Trusty Hogs - Ep85. DEE ALLUM / Swimming, Singing & Scooby Doo

Episode Date: May 18, 2023

Chloe Petts is back to accompany Catherine and so is the lozenge fuelled chaos... a super fun episode with a brilliant rising star comedian: Dee Allum! We talk A Capella, pet puppies, workplace HR fumbles and how to address darker topics in comedy...FOLLOW DEE: @Dee_AllumThank you so much for listening!Support us at https://www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Mary Fox / Annie Tonner / Sarah Jarque-Deakin / Oliver Jago / Stewart KerrPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Emma Walton / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Anthony Conway / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Graham Marsh / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Kie Web / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate Spencer / Mae Williams / Tristin / Liz Fort / Taz / Klo / Becky Fox / Amie / Emily GeeWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Andrew and so are you. Sorry, Andrew. We're the lozage boys now. The lozinge boys. It's a podcast where we talk about our gorgeous lives. We listen to your listener problems. We think, gosh, that's not me. How long do you think we could take me just speaking as though I'm Helen Bauer before people are like, that's not Helen. Mill a second.

Really? Mill a second. Yeah, she's just a decibel in either of us could reach. Oh, yeah. Helen's still away. So we've got bloody pets in again. Yeah, I'm here eating the same lozange. Is it just withering away in your mouth?

How have you held on to it? whole week. Where'd you put it? What'd you do? Behind my ear. Oh, Grimm. Behind your ear. Behind my ear and then I came back to the studio,

whacked it back in again. Did it have to be like sort of chipped off? Sexy. Once I was in the car and I put a fruit parcel in my mouth and I fell asleep and I woke up and the fruit parcel was still like... What? Had its structural integrity and I just woke up and started chewing on it. It was amazing.

Imagine like waking up. with a fruit pasta in your mouth, how good that is. To be honest, I think people will still feel like Helen Bauer is here because I am disgusted. Our guest today is the wonderful D. Allum. She's amazing. I love her. She's a fantastic person. She's so funny. I'm so glad she's here.

She's really funny. She's really smart. Very kind is what I'll say. We think you'll enjoy her. Hey, enjoy episode 85. 85! I hate you. You're going to give them your problems And they will solve them Or maybe they won't

And that's your problem They'll have guests And Andrew White on the tech Oh It's Helen and Catherine As the trusty hogs Trust the trusty hogs Or maybe not

You've been back a week now Are you well adjusted to the Britain of old It's nasty I got back at the airport and no one had shouted me at me for the whole month when I was in Melbourne and then you go back to the airport and like

people are keep to the left we're coming from everybody on the right hand side if we've got a UK passport like everyone's so shouting and angry yeah there's a tense vibe in London as a minute I was thinking a lot all week

about what you said about talking to your therapist about existing in public spaces as if everyone isn't actively trying to spite me And that's just not my mode. My mode is like, what the fuck have you done that to me? But you just have to remember that everyone feels that way.

Everyone feels angry and like they're a victim of something. We've got to de-escalate, man. Yeah, you've just got to remember, I'm not a victim. I can be powerful in this situation. And also like, fine, he stepped out in front of me. I'm sure he didn't mean it probably.

Fine. He just doesn't think that I exist without women matter. Fine, he stepped out in front of me. He spat in my face. He called me a horrid bitch, but it wasn't personal. It wasn't personal. I swear to God

I mean, my equivalent of being shouted out this week is I feel like everyone's coughing at me. Yeah,

but they're not they're coughing with you. And that's important. I'm like, guys, have a listen to the lozange boys. You got, we got some tips for you.

Oh, that would be so bad if Helen Bauer came back and we changed the looks to the podcast studio and we were now called the lozinge boys. I like it. Suck on this.

that's a catchphrase get rid of the chicken get rid of the chicken die bouncing mugs and replace it with a sock on this mug a straw cup of it yeah we could get one of these yes suck on this big arrow up there if you can't see what

Chloe just held up it's um my dick that was funny I miss hell in so much honestly on this podcast I've now this is now a long time that I've spent recording with you in this studio and it always bewilders me what you're going to laugh at

and what you're going to be absolutely disgusting by you're going to be so angry I think I'm a pretty consistent woman so it's interesting that you're so confuddled but there we are okay um I would say I have a 50% hit rate review of what you find funny and what you find appalling what I'm highly disapproving yeah it's higher than helen's to be fair mainly I just I feel like every time I hear a clip of our show it's just me going helen yeah I'm like it's it's nice not to That's the dynamic. She monologues and you remonstrate. It's actually really nice to be with another parent, just one week.

Just two on the Trot is gorgeous. You're looking very well. Does that mean thin? No. No, because... I'm not your aunt. No, but you know, like, we've had this conversation before where like I've lost weight and people will say I look very well and I'm like, oh, that means thin.

Oh, classic, yeah. And then... We hate fat people, yes. Our society is fog. Clip that up. No, but you're dead right I used to do that 100% of the correlation between like you look

well and weight loss was like pretty universally true for me but I know I meant like you're glowing thank you but it does get you into a crazy headspace when everyone's like you look well and then when someone says you don't look like well I'm like well they must think I've put on so much weight and then...

Sorry who's saying to you you don't look that well no everyone's how you don't look well they just won't say it You look unwell. You don't look that well. What? No, I was like, who are these people? Everyone's saying you look well, but I don't think you look that well.

No, you're right, though. You're right. You get an absurd amount of compliments when you lose weight, and then the silence becomes very loud when you don't. And it is incredibly frustrating. Well, I am glowing, and I'm sorry to labour the point. I think it's the Melbourne air. Have you been to Australia, Chloe? Yes, I've been to Australia.

The air is cleaner, but the air everywhere is going to. Air is cleaner, the water is nicer, like, the shit I was doing to my body across that month. Like, I was drinking until 6 a.m., like five days in a row, and I still woke up, and my skin was so much fresh than when I was living in London and just, like, living a normal, healthy lifestyle. Okay, well, it feels like you tested the theory, and that's important and good. Did you go swimming in the sea? Once, on the last night. Just once?

Yeah, me and Josie Long and... You're crazy. Her partner, Johnny. It was really special, like, on that, like, on that. last night. I bet it was for them. They were trying to have a nice night or a nice romantic dip.

No, they've been together for a long, long time. They have two children. So it's rare they get any time alone. I was a fucking welcome relief. They were like trying to hang out with me at all, like just bored of each other. They got nothing to say.

So we have a romantic dip in the sea one time when we get to leave the kids behind. Then make a... I'm the romantic lubricant. Josie, I think there's a jellyfish. Josie, I think I'll be a bit by a shark. Astonishing.

Hey, what the hell are we in the calendar? What month is it? May. May? Will you tell me about you then? Oh yeah, I was just, I was just thinking, like, have I missed, like, um, Paddy's Day, but that was March? No. Then I thought, it's a mother's day.

What? I just thought, you know the way sometimes we meant? Hell and always is on top of the holiday, like the season's greetings episodes. Who's good at that, yeah? And I just wondered, like, shit, have I missed Halloween? What do you mean? Nothing happened to me. The coronation would have happened by now.

Oh, I couldn't give a fuck about that. That's fine. No, no, no. What's going on with me? It's a great question. Well, I am very sorry to report that exercise has been making me happier. Oh, that's annoying, isn't it? It's a real fucking shame, actually.

What have you been doing? I've harped on about it already, but I'll say it again. FS8. Oh, no, what's this? You know how Anya does F-45? Yeah, but she does it anymore because did you know that the only reason she was doing it is because they continued the free time. trial by accident and so she wasn't paying anything for it and then they realized that she

hadn't been paying anything for it and then started charging her the like 50 pounds a week so she just cancelled the contract and if they'd gone back and charged her for everything that they used she would have owed them two and a half thousand pounds what why didn't they don't know their mistake well i mean if i can get on that deal i absolutely will anyway sorry you carron but to be honest with you i'm basically on that deal because a beautiful listener who listens to the podcast works there and got me a I had to do this challenge

but I get free access while I do the challenge which is you have to do 30 classes in 45 days Right Fucking hell Catherine It's so great When you sign up for something I really do But it's honestly been amazing

because I had just stopped learning to drive Oh my God I haven't spoken to you since I passed my test Congratulations that's amazing I passed my test Chloe Are you proud of me? I'm so proud of course I'm proud of you I really enjoyed your message actually because Chloe messaged me from Australian was like I just found out you

basically you found out when you were listening to the episode yeah and that you screamed when you didn't I was so happy I was like woohoo yeah I I'm proud of me man yeah no I fully screamed in my room so happy I was thrilled but yeah so I am I was like okay I have this void and it came along the perfect time where I needed something to do like with extreme regularity because I was probably taking quite a lot of driving lessons. I also think that 45 days is your, like, exact limit of obsession.

It's true. So, like, by 45 days, you'll be done with that. No, I actually think I'll stick with this. I love it. No, no. I will go. The amount of times I've heard that come out of your mouth. I'm still with HelloFresh, okay?

I'm still with Hello Fresh. Yeah, could you keep against fucking cancel? No, I love Hello Fresh, truly. Something stick, okay. Something's definitely just too. FSA. FSA, we're talking circuit and reformer machines. what's a reformer machine

Okay so it looks like a torture device Like you're being put on the rack Shit And then like an incredibly Incredibly Um stern but gentle Former dancer

Will come over to you And correct your posture alignment technique On the torture rack And then you move to the next section And there's another former dancer You tell you that you're not lifting heavy

And then you come And then you move on to the next. It's great, though. You really have to wipe down the machines. They do give you a wife. But it's so great. I love it so much. Do you feel really fit?

Do you feel really good? I feel like my posture's better and I feel like I'm getting stronger. And what I like about it is, they're not all really hard classes. So if I were making myself go to the gym five days a week, I'd go incredibly hard in every session and then quit like two weeks in.

Yeah. Because I often treat exercise like puny. it's so varied there sometimes it's really hard sometimes it's quite like stretchy and gentle and that's good for me I think to just like it feels quite mindful also I haven't taken an hour for myself most days in any time I can remember so that's really good where is it Oxford Street off Oxford Street it's really fancy in Melbourne sorry I keep talking about but in Melbourne because to be fair FSA is my Melbourne I've mentioned about eight times more than

you've mentioned it fs eight times yeah and that's your limit is that what the eight stands for the amount of the times you're allowed to talk about before it becomes insufferable maybe we should call like call like veganism like vegan seven that be perfect yeah go on um like there's this thing that ed was telling me about um called dirty bulkin where you basically like you eat a fuck ton and then you can lift so heavy and because i was eating so much in melbourne my lifting just got like really good and so I've like my belly size is increased but across here I'm fucking there's some shit going on nice yeah there's some good movement were you going to the gym with no no I was just going to I was swimming I was running I was gym in that's great because I'm training

for another half marathon are you which one hackney half when is it made or something okay do you want to come watch me I know no no come watch me oh I don't want to Why? Just come to the pub after. I'll come to the pub after. Yeah. I'm not going to watch you run a race. I'm not running. Watch me eat the amount that I burned during the run.

I do enjoy watching you do that. Get tanks off and then be sick. I've never seen a panic. More panicked post run eater than you. Yeah. You get starving immediately. I get so hungry and then I get really upset and angry. Andrew, what are you doing?

Can I not do anything? No, I see everything. Whoa! Look at those guns. Take a picture of those guns, baby. I'm trying to get as big as Ruby and Rach from Shell. Oh my God, they're ripped. They are ripped.

It's as big as than mine. More like trusty hunks. It's getting there, though, isn't it? Mine isn't bigger than yours? That's sick, man. Hey, we're coming for you, Ruby and Rach. They're probably not listening. They don't listen.

They should listen. That's bad friendship. Do you think you're a bad friend If you don't listen to somebody's podcast? If they're as close a friend as you Thank you, that's kind But I don't know I get it

I get it There's a lot of podcasts I'm a lot of podcasts But no you're right It's rude if they're not How close a friend do you have to be Do you think you have to be Like

I think you're my Like only friend who listens every week Maybe I'm wrong about that I just like it That's so nice It just makes me feel happen That's very sweet I thought you were going to be like

I listen every week And I was like that doesn't count I literally don't sometimes No, I'm joking, I listen to every week I was going to say, I feel like if you are close to friends you are allowed not to listen That's what I think So like my partner would never listen

Because why would they want to hear that? What, because you've already told the anecdotes? Yeah, or they'll be like This is just going to piss me off because it's like stories from your perspective And that's not what I think happened She doesn't get a right of reply I'm fucking don't, then what's she doing?

No, she hasn't, but I think she's going to She's been very nice. She's been very nice. She's actually, oh, I don't know if I've said this on the podcast. Maybe I. She's pregnant. Oh, no, save that for the extras. No, sorry, that is.

Maybe have I said on the podcast that she's starring in the open air? I don't think you have. Regents Park Open Air Theatre. There is a sort of like read, like a new take on Robin Hood and she's in that. Is it a feminist retailing, Catherine? I don't know. Because if it is, I won't be there. They did it to the ghost bus.

I'm not going to let it do it and do it to Robin. Yo, you hated Kate McKinan in that cute outfit, did you? No, that was, that did everything for me. Like, even, like, that shit Charlie's Angels reboot, I fucking loved because it was just like women being badass. Are you kidding? That was one of the hottest series of films I've ever seen when I was in, like, a teen, I was like.

No, no, no, but the reboot with Kristen Stewart and that sort of. Oh, I didn't see that, but that's, I mean, that would be so... It was bad, but it's still hot. Yeah. Yeah. God, she's hot. She did, like, this dance. She just did a dance. Yeah.

she just did a dance need I say anymore that was enough for me and I was into the dark I was like what can I say yeah so I've been I've been a hell of fresh in I've been exercising I mean I'm such a middle-aged woman I'm my I'm dating a younger person than me and she called days where we and they're so rare days where we go to bed before midnight drink a peppermint tea post dinner and I've cooked Catherine days they're like well basically what she calls a boring day she calls a catherine day that's sweet i'm like they're so restorative and she's like i do feel better after them and i'm like we're not calling the day what so she never goes to bed before 12 she's just like she's just like a very happy go like yeah i can go out for

more drinks yeah i can stay and it doesn't seem to affect her like getting up in the morning or like what time does she get up in the morning oh much earlier than me what time she's usually up before her alarm which goes off at 825 that's fucked up if you're not if if i'm getting up at 825 i have be asleep. 11 to my mind. 12.15. Yeah, okay. Yeah, you're better than me.

Yeah. I'm like, I like a solid 9. No, I like to sleep eight, I like to set my alarm eight hours from when I put my phone away. That's what she does. And then usually I'll sleep

for seven and a half. Yeah, that's what she'll do. But, but she'd never sleep past 825 just because she'd come in late. But if she's going at 2? Yeah, she'd just be up at 825. Three? probably

Catherine I'm gonna say it four no then she'd sleep to like 12 30 and be like we've wasted the day what's wrong with her she's just young I think

she's just young she's older than me I guess she's just like she's just like a Labrador she's just like good morning the first thing she does is turn on the radio open the curtains

uh oh woke up today feeling the way I don't know the reference but I assume I'll do the whole song is it a musical it's um good morning baltimore from hairspray good morning baltimore i love it it's really good how exciting catchy is that from hairspray oh yeah nailed it um but yeah no so it's just a morning gal and apparently i am

well no i am i can be a morning girl but i can also be quite i'm an unpredictable waker you know it has to be like i'm always a morning person i'm like it could really go anyway and um test me at your own peril like so. I can only get anything productive done in the first four hours of being awake, but it doesn't matter when those hours are. Oh, that's good, whereas I feel like I'm very productive in the morning, provided I've woken up and I'm at my desk before nine. But if I, like, if I get there at like 10 o'clock, I am a bit like, well, the whole fucking day has gotten there. I can only write for like one, like a stand up for like one hour, one and a half hours max a day. Yeah, my creative blocks are about the same. Right. And then I could move

on to like a different creative project and work on that for an hour. 100% But yeah Is that that's not Because sometimes people We're like I sit down at my desk From 9 and then I finish

Writing at 5 and it's like What have you written It's fucking drivel probably Yeah and also like Presumably you just spend half the time Just answering emails Like I Yeah

When do you do your admin? We all do admin Yeah I can answer an email I can answer emails all day I'd be a great second I could I could

Fuck Fucking You're right I think I just choked On my own tongue Whoa Was it the Lossens No, it wasn't the Lousinsge boys.

Shot down in the heights of their price. We had one episode, The Lousinge Boys. My God, wasn't it good? All that email here. You just sat on yourself. Are you okay? Have you forgotten how to drink? I've just, no, I don't,

I think this is a really practical style of bottle, but I've never drunk out of this kind of bottle before. I can see you're struggling to use it. Is it your first time today? What angle do you? Is it your first time today? Just suck the straw. It's a straw.

I'm sucking, but from what angle do you want me to suck? You've never said a gayer in your whole life. You got it? Yeah. Nice. Oh no, close.

It's not that kind of podcast. You know it is. I know it's not. You know it is. Shall we bring on the calming energy of a guest? No, I'm not done. I'm not done. No, I cannot believe I have to say this to another

co-host. I'm having a really nice time. Do not burp into the micah. You can have a nice one of the extras, Chloe. Graeme, I miss you, listeners. I miss you already listeners. Please welcome to Trusty Hoggs, D. Allum! That was the one time you were meant to say at the same time as me.

Sorry, go again. Please welcome to Trusty Hogg. Please welcome to Trusty Hogg. Please welcome to Trusty Hoggs, Dee Allum. We could not make trusty hogs without you, and we're so grateful to everyone who donate to our Patreon. If you wish to support us, if we bring you joy and nausea to your lives every Thursday, then please do a patreon.com forward slash trusty hogs. The first few levels cost as much as a coffee in London,

and your support genuinely is what keeps this podcast going. So for three pounds a month, you get early access and all of our vlog content for five pounds, which realistically is more like the price of a coffee in London. You get that plus an extra episode a week. So it's like four episodes as well as early. For 10, we add in our live show recordings. At 20, we are crediting you as a producer. We're sending you your own producer mug.

At 50, we're sending you executive gifts every six months, your own personalised episodes. And let's be honest, Helen is trying to marry. I'm going to give you a room job at 50, baby. Yeah. If you can't afford any of that, we totally get it. We know the times are tough. So thank you so much for listening.

And please, please, tell your friends, co-workers, relatives, enemies, exes and people on the boss about are silly, silly show. Give us a like, subscribe, share, everything like that. It means so much to us and makes so much of a difference as to how well this podcast runs. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Welcome, Dee. Hi. Hello. How are you? I'm good. I'm good. Thank you so much for having me.

A pleasure. A pleasure. I almost said long. time listener, first time guest, but I can't make that assumption on your part. Do you listen? I have, I have listened. Yeah, in that way that like sometimes you have to, don't you when you're going on a podcast? How many episodes? How many episodes? Put a number on it. I think I would say four episodes. You're not a long time. Is that not enough episodes? That's a lot of you're doing it just purely out of research for a podcast. I've listened to every single episode. If there's any, really. Yeah, I just find them so funny. I mean, the four I've listened to it's so far. I haven't had that much time since finding out I was coming on today. No, no one

I guess some of the episodes. What was one of them? What is this a test? Yes, it's a test. It actually was not. Who was it? Come on. Name names.

So, we had Maisie Adam. Nice, yeah. Good episode, actually. Rees Nicholson. Good choices. Yeah. Tucson Douglas. Because.

Great choices. I mean, they're all relatively recent choices. I didn't scroll that far. I like it. Good for you. Don't make it any harder for yourself when you need to. That's only three. That is three.

Chloe, were you back off? 4G is like, I don't know it was a test. I was defending you. And there was like a male bag, special one. but I good save well she's done her homework I yes I have don't like when she hasn't done her homework she knows what's your favourite thing what's your favourite thing what's your favourite thing why are you like this why you I don't know I had a big pizza for lunch and I feel like I'm having like the burst

of energy and I'm going to slump real soon yeah I can tell it's like you're acting out now but we won't be able to wake you up in a minute exactly so I'm giving deep all of the grief now because I'm going to back off her way I'm going to back up for in the second. That's important. Dee, how are you? I'm good. I'm good.

What's going on for you? I'm, I'm slightly tired. Okay. Because, uh, me and my girlfriend recently got a new dog.

What? Fuck off. Okay, initially that started, that's, may I say, that story started out so badly. I was like,

well, that's all great energy to bring to the point. And then it was like, you got a puppy. Wait a second. First of all, how exciting. I could hear the listeners

at home being like, oh, thank God, a lesbian. And also being like, I'm sorry, what kind of dog we're talking? We're talking to Maltese dog. Cute, what color? White.

Oh my God, okay, fine. Can we see pictures? And can we put pictures on the... You can we put pictures on the... You can. Yes. We can get that on the socials. What's the poppy's name? Can we guess it? Okay, yeah, I'll show you, I'll show you a picture and you can guess the name. Terrible podcast content. Yeah, well, you've... Everyone in the room is going to be delighted. You clearly have listened, you know, the vibe. Hold on, I have... Okay. But I have other questions. How long have you been with your girlfriend? I've been with your girlfriend. Uh, just a

over three years. And do you mind me asking your ages? I am, we're both. She turned 26 last month, I turned 26 next month. 26, we'd together three years. Getting a dog. Getting a dog. That's a big move.

That's a big move. For like probably 10 years. It's a big move. Huge move. There's the dog sleeping on the floor while my girlfriend. Oh my god. How cute. Well, so listen, we've actually had the dog about six months now.

Whoa, but you're still not getting sleep? Well, so here's the thing. I'll just show you also coming so you can get that sense of what's going on here Oh my god, it's so cute So cute Sorry we're gendering the dog She's so cute

We're gonna do like five questions To work out the name Yeah Okay Is it a human name? Yes In that Yeah there are people called this name for sure

Okay But not many That's all I've never met one Okay But it's a human name Is it Um

Well that's of the questions. My question is, were the photos you chose going to give us a clue to the name? No, you couldn't, no. She's not called like a drowsy. Regressive, no.

That would be a good name. Progressive sleep patterns. Is it like a long name and then you shorten the name? It's unshortenable as far as long way. So is it like one or two syllables? Yeah, yeah. That's most names.

That doesn't help you at all. Two syllables. Two syllables. Anna. Anna the dog. Daisy's a dog. Daisy is closer, I suppose. Is it a flower?

It's not a flower. It's not that close. It's just sort of vibes-wise. Donna. What is she? What's her name? What's her bloody name? Her name is Velma.

Oh, we wouldn't have got that. Great, you would have been close. You could have given us so many clues that would have taken us there. Scooby-Dade. I didn't realize I had to give you clues. Lesby an icon. Well.

Orange turtleneck. Yeah. We got her, all of her, like, sort of dog paraphernalia, like her collar and her. and her leaves and her harness are all orange like the Scooby-D character. Do you like that character?

Yeah. Does your girlfriend like the character? I feel like it wasn't necessarily about the character. It was just... It's a great name. I mean, the lesbian thing was a bit of a sort of meme. Yeah.

And also it's just a sweet, sweet Santa little Velma. It's a gorgeous name. I think that's not far from being like Donna. Like calling it Yeah, Donna seems a bit more like Dola, you know? Yeah, I don't know that I think Della and Dullner

in the same wheel made. Yeah, but it's like, it's like a very like human. It's a very, to me it's a very human name. Yeah. She's a, she's a human dog

in that she doesn't like to be alone. Oh, really? Yeah, so I think Maltese dogs, they're very small and they are,

they are very needy. We were expecting her to be less needy when we got her. because we got her when she was six months old, which is older than the kind of traditional, puppy age. And we thought that we were going to be able to just leave her straight away.

We haven't been able to leave her for any number of minutes. Can you take her to gigs? It's the last six months. I've taken her to gigs a couple of times. But then I have to go on stage and she doesn't like that. Do she cry? She does, yeah. Right.

So it's sort of... Oh, that's nice, though. Does it feel like a little bit nice that she loves you that much? It is... Yeah, yes. It is quite complicated. though. It's quite a complicated. Yeah, you've bought yourself a massive burden.

Yeah, a little bit. And I love dogs. Let me be clear. I love a dog, but they've got to be able to be left alone. Yeah. Well, as we have people we can leave her with. Okay, good. So we can go and do, it's like, we live in, like, this apartment building. We have a couple of other people in the building who can look after her. Okay, great. So, like, it's just take a little bit of planning.

Yeah. You're basically a parent, man. But are you happy to, are you happy to have her? Yeah, for sure. Oh, that dog's going back Don't get attached to Belma, dear listeners Belma's going back to the farm She turned one last week, it's too late It's too late

Did you have a party? We did, uh, no, we gave her Because you're not committed We gave her a chicken foot instead That's quite sweet, I guess She was a big fan I ate chicken I ate chicken clothes for the first time

Any good? Like, honestly The rankest thing I've ever eaten in in my life I didn't have a great PR chicken well I really wanted to be like respectful to the culture of the people whose restaurant it was but I was like no this is bad and what happened was we were in this

restaurant where you like sit there and at lunch it's like dimsums they bring a trolley round and you just pick off the trolley whatever you want and the woman I was with Hughes Davies the woman rolled the trolley over saw Hugh and then as she was saying feet she looked at me and went oh no you don't want that

and then I went no we can be adventurous and try it and pluck the chicken feet off and it was one of it was actively horrific like can you describe it like what's the slimy slimy slimey

that's the one bad thing I didn't think you deserve it yeah me too I had to say no slime really and almost like like farm yardie well that doesn't make sense you know the way like you know like

if you eat goat it's it tastes goat smells um not really I haven't had goat I don't think but wait question did Hugh like it no he hated it too okay but does he usually like it no okay

so she was wrong in all of her she was wrong in all of her assumptions but I was wrong in trying to prove her wrong yeah okay I should have just been like yeah I'm white that's fine yeah it's a no for me

but you've never tried them I've never tried chicken we'll have a little munch on Velman's next time I'm good I'm fine without having any of them I think there's some stuff dogs who do and stuff people should do and that's okay.

Yeah, there should be a line of separation. Like with names, I think Velma is as human a name as I am comfortable giving it a dog. As you're willing to go. Yeah. I think that's maximum level. Oh, really? Well, like, there's, there's, there's, people go crazy.

Do you not think it's really funny if you called like a little dog Tony? I mean, if it's, so, so the second dog that we may hypothetically get. You don't even like the first one. In, I want to say five years. Five years, you won't even. maybe he's still just barely in your thirties why are you willing to spend all if there's

time of thing but the point is we've decided what the second dog would be called uh this is such lesbian behavior the second dog would be called asak hank schrader and it would be like a tiny little like french bull have you seen breaking bad yeah Hank you know Hank his brother-in-law he worked for the DEA oh yeah ASAC Hank Schrader okay very nice but like his little tiny little dog that's good stuff That is funny. A-Sack Hank Shreley. Wow, that was really lost on me. Even though I've seen the show,

that's so lame that I don't have much of a memory. That'll happen, I guess, when you're into your mid-30s and you'll forget, maybe the pain of having the first dog and be willing to have a second. What are you thinking? I don't know. I don't know. What are the good things about having, Velma?

I think there's lots of things that are really good. I think it's just, you know, like with any dog, I think, what I'm telling myself, at least, is that there's a period where, you know, the dog's got to get used to you and you've got to get used to the dog and I think that's what we've had apparently 18 months

is when they start being like a proper adult dog so we've still got another six months of just being a little bit odd a little bit uncomfortable with certain situations needs to be walked twice a day at this point that will not be the case later but like you know there's lots of things that are good like going outside

every day yeah that's true being forced to do that's good They live very close to a park. Can you get a little of flea? She's got a good recall. Oh, that's amazing. Oh, we've trained this dog. Have you?

This is like an MI5 dog. Oh, that's sick. She goes between your legs. What? She goes up. What do you mean up? On her hind legs. That's so cool.

Between your legs, she goes up. She goes up. She goes down. Yeah, no, she's, she's smart. She's clever. It's strange that she's good at all that stuff. but she's still so whiny. Well, she's not...

So, like, there's two things we're struggling with. I mean, I feel like... Wine is your word, Chloe. I'm just going to say that. Huge choice by somebody else's dug. I'm deeply offended. But there's two things that I think we're finding, you know, that areas we're working on.

Right. Which are being able to go to sleep more kind of reliably. like between the hours of 10 and 8 or whatever she's reliably asleep 10 to 8 that's when we need her to be asleep yeah ideally it would be midnight until 10 or what happened okay right right yeah yeah she's not going to do that

yeah okay 10 to 8 would be fine uh so there's that and there's not being able to leave her alone in a room so sorry and Andrew's just choking off my career and like going red in the face Do you know what the problem was? It was it was one big cough, but I tried to contain it and it became a much bigger problem.

I'm so sorry. Do you need a drink? I'm okay, I've got a drink. You want to go do that? The problem was the drink went down the wrong hall. I see. One of those ones. I'm so sorry.

Are you good now? Yeah, I'm good now, thank you. Sleep, Angel, Andrew. Sorry, you have to witness that, dude. That's okay. No, sorry, this is usually a professional podcast. If we could keep it together and that'd be great. Wow, sorry, Dee.

Go on. The point is, she's a good dog. We're working hard, but it is work. Boy, sleep is the one thing and leaving the houses the other? Yeah. Okay. We should feel like actually two quite enormous things. But other than that, other than that,

yeah, two of the biggest things. I can't go outside or be asleep. Other than that, I can do whatever I like. I'm being tortured. I'm living 20% of a human life. But other than that, it's all great. You're being terrorized in your own home. A little bit, yeah.

Wow, but she's so cute though. She's lovely. She's very sweet. She cuddles. Yes. She's a big cuddler. So nice. She doesn't, she's gotten a lot better at, like, not barking at things.

Were you dating your girlfriend before you started comedy? So I started, no. Okay. So I started at sort of uni and stuff. Right, okay. I met my girlfriend at the Edinburgh Fringe. I've heard of it. A classic tale.

I know. A classic tale. She was part of her university acapella group. Oh, my God. That really narrows down the field of university she could have been at. Oh, yeah. You know the kind. We do.

Can we guess the name of the Acapella group? Oh, you can try. Shall I say you the uni and then you can base it off that? Can we guess that too? It's got to be Oxbridge. It's not Oxbridge. Whoa.

I'm going to get to Leach. That wasn't an Oxford Bridge thing to say. She didn't go to Oxford. I obviously went to Oxford. I'm so sorry. Leach? No. Is it in the North?

Durham. Durham. I knew that was crazy. Durham? Durham? That's crazy. Durham? South.

It's the southern one. Southampton. North, more north than that. Well, that doesn't leave you about it. Bristol Very close to Bristol Bath Bath was the name of the bath

Acapella group Which she was part of Sing in the shower Should you see Bath Bath Bath Bath Barbaran Barbaran Very nice Very nice

I think it was struggling We put it on the poster though Yeah Is it like a bath Acapella pun? So it's a pun between the word Acapella and what Bath was known as in Roman times.

Oh, what was Bath known as in Roman times? Bath was known as Aquasulus. Oh, these fucking notes. Aquapela? Aquapela. Fuck. Oh! Aquapela.

That's so funny. That didn't immediately turn you off. No. Because... If anything, D.C. is intrigued. Aquapella. And with all due respect to the other UK Acapella groups, they are... stunning they are really excellent so like so uh the other reason why i'm tired is that oh god she's

not harmonizing it she's she's not fair she's not home at the moment because she's in uh new york doing acapella watching her old aquapella please in the you know you know pitch perfect yeah yeah that's a real competition that exists right between like colleges would she compete well she when she was at uni, so you have to win the UK thing and you get to go to the final in New York. Okay, did she do that? She did that twice.

Ackoscus me! I know. Acua, excuse me. What the hell? You fucking kidding me. She was queen of the Acapella. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they didn't win the final in New York.

But they got there twice. That's still pretty cool. And they've just got there again, so she's gone. Do you know what I'll say is, is one of those things where like it's really, really uncool unless you get really good at it.

You have to be really good at it. Like, so magic. Like, magic is so uncool. And then if you become good at it, it's like, yeah, I'd fuck that guy in a trillby. Yeah, I hear you. I do hear. I would say I managed to find something

that it doesn't matter that you were the best at it still was uncool. Debate. Yeah. Yeah, that's the one exception to rule. I was the best speaker in Europe, second best speaker in the world at one point. And literally, everyone was like,

that's so fucking, like, it's actually worse. Did you really do debate? Were you like a big debater? 100% I went all over the world with my uni and I will say that it's actually worse

to be good a bit I think because the thoughts of having tried at debate is so much more embarrassing is pathetic

whereas half half our a cappella just seems like who are like pick a line yeah also I think

I think acopella does of course translate into other musical forms I feel like music as a whole is not cringe yeah

but all forms of debate are in some sense cringe just to be clear No, no, I got you. You should be ashamed. Good to clarify, yeah. What's her job in the Acapella group?

Her job? Yeah, like, is she a... Oh, booze, base, or is she... So, it's a mixed... You've got all of the Lingo. Those are the options. Were you also in the... Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. You're giving me those vibes. Yeah, I'm like Britney Snow. I got nodes. Yeah. Wow. In pitch perfect. Yeah.

She... she's a soprano right and again not to you know be you know rude to the other sopranos of the UK hackaparthe scene but she's just simply the best she's the best she's so

no I know but like it sounds wet because like we're going out etc and we have a dog and all that but like she is so much better at a scene than I am anything like it's crazy it's just a bit of a joke Is it gay to think your girlfriend's a good singer

when she's a professional singer. Is that like a job? She's professional singer. No, not a lot of money in the, in the Acapella world. What did she do now? Sorry, then you're on this podcast and promote you and we're like,

wait, what do you move into for my free power on next time? Yeah, I feel like she'll be your next guest. She works for a patent firm. Okay. She's just a regular, she's a little, little day job. Could she not being like music and theater?

We'd like that. She does a lot of stuff on the side. Helen would like that too. Nice. So did you do amateur? She does, yeah. Is she in a production currently? Can we do a hogs out? She's going to be

is a production of legally blonde We're going We're going An amateur legally blonde Don't mind if we do Are we talking community Are we talking what level We're talking

As far as Amdram goes I would say as good as Amdram Gets Of course you are But you say that about everything About your partner You're like She's playing L Woods

As dog owners She's Elwood Belma is playing the dog Belma is playing the dog Velma is Bruiser Woods What the hell Yeah

She's gonna do tricks and stuff on the stage, it's going to be great. Should come. Yeah, obviously we're coming. But also, of course, she has to be bruiser because you can't leave her at home while you go to the show.

Yeah, that's also true. Either, either I would never be able to see it. Yeah. Or she has to be in the show. That's amazing. She just goes for all shows that she subsequently does. Yeah, like she'll be like

in Phantom of the Opera. And Velma, let's find a way to get a dog in this plot. Velma can be the man. Velma. That's intense. It's all go. It's all happening.

Wow, that's exciting. exciting. Flash managing. So, I'm just intrigued by somebody with an actual skill on stage coming to see their partner who's a comedian. Don't say that looking at me. No, no, no, no.

What I mean to say is, like, it must be weird to have a performer come watch you perform. Yeah, yeah. I think, I think it's kind of fine. Okay, fine. I think it's different, it's such a different kind of vibe.

Like, like, there's, you know, we already get immediate, feedback about whether it's going well. Does she come and watch you a lot? Yeah, quite a bit. Less than she used to because it went back when I was, yeah, it's nice. Yeah. She's very supportive. Do you ever run a bit by her?

Um, I have, I have some bits about her that I, yeah, I ran. They're all very nice from my, I can remember. Yeah, you've seen. Yeah, you've seen. It's nice, it's a chill, it's calm. She has that, she comes out of it well. There's that bit, yeah. Again, translates super well to the podcast. It would be filmed. Do you just do a mime? For YouTube, it's a joke

I don't know if I should do the joke It's a, you know Leave So it's a You know the joke About the HR lady I'm looking right at YouTube now And I feel like that's bad

Look down Tell them YouTube Hi YouTube Hi YouTube The The HR lady At my work Was very

Confused to find out That I was When I told her I was Transitioning She was very confused To find out That I still had a girlfriend and I thought the only thing

that could have been going through her. And she asked me if my girlfriend was going to change her pronouns as well as I'd come out as trans. That's amazing. That's amazing. I do remember now. Also, that actually happened. This, to this, to this. I like it. I like, good finger action

you're missing out if you're listening. You're missing out. You've got to check out the vid. Wait, did that actually happen though? So, not quite. So actually, my girlfriend's HR person. asked her if she was going to change her. That's so funny. Because you were transitioning.

So it did happen, but it wasn't my person. I was not in the conversation. Isn't that crazy? What did you even say to that level of like, you've got the jigsaw upside out? Like the book you're reading is back to front. Yeah. None of the, none of the, none of what has been said

has gone in the right way. Yeah, what? Or like she thinks there's some kind of like perfect ying and yang that has to be like balanced. Yeah, the universe is out of whack. Yeah. One more, one more lesbian couple than is. allowed.

That's wild. Yeah. People have crazy things to say, man. It's a crazy, crazy time. I have no doubt about it. Yeah. On the social media comments, just so much.

Do you think we should like, as a community, as a queer community, like employ a bouncer for every trans person to just like deflect all of the shit that you get. And can I nominate myself as that bouncer? Yes, you may, yeah. I mean, listen, if there's the budget for it, in the queer

Bursary Let's check the coffers Let's check the coffers Also I could be like a sassy mom That would be good Do not speak to my daughter Do not look at my I'd love to do that

Not quite bouncer energy But it's still pretty scary I think I would take either one of those As long as it was 24 seven We could alternate As long as you could look after the dog When I needed to go somewhere 12 on 12

I can't take on Velas problems as well Come on Yeah you're like I don't want a security card per se but if you're offering Then I'll have dog care Yeah 24 7 dog care would be, you know, helpful, as well as, you know, deflecting the...

How about between... Like, Helen Bauer could do a job as well. Oh, she can absolutely do a job. We... Sound like I'm talking about, like, a hard-hitting defensive field. She could do a job. I always forget that you've got football references in your locker.

Who do you support again? I spoke Watford. Oh, yeah! We hate each other. Do we? Not anymore, you know? I hate Roy Hodgson. It's not quite the same. Troy, uh, Troy Dini and, uh, World Frid Zahar and Harry the Hornet,

the mascot, had a bit of an altercation, but now Troidini's moved on. Yeah. You guys are shit. Yeah, we're on. Oh, sorry, I should have mentioned, I don't care. Sorry, I'm, God, I was like, what that? People should say that more often. I feel like whenever football comes up in conversation,

in sort of a group, I can see one or two people, just, I can see them being trapped. I absolutely love going to watch the football. I'll watch it on the TV. I'll have it explained to me in no, like an endless each. I love that. I love knowing what's going on when I'm watching it. And truly knowing. interested in any of that business

and I just realized as you got to the end of the story that I'd let you and I was like oh I should mention Do you want to start a football podcast with me? Yeah That'd be sick Shit

It's Macy hasn't bit Madey Adam Fuck it's not as good when I fuck it up No say again We'll cut it out Busy that's a tongue twister Masey Adam and I do have a World Cup pitching

Do you want to know what the name of it is called I would love to know Two girls one World Cup It's good Clean fun It's not clean No but it's good My agent is like

In his 50s like a 50 year old bloke and did you have to show him the video well he initially like his assistant was like he's never going to send he's never going to send that to the BBC under that name and I was like I think he will because I don't think he'll know what it is so he sent it to the BBC and then me and him were having a drink one day it was like yeah two girls one World Cup thing it's not a very strong name because he thought it was um in a reference to two world wars one world cup and I was also bad I was like oh no no no Rob that was Oh no.

And I had to explain to him that it was a porno that circulated in the Nauties and I really hope he hasn't Googled it. Yeah. Good Lord. Wow.

So, yeah. Have you watched it? Video. Two girls one more. One cup. No, stop. That's what a horrible question. Have you watched it?

No. I have watched it, yeah. You have. No. No, I've never watched it. Well, now I feel awful. You set me up. You can't do that.

You're like, I've made, I'm making media based on this, you know, forbidden thing. like everyone saw it but they didn't really and now you haven't seen it. Did it not make you feel so sick? Why are you saying it like, of course it, why?

I haven't implied that it didn't do that. Of course. Anyone who's even passingly aware of what is on that video. Yeah, it's wild. What do you think of me that I wouldn't find that heinous? I think you're king shaming. Who?

Behave yourself. Behave yourself. Some kings deserve to be shamed. I concur. I agree. Too right. Put it on a t-shirt. I agree.

Yeah, I mean, not to be too weirdness, but fuck me. Obviously, we have loads of trans listeners and loads of genderqueer listeners, and it's like, hard not to be just like, wow, what a fucking horrendous time to be moving through the world. Yeah. Get yourself a freaking dog, if you want. Yeah, a dog or a lesbian bounce? Yeah.

It should be a lesbian bouncing. Yeah, I agree. I agree. I agree. You know. Yeah, no, you're right. That's just not the right vibe. No, and most...

Thank you for providing them. You're welcome. I was going to say something controversial, which is just that most of the turps I know are like old school lesbians, so at least you'd have a lesbian to talk to a lesbian. And I'd be able to take them down. I think, like, big men I wouldn't be able to physically match up with, but I...

You could distract you with the football chat. I believe that I... You could take Jake Carrowing in a fight. Here's a bold claim. I think I could win in a fight of any turf in the UK. Oh, for sure. I think any turf in the UK, I could win in a fight. Do you know why?

Why? Why? Because they've got no spine. Yes. Very nice. Email us. If you're a turf listening, shocked you made it to episode 84, to be honest.

But if you're a turf and you want to fight me, I 100% will go in the ring with you. What's the email again? 100% go in the ring. Trusty hogs at gmail.com. All right. I'll start a turth folder. Didn't think we'd be doing this today.

We're making moves in the UK. I don't know. I don't even know what it is. Moves are being made. Telf fighting arena, I think. Yeah. That's great. Turf fights.

Turf fights is a catchy name. Turf fights. Turf wars. Turf wars. Wait, isn't that what, isn't that what Jake Olin called her little essay that she wrote when she came out as a turf? You called it Turf.

Fuck you. We're not thinking of coming out as a turf. They don't get to have that. There's no celebration. When she revealed herself from behind her cloak. Yeah, wow. Turf was though. We've got to take it.

How do we take, take me so long? I was like, turf fights. Turf fights. Turferina. Turfinscher! Turfinshire! Turf and that's why she's the writer and should stick to it. So, yes, we have basically got a long list of problems that we get emailed in from our listeners.

Would you be willing to help us solve one? Absolutely. Before we do, what kind of advice giver do you think of yourself as? I think... So obviously I grew up, you know, a male. Sure. Male presenting. I moved through the world as a male.

So I think, you know, until what age? Until about two, two and a half years ago. Okay. So I think in those first 20 odd years, yeah, very much the kind of, is what it is, school of advice, just like, mm. Because you were speaking majoratively giving advice and being asked for advice from men, or because that was the limitation of what you felt was expected of you? I think both

I think I just you know it's just like you know interesting okay most of the time people would not ask

for advice okay great but when they came up with something that was bad rather than you know helping

yeah as a man you're just like yeah how what it is what it is cheers or whatever you know

like there's nothing else to be said feminine response cheers or like whatever do you do you think you're getting better

better at it now I do I do, I do. It's weird. It's changed my whole life. Would you believe? But do you know? Because people are more, more likely to ask for advice or kind of open up in that way, which is fun. And I think I'm more, you know, I'm a better place to open up in return. It's good shit. It's good shit. It's good shit. Like when the girlies are around, do you know what I mean? Oh my God, it's the bear. It is.

When you have your girlfriend. Yeah. It's pretty, it's pretty sick. I want to be fun. It's good, isn't it? Like this? Isn't it nice to gab with the gals? How exciting. Okay, well then let's get some advice to your door immediately, please. We need some problems. Go back to school deliciously with Whole Foods Market. Wake up with low-priced 365 by Whole Foods Market protein waffles and breakfast burritos. Prep lunch boxes quickly with 365 brand juice boxes, crackers, dried fruit and more.

And look for sales on no one. antibiotics ever ground beef and chicken breasts that make meal prep a breeze. Shop best in class fines for back to school at Whole Foods Market, in store and online. Avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start, Thumbtack knows home so you don't have to. Don't know the difference between matte paint finish and satin or what that clunking sound from your dryer is. With Thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro. You just have to hire one. You can hire top rated pros, seed price estimates, and read reviews all on the app. Download to Let me just say, by the way, this is our second attempt on air at doing a problem.

The reason we couldn't do the first is because a person wrote it with their problem, and every time Andrew got to the serious part of it, Chloe Pat would start laughing. I just had a funny thought in my head, and then once I got the giggles, I got the giggles, okay? Okay, well let's try some empathy. Shall we? Let's go again. Okay, this is, this is from R. Hi, Arr.

It says, trigger warning, it's me. This is somebody who has emailed in a few times. I'd realize you don't know who this is. But they have emailing in a few times. There's normally a little trauma dumped by their own omission. So there will be some reference, reference to abuse, but not actually getting in depth. It's just a passing reference. Okay, but good trigger warning for the listener.

Yes. So, my mental health has been in a really good place at the moment. I've been binge watching all the Tri-Diogs episodes on YouTube, which, given the chaos of some episodes, sounds like a contradiction, but it actually isn't. All the hokey goodness means you've inspired me to get back into writing. Oh. I believe, contextally from the email, writing comedy.

Oh, right. Okay. They have a bit that they're working on. I won't get into the exact bit, but it references abuse. Yeah, I won't go into all the details. But the question that they have is, how do I write comedy about such dark topics without turning everyone in the audience into suicidal Sally.

As she is known. Yes. So, yes, any sort of help writing comedy about the darker depths of mental health and trauma will be much appreciated. P.S., I have had, and I'm having trauma therapy. I'm all good. Thank you.

That is a very reassuring addendum. Any thoughts? I mean firstly, good that you're taking the real actual steps in life rather than just being like

how can I turn this into comedy because the real steps you gotta have the real steps comedy's not a real step yeah it's not therapy it feels like it might be therapy but it's not it's actually the opposite

so well observed yeah so that's the first thing so that's good I think you know I think everyone The point of turning something like that into comedy is that people in the audience will be able to relate to some aspects of the difficult stuff.

And I think when you have kind of, if you find a way to approach it that people can relate to, then, and as long as you make them feel like safe and like they know that you're okay and all that while they're listening to you talk, then it's kind of fine. And just, you know, You just get it out.

You write the jokes you want to write. That didn't sound like advice at all. No, I think it just go for it. I can do it. I think what you're saying, though, is essentially treat it like other material, which I think is quite good advice in the sense that, like, I do think with trauma stuff,

it's quite easy to be like, this is my precious story, because it is your precious story, and it's harder to be objective about that material. So I do think that you shouldn't write it and put it out there until you're willing to have, like to be able to work it like, would work at any other bit which is to say that if it's not working you throw it away and you

don't think well they just can't handle it or you know i'm just like i think that's an important aspect of this stuff is that you treat it like other jokes i also from a safety point of view for yourself genuinely i would say like and i mean like safeguarding thing i would say like very early on in my career i did um a show where i mentioned having oCD and i actually wish i hadn't i don't regret the show. I think it's a good show on Amazon Prime. But I regret a spaffing an interesting story about myself when I was the least good at comedy I will ever be. Oh, that's so true. It's like the hardest stuff to talk about when I was the least prepared and capable. So that's it. One, I think I wish I hadn't done that. I wish I'd just started with something a little

bit more joyful and lighter and easier to manage. And secondly, I would say that I was not at all prepared for and you do have to be prepared for if you're going to talk about it on stage the level of feedback via people at the like in this space so like a feeling of like a joke not going well is one thing a feeling of like you sharing your trauma being rejected is a whole other feeling I wasn't ready for people waiting at the door to tell when it had gone well to tell me that they had experienced the same thing in great detail I wasn't prepared for the level of messages I got that really should probably have gone to GPs so like just I would say people be pretty mindful of the fact that it will have

consequence and you don't just be ready and just make sure you're okay first is all I'd say. I would imagine that one of the reasons that this listener wants to share that story is partially to help other people but I imagine like wishing to exert a certain

control over the narrative and be in charge of the narrative but I think bounced off from what you're saying Catherine just because you're in charge of the telling of the story you're not in charge of the reception of how people are going to receive that story and you are probably opening yourself up to a lot more emotional labour than you probably wish to get into.

To be clear, like, I definitely think people have done this amazingly well, right? I don't want to pop people off. But I think the point is right where it's like, within your first three, four, five years of comedy, all you need to do is get really comfortable being on stage and used to writing a joke. And if there's something within your life that is so on the surface and so emotionally fraught that you can't stop thinking about it,

then you might feel like a bit of a fraud getting on stage and not talking about it but just remind yourself we're all playing characters when we're up there you're not a fraud I think it's just if you I don't wish to discourage this person from talking about whatever they want to talk about

but I think yeah just for like a self-protection and just like an improving at comedy it kind of doesn't matter what you're talking about it's getting on stage and it's telling jokes agreed what I found quite helpful is obviously like there's a lot of stuff about coming out that's quite tough but like I think just kind of

telling jokes that are kind of tangential to the tough stuff yeah not like about excuse me not like about the really awful stuff but I just kind of offshoots that are related help kind of exercise that feeling like you've got something that you just need to say so dipping your toe rather than waiting in

yeah and it might get to a point where you're five 10 years on from do you know the initial trauma of it or the initial difficulties and you're a five, 10 years better comedian, you can go back to it then and mine it. But I think,

like, if you do want to talk about that stuff, the advice I would give is just make sure you're always coming from like a position of control and power where you're showing the audience, I've got this, like I've got this,

you don't need to worry about me. Oh yeah, if they're worried about you, they won't laugh. That's so true. So it's just a find in a way of being like, I'm okay. in a funny way Yeah

And also I think like If you are gonna If you do decide to write it And come back to it Like I think writing it is absolutely wonderful Will probably be catharty We'll probably be useful Doesn't mean you have to say it on stage

Yeah Wish to a degree I'd done that With some of my stuff As like write it down And be like okay Let's see how I feel about that in a year If that still feels true Especially when stuff is very

In a way I had a big breakup during lockdown And in a way I was glad That I wasn't able to talk about Straight away on stage Yeah Because some of my initial thoughts that I wrote down

they were fine but they weren't true of how I felt six months later and I'm glad I didn't say them not because they were like mean or anything but just because I hadn't processed any of it so I was like oh that was an like instinctual

self-protective first reaction it wasn't how I objectively you know what I mean so I think if you're still in it be mindful of that but maybe I just think like comedy's comedy can be cathartic and more than just like opening our veins like it can be cathartic because you're gonna it can allow you to identify as a person who's been through trauma and now has a really good time on stage and like theoretically like

when I was in hospital for mental health like it wasn't a case of like being on stage and having a job that is comedy is enough of a like I fucking took my life back I got my life back I don't also need to like retormacize yourself every night every single time for any nobody's owed that and also like we are talking here about performing comedy but there are other avenues where you could express comedy so it's like could you write a screenplay or there's something where you can go a little bit darker and people like yeah it's a more like vast medium that you can yeah and it doesn't like if it was a screenplay it wouldn't have to be you in it like obviously there's also your experiences in it but it's not

the same as when you're doing stand-up and it's like well who else is it's going to be about and also there's a little bit more like the audience are like more consenting to what it is that they're consuming so they'll be able to like read a blurb and see that it's like you know these yeah true ones like if you're doing like a full hour show like they'll be able to consent to that but if you're like on a line up doing five minutes and also I'd say I don't know if you guys have found this and maybe it's an interesting maybe it's specific to because a lot of my material when I first started out was also about being queer and I had no other setting which it's fine where like I'm incredibly proud of being queer and I love talking about it and I think it has massive impact but because I didn't have much material I had no other setting which meant that when I walked into spaces where it wasn't going well or they were objectively homophobic safety wise I had no other place to go on stage for like for like my own sense of self protection and self like just like just like giving yourself something that isn't entirely personal as one of your first bit is kind of like a like a safety thing

when you are a like minority or uh or you're or you're or you're talking about or the things that are personal are vulnerable does that make sense yeah i think i've found that like because i can't do that as well as some other minorities like i can't hide from an audience in absolutely portsmouth or whatever and to be clear i always said it what's what's going on there yeah so I kind of have to at least reference it and like yeah it's very much a privilege that I didn't realize I had before I came out yeah you can just kind of hide your whole self if you want to yeah I think if you if you can find a way to do that then start there and then just kind of work your way outwards rather than the other way around to be clear I'm definitely

not advocating hiding your whole stuff in the sense that like I but like you don't have to make it you have to make it personal oh it's definitely a privilege to not have to like explain myself until I want to yeah But I also have made a point of always saying it on stage because I agree I think that is a massive privilege but also like

but also even I feel like I feel like there are gigs where people be like we don't mind that you're blah just why you have to talk about it so much and obviously you want to be like fuck you I'm out but you got to do your time

and sometimes if there are things that you can give them that are God maybe I'm being like a complete I'm just describing capitulation It's self-protection though, it's like, why would you put yourself through that for 20 minutes when you don't need to? I guess the thing I do, to be honest with you, is less right material because I'm not interested in writing things I'm not interested in about, but I will just talk to the audience if I don't want to be like, here's my trauma story. I think I've got a couple of routines that I know that I've written out of like being really fucking angry, like really pissed off at the way someone's treated me.

And I think those routines have been quite cathartic because like it's essentially like going, how can I write this where I'm the way. winner and how can I have like won over that person that like made me feel so small and I think like seeing stand up as a creative space where you don't have to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth do you know what I mean you can fabricate a bit and you can you can almost like exercise those demons by like giving yourself a different outcome because you get to go on the stage every day and go yeah this guy fucked me over but this is like this is my revenge at actually you know I am just sat here sort of like and I appreciate that we are three white women in a context of like a lots of privilege having like gone to you like gone into comedy with like a bunch of things in our favor but also I am really proud of all the queer comics I know I do feel like it's so well done guys no but I actually do think there's like an extra step of like taking a breath before you walk on stage oh yeah and you know this where you're like this might be a safety thing thing. Like, you go out and you go, God,

I hope, not like I hope they don't like my, as in, I assume what their comics go on and are like, I hope they like my jokes, which is already quite exposing. And then also, like, and also don't make me feel physically unsafe. You're a badass. But it's just like, when you go to like, I don't know, Warwick, and you're going to save a whole city. You just walk into a standup play, a standup club and you're like,

and it goes in. And it's silence. You're like, oh. I know. oh no I know but that must be like you say it's so much harder

again when you feel like you can't like you have to explain or justify yourself I mean I feel like I don't I've had this conversation

with comedians before where I've said I feel like I have to explain first and they're like just do it later or not at all it's fine

yeah that's so privileged yeah it doesn't really work though because they're not listening like if they're the kind of audience who you really need to get on size

if they don't give you the benefit of the doubt then they're not the kind of audience that are going to just go with you talking about something else when you're presenting 100% it's like they're going to have questions because they don't know what the fuck is going on

because they live in you know in 1973 Warwick Warwick or Warwick But also you only know what you know One of the same No but it's true like there are certain spaces if I'm at a queer gig in Hackney and I say my girlfriend I don't need to be like

Oh sorry guys By the way I'm gay and then do a bit about that But if I say my girlfriend and I'm incredibly femme presenting in the middle of nowhere and they're like Would you like me to name another place? Swindon.

I'm going to say for it's miss but yeah, they're not just going to be let it lie so yeah, you're right. And when people have questions they are distracted and can't laugh. Have we really got off topic? No, no. I feel like I think

I haven't listened as I say every episode but this feels very sincere. Is that a word? It's because Helen's not here. She hasn't broken it yet. Helen would usually have broken it. Someone would be thrown down a well at this point. She would have threatened to like drop her tit on someone's head.

She would be like, oh, just say everything. Say you hate your family. Say whatever you want. Say, say. Go start a new life in Mexico. Last week, I was in Moscow. I talked about how my dad likes to wink. Like that kind of thing.

Yeah. That's the kind of thing. Michael, he just likes to do it next to the showers. What an astonishing neck from, we've never had a really a guest who's been like, so to be clear, is this usually funny? Oh, sorry, sorry that we were listening to,

Dave. Sorry, Dave. Some more jokes, please. My God. Fucking out. Sorry that we were giving you space to chat and speak. Sorry, Dee.

Wow. Oh, my goodness me. I worry that I, as the only part of this, that has never been here before. No, you haven't taken in the mood. You all know, not you. What it is is that, I'm nowhere near as funny as Helen Bauer

and nor am I but I do love to work with her so people think we have a dynamic she just she just is oh god it's getting too sincerely like we like Helen there we can't have that and Dee will you be at the Edinburgh Fringe in some capacity probably

fantastic if people want to find you online with compliments only where could they do so Why did you make it sound like there wouldn't be compliments? Well, I thought it was the compliments only. Well, I assume the Terps have tuned in because you're threatening to fight them. Oh, yes. Oh, no, why can I get some backlash?

The Turfs will tune in once they hear their name calls. They'll be on you like a rash. What do you think the Turfs, like, cool would be? Like, you know, in like a... It'll be a toilet flush. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. Or like, XX or something.

We should get over there But if they want to find you online to be appropriate Where would they find you? They would find me on D underscore alum All right All social media platforms A double LUM Don't say all of them

Most TikTok? Twitter? Yeah Instagram Yeah LinkedIn no Don't find me on LinkedIn

Great Well you can find D Dee, thank you so much. You've been such a wonderful guest. Yay, Bridie Hallop! Yeah! Yeah! Thank you.