Trusty Hogs - Ep75. Plague, Principles & Problematic Partners

Episode Date: March 9, 2023

We celebrate a landmark 75th episode with a "just close friends" episode deep diving into our lives, TikTok trends, and Helen's well-buttoned up breasts! Plus, on the listener problem front we have a co-worker issue with some beautiful literary swearing...Thank you so much for listening!Support us at https://www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Simon Moores / Guy Goodman / Mary Fox / Annie Tonner / Sarah Jarque-Deakin / Oliver JagoPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Emma Walton / Karen & David Bull / Harald van Dijk / Eddie Doyle / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Anthony Conway / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Jo Holmes / Sarah & Molly / Alex Pugh / Josie W / Amy / Cordelia / Raia Fink / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Sophie Chivers / Graham Marsh / Emily Gee / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Kie Web / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / LeahWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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That's BOMBAS.com and use code audio at checkout. Episode 75. We made it. We actually made it. And you said we'd never last. You said, I will do 10 episodes with you, Horbitch.

And then I'm done. And now look at us. I have a tattooed across my ass crack. Hell of that's... In my ass crack. Have you... Are you aware of our dynamic? You're the one who's kept it going.

Yeah. I'm like, Ardynamic is literally me being like, you want to hang out with me? No. Please hang out with me. I'm busy with twins and brands. Okay, but like maybe, I'm seeing I have a block.

Okay, but like, maybe we could have. Don't do a podcast? Oh, maybe. Okay, well, I was thinking maybe we could try. I don't like it. Okay, do you want to be on my show? I've won a special outfit for you for episode 75. The pink and red.

Pink and red. But wait for it. I've double buttoned. So I can button down my cardigan. If anyone listening, I'm buttoning down my cardigan right now and below it, I have a t-shirt. Oh, my God. Which I could also button down to reveal the breastage. Low Booby Reveal.

But I can't, I can't, I mustn't, because we must be respectful. We must be. Okay, dignishing great now. I've referred when you were less respectful and I got to see your tits more. I want to let people know. Number one, what the podcast is because we get a new listeners, which is very exciting. Hello, welcome to trusty hogs. I'm Catherine Bowhart.

This is Helen Bauer. Hello, we both do stand-up comedy. We both do stand-up comedy and this is a podcast where we talk about our lives and then we help solve listener problems. And I think it's a fun time. It's a really fun time. Now, you're going to give them your problems and they will solve them. Or maybe they won't and that's your problem. They'll have guests and Andrew White on the tech.

Oh, it's Helen and Catherine as the trusty hogs. Trust the trusty hogs or maybe not. Now, over history of this podcast, all 75 episodes, for episode 25 and episode 50, we had an exciting, random guess. What did we do on 25? I hired a tarot card reader. Yes, you did. And it was life-changing. Her name was Penelope.

If you haven't listened to that episode, I'd recommend going back. I also found it life-changing. It was incredible. Episode 50, we hired someone to go through our speech patterns so we could learn how to do impressions of each other. That did Nat go well. I think I was very successful. I don't think I'm Irish, no. Stop it.

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it right now. Now, we have got Penelope coming back into the studio. Not today, not today. Okay. We've got it for like what would be an exactly a year from the last time we had her in. So we can get it bang on.

And I think we're doing astrological charts. What do you think we're doing? Astrological charts. There you go. I was like, brace yourself, lesbians. We're doing astrology. Oh, is that a lesbian thing now? Well, lesbians are keen on asking you, like, time of birth, kind of at the minute.

You know? Yes, yes, it's, yes. 11.40 p.m. For you? Yes. Really? 1140 p.m. Interesting.

I don't, I think I might be like a 5 p.m. baby, but I need to check with my mom. Fun, 5 p.m. I know, I'm a snooze. I know. I'm so boring. Hell, I think so boring. No, what? Hey, no.

You do. Just because I tell people you're boring. Doesn't mean you are boring. That has to be a boring one in any friendship. I'm the boring one. one of the some friendship? Yes, but get your hand off me. Okay.

Thank you. Could you imagine if we did episode 75 and it was our last episode? Yeah. Yeah, I can imagine that. Currently, I can imagine it. I think it's amazing that we've managed to keep this going this long. Me too. I genuinely am in all of us.

Have you had any reactions to the Stuart Goldsmiths slapping you? None? Really? People just thought you deserved it? For a couple of episodes, I got... People just thought you just thought you just said it deserved it. Mould. Mould by Comcompod.

And I had no one going, oh my god everyone was like yeah no feels right yeah that seems correct feels right fascination and it was so annoying because I really thought it was going to bruise so badly you didn't get the drama I got nothing I'm so sorry to hear it absolutely it was devastating that is gutting hey what's going on with you okay oh for God's sake don't I want to let you know that over this last 75 episodes of working with you and talking to you every single week on mic and off I really feel like I've blossomed as a woman and my knowledge has increased.

You're going to talk about the Black Death now, aren't you? 100%. A fuck sake. Here's the thing. I am now so into history. Like, have I told you about the short battalion already? Yes. You're welcome.

Multiple time. You're welcome. So I've decided to leave the World Wars to the side at the moment just because it's getting a bit too involved. Yeah. Which is hard to do when it's in the past. But is it? Do you know what I mean?

We're still feeling the repercussions of it to this day. At nobody else. Lest we forget. Nobody else has forgotten. Lest we forget. You're the only one who just signed out about World War I. No, I knew about World War I. I just didn't know about, oh, God, terrible.

Anyway. Come on, get on with this. You want to talk about it. Let's hear us. I've now learned about the Black Death. Of course you have. A recommendation from a friend. From a podcast?

Do you know about the plague? Now, I am aware of the plague. Wait, from a podcast or a book? On a podcast. Which podcast? They didn't write back then. Oh, see, Jesus. They wrote, but it's not like you can't buy it in Waterstones.

Do you know what I mean? Yes, Helen, but you can't. They were just reading the Bible. Helen, I'm not asking you to read a diary entry from a person. Well, that's what you need to do. I was saying had you read a history book. You know the ones they write now about history. But that's the thing.

I don't trust history books. Also, they did write then. It's all hearsay. Like, because nothing was written down. There's no photographs. So it's just someone having a good guess at it. Unlike this podcast you've listened to. But you look like the Tudor stuff.

It's like, how do we actually know? Sorry, but are you going to tell me that first source actually peer-reviewed historical texts are less good for history then podcast podcast well because then I'm just continuing the tradition of history being passed down through audio mediums so like is it audio mediums or is a spoken medium right you right do you understand history though because I don't think you're getting this right now I did a history degree yeah well yeah well we all did a history degree

do you know what I mean well we didn't all do a history degree but we all like we've all lived in the world like yeah what like but like I I also know about history do you know I also have been to the natural history music no I understand people can learn about history and I think you should. I think that's good. And I am, I am. But you just said, did I know anything about history? But I don't know if you understand how history works. Okay. Because like, what's happened is you've swallowed, I don't know if it's the blue or red pill. I've actually never seen The Matrix. But you've swallowed one of the pills, which makes you believe that all history is as it's written. But thing is, like, so you know, we're like, you don't

learn to think uncritically about history when you do a degree in it. But like, we're sort of like, oh, Henry the 8th was like this. But it's just sort of like, that's just one person telling someone, that person telling someone, obviously they increase it for drama over the tellings. Like, like, let's say, let's say, let's say at Christmas time, one of my friends was a bit of a bitch. By the time the story's being told to their like partner or their work colleagues, it's like they were a massive asshole because it's been like pepped up for the storytelling, right? I think the hell and historians need to actually use like.

Yeah, but then they like, they add drama in to make it better. So I'm not saying that Henry Yates wasn't a nightmare. film scripts but like sort of very similar yes yes is yes no i'm saying to you that with history often you're right it's written by the victories it's often predominantly written of war military history so you predominantly get male history it's often written by men it's often written in a period that is long thereafter however it is true to say that we are increasingly reading social history we are increasingly requesting of our historians actual like more and more thorough research more and more primary sources more and more peer reviewing obviously it's imperfect but I don't think the vibe is like

I'm saying I believe history happened I'm just saying like some of the like some of like so like we just sort of like it's interesting to know exactly like how would they know that they said that do you know oh for sure like we yeah we know a lot of it's just like hyperbole or or and then you also it's so easy to be like it's like Romeo and Juliet feels historical but it's not I don't feel that way but it is but it is because it was written in history times. It was written in the past? In the past. Is that the word you're looking for? In the past? Yeah. It's interesting.

Like, things like we don't know who Shakespeare was, you know? Uh-huh. Anyway, Black Death. But wait before you get... This is a great example of like, you just... What's the podcast called? I think this is called... Short History.

So they just give it to you all in like 50 minutes. Oh, great. Well, that'll definitely be comprehensive. It's silly of me to think that a book would be more useful. Go on. You know how whenever we're talking about... Everyone talks about the plague, they're always slagging off rats in it. Yeah, for spreading.

Like, rats have the worst rep ever. For spreading it. It wasn't them. Huh? It was the fleas on the rats. And I don't think we should blame the rats for that. That's 100% like, you can't help. That's like someone like, oh, Helen made Anne-Marie scratch her head because she had nits.

It's not my fault of the nits shows me and then transferred to her. That's not on me. Yeah. So it was everywhere. Yeah. everywhere. Please stop screaming. Everyone had the plague.

Yeah. It was awful. It never even fully disappeared. It's just that there's like a couple of schools of thought as to where it went. Okay. But like, because 70 people died that they're like, maybe the people who genetically might have had a mutation when they could survive it were the ones who were breeding. Okay.

And managed to keep people alive. So that just suddenly got eradicated that way. Also, just because 70 people had died, like the, something about bodies, temperature. I don't understand it. Have you heard about plague pits? Yes. Awful. Yes.

So whole towns were dying. Now, right, you're both looking like I'm thick. I knew about the plague. We've done the London Dungeons and so far you haven't advanced the information they give you. Okay. But in the plague, so I knew about it because when I was... Do you have missed right now, Helen? No.

Why are you scratching your head? Because I'm thinking. Helen? Helen. When I was 16, check it. You can check it if you want. I don't have any nits. I don't have any nits.

Obviously, I'm allowed to scratch my head and not have nits. Now I'm paranoid. I need you to stop scratching. Oh my God, I've got a really sad fact for you as well. Us is separate. Let me tell you this first. So when I was 16, my mum's drama school, one of her students in it was in her play at college. I'm called the Roses of Iom, which was about a village, which had the plague and they locked themselves in so they could all die there.

Very powerful. So many villages did that. They'd get the plague and they'd lock themselves in. And then people, it was so awful. And people didn't know. to go and it was a hundred percent like but then it just like so I was listening to this podcast and say the rich was surviving more because they could go out to their country estates and just not see anyone and just live off their land whereas the poor didn't have that choice and it really got me

thinking like that's what happened with COVID because do you remember at the beginning of COVID when we didn't know when it when it was like it felt such like a death sentence yeah that like short moment when it was like if you get it there's a good chance you'll be hospitalized and you won't make it back out again. Yeah. Well, there was no vaccine. There was no treatment. There was no treatment. There was a very little understanding, but like we knew it attacked the lungs and people couldn't breathe. And then the rich people could just like go out and be like, well, we're not going to contract it.

But the poor people said I had to go to work and do jobs. And I was like, we have not changed. And it got me thinking about that. How awful is that that we're still in the plague now? Okay. So a couple of things. Okay. You're right. I think that like class.

And they just drop people in place. Okay. When I said a couple of things, you let me have one word. Is that what happened just then? Sorry. Okay. Yes, class structures are very similar in terms of like the impact of a pandemic. Yeah, we need to change.

That's true. That's an interesting insight. Thank you. Secondly, we're not sure we're the exact same. We haven't changed at all in so far as like we pretty quickly developed a treatment and a vaccine. Which is very good. That's good, right? Yeah, we like that.

Yeah, very good. Thank you. to our scientists. I've always said that. Thank you to our scientists. Yeah. The message of this podcast. Thirdly, this is like a light pod. So like you flag to the next fact is also super dark. Do you want to get that out of the way? Maybe I could say like we could talk like something with the chaper. I just think it's important that we do learn on this podcast and I don't know if you're getting this but I'm getting a lot of hogs coming up to me being like I'm finding you very interesting. You're teaching me a lot. Which means there's a lot of thick shits running around there who

are very grateful for me doing the effort. Real dumbies in the mud. This is something Gwyneth told me So there's a new trend on TikTok Of young people So they look down the lens And they start crying Because they're like I only just realise

The back of my head is flat Because I didn't get picked up enough as a baby Fuck off And then they cry and there's really sad music playing On the background And then I found the back of my head And it's flat That's not what that means

It does feel it I didn't get picked up. That's not what that means, Helen. Oh, no. What about you? I'm fine. Yeah. Oh, darling.

But that means that we were just all just like left there lying flat. No, mine's not flat. No, yours isn't. Mine is. But also, I don't think that that's what that means. I think people's heads are different shapes often for multiple reasons. Yeah, because I fell out my. You're a four-steps baby.

No, I fell out my high chair. Okay, but also like lots of people could be, like, aren't heads just different shapes? I don't know. I cracked my head open. and when I was three because I was going through a phase of only eating

ice cream and my mom was trying to give me something that wasn't it's not a phase it's not a phase of the last 20 nine years and I was like

rocking my high chair being like you're a fucking bitch mom give me some ice cream and I rocked so much that I went backwards and I landed on my head

and cracked it open naughty Helen okay well same year that I overdosed on cowpoll my poor mum feels like it feels like poor you

but okay God everything you say is so dark it's hard to we know where to start except to say that I'm the trend I'm getting on TikTok that's so interesting that your actor friend is getting this like profound realisation that

actually am even more of a victim than I thought I was whereas mine is just women in their 40s and 50s using this filter that takes them back to their teens so bottom screen is them top screen is them like just filtered to shit right

they just supposedly look like themselves and the teenagers but I didn't and I didn't look like me as a teenager because it made my face first of all, thinner. What? That's not how teens I was like, no. And second of all, it just looks like so fuzzy and filtered and I was like, that doesn't, I don't reckon. I also didn't have like eyebrows. My teeth weren't good. I was like, what are you talking about?

Like a classic Irish teen. He's like it wasn't like a classic 90s teen, right? Like no one looked better then. What are you talking about? I was just like, what? This isn't. But so it's these women and the filter comes on and they immediately start crying. And they're like,

Hello. Could you imagine me? I haven't seen you in a while. No, no. Everything's going to be okay. I just want to give her a hug. I just, nothing's changed. This is why I can't do TikTok.

My smile is still the same. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I can't do it. I know, but it's just like, shut the fuck up. Oh my, yeah, so I also don't do that on TikTok. The ones I like. But it's interesting that we're targeted in different ways. But it's emotional manipulation videos.

Like, I do like being a. emotionally manipulated by my algorithm. Like, dogs being rescued. Yes, please. Of the street. I love it when they show. Dogs seeing there. I don't know when they come back from war.

Oh! I'm not even like a war person in that way. Baby's seeing color for the first time. Oh my God. Baby's hearing for the first time. Baby's getting first hearing aids. I'm like, yes, that deaf baby's good. When they get the colored glasses.

Oh, when they slot them over their eyes and they're like, oh. And they're like, everything's green. It's just so nice. I'm trying to do that with some. He'll just take his glasses off him for a full day and then pop him back on him in the evening he'll be like, ha ha ha ha, my baby. I tell you what I do like at the photos ones

is who have gone on the algorithm where they show you the old people who have given their old photographs and someone's colourised them. Oh, that's nice. And they get to see like a picture of their parents like in colour for the first time. They like died so many years ago. And this is one, it's like a really classic

when I've popped up a million times to me. And everyone's looking at these photographs. They're really emotional. and then one woman her photograph pops up and she was like, I remember that dress being blue, but that's fine. Yes.

That's immediately peddled. That's amazing. That's us. That's amazing. That's great. I love it. What's your favorite thing to pop up on your algorithm? Like,

what's the thing that, like, if it pops up, you stop? I don't think we should go. I'm toxic. How toxic? I'm toxic. Oh, my God. Do it.

Is it people getting Botox? No, but it is. There's all, I get a lot. of like, and I gotta stop watching them because it's like nonsense. Hey, we only just stop watching the stuff we watch but like, I don't think I should engage with it.

It's such a bad behavior. It's like. Is it spot picking? No. It's like what blah eats in a day. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so toxic.

I've seen some really good ones recently with popped up with being like, what do I eat as a fat person not on a diet in a day? Do you get those ones? Well, that sounds way better than, no, I get like, I get like what Florence Pugh. eats in a day

what Mila Kunis eats in a day and I'm just like stop fucking watching this shit it does like they eat whatever they're fucking put your phone close to me

and I'll talk about my algorithm I want what fat people eating a day that's divine what I eat in the day as a fat person who's not on the diet what I eat

is someone who's in binge eating recovery and it's just someone just like living their lives and just eating food I'd love that and it's just nice and you get good ideas

but you know what would be better is if I just didn't give a fuck what I didn't care what I ate in a day Like, I was just like... Yeah, but you are a foodie, so I think that's gonna, like, you do like looking at recipe books.

You like recipes, you like food. Yeah, but I don't think that's why. I'm not looking at it. You're not looking at it for the right reason. I know. It's like, it taps into the 15 year old me that, like, would be like, that would read magazines because it was like,

here's the diet of like ex-celebrity, which is like essentially all coded language for how you get thin or at that time just overt language for how you get thin and it's like thinness is nothing end goal, my friends. And we also know the secret is two bowls, a special k and nothing. Everybody knows it.

Just remember that and you'll be fine. It's not that hard. I tell you who I'm loving on Instagram at the moment. Her name is Kirstie and she does plus size travel vlogs. Okay. And like she came up my algorithm and then someone had like mentioned her and I watched it. I just love her. She's like so her vibe is she's a big old gal and she's just traveling around having a great

time and she's like I always thought England but she's like I always thought like I would travel when I was thinner, when my body would be able to, like, be on, like, in the world, easier. They wouldn't have to worry about when I fit places, but I feel welcome. And then she's like, but then I thought, fuck it, I'll just go traveling. Yes. And she's, like, sharing all these tips as well as just sort of like, just like getting on a plane and be like, hey, can I have a seatbelt extend her?

And they're like, yeah. And she's like, it's that easy. Yeah. It is that simple. And like talking about, and now she started organizing, like, her own trips that people can go on where she's like, I will do everything for you. This is a plus-spy friendly trip. I'll make sure every chair.

is accommodating for you every bed you will not be made to feel uncomfortable at any one point it will book your plane seats like everything will be accommodated to you and I just think she's fucking fire like she's just doing I hate that you need to have like

somebody to assist you to have the fucking world accommodate for different bodies and when I look at her I'm like we're quite similar sizes but like I also think like I'm so lucky that I hadn't my brain didn't do that route of like oh I can't do that because I'm fatter Like, luckily that hasn't like got into my distance

But I was like, that makes so much sense for so many people Yeah, oh but I've, but isn't it funny? Hmm, how do I say this in a way that's like, let's be clear I'm not a fat person nor do I pretend to know anything about the struggles of living in a fat body In a world that is intensely cruel to people Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that is systemically fucked for fat people. Well, it's cruel for fat people, but we've always got a lot of great food running around the world at the moment

Hey, and I ain't arguing with that, but what I would say is I think a lot of women have lived their lives waiting to be a specific size before they give themselves Yes. And I think that, I can only imagine how much worse that is when the world also goes, oh, this isn't for you.

Like, yeah, like, you know, my rules are self-made or have been, whereas like the fucking universe is going. Oh, yeah, no, and also there's no seat for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also there's no clothes for you. And also it's like, fuck off. So I love Kirky.

I'll follow her. I'll follow her. I've traveled a lot. Kirsty, I want to say Kirsty Leanne travels. But if you're like, and I've got to say, I really have not.

I've done research before. Kirsty Leanne travels. Great. Kirsty plus side travel. Yes, please. She her hers. She is fucking great. Okay, great.

Well, we should follow. But like the world. is accommodating if you're willing to ask for the accommodation you need. But also at your size, right? There are lots of people who are much better. That's the thing. Yeah, yeah. I also think I'm on that, like, size where like...

I think there's, like, a difference between, like, being able to buy clothes and shops and being able to buy clothes exclusively from one internet provider. That's the thing. Yeah, yeah. You know, I think there's... So, yeah, I hear what you're saying. So follow Kirsty Leanne Travels if you want some goodness on your feed. Yes, please.

She was like, there was one video recently where she was like, I was worried as a fat person. I wouldn't be able to just... like get on the back of a moped and travel around with a tiny little Asian man and then she does. Yeah! And she's like, it was fine. It just held on.

Obviously a bit of a trickier ride for him but I had a thought it was right then. Yes! Yes, seriously, I love her, I love her, I love her, I love her. That's a gather fucking moped, babe. Yes, I love. Jadour, yes, please. Oh my God, what I should have answered actually

not least because it would be less depressing. On this peppy pod would be... This episode 75, we've got to do real talk. Yeah, would it be... The plague happened. For hundreds of depressing. It wasn't just like a year, 300 years. Hell and nobody else is.

Awful. There were ships. There were ships coming into ports and one person left living on them. Curly girl videos. That's what I should have said. Curly girl videos. If there's literally a single redhead with curly hair

doing a video on her hair regime, I'll watch it. I'll watch it. I'll watch it. I'll absolutely watch it. There's a girl I follow and I'm like, I will watch her do. She has the most amazing girl.

The most... Will I ever do what she says? Nah, but will I watch her do it every single time I freaking will. Hell yeah. You must get loads of Iceland ones now as well. No, it's mainly the curly girls. It's a lot of curly girls.

So it's a lot of red-headed girls with amazing hair. And then Florence Pughey in a day. And then, yeah, it's a lot of women make me feel bad about myself. And now that I follow Aubrey Gordon, it's a lot of Aubrey Gordon. Who's Aubrey Gordon?

Aubrey Gordon is the co-host of maintenance phase. She's a fat girl about 10. as she refers to herself and Fat Gell About Town and she's just fucking brilliant. Love it. She's brilliant. I just put her book actually because I ran out of the podcast. So I'm excited to read it.

But she's just amazing. I love her. I love this for you. You're getting into fat stuff and I'm getting into war. Okay. Well, when you... Can I say when you put it like that? Like, I don't know that I want to phrase it as I'm getting into fat stuff.

You're getting into fat stuff. That feels like I'm getting into porn hub. How does that... I'm making sound like you're going into Pornhub. Do you don't say I'm getting into fat? You're getting into fat content. We love to see it. And I'm getting into war and the black death and plagues and genocides and dictators.

I am deep in fat content of the movie. I talked about dictators on stage the other day. You've got to stop doing it. I am changing. See how I'm getting into fat stuff but I'm not like this is my cause. I should probably be, I should probably do a show about this. People want to hear from me on this job. my cause.

They're my main subject to discuss and stay. Only because I share a star sign with so many. You got it. Oh, I heard you talk about the sausage. I actually liked it. It's good, isn't it?

I thought it was a little, there was a moment where you were like sort of insinuating the I was a dictator. Well, no, the dictators were sort of like did all that stuff

because they're just like fiery boys. And I felt like, oh, let's, ah, mm, but no, I did enjoy very much. But they are fiery boys.

A lot of them are fire signs. I think we do have to look into that. I'm a Leo. I'm not a dictator. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm not a dictator, but I think we're both adjacent. We do a podcast and we're like, please listen to us and love us and give us a rate. Actually, do give us a rate and review online. And I wouldn't mind some gifts. And we'll take a five star and we'll take a gift 100%. And definitely, like, follow us us and everything would be amazing, but we don't expect you to come to a rally or something like that. The end of the day, we'd just like, chill about it. Like, we were going to vote for one of

us. Um, I love dictators. Hey, I can't believe I just said that. Can I tell you? I didn't mean that. No, I know. I know. I was going to blow past it, but I'm glad you apologize. But there's no dictator. I said it. Dictator, dictator, dictator. I can't get a dictator algorithm going on Instagram. I'm going to calm down. Can I tell you about last night, please? What did you do last? Bombas makes the most comfortable socks, underwear, and t-shirts. Warning, bombas are so absurdly comfortable you may throw out all your other clothes. Sorry, do we legally have to say that? No, this is just how I talk and I really love my bombas.

They do feel that good. And they do good, too. do. One item purchased equals one item donated. To feel good and do good, go to Bombas.com and use code audio for 20% off your first purchase. That's BOMBAS.com and use code audio at checkout. Great. I went and did the live Pappy show. Tell me everything. Pappy's flat slam debt. What's it called? Flat share.

Thank you. Flat slam. I was on Harry Hill. Yes, I love Harry Hill. Famously, very funny actually. He's the nicest man. He's so nice and really funny. Really nice and really funny. But here's what I'll say is.

So at one point you have to describe a famous car. I had to describe a famous car by singing along to the tune of a punk rock classic. So good. They're like, they sent me the song. I didn't know this, right? They just said, before they just said, can you familiarize yourself with this song? I thought I listened to the song one time. No, thanks.

And then I get there and they're like, okay. you have to describe sing it in front of everyone I don't remember it can I go to the corner and listen to it and they're like oh we'll just play it

and I was like oh fuck I don't know I don't know I don't know it like this is really stressful and they're like how do you not know what everyone knows

I was like so I try to play it on my phone and they're like this embarrassing just played in the room they played in the room this entire room of let's be honest men start singing

everyone sings every single fucking word of this song wait what's the song Teenage kicks the undertones oh come on babe everyone knows

that song. I don't know that song. Okay, but that feels like a you thing. And that became apparent, shall I say? That became very apparent. But it was like, it was like what, like everyone was acting like I was crazy and I was also

like shocked. They all knew it like shocked. Yeah, so you got aggressive and defensive. Obviously. They're like, I want to hold you. I was like, fuck you! Everyone in this room is wrong apart from me. Everyone, I'm outnumbered significantly, but I'm right. You're right. You've got no dictate qualities whatsoever.

Anywho, it was embarrassing. I had a hard and stressful time. I love pappies. If you don't listen to Pappies, you should listen to it. I like the one that I've now figured out is called Ben. Even though we've got a beef with them. The one who's called Ben is actually nice. Oh, Ben's so cute.

They're all cute. I think I'm the Matthew Crosby of the group. Oh, 100%. Em just broke something. Em just broke something. Emma. That was nothing to do. Em broke something for the first time ever.

Is that because you want me to talk more about the play? Hello, thank you so much for listening to Trusty Hearts. Thank you so much. We just wanted to jump in really quickly and give our patron a little plug because it is thriving over there. Yeah, thanks so much to everyone who's joined and if you want to join us,

there's no pressure, please enjoy the podcast otherwise, but if you do want to join us, there's so many benefits, you get an early access to the episode, you get an extra episode a week, and you also get early access to our live shows. Now, the last one sold out in under 24 hours, so you want to be a patron

and if you want to come to the one on June 4th, which will be on sale very soon. Please join, please sign up, please get a ticket. And hey, thanks to everyone who has already. And just a reminder, if you sign up now, there are over 70 extra episodes

that you can access immediately. How many? Over 70, Catherine. It's unbelievable, but for now, please continue enjoying Trustee Hog. Bye. problem. I'd love to. I'm just trying to think if I've got

anything more from history to tell you. I don't want you to. Actually, I would like... I don't want you to. I would like the listeners, they think there's a period of history that I would like to learn about to please send it in. Because I'm interested in learning more. I'm listening to a podcast you might like it's called if books could kill. No, thank you.

Okay. Yeah, it's good. Why could books kill? It's about the negative impact of some of the most famous books. So they did like, women are from Venus, men are from Mars. They did. The Secret. They did. It's good. I didn't read these books.

No, no, I haven't read them either because why would I read the secret? I haven't read them. Yeah, but it's still interesting. You know culturally about them though, right? Is the secret the one where you put it out into the universe and happen? The secret is that if the reason you're poor is because you don't think about being rich enough. You don't try hard enough to think about being rich. It's genius.

It's phenomenal. It's phenomenal. Also, the secret has this, like, thing that's basically like, you don't need to know how it happens. And if you do ask how it happens, then it won't happen for you. you're like this whole philosophy of just put it out to the universe and it'll happen

I've got friends that genuinely believe that you want a man Helen are they also millionaires are they also millionaires? No they live in like fucking hook but you know the people who are like

you're like or like they're like smoke and hot and you're like I just think it's like about being positive and you're like get the fuck on. Oh yeah yeah it's inside

it's inside and it's a nose job like actually shut the fuck up it's jeans you're beautiful on the inside what happened you're beautiful on the outside, too, you fucking do. I'm fine. Can I wear

your hair clips please? Yeah. Thank you very much. Um, um, wait, do you have knits? Could you? I don't have knits. Obviously I don't have knits. Um, can I have a war problem please? Um, don't have any of those? Oh well. Yeah, good. Good for you. Um, no. If any of our listeners are currently in a war zone, please send us in a message.

Uh, I'd love to hear from you. That feels quite low priority. Yeah, well, low priority, but like, if you wanted to. Helen? Yeah. You think anybody's listening to us in a war zone? You never know. Why would you listen to something that makes you more stressed? I don't know. I don't know. Oh, God.

Why do I even bother anymore? Okay. Ready? Nice to make friends from different places. Yes, ready. Okay, so this is from Elle. Hi, Elle. Hi, Elle. I'm low-key addicted to this podcast. Woo-hoo.

For being inspiring yet hogish delights. Why low-key? Key it up, babe. High-key it. Isn't low-key like the cool way of saying hi-key for people? Yeah, I think that's it. Oh. We see you, Elle.

Thank you very much. Do you just do that to be, do you just do like two people? For youth. For youth. Yeah. You're low-key, so you... You want to go on the Tick-Tac-Tocs? That's Tick-T-T-T-T-T-T for the younger generation.

Tick-Tac-T-T-T-T. Make a stop. Please, Jesus. That's fine. Let's have some Fanta and play cards. Sorry, that was so unnecessary. Go on. My problem is that I'm also low-key in love with a long-term romantic friend.

Oh, did you think it was going to be one of us? Wait, low-key in love with... Long-term romantic friend. What's a long-term romantic friend? friend. I guess like friends with benefits. Yes, someone they've been dating, but in love. I'm looking in love with a long-term romantic friend who is the only individual in my life who doesn't have the same basic ethics and political standing as me. Here we go. During the referendum days, he was a vocal yes supporter and alienated not only me, but loads of his friends by guessing

into Jordan Peterson and Joe Rogan, to name a few. At the same time, he was coming out as by and clearly going through quite a lot of transitions, which in some ways explained his reaction reviews, even if they weren't justified. equally we had I'm just going to put the heater on I'm not walking in that's absolutely fine equally we had and have an unparalleled physical collection

and share a long distance codependency which is admittedly not entirely healthy but it's something that gives me a lot of pleasure and energy in life because we live apart it doesn't really encroach much on my life to lean into the complexity of us seeing each other as seeing each other non-exclusively but am I immoral for sleeping

with the enemy P.S I'm a queer woman five years his senior he's a cis man who was homophobic when we met but now enjoys sucking all with ick what a good problem I love that you couldn't even handle it I was just going to get the heater it doesn't need to warm up this is insane

oh my god I don't even know where to start like number one incredible that your brain is able to fall in love with someone who clearly inherently technically you cannot stand but you still love them but you can't like this is I don't find that that difficult to imagine we're friends

I love you so much you're my princess oh my god okay right where do we start where do we start number one you can't help who you fall in love with and that's a great example

you can't help it though you can choose to pursue it or not you can choose to pursue or not which is what the question is but you can't only if you think love is a feeling and numb action But, like, I've been in love with people who haven't loved me back

and I found it very hard to fall out of love with them. So, like, even when it's not... Love or, like, fixation. No, like, someone's like... I've had my heartbroken from someone who... Yeah. Like, wasn't a love from, like, not vice versa. Yeah.

So, like, I do think you can be in love with someone and have that be a thing, but also like be actively not wanting it. I also just think this person's, you're judging yourself harder than I think anybody else is judging you. Like there's a lot of self-judgment here of like, so what I'm hearing is that he was homophobic,

was pro-Brexit. Yes. Has come out. Presumably has evolved and changed. May still have a stance on, like a nationalist stance on. borders. I'm not sure that has anything to do with like relationship based ethics or like how he treats you or how he treats people in his life. Like are. So what are you saying? If it's love

go for it? I'm not saying that. I'm just saying like I'm not sure where all the self. I wouldn't date him but that doesn't, I don't know why all of that why that has anything to do with whether not she'd date him. Because there's the moral quandary. I understand the moral quondry. But is it, but like you do not understand it? I don't understand it. I don't. do you understand it but I'm not sure that I necessarily think that like on a binary political issue there are we can say that like individual people are the enemy as like I think like I would say the enemy and Brexit was political misinformation Europe no no no could you imagine as it always bloody is there we go I just I don't know I just think it's like a strange

dynamic. I think like I honestly think if you actually dated this man if he lived in this country and you started dating I think very quickly you'd be like if he is if he is consistently this person across lots of other moral issues you quite quickly find him unattractive. True.

But I actually think the narrative of like can I should I is actually making him sexier that's what it is. It's the forbidden fruitness of it. Yeah. be like oh no I shouldn't because he's so like he's he didn't have these opinions it's like you can't fuck a tori i promise you you'll wake up and be like oh jesus they really still are a tory and then you'll be like yeah yeah yeah if you are like he was so homophobic a couple of years ago he's crazy like like a i think people can grow and be if he remains actually homophobic whilst being

queer then i think you'll be eventually like turned off by that but isn't that like not uncommon for people who like is similar the most sexist people you meet could be women the most homophobia people you can meet could be queer. Internalized homophobia like yeah. If you were taught that you as a group are a problem where there's like an acceptable

way to behave as like that you should try to assimilate as quickly as possible and as much as possible then like overt queerness is going to threaten you obviously and you're going to learn internalized homophobia. I'm really curious to see how this works out I think you do have to like to get over it which to be honest it sounds to me like you're wanting to get over it like you don't want this feeling but it is there like run with it and that will probably quash it by itself but I'm not sure I buy that like every I don't know that I don't know about romantic relationships I would take a different probably not find this person attractive but like I don't know that I buy that like all of our and I don't think it's healthy that all of the people in our life have this same.

political views as us were a reflect The problem the well wouldn't really solve Yeah, that's true But she could get in the well with him And see who dies first No, no, no, I don't want you going in the wellie Okay Oh my god, I tell you who could go in the well

Boris Johnson But to circle back to my point Because of Brexit While I don't think that I Well I would not want to be in a jungle With fucking George Osborne I do think like That has such a throwback of a name

That was awesome you had the name George Osborne The streams of like I think you were like when we talk about like utter extremes like Farage and like Johnson or like left leaning equivalence I think that like

it's very easy to be like these two people could never get on but like the rest of us most here in like a and I'm like very lefty but are in a hodgepodge of nuance and I think if we stop talking to each other like it's so fucking hard to know what to do

conversations do need to happen I just don't know that you but also I don't know that like I get it though I don't want to fall in love with that I mean, I haven't, but I also don't want to. I don't want to, like, could you imagine if, like, the next person I fell in love with was, like, a raging, like, Tory who thinks that, like, you know, women shouldn't have abortions? Like, I'd be like, oh, for, are you fucking kidding? Yeah.

Steve! But I don't think you would. Come on. I don't think you'd fall in love with Steve. But you don't know. I fall in love with some absolute fucking dwebs. But loads of people have, like, slightly different views on things and, like, still manage to get on. Do you think it's good for eat?

maybe put herself in the shoes of like, Eva Braun like what it was like for women with the past. No, no, no, no, no, no, enabling dictators. No, but just identify with like, you know, like, I'm sure she wasn't like, oh, I really hope I. I don't know that we should compare a man

who was pro-Brexit to Hitler. Yeah, no, but like just sort of vibes is what I was going for. I don't think that's the same, but I think this is the problem is like when we paint people into like our view equals extreme view, then I don't know that we get anywhere. So was this person just pro-brex?

set just below um so i think they're also like listening to joe rogan and jordan peter oh my god i forgot those details yeah i you want them to get in the bin um well those are bad men well those are bad men yeah those are bad men but they're designed to fill a gap but here's the problem right joe rogan and jordan peterson thrive in a context where we exclude the men who find them appealing from conversations in norm in like in real life because nobody listens to them and because nobody treats them with any, like, empathy. And I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, but no one is some of the empathy they believe they deserve. No, look, I'm not being, I'm not saying, like, poor men for a second.

No, but it's one thing, the expectations of certain people to have power and them not receiving what they believe they were, like, society who brought them up to believe they would have. They get in their first nose now as adults. I agree. And they are being petulant about it because they've never faced this before. So it's new. I agree with you. Yeah.

Fuck, and those men are just so great. I'm having it every day with Sineal at home. No. Like just telling him his first nose. Like changing the channel and I'm like, no. And he's like, what? Because he's never faced it before. Wow, that's really...

He turned off the hills yesterday. Wow. Yeah. Silencing women. Silencing women. Silencing women. And Whitney and Elsie were having a conversation about Heidi.

Wow. Who, by the way, is a fucking night. You know what I'll be good? Heidi's a nightmare. Watch. Watch. the hills and picture

this person that you're falling in love with as Spencer Pratt or Bobby Justin Bobby Justin Bobby Oh no he's Spencer Pratt You don't want to have

10 surgeries in one day You don't want to do that So you're going to go to your mom in Crested Boot Colorado She's so sad And you got to go to your mom Do I look good Do I look good

And the mom says How do I tell you That I think you are more beautiful before Yeah Oh it's such a heartbreaking scene It's devastating. Devastating. You know what?

Forget all your problems. I just say watch the hills and just move on with your life. Did we answer this? Yes, yes. Something about men and then the hills. You're welcome. Problem solved by the hog.

Next problem. Listen to the Jordan Peterson episode of maintenance phase, the one that they do on him. Really? Mm-hmm. Okay. Problem number two.

I'm ready for it. I put my jumper on because I was cold. That's fine. You're allowed to layer up. Okay, thanks. You're welcome. Okay, thanks. You're welcome.

Reddy M. Ready M. This one's from you. You? Like the sheep or the TV show. Like Ursula. Like Ursula. Or Una.

Yeah, either of those. Or Undrew. I don't know. Undrew. Okay. Hi Hogs. Hi Hoggs. After some advice about dealing with a co-worker,

I recently swapped careers and finally got my first job in this field. Wait, let me start this again. Wait, advice from us? Yeah, it must be. Oh, hang on. They're after some advice, I think. Fine, you're right.

I think they're after some advice about a co-worker. They just quit their job and got a new job in a field that they obviously wanted to be in. Yes. Okay, go on. Okay, what do I know. You got it.

I'm after, imagine they've said, I'm after some advice about a coworker. Right, okay, are the Irish? Are they asking? It's very possible. Okay. No, I don't. Okay.

Okay. Maybe we need it on the accent. Maybe we'll make more sense. 45 minutes into trying to read the email. They got to the problem. Go on. Unfortunately, there is a cock juggling thunder cunt of a co-worker in the same team as me. Can you say that again?

Ten points of the description. Go for it again. I don't want to say it again. No, you're not yet. Yuggling thunder cunt. Yeah, there we are. Cogguggling thundercund. You're a guy.

You're a cock-juggling thundercund. Thank you so much. That's the best thing that anyone's ever written to us. That's phenomenal. Phenomenal. They were originally my line manager, but due to not being able to organise a piss up in a brewery

have since been relieved of this, D.C. Amazing. They have directed all of their insecurities and abilities onto other members of the team, and I wanted some advice on whether to speak up for them. They are quite submissive, class of people, or whether to stay out of it. I don't want to be seen as a troublemaker,

but also don't want to sit back and watch it happen. as I know what a hugely negative impact this person's actions have had on my confidence in mental health. Any suggestions would be great. Love the podcast. Keep up the great work. Oh my God. You be a troublemaker. I honestly, I could not have someone's back more than I have yours right now.

Yeah. I mean, I do too, to be fair. My only thinking is, my only thinking is. End them. End them. Make them cry for mercy. No, may I say that I'm with you to a degree, but here's how, can I just say? Oh, God.

Here we go. First of all, everyone's going through something different. No, no, I wasn't going to take everyone's perspectives into our hands. I wasn't going to say that at all. I was going to say that at all. Certainly wouldn't say whoever was X in that was. No, I was going to say two things. The first is, when you're new, I understand the trepidation

about wanting not to be the troublemaker because you're like, I just got here, I just want to do my job, I want to learn how to do my job, and I don't want to become like everyone's fucking advocate. So I do get that. But what I would say is, I don't go anywhere anymore without receipts. so if I were you I would personally I'm young I know the phrases if I were you I would start now writing down when things happen

no because if you go in there and you go it is my opinion that they go well we'll monitor it or oh it's like a it's like a you said they said I think there's something in being make friends with HR now no I think you go to HR when you have like five examples of dates and times so that then you're like it's not like this isn't a matter of opinion this is like a genuine concern of things that are happening to my co-workers

and I think absolutely advocate for them but I just think go in this is such an example of you fighting clean and me fighting dirty I'm like go for their eyes and rip their skull off no you're organizing a jewel and you're meeting at 9-8 at sunrise even you are no I'm organizing a scalping

you're like with their skull off I'm like Peel it off. Peel it. It's too measured for me. But it's so much more effective. Okay. I'd start doing things like taking animal shit into work and putting it in the toilet after they've been in there and be like, did you see what they just fucking did?

I think you want to keep the job, though. No one's going to know it's because it's animal shit. They can't trace it back to you with DNA. I think I... Don't use your dog, obviously. It'll be a moron. But like, ruin them. Like, make them question every...

Gath like them. Make them think of them. they're going mad. Make them feel like they're losing their mind. The thing is they are losing, right? Like they've already been demoted in the time that you've been there, which is a short period of time. So obviously there's some reference point at HR level

or managerial level that this person is not competent. But I think what you want to do in terms of like proving that they're creating a hostile working environment is I do think you need, I think you need proof. Not proof, but like at least like records. What are things you can get in trouble for at work? Setting off the fire alarm when there. There's no fire. People don't like that, do they?

No, but usually they will catch you if it's you who don't know. Not unless you get their fingerprints on a pair of gloves and wear them. Something to think about. Feels like a crazy, can't believe it. I just have to think about the word thunder cunt. I'm just really happy with that. Cock juggling thunder cunt is so fun.

What do you, um, em, whose perspective would you take, do you think? Um, I think like, I mean, Catherine's is more sensible. Sorry, Catherine's is more sensible. Realistically, that one's going to work. I think I'd obviously have the most fun gas-lising them. Yeah, sure.

M. A lot of homework and a lot of note-taking, including post-it notes and timestamps. No, it just involves like a notebook. Tell you what is really fun. You know when someone's like standing up and making coffee or getting a drink of water? You go out behind them and you just like whack the back of their knee and because they're not expecting it, their whole body collapses underneath them. Or like, you know, or you've dropped.

that someone better down to get something and you hold their head down and it's like the weakest position do you remember that at school so I think you should get fired for bullying physical bullying physical bullying this is yes and like they they fall they go to get something and you hold their head down and they're just like squirming what school did you go to court more in fleet hampshire it sounds like an absolute like lovely dead of iniquity we've got flower beds and that were the polars yes you remember me so well

But I do think there's so many ways to, like, humiliate and belittle someone. And I think that is the best way to do it. Also, everyone loves a classic, like, leg out, fall over. No, I don't think everyone loves the bully. I don't think you should become the problem. It's not bullying. It's a fool. You didn't push them.

They fell. I will never believe that you drive me mad by accident anymore. Do you know that? Oh, I'm doing everything on purpose. Yeah. The problem with that is it requires me to believe you to have a level of intelligence. that I have as yet afforded you. You know I'm very smart.

You know I'm very smart. You might be a conniving cow. You think. A conniving cow of a cock juggling, thundercunt is what you are. I'd love to be a cock juggler, because you imagine if I had a sex drive enough to cock juggle. Oh, you think that would have to be... I'm more like a finger juggling, thundercut, like always just fingering myself. How is that juggling?

Hello? I wouldn't have thought of the cock juggling as a... as a sexual act as much as like that of a celebratory behavior of a like a scorned woman like now that you've cut the cocks off you juggle them Sineal's trying to blast my car off the moment

squeeze me what? He's got a therogun and he's trying to blast my clip off with it He's like don't use that on your clip or blast it off But that doesn't really sound like he's trying to do that He's trying to ask you not to use a therogon On my vagina, yeah

Nice than you, I wish you all the best Honestly I think you can do Catherine's way Or my way but either way you'll thrive I think my way's more fun I think you're always toxic. It's toxically fun. We can't always look at toxicity is a bad thing. Being toxic towards a toxic person is good

because it's two negatives make a positive. Is that right? Did two wrongs make a right? Two wrongs make a right. No, no. They don't. They famously don't, do they? There you go.

Two rights rarely make another right. What? Hello. Help me out here. Two wrongs. But what's a double negative then? Is it a positive? Yeah.

Yeah. So they're being negative, you're negative to them, the situation's then positive. No, I think you're misunderstanding the context in which that phrases is. Okay. How? It's like two negatives in terms of statement rather than two negatives as in sentiment. Okay. They're a thunder cunt.

You become a thunder cunt. Everyone happy. Hello? You let us know how you get on, babe. Email. us when you make a decision. I think if it doesn't, you'll soon be telling us your name and age

and I can't. Like, it's going to be a reintroduction to you. Do you still want to hang out? Oh, I never want to hang out. I thought we just worked together. But we hung out so good. We hang out so good. We went dancing at Annia's birthday, that was cute. We should talk about some of the extras. We should wrap this up for now. Okay, bye. Okay, bye. Thank you so much

for listening. Subscribe on YouTube. Thank you.