Trusty Hogs - Ep6. CHLOE PETTS / Bills, Boys & Bad Housemates

Episode Date: November 4, 2021

Trusty Hogs episode 6 sees the brilliant Chloe Petts joining Catherine Bohart & Helen Bauer this week to solve the bane of bad housemates; assign themselves Little Women characters, and solve the chaos of Helen's bill troubles and Andrew's boy troubles.Thank you so much for listening! Support us at https://www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more! Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] Please give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socials Be sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Simon Moores / Guy GoodmanPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / SBDubz / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Emma Walton / Karen Bull / Harald van Dijk / Kierah Leach / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Lee Myerscough / Anthony Conway / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Kim Dubhghaill / Jess & Nick Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, welcome to Trusty Hoggs, the podcast. This is a podcast where Helen and I discuss our drama, your drama, and the problems you wish us to solve. And Corny Kardashian's engagement. Oh my God, that ring, that ring. And Helen insists on doing a pig noise, which everyone has loved. Annoyingly, the audience reception to the pig noises has actually been quite good, even though I hate them. And we're also going to have a guest because it's episode six and we have the incredible Chloe Pets coming to talk to us. I love Chloe.

I love Chloe. Through the fog Step forth The trusty hogs Yeah You're gonna give them your problems And they will solve them Or maybe they won't

And that's your problem They'll have guests And Andrew White on the tech Oh It's Helen and Catherine And the trusty hogs Trust the trusty hogs Or maybe

not. Let's unpack what we just started to talk about. There's two things. One, Andrew's ghosting situation. No, number one, Andrew was enough. Okay. And two, we need to discuss your court summons, which I feel like I, they warn you against. So let's begin there because Andrew, I won't be able to relax enough to engage with you until I deal with this. Helen, what did I say to you? Pay council tax on, sort it out when snail moves then immediately. Great. What did you think was the case with council tax um i thought i thought that's how you did it i did you thought what was how you did it you pay it yeah yeah yeah and i believe in paying taxes i'm a big fan of it always done it yeah but i have never i've always lived in houses with someone else is in charge of it

that makes sense so then with senil moving in i was like obviously we'll split the bills yeah so i did the ones that easier to do when we could take over from emma leaving so i took over water i did internet. I did Disney Plus. Sure, the big three, yeah. The big three. And no one's one of the council tax. So Cineal was gas and electric and council tax. And he said that... Would you say

that those are as important as Disney Plus? I don't know what you want me to say because I feel like you're hinting at something, but I haven't picked up on it yet. Okay. So like it's not. I'm just saying Frozen won't actually keep you warm. Okay, you'd be surprised at how watching Elsa build an ice palace makes you feel. feel really cozy with a blankie on the couchy.

But that's fine. So we have now been court summoned twice, but Sunil wrung them up and now we're paying it monthly. So that's all you have to do. And we just got an extra charge because of the summons. I'm sorry. So you think it's a win because you got two court summons, an extra charge.

It's like 50 pounds. All right. Bloody Daddy Warble. Yeah, but we'll know. But like we've got an executive producer on this now, right? So that will just go straight for me paying my legal fees. You know that that's... So please sign up for our Patreon for my legal fee.

You realize that's split three ways, right? Two ways. Oh, no, three ways. I thought you meant our council tax and I was like, I've got an extra flatmate that's paying. Helen cut Andrew out of the money so fast. You are enough. So quickly, yeah.

You are enough, but you can have none of the profit of the spot. I said profit. We aren't making profit yet. But we could be if you sign up for our Patreon. But we're paying it now monthly, which is really exciting. And now we've got to figure out gas and electric. You still haven't started gas and electric. No, it's not me.

I feel like, right, so I, right, as a woman, I feel like I am expected to take control of household utilities. So I am waiting and I have delegated. I have no problem with you not doing the bills and I don't know if you need to take a feminist stance on it. My point is simply this, you should at least hound the other person until it's done. I did, I put it on his whiteboard, gas and electric under get jacked and just above a lift wet towel with dick. gains. What? Yeah.

Because we're getting fit in our house and we're trying to think of like fitness goals. And he thinks if he could lift a wet towel with his dick, then that would mean that he's like mussely. So gas and electric's just above that. Wow. Yeah. Just above. Just above.

Just above. How are you going to get the towel wet if the shower is not working? Our friend Will also came over and wrote on Sir Neil's whiteboard, um, Kent, philanthropy for real this time. Which I love. But seriously, how are you going to wet the towel if the shower doesn't work? The shower does work. For now. Because I pay the water bill.

Oh. Yeah, fucking cool out. No, I don't think you understand, Helen. Do you have an electric shower? How would I know that? Do you have to heat up a boiler before you get hot water? Or does your shower always give you hot water? It's hot water.

You have an electric shower. An electric shower, yeah. So you don't just need water for that. you also need electricity yeah yeah so you're gonna need the what for the shower to work but we've got it we just haven't paid for it and and when you stop paying for it for long enough what happens they cut you off and then we pay it oh my god i'm so stressed how is this not i don't understand the drama here and when you don't have lights you will now andrew no because that's why i've got so many fucking candles oh my god you walk to our flat and it's like we've got no electricity but it's

smell so strongly of Yankee that it's like it's kind of worth it isn't it also it's kind of like cool to live in like candlelight when we were younger we would do that every now and again like have a dinner by candlelight how'd you cook it have well just it would be like a pizza that you ordered it so in the oven no no just like the oven was working yes okay so you chose to use the camera yeah yeah it was like uh my question is how are you going to cook the pizza in your scenario? Lighters. You know what? You know what? You don't want to be helped.

I can't hold them onto a frozen pizza. I can't spend any more energy on top. And then we'll have a romantic dinner by candlelight. You're ridiculous. It'd be fucking sick. Would it though? Andrew said the, believe it or not, Helen's saga is not the saddest thing I've heard today. Andrew, before the podcast started, I don't know if you caught it, was like, hey, great news guys. The two men who goes to We have un-ghosted me.

And even Helen knew that was wrong. I'm happy for you if you feel like it's a win, but I don't think that they... That's not a win. Their chance has gone now with you. I'm not like working them back with open arms. I'm just saying, like, for them to go through the rigourne role of un-ghosting me and, like, having that whole conversation,

it was like, oh, they've wanted me that much, you know? Yeah, yeah. Is that nice boost of like, okay, I'm still on their mind? Hang on a second. Exactly. When you say they had to have the conversation, Did both of them come back to you and say, Hello, Andrew, I would like to deeply apologise

for treating you like you are a person not worthy of disconnecting with appropriately and with respect. And also, I would like to ask permission to enter your life again? And also, would you like to engage in a romantic relationship because I've been thinking about you nonstop? Was that exactly what they said, both of them? So the second guy was like, sorry, I go said you,

are you down to fuck later? And I didn't, I said no. I said no. Soz, DTF, question, Mike. Basically. Oh, my God. How beautiful. Oh, confidence in a man.

I do love confident. It's stunning. Sorry, let me just wipe a tear from my eye, Andrew. Oh, God, how will the other guy ever compete? And the first one said? The first one thought. I'm sorry, because he's not like properly kind of, I mean, he's out to his family, he says. But anyway, he said it was the first time he'd been with a guy,

and he thought I'd given him an SDI, so he got scared and angry at me and ignored me. But he got tested, he's not got an SDI, I am clean. So why did he think he had one? I'm sorry. I don't know. The other one said. said soz thought you dirty man turns that you didn't infect me like I previously thought

so I've let go of the rage I un like warrantedly had against you I think it's kind of fun and also because it's like it's like you know autumn vibes it's ghost season like kind of like Halloween first of all it's 2021 if somebody if you have an SDI the idea of like being like I'm not speaking to this other person as opposed to like quite, you know, talking about it like a normal person that you have had. Oh, like you would take it well if I gave you lice.

If I gave you pubic lice. I would talk to you about it. Would you actually? I'd explain to you that you have it. I would go get a knit comb and take it to my pubs. No, I think that you should probably go get rid of those. But also, my point, but also we wouldn't have fucked. Come on, be realistic.

And also, do you have? No, no. I would, like, do you remember knits when you were younger and how fun they were? No, I never liked them. Oh, you never. had knits no how is it not a thing in Ireland a thing in Ireland it is a thing if you mean that do you know every kid gets them no not every kid does okay every kid in my town got them like five times that's astonishing or maybe in our household we got them a lot because we were like running

up people going like oh oh oh oh oh okay we have to we have to circle back to Andrew but I do want to say that's disgusting okay um Andrew they're amazing you can see them crawling around Can we talk about the fact that Andrew got two messages this week? One was, Saz, I thought you gave me an STI, but anyway, you didn't. I'm back and the other was Saz DTF and he thinks that's a win. Well, not like, oh, you know, it's not a loss. Yes, it is, Andrew. It's two losses.

You are enough, but you take your wins where you get them and I respect it. No, you are enough. The SDI guy was really apologetic and like quite, you know, he said it was like, I felt really bad and I did miss you during that time. It's nice when someone feels like the OU. like a writing of the wrong because they could have just left it. Yes. And it's always nice to get a DTF message.

No, no, no, no, no, no. First of all, the second... I'm going to send you one later. The second guy doesn't think you're worthy of communication but is willing, when desperate to have sex with you, go fuck yourself. The first guy, thank you for your apology. I accept it.

It's nice to understand what happened. I wish you well. Okay. Andrew, you think about whatever you want to think about it, okay? You ignore this. She's just jealous because no one... I know Catherine is objectively.

right. I won't necessarily action that, but I know you are right, Catherine. Are you going to have sex with both these men? Not the second one, definitely not. Are you going to have sex with the STI guy? He was very cute. Very cute. Yeah, he was. Very cute. Indicator and full of misplaced rage. I know, but non-communication

can sometimes be a turn-on because it's like they're mysterious, like what's going on, like any sort of allusion to stuff like that. I'm like, oh my God, let's talk about it, you know? But he won't talk about it. He will when you got on there. What do you mean there?

In between your legs? There. That's what Helen calls her vagina. Is that not there? Is that not the there that we all refer to? Have I got it wrong? Oh, good Lord. Head lice. Andrew, you got them, right? I think once. Just once.

I can't believe you never had them. I feel like you should get them now just to have the experience of them. Absolutely not. I do not want them. You just have to comb through your hair, but my mom got an electric knit comb. that made like a beep sound when it got one and then she'd like get it onto a toilet roll but I always wanted to see it like I wanted to because I felt they felt very like mine you know like they lived with me

so then I would want to see them and you could like see them on the pad and then she squeezed them too oh oh my god if she squeezed them too hard then like little bits of blood would come out then and they die my little nits it was awful and then my sister had them once and they were so many

that we were going up to London or something to see a family member and I could like pull them out of her head just with my own little fingers like a little monkey it was amazing hello I'm muting your mic no that was disgusting I actually hate it

there should be more awareness for headlice I think people are aware it's just that people weren't like fucking but now my head's itchy because I'm talking about it do you know what I mean please make it stop let's move on let's move on let's move on let's move on that's disgusting if you're still with us at this point in the episode

I truly appreciate your loyalty and commitment and I'm sorry about Helen. Is my mic un-muted now? Thank you. Helen, would you like me to say, I'm going to say something as offensive as everything you just said, except in my language.

Offensive? Yeah. Okay, hold my hand to speak your truth. But here's what I'm going to say to you. This week is the beginning of November, and I'm so excited to be starting November, having finished my Christmas shopping. Andrew?

Yeah. You might want to meet my mic. Feeling pretty good. I'm about to fucking lose it. Did you actually? Yeah. Did you get me a gift? I know you say you do,

but I always think like, how much of this is Catherine sort of like doing a bit, you know? I finished my Christmas shopping. I got you a gift. I got Andrew a gift. I'm really good about it. What is it? I'm not telling you.

Tell me where you got Andrew. Andrew, come your ears. I won't tell you. I won't tell you. I won't. I'm not going to tell you. I'm actually, I feel particularly good about your, no. I don't.

Why would I pay money to things I don't support? I don't want it then. White people shouldn't sing. I will not say it again. I just think that I think you're going to love your gift and I'm excited. But yeah, I finished and I feel really light. Just so you know I'm going to buy you like a voucher last minute.

Oh, no, you figured it. I'm actually shocked I'm getting anything. But also you'll give it to me at Easter, so isn't really a Christmas gift. The point is it. It's all of Jesus's celebration's gift. Do you want to talk about our planned by Andrew a birthday present? Yeah, it didn't go well.

Yeah, because Helen was like, I was like, Helen, let's go in together and get something. And she was like, no, let's make it a challenge. No, bullshit. Let's set a goal. Let's set a goal. Here's the money we'll spend. And then we'll both go get something and see who gets the best thing. I was like, all right, you're on.

So anyway, I go get my gift in the budget that's discussed. And then on the day that we're supposed to give it to Andrew, I'm like, hey, Helen, what did you get? The day we were giving it to Andrew was today. No. No. Okay. Then I read it wrong. Okay.

But Andrew, on my life, I start by going like, it's super simple for Andrew's birthday. We need to take him to the West End. to go see a show the three of us, she refused. Because one, I was like, Helen, I'm not joking. Andrew, I love you,

but I was like, that's going to cost hundreds of pounds. No, it's not, it's not for like long-running shows. Secondly, I was like, Hey, Helen, I hate musicals,

so that would be terrible for Andrew. It's not a gift for you. Yeah, but I would have to be there. I would also, I'd feel bad for, I wouldn't enjoy that experience because I know Catherine would be hated. He's a good man.

He's a good man. I like people struggling to enjoy something, because I feel like, when people say they don't like musicals, they just haven't been. You made all your friends meet you in a park, brought the cake that I'd bought for you, put it out and said,

nobody eat this. It's for me. I want to take it home for the freezing. I know, but you've got to bring something for the table. My point is you're not about other people's enjoyment, whereas Andrew's the kind of. Anyway, we set the budget.

We both went and spent the budget, I thought. And then I was like, hey, Helen, and I knew, I just knew you wouldn't have got him something. So I'd text you on the day and was like, what to get Andrew?

Or would you like to go in on mine? and you were like and this was the audacity of it Helen who did not have you a gift yet at this point Andrew said oh what did you get him like and if she was going to check if it was all right before I was like bitch

I got him something do you want in and she's like yes please I will get it so when I was honestly still thinking of getting him tickets where is this money you need to sort out your gas and electric yeah but you can go see like I don't know fucking woman in black for a tenor. What is that? The best show

of all time. It's like a ghost show. Isn't it like a Hallmark movie? No. I bet you it is. There's a movie with Daniel Radcliffe in it. I'll bet you it is. Okay. Either way it's fucking amazing. It's really good. I finished my Christmas shopping and I feel light and good

about it. Now obviously in December what I'll do is panic that I haven't got everyone enough stuff and spend more money but until then I'm going to wait and try to enjoy my life. Jesus Christ, you've just got to chill it out. Like it's not about the gal. I have It's about time together. It's about singing songs around the piano. That's absolutely not true.

I spent my Christmas last year. It's about watching Hitler documentaries with your family. It's about really learning about World War II and your part in it. No, I spent Christmas alone last year away from my family. And let me tell you, it turns out the gifts did help. So it is about the gifts, people. It is. What do you ask for?

Do you give a list? We do a Chris Kindle in my family. family, so I heavily hint and then I hope for the best. See, I hinted one year and I got the wrong thing and it was devastating. I was 11 and I cried. Oh, by heavily hint, I mean I send links to the exact thing I want. Sorry, I should have said. No, but that's what I used to do when I was younger.

I would like write down the Argos catalogue page and the number of the thing, like really specific, but I wrote it down wrong once and I got the wrong thing and I was so devastated. My mom was like, this is what you asked for. And I was like, I misspelled it. That's so funny, because the August's catalog is so broad as well. I know. Get like a fucking toaster instead of a birthday. I got it totally wrong.

And she's like, she'll love it. Did you get like a printer? What did you get instead of a gift? No, but one year I did, I was, right, you know when you're like younger and you're like, I've decided what I want to do with my life and you make that decision overnight and you're like, this is it. This is me. I think I just watched little women and I was like, I am Joe.

So I wanted to. Do you think you're Joe? I wanted a typewriter and they had one in the Fisher Price like toy section. on the Eagles catalog. What did you get instead? No, I got the typewriter. This is the year when it worked out. Oh, cute.

I got the typewriter, but I no one told me about you couldn't delete or go back. So I would like write like three letters, press something wrong, and be like, oh! And I've ripped the whole page out and start again. Which is why you are in? Amy, you're Amy, you're Amy, oh my God, you're obviously, Amy. What are you talking about Joe?

What are you talking about Joe? I've never met more of an Amy my whole life. But I'm a creative type. I'm out there. Yeah, that's Amy. No, I'm not Amy. Don't even fucking try it. Don't even try it.

I'm sorry. Okay, well then you're Meg. That's fine. Of course I'm Meg. Meg's the shit one. Of course I'm Meg and you're Amy. Oh my God. You're Laurie, by the way.

That's a compliment. Andrew's Ben. No, Andrew's Aunt Mary. Andrew's Beth. He's so nice. Yeah, actually that works too. That works too. No, Beth is nice, but she's always like, it's all about her.

Guess who's sick again Because he's got the scarlet fever Which also makes you more of a bet Than it does Joe Like you are so, I can't believe You thought you're a Joe I know but I That's absurd

I feel like you don't know me well enough To be able to make this call Oh really? Yeah 100% Wow 100% I have such strong Joe vibes I write

I travel to the city I like German men I watch at the people getting pregnant I said no to my neighbour and then he married my sister I too I too had a manuscript

burnt by a sibling that I then allowed to fall under the ice no let's be clear let's be clear you first of all if Amy was drowning you and I would have let her drown so we're not Joe because you imagine me trying to get to her and not cracking more

with the weight of me there's no way I'm coming out of the eyes just making the holes bigger around And I'd have been like finally So we're not We are not Joe Second to that

You absolutely If your older sister wrote this phenomenal book And you wanted to petally Get back at her You would absolutely throw it in the fire I don't think I'd burn

I think I'd rip and hide Where I was like hiding food rappers Mostly greeting You're in Amy You're in Amy And it's absolutely outrageous That you thought you were a Joe

I'm really devastated That you're like You're right I understand your justification. I don't want to be Meg, but I am who I am. I know, but like I just feel like you know I'm on my period and I know you are as well and you know I fell over yesterday and I scraped my knee.

Oh yeah, you did try that. Which was awful for me. So like... You realize that all this attention seeking is such an Amy trait. It's also a Beth trait. It's also... By the way, just really quickly for, you know, the new little women, not new, it's been out for ages now, but the Sersheronan one.

Yeah. I went to go see it on Boxing Day in Oldershire. with my mom and my brother and his then girlfriend. And there was another family from Fleet there that we know. My friend Ellie and her parents. And we watched the whole film. And like I know the book in the film really well. My mom does as well.

Like Ellie does. And Ellie's mom came out of the cinema. We're all like standing outside on the street just like chatting. And then she was like, God, I could not follow that. I could not follow that. I mean, how many times did she die? Three, four. And because of the flashback hit it in the film,

She kept thinking Beth was dying on repeat. She was fucking mad. We were all like, I don't know. And Ellie was like, it's going to be a long car journey home. I was like, good luck with it. I'm sorry, just to clarify, in fleet, are you a genius? I am one of the smarter ones of fleet. I walk down the high street and there goes,

there goes, men's for Helen. There she fucking goes. I'm like, eh. Just like, that fucking level of just like not understanding things. Insane, isn't it? Wow. I don't have the words for that. Well, listen.

Shout out to Rosemary Sauter. That's her name, yeah. Oh, Rosemary. Love Rosemary. She'll be like, is Helen an actual pig listening to this? Rosemary's one of those great mums where you're like, I fucking love you.

I remember me and Ellie went to get her hair done in year 10 after school. And like I had highlights and a fringe put in, which I shouldn't have done. And Ellie got little pink bits put in. And then we went to go see her mum at work. And she's a receptionist at like a retirement home. And we walked in and she went, oh my God, you've ruined.

Yourselves. You've ruined yourselves, girls. Oh, this is awful. And she got all the old women around to come and look at us and be like, she used to be so beautiful. Look what she's done. And we were just standing there like, like, we hate everything. Oh, my God. Fucking awful. Rosemary sounds like a class A. B.R. Jonesmerry's Irish. Oh, yeah. There we go. That's why she thinks you ruined yourself because Jesus gave you the hair you have and why would you be troubling yourselves. They ruined themselves. They ruin themselves. I love. I hate you doing Irish. Hi, it's Catherine. I'm going on tour. The tickets are on sale. The show is called This Isn't for You. It's a comedy show. It is for you, though. Obviously, if you're listening to

this podcast, I want you to come to my tour show. And I'm going all over the UK and Ireland. So, yeah, you can get tickets at catherine bowhart.com. And it's a comedy show. I'd love you to come. I think it's going to be quite good. I hope it's going to be quite good. Regardless, we'll have a nice time, won't we? Thank you to all of our Patreon supporters, but especially executive producers Simon Moores and Guy Goodman. And our producers, Kim Dubgal, Liam Ayerskoe, David Walker, Tim and Dom, Kira Leach, Richard Bignall, S.B. Dubbs, L, Richard Bald, Sadie Cashmore, Neil Redmond, Claire Owen Jones, Rachel R, Victoria Hutchison, Jess and Nick, Emma Walton, Karen Bull, Anthony Conway, and Harold Van Dyke. If you would like to support Trustee Hoggs,

go to patreon.com forward slash trusty hogs and pledge today for exclusive bonus content, merchandise and so much more. Do you need me to do the jingle? Ready? Yes. Oh my God, can you sing a jingle?

Can you sing the jingle? I think I can probably just do the first two lines. Go on, do it. Through the fuck. Yes. To come the jingle. The trusty hogs. It's Helen and Catherine.

No, what is it? Andrew I on the tech. That's just going to do something. And this is why we didn't do the thing. They have guests. Walking down the street with my dad. Golly Betts is here, everybody. We're so excited you're here.

Do you want to hear the most hilarious thing Helen said earlier about little women? I don't remember what it is I said. She said about little women that she thinks. she's a joe no i know that's bullshit because you said it in a way that made chloe feel helen thinks she's a joe who do you think she is i have a strong feeling uh hang on i've got it a beth that's what i thought my second choice was that was my second choice like i'm dying but i think she's obviously an amy what just sort of innocuous no i she's not No, because she's so attention drawing and jealous of her older sisters.

Beth is the attention-seeking one. Yeah, which is why Amy hates it. She's got attention-seeking. She's got like a life-threatening illness that she eventually dies from. She's actually very stoic. Yeah. Yeah. No.

Hell of an Amy. Why do you think you're a Joe? Because I'm creative and I'm outgoing. I don't, I'm not defending myself anymore. Just because like you hang around near lesbians a lot. It doesn't make you one. Joe's not a lesbian. Come on.

Okay, sure. Well, then why did she end up with the professor? To Taylor's on the time. Women didn't have choices then. She chose to be with him. He was obviously gay too. What? They were each of those beards.

They ran a school. No, no, you're not right. I've read all four little women books. Yeah, me too. Okay. There's no way she would run an all-boys school and marry the professor. if she didn't want to.

She was too headstrong from the beginning. Yeah, she did want to because it's the perfect cover for her. Lesbianism. Sometimes people just like teach it as well regardless of sexuality. Yeah, I agree. What?

No! This isn't right. Fine. Fuck it. You guys have a nice chat. I'm going to go sit with Andrew. No, come back. Come back.

Because I feel... No, this is what happens all the time is that you do something wrong and bad and then you make us work to fix it. What did I do wrong and bad? A classic gaming move. A classic gamey move. You put your face onto my clean.

You said you had a cold, so I headbutted you and greeting instead. No, you rubbed your face against it and you got makeup all over it. All over your shirt. And then I showed some justifiable upset by it and then I had to comfort you. Yeah, that's exactly what happened to a very way. You've called Helen on her bullshit so fast. Listen. That's crazy.

I've not seen that done. And now Helen doesn't know what to do. Well, she's doing it again. I'm going to have to comfort for this. And she thinks I get bullied on it. Who does? My friend France. Does she really think that?

Yeah. What did she say? What did Francis say? No, Helen, come on. I'm getting her on the phone. Wow. I don't, because, so Chloe Petz has called you on putting your makeup all over their shirt and consequently you're calling your friend because you think you're a bully.

Yeah. And you think that disproves Chloe's theory that we have had to comfort you despite your bad behavior. Yeah. Okay, it's a stance. If she doesn't answer, this is going to be fucking devastating for me. I don't think she will answer. You can say what she said and we'll take it on good faith. Yeah.

Promise? Yeah. Yeah. She says that I get talked down to and I'm actually a really strong independent woman and I don't need it. No, that's what? You don't need the podcast. I don't need the podcast. That's one of those speeches that you give to your friend that you're worried about.

I know. It's, isn't it? I actually patronise you because you're a strong independent woman. I wouldn't if you weren't. I'm a Joe. I'm a Joe. you're a Meg and you're a fucking Laurie. Are you all happy now?

I'll take that. You've gone really well at that situation. How about this? You're John Brooks. Which one's from Brooks? Meg's husband. The worst. The literal worst.

He's a tutor and then he gets married and that's his whole personality. Yeah, it's crazy how he's just happy because he loves his wife. It's so stupid. What a loser. But that's also quite cool because he's had the narrative

of what the women usually get in books of that era. You're right, actually. That's a whole. different world. Except he gets a strong independent woman. He gets to have agency because they choose their life as it is because they love each other and they actually want children. He dies.

Everybody dies. I mean they're all dead by now so. They all die. Yeah. They're all dead now. All of them. Little wives. They're all dead. Is there like a big I haven't read that one is? I've only read little women and then is it little men? Good wives and then little men and Joe's

boys. Yeah. No, no. I can't remember any of them. How do they all do? Is it like, um, They don't all die during the book. No, but they have definitely all die, is what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've taken an nihilistic approach. Okay.

I was hoping it was going to be like, you know, at the end of Biker Grove when they all realized that they were in a TV show. Louisa May Alcott, like, writes into... What? Wait, wait, wait. Is that the end of Biker Grove? Also, how did you make it to the end of Biker Grove? I completed Biker Grove, mate.

What? Yeah, they got... Age 25. Finally. Yeah, I just did a rewatch last, lockdown one. You know what? Hell and Finney. all of the little women books and you finished

all of Biker Grove. Maybe Helen is a more together person than we give her credit for. I'm a mens a member bitch. I'm a fucking men's member, hon. We did Gigless Live the other night. We did some new material and Helen defended Andrew Lloyd Weber

having had his good name dragged through the mud by homosexual Andrew. And Andrew made a mistake in that context because he was referring to a time that Westlife covered a song. Whistled down the wind. Yeah. When it was in fact

Boyzone, a mistake that no Irish person would ever make in their lives. Whistle down the wind? I don't care about musicals but apparently you do. Can I say what my defence was? Yeah. I just said that. Should I say what my position was first? Yeah, I feel like Catherine's basically... We have to cut all of this from the edit.

Nobody wants to hear us figuring out how to have this conversation. Can I also just say that I secretly try to like pick my nose a tiny bit when you two weren't looking and then I was like oh fuck there's a camera did you get it? No it was just it was more sort of one of those like just in case ones Andrew you don't have anything there send me that cut

also did you ever have um headlights when you were a kid yeah thank you a couple of times me too oh my god what it's not they don't know but I've never had it and I wouldn't have had it multiple times that seems like careless okay bitchy um Andrew what is your position on Andrew Lloyd Weber and then I will say mine and then Chloe can jump in I just don't have a lot of respect for the man I thought

Whoa, savage You weren't in harder than other than I don't. Stop stirring up the shit Okay, sit back And take it on like a fucking Be a man Wow Is that one of his songs Zion man

Don't do this when Andrew is speaking Because he needs to keep an eye on levels And speak Oh yeah sorry Moderate your Okay Andrew you don't like You don't like Andrew Lloyd Scott Weber

Lloyd's man Andrew Andrew Lisa Scott Lee Weber Yeah which one do you not like I just I thought I quite like superstar phantoms okay and I don't rate anything else really and a lame page plays him too much on the lane page but like why have we gone in for the quality of his work and not the quality of the content of his character oh yeah he's an awful man as well that is another is he right he is an awful man allegedly I said no no no no

it's not allegedly why he's like voted against a lot of things that are very significant to the arts that leverage him keeping a lot of money in well and not very supportive of artists. He's like a peer or something. Like, yeah, Lord. And he flew back from like America to vote on this thing to vote against like four benefit cuts or something like that. Wow.

Maybe you should put it in the show notes. No. So I said what I will say for Andrew Lloyd Webber is he brought us the searching for the new Dorothy, the new Maria, the new Nancy shows, which I loved because I did respect the Dorothy show that every weekend it ended with one of the teenage girls

taking off their shoes they'd been dancing in for a full week handing them to him and he would just sit there on a throne holding their shoes on a cushion like I fucking love feet and then they'd wave off in a moon and I thought that was just the best TV choice

so I love it for that reason also I think phantom's fucking flawless maybe if we did like a retrospective of all his musical it would be like Tarantino and there's actually loads of foot stuff in it there is there is There is. He's clearly a foot guy. Okay.

I don't know him, but I have met him. What the hell? This is new information. At Jimmy Carr's Christmas party. I met him. At who? Jimmy Carr's Christmas party. He was there. You remember, we were there. Yeah. Serving the food. Eating.

It's a lovely do. And he was there and he stood. No. My ex stood on his toes. So Morfut stuff, and he apologized. So I assumed he was a nice guy, but it turns out he's pretending when actually... Polite is not the same thing as being a nice guy. English is not the same as being a nice guy. Maybe he voted against like, you know, disability benefit,

and then I'm so sorry, and everyone's like, nice guy. Nice guy. I least regret that. Yeah, interesting. But Phantom, you have to separate the art from the artist. Okay. Bad guy, but Phantom is fucking phenomenal. phenomenal. Are we doing that?

Bantam is incredible. Oh my god, Chloe Pets, I've just realized you've just put your things on the set and I didn't put them out of the way and so the person is an absolute mess. It's fine. It's absolutely chaos in here. It's behind Helen. That's chaos. Okay, fine, it's covered by Helen, but there's just a coat on a chair.

Jesus. Sorry that I put my coat. We've absolutely lost the run of ourselves. Andrew, you should have said the place looks a state. Absolutely no one's going to notice that at the Catherine. Oh my God, hideous. Because I still think if we slag off him too much, there's no chance of you ever playing the Phantom. And I know that's such a thing that we,

you all want to see. It's my birthday party this weekend and I've got karaoke planned and I'm going to sing Phantom I'm excited for it. I'm going to be there for it. Do you want to sing Christine's part? Yes but you know I'm arriving lakes and doing a game. Yeah we can hold it. I love so much that I'm your friend who you arrange brunch with because we both know I won't

stay up late enough or I want to sing in karaoke. But you're not going? Catherine texts me like maybe I've got a gig maybe I'll come after and I was like we're going for brunch. That's never fucking happening. Yeah I'm never going. But you're definitely not going. Well, no, where is it? Two north down. Maybe. You're not going.

I might. I'm desperate to go because last time I went to a karaoke party there, I ended up topless within about 10 minutes of arriving. I don't think that's going to encourage me to go. I was out with a guy. I was on a day. I got drunk on the day. I arrived at the birthday. It was Olga's birthday party there.

And I immediately walked in. I was like, put on bitch by Meredith Brooks. Me and Sophie Duker, topless. Just like, right. around on the floor it was actually like that sounds it was incredible no no no like that sounds bad but it was actually really quite moving and i remember it was the first time i ever saw you in the um two-tone cardigan i love that you're making out like it's like the origin story of the tonne tiger i love that cardigan you look so fit in that cardigan she does and then

when you took it off i was like wow you know i met a new comic who has that cardigan what no they need to they can't have us but burn them or the cardigan? No, I couldn't see it perform. I literally was like on my way to the Bill Murray I put my head

and my head and I was like oh who's here tonight oh hi guys and I was like oh I've got that cardigan and she went yes

and I went no who is it who is it? She seemed really lovely She is very very lovely Yeah she can't keep the cardigan though Her name's carla

Yeah Is that her name? She's really sweet I'm sure she's very funny Carla Fucking end her Why She got your cardigan

I liked it I liked it I feel No but like I mean it's from ASOS. I don't think I can ever own anything. Yeah, but you've been wearing it for what? Four years? It's your car. Four years? Okay. Like two years and I've got two of them. So if anyone sees me wearing it too

much, it's because I bought it to do a show in and I have a tendency to spill when I'm nervous. Oh, I have a tendency to sweat when I'm nervous. So I also have to buy two of things. Yeah, just to like make sure that you've got options because otherwise you're sort of like really nervous and then you dribble and then it's like oh like helen's dribbled down herself again also you're both younger than me but the spilling like is one thing that i feel like a lot of people do but did you know that when you get into your 30s you just become a sweatier person is that true i i i think so i'm 30 now and i think that's i sweat like a dog on heat all the time and it's vile do you're going through early menopause oh my don't she's not no i do think i am really thank you for asking finally somebody

sees me it feels like something you would do like you're very precarious yeah Parliament is ahead of the game. Yeah, everyone in their 40s will be like, I'm just starting to go through menopause and you'll be like, I did it at 33. Right? Oh my goodness. It's so funny you should say that because I watched the Davina McCall documentary

that everyone should watch on menopause and I think it gave it to me. What do you mean? What, like the ring? Like you watch it and then suddenly you're afflicted by it. Yes. Okay, well, I don't want to watch it then. I think you should watch it though

because I don't remember who's on your faces. You would be great going through menopause. You're going to be great. You would take it with such great. What do you mean? It's going to happen to all of us. I think that's the thing is... We don't know.

We don't know. No, we do know. No, no, because you can have a hysterectomy. Then you still have to go through the menopause. I don't think so. I think they take out the menopause. They take out the menopause. It's like a little orb that lives in the centre of yourself.

Often it propels you to go straight into the menopause. But it's like a mini pause, isn't it? It's not a meno. Oh, that's fun. I think it depends on the woman and often it is extreme. I think what we've learned is that we need greater education around the menopause. I think so too. And also HRT has had a really bad rep guys, but a lot to be said first.

Anywho, something to watch. Do you want me to do a spin-off to the trusty hugs called the Menopause Appreciation Society? Or the Minipause mini-sau? Yeah, the Menopause minisodes. We should totally do a menopause minisode. Yeah. But we get to finally learn about it. We should have DeVina on.

Yeah. Do you think that's within your reach, sorry. I could find out. No, I don't know if it is. I don't think it is. I don't think it is. Let me find out. Yeah.

Maybe like, maybe do. do like a few more episodes, you know, get a bit of momentum. Are you saying that this podcast hasn't taken off yet? I don't know. I don't think I have, we have 51 patrons. Tell me the stats. No, 51 patrons is good. How many listeners are we averaging?

I don't know. About two, two, two and a half thousand. Two, two and a half thousand. But if all of those two and a half thousand people told five of their friends, we could get this thing on the road and then we could have a menopause. Up to a hundred thousand. I also feel like quite a few of those were me replaying, try to learn the intro

I would love it for that we actually had five listeners and then just tell me a bit like, You know I could just send you the music file Yeah, then you don't have to listen No, we want that we need those listens If you could also watch it on YouTube to learn the song that way, that would be great.

And you have to like on YouTube. Yeah, like it's a play. What do you do when the song is on on the YouTube? Are you just sat there? On the YouTube? I think it just has the logo. It has the, the, the, I do it some. For the whole song, I do a thumbs up.

That feels out of character. I don't think I've ever seen that. You've never done a thumbs up in your bloody life. I'm just learning. It's not awkward on him. Look at that. Is that it? Am I doing it?

Look at you trying to be breezy. Is that it? Oh God. No, that's unsettling. Put it down. Easy breezy. You're brunch. Close.

Wait, where are you going to brunch then? Huh? Do you want to come brunch? What? No, I'm coming karaoke. Yeah, but you can come brunch too. What's brunch? When's brunch?

brunch like where do you want to go like i figured we'd just go to the diner like we always do yeah fine we can go down we can go to somewhere nice on warren street we could go to that um lemon place or the milk and co whatever it's called milk and honey milk and cow i don't know let's go there they've um wasabi and white chocolate bobka and it's amazing yeah well they have something um sort of quite classic i like what you know when i'm going out on a brunch i like uh a real savoury option and yeah they'll have both they'll have both yeah let's do that Like a burrito, like a breakfast burrito. That's what we happened.

We went for... That was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Breakfast with Rosie. That was brunch for Rosie's birthday. I wasn't invited. Thingy, thingy. You were.

Don't even fucking try this. I'm always invited and I never go. It's a wonder I have friends. Don't even fucking try this with me. It's a wonder I have friends. Thank you for still continuing to invite me even though I pretty much always choose tidying. And it's quite difficult listening to this podcast where you talk about like, culling your friends and then i know and then i have like a long list of like sorry i can't make

that and i'm like oh fuck am i one of them i feel the same thing is you trying to face it's so weird isn't it absolutely not i invite you to things i i had that spontaneous show with you one time um you just have a very formal WhatsApp time yeah you've said this several times can you just like whack a giff in you know pop an emoji but also like hey it was a tip like yeah what's up yeah what's up yeah we like all right one said to me at the end of such a lot we had the this most joyful hang and then we're at the train station. I timed it so badly. You did.

And Helen, I need to tell you this about Chloe. I have a formal, I'm WhatsApp tone and Facebook tone, but Chloe's weakest friendship trait is that she occasionally gives you like a report card. Oh, that's not fair. But at the end of the hang.

So an example of this was, and I love it by the way, because I often come out well as a student, but that day we got to the train station at the end of a joyful hang and just we were about to go for our trains. Oh God, what did I say? I was really... Shut!

No. By the way, I'm really glad we did this because sometimes I'm not really sure if we are friends because you're... But this was the tone because your engagement on Facebook is like really formal

and it's very... I guess it comes kind of off kind of a steer and I'm not sure if you want to hang out. Anyway, bye! And I was laughed with a chain like... I had a lovely time. I thought we were... I didn't even know I was not...

What is wrong with the pair of you? I was going back through my messages and I was like, None of them were like, to whom it may concern. They were all like, dear Chloe. I don't know what the problem is. What's the problem? There's all over to mess with yo, yo, you know.

I think the problem with Chloe and I as friends is that we are both, and I hope I'm not speaking on just my behalf. So into it as friends. Like, I'm very into our friendship. That's so nice. But I think that we both get a bit like, and you? And you? Wait, so you're definitely trying to prove friendship.

to each other and you're panicking doing it. No, we just want to be as good a friend to the other person as they deserve. And I also think it's like, yeah, yeah, no, and that makes real sense, but it's nice to hear that because. Yeah, I think we're both too. Yeah, sometimes I feel like, um, you know, when like you, Helen, you do this quite a lot.

I'm just chill friends with both of you. I'm pretty relaxed. When you do, you never think about us when we're not here. I do, but like, I'll just send a message, be like, whiz up, like, and then that's it. Or just FaceTime. You know when like, you're nice to someone and then it makes you feel vulnerable, so you act out.

Yeah. Yeah, it's like that. I just love that you said that at the end of a hang. Like, just so you know, like, it went well because I was worried. No, no, I wasn't worried. I wasn't worried. We had so much day wine. We had a lot of day wine.

And you came hung over, so you were already vulnerable. Yeah, okay, yeah. No, but it was, I'm glad I said it. I just, I timed it badly because then we didn't have time for discussion. I feel like maybe a couple of casual phone calls between the two of you over the next month would be a great thing. Yeah, we don't really have a casual friendship though. We sort of like ring each other with our most existential crises. Maybe that's our problem.

Maybe. We need to convert into a more day-to-day friendship because I think, I think you considered going like build a bear together. That sounds terrible. But you go to bookshops together. That's nice. That's what we do. That's our hang. Yeah.

I think maybe that's it because like maybe or sometimes I just feel like I'm only coming with burden. Oh, I never feel that way. I feel very trusted by you. Okay, great, great. Yeah. Helen, you're lovely too. Oh my God, so nice. I love that you call me up when you're on the phone to your sister

and you can't be able to speak to her anymore. I never worry about whether or not you're trying to call me because I truly feel like the day you decided you don't want to be around with me, I will never see you again. And it's just not a worry because I'll be like, she'll be gone. I just don't think I thought about friendship by much. I think you might be more stable than either of us. which is...

Yeah, it could be that. And I think it's part of that thing that you've... I like hanging out with both of you. But it's the part of the thing where you've spoken about where you didn't realise you were bullied at school. Like, you wouldn't know if someone wasn't enjoying your friendship because you're just sort of... Maybe I would just say we're all having a nice time.

Yeah, there's just sort of like lift music going on in your head. You know what? You know what? Helen can come to brunch. I think it might make us have a casual hang. Shall we? When is brunch? I say at 11 o'clock this Saturday-ish. This Saturday.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My birthday, remember? You want to do it? I know, but it's karaoke in the evening. Yeah. Oh my God, Francis called. Do something or other. Come on.

Do you want to call? Calling her back. Okay, but then we have to deal with the problem. Okay, then we'll deal with the problems. This is like the ultimate adult female friendship podcast. It really is. It really is. Just, Francis, I'm doing Trustee Hoggson with Catherine.

And I said about how you said that I get bullied on it. Is that true? Silence from Francis. tell us what you think that i get bullied on it though don't you yeah i get shamed there we go that's a different thing to bully and do you think that that is um whose fault do you think that that is um who's fault do you think that is no i don't say no no yeah did you hear that much yeah and and what and you don't think that helen shames back you can't tell her what is that.

I just think we're talking about like adult female friendships because Chloe and Catherine struggle with us. That's not true. No, we love it. Oh my God, I love Chloe so much. If anything, I just feel too uncool for them. No.

That's the constant anxiety that I don't really know why you hang out to me when you have cool friends. Oh, Francis. Do you want to go to the art gallery together on Thursday? Can you come? 10.28. You can't just sort out your admin right now.

Can we just check? Can I ask one more question of Francis who thinks that I'm a bully? Francis, do you listen to the podcast? You clearly... Yeah. Do you think it's a good time? It's a really good time. Well, then what's the problem, Francis?

Francis, can you do a three-word review of me? Because mine is bullying, shaming and... Irish. Cut up. Just sum up Chloe as a person. Very good at drawing. Thank you. Can I have a review?

Fit. Hang on. I like her. I've changed my mind on Francis. I like her. Frances, I love you. I'll call you in a bit. I love you.

Bye. What a turnaround. I hated Francis at the start of the And now I look at fit. Here's the thing with adult female friendship. I'm so tall. They're complicated. They're complicated.

They're tricky. You know, we all go through a lot of different phases with them. But at the end of the day, we're all great friends. And I am so lucky to have both of you in my life. Thanks. Thanks, Helen. And we are lucky to have me in our life. And we are lucky to have me in our life.

And together, you in our life. Even though sometimes we worry that we've upset someone. or that they're trying to pull away or that our relationship might be too intense or too chill, it doesn't matter because we love each other. We love each other. And it all comes down to just having a nice time together

because that's what life's about, spending time with people you love and leaving it a better place. Because in a world where you can be anything, be kind. Through the fog come the trusty hogs. It's got so weird so fast.

Oh, I'm really glad you're hearing that we had this deep and meaningful chat and then Helen is also going to continue to be our friends. Also, just for context, you can go see Francis's artwork up at the R.A. Oh, my God, what? Until the end of January. She's at the Royal Academy. She's a wonderful artist.

I'm going on Thursday. We could go on Saturday. We could go after brunch. After brunch. You guys should go on. It's incredible. No, you're not going to home. And her painting is already solved.

What has this turned into us? Begging her to go to brunch that we want. It should be the other way around. What's the exhibition? I'm a great brunch guest. Francis is what? Francis Stanfield Okay great

Francis Petrovica Stanfield I would personally not say that you should go except that she does think I'm fit so probably you should go We did a really fun thing where she hosted like

Yeah yeah yeah I really want to do another one I want to do another one It was so fun She hosted like comedians doing drawing She runs London drawing group With her two other amazing women Oh she's so cool

She just like made us do some drawing And it was so fun And very freeing You know to do something creative I'd love to pose for being painted or drawn, but... Maybe that's what our friendship needs. You get naked, I'll draw me. That's how my infantress became really close.

I used to go to our uncle's house and get naked for her. I don't think that would help our friendship. I'm sorry, what did you say uncle? She was living at her aunt and uncles, and I would go over. We were working in a cafe together. Then after shift, I'd go over and get naked and she'd draw me. And where was her uncle at this time?

Downstairs, probably. Okay, I thought... And where were you? Upstairs. Okay. Okay, Andrew, we have somebody's, well, by the way, you can email in all of your problems, we will help you solve them. Some people have been like what kind of problems, guys?

To that we say all kinds. We can help you with your love lives. We can help you get a mortgage. We could help you with a divorce. We could help you with your life. I could not help you get a mortgage. I love the daughter. Let me try.

Can I just give a disclaimer? If you're coming to this podcast with mortgage advice or divorce help, then don't take it as your only source of support. I'd say wait and hear the advice. Yeah, wow. I think for liability reasons, that is actually very sensible. Oh, God. Thank you, Chloe. Okay, but you can come to us with anything from as small as my housemates being a prick

all the way up to, I want to kill myself. All the way up. All the way up, baby, all the way up. Just an official disclaimer, we are not financial or health advisors. No, Andrew, can you please tell us where they can email? Yes, you can email at Trustee Hogg. at gmail.com. Yes, nice.

Okay, tell us this week's problem because Chloe's going to help us solve it. Go for it, Andrew. Oh, it's funny that Helen mentioned that housemates being a prick. This is from S and it's a very simple problem. And they say,

how do you deal with housemates you don't like? Honestly, I am fucking psychic. When I get my period, I can tell things different. Carry on. That was it. How do you do? That's no context.

You don't like, yeah. This person's clever. They don't want to give context because then we might, their house might be able to guess. I will say, I mean I noticed this It was from an anonymous email

But S is Sunil's initial That I did notice that Oh it's also Sam's because you live in a Sam God Sam yeah Let's not try and stir up any drama Between Saneal Sam Andrew myself So Neil's living a lovely life In his palace of dreams

Right This thing When there's no context to it So obviously there's a million different thing Is there a lease Where this person you're living with You're stuck with them for a year So you have to find

way to deal with it? Or is it something you should get out of? Because I think if you are unhappy at home and someone's making it very hard to be there, sometimes it's better to cut your losses and move on with your life because it's a hard environment. But we live in London. Lots of people rent in this economy and I think we know that most often you're learning to deal with people because you have no other choice. So let's say that they're stuck in a lease with this person for another year. Yeah. They've got to find a way to deal with them. Yeah. And hey, it could be a good opportunity to learn some conflict resolution skills. Yeah. Love that, Chloe. Let's see this is an opportunity. Yeah, great, okay. I often think it's great to have some practice with navigating

difficult people because it helps you keep that sort of muscle working. Is that why what's your friend? Oh my God. Because you hold me at a distance, I can sort of microdose it. Oh my God. You are doing some eye contact and hugging when we finish recording this episode. Fine. I will do a trust for. I want to really quickly say, I think I should role play a bad housemate and you would deal with the situation. Love that. How about that? All right. Let's try it. Let's try it. Hey guys. It's 2 a.m. in the morning on a Wednesday

and you've got work in the morning, but I've brought some mates back and we're fucking having a party, including doing the Casper Slide. Hi, Helen, a flatmate here. Hey. I've got a real problem with you. Okay. You always narrate exposition. You're too heavy on show, don't tell and I really don't like it about you.

Get out of my flat. Oh, but I live here and I pay rent. I have a right to do what I want here as well. you. I would set up a group chat so that everybody's involved because, let's face it, everybody else is probably also having their sleep interrupted. What I would do in the short term is put in my earbuds. Go to sleep.

That is not the time to address the issue because you're going to be a buzzkill. At the very least, I might maybe send a, most I would send a message saying, hey, I appreciate you have people over. I'd really appreciate it if you could keep it down because I have work in the morning. But then I would the next morning set up a group so I had everybody on my side. And I would say something like, hey guys. Sorry for the message I've left food in the communal space

because I already feel awkward about bringing anything up I hate conflict Anywho, just a short note from me This is psychotic Short note from me We all live here as adults And we all have lives to lead And I think we need to be considerate of one another

So I would love if in future We had the opportunity and space To feel like we could ask if we can have people over If it suits people But if it's during the week Maybe not after midnight That seems considered and fair. I will reciprocate with the same levels of respect.

Ha ha ha. Sorry for bringing anything up. I guess I'll clean the house because I feel weird about this. Bye. So do you understand why I find it difficult to garner Catherine's tone from her what about messages?

Yeah, really hard. Yours faithfully. Cohabotent. Catherine Bow. I think that is the right way of dealing with it. Maybe don't put in all the apologies. But I think you should just say. I think just say what it is that you want.

Just go, look. these are the behaviours that you're doing they're making me feel this way I understand that we probably have different ways of living and standards of living and that's so okay but is there a halfway house

yeah is there a way that we can just think like if you're super generous to your housemates odds are they will then pick up on that generosity and start doing like generous acts but also like generous things as far as like cleaning goes if you're cleaning then they will clean

I've never found that to be true no I've never found that to be true I've never had a reciprocity with housemates in relation to like generosity of emotional or like domestic labor and I actually think that it is better to spell it out so for example yeah I spent years cleaning and everyone just went huh Catherine loves to clean and it's like no no no no no I don't but I like to live somewhere that's clean yeah yeah and so when I spoke to my housemates and sat down and said can we have a house meeting I'm doing all these things they're going either on noticed or unappreciated or unfairly

split between us would you A, either like to get a cleaner and we can all spend seven quid a week or would you B like to make a rota? None of them wanted to spend the money but we made the rota and suddenly I didn't feel resentful of them all the time. And everyone else understood that those things were valuable to have done

they just didn't realise they were being done or thought that I just loved to clean and so I think spelling it out You're right, it's having that sit down and it's like not doing it in the moment. Like we've all heard of those awful things but like a friend has an argument with a housemate like three in the morning because like something's like not done or something is being done and it just annoys

them it's like take a minute like always helps to sleep on something don't let resentment build up just sit down have that meeting and just be like hey this is how I like to live obviously we're not all going to be complete line with everything but like let's figure out the best way to do this I think like passive aggression or like it's really important it's really important sometimes active aggression as well yeah you could have sort of a yeah you know a fight in the living room or something I don't know but no I think we often think that like passive aggression is, I don't know why we think it's the way to go because it feels so counterproductive to doing anything good

but yeah, spelling out what you want clearly is really good maybe practice it with a friend or a partner before you say it to them and then if like the person who you say it to them receives it badly that's not your problem and don't get drawn into like a petty argument just assertively just know what your like three main points are and if they want to argue back just repeat the three main points to be assertive and bounderied. I also think I absolutely agree. I would also say as a person who I think a lot of people would think I'm a difficult housemate because I have incredibly high standards of hygiene and I like things the way I like them and I tend to impose them on the houses that I live in. I think to everyone's betterment but they might not feel that way. Right. I think a really valuable thing for someone like me who's a control freak is it's useful occasionally to really try to step back and have some empathy. I agree.

And for me, it was always useful to go for a walk and to try to think about, first of all, so many of the people I've hated living with, I absolutely adore when I don't live with. Right. So trying to remind myself what I love about the person. And then also think about why they might be behaving the way they're behaving. For example, if somebody isn't pulling their weight, it might be that they're down. It might be that they're incredibly busy with work. That doesn't mean that you aren't both of those things and that they shouldn't have to pull their weight. But I think having a little bit of appreciation, for why people behave the way they do, especially in their most vulnerable exposed space, which is their home, is a useful way for you to go in without feeling too defensive and rather to feel constructive. You both have your hands up. I am going to go with Helen because she put her hand up first.

Off you go, Helen. Just to put that perspective off having empathy and understanding. So let's say if you had a housemate who you were trying to like be reasonable with them so you give them two of the bills and you take two of the bells and they haven't acted on that bill so you can receive two court summons in your name. It's outrageous. How would you have dealt with that? I would at this point say

Hello Seneal Is he done that Yeah I understand that we're I understand that you're busy We're going court We're going court No not going court

No they have to pay a fine I understand that you're busy I understand that you're Yeah he better pay the fine You better not be paying the fine I've played fine with snail That's outrageously unfair Is it?

Get him on the fire He's the cause of the phone What I would say is that you should say I know we've had a laugh about this I know you're very busy I understand being busy but it does need to be treated as top priority that we get the gap and you're nearly fucking 40 mate sort yourself out and I wouldn't say that because I don't think

that it's useful or constructive cut that out of the podcast okay no keep it in he needs to sort his life out go on so then he started building a Lego Seinfeld set on puzzle table and then I was like I want to puzzle is it your puzzle table it's yeah then there's no question it's your puzzle table yeah but he owns TV and it's his couch so if we were doing it that way,

then I would have puzzle table and floor. Oh, yeah. You know, there's you putting empathy into practice. Well done. So then I want him to finish Lego Seinfeld so I can full puzzle. Ask him to. And I moved it to the side as a hint.

And then he went, where's my Lego Seinfeld? And I went there. And he still hasn't touched it. It's just sitting on the side. Okay, so you've done passive question there. So I'm going to wait another week and then I'm going to throw water on it and burn it.

I see then that's not really saying what you want very clearly. So why don't you just say, I'd love to puzzle. Can you please let me know when you're going to be finished with a leg? How about, you know, come on a podcast, A, or grievances, and then hope they hear the episode. Also a very valid option. You had your hand up, Chloe Pets. I forgot on the point, obviously.

I can't remember. Okay. No, I won't have a go anyway. We were talking about empathy. Oh, yeah, yeah, as well. Because, like, it sounds like, as a general rule, like, a higher percentage of the population don't. share the values that you do yeah so it's one of those things where you're just kind of like Catholic no Helen clean clean so like it's one of those things

where I think I personally think you're a lot of Catholics and you're the right in the right thank you but it's one of those things where if if other people don't have those standards then can we judge them because it's not like they're the anomaly no they're not um so yeah it is kind of working towards that middle ground where like you get get what you want and they start pulling their weight more but yeah people just don't do it they haven't learned how to do it no and also that's just not maybe the way they they want to live yeah like my need for tidiness hinders me a lot of the time they want to live in filth and squal yeah they are comfortable just popping their jacket on any fucking no no no no no no it is well hung over the jail but it's very tidy there's a

distinction between mess and dirtiness, and I'm not being dirty today. And also, I'm a guest in your podcast studio, and I wasn't offered a hook to hang a thing on. So I had to make do for myself. There are hooks up here. That's our bad. It's our bad. I did like myself, I said. I should have asked you. I'm sorry. That's fine. And I'm tidy. And I'm tiring. So yeah, so you were clean and Helen's tidy and I like both. What can I tell you? Yeah. Have we helped this person with their situation it's just it's it's too vague to know exactly what to say because part of me also things like you know if they're a real asshole then you know fake your own death get out of the lease and start fresh yeah you know there's a lot of different options yeah fair sometimes i also do

the thing where um if well that this sounds like manipulation now i think about it what part of anything i said what i love manipulation yeah we love it go for it's where you go to someone like you say a thing that you want to happen as though they're already doing it as a piece of praying. Gorgeous. So you go like that. I know this move, yeah. We do that with audiences.

We do that when an audience are actually being quite ready. Sometimes as an as a host, it's quite useful to say, you've been such an amazing audience. You've been so supportive of all the acts. And they all go, we are amazing. We are supportive. And then they behave that way because people are. Yeah, it's the children mentality. Yeah.

So like, you know, I might say to a flatmate, I love it that, you know, you give me quiet time in my own space rather than being in my fucking face and then they'll be like oh yeah cool and then they'll just be silent when they're next to me I love that yeah it's really love that

yeah I'm just trying to think of example because like we lived together for one month but I feel like we were quite good I think one month isn't like long enough to get into it yeah and we were like allies against the boys who were like frankly disgusting yeah because one of the boys

oh my god it was I don't think I want to want to hear it's funny as I honestly I was naked in my room in bed about like three in the morning or something nice one of the boys we were living with had been like fuck it was so pissed after our show we were all living together we were all doing a show together

he came into my room and he was absolutely wasted and he'd been eating just sleepwalking sleepwalking and he'd been eating just beige food just garlic bread and chips like almost and drinking beer he was like he was like 24 or something but he he it was like a 12 year old had been given like a month away yeah yeah do you know what I mean he came into my room he must just thought there was his room and his girlfriend he was drunk sleepwalking disorientated

and I was like get out oh my god what you're doing get out this isn't your room I don't want to wake him but I'm also naked get out like I'm so glad to have a seat I would a punch sleeping I'm sleeping no and then he rolled over when my room and I went no it's over there and he went and crop dusted my room and I have never smelled anything like it. It was fucking I think about it and my eyes sting

like my eyeballs sting I felt the air shake in the room the colour changed everything was blurring had a new climate to get to a window oh my gosh insane who was this? Insane you can figure it out Pleasant's reserve

2017. Yeah. Was that before or after me? After? Who was the... Let's not... No, let's not say. It's embarrassing for them.

And also they were just sleepwalking and farce through involuntary. You basically told people they can go find out who it is. No, but the reason that it was funny is because, like, it was so in character of Jack Ledow. Yeah.

It's the most, like, in character thing Jack Leddow's ever done. Slap walked in, crop busted and then left. And I was like, oh, Tiny boy, how can he make so much milk? Don't, you have no, this smell.

Oh, my God. Oh, come on. You can look at him and be like, have you ever, like, washed your hair and a smell is around you? She's like, I've got to wash it again. Yeah. I feel like it's in. It's fucking trapped. Oh, that's made me feel ill.

I hate it. It was fucking insane. And even then, I'd say that's, I dealt with that housemate situation has been the next day. You fucking slept watching in my room when I was naked and farted. And then there's nothing really to do

because you can't control these. things so that was me being empathetic being like my empathy says that obviously like i will tell everyone about this on a podcast and i will introduce you onto stage with that story of course for the next six nights but i understand that you weren't conscious and that's how i um emoted that's beautiful it was so funny hey so s that hasn't happened to you right that's got to be something A bit of perspective. A housemate that went in my room and put on my swimming costume.

This guy I was living with in Germany. And I just saw his profile picture changed and it was like him in my swimming costume like this. And I was like, my fucking room. He was like, yeah. I was like, oh, okay. Why did he do that? What the hell?

He also, I had just started doing stand-up and I, they were like, oh, you need pictures of yourself for the gigs. And I was like, okay, great. So I went to a photo, like, booth. And I was like, oh, two-year-old. and I'll just get photos there. Well, like, passport photos.

Yeah, but it's the Berlin photo automats. So they're like, they're black and white and you do like four punches. And I didn't have any money. So like two euros makes that. And I just like took a close up photo on my phone. And I was like, there's my head shot. I'm not realizing how stupid that was.

No, it's so sweet. That was the photo. And he saw them on my desk, went in, took a photo and uploaded that as his pictures. It was like, you're fucking mental. Like, actually mental. He also couldn't. go to any of the supermarkets around us because he got banned

from all of them for shoplifting. So I had to go do his own shopping. We love him. I'm not in contact with him anymore. Yeah, that seems reasonable. It was Janick. We don't have to do full name. No, no, no, no, no. You don't have to full name. Okay, then just Yannick. The last thing I will say is

with living, and this really helped me because, again, I really wasn't made to live with other people, is to try to remember as best you can that wherever you're living in terms of housemates and renting is hopefully short term. It's not going to last forever.

The Neil's leaving. It's a temporary solution. What? Jack Ledow's moving in. And that hopefully it will be out. And that's just a thought. And you know, that's a good thing to remember in life that, you know, nothing will last forever. And remember there's puzzlers, there's Lego builders.

But at the end of the day, you're sharing the table. Amen. Amen. Amen. no all things bright no okay you know what came up on my shuffle on Spotify the other day you know

God said to Noah I'm gonna build an archie archie because I was listening to like the hell are you talking about primary school hymns on my phone and that was that fulfills my theory though like I've got this new thing about

like a new genre of comedian that I've come up called the pencil case comedian the pencil case comedian and I think it's you're one of them Harriet Kemsey's one of them, where it's like, you're like... Feels like a slough? Yeah. I own a pencil case. What's the question?

You're not a pencil case comedian though. It's less about whether you own a pencil case and more like, it's a state of mind, where I feel like you're in suspended animation where you're still about like 14 or 15 years old and you haven't sort of moved on from it. So your attitude towards stand-up comedy is like it is to like schoolwork and homework. So you've got like a diary and then you've got a pencil case with highlighters in and that's how you write stand-up comedy. I think it's a really nice thing.

I wish I was. They sound and organized. Like a studious stand-up comedian who like... That is me. Yeah. I've got stickers and not. Yeah, I think it's great. You thought it was going to be a server. That wasn't. But you're not because... What am I? You're not childish. So you're a pencil case comedian and you're like a pencil case comedian that grew up. Like a laptop coming.

Yeah, a laptop coming. That's right because you do type out your shows. I do. Whereas mine are in like notepads that are like... and like bullet pointed in. Yeah, laptop comedian, pencil case comedian. It would just be like bullet point, dad whack, you know? I feel like you're like a, and this is different,

a notebook comedian, like just a black notebook with black pen. Yeah, yeah. And then it seems like I've been writing all day and then when I turn it around and it's just empty. Yes, exactly that, love it. And then I get on stage and say, I'm written anything for shit. Oh my God.

Chloe Bed, thanks for doing our podcast. Thank you for our character. Thanks, brother. You were so helpful. You're welcome. Through the fuck. No, do a pig noise. No, no.

I was always going to do a pick-in-law. You were. It's one of them ones where, like, mostly I'm on your side, but when Helen does a pig noise in the pocket, I do love it. It's funny. And I was quite good at it there. I think it's bad also.

We will discuss this at a later point how everyone is on Catherine's side, like we're not on the same side. Yeah. We are together in this. I feel bonded with you. Don't get me with Francis back on the phone to tell you that you bully me.

Okay. Chloe Petz, it was a pleasure spending time with you until the next time. Good day. Good day. Hold hands, please. You're not holding hands.

I have clammy hands. Doesn't matter. I feel like it does matter. I feel like what's the subtext is that I have had a cold and Catherine doesn't know. Oh, fuck. What do we keep getting up?

Thank you.