Trusty Hogs - JAMES ACASTER / Re-Release (23rd Dec 2021)

Episode Date: August 10, 2023

A special re-released episode whilst the Hogs are in Edinburgh. Next week we'll have a live show with Nish Kumar from 2022 on the main feed and over on Patreon, we'll have Edinburgh diaries and the latest Latitude Live show going out too...(First Released: 23rd Dec 2021) James Acaster joins the Hogs for this special Christmas episode with Pokemon catching tips, festive controversies, and a deep dive into creativity!TRUSTY HOGS LIVE (NOV 5th 2023): https://www.designmynight.com/london/pubs/balham/the-bedford/cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-day-6?t=tickets Thank you so much for listening!Support us at https://www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Mary Fox / Annie Tonner / Sarah Jarque-Deakin / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Matthew ThomasPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Emma Walton / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Graham Marsh / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Kie Web / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate Spencer / Tristin / Liz Fort / Taz / Klo / Becky Fox / Amie / Emily Gee / Alex McPugh / Dean Michael / Glenys Wood / Stefanie Catracchia / Sophie Chivers / MarcWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Feel good about Back to School with help from Whole Foods Market. Thanks to their high standards, you can keep banned food ingredients like high fructose corn syrup out of lunch boxes all year. Check out Whole Foods Market unmatched selection of allergen-friendly options for all kinds of special diets. Find what you need without dairy, gluten, nuts, or whatever you're trying to avoid. Get back to school ready at Whole Foods Market, in store, and online. Hello, hugs, tis I. Catherine Bohart, not said tis before, at least probably, well, now I've said that I haven't, I probably have, and probably some of you can name the episodes where I have. Goodness me. Hey, I'm in Edinburgh this week, and Helen Bower is not, which means we've really struggled and had not been able to make you an episode. What we have been able to do instead is, on the main feed, we are re-sharing an oldie but a goodie. It's our episode with James A-caster. Couldn't believe we got him on the show. Don't know that he could believe he was there either.

And we had a laugh, turns out he's friends with Helen and they go Pokemon hunting together. I hope I haven't spoiled that. But there it is. Now, if you are a patron and hey, you should be, we'd love to have you over there. There are loads of benefits to being over there. One of which is that this week,

you can listen to my dispatches from Edinburgh. You can listen to how it's going. I'll tell you all about how my run is going, how my show is developing. And I'll also introduce you to a bunch of lesbians, and other queers that I loved um and I always have loved the comedy of and I got to speak to while I was there so I've been kind of running around god I'm really changing my tenses it's because okay honestly it's because I'm in on the floor of my office packing for

Edinburgh as I recorded this but I will be in Edinburgh when you hear this and you will be listening to things I have recorded at the in Edinburgh but by the time you listen to them I've already done them. God, it's weird, this world, isn't it? And they say we haven't invented time travel yet, eh? Sorry, that was such a hell and bearer line. The point is this. I am going to talk to some people.

I hope. Apparently I'm going to talk to Geraldine Hickian. I'm supposed to talk to Chloe Petz, and I'm going to try to talk to shelf. Now, whether or not I've achieved that by the time I see you, by the time I see you, we're not seeing each other. You're listening to me. Goodness, this is me before I go to the fringe. I think it's going to go well.

I think it's going to be a great run. I think I'm going to have a great time. And I'm going to send you some dispatches. If you are on our Patreon feed, you will get that. About 25 minutes of content is what I'm promising. Let's see what I actually deliver. And, hey, have a great week. Enjoy James Aicaster.

And I will see you all very soon. By that, I mean, I'll be up in your ears all over again. Bye. Hello, lovely trusty hogs. Andrew here, just to quickly clarify, when we decided that James Aicaster will be a good episode to re-release, we had entirely forgotten that was actually a Christmas special. So enjoy this mid-August Christmas festive special.

Christmas time, Mistletoe and us talking about Christmas stuff. It's trusty hordes with Helen and Catherine. Welcome to. the show the show hi hogs I hate the song hi hogs happy Christmas for an improv

no you did all right happy Christmas everybody through the fog step forth trusty hogs yeah you're gonna give you your problems and they will solve them

or maybe they won't and that's your problem they'll have guests and Andrew White On the tech Oh, it's Helen and Catherine As the trusty hogs Trust the trusty hogs

Or maybe not Happy Christmas feels like it puts a lot of pressure on it It's Christmas We hope you're having an okay week And if you're not It's just another week At the shitty part of year It's cold outside

There's no good vibes If you're not into Christmas It's a rough time But also the TV's good and you don't have to answer emails on Christmas Day. So, you know, swings and roundabouts. It works out in the end. But if you're excited about it, that's also a great. Life is sometimes hard to find joy.

And so if you're loving it, fucking love it. Embrace it. That's also a lot of it. I think I'm feeling it about this year. Good for you. Like the vibes. I'm feeling Christmas vibes. But Christmas, I'm always like, oh, man.

Like, it does feel like days I've got to get through. Even though I like my family. I love them. They're great. It's just, it's a lot of pressure to be having fun. It's like going to throw. thought park, like you can't not enjoy it. But sometimes

the ride, like the cue for Colossus is so long, it just doesn't feel like it's worth it. Because it's only a 10 looper, you know? I don't. I would say that. I would not go to Thorpe Park, so no. For me, I think

last year was so shit, like so epically shit for me. I know you loved it, but I hated it. That I actually feel like this Christmas can, in a way, Every Christmas in my life has always been like, it's got to be amazing, it's got to be perfect, it's going to be brilliant,

it's got to be magical, it's got to be like on the TV. Now I'm like, it just needs to not be like last year, and it'll honestly be, whatever it is, will be great. There's the things. We want to discuss Christmas as it actually is on this episode. So normally we talk about some problems people are having. We're awful agony aunts for you. And I feel like this one, we just want to go through some Christmases of our past.

Yeah. What, like our own horrible. Our own horrors. Our own ghosts of Christmas past. And then we've got our wonderful guests. James Acaster. James Acastr is here. Hello, yes, please.

And James helps us solve our listener problem this week. And actually it was a really good question for him. Also, he's just, I mean, surprise, guys. James Acastr, done if you know, kind of funny. Very funny. I mean, I didn't enjoy how much you guys talked about Pokemon.

But fine, it happened. We're both good players. Let it be. I've moved on. Thank you very much. I'm just moving on. And we'll talk about our Christmases with him as well. But I think we would want to go through the back catalogue

of Christmases we've suffered in our youth. I feel like you're like, I'm just going to push this until she asks because I do have some therapy that needs doing. I've got through a lot of different Christmas times, okay? Tell me, uh, favorite Christmas gift? Favorite Christmas gift ever? Mm-hmm. Okay, I got a typewriter. What?

And I loved it for about two hours. How old were you? And it was like, oh, it must have been like six or seven. I must, I saw, no, like, like an early learning center one. Don't picture like a vintage typewriter. Yeah. I was like, what are you talking? Like, get ding.

Really big buttons, like plastic, 100%. Not like, my mom wasn't going around like orchards. That's what I was thinking. I was like, what? And I must have seen something on TV or like read a book where someone was using a typewriter. And I was like, that's my truth. That is me. That's me.

And also, we were going through a phase at school where the coolest girl at school was really good at writing and reading. I don't know how to explain it. Isn't that just academia? academia but she was like this weird phase at school we're like the cool one was the one who could like read there's this really cool girl at our school she could read and write it was mad

she was amazing and like whenever we had to like write a short story like you'd always want to be partnered with her because she'd write a really cool short story and we were like oh my god she's going to get published this is insane like it was a whole thing you were six and you were like oh my gosh also you had to collab on short story

well I did they were like oh Helen can't do it by herself no no put her with someone else because I was like and and and and like no, no skills. That's interesting. I would have thought of you as like, if anything, you were asked to write a short story

and you provided like a tome on your feelings of the day. I could do a play. Oh, okay. Yeah. If I was able to act it out than 100% to sit and write, no, I need a Kaths over. Thank you, Kath. Who is now a very successful playwright.

It all comes round. It all makes sense in the end. She made it. She made it. She was always going to. Well, I'm glad that you played with it for two hours. What happened to it there after? So then I didn't realize that you couldn't delete.

and you had to restart and I was just like trying to write like one thing probably like a list of people I need to send thank you letters to whatever the Christmas Day version of like fun is because I couldn't delete and I made a mistake which was constant

I had to like rip it out and start again and then I was just like I don't like it anymore but for that two hours I fell like Joe March it was incredible that's so nice I know how about you best gift ever I think actually and we discussed this with James

so I won't give too much away but while it did break my heart in some ways which we did discuss with him ultimately I did get a purple bike a purple ladybird bike and my mom set it up in such a way that when you open the living room door it was there like gleaming

with this huge purple bow on and it was just like it was my first like grown up bike it wasn't like a kid's bike and I just was like it was everything I wanted it was so cool and I mean little did I know

that I was just turning into the like age where I would rather fucking do anything than cycle to the shop at the time I was like this is freedom this is my way out that genuine belief that you found the thing that will make you

this is me this is mine the world is our oyster and how many times do you reckon you use that bike well I'd say my period started properly like heavily

within a nine month period of that so I wasn't like I was pregnant at the time no no no no but like the period start and once that happened I was like it was like do you want to go for a cycle

and I was like Are you calling me fat? It's like so really after that it just sort of sat in the shed any sort of exercise equipment for Christmas as soon as you turn a certain age

it's just going to be rough yeah exactly and it shouldn't be it should just be a fun bike and instead all of a sudden it's like what are you trying to Yeah, how dare you? His helmet's going to ruin my hair. I remember that. I would always get chocolate coins in our

stocking as well as like a satsuma and then like I would automatically go for the chocolate coins and it was all fun in games and I turned 13 and I was eating the chocolate coins and I was like, why is everyone looking at me? Why are they judging me? Yeah, exactly. It's just like and it should just be a fun thing. No one cares. For the time I was 14 I learned

open chocolate coins, put them somewhere hidden in my bra and then take them upstairs because you've got a secret you got a cigarette because I was Santa will judge you. so obsessive. I love how we both took really lovely gifts. Our parents had clearly worked for

and those were like, and the wedding which that led fed into my neurosis was the following way. Okay, great. Do you have any... I remember one year I got toe socks in my stocking

and this is when toe socks were everything. They were everything. Are they in again? Can we get them? I don't think they're in again but if we could get them does anybody know where we can get toes socks? It's two days to Christmas.

Mommy, if you're listening, I want toe socks. Mine were rainbow colors. Mine too. Oh, I love. Ladies size 9 wide fit? Me too! They were Claire's accessories. Oh yeah, because I got them when I was like 15

so they weren't like wide fit nine size nine. Oh, they were amazing because that was also the era of when I was like wearing pajamas under my uniform and would pull up my socks to keep them up and hidden. We all did this like little weird pirates because we weren't allowed to wear tights. We had to wear the school socks and we would be for a reason so we'd all wear our bulky pajamas underneath. like some sort of like you know there's like what are they bloomers

underneath the women you're like yeah we were like that in school yeah we were like that so the toe socks under your school socks were a game change they were also just so freaking cool like you just looked awesome with toe socks on it felt like a thing Tia and Tamira would wear

and you were like this is it's sister's vibes 100% remember one year I wanted a spice girl's dress and I really wanted to spice girls dress and I don't know what a spice girl's dress I don't know I think maybe like a union jack dress Maybe the Union Jack dress, or like, there must have been like a dress and BHS that had spice girls on it.

I was like, I want that. So my mum made one. Oh, no. And just glitter glue the red spice across the front. No. Which is so loving, but so wrong. Yeah. And you know, and you're like, I've got to be grateful, but she's fucked it.

She is absolutely fuck this. So you're there, like, don't cry, don't cry. You can't cry because you got given the wrong gift. I know. And then you're just there. And then, like, Uncle Jerry arrives. And he's like, do you love it? And I'm like, it's awesome.

the stitch work is terrible Christmas is ruined I just want the BHS bicycle stress And then you're there You're eating your coins But they're all finished Everyone's like just have the satsuma

I don't want it Also can I just say We never got satsumas in our stockings Because I think that that's just Passag and rude It's like if you didn't want to buy me another gift Don't buy me another gift

But don't give me your filler fruit So I support It's tradition It's not tradition in my house Absolutely not I would say that sometimes because obviously it would be at the very bottom of the stocking. Oh, the last thing you take out is an underwhelming. And it's squashed.

It's squashed by everything. Oh, no, no. I remember as well, me and my siblings all had different stockings that we did choose ourselves and mine size-wise. I fucked it. I fucked it. I hate that for myself. I hate that for you. And it's not like you're trying to fill it when you're younger, but you are.

You are. What are you talking about? Of course you are. That's the main aim of it. Yeah, absolutely. Got any? we're such fucking brats we really are

God bless us all my Clementine would be squash because there is so many presents on top of that so tell me please do you have any thing in your family tradition-wise that you do that you're going to keep up

so this is the thing that your family is super super Christmas my family a little bit less Christmassy like we don't all like go we used to go church when we were younger but that stopped like we don't go crazy decorating. We kind of

never did. We own decorated like four days before Christmas. Like it wasn't like... She's not your tree, four days before Christmas? Yeah, her mom was running her drama school from our living room, so the tree would be in the way of her doing her improv exercises. I love the idea that the tree can't be there because it's not always Christmas in the scene.

So like if anyone who's new here, my mom ran an illegal drama school from our living room the entire time I was growing up, teaching children how to improv for cash and hand. It was a great time. And that would be where she'd teach, then we wouldn't put the Christmas tree up. And then when we decorated, we went a bit,

but we didn't go crazy. Like, our Advent calendars were pictures. Like, we were that house. Can you stop with all of your weird sad stories and just give us, like, one nice tradition? One nice tradition. Like one thing. But it's all nice, but we all open gifts together downstairs. We didn't have stockings in the room.

I say our nice tradition is we always go on a Christmas day walk, which now I'm old enough to opt out of. I can just say, and chill. I was like, that's a lot. It's my favorite part of Christmas Day. We're all having a nice time. And then, like, obviously, like, the uncle's my dad. And they're like, it's walk time.

And I'm like, it's cold outside. It's raining. I'm absolutely having nothing to do with this. So I'm like, it's not walk time for Helen. I'm staying in. Ideally, they all go out. Sometimes people also stay behind now, which is fine. But I just want to watch TV.

And usually it's after lunch. So then I can finish what I wanted to have for lunch, but didn't want to, because my mom was looking and judging. So I can go back and make my sausage sandwich. Yeah, yeah. I will say this, actually, for a little while, I was the only one who didn't go to mass. And obviously, like, drama, but also that blissful two hours.

I know. Where it was like, I can eat my Percy pigs out of my stocking for breakfast. I can be like, I can do whatever. I just watch the Christmas TV. Sit in my PJs. So good. But alas, yeah, people stay back now. Okay, those are, well, that was a really,

terrible story about your Christmas is I made it sound awful like it's okay it's just that I'm not like I don't dread Christmas but I do find it something I don't like

it doesn't make my year one controversial tradition that we have that I really enjoy is that we have stockings in the morning we have breakfast at the ripe old age of 31

yeah 33 still getting my stockum baby where is the 31 for dignity you did you tried to no no 33 baby 33 running downstairs.

Oh my God, what's Father Christmas got us? Literally. Although it's better than when my mom used to make us as children stop at the manger and sing happy birthday to Jesus before we'd go in and open the Christmas. Seriously, God bless the Irish at this time of you. God fucking bless the Irish. Every year.

What would you sing? Away in the manger. Happy birthday. No. Come on. Happy birthday, dear. Jesus. Or baby cheese.

Just to be clear, Jesus was not born then. Jesus was 100% born in 18. April, didn't they find that out? And he's 100% in Ares. Okay, well, anyway, we would sing... There's no way Jesus is a Christmas sign. Yeah, because it was, like, meant to match with, like, a winter pagan festival. Ding.

Yeah, it's actually April, baby. Yeah, no, like, none of it's real, guys. I don't know what the issue is. The point is. I'm just saying, just sing it in April. I'm not saying, don't sing it. Just sing it to a month's dog wrong. Okay, well, I'll mention that you should sing happy...

We can't really... It feels rude to sing happy birthday on his death day, which is... The point is. It's like Shakespeare, born and died on the same day. Wow, I did not know that Yeah, she's been done his birthday Both very Good for him

That's not true I'm just trying to make it terrible Tell me you'd go and sing Happy Birthday to the baby Jesus We're not laughing your questions We're celebrating them Okay great Saying happy birthday to Jesus

And then we'd go in But anyway The point of that story Was actually to say that the tradition That we do is we have our stockings In the morning We have our breakfast They go to mass

And then we watch some TV or whatever I'll go for a run Usually I know you hate that part Hey you've got to do what's true to you It's wrong, but it's fine. We live on a canal, not on a canal, but by a canal. So all the canal boats get done up for Christmas, so I quite like running by them. So the whole of Ireland goes all out.

No, I'm just saying I get to run by the boats and be like, I'm glad it's Christmas and I don't live on a boat. And then I get back to my, you know, like a little bit of Christmas appreciation and mindfulness. And then, but the thing we do after dinner is then we do our presents. And people hate this. You wait until after dinner. have our Santa present in her stocking and then everything else was after dinner and it was so, it's so amazing

because first of all my mom does it very dramatically. She puts every single present into what she calls a Santa bag and then she takes one out a stocking. She takes one out each and then she'll announce the person who it's to

who it's from and they would like clap. They'd open it. They'd say what it is. They'd say what it is. They'd be like, so my mom would be like, Catherine, it's for Catherine from Auntie Bernie and then I'd open it and be like

it's a very toy or whatever and they don't clap again and then if it was from someone in the room you'd be like thank you mom thank you ma and it would make it last like an hour and a half but also was like a really good way of checking you got the same number of gifts as your siblings that nobody was the favourite

and also of like really like making it evident no I love it I like it did make it very obvious because everyone was watching It's like Christmas at a care home. I was thinking like primary school students and they're like, and Sue's brought her tambourine. Yeah.

But can I just say? It doesn't feel like a family just relaxing and having fun together, does it? No, I love it. And my mom loves the ceremony and the pump. She's like the mayor of Christmas. And also like, also the thing is like that way you get presents in the morning. You have breakfast. You have like the big dinner.

It's so lovely. And then there's also presents in the evening. I think our Christmas dinner isn't good because my mum doesn't want to cook right so we eat bring a dish so it's just a mishmash of like I'll pick up some sausages from co-op like Michael will bring

my dad's always in charge of the cheeseboard he just brings one block of cheddar one of Red Leicester which is two for three pounds and then he's like done and we're like fair enough and then no one touches it and then on Boxing Day inevitably I'll wake up my brother will just be eating like 200 grams of cheddar with marmite spread

across the top of it like it's just a piece of And I'll be like, Merry Christmas. And they'll be like, do you know, see each other this year? And I'll be like, oh, and I'll be like, okay, cool. Like, that's the whole vibe. You know what? I thought we would have to actually, like, I thought. But it's fine.

It's fine. I'm fine. I like it. I like it. Yeah, such a high pitch. I can really tell. The thing about this podcast was I was worried about doing a Christmas episode because I thought, like, we don't want to over amp how great Christmas is

when sometimes people don't have a great time around it. But actually, what I now find myself having to do is to go, like, it's not that sad it's not that bad you might have an okay time but I don't know how I stand in it because I don't want anyone else to feel bad or have a bad time

because it's such a great time but then with me I'm like it's a bit shitty but have you considered not have you considered first of all that sausages from co-op are not a dish as you described they are a dish but also have you considered

maybe bringing like a brie and some crackers yeah but I'm not in charge of the cheese Michael's in charge of the cheese take it away from him yeah what don't you say I'll do the cheese sport this year.

Yeah. I mean, that's a good point. My Uncle Jerry is the only one that crushes that he does booze and he just arrives and he brings me all my wine bottles and because I can't eat a roast without ketchup, he brings me like a big ketchup every Christmas. I don't know.

Which is super sweet of him. Maybe you wouldn't be better at the same. Because I don't particularly enjoy the taste of a roast. For me, it's a bit bland. Maybe you should all just go out. Just go to a restaurant. This is what I've been suggesting because no one wants to cook.

None of us are cooks. Like my mum's like a cook. That's kind of why the cheeseboard needs to be so good because it's a the no cooking part. Crackers, grapes, lots of lovely cheeses, walnuts. But no one's going to do it. No one's going to set it up. It'll end up being on a plate. What do you mean? Set it up? You just have to get the cheese out. There's no wooden board, you know. A plate would be fine. If I try and play Christmas music, then my mum's going to have a migraine.

Like, you just can't, you can't quite win whatever you're doing. I have a migraine. I have a migraine listening to your Christmas. Andrew, do we need to buy the Bowers of Christmas, like, cheese board? Yeah, or just like a voucher for like a greener. drinking or something and let somebody else do it's just a pub chain yeah let them do your Christmas dinner this is really sad so I wanted this year to do Christmas in Brighton because then I was like we can go and have like a nice curry or something and just have like a chill Christmas thing but my mum wants to host it which I totally get because we didn't have Christmas together last year because of the lockdown but now I'm just sort of like so

is it just going to be like us just sitting around staring at each other don't mention the divorce what is I will I will if there's a lull on it I'll be like Anyway, is this all awkward for you? Because I feel tense. Did I have got a girlfriend? I'm mad as that. Helen! Okay, so that's what you...

Oh, if you're listening to this family members, stop now. Helen, look at me. Okay, I'm looking at you. I'm chill. Okay, let's do just like a displacement, replacement sort of... I don't know where it is, but 100%. Okay, so every time you think, I'll mention the divorce, I want you to use that time to replenish...

Replenish... Replenish? Replenish. The cheese, the crackers or the chutney. So I want you to focus your... So what you're saying is I have to do the cheeseboard. I want you to take your divorce energy and put that into the cheeseboard.

It would be the best cheeseboard that's ever been. But how much no one has it? Look at me. Okay. You're going to win them back with the cheeseboard like you wish. Why have I lost them? Why have I lost them? No, you're going to compensate for the divorce with the cheese board.

They're going to love it. They're going to embrace it and they're all going to come together around it. This is, this is you fixing your family. It's the cheese board. I'm telling you now, if I do. do that. My mum will suddenly have a lactose intolerance but we've never heard. Honestly, three years ago, she got an epipan that she bought

because she's allergic to coconut now. You've prepared for every eventuality. Oh, that's right. There's a beautiful company called the Old Tyne cheese and it's cheese with an A and they make a beautiful vegan cheese that she can eat. You have it. You're ready to go. Mark's a Spentzer. Oh, seriously. I'm waiting for Marianne

to bring pancake down in the carry cart and I'm going to sit with pancake and just stuff myself stupid. The cheese board. That's what I'm going to do. So what's going to be on it? Brie? Can your brother spread Marmite on Brie? He can spread Marmite

anything. It can be one of the dix. Oh, Ted can do bloody anything he puts his mind too. A brie? A camembert. Those are too soft cheeses So why not just have a brie?

Make it easy for yourself. Camembert. Cheddar. Baby bells, cheese strings. Derryly Dunkers. No, no, no, no, no. No, roll back, roll back, roll back. A leaning tower of cheeses.

What about like... Wensleydale. Lovely, yes. What about like a corned Like a Cornish cruncher? No idea, but yep, absolutely fine. Do they serve them and co-op? They sell all of these.

They actually sell ready-made cheeseboards. So like a mix. I know, but they come with those of plastic and my family are super like anti-plastic. Okay, but you could copy it. You could look at what it is and then just buy the cheeses that aren't so covered in. That's a good point.

Okay, fine. I'm doing a cheeseboard. Yeah. I've got two days to get a cheeseboard together. And that's going to take me a minimum five days. No, it's not. I reckon it will. We'll go after.

I'm going to help you. Yeah, but you don't have this because your mum does the cheese. Cheeseboard. But I can lay it out. I bring stuff. What do you bring to Christmas? And when I make a cheeseboard, I do like sliced apple, candied walnuts. See, this is what I'm saying.

Like, that's bad, isn't it? Like, it's nice. And I would love it if someone presented it to me. I will present it to you. But there's no, you're coming to my mum's house. With a cheeseboard. I'm going to make that family right. Could you imagine just knocking on the door and I'm being like, who are you?

Who are you? I work with your daughter. Which one? Me just being like, don't worry, one of these relishes is actually ketchup. Oh, look, that's Gerald with the ketchup. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. Hello, Alan. I'm like Gerald.

Listen, we have... You describe your family like the giants in the BFG. Yes. I think we are, though. Look, I think wherever you spend your Christmas, however you spend your Christmas, I hope that it's with less ketchup than Helen, a more diverse, generous, self-loving

A nice mayonnaisey ketchupy Pigs and Blanket sandwich please Also that sounds great Just enjoy yourself Also my mum doesn't have any bread in the house She has like usually a couple of ends in the freezer Which are like beyond freezer bag Because she just doesn't like it

It just spills her up too much Bring bread No because then I'm the big girl that bought bread And then that's another discussion point for Christmas Day How are you not understanding this? Wow Okay, but you need bread for all the roast dinner sandwiches I know

But then that's, just bring it anyway Forget what she says, just bring it Because everyone's going to thank you for it No, they won't Pancake Will The only person that understands me is my sister's morbidly a bass helper More on this with James Acaster Hey, do your best, get through it

Eat whatever the hell you want Enjoy yourself I am looking forward to watching loads of TV And not working, that is always nice I'm excited for the food. I mean, the food in your house sounds terrible. You should make those two cheeses into a mac and cheese. You're not going to do that.

Have a great Christmas. Should we introduce James? I feel like this will be a good change of pace for us right now. Everybody, please enjoy Christmas, James Acaster. Christmas at James Acaster's house. Christmas at James. It's not at his house. It's in the studio. Yeah, he doesn't tell us where he lives.

I know. We get it. What? Do you not know? Oh, my God. I know. Have you been to his house? No, but we spin poxed up, so I know vaguely.

Oh, okay, that's different. So freaking creepy. Hello, Hogs. It's Catherine Bowhart from the podcast, Trustee Hogs, but you already knew that. I am going to be at the Soho Theatre doing my new show in a work in progress. On the 22nd and 23rd of August, tickets are selling fast, but they're still on my website, Catherinebowhart.com. I'd love to see you there haven't been able to make Edinburgh

it might be a nice time for you to see the seedlings of my new show Thanks so much Bye Hello James Zocaster How are you well Good, how are you both? Livid, thanks

Fucking livid What's going on? We just tried to do a Pokemon trade I thought we could do two Because I caught special Pokemon for James In Lanzarotti They're regional Pokemon Are you flirting with

James Redcastr? This is how I do it. This is how we do it. Do you do a Pokemon? Do you want to come on a podcast? When you were in Lanzarotti where you brought us that horrible fridge magnet, you got James Pokemon. You're welcome.

What fridge magnet? She brought me this like, lit-flop fridge, it's hideous. Lizard on it, Diamante's glitter. This is Lanzarotti along the bottom, and Andrew got a shell. He had almost certainly been in that shop for like 45 years. It was so fun-made. That's nice, isn't it? That is nice.

James, just circle back. They didn't have you pegged for a Pokemon player. In 2019, I had a very long tour, and I needed something to do on the tour. And I was watching TV with my nephews, who were really into Pokemon. Was he on tour with you? No, but this is like, you know, I had some days off.

Okay, cool. And I was able to hang up my nephews, and they love Pokemon. And we were trying to get them out of the house that day, and they didn't want to leave the house. Okay. And I was like, oh, I know there's this app. And maybe I can get up my phone.

I can say, hey, do you want to go outside and catch Pokemon? Okay. So I did that with them. And then I was like, like, I'm pretty into this, actually, and I'm quite enjoying catching them. How old is the nephew? At the time, they would have been seven and five. Which is Pokemon age appropriate, and we are aware of that.

Okay, but also, neither of you seem to have been aware of the, like, addictive nature of this. I genuinely still believe it might be a phase. It's been a year or so now, but I still believe it will, one day I'll just bake up and I'll be like, you know what? I don't need to spin that post up. two and you're still playing this. So 2019 was where I did the majority of my catching. Okay.

Because there's eggs as well. Yeah. So I was catching and hatching all year. Yeah, yeah, you've got to hatch some eggs. I can't adventure thing with my phone, so I've got to have it open at all times. It's a bloody nightmare. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah. I'm all right. I'm all right.

I've hatched over 500 eggs, so I do have a gold coin. If you have adventure syncs, then even if you're not on the app, it will track your Oh, I don't care. Okay. Okay. And, uh, I don't know. I'm so. It's interesting. What do the other adults in your life make of it?

I only hang out with people who do it. I don't, I'm not talking to people. We've got a group that we've talked about it in. We're in the WhatsApp group, me and Bauer. Who else is in the? Does the name Sakisza? Sikisa. Oh, yeah.

I'm not. Did she? Roz from Excess Malarkey. Yeah. Henry Whitaker. Henry Whitacom. These are like proper adults. It's a big group, honey.

And we raid together. We haven't for a while. Yeah. And actually, here's what we've figured out is that together we all work in different parts of the comedy industry and actually, if we wanted to, we've got the skills among us to organise a tour,

a world tour, where we go around catching Pokemon but also like doing gigs and filming it. Why do I feel like you're pitching to Channel 4 right now and I'm such a... Because I'm going to get it made. I'm such a disappointed development. Exactly.

I'm like, uh-huh. No, that's a good show. I think it's a really good show. Okay. And it ends with us in Japan with Pokemon, like actual Pokemon. Yeah. It'd be incredible. It'd be a good ending.

This is the thing. We're rounding up the year and it's nice to know what you're going to do the next year. I think it's very important to have plans. Yeah, it is important. Speaking of which, how are you spending Christmas? Oh, don't that? I just don't think it's going to be the funnest one I've ever had. You loved last year.

Last year I loved. Me and my Emma Black, my Emma Black, just in. Our house, just, like, dicking about, eating, drinking, playing with my Furby. Like, it was so good. I think we watched Funny Girl on Christmas Day. Like, dreamy, dreamy, dreamy. This year, I thought we might do a Brighton Christmas with the family. My dad lives in Brighton, and I was like...

I thought he lived in a one bed. He lives in a one bed, yeah, but we can... Can you stay there? No, we can, like, stay in a hotel. My dad lives on, like, a divorced man's marina, sort of a thing. Okay. But the problem is we... There's a part of Brighton, called the marina, where it's just divorced men in renting.

unit. None of them own curtains. There's nothing on the walls. Like nothing. And I am the most attractive person when I go there. That is how I set the scene. And loads of them are like, who knows the wife? We've got a boat. My dad doesn't have a boat. It's really sad. But he's thriving. He enjoys himself. It's really close to the sewage works. He works in. He's Appy. Michael's simple. Simple pleasures. So I thought, okay, let's do a bright in Christmas and we can all stay in like a hotel and then hang out on the beach during the day. It's like a wintry beach. Problem is we don't know want to do with pancake. Is pancake coming?

Pancake has to come. The pancake? Would you not, if you're not talked about it in the group? Well, it doesn't sound like a Pokemon, so it wouldn't get brought up in a group. Pancake is my little sister's hamster

slash the light of her life. It is the only thing she's ever loved. So morbidly obese. Has to wear guinea pig clothes? Pancake has to, well, everything's from the guinea pig aisle now. How is that happening? Pancake has gained,

because Marianne keeps giving her a hard boiled egg for fun. What? There's so much to explain here. I know. You never get so. Pancake can barely breathe. You know what? This kind of stuff annoys it so much.

I hate people who have pets and the way that they show love for their pet is bad for their pet because it's so selfish. The whole thing is just about her having an animal. Helen, Helen, if it dies. Make them feel bad. Explain.

You don't care. She doesn't care. If it dies. She doesn't care. No, but the thing is, it's only got life expectancy of two years. So? Who fucking reasons is it like that? Helen, give context to make James Acaster feel bad. What?

Explain your sister. Oh, um, she's got severe autism. Okay. Fine, fine. How quickly you were eniged on animal cruelty, you were like, no, but I'm really, the fucking bane of my life, okay? So Marianne got pancake. I always, same with everything, we all grew up believing,

like, oh, Marianne had really hard to, like, form emotional attachments of people. like she just works differently and then she got a hamster and it's like oh no she can love things she just doesn't love us so that was really hard to deal with at first then pancake started gaining and like gaining and we're not here to body shame but pancake can no longer get on a wheel pancake can't get into a hamster house so we have to like exclusively shop in like guinea pig and rabbit size shops like it's a fucking nightmare she eats everything and because pancake eats anything that's put in front of her, she's having, like, eggs all the time, omelets, like, what roast dinners, like, whatever pancake wants, pancake gets.

Pancake will have anything. But how would she suppose that she wants that? Because she's, like, there, going. She wants anything at this point, doesn't her? But, like, you know, the nighty professor, Shelley? And I just got, like, we're like, we're like that size now. But pancake. Hold on, though. Hold on.

So, can't someone step, will you're, like, can no one step in? Were your sister not have it? So, Pancake originally lived at my mum's. Yeah. That was the deal, that if she stayed at my mum's, then she could get a hamster. Uh-huh. So she got the hamster, and then immediately, within two days, my sister decided that pancake was scared of my mum, and if my mum went close to her, pancake would cry.

And that was a deal breaker, a deal breaker. So, mum was not allowed access to pancakes. So pancake was very much like a child in a basement that no one was allowed to access. We just knew she existed. Okay. So I used to work. at a school with autistic kids. Yeah.

And, um... Oh, then I can paint the picture. So Marianne's autistic, but she's still a big bower girl. So like, imagine the strength. So like, don't picture your school. One of the kids, we wouldn't, yeah, there was some of the kids that we wouldn't fuck with. So she's definitely like, she's got a good tennis arm.

Whatever they wanted. Yeah, well, I don't know. I think she can still understand, like, what is and isn't appropriate, right, with their hamster. Like, you shouldn't be feeding the hamster. No, because then she surely knows that that hamster shouldn't be that size. So I go to my hamster. Marianne, like, oh, pancake's really big.

She's like, I know, she's so cute. She loves her so much. And also, like, she only, Pancake will only live two years. So we're coming towards the end of the cycle. I would also, I would also, I know. So Pancake was born last September, but Pancake's birthdays whenever Marianne decides she wants gifts.

So she's had quite a few. Can I just say one thing in Marianne's defense? She parents pancake exactly how I think I will parent children, which is to say, like, when you're coming to her house, she reminds you in advance you will need to be bringing gifts for the children

on account of how great the children are. She doesn't remind you she demands it at the front door. Yeah, but yeah, she does a door check too, which I also like. And she does ultimately

build her world around pancake. She made 40 fridge magnets for pancake during lockdown. She walked an hour to go to a print shop to print off pictures to make fridge magnets

just in case someone wanted merch. I don't just like that. Do you want one? No? She's like, She's like the Chris Jenner of hamster mom. I love it.

I love it. Pancake's got a TikTok now. Of course. Which is great. It's right for pancake. But like, basically, so Christmas,

pancake knows fleet and is more comfortable at my mum's in fleet than in Brighton. My dad rents, my mum owns. Does pancake go about the town or is it just house to home?

So, no, well, then pancake can travel in her cat-sized carricot to my mum's for Christmas. But then Marianne's now insisting that we do a stocking for pancake.

Yeah, yeah. Which I draw the line at, because I'm not getting a stocking. That's where you draw the line. I draw the line. Because, for context, my 30th birthday this year, my dad rung me a week before. And I was like, oh, shit, he's calling because he wants to know what I want for my birthday. This is so exciting. And I was like, do you want to know what I want?

And he was like, oh, it's locked down to something I can do. And then within a minute, he was like, so I just posted pancake her Easter gift. What the fuck? And then he sent me 20 pounds of M&S vouchers. Make it 30. You're fucking cheap sky Oh, he was her 30th birthday And he's having 20 pounds of M&S vouchers

That's a dad who knows this kid James, have you ever had a pet? Yeah Yeah, which kinds? Huh? What kinds? Loads of kinds were growing up I don't think any of them

as interesting as this shit Oh, okay, no I had a rat I had my first pet ever was a rat What was it called? Fonzie Oh, that's cute No, I don't think they should be pets

What? Why? Ratt? Did you ever feed your rat? I don't think rats seem like fun. Bread, you like bread though. Rats just don't seem like, are you supposed to? Well, you're making that face like,

I'm like, oh, that's nasty. Like, it's like nasty. She's actually just making her bread face. She's just saying like, I want some bread. I love bread so much. She loves bread. Yeah. Okay, and what do you, what do you do for lockdown Christmas?

we went to nightmare in terms of you know there was the whole thing about like free households and then and then it was like yeah then it changed suddenly it changed and there was all that stuff and so like we had

the day that they announced London going to lockdown or whatever it was and everyone panicked and bailed yeah so that morning before they've made the announcement my dad had driven to London picked us up brought us back to Kentman because not because we didn't think there wasn't an announcement and because that was the only day

that he could come up because we didn't want to get the train. Lucky you. So we were like, we don't want to get the train and be on the train with everyone. He was like, I can pick you up on this morning. I'm not free at any other time. Came and got us then. But we had been so good with the rules. It's me and my girlfriend. So when we arrived in

at my parents' house and then they made that announcement we instantly were like, oh no, we went to and stayed in there and now we've been bad. No, but you've been... No, no, that's fine. And we just felt very, yeah, torn about whether we should have, should be there or not. Maybe we shouldn't be here and all this stuff. So it was one of those, you know, I guess a lot of people can relate to it, all the way through lockdown, just not sure what the rules are, what are to do the right rules, then thinking you're not doing them and feeling really bad and all that.

So it was that, that was my Christmas was me sitting there going, should I even be here? It's hard. That's like all Christmases though, right? A bit of guilt, a bit of angst, a bit of moral quandary And whether or not you should really be spending it with you Like that's... And here we are back to the Irish Christmas Not everyone feels guilt

On Christmas What? I don't feel guilt on Christmas day Should I? We don't have guilt around Christmases I wouldn't expect you to feel guilt No guilt whatsoever Last year me and Emma put it in

Luckily my brother lives very close I went and had espresso martinis on his doorstep but went back to mine. I suppose I might take it. Very festive. It's very festive. I exclusively feel guilt around Christmas. Why?

Well, the whole thing is like, is it too excessive? Is it not excessive enough? Have I bought for the right people? Have I bought enough for the right people? Oh yeah. Your present thing is just drama then. Have I, am I spending enough time?

Am I giving everyone the same amount of equal time? Am I really getting the meaning of it? Am I taking a break? Am I actually supposed to be working through it? Is that the time that you should be making most money because other people don't want to do the, gigs? Is it, like, have I let my family down? What am I to do next year? Have I wasted my year? Like, you're looking at me like I'm on your side. I'm completely on.

Thank you. Why? Why? It's exactly, I'm just the same. I'm just thinking too much about that. Present buying, especially is like, how I bought a good gift. Yeah. Have I bought enough? How I bought too much is a big one. You know, my family are so shit at doing gifts. We just don't do them. So, like, I think it's just very chill. Well, you say it's chill, but you told us the story earlier where you didn't sound the most chill person about gifts. That was my 30th birthday. The 30th birthday, you expect your dad to at least get you a 30 pound voucher from M&S and not 20. I've never seen my phone ring and have thought to myself, they must be ringing to ask me what presents I want.

So I think, you know, maybe presents for you are a bigger deal than you let on. Maybe they are. The man makes a solid point. right, I've been seen, I've been seen. Yeah, like pancake can't even get a stocking just because you're not getting a one. But pancake stocking will just be more food. She gets to live for two years.

Yeah. Let her have her snack. Don't have her stocking. She's huge. Feels just a little, it's just getting to a bit body shaming and I don't like it. I don't like it. She can barely breathe.

I remember when I was, when I was younger, my mom used to. That have pancake food. If that is true, I mean. it. She's got a water bottle. I'm going to call. I get this hamster rescue. I don't think any animal charity go, how old is it?

Oh, that's not worth it. Forget it. If it's made it this long. Give it another egg. But do you, did you, I don't know if you were like to this, James, I used to obviously fix the tree when I'd get home or, like, my siblings had to be allowed to also decorate it, but then I would fix it because I have, oh, CD.

And you're fun, yeah. So fun. And then the other thing I would do is take out all of the presents repeatedly, especially for somebody added one when they'd been wrapped from under the tree and then put them back in so that they were like as symmetrical as they could be under a tree in a situation. That's never symmetrical, but ultimately we try. And so my mom often now even will like chuck the decorations on, chuck the gifts under, and then be like, Catherine will fix it.

And I love to, so that's fine. But part of that operation used to be that my mother would have me count how many gifts each of us has currently under there. Oh, no. So that she could check that we all have exactly the same. Yes, yeah, yeah. Isn't that like a thing for the Dursley family in Harry Potter? That's like a sign that he's a bad boy, is that he has to count how many presents you get?

The problem is my mom has three kids who are going like, it's cool, we don't need any more stuff and she's like, quickly buy them a yo-yo. Yeah, she's like, they must have exactly. They must all know I love them equally and the most. It's like very good. So she really puts a lot of love into. Okay, I know that. I definitely do look at my siblings.

So what I'm saying is I didn't lick it off a stone. Like I got it from somewhere. And then I feel that way that all the people in my life would also simultaneously like we're ridding the planet and like capitalist mentality. But we've talked about this before. Like you don't have to get everyone a gift. Like people don't expect it. Like you expect that they will expect it. But people don't.

Everyone's very chill. I don't think that's true. I mean, I want a gift from you. And James is expecting his at the end of it. the recording. Obviously, that makes sense. My fingers for a stocking full of eggs or whatever. Oh my God,

because you might have to show up on Christmas morning with like two hard-bored eggs for pancake. That would be fucking great, wouldn't it? I'd actually, I don't mean. That's the only thing I have to buy. Just that. Do it. I'm doing it.

One Christmas, my stocking was just a CD. And I was the happiest ever. Yeah, normally it was like loads of little things. And one Christmas, my parents had just kind of gone, oh, he wants this album. So we'll just put the album in a stocking and that's it. And I woke up and this stocking. But no,

Clementines or... Nothing. Funny enough, I wasn't Jones in for Clementines. But like, I kind of like... What? No, but if you're trying to fill a stocking, you'd think you'd be like, okay, we got to... Sure. So, like, I guess we'd just put some fruit or...

Do you want to discuss the CD with us? Well, I mean, it won't make me sound cool. It won't make me... No, and you always... It was an REM album. It was an REM album. That's not like the coolest thing ever. But like, I really wanted it.

Because I've read an article about the making it, and I really wanted the album. But I was like, I was like, I was like, I really want this album. How old are you? I was a teenager. Because like, it was like, so there are two, I was raised on R.E.M. and Bruce Springsteen

was what my parents were playing a lot in the house. My mum was listening to Bruce Springsteen a lot. I liked both of them a lot. And Aram had just lost their drummer that year. He had left the band and he had to be a farmer. And they, this is your chance. And they decided that they would, to do an album without, instead of replacing him,

they would use a drum machine, and I read this article about it in like a free magazine with a newspaper, and it was like them talking about living in, like, going to Hawaii or somewhere and learning how to use this drum machine and making an album out of it. And I was really into it and was like, I really want to hear what they've done

because that's like so different for them. I think this is pretty cool for a kid. And I was like saying like to my dad, because my dad, like, sorry I was like, dad, isn't this cool? They like did an album with a drum machine. He bought you a gift he wanted for your, Well, no, to be fair to him, he bought me a gift that I wanted,

and he didn't ask to listen to it. He was just like, that's his album, he's got it. And he just left it, and it was just mine. And the reason why it was so great to get an album is that normally, you wake up, get your stock in, open it all on your bed, and then you're waiting for, like, your granddad to have a shave or whatever, because for some reason that's what he wants to do before in presents. And you're like, come on.

I'm sorry not to make any jokes about you sounding like some sort of Charlie in the chocolate factory. but then you went there and I don't know what to do with it but we talk about how tragic it is that if you like if you got if you left a band like dramatically left a band

as the drummer and they were like oh we'll just replace you with a machine whilst you return to the land in the one industry that's already being mechanised to the point

but it's hard on the heart they replaced within the drummer as well yeah I think he I think he would have liked the fact like I'm irreplaceable they don't want to replace me

with a person they're doing like they're rather replaced with just a different sound altogether who goes to be a farmer thinks that the world is becoming too

like machine run good point yeah I think that's great I'd be like that's perfect you're right it's the worst thing

for him don't ruin this Christmas it'd rather be replaced by a sheep or something how is the album? I love it I still love it

is it it's like one of my favourite I mean me and Nish Kumar whenever we get drunk together and it's just the two

of us end up always just your little thing where is the story going Same, always the same conversations. We have two conversations,

but we get drunk enough, just the two of us. One is we recap how we met each other. Nice. And we go over that entire story. That's so cute. The two different gigs we did together, there was a gig where I thought Nish,

I thought Nish was a good guy, but a shit comedian. And he thought that I was a shit person, but a good comedian. And we talk about that And how our opinions have changed over the year. And we really go over about, yeah, basically then we just talk about our friendship for ages.

And then there's another conversation we have, which is just discussing our top five REM albums. And we do it every time. I've never thought of you as a lesbian couple before. But now I'm like, wow, that's what you are. That's really sweet. Before we get asked on Twitter, what's the album called? Up is the album that, and very few people have it,

very few REM fans have it in their top five. It's a top five. Well, I think if anyone's looking to get it, that last minute stocking gift for their kids for Christmas and two days time just go out, buy the album up, wrap it, and they'll love it. They will love it. They will love it. They will love it. They will love it. It gives them somebody to

before the presents, like, you need something to do while granddad's shaving and putting a suit on to sit there and have presents. Like, you need something to do and, you know, you can only eat so many chocolates and like still be like jazz. No, he's right. You need stuff to do on Christmas steaks. We didn't do stockings like three years ago. and it ended up being Christmas Day my mum was like having proper conversations

with people in the kitchen and it was me, my dad, my uncle Jerry, my uncle Philip watching a documentary about John Demianyuk and whether it was actually him at Treblinka Death Camp. Like that was it. Just me and like four mouth-breathing morons

just all of us just like going like, do you think it's him? I'm not really just but this is the case for a good morning mass. That is the German version of morning math. Yeah, it just kills up as hours. You know what I mean? I think, no, it is his.

because I stopped going to Mass and my brother and I are now like I guess we'll just do a 10K on Christmas Day because there's nothing else to do for that those like three hours where you're like well you had breakfast and we're waiting for dinner what do we?

TV! I love running and I like running and we always diverge here. Andrew is there a problem that James can help us solve for a listener? Yeah, there is indeed. I feel like I'm going to walk away

with more problems than I came with personally. You're fine! Okay, let's do it. He's having a nice day. Good, thank you. James is never coming back. Okay, go on.

Do people come back? It's like episode 12, no. Go on. This is from H. It says, hello hogs. Have we had a H before? There's only 26 letters down, but Katta and I. Would you believe it if I said it was from X?

Hold on. Do you refer to your... We anonymize it because some people, put, like, personal issues and stuff. So where is, like, hell and full names every member of her family and tells you their workplaces, home addresses, and previous ex-wives addresses. Okay.

We just think, let's give them some privacy, yeah. But as a result, everyone thinks that H-from-Steps has got a lot of problems. Yeah, a huge number of problems. Well, it's gone through a lot. A wide range, yeah, yeah. Go on. Anyway, they say some lovely things about the podcast, and they say the issue is that they're feeling very creatively impotent at the moment.

especially since the pandemic started. Normally they'd go out to theatre and gigs and that inspiration would feed into their own creative work. Pretty. Normally short fiction and scripts. And then when that was taken away, they started a podcast with a friend,

but they've not had time to start that up again and they've just not had a lot of time to do anything creative. They feel like the head's not in it and there's a lack of inspiration. And it feels like that the only thing they can do is their droney office job. Okay, I'll take this, painting by numbers.

Easy. One on Amazon? 9p you're creative you're filling in the gaps no thought to it done creatively impotent over painting by numbers do you do that i'm sorry what no because i'm creatively flowing baby no fucking no do i i just think like you go through phases of like coming up with loads of ideas and being really creative and then sometimes it's just not there and there's no point trying to bully yourself out of it it just it comes and goes there is a second part as well Here we go This is going to make you look like an absolute

asshole I can't wait to hear this next part I'm done painting by numbers It doesn't work P.S I'm colourblind they say at the end Yeah Yeah No they say How do you remind yourself that you actually are a creative person

When you're not feeling it And B How do you combat comparing yourself To more motivated and successful creative friends Merry Christmas I think there's three important things there. How do you stop comparing yourself and how do you convince yourself

that you're still a creative person but also like whether or not there is such a thing as creative impotence. I think we can't. Can I do the comparing self one? Please. So I don't think you can stop comparing yourself to other people. It's just natural. It's a very natural thing. You can choose not to indulge it but I think you naturally will look at other people at any point in your life and be like oh they're all like getting married for example or they're doing this career goal or they're buying this house or they've traveled to this place and I've never been there or they've got that Pokemon. I don't have that Pokemon, his next count's better than mind.

Of course you compare yourself as just whether you indulge it or not. Because I always think, you must have this as well in comedy. People always say, like, don't read your reviews, don't look at how other people are doing, blah, blah, blah. Like, we're going to. Like, it's just natural. You are going to see how other people are doing.

It's just part of it. Just choose to go like, oh, okay, well, good for them. And move on. Don't bully yourself to not do something that's natural. Right? What do you think, James? Yeah, I think some... Agree with me.

Yeah. I broadly agree with you on that. I think different people are more prone to it than others. Yeah. And people who aren't prone to it are very bad at empathizing with the people who are prone to it. They go like, well, just don't care what they're doing. Who cares? And you're like, yeah, but it's really in my head.

And I think definitely not beating yourself up about that sort of stuff and going, look, logically, I know it doesn't matter what that person's doing. Yeah. Because I can still do what I want to do. But I acknowledge that this has made me feel a certain. I mean, for so much of this year, I was like, well, Bo Burnham's done that, so I might as well quit. And, like, and there was a huge thing of just being like, yeah, fuck the less, he's taller than you as well, right? He's taller than me. Oh, good job, Catherine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I was just like, he's done what all of us want, every comedian wanted to do that in lockdown. And he's done it, and he's nailed it. And I'm never going to do anything that's that good in my career. And then you just kind of go, do you know what, let's just, like, it doesn't matter if I, if you don't ever do anything that's that. Because, like, really, you. you logically know that none of that matters and that means anything. Some people will prefer

something that you do or whatever and it's all subjective and it's really you're not doing this you didn't get into this to compete with other people and I think that the only thing because there's so many things in well with our job that you kind of like come up against writers block or whatever feeling that you're not doing as well in your career as you should be feeling that other people are doing better

and I think the only thing that really solves it all is remembering why you started in the first place and going, I started this because I love this, this, this, this and this. I didn't start it because I was like, I'm going to be the best or I'm going to get great reviews or I'm going to win an award or anything. You were like, you watch something, like this person saying that, I guess I get the thing of like, she can't go to, or they can't go to performances anymore.

And so they're struggling to get that. Yeah. It does give you that. Yeah, I want to think Pretty Women in the musical two weeks ago. I've been flying high at many materian nights since then. I'll bet you have. I think what is interesting, though, is I think a lot of people will be struck by hearing you say that it's something that you, like with Beau, because I think other people would look to you and go, but he has it made. I don't understand.

And I think that what it kind of does remind me of is like, there's no point you get to where you're like, ah, I'm here. I'm done. I win. There's always like, if you want there to be, there's always something to go, oh, well, I'm not that guy. Yeah. Like, so I think that you kind of have to figure out, like you say, why you're doing this thing?

What's what's saying is just measure your success by the amount of followers you have on social media and then just compare yourself to other people based on that. No, what I'm saying is, get a bot. What I was actually going to say was that I think that I'm very bad at not looking left to right. But what I have done recently is try to figure out I never ask myself

I always go Oh look They've got this Or they've done this I never go Do I want that I'll just go So I should feel bad

About myself And going do I want that It's really helpful Because actually Half the time The answer is no And the other half the time It's like

Yep Oh that's a useful thing to know And now I could do Something about that Yeah Rather than like I just think It's not

It can be quite a constructive way Of figuring out What's underneath The jealousy Is like Is it like like actually just I'm feeling bad about myself

but also I do think we missed one useful thing which is like I don't necessarily buy into the idea that there's like times you're inspired and times you're not inspired I mean I mean what I think there are some work that comes to you more easily and other times that I'm sorry Helen I'm going to disagree with you don't be sorry be better but I think sometimes you just have to

there are things you can do to methodically get into patterns of work that are fucking boring and like moving through molasses but like writing exercises that I know are tedious but I think if I if I personally go I just have to wait till the block goes and I am inspired I could not write another joke ever because since my first five minutes of stand-up nothing has come to me just like

oh I could just do this I think everyone is so different for me it is like a case of like if I'm desperately trying to get something down then I do have a tendency to be like okay well I should have a bit about that because that would get into this so then I desperately try and think about it

instead of it just allowing it to be like organically like okay well what's going on at the moment let me chat that out. Obviously there are examples of times where I sat down and written but like once maybe twice. I mean to be clear I write like I don't write full fleshed out bits but I think that if you're like sometimes for me

it really helps to go back over stuff I've already written if I'm feeling really stuck because then it's already started I'll just go can I add anything here and then my brain starts to work I agree with that go through old recordings go through like notepads from like years ago, like retrospectively looking at it is really useful. Yeah. Or like, I'll do

really basic 101 writing tasks like write a thank you letter to a thing you hate and it's like if I just do five minutes of this today maybe my brain will start working. Never heard of that one. That's interesting. Yeah. So I don't know. Like it's a very... How many thank you letters have you written me? What was there was another part

to that question as well? Was there not? Do you have anything that you do that helps you unblock I remind myself that the first draft of anything is going to be shit and then I just get on with writing the shit thing and so I just kind of try and be like because the thing that's stopping me is that I want to write something that's really brilliant and all I have in my head is shit ideas and so then I just go yeah that's the point

no one writes the brilliant thing straight away so just write the shit thing and then later on in the week or whatever you can go over this again and make it. it good and that's how you've done everything you've ever done so like that's the, that's, and like I didn't like, say my first five minutes

stand up was shit and like, I kind of it was that bad, you forgot it, but like I was like, took me so long to get like a decent five or whatever so like I just always remind myself like it's always been like this, this isn't a new thing

and and that sometimes just following up what you've already done is half the thing, you know, half the kind of like a battle anyway or it is an achievement in itself like there's loads of bands that I love who have done like albums that like everyone loves and then I look at their follow up album

and they've just done like they've almost just like thrown it out the following year and it's not very good exactly but they've just kind of gone who cares we just want to do a thing and put it out there and I think sometimes just yeah doing it is enough I think do you write

if you are going to write is there a specific time of day you write I do find the late night thing works for me but that's only because when I first start doing stand-up I was working like a job where I have to be at the place at 5am to set up the breakfast buffet so then I would do a gig in the evening and then I would go to a bar and just sit and write

which sounds so much cooler than I actually was but yeah late at night for sure because I write to deadlines so if there's a new material night then I'll panic ideas down I'll do it on stage and then I can rewrite it immediately afterwards the idea of waking up first thing in the morning like I want to get up in the morning I want to have my Chucky porridge

and I want to watch The Simpsons Yeah you like your poodle I know Yeah yeah yeah James Either first thing or last thing Yeah like either straight away It's a brand new day I'm a new man I'm gonna be this guy

Every day Yeah I'm this guy who's gonna do stuff And be productive Don't you feel like you've got to do your like Pokemon You've got to spin your first poke stop of the day You've got to catch your first Pokemon of the day

You've got to complete your challenge I'm decks driven So not as much that but like um you know he has identified as dex driven already actually maybe like listen to him when he's just trying to feel like he's said who he is you're not paying attention so that's crazy

that's fine right in the morning like everyone else does fucking cliche hacks or it's last thing because like you know I find it very hard to start right in in the middle of the day so I'm like oh I'm already this guy I think I know then or it's last thing I'm like oh shit I've done nothing all day

get everything on the paper and then go to bed Like, something quite relaxing about that. Yeah. Pen and paper or computer guy? It depends what it is. So stand up, I don't write any of it down. And everything else is just something on computer. Sorry, what do you mean you don't write any of it down?

I just write keywords in my notes app and that's it. And then don't write everything on. Yeah. I used to. And I wrote my second show, I really loved sitting down and writing it every day. and writing it on the computer and it was really fun and I really got into it like that and then the third show I did

I tried to write it like that and I just gave myself kind of what this person's talking about I couldn't see myself my way past certain lines or expanded routines and I really hated writing it and so the fourth show I just like I'm not going to write stuff down anymore

and I'm just going to enjoy it. We are very similar but I think we've been taught to maybe made to feel like if we do that we're like lazy comics but I always listen back but I just can't when I start to write out like full sentences it becomes, I told you this, I become like a war widow I'm like, it was a crisp

cool morning and it's like that's not a joke God, what are we doing? You're doing a creative writing essay for GCCC English? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Doing an Ice Stedford. You're getting up and just reciting it in front of everyone it's in it. On the page it was good. I was very good at the Ice Steadford. I bet you were. Fucking Woodley Festival,

preaching drama. Like, that's my fucking world. Have we answered? Hage's questions? No, but we tried our best. What were the questions? How to stop comparing yourself to others and how do you remind yourself that you're a creative person?

So you can't and you're not. So just be an okay person and then be a little slightly more creative, better sharpened person when you've done the first shit draft. Acceptance, right? You're welcome. Accept yourself and then, yeah.

I think this accepts that you're going to compare yourself to other people and that doesn't make you. And that is our word of the day except. Yeah, yeah. The message. That's the message of Christmas.

The message of Christmas is acceptance. That's not the message of... It's accepting gifts. Even if you don't like them. It's accepting at the age of 12. Fine. It's accepting that pancakes are going to die early. Yeah.

It is. Oh. Acceptance. Merry Christmas. Thank you for doing our stupid podcast. Thank you for having me. Back to me. Merry Christmas.

can you say even though Oh yeah do you want to plug Bo Broom Berynum special Listen to

off menu obviously everyone already listens to it but if you don't listen lovely if people

want to go on my website James Acastle com and buy my special that came

out earlier this year that would be cool called colasania hate myself 1999

and it comes from a bonus show as well if you want to buy it directly from my

website you bloody show a 40 minute B-sides I don't know there was B-sides

yeah it's It's made with like a drum machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pretty hyped. I'm very excited for these B-Sides. Question, can they buy it on CD? No, that would be cool, though.

Yeah. No, it's just you can basically get a link. Download, yeah. You basically have to watch it on Vimeo apologies. No, you're saving the planet. That's the way I've done it. That's great. That's good.

Excellent. Perfect. Do that. So we sing? No. Okay. What were you going to do? Silent Night?

A Christmas song or something. Oh, yeah. Why don't you sing us out there? I don't know if I know the lyrics to Silent Night. It's ironic that you don't. That's fine. Happy Christmas, Jane Zaycaste. Thank you for being here.

Bye. Thank you.