Trusty Hogs - Ep47. ATSUKO OKATSUKA / Foreplay, Fringe Food & Former Cheerleaders

Episode Date: August 25, 2022

Comedian Atsuko Okatsuka joins us for a chat on all things USA, cheerleading, Edinburgh dining, and drugs. Star of Jimmy Kimmel & The Late Late Show with James Corden, we're so lucky to chat with Atsuko whilst she's at the Fringe...Follow Atsuko: @AtsukoComedy*SEE US IN EDINBURGH*Thank you so much for listening! Support us at https://www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more! Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] Please give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socials Be sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Simon Moores / Guy Goodman / Janinna Bautista / Mary Fox / Annie Tonner / Sarah Jarque-Deakin / Oliver JagoPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Emma Walton / Karen & David Bull / Harald van Dijk / Kierah Leach / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Anthony Conway / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Jo Holmes  / Sarah & Molly  / Alex Pugh / Josie W / Amy / Cordelia / Raia Fink / Rachel PageWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to episode 47 of trusty hogs. I'm Catherine Bowers. She's Helen Bower and for the first time ever I'm getting to introduce the podcast because Helen has a sore throat and she's sucking on a little lozenge which she is trying to bite, don't bite it, please suck. And this is going to be a much better episode than the last one actually because I think we were tired. Now that's not to say I'm not tired, but we were sad last time.

I'd say we were mentally exhausted. Yeah, we were unwell. But we can see the end now. Yeah. We're talking eight days to the end, baby, we got this. Through the fog, step forth the trusty hogs. Yeah, you're going to give them your problems and they will solve them. Or maybe they won't and that's your problem.

They'll have guests and Andrew White on the tech. Oh, it's Helen and Catherine as the trusty hogs. Trust the trusty hogs or maybe not We are excited Helen, are you okay I don't think you are okay I'm mentally very strong Right now but I don't

I've got tummy ache Why? Because Right back me up on this Everyone in Edinburgh Like from the thickest clown To the best magician Thinks they are a homeopath in Edinburgh First of all that's your hierarchy

you think it goes from clown to magician is the highest form of art it is it is it is because they can talk as well as doing tricks which is different like you only talk all right you got me there and actually i don't even know they're they're definitely like creeps they are the bottom feeders of the fringe yeah thank you they're the angler fish of the french with the little lights on the front they're a little creep you can't be a magician and not be a creep well basically everyone I run into I'm like oh I've got a sore throat and I've got a bit of a cold and suddenly these like morons for the rest of the year like real thick people like I'll tell you off this like which people I've spoken

to like real thickos like real fucking like push a pool door for about 20 minutes sort of like level of like do you know what I mean have been like oh you need to go to Holland and Barrett and get some milk of magnesium

and I'm like where is this coming from I'm not joking I am getting advice So basically The Sindhu V to me the other day said Why don't you just go to Neal's yard And get a tincture? I was like, what the fuck is a tincture? I am not joking.

Ran into Sindu the exact same thing. No, if I'm like, can we all? Can we all? The thing is, I don't think that Sinduvi ever gets sick. I think she's like a wheyfish, ethereal, beautiful, like strong, gorgeous woman who's always fine.

So we're like, how do we fix this? And she's like, oh, I know a lovely perfume shop. It's like, what? No. Could you imagine? I don't, I think it's because some people have access

to those IVs. Have you heard about this? You think Cindy V's on an IV drip? 24-7. 24-7. I don't know this because Rosie Jones has had an IV drip a couple of times. Oh, you mean like those vitamin ones?

So they do it like if you've got a bit of a cold and you've got to film the next day and you're like important, important. They like whack drugs into you so you're not sick for 24 hours. So nice. I could do it. That's the thing because I'm just taking advice.

But basically, Basically, why I feel sick is because everyone had, like, different, like, medicines and stuff like that. But then the thing that I heard from everyone was orange juice and hydration. Yeah. And then when he's got a drink. So I had two litres of orange juice in the last 12 hours overnight. Helen, no. And I feel really bad.

Do you have the shit? Like, it's, there's something, there's like... You're going to. The plug is in still. Do you, do you have a modium? Huh? To stop the inevitable diarrhea you're about to have? No, no.

I'm not sworn. about the diary I'm worried about the turning orange like in cent remember sunny delight no you should worry about the shit yeah that's crazy but do you feel like cold wise better stomach wise really bad and then senil Patel

came over my flat last night and was like oh stop eating orange juice you shouldn't have sugar so late she's gonna get too excited and then he was right I got really over excited and started jumping on neilo rook and Heidi Regan and him oh my god I know I don't feel good you look like you're like struggling to get comfy in the seat But I don't want to lean back

because I don't want to get too relaxed because then I'm not quite sure what would happen. Oh, this is such a small studio and this is a small bathroom. Such a long record as well. Also, how funny is this? There's a dog shit outside in the street

and I was like, someone gets it. Really funny, yeah. Someone else has been there. Pretty good stuff actually. Pretty good. Welcome to week three of the fringe. Look, I will go. If at some point during this episode

you just hear a door closed and someone's screaming, it could be Catherine, it could be me. Just know what we thought would happen has happened. Oh my God You want to tell Helen how you're doing baby I'm fine I have a bone to pick with you

Andrew before you got here because you were late Apologies I'm sorry No it's fine I just because I was late last time I needed everyone to know Andrew was like this time That's very fair I was on time once again as always Okay But because we had time to kill

And Helen and I just had to talk But ultimately you have nothing left to say to each other Because we know everything about each other And if anything we know too much She lay in my lap and I stroked her for five minutes It was really really comforting actually it was lovely but while I was down there she she I guess

it's not apropos of nothing because actually my head was on your laugh Helen just goes what's the difference between lesbian sex and normal sex? No right where have I misquoted

okay I feel like right the quote correct the set up unfair to me okay we were talking about how long lesbian sex is and I was like thinking in my head in silence oh maybe that's the difference between and I'm thinking oh no I guess penetration no there's got to be more than that and then because I was thinking it doesn't involve

penetration think tongue and fingers and pegging right I'm not being made to look an idiot right now pegging is anal yeah yeah yeah that's still penetration yeah but we can use dildos on vaginas too of course you can of course you can I always like fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun Fun, fun, fun. But then, because I was thinking in my head, and then because, yeah, I said normal sex. You did.

You really did. I was trying to think of a way to make it sound better. You went, and normal sex, norm, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, just lady, man sex. You're heterosexual, hetero, heterosex, hetero, heterosexual. Why are we having to explain this? No, I do know that. I know that.

I'm very full of juice. I've got a lot of juice. in me and I'm very confused. You can do pegging. I could do pegging, yes. Yeah, I think you'd be good at it. You have the stature, don't you think? I definitely think I'd be someone who would get over-excited and forget the lobe.

I think maybe, like, even if there was looge, you'd get over-excited and forget they were a person. That's maybe true. But you didn't answer my question. You just said it's long, lesbian. Yeah, I always, I guess I worry about answering the question because, one, I can only speak from me, so then it feels quite exposing. thing too. People don't generally ask straight people to explain sex so then I feel like I then get like a little weirded out that people are listening for the wrong

reason. That's a good point, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like you do you feel weirdly objectified when you're talking about it, but I mean, okay, let's get into it. So, so let's explain straight sex first. I would love that, please, yeah. I mean, you do gay men sex? Can we ask? Yeah, we can do a... Okay, cool, let's go. But we are only talking about our own experience. Only your own experiences. Okay. So you meet them and then they disappear and you never see them again.

Andrew, that is actually the exact opposite of lesbian sex. But also knowing it is different in general with every single person. Okay, on average. We're not selling this exact day. To the closest minute, how long is foreplay? Andrew, go. 20. Catherine?

20 minutes of foreplay? Yeah, I'd say so. I bet lesbians are like too much. not in my experience straight in we get to the fucking pretty fast i'd have said like five i would wonder whether because like penitive gay sex is maybe a bit more like a effort i guess you linger on the foreplay a bit more more of a build-up you've got to make sure you're like rock hard and focused yes i'm trying to build my concentration yeah yeah you don't have to be yeah i'd have said five five to ten five to ten

And for the straits? What would you, like, hand stuff and mouth stuff is all foreplay, right? Anything before penititive sex? Yeah. Okay. Oh, well, if we're saying mouth stuff too, then we're saying anything before. Wait, wait, wait, that kind of. Do you, are we talking, so we're doing full play as far as just making out, making out in handsies.

Anything before the grand event. Yeah. Anything before pants off. Okay. Oh. I'd say, no, no, no. Okay, anything before, like, down there. Okay, okay.

Oh, so, like, up top. Before you head to the driveway. Okay. Got you. Right. My driveway starts, okay, cool. So I've got like a snail trail, right? Like those hairs that come under your belly.

Okay, I'm going to say 20 minutes, 20 minutes to warm up. Fuck off. Never has, have I ever, ever, ever had straight sex where there was 20 minutes. I will say that might come from big tip privilege that it does take guys in general about 10 minutes of I love you so much 10 minutes of what the fuck

and having their fun that does kill time I guess it doesn't take so long to go where are oh there they are I like asses too it's just they yeah they need a little bit of time

usually that sounds nice it's nice but after a while you are just lying there going yep yep my back does hurt sometimes What a joy to be of such a physical wonder though

I know a physical mystery Do guys ever get like Like if they use it like a weighted blanket They just kind of get relaxed under there What? I think I know what you mean Like do they put their head underneath it Yeah and they get kind of so

Wrapped up in the joy of that moment They kind of forget about the sex Not as of yet Are gay Yeah I have no idea what's happening Is I never getting under the boob And then just get sleepy

A woman's body is like a weighted blanket for me I guess No they want to like put it their mouths and like play with it and like they love doing that smushing thing. Why? Yeah, no, to be fair, I love... What do you mean why?

Catherine loves it. You like hold them together and you really get in there. Like cringle it, like it's a child. They don't do that. They don't do that. And they rock it for a bit and you go, we know, no, no, no, that doesn't happen. That's absolutely not true. Okay, but the main event, I'd say

for me, I usually, in an ideal world, come first, before. I come and then we do penititive sex because I'm like properly naturally do you take a while it does depend on like the person

and also like where I'm at do you know what I mean like if it's like the first one of a while then like not too long but like if it's like the second round in within like a couple of hours like yeah yeah the juice is the juice is running low

not today though obviously I'm ready to fucking full of juice bath with bits at this point Like an absolute pulp explosion. Please stop it. Why are you like this? Specific visuals. It's the Sainsbury's taste the difference. I hate you.

I really truly hate you. I love you. And then they come and then usually it's just like a relaxing, like cuddle time, which is a bit moist. And then I find a way to be like, I am having a lovely time, but I need to shower or I'm getting thrush. Catherine What's the question Like the next part The next part

After four play So I would like to come first And then You've had some kissing You've had some Shock or lack thereof At the titties I'd say this is very classic

Straight Sacks Right Women get seen to Because it usually takes a bit longer Not always My experience Not that they always see to you first I tell them to see to me first

There we go That's my girl That's my girl Yeah maybe now that I'm in my 30s I would be like Very different Very clear with my instructions. Very different, yeah.

Main event, I mean, I guess it depends on what kind of sex you're having, but like you could. You have to obviously, in most cases, when it comes to lesbian sex, you don't tend to have mutual orgasms or mutual sex, even in the same, obviously mutual sex, but I mean like simultaneous. You like tend to take turns. Oh, same with me because I don't come from penitious of sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's like, somebody will eat somebody at, somebody will eat, the other prison out, then maybe you'll, like, put a strap on on, and then maybe, you know, a bit of frotting, maybe, I don't know. A bit of what? Frotting. Yeah. Frotting. Frotting. Frotting. Fricion, friction, baby. Friction, baby. Friction, baby. Friction, baby. Frotting. Yeah, I never had that before in my life. That's all right. I thought that was just penis on penis. I thought it was called tripping when it was, I don't know, though. No, that's called sword fighting. Google. Okay. Is it a lot? Fencing. That's fencing. Fencing. Fencing. Oh, they do that in Gilmore Girls.

But I'm only curious because I have seen you over the years as your friend. I have seen you after you've done a jog. I've seen you after being on tour for a week. And I've also seen you after a night with a woman. And you are never as tired as you are. Even after like a month in Australia running around, than you've ever been so tired as in one night with a woman. Yeah, because you don't get to sleep.

You just like, it's two problems, right? It's one that you can keep having sex all night. It's two that women fucking love to chat. So like half the time it's just like, oh, you're asking me another question? That's insane. Okay, cool. Yeah, cool. Yeah, that's fine.

And so then you have to, I mean, some of the sex becomes just like wrapping up the chat. You know what I mean? Wait, wait, you have sex to end the conversation. Well, I've been known to sit on a face. to make it be quiet. Me too! There's nothing you're going to say at that point. That is going to make the world a better place.

There is no way anyone is solving any sort of problems about hunger or starvation. Oh, I love how you go shush. I just go, fum! We're on! Yeah. I've got the Frotage definition. Oh, thank you. This is the first definition of,

vortage, the technique or process of taking a rubbing from an even surface to form the basis of a work of art. Number two, sexual rubbing. Sexual rubbing. Oh, like a brass rubbing. Yeah, yeah. Or just, or just sexual rubbing. Yeah. Frotage is cleaning some sort of friction. So could you do that with like a vagina, do you reckon? Yeah. If you got a really hard one. Why does it have to be hard? If you took a crayon, well, the click would be hard ideally. No, no, no, no, they're not the same thing. No, I know. That's not the same thing. I'm just

saying, could you do it? Could I get a rubbing of Catherine's vagina if I wanted it? No. We could auction it off to the hugs. Could you imagine? No one would buy. How great? How about we all do our own rubbings of our assholes at home? And then when we get back to London, we do an episode.

We're like, who's the assholes? Karen, it would be so obvious, so fast. No, there is. You'd be surprised. My asshole presents very differently to my personality. I'm going to guess is a hairless? No. Then it doesn't present that differently to your personality.

I think it'll be more a case of like, oh, that's Catherine's asshole. Which one of these are telling them, Andrew? Mine would be so tight. No. Yeah, yeah, my own orange juice pouring out of it. Like a full-on cap-free sun just exploding out of the bad passage. I hate it here. I hate it here.

This is a terrible time. Flatsing. They have thin straws. There's such thin straws. Don't think about the Capri Sun. They don't they have those fun little tops now? Do they?

I've got to be able to tell you which might be upsetting. Okay. Are we not moving to Andrew's main event? Oh yeah, sorry. Andrew main event, sorry. Well, I don't actually have a lot of kind of, I'm more of a side really

so it's more sort of full-play stuff anyway generally. More of a what? A side. So you have a top bottom and then a side. What's a side? So I kind of prefer It's non-penetitive sex

Just easier, isn't it? Yeah. But aside. Aside, yeah. I was only very recently introduced to me, but yeah. I love that, so it's like not a verse, it's a side. Yeah, exactly, yeah. I'm the same, not exactly the same,

but like, I don't, penititive sex is not the main event for me. Like, there's other stuff I prefer. So it's sort of like, I do it, but like it's not like the thing that will make me explode. You're not a side. Explode. No, you're a top and bottom all in one. And a host.

I don't think they have that much of a bottom. Fuck you It's only in our dynamic You're the only woman I would bottom to Bless you That's really sweet That's really sweet That's really sweet

Me and like five of the women I could list right now But I'm not going to What? No You would bottom for Beyonce You'd bottom for Dolly Pyn These are very rare examples

Yeah I was like Yeah who's not bottoming for Dolly God knows where she'll end up God knows Yeah actually that's a good point You've bought them for a lot of people That means the world Who else?

Fascinated. I'm learning so much about myself. Are you now getting into like real life names? Genuinely, genuinely, I could list a couple of people in our real lives. Okay, you'd bought them for fan Brady. Oh, God damn. Yeah, you would. Yes, you would.

She'd be powerlifting. You'd be playing with her cat and then you'd absolutely roll over on some bit. Oh, my God. I'm right, though. I hate, I hate that she will hear this and know that you are. correct um okay that's i don't i don't know if i want to say the last two we can edit the man yeah yeah okay anyone who works for a channel oh oh 100% i wouldn't do 100% no no no no no i think better of kathen than that so do i do i

all my powers and my topping are you kidding no if i wanted to get a job from someone i would top them she's going to top away to the top okay you want the last one margaret outward oh no what's wrong with margaret outward i would i wouldn't be there having the sex at all. Why not? I like her books, but I don't. Yes and no. She's a genius. Sure. I don't want to fuck her.

Okay, but Fan, Brady, Dolly Pine and Beyonce. What a force. What, oh my God, could you imagine how hot that would be? By the way, if there were two male podcasters... Lizzo? You'd roll over and submit. Yeah, fair. A hundred percent. This is crazy. Is it acceptable that we're talking about Fern in this manner?

I think Fan will be a babe about it. we'll check before we release I've got the time stamps but like I'm right and then me as well obviously you'd roll over and submit to me yeah I found fucking fear I'd run over and play dead

do not juice me please don't juice me don't juice me but I can see you siding anyone I think you're very sexually comparable with people thank you you're welcome you're more of a quiet taste I really am

me too Me too. Me too. I am not for everyone. I would say we... I'm a specific flavour of milkshake. They're not everyone's going to be ordering. I'd say we're both like, I think there's a conversational challenge to be had before one could consider having sex with us. And I think it'll put a lot of people off.

But a very different challenge. It's interesting. I think we will both say things that will make us seem sexually not, like, great. Interesting. I think I will talk people out having sex with me by accident. Like, because you're so disgusting. Because just my banter's just really like, what's up, you fucking loser? Yeah.

You want to watch a goofy movie, you fuck? Why do you think I would do? I think you'd host them and be so kind that you could almost mother someone out of having sex with you. Oh, sweet lady, no. It's interesting. We've never flirted. If we had, you would know.

You're not flat with her? That's not how I flirt. How you flirt? In a sort of unacceptable, like, outdated naggy way? I have never seen you flirt. No, you have. I haven't. I'm sort of actively mean. Flat with me now?

No. Because it'll hurt your feelings because I'm not going to put out for you. Oh my God, you're a toxic man. It's only acceptable because I always put it out. I go, I don't know. I know what you mean. I go giggly. Do you? I go very... I do get a bit giggly and I definitely do do a little bit of the like, oh, shut the fuck up, you fucking loser. Yeah, I'm not like negative. It's like insult comedy.

But then instead, because of my fear. Yeah. I just emcee. Oh, do you? Yeah. I know emceeing. I do that a bit too.

I can see you both as emcees. No, I'm more of a insult to comic when I... But I definitely do, like, as soon as I feel like I've been sexually vulnerable in any way, I will try and make a joke and make it funny because I can't sit in that, like... I'm the opposite.

I will be mean until we've had sex and then at that point, it's like I've conceded that I wanted to be there. so I have to be nice. Conceded. You suddenly go, hey, you know what? I think you're okay. Kind of.

I have to be like, well, that was nice. That is fucking mad. Yeah. This is interesting and I want to get into it more but I think we should bring on our guest. Me too.

Yeah. We should. Fantastic guest. She's so cool. She's so cool. I loved her show so much. You know, I haven't seen X we were a direct clash. You are a direct clash.

You are a direct clash. She's so cool. Shows look so cool. Her comments. is so funny. I really, I saw her at Montreal and was like, oh my God. And then, um, she was nice to be in a lift.

So then I love people who were nice and left. And then yeah, and then she was just really good at comedy. We're so glad she's here, but we only are getting her because she's at the head and her friend. We are so lucky. We think you're going to love her. It's, let's go! Thank you so much to all of our executive producers,

Guy Goodman, Simon Moore, Zina Bautista, Mary Fox, Annie Tonner, Sarah Harkay Deakin, and Oliver. We met her. Oh my gosh, she has such lovely curls, so supportive. And Oliver Jago. Do you want to read the producers? No, I do the producers, Catherine, you text heading. Okay.

Producers! Thank you so much to Richard Bicknell, L, Richard Bold, Neil Redmond, Victoria Hutchinson, Emma Walton, Karen and David Bull, Harold Van Dyke, Kira Leach, Tim and Dom, David Walker, Rachel Cohnway, Caj Moore, Cajon Jones, Jess and Nick, Zoe, Joe Holmes, Sarah and Molly, Alex Pugh Josie W

Amy Raya Fink Cordelia Rachel Paige Oh my God it is so weird seeing all these names and how many people's

like faces I've seen over this last couple They've really supported us during the friends Thank you so much I saw like Emma yesterday

with her parents Yeah and then I saw Yep like Sarah Harka Deakin obviously Elle's been up Truly thank you so much

for supporting us thank you for supporting our live shows for supporting the podcast and hey if you're not a producer yet why the hell not come on join us for five pounds a month you can get an extra episode every single week and to be honest that's where we tell all of our secrets and that means if you sign up now you've got like 47 episodes and a full live episode that you have access to and another live episode that's coming out this week very exciting get on it sometime sweet yeah just to clarify so five pound

for an extra episode 10 pounds you get all the live episodes as well and some loyalty merch gifts and for 20 pounds you get a producer mug credit read out on the podcast i signed them i signed a mug too i loved it i saw your signature and it was so neat and i was like uh that's my girl thank you thank you we love you we really appreciate it hello welcome to trusty hogs welcome us welcome hi hi hi i love you all's energy so much we are so happy to have you I just woke up, and I'm a very different energy, I'm very like, I just woke up. But you just said I talk slow because I did Whippets? What's Whippets?

It's a dog? Yes, Whippets is a dog, yeah. We call them that. It's just like huffing. It's like huffing. Glue? It was, you know, it's like a whipped cream cans, right? Yeah?

Yeah, yeah. It's kind of like that, but it's just nitrous oxide. And then, anyway. You're so cool. No, I was not. toxic relationship. That's what it was. Oh, wait, we don't

finish with the cream. So it wasn't, no, you could just get the nitrous oxide part of the whipped cream, you know? Oh, so you don't have to make like pancakes. The part that, like, pushes the nice, the cream out that's edible and, you know, you can put in your body.

So it's, it's just that part that pushes it at, whatever that. You don't need to explain too much to a very old. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, cool, and then what does that do? It's really not that worth it. It's like a 10 second high

where you kind of like black out. Oh, balloons? Yeah, he's nodding, yes. Balloons? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, they're called balloons. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But with literal balloons.

Sometimes, I just literally no idea what either of you were talking about. Sometimes I think it's, there's then poppers too. Yeah, that's your community, Angela. Thank you. That's the gay community. We don't need to call anyone out, but, you know. No, no, but yeah, no, there's, yeah. Nobody has that natural teenage high of, like, reading a really good book.

You know. And finishing it? Reading really well. It wasn't my thing back then. No, that's good. Yes. So fun. Natural high.

Catherine was on a debating team at university. And honestly, saw the world, loved every single. We love a scholar. Thank you. Do we? Why do you drag me into that? Famously, I love a... Why am I in genera?

I didn't fucking huff a whipped cream ball. You're right. You're right. I was eating the cream. I just need people on my side. Oh, you guys could really share. I can very well. But I'd be really good friends as teenagers.

I would have been Jay. all the cream and then passed you over the bottle. I would have done the cream part too don't count me out so fast. Were you binge and then half? I totally could. We just never got the

my boyfriend at the time was like no we just let's just do the high part you know. Why finish the whipped cream first? That's going to take a long time you know. Yeah yeah and then he would Make a pie man then we'll do it.

No 100%. Make a pie then get high! No but this is what American teenagers are like I've seen teen mum Oji teen mom too and teen mom and Dr. Phil. All American teen boys trick girls into getting pregnant and

huffing stuff, all of them. Oh, interesting. I haven't seen that. All of them do. I know you're from the state, so you might know more than I do, but I've seen TLC. Right, of course. No, good. I always wondered who the demographic was. Oh, it's totally.

Oh, thick fat people in Britain. A hundred percent. Fung over, smart ones. and hang on over smart ones. Yeah, I love this duality. Thank you so much. Well, what am I? Just kind of like the glue that holds you together.

You really are. That's smithy-snippy glue glue. That would be great because Mary Beth was such a bitch that she played off against each other. You're like a nice middle point where, yeah, she was really combative actually. Oh, wow. I liked her. You know, the UK does that to people. How are you finding it?

Oh, I just black out. My nose starts to bleed. It's such a good example for not doing drugs, Sally, in your life. How do I like it? Honest truth, you know, when it comes to honest truth, then it's too early at my brain. And some people think it's because I'm, like, they're like, oh, you're like a stone or you're from California. But it's really just, you know, this isn't my first language. I just talk slower.

Japanese, yeah, almost forgot. It's because I'm not fluent in really, any of the languages, I feel like. I mean, English, yeah. You've got it. I think you've got it. I hope so. This is, I talk in this language for a living.

But how are you finding being in Scotland? Oh, yeah. It's my first time in the UK. And so I'm just like figuring out the audience. I'm figuring out. Is there a difference do you find? Yeah, yeah. Like a big difference in the States and here, audience-wise.

Yeah. And it's like, I'm not trying to be judgey, but I find, I can tell when an American audience. Yeah. Because they're laughing. Really loud. They got a lot to lose. Yeah.

You know what I mean? They have a lot to lose. They're just like, we have to laugh. Home is so scary. Yeah, that's fair. You know? Do you think British people like their lives too much? I think so, yeah.

You know, maybe they're like thinkers. The fringe festival is like not a comedy festival specifically, right? Like we just came from a comedy festival specifically. So it's like we know the audience. The audience knows it's, going to be a stand-up show at least you know what i mean um people might i have a feeling i might have messed up in the poster that i made it looks like a play you know it's me my grandma and my husband in a kitchen i think isn't that how place starts that's how place starts were you just like

double it costwise on family photos you know like let's get the christmas card done at the same time i was like oh i've never done the fridge but at friends you see a poster like that it's like a tragic play right it's three people in a kitchen but this is the hard thing with friends is that you just don't know and also like you forget that your audience there's a good chance they're just coming from a really intense play yeah for sure about like someone's child who killed themselves and then you come and stay and you go what's up cunts who's fucking drinking and they're like no but i will say i feel like i went to see your show and everyone knew it was a comedy show and was having an amazing time and everybody loved you and i wonder if there's a degree of like

do you find because you're coming in from the outside you're like they is there like a little bit of like they must hate me oh i see um There's, of course, like, there was initial insecurities, so that might be a part of it. But they are generally quieter. Oh, yeah, for sure. I think the other issue is they have, at the fringe, possibly seen eight shows a day. It's not healthy for an audience. That's not normal.

When I go see a show back home, that's the show I'm watching for the night. I let it live with me. When you go see a movie, I'm not trying to see three movies in a day in the theater. You know what I mean? That's the one that lives with me. I did it. I did it once. I did three movies and one day. What was going on for you? Frozen. First Frozen film.

That's a high. This is years ago. Carrie with Chloe Grace. What a mixed bag. Rettes and some sci-fi film that was out at that time. But it was just really disturbing because the whole day was just really mental. So I was by myself. I was in Quillulumpur. I was staying with family. And then I was like, I don't want to spend the whole day in.

So I said I was going to go work in a cafe. So I went into Central. go to a cafe, went to the cinema to see Frozen, but it was the school holidays there. So it's just me and loads of tiny Malaysian kids. I'm like, I stand out in Malaysia just in general because I'm six foot one overweight and white. Oh my God. So you really are like a beacon. And then like it was all like translated into Bahasa Malayo.

And I was just like, yeah. Yes. That's a great way to start. But by the sci-fi movie where you just like, your eyes were like peeled over. Yeah, I was confused by the time. My cousin joined me in the evening for Carrie. He was like, what have you done today? And I was like, I can't tell him.

But I also, like, he knows because I've literally, I look like weird. I smell of popcorn. Yeah, I look weird. I'm off. I'm sticky. It's so many genres to just, you know, flow. But it's the thing, but at home, I can genre switch like no one's business. Like, if I'm at home, I can watch Band of Brothers and within five minutes be watching

a thousand pounds sisters. Same. But then when I'm, but. But. No one has ever said that to Helen before. Same. What? No, I can do that at home, but I'm not the best.

I'm not the best. It's cut back to my face. while I'm watching these, I'm just like a potato. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? I'm not the best audience, but I can't do that. I can switch genres. There's a lot of spades at the fringe.

A lot of potatoes here. No, of course, because you're doing that. It's like what you should be doing at home, but you're doing it for a live show where they're like, hey, come on, it's a stand-up show. I need your energy. I used to be a cheerleader. Has you ever done that?

Hey, come on. It's a stand-up show. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I love cheerleaders. Former, former, yeah. No, no, maybe you're a cheerleader for life.

Imagine me, I'll whip it slow, just be like, hey, come on, everybody, I am here. Wait, you were a druggie cheerleader? Sure, we'll call it that. No, we are calling it that. I'm calling it that. You're so cool. Wait, did you wear the uniform to school instead of your real clothes?

Sometimes, you know, on Fridays when there was like a football game, right? Then you kind of have to rep the school. Also, by the way, cheerleaders at my school weren't. weren't like what you imagine, like cheerleaders. I base it on Glee. I based it on and bring it on and cheer. It's not like cheer, the Netflix series. It's not like bring it on.

No, we were like, my girls were like, if it weren't for cheer, I would have joined a gang kind of girls. Where did you go to school? Venice High School, Los Angeles. Most of the girls had been like shanked before. Their boyfriends were in gangs. You know, it was different. It was like, we weren't like the jocks.

I think you were. You were. Ribbons in your hair. No, you have ribbons in your hair. Can you wear ribbons if you're worried about choking? Sure, yeah. We still try to look presentable and cute, but it was because that was like, you know. Where did you keep your shank?

We didn't shake. We weren't, you know, we were professional. We were like, shanking is for the streets. And when we're on the football field, it's pawpoms. It's ruining my dream of American high schools. I know, but also, very fascinating. Yeah, no, I wasn't, it was not. Not the cool girls.

The head girl, like, head cheerleader didn't get pregnant. And then you all had to try and hide it. And then she had the baby. She did get pregnant. Yes. She did get pregnant. Good. Good.

I knew I was right. Okay. Okay. So, because I thought you were thinking like a perfect preppy. No. And then like that film Sugar and Spice, the head one gets pregnant and then they all rob a bank. Or like, they get an MTV reality crew come in. Or like they all sing a song and they join the cheer group.

It is, yeah, it is. Yeah. I guess that, yes, we're complex. yeah thank you thank you everything's not black and white there's nuance yeah I can't believe I thought it was just um dancing you know it's not it's acrobatts

well it doesn't sound they could do any acrobatics this school has no gymnastics team no bring it on on this show oh my god I talk about she was my she has to be up there with my sexual awakenings Kirsten danced? No it wasn't

Christian Dunst you did it was the it was bad Buffy it was bad it was pay it was, who was she in Buffy? I don't know, I've been to see Buffy. She was, oh, what the fuck did you say to me? I know, a terrible gay, I'm so sorry. He said, and bring it on the brunette and therefore the gals

because that's how it works in American television. Oh, God, I don't remember. I just remember there was. Faith? Is her name Faith in Buffy? Um, is it Eliza Dishku? Mm-hmm. Oh, that's, okay.

That's who. Just me? You, you liked her so much. You were like, what the fuck was her name? You were like, I was young, I wasn't Googling her name I was just going to think deeply about whether or not I'd disappoint my parents

That's all it was No, that's true And you did That was the movie where it was like The white girls and the black girls, right? Bring it on. Yeah, it was. Which one are you talking about?

Sugar and spice. No, no, we're talking about bring it on now. I'm so sorry. Oh, basically what I've done is the only thing when I jump between those of different films. Yeah, no, no problem. But we're talking about Edinburgh fringe audiences

who jump between shows. Now we're doing that. So let's talk about bring it on. Are you all okay When we're talking about Bring it on Everyone's chill Okay

Which is the white girls Versus the black girls And the white girls Steal the black girls Routes and pass them off For themselves That's right And yet we somehow are so

Cheer like root for them to win No you're rooting for the black girls to win Okay good The Clovers right You root for the clivers Yeah but then you sort of You did start with like the white team Right that's who you were following

Yeah yeah You follow the white team And big red leaves And so they get any It's cold in here There must be some Taurus in the atmosphere. I said, burr.

And I'm big rat. I'm sexy. I'm cool. I dominate the school. Who am I? Just guess. Guys want to touch my chest. I'm rocket.

Oh, my God. Are you impressed? Yeah, 100%. And then I run in and just shake everybody. You all remember this movie way more than I do. Well, I watch it like weekly. Yeah, and also you have to remember, like, that was our touchstone for America.

was certainly my touchstone for cool. Yeah, me too. No, that's cool, a beautiful story about segregation, no longer being a thing, or whatever. It's a story about segregation being a thing. I thought it was a story about capitalism. Bring it on. I thought it was about saving the community dance. No, that's other dance shows.

Save the last dance. No, that's a different, but that's also the same. Last tango in Paris. You know what? I'm not good at. movies. And that's okay. And that's okay.

As anybody else, writing out if you've had anybody fall asleep in your show? What? No, fuck off. My space is, I was telling you, if I just,

right, you were in there, if I, like, move my arm, if I extend my arm, I could hit somebody. Yeah, that's true. It's kind of exciting. People are scared to fall asleep because I can touch them.

I can touch them. I had a woman come in to sleep. She literally sat down and just let him the husband and was like same same same same well maybe they've slept but I just couldn't see them

because they were in the last row where it is dark a woman sat in my front row and slept yesterday and then when I when I shed it there's a punchline in my show where I'm like

I will suck you both off and I it's quite loud and she wakes up and I was like oh you're awake now and then she goes and then I was like did you think I couldn't she was like shocked

so I'd seen her in the front row unbelievable afterwards she comes up to me I have like a little bucket where I collect money doesn't give me any even though she's had a fucking like a whale of a time she seemed very rested she was using you as white noise right she comes

and she goes sorry i have a new job and it's so stressful i have never wanted to kill as much as i wanted to kill her i was like wow and you want to kill a lot i know so actually that's so true i'm quite a violent person but only an instinct and not yeah yeah yeah um consequently yeah i just hate them all wow sleepers can do one just stay that's the thing that's the thing it's okay to not watch eight shows in one day. No one's giving you an award as an audience member. Watch one show a day. No, they do.

Be present for that one. I found this out this year. It's because they try and see so many shows, right? Why? Babe! Who's... Oh my God, okay. Who's got a gun to your head?

The Americans! No, no, this is what it is. So you know the Edinburgh panel is like a comedy award. Right. I think about two awards the year. Dave, whoever he is. He doesn't exist. Okay.

Okay. But before the people who are actually doing the awards arrive, there gets to be scouts. And most of them are from the industry, but there's three who get in on it because they're like the people's choice and they are regular punters. But they apply for it, no, by saying how many shows they've seen in previous years. But those people aren't the people who are falling asleep. Those people love comedy. And who are the sleepers, people who hate us?

Wait, so it's people who go, okay, so to become a scout, you go, I watch 400 shows. Yeah. So it's just fucking nerds? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just kidding, now I'm a jock, you know, and I'm like, oh, freaking nerds? Yeah. Who are these?

It's just boys, too. I want to say that, but I also, when I have, like, a day off at French or, like, I'm doing just my show, I will go see a couple of shows before my show. That's great. Yeah. That's great. So I do pack them in.

But you would never sit there. You're not like four, four I would do much. But you're not trying to show up, like, it's not a numbers game. That's, that's, that's literal quantity over quality. I've got a tattoo on my stomach. I should be a judge because I can do a thousand. Not like, not like here's two shows I wrote great pieces about that actually makes sense because I don't know. I mean, she's not wrong.

Where's the lie? I would just, I would like to think that I would become one of them. Like one day, I won't need to perform. I won't need that validation. I think you, and I'll become a freak. No, it's not a freak. You'd be better at this job because. Because comedians, I always say, comedians would make great, like, execs, great, you know.

You think we'd make great execs? Yeah, because Helen Wang's, like, three times a day. She doesn't have time. Or producers. I'm saying we're on the ground every night. We know what's hot, what topics are great, what audiences want. We know what comedians are out there that are great for what roles and stuff. Like, we know the best because we're actually on the grounds.

We're the scouts. That's true. Because we get, we know what's. You know what I'm saying? We should totally cast our own projects 100%. Oh yeah, yeah. Not these people that are watching way too many shows and just their brain is mush or, you know,

aren't watching any and then come out once in a while and it's a dinosaur. Yeah, we are really shitting on the fringe and frankly it deserves it, but also any good stuff that you've liked, what's your three favorite things about being here? Seeing me every day after the show. Yes, we have, yeah, same time. What are the three actual things that you find the best about being here? I think it is great.

Like, I think it is cool that we're so incredibly different, and you get to see different things, so many different things if you want it. That is the beauty of it. And that is what, but that can also create the sadness part, you know? And, yeah, and what is it? I, I've, the food. Yeah, the food's good, yeah. What have you eaten that you like?

I've sort of been impressed. The first couple weeks, I was just like, how can they, fuck up so many things that it's just so easy to make Oh like burgers? Yeah and you know I became a patriot

I was like how can they mess up a burger It's just put the beef on the thing And then put bread Yeah What's been good that you've had? Well so you know It's like the immigrants that are really crushing it Oh yeah the Indian and Japanese

And Thai food here is great Yeah It's the Japanese food actually good here I think it's good Yeah I think it's good Yeah, I think, yeah, I don't think it's like Japanese zone, but yes, yeah, I mean, you know, they're just like making the world go round. Have you been to Tintai Caravan? No, there's always a big line, but I'm trying to go there.

It moves fast, getting there, yeah. They also do do delivery, which is very quick. Oh, good point. So you can get abroad to you. I'll do that. Yeah, I've been very, like, pleasantly surprised. It's more diverse than maybe, like, the small section of L.A. I live in. Really?

So, like, we don't have, like, a Malaysian food, you know, so that's been cool to see. Yeah, there's a good amount of Malaysian food. up here for sure yeah we're yeah i think because of the university right that makes sense amazing um and the third thing oh gosh yeah i was really trying to extend that one as i found i quickly found a third and then katherine does to bring them back i get to hang out with you girls yes yay it's the bitches it's the bitch hang it makes me really happy that a lot of the american comics this year have been like british comics are cool to hang out with oh 100% oh yeah yeah Y'all are strong.

Y'all are, you'll have to, I mean, knowing that this is sort of like the route you all take, you know, like to tour or whatever, to get on panel shows or whatever, it's, you have to let 10 people who give you stars that have come out of their little, living under a rock. And, you know, they're seeing the sun for the first time. That's who decides, you know. It's great, isn't it? It's great.

And then we literally value our entire self-worth on whether it's one star or half. off of a star. Yeah. Yeah. And it's intense. Americans, you know, American comedians, the people speak for us. But don't you think that's also why you guys seem happier? I think so. No, it's guns. No, I don't know. It's because we do. Bring guns over here. I'm sick of saying it. They're so much fun. I think it's just like knowing I can own one. Yeah, it's. Yeah, that is. What keeps me going usually. Where can you? I would love it. If all of us up in this podcast where we're talking about queer sex like supporting women like learning about cheerleaders it's not like that and we suddenly become like super chart nest on the messages hey Andrew do we have a listener problem well are we do

indeed I very stupidly just refresh the page but I do have one okay um yes here we go this is happy to help us answer and oh 100% okay let's um let's speak slowly okay this is from a did you just say let's speak slowly to Andrew so that ask I could understand yeah because I really want us all to be involved in solving the problem it's very sweet because usually i solve it in one second i'm so thinking about how you all knew every line and bring it on that was impressive do you know what impressed me about that as well your instinctive rhythm like your clapping was like straight on it it was yeah wow i was just doing a classic one too on it if you play it back it's perfect oh good do imagine me up to say things like that we'll get to the listen i want to clap

were any of the chili who's gay i do have to ask for our listeners not that i know of actually yeah Yeah. They were pregnant. Kima was a cheerleader and she's queer. Okay, we'll take it. Yeah. They exist, right? They do exist, just not on my squad.

We were anti. I'm just kidding. We were specifically... That was kind of our main model. You're remotely homophobic. I'm like, how dare you... You're actually appropriating our culture. And it's fucking rude.

Is that a lesbian culture that haircut? Yes. But it's actually... a very Asian thing. You're about to say this is an Asian haircut, no, it'll make me the bad guy. If you grow in Asia... Oh, no one's winning in this conversation.

If you look closely at Squid Game, all the more extras, you'll see this haircut. That's where I know it from. I knew it. That is so funny. But Crop tops are bisexual. But none of the main characters have it.

Crop tops are bisexual. Yeah, yeah. Come on. Yeah, that is me. What's this then? But we have to, you know, you're the straight. It's really straight, yeah.

You're the same person bisexual Is it because it's like Come catch me if you can Maybe you catch me Maybe you're not Yeah Who's to say what gender you are

Come catch me if you can Maybe you catch me maybe you know There's comedians who are bicostal New York or L.A. It's very I know it's not the same But it's very horny energy To be bicostal too

Which is like Catch me if you can Don't know which side of the coast I'm in You know Yeah that's also like very horny energy for me. Maybe that's you because you're bicostal with Dublin and London. You're also bicostal? And by... With Dublin and

London. Like five times a year I go home, but I am bisexual. No, of course, yeah. Anyway, so... Yes, that's solve a problem. Okay. No one's ever cared so little. Okay, go on. No, I do care. Do you? Yeah, no. Your face is like, no, I do care. No, but that's my resting face. That's why I have to like

really animate myself to be like, I didn't use to do whip it. I have emotions. Oh, I want to try a whip it now. Oh my God, no, we're not encouraging them. It could slow me down. It can really, for like, for the rest of your life. Have you could just consider giving up caffeine?

No. Okay. Andrew. Hello. Hello. This is from A. Hi, A. Hi, A. He says, hi, hi, Hogs.

It's my birthday later this month. Happy birthday. And I'm dreading it. Oh, no. Sorry, I let you react positively, hello. I really led you into that, yeah. I just found out that my two closest friends, are meeting up on my birthday without me.

One of them let slip about the plans accidentally after they both declined invitations to come to a birthday shopping trip. I'm autistic and really struggle with making friends. I also have a slightly toxic home life so I've nobody else to celebrate with. I won't even be getting presents this year because my parents say I'm too old for them now.

Brackets, I'm mid-20s. I don't know what to do. I don't want to spend my birthday being alone and miserable, but I don't have any other friends. And while I could go out alone, I'm worried about running into the two friends and also it just being a bit depressing. How can I celebrate my birthday?

Oh my God, kill everyone you know. No, no, Helen. It's the only thing you can do. I mean, kill them all. That's betrayal. I will say this. My parents also did remove birthday presents around the same time, but also on my 26th birthday, they both forgot my birthday.

So I do understand it does happen as you get older. And I do relate to the, you know, and I'm not autistic, and I have a hard time making friends. I think a lot of adults do. Yeah, but with autism, of course, it does make. these things more tricky because people will not be naturally empathetic to like how you communicate in a different way.

I'm disgusted that your two friends declined to hang out with you on your birthday and are hanging out with each other. I'm just disgusted. I wonder if it's possible to message them and just tell them that it heard your feelings to hear it and that you wondered why and if they would

maybe consider doing something with you if that would make you feel better. I think also I think it sounds like you need to make your day special for you yeah like I don't I think you should decide like if I was spending my birthday alone what I would want to do is go and have a massage maybe go to a spa get my nails done and then see a movie because those are things that make me feel very happy and also comfortable doing them alone and then

just like so lavish to spoil yourself but if for you that is like going to the park then do that if it's I don't know what like I'd go to a zoo probably because you're never alone if you're with a lion something to Is that the saying? No, it's a famous saying, isn't it? You're never a lion if you're near a lion. You've heard that one before, but I write it down. I'll text it to you later.

It's actually, you can get on a cushion here anywhere. I didn't know. I was sitting with poets. It's a famous British saying. I agree, yeah. Just like take time to self-care and be like, you know what? Maybe it's just like the universe being like private time for me, you know? Yeah.

you assess because it's like you can because you can message them but then the responses might not be great and it'll make you feel even worse and it's your birthday so like do what will make you happy first and then figure out these two dipshits you know maybe later you know what I mean but yeah

they don't sound like the best friends I know it's tricky to make new friends but like you never want to find yourself halfway up a ladder you don't want to climb and you're halfway up a friendship ladder with people you don't want to be friends with you should be at the bottom of laddie you do want to climb which is nice friends so i think kill them no stop saying kill i wonder do you have any friends who are also autistic because sometimes it's like a relief to speak to people who communicate the way that you do don't look at me my sister's autistic friends

fucking terrify me when they get together with her i want to kill myself my little sister's autistic she's got a low mental age and a couple of her mates are just fucking terrifying one of them gave um a couple of male comedians chinese burns excuse chinese what Do you know what our Chinese burners? Oh my God. Okay. It's like a massive thing here. Okay.

It's when you get someone's arm and you twist. Oh. Can I harm you? That's so interesting. You know, it probably depends. It's probably racist, isn't it? It's all messed up, but it's so funny to, Americans used to call it Indian burn. No!

So it's like, it depends on maybe who you're trying to. Offend? Yeah, maybe. I think so. I mean, I've got to say I've never thought about it like. there, but that's just my privilege. But that's what we called it, and it's when you hold someone's arm and you go out of that. So basically, one of her

friends learned about it, and I went to the cinema with, like, three male comics, and my sister and her friend came to The Incredibles, too. It was incredible. Obviously, twice over. Incredible. And then they were doing that, and then my sister said, oh, and I've learned where the most painful part of the body to be pinched on him.

And then they grabbed my friend, Sunil Patel and, like, pinched him really hard there, and then he started crying. because you can't hit back you can't hit back right right so I'm saying is you can be friends another autistic person obviously that's not my job to say that I'm just saying like pick wisely right and that takes work

males males hurt and because all these things take work you know my god friendships I don't even know that could take a year to really solidify do what you can control for your birthday since it's coming up so soon and also make sure that you get yourself a piece of your favorite kind of cake

I think all birthdays are better if you just have like a nice slice of cake you actually want. And none of that shit that everybody else buys for you because they think that's what you want. Yeah. Stuff. Yes. Doable stuff like that. Also, have we all spent birthdays not doing anything? I've spent birthdays by myself before.

I am Irish. Oh, yeah. So you do the whole thing. I'm never, I'm never alone. Well, I feel like even during, well, during the pandemic, right? Like we all had to do birthdays that were like Zoom or something. Oh, yeah, that's true. I did two of them.

And, like, obviously my housemate tried to make it nice, but, like, it's still, like, I'm not doing anything. But I also did some... I bought you a cake. When I, I, I don't remember that. I don't know a big thing about it, yeah. I bought you a cake that was massive because you said it had to be. Oh, yeah, I got three cakes right now.

That's not really helpful, is that? I got three big cakes. Oh, it's popular. I know. You say popular, but you would stare and realize and be like, I want a coffee cake. It needs to arrive at 10 a.m. It has had the following message.

You will buy every. Tell me about. And then she would bring it to, we were allowed to meet up in a park, so she cut it up into slices, brought it to the park. Meet up at a park? Wait for it.

No, wait for it. So we meet it at this park. She puts down these three cakes that she's cut into slices in a box. She's already had the best bits. And so it's like, just the cake, no icing left. And she's like,

anyone wants some cake? No, didn't think so. I'll keep this for later. I'll actually probably want it. And then wrapped it back up again and brought it home. Oh, this is some good advice I can give to A, actually.

I know you see this as a negative tray of mine. do get the biggest cake possible because people think they just want a cake for that day but cake keeps really well you can freeze it and my high recommendation with cake is blender cake, ice cream and milk and it's a cake milkshake and it is fucking incredible cake shake

I've never because people are always like oh well it's just me I couldn't have a big cake because I get the big cake cake shake that's a good call and with the coffee cake that's the best one for it coffee walnut cake

because he put in a bit of espresso as well and then you got like a coffee shake Oh, my God, I should have done that. When Roe v. Wade was overturned, I did get a big, big cake for me. To celebrate? To eat. Yeah, because I'm also anti that. I'm just anti many things.

I didn't know it could keep. Could you imagine, though, if you were just like, I got a cake because, like, finally. Those cheerilyers got to learn. The baby isn't going to keep. Can the cake keep? You know? But I didn't know how to keep the cake going for so long. This is smart.

This is the thing. I'd say that. Maybe get yourself a big cake. I will say as well. Like, I have spent birthdays by myself. Obviously, when, like, talking, I started a pandemic. I moved country. I was living in Germany.

Like, I didn't really know anyone. I had a birthday. Like, sometimes it feels a bit awkward to be like, oh, it's my birthday, please make a big deal of me because you might not be around the right people for you. I don't know. It can feel weird, and I totally get that. but treat yourself

you can treat yourself and you don't have to have it be a thing do you know what I mean have you ever had a new year's that wasn't really a thing but you just sort of like every new year's I hate New Year's it's so underwhelming but like that's fine as well like it is one birthday but I think

get in the food you like get in whatever you like to drink save up the episode of trusty hugs and then just watch it on YouTube we'll be your friends we'll be friends that's fun keep this one happy birthday Happy birthday. Happy birthday.

Happy birthday. Six, seven, A. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. And I'm Big Helen.

Give me an A. A. What does that spell? A. Your name. Yay. Hey. Hey, look at that.

A. Aww. And then what do we do now? Do we dance? Do we do that? Like, and then you do, like, oh, my God, do you want to do a human pyramid with the three of us? Oh, God. 100%.

I was a base. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was a base. It was a strong base. Were you the cheer captain? Yeah, I got you. Are you kidding me? Huh? Were you the cheer captain?

No, no, no. Cheer captain was the one that got pregnant. Oh, borrowed my car, borrowed my car during lunch at school. He went, got an abortion, came back, finished six period. You were a base. That's so supportive. Yeah, I was a base. America, I know we laughed at the beginning.

And I didn't say a word until now. Well, I mean, I didn't name more. Now that Roby Wade is overturned, we can finally tell everyone. Right. Also, can we just, before we end this episode, just say, at the beginning, I went, they're all like teen mom, it's all like TLC, and I think point proven. Once again, I am correct. Yeah, I think so.

All American teenagers are the same. Oh, I would watch a television show about your cheer squad. That would be amazing. You should write that. You should write this. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Call it like. cheer the dockey series yeah sharp beat we can we will we must

it can be like skirts and shanks yeah wow skirts and shanks that's great that's really good oh

huh okay yeah yeah you think they wouldn't be stoked about us taking the title cheer cheer with fear

cheer with fear yeah it's so there's loads of things with the same title yeah you're right that's true Like, Starstruck.

There's a TV show called Star Trek, which is amazing by Rose Mattefeo, and there's also an entertainment show called Starstruck. And I find that very confusing. But it's good because when people Google it, you know, you're like the, no, it's not good because the other one pops up. You're right, you're right. They stick, eh? Cheer and fear.

Can we talk about it? We've got to say thank you. We do. We have to say thank you. Before you go, though, can I just, can we just give like a little spirit of the fringe award to your husband? Oh, that's so sweet. Can we do a little, like, honest to God,

I don't know that I really believe in, like, being in relationships with men, and then I saw the two of you together, and I was like, this man, who not just, like, stands around, coming over. Come over to her sign. I know.

I'm just kidding. I won't. I can't tell you how much I love women. But it's like him standing there with your warder, checking that you're okay, getting everyone into the room, and then from the back of the stage being like, is everyone ready for the show?

He introduces you on the stage. And then everyone was like British. They were like, woo. And he was like, it was like you could hear this man being like, that's not good enough for my wife. Is everybody ready for the goddamn show? And you were like, because I knew it was him. I was like, he's such a loyal good man.

I love him. Yeah. He takes you for food after your show. I see you walking off together. Yeah. And then he'll do notes because he sort of become like a director while we're like, you know, out and about. What's a gorgeous soul.

When I'm falling apart, he has to be like, hey, hey, you know, you've got this. Like, it's, it's important to have some sort of support structure. Catherine's mine. No, that's good. You need that. We're wives. We're white. We're platonic wives.

Yeah. Good. She's doing really well, though, and she makes me proud every day. Thanks so much. Don't you? Yeah, but you still want to have sex with me. It's so important. It's, or else it's like, or you, it's the mental health providers at Fringe or whatever.

You know how they put up those signs, say. Yeah. They're a psychologist now available to talk to. Yeah, yeah. That's how Fringe is going, 2022. Fringe Doctor is available 100%, which is in a venue near Pleasance. But they've been available every single year, but now it's like the mental health service as well.

Before they would just prescribe you. I started this thing called hashtag Mental Fringe, or I was going to do a good thing for my mental health every day, and then it got so overwhelming that I was like, I can't do it anymore. I'm actually taking a day. You just gave yourself work. I did.

I really did. I really did. My mental health thing for the day is making bad choices and not going on the internet. We've got to talk about this in the next episode. We're going to run out of time, but I do want to hear more about how your mental fringe gave you a mental breakdown because I think it's inherently fascinating and people will want to hear about it. Fine, we'll do the full version. We'll do the full version later.

Hey, you're a great guest. Thank you so much for having me. I feel like I learned so much about America. And I learned so much about America too. Thank you so much for having me. Where can our listeners find you? Oh, I'm just at Outsco comedy on socials, yeah. Okay, how are they spelling it?

We'll put it in everything. Comedy spelled. I'm just kidding. A, T-S-U-K-O. I was hoping you to share it. That's okay. A. A-T-S-U-K-O.

A-T-S-U-K-O. You get it, they get it, good. Oh, wait, no, we're so close, though. And where can be... Yeah, no. The off-beatness kind of gives an edge. Yeah, actually, I'm sorry. Are they still take it at the pleasant?

For your show? One more time? Are they still tickets left for your... Yeah, I think for the last two days. And it's called The Intruder. And are you doing Soho or London dates after? No, I'm going back to the States. I just haven't been home in a while.

Good for you. That's fair. Yeah. But it's going to be a HBO special so people can watch it. Yes, yeah. Amazing. I did not know this. Yeah.

Okay, so I do get to watch your show. Yeah. Whoa. Do you get that here, HBO? Yeah. We can find HBO. Or isn't it like Sky Atlantic or something? Yeah, but you can go through Sky to get it to a show.

we'll find you. Oh my god, go follow ads go and then you can go and see like her fucking amazing special. Yeah, and round of applause for one good man. Yay! Oh, yeah. We love to see it. We love to do it. Thank you for doing this. Thank you. Thank you for having me.

You're such a good guest. Thank you. I so want to try a wet pet. Thank you.