Trusty Hogs - Ep43. JAYDE ADAMS / Cocktails, Crying & Capitalism

Episode Date: July 28, 2022

The magnificent Jayde Adams joins us, and brings with her a super special extra guest… We talk Eastenders, Sodastreams, Julia Roberts, and so much more!Jayde is an award-winning comedian and actor known for shows like Serious Black Jumper, Alma's Not Normal, The Outlaws, Good Omens, Crazy Delicious, and Amusical.Follow Jayde: @MsJaydeAdamsThank you so much for listening! Support us at https://www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more! Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] Please give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socials Be sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Simon Moores / Guy Goodman / Janinna Bautista / Mary Fox / Annie Tonner / Sarah Jarque-Deakin / Oliver JagoPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Emma Walton / Karen & David Bull / Harald van Dijk / Kierah Leach / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Anthony Conway / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Jo Holmes  / Sarah & Molly  / Alex Pugh / Josie WWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi. Hello. Hi, welcome to episode 43 of trusty hogs. My name is Helen Bauer. And I'm Catherine Bowhart. This is our podcast about our perfect lives. And then we give advice to our listeners. We don't have to say this at the same time. I hate you. I love you. Oh my gosh. Welcome to trusty hog. They're here. They're here. Hogs, yeah, you're gonna give them your problems, and they will solve them, or maybe they won't, and that's your problem. They'll have guests, and Andrew White on the tech. Oh, it's Helen and Catherine as the trusty hogs, trust the trusty hogs, or maybe not. Helen, you're back. I'm back, and... You're back, baby?

Okay, look. You still got that stuff. It's going. I am going to now face the camera. It's get ready. Because I have figured out what I look like. I look like Wuggy from there's something about Mary. Do you remember? I was thinking, what's the cousin from the Adams family?

Vester. Bester, yeah. Uncle Vester, isn't it? Why would you say that? Well, just because the eyes are much more intense. That felt more like a body comment. No, no, it wasn't. I don't think anyone in the Adams family has a.

styes. No, it's, your eyes are so intense and you have your hair back and you look a little like a little like, like, rabid because of the styes and it has that vibe. I do. I look rabid. It looks rabid. I'm so glad it's nice weather because I don't look like a weirdo walking around a sunglasses on. You need them. But then I forget, I go into a shop

and I take them off and they're like, what happened? But it's going, it genuinely is going. I had a great crusting over day and I feel like we're through the, it was incredible. I wish you would. To the point where you wake up and you're like, it's like, it's like, having a toy to play with like bursting in the morning but you have to wash your hands

is what we learn but that should always be your personal rule in the morning for anyone who's a new listener this is not my first stye because you keep doing what last time we figured out the reason I had a stye was because I was wanking late at night yeah and then going to bed and rubbing my eyes instead of washing your hands washing rubbing yes what did we talk about Wanking, washing, rubbing. Thank you. But what happened is that was January. WWR.

WWR. Yeah. What would? No. Wanking, washing, rubbing. Easy to say. Yeah. Hard to do.

No, not really. That was back in January, so it's been so many months in then, but I've forgotten. So I just think maybe just as a group we should agree for Christmas this year, we get me a little like plaque to put next to my bed, or on my bed even. WWR. This is WWR, WANCing.

I would like it to actually say what it is. yeah I think guys would fucking love it when they came over yeah I like what's that and it's like oh I just I can't stop wanking and and touching myself eye issues yeah what is it it's like a limp or like a pore it's technically and swollen infection in the oil gland in the tear ducts I do I'm also crying a lot oh really because of Edinburgh oh Edinburgh also because like I'm been doing my old show which I just recorded for a special oh my fucking God, it's done. Oh my God.

And it was amazing. I loved it. I loved it. I loved it. Of course. Thank you. So I've been practicing a lot. I mean,

you practice enough, I'd say. Anytime I make you remotely. Well, you just did something really bullshit to me as a friend about like 10 minutes ago. What did I do? What did I do? Oh my God. I'm genuinely not doing this. I said that I'd eaten your flap jacks.

Clang. But I didn't actually eat them. Clang. It's from a woman who mocked me for getting emotion about trans rights and then you actually. crying when I said it. Don't look. Just put in perspective that you were like, oh, I feel really embarrassed. They got so emotional. And it's like, in all fairness, if you got emotional about trans rights last week and then I started crying because you ate one of my flapjacks.

Yeah, I said I ate one of your flapjacks. I didn't even... So where are they? Are you on back? Oh my God, yes. We have them for you. Relax. Thank you to the flapjackery and to the person that went there and said them to her. Amy, I-I-E. Don't usually approve of that way of spelling the name, but actually now I'm on board. I do because I went to a school with a girl who was A-I-M-E-E. Oh, but that's French. And she was a love. science teacher's favorite student because he had a fetish for redheads and she was the only redhead in our class

this is the same science teacher that taught us that Dalek mites and stalactes there was a difference because tights only ever go down but what's awful? So awful he must have been fired by now he was so inappropriate

he'd be like I love redheads I love redheads no stop it also tights do go off no no not in his Bible he's like because tight should only ever go down so that's how we learned it but now I still do know the difference to this day

between stalactites and stalin mic you said it i'll never forget it but that is a bad reason also you should you should not know any of that that's horrible surely you got taught something in a way that you remember it but you're like i shouldn't know it that way ah i'm sure i have i guess the like left signature sign thing yeah well that well everyone still uses that right yeah it's um the one where it's like um you gotta pretend you're picking up a pen as well but then i get really flustered because it's pretending to pick up a pen as hard yeah do you know the nine times table trick that you learn at school

put your hands up both up like this and then you go like so one times nine is nine two times nine is one eight 18 27 oh very good 36 45 how amazing is that

that's actually pretty good thank you everyone that's actually pretty good that concludes Helen's baby learning hour and thus starts the parish council announce I didn't expect you to shout over me. Yes, it's parish announcements time. Quiet time for Helen. All right. The parish announcements are as follows. Helen Bauer. I pass my driving. No you didn't. Yes. I can drive. Oh my God. I'm so proud of you. Isn't it good? Oh, I know. I'm granted me. Oh, my God. I can't believe you did it. Either can I. Wait. No one passes on the first time. Just like just now. Wednesday. Stop. I know. And I was on a big ground about two and I still did it.

Catherine, Mary Joseph Bohart. How many majors and minors? Is that what you asked for? Well, obviously no majors. No major. Four majors. Four minors is kind of cute. I know, right? You can have 16 and it's like I'm four, which I said to the guy, but he didn't get it. Oh my God, so tell me about your examiner. His name was Chris. He was an Arsenal fan.

I loved him. How do you know he was an Arsenal fan? Oh, I chatted to him the whole time. Classic you? Obviously. You charmed him. My biggest test would have been the silence, so I wasn't having that. I was like, that one. won't work for me. I'm not being how proud you are of me. I didn't expect it. It's so earnest. It's gross. But you can't come in my car. I said I wouldn't eat in it. And I'd wear knickers. No wanking.

Why would your friend learn to drive? If it couldn't be a wanking mobile. I just, I have this vision of myself being in a car, going down the mall up to Buckingham Palace, and then climaxing as I get to the Queen Victoria fountain. You can never come in my car. And I mean come in my car. Or come in my car. Tell me, I've heard of these moments before. You don't understand.

I don't drive. I'm plowing through here, please. Oh my God, it's crazy. Also news, I'm going to Montreal. Yes! I need this one. I know you knew this one. I'm so excited.

I've been invited to the International Comedy Festival at Just for Laughs in Montreal. You'll be there by the time this goes out. I know, I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I actually can't believe it. It feels like a real, like, I think I'm going to feel like such a nobody because the people who go there are so famous.

It'll be like being a new comic all over again in an exciting way of like I have to learn to like practice a chill poker face because at the minute I'm like I'm just I want to think about the people who are going I'm like oh my gosh Tell us who's going And I can't do it

You can. No, I can't keep up the lie I don't think No I I failed my job Wait We were going to lie to you, but I couldn't do it. One second. One second. You're genuinely going to Montreal. And then, right, no, no. Just finish her. What happened there is Catherine said she passed a

driving test. I was over the moon for my friend. And then you said, and now I'm going to Montreal, which I already knew. And I was excited. And I wanted you to tell everyone about who else is going there. Then your face dropped in a way that went, I can't keep up the lie anymore, which made me think as your friend and colleague that i'd lied about montreal i was also invited to montreal oh no you hadn't told me why would i know that agent were in cahoots and she told me i hadn't got it wait for this wait for this because katherine wanted to reveal it on the podcast so instead instead what happened if you went i failed my driving test right i'm sorry Get your bag out.

We're having a flapjack. Get your bag. Get your bag. I'm sorry you failed. No, get your back. Get your fucking bag. For the listener who's not watching on YouTube, Catherine is now going towards her bag.

Feel fucking bad. Feel real bad. Okay. Bake well is that. Thank you. I have it. Right. That's going to Helen's parl of flat jack.

I didn't know. We're eating them now. Yeah. That is. No, you don't get to have one. I do. You sinned. I am very surprised by a lot.

In the Catholic Church. Can I? I tell you, can I tell you what's actually happened? How did you fail? No, first of all, I am, you have to understand, I am shocked that you were so happy for me and so earnestly, like, unsurprised that I've had. You've been trying for so long. It's not like you suddenly started learning last week. This has been like a five-year epic as your mate. We all want it to end. I'm not happy. Georgie isn't happy. Andrew isn't happy. Your agents aren't happy. Your parents aren't happy. No one's happy about this. Oh my God I thought oh god This is hell

I thought oh it would happen Yes it is Yes it's hell I was on a big round of bed And I didn't turn left When I was supposed to And I'd already indicated And I'm four

You horn you have baby And it was hard And I was scared And I thought No I can't go left Because there's another lane beside Wait so you indicated But you didn't go

I was here There were three lanes So I had come out of this lane Into this one But then I was going supposed to go left and I thought you can't possibly go left with all these cars here but you could I just didn't I was scared but that's

the trick we're driving just go for it and let the cars behind you deal with the mess I'm for what Kathwin it was so bad and then a man in a hive told me what I did wrong and I already knew was that quiz I hate Chris does quiz really exist

yes and I didn't like him at all did he yell at you no he was much more patronising than that and did you manage to say thank you for your feedback and get out nicely I said yes, I was on the round of bed too, Chris. Okay, so that attitude does not get women very far. You have to be like, oh my boy, thank you, oh my for telling me. We give it another go, I give you a blowjob, you no tell.

That's what you do. A blowjob when I've already failed? Wait, I can't believe it. Wait, so when do you have to do it again? You've got to wait now and tell after Montreal and Edinburgh. The wait list is like five months at the minute. I did so many lessons. I'm sorry, this is absolutely ridiculous.

I did so many lessons. I know. This is why it's embarrassing. I did so many lessons. My brother passed. My brother. I can't believe you thought that you were, I was going to tell you you were coming to Montreal.

And for like a little bit of background on this for the listener. Don't be so unprofessional. We were both in the running for Montreal. I'm sorry. And don't be sorry. I didn't get it. And I was like, oh, it's all right.

Because Catherine will go and get us loads of Canadian trusty hogs fans. Oh my God. This is how optimistic I am. This is how optimistic I was like. I guess I'm going to. But also, as if Helena would be like, Pts, Catherine, I'm not going to tell my actual client,

her actual job offers, and will in fact sign a contract on her behalf, and then you'll tell her a week before she has to go to a different continent as a reveal on your podcast. It would be such a good reveal. Oh, my God. You know those videos? Oh, my God, this is chaos.

This is actually giving me, like, I have a stomach cake. Do you feel sick? I really hope this is no one's first. episode. I feel really ill. It makes it sound like we've never met before. Yeah. I just, why would you think? Also, can I actually say one thing? I'm shocked. Do you believe I passed my test? I know I've been doing it for long, but you know how bad I am under pressure and in stress. You're now victim blaming, so I also get this one. No, give me that back. That's the one I want the most. What's chocolate brownie flapjack? I have had it before. It's really good.

These are gluten free. I know. The flapjackery is incredible. Once again, a shot. Catherine saw my flap jacks. I'll go back afterwards. I'm a lot bigger than her. Flapjackery and Wells We are in love with you Thank you to Amy for going and getting them for You just put them back in your bag Grow up And please keep sending

flapjacks Oh my God we're so grateful But can you label them Helen, Catherine, Andrew M so we don't have this horrible fight Yeah every time it's actually just really It's really stressful I think I have stomach egg from that

And from the failure I hate failing Helen I also still want you to tell us all about who's at Montreal Because I know I've seen the name Oh my God it's like Schumerer. Chelsea Handler. I know. Eliza, like the many people who are... Lyssalis. Yeah.

I could not say her second name, but I love you so much for doing it. And creator of Nanette, Hannah Gadsby. Oh my God. Um, all the big names. Like, it's really exciting. I don't think I'll be chill at all. And everyone stays in the same hotel and the bar is sponsored by Netflix or something. And people are just like, oh yeah, just hang out in the bar and like,

you're going to hang out in the bar. I'm scared. You're good. You're good. I've seen you over the last like fucking years and years you are scared i remember in 20 i want to say 17 and you were nervous because you were doing the pleasant reserve which for anyone who doesn't know is a showcase up in edinburgh um we've both done it but it's it's an amazing opportunity but your backstage is also the artist bar for this big family in edinburgh and it is very intimidating because everyone's out having done their shows networking and you're there waiting to go on to 15 minutes off into a crowd

that aren't that first. Oh yeah, who are definitely there because they couldn't get tickets for the show they meant to go to. And they're like, I guess.

Remember what you did that summer? You went espresso martini mad. I did. It felt like an Irish last discovering a cocktail for the first time in her life. I was. And every night you were like,

I'll get the espresso martini. I was. And you lived at that bar. Just getting everyone espresso martinis and I feel like if you can capture what that was of you. I hope the drinks are free in Montreal

because I can't afford that. They'll be free. I hope so. But I also think like find a new signal. Like surely there's like a maple syrup cocktail. Oh, yes. No, is there not? It feels like there is.

Like an appletini with maple syrup. Yes, please. Could you Google Canadian cocktails please? I think we need to give you a plan. That would be lovely. And then you could be like. The maple leaf. But that could be your thing.

Maple Leafs, anyone? There you go. And it could stop, no. Maple Leaf? That's like on their flag, in it. But I'm sure they have a cocktail called the Maple Leaf. Do they have a cocktail called the Maple Leaf? Wait, if they do, then that's a cocktail called the maple leaf.

Wait, if they do, then that could be your conversation bit. So when you feel anxious and nervous, instead of going outside and calling us, because time zone, then you go, does anyone want a cocktail? And then you get everyone cocktails and then we'll have a conversation piece because Emma's now found you the cocktail you'll be asking for. What is it? So you need to ask for an angry Canadian, which has whiskey and maple syrup with soda water and bitters. That sounds amazing. Oh my God, the angry Canadian. Angry Canadian, anyone? That is going to be your calling card of conversation.

That's the perfect description of my accent as well. I sound like an angry Canadian. So of course I'm drinking them. You do. Right? It's like what's that little bit of hint of mean on the Canadian accent? It's Irish. Hey. Is that what it is? I guess it's my own cocktail. Wait, wait. Did the Irish invade Canada? No, but

lots of, there's a lot of similarity between the accents. Everyone's had a go with the pillaging. No, we haven't. No, no, no. No. In fact, the British colonised both Canada and Ireland. God, we did a good job, didn't we? No, no, that is not the takeaway. We travelled. No.

So, let's pretend we're in Montreal, okay? Everyone's downstairs at the bar. You're in your room, you've already cleaned it three times. You've run out of disinfectant wipes. The room is definitely clean. I put out my own pillowcase. I've hung everything up. My suitcase is empty.

My washbag is put in place. Even though it's just for a couple of nights, you've unpacked and you're prepared I've opened a new head for my toothbrush because, ugh, not packing an old one, yeah. We changed heads apparently. Yeah, come on. Who knows?

In your suitcase, like once a year. You arrive. No, I, every couple of months. Thank you. Yeah. Oh, no, don't wink at the camera. Jesus. With my sty-e-eye.

Is it winking or is it just closing over? Is it just closing and then I open it and then this just held together by pus? No, question. Okay, everyone's downstairs. You go downstairs, you can't see Furn, Sindu, like the British gang immediately. You can't see immediately. You go to the bar to get a drink.

It's something to do, right? You don't get out your phone. Go to the bar. You go, I'll have an angry Canadian. Please. Amy Schumer turns around. Oh, my God. Hannah Gadsby turns around.

Oh, my God. And you go, oh, hi. I'm such big fans. Nice to meet you. My name's Catherine. I'm on the international showcase. Do either of you guys want a drink? I'm getting an angry Canadian.

go, oh, what's that? I love you. Okay. I think you've got time to practice, and this will be the making of you. Okay. I also think you're going to find some lovely new Canadian friends for all our current hoglets. Okay. I don't think we've got any Canadian pigs yet.

Okay. And we love Canadian bacon. We've had no hogs that are Canadian yet? I don't think so. That's mad. But it'd be nice to have some, because I feel. feel like some of our British and American and Australian friends would like to hang out with Canadian Yeah. If you're a Canadian fan, let us know who you'd want to hear on the podcast. And if you like

our podcast, I don't imagine. Ask like Amy Schumer and Hannah Gadsby. I will not be doing that. I will not. Can you ask? Okay. I, I, I love Chelsea Handler. Yeah. No one's ever surprised by that, but I love her. Uh-huh. Have you seen her talk show, Chelsea? Of course. Like, have you seen the episode which does ayahuasca? No, but I've read about her doing. iowaska she does it on the episode it's incredible she does iowaska on the episode it's on netflix no with her friends but because her friend has such a regressive reaction i'd say she gets really upset really sick that chelsea's reaction stops because she becomes in care mode like you do right if you're having a stressful day like so like you fainted the other day but then i got a sty so it was like

who gives a shit poor helen's going through so much yeah kathwin fainted but like you organised you already lay down like not even a big deal um so then she she went back and did it again the next day so she could have the experience wow it's incredible she just snapped out of it she just snapped out of it because her friend was sick and felt like she needed comfort so it just didn't affect her because she had like a mental block in wow that's incredible but i do believe that because like you know that thing of like have you ever been like really drunk and then your friend's been like really drunk and all of a sudden you're not drunk anymore because you need to get this person to home and safety absolutely right absolutely well you probably

appear drunk to other people but in your head you're speaking at a normal volume but you're able to do the stuff still she was still able to present a TV show and explain audibly what was happening to her wow that's insane that's insane you ask her about that you ask her and then you say and we record we record the podcast it's a

boxhole comedy club in London SW would you please come on it's not paid say it's on the Victoria line because it's really easy to get to it's very easy straight from Gatwick Airport I'll say that. Okay, I'm good to go.

I know what to do. Conversationally. And you're holding the angry Canadian by this point. Oh, lovely. And same as always, if you get awkward, just go with the guys

and do the cocaine with them. No. It's a comedy festival. What? No, I don't do cocaine. Do the cocaine with the guy. I don't want to do cocaine with it. Some blowjaws.

I don't want, no. No. No. No. At the comedy festival, there's got to be a pregnancy scare somewhere. From a blow job?

Wait a second. Has it ever been proven? And I mean, actually proven that you can't get pregnant from a blowjohn yes let's say the spunk goes in your mouth but you spit a bit

out and then it swims into your vagina from the floor because people have got pregnant into your vagina but like hot tubs and toilet seats that those things have happened I don't think they have they have why would everyone say it if they hadn't happened I don't think I don't think that's true I think it is worth looking into

I don't think it is sex education okay well listen I'll I'll talk to people Well, I'll bring you back some maple syrup, more importantly. And then... No, and I also want like a beaver toy and a fridge magnet with like a moose on it. Okay, I'll do my best. Although the hotel, get this,

is the way you have to go to Montreal, is attached to a mall. Have you ever heard anything so North American in your life? I was like, yeah. Like a mall from the movies with a food court? Like a mall from the movie. Apparently there's an egg hut. What's an egg hut?

Indeed. Indeed. I don't know. Americans have some mad brands I'm so excited Canadians in this case but yes I'm so excited you know what I'm yeah I know

I'm so excited Egg Hut yeah can you go what the egg hut is now I'm really interested yeah do they also do like actually sell maple syrup

everywhere or is at one of those cons they better no because even if you didn't mean to and it was never your thing like the Irish with like all the leprecon shit we just take it

I've been to Carol I've been to Carol's yes it's like someone's making money off this shit it might as well be us do you know what I mean like they're like so no doubt they do no doubt they do

listen enough about me back to you Helen Bauer I don't know I feel like I've been lied to so I don't want to tell you anything about myself because I can no longer trust me I know I'm sorry but equally come on I try I didn't actually I couldn't actually do it

it was meant to me that you'd listen to the last week's episode and find out I'd lied to you I just hadn't have the follow through and you didn't listen I didn't listen I've been very busy putting a hot compress on my eye and watching Band of Brothers Poor baby girl

Are you just watching Band of Brothers for the first time? Yep, turns out I'm in a high stress situation in life at the moment. I'm very, very stressed, hence why my body is falling to pieces. And I've decided to combat that by watching Band of Brothers. The most stressful show. Blown up 24-7. Saneal is literally every single day being like, I think you need, it's supposed to be resting, aren't you?

And I'm like, they're fucking killing each other. They're currently just in Holland. No, no. It's only going to get worse. Sane. They, right. That cast is really fissing. So many guys.

Yeah, that cast is hot, though. It is crazy. And I only started watching it because I'm listening to a podcast called Dead Eyes. Right. And I am binging it. I, right, so it was recommended to me by friend of the podcast, Rose Johnson. Hi, Rose Johnson. Catherine and M.

It is the best podcast. Tell me about it. And I have a recommendation for you. Okay. So it's by an improviser, actor, comedian in America called Connor Ratliff. Okay. And he, when he was 20. Yeah.

He was in the UK, he's an American guy, and he auditioned for band of brothers, and he got a part in it playing something Zelensky, Private Zelensky. Okay. And the day before he meant to be filming it, the casting director called him up and said, you don't have the part because Tom Hanks thinks you have dead eyes. And the part got recast.

So he is now done. This is the third season of an episode trying to figure out the mystery of what happened. Shut up. I am not joking. Shut up. So on it, he just talks to all these amazing people about their industry failures when they got fired from stuff. Things they didn't get that they would hope they would get.

And it is so comforting because everyone has a big story. That's devastating. It's him trying to get in contact with Tom Hanks. And I have already seen that there is an episode and he does get to do it. I haven't listened to it yet, but it is incredible because Tom Hanks was directing that episode. But then because they talk about Banded Brothers so much because it sounds like, it sounds actually kind of awful for actors at that time. because it's all young white American guys, right? And then British guys, because it was filmed in Britain,

doing American accents. So everyone was auditioning for it. And there were lots of roles. And it was just like horrendous for people that didn't get it. That's a nightmare. Everyone knew everyone was up for it. And being gone fired the day before, which is so horrible. I know it's not funny, but it is because he makes it funny eventually,

but he's clearly still wounded and he's in his 40s. That is horrific. But they talk about it. of so much, and I was like, I've got to see this. So now I'm unwinding, watching Damien Lewis and his lads get blown up. How fit is that cast, though? Don't. It's like, they are so fit.

What is it about soldiers, though? Because I don't find soldiers now fit. Oh, I know, but there's something about it. It's just, oh my God, and the vulnerability and just, oh, my God, they're all so fit. But is it the whole sort of like the best generation thing? So obviously they're not the best generation. I think it's the model good looks.

Of the actors. Maybe it's that. I think it's the modern day masculinity. I think men of that time, actually didn't have as perfectly straight teeth, as gorgeous skin, as chiseled manscaped, beards or all that, I don't think that was actually a thing. Yeah. But, oh my God, they fit.

Also, it's really put in perspective on, like, how much of a rough time they had it in World War II. Yeah. Because, you know, when I watched 1917 last year. Yeah. Have we started the podcast by this point? Are they an awful time of it in World War I? Oh, you know, people do know that.

Yeah, I watched, I watched 1917 towards the end of the lockdown. Was that news to you? Awful. Lads just running around. They thought they were grabbing some dirt. Guess what? Arm of their friend. Awful time.

But then you watch Band of Brothers. You're like World War II. They'd have learned because it's the second one. It's going to be better, right? They still picked up dirt. Terrible. Oh, my God. Absolutely terrible time of it.

And worse thing is, they've got machine guns by this point. Yeah. But not bulletproof fests, which feels a bit stupid. Did you just find all this out? I knew they had a rough time, but Jesus Christ. Yeah. Also, terrible time in winter. Yeah, no, okay.

They were freezing cold and if they lit a fire. Yeah, those Germans, can you believe that? You know, everyone knows it was the Germans. Awful. Yeah, awful. No, you guys were the bad guys. They, oh yeah. Yeah.

We were. We were. But luckily, the lads are really getting in there to Germany. And also, you know, when you're like, I know the ending. Yeah, sure. I mean, sure. Like, it's fun watching Warstaff, but you're like, we win. No, no, the Germans didn't win.

No, I'm speaking from the English side of me. Oh, okay. We won, right? I guess you would have won. Even though if you watch Banner Brothers, it really looks like the Americans won the whole thing by them. Oh, obviously, obviously, yes, yes, of course.

But seriously, yeah, that's just a serious moment. Yeah, pretty tough stuff. Turns out wars are bad. Listen, tell me about it. No, look, look, I studied history, so none of this is actually that's talking about it's talking. And there's been more than just the two. Oh, yeah, no, yeah.

You know, they call them one and two, but there's been so many before that. Okay, listen, let's talk about Afghanistan. Oh, my God, no, please, let's not. No, we're not, we're not qualified. War of the roses. We're not, oh my God. Mad.

That war in the Lion King when everyone goes to the hyenas. Please, stop, Jesus Christ. Please. Awful. I have a question for you. Peace, please. That's what I'd like.

Yes, me too. Can we just say that on the podcast? A bit of world peace, please. Yeah, agreed. Thank you. Hey, um, Helen. I know. Terrible.

Speaking of wars, how are things with Seneal? Yeah, better. Better. Love Island's like ending. and just I don't know I feel like there's just a generosity of spirit

that's just come over him You're not living together in Edinburgh No, we're going to be close Do you think it's that He can see the end in sight That's all right Where's that coming from? I'm just wondering if it's like

He knows the break is around the corner I think it's more because like we're starting to buy like Not ice creams individually But more like bumper packs Because before I was buying bumper packs Then he'd help himself Then I'd get annoyed

Whereas now he's coming home With bumper packs Good it's crazy that that was But then I'm also getting them Also, not to start a fight again, but, like, he expected you to get the gas for the soda stream, but he thinks you can just take your ice cream? He got the gas for the soda stream as well. Oh, you won.

Nice, so you're up. This is the thing. I think he has learned some lessons recently. Yeah. And I think from me developing the sty and only winging and talking about it. And also watching Band of Brothers, he has a new respect for me that he didn't have before. Wow, you're so manly now. Because when I'm watching, like, Love Island and Real Housewives Beverly Hills, he's a bit like, grow up, you know,

Wake up to yourself, you're useless bitch. Yeah. But now I'm at home watching war and being like, oh God, Ezae, here we go. He's like, D-Dey, yes, well done. Okay, cool. Correct. Wow, wait until you get on to documentaries. I've watched them.

What? You know I've seen documentaries. I don't mean real has wives. No, no, no, no. Like the whale ones and the octopus one. Do you mean blackfish? Yes. Very bad.

That whale is a terrible time of it, too. Delicum. Such a terrible time of it. Yeah, no, we had a rough one all right. Oh my God, but they all did. The whales and the trainers, they were like to too. Can I tell you that yesterday, I went to Snowflake, which is one of my favourite ice cream places on Wardour Street in Soho.

And when I was there, a table beside me bought between two of them for desserts. We're talking a waffle, a waffle, hot waffle with loads of whipped cream, loads of ice cream and loads of toppings. We're talking in ice cream sundae, stacked high with cream and cherries and brownies. Amazing. and two giant chocolate ice cream milkshakes. They then proceeded to take, I kid you not, approximately 500 photos.

I timed it. They photographed these four desserts for 35 minutes. Did they stay cold? They didn't eat them. No! They didn't eat them until they were absolutely melting, at which point they took a bite each of the waffle, tasted each milkshake, didn't touch the Sunday, and left.

the rest just to be clear you were in an ice cream shop people came in ordered four big ice cream sundae waffle dessert and didn't eat them and this is why we will not have world peace right this is why world war three

is not only coming up but inevitable right because people like this exist I was so angry I was like spouting off about food waste about like wanton capitalism about how I could have eaten them about how I still would eat them about whether or not they were going to leave in time so that I could eat them

I was so angry I was I actually the visceral hatred I had for these people I cannot tell you I was so angry and then I went on Snowflakes Instagram to see if they weren't there to see if they were like some sort of fucking

professional influencers but they paid for the desserts so that's not the case right they definitely paid for them should we take a breather and then bring on that gas I'm just really angry I understand and I'm also angry. And I don't want to bring the energy in.

No, I get that we're all upset. We're all upset. Yeah. No, because if you cry, I'll cry. Don't. No. It's Jane Adam. I love Jane Adams.

I love Jane Adams. What's up? Hoglets, your hoggy pigsty shits? No. Thank you to our executive producers. It's Guy Goodman, Simon Moore's. Janina Bouty. Mr. Mary Fox, Annie Turner, Sarah Harkay Deakin.

What's up, let's roll and mock to our producers. It's Richard Bicknell, L, Richard Bolt, Neil Redmond, Victoria Hutchinson, Emma Walton, Karen, and David Bull, Harold Van Dyke, Kira Leach, Tim and Dumb, David Walker, Rachel R, Anthony Conway, Sadie Cashmore, Claire Owen Jones, Jess and Nick, Zoe, Joe Holmes, Sarah and Molly, Oliver Jago, Alex Pugh. Wow, wow.

Let's eat turnips and fuck. No! But also, oh my God, new exec producer alert. I know, that's what I was thinking. Thank you so much. Thank you to all of you. I just don't think we can tell you how grateful we are. This podcast is going from strength to strength

and we're going to get some merch so well and thank you. It's going from strength to strength and we're slowly becoming pigs. I'm getting my tail implanted next week. What? No, that's no. It's Edinburgh Fringe. Andrew, what are you up to? Oh, well, Edinburgh is turning into a bloody pig star because all the hogs are going up.

I'm up at 6.50 every day at the caves. My show is called Andrew White Brackets for Not in a Gayway. Helen, when's your show? I'm on a fucking pigsty of a bunker at the Pleasant's courtyard at 5.40 every day. Come rolling the muck with me for Madam Goodt to it. Boehart? I'm getting muckier at 320 at Monkey Barrel.

Monkey Barrel one, and I'd love to see you there every day at the Fringe apart from 16th of August. Let's get in the size. Bye. Welcome, Jane Adams. Hi, Jane Adams. We're so happy you're here. Yee.

Yeah. Awesome. Oh, my God. You look great. Do we welcome Peanut as well? Peanuts here. There's a little doggy on the floor. I'm so happy.

You're going to come up, Peanut, and say hello to the hogs. Hi, Pean. Oh, wow. My goodness. Peanut's in the house. Hi, this is Peanut. I love that you matched outfits with the, like color coordinated with the dog.

Yeah, you've got to go on YouTube and have a look like this is insane. What kind of dog is peanut? I love you, girl. Cockapoo. Cava Poushion. Cavapalier. B. John Freeze and a Poodle and her dads are currently in Malorca on a body camp together. And one of her dads is a specialist fertility nurse.

And her other dad owns. Mighty Hoopler of other people but yeah Wow Mr. Mighty Hoopler and Mr. Sink the Pink

this is how Peanut has got on the podcast nepotism Hi Peter Nepotism from this dog Questions

what is a body camp so they were wanting to feel fit and healthy I've been calling it Fat Camp but apparently

that's not it's not fat camp it's not fat camp it's about mind body and soul and they've just had like two weeks Mel Black

from the All Saints is with them as well What? Now Black from the All Saints. What? Recently, it's going to be on Master Chef as well. What? Yeah.

Oh my God. Did any of All Saints ever come out as gay? No. No, I don't think so. Oh, shocking to me. Because never ever, that's a lesbian power balance, right? I mean, also, they were the queens of track suits. They were four sporty spices.

Like, I was just obsessed. A few questions that I need to know. How you could never hurt me so. I need to know what I done wrong. And how long it's been going on? Did I not give enough attention? All the answers is insane. All the answers to my questions, I have to find.

My head spinning. Boy, I'm in the day. I'm isolated. It's so good. Until then I was actually getting a little fizzy. That's so exciting. Oh my God. But yeah, they were like, I fancied all of them.

I was sure one of them would be queer. Not one of them, no. I didn't think so. That's astonishing. We could get all four of them on here to ask them about it. I could get one on here. Oh my God, please. That's enough.

Don't promise something you can't deliver on. That's crazy. I could get Mel. Mel. Mel. Mel. Mel. Mel.

Come on Trustee Hokes, babe. Come on trusty hogs. How are you, Jane Adams? Very well, thank you. Living life. Just having a great time. You just made a movie? Just made a bloody movie

I'm no longer a television Jade Adams, I'm now Star Stage and Screen Yes, international movies Not Include TV It's like screens Screens, it could be any screen Oh, I changed it as soon as I did one ITV2 panel

So Of the Star Stage and Screen Helen Bauer But that's good to know that the standards above that And yeah, a movie International movie star Jade Adams Jade Adams It's so exciting

It was fantastic The filming of it was wild. Tell everyone at home what the film is. So the film is called Greatest Days, and it is a sort of jukebox musical with the music of Take That, about four girls from Clitherow who would love Take That. Oh my God.

It's set in 1993, and then it fast-forward 25 years later. And it's me, Amaka Ocifer, Alice Lowe, and Ashling Bee. Oh, my good, it's a good cast. And I love a jukebox musical. I remember crying, sing, Jersey boys back in the day.

Like, I'm that level of Jeepbox musical love. I haven't seen that. You've got to go. It's on at the moment still. It's at the Fortune Theatre now. They kicked out women in black. Are we going to go? Drama.

What are they kicked out, woman in black? Yeah. Oh, I just, why? I've been four times. I can do the whole thing for you. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will perform it for you later.

Don't you worry. Okay. It's so good. If you go out the weekend, it's just divorcees. Right? And they who are not like theater theater goes. So they're there because they think they can do a dance and a concert. And even though they get told,

they can't they still do it's incredible isn't it like it's the based on the film isn't it yeah yeah yeah with daniel rackcliff i don't know women in black oh my god i think it's like my jersey boys and it's like no oh my god this is the weirdest conversation for me do you think it's divorce a's going to see women and black getting up and dancing well maybe they just like you know they feel like you know maybe no maybe they're divorced and he wear black all the time no it's jersey boy Women in Black is a film, but it was also before that a play. Okay, and what's amazing

about the play The Women in Black, so it's basically got two cast members, two cast members, okay? The one who's written the play, and he's telling his story, the play is autobiographical, and he's telling it to, like, a theatre director,

and then as they're telling it, the things happen and they start performing out the scenes. And then at the end of it, at the end of it, it's like the more size you get about the story, the bigger your style is getting something.

You can go fuck yourself. At the end of it, They do their bows, but the woman in black doesn't do a bow. Do you know why she doesn't exist? She's not even listed in the program. Wow. It is amazing. We have ruined it for literally anyone who wanted to go now, though.

Yeah. The door opens them words of the chair rocks by itself. But you can't see it anyway, because Jersey Boys is in its place where divorce sees go on a Friday. Exactly. I've got that right. So you should go midway. It's the same crowd that go see Dirty Dancing. Okay.

Not DirtyEighton, sorry, pretty women as well. Okay, same vibe. I got you. I think I've seen Dirtie. dancing. I've seen pretty women. Trash, that's great. Do you say women when you mean woman? Yeah. Is it woman in black? Pretty woman. It's pretty woman.

Woman and woman. And woman in black. Pretty woman. Woman. Oh, so she's the only pretty one. They're both. Yeah. Oh, because the rest are whores. Oh, no. She's also a whore. But she transitions into a pretty woman. Yeah. A real relief. Julia Roberts had a real career, isn't she? Right? Right. What a gal. Like, who saw that? And then... Runaway bride.

Heron Brochavit. I loved, Oh, Heron Brochavitch, I rewatched it recently. Incredible. I love her, like, I love her explaining all of the, I've got this really weird obsession with

how she explains all of the hexavaliant chromium issues in PG&E's cooling pools. Oh my gosh. That's a one going to have. I tell you what, I've got obsessed with that script and she's eat, there's a bit where she's like eating

and she's telling him and you just want everything she's eating and you want to know everything she's saying. Yeah. And like the way that she describes stuff that all the, the lawyers in there can't describe with any sort of passion. I just think it's, I think it's probably one of the best

female performances in any movie I've ever watched. And the best character parts written for a woman. Oh my God, it's incredible. Yeah. Are you guys seen Notting Hill? I mean. Oh yeah also. Notting Hill as well.

Really good. My favourite line of Notting Hill, can I tell you? Yeah. Again, because I'm weirdly obsessed with the way she acts. Is it about the tits? No, you wait, it's literally, you wait, you're not even remember this line. But no. No, that is a great line.

Nice, it's not this one, but there's another. I'll do some others that could be, but it's not. It goes, oh, not bad, not bad at all. Nice grey pants, nice, firm, but then. It's really good. Ladies like the ground. Girl. You're the most beautiful woman in the world, turns around, fancy a fuck.

Love it. My favourite line is when she, you know, when she knocks on the door again after she's kissed him. Yeah. And she knocks on the door and she's got her glasses and she smiles. She goes, I forgot my other bag. And then just smiles at him. I'm obsessed with it.

How weird is that? Do you ever get that? Yeah, I know what you mean. Weird moments where you like the way someone says something. She goes, I forgot my other bag. That's like in Milan. You know at the end where the granny goes, do you want to stay forever?

Got obsessed with it. Is that in your head? It's burned in my mind. Does anyone, not that line, but I know the idea of line. The Milan is like, do you want to stay for dinner? And the granny's like, do you want to stay forever? I just like that's my romantic energy The second favourite line is where she goes

That's okay I thought the apricot and honey was a real low point I remember that one very clearly She's so good She's such a good actress I know yeah listen lots of reasons I fancied her still fancy her So much so much But could you wank to the Erin Brokovich speech Because that is very specific

Now I'll wank to Jade doing the Julia Roberts speech I hope you understand I will learn that proper word for word and I'll send you the video That means everything Pop on TikTok, let everyone else have a wank to it Don't fucking be exclusive with it Yeah, it's true, let's not be greedy

I don't need to be greedy All right, that's fair I would wank to for Julia Roberts Like what film I'd go for Hmm Hmm Because it's like Pretty woman, thank you

Yeah Runaway bride is her hair in that Her hair in all of them is amazing Oh god When she's fanning herself In front of the fan and she's blowing a bubble and then wonderful Joan Cusack starts talking about how she saw a flock of seagulls

in the sky that were in the shape of a V which is half of a W. Oh my God. Oh, you know what you could wank to? It feels right up your street in terms of levels of drama. Stepmom? Haven't seen it.

What? No. What? Oh my God, I have with Susan Sarandon and then Susan Sarandon dies? Yes. I'm not going to wank to that. Obviously, why would I want Jeter Roberts is really fitting?

She is. Kids don't have their mom. Like, no way. Even with holding my breath, I don't think I could get there. They get two moms, and the second one's Julia Roberts. But then they have two moms for a minute. And dad's Ed Harris. They do have a bit of a sexy snog. Yeah, they really

do. It's all very good. Yeah, he's nice. It's a very good time. Okay, you're right. I will go home and wank to step-man, and Sineil Patel will be arguably upset. You got a stuff doing it in the living room. We didn't say do it in the living room. Why, buy a couch? I bought the couch. It's my sofa. I'm

allowed to sit in it with no knickers on if it leaves a stain it's my stain to deal with oh my god i'm sick of saying it i'm many snail trail helen bower it's my liquid okay jade i'm sorry but things are important to say and that is feminism you're right peanut she's all right don't worry dogs looking really concerned because you're so much you're so chill out and lie down but yeah not today i have a question One of the things you didn't know about making movies Like what was the shocking information Like what was what like you know Because we imagine it is so glamorous

Obviously we all want to do it And we think like ooh it'll be like lots of catering And having your own trailer And like having your makeup done And it's so glamorous But what is it actually like? What are the things you didn't know? On location filming

So when you're away it's quite like I didn't realize quite how isolated I would feel whilst doing the thing that I've always dreamed of. Interesting. So that was quite interesting. Just like maintaining mental health when I, you know, none of my friends and family are there with me. I made really good friends with everyone on the cast and the

crew. That was all lovely. But you know, it's not really like you can share new friendships, not old friendships, it's different. You can't really share like your innermost dark desires or not desires that sounds terrible. And their most dark thoughts and stuff like, so there is a sort

of isolating feeling. I I'd be honest with you, it does kind of stop you being dramatic, though, because you're like, just sort of yourself out, Jay, go for a swim. There's a pool upstairs, what you're moaning in the back. Yeah, okay, you know? What sort of a pool? Upstance. It was a rooftop, infinity pool.

What? Yeah, upstairs on our... Oh, the movies are, as they seem. My God. I had so many Nogronis over that month that the bar told me how many I'd bought. I average four Nogronis a night for a month. Why would they tell you that? Because they thought it was hilarious.

No, that's a personal. That's an attack. No, I'm sorry, that is beautiful. Four Nogronies a night. Yeah, it's very impressive. There were some days I wasn't there, so I didn't have any. Oh! Just to put it in context, the average woman can do two Nogronies and then she's blackout. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's very incredible.

Not me. But you're getting in the pool after the Nogronies? Oh, absolutely. Brilliant stuff. Wow. That was quite interesting, actually. Being around the pool in my swimming costume. Yeah.

In a city where normally, bodies like that are like quite tanned you were in Greece I was in Greece I got I got my I got my um bikini on yeah and I was very much being stare I think people just it weren't being mean they just wanted to have a look

you know it's like that fascination yeah yeah yeah like wow like you know people spend so much of their life trying not to look like me and then I'm just like absolutely fine with it so that was quite interesting being stared at yeah um you had that before in Japan though didn't you didn't you go and get a kimono made and they were like well she kept laughing

laughing at me. What? Because all the kimonos fitted like jackets and she thought it was the funniest thing ever. And she kept going ha ha ha ha.

Wow. Your tall and fat shopping in Asia is just going to be humbling. It just is. Wow. Go in with your best sense of humor cap.

Wow. We went to the onsen so the Japanese absolutely love bathing and me and my best mate had gone and she and I'm like I was a bit like oh they're all going to have a little look

because I'm much bigger and wider than all of the Japanese ladies there. I mean, there are people that are my size over there, but they are athletes. Every country in the world where someone like my size is a genuine athlete. Amazing. Amazing. But I was like in the onsen

and I walked in and you are naked in them. So you've got men and women are separated into... Yeah, like the hammams of Morocco and stuff. Yeah, it's basically Japanese hamam. It's a really important part of Japanese culture to like work your work well Jade I watched a lot of Japanese reality TV shows you don't need to tell about the value

of bathing oh yeah okay they love it I led on like rose courts and stuff and I was like what is this doing I don't care yeah amazing amazing but I was like worried about looking at you know I was a little bit like oh what if I just because I just want to be naked and I got there and after a while I felt really fine and I got over it in five minutes but also

do you know what trumps my body my best mate's ginger pubs honestly a distraction like that will fucking do the job that will fucking do it people do get very alarmed by the ginger pubs it's true it's a real thing in Japan how I'm gonna say ginger pubes given how alarmed like I've had Greek people

Japanese people Indian people approach me just about my hair on my head so yeah I can only imagine what it would be like if you got the bush out that's crazy that's very funny talk to me about Greece though Athens Yes, did you feel, I hope you didn't feel, is it tiring having to feel like I'm like some sort of brave statement? Yeah, it is and it's my lifelong ambition to get to a point because at the moment I sort of 90% don't care. I've still got 10% to go.

So it's just my lifelong ambition to not care for that extra 10%. And I'm getting there. Do you know what helps? Just getting really successful. Yes. Because you find being a bit thicker like me because people are staring and I'm like, they might. recognise me from something I'm so far removed from being judged by it that I'm just sort of like they must really love my outfit like I mean that's where I want to get to so

don't want to but it's thickness I think it's thickness no it's not it's that you you've refused to take the blue pill that's not that doesn't mean that you're thick you've just decided to not lean into any of that drama no I've got some blue tablets so like anti-anxiety ones take them quite a lot oh Helen yeah guess where I went the other day the chemist Bourneville Cabrries Wales are you ready Are you ready? Track, Shrek Adventure. I went to fleet services.

No! Did you think of Helen the whole time? Yeah, the whole time. Northbound, southbound? Northbound, southbound. Which side? What? Do you go to Pinker Express?

Oh, no, no, no, no, KFC. Fair play, fair play. Do you see the little subway, the little Chinese stand of the mini waitros? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Starbucks has got sitting outside. Lovely embankment, actually,

with picnic tables on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you see the days in? We got a little hotel. on Southbound. Yeah. Did you, do you drive?

No, I was with Red Richardson and we were going to Falmouth to do a preview. Fabio. Oh my fucking God. Isn't it a good services? Top three in the country?

I'd be honest, it's the, it's the best services in the country. What? You're just flirting. No, because we've got a bridge. Scott Mills Bridge

will take you northbound if Southbounders and doing it. Yeah, Scott Bill's did a shout out back in the day being like, I want something named after me in the country. No one else responded apart from my town and we're like, you can have our bridge.

So we gave him, the bridge which connects our two south of this station. Wow. The Scott Mills Bridge. Wow. Oh my God. He is so famous. I went to Eurovision with Scott.

Oh my God, yeah, of course you did. I was part of the, not for this Eurovision, but the one before it. What is your life? I know, it's nuts, isn't it? It's crazy. It's so cool. But he's utterly terrific. He is like the best.

And I couldn't. You were so close to his bridge. I didn't even know that he had a bridge. This is the thing. You can tell him on behalf of all the people on fleet who I speak for. that we were more than happy to do it and it was the biggest day in town. And you know what?

The type of person he is, he would have really appreciated that anyone would have gone to that trouble as well. To rename a bridge, yeah. There's so many celebrities out there that would just be like, yeah. A bridge has been named after me. Oh, all in the days work for me, babes.

Yeah. It's across the M3. We're talking bridge. Wow. It's a big bridge. Goodness. Yeah. You're welcome.

Also, the KFC coating in that KFC is the best coating I've had in the... You know why? It's 12 herbs and spices and fleet. No, I'm joking. What is going on? Your face. I was like, what's happening?

Yeah, we've also got another mini KFC in town. Wow. I love Fleet. Yeah. One of the services. I thought Fleet was just a services. Is there a town as well? Shut your whore mouth, okay.

We've got a mini W.H. Smith at both. There is a town. Yeah, it's called Fleet Road. Is the whole town miniature? Mini... Everything's the more there apart from me. That's what they let me out. It's the Japan of the M3.

What's happening? Well, I think we're ready to solve a problem. I think we are. I think we are very well equipped. Do you know how good a problem solver I am? I'm really good at this. You are there, because I call you up for advice all the time. I love that you do.

It's good advice. Do you know why? Very honest, very open. Yeah. I don't think about myself when I'm giving people advice, which is always a, I don't think about, it's not about me. It's like, what is it?

best for this person takes a lot of practice to do that though because you know like when someone like it's so hard sometimes when you're like when life's difficult and someone comes to you and they're like oh this thing's happened and you're like yeah yeah that happened to me yeah yeah yeah no yeah okay but katherine's also very good advice so i'm curious to see i would say i do think about myself well i'm amazing at it because i couldn't give a shit about your problem and also three like off of a triangle yeah i would say so i would too much of a savior which is what my new show's about but we'll talk about that later i got a savior complex on my own don't you worry oh yes girl let's do problem okay so this is from b

hi b the disclaimer at the beginning says sorry about the length and possibly confusing nature of this email oh i've been in about shout out the second is so loud i'm so sorry we love to start of that email uh so i've been in a back and forth situation with one boy for some time now he's dated another person throughout this time as well as me uh in the time he he was dating the other person, he said he can't continue the relationship because of his feelings about me. And in the time when I've been in the relationship with him, he's expressed that he can't continue the relationship because of his feelings about the other person. Speaking of triangles. Yeah. The other person is a girl I've become quite close with

throughout this time against all competitive odds. At the moment, he has dated each of us twice, respectively. All four chapters have ended in various degrees of heartbreak. Despite the clarity both her and I have that pursuing anything with this boy in future would be an unhealthy and detrimental thing to do in the long run. We both struggle with the prospect of definitively breaking it off. We both spent time not in contact with him at various stages, but it's never lasted. I was wondering if you have any advice or even just hilarious commentary. Yeah, put him in a well and then forget where the well is.

That is usually the best way to do it. Or that, or my usual advice of, move country. Start again. Start fresh, new identity. But the well thing does work. Yeah. There's two of you. You get them in a well.

Yeah, also people like There's wells just like underground People don't know they're there Just take him on a walk, let him go down wellie And then just forget where well is Right I think Jade

What I'm going to say though Isn't really advice so much Is a very clear thing I hear in that email Babe you ain't ready To not see him anymore Because if you didn't want to see him Because of the way he treats you

You would just not see him anymore And until you get there no single bit of advice is going to be helpful. The well would... The well would definitely work, though. So if you want to, like, physically get rid of him, Helen's suggestion's fantastic. Thank you.

But I would just say, when it comes to, like, what? Just we're trying to give advice. I saw you iron up my Little Mermaid scent and hand sanitizer earlier, and then you just went for it at mid... I'm sorry, B, I'm sorry, B, do you want to guess what the scent is called? You're never going to guess.

She might? Blueberry. Ariel's mermaid tears in Bracketian. It's of laughter in a bottle. Thank you too. This is my final Disney princess branded hand sanitizer. Is it? I think you make a very astute observation, Jade.

I think interesting suggestion, Helen. Thank you. I think I, my question is, do you want to be friends with this person, the other girl, so that you have control over the information so that you know when things are happening? and are you more afraid of losing him or losing him to her?

Because I think those are two different things and I think that I have been in a position where I think it would be so painful for her to have him like I'd have lost that I haven't assessed whether or not he's actually good enough for me. So I've been doing some research

into something that you bring up there which is this notion of love. Yeah. So we see it time and time again people getting themselves wrapped up in this like, oh, they love me, they don't love me, they love me, they don't, love me and essentially love is a hormone called oxytocin and when you meet

someone your two of you swim around in it and it's a really addictive yeah hormone and we all constantly go out trying to search it people sometimes have orgies people do drugs people like we're we're masturbate Julia Roberts films exactly yes and so what she is experiencing in that situation is like you've got he essentially he's like your dealer yeah and you're getting a supply off of him but he you're not he's not he's not his only he's not, you're not his only client. He's got two other, he's got another person who's another client.

And essentially, what you need to do is go and find somewhere else to get oxytocin from. And it will take you seven days for that oxytocin cycle to go through. It takes you seven days depending on your health and your weight and stuff. But it's roughly, let's say, two weeks, let's give it a two week window, of you just like putting boundaries in place and just being busy. And then just to go through that cycle of oxytocin and just find ways to get it. So a good way. That's the poison leave your body.

The poison leave your body. So a really good way of finding another supply of oxytocin I have discovered is to phone someone up or look at two people in the eye that you like and you say to them both, I care about you or I care about you. Oh, that's really nice. It doesn't it feel great? And you just say it back. I care about you. Exactly.

I care about you, peanuts. We care about you, peanuts. We care about you peanut. Also be your right animals. Catherine, I care about you. I think the thing is also I care about you I wonder if it's also like not very

healthy to hang out with the other addict It's not, it's not like it's all It's not so much as an addiction It is kind of because it's like It's a negative relationship that you keep going back to But that's your communication, you and this other girl Your relationship is because of this person I thought some telling language in there was

Despite the competitive odds When did you decide When did he make you guys feel like you're competing for him? And is he a word? the prize. Never, no. I just kind of, I can't imagine he is if he makes you feel this bad this often.

That's not a prize. It's never the other person's fault. It's never that and it's always to do with him. But that is their relationship. Their common ground is him. So unfortunately your friendship will always boil down to this. Which is why I think

either you shouldn't be friends with her or crazy thought. Start fresh. You guys start fucking and he gets left out in the cold. The answer is, yes, yes. Come in,

join up together and do the well and then you guys start fucking. Yes. Let the well be the well. You push him in. The well, no one said push.

They fall, you forget. Oh, okay. Push requires culpability and accidents and accident. Oh, like Janine and Barry EastEnders. Yeah. There you go. Push him.

She just went, I'm not going to catch you. Yeah. There you go. Such a different situation. Same language, great. And there's wealth of everywhere. You'd be surprised.

But also I'm just like... My heart goes out to be because I know that feeling of being like... There's so many people I do. I can't go of you, but I really love you. One day you're going to wake up and you're going to be like, I like myself more than this. What the hell am I doing? I agree.

And you'll wake up one day and you'll be like, no more. And then you just have to get over the oxytocin. And that's all you have to just get over the hormones that he's giving you. And you'll be over it. Look, he's not that important. He treats you like shit and he treats someone else like shit. You're getting, like, I'd say

that the relationship you've got with his other girlfriend is probably not real because it can't be real. But it doesn't mean that it's not in the future. It's just right now it's about him and he loves that as well. That's the other thing.

Obviously needs to have all of these women in tow and there'll be some traumatic reason and justification as to why he needs to have two, women on the go yeah and um and that is not your fault or problem so I also just could you do karaoke every night for two weeks yeah really helped me research you could get like a week path to um like sea world or something also um my friend Sophie said this something to me a long time ago and I remember it like blowing my mind at the time which was like I was talking about this boy

he wasn't treating me very well and I was like he said he loves me and which now I look back I'm like but she said cool how and I was like what and she was like oh I don't think it I think women predominantly ask do you love me instead of how do you love me love is a forward motion yeah it's not an it's not it's an action it's an action it's not you can just be like I'm in love but if you don't treat the person you say you're in love with it's not love it just isn't no action and and empathy and compassion and forward motion and helpful and tolerance and all of that. I just don't think that this is what love looks like, babe.

And I think she probably, B, let's be honest, girl, you know that too. I think so too. I think so too. I love you guys. I love you too. You guys are amazing. People who want you to win will help you win. They will.

Are we winning right now? We're winning. And B, we want you to win. Just don't hang out with someone who blows your candlelight, babe. Yeah, or blows your boyfriend. Whatever. We've liked a lot from Prince Diana, Camilla and Charles. No, we're not having that one.

No, keep that in. Yay! Oh my gosh, Jade Adams, you're such an amazing guest, and we're so lucky to have you and Peanut here. If anyone's in Edinburgh, you have to see Jane's son. Please tell us what your new show is. So my new show is called Men I Can Save You. Yes.

Because in my last show, Sirius, there we go. I wore a black turtleneck and convinced the world I was clever. So I dressed like Jesus for the last year and thinking, what's that going to do? And what's kind of happened is that. So I've really stepped into that moment that lots of celebrities do, which is where they're like,

I'm not just happy with being a comedian or an actress. I am going to do a self-help show. They're not really to a book, I'm doing a show. So I look out there into the world girls and I like, who needs my help? And it's not women, it's not other genders, everyone seems like they've really got their voice going on and they're getting there and all of this.

And they're self-aware, self-analyzing, but there's a big gap in the market. You know it. Straight white guys. That's some cunning energy. So I'm going to be there for the whole of Edinburgh helping white, white straight guys, straight white guys really learn how to deal with the loss of power

because 100,000 years, 100,000 years they've been in power and now the men that are here now, you've come in at the death rattle babes because it's over and there's no one there helping them through this change. That's really beautiful. And also I am going to be tapping into the fact as to, why I need to save people and why I'm so codependent

and by hopefully doing this show I can say goodbye to all of this behaviour Oh my god, amazing I need to come see that show and learn and take notes That might be the best plug I've ever seen I know right from mesmerising Like you won't forget it

I think I was hypnotised You do need to see this show Yeah no I agree There's a lot I'm previewing at the moment I three days ago I would have said I'm quitting and I'm going to become a chef but I had a preview last night and I'm like

I'm king of the world I love that I love that about preview season the highs the lows the lows the anxiety this is amazing so where can they see it Cabaret bar pleasant 820 p.m amazing amazing

and yeah and bring you blokes please you do need to book in advance as a lifelong fan of Jade Adams I have tried to get in my pleasant pass many times over the years and you are in a very stressful queue and you're not getting in just book your ticket I agree you know you know

you can just text me any time. This is before we knew each other and I was a fan and I would be like standing there like come on like me and Janine Haruni just like crying you don't understand

she going Oh well that's fucking rude That's rude I know also much space And she fits into a smaller space That's really rude To the front of the date Adam's gig Oh yeah always

Yeah yeah But you know what the scenes like in Edinburgh I want before XL's girls Yeah I'll take two up And we're Where are, where can they find you on the internet? Jadeadams.com or on various social media.

Amazing. We'll be tagging Jade in everything. My very last request, and yes, it is because it's titillating. Have you ever guessed Jade's size? What, breast size? Yeah. Do you know I can do this? Do you know that's her special skill?

I can do breast. I have to touch. No, no, you don't have to take it off off. No, that's actually her magic of her. I've got a bikini on. No, but that's the magic of her. Well, first of all, now what do we learn from before? What do we ask?

Ask consent. What do we say? May I please touch your breath? Yes. Okay. And are you prepared for her to blow your mind? Yeah. Okay.

I actually... Oh my God. It's incredible. I'm coming round. Oh, that is a bikini top. What single cloth? Your size, you need a fucking three class for baby. What are you doing with a single class?

Interesting. You wouldn't expect the size they are. Really? So, Dan, tell us your analysis. That's interesting. I know. It's not as big as you think, do it, are I? Tell us.

You're a 38 double D? I, you're so close. I'm right. You're not. I am right. I'm not a 38. You're at what? I'm a 40.

Double D? E. Helen thinks you haven't wrong. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I never get this wrong. Can I come in again? Yeah. Sorry to the listener. What happened as I've unclasped?

I've unclasped. I've got three clasps on, good luck. Incredible, yeah, okay. I can see the E. There's, it's, it's, it, I 40 D or 40E, but most, I'd say 40 D so you're not that far off. No, you've, I hate myself.

Oh my God, you got it wrong with you, Chris, you're the biggest fan of. You've gotten this right. so many times and you got it wrong to it. Obviously I was flustered. I've also undone it. Oh no. I will do it back up again.

All right then. Thank you for, I can see your nipples now. Did you get around? No, you stimulated them so much. No, that's not her fault. You did so much. I got her eyes.

Look at the size of her clear. She's fucking losing her eyes. No, she did so much stimulation. She was a wide of a woman like that. That's insane. You were rubbing them with you did so much more. Oh my God, I'm hard! You're both ridiculous.

Can I just talk about the fact that you're wearing a cowgirl hat? You're wearing fucking cargo, like, camouflage trousers. This is the gayest interaction of it. I saw Regina George wearing cargo pants and flip-flops. This is your gay awakening, Helen Bauer. Oh, no, my gay awakening has happened with Jade before. Oh. But she's straight.

Oh, since when? We don't know what I am yet. I'm learning. Yeah. Thank you for listening to Trustee Hoggs. Bye next week. Hogs, Hogs, Hogs. Thank you so much to our executive producers,

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Michaela Swan. Swan is a surname. She's a swan, but now she's a pig. Hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug. Oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, o'ing, o'ing, o'ing, o'ing, o'all. We love you all. But seriously, we really do appreciate you. Thank you so much.

And if you haven't joined us on Patreon, what are you waiting for? There's free episodes on there. And also, Helen tells all of her filthy fucking secrets. It gets worse yesterday. I hear thrush a lot.