Trusty Hogs - Ep87. COLIN HOULT / Power, Parent Trap & Puss in Boots

Episode Date: June 1, 2023

Chaos resumes as normal this week as we welcome the brilliant Colin Hoult into the studio. Colin is best known for his character Anna Mann, as well as acting roles in the new BBC series Black Ops, Netflix's After Life, and hit sitcom Ghosts. We talk Shakespeare, Shuddering, and ADHD, as well as getting into Catherine & Helen's latest obsessions...FOLLOW COLIN: @ColinHoultComedyThank you so much for listening!Support us at https://www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Mary Fox / Annie Tonner / Sarah Jarque-Deakin / Oliver Jago / Stewart KerrPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Emma Walton / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Anthony Conway / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Graham Marsh / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Kie Web / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate Spencer / Mae Williams / Tristin / Liz Fort / Taz / Klo / Becky Fox / Amie / Emily GeeWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start, Thumbtack knows home so you don't have to. Don't know the difference between matte paint finish and satin or what that clunking sound from your dryer is. With Thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro. You just have to hire one. You can hire top-rated pros, seed price estimates, and read reviews all on the app. Download today. Hey folks, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman.

It's hard for me to believe we're talking about back to school, but whether you're thinking lunch boxes or nourishing dinners, Whole Foods Market is the place to shop, and their high standards allow you to shop with confidence. Their house brand, 365 by Whole Foods Market, has everything you need for quick and convenient breakfast, lunches and dinners from oatmeal to trail mix to wild fish sticks. Explore the many ways you can save on back-to-school foods at Whole Foods Market.

Oh, hi. It's Helen Bowie. interrupting realistically myself. I'm so excited because I am going on my second ever tour with my new show, Grand Supreme, Darling Princess. I'm going all over the UK and a bit of Ireland and a bit of Europe, so please come and see me all the dates that are on my website.

I'm going to Oxford. I'm going to pool. I'm going to Paris. I'm going to Cork. I'm going to Dublin. I'm going to Belfast. I'm going to Edinburgh. I'm going to Glasgow.

I'm going to Aldershaw. So please come and join me if I'm in a town near you Can't wait to see you soon Bye Through the fog Step forth the trusty hogs Yeah You're gonna give me your problems

And they will solve them Or maybe they won't And that's your problem They'll have guests And Andrew White on the tech Oh It's Helen and Catherine as a truck the trusty hogs

trust the trusty hogs or maybe not it's episode 87 oh my god you're back two weeks and you're already speaking over me welcome to episode 87 of trusty hogs I'm Catherine Bowhart I'm Helen Bauer

and this is a podcast where we tell you all about our lives and we also listen to your problems and help you solve them with a tremendous famous comedian as our guest a famous comedian and also I don't think we even try and solve

the problems anymore I am dying with everyone's drama. Hang on. You never tried to help. I have always tried to help and remain trying to help. I am zen now.

I am officially zen. Stop with the beach girl bullshit. If you have problems, you can bring them to me but only you can solve them because only you know why you haven't done it so far. I'm just going to tell us

one intriguing thing and you'll have so many opinions. Let's just be the change we want to see and welcome to Trusty Hots. Hi, Helen, I have a new obsession. Okay, can I guess? No.

Funerals, Irish Funerals. minerals, weddings, Irish weddings, Pilates, Botox, hair volumising spray. Okay, first of all, fuck you. You cheated because I told you made those things beforehand. I did find an amazing hair volumisory spray. It's called apraisex and not that expensive in boots. But why have we named a hair volumising spray? That's not my obsession.

That's not my... Oh, because he's a gay fabulous man and he does the Kardashians there and needs to be like catchy and cute. I feel like I'm like a daily mail reader from like the noughties when they were like, put the magazines with the girls' tits out on the top shelf so no one can reach it. Why are we selling at pre-sex in boats? There's kids in there. I thought you said you were zen. Yeah, that's true.

I prefer pretend zen, Helen. Okay, so, no, my new obsession is not although I do still love Pilates. And oh my God, today I'm dressed in my Pilates gear. Don't I look so professional? Boo. Like, yeah, I could go. I mean, I probably won't, but I dressed for it, and that's almost the same. Um, the, no, my new obsession is,

Majul Dates. Okay, babe. Okay, so I've been watching Instagram. You've heard of it. You've been watching Instagram. I've been watching Instagram. And they keep making those peanut butter, chocolate dates that are like mini-stickers. And I made them.

But you, I told you about this and you were so angry. I don't remember that. And they were delicious. Oh, okay. Someone will remember the episode. They were delicious. I made them. They were so. good. But it's not a Snickers bar.

It is like a Snickers bar, but it's not the same. You're right. You're right. But what I found makes the difference is put a little bit of crushed salted peanuts in there as well. Then you get the bite, which is what you're missing fundamentally. And then I did savory ones. Wait, so you take the Majolde and then you put, well, like, parma ham on it. No, well, I don't eat meat.

Yeah, we don't need me either. Okay. No, I do. It feels like you're angry. I don't know what's happening. No, you can do like a cream cheese with lots of herbs and then also maybe like a if you want you can do a knot. Oh, that sounds good. It's delicious.

I did it with pecans, cream cheese, honey and and what, not that, not fennel, but what's the other one that looks a bit? Thalariac. No, no, no, no, it's a herb. Rocket. It'll come to me. It'll come to me. Fenil.

No. Parsley. Have you ever heard of her? Yes. So it's time, basil. I'll send you the recipe. Okay, Rosemary. I'll send it to you on Instagram.

It had rosemary and time. I'll send it you on Instagram. Oh my God. It's so cute and spun. Although I showed me my mother had to do that where you send a message on Instagram and now she keeps sending me instructions on how to make my own candles

and I don't make candles. I went through a candle making phase. I'll put her in touch with you. Do you want to make candles together? No. Oh my God. Unless we go to a professional place. No, I'm professional.

I've got a pot that I heat the waxing on a stove. No, it's like a metal beaker. Oh, okay, because I do have some old candles that could be melted down and then made into something cute with dead flowers.

Yeah, come over, come over. I genuinely would be up for that. It's so much fun. It feels so good. Like the only thing is Where'd you buy a wick? Honey, I've got a whole stash ready to go. I mean, I bought them like during lockdown

during my candle making pay. This is genuinely one of the first things who suggested to me where we hang out and I actually want to do it. You had a lovely coffee with me this morning. Oh no, that was gorgeous, but I did you not enjoy our coffee? No, I love a coffee. I just mean usually you're like, let's go to SeaWorld.

Let's go to Shrekland. Let's go to Mickey Mess's, like, asshole. I'm like, I don't. I don't, I don't know. Oh my God, let go. I don't know, but if there was. Andrew, are you enchanted? I'm enchanted.

You would be at that opening, and I do mean opening. My point is, I'd love to make candles with you, actually. Do it. What are you doing this weekend? Let me check my day. You're probably getting me. Okay, well, I'm free. I'm free.

I'm free. Oh, my gosh. Heaven, I actually really love that. And then we can watch like a TV show or something together as well. Speaking of, I also have a new episode. No, I have another new option, no, I have one. Jewish matchmaking. Jewish matchmaking.

I watch the power on Amazon. It's Jewish matchmaking. I do want to hear about Jewish matchmaking. Yes! Oh! Did we Okay, fine Yes, sorry for screaming

Sorry for screaming Is it like India Matchmaker? It's No, because the thing is In India They are trying to pretend That their

Racism and Classism is just tradition And sort of It's under the It's just unspoken Whereas The Jewish matchmaker They're like

I won't date fat girls I won't date Curlyhaired girls I won't date all the girls I want to date are have to have blue eyes all of them have to have to have blonde hair but they also have to be Jewish

they have to be Israeli and you're like holy shit balls this is crazy wow yeah and also everyone's just like I guess we just sit down

with our moms and also this really adorable couple that I thought were perfect for each other didn't get together because she's more religious than him and I was like

girl you're missing out on joy you're missing it on it made me sad it made me deeply sad but do they find good partners for each other Is there love on it? It's unclear that that's the case,

but honestly there wasn't enough of a like follow-up here, these people are together, you know what I mean? You have to do the deep dive on Instagram myself. Yeah, exactly. But I'm willing to scope, listen, I really enjoyed it. I thought it was interesting. I thought it was insightful. I actually like the matchmaker on it much more

because she's really like, I mean, she sells a lie. She sells a lie hard. There's like a 45-year-old woman and she's like, you still have time to have the babies with your husband. And you're like, she doesn't. No, they're. There's, there's, like, articles, because I think I've been thinking about age. No, there are women, and they're, like, 70, and they're popping out triplets.

No, hear me out. Look, obviously, we can go later and later now than we've ever been able to. But what we have to stop saying is, I've been watching the new series of queer, right? Yes. And these five men, well, four men and a non-binary person keep being like, it's never too late, honey. And it's like, that's not true for women. No, it's never too late.

It's, like, Andrew, it isn't. That marriage is a little unhealthy because it's like, I'm not saying that, like, you should have them when you're not ready, I'm just saying, like, it might have to be a different way to have a family. It can't necessarily be that you just get pregnant with the, because you're in love. That's how I'm going to do. I'm going to make a family when I'm 70.

Okay. Well. Okay, so do you recommend Jewish matchmaker? Because I do get addicted to these shows. Oh, strong recommend. I watch it all in two days. Love. Do they do weddings?

Because my favorite wedding I've ever been to is a Jewish wedding. It's so fun. But they got to, they obviously explained a lot about the wedding and a lot about the culture. They went with like really orthodox people and then really unorthodox people. but it's really interesting

but yeah it's just really sweet and I think you should watch it but also like super problematic let's be clear but also I was into it Oh in any wedding like forget the culture

because they're all problematic because you are like binding yourself contractually to someone and the idea is usually that the other person owns you but we're getting better and the suggestion is that like

in order to complete one's life you must find another person who is destined for you which is true unless we forget less we forget no we're halves but you're a whole

whole because you've got Ellen, so you've got a partner that loves you and you love back. I'm a shell of a woman. Oh God, that's a job. With nothing else going on for me. So you think if Ellen and I just keep having sex, we'll have a baby? Oh my God. Could you imagine how sick that would be? Wouldn't it be so cool? How curly-haired

would that baby be? Wait a second, your body just sort of like evolves so that you guys can create a baby. Talking about bodies evolving. Has anyone seen the power on Amazon? Oh, for God. Yes! That was so good. That was so well done. Did you see?

Like, if you don't know what the power is, you'd be like, what the hell was that segue? Can I say, I read the book, didn't love the book. You are wrong. The book wasn't great. I'm sorry, in my opinion, but, but when I read the book, I remember thinking, this could be a sick series. And then Tony Colette was fronting the series and I was like,

you had me a Tony, baby. I love her. No, but I, no, you think you love her. No, I love her. Me and Tony go so far back. It's actually mental. Oh, God, is this going to be a musical. Like, no, no, no, no, Muriel's wedding.

You think you're the only one in this room who's seen Muriel's wedding? Oh, no, Andrew's gay. I assume that Andrew knows it back to front. I'm also gay and I've seen it. I know, but Andrew is that sort of gay. You know, it's different gays. No?

Like, gay men, Muriel's wedding. No, because he's 12. Gay women, QI. I don't know. I don't know. I've not seen it. I'm not seen it. No, I'm sorry, Helen.

I'm old, baby, are you? It's lavender. That's a reference to Angels in America by Tony Kushner. Very good. That was very well done. That's a play. you welcome world i have seen that yeah of course you have well yeah

what was that i just click you did i just clicked we're rubbing off on you what am i doing because you love us you've never done that like what i do actually sometimes do that i click all the time sorry i i do i've been copying my boyfriend he's a big is he a clicker oh my god your boyfriend has such a click energy your boyfriend has real spoken word energy don't you think don't you think he like he wears the clothes

he has the gorgeous serious pout he looks like he clicks he has serious spoken word energy I guess I'm Andrew's boyfriend now I guess so I guess I click yeah You don't really have the zen or the look or the calm but

Okay my zen is coming along very well Okay And my look is nearly there Isn't your friend in the power? So I actually went to school With someone from the power Oh my god go on I actually went to school

Oh you said friend earlier But now it's went to school No sorry we are good friends Oh the truth is coming out And we live together we live together for years Is that somebody you made chair a bed Shout out Reza Mitchvich No, we didn't share a bed

We had a flat together Well it was her dad's flat And we were both there But like still counts right Still counts Did you have a sleepover One time at this girl's house No two years

Of living on top of each other Living the freaking dream And then we had a coffee Just before I went to Australia So I watched the power Hadn't read the book Love confession Confession

And I was like Let's give this a go Oh my God The concept of it I was like this is right. So if anyone who doesn't know, the idea is, is that women over time have evolved as you would for like, you know, natural survival instincts. And they've evolved a new muscle called the skin. And it's like in your chest cavity just underneath your neck

and it creates an electrical current, which means that you can like jolt people who are trying to hurt you and you can physically harm people. They're the physically stronger sex. But it's only been given to younger women and they can decide. whether to pass it on to older women or like someone who's like intersex that can like receive it and it's just so fascinating I think it's like it's like

handmade's tail level shit like the because I was like that does make sense like the idea that you have to like naturally like survive you've got to find a way to protect yourself like you would be given this extra power wait hold on I think you're going to say

that is an interesting like social concept that isn't interesting no I think it's going to happen you're like no that's a logical progression of woman it is because because we're constantly evolving and adapting right because we used to have more toes and we're like we're not climbing trees as much

might as well get rid of that toe right when did we have more toes oh like like the 1800s 1700 back back back back back back back back back back like not like recent a while ago I'm tired no no but like you're making me tired you're making me you're giving me a headache so you know how like you develop to be able to like survive different things I genuinely think we're on the precipice of all women being able to shoot lightning bolts out their fingers and I for one cannot bloody wait hello

what happened what did I do wrong it's such a good show and Tony Colette's in it let me let me clarify I think it sounds like a great show I will watch it your handle on reality and or indeed basic biology worries me

no because we do we develop new things right you know evolution a this is implausible as a likely progression of womanhood but even worry to evolution occurs over like millions yes

yeah but when was the last one no it doesn't happen it's not like today's evolution day that's a shame because that'll be fucking sick that would be sick if you just woke up one day and it was like it's Evolution Day and we're all just like

What will we get? What will we get? That would be exciting like evolutionary Christmas Oh so good Wait what do you think the next evolution will be Because I honestly hand on heart I do think it'll be that we will just like

We won't be born with appendices appendices appendixes Appendai I think appendices But more people keep their appendices But I think we'll just get to the point Where we're like born without that Is it gallbladder that we don't need?

Is that one just banter as well? No, it's not just banter, the goal battery. You do need it. When you get rid of it, it actually causes some problem. Okay, what's the other one that's just bans? There's another thing that's just bantor. Like, appendix is just like, just bantz. Like, I'm here, but you don't need me.

I'm not sure. Yeah, I'll figure it out. But what do you think? Well, sorry, when you think, not like through trial and error. Huh? Well, you said you'll figure it out. That won't be through trial and error, will it? What, like removing?

Oh, I can't remove it. I'm not a surgeon. Andrew, could you Google, um, please, please, which organs are just for bans. Banta, probably, because they might recognise bans on Google. Oh, yeah, fair point, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a colloquial.

Yeah. We want the full medical term, please. And there is something else that people get removed. Hernia? No, you grow those as well, don't you? Dear God. Which of these top results would you like to do? Okay.

Five organs you should save from deer, from the meat eater.com. A Facebook page called, now this is what I call British banter. or a minute with max irons on the class divide all male banter from Reuters. Max ions please, all male banter. You were meant to translate it.

So you want a minute with max ions on class divide or male banter. Yes, 100%. Andrew, you were supposed to translate the Google search into which organs do you not need. You weren't actually supposed to Google which organs are just for banter. Bants.

No, you maybe not put bands. Has she been away so long that you've forgotten. There's got to be something else that people get removed. And it's just like, everyone's like, what's the point? You can still live a fairly normal life that one of your lungs, a kidney, your spleen, appendix, gallbladder. Spleen! Is that the one?

A gallbladder? A gallbladder? I know, but I think... Yeah, but you can live a normal life without it. That doesn't mean, you know, is there's no effect. Okay. Also, I assume this list is like one of each, not like... So a lung, you can just lose a lung? One of them. I think you'll have meant spleen. I do think that you were thinking of spleen.

I think it quite dramatically affects your life if you lose a lung. Really? Yeah, yeah. No, and I'll keep them then. It'd be like if you're a smoker. You can lose some of your lymph nodes and the fibula bones from each leg. No. And six of your ribs you can get rid of.

Six? Oh yeah, because Marilyn Manson did that, so they could suck themselves off. That's not true. It's true. She also allegedly really abused Evan, Rachel Wood, so we don't like that guy. No, you don't do that. That's wrong. But basically, all I'm saying is a TV show is wonderful, and I can highly recommend it.

Okay, wow. Wow. Well, listen, a lot going on for. for you these days. Watching a lot of stuff. I'm watching a lot of stuff. I'm watching a lot of stuff. These days. I am, I'm basically a musical widow. That's what's happening

for me. Explain what a musical widow. I'm a musical widow. Ellen has been in rehearsal. Okay. Now I'm having it. Six days a week. Nine to nine. Yeah. Takes an hour and 20 minutes to get there.

So make that 8.30, 8 to 10. So your girlfriend's working. Eight to 10. Eight to 10, six days a week you can't. Eight to ten. six days a week and it's been going

outrageous I have no one to talk to during the day wait six days a week they rehearse all weekends so they get God's day off and then

sometimes they don't get a bank holiday though and then get this she comes home and she says to me six no she comes home

no she's exhausted she comes home and says to me can you tell I've been home I sound so Irish she comes home and she says they were talking

about who the best chefs in the cast were and so they were guessing and they were guessing and they came to the conclusion that it was either this guy's girlfriend or Ellen's girlfriend

because all I do now is I make her lunch. No, you don't you pack her lunch for her. Of course I do. She's so tired. She's so tired and she can't cook at the best time but she's exhausted. That's really cute. Also she might forget me otherwise she's around all these other

there's an older lesbian called Catherine in the cast I mean, come on. She sounds incredible. Yeah and so I keep hearing she's got a great personality. But anyway, so... But I'm just floating around. No wonder I'm doing so much Palaise. I have nothing else to do.

Wait, when you see you're making a lunchbox, because I have gone down that spiral on Instagram and TikTok before, of just watching women pack up lunchboxes for their kids. Have you seen these bento boxes? And they, like, there's one who's like, making lunch to my husband again, and it's all a voiceover. And they write, like, a little note with it.

And everything's themes that match. Like, today's theme is breakfast for lunch. And they, like, make pancakes and, like, a cider syrup. And, like, it's, honestly, you have to level up. No, I actually, no. Look, my view is this is that it's about bulk. She's working and dancing all day. Oh, you're not sitting here with just a bag of boiled, like, rice or something on you.

Oh, no, I just mean, like, I make her, like, a tune in this was, and some snacks, and she likes, like, carrots. Oh, my God, I'm one of those fucking women. Define bulk, define bulk, because you went for a salad and carrots. It's about her having lots of, like, nuts and fruit and crisps and a chocolate bar. Like a squirrel. Yeah, like, she has a bit of everything, a balance. Oh, my God. I am one of those women.

And I wonder if them and go crazy with the lunches because that's the only way of having any like creative outlet. Creative outlet. You're like, I don't see you. So I guess I have to like

send all of my love in a lunchbox. Honestly, these love boxes look amazing but I'm worried whether school has got different because like having like a weird lunchbox when we were at school was like I had a different lunchbox

and I felt weird for it. Like all I wanted was the regular bread sandwiches because that's what everyone else had. All I wanted was you know those stacked tin Indian ones with the silver. Yeah, you wanted those?

Oh my God, would they arrive with a hot lunch? Please. I'm sick of this cold food. But yeah, listen, so that's my life now. What was your standard lunchbox wife? I'm a lunchbox wife. Yeah, but you're always going to be a lunchbox wife.

I know it would be nice if I saw the husband occasionally. I want to make a lunchbox for Senealy. Oh, that'd be me sweet. Can I take my favourite lunchbox wife? Yeah, yeah, my favourite lunchbox wife. You got absolutely love this. It's a couple called Mark and Tracy. Oh, Mark and Tracy.

Mark has cheese sandwiches, which are an entire 400 grand block of cheese No. In between two pieces of bread. Well, he's going to die. He has two a day. He's going to die of a heart attack. Tracy says he's fit as a fiddle. 400 grams of cheese twice.

Does Tracy want him to die? Is the insurance good or on Mark or something? Wait, 400 grams? That's insane. What is the average block? Almost a kilo of cheese every day just in his sandwiches. Fair play, Mark. No, not fair play Mark.

Mark's going to have a heartache. You should see the videos. They're amazing. Sometimes she prepares like picky bits for him and it's like an entire meal. It's like, I'll just picky bits. It's like, oh, chicken. Oh, clock of cheese. I'm so boring.

Just the chicken to pick on living his dreams. I can see how it happens to women. I'm suddenly saying things to Ellen like, oh, this week I did the grocery shop in Altie. Not saying through. I'm like, I'm so boring. Anyway, that's my life there. You don't do things like cut funny like pictures into the bread

or like make stars out of the fruit. I was feeling fine about it, but then she said me and this boyfriend, this boy's girlfriend I knowed as the best chef's on the cast. And now I'm like, am I competing with this other woman now? You are. And this is how you pit women against women. Look, it's, that's my line.

No, Catherine, you pit women against women. I do. You're in a competition. This other girl is fine. I'm sending Ellen in with a silver service now. Oh my God, but listen, I am. I bet you never forget to add cutlery and napkins as well. Obviously not.

Oh my God. She rang me the other day. I was in Belfast and she hadn't made her lunch. She rang me and said, I've come to the park and I don't have a fork. And I thought, what am I? What am I? Well, you leave them on the side so they're ready to grab in the morning.

No, my point is I was away so she hadn't brought cutlery. I can't, do you know what I mean? I made a packed lunch this morning. What happened to it, Catherine? Do you tell the story? I was proud of you for packing a lunch. My first time in years

actually packing a lot. Two little bananas and appie which is what I say for Apple. No one was confused. In an old Vapiano takeaway box. Cute, yes. The diamond-shaped one. And I rep with hummus.

a wrap chicken chicken um rocket and sundred tomatoes wrapped in cling film

because I didn't have anything else put it in which I know it's bad for you because of BPA no no it's fine but I will put make a mental note

to buy you those wax and crap yeah Emma black has a full set of them Ellen bought me mine they get washed very well at the end of each use

hang on Ellen bought one for me and I'm just using it to make her fucking yeah you're being mudged off I am being lunch up

home and I was so proud of once of packing it. And I put it next to the kettle because I was like I had a coffee and a tea before coming here. You left it up home. I know. And then I messaged to Neil be like, can you put my sandwich in the widgey and save my fruit? But I know it's not in the fridge. I know he'll put it in 10 seconds before I get home for dinner.

I won't be home tonight until like probably about 10pm. Did it eat tomorrow for lunch? It won't last. I'll have it a second dinner. Fine. A little healthy snack. Late night's fine. That's fine. That's all a bloody one. Amazing because at the moment I have to have a snack because I read a book as I fall asleep. Yeah, that's what I'm doing.

Do you know what you could make to go in that now? Shout out to Sheila Patel. I'm a fan. Do you know what you could make? Do you put it in there? What? A couple of mjewel dates. Right, thank you so much, Catherine.

Let's have an amazing guest. I love him. We love him. We all live it. We love him. We all live and. We all live and we love him. We all live and we love him.

It's the wonderful. Colin Hall. We could not make trusty hogs without you and we're so grateful to everyone who denies to our Patreon. If you wish to support us, if we bring you joy and nausea to your lives every Thursday, then please do a patreon.com forward slash trusty hogs. The first few levels cost as much as a coffee in London and your support genuinely is what keeps this podcast going. So for £3 a month, you get early access and all of our vlog content for £5, which realistically is more like the price of a coffee in London. You get that plus an extra

episode a week. So it's like four episodes as well as early. For 10 we add in our live show recordings at 20 we are crediting you as a producer. We're sending you your own producer mug. At 50 we're sending you executive gifts every six months, your own personalized episodes and let's be honest Helen is trying to marry. I'm going to give you a room job at 50 baby. Yeah. If you can't afford any of that we totally get it. We know the times are tough. So thank you so much for listening. And please please tell your friends, co-workers, relatives, enemies, exes and people on the boss about our silly, silly show. Give us a like, subscribe, share everything like that

and means so much to us and make so much of a difference as to how well this podcast runs. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Welcome to the podcast, Colin Holm! What the hell? You just shuddered. I said, are we ready?

And you shuddered. You shuddered. Why did you shuddered? You're okay. I'm very, no, I think it's probably a bit late. to tell you this, but I think I might be a little bit ill. What the hell with no. No, no, no, don't, that's not why you shuddered.

You didn't shudder because you're ill. You shuddered because of the thought of doing this podcast. Yes, no, fucking lie to us coming out. It was sort of like, oh, this is a frightening one to go on. No, no, no, no. I can't believe you just tried to sell that as a shipper when it was definitely a shudder. Oh, no. What's happening?

This is terrifying. No, I don't know. I don't know. I think I've just been on the tube. I'm turning to one of those people, an old weird man. I have to get like lifts everywhere on the tube. Are you joking? I turn this one of those guys.

I find out where the lifts are. I don't know. I think. I really feel like you're deflecting and just are quite intimidated by our energy. Oh, I'm very intimidated by your energy. Will this be good? Do I have what it takes? This is fascinating.

What is what it takes? Am I? have I still got it turn up at this thing and come out with anecdotes after anecdote hilarious quip I don't know

I don't know but you are just naturally hilarious I can only do it being a character you can do you know what it is I'm I'm being myself

generally and I think I just all right and then I did a whip a whip in Dulwich gosh it was horrible

explain to the listener sorry if they don't know what you mean Oh, there won't be, they'll know who I am. Yeah. Oh no, what a whipp is. No, no, no.

I think they know who I am at this point. I think they're pretty familiar. What I mean to say is that if you don't know that Colin, often for a long time played as Anna Mann, a character, and now you're performing as Colin Holt. Who is this? Who is he? Are you finding yourself asking that question?

I'm going on stage going, whew, shuddering. It's like, yeah, no, it is. It's weird. It's much weird and I thought it was going to be. Why? What's weird about it? I thought we were going to end it. I didn't think the show would do as well as it did. Not that I was planning for failure, but I was sort of... But you didn't expect to get nominated for the Edna Comedy Award.

I knew. I knew. I knew I had something. I knew. I knew I had something. But I didn't, you know, it's not like... I was thinking about it. It's not like so successful. It's not like I'm like, you know, it's not like on Netflix or anything. But in the West End, just any success destroyed me immediately. And I was like, oh, I don't know what to do. It's weird. And then I sort of stopped doing her. I'm just in a weird place where I'm... But you could do like a...

I'm fine. I'm enjoying the stand-up of doing as myself, and it's going all right. It's an adjustment. It's tempting, though, to be like, as I do a Hannah Gadsby and be like, did I say I was quitting? I meant...

Very tempting. I meant I was doing another show. Yes. Because I get it. Well, I'm going for a trial today for eight out of ten cats. Should I say that? Yeah, you can say that. That's bad.

No, we all do that. We've all done trials for it. I've done three. I've never been booked for me. I've done two. I've assumed you've both been on it. In all honesty, I haven't watched that much of it. I was just on the train going,

fuck, I haven't watched it that much. And then I suddenly was like, there's countdown on YouTube. Comedians don't watch comedy shows. But so I'm doing that as Anna, and I was going through what I was going to do. And I was like, oh, this is really funny. I was like, she's funny.

Maybe I'll just do this again. She's so funny. But I don't know, but the whole show was based around. And then also I'm developing a thing now. Well, you know, various. early days. Very early days. Please be quiet then.

Very early days. So can everyone just shut the fuck up about it for a minute? For one moment. Breathe. I'm developing a Disney film. It's early days and Disney don't know about it.

But please can we stop asking? Please. Live action Anna Disney. Wait, no, no, I'm developing. Oh, my God, what the fuck is Anna? She got to do with Disney. You're Disney. You're really early days.

Whoa. Very early days. Okay. Well, I've got a treatment with Hatch. That's almost the same She's fucking with you Are you really developing No she just said Disney

Why would I not say it though I could totally think you could be developing But we're living in a day and age Where you have to manifest right So I'm just telling everyone It's like walking up to people on the street I'm like I've got a Disney deal And they're like oh wow

And I'm like yeah Avoiding your unfinished home projects Because you're not sure where to start Thumbtack knows home so you don't have to. Don't know the difference between matte paint finish and satin or what that clunking sound from your dryer is. With Thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro. You just have to hire one. You can hire top-rated pros, seed price estimates, and read reviews all on the app. Download today. Hey folks, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman. It's hard for me to believe

we're talking about back to school, but whether you're thinking lunch boxes or nourishing dinners, Whole Foods Market is the place to shop. And they're high-stanking. standards allow you to shop with confidence. Their house brand, 365 by Whole Foods Market, has everything you need for quick and convenient breakfast, lunches and dinners from oatmeal to trail mix to wild fish sticks. Explore the many ways you can save on back-to-school foods at Whole Foods Market. What Shakespeare's have twins in them?

Sorry, just because you're theatrical. Probably much ado. Much ado? Mucha do, mucha did. Mucha, much you do, much you do again. Mucha, much you don't you even think about it. Mucha, much, don't you either bother? What we're going to do? Shakespeare rap. Shakespeare had twins. Hisself? Yeah, his children, which was Hamlet and Judith. What Elizabeth the first are twins. Hamlet died. And that's what they think Hamlet is. Oh, he did. I did. I should have read one sentence ahead. What a dark thing to bring up to us, Henry. Hamlet died very young. He was only 11. Probably the robotic plague. in a comedy of eras has twins as well comedy varies 12th night has twins who are your twin 12th night

because they're lost at sea aren't they and then oh yeah of yes of course they are and one of he's being she's being the brother yeah yeah yeah yeah I've seen it I've seen it I've seen it no I just think it's wonderful I think it's wonderful I love Shakespeare in here I love the barn I love the barn Bill shakes you see it's hard to get rid of Anna

because she'd talk about Bill Shakes You also get rid of Anna. She got 500 years he's been dead. Feels like yesterday. This never gets as good enough as I'd like. You mustn't listen. Listen, I know that. I do a lot of Shakespeare stuff.

I support you. There's some gigs, people are like, oh. And there's some gigs, you're like, oh, they're on doing the Shakespeare stuff. And then people are just angry. I do support you. Or just like, shut up. Stop talking about Shakespeare. You do support me.

I support you in your separation from Anna, but I also need to say that, like, I love her. And also that you are breaking. I don't know if you know this, but Ellen, my girlfriend is, um, somebody's the biggest, not a big, she's a big fan. Havana. Oh, she went to, she went to see your child like three times in Edinburgh. I will. She took me and I, I,

how many times did you go? At one point I lent in and I said, oh. One, preview one. You've never seen the final? No, I've seen the final one. Oh, God. I've seen the final one. I went into Ellen and went, I went, I'm just going to take my dog.

And she went, this was her third time. She went, shh. And I was like, oh my God. Excuse me? It's like a third day. She's like, shh. I was like, um. You're third.

date was to see Anna Matt. Yeah. What downstairs of the courtyard in Edinburgh? Yeah. No. And she shushed me and I was like she's sued at 224.

I was just saying I'm just going to turn on like, and then I obviously had to be like, I wasn't sure if I was like to laugh. I was so stressed. I'm visibly moved. But I had a gorgeous time. I don't know if you can tell

but I'm visibly moving. She's going to kill me for saying that. I mean, she's casual. Totally chill about it. But I thought I was the biggest anima man. Because I've been there quite a while. There's a lot of people.

But I've been here, I've been around for a while. Big fans. Big fans. Wait, that's her. That's Helen of Britney. Oh, fine. I didn't reveal that she's as if you were already knew.

I think I did know that. Ellen, he's already on to you. Brittany are big fans. No, we know. Oh, okay. Now I'm less visibly moved. Because you already knew. Well, and also they're in the industry.

I want a real person to be into it. Oh, my God. No, no. I'm Andrew's dad. Andrew's dad. He was a real. My father is real. He was real.

My father is real. Because we took, me and Andrew, we were having a coffee together in Leicester and I was like, I'm going to go see Colin Holtzweb and Andrew was like, amazing, I booked tickets for me and my dad to come with you and I was like, you're going to fucking lose it? And I said to your dad, I was like, if you ever seen like Anna Mann or anything before? And he was like, nope,

but I'm happy to go along. And he lost it. He loved it so much. And there's something about like taking someone to see something. To bring her back, aren't we? Oh, please. Please. If we were doing a petition of two. Well, let's see if she gets something to have to get her to do Anna Mann and the Petronix.

textures. Yes. Question, what are you finding about yourself on stage that's different to her? Wonderful. Well, so I, to bulk it up, because I haven't got that much yet, I do throw in some Anna things. You have to. And it's interesting for me. So I have that line about when I was sitting on a bus in Nottingham. And she says, as a seven-year-old girl, I was actually in six, but already very good at acting. I love that. So that, that's all right. That's all right as me. I say, I was actually, as a seven-year-old boy, I was going to grow up. So that's all right. But then, and then a woman behind me, right, and this happened in real life.

Taps me in the show and she goes, I was reading the comic. Yeah. And in Anna Mann, she's reading Bunting. Yeah. Bunty, Judy, Jezabelle, one of the old, one of the old girls, Max. And then she gets tapped on the child. I love her. But then this woman goes, think you're dead, clever, don't you're reading, right?

And that really happens to me, but I was reading X-Men. So, she's like, think you dead, clever, don't you're reading. And I guess, oh, I'm reading a comic. She goes, oh, educated. Like, really angry. And I was about 12. So, I wasn't actually seven. Oh, you're just little, though.

But still. Were you six? Were you seven or you're 12, Colin? Who were you? Were you a boy or girl? I may have imagined the whole thing. But then I go, and then as Anna, I go, mum, we fuck off, do you know what?

And that's the gag. Great. Which is a bit, I'm sure I've heard a million people do. I don't behave yourself. But, but yeah, as Colin, that bit about her taps this is so fucking up my nose

but that woman tapping me on the shoulder going and I think you're clever reading gets a really big laugh as Anna doesn't at all

and then as Colin the mum where you fuck off doesn't get a laugh at all and as Anna does and it's quite I'm like

I actually have a theory on this it's gendered by what's reality and what's it might not be gendered because I'm attacking my real mum

or I wonder I wonder if it's gendered like it feels that I think that's what you're saying but I wonder if it's like I have a theory to stop this well what's your theory

My theory, Helen. My theory is I think audiences can really feel when something rings true or not. And obviously, like, playing around with an age is one thing, because we don't remember things in exact ages. So we have to pick an age as I'll say that. But, like, as far as, like, it happened to you as Colin. Yeah. And this is something, like, they, you can feel in a crowd on something rings true.

I used to think there's comics we could tell for each other. But, like, there is a sense. In the same way, when you meet someone, and they tell you something, you can get a feeling from them. It's frightening. I think that's why I'm shuddering, because it's like a sudden responsibility. Of, oh, I'm not saying these words through a character through the filter of a, you know, and it's just a gag.

Yeah. Because all the stuff that I've done as Anna, there's loads of stuff that is just jokes. Yeah. But it's all real. Yeah. There's all real stuff in there. But it's rich, she's based on people.

And then as soon as you're doing it, as a self-talking, oh, it's freaking. But we're, welcome to the vulnerable world of stand-up comedy. Oh, yeah. When they don't laugh, they don't like you. Yeah. They don't like, they don't like you as a person. That's why I felt and done it.

I was like, and also the show was 42 minutes. I never, as you may know, if you've ever seen, I've always do like, so long. Wasn't your show in Mac like three hours long? Was that normal? I wasn't even there and I heard about it. That was a show I did called Character Horse Right, which I sort of was myself but being characters

so it wasn't really the same. But that one I got there. But what's bizarre, I'd done the show in Edinburgh. Yeah. So it was finished. And I've done it in the right then. And then I turned up at Mac like, I guess the summer after. And I was in a,

I was doing to me else. I was like, do the show, do you want to try and go film to me? You know, you know what it's like. I know, I know, I know. You don't know how to play in the industry. And you have to give time to film.

And the punches and have photos with you when you're going in. You have to give it myself. Yeah, you've got to have K's ringing. Oh, you must. But I, yeah, did it. And then I went, I suddenly went, oh God, a whole hour's gone

and I'd done 20 minutes to show. And I don't know what I was doing. It was like memento. I was like, what was I just like dancing? Like 20 minutes. realize or something. I don't know. If you did 40 minutes of dance and didn't know,

we're taking you for a scan. Heaven. Andrew, what's your theory? I really want to know. Pretty much the same thing. It's just, I feel like that line from the woman on the bus in Anna where the whole world is thinking,

what's the woman on the bus? It's like the soul part. Virginia Wool. She couldn't get a room so she got a bus. I guess at the end of the day. I was just a woman. On a past the end. Dark.

Dark. Lights down. But yeah, so in Anna's world, everything's fake. So that is just a set up for Anna. Wow, that's quite a statement. Wow. When it's you, you know, when it's a real thing. And so the absurdity of that sentence is hilarious

because it's in the context of the real world. Yeah, interesting. There's a true comedy. I got half of that. No, because it's like, son of comedy is a true sexist. Genuinely, with the ADHD, my processing is very bad. I went also when I said, like,

my eyes were going like, that's because I'm like, I don't know what you just been saying. Wait, rewind, I was listening while she was talking now. I was thinking about something. You've just made me more excited to see how we're going to solve a system of problems with you. Because if you cannot take an anything and process it, prepare to really fuck up. Okay.

Yeah, because these girls and guys who send us in, these people who send us in problems, I'd say you're going to have to focus in. Okay, I can. I have a thing, you have a thing called hyperfocus. Great, well, activate that now, please. And I guess it's when I'm on stage, as Anna. Okay. And I'm trying to find the hype focus

As Colin at the minute That's why it's very late Because I guess the other channels I'm talking to Joel Morris Do you know him, the writer? No, who's Joel Morris? He was talking about He's a writer.

Okay, cool. You know the writer, Joel Morris, the writer. Oh, yes, of course. Norris, the writer. Who can't pay attention to ascendance now? His name's Joel Morris, he's a writer. No, he writes on a, he writes clunk and stuff. No, Philomena clunk.

Clunk, isn't it? Yeah, Philomena clunk, yeah. What was I talking about? Joel Morris. Joel Morris. Oh yeah, so it's like you've got all these channels open all the time and some of them go back.

You know, like on our mixing desk, I don't really understand. I don't, yeah. I get the idea. See how I said, yeah,

I was like, yeah, yeah, but you know you have to open all the channels. You sort of can imagine that, can imagine that, because I don't, I don't answer that.

So I don't answer that. No, no, truly, I don't know. As in so this might be like, you know, Catherine has looked at me right now. Yeah. And then this might be,

I've noticed something Andrew's doing. Yeah, very rude. kid, be the thing you're doing later, and then something might be something that happened when you were 10, but that's still going on. Do you what I mean? And something has made you think of that, the woman on the bus, whatever. And I think with the ADHD's, it's very hard to close the channels, basically. So now I actively try and go, hang on, I have to go, close that. Okay, that's fine. Okay, yeah. We dealt with that. Sam sort of that bit. Wow, you're like one of those ladies and the operators during the war. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do they call those, those

Do you mean the women in the phone? They're called telephones, aren't they? They were called telephones. No, you can't call a woman a telephone. No, you know. I swear they were. Like, they were called telephones. Like at NASA, they called people

that are the math computers. They were like, that's before. Oh, they called them their telephone. They were called computers and then, like, people who do that were called telephones. So they pull that one, putting you through now. I mean, they were, they were telephone operators. Yes.

Yeah, that lady. I've got the field marshal on the land. Exactly. It might actually be more respectful to call them telephone because they actually called hello girls. Telephones it is. Hello girls. I'm an operator but I think telephones

is cuteer. I'm a bit of a hello girl. You are? Yeah, I think I have a hello girl anyway. I'm a good bye bitch. Hello. I'm a bye bitch.

I'm a hello girl. You're a Sionara sister. Oh, that would be a good comic. Hello girl and the bye bitch. Hello girl and the Sionara sweethearts also good. If you write it, I might read it. Hello girls was like, I might read it. A lot of Joe Morrish.

rest to catch her. You'd only maybe read Hello Girls in the Sionara Sweetheart? I'd certainly, I mean, how much is it going for? It's expensive. I'll give it to you for 10p. Okay, I will definitely read it.

Sometimes people give me things like that and then I'm like, now I've got to read it. A listener sent in an old copy of Zeehan. We're probably both thinking about the same book right now. We'll talk about it off parts. Hey, no, no, no, I know the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Close your channels. It's a problem, Andrew. Ching, ching, ching, ching, chose your channels, girls. Hello. Operator is closed. Am I doing all right, by the way? You're doing fabulously. Am I doing okay?

She's doing... No, you're doing great. You're doing great. My bitch and my sweetheart. My bitch and my sweetheart. That's very sweet. Okay, we've got a friendship problem. Hit me, hit me.

Intress on. So this is from M. Solve yourself M, that's what my first point is. Will you behave yourself? Sorry, apologies. Just the letter? Yes, we only do lessons. Oh, great, okay.

Hello, M. Anonymity. That's a good character, anonymity. Anyway, never mind. Hi, Hogs. Everyone's got ideas all the time. Look, mate, I've been doing this a while. I've got it.

That is a good idea. That is a good idea. Write it down. Write it down. Write it down. Text me later. Hi, Hogs. Hi.

First of all, I want to say, I love the podcast. It's absolutely hilarious and it's been a great comfort during some very lonely times. That's just kind. That's just kind. We love to hear us. Which brings me to my problem. I'm really struggling. to make and keep friends, and it's beginning to make me feel rather down.

Oh, no. For a bit of background of me, I'm autistic, which automatically makes it a bit more difficult for me to make friends compared to others. And they had to drop out of college last year, which has isolated me quite a bit. I had some friends from college, but recently I've realised they maybe aren't my friends due to organising a get-together for my birthday, which they all cancelled on the day before. Oh, no. No, that's so...

Oh, that's mean. And their reason they gave was because it wasn't the kind of thing they wanted to do. They organised it. No, I think I don't understand. I'm organised it. Still, whatever. A picnic in a beautiful public garden.

It's a lovely day. I don't think there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, she'd even baked a cake. And no one came. They all cancelled. Yeah, they all cancelled. Yeah. Okay, go on.

So this is, we're going in hard. So this was a wake-up call for M who realised just how much that they lack meaningful friendships in their life and she wants to get out there and make some connections with people. I'd really appreciate some advice

and how to make friends as a young adult and then how to actually keep them. Helen and Catherine's friendship always brings me so much joy and I'd love to have something like that one day. Thank you for listening to my problem. M. Number one, that's so sweet with me and Catherine

didn't find each other until I'm mid to late 20s so it does take a bit of time. I'll put that out there. Well, you're like mid-40s now. I'm 47 and Catherine 52. Sure. Yeah. It's been great for it.

I thought that was funny, but you've got to say that she looks young. I would just say it really quickly to Catherine. You're very young, aren't you? to a man in Kensington, his name's Dr. Ewan, and you know I look young. Yeah, you do look very young. I'm 32. I look young-ish. I'm 35 this year. And you're fine. How old are you?

I'm 24. You don't look 44 at all. You don't look 44 at all. You don't look 44. And now me? I've stopped drinking. And now me? Congratulations. And you don't look 47, 27 or 26. 27, 26. If you're younger, she thinks you're patronizing. If not younger. No, no, she thinks you're patronising younger than that. Twenty-six?

Twenty-six. She likes twenty-six, anything younger's bit. Okay, you look twenty-six. You're not allowed to drink for the 24 hours after you get Botox. I went a whole day without wine. Oh, really? Oh, wow. Have you really had pot-offs?

Yeah. Oh, good for you. Yeah. No, Dr. You and Kensington, truly. Have you met? No. Oh, you must. It's wonderful.

I'm really kick-starts the sobriety. You guys, we have to handle. It was probably, but may I also say I anxiously picked off all of my shalack while. Oh, my God. I didn't even notice you did that. That's not like you. Her problem made me sad. It made me sad.

I'm really sorry. You're not your friends to start with. Put them in a fucking well and cover them up and never go and find them again. I'll say that. Group murder. Always an option. People forget that.

What do I do with the shalach? You give it to little Helen. I'll put it in my pocket. I don't mind. I'll find it later on. I'll throw it on someone like confetti. Are you having a nice time? Yeah, I'm having a nice time.

I'm thinking about this problem. I'm thinking, should I be honest? I think we should be honest. I think. I'm so. Go on. Sorry. No, no.

No, you're strong. Helen, you, your sister has... Helen, you're strong. Is autistic. You know... My dad's autistic, my sister's autistic. Any advice? No, because Marianne's a...

My sister's a fucking cunt as well as being autistic. Hey, no, I like you. She's so cute. She hates me, but I like her. You can't... My sister hates. It's not a get out of jail, so... Hates her.

No, no, no. You can still be a dick, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maryanne's so fun. Catherine really hate that. Oh, no, no, no. Marian hates me. I love with Maryan.

Yeah, it's kind of a... Catherine said to my sister, said, do you want a hug? And she went, no. We've been the day younger than me. Two years younger than me. She's like nearly 30, but the way she just completely, she just like turned to me halfway through a day of hanging out with Catherine and went,

your friend used to take the chill pill. No, I was like, yeah, she does. She really does. Savage. Yeah, it is. I do you think it is harder to form like interpersonal relationships to people because it's often things that you think are totally like normal and nice way to go through the world, other people can sometimes misconstrue as rude. And instead of giving people the

time to talk about it and learn that everyone function in the world differently, people do sometimes cut you off. They're not people you want to be friends with. And I understand the desire to have that, like, close friendship group from when you're younger. But I, I'm always that I'm lucky. I'm still friends with people I went to college with. But in general, like, they were friends from school. I didn't make a group of college. It took me so long when I moved to London when I was 18. I didn't go to university everyone else went and they made a group of friends

well a lot of them did and I didn't have that and it took me so long to find my ride or die people which I'm now lucky being 32 that I have and it's so easy to think that you're the only person

someone who would like you would get up for and run to theirs at three in the morning and they would do the same for you you know that person who's like oh straight men have to marry someone for that to happen

yeah okay But women can just form those relationships healthily. Yeah. I've got France, who's an artist. I've got Gwyneth, who's a gorgeous, little, petite little thing, and then I've got my lesbian. That's how I do it. Do you know what I mean?

You're right or right, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wonderful. And is she your ride or die right? Oh, she'll be over any time, any time, a day or night. Yeah. But I do think you're right. I think it's important to stress that it is not unusual,

not to have those at your age, M. Like, I have one friend from school, and she was already my friend from around the corner, Karen. Yeah, I have. I love Karen. Like, you know, I have Georgie from during university times and Kate, but like that took so long and takes real care. Like you have to nourish those friendships.

You have to water them. And then I think, but, but I think we need to circle back because one, I want to say I'm really sorry that that happened. That's so fucking shit. Secondly, I think you need to, where possible, figure out what you want and need from friends and how much of it you can give to yourself. If you can give any of it to yourself, then do that. generously in the while you wait to find your people.

Do you mean like doing fun things by yourself if there's no friend to go with, still go and have fun? Absolutely. If it's like I want to, you know, like you don't have to have friends to go play five aside. That's what clubs are for. You know, like you can go and you can go and play with strangers. You can go and participate with people without them being your friends.

I know, I said before when I was 19, I went to the zoo by myself and I had a connection with a lion that is unmatched. Unmatched to this time. I've gone to zoo with other people's at the same. I think M needs a team though. You think M could we... Just you and a lion? Me and the lion,

it's like we looked at each other and we just got it. We just fucking got it. Don't you think M could really do with a team? Like a team, like a sport team if possible. Teams are nice. Teams are quite reliable. I've never...

I don't know if I've ever really had friends. This is a horrible thing. Sorry, we'll be right back to you. No, no. Whoa. No. You Amdram. I know I have.

I think that's quite true for men though. Amdram is like friendship, isn't? Amdram is my sports team growing up. Yeah. Or choirs, compete people's teams. But don't you think, for men, I think many friends is really hard. I did have, no, I did have very close friendships. It's not that I've never had friends, I can never keep them.

And often I've worked with friends, and then we fall out very badly. Really? Or it just sort of drifts, but also have, like, get, like, paranoid ass. But ADHD is often, like, really, ADHD is very hard to, like. ADHD is quite out of sight, out of mind as well. Maintain friendships. Yeah, I was going to say, isn't there a kind of. You sort of, yeah, and you go from friendship to friendship.

it's really hard and yeah there's a lot of there's autism and ADHD in my family and yeah I find it yeah they'll sort of come and go and then sometimes I'll like send a message to people

oh you will have my best friend I loved you so much and I haven't seen you and blah and they'll be a bit like too much or whatever you know and it's really hard you know like my friends from school

who we still keep in touch but I don't I feel they don't have any can, not just because I've ended up doing this stuff, but like, yeah, I don't, so I can understand where M's coming from and that pain, I had my birthday on Monday.

Happy birthday for me. And it was, thank you. And I was determined to not do anything to end up in that sort of situation M has because I often do that to myself. But I sort of ended up falling in between them up. My poor wife ends up like kind of trying to get it right and I'm like, it's all right, don't do anything, it's right. We have to do

something and blah, la, otherwise, it's all, do you know what I mean? So I'll often arrange like big things but then they're always weirdly disappointing yeah of course but do you know what else I've come to Rosa

I'm only I'm only kind of happy when I'm performing I'm only like can deal with groups when I'm actually acting but that's because you've agreed on a social contract you're talking you're not but my social contact is that

is a contract is that like I can't do the small talk and all that stuff I think that's probably why I shudded but anyway I'm baking about me but I just no but being honest

about your relationships is helpful I wrote a song and also you should do Also, you shuddered and then you did it I wrote a song Wait, there's a song coming Catherine doesn't like it She's not like songs

No, no, it's not that It's just that I want you to hear me When I say you shuddered And then you've done it Yes You shuddered because you're scared But you've done it really well I've done it

And I think M needs to In a way shudder and then push through that too But we'll talk about M in second Please sing your song And then we'll circle back to them If I can remember it Please Oh I don't know how it feels to have a friend

No I don't know how it feels to have a friend someone to rely on to guide and to defend oh what is it more depressing it's get it's on it'll be down it depends someone who will be there till the end oh i don't know how it feels to have a friend and then it goes on there and it bigger you know i don't know how it feels to love a flag because we go into intonations I've lived my life inside a plastic bag. Not sure what that it means. Oh, were you like a salami or something?

Possibly. A country or a nation or a party or a mass or just anything or anything that isn't strange or sad. It's sad, isn't it, this song? I hope that will give you heart. Some people are sadder than you, Em. Some people are, and they're very successful people on television, actually. At the end, I don't know if I ever did it live.

I don't know if I ever did it live but I sing these songs to one all the time they, you know, obviously like, and then I go I should do that one day and then forget about it but then someone came

I can't remember it was a puppet or something then came on with like oh come on friend I'll be a friend to you which was like this like Avenue Q but I never quite got it right

so you think M should get into puppetry that's really hurt my throat I know some vegetable wrists and that's even more lonely so no don't do it Oh my God I've got I'm sorry I've got a conclusion

to this now Okay, what's your advice? Actually, we didn't get Colin's actual advice. I think a puppet's not a bad idea, right? Without going into this... No, no, see me out. I'm not being facetious. I'm not being facetious.

Hear me out. I don't want to say, because it's personal within family and stuff, someone in my family has a puppet that has become a buddy and a way of expressing and stuff like that and has become...

And it's, I think we probably need to work on. But it's like... Do you know what I mean? There is something in having... Whether it's an amount, do you know what? A diary can be this. A diary. And a man for a while was sort of that to me, genuinely, like the show, a bit of a spoiler, but we've finished now.

The show ends with her sort of, you know, saying Colin can be Colin now kind of thing. And leaving me. And I think that's why I subsequently had a bit of a breakdown. Yeah, you've had a break up. It really was a kind of, you know, so I'm, I think, yes, I'm not suggesting don't, M doesn't have friends but also find that the heroic thing inside you

that whatever these assholes do and they do sound like assholes you have that that trusty hog or puppet or whatever your friends they might even be listening to this problem going like fucking hell that's me

where are my people like one of my close friends her little sister is like I want to have what you have and it's just sort of like it took so long Like it's not easy but like not to like simplify everything into toy story

but like look at Woody and Buzz like we meet Woody he's been Andy's toy for years he doesn't really have a ride or die Buzz arrives he's not even sure that are odds with each other I don't think Buzz goes to the picnic and then all of a sudden

we're on Toy Story 4 and Woody and Buzz are best friends and I think kill him with kindness you never know people do particularly like not to be that person It's like I'm 302 people. You're at college, right? People change so significantly.

They do. Also, if we could go back to the bard for a moment. Please. Dear Bill Shags, the taming of the shrew. The taming of the shrew. They literally hate each other at odds and they end up happily married. So sometimes the person you, sometimes give people another chance. I think what you're both saying is really good advice.

And get a puppet. I think what both of you are saying about people, which is that if you want to make friends, often you have to remember that that is going to take a lot of time. and it starts slowly. You can't just assume because you've met somebody and you like them that they will want to be your friend or have time or know you well enough to be.

So just give them time for it to grow. And I genuinely, genuinely think a version of a team, whether that be Ham Dram, a local choir, an actual football team, rugby team, frisbee team, whatever is in your area. A.A. group.

Doing a podcast. Yeah. That can be your way. But what, how dare you? No, no. I hated, Catherine. Exactly. We have to do a podcast together and I grew to like them.

I think a team is good because usually you have set days where you will definitely see people and you get out of the house and even if those friendships are slow to build, the team is a solid base. And I think it sounds like you could redo that with that. And I also wonder... That's really nice, Catherine, actually.

One last thing I would ask is if you are finding that autism is a barrier to making friends, I wonder if there's a space in your community where there are other autistic people you could meet up with because I imagine they'd probably better than anyone be able to relate to your situation?

There is a... I mean, there's ADHD ones for sure in where I live and so I imagine there's an autism. Yeah, definitely. Oh, 100%. When I went to the ADHD one, it was just like, incredible.

Yeah, please, because I've got an image in my head of what it's like. Everyone was like, I fucking knew that. I wasn't going to say it though. I wasn't going to say it out of. I was there like, oh God, I'm late. I'm shocked at a meeting happened. Who organised the meeting?

Well, these two guys who are lovely, but like, they're quite, I guess in their 50s and they're quite, sort of talk over each other when they're trying to like tell you something and all this stuff and I met one guy right so you mentioned I've only been once as well

it was months ago I was like that was great I'm gonna go every week and reach it up in again but immediately got on start a chat to this guy he did not stop talking for the whole time but it was great I was like just

you know what I was completely like yep yep yep yep yep yep keep going and he was like blah blah blah and just telling me all this stuff and all these things you know and it was wonderful It really was like and do you know what it was just those moments where I sat in the pub

because then you went to the pub afterwards this is the best thing got to the pub oh we've got a table book for ADHD aware no no one's booked that table I mean like no they said

they definitely booked it and I knew that and I didn't say it and I think that's great for me not to be like that must have been a fucking disaster I'll bet you anything there was an OCD group being like

we booked four tables Catherine with the OCD group Table by the window They've got a balcony section Sorry this entirely symmetrical square is ours Thank you Sorry that's crazy Don't touch the chair

Don't touch the chair Do not touch the chair Have a nice day So I think what we've learned from that is Yes you're autistic But do not go to ADHD group It sounds like it'll be a very stressful situation For you with a lot of things that are planned

Go to an autism group though But yeah it's worth seeking that out Yeah And also with a birthday thing What's the answer to that I still don't know Oh, people are cunts. You're going to have a lot of bad birthdays in your life.

They're stressful, they're tricky, they're awkward. Also, I've had, I mean, I'm not trying to belittle your opinion anyway. I'm just saying, like, I've had disappointing birthdays surrounded by friends. Last year, you looked to me and you just thought, just to leave it. But I would say just like... You hated your nails. Oh, God, it was a nightmare having a manicure. No, but my point is this, is that, like, if I didn't have somebody to hang out with,

I probably would have taken myself to get my nails done because that's something I love. and so next year or even this week fucking have a do over of your birthday do something you want to do that's a good idea that no one can point to you about it's just like go and get your nails done or whatever your thing is

The Last Wish might still be playing in some cinemas and it's incredible in, no no because it came up in a couple of generals people got like obviously I love Disney animation blah blah blah

but it's like it's dream works I know that but everyone's like the writing on it is Penguins of Madagascar level which is incredible oh it's so scary absolutely Yeah, it's a frightening film.

Oh my God. What age is he? The wolf is dead. What age is he? It was, I think it was very... Don't say the wolf is death. When age is your kid? 26.

It was very Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid. Yes. Okay, so there's a new birthday idea. Get your nails done and go see that. Puss and boots the last wish. And then Google teams, like team sports in my area or choirs in my area or autism groups in my area.

Stop, set. No, Amram, do the Bard. I did in the Salmonite's dream. aged 1819 When people went off to university Guys, it's a power in community I play hell of man To say Shakespeare's the only friend you ever need

Shakespeare's the only friend I've ever had Okay, fair enough I agree Well, better luck and to be That is the question And we thought there would be Yeah Is that how it goes?

Whether tis Nobler in the mind To suffer the slings and arrows Of Hamlet Of Hamlet I've been Hamlet, good night I've been Hamlet you've been fucking sick.

Goodbye, Colin Holt! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Two things. Let us know how you get on. We'd love to have an update in a couple of months. Yeah. Two, Colin Holt. Yes.

You're on the road. You're trying to figure out yourself. Trying to figure out your act. Where can people come and see you? I feel like haven't got to the podcast bit yet. Oh, no. You've done it. Oh, no, it's over.

We're ending. Where can people find you? What should they come see? Where should they check out? Where can they find you online? I have a website now, but I haven't put anything on it. It could be a few, it's been a few months, it's been a few months. Well, where can they seem?

Well, there is an Anna Man podcast. The Annaman podcast is out there. I have another podcast, another podcast with a friend called Epic Things, which I haven't, again, we haven't done anything for a while, but it's fun. And I'm going to be doing some more soon. Do you have any Instagram or TikTok or Twitter? I'm on Instagram, Colin Holt comedy. That sounds right.

I'm on Twitter, Colin Holt. But I don't, the socials are very scary, isn't it? But someone described them the other day as smelly socials. I thought that's quite a good thing. But watch Black Ops. I'm on Black Ops at the minute. Black Ops, great, great, great. And you can come see me doing a whip.

A whip. Another, so you can see this Colin Holt thing. Yeah. See what it's transformed into this time. At Wells. Fabulous. At the end of May. Yes.

And then loads of other places. Bill Morayam popping up. Roundhouse. Can I make a suggestion for Wells that you're definitely going to forget in five minutes? I'm not going to be there. There's a shop called the flapjacket. This is the sort of thing I will remember.

Oh, it's fabulous. It's the best. It's fabulous. We're all obsessed with it. They've now branched out. They've got one in like the South one in Bath. It's just flapjacks. The most incredible flavors.

I cannot recommend it enough. There's a brownie one. Does someone go, welcome to flapjack. Welcome for the flapjackery. You will. And that'll be enough. All your flab dead dreams come true. You'll love that, I promise.

Thank you so much, Colin Hald. Thank you, guys. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much to our executive producers and our producers that allow us to keep making the show and making it everything we ever dreamed it could be. So, first of all, to our exec producers.

You know who they are. Say them with me. It's the wonderful Guy Goodman, Simon Moore, Mary Fox, Annie Tonner, Sarah Harkay Deakin, Oliver Jago, and Stuart Kerr. Thank you. So much. Thank you also to our producers Richard Bignall, L, Richard Bold, Neil Redmond,

Victoria Hutchison, Emma Walton, Harold Van Dyke, Tim and Dom, David Walker, Rachel R, Anthony Conway, Sadie Cashmore, Clareau and Jones, Jess and Nick, Zoe, Sarah and Molly, Raya Finke, Cordelia, Rachel Page, Helen A, Tina Lindsay, Graham Marsh, Amy O'Reardon, Abby Worf, Key, Key, Key Webb, Kai Webb, Matt Sims, Matt Sims, Luke, Key Webb, Matt Sims, Luke, Luke Bright, Leah, Kate, Kate Spencer, Mae Williams, Tristan, Liz, Fawse, Taz,

Chloe, Becky, Fox, Amy, Emily Ghee. Guy, damn it. So many new producers. Thank you so, so much. We could not keep it going at the minute, especially with all the new camera equipment we've had to buy. Thank you so much for supporting us. If you can support us on Patreon, thank you so much.

If you can't, that's fine. You're still part of this. Enjoy the podcast. We love you and we'll talk to you next week. Leave us a review.