Trusty Hogs - Ep57. STEEN RASKOPOULOS / First Words, Ferrets & Freaky Friday

Episode Date: November 3, 2022

Expert improviser & top comic, Steen Raskopoulos joins us for a hilarious and wild rollercoaster of an episode.  Disney movies, treason, fatherhood, and so much more, including an unexpected trip to “cream town”…FOLLOW STEEN: @SteenRaskoThank you so much for listening! Support us at https://www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more! Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] Please give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socials Be sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Simon Moores / Guy Goodman / Janinna Bautista / Mary Fox / Annie Tonner / Sarah Jarque-Deakin / Oliver JagoPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Emma Walton / Karen & David Bull / Harald van Dijk / Eddie Doyle / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Anthony Conway / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Jo Holmes  / Sarah & Molly  / Alex Pugh / Josie W / Amy / Cordelia / Raia Fink / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Sophie Chivers / Graham Marsh / Emily Gee / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie WorfWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello. Hello, and welcome to episode 57 of Trusty Hoggs. My name is Helen Bauer. This babe is Catherine Bohort. We are stand-up comedians, and we will be talking about our podcast. perfect lives and then we're going to solve your problems and then we're going to go for a little group wank. That was so close to good until the end. I could see you looking so proud of me for that intro. I was and then you absolutely rendered. Of course you did. Because he yelled at me last

time. Well, no, you have been terrible lately so I'm really impressed. You remember what our podcast is about but also insulted that you would think I would ever group wank with you. your problems and they will solve them or maybe they won't and that's your problem they'll have guests and Andrew White on the tech oh it's Helen and Catherine as the trusty hugs trust the trusty hogs or maybe not um hi welcome hello eventually you will I won't have you ever wanked in front of someone yeah but people I'm like sexual partners Have you been not gone for, like, a risk on, like, a school trip or anything? No, although...

Em's laugh makes me think that she has 100% done that. No, she fucking hasn't. You know that age where you're like, everyone's just like, if I don't want, can't be nothing. No, I was like a late starter, but I will say... Oh, yeah, of course. But I will say that I, like, also was the kind of person who could, like, wear... You know, I was raised in the 90s. So, like, by the time I was a teenager, it was early 2000 skinny jeans were in.

So I was on top of a bus too long when you, like, quite accidentally. So... Come everywhere. Yeah, so, listen. I had that the other day. The other day, that's not what I said. I didn't come, but, like, the bus stopped, and it was shuddering. And I was like, and clearly the driver just had it on, like, some sort of clutch.

It was like, oh. Just out of the back, and it was like, it's a bus. Stay, red, stay, red. And it's, like, such a hospital route that it's just, like, old and infirm people. And we were all just like, ugh. Like, your last treat before the operation that ends at all. But I swear, I remember in, like, year nine, year 10. So, like, did you do that school trip

where you go on Activities Weekend? Oh, yes. So, like, everyone has a version of it in our town. I got approximately 48 insect bites and had a terrible time. You're such a fun gal. I was what's called Cowshot. And you go, like, kayaking.

Yeah. Dry slope snowblading, I think it was. Jesus. Ours is called Delphian. It was mainly kayaking. Archery? Yeah, a bit of archery. And you make a raft and put it in the water.

A bit of, like, what is now go ape, but was then just, like, incredibly dangerous and yeah yeah yeah just jumping off something in the middle of nowhere and it's a leap of safe and it's like no but it really is here because that is not a harness I know they're like just climb this lamp post and you're like it's I'm good thank you I'm good I'm gonna know I'm no thank you but you all say like the most intense storms right and I swear that like it was creaky and it was because we were in like triple bunks so everyone was losing their minds like triple yeah triple bunks but like

There was a noise after we all said good night and the teachers had done their like final, final, final, final check. Was it you? And it would, I mean, 100% me, but I was like very stiff as a board. Life of feather, stiff as a board. Like, just the fingeys moving. Do you know what I mean?

But couldn't you hear like even like a wet sound? No, because the wetness comes at the end. Also, I was young at this point. I wasn't necessarily getting to an end. It was just a rub for a rub. Hold on. Okay, fine about the rub for a rub for a rub sake. Okay, the wetness comes like midway through.

you start dry as a bone you start soaking you come and then can't make yourself calm no but I would say that I would no I can't I what I would say is that generally I do a lot of my pre-wank

stuff mentally so I'm like a most a good considerable way the way they're poor just say porn oh no I don't watch porn we've been over this no you're gonna catch you out one day

and you're gonna admit it and I'm gonna have on fucking day no I'm not it's that I actually like no it's more than all of like I'll have, like, caught a woman in a suit looking at me on the tube. Or...

Just a woman in a suit? Yeah. Or, like, a artsy boy on a bike will have cycled by. Okay, I get the bike thing. Or, um, I'll have been coming home for something and remember sex I had recently.

I'm like, believely. The replay wank is incredible. Yeah, so I would say, no, I'm not really. I really truly don't watch porn. doesn't do anything for me, but my God, am I quickly led into an imagined scenario? I get wet pretty fast, but I definitely, I start dry, but I'm not like penetrating myself, do you know what I mean? So it doesn't really matter because the clip, it's always,

there's always some sort of moisture happening around. Do you know what I mean? I feel like that's only you, but okay. But it's not like, it's never like, sand. No, you're right, you're right. And actually, if I were that would be an issue. And painful, I think. Very painful for little. I'm only four. I'm only four. In the context, I don't want to, logicate the sentence. She's only four, so will I have her repeat staff? No.

Even I didn't like that. I didn't like it. I didn't like it. I didn't like it. No, keep it in. Oh, no. Cut it. For sure keep that in.

I'll keep it but like as a history book record to never happen again. Okay, that's fair. I get it. I think I'm thinking about wanking a lot of the moment because it hasn't been much of an option for me. What? Why?

Just like touring for the last couple of weeks. Like, it's a lot of like. Are you sharing room? No, I'm not sharing rooms, but I'm staying on a lot of people's sofas and stuff like that. And when you're staying on people's sofas, like, the fear of the walk-in is quite intense. Yeah. Also, like, you do the tour show, you have a drink, you're really tired. Like, sometimes, and I can't believe I'm saying this, I forget.

No! And I don't know who I've become. I don't know whether it's, don't, you look so upset with me. I just, you're a four times a day when you're. I know. I know. What's going on? Are you all right?

I think, I think I'm losing my sense of purpose. and my sense of self. Have you lost your sense of purpose or have you, and dare I say it, matured? Oh my God, I'm going to start baking bread

from scratch. Oh my God, I'm going to get a hello fresh subscription. Oh my God, I'm going to have savings. No, I don't want savings. I just want a wink. Talking about savings.

I had a near panic attack the other day, like a genuine panic attack. Yeah. Stop laughing. This is serious. So you had a, you started the sentence

I had a genuine panic attack and then you changed it to I had a near panic attack and then you said this is serious and I feel like it's getting less serious as we go I think

it's time to go to Disney World in January for me I am struggling Is that the one in Florida? Yes Disney World's in Florida Disneyland's in California Euro Disney's in Paris

God bless you How are you going to afford it When there's like a crisis of everything There's a deal is there a deal there's a deal what's the deal a thousand pounds

okay I need more information a thousand pounds that feels like a shitload of money to me no no no a thousand pounds it's flights from London to New York two nights in a nice hotel in New York

staying over chill out get like used to the time change explore New York would be great for Helen but not bus flight down to Florida to Orlando and then six nights at Disney World with park tickets

and accommodation at one of the Disney World resorts and then flights home. That's an insane deal. Also, as somebody who watches all the vlogs, they, it's really good to go in January. Okay. Just queue-wise, temperature-wise, like it's, like there's just,

you've got more freedom because there's not many people there. Okay. Obviously, I would not be there during a festival or during Christmas or spooky seasons. That would be upsetting for little heaven. Demonstating. But I think I'm open-minded. But it turns out, I don't think my friends want to do it.

I honestly, France. Hey, here's a question. Do your friends not want to do it? Or are your friends like, huh? There's an energy crisis, a housing crisis. No, those are your friends. I don't think I have those friends. The Tories are fucking us over.

And right after Christmas, a very expensive time of year, maybe I don't have a thousand pounds to spend on Mickey Mouse. But also, we're recording this in a week in advance. Like, we might not even have a Tory government by next week. I mean, I'm fucking, if there's no Tory government before Christmas,

I'll come to Disneyland with you to celebrate. No, you're serious? That is a fucking deal. Are you? I has a deal. No Tory government before Christmas, you definitely come to Disney Wales. Yeah, I feel like you don't know how general elections work.

So it's a good deal for me. I'm fine with making that shape. No, but if they all died. Listen, absolutely. It's Guy Falk's Week, guys. You never know. No, Helen! You never know!

It's never going to be traced back to me We need this podcast to be aired on the BBC I was working at the Soho Theatre I was busy I was busy Oh my God Oh my God I think it's terrorism to talk about someone

Back in the day I mean we covered him last year Oh no I wasn't shitting on Guy Fawkes I was saying The insinuation of what you said seemed to Hey listen

Have you watched Hocus Focus too yet By the way No I'm busy What is happening with you Listen you're not even wanking How do I have time to watch films It's a very top Stop fucking people!

How about that? Stop fucking and watch the movie. I'm honestly, I feel like people say I'm having an absolute Disney nightmare, so my lovely tour support, The Gorgeous Chelsea Backby, who will be on the podcast very soon. She said that she just got Disney Plus

for a week's free trial, and she didn't even watch Turning Red. What's Turning Red? Andrew. Yeah. How's your week been, my love? What the hell? We're still talking.

We're not doing that. No, we're not. It's a Disney animated show sort of about oh I guess it's kind of wholly about periods it's a film it's not about periods there's one reference to periods it's about a little girl called May May okay who's like struggling with her

hormones as she's becoming a teenager and it manifests by sort of like big mouth but forget all the hormone monsters and she becomes a big red panda spoilers big red panda oh no that's in the trailer that's in the trailer that's in the trailer

and then she's a panda and there's this boy band called Fort Town I never met nobody like you Wait so she becomes a teenager and she doesn't want She wants to fuck in never You know what I need you to watch it and not try and figure this out Okay

Because I feel like you don't have the mental capacity right now Wow I'm sorry You think just because I'm having sex with somebody I can't do you want a riddle To warm you want to have the mental capacity for a film aimed at children Actually I do believe it's for adults as well because the director said she made it for us she made it for us that's what she said it is a very good film i would

i love you're a jumper by the way the hercules queens thank you very much the muses from hercules they look amazing i'm dying for it it's from etzy and i had to pay double because it came from quebec oh god riddle riddle me this we're not riddling anymore you see a boat filled with people it has not sunk but when you look again you don't see a single person person on the boat. Why? Ghost ship. That's your answer? I thought you'd appreciate that answer. I thought you'd appreciate that answer.

I thought you'd appreciate that answer. But I didn't appreciate the tone. Okay. Sorry. So I see a boat. I'll read it again. This goes to Em and Andrew as well. I see a boat is full of people. It doesn't land, but it looks. It has not sunk. But when you look again, you don't see a single person on the boat. Why? You see a boat filled with people. No. You see a boat. filled with people

it has not sunk but when you look again you don't see a single person on the boat why the answer all the people were married hello

do you get it you don't see a single person on the boat all the people were married how was your week Catherine yeah thank you Andrew for asking listen the rain is pretty shit isn't it

not loving that Oh, you're right. Rain is way more interesting than a load of married people on a day. Honestly, when you're chatting about riddles. I haven't a bit more for me to throw to you. How was my week being? I went to a big gay night out.

Butch please. Very proud of myself. Don't mind if I do. What's Butch please? Butch please is at the RVT crossed the way from here. Royal Vauxhall Tavern. Yeah.

And it is a queer night out that celebrates the butchness which as you know is... You would have lost your mind. It was Creamtown for Catherine. I'll never say. Say that again. Oh, my God.

Who am I? I'm being you. Did you put in a sanitary pad just in case? Of course. Yes. I love you. For the moisture, for the moisture. Teno lady, tenor lady.

I genuinely for a second was like, I've caught whatever her wanking bug is. You've given it to me. We're freaking Friday. Oh my God, yes. We're freaking Friday. I said cream town. I'm going to put bleach in my bath later.

I'm joking. The colors are fun. look it's a great night out and um and obviously i'm into butch women and um Halloween themed I obviously don't enjoy a costume but I did wear a little hairband with an axon and a little nod to it a skanky little dress and um yeah had a really good time were you like one of the few femmes there just lapping up all the attention well the thing is I think there should be very few femmes there because it's supposed to be like a mask space of celebration but because all of us femmes fucking love the butchers we're like you all descended but please can we come in

So it's cruisy, but it was fun. Just a really busy sort of like ladies' toilet area where everyone's just doing their hair and makeup. At Butch, please. Oh, I do respect that at, like, queer nights, nobody respects the gender binary of bathrooms and generally they are a gender. Fucking yes, Butch, please.

No, come on, no one's doing it. Can I go? I don't think you should. No, I don't think I should either. I don't think you should. Can I be outside and, like, give people lighters for their cigarettes and be supportive, like a really encouraging ally? I, again, think that's probably...

Oh, you are you? The thing is, I'll book your taxis, where are you going? Genuinely, if you were into women, and I wish you were, I genuinely would wish desperately that you were into butchers because, oh my God, you would be taken care of. I imagine I would be into butchers, because I like the big, I like the big boys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, boy's, for sure.

I think that would be so hot for you. Do you feel like boys who like, do stuff with a hay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like builders. Yeah. Oh, my God. Blummers. Listen, me too.

Harmabeed builders. Somebody building you a bookshelf? Oh my God. What is it with you and bookshel? Oh my God. It's not that hot. A bookshop is not like a bookshop. Build something for me.

I don't care whether it's a coat rack, a book rack, a wardrobe, a bed. I fucking, oh my God. If you have overalls, I'm in. Do you ever just feel like the best thing that could happen to you is to own a house with a library in it? Yeah, obviously everything that actually that made me weirdly emotion. But is it because of, I wonder with our generation, because there's so many. Why does that make me emotion? Because I think it's the beauty and the beast factor.

I think because we all wanted to be bells. the capitalism factor, it's the notion of owning something. Oh, mine was a princess thing. Oh, mine was like, not only owning property, but the space to have something as lavish or as just for yourself as a, oh God, that's gorgeous.

Gorgeous, right? Gorgeous. This is the thing. I think they didn't want to escape to the chateau. Do you watch that? No. So good. What is that? It's a show where this couple, Dick and Angel by a... Sorry, Dick and Angel. Yeah, that's their names. They're a couple. Yeah, they're married.

Well, they get married in season one. That's hideous. Go on. Me and Emma Black, absolutely love it. Emma Black watches every episode about eight times. Dick and Angel. Part of her genuinely believes that she will own a chateau and do it up at some point. And you know what? I think you will, babe.

Okay. I think you will. And I'll support you well 10%. She's already on the property letter. She's doing great. Well done her. Yeah, she's doing way better than us. She is aspiring to be people called Dick and Angel, though.

They're so good. Dick's an engineer. Angels and interior designer. He also used to run tea parties. like vintage tea parties No we've all been children Is that you? No but like properly with like napkins and things

And then I use napkins as a child They in one of their turrets They put a library in it And they've got like a ladder That goes round the edge of it In a circle And they've got these two lovely armchairs

And I was like yeah I could actually do with that Even though I only read on trains really And in bed Like the idea of having a room We'd love that We'd love that But how would we

I don't know Stair lift to the turrets Stair lift to the turrets I think we both need to leave London, and then we could maybe do it. I mean, we could still couldn't have a turret, but we could maybe have, like, a second bedroom. I could have a turret. You could have a turret if it was on top of, like, a one bed. A bungalow turret.

That's actually very charming. Andrew, write that down. Write that down. If you know have a property going in your area, which is a bungalow with a turret, you sent to Helen. You sent to Helen. I'll buy it. I'll buy it. It has to be around 10,000 pounds.

all in all in oh that's that's a hard cap ideally five because I'm planning on a couple of trips to Disney World and as we know that's a grandapap

I can't believe you actually might come to Disney World with me if the Tory government's there babe then yeah because Francis doesn't want to go because Francis is going to Disneyland Paris at the end of December and they're worried that it's going to be like

double Disney and being 10th I hear you Gwyneth keeps on whenever I say like Disney World in January she's like all Morocco but to the point We're like, if I get one more or Morocco, I'm going to fucking lose it with her.

Right, okay. Because it's like, okay, I get what you're saying. The only two people who are really up for going and the one who found the deal is Jordan Brooks and Sunil Patel. Which isn't the right, that's not the right group for me. Because they'll go ironically. Exactly, exactly. And that's six days of irony.

Oh, that's too much. I think Jordan would get into it. I agree. And I think he'd be charmed and have loads of fun. I agree. I think Sunil Patel. He'd ruin it for you. would be, and he's already been.

He'd ruin it for you. And he'd still be a fucking nasty cunt. Yeah, I agree. Because last time he went, it was him with all of his aunties, and he was the only young person there, but he was like 21. And they all, like, forced him to give his coat to them, and he just had to ride the rides, and they'd all stand at the exit waiting for him. And he was like, I'm 21, like, fuck yourself.

Like, you fuck, I'm fucking embarrassing. He's not. How was Space Mountain? No, he's not the right vibe. He's not the right vibe. But it would be fine with them if I had, like, a babe with me. Yeah. I get you. I hear you. I didn't realize they were going, so I'm going to have to bow out.

No! I thought it was you were going alone, so I was willing to go with you, but I'm not willing to go. Well, I won't go with him then. I'll go with you. Okay, well, that's more. Okay, but how much did they also go there at the same time? I won't. But we won't be with them. We won't be with them. It's really big. We'll go to the different parks on different days. There's four Disney parks. Okay, let's talk about it after, maybe after the podcast. I started spitting. I got really stress. I thought, what about the equipment?

So, hey, what else is going on with you? What have you been up to this week? No, what's going on with you? I just told you what's going on with me. I didn't listen. And I said Creamtown. I didn't listen. I said Creamtown.

It was bad. Creamtown and it's raining. It was bad. Come on. We got to talk about something else. There's a lot of things going on with me. I've got like, I'm ebbing between like mad frustration and just being happy and content in my life.

Tell me. Okay. Main plot points. I want to go see Lyle the singing Crocodar film. No one wants to go with me. Can't help you there. Okay. Which is fucking mental.

Go to the cinema alone. I could go by myself. But it's also like I've been to a children's film by myself before and it's fucking weird. Go join the week. Nobody's there. That's what I thought. And then I went on an accidental muffty day or like not a muffty day. Like an inset day.

And it was just me and loads of little children. And it's fucking creepy. What is muffty day? Inset day. What's the day is when you come in and you're coming in your... I'm closed day. It's the posth way of saying that I got told. But we called it muffedy ass.

Okay. And what's an inset day? Inset day is teacher training. day where the school is closed for a day. Fascinating. Okay, well... I used to think it was called Insect Day.

Why don't you just... Insect Day. Why don't you just Google and whether or not it's a good day to go? I can't Google every school in the area's insect days. Well, you could go to the door of the cinema and see if there's like a sway...

Stop trying to solve my problems. I'm clearly going through a lot. Next one. Our family Christmas is starting to get talked about. I want it to be embrightened. So does everyone else. Where your dad lives. Where my dad lives, obviously not in his tiny little flat

because no one could be there apart from him. And Marie, who has a very special connection. Yeah, no, I know she does. I love you. And then we, but we were thinking, like me, like my cousin Shah, like the gang of doing a big Bauer Christmas and all like staying in a hotel in Brighton. Gortgy.

And instead of doing gifts, we'll stay in the hotel. I love that. So we done this before we've rented a house for like all of us for the Malaysians and like the Australians so everyone to come over. But we can't do it Unless pancake kicks it Before Christmas What? Why?

But pancake is at the end Why can't you do it unless? Because then she's left alone For like three days Can she just be brought to your dad? She can't go to the hotel My dad's not having her Your dad would stop all of Christmas

He rents, he's not allowed an animal in it he said I know, I know, I know Trust me I am aware of the argument here I am not getting involved Could you bring the hotel and explain the situation? Oh, hey, sorry, my sister will die if she's not near her really morbidly obese hamster for two days. Can you change your policy and have her here?

But your sister's autistic, right? Yeah. So couldn't you explain that? Only, I love you, but only you consider autism as something that people need to make allowances for. That is a you thing. I don't think that's true. People don't give a shit. Do they? Have you ever encountered someone that's like...

Because they're like, well, no, it's our policy. I would say of all sort of the things is one of the least catered for and least kind of accommodated. Yeah. No, I agree. And listen, I don't think the hotel or service providers are the most empathetic groups of people, but I just, sometimes I think you can add awkward people

and be like, here's a situation. I might get you to do the phone call. I'd love to do the phone call. Helen, I would, it would be an honor and a privilege. sometimes when I go to restaurants I hope that the people I'm with want me to complain God! This is why I'm not getting my nails

done with you ever. Oh, I figured out a way of... I did it once and I hated it. I hated it. I figured out a new way around that because obviously what they always do is file them wrong and then I have to re-correct them. What I've just said is can I file them myself?

I've just skipped the step where they feel affronted and instead they just think I'm like particular and it's easier. It's easier. I still don't know if I want to sit next with the woman who's like, you know what? You know what you're doing? job is, I can do it better. But I can.

I know you can. And I do. But now I do it from the start. Then they're gorgeous. You did such a good job. But now I do, well, that one's chipped. But now I do it from the start and they're not so offended. It's worse.

I think when I let them do it for it like however many minutes and then I'm like, oh, that's obviously wrong. You should come and trim. I think pancake's going to be dead though, so I don't need to worry about nails. How, why is she at the end? Her fur's falling out. No joke. That's awful.

How far is going. I don't really want to wish the death of a hamster. Wait, you know what? We haven't spoken to her in ages. I call Marianna's here. She's free. No, let her love. No, I don't think that's appropriate on the podcast.

You don't think that's appropriate? Not when you know you're just hoping it dies. It's not dead yet. You want it to be dead. I don't want it to be dead. I don't think you're being a very good hamster aunt. I am being a very, I am an incredible hamster aunt. Don't you fucking dare.

You're hoping it's dead by Christmas. I would like a nice holiday by the house. the sea for Christmas. Well then let's make a phone call instead of hoping that the thing dies and let's how we tear. Well maybe it's dead. Maybe that's why she's not answering. No, she would have called if it was dead. Do you think she'd come into morning where she wouldn't answer her phone? I don't know. We've never had this, but this is unprecedented. Would she go off grade if the hamster died? I'm going to hang up. We don't know what would happen if the hamster died. I think we just all need to be prepared for any eventuality. Okay. I'm very anxious now.

clumps that feels like the end or it feels like it's having a stressful time at work it doesn't work it eats well it feels like it's made that it's full time job well that's another stress i want to go to brighton for christmas we all want to do it so hopefully pancake is at rest no at rest allowed into the hotel once katherine speaks to the hotel once katherine speaks to them or in eternal pace because the snails are fine for a couple days by themselves I cannot wish this with you I won't You've got really attached to pancake

Over the years haven't you? I just feel like you're being a bit of a panicking You've got very attached to the big girl I'm not going to be like it's fucking banshee like you Jesus Christ No stop it I hate it No I know what a banshee is it's fun That was cool

That was nice Thank you Good cleaner Should we bring on our guest Oh my gosh shall we Yes I'm excited he's so funny Anything to stop talking about the hope that the hamster dies

Okay great Why do I always change the tone's always so bad before we bring on the guest. He is very funny. He's so tall. He's so handsome. He's so tall and handsome and funny. It's Dean Roscopolis. Woo! Hello, I'm doing my show. This isn't for you in a huge room in London at the Lester Square Theatre and I'd absolutely love if you came, please tell your friends and enemies because I'm desperate to fill it. It's December 2nd, 9.30, a Friday night. We're going to going to have such a good fun party vibe

Helen Bauer is going to open for me and I think it'll be one of the last times maybe last time I ever do it so I'd absolutely love to see you there oh please come Hi Steen Hello hi Steen Hi guys how we're doing

Oh my God we're thriving We've all got coffee I genuinely feel like we can't do this too much because Steen has a very good basis in improv and we'll go too far with us. So we've got to be like, hello. How are you? And?

I'm good. And? That's all you need to know. Okay. Let's improv then. Let's fucking do it. We never improv on there. Actually, Steve has an incredible improv podcast,

which people should listen to. What's it called? Congrats on than you. Yeah. And then you go on and you're told you have this job. And you have to be like, yes, I do. Let me tell you about it.

It's really fun, actually. Oh, my God, what jobs have you done so far? Oh, it can be a job. It can be a new government initiative. Yes! It can be a new movie. Sorry, I got a job when I decided that was the formula. Yeah, I believe I gave you,

congratulated you on being the new CEO of the Illuminati. This is correct. What was Dara O'Brien? I feel like I loved that episode. Oh, you've got a better memory than I do. Dara was the host of Mock the Week. No, here's something to do with statues, I think. Yes, yes, but it was so long ago I listened to it.

But listen, you should listen to it. Do it. It's a great episode. And then maybe you can listen to mine. You were the host of the Illuminati. Cio, man, Cio. That suits you so well. Thank you so much. Because the Luminati, they're the 666s ones.

That's exactly like someone. I don't know. I wouldn't know. I would know. They're the ones to go to the Bohemian Garden. Are they? I don't know. You know, there's that place in America.

No, but there is a place, I think it's near L.A. where all the presidents and prime ministers of the world go once a year. and it's really secret you can't take any cameras and they all make the plans. I think that's Epstein's Island. No, it was, it was. But now it's called maybe Bohemian Grove.

Andrew, can you look this up? Yep, well on it. It's a genuine place. It's a genuine place. And like George Bush and Barack Obama and David Cameron and Tony Blair

and they all go there and they plan what's going to happen to the world. It just sounds like ex-presidents and prime ministers just go to this holiday retreat. No, no, no, no, no. It also feels like Helen's shouting the names of Molotix Lachinos, politicians, politicmen

Angela Merkel. George Washington. Yes, he was good. He was there, too. Don't forget Lafayette. Angelica Schuyler. But they all go there and they like plan what's going to happen with the rest of us. And apparently it's like very religious as well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like not like proper. Like Scientology like Christianity or something. I would like to produce the podcast where you talk about this more. Yes. Can I be the host of? Yes, no, I want you to produce a podcast, but don't hoarse it. I just want you to sit there.

Do the Luminati do conspiracy theories? They're like anti-vaxies. They're like, they're the ones that control everything. It's like the ones with the eye and the pyramid and it's like it's J-Z. Beyonce. Beyonce's in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because if you play single ladies backwards, have you heard it?

No. I won't say it out loud. For someone who doesn't know about the Illuminati? I know. What is single ladies back room? But Beyonce isn't the Illuminati that's famous. Like she is controlled. all of us.

Okay. I'm actually genuinely, I think I'm fine with that. Yeah, she controls my body when I'm in the dance

floor. That's good. That's right. Oh, so, I don't know if you have to tell him that joke

but Steen recently I'm a dad now. I'm a dad now. Honestly, my sharpness has gone to the shitter.

It's so bad. I thought it was funny though. I genuinely love. Whereas I was like somebody has a baby. Yeah.

I saw Bohard go shut this shit straight away. Because she has a very limited capacity for joy okay and she's already spent it

this morning. Didja? What did you spend it on? Oh I said well I've had two copies and I said the word Creamtown which I really feel gross about actually. So cream town is what? I was describing a party. My vibe when I went to a like butch event. Okay. Like a wet front bump.

Okay. A wet front bum. A wet front bum. I'm learning a lot today. Yeah I don't know if you've been single in a while but Creamtown. Creamtown is to do with wet underwear. yeah at the front not like a shark no yeah that's an accident that's not excitement well it can be you're just like playing with the devil and you're like well look what's happened you know what I mean like we don't plan for everyone to happen it's not always angry you know oh my god hell it's a good

it's a good reason to get rid of the pants it's only because i watched along came polly the other day and it on in the background and i only tuned in for the scene where like he goes up to his friend and he's like we've got to leave i've sharded I farted and a little bit of shit came out I think I quote that I've seen it probably twice I think that's the most quotable in terms of whenever I see

a basketball ring or anything it's like swatjackman There's a great montage Where Sandy like Philip Seymour Hoffman I always want to say Philip Dustin Hoffman You can Philip Cmore and Philip Dustin Hoffman Is that good

And he's playing basketball with Ben Stiller against these teenagers shit, he's the worst. Money! He's like, Megan rain! He's like smacking up with that boy.

He's like white chocolate. And then at the end of the film that recreates it doing, he's doing an amateur show of Jesus Christ Superstar and in it at the beginning of the show he makes an announcement that he will be playing Judas and Jesus.

It's like, I'm in. He's got two chicks, why not? To be fair, that is very good stuff. It's a very good film. I don't feel like I need to watch it now but I still really enjoy it. At one point, I really enjoyed that. Ships everywhere, and he white...

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but we only have like 30 seconds. Go to Bombas.com and use code audio for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S.com and use code audio at checkout. This is asked for the ferret. No, no. No, don't mind. You got it. It's there.

I think it's the name of the ferret. It's very good. It's the name of the ferret, although I'm glad at least had that dignity. Hey, um, how is being a dad? It is, it is the best. It is the best. It is tiring, but it's the best. Cool.

He's just said, Dad. for the first, Dada. He said, Mama first, and it hurt. It did hurt. I'm not going to lie. It hurt? I would think it's, I would personally be relieved if they said the other person first because I'd be like, yeah, because the pressure of like, then, you don't want to be

resented by your co-parent. Oh, Kaffin, I thought this was an honest podcast. Oh, sorry, no, it is. It is. I'm trying to give you all my feelings. I was, trust me. I was, I was, ecstatic. I was exact.

When he said it, as in like, it's that thought process. It's like, oh, my God, he said his first words, and it's not me. but it's a bit of late but it's a cute fast word mama and dad is cute like imagine if it was just like fuck you you can't like you'd be like those third words this kid is intense what was your first word

ball ball ball ball ball yeah I used to steal balls as a kid like when I was in a pram this is like true story my mom would like leave Kmart like what's equivalent here like a target Woolworth back in the world like supermarket though Is it like a TK. Max?

No, like a... Is it like a... I don't know, what's your equivalent? Like an ASDA? No, it's like... It's more like clothes, but you can buy... DVDs and... Woolworth!

It feels like a Debenham's vibe. But cheap, like cheap. It's like you can buy a maximum you'll spend in the sort of $20 for a single item kind of... TK. Max. No, it's not designer kind of thing. Okay, you know what, guys? It's Woolworth with a new look attached.

think we all just need to accept that and move on. Here's what I'm going to say. I'm going to say we are an international enough podcast and a vibe that we understand. We understand a target, I think, as a reference. Yeah, right. Or so imagine a, or even like a, uh, Prime Marks, or like a John Lewis. John Lewis.

Okay, John Lewis. That kind of vibe, but like a bit. But lower. Okay, cool. So like she would leave the store and like the security and like a bit, blah, no. And she'd like been a pram and like, oh man, what's going on? And like, behind my back underneath, there'd be like balls and stuff.

No. How old are you? 18 months A proper thief A klepto toddler I get it though You see things you want it You grab it you take it

Like growing up I'd always have a ball in the house I kick balls break weird Like my mom was like Stang no balls in the house Like that was the The most common phrase So you just thought

Ball ball ball ball ball What was your first spot I genuinely don't know No go on My dad used to play football for Australia No man has ever come on our podcast And apologize for interrupting me I'm

Round of applause, Christine, everybody. To be honest, we need to be interrupted. Yeah, we do. It's crazy. Somebody should stop us, but carry on. I was going to say, like, my dad used to captain Australian football. So, like, we'd always have balls and stuff. Sorry, what? Yeah, my dad used to captain.

He's in the Hall of Fame and football in Australia. Sorry, your dad was the captain of the national team. I mean, a shit national team, but of a national team. That's a bit. When did Ireland last play in the World Cup better? More recently than Australia, I would guess. four years. Okay.

So the last four World Cup. I bet we played more often than you. Google who played more. Google who played more, Andrew. Do you want to know more about Bohemian Grove? Six, ten, ten, fourteen, eight, ten, twenty. We've played in the last, and this year including the past five consecutive world. Okay, I don't know what I was talking about.

And genuinely also shout out to your dad. Three for Ireland, just a three. And we've played in six seconds. Again, that's three. I, can I just apologise to you and your father and the good people of our Australia? Yes. What I will say is there's a chance.

Father, I'm hungry. There's a chance that all of Australia's best players are at least somewhat from Ireland. But that's fine. Yeah, my dad used to like, he played first. He was with the youngest player. He was like 15 and a half when he first started playing. He used to drive to school with the BMW. And like people would send him to the, like, he just didn't give a fuck.

And the teachers would like kick him to principal's office. Because clearly, if you drove a BMW at 15 and a half to school, playing first grade with like 30,000 people would come watch. play football and the principal was like a massive fan of the of the football club so during the episode of the simpsons where like he gets to ned you're talking to me with this one yeah where um ned becomes uh the principal and like bart always gets sent because he keeps yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like that was the vibe with my dad stop your dad is the coolest person ever so he went and the principal was like i'm a fan how you do they're please like ah you can you

can you please can you take it to the boys and get a sign around that detention just get a sign Yeah. That's cool. Oh my God. I think it's so cool that your first word was bull then because you were stealing them but you were trying to get close to your daddy. Wow. You were trying to seek approval.

Yeah, maybe. Here's my question. How did your dad become a fully rounded person after all of that? I think discipline. Okay, cool. Now, he married my mum. They got together when he was 20, 21 and they're still together. That's no.

I think my mom kind of like cracked him into shape. Is she Greek? No, she's Australian. So even that was she had their first date. And this is, like, my dad's, like, this is fucking cool. Okay. Okay. I'm fascinated.

Their first date, they met her, like, at a bar. And my dad's like, hey, blah, blah, try to chat her up. She's like, mm-hmm. And he goes, you should come watch me play football tomorrow. And she's like, uh, you're all right. And he says, I come play me watch football tomorrow. It's at a Belmore, Belmore Park, Belmore Stadium. And she thought, like, it was a park, like Sunday League football kind of thing.

So he drives picks her up. And she's just in a track suit. And my dad's like, you have to get, go, get dressed. Like, why he doesn't? It's a fancy, but also he's saving her because if you shop somewhere in a track suit and everyone else is all dressed up, you feel like a fucking brazen. She thought she was going to the park. Because she's a moron.

Your mom's a thick piece of shit. And thank God your dad was there to correct her. Because she would have made an absolute cunt of herself. I hope she's well. She is well. Good, good, I'm good. A grandmother now. You dropped her off of the game, and she's like, you know, and then, like, all of a sudden, like, tens of thousands of Greek people just start, like, ascending.

Like, back in the day, it was all, like, migrants. I've seen my big fat Greek wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Football back in the day was all, like, migrant teams, the professional teams were migrant teams. Okay. Migrant. Migrant. Migrant.

Migrant. Australian. My dad played for Sydney Olympic, which was, like, a Greek club. Okay. It would be, like, 20, 30,000, like, Greek people all come from the community to watch. And then all of a sudden, my dad was like, what the fuck. And then my dad was captain at that time. And then everyone's, like, chanting.

name, he's like, what the fuck? And I'm like, that's a pretty baller first day. It's a pretty baller. It's such a strong move by your dad to be like, just come to this thing. See, I think it's... People would be screaming for it. That's so fit. I will say this.

I do think it's an even more baller move of your mom to be like, fine. You're going to have a second one. As in like, most, I would go to that and be like, no, this is too much. Thank you, no, thank you. No, thank you so much. No, thank you. She got tested so many times, though. Like, there's another story where she was like,

oh, I want to cook you a Greek meal. I'd love to cook you a Greek meal. Why would she say that to a Greek man? My favorite thing is like if you cook Golotripia. And like these little like lentils kind of thing, you just go to the delicatessen and the delis is a lot of dripia. My mom used to, she went with my grandma Patty, so her mom, straight to Australian women,

going to these, you know, in the 80s, no, 70s, late 70s. Early 80s, these are Greek delicatestants where they don't speak much English because it's all different and she's like oh you know I don't want to cook for him I'm bovrofen

I'm gillotripia and they're laughing at her goes to the next one like Golotripia a lot she was asking for assholes he's a prick he's a genius

he's a fucking king he's a prick Golotropia sorry just be clear the first time she goes on a date with him he's like you're wearing that and the second time

he's like go look for some assholes and she married him yeah very much so I'm sure he was very It's very charming, very charming man. And he's like really generous. He doesn't show in any of these stories. Also, Greek families are always tricky.

They just are tricky. If you're not seen my big fat Greek wedding. I see it. It's a documentary. People laughing in the cinema, we were crying. How about that sweet man that comes in? And he's like, in the family. And he's like, oh, I'm vegetarian.

She's like, no worry. I'm a clam. Like, they're fucking. It's true, though. Madness. Wow, okay. Madness. All right.

Yeah, when I told my, yeah, yeah, that Sarah was vegan. She couldn't. She's like, That your wife was vegan? Yeah, it's like, how do you cook Greek a meal? It's like a Stetford's wife, like robot, like just like still. And do they engage with it now? Oh, yeah, as in like the last one we're there.

Just a vine leaf, is that? How do you? You'll like it. I guess she's given them a grandson, and that is surely worthy of a vegan meal. It is, it is, I don't know how to stress this even for, like, I was like, the golden, like, only boy growing up in my, like, you know, Greek family, last name, coming from my dad. Yeah.

For Sarah to give birth to a son that has my name, like, whatever I was, I'm, like, I've lost, like, you're no longer the prince. I was a crypto fucking billionaire, and now I've got nothing. I'm just a terrible thing. You should have got into Ethereum in 2018, my boy. I know, I know. Get in early. My son, I like, gold, like, unwavering, my dip of that, but like, that's amazing.

Like, my ER could not do anything more. And my mum as well. It's the first time I went back home in March or April, April this year. We're usually, like, I haven't seen my mum because I live here. I haven't seen an age. Yeah, yeah. And I'm a bit of a mummy's boy kind of always. Hey, no, that didn't show from the story at all.

I was a crypto millionaire to that woman. I was the sun in the sky to her. It's always like as soon as like the biggest, oh, sorry. That's sorry. The biggest hug, like as soon as get there, the kind of thing. Oh, my God. And I've, like, surprised her coming home. for Christmas when COVID was happening

and like she cried like big hug I've never seen her like open her like a movie like slow motion and then she's going boom like push me to the sign to hug Sarah and my son I've never felt like oh it's gone

and then five minutes later Sarah's there in the kitchen with a boiled goat's head just like I swear to fucking any Any status, any ranking I had, it's gone. That's so funny because what I would say is that happens every single time I've been dating someone for longer than two minutes in my house. Your mom loves your partners. Irish mothers are the opposite. Irish mothers feel their sons are perfection and can do no wrong.

And their partners are always measured by how the mother would treat that son. But if I bring anyone home, my mother's like, you are a saint. the burden you have accepted is like immeasurable and we are all but grateful we are aware that our catred is a nightmare so we appreciate you talking to her Catherine's mom

I've been dating somebody for like a week like a week and she walked into a room when I was on FaceTime to my mother and I was like oh this is the person and my mom was like oh hello hello how are you finding her how are you finding her

the first question this person doesn't take debate. It doesn't do the usual like, oh, you know, it's a nightmare. Instead, it goes, oh, I really like her. My mom can't deal with the answer. She's like, what? Oh, right. Oh, yeah. Good stuff. Nice to meet you. My mom cannot process that they're not just going to slag me off together.

It is ridiculous. It's funny how they like to drop you like that. My, yeah, my great grandmother. Like, if you're with me or like with, like, so for example, my sister, she was in a relationship. Good for her. Good for her. She walked up to my sister's sister's. partner's like, I love you. But if you ever

break up with Jordi, not so much. Whereas my mom's like, I love you. Let's keep in contact. My mom's texting them after. Would they still like do a word all together or share 100%? They play Scrabble. They text. Sure. Of course she would.

No one home to my mother, apart from my brother and she just loves all of them because she's like finally a chance for a daughter I never heard. Every single time my brother has a girlfriend. She's like, here's my third shot at having a child that likes me. So she's always like up the stakes like in terms of how she's...

Oh honestly, even at Christmas like the stockings that these girlfriends get compared to me and my... Oh yeah, they get stockings. 100%! I'll be sitting there with just sort of like a slim bath bottle and then the girlfriend would be like

and a weekend away with me in bath. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me, Anne? You've got to be kidding and she's like well it's just nice to spend time with someone who likes me. I can't! Let's move on. Got any nice plans for Christmas? I will say just on that last thing.

I think, well, interestingly, my mom's not about having a daughter that she didn't have because she obviously has my sister. It's more that Ellen's great. Ellen's the best. It's more that she thinks of lesbians, the ones I bring home on account of their short hair as like another son. And to that end is like, oh, my God. So like, it doesn't really matter how they identify.

She's like, my boy. I mean, like, okay, that's fine. All right. And they're all like, I'll identify whatever way it is. I'm getting such good stuff and they're talking. Yeah, it's tricky. Also, the love that your mum shows is free foods, that she's cooking for them.

All goes around. I mean, I've never brought a girlfriend home who in the first half an hour wasn't sent for a nap because she must be exhausted from me. What? Yeah, yeah. But God forbid Catherine rest. She's got to work to do.

Well, I'll be making the tea for when she's up. But what if it was your mum sending them to bed so she could spend some more time with you? Oh, no. Oh, maybe that might be right. He was like, no, go to bed. That's cute. It's cute.

I love that scenario. I do, but no. Why so long? It could be. Maybe I should get a little crop. And then she'll love me. No, she does love me. To be fair, maybe that is it.

All three of us have had a little mini breakdown there. So I've been to Greece. Have you? Yeah? You've been to, I went, first I went to Zanty, the Kintosh. Okay. And I'm drunk for a week. Absolutely not.

Nope. And then I went to. to Athens Poros and If you just said anything else with Oros you'd probably be pretty close Aloras

Yeah sure I had a lovely time I had a lot of yoghurt and honey But to the point where I felt like They were taking the piss And this is genuine The yogurt and honey in Greece Is better than anyone else in it is insane

It is so, it's like a pudding It's like an ice cream It's so thick And like creamy And the honey is so sweet And they don't serve it just like yogurt and honey. It's like done in like a glass with like fruit, fresh fruit just covering it.

But you don't get to pick what fruit they just go, can I have Greek yogurt? And they just bring out this like, it looks like a Sunday. It's incredible. But I thought because everywhere had it, you know, when it's like, oh, they're just taking the piss out of tourists.

Yeah. Like one Greek person had a yogurt once. But you guys just, we don't eat it or honey, but when I go, like, it's, wow. Generally, it's incredible. My parents honeymoon in Greece. and my mom always talks

of it as you know when people are like oh the history the origin of civilization the weather and my mom was like and it was the first time we'd ever tried

a seedless grape and that's for a long time The Greeks the adventure of the seedless grail all I'd ever know about Greece for such a long time was I think they have seedless grapes there

I think they're imported from Poland as well Can I ask you a question? So now you've gone to Greece. You're seeing the beautiful culture, the history. I want to go back. I feel like I missed a lot. Like there was a heart in the north called Hydra, is it?

Hydra, yeah. Hidra. Okay, that looks fucking incredible. I keep seeing pictures of it. I've got loads of, I'm obsessed for travel. I've got loads of like, like, thousand places to see before you die books, those sort of thing. Yeah, right. And, yeah, Hidra with like, the mountains.

And the north of Greece is clearly not very on the tourist trail, but that's where I need to go. because my dad went, but he trained there from London. That's insane. My dad really likes trains, and he's, like, trying not to fly. Your dad, the guy with a camera on the top of the table. Francis Gour. Yes, that's my daddy. Cute.

But he trained there, and he was, like, oh, it's really easy to get in, I think, like, via Slavine. I don't know exactly how we did it. But, and then, like, was North and Greece. Sorry, I just confused him with a man from Maiden Chelsea. It's not Francis Bois. Bourgeois. He's awesome. Okay, pretty close.

All right, fine. I follow him. one Instagram. He's excellent. He doesn't follow me back. Oh, so all the, like, you know, you see the history, like, the civilisation, all this kind of stuff. Yeah, and the food. And the food. Yeros, Musaka. Yerristo Sanasti.

You said Happy Easter. I know. I learned it from my big, fat Greek wedding. So you all say it there, like, Ristosanasti. He said two foods and then Happy Easter. I'm like, well, fair place. I'm trying to join in. No, it's great.

Keep, keep going. You see these, like, you know, The Mar was the Acropolis and you go into the British Museum and you know you've sold on them. Like you know that why would you just not give, why would you not give them back? Would you get, would you petition to give them back? Yeah, I think you should have them back. Thank you very much. Yeah, I think.

While they're here, we will be enjoying them. No, we won't. I'd happily sign the Elgin petition. Let's do it. It's insane. I don't in the Santa Vag. Yeah, we stole them. So, we will keep them.

Stark as well at the museum at the bottom of the Acropolis in Athens. like they have actual gaps when they just have the picture and they go in British Museum like it's like really clear exactly where it's gone and most of it is the British Museum and it's like

I'm sure like we would like there'd be a trade do you know what I'm sure there are some no but I'm sure like the Greeks would send like some cool marble statues from something the yogurt can we swap for some yoghers I genuinely think it's one of those things that even if we got it

and we flew it it wouldn't taste the same Sorry, did I solve it? It wouldn't taste the same. Yeah, but they drink Guinness here and they seem happy. But we've been given so much from the Greek. Oh, yeah. You can have the counties back, I told you. You don't get to design.

You're welcome to have it. It's not a big deal. Dean. Oh, it looked nicely. Sick of saying it. Get to fuck. Have I stepped into the political term. What happened?

I don't know. Something about Ireland she got up. Nicely. Oh, oh, oh. I thought you were like teeing off because she asked. She'd ask nicely? No, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, exactly, but she is.

I asked her to ask nicely. No, but I didn't know about the, okay, that makes a bit more. Hey, Steen, we have listener problems. They send them in. Would you help us solve one? Say, say, say, and say, again. We get listeners to send in their problems. Will you help us solve one?

I would love to. Okay, great. Is it like clues, clues coming in? I would love to in Greek. Neh. Neh. Neh. Neh.

Ne. It just means yes. Okay, great. Neh. Sure, let's do it. Fabulous. Okay, this is from E. Hi, E!

I'm 22-year-old student and I've been dating my first boyfriend for just over a year now. Congratulations. Well, good deal. Do we have a gender identity for E and it's fine if we don't? Yes, female. Okay, great.

He is so sweet and kind and truly a lovely person. I'm not dating, Ui. I'm so tired. I haven't slept for ages. Your poor wife, that's so disrespectful. When you're Yaya hears this, I assume she listens. She's going to be so just.

If he could give me a baby, too, she'd be like, oh, come on. Oh, my God. I'm joking, I'm joking. I'm sorry, it turns up, sorry. Oh, my God, I'm wearing a Greek jumper. Is that from the movie? Yes.

What are the odds? I just realized that. We are the muses. Goddesses of the, no, protectors of the underworld. You broke steam. Yeah, I love. I love my culture being represented by a cartoon character.

He was a hero! Yeah, no? Sure. Yeah. Okay, sorry. E, you're dating, you're 22, you're dating your first boyfriend, you're a student. He's very nice and sweet. Always things you say about somebody you find sexually appealing.

Go on. Let's get into it. What's he done, E? What's he done? Despite all this, I've been feeling a loss of anxiety about the relationship. I always find myself wishing he would text me more, and I feel sad when he makes plans with his friends. and so doesn't hang out with me. I think this is exacerbated

as we are both doing quite demanding degrees and sports, so our time together is very limited already. Do you have any advice on how to feel less needy and pathetic and maybe less emotionally dependent on your partner? Thank you all so much, you're all wonderful.

I was lucky enough to see Helen's live at the Apollo and I feel special every time she mentions the gig. Aw. You always bright my day. Wait, at the recording? At the recording. Oh, love.

Do you remember her in the audience? Yes, I do. All I remember is my mother sitting in the crowd and my daddy in a saucer roll being like, I'd rather be on a train. I've got an easy solution to this E. Just time, time and you'll crave it less. You'll crave that time together because, like, it's genuinely such a good thing when your partner wants time with their friends on like, like, do you know what I mean? Like, that separation of that time apart is really good. Obviously, so you're in, it's your first boyfriend, so you're like super, super attached.

But it sounds like you're all super busy as well. and like as far as the texting thing goes that's annoying and that's something you can just directly address with them and be like hey like I know we're really busy and stuff like that but like it really means a lot to me

when you check in and you message with me and just like have that conversation but like you don't want to spend all the time with him he sounds like a dick what she said he was so nice no he gives her anxiety no she is anxious

and feeling anxious I'm not sure he gave her the anxiety he's toxic as far no I don't that's not what I got no I got toxic I mean, what are you think? I think just talk about it. I know at that age being like, what, 21 did you say?

22. Very different from 21. I don't want to inter-oh, I don't know. But the quicker you can just go, hey, I love spending time with you. We're both incredibly busy, but would it be cool to arrange a time to see each other next week? So then you know, for a fact, you're seeing them. There's no one else coming in. You're not going to go say your friends kind of thing.

And also, you've got that thing to look forward to. And it's really nice when you have that. So when you do are both looking forward to it, that time, that moment is more special, I would say. In January, I'm going to go to Disney World. Ah, yeah. We wearing that jumper? Yeah. Wait, so do you mean, like, whenever you leave a plan, like, leave hanging out, knowing when you're seeing each other next would be reassuring?

If they're both, like, uni degrees, sport, seeing other friends. Like, hey, when's the next time that we could go on a date? When's the next time we could hang out? It's in four days time. I've got all this time in the world. Helen. I love to spend with you. Wow.

Wow, Helen. I take that back. Your jumper sucks. You're jumping shit. Get it off. Wear their eyes. Where are their eyes. They have no eyes.

They have no eyes. They have no eyes. If you're going to go, go big. Get the real deal. Get the authentic. It's not even Disney. It's not even. It's Etsy.

It's Etsy. Get my culture off your back. No, you don't have to undress. You don't have to undress, Ellen. Helen! We invented the colour black! Get it off! No, I'm joking.

She will undress. You need to be so careful. I apologise. I apologise. It's not my bad. For anyone who wasn't watching on video, Steen and Catherine were doing really good advice about like it's all good

and I have something to look forward to and I started doing like pretending talking that they were boring. Yeah, because you said this really sweet boy was toxic. Yeah, I agree. Here's my thing. I think, Helen's right and a student's right.

I think you should make sure that you know when the next plan is and prioritise making the dates special. I also think, yes, talking to him about checking in with the text is smart. I will say... Double down and join his sports group and being his friendship group, so he's with you 24-7. Helen has this policy for love that she's called, she calls being there, which is...

For men, it's stalking. For women, it's companionship. And she just thinks that if you're always there, they will love you? I don't think that's right. You can't miss me, hi. Stop it, I hate you. Okay, here's the thing, though. Here's what I will say, E.

I'm also quite an anxious person. What? Shocking. And I think that's... Because you're always nervous that Creamtown's going to happen when you release it back to it. I learned this word 20 minutes ago,

I've heard in more times than other words in the history of... Well, here's the thing. I think that it's that, and then there's also, I'm anxious. and also love is a very addictive drug and I think that you have to be able to discern between the two

because like do you want to spend all your time with him or do you feel like perhaps your feelings are do you feel sometimes like your feelings are mismatched like maybe you care more about you feel like you care more about him do you feel like it's hard to be alone do you find like are you like am I worthy of this person's love so am I insecure about it Oh my gosh

It's pretty fun It's pretty fun Sorry it's really fun These fuckers are just making faces As I speak It's really fun Sorry I didn't believe It's really fun

It's so undermines people Even if they're not going to It ruins them Because sometimes I have a person Who's giving me as much time as they can give me genuinely cares deeply about me But I'm like

That couldn't be right They're great And I'm a trash bag And so I maybe sometimes need to examine Why I think I'm a trash bag and why I'm uncomfortable being alone. And also, like, sometimes when I'm in love,

I'll forget to call my mom and see my friends. And then the relationship ends, and I'm like, oh, my God, where are my friends? And they're like, hey, we're glad you're back, but also, like, where are you? And that's so fair. So it took me a while, like, most of my 20s to figure out how to not do those things.

And honestly, one feeds the other, right? So, like, if you see your friends when you have this spare time and do things that you care about and make you feel attractive, interesting, gives you things to talk about when you do see him you will then feel less surprised that the person that you love loves you it all sort of feeds itself

so I guess that's what I would advise they take a leaf from the book of Bohart you know she met someone she really fancied them but she still went on holiday to bea and I think that's a really strong move oh my god but this is huge progress for me that's huge progress I'm no true to Abitha myself I went with my friends

with two friends but you were like no no I'm still I'm not going to like be like oh my god this person's great this should come it's just sort of like no I'm on holiday with my mate still and I'll just message them it was so healthy it was so great and we love to see it

and you brought Helen back a gift and we love it also I am we're like I'm actively trying not to make the same mistakes again and in lots of ways and when you do

we'll point them out thank you I know you will I never doubt you on that front we'll be there for history for everyone to see your mistakes thanks guys thank you so much but that's I think that's good advice

I would also say like It's important to have your friends outside of your relationship as well. Like that is also important. Vital. Yeah. That's why you and Sunil Patel are so close, you know? Huh? Because he's a friend outside of your relationship.

Because I'm in your relationship. Oh, we're in a relationship. Yeah. But aren't you close with Sunilbert's? What's happening? I don't understand what's happening now. I thought you were saying friends that aren't in your relationship. No?

Helen, I think you've confused everything. can I have my jumper back on E, I hope that solved it for you I hope it does Steen you're a sweet man for coming over and giving us your time especially when you have a baby No, generally let this go longer Like the more time I can have out of the house

I'm very much of, keep the camera rolling or just sit here We could talk for you in the extras if you wanted Yeah, we could join us for the extras for 10 minutes if you want Great, okay before we do that Before we go to the extras where Steen will be giving Parenting advice, pretty exciting because that's a reprieve Here's our question

You're an actor Yes You're a Greek man You're tall You're gorgeous But you also do comedy shows Yeah You got some coming up in London

Yeah Tell us about him I do a duo improv show Called the Bearpack It's genuinely so good It's so good I love it so much I watched it in Kilkenny Comedy Festival

A couple years ago And was like What the fuck? What the fuck? The whole time I was like What the fuck was your reaction No because

You know when people are like There's these two guys doing improv And you're like, oh, God. And then I was like, what the fuck? This is really good. What the fuck? And they had like an accompanying musician. Yeah, a cellist.

A cellist over cellist that plays with us. Stop. Yeah, yeah. It's so clever and good. And I was like, what the fuck? It's great. Yeah, I should press. My first ever fringe show.

Beg a pardon? My first ever fringe show. Oh, what? Turned up to the fringe, my family. And it was like, let's just go see something tonight. And we ended up at the bear pack. It was amazing. Oh, I didn't know that, Andrew.

It's so good. So where are the shows and when are the shows? We're doing six shows at 21 Soho. It's the first two weeks of the Thursday, Friday, Saturday. I believe it's a third to the 12th of November. Great. Yeah, so Carlo's flying in. And the last time we flew in to do shows.

He's flying in from Australia. Yeah, last time we flew in to do shows. He flew on on the Thursday night. And we were going to Soho and, like, it was a Friday now. Like, Soho's pretty quiet. And we did the show. And like, half the audience didn't turn up. Okay.

And then we did on the Saturday as well. I was like, what's? Like, it was even less people on the Saturday night. Like, oh, what's going on? on the sat on the sunday morning carlo was staying with me he woke up he's like i need to fly home today otherwise australia's closing the border oh my god no and we were the first i think like proper act to perform in the venue no no no hey chaps um it starts tonight if this episode's going out on the third is that right andrew it's on for the next six nights it's so they're so

fucking good i'm around the corner from you at the soho theater oh please come what time's your show seven o'clock mine's at nine We can do the double. Do the double. Everyone who's come to see me at Soo Theatre, go see Steen, and then have a drink and then come see me. That's so simple. That's really nice. So I should describe the show rather than, because if you think it's in it. I should say as well, I love improv, but I hate improvisers.

Is that like that? Yes, it does. I love improvisers. I don't get this drama. Incorrect. Incorrect. They're a cult. That's so fun.

Incorrect. Tell us more about the show. So basically we get a location in one random word and then we improvise a play in 55 minutes within an accompanying cellist kind of thing. It's incredible. So there's just a two of us and a cellist and that's it. Wait, I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm going to come.

It's so good. I'm going too. Let's go together. No. Okay, fine. Fuck you. Separate nights. Mine's going to be better.

Great. That's so exciting. Okay. So where else also people can buy tickets where? I believe on the internet. I believe it's ticket text, I believe. Or you can like follow me on social. Yeah.

Okay. So they can follow you on Instagram, Twitter. Are you on TikTok? Like I am, but it's just more to watch. watch stuff. Thank you so much for listening. See you next week. Bye. Bye. Thank you.