anyway, next story. You look so much liquid, your eyeballs dry out. You know that hoarding is a mental illness as defined as OCD. It's a category of obsessive compulsive. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, that's for sure what she's got. The next thing.

She's not obsessively hoarding that shit, though. She's letting that go. The next thing is, evacuation. This is another waste, not want, not kind of thing. So me and my mum had to drove there to drive her to her GP appointment because she can't drive anymore because there's a lock on her steering wheel. That's another story. Anyway, um...

What do you mean there's a lock on her steering wheel? There's a lock on her steering wheel. And we've hidden the key because she's such a dangerous driver and such a risk to society that she probably will get arrested. I have OCD. I'm a dangerous driver. Just where you're granny. Yeah, very true. She's also gay.

What? She is. She's gay. Hold on. What? Yeah. She's come out, kind of. When?

The last 10 years. Did you have a burner? So basically her best friend Why are you whispering it? It's 22, babe. You were born in 1998, say it last. Okay, so basically, she was married to Peter for 60 years. Her best friend, Jane, was married to Joe for 60 years.

Oh my God, it's a son, Robert Grace and Frankie. They kill their husbands! They move in together and they start sleeping together naked in the same bed to save on bed sheets. Oh my gosh. This is beautiful. Sorry, wait, wait. But it's not like a thing in the family that is like

disgust explicitly. But who did you come out to? But for sure it's like they're together, they're holding hands, they call each other, darling, they kiss each other. My granny had friends like this. And it's like, oh, Joan and Margaret are just best friends. Yeah.

They live together, they do everything together and they share a bedroom. Yeah, and they like, they have a good morning and a good night call and they're like hello darling love you darling it's like very coupley that's what we could be anyway so the second shit story is good thank God we've got to the second shit story we went

to her house to so she had to hand in a stool sumble for the GP and my mum is very squeamish and also my granny has this new phase why would she have to do that as to get dressed up she has a new phase that she's going through where she'll sort of refuse to get dressed because she's an attention seat yeah so we'll arrive at the house she'll be stark making I do that and we'll sort of just be like

my mum will be like please get dressed And she's like, it's my house. Yeah, but also the wind beneath your wings. It feels great. Why cover up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And anyway, so my mum was like, stop funning about. Get fucking dressed.

Do this stool something. Me and Bella are going to sit in the garden. We're not going to help you. And we will be here when it's done and we'll drive you to the doctor. And then we're going to drop you back and then we'll go home. So, like, they have a fraught relationship. Anyway, me and my mom are sat in the garden with cups of tea and we hear all this like clanging, banging on all this stuff. And we're like, we're not going to help.

she can probably do it on her own because she's a bit old. We suddenly hear I'm finished and we're like okay cool oh god let's just

oh god where's the shit hear a lot of rattling so she has got the school in the sample but there was some excess that she was because she did it in a sort of tupperware

so that she could decant it we see her walking out of the house through the back door with these little frail shaky hands with these little Malteseers. For the garden. She puts them in the flower bed. It's a natural compost.

And my mum was like, I've never seen my mum's fists. They were clamped so hard with stress that they were like making fingernail marks in her palms. And she was like, don't even mention it. She's doing it because she wants to be told off. She wants the attention. Oh, she's you. I thought we didn't mention it.

My grandfather was like the filthiest grandfather. He used to do all this sort of shit. Really? He was an official nudist. Like he was part of a club in London. And they'd all be like naked all together. but his like flat was like filthy he smelt really bad

like everything was gross he would like just his everything but he would also like insist on shopping at Harrod's food hall and only Harrod's food hall Can you have a sadness headache? Yeah That you've got it Bella I'm sorry can we just have a moment

Yeah Hold handies Holdy handies Catherine holdy handy I know I'm sorry I saw you squeezed that spot with your hands. I'll put on my hand sanitizer. Sorry everyone, we're having a little friendship break

because I feel like it's a very common theme with this podcast now. Can I have so? Yeah. Yeah, it's scented like an enchanted rose. Okay. Is that a official... Oh, it is.

That's... Yeah, official set. You smell the enchantment. Getting the enchanting. Yeah, that is enchanting. Andy Hoddies. I love you. We have a guest here.

Andrew, please. Sorry, sorry. We have a guest here. Bella's fine. We have a guest. I love you. I'll hold my own. And Bella, please.

Today, we have not been great friends for each other. No. As an orca and a catfish, we may share the ocean, but we swim at very different paces. You will always be ahead, but I will always be trying to join in from the bottom of the ocean, looking to you at the top. I love you. I respect you. Your turn. I feel like I'm your dead mom, but you're four.

it's four I'm four I'm a baby I love babies and we're back here give us a problem Andrew jeez this is from K

you just and all of we're just like Marley Cardell I have a very strong urge to comfort yeah well she's perfect but I feel like Helen won't let me comfort her do you know what I mean very perceptive

yeah very perceptive indeed you want to that's all you want but what you do is you say, oh, you do the baby voice because actually what you can't own is your own need to be comforted. So you have to do the act.

Wow. Well, she's good. Yeah. Did you listen to our tarot reading episode? She's good and she's 11 because she's 10 years younger than me. Let's go. My friend France is sick. This is from Kay.

Hi, Kay. Kay says, hello, Helen, Catherine and special guests. What's up? Hi. It's always so funny the way you, because I've got to read a jarring opening sentence. And no, okay, no, I'll reset, I reset. Hello, Helen, Catherine, and special guests.

What's up? I have OCD, our OCD specifically, or relationship OCD, which is previously taken the form of obsessing over if I love my partner or if she loves me, but that's now settled and I'm an obsessive need to communicate what I'm feeling and be understood all the time has taken over. Otherwise, the OCD fear is that we have bad communication and therefore a bad relationship. This can be, understandably, a lot for my partner. My question is, do I need to communicate all my feelings like my OCD tells me

should I do this less or is this part of just being in a lesbian relationship? Also, in general... That, come on, that's funny! Yeah, that was very funny. Also, in general, any advice about OCD and relationships. And there's a little Disney addendum here for you. Just because I probably wouldn't understand the OECD stuff.

Yeah, no, 100%. Actually, it merges both the worlds quite well. Also, to Helen's question about what Disney character, Catherine would be, I identify with a little cleaning robot from Wally and wondered if this would fit Catherine too. No shade, just a fellow OCD cleaner from K. I'm 100% and K, great

observation. As far as the OCD lesbian relationship stuff, I'll pass it over to my OCD lesbian queen, Catherine Boehlin. What about Bella? Bella might have thoughts. Do you have OCD? No. You have a lot? No. As I said, fingered once in a club. In a club? In a club?

Toilet. Oh, there it is. No. That thought? I think one's got fucked in a toilet. It's fucked. Yeah. By a man? By a man though. Actually, I don't think we managed to actually do. I don't think you actually got in because you couldn't quite figure the angle out with the toilet because it's like trying to do doggy.

Oh, it's hard. I can't. I'm never tall enough. Do you know what I mean? Were you friends with the girl? Yes, we were friends and then. Well, we weren't really friends in a way that like we would like get coffee. We got coffee like three or four times and I kind of thought it was friend coffee.

Oh, you mean you accidentally dated a girl? I accidentally dated her. And then we sort of saw each other in a club and then we were dancing and then one thing led to another and we sort of kissing a lot. And then, but then I was just like, do you know what I mean? I just was like, okay, I think I like this but I'm just going to kind of, I'm just going to see what happens.

And then I was also quite pissed and then I got fingered. And then... In a good way? Yeah. Yeah. But not for you in general. But it wasn't for me in general. Like in terms of the physical sensation, it was thumbs up.

Yeah. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. But in terms of the, like, I didn't feel the, uh... Normally. You haven't felt for a guy. You haven't felt the same things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the things I feel for a guy when I wake up the next day and I snog someone that I like is like, true panic and shame and anxiety and longing and yeah.

They're laughing with their mates already. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They hate me. My wedding dress is going to look like, stuff like that. Um, as a huge rate. Who's parents we go to Christmas? And I was like, that was a fun anecdote. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's how I know. I'm straight. Okay, should we solve these problems? Because I feel like... I feel like this is a lot of pressure. Like, you're looking at me like, on you. I think there's a lot of parts to it.

So, just so I understand this correctly, in a relationship, but worried that their OCD is making the relationship hard because of the constant questioning about whether their communication is good enough, their love's good enough. Because you can be like,

am I annoying, am I annoying? And then they'll be like, no, but also shut the fuck up. And then you feel like your tail, between your legs and you feel embarrassed. But is there a way to challenge that behaviour? I think that the, I've never heard of our OCD, but I think the premise is always the same with OCD,

which is to say that you have, okay, so with OCD, you engage in compulsions. Mm-hmm. And that compulsion exists to calm a fear, an overarching fear. Eventually, you have to do it so much. The fear grows every time you feed that. So the compulsion feeds the fear.

And so you, the compulsion, become more repetitive or bigger or more necessary and they often they will diverge and differ as well so essentially what you're doing is engaging in the behaviour so that the fear becomes even more real right now the question that I do understand in terms of OCD is should I do what my if you're ever asking yourself should I do the compulsion to make my OCD go like quiet

no because it doesn't work it's the cycle it's the opposite it's like you're feeding you're feeding the monster and the monster gets bigger, what you have to do is think of OCD, I think, as like a lying bully. And if you disprove the lie, you diminish the size of the bully. So by that I mean to say, if you don't engage in the compulsion and the fear doesn't come true because it won't, then if you do that once, you've disproven it. So then it's not, it can't, it's not true. And then the more you do that, the less big it becomes in your mind. That's incredibly difficult to do though very easy in theory to explain that very hard to do that in practice i would also say um and if you

can't do it in your right head space just do it scared oh yeah 100% absolutely very good advice the other thing to say is um if you don't have a therapist get a therapist because um that sounds like you're having a really tough time and i'm sorry to hear it and also sounds like that must be a huge lot of pressure on your partner and it's okay to you know i've i'm sorry to still realizing this but like our partners when we have OCD can't be our therapist and it's really really hard for them and there's a lot of guilt and shame that comes with that um but i think that it's better for both of you if you have somebody who isn't them to rationalize the things in your relationship with because you're not because with your partner you need to be able to discuss your

relationship with your therapist you need to be able to discuss your relationship OCD and they are not the same one's real and one isn't um what was the follow. Oh, and is it just... Is it just a classic lesbian thing? Are all lesbians like this? Because I think they are. There we go.

You're all fucking mad as cunts. No, but we are more verbal, I suppose, because society constructs the world in which we are allowed to communicate, women are allowed to communicate their emotions. So in the same way that we say, like, women gossip, when actually what we mean is women talk because they've been permitted to do so. Your women talk, my women, bitch. Yeah, I love the bitch.

Oh, sure, but like, there are bad women, good women. That's not, I get that. What? I'm like, do you want to hear the worst thing that? that my therapist said to me yeah the more that you bitch about other people the more you assume whether people speak negatively of you and it actually in bitching about other people you diminish your own self-worth oh what a bitch I know that's what I said I'm just like are come on are you trying to make me not have any friends roger don't be yeah agrees don't being such

a fun sponge I know yeah but he also is right of me yeah well do you think people are talking about you know what I don't like is when people are like I'm sure she's lovely Fuck off. Don't. No, I'm not. When you get to know her, you'll love her. I don't want to fucking get to know her.

I don't like her. I don't like her vibe. I enjoy the hate. It's what makes me feel at her. Oh, we're all talking about the same person. Queen Elizabeth the second. Is it? Because they feel it is.

I mean, yes, Nelly mentioned it. And Camila Parker. Yeah, of course, obviously. Obviously. I'm glad we got that off our chest, actually. It's crazy. But to circle back,

I don't think. I don't think. I don't think. I think all lesbian relationships or all straight relationships can be summed up as easily as that, so no. I think you're all fucking mad as shit. Anyone listens to this, you're all fucking mental. And you all do need therapy.

Hey, there's 6,000 of them. You're right. All 6,000 of you, the fact that you listen to this regularly just proves to me that whatever drugs me and Catherine are on, you need to double them and get to your doctors quickly. Yeah. Okay. We will be fun.

What are you guys on if you don't mind me ask? It's a telepram. Okay. Satchrelene. Sartraline. Me too. And me too. Propanol.

Propanol. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Room and Mental. Oh, and now I'm remembering to also take vitamin D supplements as well. I take Even Primrose oil. Very nice. My friend takes evening primrose oil.

I'm going to start pointing out when Helen interrupts my sentences. What are you on for search, Julian? I'm on 50. That would be so often. I interrupts Catherine. I got in trouble. Oh, no, no, no, no. It's fine.

I was going to say that you're Bunker and Medicine twins, but it doesn't matter. The point is that you found. Bunker and medicine. Medicine Twins. We can... Cherseys in Edinburgh. Do you take a panel all before gigs?

Sometimes for like big gigs. Yeah, me too. So anything, but like it's not much gigs is for parties. Like any sort of like social event or social gathering. Like I just cannot... Like even after gigless, like everyone's sort of like hanging around downstairs and I can barely go inside. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know what's wrong with me. And sometimes after a gig, I feel like I've jumped off a cliff and I'm like... Yeah, yeah. Especially if I'm overthinking the gig. I think I've only drugged myself as far as like beta blockers. How many milligrams do you on for the propan? Um, the 80. Okay, I'm on 40, but often I take two.

So I've got just the 80 capsules. Right, the pink ones. Yeah. No, they're blue. They're blue. They're blue. The little shaky blue ones. Um, for my first TV gig, I was so nervous that I took, um, 200 milligrams of propanolol before and I...

That will slow you down. You're not a doctor and we don't advise it. No, that was, that was very dangerous. In fact, I think all of this possibly might have to be caught just because we will get in trouble. As long as people know we're not medical experts. We're not medical experts, but I did. That was not good.

This is just anecdotal kind of personal experience. Okay. Not libel. I took it for... Drug myth of the Apollo was the last time I took it. Yeah. Just because I was like... I used to take it.

Not so much for the gig. But then I realized that actually it was putting me off my game a bit because I needed a little bit of that zing that it was taking the edge of. But I think that's the tricky thing with... We need to wrap this up, don't we? Yeah. I just want to say this.

Like, I used to have, like, a really big thing of, like, because I didn't start doing therapy until I'd be doing comedy for a while. And I think a lot of people have it where they're like, oh, I don't want to, maybe me being broken is what makes me funny. Yes. I don't want to fuck with that. Whereas actually, it's like, no, you need to do something to write your third show with.

Get a therapist. That's when you get a therapist. And also the artist's way. Mm-hmm. Yeah, Cameron. Yes, we know her. We know. I'm doing the fuck out of that of the mind.

Are you? So we're so we're so committed. Oh, my God. You got to week four? I didn't know anybody could get to week four. Yeah, on week four. Holy shit.

I just recovered my sense of power. I thought we just talked about but we didn't actually do it. Yeah, me too. We bought the book. Who does it? I can't read it. I have it on my audio books

and then I set an hour every day to do my homework. You have an hour every day. Well, I do my morning pages. I do half an hour morning pages, half an hour of yoga. This is honestly the last two days only I've been doing this,

but it makes me feel. And then I go downstairs and I have a shot half of it, so ginger short of it's a ginger shot half of it fits appleside of vinegar. Catherine, we need to... I neck it back. I hate her.

I hate her. I don't like her. I don't like her. I knew I didn't like her. I told you from the start. Listen, you tried to make it a thing about the star sounds.

No, she's just smug. That's crazy. You can't be saying those things out loud and have friends. Come on. I'm sorry. I've never felt more like women don't have equal pay.

Every episode and in a down. Every episode. Belholy, you've been an amazing guest. Thank you so much for sharing. We need to, we need to stop again. No, we need to go again. I was going to say your granny's a legend

your show sounds amazing you're so honest and so funny in fact frankly two pointed with the questions that makes me think you're going to be

an amazing comic and that the show is going to be great so here's our question where can people find you and where can people see you you guys can find me

at bunker 2 at 655pm in Pleasance at Edinburgh yes also I've got a shit ton of previews coming up I've got maybe

19 or something oh my god amazing oh my gosh where can they find tickets of those got a website yeah Go to the link in my buy.

Go to my Instagram page. It's all over there. Great. Shows at 2 North Town, top secret. All over the country. I'm going to Manchester and Liverpool and... Good for you.

Tremend. Herrifford and... She's getting on train. Preston and all of those places. I'm going to do my movies. And what about... Where can they find you online? At Bella Bella Hull on Instagram and Twitter and TikTok.

Oh my God. Yes. Yes. We love to hear it. Thank you so much for doing our podcast. Thanks for having me on. I'm going to yoga with Adrian. with you.

Oh no, just me. I'm going to yoga with Adrienne and you before we say goodbye. Okay. The universe is for you and so is everything else. Oh, where's Benji? He's dead. Thank you for my mother. Woo!

Thank you.