Trusty Hogs - Ep74. HEIDI REGAN / Mullets, Mythology & M&Ms

Episode Date: March 2, 2023

The hilarious Heidi Regan joins us this week ahead of her Soho Theatre show 'Heidi Regan Gives Birth Live on Stage Every Night or Your Money Back'. She's a fabulous award-winning comedian and Radio 4 regular and a wise counsel as we solve a listener's relationship problem...FOLLOW HEIDI: @Heidi_ReganThank you so much for listening!Support us at https://www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Simon Moores / Guy Goodman / Mary Fox / Annie Tonner / Sarah Jarque-Deakin / Oliver JagoPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Emma Walton / Karen & David Bull / Harald van Dijk / Eddie Doyle / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Anthony Conway / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Jo Holmes / Sarah & Molly / Alex Pugh / Josie W / Amy / Cordelia / Raia Fink / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Sophie Chivers / Graham Marsh / Emily Gee / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Kie Web / Matt Sims / Luke BrightWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Welcome to episode 74 of Trussie. We're not doing that. My name's Helen Bauer. This is Catherine Bohart, a podcast where we talk about everything that we're doing, which is all amazing because we're just two young bitches running around London, thriving, slash the world, thriving. And then we're going to have on our guest, Heidi Regan, who's also thriving. Is thriving your word of the wing?

Mm-hmm. Okay. He's got shows coming up at the Soho Theatre. We're going to have a lovely chat. We're going to listen to some of your fucking problems. Here we go. What's your problems this week of?

Let's hear him. Who's moved to a new city? Who's feeling lonely? Who's had a breakup? But Helen, you're missing the point which is episode 74 is our international episode. It's an international episode. And Heidi's from Bloody Australia. That counts.

Well, Newcastle Australia. Listen, we'll make it work. We'll make it work. It's a thing. Fog, step forth the trusty hogs, yeah, you're gonna give them your problems and they will solve them, or maybe they won't, and that's your problem. They'll have guests and Andrew White on the tech. Oh, it's Helen and Catherine as the trusty hogs, trust the trusty hogs, or maybe not.

New York. I don't know. I guess I'm just a New Yorker now. Were you? Was it amazing? Did you eat a mac and cheese pizza? A ricketone pizza? Oh, excuse them. I had it twice. You had it twice? Wait, full pizza or by the slice? They do it by the slice. The full pizza, even for me, I was like, that's a line too far. So what are we talking? We're talking base tomato sauce. So I would say marinar.

Marinar. I would say that. So I was going like, grab a slice. That's just me now. there was a place really close to our staying in... Wait, go back, rewind. What's on top of the sauce? Pasta. And? Chase. Oh my...

But does the pasta have like a ricotta sauce? Does it have a mozzarella sauce? I don't level with you. Yeah. My eating is so fast. Right. So you don't always have time to like really figure out what's going on. Did you read the men?

So looking at the picture afterwards is more of a figuring out what happened. Okay. But in the moment it's more like a, oh, okay, this is a job. I need to get it done. Right. Have you ever considered competitive eating? Yes, I have actually many times. Yeah, because the way you do it, like it feels like you dipped it in water and tried to swallow it whole. Like, the way you describe it on, I'm like, huh?

I did say both times I've been to America this year, because I've gone twice because I'm crazy mad. You're so crazy. I have thought both times I should do a competitive eating thing. I'd love to see you do it. Because I do think I can eat past the pain barrier with no stress. I don't really chew in general. I'm more of a swallower. because it's like I'm such a natural

like binger I can really Pelican stuff down. You're okay. I'm fine I'm fine. Hey let's hold hands. A hand is so warm, thank you. Oh yeah let's hold hands oh new ring. Do you have a new ring? No old ring but thank you very much for noticing. Cutesie. I propose to myself on top of the empire. Babe you're wearing a middle finger ring. It's actually the gayest

I've ever seen you look. Can I just, is that gay? Middle finger, yeah. Some and middle finger's pretty gay, baby. I want to tell you everything I did. Please. I feel like you've got a lot to say about Iceland, but like New York is just so much better. I don't know.

Have you been? We don't have to compete. Have you been? I have been many times. Many times. Twice. And many times. I've been twice.

I've been twice because I went once as a teenager. So I'd get it. I'd say, I'd say the first day was difficult. Why? I landed one day. It was out that evening. It was drinking lakes.

I got told if you stay out late the first time. and you don't have jet lag. But then I felt rough. And then someone had said, oh, you should go to Ground Zero. It's really beautiful. So I got up the first morning I was there. The first morning you went.

Yeah, because it was a recommendation. It was a recommendation. Hung over, you took your ass to Ground Zero. And what just contemplated all the lost lives? So it's awful. Yes, Helen. It's awful. Yes, Helen.

And obviously we knew about it and stuff because, like, you know, about 9-11, but being there, I mean, I'll say this, very beautiful. You know how you feel about Diana? Yeah. A lot of people feel that way about 9-11. I know. That's how I feel now.

I went. It was awful, Catherine. It feels like you could be a bit more sensitive. Do you want to hear the worst thing about it? I feel like I already did. Okay. The World Trade Center Transportation Center is a Pokemon gym. What is wrong with you?

How mad is that? Why did you figure that? Why did you take your phone out to even check? How mad is that? And then I had to go to a Starbucks and call Gwyneth because I was so distraught. I was like, have you heard about this thing? Because you lost some sort of battle at the gym?

No, because of the monument, Catherine. You rang Gwyneth to see if she'd heard of 9-11. She'd heard about it, but she was like, I don't think you should have gone there on your first day. Obviously, hung over? I knew that as well, I think, deep down. Hung over a jet lagged, alone? Oh, yeah, alone.

What is wrong with you? Everyone else has already been. It's like you don't know yourself or you're used to learn any lessons about yourself. I should have gone to the big toy shop. And I realized that pretty quickly afterwards. Yeah, why would you refuse to learn anything about yourself? I don't know. And then I was meeting someone later on.

Are you going to cry now? I can't, Helen. Are you crying? It's incredibly powerful. Fuck off. Honestly, I do recommend if you're going to New York, go to Ground Zero. Like, it's hard and heavy hitting, but I do think it's important. No?

I hate you right now. And then I went to the Natural History Museum, which wait for this, is the one from. Night of the museum. The Ben still is. So good. It was so good. And I went bummed.

This thing, I spent basically the whole time by myself. It does sound like that now, which it feels terrible for you. Like, sometimes when I see you in Edinburgh and you spent like the morning alone, I'm like,

oh, something's got to give, something's going to give. I feel like you shouldn't spend this much time alone in a different country. Like, it makes everyone melancholic, but with you, I don't think that's a good vibe. I was just like,

everyone had been before, like quite a few times the people that I was there with. So, like, I went with Olga Cock and she went to uni there. So, like, a lot of people, like, had other friends to go see and they had, like, they'd done all the big things. So I was sort of, like, ticking everything off by myself.

I hate this for you. I wish I'd gone with you. I went to MoMA by myself and saw a lot of the painting. That's actually quite, that's a cool thing to do alone because you don't need to dick around waiting for other people's opinions. Twice late a night, I went to Times Square to look at the lights. That's actually so fair.

I'm sorry, that is so fair. The first time I went to New York and I came up at, dime square like as in from the subway not on drugs I was like From the Rockefeller

Center Times Square exit I literally was like I know this I know it's like when you can't get around a tourist and Piccadilly Circus

and you're like come the fuck on but I was like oh my God this place is magical like I really was like what is this I was like an old time

you're like have you seen the lights like but you are in a movie the entire time it's insane and then like I walked to 30 Rock

to like Rockefeller Plaza because I used to love watching 30 Rock. It was the best thing ever. And there was a queue of people on the street and I was like, it's like minus one. I was like, why are they queuing up? They were queuing up for S&L the night before.

Fuck all. How insane is that? Really? But like really, they were really happy about it. Who was hosting? Woody, is it Woody Haraldson? Harrelson. Harrison. I know his face. The guy from Triangle of sadness. Yeah. But it was just

all good. It was so good. And I ate everything. I ate everything. Haraldson. Catherine, stop saying. I ate everything. Sorry. Okay. I ate everything.

That's great. So what else did you eat other than the pizza with ricotta on? Probably. Rigotone. Sorry, rigatone. I had, I went to milk bar where they do the cereal milk ice cream. I did that right after the pizza and then had to go and have a little nap. That's my girl.

I had a meatball hero. What's that? Which is just, it's a subway sandwich. That's it. it was it was too much there you go I'll say it it's too much I had oh my good what didn't I have

I went to Momo Fuku noodle bar by myself with my Pokemon Did you go to Sprinkles where they do the cupcake out of the ATM No but they do that in Florida as well Sprinkles And they sing a song Yeah it's awesome I didn't have that

But I did everything else I did everything else That sounds great I'm just like I'm ready to go back now I saw the Friends apartment Oh my God you really did do it all Did you go to Central Park? Yes!

Nice. Yes, me and Olgo and I'm Central Park. Eat any Mexican food? Oh dear. That's okay. That's okay. No, no, no. It's not like you were in, like you're not like you were near the border.

I just, because it's just in the States, it's better than here. Hey, hey. I did in Nashville. Gorgeous, then you were just there. Okay. Fucking hell you've been in a lot of holidays. I thrived. And also, I got a room with bunk beds and it was so fun.

So, just to, um, from my peace of mind. And I watched my girl for the first time. I've been in an insane week in New York I watched my girl but can I just circle back and I listen I don't want to shit on your

holiday rain on your parade I saw funny girl so that also makes sense don't rain on my parade yeah but just one question okay are you because like

Nashville New York you're going to see Hitler's nest for your birthday Eagles nest Eagle's nest sorry my apologies

are you are we saving any of the money saving any of the money no this is not a saving year not a saving year yeah this is not a saving year what does that mean

like I'm not going to save this year I'm going to enjoy because life's for the living also remember what I was saying last week about I don't think I'm going to live that long because of the tall lady theory I don't buy this did anybody tweet in any elderly tall people yes someone wrote on YouTube

that they knew an old tall woman one person which feels like an anomaly that's not optimistic anything M does Anybody tweet us at all? No tweets that I've seen. But yeah, the YouTube comment was not particularly reassuring. Oh, you're all so tall.

Okay. Well, hey, in that case, you know what? Live it up, baby. I have to travel. I have to drive. Also, I am definitely going to go on a tour later this year. So that'll be no traveling when that happened. So, like, I have to do it all now.

And also, what sort of women doesn't want to go to Hitler's Eagles' nest for a 30-second birthday? Yeah. Yeah. I'm going with Emma Blanche. It'll be so fun. It really will be so fun. Okay, my turn? Yes, okay, fine.

Unless you want to do, we'll do presents at the end. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. So, um... Okay, let me ask you, like, we're doing a proper interview. Catherine, have you seen anywhere amazing recently? Oh my God, um, funny, you should ask, Helen, I was just in Iceland for my girlfriend's 30th birthday. Was it cold?

No, we're not going to talk about her turning in 30. Um, yes, it was so cold, but only like... Because I had been in Finland on that job in December, which was minus 20, minus 16. one and zero degree and minus one felt like positively fine actually but it was honestly okay first of all I want to like flag we are so fucking lucky

like I feel so lucky that's all I felt when I was there was like overwhelmed with good fortune to be there I haven't really I've in the last five years haven't really gone on many holidays as you know I'm more of a like but what if I could work

you've been good recently I'm a yeah I'm trying to but we went for her birthday and she planned it within an inch of its line And it was just, oh, it was so nice to be on holiday with like a person who's adventurous because I'm so risk averse that I would never even, I'd be like, well, that'll be dangerous. Oh my God. Where she's like, it'll probably be fine.

Yeah. So I'm like, oh, well, now I have no excuse not to at least try. What was the dangerous thing you did? Just like, I went to Reykjavik. Also, it was like we were. You went to Reykjave. Oh, no, we went to Reykjave. No, we went to recic.

Also, by the way, everyone's too cold to be homophobic. No one even noticed we were gay. Love it. love it there. Big Gay Street, fabulous. But also it was like we got incredibly like it was like this weird sort of daydreamy look. So we got there and this one moment I was like, oh nice necklace and she was like, thank you

have an upgrade. Have free drinks. Have a great time in Reykjavik. We were like, huh? Then we get on this tour. Wait, wait, wait. You got an upgrade on the flight out? On the room when we got there to the like yeah, she's like, why do you have a nicer? And I had not booked that nice room so I was like, nice. Then the next

morning we had booked this tour. We were going to get off near the end of it not come back to Reykjavik. And you know when you're just like, I hope this tour is real, this guy, like, saunders into our hotel at 8.30 and is like, Ellen, Catherine, and you're like, okay, great, this is happening.

We go on the most magical tour I've ever been. It was like, Ellen's obsessed with whales. We were going to the west coast to sea whales. But on this trip, the first beach we get off it, he's like, a whale was just beached here recently. So there's the spine all still on the beach, the like skeleton of the spine. We were like, huh?

He was like, yes, a sperm whale. Would you like to see the pictures of the whale as it was. Would you like to see this? She's losing her mind. Wait, did it explode? No, they opened it so that it wouldn't. She had all these questions too.

Did it stink, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Apparently it did. Because they do, they do explode. It's amazing. That's why they pierced it because it's like, yeah. Anyway, so then on that same beach, there's like, what are they called? Yes, seals mating.

Oh, wait, like, properly, like. Well, like, actually they were just kind of flopping around in their bellies and it was really cute. But like getting somewhere. But getting somewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we saw like, everything was everything was so breathtaking you'd be like

you'd see some sorry you'd see something you'd be like that's the most amazing thing I've ever seen and then you turn like 10 degrees left and be like nope that is no that is like everything was just like oh my god I was to go this sounds amazing honestly like no country I've ever been to it's like there's wild arctic horses running everywhere

what those don't exist they do and they're tiny and they're tiny they're like just a bit bigger than like ponies they're basically and that's why they couldn't film Lord of the Rings there because they wanted to but then they were like oh you can't there's a rule you can't import horses to Iceland but the horses are so small

that they couldn't put the grown male actors on them because it was just like ridiculous I love it little pony I know this place is no ponies it's unbelievable then we go to this place in the West Coast and a thousand people live there we get off this bus and it's just like bliss like kind of blizzardy snow

he drives away and I think what the fuck have we done this is this is this is crazy this is the death and this is the hostile place right so I'm like fuck here we go we're going to hostel we get there it is the live laugh love of hostels we walk in it's all white pristine

this woman's like hi welcome come on in she has hearts with like very Emma black with like phrases that don't mean anything everywhere oh my god yes the place is so clean when you get up in the morning she's already made a pot of coffee she's like hey it'd be super if you didn't cook after 930 but I have

everything in you're like huh it was stunning that's not a hostel I know. That is not a... The only thing that made it a hostel was that like it was like

a little bit like matter of fact. Like everything was great. There was like someone else in the dorm? Was that the only thing? Yeah, there was somebody else staying and the kitchen was shared. Just one person there? But also there was no,

there were like six men. That was the thing is we saw two of their women and six of their men. But it meant the bathroom was like all ours. So this shared bathroom deal that I was petrified about was fine. And Ellen was so cute. She'd brought like, and thankfully didn't need it

but like had brought, I didn't realize she brought a cloth and cleaning products in case that it was going to be. bad for me. I know I was like, what a woman. Holy shit. I know. I mean, gorgeous move from Ellen, if you went with a guy, how fucking sexist?

I know. And offensive would that be? And yes, you can't have it all. That's like me, he was going to do, she was going to, he was going to, she was going to do it. Now I'm going, I know what an angel. Then we get up the next morning and honestly we've predicated this entire trip. I've been like, it's your 30th, your dream is to see whales.

I'm going to take you to see whales. But obviously that is not a guarantee. So we get up the next morning and we're going for this boat and I She is like bounding a lot. I am shitting it. I'm like, if there's no whales, this is fucked. Like we are just ultimately in a hostel. I've said this last that's SeaWorld, you just go to SeaWorld.

It's not a big deal. Okay. In the middle of nowhere and the restaurant, the only restaurant in the place is open, three hours a day, three days a week. Like there's nothing to do. There's a garage. That's it. Right.

I'm like, this is a hellscape if we don't. Oh, in the first night, we didn't make it in time to buy booze. So we had to drink fanta and play cards. We actually had such a laugh, but it's like, that's, Oh my God. That's not the vibe. I can't hear these romantic holiday stories. I'm sorry, I'm really trying. We had to drink Vantra and Play Cars, but we had the best time.

I can't hear this lesbian nonsense anymore. Okay, well, anyway, so we get up the next morning and we go on this boat and like we're out on the boat like 10 minutes and they're like, oh, it's a humpback. We're like, what? Yeah, it's a humpback and her calf. We're like, what? 10 minutes in? Like max, max.

And then they're like, oh, it's more humpback. Let's go over there. It's a male. We're like, oh, my God, losing our minds. And then they are like, oh, and this is the smallest breed of whale that we have in Iceland. It's a harbour porpoise. They're usually petrified and people are usually disappear as soon as we're here. Oh, look, there's loads of them.

Oh, they're just hanging out. Oh, they're playing. We're like losing our shit. Wait, what's the harbour porpo? It's like a very small whale. They're like a metre long max, right? Oh, my God, like the Arctic pony of whale. Well, exactly, so cute.

And then eventually, after a while, so we're taking pictures of these. they're like you're hearing they're like the whole boat is honestly silent like you couldn't hear a pin drop and they're like children on the boat like no one everyone's just saying all of this and after a while they're like

okay we're gonna move off and you're like why there are so there are humpback whales here why are we moving off and I could feel Ellen's dream was to see an orca and I could feel her being like hoping it's because they think that I could but I was like don't say anything do not down panic I was like maybe they've seen an orchard down for her and then I

turn around and she's weeping And I'm like, oh God, oh God. And then they're like, and at nine o'clock, you'll see a pot of Orcas has arrived where we are. And then we're surrounded. Oh, my God. She's crying. I'm filming her. Obviously, because I'm like, I'm the Christiania of the situation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There, look at it. This is when, I'm just going to show you a picture of, this is when you just seen someone. Oh. I'm not going to show just to describe it for the listener mouth hanging open eyes glazed over really big

just like dumbfounded yeah yeah just so happy first orgasm about two minutes afterward maybe what do you reckon yeah she was just so happy oh my god you saw a part of orcas does that mean they had their baby orcas with them

we saw baby humpbacks no baby orcas but we saw this orca called Captain Hook who has a slightly dorsal fin A bit out, no, not a dors of him, but a bit out of his fin. Oh. Sorry, he got the name. And he was such a show off.

He was like, what up, y'all want to see an orca? And it was like, yes, please. And he was like, sweet, watch this. Did you feed them? Did you throw in fish? No, no, no, you don't, you wouldn't do that. That's all right. But it was just incredible.

And also it was like a women run boat. I don't know, it was just so cool. Wait, women were running the boat? Yeah. This is insane. I know. And the spotter who was up the top had her dog with her. so it's her and the dog

just looking for orcas and then they found them and we were all like, yay! Does a pony welcome you back to the land? Okay, so this is my name. Do they just line up? Helen, I shit you not. So we get off the boat

and we are laughing about what a fucking joke of a trip it is. Like we were like, I said to Ellen like, if a seagull shot out a heart, love her right now, I'd be like, that fits. We looked down in the water. I'm not going to send her to send me the picture.

Looked out of the ward and like the size of a handbag, there's this like big ice piece of ice that is in the perfect shape of a heart. And she was like, Catherine, and I was like, fuck off, no, no, we just had to get off the boat. We were like, even we were like, that's enough of that, that's insane.

This is the trip of a lifetime. It was crazy. And so then we get back and the only restaurant is open suddenly. So we're like, let's go and have a celebration. The food is amazing. Wait, what's Icelandic food? It is mainly fish. It's mainly fish.

They also do lamb and they also are dairy farmers. but lamb is their like go-to meat, it's their street food. Oh, I don't like lamb that. And hot dogs, is their global, is there like, is their local, is there like, local snack? It's where it's like they're on the go most. I like a hot dog. Yeah, I eat that. And their fish is stonning.

Like chips, like battered or. Yeah, they do all of that. Yeah. Yeah, they do. And then we went, um, then we went back to Reykivik and, um, had a gorgeous dinner. And when we sat down at the dinner, there was this older lesbian, French couple beside us. And they were so happy. And we were like, what?

It was honestly wild And I've never felt lucky What do all do French lesbians eat? Oh they they ate Was it just wine and cigarettes? No No they were outdoors No they were outdoorsy lesbians

One of them was really grumpy And one of them was really smiley So she was taking a picture of the grumpy one And I was like oh do you guys want a picture And the grumpy one was like no And then the friendly one was like Oh but maybe And I was like you were so quick to say no to the grumpy one

She was like, Buh, fine. And then I took the pictures and then the grumpy one liked it and all the lesbians were as fuck. It was cute. I'm just happy for you. Thanks.

You went on the like Narnia trip of a lifetime. But also there were so many points where it could have gone badly. Like I kept thinking like if the bus didn't pick us back up, if we, if the hostel was shit, if the whales didn't show up. If like anything had gone wrong,

every, we got so lucky. But if the bus hadn't shown up, you just wait for the next bus. No, that's not how it works at all. We had to catch, we got a tour that we got off early and we happened to Ellen managed to get them to pick us up on the way back in the next day or the two days later.

But if he hadn't, we did go on one tour that was a little tricky. Okay, so we went on this Golden Circle tour from Reykivik, the second class day. He basically go and see a bunch of sites and you go to a secret lagoon. And the Secret Lagoon actually was kind of Lidoy vibes, but hot, so nice.

But we got in the van and we were taking to lunch in this like tomato farm. It was honestly unbelievable. But the point is, I know, I know, I know. Wait, wait. Is that like an actual tourist hotspot in Iceland as a tomato farm? Oh no, you walk into these extensive greenhouses

where all these tomato vines are growing and you're served with the most fresh tomato soup off the table with olive and cheese bread and you're like, it's heavy. Everything was mad. It was like crazy. it was stunning. It was stunning. With your accent and the way you described it sounded really good, but essentially what you have described as a greenhouse and soup.

Helen, in a month, in a month when you haven't had a tomato or a lettuce in this country, you're going to be telling me you want the address for the tomato farm. Now, can I tell my story? Thank you. So this man's driving the tour bus and he is aprox 174 years old. Love that for him. He can't hear a word. So if you ask him any questions or you ask him to turn down the heating, which he keeps on excruciatingly high he's like he just ignores he forgets to that when the mic is on he forgets when it's off

like it's chaotic he only tells you about the thing after you've seen the thing so you're like oh I guess that would be useful to know when we were there he keeps the mic on at all times but he he breathes so loudly like me so it's like having like it's like he brought

like the way Ellen described it I think is so right it's like having a stethoscope to the mic like he did the whole door was this. And that on like the iciest roads in the world where you're pretty sure he can't see very well. It's like one of the most ominous sounds I've ever heard in my leg. And it took a while to figure out what it was.

It was like, what is that? Is that, oh, that's his breathing. Jesus Christ. Did you not think I was around? It did make me miss you I'll give you that You want your gift now Yes

Okay so I put two I put no I posted on On Instagram being like fuck I gotta get hell on a gift And everyone was like two And I was like I'm in the most expensive When did you post that Instagram I didn't see that You were in New York, you too busy

To look at my stories Well I guess I was too busy Did you see you got the two But hang on Like a hundred of our listeners Messaged back being like You mean two You mean two you mean two

You mean two Maggie you mean two And I'm sorry But I was in the most expensive country in the fucking world. So you got one. You got one? Are you joking?

No. Okay, that's fucking pathetic. I bring you one gift for holiday. That's not crazy. Oh, well, you don't bring me one gift for holiday. Because you didn't, okay, I'll see the maggie. Let me see the Maggie and I'll decide. If it's not a Maggie, I swear to fucking God, it's not a Maggie.

Is it actually not? Can I tell you something before? No, no, actually, I'm pissed off. It is a Maggie. Okay, great, I'll take it now. this. Can I tell you me first? Icelandic people are really into mythology, which also made me think of you.

And most of their mythology is around two types of creature. Elves or trolls? So the dynamic of all of the stories is this. Where they have a story and they're in interaction with an elf, the human always loses out and it always goes well for the elf. Trolly, trolly. For a troll, the dynamic is it always goes in the human's favor and the troll always suffers.

Oh no. Helen. So. Poor little Helen. Which do you think I thought you would prefer? Trolley. Trolley, obviously Trolley. It wants an elf.

Oh my God. Oh my God, I love her. It's the ugliest thing I've ever seen. No, I love her. She's got a flag as a blanket. I'll take a picture and put it up on Instagram. I love her so much. As soon as I saw her, I was like, that's my Helen.

I love her. She's called Helensky. No. No, I just decided that. Oh, okay. Oh my God, she's gorgeous. Do you like her? Yes, so much.

Oh, I'm glad. I'm glad. I heard a mythology story the other day. Goinith told me. So she heard it on another podcast, not ours. Don't get me started. She listens to other ones. Here we fucking go.

I don't she have the time. I don't know. So, oh, I love her. I like her little feet. She's just, she's just gorgeous. She's just, this is a really, this is top quality, Maggie. This is top quality. I do have gifts for us, actually.

I have to tell you the myth. Okay, so this is mad. So do you know that you can't put, like, you know like a regular standard size light bulb? You can't put it in your mouth and get it back out again. You can get it in, but you can't get it out. And so this guy at a party. What?

So you're like a standard light bulb, like the, what are they called Edison bulbs? Oh, no, now I have vision. of the listeners at home trying. They're like, don't, but you mustn't. Gwyneth really made this very clear to me when she's telling me that you mustn't try. You really mustn't.

So, someone was at a party and they got told that fact and they were like, that's fucking bullshit. Except that they're dirty, so I would never. They put a light bulb in their mouth and it got stuck. They couldn't get it out. Obviously, the only way to get it out was to smash it. No!

So they got, they called an Uber and they went to A&E. And they got to A&E. And when they were in the Uber, the Uber driver was like, what the fuck? Fuck. It's just like a dude that like, oh, I don't know,

I don't know. And then get some. Why can't you get it out? It's just gone. Like your jaw like locks around it and you can't get back around again. But whatever. So they gave me to A&A.

Wait a second. Are we going stem of the pairing first or? So like bulb, bulb. Okay. I'm assuming. So they get to any and and he's like, yeah,

okay. So we need to inject with a muscle relaxing and then we can just pop it out. What the fuck. So they injected him with the muscle. the relaxant popped it out and so his jaw is like really loose and he goes straight back to the party

and he's like now I can prove him wrong I've got a muscle relaxing in me so he pops the bulb back in no no no did he get it out again at the time no it got so he calls another cap and goes back to the same A&E

I would go to a different A&E and he's sitting in the same A&E and he goes back in he goes oh yeah oh oh bloody And as he's sitting in an A&E, he looks to his right. And the Uber driver from the first journey is there with a light bulb sticking out. First of all, I don't know if I believe it. I believe it.

Do you know what mythology is? Yes. Something that might or might not be true, but yet to be proven. A myth. Helen, no. A myth. A myth. Yes, something that may or may not be true, but yet to be proven by sign.

Yes, but a myth. And, like, historical or, like, narrative mythology are not the same. Define myth, then. Well, I think what you've just said is, like, a myth. Although that does transpire to be true. If you believe it. I believe it. It's more like things like mythology as in, like,

Henry the 8th. And not Henry the 8th. He's actually historical figure. Like, like, we just talked about, trolls and elves and demons and ghosts. Well, trolls are real. Okay. Cousin' Frozen. He's a bit of a fixer-upper, and he's got out of few.

I don't know what to say now. I don't know what to say now. Can we try the... I've got another... I've got another historical fact. Wait, I wanted to tell you that you would have loved our first tour guide who wasn't 100 years old because we got on the bus and he was this really, really tall Icelandic man. Was he gay and beautiful?

No, he was straight, but his name was... I thought he was gay initially, but then he talked about his fiancé. His name was... He was like, like the Icelandic for Simon, which you can also call me. Sometimes people panic and they shout out, Siemen, and I won't answer to that. He was like, anyway, what can I tell you about me? I'm from Iceland. I'm a Gemini, and he Gemini's on the bus.

And then one woman was like, yes, he was like, what's the date? And he was like, oh, good Gemini. Now, if you don't know any of us, you do know us. We're spontaneous. We laugh a lot. He was like doing awful. I was like, what is this to her? He was great.

He also believed in ghosts. Listen, he's only seen ghosts. He sounds enchanting. Yeah, I think you would have loved him. So, yeah. Oh my God, that's so good. I can't recommend it enough. I think I need to go to Iceland on my year of travel.

I think you do too. It was honestly amazing. And I can give you this incredibly intense schedule that Ellen made that we were not allowed to deviate from. I like to be busy on holidays, but I definitely don't need a... I like to have, like, playing around time. It was nice because we are very similar.

which is that we want to be busy the whole time. See, I want to have, like, a good, like, half a day just to sit in a square and smoke and drink coffee and just, like, people. We did do some walking around, and, like, some, like, we had a lot of long meals. Yeah. But I would say we are both like, okay, well, we don't want to waste our lives or time. Like, we get the most anxious, I think, the two of us, if we feel like either of us is wasted a day. I kind of get that. As a pair, you can imagine we are a fun time.

But it's who you go away with. So, like, this Salzburg trip that I'm going on for my birthday, like, Emma Black's booked it, so I guess I just chill out. Yeah. Like, that's Emma's problem now. Yeah. Like, I mentioned the idea of the holiday to her, and within 12 hours

she'd booked a hotel, flight, sent me links to what I needed to do, and also booked on our friend Ellie. I was like, fair fucking play through Emma. Ellen had me and I didn't read that had photos. So, it is. Like, and categories, like, subcategories of things, there were, like, lots of questions as they were, I was like, okay, great, this is

amazing. Heaven. But it depends on where you are, whether you take, like, in Disney World, I was a 100% in control. Yeah. Like in Dublin, you were in control. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, until you left

and I got to go to the Waxback Museum. And didn't you? That was on my recommendation, though. Didn't you have a lovely time? I thrived. You thrived. I thrived. He has the word of the week.

Hey, where's my gifts now? I have, okay. Well, it's, well, it's, it's, it's, I, I'm ready. You made it very clear you didn't want a Maggie. I asked for melatonin, but I assume you didn't get that.

You did not get that. Okay. But, because it was too specific. But I got us American Snack. to try. Yes! Obviously Andrew's not here today.

Good, we get more. But we can pretend that we saved some for him, which we won't. We won't. We won't. Fuck that guy. So I haven't tried any of these, but I recognize all of them from names from TV shows. Yes. So I think they're things.

Give me, give me, give me. Okay. Start with Animal Crackers. Whoa, I've never had me. I've heard about them though, right? I've heard about them too. But I don't know. Are they like, um...

I don't know. Oh my God. I've heard about these. Favorite bite-sized cookies available in Reclosable. Who wants a reclosable back? Well, you guys do. These are all resellable because you might want to find. Peanut Butter Eminem.

Oh, fuck, yes. Yes. Who knew? Yes. Oh, my God. I love peanut butter. This is so exciting. And then I got sweets.

And I swear. The Eminem has peanut butter hair on this. Yes. Jolly Ranchers. That's a thing, isn't it? I've heard about all these, but I've never tried any of them. Blue, Raspberry, green apple, cherry, grape and watermelon. Oh, my, Jolly Ranchers.

Do you love? I really love. These are amazing choices. Do we try this. Try them in the patron extras this week. Yeah, I'd love to. I feel like we should do that, right? Okay, so let's welcome our guests

because I want to get to be on. Oh my God, no, I'm so excited because I love her so much. Please welcome the wonderful Heidi Regan! Hi. Hello, thank you so much for listening to Trusty Hearts. Thank you so much. We just wanted to jump in really quickly

and give our patron a little plug because it is thriving over there. Yeah, thanks so much to everyone who's joined and if you want to join us, there's no pressure. please enjoy the podcast otherwise, but if you do want to join us, there's so many benefits,

you get an early access to the episode, you get an extra episode a week, and you also get early access to our live shows. Now, the last one sold out in under 24 hours, so you'll want to be a Patreon if you want to come to the one on June 4th, which will be on sale very soon. Please join, please sign up,

please get a ticket, and hey, thanks to everyone who has already. And just a reminder, if you sign up now, there are over 70 extra episodes that you can access immediately. How many? Over 70, Catherine. Oh, my God. It's unbelievable.

But for now, please continue enjoying Trustee Hogg. Bye. Bye. How are you going? That's how I say it, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. How are you going? How are you going?

You're so Australian because you've taught me a lot of things about Australia that I didn't know before. So, like, what's a Legion air cap? Oh. Nope. Yep. It's a cap for the losers. So they've got like a little sun protection on their back. You mean off.

You mean us. Well, young does my next. It's a mullet for the head. Gorgeous. I will one every day of my life inside and out from age seven until 12. I respect to hell. I thought I would get one now if I could get one. Don't.

The smell that it creates on your head stops you having friends until you stop wearing. Why would it smell bad? Well, because it was a hot summer and I was sweating and wearing my hat everywhere. And I couldn't take it off inside because I had like hat hair, mullet hair. You couldn't wash it though? I was nine. I didn't understand. Swap it out.

I had two. I had my fancy one I wore a formal occasion. The wedding leave that. The school one was bright yellow. And then my fancy one had like fluoro stripes. What's a fluro stripe? It was the 90s. Floreau, okay.

Oh, flu. Was that one of those Australian things? Like, yeah. Anyway, no skin cancer here. Like fluorescent. Like fluorescent. Yeah, fluro. Do you not?

Fluorescent. Fluorescent. Do you not? No, we wouldn't. We would never. That's just one of our quirks. We would not. Yeah.

Like when I go to Australia this year, I'm going to come back and be just like you. You know what I mean? You're going for three weeks, pal. Yeah. Enough time to ingratiate into the culture. Someone told me on my last visit that I, she went, I'm sorry Heidi, but you don't sound Australian. And it was, I didn't know her well and it was really hurtful. That's the ultimate fear.

You are so scared of losing your accent. Yeah, I don't love it. And also, like, it doesn't help that if I go home and say something like, cupboard, my family are like, ooh, here she comes the Queen of Sheba, and you're like, well, it's the dishhole. It's where we keep up a tight ice. That's right.

I got confused. No, we call it a press. Oh, I love to. Yeah, I know. A press. Yeah, a cupboard's a press. Why is that now? Why is it a cupboard? Oh, because it's the board that you keep the cups in.

I guess it's where we, um, compress things, as in keep them. I got, I was calling thongs flip-flops in Australia. Oh, God. Also, it's so weird when you call them thongs here, because people are like, don't talk to me about it. We're in our 30s. Right.

No more yeast infections. We're finally free. Did either of you wear thongs growing up? Of course. Which time are we talking? Like, we're talking ass ass, ass thongs. No. I don't want to brag, but I would get thrush.

like that I had it I I I there's not much I can wear without bringing on trash I I'm really glad to share that wow I could never get into thongs I had two pairs that friends bought me for like my they're not comfy it's not right and like I would try and do the whale tail thing so that was like a sexy thing at our school oh Jesus so like when you've got the thong showing so you put it above your love handles and then like low-rise school what the fuck was wrong with your school oh I dropped my sharpener and then you'd be like

there's my crack and stuff but like it's such a tricky it's just so... This is why you need a good kilt as part of a school uniform can I say that? Did you have kilt? We had very long pleated skirts. Oh they were midnight blue. May I say that I

think of a thong as an indoor underwear? I think it's for like putting on and then immediately revealing for sex. It's not like Like, it's like you put it on because your partner's coming around and you're going to cook dinner and then immediately take your clothes off. That's fine. But it's not like a more than two hour wear. No. Do you know what you mean? I just, I just don't think I'd own something that would just be for like half an hour wear. I've literally never worn one. All I think when I look at them is wedgy. Yeah, that's what it is. Like do you feel it the whole time? I did. I did. I was so hyper aware of the fact that I was wearing a thong. I couldn't like I was just walking around a school being like, I'm wearing a thong. I have two categories of underwear. I have. I have two categories of underwear. I have. have sex underwear and real life underwear and never the twain shall meet. Never the twain shall meet. Which are you wearing? Well, I'm outdoors. So it's the sex. No, it's my giant for living pants. Yeah. But those are the only pants I have. Yeah,

I buy like, I think we all do this. Like every now and again, you're like, I want to put loads of like effort into myself, but I don't do anything. So you just buy like a new bra or a new piece of underwear. And you're like, that'll be enough of a nod to. be a new me and I get like something sort of like sexy like you should go French cut. Nice. Nice. You know sort of like it's like higher at the top and then like high leg

sort of like like lacy. Okay. Yeah it's nice. It's nice. Yeah. And then I think that's like sexy enough. Yeah. But I never wear it because it's uncomfort and it all rides up and like I get it riding into the ass and then also because I've got like a fat stomach apron like when the underwear goes

down the front of the apron and tucks it underneath. It's like but you can walking around you can feel it going no no no no no no if you're wearing it but when naked when simply in it no one can see it it feels like it's not worth it if it's disappeared into your ass and under your stomach

then it's like well you might as well just be nude but you know you're wearing it I know I know so can we come for them yeah you don't know what I mean to say is if you take off your clothes and it's not visible yeah yeah then it's not the right underwear for your body I think I just think I should go crutchless from now onwards Crotchless is nice.

I never worn crutchless. Crotchless is nice. Do it. Is it like just as in its normal undies and then there's a hole? It's like you've got like a hammock for one labia and a hammock for the other. Yeah, like he's there. And they hammock the way in and howl. From what I can gather from what I've seen.

Right? You sort of like you lay each. Are you like constantly going, oh. Yeah. Back in your swing. Back in your swing, baby girl. Jesus. And then they just sort of like, I guess they just sort of like go boom, boom, boom.

as you're walking along. Kind of what it is, isn't it? And then they've got like a little, a little box for the clit at the top. Everywhere's got its place. So how are you, Heidi? Are you good? I'm good, thank you.

Hey, welcome to the podcast. Thank you. Um, you, what's up with you? You got, didn't you get married recently? I did get married. I got, congrats. Yeah. Thank you.

Awesome, Jack. I've, um, I've not done a proper, we've not done a proper wedding, but we got married a year. a year ago like in a week or something I don't know I think we've added

the first question we have which is who's the man We are both very bad at that I would like to say But we Blame her as well She's an awful person as well And this is my vows

I'm quite a few And we got married in a rush Like we had three days to organise It just went to the local council Why did you have three days? It was, I was going to Australia. We had an IVF delay and we were like, oh, it will be easier admin if we're married, like for my... Romantic.

Yeah. Again, this is how I propose. Romantic. We were already engaged, but yeah. And so then we got married in a rush and then we just went to Australia at Christmas. So we had a like, we told everyone, we said to everyone, it's a wedding, not a wedding. And then everyone got there and they went, this was a wedding. And we were like, we didn't know it was a wedding because our friends made it look like. like four weddings.

So it was very nice. That's so cute. Then we're going to do one here at some point. We just got to, you know. So nice. Does it feel different being married? No. You don't wear rings?

No, that's again an admin reason. Rather than we've, it's been over a year. We haven't got around to be getting the rings or engaged rings. Why should you? It's on the to-do list. But have you seen to-do lists these days? Yeah, they are wrong. Tell you what?

people are doing now, which I think's amazing, because metal's a scarcity. Tattoo it. Oh, wonderful. On to you. And it's permanent all around your finger. Oh. Yeah. And you can have it in like tribal markings all the way around.

Like whatever. Yeah. Well, you're Australian. Oh, yeah. So you've got like, racism. Yeah. Yeah. But you could get matching tattoos on your fingers.

Yeah. Yeah. That's against just the admin there. Yeah. Well, no, you can, you have to, it's not an appointment thing. You just show up in Camden and just say, this please, I'll take you. The year out of room, he seems like a nice time to get rings. It does, wouldn't it?

Yeah, that's a lot of pressure on you five days, isn't it? It's like, how hard can it be, but it seems really hard. Not hard. I don't understand. I love admin. Yeah, admin. And jewellery. So I don't really relate to any of this.

Yeah, you know what I proposed with, do you? I do, and it's Catherine won't like her. You can tell her, but she won't. like it. Don't say a harribal ring. I don't know if it's better or worse

than that. Don't say a hula hoop. No, it was what I had on hand because I was like we've got to pick one together because you won't like what I'd pick

so I'll wait so I'll have a standing ring and it was my toy Lord of the Rings ring and just to make it nice a cat doesn't like Lord of the Rings but I love it.

Clearly you like it enough to have the merch have the Heidi has the match not cat Oh I have the merch yeah I had a ring for fun Yeah

And then I was like I'm going to propose You have a wife and I don't But I only for now Like I would not be confident With a tattooed ring Like I think the difference

Is marriage is everything you do You see it is chipping away at that box Whereas when you're not married You're like Building up Yeah yeah yeah That's really funny Then you're like I'm at the top

Now the only way is to make her regret. I think when you're like a classic couple of similarities cat's just like so cool and effortlessly amazing and you're just like this like lump of dweeb and loser like it's just well no we know Heidi come on now we're good friends we can say it

like come on like Heidi spent most of lockdown playing Spider-Man games on like a computer I'd already finish Spider-Man but that's wrong but I would have been like it. It shows you can get the ying to your yang you know but like and you can chip away You can chip away at it.

I would love to have someone to chip away. So I was doing it to friends instead of like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And they don't even have to live in the same house as you. Well, they do. Senil does. Oh, yeah, of course.

Ruining him. I mean, you've been friends with Sanil since before I met him. Have you noticed the change? I'm trying to think if he's become more emotionally open. And he doesn't flinch when you hug him now. Yeah, he's better at that. I think you've done that. I think that's your, you're the change.

Thank you. He flinches at me. Yeah. But not with anyone else. Everybody else is a little relief. It's so funny. Wow. So what is your show at Soho about?

Well, funny you should ask. It's got a lot of that in it. But it's like, it's a really stupid show. But it happens to like mention occasionally, you know, the like the funest, lightest way, like a couple of years of IVF. But in a fun way. But who doesn't want to hear about the ultimate lesbian IVF Lord of the Rings? It has a lot of the rings in.

videos, everything I can do to distract from any moment of anyone like getting worried. Phenomenal. That's so good. Constant distract. And a whole theme throughout it is Cat being good at admin, so you would you would have a character that you warm to in the show. I do not to get the ring sorted cats, so I don't know what you're

proposed to. You can't have a don't tell me you have a spare ring just in case someone proposes. No, no, no, but I would be like. No, now I'm worried you actually do. I don't. I do not, but I It would be like, oh, you haven't chosen one? Well, then I have booked us three places to go see them tomorrow. Oh, you've still got so much therapy to do. It's like letting go and go out of the flow.

No. Catherine, I think that's the right way because Katz still hopes I'm going to level up. And she needs to come down into the mile with me and you'll take care of it. And you are like, I'll take care of it. I would be like, wonderful. I'd be like, grab your wallet. We have an appointment. Yeah.

You guys should get matching legionaire caps. I think that's genuinely the kind of admin. If you buy me a generic before you buy that woman a ring, I will end you. I'm like, Helen came up with it. Don't you love it? She'll be like, I'm a fucking doctor. A doctor.

The cat's very good at gift. She once sent me a personalized Love Island water bottle. How good is that? Yeah. Incredible. It was one for you and one for Nick Ellaray. Wow.

Our friend in his 50s. He fucking loved it. Did he ever watch Love Island? It was because he was staying with you and we were like, you need to have it. That's so cute. That's so cute. It's good gifting.

Would you help us? Would you help us? He bought me one gift from holiday to Iceland, by the way. What was that? Magnet, obviously. Yeah, but just one. I know about your, I think from the podcast, you having spare Christmas gifts on hand in your bag

in case someone. In case someone gives me one that I wasn't expecting. Thank you for listening, Heidi. Thank you for listening, Heidi. That is really nice. And you said that I was like, I can't even give my mother a gift. I've done so much admin that I'm now locking for admin. And so I have to buy gifts for people who may potentially surprise me with a gift.

What did I get you for your birthday this year? Oh my God. I think I missed her. No, you brought you brought me a cupcake. Oh yes, I brought you cake. Yeah. Remember it's my birthday coming up soon. Yes.

Okay. When is it? March 25th. And so first time that, because it's the same as Kat's birthday. miss it every year now cats away for it but helen is also away for it no i still think you should baffle your money and come to saltzburg i know it's just um come to the money didn't you hear the ivf bit yeah yeah it costs a lot didn't you hear the wedding rings bit yeah yeah well lord of the rings ring that can't it nope no 17 pounds online 17 pounds for the much is expensive and you must remember that

i know because i looked it up to maybe buy a second one because i lost that one That's the admin. You've got to keep on top of us. Oh, my God. No, I'm going to watch Lord of the Rings this year. I feel like I'm going to do it. Have you never watched? No, but I'm doing so good watching new films,

aren't it? Be fair, Catherine. You are. I watched Harold and Maud for the first time the other day. I've never seen that. Really good. I wish you'd watched when Harry Met Sally. I've seen it.

Oh, yeah. Oh, who hasn't? Why did I imagine that was true? Some freak? Sorry. It's good that you can empathize. Yeah, yeah. Hey, I don't think it should be an admin problem.

but do you have a problem for us that Heidi can help us off? Hey folks, it's Mark Bitman from the podcast Food with Mark Bitman. It's hard for me to believe we're talking about back to school, but whether you're thinking lunchboxes or nourishing dinners, Whole Foods Market is the place to shop, and their high standards allow you to shop with confidence. Their house brand, 365 by Whole Foods Market, has everything you need for quick and convenient breakfast, lunches and dinners,

from oatmeal to trail mix to wild fish sticks. Explore the many ways you can save on back-to-school foods at Whole Foods Market. I don't think it should be admirable. If it's about lesbian proposals, I'll be over the moon. And if it is, I will answer it alone. It's actually about straight people. Well, we can't say whether or not that's straight.

It's a straight relationship. It's a problem with straight people. It's a problem with straight people. There we go. They're in your faith. Just so everyone knows, I'm aware that it's almost problematic being straight at the moment. And I'd like to say that I'm aware of the problem, but I'm not doing anything to fix it. I exist and I will take up space.

Perfect disclaimer. Thank you. Okay, this is from V. Hi, V. Oh my God, V from going out with Joe from Team Mum 2. Or V for Vind. That's where I went. That's where I went.

Oh, God, it's nice to have an old person on. Oh, I'm not going to save my head. Give me an awesome. It's a great film. Thank God. It's going to have another adult. Sky Forks. Yeah.

I know the film. Carry on. Okay. Thank you so much for creating trusty hogs. It brings me so much joy. You're welcome. I have a problem for you. I have a lovely boyfriend who I've been with for five years.

We live together and have two kittens, but I'm only in my 20s and I feel like I've become 45 almost overnight. How can I experience the fun, adventures and craziness that's only possible in your 20s while having a stable partner and steady job? More context if helpful. I see friends regularly, book club, gym, playing badminton, dinner parties. But even my socialising feels quite routine now. It's you. I don't have any doubts about my boyfriend. He's fab, but naturally quite introverted, so it brings less of an adventurous in it.

I mean, I've got some very easy answers for this. Me too. Okay. But first? Well, this is a feeling a lot of emotions. I'm the less adventurous one in the partnership. I also was single basically nearly all of my 20s and like the star of my 30s. No shame in that.

No shame. How old were you going to meet your wife? 35. Okay, interesting. So it was a long time in the cool swinging singles that this person is craving. I always remember you being so cool. I was very cool and you often would say, oh, you've got, you're fine, Heidi. You're not really bad at dating or the opposite of that was the gay.

No, I definitely wouldn't say that. I remember that. You'd be going around being like, Heidi is so bad at dating. And we were like, what the fuck, man? I think I was more like, you're gay, Heidi? Oh, no, I was out. Yeah, yeah, we all knew that. But I was very bad at meeting anyone.

I don't think I said you were bad at dating. I think I said you were about at being, getting into gay spaces. Oh, yeah, yeah, I didn't know any. I just knew you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And cats the same. But also, to be clear, it would be, it wasn't just like, I wasn't just like a Heidi associated dating.

Heidi would be like, I'd like to date and I'd like, sweet, what have you done about that? And you'd be like, well, I'm at this coffee. Heidi, you're going to have to do more than that. You're going to admin, find me a wife. But then didn't you go on like one date and that was your wife? No, no, I went on a. a few horrific dates and then I went on one very nice date and I went lock it down I'll take it I'll take it so in regards to this um like I was saying to cat the other day it's nice that we met

when we were older because we don't have the like we both got to have very fulfilled lives outside and all that but on the other hand I wasn't doing anything amazing so I don't think that if you're not, you know, fucking around all through your 20s, you're going to miss out. Yeah. So, in conclusion, break up with him and regret it. Okay. No, no, no, no, don't. That's a bit funny.

You know what? Fascinating. I wasn't considering the breakup, but I think that is an option that we should consider. I don't think you should break up. I think whatever she does, she will think about the other options for the rest of her life, so sorry about that. Basically, the grass is always greener, so you guys on enjoy. Okay. I think, well, fresh off my trip from Iceland, can I say, no, what I was going to say.

Go whale watching. What I was going to say was actually that I was, I am the less adventurous one in the pairing. And I would literally never have gone on that holiday unless I was dating this person. And everything about it was outside my comfort zone and like an outdoorsy, cold, like a kind of experience. exploring holiday that was like not focused around where I could get my nails done or a nice hotel I genuinely

it's not my idea of and it was easily hands down the best trip I've ever been on and so I do think like getting out of your comfort zone is pretty good and you can do that with it sometimes that's because you're in a relationship not because you're outside of one so I think you're right to like be sure about your boyfriend

but also to go okay how do I do this I think first of all on a micro level like you saying like I do lots of things but you are as you say in a routine of doing the same things so maybe like moving your body in a different way would feel good like maybe do a dance class maybe do a trip moving your body in a different way is that a phrase it just came out of fucking what I said is that you should be a fucking shame maybe join a walking group maybe move your body in a different way maybe join a walking group where you make new friends think you are you make new friends do you hear

that are you're not bored I just love the like you will no longer crave another man's time joining in a walking room. No, she died. I don't think that she was looking. I thought V's problem wasn't. It was that she likes her boyfriend. She likes him, but she's worried about it. Your body in a different way.

Just do it in a different way. No, I meant like, go for it. Like, do a dance class. Do a yoga class. Is her worry that they've met too young? No, no. Yeah, they're not. She's not worried about her.

She likes, well, I cannot believe I'm the one who has to be like, this straight girl likes her boyfriend and wants to stay with him. I understood that Catherine was fighting. She's just worried that their life has gotten stagnant. And that she wants to do more adventurous things. So I was thinking maybe a class would be good because it reinvigorates your brain. It doesn't have to be like movement, it could be anything. Anything that makes you feel like you're learning and progressing in life, a class would be good.

Also, think about like what kind of trips do you go on and change it up? Because I think travel is the thing where you feel adventurous, right? Also, Kat loves travel more than me just because I haven't had as much travel. And I'm always like, I would. But, you know, I got other things on, blah, blah, blah. But we've always said how, like, you don't have to do every trip together either. That's what I was going to, that's so annoying, that's what I was going to say. Oh, were you?

Or were you copying for a minute? I was, no, no, no. I was going to say, like, just because you feel like that stagnant, doesn't mean that you can't go off and have adventures. Yeah. Like, be crazy in the 20s. Like, having a crazy adventure does not mean being single and sleeping with people in a hostel. It doesn't. Like, you can totally, like, do this, like, bring stuff back.

You can go away together if you wanted. But if, if money's tight and you can't afford to travel together, I've got such a good couple's activity to keep it fresh. online sleuthing, okay? So there's loads of unsolved cases online. You can go on the FBI's Most Wanted list and then you look them up. Like, you know the people on those documentaries

like don't fuck with cats and stuff and they find where the person is and they get them arrested? And then they get to really, yeah. So like pick someone and find them. And then solve it with the police together. Yeah. You could be like sleuths.

Sorry. She's feeling 45. Who's on the most wanted list at the moment? I'll look it up, don't worry. So you want her to become, like, a murder catcher. Yeah, well, it doesn't have to be a murderer. It could be the petty theft of your local boots. She only needs to do it.

Who's taking the mascara? She only needs to do it for a few weeks, and then a partner will be like, okay, it's not about the solution or something wrong with us, and then they'll talk about their ventures and all that, and they'll solve that. So what Helen's suggesting will lead to the proper thing, but she's not going to catch. No, no, you've got to do it via metaphor. So look at this, on the FBI's Most Wanted list, In the top 10, three of them have been captured.

That could have been you. Also, maybe move country for a year. Rent out your house. If you own it. Do you think they're all captured by women in their 20s? Oh, I'll tell you what's refreshing. There's a woman on the most wanted list by the FBI. That is so refreshing.

How about that? That's refreshing. Who is it? In the top 10, there's one woman. Catch her. Get her! She'll be slower than the man. Her name is...

She'll be slower. Catch her. She'll be old... Her name is Rujaigna. Can I see her? Can I see her? Yeah. What's she do? Oh, she is a babe.

Her crimes. Conspiracy to commit wire fraud, wire fraud. Conspiracy to commit money laundering. Conspiracy to commit securities fraud and securities fraud. Is there a podcast on her? You don't need a podcast on her. I want a podcast. Oh my God.

It's a video. There's a video of her doing stand-up. There's a video of her. Oh my God. I know this woman. What? Oh my God. I know her.

What are you talking about? She's the one coin lady. She created. She's on the most wanted list. Her podcast is so good. Oh, my, well, her podcast, like a podcast about her. Oh, my God. Is she the Bulgarian woman then?

Oh, I'm thinking of a different woman. Okay. So, you know, when you create a cryptocurrency. Wait, yeah, what's her name called? What's her name? I don't know, Catherine. They're not on the list. Igna.

See, can, are you seeing how much fun we're having right now? What? Your relationship is thriving. How do I sell her name? We're the closest we've ever been. Okay. R-U-J-A. I don't know where I got the other thing from.

Yep. I-G-N-A-T-O-V-A. Oh my God, I love the most wanted list. Ruta Ignatova. Yeah. Oh, my God. Is she not Bulgarian? The Missing Crypto Queen.

I have listened to a podcast on her. Yes. Yes. Yes. Place about Bulgarian. Right. So she, hiding, you're going to love this. There's a great podcast on her.

It's a great podcast. Shut up and let me explain. I'm just telling them for the researchers. I've got to find her. This is the thing. If you do start doing this to your boyfriend, and make sure you're not quite as petty as me and Catherine are. I think we would not be able to solve this together

because we'd be so desperate to prove that we know more about it that we'd get lost. Whereas on, in like, don't fuck with cats, they really worked together nicely. Oh yeah, they became friends because of it. Yeah. But I'm pretty sure it ended really badly, didn't it? I think he got arrested in a Shpity in Berlin.

Oh, okay. Yeah, because he killed cats and then a human. Yeah, on camera. So who's the crypto lady? Okay, thank you for asking. Do you want to say Catherine? Because you've clearly gone into a bit of a mood. Heidi, can you please tell Helen that I will say things when I feel like saying them?

Thank you. Catherine will say things when she feels like saying them. I don't appreciate being the go-between. I don't appreciate her using it. Heidi does not appreciate being used as a go-between. Okay. She created a cryptocurrency but did not have a blockchain for her. That's right.

There was no way to transfer it into actual money. So people were buying in and buying all this currency And the idea was that there would be a payout at the end of it Because it was going to go to the moon And there was going to be loads of money in it But there was no way to get that money back So all you could do is invest in it And then it would just disappear

And she'd be getting richer and richer But she managed to get on these big Like TED Talk style things And these big conferences People believed it People were like putting their entire life savings into it And then she just disappeared That is a nightmare

Because it sounds like admin that they all got caught by admin because you need a blockchain. Did you learn about her from Saneal? No, from this podcast. They're missing crypto queen. Cineal doesn't talk about money with me apparently it frustrates him.

How long is the podcast? It's like a couple of episodes. It's not that long. It's very good. Do you hear someone else who's on the list? I don't know a fantastic one recently called Gangster Capital. If anybody wants it. Gangster Capital, you would like it.

The third series is a hell of dark, so maybe not. I like dark. The first one is about the college admission scandal and the second is about the second series is about the area. Vera for me.

The first one's about the NRA. Oh, it's about all the American lawyers and actors who paid for their kids Felicity Huffman and the other one paid for their kids to get into university

but the second series is about the NRA and the third series is about the full wells who ran this university in the States called Liberty which is a big Christian college

and basically had a code of ethics that they like systematically abused Tell us more about the code of ethics at full well It was called the Liberty Way And it would be like You can't have a relationship that is in between a man Like a man from birth And a woman from birth

And basically like You gotta be straight and you've got to be cis And you've got to be together And you can't have sex before marriage You can't drink you can't curse Like it's like This is my wedding bells Word for it again

We're both bad people But you have to pretend to be good I think there's nothing less godly than a woman proposing to another woman with a Lord of the Rings ring. That is ungodly at every level. And one of them is a scientist. Nothing Christian about that.

And a scientist and a comedian. How un-Christian can you be? We were spitting on the Bible. You really were. They walked into a church that holy ward is boiling over in the font. I'm telling you that for nothing. Australia. Was that not good?

You're a laugh. That felt better. Your Australian laugh. the maddest bit. Stay with my parents in Australia. They haven't asked me. Do they know you're coming? I have a tricky relationship with Brian and me and Katta.

You have a sexy relationship. I love Brian. I got married for Brian first of my met. Habra-huh. There's a really strong choice from me about six years ago when I stand by actually. We were in Edinburgh flat and I, and Helen was, no, you were dressed, I think, or? Probably. I think she'd been in the share.

I think she was half dressed and then I said, oh, Dad's just buzzed, he's coming up. Helen runs to her room, then comes back out in just a bathtub and goes, Brian, you call me. Oh my God, you call me. How embarrassing. And Dad was, um, delighted. He was delighted. He went bright around and was like, oh, okay. Oh, no, I just said, uh, pick up I do. That's so cute.

Oh, no, what is I going to do? I'm so cute. And then they came to watch you and see. the BBC final oh that's so cute it was just me mum and dad came to watch you I remember this yeah yeah

you made it sound like nobody else wanted to see it as in I think you not like that you had people for the I had sweat stop scratching your scalp but looks like you have knits

right Heidi now then what's the deal where can people come and see your show oh so it is on at Soho Theatre March 20th and 21st It's a Monday and a Tuesday night, and it's called Heidi Regan gives birth live on stage every night or your money back. I'm going on Monday, March 20th. Heidi Soho.

This is phenomenal. And tickets are on sale, but also where can people find you online? I'm on Twitter, TikTok, Instagram, all of them, I believe, Heidi underscore Regan. Yes. Also, I also say, sometimes we don't say this because people are doing like a lot. She's like, Heidi's just doing two, so you want to book in advance. Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely. You're not going to go to get them on the night.

Because I don't want to have people messaging. Be like, we tried. It's like, you didn't try soon enough. Whoa. You got to be quick. Whoa. Sorry, that was so angry. I couldn't show about it.

But like, you've got to be faster. It's wild for Heidi's sales pitch to be. You're going to have to do this admin fast. I would never, but you should. And then come to a show about how bad I am at admin. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Best a lot, kids. Adorable. Hey, Heidi, you're such a great guest.

Thanks for listening to our podcast as much as being on our podcast. Thank you very much. What's your favorite thing about trusty hogs? It's a great question. I think it's that you pretend to fight and then deep down you hate it. Somebody sees me. Thank you, Heidi Regan. Hi, Heidi, Heidi.

Yay! Yay! Thank you so much to our executive producers Simon Moore's Guy Goodman, Mary Fox, Annie Tonner Sarah Harkay Deakin and Oliver Jago, thank you so much Thank you so much You guys are so grateful to you Also, thank you too

We have a new producer, have very exciting You do all in one breath Richard Bicknell L, Richard Bolt, Neil Redmond Victoria Hutchison Emma Walton, Karen and David Ball Harold Van Dyke, Eddie Doyle Tim and Dom David Walker, Rachel R, Anthony Conway, Sadie Cashmore, Owen Jones, Jess and Nick Zoe, Joe Holmes, Sarah, and Molly, Alex Pugh, Josie W. Amy, Cordelia, Ria Fink, Rachel Page, Helen A, Tina Lindsay, Sophie Chivers, Graham, March, Emily, G, Amy O'Rearden, Abby Worf, Key Webb, Matt Sims.

Thank you so much and welcome to Matt Sims to the story. Guys, thank you so much for supporting us. We're so grateful we couldn't do it without you. I know. It's been amazing. It's been amazing. If you're not already a Patreon, you should be. Get on there. Come on. When work doesn't come in for us, it means that we can keep doing it. this and we don't have to run around scrabbling in a cafe. Exactly. And also now if you're on the Patreon you get the podcast without ads.

Yes please. As well as all the other benefits you get too and the extra episodes. I mean there's so many extra. It's an extra episode where every episode is about it. And the min shot. Anyway, thank you so much. I told you not. Bye!