Tuesdays with Stories! - 2023 Tuesdays' Patreon Preview Bonus

Episode Date: December 26, 2023

Hey everybody - every year we take the week of Christmas off. If you're a Tuesgay, you know this is the one week each year where we don't release an episode.Well this year, we're releasing a little peek behind the paywall on the Tuesdays with Stories Patreon. In this ep we're throwing you a few clips of all of our Patreon shows - Must Queef TV, Give It a Goog, a Satellite Queef, Hot Gay Sets, and Q + Anal.If you'd like to sign up, you get ad-free versions of the normal weekly Tuesdays, plus you get a brand new bonus episode from one of these shows each week. Hope you guys enjoy it! Jizz the season!

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great, good to be here. Welcome to Tuesday's with Stories! Hit her in the face with a surfboard. And then the duck fell out of his bag! Ha ha ha ha! Surf's up!

And she didn't even flush. Knock knock. Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe Liss. Yeah! This Tuesday's with stories, everybody. Yeah, that's terrible. This is supposed to be cheesy.

My radio is spinning at me. Alright, hey folks, welcome to Tuesday's with stories. I'm Joe List. Mark Norman here. And it's a happy Christmas, happy Hanukukkah happy all the other shit happy new year Happy new year this year week. You know it you probably don't know it We'll probably get a million emails and work cock suckers. We don't do an episode. We're home with our families Yes for the 12th year at a row back home with the folks no pod, But you got the Patreon, you got a thousand

fun lovin' cookie, wacky, great little nuggets on there. We got a thousand points of light for the homeless man. And we're gonna do a little best of our Patreon. There's a little sneak preview of the Patreon. We got a bunch of stuff you can get a little sniff. So listen to this, watch this, enjoy this, and then you'll see what you're missing on the Patreon. If you're already on the Patreon,

enjoy this little snippet, little business, and what do we got, Chuck? What do we got on tap? Well, I think the first thing you guys should mention is the limited merch. We put out some limited merch this year. Oh, you're damn right. We just finished signing my handhurt.

I just autographed 190 limited edition merchandise, a badass poster of Mark and I made by Todd Rungren. What's his name? Todd Bratrude. Todd Gack. Todd Bratrude. Brad Bratrude. He's James German.

Excellent, awesome skateboard artist. He's incredible. Hella been illustrator. The posters look great. Did he do the Halloween? He did the Halloween poster we put out and the new Christmas poster. Well, they already saw like hotges, so get on it folks,

because it's only a limited supply. Yeah, it's not supposed to stickers, he made too. Oh, the stickers are crazy. There's not a lot of Joe and Mark signed stuff on sale online, and the place to get it if you want to get it is the Patreon. Join the Patreon. We put out some couple of things like that. The place to be.

Sign up and get it. We just autographed every single one. My hands cramped. I feel like Captain Hook. Oh yeah. And so there's a little bunch of stuff in the Patreon. We do Musqueef TV. We do all these watch-along.

We watch the comedian, the film. Yes. And comment it on that. We got a lot of just us, bullshit. A lot of Q&A. You want to get down deep and learn about us. You want to get on the Patreon. So let's set up the Q&A, what is Q&A?

Q&A is, you got to be on the Patreon to send us a question. People send us real questions. What is this just? What's, how'd you get started? Fuck that. They give us the deep questions. You wanna really know how we tick?

Yeah. Yes, yes. All the fun questions, some deep, some light, some surface level, and we answer them all, right there in real time. And we really pontificate, because we know it's just the die-hard Yeah, so we kind of slow things down and so they're gonna get a little clipping I got a little piece of it here So yeah, so here's a little clip of an episode of Q and Anel from the Tuesdays with stories patreon

Yeah Hey folks patreon Welcome to the ground floor you're the real queues. We appreciate you Little Q and Anel coming at you. You ask the questions. We give the ground floor. You're the real queefs. We appreciate you little Q and A. All coming at you. You asked the questions. We give the anal. Yeah. I was doing a bit. We're just pretending to suck the microphone and I accidentally touched my tongue to the mic. Oh, well, at least it's your giz on there from years of spitting on that thing. Maybe. Probably, but still it's the foam.

The foam was no good. Fomo. Uh-huh. Oh, it's Ha. Almost actual. All right. Here we are. Let's go. Fire away. Chuck E.

Baby. Come on. C.Dog. C.Dog. C.Dog. C.Dog. C.Dog. C.Dog.

C.Dog. C.Dog. C.Dog. C.Dog. C.Dog. C.Dog. C.Dog. C.Dog. C.Dog. C.Dog. C.Dog. Patreon. Hey Eric. That's my brother. Can either of the guys drive motorcycles?

I know Mark has a moped, but it's not really a motorcycle. I've never, I've ridden on the back of one when I was gay for a week and held my boyfriend tight, but I've been on them. They're scary, but I've never driven one, but I feel like I can pick it up in about five minutes. Yeah, same. I've been on the back of one, a couple of times my uncle,

I held onto his shoulders like this. I was like 12 years old. I was a mistake. And I remember my mother was, my parents were driving home and they're, you know, Hyundai, a claim or a dodge, whatever the fuck it was. I'm sure. And I was on the bike.

And I was like 13, I held his shoulders and I was terrified, it's terrifying. You're on the highway. Of course. No control. And if anything happens, a rock, a pebble, a pubic care. That's it. Your life is over.

Yeah. And I remember getting out of the cat, we hit traffic and I was like, I'm switching back to the car. And I remember looking out the window and he was like this. Like his shoulders hurt. You can feel him being like, oh God. Yeah, and I remember just being like, he hates me.

That was horrible. And I didn't want to do it. When you're a kid, these people will go do that. That'll be good for you. And I'm like, how irresponsible? I know, and it's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's a lot. It's very loud and bumpy, and the winds in your face,

my dumb wife, I got her on the boat bed once, and she was getting nervous and she did the neck. Oh, God. What are you joking me? I'm like, oh, I got her on the boat bed once, and she did, she was getting nervous, and she did the neck. Oh, God. What are you joking me? I'm like, oh, I'm trying to drive. I had to pull over and go, hey, I did like, scold her. But bye, bye, kids. Yeah. What movie?

That's all, folks. Uh, geez, vacation. Deep cut, me, myself, and I read. Oh. He's got the black smart twins, which I think we might have talked about this. The whole joke is they're black, but smart, isn't that funny? Oh yeah.

They're Mexican, that's literally the bit. It's like they're in Mesa, but they're black people. Right, right. I mean, that's like a running joke in the film. And nobody was like, hey, wait, what? Yeah. Because they're like, you a funny motherfucker. Like they're like street sounding black kids

who are smart, like, can you have match in that? I think that black smart people. That's the joke though, is that they're street, but they're smart. I know, but that's just black, but it doesn't look great. Yeah, I mean, Anthony Anderson signed up for the role. Oh, of course, yeah, I mean, they made money

and it's exciting, but just, I'm like, that just wouldn't fly now. Yeah, if they released, they would like literally pull that from theaters. Oh, yeah, I mean there they made money and it's exciting, but just I'm like that just wouldn't fly now Yeah, they released they would like literally pull that from theaters. Oh, yeah Who is that fat black the one who's like insanely fat? He's in a key was in a couple movies in that era road trip. I think road trip old school that What's it? He's got to be dead. I know I mean he was large in charge of Of a bird burgers and fries. Oh, but anyways, the answer to the question. I feel like if was large in charge of a pergars and fries. Oh, but anyways, the answer to the question,

I feel like if I had to, there was a getaway, I know you do the kick. Yeah. And then the acceleration and the break, yeah, I gotta just put gears. I think it's automatic. I think it's automatic. I think, but I just put the kick stand up,

you give it one of those, Yeah. And you hit the throttle. Kickstart my heart. Yeah, I feel like if there was a zombie apocalypse and there was a Zed's motorcycle was sitting there, I feel like I could figure it out. I mean, I'd probably, I'd probably dump it when I tried to get off it. Yeah, yeah, that would be it. Like stopping and starting would be tough. You'd kind of have to do one of these where you hop off the bed and just let it ride.

Yeah, yeah, like the old horse. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I the old horse. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I would enjoy it, Leves got one. Oh yeah, Leves a big bike guy. Pulls up in that hog and I think he's the hog. I mean, he's a big hog on a hog. That fat actor is still alive. Oh, okay.

Did he lose the weight? No. All right. Well, he got surgery. He's 42. 42. Yeah, okay. I gotta give him eight more. Yeah, yeah. Come with him. all right. Okay, got surgery. He'll be like 42. 42. Yeah, okay. I gotta get him eight more.

Yeah, go for him. All right, so how about this? This is kind of a fun one. Is it thinker though? David Fisselbrand says, Fisselbrand. If you could go back in time to your life for 24 hours and live with the butterfly effect

it creates, what moment would you go back to? hours and live with the butterfly effect it creates. What moment would you go back to? I don't fully know butterfly effect. It just means like the things would change. Like if you're like, oh, I fucked this up. Oh, okay. So I go back to a moment. Yeah, it's good.

I see. Oh, boys, so many regrets. That's a thing. It's a good question. It's just a thinker. Yeah. I would have been nicer to people who hate me now. Yes, there you go. That's a good one.

Yeah. Do you have a specific? Oh, I got a bunch of zings I've done that people just really come on. People love this. Well, 24 hours though. Yeah, you got a was there one way you did like six in a day? Just go around looking at that. Oh, that's my Ebenezer. Like, hey, if that Jew and they're like, jeez, I am fat. Oh, no, I'm fucking with you. And then you're Oh, that's my Ebenezer. He's like, hey, you fat Jew.

And they're like, geez, I am fat. I'm fucking with you. And then you're like, well, I hate that guy. You ever have that where you talk somebody at 20 years later, and you said this, and it fucked me up for nine years. And I hated you. I had a dart board with your face on it. I was dying of tattoo of you that I exed out.

Well, I had the Zach Amiko thing, who I love. I think is brilliant. Was I was with Lewis. It was at Old Standard Labs. We were outside and James was a baby. So it was nine years ago, 10 years ago. And it was me and Zach and Lewis. And then this woman was strolling the baby carriage up.

And I said, boy, B looks like shit. And it was Zach's girlfriend. Oh. But the jump in my defense, the joke was just that like this woman is not as hot as B who was like Smoking very pretty lady and it wasn't like Zack Drowman was like some ugly lady. She's not she's lovely Right wasn't big, but I didn't know of course, and I think he was really mad for quite a while. Well, you can't fuck with the lady, the broad, the side piece. But that's the thing is like,

and I think he understands, it's like, I didn't know, I thought we were just three guys. Yeah, we were just three guys. Yeah, we were just joking around. That was making fun of the babysitter. Yeah. I didn't know I was really,

I was talking to, of course. Of course, I know. I know the guy. I get it, I get it. So, yeah, he was bummed. I obviously were fine now. We're buddies and he's so sweet, man. Great guy and such a great comedic mind.

He can really put a joke together quick, unbelievable. I, one time I was doing a play when I was like, I used to do plays when I was a kid. And I was in the back watching the rehearsal You know, I was just sitting in the audience watching the rehearsal the directors here or whatever and I'm probably like 12 and there's people on stage doing their bullshit and I was a woman's purse was like two seats down and there was Something glowing in the purse like a light and this is pre-i phone pre-i'm like what could that be? There's some kind of electronic thing,

and I couldn't wrap my head around, and I wasn't trying to steal anything. I was just the curiosity, yeah, you're 12. You're like, what is that? What's going on in there? Is that a video game? Is that a, who knows what? And so I went, what the hell? And I got my hand in her purse, and right then the lady goes, hey, what are you doing?

Oh, jeez. You trying to steal my wall? I'm like, The stanza. I totally was the tip jar. And I was like, no. No, I was like, no. What was that lighting up? And she's like, what the fuck are you talking about? She did one of these and we had a tense play. Oh boy.

And I always regretted it, but I just had to know. And it was just like the button on the wall. We were like, what is that? Then he pushed the button and the house blows up or whatever. Right, so did you. We never patched it. Wow.

She was going around going, he tried to steal my shit. I'm like, no, no, there was something, but I sound like a cuckoo. I'm like, there was a glowing light in the purse. I had to know what it was, but I was, that haunted me as a child. Wow. Yeah, I don't know.

It's hard to pick a thing. I mean, it was a boy. I'd go back to like childhood, you know? Yeah, really. Sure. Or seven or something like that. Could have won a few fist fights

with just by doing one duck and an uppercut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now you know how it goes. Yeah, that's good. Oh, do you have a security tag on your shirt? I thought I saw it. Yeah, you got a security tag over there. Oh, jeez.

So we got to take that off. Did you steal that? I stole it from Old Navy. What is that? That's scurdy tag. Why did I have that on you? I stole it. Ah!

Ah! Come on! I took it out of Old Navy! I just put it on and I walked out. You're with No to Ryder. I'm with No to Ryder. That's insane. I'm in Beetlejuice.

I think I know how to get him off, by the way. You put him in the freezer, so the ink freezes. Oh, because I hit this thing with 10 hammers, and it wouldn't come off. It's like herpes. I can't get rid of it. Look at that, you can see like, welts in it from where I smashed it in the hotel room.

Just, I'm hitting with the remote. I got it under the bed posed. I'm slamming it against the floor. It wouldn't break. You got mental illness. Yeah. The craziest thing I've ever heard in my life. It's a silly system, because it's got those two sensors.

And then there's like a four-foot gap between the sensor and the door. And I just, Well, the gap. The system is you exchange money for goods. That's the system. I bought some stuff. Oh, okay.

Yeah, that's fine then. So, a little... Where that stuff. I've been wearing it. Okay. This kills on stage stage by the way, because one guy, I'll do the Q and A, one guy's like, what's out of your shirt?

I got to stole the shirt. Ah! Oh, jeez. Got your prop comic, my god, I guess so. I mean, I didn't plan on it. I didn't steal it to do the prop. This is an outrage. I didn't think you'd notice.

Oh jeez. Well, hey, I mean, that might be your answer. You might want to go back and purchase this. This is the best thing I ever did. I gotta wait until the shirt. What are you kidding? But yeah, that's a tough one. I don't know, 24 hours, you go back, you do something.

Yeah. Oh, no. What about the Herp? Oh yeah, Herpes. But I don't know, I have a hard time with this chain butterfly effect thing. I've had a lot of fun with Herpes and it also you know it helped me ultimately to be like What am I doing my life?

There you go folks. So yeah, I don't know I'll have to do some thinking about that Yeah, there's little things where I lost like 800 bucks and cash once just lost it somehow like fill out of my pocket or whatever And the stuff like that where I got mugged a few time I would have taken one turn before the street, you know, oh all the money you kept in the drawer The drawer right that's a good one. Yeah, that was a spot six grand right yeah, I was I yeah We got Tom Dustin and I got robbed in the west. I would have been like nah I don't need to fat hookers to come to my house tonight Right, I'm a thousand bucks. Also if you had to my house tonight. Right. This is $2000.

Also, if you had one less beer, I might have not wrecked my car. It's just little things like that, but again, these are all spread out. Yeah. It's all pipes. Good question. Good question, Aguado.

Good question. This is fun. This is from Justin Blair. What's the most unexpectedly funny comedy set you've seen? A comedy set where you just didn't expect it to be as funny as it was. That's another good question. I mean, I was just talking about this. I thought, you know, Joe Rogan who's our buddy. Oh, yeah. People are always kind of shitting. I don't watch a lot of comedy and people kind of shit on him. I don't know. I watched Rogan. I was like, this guy's great.

He's a professional comedian. He's been doing it for 30 years. Yeah. Oh, it got to be more than 30. Probably. Then you saw Brian Simpson, who's killer. Yeah, well, Simpson, I thought was good and thought he was great afterwards. Yeah, I gotta tell I saw Derosa do it said. I'm always like Derosa. I've always thought he was a good comic, but he doesn't get up a ton. So, you know, it can, you can lose that muscle. He did a set at Skankfest that we were on that same show that we both did in the weird room. Oh, yeah. We're both looking at our notes. We're trying new. He went out there and just did a set.

And I was like, that's killer. That's a great point. That's a great bit. And I was in the crowd watching. I was good. Oh, DeRose is like one of the best comics ever. He's killer. But he's amazing.

Also, DeVito opened for me in a TC. And he had some shit where I was like, that's better than anything I've ever written. Like this guy's great. Yeah, that's fun. But I'm trying to think of someone that you're like, oh, look at this idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true, true.

Huh. Again, with Zach Amico, I saw him at that. I've always, not saying I was surprised, but the shitty came up with off the cuff at that naked roast was mind bogglingly good. Yeah, he's really something. Yeah, who's a guy that surprised you though? I mean, the first time I saw Isabelle,

we became friends at the Skankfest Brooklyn because it was like a tag show. It was downstairs in a basement, and that's somebody that's like, it's like a petite woman who's like, at the like downstairs, almost like an open mic, not an open mic, but it's like at the downstairs, almost like an open mic, not an open mic, but it was like new, no one's ever heard of any of these people.

And she went on before me and I was like, oh Jesus, this person is very funny. She's got good jokes. So that was someone that I was like, oh I was not expecting that. Not that I'm like, oh women aren't funny, but you just kind of see a nervous young woman go up and you're like, oh Jesus.

Right, right. And you know. Yeah, that's a good one. Who else? Isabelle Hagen, just Anthony DeVito, Joe DeRosa. I mean, she has like a couple tonight shows and everything too.

So. Yeah. But yeah, yeah, they're out there. There's people kick an ass that we're not thinking of right. Oh man, I saw Hanley then, he has some new gold. I know, but I think he's saying, like, you know, it's not too funny.

I mean, you're naming like some of the best comics in America. Sure, sure. I think he's okay with like, this guy's okay with like, oh, you know, this was a crazy situation. I didn't think anyone could pull out of this or pull this off for a terrible. Oh, that's different. You know what I mean, there's that too.

I think, in my mind, it's like, oh, here comes this, look at this fucking idiot. Yeah, you're like, whoa. I think he's open. Yeah. But yeah, because, handling, I'm like, oh, this is going to be great, and then it is great. That was a guy I did Philly, I don't know, Philly Helium five, six years ago. This guy, open for you, never heard of him. Night name was John McKeever. Uh-huh.

He blew me up the stage every single show, different stuff, Killer Act, unassuming guy, beard, like a windbreaker, just quiet guy, and now he does a, he's Gilean Keave. He's Keave in McKeever. I didn't know he was like a comedy guy, but he's one of these guys like, I hate stand-up, it's kind of like a Nick Mullin where like, I don't even like It's kind of like a Nick Mullin where like I don't even like doing it I'm super funny and and brilliant, but I don't even like doing it He was one of those guys and I was like you got to stick with it. You're blowing me off the stage You're a killer and he's like I don't know and now he's making good money and making good content

Well, it's funny because when you started your thing I thought that was shame where the first time I met shame was at Philly, Helium same I was headlining and Greg Stone was featuring the like, this is this guy, he's a fan of yours, he wants to do a guest spot. And I was like, okay, great. And then they're like, he was like, I open for soda. And I was like, oh, your buddy's with soda.

And I was blown away at how good he, I mean, I assume he was gonna be good. But I was like, yeah, gee, wait. Like, five minutes of killing. He was really something. Sarah worked with him at some bar show in Philly. And she came back and she was telling me about him. She was like, this guy Shane McGillis,

she kept calling him Shane McGillis. That's funny. And she was like, I can help you get spot. She's like, I can get you on a bar. She's like, Sarah tried to like, throw him a bone. Yeah. Which is really funny. That's hilarious.

Yeah, Shane McGillis. She kept calling him that. It was like a year, she kept calling him that. It rolls off McGillis. It sounds more... I think it's McGilli-Gutt year, she kept calling him that. It rolls off, McGillis. It sounds more... I think it's McGillis. Yeah, yeah. You know, it sounds so similar.

All right, now as you know, the hottest item on the Patreon, number one. Number one. Number one. Number one with a bullet. Like a $2 pistol. All the hot gay sets, Chuck puts his heart and soul and a lot of time into these

and puts these together. They're badass, great intro. You've seen the clips. And here's one from the PS109 show. New PS109 coming January 7th. Mark Norman will be there. Hell yeah. At least he says he will.

Let's pray. We'll see what happens. But we filmed the Mike Cannon's on there. Stavros, Ronan. Stavros on there. Not this one. This is PS109 III, which is the newest one. And it's Mike Cannon, Ronan Hershburg, and Matt Wayne.

Yeah, that was a fun one. That was Domino's and all that shit. So here's some fun clips from that night. Hell yeah. That's fun. Hey everybody! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Thanks for coming. Who was here a month ago for that show? Yeah.

You guys all looked like you were going to clap. You were like, you look like the way that you showed that you were here was to show like your big size. That's a big deal. This is an old schoolhouse that's now artist housing and Jason Canter lives here. So, behave, you wanna throw it out? I don't know, it would be funny

if you guys got them thrown out. Tough to you, think about it. I'm working with your host up. She's one of my favorite comedians, one of my favorite people. If you ever watched my YouTube stuff, she's it never even watched. She's that funny.

You're gonna love her. Give it up for my friend Katie Hale, give it up for everybody else. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank here. Thank you, that's my crowd, safety. I like to perform for people who can't see in the shower. That is my demographic, yeah? You ever come down in there?

Scary, slippery fall. Here we are. Hey, what's up, man? Good to see you. Thanks for coming. Appreciate it. Let's say hello. I don't know that guy.

That's Ash and Walmart. I'm fine. I did one of his vets for you. We're like an element. Oh, that's a good bit. Yeah, that's great. You've been hacked. Yes, that's the heck. Here's Matt Wayne. We were supposed to do good bit. Yeah, that's great. You've been hacked. Yes, yes, that's a good bit.

Here's Matt Wayne. We were supposed to do a podcast in Denver. That's true. And then we never did. I blame you. Well, you unraveled a little bit there. I didn't. You unraveled.

I was rambling. I was rambling. I was rambling. I was rambling. I was like a little kid at the mall. I was like, what's the first thing we're off? And then I was like, oh, your mic's loose. Is it loose? Yeah, you went crazy. Oh, fuck then I was like, oh, your mic's loose. Is it loose? Yeah, you went crazy.

Oh, fuck. First of all, yeah, the mic's in. Juts, what's the number one thing about going to a mall that people talk about? They say, don't bring your jacket. Don't bring your jacket, because it's hot. It's too hot. I want to look good for the party.

Just such a huge fuck up. He brought a winter coat coat and we had walked out without the winter coats and you were like, let me get my coat. I had a winter hat on so it was just all, and we went to the Apple store and I was like, your son. You were asking all these questions and I was like,

where is this over? And I kept telling him, I was like, go get a snack. I gave him 20 bucks, I was like, go eat something. Wait, are you gonna go get it? Yeah, and that was walking around. He couldn't find water in the small. There's no water. Couldn't shit. I had a headache. I was unraveling. My mic is off. Total unravel. But other than that it was great. I'm gonna welcome the person to get into the stage. I ain't gonna tell you.

I'm gonna tell you. It's so fine. You see all the parts out. Everybody go for the last dance. I ain't gonna tell you. I'm so glad you guys are here. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, had a good drinking. I became a stay home dad a few years ago. And I was like, you know, if I'm going to be home with a small child all day every day, it's time to switch to OBS. You're going to hear my idea for a, I got an idea for a web series. Okay. It's called WWFAA. WWFAA. for a web series. Okay. It's called W-W-F-A-A.

W-W-F-A-A. Yes, and what it is, it's like the World Wrestling Federation alcoholics, and I'm just like, they do like A-A things, but like in wrestling, like this. We're coming at you one day at a time. Just think of the last, think of the last drunk. Not the first drink. Don't pick up.

And they go, you know, they do that. I like that, that's pretty good. I'll see you in every 12 steps. I don't know all the A, A stuff. You get a chip, right? You get a chip? Yeah, yeah. Chip is good coin.

Coin? That's a coin or a... They've like, you know, like a new phone or something? No, it'd be better reward. Yeah, that's not bad. Maybe that's like the future of A.A. Hey, I got 90 days sober. Hey, here's your car.

Here's your Cadillac. Here's a Toyota. I'm celebrating one year. Well, we got your motorcycle. That's not bad. That's not bad. Well, we're going to do a podcast about rock and roll. Right?

You know, talk a little rock and roll. We were going to do one, just a one off. And then just a one off. I mean, it didn't have to be a one off, but it was going to be a one off. There's Chicago. Maybe a two off. How do you it didn't have to be a one off, but it was gonna be a one off. Maybe she can't go. Maybe a two off. How do you feel about face-off?

You like that film? Well, I mean, I like it. Yeah, because it's fun, but it's a good... It's like, it's like, he's got a face-off poster. Well, I mean, Tervolt is amazing in it. He's like, hey! You're not having any fun. What a predicament.

So you know face-off. Yeah, and then Nicholas Cage, what's this name? Caster Troy. I'm Caster fucking Troy Tino Yes, I haven't lit him He's doing great. Oh my god. He's a 15 minutes. Oh shit. I forgot I don't know why I care. No. I fucking did it.

All right, you guys have been the live long bucks, man. Yeah. Don't let me down, yeah. Am I going to keep you up for a dance? Yeah. We're going to keep you up for a dance. Hello. Are these people on this communityians on the show by far?

I will say that. And once you wear them, oh my god. That looks like a, then you look like an out of work see captain or something like that. He's just like waiting for the next whale boat to come. Let's keep the shambles eventually doing it. Should we go going? Okay, next time.

Next time, we'll see way as the you know, from the RD Land Show, everybody help me welcome Jason Gantza! Woo! Anything you want? What do you want? Like, is this apparently like you take from my laptop camera? Is that apparently?

No. No? Alright, we have, alright, make a few links down in that one. Alright, is this apparently, after I'm done masturbating on the internet, I let the video keep playing because I want Google to know how fast that comes. Did we get that?

I'm a fucking idiot. So it's the light of a 10. He's at 16. Well this is great, this is good for him, he gets a little extra time. That's 50% more time. I also didn't just heard him talking, I was like, what the fuck? Well I had the same thing where I was like That's 50% more time. Also, I just heard him talking. I was like, what the fuck? Well, I have the same thing where I was like,

I heard Doug and I was just, I was like, he's going on for a while. A burp and a pizza. I'm gonna be his first. I fucked him. The Domino's is coming back. Domino's is actually pretty funny bit. It is a good big.

Good burp, too. I like a food burp. See, people are grossed out by food burps, but it's like an acid flashback. You get a little extra value. You get a little taste in your mouth. You go, oh yeah, demeanos. I got to apologize to Doug Smith.

Oh, he'll be fine. That was bad. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, though. I kept it up there forever. I'm at Eastman all the time.

Maybe 25 minutes sets, but no notice. Okay. Hey, but no audience. It was actually a crowd. Maybe 25 minutes sets, no no. Okay. Hey, but no audience. Yeah. It was actually a crowd. We were like podcasting over there. And also I just heard your voice and I was like, what the fuck?

You're like, oh yeah, John, idiot. I'm so sorry. Canner's a gohunter. Hey canner. Shh. Shh. Sorry. Canner's a gohunter.

Shh. Okay, so. Stephen's gonna get a louder win. Oh, that's so hard. Oh, whatever. Shhh! Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Sorry, I'm mic.

Oh, sorry. You got a little buff. I just left Doug Smith on, like, 20 minutes. He loved it. I bought way too much pizza. It's called Domino's. It's a New York pizza. It's a...

Thank you guys. I wish you all the best. I could come with you to play with that cup. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm going to give a love for Jason. Yeah!

Yeah! Oh my god. Oh my god. How many of Jason's? I really think he looked like one of the people in Guest 2. I love him. I love him. I love him. He was him. I love him.

There's a signature book that works for him. It's his home. I think he lives down here. I don't know if he feels good, doesn't it? Let's keep it moving, everybody. Let's keep it going. The next guy, oh my god, love him. Put it in your table.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you. Thank you. No? It feels good. It feels good. I call it new shoes. I feel good. I grew up poor. I like new stuff.

You grew up poor and only good thing you did are siblings. There are times when I sincerely like Dr. Knows more than like jokes. Dr. Knows got rules and... Say, you mean to me else? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't dark knows more than like jokes. Domo's fucking rules and... Say, you mean Domo's? Domo's, we're calling it Domo's. Domo's rules and everybody shifts on it. And they're like, you're living New York!

You have an I get New York World Pizza. Right. 50 times of... And we're scared. You don't want a slice that's like, you know, this bit, like near pizzas, like a, you could wrap your car with a plate. And a place like this is running gun. I'm running the show, I'm doing all this stuff.

I literally went to Domino's app, Reorder, Cent, Free Butt, and it's Friday night. And the pizza guy made pizza night. For all the families watching the films, TGI Friday. TGI. Yeah. Yeah. I saw an Inject turtles when I was like four and I just assumed every single New Yorker was eating a slice of pizza. It was like that was like, I just didn't see the sewer. Honestly, that's more close to the truth. All right, here comes a satellite quif, which is the old, that's how the Patreon started. It was all satellite queues. And this was one coming up.

We did this on the way back from Philadelphia. We did the performing arts, whatever, with Umar Khan. And Joey DeRosa roses. Joey roses, Joey D, Fat DeRosa, and boy, this one was fun because we were put away wet. What do you like to say? Road hard and put away wet. We got a little few banged up at the

At the studio or the green room. We had a bunch of pizza and come and we drove back from Philadelphia That was a wacky day because we drove up did an episode did a live episode Because I think I was going Australia or Europe or the clink. I don't know where I was going But we had to box it and can and hammer a bunch of shit and I'm in my asshole, and we made it work, and it was a loopy one. Yeah, we came all the way back and we were gassed, and I remember laughing my ass up,

so play on these clips where we're really chuckling it up. Yeah, gas digital. Absolutely, so here's a clip from that satellite, Gweef. Yeah! Hello! Again, all you nut jobs. Oh yeah yeah, ringdings and income poops. We're we're a little fucked up We're driving back around the Jersey turnpike just in the live episode. Is that bonus out? At this point, all right, well, you remember we did the live app and we're hot and heavy. Am I crazy? I'm feeling good. I had three tequila sodas. I think two were doubles and about nine cookies and

big old bowl at your portal. And Julie made a bunch of cookies at the bakery. It's clear. Was it Tara? You got a lot of squeezes you're working. Tara you got a lot I know you got a lot of squaises you're working Jenny I'm kidding I'm kidding of course this man could never never make love to any woman but now she was so nice to break Jen of course I'm joking sweet lady made some unbelievable cookies and I am shocked and chagrin to find out these are gluten free or Vegan their vegan full vegan Brian vegan very impressive. Is she a vegan? Oh weird that she would go vegan with a bunch of degenerate comedians. Well these cookies sucked me off I mean I came right in the back of the throat of these cookies. He's got a little bit of salt a little crisp

Oh, yeah, well, you know that helps them go down Glass of milk you guys grow up with a glass of milk. I was exclusively chocolate milk. I mean, I'm a boy. Yeah, I'm a real toddler. So it was all chocolate milk for me. And only as an adult did I drink milk. Yeah, I did a lot of CM.

And, but some guys, you go to your friend's house and you have a glass of milk with dinner and I was like, what do we? Asian actually they don't eat they don't drink milk, but It was very strange. What do we omnis we're gonna have a glass of milk? Yeah, that's strange. It's heavy Milk is odd doesn't quench but that that that I'll take goes back to Marketing that does a body good. That fucking ad went a long way. Yeah, milk does a body good, absolutely.

And it probably did some good for the bones, calcium. Yeah. But it's very fatty, creamy, hard to digest, the lactose. I don't know. We then got milk. That came in.

Oh, that was huge. Right when it does about a good start to fizzle, got milk came in and really picked up the rear. You know people are still referencing that. Oh yeah. Every once in a while you'll see a comic and they'll be like, yeah, then I fucked them. Got gizz.

And you're like, what? That's pretty good. You're like, wow. That's gonna be the link. That's the keeper. It's really like Jesus. Who co-op in their legs? They're called their mom or farted,

because this is, is that you chuck a root towel? I don't think that's Jen. I don't know what, I don't know what it is. Good, and Gally, Miss Molly. And I think some of the people at home are thinking, oh, it's the Jersey turnpike, but no, we're south of that. We're way south of the smelly part.

It's a rubber fire. What's that? That's a rubber fire. A rubber fire. But anyways, we're hot. We're hot to try. That was a fun live up. Killer app loved it.

Derosa killed it. Umar was there. And we had a great time Deroso was He was hot. He was bringing the heat and just a fun that guy You know I remember sign felt talking about this Derosa. No. Oh Hey, he was talking about Working with Michael Richards, and he's like that is a thrill to have that man acting that close to your face I felt that way about Derosa.

I'm sitting next to him. He's six inches from me going, you know, the thing about, I was howling. You just see he's got, he's living about just the smallest thing and I just enjoy it. Yeah, yeah, he is a funny guy. He's very sincere. He's very him.

He knows who he is. He's comfortable with who he is, which is appalling when you look at his face. A lot of touching though. I thought he was a little much with the shoulder touch. Yeah, he touched them. And when he touched, I tried to touch it because I can't get a touch in.

Yeah, so I figure, well, while he's doing, I might as well get one in. Yeah, then he does like a, he wiped his arm like here. It takes some of that, like, it's not germs. I don't care about germs. I'll lick the bowl of a toilet seat or your asshole directly It's like why are you touching me? I don't get it. I don't need your hand on me Yeah, what is it that bugs you about that because you could you could put a

Pinkie in my mouth and I wouldn't notice By the way, someone's really upset with me, because evidently, you know, we said something, I said, yeah, some of them said digits, and I said, I'll shove my digits right in my kid's ass. And some lady was like, this guy's a piece of shit. Oh my God. And as a dumb, I guess, he's like, did puke emojis, what's wrong with this man?

What's wrong with you? We're not gonna get joke, you cleave. Yeah, I'm like, I'm kidding. I'm not gonna put my fingers in a child's ass. Then they go, but that's not funny. And I'm like, but I think it is. So now what? Nobody else even blinked.

Yes. The kid blinked when the pinky went in, but other than that. Blink when he's two, one, 82. I see. I like that like I like the ades It's late by the way. This is our fifth podcast of the day Chuck's got us work in tooth and nail hand and foot. Well, that's my fault I'm going to the the big big white continent of Europe. Oh, I love Europe. Oh, yeah Who came up with that name? You're up

Well, you're up here next. That's that's from what was that what's that woman's name from SNL Clegghorn? Yeah, Ellen Clegghorn. That was the side fell of SNL or one of them really yeah, he's the school teacher Oh, they can't get out of the kids to pay attention Chris Friday is one of the funniest things of all time Oh the hand race. Yes, he goes Indiana Jones fighting in the race of the lost earth. And his hand shoots up. Yeah. He goes besides the snakes and Farley goes,

No. It's a visual gag. The jerking movements he had were too good. Yeah, he must have come up with that. Like, I'm sure in the script it says, Chris Farley puts up his hand. Jerry says beside the snakes. That's gold.

And Farley did it in six inch increments. Yes. And then, uh, but what's the Europe gig? Jerry points to Europe and says something about what's this continent and Ellen Klaikhorn goes, who came up with that name? Europe.

Hmm. Well, if you saw it now, it might not be. I thought she was that talented. Well, I'm saw it now, it might not be. I thought she was that talented. Well, I'm not saying she's the best, but it's funny to be trying to teach you a lesson. Sure. And you say, this is like that thing when you bomb with someone else's material, you're like,

come on, I'm trying. No, I'm not, I'm not giving you shit. I'm just saying, I never thought she had it. I'm a really easy kid going, ah, she's no good. Yeah. There's a couple of people going, ah, she's no good. Yeah. There's a couple of people on us now. I just never got. Yeah.

And it includes the entire cast today. But back in the 90s, I was like, ah, I don't know about this cat. Well, you know, well, it's got to do two African Americans in a row. Oh, shit. Yeah, it's Mitchell. Garrett Morris. I mean, that guy But yes, Mitchell. Garrett Morris.

I mean, that guy never made me smile. I mean, yeah, how'd he get on? That was the prime time players. That was the original cast. That was OG. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I'm sure he was good at something, but it wasn't being honest and hell, in my opinion.

But I mean, I mean, I'm going gonna say, I mean, Tim Meadows. Tim Meadows is great. I mean, he- Any Murphy number one. Yeah, great. Any Murphy, obviously. The other guy. But yeah, I can't.

Was Pescapo Black? Yeah, he had a good run. I bought that Mike Myers. He was something. Absolutely. George Bush does not care about Black people. Oh, man, that was awkward. Kanye West, not that funny.

Anyways, we're all over the map here. We're a little fucked up. Wouldn't you say? I'm on my own. I'm on my own. I'm on my own. So we drove down to New Jersey. Yes.

We did a full hour podcast. Yes. A regular episode, which you guys have seen by now, I'm sure, or maybe not. Drought to Philadelphia. What did I say? New Jersey. Yes, we drove through New Jersey to Philadelphia. And then we did a two hour live podcast.

You got there, right? With Joe DeRos and a homeless guy we met outside named Doomar. What's it called in Boomar? All right. It's a Doomar. They called him Boomar. He took the Boomar. He did well. He had a good run. He's got great skin that Umar. Yes, he's a beautiful man.

But yeah. But by the way, he has to work and be a psychologist at 6 a.m. tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. He had a couple things going against him. He was nervous. He loves the show. and he's a teacher So he's in there talking about getting herpes or whatever and he's got six-year-old kids to feed

But he was fantastic. He did better than many nameless guests who have been on. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm trying to think of some real state. Michelle Wolfe is not a She can't carry a pot. I'll tell you that No, that was our legendary one. That was with Bobby too, right? Yeah. We fucked up, we tried a TV show thing. Oh yeah, it's Tuesdays after dark, the whole thing fell apart.

That was bad, and Bobby came on, he was mad at us. Yeah, he trashed us for a good 20. That was really upsetting. That's what he does. I think he probably likes, you know, know some comics they see really like getting heck old because they're like All right, this is better than my act I can fuck with this guy. Mm-hmm I think he has that with pods. He's like I kind of liked it this is bad because now I can shit on it openly. Yeah Yeah, that was a tough good at it tough night

Yeah, that was Derek was there. We try to do a bit. I think with Nick Simmons. Oh, Yeah, meet. Yeah, we tried to do like a Like a hot guy with no shirt. Yeah, we didn't now we could probably do it better I think probably but it didn't read the audience was like who's he? What's going on? Why don't you try just came on stage. The idea was a Playboy bunny. What was that called? The bunny.

No, it was a... What was the show? After Dark. Yes, Playboy After Dark. Wasn't that the name of the show? Yeah, it was kind of a supper club in the late 60s with the bunnies and the cigarette smoke and heffner. Yeah, so we thought we would do a show like that where you and I were in suits,

smoking, having a cocktail, bringing on guests, laughing, and then instead of sexy women, we didn't want to be sexist so we would have sexy men come close. Yes, yes. Which I actually still think that might be worth taking another crack at. Well, the thing is it needs, there needs to be a hook. I don't know, otherwise it's just our show with a guy who's shirtless. You know, you need some kind of twist.

Like, why is it sexy? Why is it after dark? Well, we tried to do it at Fat Black. Careful, this guy's got his blinker on there. You got him. We tried to do it at Fat Black, but'm careful, this guy's got his blinker on there. There you go, you've got him. We tried to do it at Fat Black, but it was awkward, and no one was on board. You have to really, we would need to get a show runner

and a studio, like a real set. Right, right. So you could really feel it. This was just a comedy club kind of, and you'd have to have multiple wateryadery men and you have to dress the people up so they're in heels and dresses and suits and maybe we're in robes instead oh that's a good idea

and you feel that we talk about sex but not maybe not so much in like a you have a jizz on her or whatever but like kind of a so you make a low I don't know yeah something like that. Right, right. But a sexy font, and you have interesting people on. Maybe a musician, maybe a comedian, but not always a comedian.

Right, okay. And the, the, the main idea was, instead of being, hey, touch, and then it's like, hey, that's no good anymore. You have a beef cake, so you can be like, hey, you fucking sexy homo, bring me a cocktail, you bitch. Yeah. Or whatever. Alright, you turn to me around. I'm not saying it's gold, but it's something.

It's something. And that was the fat black is, you know, kind of a seductive, there's a lot of velvet couches. It kind of worked as candles, but yeah, no one got it. I think also you want the show to come off loose, but it's got to be kind of directed in the way. Yes, yes. And it was live with random people. We weren't selling as many tickets.

So I think there was like 22's gays and like 50 people that were like, what? So true, that is a jarring thing to see when you're expected to see Greg Roguel. And we didn't direct it properly. So like we just knew this guy, he came up shirtless. Like a really strong shirtless man stood on stage with us. Yeah, we were like so.

And he didn't really say anything, and we didn't have anything. Everyone was confused, including me. And Bobby, yeah, just shit on us and Michelle. I think Amy came out at one point. Yes, yes, that was a wacky time. But you gotta give a shout out to the early gaze for just experimenting with us. Oh, yeah.

They came out early and really tried to help and show up and it was about eight of them, but God love you from the beginning. So keep in mind everybody, everything you're hearing, you can get the full package on the Patreon, you can only get it on there. Yes. So everything you're hearing, if you're going, oh, that sounds fun, that sounds juicy, that sounds sexy. Get yourself a Patreon subscription. You better believe it. And some stuff you might like better than others, but it's all encompassed. It's all

in there. And this next one, we got give it a goog. That's where we, we, we Google some shit we've done. And we pulled up the Great Joke Off, which is a game show that sucked, that we did in the... I liked it. Foggy London Town. I'd like to be invited back. I enjoyed it very much. I have to plug it.

Jolly Old England, I'm not going back. I'm not going across the pond for that horse shit again, but we had a good time. We made it work. Oh, it's the best show I've ever seen or been a part of and I can't wait to be back I'd like to be an EP on that fucking thing. I'll move to London. I swear to God. I'll do it Well long live the Queen. I'll go with you. I love London. I love the hotel. I love hanging out. I loved uh

Joshin and bullshit and with you, but that show is a big pile of poo poo Well, I thought it was great. Here's a clip Here's a clip of the guys watching their performances and having some comments on it. Yes, sir Mona are we on are we rolling? You're rolling. All right. Hey, we're here. It's Give it a goog. Give it a goog. You got that right and we got a while I'm very excited. We have not seen this. Have you seen this? I've been avoiding it I don't want to see it. I hated it. It was a ton of work. I'm glad it's over

I don't give a shit about it. I haven't shared it. I haven't posted. I'm dreading this. I'm excited. I shared it It was the time of my life and this can be a huge hit. We're gonna watch oh god comedians Jerkini what's the cost? The American joke American joke. Great American joke off We went to London they were it was a lot more work than we thought, but it was a great memorable time. Friends were made, divorces were happened. I don't know, sex was come, I can't. Well, the highlight was, there's a lot of fun stories.

First of all, the hotel we stayed at, the Latham. Langham. Langham. Bueh, I mean, this was, if this is a five star, this was six. One of the nicest hotels I've ever stayed at. I could jizz on my own face and I hit a button that guy would come wipe it off and then kiss me. It was incredible.

Yeah, I got a job there all summer. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh yeah, summer job. Coming at you, you got to save up money for school, but just a great time in London was running around London, but the beauty of it was you were there a week before me Yes, so you were giving me updates and you were going hey fatty you better Hunker down and do this work, and I said I'm fine. Fuck these limeies. Fuck these Cleaves the queen. Oh the queen. Yeah, you were like Kramer with the AIDS walk. Yes

You see those queens I got showing? Do they look scared? So I finally show up with the lady. I drop my bags off. I got a hat with a big band on it. And you go, and then the head guy, the leader, the chief, the hauncho. He goes, so Mark, I assume you've done your homework and I was like, I got it.

And he goes, well, what do you think about this? And he had a question off the worksheet. And I was like, I'll figure it out. And you guys were dying laughing because you're like, he's dead in the water. Now you were fucked. We were fucked. It was a lot of work. But we pulled through. And I think with the glory of editing, I assume we look like a million bucks. I hope so. They want us to look good. And you're the biggest star they got over there. I mean, this is a little motion cashier.

They had Natasha Lajero. You're the biggest star they got over there. So I think it was a big deal. And I'm excited to see it. A few people watched. I think seven people watched it. Yeah, easily. But it's on CW, which I don't even know if that's a channel.

And but I remember staying up till four in the morning, people watched it. Yeah, easily. But it's on CW, which I don't even know if that's a channel. And- This is a wall. But I remember staying up till four in the morning, writing those packets, I we hired eight guys to be a text. Hey, do this for 20 bucks, write me some jokes and puns. It was a scramble. Yeah, it was a scramble and scramble eggs.

And I've seen a couple of clips though, it looks sharp, it looks crisp. Well, the guy who produced it is the guy who did who's line. That's right. So he's a big wig over there in big England. Oh, he's a wig and Kristen wig. I'm excited, I'm excited to see it. I can't wait to be honest with you.

All right, I'm terrified and dreading it, but hey, roll the tape there, Sloppy Jalopy. Yeah, Chuck's texting some bitches. No, no, I was gonna say like, we talked to that at that time and I sent you some stuff for the food pun thing. Uh-oh, I think I broke it. You did, you boy.

To me or Mark? To Mark. Oh, okay. I did. I did, yeah, I hired eight guys. Yeah, yeah. All right, ready? All right, let's see.

Let's hear. At the end, you could say yours. See who's there. Oh, that's right. Yeah, let's see mine about that. You are watching the great American magazine. Yeah, live audience. Tonight's show features are hard to see.

The set was beautiful. Look at that. Wow. Oh. Chanel. OK. Great job. Love Reese.

He was a hot singer. And then there's Greg. I love it. Yeah, that's cool. Don't say clown, like the joke you begin. Wow. Welcome to the great of the Great American Invasion. Just about the jokes.

Two teams will try to make us laugh in a couple of days. These are nine hour days, by the way. Whoever I personally think, ah, funny is, so start, second, up, now. But I hear a second, I just assumed Dix is coming next. Great, three, all. So let's get started with the game.

We call, you think that's bad. Well, this is a tough one. And if you want me to pause it, let me know. Great thing to see all. So let's get started with the game. We call, you think that's bad? Oh, this is a tough one. And if you want me to pause it, let me know. There were tales of woe from their lives, which could be their childhood relationship. Boy, look, you're glowing. Thank you.

And I decide who's got the worst life. OK, who wants to start? My girlfriend says I take many golf too seriously. I mean, my cutie disagrees. Hey, that's good. That's very funny. Yeah, it's funny. I'm trying to look less creepy,

and I still look like a near-cat gynecologist. The hair is really something. It's like Elvis. That's bad. When I was eight years old, my uncle, who's four years old, and the baby sat me, I went to the bathroom. I was coming up the hallway.

Oh, my God. It took like a aerosol case lighter. It took it all back. Fire coming up the hallway. Oh my god. I took like a aerosol to get a lighter. Take it all back. Fireball at my face. Tell you. The old shoot fire at the child, your baby sitting routine. But that joke is old. You think that's bad?

The other day I had to ask a big guy to help me get the lid off my protein powder. Pretty good. Pause it. I don't get that right. I think that's bad. Because he's so weak. Oh, he's going to, he's trying to beef up with the protein? Yeah. You're looking at the notes. You're like, I got to get that one. Because he's so weak. Oh, he's gonna, he's trying to beef up with the protein. Yeah.

You're looking at the notes, you're like, I gotta get something going here. Well, see, just for the reference, they yell at you if you don't chime in. I know. They whip you in the back. It's horrible. It's a slave labor. So I'm freaking out right now going,

I haven't said anything. You got the fireball, the Glenn said, the whatever. Well, I'm panicking. That's the thing in the fireball. I had no Preparation to do that preparation. I was just trying to think of any bit and it was that that bits 12 years old But you you pulled it out and you're you're off the hook now somehow I pulled it but yeah, then every time what would happen is everyone goes and you realize you have to go again

Yes, yes, and the other ones you kind of had bits. This was just, we had a hard time understanding this. Yeah. To me, and to me, this is more just like a podcast where it's like, it naturally, but you can't just be natural because you gotta get everyone in. Exactly, exactly. Like on a podcast, you could be like, I don't have anything for this story,

I'll just sit out for 10 minutes. We can't do that here. No, you have to chime or they yell at you and scold you. So I'm panicking and it has to be good. Like you can't just say something and have a bomb. Yeah. No, you have to chime or they yell at you and scold you. So I'm panicking and it has to be good. Like you can't just say something and have a bomb. Yeah. Well, some people did that. I have a question. How did they communicate with you? Like, how are they stopping and going, Hey, you haven't said anything. Yeah. It's really. It would stop everybody. Oh, yeah. Seven months to shoot. They don't fuck around. They had to go with the headset with

a clipboard going, Hey, Norman, what do you do it out there? I'm like, oh, sorry Because it makes the the the the whole taping kind of tense. No, it's a completely tense Oh, I mean Mario look at he's reading the Bible here. I'm terrified. I got the Quran open under me and then oh no We lost coverage footage And then ismail he's looking his notes look at the British guy, he knows what he's doing. Yeah, he is. If you look at this image. Mark and Ismail are both reading.

Yeah. I don't know that. I don't know that. Oh, that was well. I'm sorry, I just forgot. That was a good example. I'm like, geez. All right, hit play, let's go.

I'm a Muslim and everybody hates us. Look up. India hates us. China hates us. Look up. India hates us, China hates us. That's everybody. That is most people. That's not bad. That's not a joke. Oh, you're looking ready to talk there.

That's bad. The last two weeks, a lot of white people have been congratulating me for being the current host of this show. Hey, that's good. Good joke. Sorry about that. OK, I got a riff in.

Classic. I still haven't said anything. The same that. Okay, I got a riff in. Classic. I still haven't said anything. The same time. I bailed on the whole thing. Yeah. It's a part. You think that's bad? I get killed.

Oh, I'm good to have. The kill from Star Wars. Nah, I missed it. Sorry. The kill. The one, rewind that. Yeah, you got the applause break on that one. Is there a move from Star Wars? It's a...

Hold on. Let's hear it. I'll let him say it. Let him say it. Yeah. We're here at the same time, and they still can't tell us apart. Yeah. You think that's bad? I get congratulated all the time

for being the girl from Star Wars. That's funny. Okay. He does look like it. Yeah. You think that's bad? Oh! Stop done it! I'm saying the water! I can't say that!

Sorry. Hold on, what did I say there? What did he kill? They got an applause break. Star Wars. Okay, here we go. Alright, this kills. I'm panicking right now.

You think that's bad? Dolce is sitting the wrong seat. Hey! That's great, right? That's great. How's she like that? That's the line of. Hey! That's great, babe. How's she like that? That's the line of the night. Close this day.

Every round, you lose hope. You think that's bad? I have horrible anxiety. I walk around the city all day. You guys ever do this one? You guys ever leave the house without headphones? Oh, God. Thoughts?

This is a 20-minute bit. Build. Thank God. The crowd is just hitting my brain. There you go. All right, so you get a second of... I may have loved my wife, and she said, would you still want to have sex with me if I gained 400 pounds?

And I had to say, I don't even know if it's possible to have sex with a woman that weighs 800 pounds. That's the old... That joke's from 08. That's classic. Also. Hey, Boudieu.

Fat jokes. Why are you allring? He just told us he has a beautiful classic. Also. Hey, food here. Fat jokes. Why are you owing? He just told us he has a beautiful plus size wife. I don't understand. Hey, she saved you. You think that's bad. I've been spending all my comedy money on food. Works out to like three egg rolls on a gatorade.

Hmm. Does she doesn't make money? Is that the joke? Yeah. Everyone at school used to make fun of me for being too formal, because I was so formal, I used to say stuff like father-long legs. Um...

Hmm. I know. And... I don't understand. I just stand here for the riddy-long legs. Four. Mmm. You think that's bad? I was a really small child.

It was very small, yeah, yeah, yeah. Late bloomer. Got f**ked up, self. And he was the bad boy. I'm 31. No! Yeah, it's called moisturizer, relax, everyone. I was a very small child, and my mum used to mark mine and my brother's heights every two months,

like by doing on the wall of the kitchen, see how much we'd grown, and mine stayed the same for so long that people would come around and assume I had died. But you got a pet out. I know. You think that's bad? Oh, she had a call you. I moved in with a woman recently. Yeah. That's fun. But you got a pet out. I know. You think that's bad?

Oh, she had to call you. Yeah. I moved in with a woman recently. I got an Alexa. And... And... Killed. I just learned that Alexa actually listens to everything you say

stores in a database could use it again two later. It's like, man, just like a real woman. Yeah, that was a huge laugh. I started to pause. Oh, thanks. Someone had to help you. I think Joe Chanel and Glenn, y'all got the way. All right.

Yeah, that segment is over. That was a rough segment. Let's say a game called What Where Or. Oh, this show gives me such anxiety. There's something you might say in either a location in which to say it in or a person to say it to. So, everyone, you're what is stupid things to say, and your where is...

At a job interview! This is so diffused. Stupid things to say at a job interview. I know y'all have experience in this. If you think my handshake is firm... See, I knew I'd go first because I had to get back in the game. You know, I'm huge on fortune.

Yeah. My biggest weakness? Probably that I work two hours a day. I'm going to go two weaknesses. Being vague into another weakness. Oh, that's great. That's not bad. Smart guy. I like to work from home.

Could I live here? Yeah, don't even get that. How many meters do we get a year? That's fun. Yeah. You know who my father is, because he's not responding to my texts. I'm gonna ask you, what's your least favorite race? You! A favorite race. LAUGHTER You! LAUGHTER

Why would I make a great policeman? Well, my best friends are a soldier, a construction worker, an American Indian and a cowboy. LAUGHTER Those days are good hosts. It's got the applause again. Communication skills. LAUGHTER She's done. Communication skills. Oh, yeah. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE

She's died. Yeah, she's very giving. APPLAUSE Is everyone who works here as ugly as you? Yeah. I'm looking to work, because I lost my last job to big tech. I used to stand outside car dealerships going, ooh.

LAUGHTER I don't get it. I got taken over by the balloon thing. I'm going to take it over by the balloon thing. I'm going to take it over by the balloon thing. I'm going to take it over by the balloon thing. I'm going to take it over by the balloon thing. I'm going to take it over by the balloon thing. I hate that joke that people do. What was it? I hate that joke that people do.

What was it? I hate that. Everyone who works here is hard as you. I'm just making these up. Why did I apply for a job at IKEA? I mean, sometimes it's good to just get your foot in the flubbing stout. Hmm. I worked as a librarian for 25 years.

Why did I leave? I got let out a prison. Yeah, that's good. Somebody wrote that for me. Hey, and last but not least, episode five, Hundo, we round it off home with half a thousand with the comedian, the documentary from Jerry Seinfeld. One of our favorites, we've watched it for years,

drunk, high, naked, and we pop on comedian, we do a full commentary while the documentary plays and this documentary is a big part of our lives. So it's fun to watch it together. Huge part of our lives, start the theater four times and we had a lot of fun. You're gonna get a lot of tidbits, a lot of things you didn't know.

This is the best commentary there is for comedian and a really fun Patreon. You're really missing out if you're not in the Patreon. I highly recommend you can gift a subscription now to somebody else. And so enjoy this clip of us talking about one of our favorite films of all time. Hell yeah comedy It's Tuesdays must-queeve TV featuring all your favorites. So if you're scared You haven't let the stomach finish. Let's get it out right now And I'll go on my own

I like dammit. I'm in Anyway, thanks, too. That's very, and that's good thing. About me, and thank me, too. Well, why do I have to thank you? Must we have TV Tuesdays? All right, we're here, everybody. This is a bonus,queef, special bonus for the 500th episode. We're about to watch one of our favorites.

I think I can speak for both of us. Love this flick. One of our favorite films, I started the movie there four times back in 2002. And it was in Boston. I had to go to Coffley Square in Boston. Wow, four times. I kept going. I remember wanting to see

my parents to see it, to be like, this is what it is. Yes, and I never watched it. I showed my parents through, they hated it. The thing that was mind-blowing, I can remember the moments sitting in the theater in copy-squaring Boston, 2002. I was 20 years old and hearing Jerry Seinfeld say

the word fuck and it's in the opening minutes. Yes. It's like two minutes in. Mind-blowing. He says fuck and you can't believe it. There's so many great moments. My Facebook quote, maybe still is. I haven't looked at Facebook in 20 years

but it was always, it's just about being together. What are my favorite lines? What can't you do it, you do it. And I do what I do. It's just many great moments. My Facebook quote, maybe still is. I haven't looked at Facebook in 20 years, but it's always, it's just about being together. One of my favorite lines, why can't you do it? You do what I do, and I do what I do. It's just about being together. I just wanna be with you. Yes, and this is pre-podcasting really. So seeing a comic behind the scenes this much was very rare. Let alone the biggest comic on the planet at the time.

And as a new comic, seeing a legendary comedian with the biggest show, huge name, theater act, struggling. It was never seen before. You always saw the glitz, the glamor, the curtain, the chandelier. This was him going, fuck, I can't crack this, come Guzzlin' Nazi bit. It was exciting and then we have Colin Quinn

who had gone to become one of my closest friends and he's fat here, which is exciting. Very fat and gross. He's got some great moments. It's gonna be hard to not just do the lines. We know this movie so well. And this is where because there's so many people that are a Seinfeld maniac. Yeah.

But you and I are two of the only people that know this movie by Roach. Yeah, yeah. Down Pat. Uh, the link is a rod. Yeah. And seeing George Shapiro, seeing Chanling, Ray Romano, seeing comed comedians interact Jay Leno. It's so fun and Cosby mind you Russ Maniv is in it you know what is it? DePolo's referenced and the climax which has been ruined by a serial rape but is amazing

The way Bill Cosby says at the end. I love it. It's amazing. 63 and embracing it. It's an embrace of it. Pow. Pow, Chris Rock. Yeah, I mean, just the, the, the seller too, seeing the seller. And then we now work there. It's just so crazy. Unbelievable.

And great use of, can you hear me knocking by the stones? And it's great when he's traveling. Scooter, scooter. And every time I do a show, I think just gotta get that mic out clean. Yeah. They get every time, when he goes on the jet, that music kicks in, the steely dance, we're going in from LA, the West Orange, New Jersey.

And also the band, when I paint my masterpiece, great use of that at the end, and I just wanna go where he's gone. It's worth exploring. That's amazing. That's amazing. We're in Cut. And it's a beautiful film, and I even watched it a while.

Maybe it doesn't hold up great. By the way, fun fact. Oh, no, it's still there. This movie originally when it was being conceived, they wanted to have a third guy, Teddy Bergeron, Boston legend. He's a legend. Oh, he's a legend. The guy that who was huge and did crazy the tonight,

you had the record for most consecutive laugh lines, killed the next day they found him in a dumpster. They couldn't, he just was, he wasn't able to make it. Drug addict. Yeah, booze, more booze than drugs. And then even when they tried to shoot him 15, 20 years later, he was too fucked up to even have it a movie. So like, did Sham will go with Orny?

Whoa, I keep hearing legendary stories, the tales of this guy, and they're all sad and how he great he was, he was like a hot guy, and the ladies loved him, smooth as silk, and then just drank himself to shit. He was amazing, and early, early great jokes about, this is my impression of a seven-leather worker. It's a bit warm for Skimask.

You know, he did that, he did that on the tonight show in 1981. That's gold. He's got some great, great bits. Like the classic, uh, oh, now I'm just off on a different topic. I'd like to hear one more. He's like, he heard about this guy. He's got the classic.

He's like, you know, you don't have positive energy. Like you don't have that negative energy. You know those negative people, you know, you go to a play, I was like, I went and saw, uh, what is it? Peter Pan live on Broadway. And Peter Pan, the end, is swinging over the thing and all the children are going Oh, he just voices. Oh my god. He's flying. He's like there's always the one guy in the back. He's on a wire

He's on a wire. There's no Santa Claus and he's on a wire Because this whole that's a big bit and he had a bunch of great bits great He's dead. Oh big another great moment in this movie is the governors, which we've all played. That's really a battle. And George, you pointed this out to me in 1941, whatever you watched this year, plays in Queens, and you're like, this is a classic industry guy.

This is a manager, how he perceives a shit room. Yes, he goes, they're very lively. And they're just talking. They're ruining the show, they're horrible audience, but he's like, oh, they're a nice lively crowd. And Jerry also gave us the best heckler response ever that I've used 150 times in my career. You're in the way.

It's amazing. It's perfect. Also, seeing Tom Papa, who I look at Tom Papa, oh, he's like this big established older comedian, is in this and he's wide eyed and bushy tailed and he's open for a Seinfeld. He's thrilled.

I think he was like seven years in at the time. Six or seven. Oh, yeah. Check. Can you look at what year Tom Puppa started doing stand up? Yeah. I think he maybe started in like 95 or something. Wow.

I think he's like five years into comedy here because this is all shot in 2000. This is pretty 9-11. Yes. So, uh. I got the story out of him too when I opened for them. I was like, what was commuting? What was LA? It was like, it was crazy.

I saw them walk in and I was trying new shit and I just bailed all of it and went right into the A. Wow. And he heard me killing and then he booked me. Tom Papa starred in 1993. So he's seven years in here. Wow, that's not hard. Which is the same, but about the same as Orney.

Yeah. Did you listen to Orny on WTF recently? I did. Yes, pretty rough. It's just a documentary. Yeah, and I actually saw, we could talk forever about this, but I actually empathize with Orny. When you hear him talking WTF, you realize like the moment where he's like, I gotta open my own door, he's kidding.

He's kidding. He's like trying to be funny. He's like, I'll stop when, but they can edit it in a way where he seems like a complete, pretentious asshole. Yeah. I'm not saying he's not, I know everyone seems to be annoyed by him in general.

A little bit. I never really met him, but, same. But I think he's, a lot of these moments, he's joking and trying to be funny. And it kind of, it comes off not that way. So I feel bad for the guy. I think in the, in the doc, he's the, I'm the underdog.

I'm the new guy. I'm the early comic, not that far in. So to go, I got to open my own door is a little bit over compensating like, hey, I'm the idiot. Like, Seinfeld's the guy. I'm the nobody. So him saying I got to open my own door is funny.

Yes. That's a joke. There's some great moments. Jerry has, this is Jerry at his best, because Jerry can, I find a bit pretentious in annoying at times, but it doesn't come off that way too much here. Well, commentary. Commentary.

A little brutal. Yeah. But it's awesome. I love it. It was such a huge part of our lives, and I'm excited to watch it right now. Pump, put it on Juckster. Boop, boop, boop. The music is so good. Yeah. Also a saddie to falling out with Christian

Charles. Oh no. Money issues. Law suit. There it is. No cafe wha. Yeah. Or no panache. Panache. What the fuck's panache gone? My mood is there though. Yeah. Manette is still there. Life comedy. Who's that guy? No homeless, by the way. Russ Beneve. And the guy stayed married to her. How many do I look fat? I'm a little bit like I look fat in this. One last. I have noticed.

There's Manny, the late Manny. Is a certain kind of compulsion. It's a real need. His Sharad. I got a young. You want to go on? There's a nice one to go. That was Norton on in the background, though. Oh, really? Yeah. I'm a young. You want to go on? That was Norton on in the background, though.

Oh, really? Yeah. Who am I going here? Who goes, Manny? I had my own show! What do I do? He looks young and... Yeah.

I'm back here now! We'll head to hair. Oh, no! God, I'm going to go. I was obsessed with this movie. I was obsessed with this movie. Why am I here? I could ask you the same thing. I could ask you the same thing. That would be a real joke. I'm going to go do this. God, I'm gonna be a ghost! I was obsessed with this movie. I was obsessed with this movie.

Why am I here? I could ask you the same thing. I could ask you the same thing. That would be a real now. I could ask you the same thing. That would be a real now. Gotham God, now, different place. Different place.

I love this room. And I wanted to start. I only had a once. You too. I went to a little thing to hang on to it. I went to a little thing to hang on to it. I went to a little thing to hang on to it. I went to a little thing to hang on to it.

I went to a little thing to hang on to it. I went to a little thing to hang on to it. I went to a little thing to hang on to it. I went to a little thing to hang on to it. I went to a little thing to hang on to it. I went to a little thing to hang on to it. It's a gulman there. This is so relatable. There's a young comic. Now, who's that behind Colin, I wonder? Oh, that knee-on. Old sign, yeah. Spoken cigarettes. Spoken in the cellar. This flower's just still there.

There it is. Yeah. Yeah. Hearing that was like, what? Yeah. They said, fuck it a minute. I'm not fucking around with these. There it is.

Oh. I don't know what that is.. There it is. Oh, I know it. I don't know what it is. That's Alan Havie. It looks like you were having fun. Is it Havie? That's Havie. Wow. Who will it?

Wow, that's Havie. Look, he looked different. Fat in the face. This is her business. The point is going to be the booze bag. This is great. Something. That when you like, when you feel like, like, like, like,

he's already got the answer. When you're killing and when you want up there killing, you're miserable. And it's back where he's to be. I'm like, uh, big deal. I mean, is any of this... Colin is the wisest of all of them. He is. He's the New York Godfather.

So this lady today, with a little, uh, what was it? I don't even know the names of these little dogs. The really little one. Wow, shit, so, Yorkies. No, I don't know. I wouldn't even know if you said it. Radna dog suit. That's what you're saying.

Even Jerry's laughing, though. You can just relax. Even Jerry's like, that was pretty funny. Yeah. You guys had Radna dog suit. I just know Ace and Ab's. The green wall is gone, I think. Radna dog suit is a funny thing to say.

Yeah. How many club I went to starting out here? I could not wait to get here as a young New Orleansian. I'm out on all the cigarettes. I don't know what it is. Well, by the time I saw the movie, I had gone there with Tom Dustin and E.J. Murphy. We went to a show that, oh, wow. Those Tompops was way up there.

Here he is. Oh, is that right? I got her there. It's all crowded. Pro-purched. You just go on a granda mic. Turtle neck is rough. Oh, is that right? I got her there. It's all crowded here. It's all protouched. You just go on a granda mic. Turtle neck is rough. He got some hair too.

It's like placing fighting no socks. I was just with Colin, I was referencing the movie. I'm Ellie Jim. Oh yeah. And I said, how many times have you seen this movie? He's like zero. I was like, how well do you know the movie?

So I'm quoting it to him. Of course. This is a great bit, I love this bit. He goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, never take the first straw, don't take the top front straws. This is the first straws in the back, I never used to work here,

they worked their balls on the straws. Oops, remember those flowers, they'll Bobby Kelly used to pour water in. That's only for time. Really, that's a very nice way to pass the time, I'm like, he else at the popcorn kid, don't give us one at the top, I'm gonna need to pop. No, I'm gonna sell like a cunt here. But do you feel like comedy felt a little more pure then? Like now there's 9,000 more comedians. They all want reals, they all want clips. This was a bunch of num skulls in a basement.

Yeah. I think a lot of it. I think internet fucks it up a bit. Yeah. Give it and take it away. The crowd was very skeptical. Have you noticed that? Yeah. I think I've growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot.

I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot.

I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot.

I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I'm growing a lot. I think I think I'm growing a lot. I now, because the people know who I am. We get a little break up, right? A break up front. It certainly do. Another turtle. Well, there it was. There it is.

The best of the Patreon. How could you not join after that? Are you fucking getting me? I'm already says it. We got the best Patreon in town. Don't you think? I think it's great. I think it's the tits. I think it's lunch. It's tops.

I defy you to find anyone else's. It's better, but don't even try because you don't waste the money. Stay on ours. And it's something for everybody. So we got the most eclectic diverse. It's mostly white people. But diverse ideas, thoughts and we do trivia on the last one. We got videos, we got stories, we got guests, we got live, we got AIDS, tune in Patreon. Yeah. Go to patreon.com slash Tuesdays. It's $3 to get at free episodes every week. $5 to sign up for audio bonuses and $7 for the video bonuses. And we do offer annual plans now. Someone requested that recently, so I set it up. If you want to sign up for an annual plan, you get 10% off if you

pay for the year ahead of time. Brilliant! Brilliant! Love it! Thank you! Happy holidays, happy new year, Merry Christmas, we love you, my father's gay. Can you play this? you you