Trusty Hogs - Ep81. IVO GRAHAM / Tampons, Teeth & Taskmaster

Episode Date: April 20, 2023

It's a double dose of Taskmaster in the temporary studio, as we welcome the brilliant Ivo Graham! A true top-of-his-game stand-up, Ivo has been on pretty much every UK TV Comedy show and is currently on tour with his award nominated show My Future My Clutter. We also fight for the right to a swine-based podcast title, as Ivo has just launched his new podcast Gig Pigs.FOLLOW IVO: @Ivo_GrahamThank you so much for listening!Support us at https://www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Simon Moores / Guy Goodman / Mary Fox / Annie Tonner / Sarah Jarque-Deakin / Oliver Jago / Stewart KerrPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Emma Walton / Karen & David Bull / Harald van Dijk / Eddie Doyle / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Anthony Conway / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Jo Holmes / Sarah & Molly / Alex Pugh / Josie W / Amy / Cordelia / Raia Fink / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Sophie Chivers / Graham Marsh / Emily Gee / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Kie Web / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate Spencer / Mae Williams / Tristin / Liz Fort / Taryn L / Klo / Becky FoxWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman. It's hard for me to believe we're talking about back to school, but whether you're thinking lunch boxes or nourishing dinners, Whole Foods Market is the place to shop, and their high standards allow you to shop with confidence. Their house brand, 365 by Whole Foods Market, has everything you need for quick and convenient breakfast, lunches, and dinners from oatmeal to trail mix to wild fish sticks. Explore the many ways you can save on Back to School. foods at Whole Foods Market. Hello and welcome to episode 801 of trusty hogs.

If you're a taskmaster fan, what a double episode we have for you because last week it was Kyle and this week is Ivo bloody grail. Turns out, we're doubling down to the taskmaster. When making a podcast in a shed, why not have the shed boys in? Through the fog, step for the trusty hogs. Yeah, you're going to get to. Give me your problems And they will solve them

Or maybe they won't And that's your problem They'll have guests And Andrew White on the tech Oh It's Helen and Catherine And the trusty hogs Trust the trusty hogs

Or maybe not You know that I think I'm going to be on Taskmaster next season What? I've just got a really good feeling about it because a guy came to Do you work and I have some money

Yes Of course Yes of course I'll give you some money Of course What do you need it for I need to buy a home A ball game

I don't think it's quite that much Please can I have it's a house and pound I buy you shuddy To stay on me in Sineers patio Okay that's nice That's nice So a man who I play Pokemon Go with online

Helen He's wearing this crunchy I got you for your birthday And it looks beautiful Thank you Catherine It actually looks beautiful I wear it every day. Oh.

Every day. I made it creepy now. It's going to be dirty, isn't it? Real fast. Basically. A man you play Pokemon Go with online. And you're what age again? 32 now.

And he was probably 50s something. 15 did you say? Fifteen. Oh, worse. He came to a preview of mine and he had the taskmaster book and he was like, there's this thing I do where like comedian sign it, but I feel like it's got powers because May Martin, they signed it and then they were on the show.

I want to sign it. And I was like, oh my God, because I said, oh, but I was like, oh, I think it's bad luck for me to sign a book that I've got nothing to do with, right? It's rude to sign someone else's book. And then he was like, no, no, no, 100% go for it. So I signed it.

And then because of the powers. I mean, I've got to say, there was about six names on the page and it was only May. But still, good sign. But they're blonde and, and you're blonde.

There we go. So I think, guys, all I'm saying is I guess it's happening I guess it's like we're booked I'll be booked too right because it'd be weird to have you and not me totally do you feel like for comedians in the UK like people suffered for so long we're being told

that they should go on live at the Apollo and as soon as we both did live with the Apollo it's it's immediately like no you should do taskmaster I've actually been alive with the Apollo and they're like oh that's it's so annoying it's so annoying be the way I've signed the books I guess it's happening for me now I guess so take me with you

me with you please i don't think you could just go into do you reckon they'll ever do a taskmaster with um doubles like doubles doubles like there's so many good double acts that would be amazing on it we oh we would kill you would kill me but that would be fun we're pitching a taskmaster doubles who would you want to go against us us french and saunders french and saunders would be great us french and saunders um i love egg you know Emily Lloyd Saini and Anna Leongbray feed they'd be so good because they like they are so in sync with each other and maybe like

like pin comedy would be great yeah that's so funny that'd be fun I've got a lot of white people isn't it goodness me in the old doubles that's so true lot of whiteies well Emily and Anna

yeah but we gotta do better we've got to do better better than one Kyle Kyle and Ed McCarper he's already done it though could you re-end as a duo?

I don't think that's what we want. We want to increase the chances of us. Damn it. Okay, we'll figure this out. We'll figure this out. But either way, I think it's going to happen for me and then my career is going to be sorted. Marvin and Rochelle, not comedians, but they are cute.

So good. I'd watch them do anything. My God, I'd watch that pair doing anything. Do you remember that amazing? Sorry to any international listeners. If you don't know who JLS are, they basically change the face of music, kind of arguably more than Prince.

And JLS, they release their own line of condoms. Do you remember this incredible summer? With Jure. And they had like, and you could pick, like, do I want a Marvin or an Anton or like, what's my vibe? It was so good. And was it based on the size of penises we were speculating they had? I think they were all the same size of cars. Sure. Sure. I don't like, as the. Sure. They were all the same size of cut. I just have like standard condoms at home. No, I think if you have a very big penis, you have to buy special.

Oh, I know there's different sizes, but I do not personally cater for that at my house. I hear what you're saying So like I hear what you're saying Like if I go to a guy's house And I want a famine and hygiene product If they've got anything Then amazing

Do you know what I mean? Yeah Yeah yeah yeah Because I can thumb up a big boy And you know It'll hurt on the way out What do you need to thumb off? Non-applicated tampons

I hate them See I prefer them to the applicator one Absolutely not Why would I want to put my fingers in there I'm having the worst time of the year Just to say really quickly We believe in Moon Cups And free bleeding

Thank you so much I don't know that I... Applicator, I believe in all of them. But... I'm an applicator. I don't want to touch anything, gal. Can I ask you about the applicator tampons then?

Yeah. Do you ever get worried that like some skin is going to get caught? Like a flap. So like, bear with me here. How much would you have to miss your actual fall? Not missing. Not missing. I rest...

Wait a second. Look, look. I rest the edge of the tampon in the applicator. I've pulled the thing out the back and it's on the precipice. of the hole, right? Are we listening? Yeah. I push it in at the bottom.

Yeah. No, no, no, you don't push it in the bottom until you have it in you first. Yeah, so it's in me. So it's there. And I'm pushing it in and up. And I am so nervous that in that little bit where the two bits of plastic or paper join, that a bit of, like, labia, menorah, majora. How wide is your menorah?

She's present. We've been over this, like, like, like, jellyfishy. Mine doesn't really fill in the way, to be honest. So, like, I'm nervous. that I'm going to catch it. And I don't want to cut my little labia. Who break the way before you push it in? I don't want to cut my labia.

Who break the way before you push it? It's not going to... You push them out the way, but they... I mean, if I could push them out the way, then I wouldn't have to constantly be tuck in. I hate you. This is good to discuss women's bodies. And I think there'll be other people that suffer the way that I do.

So like, basically, I find it easier to thumb up a non-applicator. And then I do use my thumb because I'm scared if I use my index finger, which is longer I'll go too far. Are you joking? I'm not joking. don't actually, you don't thumbs up your tampon. But when you're younger, you do not thumb up your tampon.

Of course I do. No, you don't. Of course I do. Why would I use my finger? Why would you use your thumb? Why would you use your thumb? Why would you use your thumb? Because it's the right length. It's a right length. Oh my God. It's a length for the bottom of the tampon to sit in there. If you were going to use a finger, think about the size of an average finger. But also why would you choose it? Like that. Okay.

This is the top of the tampon. That's my thumb. goes in there. So if I push it up. But the indignity of like, have a great day. Like what are you saying that out loud, am I? I'm not going to have a great day. I'm on my period. It's going to be a miserable day. Best to have a good one at school. Like, why are you putting your thumb up? What are you talking about? Because I, I personally. I personally. Have you thought about the possibility that you could use index or middle finger and not push them all the way into yourself? No. The fear of the slip is too big. Flip. Yeah. Let's say I've got baby oil all over. my body. Why do you? Why do you? I don't know. I like the smell and I've just had a bath. You've never moisturised when you didn't have to and you weren't in an airport before in your life. That's actually, that's, that's fair. That is totally fair. I know it is. I want my stress. You're a rough-skinned woman and I don't buy it. You're not covering yourself a baby oil. I actually just spent 20 minutes of the day. We're removing dry skin from my fee in a bathtub. So I don't think I'm rough-skinned all over. And I shave my legs for the first time in four months. Yeah. Thank you very much. Yeah. I don't think you're

covered in baby oil. There was a time. Also, you would never finish your whole body, even if you started to. How would I reach it all? I'm just saying, I don't think you're covered in baby oil. If you had the amount of skin surface area I did, you would not be paying for moisturising of the whole thing either.

And listen, if we were together, I would do the baby oiling for you, but that's not the situation you're in. I would love it if you would genuinely baby oil my ass on. I actually, what? Okay, you bet you finished the sentence before I, and I'm glad you did actually. What?

Do you, um... Your ass, I do. You do have to... It would be quite lovely, I think, to baby oil your bum. You would no way separate the cheeks. I think it would be lovely. You would no way separate my cheeks. I think it'll be lovely.

Yeah. Okay, I'll wax on. Not off. I'll wax on. How about that? That'd be nice. That actually sounds really good. Yeah, that'd be lovely.

Do you my strays after every bath? And shower, yeah. And shower. I don't know. So, like, So Neil found this, like, shower gel, because he's too late to moisturise as well that has like, it's like an oily sour gel so it moisturises in the shower. Could I just do that? Yeah. I find it means the erasers don't last as long, but hey, do you?

Listen, I also love the process. Raisers. I love the process of, I know what eraser is. I love the process of moisturising afterwards. I always have, I always do it. My mom's always done it. She always does it straight after a shower and I always think of it as like being an adult woman. It's so lovely.

I don't know. That's talcing. But I love, is it? That's the adult woman's move is the ultimate talk. I don't think it is. But I do love rituals. Like, as you know, I didn't realize I had that many, but then Ellen and I started dating and she's like, what's going on? One second, you didn't realize you had that many rituals?

Not really, but I also didn't know that my body made loads of, like, clicking sounds. I'm a real, I, like. Oh, yeah, bony, clicky, Catherine. Yeah, I'm very clicky. And so, um... That's how we call you on the comedy circuit. In the morning, I'm very, like, yeah, laughing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And, but so she, apparently my nighttime routine is kind of more extensive than most people's. Yeah. Because I, what's your night? Bray the pillow, tina, cleanse, moisturised, sleep oil. No, is that you? What's my nighttime routine? I'll tell you mine. Okay.

So mine is, yes, cleansed tone, moisturised, double cleanse if I'm taking makeup off, obviously. Okay, yeah, yeah. Then I will do maybe a little roller. Oh, damn it. I thought I was shaving. Just under the chin So like a lavender roller Like the marble rollers thing on my face

Oh the jade roller Yeah thank you Yeah yeah yeah yeah Then I'll yes spray the pillow of course But the thing she finds strange that I do Which I thought everyone did I put on deodorant for bed No

Okay you're all taking your heads Yeah and I'm literally livid And I don't want to be sweaty overnight So yeah I put on deodorant and then I put on one spray of perfume and I brushed my hair and then I put a hair scented spray in my hair

and then I put my hair up in its pineapple like up at the top of my head because to keep the curls and then I put on eye cream and then I put on cuticle oil and then I put on hand cream and sometimes I put on foot cream but sometimes she puts it on for me

and then I go to bed. Is this toxic femininity? Have we found it? But that's not. It takes all of 15 minutes and I absolutely love it. It unwinds me. It gets me.

ready for bed it suits me i'm so frantic that like just kind of doing my list at the end is like if i don't do it i'm only mildly manic i find i find that if i don't what's yours similar yeah i'd say the same i'd say a couple more steps obviously but i'd say similar um no i don't know i guess right so if i've Ellen gets a glass of water and um brushes her deep yeah glass of water those are that's her routine i always have a i always have a look i usually get a bottle um I don't know, let's say to a classic evening. That's her routine. Her routine is brushing your teeth and then watch you do.

I do. I try and remove my makeup, but obviously sometimes you just can't be fat. Helen. I know you're supposed to do it every night, but like it doesn't, it's not worth it. You don't even wear it every day. Why can't you take it off when you do? Because you just, sometimes you just forget and you're ready for bed. I'm going to get you the camomile makeup remover from. It's just no point though.

No, but it's just no point. I have been told so quick so quick so many times. It's so quick just to go to the toilet when you wake up in the night and you need away. Doesn't mean I won't sit there in agony. I do that. There are things that are more important. I guess I put on a murder podcast. Oh, I listened to a fascinating podcast yesterday called You're Wrong About, which debunks things. You know it. I bloody know it. Of course you do. So they have one on why true crime is ruining our brains. And it's so good. I want to listen to that episode. No, it's really good.

It's not ruining my brain. If anything, I got smarterer. Okay. To the point where I'm going to buy it if I go missing kit. So so far you've got a murder podcast and not taking your makeup. off. I then if I do, I take my makeup off. I wash my face and then put moisturiser on. And sometimes I do remember to put eye cream on before the moisturiser. Last night it was very good actually. I put on a

sleep oil moisturiser and eye cream. But the thing is, I don't have to do anything with my face anymore because I figured out the secret to ageing. I watched it on a, like Instagram or Facebook reel. And you just take collagen. And I now take collagen. There's an episode on, I think of, maintenance phase, or you're wrong about it, but how that's not true.

I really don't like you today. Okay, sorry. I'm actually a bit defensive because I am overdue my Botox and everything's moving again and I don't like it. You know what you should do? Take a collagen tablet. No, I'm going to go back. I booked the doctor. Okay.

But also I had to extend it because I said to Ellen, I wouldn't have any before a birthday party because she doesn't like my Botox. So now it's kind of fun because I kind of haven't told her that I'm getting it again. But it makes me feel like a heterosexual. You are so mad, keeping secrets from your partner and saying. them on a podcast. It's not really a secret because she's going to know

once I get it and then she'll be like you can't frown anymore so I don't accept that you're mad at me and I'm going to get a forehead again. Yay.

Yay. But I've got pillow spray but I only use it when I'm like really Hets up but sure yeah. I use it when I'm head up and stressed. I hear you.

I love a mist in the room and then I also like to use like I don't know I try basically the only thing that really makes me go to sleep as if I sit there and read first but I'm still

okay what's cuticle oil? like that just that that feels like a beauty net you don't even need it because you actually have the most stunning nails and nail beds I've ever seen that's like I am gross old are you picked off my own gels in my teeth oh helen I was bored and I ripped off all my gels and my teeth why have you done that I was watching a very like good TV show and I was binging it so I couldn't which one have you seen Fleischman's in trouble I've read the book I haven't seen the show because Ellen's reading the book and then we can watch it together have you read the book no no it was a Ivo Graham. Ivo Graham, who's coming in today?

Send me the book during lockdown. Right, you know what? Let's talk to him about it. Let's talk to Ivor Graham about it. Ready, everybody? Please, welcome to the podcast. Ivo Graham. Oh, and tune in to the Patreon, especially if you've sent us in a problem because we're

going to do a mailbag special. Hello, Ivo Graham. Oh, hello, and Ivo Graham. How are you doing? Hello, Helen. Oh, my God, you're so TV. You have your retainer in. You have kombucha on the table.

You have a nice, I'm going to say, vintage denim jacket. That's the triple. He's on TASTAXMA. You made it. Nice. His teeth are getting newer and his clothes are getting older. Oh, he's really made it. He's gagging for pilot season.

When is pilot season? I don't know. We don't know. We know, not in America. People go to America for a month. They come back. They've been a lot of new. Soho houses.

They're not in anything, but they sold a script for 20 grand, and their life has changed. And their teeth are shiny. Wait, can you just go there for a month and sell a script for 20 grand and come back? I'm putting all of this out of my,

out of my imagination. Okay. But I, no, I do. Listen, and I don't really have aspirations in that domain. I can't act. And I've got a lovely child in London, so I'm really not swinging at the States.

She's quite nice. I'd stick around. Yeah. And also, but let's not, you know, ignore the can't act either. Oh, yeah. I mean, we've done the stand-up sketch show together, Catherine.

You see how wouldn't I was as myself? You were, obviously, you were fantastic as my pregnant partner. Wait, Series one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not Series one. No, no, series one, my partner was played by Maisie Adam. No way. Series two played pregnant by Catherine Bowhart.

Could the audience tell? We don't know. I looked fantastic pregnant. That's what I learned. Really? Yeah, provided the bump is organized by other. women for me um oh well fair play to you hey we love to see it hey ivo how are you i am uh yeah i'm very good thank you but i am nervous to be here because you're angry with me i'm helen's angry with me

well helen's always angry with me and to be fair i've remembered the last thing you're angry me about and i've rectified that as well that's in my bag you brought the game i've brought the game may i say her anger is more justified today than i would usually credited as being okay Catherine's angry too. She just didn't message a bit. I'm miffed. You're angry. But that's the dynamic, isn't it?

Grace and restraint from Ireland. Grace and restraint from Ireland. What are the fuck am I? Well, I'm sure. British best. Did you say beast? Yeah. Best.

Did you say beast? Breast is best in Britain. God save the king. Helen, tell the listener why you're so furious with Ivo and why I'm less than impressed. Okay, I just think in 2023 it's fucking mental to me and so many other

women that two men, no, I'm going to make it sexist, two men would come along hear about a podcast called Trustee Hoggs and think, you know what,

let's make a podcast and call it gigpigs. Catherine, it gets worse than that. What other words about pigs are you trying to own? Own, we legally own the word swill.

Excuse me? Which is fine. We haven't used swell. That's fine. It's Spotify playlist. And I do think that when we start recording episodes without guests where we just watch a concert at home, we'll have to call them Stye guys. The Gig Pig Pets, the Stye guys. Getting the Stai is ours.

Getting the Stai with us. Roll around the mud. And tell them about how many Sties I have. She's a Stey every of the week. Yeah. She's filthy. She will not take your makeup all. I'm not going to go as method as.

Yeah, you've got to go Barry Method. The conjunctivitis, a ridden bow. It's actually not conjunctiveitis. it's an oil gland infection. And it's because she doesn't wash your hands after she wanks at night time. Oh, come on. After the few years we've had. Sleepy.

You're clutching your backpack. You're clutching your backpack. I'm clutching. I've got a few things to get out of it. This OLAF toy is unrelated. Oh, that would have been so good. What a tease. Can someone make a gift of that moment of me thinking it's an OLAF toy to realize it?

Well, it is an OLAF toy, but this is not for you. I like warm hugs. He's in transit. Probably getting gorgeously tanned in summer. Samantha? You know this song? I don't even know a Samantha. He's the comic relief of Frozen.

But is that from the second one? No, it's the first one, I believe. Second one is Samantha. And he sings a lovely song about how he can't wait to find out what happens in summer. What frozen things do is. in summer. Winners a good time to stay in cuddle

but put me in summer and I'll be a happy snowman! But it's fucking bog-cuff man. It's so good. You know what? I'd love to come on gigpids

if we can go to see what's frozen. I've already seen it but I'd go again. Oh, frozen on ice, take us both. Does that count as a gig for gigpig? Oh, it definitely counts as a gig per gigpig's and it's a listen, for the hog-pig crossover rep, it would be lovely to be on ice. Wouldn't it be nice?

Sliding about on ice. It would be nice. I've actually already seen Disney on ice, but only the first 15 minutes, so I'll be willing to go again. No, got a sty. I wish I got a stye. Overenthusiastic participation

of an audience member, it turns out. This is about five years ago. No, I'm joking. I got given Rosie, actually Rosie Jones got given free tickets. Oh yes. Took me, but then the start time, I got it wrong,

so I could only go for the first 15 minutes and left her with two of the friends. But they gave us, like, free seats in this, like, amazing disabled space. So it was like, on the front and then I had to walk through the whole of the O2 to get out and be like, I'm sorry I've got to get

to the chuckle factory in Bracknell this carer is walking Yeah, let's look like Get yourself over here, can you? Yeah, no, I'll have the OLAF doll, please. No, I'm afraid to say that's at some sentiment that was bought to watch the Frozen Musical on my daughter's board birthday

We went the day she became of legal age to watch it minimum age four. They don't check too. Whoa, you've already seen it. Okay, then let's not do that for gigpigs. I've already seen it too. I'll go again. Gig boys.

Why don't you be gig boys? No, gigpigs is lovely. Giggle boys. A lot of people said they've really enjoyed the name. Yeah, gigpigs is a good. They have actually. Who said that? Name them.

I want a list. Handwritten. Very few people. Let's hear it. Who said it? Friends in the industry, admittedly, have not been forthcoming because they know the land of mines that we're walking on. I do think I have every comedian to do anything that's

close to you. I would not do it because like most people would be like oh no it's funny it's fine like don't do it to us we'll fucking end you you know that I genuinely believe five years ago that I started yellow jumpers like I genuinely believe that no one was wearing a yellow jumper until I put one on and I was like well here we fucking go the whole fashion industry's copy and me and now Amazon made yellow jackets like that's not about her there we go I can't I don't know that yellow jump is a thing and I can't remember ever having seen you in one so I'm not relating so hard to that one. Somebody's spoken to his lawyer before the podcast.

How about we believe her? About something else to be better. Believe women, please. Believe women. No, I'm doubling down, I'm afraid. I think there are a lot of female liars really hiding behind this believe women thing. Ivo, can I find out what else is in Lesac Magiq? Yes, LaSac Magi. It contains not just my kombucha.

I do that wasn't kombat. That's a bottle of water, you moron. I, uh, as a token of my apologies, from me and Alex Keeley My best friend and partner in gigpiging I love Alex Oh the other pig

Some lovely vegan pork products Oh What What So I've brought you some Cemento spiced Verizzo Cube Very good

Some vegan salami slices And of course the big one I'll have those I want those please I want the toast Soy sausages Enjoy the warm or simply cold.

I can't remember, I'm afraid, despite I would say being a good friend of you both, I mean, we ate, we ate meat. You've seen me, me, yeah. I brought me sex toys. Catherine is veggie. We're all trying to do better, aren't me? I've brought me sex toys. Look at my boys.

This is doing better. Look at this stuff. Some weaty satan salami. And then I thought three, I don't know, you know. Doesn't this look like four long, creepy fingers? Yeah, that's, that one's absolutely horrible to look at. But I bet they'll be nice. I love Alina.

I love this. Thank you so much. I'm intrigued by them. Well, if you're intrigued by them, I'm absolutely gagging to get some. He's not going to take one of these gifts home. I could, but are you sure I couldn't send these behind the perspex? Oh, yes.

Do you like some pimento cubes? Yay! The least you can do is give something to all the women's space. How easily does Perpex shatter? No, no, don't. No, okay. I'll give it to you afterwards. Thank you.

Thank you. I'm so much for my vegan. salami slices. It really is the white flag of pork products, the vegan option. This is great. We accept your apology. Listen, I am

Made in Germany. Of course. That was very much. This fermented spice varieties. This would be too hot for me. I would sweat my face off. I'm looking forward to hearing the reports on these. Oh, you'll be hearing

from me. You will be hearing from me. Holy shit. You know what? Give me. Why? The amount of ingredients or what's the problem? I don't think I get it. I think it could potentially get a bit bleak.

But listen, while of course we're all doing our best, but we are weak and we will sometimes eat pork in a restaurant for a late at night. I think turning up with a big bag of pork, I think would have been quite a, not a good look. I don't eat meat so, I'm glad you didn't. No, no, well, exactly. Wow. I would have kind of loved it if I just like stumped on the check.

And you're like, right, we're fighting for the right to have pig or hog in your title. We're Lord of the Fliesinger, M lock the doors, let's see what happened. And Keeley just comes in with spikes. Just in under the door as it closes, he's like, that's amazing. But genuinely, I do want to know about gigpigs. So you go with your guest to a concert each week. It's a lot more effort than just coming to some fucking box in Perkins. It is, it is so much more ever.

Your outlay must be insane. Outlay. Oh, yeah. They want outlay. Congrats on all your Patreon subscribers. We're still very much in the loss end of the sky. But your loss is The bar is going to be so high

What do you mean? I mean, if you're taking people to nice gigs Yeah, I mean, I didn't love the thought of taking you both to Disney on Ice It's not some sort of a Whoa That was charmless from me Does it count as a gig to go to the Pig Spirian in Surrey? No, I don't think so

Damn That's a specific what's in specifically going to see some pigs That's in Breckon You can go on a pig nick Which is where you feed these pigs They're like the loyalist I'm going to say brand of pig But it's probably a breed

There we go It's hard with products and animals Do you know what I mean The loyalist brand The loyalist breed of pig And you give them little treats And they come and a walk with you Then you'll have a picnic together

That's really nice We're gonna Brecken then What we are I don't know what you're doing I'd love to do that Yeah no we can afford that Because of the Patreon Have you done any sort of pig based

Sort of outings Oh yeah but we should You know you've I've seen you oinking on Instagram Yeah yeah yeah You want to have a girl Come on piggy boy You want the title

Then let's hear the owing Come on Come on No I've not come here to oink To poised oink To poised oink yeah I'll fuck it But I won't impersonate it

I'll tell you what we have done A bit of a dated A bit of a dated dog I liked it I liked it a lot piggy things we've done we went to the zoo all together and we did look at the pig there that would probably be it as far as but then we've eaten a lot of percy pigs we should do a pig experience I think we should do a pig experience pig nick sends right up most

but he feels like we saved money if we went with the gig pig boys yeah we do treat our guests and and then we meet up with them at a later date so it's a lot of admin to talk about the gig to talk about the gig sometimes which it's been several weeks And you just can't. If you guys want to know more about the pig-nig experience, my sister's trying to get me to book it at the moment. I've always plugging his podcast, which admittedly is... Marianne, I'm doing a podcast.

Get another barrel. I'm on a podcast. Nintendo movie together. Oh, no, I'm not going to the Nintendo movie. I'm going to hang up. Okay, bye. Oh, I'm such a bad sister. I thought it was going to be at the pig experience.

Can you go to the Nintendo movie with me? You are also a bad podcast host. That's okay. Didn't even say I'm doing the podcast or Hawks or whatever. He said, I'm doing a podcast. Do you think my sister listens to Hogs? No, but she must. She's a big gigpig fan.

I'm telling you that for nothing. Traitor. It's a proper dedicated music podcast, not just some fucking chat. Whoa. You've come to our house. We've taken a hobby. You've come to our house. I come to your shed and I burn it down.

That's a good point, actually. Wow. It's a really well-tipped and lovely shed. It's our last time here. We have rented our own studio. We are setting it up as we speak. I'm genuinely, I'm just making whatever cheap shots I can. I think this is really nice.

And I've enjoyed strolling through Southeast London in the sunshine via a vegan supermarket. You've wounded my heart. Your heart always heals pretty quick. Tears don't get more crocodile. I've never fake cried in my life. Yes, you have. No, you've never fake orgasms. You have fake cried.

That's true. I refuse to for equal pay. Right. refuse to affect her to fake orgasm. What pig things are you thinking of doing with Keely? I want to see if we can like spread this out because if we're doing pig nicking. I mean we haven't really thought about it

other than, you know, there are a few bands with pigs in the title and we think, well, that love is. Oh, talk to us, who? There's a band called pig, pigs, pigs, pigs, pigs, pigs, pigs. A little on the nose. They must be furious about us. I don't think everyone is seeing the world filtered through sort of trusty hog envy.

No, I imagine they are. I think they're probably annoyed. I think pig, six, six, six, six, six, six were, I think they were going pre-trusty hogs. They're looking at us. So why in 2017 were there so many mustard jumpers then? Do you know what I mean? People are watching and listening. I'm a bad person.

No, you're dead on. Mustard goes very nicely with a bit of real or even more. We're going to go see Pygmalion when the next comes to the West End. Oh, that's very good. Thank you. What else have you got? Big, pigs, six, six, six, pig, pigs, and? There's a, oh, I don't actually know the genre.

There's someone called Big Pig. So, obviously, the Gig Pig, Big Pig episode, or indeed, the Gigsiggyz. That's very good. Oh, that's good. Our first guests are our guinea pigs. What if, hell, like, everyone who's come, and I'm sure it's the same here, including Phil Wang, who's, I think he's the first person dropped on the Gigpigs. dogs double

whoa that is a legendary double that's like doing off menu and Joe Rogan in the same day which one do you think we are Joe yeah me too

me too me too bigger listenership what can I say what can I think very long episode very long let's do it

ha ha ha ha look let's just divide it up. You can do anything musical based. I love it. I'm talking about how he invented the yellow jump. Well, he's always talking about how he invented the

podcast, basically. So. Should we just all commit now to like letting it go? Because I feel like you're very steamed up about this, how like. I feel like you're really angry. No, you're, do you say fucking Frank Fertter? Whoa. I don't know how you speak in your podcast, but we're in a

lady's room and if you can't be a lady, you will not be allowed in the ladies room again. Who's been the least ladylike person in the ladies room of this? Oh my God. had some absolute beasts. Who's been the least lady like Chloe Pets never makes me think, oh, Alison Bittle can be quite repulsive. Oh, Alice Bittal had vomited at one point. But you were being disgusting.

I nearly pissed my, I did piss myself a bit. I guess it's always Helen, but then second to Helen. No, we've had some real mantis. Who was gross? Who was gross? Oh. Who's been like a minger that I could like list recently? Soneil's always a bit like,

I'm going to have him back on soon, but he's like. Bella kept trying to tell that. poo story. Great stuff. Love a bit of Bella Hull. Yeah, I can't really remember. Why, who's the most minging one you've had on? Ours has been pretty clean so far. But we did, we most recently saving on admin and just turning up the sort of the thrill of it all. We did a podcast up with Lou Sanders after the gig. This was like 1 a.m. Whoa. And actually, you know, Lou is a slick professional. Yeah. And sober. And sober. So you could do that kind of thing. So it wasn't, Oh yeah, we drove home after the gig

It was all very reasonable on Friday night But nonetheless, it's got a little whiff When you're doing one When you're podcasting at one Yeah Stuff's coming Something's gone a bit dodge Yeah, and also you can be a little bit ruder

We can do this at 11am Truly we can Helen can talk about the colour of her labia At 11 8 But the problem is if we do at 11am We're about an hour out from big toilet So like everything I'd say like it's all pretty fresh

For me at that point Big toilet always at 10 Big toilet's around 10 I'd say Yeah She doesn't like if you call her then Right She'll hang up on you I will answer

But then hang up It's happening Oh it's happening You and Keely have the same thing No No Not the same dynamic What time do you big toilet

I couldn't tell you When Alex big toilet Really but you're a runner No we're pretty Yeah but I'm all over the place In that regard I thought since Paula Everyone tries to do it in the morning

No I don't have to any systems really. Hey folks, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast, Food with Mark Bittman. It's hard for me to believe we're talking about back to school, but whether you're thinking lunch boxes or nourishing dinners, Whole Foods Market is the place to shop, and their high standards allow you to shop with confidence. Their house brand, 365 by Whole Foods Market, has everything you need for quick and convenient

in breakfast, lunches and dinners from oatmeal to trail mix to wild fish sticks. Explore the many ways you can save on back-to-school foods at Whole Foods Market. Hey, Ivo, you've made it to the... You've made it to the other side.

Of the podcast? No. To the happy place, the land of gold for comedians. You're doing, bloody Taskmaster. Oh, I thought you were going to say our problem solving. What's it like out there, man? What's it like over the other side of the hill?

Is it nice? Oh, it's as full of regret as it was on the previous side of the hill. But obviously, they're the regrets that we'd all like to have and that I was very envious of. Yeah. That's scary? Yeah. Was it exposing? Yeah.

You're hitting all the key beats here. Was it? I crumble under pressure and I was put under pressure over and over again. Oh, interesting. I think the thing I would struggle with is as much as the pressure is the willingness and sort of robustness character-wise of being embarrassed that often. Because I think people think comedians are good at being embarrassed. That's not always true. And I would fall into the category of good at laughing at other people but not necessarily myself.

I do endeavour to, but embarrassment is the point at which I kind of crumble a little bit. It's like an uncomfortable place to be. Yeah. Yeah, well, I think we've, I think, I think that ship has sailed, and I think that ship had sailed for me quite a long time before. Right, great. And I think we're now in the sort of, like, there used to be, I think, I guess the idea that you'd create, you'd curate a very specific side of your personality

for your little bits of exposure, like your stand-up and maybe your book. But basically, you could still keep that pretty two-dimensional. Yeah. Or fake three-dimensional, but really it's two-dimensional. And then you're living your life. Whereas as soon as you've got a podcast now, you know, like, you're already, And so I feel like things about me like being sort of like, you know, disorganised or like, you know, late. Unfortunately, much as I might still be trying to fix them in my in my life, they're now, they've gone beyond my friends to like, you know, I remember being late to a gig in Bristol and someone sort of tweeted saying, sat waiting for the latest man in comedy, Ivo Graham.

And I was like, I've never described myself as that. But I guess it's just been a sort of feature of enough anecdotes and across enough. Oh, my. And the phone's on. And his phone's on. Oh, my phone wants me to be real. Is that such a crime? Oh my God, let's be real.

It's time to be real, baby. We're ready. Let's be real. I've never, I've never been real. Let's be real. As in I've never done it. Let's be real. This could be your first one.

We're your first one. Anyone follows everyone, be real. Prepare for a real spoiler. Here we go. His maiden voyage. I don't even know how to open this damn app. Here we go. You can do it.

Do you be real. I don't, but I've been in other people's. You're going to be in both sides. Take one of us. Take one of you with us. It's perfect. I mean, listen. Let's have a look at me there.

It's a pretty schnoz, uh, sent through. Send, send. It's perfect. It's perfect, Ivo. That's your first ever be real. Yeah, it'd be great. I mean, I'm not a vain man, but it'd be great. I thought I was going to get another go at me.

Let's try one more time. Here we go. So I hold of my vegan salami slices. Yeah, me too. I just put hogs. Nice. Really? You wouldn't put pigs? A barbecue, I'd have said.

Feast. Sausage salad. Sausage party. Sausage party! That's the crossover wrap. You know what I'm saying? A sausage party. Although that is already a cartoon.

Don't worry about it. It's horrible, isn't it? They're in the supermarket, but they don't know their fate or something. Yeah. Yeah. Is Seth Rogen, maybe? Is that what the film's premises? Yeah.

It's a real sort of 3 AM, sort of joint going round. Yeah. Chicken run for the hot. high adult in your life. That's weird that you watch that then. I watch very different stuff. All quiet in the Western Front, 3 a.m. I'll just watch anything.

Reservoir dogs. What? The pianist, 3am. I like to take in stuff. I don't like the pianist. I'd also like to say, Seth Rogen and his regular collaborators. It's... Jad Apatow.

It's quite a famously sort of marijuana-infused operation. I sort of meant I meant like 3 a.m. That's that they're having that idea when they're like stowed at 3. Oh, I thought you meant it was like a watch at 3 a.m thing. I wasn't, I wasn't trying to be like. I'm rooting Plato's cave. That makes a lot worse. Yeah, sorry, I wasn't trying to endorse Stone Cinema.

Although some of Seth Rogen stuff is Vigard. Vegan. Favorite Seth Rogen film? It's an obvious one, but super bad for me. Lovely, guys. I'm knocked up. I like knocked up. Yeah, very good.

I would agree. I like the one where he has, what's the one? I'm so old. You know the one? Here we go again. I'd say super bad, but if I weren't to say super bad. I love watching Catherine trying to remember something. I'd say the romance between him and Charlize Theron in that one.

Monster. Not Monster, what? Catherine Heigel? No, no, that's knocked up. That's not. What are we talking about? Charlize and Seth, fall in love, but she's like a diplomat. Don't worry about it.

We don't have to worry about any of this. I worry. It's been a series of weird left turns from the moment like Real went off. Did you expect it to be segways? Can I tell you my favourite Seth Rogen thing now? Not film, thing. Of course. Have we all seen the comeback where Lisa Cudrow, season two, when they're making Seeing Red?

Incredible. Is he in that? Yes, and he is phenomenal in it. Are we ready for a... Yes, I'm ready for a problem. But before we do, how's your hot brother? My brother is hot. He's a good guy. These are his old head. So hot. He used to live in, he just lived around here.

Have you ever seen Ivo's hot brother? No. He's Ivo, but hot. It's crazy. Ivo's beautiful too. Yeah, but you're okay, but I'm just a good. That's what you think. You think he's hot. Oh, really? Is it one of those? And you're like, whoa, hot Ivo. It's crazy. Good for him, eh? Yeah. Catherine, it's the advertising my brother didn't ask for, but I don't think he'll be complaining. And we're running the London Marathon together at the end of a. April. Will he be taking a couple?

He probably will at the end, but only, only for donors. Wait, let's get charity details. Yeah, tell us. What are you running for? The MS Society. Oh, Carmen, that's a good one. Donate to the MS Society. Good one.

It's not which charity would you have laughed out of town. Laughed out of town. Oh, here we go. A gigpibs money for us to go to a concert. How dare. A family money. Yeah, no, I think that's great. And where can people sponsor you?

We've got a Just Giving page which features the whole family including my brother wearing very tight-fitting orange singlet Don't mind if we do. Wait, your hot sister's wearing one too? He's wearing one too? Something for everybody.

What's the call? Just Giving forward slash Graham's, I believe. But I mean, listen, I didn't mean I'm making about that. We'd be jumping around. Ivo, I spoke for months on this podcast about a half marathon I did. Get your hot brother on two people's pages.

It's his debut marathon. He's very excited. You've done one before? I've done one before. Time. He's in pro. Three and a quarter hours. Holy shit, boss.

He's fast. He's fast. And my brother's faster. hotter, younger, faster. Whoa. And child free. And sexy. And child free.

He's got a fantastic long-term partner, but he's not on taskmaster. Yeah, there you go. Oh, or on trusty hogs. Um, Helen, before we get into the listener problems, I have brought some top trumps. But I haven't. I haven't bought Harry Potter. So when Helen and I did a gig together in the Alps in January of all places,

I did not thrive. Harry Potter, oh, we all thrived on the slopes and we sort of thrived at the gig as well. How was she on the slopes, I know. I didn't encounter you on the slopes. Yeah, I wasn't on the slopes. You're in the spa. I know. What did you bring me?

So on that trip I had Harry Potter top trumps and Helen really got enthused about the backstage and said, bring her next time I see you. We gig stopped looking under my legs. We gigged in Marilynne a month later and I didn't have my top trap. No, and it really upset me. There they come again. I was fresh off a plane and I was very tired and I thought it's good. I'm gigging with Ivo Graham and Phil Bang tonight.

What a lovely duo. This will be very nice and Ivo will bring a gamey for me to play backstage. And Ivo went, I didn't bring it you stupid bitch and then walked away. That sounds like him all right. Awful. No other chap. What did you bring me today? I've brought you the Simpsons

and I brought and I brought baby animals Yay, baby animals I do love the Simps I don't know Baby animals ranked by independence Months in Mummy's tummy

Weight at Birth Mischief and Cuteness Oh that's adorable Pretty sweet isn't it Can I just have a little look at some of them Please I'll just give you half the bag I don't do a problem

Oh my God thank you We will do a problem But first you guys play a quick game Of whatever you do Go you go fast Okay I'll go with with um oh sorry i've given you the instructions uh oh i think i've got quite a bad card i've never played this set before independence seven damn it my fledgling owl beat her ostrich chick

i ate ostrich the day never mind go ahead um um oh wait at birth hit me it's a 30 kilogram calf stop it whoa how's my little lion two kilograms tiny what okay go on wait at birth me again I fucking dare you no I'm not gonna well don't give it away okay I'll go for mischief 30 you don't get more mischievous than a border collie puppy oh I got a rhino cough

70 kilograms at birth but not mischievous there's gonna be a lot of top trumps in my Edinburgh show this year thank you tell have you seen the royal pack yet I've got the royal pack okay so do I

the platinum jubilee one absolutely dreadful and insult her memory and the fact that and they have like the weddings of everyone and like Harry and Megans and it's like

they made it by cultural significance. On uniting the nation. Absolutely. United Nations. And like Harry Megan's school like really high. It's like, listen, I feel very sorry for Harry Megan a lot of ways. But they do not, you know.

You cannot say they've united the nation. It's an absolute mystery of the pack. It goes from actual people like his royal highness Prince William to the platinum Jubilee. Yeah, yeah. You're trying to beat Balmoral with the corgis. Okay. Let's do you two.

Two more, two more. Let's go until you win one. Independence, eight. Ten. There we go. My baby chicken is doing everything for the minute. Bambi could do fuck when they fall over. You know that.

Okay, I think I might have the winning card. Whoa. Okay, let's play one more go. Category is? Category is. Podcast names. That's not bad actually. What would you?

Oh, let's do, let's just rustle. You're missing the point entirely. Who has the one that is closest to the name of our podcasts? You got a piglet? I got a piglet! I win! Mommy's tummy four months. Weight at birth, 1.4 kilograms.

Independence, 9. Mischief, 10, cuteness, four. What? Only four. We've got catchphrases, bitch. What are you got? You just got a stupid kitten. We've got catchphrases like, um...

What was your favorite song at the gig? What, um... What song do you wish they'd played at the gig? Okay, well, there's something to work on there. It's a pretty fun podcast if you like the specific practicalities of kind of music gigs. If you were doing a podcast, top-trop set, what would be the five rankings? Year started, so you just... Oh, that's good. It's a classic.

Year started, number of hosts. A number of hosts, okay. Number of apps, maybe, number of patrons. Not more than do patron. So changeable, so changeable is a thing. Um, I'd have said... This is such an interesting one because it's like, how do we sort of like, what sign, like, hmm,

merch, items of merch? Have you got merch? We've got merch. We've got merch, bitch. Bloody hell. Um, items of merch. Laughs per app. Hardly thing I can measure.

No, but I think you should do like, um, like, you know, when like hosts fall out and they get in like new co-hosts. Yeah. Like replacement co-hosts. Are you going to name an example of that? I would rather not. Prower, anti-vax. Yes!

He has like a... What level of conspiracy theory are they at? That's it, flat earth or no? And we can call it flat earth or no. I love these theories. Helen was insistent in Montreux. That... It's called Montreal.

Montreal. I'd love to have gone to Montreal. But I also was very happy to go to Montreal. I was not. Do the double. You were happy. You were happy. You were just expressing it happiness by ranting about the fact that me and lots of my other white male Oxford-educated French were in a category of comedian called War Boys. Warboys.

What? Oh yeah, you did explain this. You said you can put all comedians into like four categories. Yep, and I can. War Boys? I'm Big Thicco. Chaos Slut, War Boy, Big Thicko, and then Edge Lord. What am I? Chaos Slut. Oh, yeah, that checks out.

Person of a nation takes you to chaos. There's no head girl category? Yeah, I think head girl is... Who's in head girl category? Me and Chloe Pets. see i say clothes a big thicker uh-uh because if you go on stage and the audience go oh i guess then you're a big thicker head girl energy head girl energy war boys are my favorite category because everyone in their audience who buys tickets to them has two hit lobographies at home

without no i think her i think um josie long i think me i think um these are head girls i think kiri puttard mclean head girl energy okay i'd say could be chaos flat Um Pasca's a head girl Okay maybe there is another category Yes Damn it We're talking women who like

Wear cardigans But patronise you in a way That makes you think They would be good in bed Keri wears like amazing Sequent corset And sexy And funny obviously funny

Yeah obviously like And they're not good in bed And then funny Oh no It was just like That's the impression They're giving off Ivo

Why don't you make me sound like a sexist I don't know. But Lou Sanders is like the queen of the chaos lot. Oh yeah, 100%. And Olga's in chaos lot. Olga's a chaos lot, yeah. Toby Jueger's in chaos lot. But also the other head girl.

Confusing. Okay, you know what? I do need to look at this again, I think. I need to sit down with Chelsea Berger again. I'm just down on paper. Yeah. You are still a war boy and that's not going to change. I'm trapped with my biography.

I love watching Ivo do comedy, not only because he's very good at it, but also because he's the only other comic who speaks as fast as I do on state. That's very kind of you to say, Catherine, although you didn't love watching me do comedy enough not to go and get in your taxi to the night and I totally did a gig show

recently. I actually ended up watching you do your set because my taxi didn't arrive and I really enjoyed how you mocked the CEO of the company who was paying us for our gig. I was desperate for Catherine to see me by the hand of feet. You were so good. I was so pathetically excited. Oh, you were brilliant. This man got up and somehow

Ivo had the foresight to write down clearly what he said which is that he gets up and is like I once on a fateful day in December 2017 did a comedy course and concluded in a pub when my wife was, blah, blah, blah, blah. Very sweet story. I'm going to tell the whole story as if he's the CEO except his fateful day.

He was trying to be an account. What are they lawyers? He turns out and said very nice, very good, very good stuff. I love callbacks. I often use them as a substitute for original material. And it was excellent. And they didn't even notice. Thanks very much.

Really good stuff. Are you ready to solve a problem? And why have we brought a dad on here if you're not going to help some youngsters? Come on then. Come on then. Good fatherly sentiment. Come on then.

I'm ready to listen and solve. That's one of our catchphrases. I moved to London seven months ago for a new job and I can't say enough how much your podcast has helped me in staying positive. I moved to London a few months ago so that I might get to go to a gig with Ivo, Graham and Alex.

I'm heavily implied. I, 24-year-old female, have recently come out of a three-year-long-distance relationship, which ended amicably but was very heartbreaking as we slowly realised over the last few months that it was no longer working for us. I know no one in the city but I know that it takes a long time

for the dust to settle when starting over and to find true friends where you are. So instead of putting pressure on building a support network I've thrown myself into trying many different groups and hobbies like ping pong rounders, board games, book clubs, etc. Such a weird eclectic mix I respect you for so much. Yep. I do enjoy going out to the many events London has to offer and most people I meet are lovely but on a couple of occasions I've been approached by creepy men

and I've had who I've had difficulty shaking off and since the breakup I've completely lost my energy to go out and feel quite sad and isolated from friends and family who all live far away. I'd be so grateful for any advice on this breakup process and how to get back on my feet to go out again and find the energy to meet new people. Also any tips on how to deal with creepy men when you're going out alone? Thank you. Yeah, the creepy men one, I think I said it before, I said again, there's a scene of miscongeniality where she teaches how to physically disable them

by kicking them in their groin and she describes the different movements in incredibly accurate detail and it is always worth watching that before going on a night out. And I'm sick of saying it. Who is the person who said that you should just bark at them? Once you start barking, men really back off.

Self-esteem. Who we went to watch for a recent episode of Gigpigs who'd have done. Yeah. Yeah, there's a bit in one of her songs about, you know, nothing more scary than we were appearing completely during. and later in the song everyone barks and the Apollo full of people barking it was a hell

of a thing that's amazing yeah bark i should have gone to that concert that sounds amazing i was wearing a um it is literally just lifting a lift in it lifting an anecdote from gigpigs straight to trusty hogs i thought i was wearing a plain white t-shirt and i took my jacket because it was hot and i was wearing a t-shirt a bit of stash from a stag dude that i'd gone on a few months ago phenomenal i'm here at this like wonderful empowering like sort of uh sort of you know um female Female centric a gig, listen to the song about, like, you know, barking at toxic men. And I'm like, and my t-shirt says, hooligans 2020. Oh, my God.

That's so funny. Okay, wait second. So, I sympathize with this problem. It's a multi-line. Which foreign Ivo? Well, the breakup, the new city, the lack of energy, the probably a bit of post-pandemic stuff. Yeah, trying to find your buddies and then you go out and you're like, you don't have much energy, but you find the energy to go out and then someone's creepy to you.

Like, it's all, like, it's all fucking frustrating. Thoughts, Lance? What do we think? Like, number one, I think it's amazing that you are going out and trying all these different things. I think when you're sad and your energy's low after a breakup, like it's so hard to motivate yourself to do anything, particularly things by yourself.

And I think it's fucking amazing that you're doing it. Creepy guys, I just think it's just part of it, isn't it? Like, take it as a bloody compliment. No, okay. I was like, what? Oh, my fucking God. think what my dad would say don't be a stock up

frigid haul, Helen. Smile! And that's verbatim. Shout to dad, can't wait for the weekend. Well, let's break it into two problems. Let's break it first into how to get the energy up to do things and how to like snap out of the breakup stuff. I would say trying to

in my opinion, trying to return to your life as it were before. It doesn't usually help you. Like, why can't I do the things that I used to be able to do? I would say try an activity that you haven't done already. It might be good for your brain to like disconnected from trying to back to somewhere before and so I would say

also stuff that like if you have to do alone do stuff that you'd better to do alone like go swimming in like a lido or a ponds where if you brought someone you would hate that like it's like I just want to swim alone to creep you guys not go to ponds not really go to the ladies pond

heaven no piece of the ladies pond recording it on the first first real day of spring it's hot thoughts turn inevitably to the heath yeah it's really gorgeous do that and also maybe join it sounds like you could do with a team right now maybe join a like a sports team like a hockey team football team rugby team frisbee team with like friends where the that's a good idea like joining sort of like my friend does like um hi charlotte does um netball on Thursday nights where it's regular so that

it's like a certainty that you do have to be somewhere this week and even if that's all you achieve that's achievable also there's like a certain like level of guy that like can't get to creepy because what they're into is just like inherently overtakes the energy to be creepy. Oh, D&D? No, not D&D weirdly. I think they kind of cross over sometimes. Shout out to Saneal's friends in this D&D group that watch. Hello.

How much of this podcast is you waving through the first text? Hello. A lot of the bad guesses are waving to camera, Ivo. No, I just think it's like, if you want to be around different people who, you don't think I'm going to creepy to you, any secondhand DVD shop like a set, or a fop and there's a lot of lads in there who just want to watch Blu-ray Oh like Warhammer Boys

Yeah I'd never have the energy They couldn't care less about you No because they're too busy pointing a different Like seen it, seen it, seen it, seen it Is she not aspiring for a slightly more exciting London life than going to Fopper? I got a great music shop obviously

But it's nice to have options Go to the pond, go foppy Yep What do you think, Ivo? I don't think comedy is a bad thing to go to I know it's very, you know... Not exactly a dart for... It certainly got creepy men in it.

Oh, absolutely. Maybe go... Yeah, maybe go... I'll wave at the camera on that one. Hey guys. We've got to be more careful, but ultimately, we're still getting away with it. But yeah, maybe go see a female comedian show.

Although, stay away from the back row and the front row. But yeah. What else is... A musical theatre choir. Ooh. I've no doubt that would be good, but I can't speak from experience. Really?

Okay. That's because the only men who would be there would be homosexual. Volunteer at the zoo. Volunteer, you could volunteer, but Jesus, it's a bit depressing if you're feeling down already. That's true. You need something, um, oh, dinosaur sculpting classes,

making dinosaur sculptures. Do you know what we're really sort of leaning into our sort of just time out, just hammering out. I would suggest for London Barbecue School again but it's bloody booked up to September Ugh

You know what I would say Although some of the snorts are real And some of the perfect But you will try to pan them all off As intentional Not possible That was yeah No okay cool

I think we've solved it The thing about creepy men is for a long time I would judge myself quite harshly for how I dealt with them as opposed to being like it's creepy that you're over here in this situation. I would say things like

often you find yourself saying things to get out of a situation like I have a boyfriend which is inherently un-feminist you shouldn't have to say I shouldn't have to be like there's already a proprietor of this woman like I shouldn't have to say any of that

but it's very effective in those incredibly like misogynistic patriarchal narratives where they're like I'm going to go see if that lady's free and so I used to be really harsh of myself for not being like fuck off. But often that puts you in more danger

and antagonises a prick. And I sometimes I just say like forgive yourself for doing what you need to do to get out of those situations. Does that make sense? So what are we saying? Just come to Trusty Hogg's Live. Obviously. Like if we're like getting down to the brass tacks of it.

Ladies Pond. Trustee Hogg Live. And probably tickets to see both of us preview or something. Yeah. And like obviously and join the Petrine because that's like another bit of your time still. It's a genuine safe space. But also. Do your patrons, I mean, it feels like I'm just joining in this massive PR exercise, but do,

is there any sort of forum where they do meet and communicate with each other? It's a great question. So they get, um, there is a group. There's a WhatsApp group from Gigless. WhatsApp group. Where they discuss. I think they need a Facebook group maybe. Or a, or a, what do young people do?

But isn't that where the creepy guys mainly lives on Facebook? Yeah, I think they maybe do. And then just I think join a team A team that expects you to show up At the same time every week It's such a fortifying thing I think Yeah And that leads so quickly to other things

I think I think the terror of going to things Completely on one's own Even though it's really great if you can And if you can find a way to do it You know in a way it doesn't make you feel stressed Like it's one I love going to the cinema on my own Like great times

But you know I think even though I don't wish to respond to this You know thing of like I'm nervous But like the pressure is you know A good thing But, like, having to make a night out of, you know, three or four people, particularly if you don't know each other that well, and having, like, two activities booked in

and then realizing how it does start to flow almost always. Yeah. Like, I think that, um, that sense of triumph and relief of, uh, of something not being, you know, bad because it's, it's like, it, it, I, I've, I've spent, it was a while ago now, but I, I did a year abroad. and I when I was 20 and I was just I just spent so much of it in my room because I was like oh it's just you know nothing like something will go wrong and that was just like social anxiety and I didn't have all of this added stress of like worried about that you can't recognize it in

yourself sometimes no but I do just sort of just you realize the amount of sort of sort of medium nights out I've had where it's been like yeah turned out just you know a few random conversations and a couple of drinks and one even seven out of ten activity all has created this like memory that I can really like hang quite a lot of stuff on and build on yeah i think um so a lot of the women i know play for football teams surprise surprise and what seems to build up around those communities oh come on the lesbians the queer group yeah okay i just couldn't say it loads of them join having moved from different countries to london or from different cities to london yeah show up on like training day the thing is

organized so you don't have to like even really make chat because you're supposed to be doing the activity then everyone goes to the pub after you can go or not go then there'll be a match on of the weekend if you want to play and then there'll be like somebody's party and that's suddenly like three offers you've got a week

life snowballs I think quickly we'll just we've definitely got to go because but overrunning I'll say this I think we should just quickly list one activity so we don't recommend as a woman sort of like alone in London to make friends Canal Night Walking Would be my one

Catherine or Ivo Okay I've got another one A trampoline All-male trampoline class If you've got big jugs That's just They're just watching your shake You basically made that joke

In the last episode you understand You've got to drop the trampoline bit Is kind of getting a bit of rope How about a cookery class By Nogela Lawson Because that will just be older men there like fapping off while she beats white that's just all it's going to be

oh my tofu weaners look so much worse now I'm going to say don't get into youth politics youth politics there we go you deserve better men in your life than that can the youth politics seem bad men yeah I would say don't I don't know where the worst people are

I've you know pride myself on not being amongst their number um please i mean live can i recommend live music you can recommend live music i'm not thinking like what what genre of music am i going to sort of dunk on as a place and i think the kind of the kind of men that i'm wary of and i'm definitely aware that like you know it's the category i'd be in it's like the beatom i remember reading a very long article about beta male misogyny

oh yeah uh like men think that like in like peep show people it's all the men who think that, like, Jeremy and Peep shows the dick and poor old Mark. Whereas Mark is, like, Mark hates women so, like, so much more. Yeah. And, like, there's this whole, you know, like, strutum of society, which is men who think that they're not the bad men. Oh, my God.

They're the hardest ones to talk to for a sustained period of time. Absolutely. Do you want to say in the audience, the Divine Comedy? No idea. I'm not going to throw the Divine Comedy under the bus, but I'd say that's what. I love the Divine Comedy. comedy and isn't the men that listen to it very specific. There's quite a lot of indie rock, I think,

that's consumed by these sorts of men. Okay, great. Go off, Fivo Graham. Yeah, you tell him. So, I suppose... The confusion in your face when I supported you there. You were like, huh? Why am I telling people not to come and watch the National?

Because they're so brilliant. Hey, you don't get to pick your fan. You're a war boy. Do you think you pick to have that many hit loophobographies in your audience? You get what you get, okay. They'll pass down from my parents. Well, thank you, Ivo Graham. Wait, Ivo Graham.

People can see you on Thursdays at 9pm for Taskmaster. They can also find you on Instagram. They can find you on Twitter. Yes, and on tour, maybe. And on tour. Oh, you must go see Ivo on tour. He's so good. Which show are you selling at this point, though?

Ivo, because you're finishing one tour and start in another. Yes, it's a bit confusing. I suppose I'll just put all of my eggs in the basket of filming my latest show. the Blooms Free Theatre on the 12th of May. I didn't know. You were doing that. Congratulations. We're all filming our shows, aren't me, Helen.

No, but I haven't seen the show. I haven't seen this show. I'm away. That's so annoying. Bloom three theatre 12th of May. That's all right. I saw the show in Edinburgh. I saw the show in Edinburgh and I absolutely loved us.

We had our show we saw each other shows in the same day with a lovely couple of drinks in the two. It was so nice. It was so nice. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to watch it when it comes out. Thank you. I don't know where it will come out, but I hope there'll be some 40s.

Oh, no. It will. It will. It's going to be... A room is a swelling around H. P.M. What? What? I'm a great!

Yay! Oh my God. Look at that. It's crazy. We have so big. It's always ever been so important since we changed to our little... Our baby studio. They're obsessed with us.

Show to you lift. We have a lot of people who are executive producers. Holy. Holy. The Sugar Vems, that's nice. And give you guys a goodness by the Mores, Mary Fox, Annie Thomas, Sarah Hakein, Albuquerque, and Stuart Kerr. Stewie, Stewie! Can I do the producer list?

Thank you so much. Okay, and to our producers, our loyal hugs, you've been here with us for so long. Apart from people have just joined us. Welcome. You're new. We're new. Maybe you've been hanging out in the background. And we just haven't known about you.

We're grateful. So enjoy joining us. It's Richard Bicknell, L, Richard Bold, Neil Redmond, Victoria Hutchinson, Emma Walton, Karen and David Bull, Harold Van Dyke, Tim and Dom. Tim and Dom. It's a classic. David Walker, Rachel R. Anthony Conway, Sadie Cashmore. Claire, Owen Jones, Jess and Nick, Zoe, Sarah and Molly. Do you remember when I could do this all in one breath?

Yeah, God. This show is we're succeeding. Woohoo! Or my lung capacity is severely. Or you're smoking too much. My lung capacity is depleted. Claire Owen Jones, Jess and Nick, Zoe, Sarah and Molly, Ria Fink, Cordelia, Rachel Page, Helen A, Tina Lindsay, Graham Marsh, Amy O'Reardon, Abby Worf, Key Webb, Matt Sims, Lou Bright, Leah, Kate Spencer, May Williams, Kristen, Liz Ford, Teranelle, Chloe, Becky Foxx. Thank you all so much.

You're all foxes to us! Am I right in thinking our producers, Tim and Dom, are getting married this week? Congratulations to Tim and Dom. I don't know which one's which. I hope you have a nice wedding. Okay, this singing has gone like to a new level and I genuinely am so happy for you. My mom was here at the week and she told my girlfriend I sing when I'm scared

and I think that's right, by which I mean I sing when I'm around her and you. Okay, let's talk about this on a proper episode. Okay, bye.