Trusty Hogs - Ep76. JANINE HAROUNI / Pants, Percy Pigs & St Paddy's Day

Episode Date: March 16, 2023

Janine Harouni joins us this week, who other than being a phenomenal guest is a true Blockbuster actor (The Batman) and a sensational stand-up (Edinburgh Best Newcomer Nominee). We discuss the new M&S confectionary based underwear range, the upcoming St Patrick's Day, and expose the truth behind big SPF...FOLLOW JANINE: @JanineHarouniThank you so much for listening!Support us at https://www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Simon Moores / Guy Goodman / Mary Fox / Annie Tonner / Sarah Jarque-Deakin / Oliver JagoPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Emma Walton / Karen & David Bull / Harald van Dijk / Eddie Doyle / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Anthony Conway / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Jo Holmes / Sarah & Molly / Alex Pugh / Josie W / Amy / Cordelia / Raia Fink / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Sophie Chivers / Graham Marsh / Emily Gee / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Kie Web / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / LeahWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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I'm having a genuinely amazing hair day You really are Have I ever looked cuter When you walked up For anyone who's just listening It is like curled fabulousness It's like the modern version of bad Sandy That's what it is

Do you remember that curled like iconic look? Oh my god that's so nice Any kind of Sandy reference is honestly Such a compliment One time Charlie Clive told me I look like both good and bad It was like wow That's all I wanted to ever achieve it Because she's fucking gorgeous

I know. It's so nice. Hey, you're wearing a green jumper. I'm wearing a green jumper. It's almost like we knew. It was St. Patrick's Day on Friday. Happy St. Patrick's Day. Don't say it like that. So close, though.

Welcome to Trustee Hogg. Through the fog. Step forth the trusty hogs. Yeah. You're going to give them your problems and they will solve them. Or maybe they won't. And that's your problem. They'll have guests.

and Andrew White on the tech Oh, it's Helen and Catherine As the trusty hugs Trust the trusty hogs Or maybe not Welcome to Trustyoll Oh, for anyone new Hi

Hi Thank you for joining us I'm sorry Andrew who does our editing and podcasting Andrew, are you Have you ever opened a sweet louder? I'm so sorry Oh my God

Look Andrew wasn't here last week I brought some sweets in America He wants to try one Yeah, but could you have done it off air? Could he have chosen a quiet or sweet? Wow, we are choosing violence against men today, huh? Sorry. No, don't be sorry to me.

I'm sorry, it's my apology. Hello, welcome to Trustee Hogg. Thank you, Andrew. If you are new to the show, this is the vibe, yep. It's just three friends arguing with each other. Exactly. No, we tell you about our frankly okay lives. And if they don't make you feel better,

but we always think we deal with your problems and help you solve those. And that's the best we can do it. We also have wonderful guests on today. We've got the incredible Janine Harini. I'm so excited. But she'll be coming on to chat with us and then we're going to solve one of your bloody problems.

Yeah, class. Here we go. A bloody listener problem. How about you solve ours? Well, can we talk about you? Okay. Because you're very sniffly today. I know, poor Helen.

I don't love it. Well, I don't, I'm not thriving with it either. I know, you just get a bit more spittily when you're sniffling. I know. The moisture really like... And then I'm across from you and I don't love it. Well, I've got the sniffling. And I spent the whole day in yesterday, like the whole day because I was like, right, I need to, I just thought if I had a full day of rest, much like Jesus, he had three though, classic him.

But if I had a full day, you know when he had the days of rest before he came out from the rock? You mean, don't even try and make it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Before he was risen. Before he was risen, yeah, the three days of rest. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Well, Sunday's also the day of rest.

God, you bloody Christians, you're not easy, is it? It's not easy. I'm not like Christian anymore. Mixes in together. Okay, look fine. Okay, so. So I had a full, I was really sniffly and I was doing, I was in Brighton all weekend, like, gigging, gigging,

running around and I was like, fuck me, I just need a day in. And on Sunday, we did you do self-tape? Sunday I came to yours, probably at the height of what I thought was not a sickness that might have been. It was very clear you were sick, but you were like, I thought it was, I was like, you seem like you need a minute, and you're like, I'm fine, I'm fine, came all the way up to yours, and I was like, what am I doing? Please don't put your hands near me. Oh my God.

I'm fine. I'm just going to sniffle. I'm like, oh my God, she's doing me. Here's the thing. You came to mind to do a self-tape. Yes. And may I say? Thank you. I thought that was going to be a compliment for a jump tape.

Before you thank me, may I say, you're the most chaotic self-taper I have ever experienced. No. Really? Helen, you had a cigarette between every tiny scene. Yes, to remember. You didn't learn the lines before you got them. Oh, that was you learned.

Yeah. Okay. That's the saddest thing I genuinely For anyone who doesn't know A self-tape is something that we do sometimes To get like acting roles So we can like be in stuff

And they send you over Audition, don't stop it They send you over audition sides And then you have to like film yourself Doing the scene Because it used to you go into audition But it's all like blah blah blah And I don't do them very often

And usually I just do them at home with my housemate And I've done one with you before You're very professional You mean I learned the lines and like Locked towards the camera The thing I'd learnt my lines Yeah

It was funny to me when you called me Or messaged me and were like Hey can I come to yours for a self-tape I was like that's very unusual And also like it's a big check out of your way to come to mine I was like yeah why And you're like basically The character who has to read into me

Is too upbeat for Sineal to do this He just can't get to that level of energy Look we all have we all use our housemates Or partners to do self-tapes with My housemate is just just not, he does not fit in with the vibe of my self-tapes and vice versa. So Neil's self-tapes are always like, man in taxi, man on street, man who works at scientists' office, and it's just like just a couple of lines of just nothing, whereas mine

are always like, some women filled up of gack running around the street screaming with her tits out, and then he's having to read in like, woo, yeah, you're a fucking legend. He's just like, woo, yes, you go, girl. Yeah, no. And it's so hard to respond to it. It's like, I can see how this would not work. Also, all of myself tapes are just, like, tragic lesbians. Oh, for sure.

So you're leaving, is it? We're like, no, Dad, please love me. It's also so much. Didn't we do one for you where you were, like, a massage therapist? Do you remember this? Like, a years ago. I've had one novel character of cancer in. Yeah, and you were like, welcome in.

Yeah, how did you not get it? I don't know, babe. I don't know. You're such a fun massage therapist. I think I'd be a fun. masseuse but I think I might talk too much don't you think that you want a quiet energy when you're having a massage you don't want like a

hey so I'd love if you liked me are we starting on your shoulders have you ever had that though had like a beauty therapist who's like there for the bands 100% and I've had to I've genuinely been more stressed coming out of a massage than going into them because I've been like I know I seem like a chatty gal

but actually when I'm lying down I just want to relax me I want everyone to be like a nail technician in South London You sit down, you point in your colour and then it's silence. Exactly. Unless she's speaking in a different language to mock me to somebody else, which I totally get

because she's not paid enough to be there for that. Do you always assume they're mocking you? 100%. Also, sometimes they are pointing at me. You know what I mean? It's like, I get it. Or like, you pick your colour and then they talk about how you clearly shouldn't wear that colour and you're like, okay, hey, okay, and you know what? Fair enough, fair enough.

I just think you were amazing at the self-tape. You helped me so much. It was a pleasure, but then you went home and you... Yes. Took care of yourself? I went home and I had a really good... Well, this is the thing. You know, when you're feeling sick and miserable,

you sort of go like, oh, I'll do something nice for myself, so I feel better in that... So I've got it to look forward to. Yeah. I don't, because I know you're going to be upset with me. So don't be upset. Promise you won't be upset.

What are you just about to say? 450 pounds on a private sound of music tour of Salzburg. Hell and in one day you spent... I know. Andrew, don't do that. Yeah, I know. You have a mild cold. I know.

But I needed to feel happier. Helen, you have a mile tall. Is it one-on-one when you say private? Yeah. Well, no, no, no. So it's like someone comes and gets us in a minivan, and it's me, two girlies from school, and Samil Patel.

Hang on, a minivan? A minivan, yeah. Well, I wanted to do, I wanted to do the cycling tour, but it doesn't start until bloody April. Helen. Yeah, I know, it's a lot. Can you get a refund?

I'm serious. I honestly, that's the worst thing. When I was going to sleep, I was thinking, like, oh, no, I'll refund it in the morning. But I'd already messaged Ellie Salt and Emma Black from school being like, guess what I've done? And I was like, don't pay for it. Just, like, contribute if you want to, but don't pay for it. That's an outrageous decision you made on everyone else's behalf.

And, like, by the time I woke up in the morning, they were like, fucking, yeah, this is going to be amazing. And I was like, I can't take it away from the girlies now. It's too late. Okay, those three have a different vibe to me. Can I just say, by the way, I hate when you do this on the podcast, because you know what I'm about to say. It's frivolous spending, isn't it?

What are we going to do? There's a financial crisis. Well, also, what else are we about to ask? What are we going to ask? Oh, to give to the patron. I know, and you must, you must, because I'm really, I'm out of control. You have to help us. Helen.

For just five pounds a month, you can help me feed my habit. Helen, this is a problem. I know. Andrew and I are like, we want to pay our rent. I made a crazy call. Why? But this is the thing. Mike, can I just explain myself?

I don't think it's going to be good enough explanation. Because it's my, it is right. It will be on the day of my birthday, March 25th. 32nd. That's not important. Wow, that's mad. 32 is important. How so?

Because that's five years from when Jesus died. Oh. Because he was 37, wasn't he? There you guys. It's all Jesus. I'm bringing it back for Paddy's Day. No, Paddy's Day isn't Jesus as it. He wasn't 37, was he, Andrew?

I believe he was. I believe he was 33. Yeah. Oh, one year. One year, even more of a big birthday. But this is my concern is that I, I've always, okay. We're best friends.

We're best friends. So for anyone. So basically, right, the other option is a massive coach. Yeah, I've used to calm down. I'm really panicked. Okay. Well, you've spent 400 and 50 pens and I think you know it's a terrible choice

and that's what's happening. Yeah, I don't have any work at the moment. Yeah. So, but the other option is to go on a big coach which takes you around to the sound of music stop. But is that reasonable and affordable? Yeah. but then you are at the whim

of the time of everyone else and the coach so they might be like right 10 minutes of the 16 going on 17 Pagoda Pagoda Gizbo Pagoda But how long That song's about five minutes long So you need to do the whole song

Well I need time to do this Yeah ideally Photos and the whole song Because me and Emma Black want to do each song in each place Can I say I'm in full I've said my I put in my two cents I think that that was a crazy expenditure

I don't think I think there should have been a nicer vehicle than a minivan Yeah Well I mean it might be a nice mini van I don't think there's a world in which that tour Could be worth that I don't know

I don't know like well spent It could be like a really fun person Taking us around Or a very angry Austrian man Yeah it could also It's like a furious bore But hey listen I wish you well

And I'm trying to be sensitive Because Helen I know it's been a tough week for you, because aside from the sniffles, I feel like I should say... Is that the message you sent me you're talking about? Yeah. Rest and peace. Rest and peace, Mystic Meg.

Awful. You're okay? Awful. Do you reckon she saw it coming? Hey. I hate you. No, I'm not happy with that either. It's just a part of the, you know,

occult world that I live in has left us. Yeah. And I always assumed I'd work with her. She's in about... I assumed you'd work with her somehow. She's in about five pictures I've had for like TV shows and radio shows me and Mystic Meg going around yeah um we have do actually you asked the last week about American listeners and stuff we have we've had people messaging from San Jose and Maine so we've got

a lot of international listeners would you like to explain who Mystic Meg is to our abroad oh listen up Yankees she was everything she she she was on the lottery every single weekend when we were growing up on the lottery TV show and she'd do predictions about the future and she was just gorgeous she was a psychic with a very heavy fringe very very into purple, so you can see where we got our aesthetic from. She was incredible. She often used an actual crystal ball.

You must. You must. No, I would say nothing she wore was like, I think she was exclusively dressed in highly flammable, sort of fake milks. Yeah. Yeah, a woman of,

kind of a national treasure, as it were. More than a national treasure. Yeah, and it's tough because it's coming up to British Mother's Day. And I thought, oh, one of the most significant women in Helms- sort of raised me. I've only got Lois from Malcolm in the middle left now.

Oh my God, I love her. That's the woman I can get behind. Did Misting Meg ever? She was doing the lottery show. Did she ever predict the lottery numbers just before they did the lottery? I don't think so. That would have been mad, wouldn't it? Could you imagine if she actually did, though?

You missed Ellen and Charlie's birthday party. I know. They had a psychic. They had a psychic called Phoenix. And she was doing tarot card reading. Wait, are you fucking kidding me? Oh, the cue for Phoenix was crazy. So I missed the birthday party because I was gigging in Brighton, and there was a psychic there.

And you were both there. There was a psychic there. There was a pick and mix table there. There was a photo booth there. Okay, birthday parties are getting out of control. I know. It was wild. And then you're judging me for £450 on a sound of music tour.

That's mental. Well, no, it was their joint 30th. Okay, fair enough. And also, they, so they had this psychic. And honest to God, she didn't stop working all night. She was unbelievable. She, I don't really. Go on.

You know, I don't really believe in it. You do love it. But one of the people at the party came in, and my friend Jess was like I, my blood ran cold like I just got the chills talking to her She sat down and she was like I'm seeing a flat over a canal

and Jess lives in a flat over canal She was like, what? What? Like she's crazy good. Yeah, it was wild. I mean, I didn't go to her because I on the one hand don't believe in psychics

and on the other hand I'm like if they, let's just say they are real and this is my problem with Penelope I was wondering about this afternoon. We've got Penelope back in a couple of weeks so please. Okay, but I'm just saying Should, if people could tell the future, should we know it?

Yes. Oh, God. Should we? Yes. Yeah, because then you can like curb things to getting towards it. I don't know. Part of me thinks like maybe you're not supposed to know, even if somebody could tell you. But if you had like a big significant, I don't know, let me think of an example. If they said there will be a big car crash for you in Scotland.

Yeah. Then you wouldn't go to Scotland. I think I, mm. Right? Do you know what I mean? I think I just wouldn't get in cars in Scotland I have to go to the fringe. Okay yeah but trains just train. I'll just walk it. Then again car crash

you could just be hit by a car walking down the train. Wow you're awful I hate this anything could happen because it's a eulogy section. Remind me when Penelope comes in to you we're not doing mine in advance I hate you. When Penelope comes in remind me to ask her about whether or not she what her like moral stance on telling people to be obviously she believes she would. Oh that's worth asking yeah

how she makes that rationale but I think it depends on the person if you invite a psychic or a medium or anything into your life, then you're asking for that information. So obviously she knows they want to know. Helen? Yeah. I was going to my girlfriend's house recently.

Oh, so we're done with the grieving. We're done with a grieving. Just before we do, thank you, Missing Meg to rest. She never actually predicted the lottery numbers, but she did once very specifically, correctly guess who would win the lottery. What? Yeah.

What? What was that? What? What? What? What? Oh my God. What?

Who was that? What the hell? That's thank you for the tissue. That's so funny because I've been mocking, you know, I took Ellen home to meet my parents and she kept her accent. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But what? What? That's incredible that she knew. Was it just like, it's a guy in like Salsbury? No, she'd be like, so the prediction is like, somebody with the name Patch

or Kathy would win the prize and they buy a ticket at 6pm today. Fuck off. Yeah, stuff like that. And they did. And they did once. Just once. Slore of averages.

Law of averages. Did I tell you about the time my granny won the lottery? How did I tell you about the time my granny won the lottery? Big Jetpot in America. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was psychic. Well, my mum thinks that she was a witch and that were all witches.

And I think she won the lottery twice. Both times gave it away, bloody Christians. Here we go. What? But she was visiting... Christian witch. She was visiting some friends in America. That doesn't make any sense.

She'd known in the... It does if you don't think about it too much. She was visiting some friends in America who she knew from when she was... I think little like in Newcastle and they were like they were having like a really bad time like they were in a trailer park

like their son had been in a really bad car crash like just like everything was wrong my granny was like let me enter the lottery for you I'm really I'm good at this like I'm really good at there I'm really lucky and she won it and she got a house in Virginia with a they got a pool that had like

a thing you could walk towards so that the guy could do like physical therapy and then when I was like years later but when we were like 13 we went to go visit them and they put on like a big barbecue for us I think my grandma had died by this point

or maybe she wasn't but like either way they were like oh my god this is all because of your granny that kind of explains you a little bit which is that like you act like every paycheck is a prize win

and then spend it all on your friends when occasionally you should act like it's your income and like you will have to take every yourself in your old age yeah that's a good point yeah income is important but also memories are important as well

because otherwise what am I going to think about when I'm old and cold and you will be cold I will be gone. I'll be bloody chilly. No, me and Gwynis. Was it Gwyneth I was talking about us with? Like, just, I just assume I'm going to end up like one of those people who like,

no, it was you! Do you remember this? We're going to do this with summer in Florida, like winter in Florida even. I think we will. Whereas I think I'm going to end up having to have you in my house. Very south of France. Like a granny flat for you. Yes.

Oh, please do. I'm going to have to, probably. That would be so magical. I feel like it's got to be at least considered in my plans that I might have to. to look after you. Andrew, do you want to room at Catherine's as well? No, no, I can take... Yes, please. First of all, he's actually able to take care of himself and second of all, I can take care

of one of you at a time. I can't keep that many sweets in the house, lads. I do like... I know, but I think I'd probably need it more... Oh yeah, 100% I would definitely seed to you. So I'm significantly older than Andrew, so I'll need to move in earlier. So when I've died, Andrew can go in, how about that?

I think Andrew will in fact have done the financial kind of preparation you need to for old age. Yeah, but for company. Um, no. Okay, so... Okay. It's a thing to think about though, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Can I have an accessible bathroom, like a wet room. Just slide 80-year-old Helen into her.

Tits trapped under her fucking between her legs. Like, hey, I'm getting clean! When does your voice change to that? When do you suddenly become like, ah! Yeah, I don't know when it goes out a little... Ah! Can you check if Ellen's cord there? Just, just wanking literally everywhere I go, like,

I don't get a shit anymore. No, no, no, no. You can't get rid of me. You're right. Not if you're going to wank everywhere. Oh, where are I going to go when I'm older then? You can stay in mind if you just... Oh, God, it's going to be me and my fucking sister with like 200 hamsters lying around, isn't it? What? No.

That's going to be my future. Just the two of us with like a fucking cat called cheddar. Like, this is our best friend now, I guess. She likes the name cheddar for an animal now. I mean, it is a pretty good name for an animal. Okay, so here's the issue that I was trying to tell you. about, which is that I'm I'm having an evening off, I go to Ellen

I'm like, chill and fun. And she's been at... What, last night? No, no, the other day. And I was like... Sunday night? No, my God, what do I need to report to you? Which night I was... No, because I just thought you were going to stay in and watch a nice movie. Yeah. Ellen? Yeah. Last week, I was at my girlfriends. I wake up and I'm like trying, I hope you take this the wrong way, but when I'm not around you, I try not to think of you. Um, because I get

stressed and she's like oh um p.s i was at football last night i have a message for you and then she takes out her phone yeah and i there's a message that's like hey ellen yes that makes sense this is a message from helen for katherine oh yes no i that's me which is fucking terrified oh i know what this is like we went to her work in progress show yes thank you very much for coming to my work of progresses, by the way. And she'd like transferring to know that Percy Pigs have brought out underwear. Yeah, and Nicoline. And she'll expect it for her birthday.

Please let her know. Yes. So this is, I forgot to tell you this. This is brilliant. But here's the thing. You know what you could have done? This is Shiv. Okay, yeah.

Yeah, you know, it is Shiv. Yeah. But instead of telling Shiv to tell Ellen to tell me, yes. Why didn't A, you tell me? And B, do you think you can just request things for your birthday now? I think it makes it easier for everyone. I think we'd all be happy.

I think it does if I ask you what you want, but not if I don't. I don't. I might have an idea myself and also I'm not buying you pants we don't have that kind of relationship. That's mad. So I've listened to you now can I say my point of view? Fine. Okay. What happened? Sorry, Andrew. Sorry, but this is from my point

of view now. So maybe put the volume like up or something. My point of view is I was doing a preview by the way, thank you so much to everyone who's come to see us gig recently. It's such a joy. Oh my God, speaking of I have so many work and progresses in there all on my website and please can you come because I have the newest of new ideas and they're so tenuous and new and I need baby

I need like protective audiences to come see my baby ideas please come please come go and see all of us Andrew White Helen Bauer Catherine Bohart Google us Work and Progresses

but mainly catherinebohart.com but mainly Catherine and then booked to see me and Andrew mainly me okay so basically and then like Shiv was there and they were like

oh like do you remember me I'm the one? By the way she is like officially your present person because I was in you know what I meant yeah yeah that's the thing I'm walking inside

which is with my brother trying to have my own day off and I call me pets and then suddenly I have someone going I hope you have something for Helen and I'm like who are you? This is Shiv I love Shiv It's like a present pixie

Shiv and some of the people came to see my work in progress together and Gwyneth was there I was hanging up with Gwyneth but then no I wasn't a breed was there was a breed and then Shiv was like by the way do you know that

Percy Pigs have launched a line of pants and I was like you've got to be fucking joking me Wait this was Shiv's initiation Yeah listeners of this podcast So I would like

I would like a pack size 22 Percy pig panties for my birthday and I think that's such a reasonable request No they just come in children's sizes No they there was an adult that had them Oh god And if they do come in children's sizes

Then you buy them and you go to a tailor And you get made up into my size It looks like that You have prissy pink panties I think that's where you should keep your prissy pig They're only available on eBay now What? Clearly the original run sold out

So you have to buy them on eBay I won't be doing that Andrew can you just like There is an M&S version as well, sorry. Yeah, the M&S version, yeah. Are they available? Sizes 8 to 28 is sold out, but could you do a size 6? Size 8 to 28 are sold out.

Yeah. Only size 6 left. Yeah. Can you call them, please? I'll get on that, yeah. No, should we call them now on the podcast? Should we call up M&S and be like, what's the deal with these Percy Pig Pants? When are you doing another line?

Yeah, like when's it going to come out? What's M&S's customer service number, do you reckon? I don't know. Shall we do this in the extras and maybe introduce our fabulous guest? That sounds fair, but I will be calling MNS customer service. Okay, but wait. Only size six left. Yeah, that is.

Of pig pan? Really toxic. Is that toxic? No, that is toxic. No, sorry, you can't sell a sweet-based fan. Oh, I swear to God, Catherine. And then be like, it's only for tiny women. Who's keeping a brand alive?

What size six is he in that many Percy pigs? We are the loyalist, but anyway. It's size 18 up there doing the fucking shift with it. I don't feel like that is really problematic. That is fucking bullshit. Also, I am with you there. I'm with you there. I'll be honest. Okay, if we find out that they only sold out yesterday

and you have this information that I wanted them for five days, I will be fucking livid. You will be giving me 450 quid to return the money. And I also won't be buying you. Listen, here, can you focus in because I have a couple of things to say before we bring on her again? Is it a parish announcement? Sorry. It is a parish announcement.

Oh, my God, my God, I'm a parish announcement. How did I forget about it? Why did you let parish announcements be dead? Because you're thick as shit, bitch. Time for parish announcements, shut the fuck up. Ready? Yeah. The parish announcements are as follows.

On Friday, it is St. Patrick's Day. If you're listening to this, that means it's tomorrow. Probably only if you listen to it on the day it comes out. Whenever you're listening to it, St. Patrick's Day. Let's go see River Dance and have a pint. No, okay, not talking during parish announcements. Thank you. St. Patrick's Day, a couple of things.

One, don't do an Irish accent. Two, it's St. Patrick's Day or St. Paddy's Day. it is not now please listen in if you're coming to me from america it's not st patty's day there's no such thing it's patty or patrick have a lovely day those green shakes from from macdonald's you're really only ever going to be able to drink one sip or maybe two mint ones yeah listen they're not very nice oh jesus and don't be weird to your irish friends and if anybody does want to ginnis you should be paying if you're english because you should be more sorry now listen it's also but should i be messaging you on st patrick's day

to wish you a happy st patrick but not in your in a stupid eye Not a voice note. Yeah, yeah. Just a text. Thanks so much. But then you got really mad when I messaged you on Valentine's Day. Yeah.

Well, that felt more pointed. Well, it would feel pointed if it was Patrick's Day. Okay, so do you want a text or not? I think I do, actually. Okay, yeah, thanks so much. You're welcome. St. Patrick was from?

England. Wales. Wales. He was from Wales. He got rid of the snakes. Thank you. I learned this. I remember last time.

And then last thing to say is on Sunday, it's not St. Mothers. It's Mother's Day. And this Sunday This Sunday It's Mother's Day So if you listen to this on Thursday

Friday or Saturday You still have time to get a card If you don't have Yeah I was going to say If you don't have a relationship With your mother If you don't have a mother It's a really shit day sometimes

And so it's also okay To just buy yourself something nice And sit in and ignore the internet If you want I would say if you feel ick on Mother's Day Feel free to like Do a hard pass on social media I'd watch Sophie's choice

Watch a motherfucker over one of our kids That's what I do. That's what that film's about. Picking the sun over the daughter, spoiler alert. Oh, no, watch. Helen. Okay, go on, sorry. What do we say? No talking during, there's so many good topics.

Yeah, go on. It's hard for you, isn't it? It's fascinating to watch. You really can't let me have it. Okay, go on, sorry. No, no. I'm done now. What's that on your little list? Oh, it's just that I was going to tell you how badly I desperately need to pass my fucking, I need to pass my driving.

Oh, I know. I know. But it's coming up so soon. I know, but it's escalated because, you know how I need everyone to like me, especially women in authoritative positions? Yeah. Because she doesn't like me, I was buying her coffees. Well, it sort of escalated to cake and coffee, you know,

because she doesn't like me at all. And I think I need to pass because I can't spend any more money on this woman. Why are you taking your driving instructor cake and coffee? I just need her to like me. She likes you. She doesn't. You're giving her pounds per hour to be in the car with you. You're a delight to be in the car with.

Yes, she thinks I'm so. such a shit driver. Well, I think I am. You're not a shit driver. You just haven't passed yet. I'm always in the wrong lane. It's not shit driver. It's confidence.

I'm always in the wrong lane. Even if you're in wrong lane, be confident with it. I almost killed us both turning left into a dual carriageway this morning. Fuck, it's scary. Okay, that's not good, is it? I do think about whether or not I'm going to die the entire time I'm behind the wheel. That's the idea of driving makes me nervous because of that. Yeah, I just the whole time I'm like, we could die.

If I let go, we could die. If I let go, we could die. Also, doesn't your brain just go like, I just need to do that and I'm dead. Yeah, all the time How do you combat that? I could just press this pedal and we'd both die I don't know, it's really hard I'd not to have like incredibly intrus of thoughts

that are just like, you can fucking die go on press it and you're like, what? It's so fucked up isn't it? Also London drivers are so mean can I, what would last in our commencement if you're a driver and you're on the roads and you're behind a learner

if you want, by all means take over when you can but otherwise shut the fuck up be kind. Shut the fuck up. I don't, like it's so mean to beep a learner you have no idea if their first lesson if they're in their test you motherfuckers

just please with all the kindness and love of the world shut the fuck up in a world where you can be anything be kind be quiet I really think be quiet okay Helen ready to bring on our guests yeah it's wonderful Janine Harini

Yay that was not in sync should we try again Janina Raining try again it's the wonderful Janine Haruni Just put the one in when it's just me talking Andrew That'll probably work best Just cut Andrew

Yeah that's fine Oh my God Bye Catherine we've got to say Oh thank you We are so fucking constantly in awe And grateful of our amazing Executive producers and producers

And to all of you that sign them on Patreon But as always we just want to give a shout out To the amazing a producer team, we'll start with the execs. Okay, go on. Here we go. Exx sounds like sex. Coincidence? It is a coincidence. We don't. We're not. No, no, no, no. But thank you to Guy Goodman, Simon Moors,

Mary Fox, Annie Tonner, Sarah Harkey Deakin, and Oliver Jago. Do you remember like that five months we couldn't say Sarah Harkey Deakin? Yeah. We have come so far. It felt like you couldn't say Oliver Jago just then, but that's okay. Oliver Jago. Thank you. Thank you. And to our incredible producers, You guys are, we've got some new ones. Like, welcome to the sty.

Like, welcome, welcome. But as always, the inevitably amazing crew of Richard Bicknell, L, Richard Bold, Neil Redman, Victoria Hutchison, Emma Walton, Karen and David Bull, Harold Van Dyke, Tim and Dom, David Walker, Rachel Ratchel Rann, Anthony Conway, Sadie Cashmore, Claire Owen Jones, Jess and Nick, Zoe, Sarah and Molly, Ria Fink, Ria Fink, we've done this one before, Cordelia, Rachel Page, Helen A, Tina Lindsay, Graham Marsh, Emily G, Amy O'Reardon, Abby Warden, Abby Warden, Abby Warren, Keyweb, Matt Sims, Luke Bright and Leah. So many new... Guys, thank you so much. And if you're not already on Patreon, you get an extra episode. Sign up, because I just spent $4.50.

And we have a lot of secrets on there. A lot of secrets. So please do. Still have to message Andrew now and again, being like, so give me the list of names people who sign up for patrons, just in case. And I just be like, so I know it's for patrons but could we possibly like take out a name or two?

Yeah, yeah, like, because of the patrons, It really gets a bit too loose. Yeah, it does. Hey guys, thank you so much. We honestly couldn't make the podcast without you. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Bye. It's Janine Haruni. Yay, Janine. It's funny. We're both wearing green jubbers and I are both doing the cheerleader hair. Oh shit. I want to do the cheerleader hair. For anyone who's just listening,

cheerleader hair is when it's half up, half down. And you look like a hall. How about that? But I think you need a big boat for it to be cheerleader here. Yes. But I think that's all we need. You weren't a cheerleader at school in America. I was for one day.

What? One day. One day. I got recruited because these girls who were flyers, you know, there's all different jobs in the cheerleaders. Yep. Flyers are the ones at the top. And they were like, you were like, you were short.

Oh. Oh, sorry. You're like, sing out, Louise. Put the mic close to you. So they were like, you should come. You could be a flyer. Don't you want to like fly through the air? And I was like, yes.

And I got. and realize I do not have the personality or yeah I'm not brave enough either yeah I hate that I watched cheer them oh yeah that's exactly the same as ours yeah you three sisters oh but you know we do look a bit like the Powerpuff girls because we've got a brunette

a redhead and a blondeie yes and bubblecum bubble gum bubble cup you just said bubble cum and we all heard that what are they lost and buttercup and buttercum yeah That's true. It's when they come in your ass and then they cover it in butter.

It's butt ter come. I hate you. Okay. I would have thought of myself as a cheerleader. Yes. If I went to an American school, I think I would have thrived on it. Not like doing the athletics, but like on the side, like Matt talk. But do you think you would have bullying?

I think you're shoving people's heads into lockers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're staring at me. I was more like Darya, I think, in high school. Yeah. I was like, you guys just don't listen to as cool the music as I do. Oh, interesting. Okay, cool.

Whereas I think I'd have been like, it seems like there's not enough time to focus on your academic. Oh, my God. I don't know about you, but I just want to do well at school. You were Hermione? Yeah, essentially.

We've already spoken about that. Catherine genuinely believed that she would be Hermione. You know, the first... Also, I think the best description of me is, as you put it, the opening scene of Booksmart where they realized that everybody else

got good grades but also had fun. Oh, I see, and they only had good grades. And that, but I don't. I don't have the second or third part of that movie. Like, I'm like, uh-huh. So you didn't want to, like, go and party and kiss people? She wanted to pass her exams and she thought there was only one option. What grades did you get, straight A's?

I did good. Wow. Trinity. You went to Trinity. Oh, Andrew went to Trinity. Oh, you're Irish, I was supposed to say your Irish boyfriend, but your Irish husband. She got a husband. We got a husband.

We love a hobby. We love a hobby. How do you have a husband? You look 12. I am 35. Oh, my God. Yeah. So I tricked.

him into thinking I was younger than I was and now I've got my closet and he can't maize me. Amazing. Is he older younger than you? He is older. He's an age I'm not allowed to say. But you both are so young. Okay he's 70 but no one has to judge love. Don't make a big deal of it. Don't make a big deal of it. It's fine. That's astonishing

because he looks really young as do you but that's particularly astonishing because American women always look young but Irish men usually look wrecked by some age. They don't wear same thing. I'm sorry. Oh I slather him in some cream. Do you? Good for you. Good for you. He's really concerned he's going to go pink. He keeps saying that Irish men go pink.

They do. That's so doing it. I've seen it. I've seen it. It's fucking minging. Yeah. And British men as well. Yeah, this is that boiled quality to them all that you have to kind of be like, nah. Tammy. Yeah. So good for you. Yeah. Good for you. My dad, he like has only just been aware of Sun Cream as a thing. He's 70. So it feels mad that it's this late. But he's got the same thing I do, which is such a prominent forehead and a prominent. nose, which means our face naturally shades the rest of our face. So like my forehead shades my eyes

and cheeks. Like a skull hat. Yeah. Thank you, Janine. A skull hat. That feels good. We're all having fun. Came to you quickly. It's just like a burn across the hairline and a burn on the top of the nose, but then the rest of you is cast and shadow. So it's fine. It's like a very specific sort of burn. But now I know, sun cream or a hat. That'll do the job. A hat's probably better. My family were like so my dad is Lebanese and my mom is like Irish and Italian but they both get so dark in the summer so they were just like you don't need my mom was like you don't need suntan lotion like she was like you know they're like it's just big lotion

trying to get you to buy cream they have both skin cancer they're fine no fucking hell yeah that's such a dark end I know I know but wear your sun cream oh no did it stop filming is it I love those theories of big farmer oh no I Are you going to hold the camera like our, like a, like a stage mom? Wait, have we got, are we down to like a phone camera for this episode?

I'll get it fixed by, carry on. Okay, great. Okay, great. You're doing great, by the way. You're doing great, Andrew. You're doing great. This is the first time this has ever happened. Wait, so your mom thinks that she was in the pocket of big SBF?

Well, no, they just were like, you don't need it, you know? I got it. Whatever, whatever. And the pictures of us as kids were just like, we're just so brown. Like, they were just running around. and we were all members of like a swim club so we spent every day in the sun. But if my parents didn't believe...

Like 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. Yeah. But if my parents didn't believe in sun cream, it wouldn't be that we were like so tanned. It would be like we'd be in hospital. Right, right. I've gotten like full on blisters from sunburn. Like I've seen people with third degree burns

from sunburn in Ireland. Like people end up in the age. But moms go through phases. We were all raised by noughties in 90s who had such weirdly strong beliefs about stuff. Like there was this big thing in Britain. I don't know if it hit the states where like we do.

genuinely believed that one brand of orange juice would turn you orange. Oh, Sunny D? Yeah. It was like, but it swept the nation. Yeah. But here we were like, it will turn you orange. Because basically one kid's mom fake tandem took a picture and sent it into a newspaper. What? And like, yeah, yeah. And then we all believed it would turn you orange. There's no way in orange juice can turn you orange, right? But we all believed it. I don't know. I watched an episode of Magic School Bus and if you eat enough Cheetos

apparently, you can turn orange. I love it with Miss Fris. What is that? Who's voiced by? No, don't. You know who? Can someone Google it? It's someone crazy. Yes.

It's the woman, very famous actress, in Grace and Frankie. How great it. Oh. No. Yeah. Which one? Lily Tomlin? Lily Tomlin.

Stop. Tomlin, sorry. Tomlinson is the one from... I'm 98% sure. She is, right? Oh my God, it's Lily Tomlin. That's so cool. Did you ever watch this?

No. Also, can we talk about how Janine just did what I do? You should be her for Halloween. She'll picture. That's it. This is mad. Miss Frizzle. You think I should be her for Halloween?

With the dragon on her? Look. You were trying to make that better. If you didn't hear what Cheneen said, she was like, you should be here for Halloween. And I was like, really? And then she was like, yeah, she has Frisie. Wow.

That was one of my favorite kids TV shows. Big curly red hair. That's better, but not good. Catherine, it was incredible. She went on adventures, right? Inside the human body. Like, the house, the bus would shrink down. The magic school bus.

Thank you very much. This is the show for you. kids? Yeah, it was great. Yeah, it was huge. A red head just drove into the butt of a person and then sometimes the nose. Ea, ear, nose mouth. Yeah, yeah. Not every holds a goal for Mrs. Frozen. She's not like a... I don't like that. Really? Yeah, I don't think that's for me. But what were you watching growing up? Wind and the Willows?

It's boring. Can I ask a question about orange juice in Ireland? Yeah. Andrew told me that there was something and can we Google this? It was orange juice and milk mixed together and it was available in schools in Ireland and it was called. I can't remember what it was called but yeah I'm Googling it. It's not for... Or, yeah, it's a definitely thing. Sunny, sun. It's definitely a thing

because it's almost peach looking. It's disgusting. Island. Why would you ever combine it? That sounds really minging. I don't know. I didn't I didn't drink it. It sounded disgusting to me. Smooth and juicy. Smooth and juicy. Oh, that's not good. The delicious mix of orange and milk just feels so good on the taste buzz. It doesn't.

It doesn't, it doesn't. Can I say, can I say, if I may? There was really a phase of Irish sort of a raising of children where the answer to everything was put milk in it. Yes, I remember this. Like a sort of sense that like if you had enough calcium, you'd be grand. Like you didn't really need parenting, you'd just needed milk. Yeah, we had to drink a glass of milk a day.

My mum insisted on it and I had to insist on Ness Quick being introduced. But like I watched, I've watched my whole life grown men sit down for a dinner drinking a pint of milk for their dinner. What is it with Irish men drinking milk for fun? They'll have a pint of milk with their dinner. Isn't that disgusting? Like mashed potato and then drinking milk. It's one of the most abhorrent things in the world.

Neil O'Rourke, your friend and ours, still drinks a glass of milk every now and again in front of people. I don't know anyone who drinks cow's milk anymore. I know, I don't mean to sound like the milk of a cow. I know, but everyone drinks almond milk or soy milk or something. But they don't drink either. They're not like getting out of glass of an almond milk.

I put dairy milk on cereal or in a coffee or in a hot chalky, but not like I'm not sitting down having it. a nice cool refreshing glass of milk. It's just grim. It's the worst liquid. But what if you added orange juice in an equation? No, because I can see it, it coagulate. What's it called coagulation?

Curdling, yeah. Acid to dairy is not the one. No. No. What was I saying? Someone the other day they were talking about like having something with loads of dairy, but then we were just been talking about like stomach acid. I'm in fun chats all the time. By the way, addicted to American pharmacies by the way, absolutely charmed by them. Oh yeah. CVS, Target 1. Have you ever been?

to an American pharmacy? Not really. Do you need your prescription drugs filled and also all of your St. Patrick's decorations in one location? In the same spot? Yeah, it's crazy. It's even better than German pharmacies

where you can buy wine and cigarettes alongside the bit of the benefits. It's amazing. But in my head in American pharmacy. You can get baby clothes. Yeah. Really. But you can't get the morning after pill. Fascinating.

What a world. I don't know. Well, yeah, I guess it depends on the way. I don't think I was having sex till I moved to this country, actually. What did you move here at? 24 No Janine you're lying

I had a little I had a dalliance or two But did you Are you wondering I was the real Just butt stuff I was in Rio The other whole

It's for Jesus I was very Catholic Yeah Super Catholic But sorry Did you just get hot Like in university Is that why this didn't happen

What are you talking about I didn't? I didn't know I was 19 But Which is quite old For Irish Teenagers

But that's because I was hideous Until 19 Yeah but you all have caught up I had sex when I was 16 and then really dried up in my 20s. Like, everyone's different. Hey, you always tell really sad stories.

Wait, so you were really Catholic? Super Catholic, yeah, yeah. Oh, my gosh. I was like, well, I remember watching, did you have abstinence training in school? Yeah. So instead of sex ed, because I went to Catholic school, we had. Oh, the withdrawal method training? No, it was, don't have sex or you fucking die.

I remember watching this video. I was 14 years old, and it was a video of a man and a woman, and they were engaged to be married, and she had waited until they, got married we're getting married to have sex but he'd had sex with someone else and oh my god i have to tell you another show about one time i want to date with virgin but um oh my god and he was hysterically crying and he was like i can't believe that i wasted it because i've met her and she's the love of my life and i can't believe i gave my virginity to someone that i don't even think about anymore and that so affected me i was like oh my god like i have to save this for my husband and she said before i met him i knew i'd love him

so I waited for him. Oh my God. Why are you getting moved now? Janine? Janine, why are you being moved? I don't know, but now that I think about it, I would have been so bad at sex that I think I had to have had some sex

before I met my husband. But also this weird fetishization of virginity as something we give to men. It's like at least they change the gender. They flipped something there. That's interesting. But like the idea that like it's something that we give away or is like taken.

And then once it's gone, it's gone. It's gone. it to an animal object at some point anyway. After I last movie or June it, I really cried and I was like, I wasted it, I threw it away. Stop! No! I had sex and then I did have sex for two years after that. I hate that. I felt so

guilty about it. It was terrible. That's horrific. But that's the training of what you were like brought up in, because if they wheeled that TV and played that video to us at our school, we would have fucking lost our mother. Yeah, yeah. It would have been the funniest thing. That's the thing. For us, it would have been like, okay. I guess I had a horrible, horrible story. Go on. But, um,

So I So what you keep on Hear a horrible, horrible story Because so far They haven't been bleak at all Gene But yes, go on Let's hear it

Okay So You are Catholic For the benefit of the listener Gene went a horrible horrible story But her eyes lit up in a way That she was so excited

Also that was so Catholic That you almost You can tell your marriage When Irish men You were like I have a bleak fucking story But the joy of it all

Go on So when I first graduated Drama School And I couldn't get any acting work I was working at this Wait which drama school Lambda Okay

so I was working at this film school like they'd hire you for the day they'd pay like 60 pounds you'd come in and work on like some whatever student film at this do. Okay so I was meant to turn up I'd read the script briefly and I know it opened with a sex scene

and I was like okay the other actor who's meant to do it didn't come well I mean if he was there when I was there he definitely would come but he didn't turn up and so they had the DOP so like the camera operator

have to have sex with me and he He was being so weird and he kept making all these weird jokes and stuff and I was like, God, you're not like a trained actor so you must be really uncomfortable. And then afterwards he asked me out on a date and then on the date he told me

he was a virgin and he was a born again Christian and so he felt really uncomfortable doing it. It was horrendous. That's hell. It was horrendous and no one on the set learned my names. They all kept calling me darling and I was like, this is what my dad warned me about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I wanted to be an actor. He was like, this was going to happen to you. Yeah, people are going to treat you like some piece of meat. That's horrible. Isn't that bizarre? Oh my God. I've been on a date.

He looks really happy on his Instagram. Okay, I'll bet he is because he's finally getting to have sex. What are the born-again Christians again? They're the ones that just decide to be religious, but they weren't necessarily raised in it. Yeah, and also specifically they may have sinned or like not being, like, sort of fallen out of the faith. And then they really recommit. And it's usually much more zealous in its commitment to its. So you can't be born into born-again Christianity?

Oh, no, you can. The born-again Christians are like a branch, but in general, people join, it was born of being reborn. They want to be baptized when they're older because they've saved. Oh yeah, like the Baptist church, you baptize in the older.

Because I was christened when I was like a baby. But then like some friends were baptists, they'd like be going to their christenings when they were like 14 or something where they'd confirm their faith. And I was like, okay. Catholicism has that. Weirdly.

Confirmation. In America. We didn't have Catholics in Hampshire. But in America, we have confirmation when we're 16. but you have it when you're like seven or something. No, communion's that seven. Right. Keep up, Ginny.

Come on. Wait, confirmation is when you marry Jesus. No, that's the communion. The tiny little wedding dresses. Yeah. That's my favorite. Another girls line up to marry Jesus. Yeah, yeah.

And the boys. Jesus is very progressive. Oh, Jesus, that's the little boys too. Yeah. They wear little white suits. They wear white suits. Or sometimes they all look like they were in the mafia. Sometimes they wear little, like black suits and navy suits.

Yeah. It's a lot. And then people give you shit tons of money now. Yeah. I've heard about there. It's crazy. Also, you can basically walk into any shop or, like, restaurant or any basically pub in your communion dress and everyone has to get their wallet out.

You can just go around me like, I made my communion. And they're like, no one can just be like, cool. You're like, I made my communion. And you put your hand in. But what do you spend the money on? You're like, what? My name has just made her communion and she was like in Ireland. And she was like, I'm saving up because when I'm 18 me and my friends are going to the Maldives.

So I was like, she knows what she wants. She's an independent woman. I fucking love. that for a child. Me and my friends are going Maldives and we're 18 so we're saving up now.

How pot is your niece? I love her. She's so cute. I've already done Europe so I'm saving up from the Maldives. What? You're seven.

That's a good kid. That's a good kid. What were you saving up for? No, we were made to give half of ours to a charity so we got to choose our charity. I mean,

I'd make my knees look like a fucking I mean she sounds like a dick. But then a none came to our school and talked about the plighton Sierra Leone at the time and so I gave all of mine to the chair Well that's really nice Catherine that you did that

So yeah I guess I guess your niece is a con Sorry I don't think I could have with my 200 punt But the inflation on it's gone mad So she probably could She's probably good to go Yeah yeah yeah yeah She's gonna stay somewhere nice

Yeah We gave a lot I never wanted to marry Jesus But I do remember being jealous of like the dresses because I never got asked to be a bridesmaid when I was little. So were you Church of England? Is that? We were just like the local Methodist church.

Yeah, that's the C of E, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, just the local. But I only went until I was like 13 or something. Yeah, went to Sunday school and I was a girl brigade. But your dad is deacon, isn't it? So are you still Catholic? No, are you?

I don't know. Okay, the guilt says maybe. No, I'm absolutely not. But my dad is, and I was raised very Catholic. Is he okay with you not being? like in the church but he doesn't impose it on you oh no not at all not at all

and he is very like no actually to be clear the answer is yes he's fine with it because but also like I don't think you get to be otherwise right yeah well in my opinion anymore but no he is I think the question should be the other way around

and yet it never is no no one never goes huh are you okay with that yeah yeah it's like every gift my parents send me is something is getting more and more religious really yeah yeah what are we talking rosary beads

I got a picture. You know that picture of Jesus with the eyes follow you? With the light? The red light? No, it's just like a classic head show. Like an 8 by 10. What?

With the crown of needles? It's a good crown of thorns. Yeah, thorns. Sorry, my apologies. So I've got that. The junk. Jesus. I've got that November as a...

Just to remember when Jesus went through a skag head face. They said you his thorn crown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen that. They said, you give me this. No, I don't want to show this. Is it a little metal.

And you're wearing it? That's cute. So I'm wearing. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. My parents are thinking of me. And that's what I tell, Andrew, every time it makes fun of me. We had some Jesus stuff at ours, but Luzick's and my mom just, like, felt awkward at the end of church.

She should, like, buy something. And one thing we had, by the way, I was not raised in any sort of, like, religious environment where I felt like I had to be religious. Oh, we can tell because you just said we had some Jesus stuff at ours. But my grandparents were religious, but my dad wasn't, he would, like, make fun of us for going to church every Sunday. Like, oh, well, the Holy Water Bowl over if I walk in there. Anyway, I'm going to do some mast on my own. So that was a sort of vibe. What an energy of a Sunday morning.

My daddy. Oh, that's normal. Yeah, that's fine. So we had this Jesus plate. And it was like, you know, we're like display plates where it's like on the side and like plastic. And if you looked at the three dots and it was sort of like an interpretation of Jesus. Like it was quite hard to tell. I don't think this is.

What do you mean three dots? It was Jesus. There were three dots in the middle of his face. And if you stared at them for 30 seconds without. blinking and then closed your eyes to a light you could see jesus i'm not joking wait were they part of the plate or were they like part of the so on the plate it was like sort of like this pattern that sort of looked like a raw was it a raw shock test what's it called that was like the ink test yeah like the ink so it looked like a big ink blot vaguely in the shape of a person it was

jesus it was jesus face but you could only see it Jesus's like the fucking morons I can't think that's what's happening it's an ink plot on a plate okay and you're like what's that what's that? And then you go to the person who's like, what's that? I go, like, stare at those three dots without blinking for 30 seconds and then close your eyes and look at a light. So then you go like that and you'd see the face of Jesus for loads of details on it and it's like, oh my God, mummy

or granny. Okay, so I don't think we had the same religious upbringing and that's okay. That's crazy. Well, I'm fucking crazy. You both married Jesus. You don't even meet him, you're freak? What's really nuts is so my sister-in-law is Jewish and sometimes she comes to like church, you know, if someone passes away

and there's a service or whatever, she'll come to church with a family And to see it through her eyes, someone who didn't grow up with Jesus at all in any context, she's like, you guys are upset. Like, she's like, first of all, it's such violent imagery for kids. It's so cult-like when you haven't been in years. Like, that's the image that we're keeping of him.

Yeah. You know, his death. Yeah. So much of it is like, and you bathe in the blood of Christ and the blood will redeem you, like all that shit. And it's also like we... She's like, what is going on here? Like they just got rid of the part of a prayer

they say at every mass in Ireland where you essentially said if you died before being baptized you're going to hell or if you die by suicide you're going to hell it's like very dark maybe we shouldn't put that in the episode maybe that's just not very light

no no I think it's important to say it's dark as hell though Andrew do we have a problem to solve yes we do okay Janine profoundly interesting that we basically have the same upbringing but my parents don't send me any Jesus stuff anymore because I'm gay you're really missing out because I'm a hell like it

I get all the rainbow stuff instead. My mom sent me rainbow sponges. I guess because I have OCD and I'm gay. Oh, I love it. That's not a perfect gift for you. It's kind of cool. A rainbow sponge. My cleaner was like, what the...

My mom bought me a paperweight. Okay. Ready, Andrew. Go back to school deliciously with Whole Foods Market. Wake up with low-priced 365 by Whole Foods Market protein waffles and breakfast burrito. prep lunch boxes quickly with 365 brand juice boxes, crackers, dried fruit, and more. And look for sales on no antibiotics ever ground beef and chicken breasts that make meal prep a breeze.

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Go to Bombas.com and use code audio for 20% off your first purchase. That's BOMBAS.com and use code audio at checkout. Yes. So two quick parish announcements. First of all, an apology for the ongoing. Sorry, you're doing parish announcements now. Andrew, I think you can do whatever you want my dad. Helen, thank you, Helen. I thought there was just a general podcast feature.

Nope, it was just my thing, but that's fine. Okay. Well, apologies. You can do some parish announcements. Mom, your daddy are fighting. They are. I'd now like to offer three apologies. First of all, to Catherine, for stealing parish announcements. Second of all, to the viewer for the ongoing video issues if you're watching on YouTube.

And third of all, last week we accidentally repeated a problem, but you'd be pleased to know that you gave entirely different answers. The first time you solved the problem So it wasn't too much I knew this I found out about it We got given a problem again Like six months after the first time

They said it in And we gave completely different advice No way Yeah I accidentally mixed up one of the inboxes Which I gave to M So Which problem was it Andrew? Can we hear what the

I wanted to see when the advice was better Was it six? Were you guys in a better place six months ago? I think the most recent one was better yeah We've grown There we go But wait a second What was the problem? It was a problem about a kind of problematic relationship with a guy who used to be homophobic

and it's sort of in terms of his own sexuality but still being, I mean, we can solve it a third time. Literally last year. No, we're not doing it for three. We'll do it in another 75 episode. What the fuck? I know. How self-involved are we that we didn't even remember? Would you get a lot of problems?

We'd you get a lot. We get a lot of problems. Including this one. Go on. From F. Hi F. Hi F. Janine, you must say hello.

Hi, F. There you go. F says, this is some L-word style drama slash lesbian nonsense. Oh, my God. God, I love lesbian nonsense.

Let's do it. It can usually be, no, I won't say it yet, but I guarantee I've got the solution already. Okay, well,

we're going to let you need and have a go first. Just buy new Doc Martens. No. Oh, my God. You don't have a shower pair, girls. Get your own.

No, sorry. In the dishwasher. I feel attacked. Go on. So F says, I went through a tough breakup last year with this person, P, brackets, non-binary, that was pretty tough. Classic situations where I caught feelings and they didn't.

It was ended over text, but generally, you know, no hard feelings either way. I know, but still suck. Unfortunately situation. My friend L, bracket's also non-binary, was very supportive after the breakup. However, a few weeks ago, L rang me as they'd been invited to do some freelance work for P and wanted to check I'd be okay with it. I knew L and P would link up. Go on.

He was doing some work for L. Here we go. Well, I said, of course. It's not like they're asking if they can hook up or whatever. Wait, is it a question. How long ago was the F and P hookup? That was last year. Okay.

Okay. So it's all a good while. Yeah. L said of course, all good. Just going to go work with P. However, fast forward, Helen's called it. L went on the night out with P and ended hooking up with them. And L now wants to pursue a relationship and was surprised when

I was upset about that. Their perspective is that I didn't have ownership over P, and as L is polyamorous, they don't view relationships like I do and don't understand jealousy. Now, I don't have feelings for P anymore, but they did hurt me with the abrupt breakup, and I don't think it's unreasonable for me to want one of my best

friends to not date them. Apart from anything else, I just don't want to see them again. Oh, yeah. However, I know I can't tell anyone who to date and worry I'm overreacting. I've asked Elle not to give me details of their dates with P, but L feels that as their friend, I should talk through dates, et cetera, with them, no matter who they are.

Ellen and I've been friends for years, and I don't want to lose the friendship, but I do feel portrayed and stuck in a corner, backed into a corner. This is a great problem. So, thank you in advance for any solutions or offers of advice. I'd say be dramatic, move country, let them do what they want, come back once they've broken up. Okay, thank you for that, Helen. A year is very short. A year is too short, I think, to be hooking up with your friend's ex.

See, this is interesting problem because I know you are my feelings on this sort of thing. is very different because we've had problems like this before. I don't think people own people. No, Catherine thinks go for it. Of course you don't own them, but it's a betrayal of friendship. I don't think it is at all. See, this is where we always stand. So I had a situation that was vaguely similar to this.

First of all, can I just say, first of all, they had a very short dating period. But the feelings were very significant for F. But no, it was ended by text. It was like, it was a small thing. Then also, P didn't have feelings. But also, that is a risk you take when you date somebody. But I don't think you can be like to,

I don't think you can't date somebody that you're feelings for and who has feelings for you because I dated them a year ago. And you're not saying that. You obviously, I had something similar to this. I know I've spoken about on the podcast before, but it might have been ages ago in the extras. Like, you don't, you've opened up to a friend

and said like, oh, this shitty thing happened. This person I really, really liked and I really felt feelings for them. They didn't feel the same. Now, yes, they didn't have a big relationship. But for them, the feelings were all there and the emotions were all there. you've opened up to a friend

they then go out with that then the ex-pass goes out with them it's fine obviously you're like you know you can go out with them of course but you are allowed to be like I don't want to hear the details oh I agree with that I completely that person who hurt you

I can I said to my friend I was like you know what do it date them date them but like don't do it I said please don't do it in front of me and please but I even said to the guy who I'd fallen for I was like hey how about this how about you just don't immediately go and date my best friend or my sister and then that would happen Who was it, your sister, your best friend?

Best friends. I do agree with you on the, I think you should be allowed to say, I don't want to hear about it. But I will say this. And I actually think it's unreasonable for the other person to be like, you have to hear about it every date. That's not one necessary. But I would think that it is absolutely fine for them to date

and it's fine for me to not want to hear about it. But I think you do have to prepare yourself for the likelihood that if it becomes a serious relationship, i.e. and like they're still together in a year, then I don't think you can be like, I will not see your partner without that damaging your friendship or like you have to understand that

may mean that the person is like well okay then you don't value me as a friend I think it's sorry because you're saying that you that oh god I'm going to get the letters mixed up that F has to eventually choose whether or not she wants she yeah she's a female on the other two are non-binary yeah F is she her and then P and L are non-binary

F has to decide whether or not she wants to continue being friends with P because if P and L this is very complicated has to decide whether she wants to continue being friends with L who's now dating the person who hurt which is P oh my god the letters are very confusing

but the thing is that person has has hurt you because they it's not like when they broke up it was F that broke oh fuck these letters but I think there's a difference between it feels like a betrayal of friendship

of course you can't say who you can and cannot date like that's that's not allowed but i think i think you have to be like do i value my friendship with someone that i know really well more than i value someone who i've only met for like one day someone i want to date first of what work were they doing like yeah i think i don't know i think that it's often kind of hard to meet people as a queer person i i don't think it's that crazy to be like oh we have this connection i'd like to pursue it also i think it was like a year ago also i think for me i think the other thing is i think it's i think it's i think it's a i think it's totally unfair to be like you have to hear about this.

But I do think it's okay to say like if we explore this and it becomes a significant relationship, I would like to think that you could like be social with my partner at like a party. I'm not asking to hang out with them. But it does feel like I think Elle is asking too much to be like, you have to listen to the date chat. Yeah, you don't have to.

Honestly, you can really put that barrier up. I kept my friendship and kept it going. It is still slightly like this is years ago now. But we've never quite been as close we were but we would have also probably just grown apart due to circumstances. I will say this. What I hated was...

How much time in between? Oh, from me saying to them, like, hey, I want to go for this? Three weeks. Whoa. Yeah, yeah. That's different. That's so different.

And he asked her out on a date and she messaged me and said, what do you think? And I went, I was in a car share actually at the time. I'd just start doing comedy here. And I was like, oh God, I'm in a car share. I can't explain, but can I just say,

can I call you about tomorrow? Can you just like, leave it for now? She was like, absolutely. I spoke to her the next day. And I was like, look, his situation like obviously if you want to and I was like but to be honest like it's a bit raw and then she you know what I'm honestly I'm not that fuss yeah I'll give it a miss and then two months later got a call from her saying okay so here's what's happened and um he sort of like

pursued it and it almost I felt that I'd become like they were like we can't do it because they would upset Helen like almost like sexy yeah forbidden fruit because of me and I'm like I want I'm telling you now I want nothing if you're going to do it do it no no no no no no I would say this though, just to circle back, because to offer a different opinion, I don't think ending a relationship that was at its start or even any relationship is the same as like purposefully hurting somebody, i.e. I think everyone has the right to break up with somebody

and I don't think it's like, if you cheat on someone, I think that's like causing harm. Yeah. I think if you end a relationship, you will upset somebody, but I don't think you chose to, it's not like you're a malicious act. Like everyone should be able to leave a relationship.

It's not the same as like, I can't. You treat me badly? Or like, as in like, no, and listen, I've been in that position and when it's raw, it's so painful. But they ultimately, people are and should be, you want them to be able to end relationships. And that's not an active harm to, that's on an active attempt to hurt you. It's not the, it's not the friend. That's the problem. Of course, the person who broke up should be able to do that.

But it's like a year later. I don't know. But didn't the friend come up? So we can't break up with this. Anything slightly like this is where we totally differ because like for me it is like it's a betrayal, your friends hurt you. Like this person who was there to support you

like it's like how of everyone them? And also who should value you because you know them deeper than you know someone you've met for a day and you just can't tell someone what to do. But you're not telling them what to do it. It's just like, can you, I'm not telling what to do. Okay, but here's a, please know what to do that. Here's an example.

Okay. If somebody breaks up with me and then my friend, my best friend friend says just so you know I'm still going to be friends with them but that person hurt me and I rely on you and I need you and you support me I think that's different than fucking them

yeah I don't think it is really why it's like having a meaningful relationship does that mean does that hurt you more it's a rejection and the thing that doesn't hurt me I think they're both like people don't own people like I can't control the interactions between two other people I can only control like how I react to it

and I think you're a better woman than me But I get, that was you all saying this, I'm thinking like, oh, God, I really think I do feel that way about, like, a lot of situations where I'm like, but you're like. If someone broke up with me, I would feel, which has never happened. I would feel. I could tell. But I would feel really rejected. And so then if someone that was a good friend of mine who I probably had confided in about this breakup and how I felt about this person, then got together with that person, I would feel even more rejected because I'd feel a rejection of love and a. rejection of friendship. Maybe I'm bringing in

my own personal history of like feeling rejected and only falling for guys that definitely reject me and then it feels like a rejection from a friendship maybe so I put more weight on it than someone else would. I'm not saying that the feelings are invalid or even like Oh my God I'm P no no no I I'm F I'm F I'm F I'm F I'm F I think

they're valid I just think that they're a thing you have to work through so like I think I think somebody can do something that's completely permissible and it can be painful for you so like I don't think L has done anything wrong, but I also think F is having normal feelings about it. Does that make sense?

L, F, sorry, yes. I think F is having normal meanings about it, but I also don't think L has done anything wrong. In the same way that, like, if your friends all hang out with your ex, they're not doing anything wrong, but it's also completely normal to be like, ooh, that's a little painful. I'll just say what my friend said to me at the time,

which is it's, so I confided in a friend when this was going on who knew my other friend, but I didn't like they were my friend not their threat like blah blah and um she just very clearly said she was like well you know it's always sad if a friendship goes slightly awry and obviously you're feeling like a bit her and like unloved but they just might not be the friend for you now they might have been an amazing time but then this is one of those things where it's like no we should encourage more of friendship breakup and it's okay oh my god and i'm still friends for this person because your only option is to ghost them honestly and it's so painful you either ghost them or you

look insane by breaking up with a friend and like ghosting is really painful you have great material about this do you? I think it should be I don't it doesn't make any sense to me that it's appropriate to take the mother of your children to a coffee shop and break up with them but if you bring a friend to the same coffee shop everyone's like you're a psychopath

whereas in a relationship they're like it's so cool she did it in person that's so brave and you're like but also to me it's like it's as logical that friendships would run out of like could run out of steam in the way a relationship could. It's growing different directions but also it's so respectful and so much less painful to me

for someone to sit down and go you know what I have love for you I wish you no ill but I don't have a massive amount of time in my life and say like I have a really busy work life and I'm not seeing enough of my friends but this doesn't feel like a thing I want to prioritise

I know I know but equally but I have had the opposite which is where somebody has just like stopped replying to me and I have lost sleep over it being like what have I done and I read I can't think what I have done wrong but and the answer might also in this day

in a mental health problem sometimes someone doesn't respond to you you're like oh my god are they in a really bad way should I work real effort to like reach out I should reach out more oh my god oh my god it's both of us just like calling someone up are you in a good place I am and I'm not talking to you

I'm not talking to you I agree I wish it was more normal oh my god F I think you need to run away and start fresh new friends oh my god thanks but not the nail chat we've got someone in distress I guess my point is F I think

this conversation proves is both perspectives are obviously quite valid. Yeah, both perspectives are very bad. But come back to us in six months when we're asked the exact same question. Oh yeah, circle back. I'm like, fuck old bitch. Helen's like, I don't know.

You don't know. People don't know people. You don't know people. You got to do what's right for you. That'll be me and I'll be going out with Helen. And I'm like, you know what? You're going to follow your truth. If you have a connection to someone, you've got a connection with someone, just run with it. And you'll be. I'd change my mind You'll be living with Saneal

in a little room in South London The annoying thing is you and Ellen Make more sense Because you're such a lovely height Together I don't like pussy doll It wouldn't work Is Ellen very tall

Yeah We do look good together Me and Ellen She'd be happy to go with that thing She'd be happy to just eat you out While you eat pizza Oh that's my favourite thing Oh my god

That's a dream I know It is the only dream Oh my great Bless you Yeah And should we say thank you very much Janine

Oh my God Janine Wow. She said pussy and used twice. I do. Can we say that's a reaction? It's like a witch thing. It's like a catching thing. Hey.

I said witch on stage the day and a noise happened behind a curtain behind me and I freaked the fuck out. It was horrible. Thank you very much to everyone who came to that preview. Janine, where can people follow you? You can follow me on

I don't really use Twitter. On Instagram at Janine Haroni. And what about your title? TikTok? Yeah? At Janine Haroni Comedy or comedian? I can't remember.

Horoni? I've been saying your name wrong this whole time. I think you're probably saying my name. Have you been saying Haruni? I've been saying Haruni. I think Haruny is probably the like actual Arabic pronunciation but I think my family Americanized it.

I think we go with whatever you say your name is. I say Haroni, but... Well then that's what it is. But I accept both. Okay, so TikTok, Instagram. What about if people want to come see you live? And you should. Janine is such a good comment.

Such a good coming. You can go to my website and I've got a list of all my dates. Do you have a bunch of, because you're working on a show for Edinburgh? All over the country.

Yeah. Doing a new show for Edinburgh. Exciting to have a... A name. I think it's going to be called Manouche, which is my family's nickname for me. Manus.

It's basically Arabic pizza. Oh, so good. When you said getting eaten out eating pizza, I was like, Mnuch. But wait, Manus. What's the name of the kid in Chocolat?

Oh, Manon. so you're racist no it's like no isn't it like anouche oh yeah you're right like a nickname or something Juliet's daughter

yeah Juliet banosh's little kid well anyway it's nothing to do with that and sorry she's very cute she's very sweet have you seen that

with Johnny Depp no oh shock a lot what is Minouche it's got it's like it's it's basically like a flat bread

with like Zatar it's like spices Lachman? Yeah, very good. Like a lachaman? Gozuntike. Oh, thank you. Okay, amazing.

So they can come see Working Progresses. They can come see one on TikTok special on Amazon Prime. Yeah, what's it called? Stand up with Janine Haroni. Please remain seated. Yes, I regret the title. It's very long. No, it's close.

Did I make the cut? It's such a good special. I went to the recording. I think you can hear you laughing. Yes! Of course you were there when they had to pick that man out. Were you at that show? No, you were in the afternoon.

No, they kicked a man out during my show. Why? He was very drunk I forgot how I had a recording It's so mad He's a free Come on dude Come on man

Hey everybody give it up For Janine Haroni Yay Yay Thank you.