Tuesdays with Stories! - #265 Sticky Door

Episode Date: September 25, 2018

Woah, it's a wild Tuesday as Mark see's a fight break out at his show before getting farted on at an airport while Joe performs for a professional hockey team before experiencing one of the craziest things to ever happen on the pod! Check it out! Subscribe to our Patreon where we're crankin' out bonus episodes every week! You can listen on any podcast app! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/ Download the Laughable app today! laughable.com/download

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy holey jizz guzzling come face not the anal we are back folks are we on the was the batter I got the plug at the adapter oh yeah what's the adapter how

does it you mentioned that before I don't understand what's it plugged into big Jew Al Brazil oh Alex yes he he he's like hey you got the zoom he came over gave me a groucho marks record and a couple other things alright and he saw the apartment he's like what do you got the zoom I got an adapter because that we come bitch about the batteries so he brought over an adapter brought the wrong one saw him again came by with the new one now you're really helping that's a good family the Chipotle gift cards are great but this guy's coming to our home and bringing it I mean our home I don't live here but he's he's bringing

it I couldn't it's too small well we'd make room alright well I appreciate your bed I mean that's how they did in the old tenement days yeah Lincoln used to sleep with people what Abraham gay big homo Abraham no I don't think he was gay but they would just sleep they would like churn the midnight oil burn it churn it and burn it turn butter and then they would sit there and they would go I was time to turn in and then they would blow out the candle they probably had the little thing you put over the candle yeah the snuffer yeah the little KK hey helmet yes I said KK hey that's a fun member KK hey that's how they should

agree that's the greeting hey hey fat Albert um he's not welcome oh hey fat people but anyway so a if they would they would turn in they both hate blacks who the KKK and Cosby oh yeah Cosby oh yeah well I don't know that he hated he was just wasn't a fan of the culture yeah he was trying to discipline I guess but he's a rapist so what are you gonna do pull your pants up yeah words don't rape oh yeah I gotta read this book everybody I mean check out this book Missoula by John cracker it really blew that my turns off Zula that's Montana the University of Montana is in this book the justice system it's really fucked

I really feel for these ladies there's Missoula and then there's Missou yes different places Missou is a slogan slang slang well that sounds like a racial epithet doesn't it slang I thought Missoula like a real Missoula over there the whole Italian yeah a couple of fucking Missoula is over here you fucking Missou I bought some Chinese food off of some slang and then I brought it over to my buddy who's a real Missoula I like it I guess anything could be you know chair isn't good no but you know maybe Ficus guys a fucking chair I caught him in bed with another guy he's jazz he sat on him yeah depending on how you say it

he swiveled he rotated better than rotate swivels a funny word well anyways Lincoln fucked his buddies in the ass I think I mean his wife is named Mary Todd uh-huh Todd that's a guy interesting yeah something I'm trying to like a Tarantino top gun thing Mary maybe he's trans but back in the day everybody slept in the same bed I slept in the same bed with my brother we were poor douchey family in New Orleans and we slept in the same bed yeah I remember showering with my aunt a couple years ago but anyways was it before practice or is that just a normal thing practice well I didn't know if you guys were on a softball team no

no she can't play she's got a limp how about the gym showering and you have a shared gym shower yeah I never did I didn't participate in that in high school at the middle school I thought that was insane to me that's cookie rather be in a shower in a fucking concentration camp than middle school shower yeah it was awkward with the racial mixing well because the penis size yeah you got the Asians over here and on the other side of the scale of the the Mizzou's I thought that we were going Italian on that one there were Italian's are packing oh is that right oh yeah well I just didn't like and then middle schools were because

not everyone's hit puberty so you got a guy with a full bush over there and I got you know one you got one strand yeah I got a little thorn one blade of grass thorn didn't make sense sometimes where I thought you met your dick oh yeah it's pointy there you go it hurts women I don't say that for God's sakes mazula but anyways I don't know what I'm not going to move in here I got a beautiful apartment my wife's redoing the whole apartment she threw out a computer she threw out a desk she bought some new shelves sometimes it hurts my feeling she's like I'm trying to make this place look nice and I'm like I thought it looked great

yeah I thought it looked great too also I got that poster for you if you want it yeah I got too many posters I'm not she's gonna shut me down she's gonna stick a tube up my ass if I bring another one home I'll give it to Sam I got too much wall art I love wall art I know but I got I got so much it's great because I can't go to a show without buying a goddamn poster yeah I get I get like they with a t-shirt yeah like a t-shirt I love a good bar shirt or a comedy club shirt festival now speaking of festivals and shows and pop posters I didn't get a chance to talk about Pearl Jam as a month ago now oh lay it on me I had the

Seattle ones because last time we left off I was up in Boston I had the nightmare train ride went to the Boston College football game then I go to Pearl Jam my 38th Pearl Jam show which is exciting Fenway pack very exciting so you've been more Pearl Jam shows than years alive yes nice yeah 39 I'm 36 been going for 20 years 22 years most of my life now how long they've been doing like that 40 years so anyways I go to Pearl Jam and Jason can he's got a hookup he's got a friend that used to sell merch for the bands the guy gives him like a secret code he's like check out this code you can get the band they're like band

seats fans of the band seats so he gets the tickets and now a lot of times it's a surprise we gotta go pick up the tickets they're in his name we're outside the concert it's filling in I got my cousin Danny he comes he's a big Pearl Jam fan never seen him and then Jason's there he's been to 30 something shows or whatever we go a bunch together it was our earliest thing we bonded on his booze and Pearl Jam there it is and comedy and comedy so he gets the tickets we bust out the day it's such an exciting moment they give you the envelope they go here you go have fun and then you pull out that ticket and you're trying to like

uh figure out you're trying to compute everything at once get because you got the section the row in the seat and you're like section a row 22 see we're in section a we go crazy we're in section a four which is like this a one two three four or maybe we're a three whatever we were dead center I'm talking dead center wow hot tickets 20 second row yeah I could go for a better row but still I'm thinking there's about 300 rows behind you there's 21 people in front of you so we get to the seats and it's one of those ones it's like Costanza you're like we just keep going you keep all

the way up there on the infield so exciting and then it's cool that you're in the field at Fenway Park wow so you're just like I'm on the fucking field it's wild how about that like grass well they put a white plastic down they don't want to ruin the grass you know that makes sense yeah people would be pulling that grass up and shit yeah so let me ask you please bet you're on 38 shows you keep getting closer to that stage there fatty I bet you'll get in that green room at some point well I've been close a few times I have like the general admission and stuff and Soder met any better

Bonnaroo Soder yeah I know well it was Bonnaroo it was when Ari did his thing he invited me to go but I already had a gig and whatever but here's the thing I think we were gonna talk about this before I would like to meet I don't want to just meet the band I would like to hang with the band we're on the same show and you get to know them and you go hey like equals yes but I don't need to just shake hands and go nice to meet you it's exciting it's a thrill it's a fun story sure but like I met Bruce Springsteen and it's a thrill Paul McCartney was amazing because we chatted wow we were bullshitting he

touched me we kissed yes that's like something and he was friendly and you're like oh I had a conversation with them uh-huh meeting Springsteen was amazing obviously one of our best episodes and quite a thrill sure it's amazing to be wow I saw that guy face to face we shook hands but I'm not living or dying with shaking hands with any better okay friends with him would be thrilling and exciting and nice how about him going that was a killer act I would like him to watch well this is the thing with Netflix people watch Netflix like there's gotta be celebrities that have seen your shit oh that's true I would think yes like their channels they're human beings

how about that Barghetti so I don't know hopefully maybe someday I'd like to you know I'd like to be on stage with him or you know fuck him whatever sure yeah we're like an ant so then speaking of the band meeting the band we start to realize we're in like the celeb section oh because it's the band section two rows in front of me I posted on Instagram Dave Cruston the original drummer is standing there come on he drummed on the original album 10 because he's got drug and alcohol problems he's now the drummer of candlebox another wonderful band from the 90s he's just standing there and he's like a nerd you know he's like taking photos and stuff he's got these big googly glasses on

and like he's just looking so then we made to her to watch him during the show we're like wonder what this is gonna be like and he stood hands in pocket didn't move head nods sing along nothing whoa he just stared and he left I assume he went backstage after about 10 songs he's probably analyzing who's this fucking new drummer he thinks is better than me yeah well even the new drummer's been the band 20 years oh boy that first album was almost 30 years ago so I think it's like a comic you just sit in the back and you go all right that's interesting choice okay and I don't know he's a professional musician he's doing very well obviously but it was I thought maybe he'd drum along or kind of give like a woo nice he didn't clap he just was stoic

interesting and then Eddie Vedder's wife Jill she was six rows in front of us got a good look at her and we went hey Jill she's a big humanitarian and uh whatever the hell you call it philanthropist ah uh former model she was same section a few rows in front of us she left after a few she went backstage then you can see her on stage which was exciting good-looking blonde beautiful woman I think it's kind of reddish hair maybe don't care tall she's a model so she's tall and firecrotch yes so beautiful woman beautiful man very exciting uh the show was amazing as usual I mean we rocked out with our cocks in yeah yeah it's the 90s so uh great great show killer concert fucking hot and I just that never gets old it's always fun then two nights later I went back

again this time I went with my dad my uncle Greg and canner killer seats again this time we were in B4 one section behind so not as good but still dead center you don't want C4 that's explosive yes like diarrhea ah full of foam diarrhea when you're sliding in the second and you what is that one you shit on yourself I reckon first is that what it was I just made that oh first you feel a sudden burst yeah second here and she gives you some dome third you feel a little turd no the home is foam pants are full of foam foam that's what you gotta get you gotta get creative on home we're all four in here you should say brown foam at least fun if you're asshole is foaming forget it I didn't write it third what was second then I don't know maybe

one second and you're feeling something heavy wasn't there heavy yeah heavy might have been something you're driving a Chevy and you feel something heavy because it was first sudden feeling a burst yeah third a little turd a turd was different we had a brown nerd um well they're doing well um the blipsters all right we gotta I forget it but anyways night to Pearl Jam family park killer show I could see my dad off in the distance he was rocking out with my uncle Greg we had fun dad was rocking I think he was rocking it's hard to tell I figured he would be more like the the ex drummer just staring yeah he probably was a little drummery not as successful but good to see them we saw a couple of Tuesdays I'm walking through

hey chalice you go hey so bumped into quite a few Tuesdays night one and night two which was exciting there we go my uncle was like that's exciting he got fancy I was like yeah but we didn't I didn't even recognize every five minutes wow that's what we need to get to the level yes you know what I mean eight minutes although let me say this I went to Bonnaroo 2016 one of the best weeks of my life but I was walking around with Jeff Ross and we couldn't get anywhere we're trying to like go to the hot dog stand across the way we couldn't get anywhere because he got interrupted and so many photos it took like an hour to get 10 feet well he could also say I can't take a photo I'm trying to buy some popcorn took everyone well whatever great show two great

shows got recognized by a few people god bless you killer shows I mean the lights come up they're playing Barbaro Riley we're all kissing I mean I really I mean I go crazy at these shows I'm rocking on porn sweat so that was exciting good to see old friends my friend Dave Stewart who's now a state trooper Massachusetts always good to have a cop on your team yeah love a cop his wife she just joined the fan this is what happened to the Pearl Jam I've been in the fan club since 1996 so I get good tickets but the band they want to get new people interested so they have people that newer fan club members they give them these primo seats that way they're like wow second row I'm coming back again right and then they get tired of these same old chubby nerds that have been to

58 shows and it's staring at the band like Dave Cruisin yes so we get pushed back she joined the fan club fucking six hours ago she got second row center stage same section as us second row they're on the screen all night they keep showing Eddie fucking dancing and pouring wine and my buddy Dave he's got his glasses on like a big nerd wow and they're showing them he got more TV time than I've had in my career smart move because now he'll be hooked yeah they got them they got him for life now they're big fans anyways but so anyways that was exciting I was a little jealous so that's Pearl Jam I got I got more to talk about but you take over spread your butter show me your asshole all right get ready for the brown eye spread your butter maybe we should use

that as a saying that's fun butter I just made that up I like it spread your butter around a little bit butter face so I go to Dallas who Dallas Kennedy yeah I did I really did it up I remember you went a couple weeks before so I had a great time everybody said Joe was here Joe was here I'm like I know I talked to Joe about it that was there they go Mark's coming I'm like I see his face on the post yes yes I know the guy we talk so I get to Dallas and to put you up in the Magnolia you get the Magnolia to the Magnolia Magnolia yeah Magnolia free cookies at eight free cookies and a lot of cookies in there the fruit water and a nice little walk I ate at that Chicago pizza whatever I ate there about 75 times oh yeah I passed by that corner yeah I good little

area like Dallas is sprawling it's huge like you drive 10 feet this way you're in the ghetto you go 10 feet that way you're like Beverly Hills is grand homes and lawns and you go 10 feet that way you're in a trailer park so Dallas is crazy it's all over the road but our area was pretty cool right by SMU SMU which I've never heard of you've heard SMU well I know about from sports there was a scandal in the 80s and now they're back the mustangs yeah yeah I heard about this yes what was it they blew a guy or they gave kids cars they were giving them money I think the oil guys were giving the kids money juicing them in bringing in players the same old song dance that's not too bad of you hear about the scandals these days we've trumped that yes so uh so great

great time a lot of people came out we sold out a few shows uh just animals at these shows I mean it's like we had comedy fan a lot of comedians in the back watching which was very flattering and I went out and drank with all of them after every show we had a good time a roux the other guy so uh had a good time but Friday late show was one of the rowdiest just bare knuckle drag them out fistfighting crazy monster biker crowds yeah they're not easy no no not easy I mean these people there's a lot of papering going on for the people at home papering means giving away free tickets to idiots yes so these these sorry these are chumps of just like oh we got free tickets let's go to this bullshit so they already have this mentality of bring it motherfucker you're lucky I came to this

you're lucky I'm here mm-hmm so they got their arms crossed I hate you now I'm watching the Friday Friday early show was killer it was hot right out of the gate bang bang boom second show we go oh boy we can see him coming in big boots cowboy hats dip in the side you know half the shirt tucked in arm around their like they got the hand around their wife's neck like the back of the neck you know those kind of guys and uh so these this one guy spitting into a corona bottle just like and like after every joke I'd watch him with the feature and he had to get a comment on it right you know the feature's like oh so I got a I got a two-door Chevy oh I had a Chevy remember that time we ran over that that homo yeah you know like they're all high-fiving and laughing yeah you got

some real Texas folk yeah so next to him next to that table of Texas rednecks and what do you call them shit kickers ah they got a like a table of big fat Mexican guys mm now they're usually wonderful audience members they were great but they go hey hey hey buddy could you uh you know pipe down a smooch uh and the guy goes yeah yeah can and just stares at him oh boy hate the stare now the Mexican guy could feel the stare but he kept looking forward okay I don't know if he was scared but he was just like gee this guy's a fucking drunk lunatic I'm just gonna try to avoid this well people got guns down there you don't know he's getting to a shootout yes a shoot him up yes a stand on Mexican standoff so Tarantino Mexican stand up so uh they're going at it now they

they they go at it and go why don't you shut up man you shut up now they're standing and fighting oh my god stand up yes and then there's a table of like black people and they go will you all shut the fuck up now when the black folk are telling you to shut up you've gone too far so now they throw them all out oh my god so now it looks like just a poof of smoke in the lobby you know just like a like a cartoon yes of all this like bullshit going on and like they're trying to fight the the staff and this guy Chris Evans is hosting and he's the manager oh that's right yes I told you I warned you about that yeah he's the guy who goes on then he comes off and he's going hey shut up they're like aren't you the guy who just talked about his dick for half an hour that's what we

taught when I was there he told me a great guy by the way great guy funny guy yeah and he was he told me he's like I'm featuring for Norman and I was like well that's gotta be awkward to kick somebody out yes I mean how do you do that now he was hosting to he had to go back on he's a cover and sweat like he's got a black eye like all right well the next guys went on the tonight show and oh man so it was a doozy and this one guy another table fell asleep just like two people at a table fell asleep so they had to throw them out so it was a hole to do and that Friday late show it's just like it's a good club it's good the staff is killer all the waitresses were awesome and you know Jacob the manager is killer but you just start to go like what am I doing here

what the fuck is this yeah a lot of the times those shows I think we've said before I maybe said it was in Dallas you just want to go why don't we just wrap this up yeah I'm not into this you're not enjoying it exactly I can see the faces yeah my late show Saturday I think it was the same thing it was talking sleeping and like there's big big holes in the crowd like that table's missing that row is missing there's no one over there and you go what are we even doing here yeah exactly I'll just mail you a cd right you can listen to it at your leisure yeah and I don't get the people who are mad at you I had a girl on my on stage left front row and she's just eating french fries with her mouth open kind of attractive blonde and I said a joke because somebody got shot in

Dallas in their house you hear about that in the news of like a cop went in a guy's apartment yeah it was like a hot take so I did a joke about that and she goes that's fresh and I go huh because you have a mouthful of fries she goes that's fresh fresh fries oh you mean like topical and she's like huh and I got just chew your fucking fries or something like that but she was like mad at me yeah what is wrong with you you came to show you're the front row you cunt so whatever but Saturday early show is one of the best sets of my life just like you said like the early show is killing yeah you just want to do two shows like give me one Friday one Saturday exactly and then then I'll sell out one too because I get the double the people and one so then Saturday late show is

a little rowdier but we got them and we had a great time and I went out every night with the comics and we all talk comedy we had a great time and you go around you start to realize like everybody's kind of got the same opinion that you can't talk too much about this and that online right yeah everybody kind of shares this and that so that was nice and uh got drunk every night and saw the city during the day went to Dealey Plaza saw the JFK thing it's totally different than I pictured really I thought it was going to be a big old like uh I don't know what's the word like a like a walkie like a mall like a mall you can walk on what do you call that like a big plaza oh it is a plaza it is a plaza but it's a big dealie plaza I thought it was going to be like a

just this highway with a lot of cement around it where people can stand ah almost like a parade route maybe I don't know what I was thinking but it sounds like it's all those things it is a parade route it is a plaza yeah but it's a highway it's a highway right over there there's not a lot of room to stand I thought there was more standing I see it's still just a street yeah it's a street it's an active street the triple underpass yeah and uh it's it's pretty down there and it looks very old school then you have like the the new skyscraper yes behind there so it's like a walking through a time lapse yeah and there's just there's two big X's on the on the street and you know that's when he got shot in the back and that's when he got shot in the head yep and the people

are just standing there looking at it and getting out they're taking a family photo crazy crazy just an event in history that's not that long ago no wild times wild time so I saw that I went to McDonald's I got an ice cream cone I took some photos I read some some plaques and then went back and did uh did another set and a lot of Tuesdays came out a lot of Chipotle a lot of anal so God love you praise our law you Tuesdays yeah we would bolt down the south I was down in Huntsville Alabama I can't not say Alabama is cute Jackson well another hell of a month yeah we were down there in that room I think I can't remember we talked about this last week on the episode I don't think I did maybe I did oh fuck me I can't remember if I did I think you did I think I did

too right you just told me in the show yeah that's what I can't remember and then the episode doesn't come out yet so I can't even listen to it to review ah as we're recording all right well I went to Alabama and uh maybe I talked about it I can't remember I think you just told me that was fun but it was every show was like a late show Friday it was work it was work I can't remember I told it so I'll listen to next week last week's episode then I'll tell it another week but then I definitely didn't talk about Nashville whoa boy we're all over the great wide south that's what I I saved Nashville I believe term so we did Huntsville Alabama Sarah and I it was a it was a struggle nice-ish town it's whatever it's not great it's fine school yeah most PhDs per

capita whoa yeah because NASA is there ah so there's NASA but they don't come to the show the NASA folk no no they're looking at the stars yeah they're going to the moon or whatever the fuck you're not one but uh no I am not not even close you really realize how not close we are just real success yeah well moon yeah but we ain't a star it's yeah it's tough but anyways my son we're sons oh yeah we're somebody's son yeah that's about it I think I'm a good son which is a fun movie back in the day by the way very dark yes I enjoyed it though they throw the guy off the off the underpass yes on the overpass you know would enjoy that movie it's a pedophile because those are two hot young boys coconut I don't know yet a look he's a he's a good kid it was cute yeah sweet cute

I don't know about hot maybe not I mean I don't see kids as hot but I get I would assume they do who's a hot kid he's a horror show as an adult oh I'm basically an adult yikes he looks like a the Joker yeah it's not pretty maybe that kid from uh six cents was hot because you got a joe for a pedophile hot just means you look like a kid yeah cute I don't know they were supposed to talk about this all right sorry I'm just trying to get into the mind of a pedo yeah it's important to do that not the ass of a kid that I don't want to get into no you don't want to be in there now seems like a lot of work and the fighting and the kicking yeah and uh criminal criminal criminal acts and horrific the worst crime you can commit really yeah yeah you're gonna you know what's funny is I think oh boy

in New York pedophile jokes go over better than jokes about race and on the road race jokes go better than jokes about pedophiles interesting uh-huh yeah they're both tricky they're landmines you're tap dancing on a landmine as uh they say yes yes laser beams what's that mean you got a tip toe over laser that's what louis would always say oh right right he says weird stuff yeah it does some stuff all right anyway let's focus here back on track speaking of uh louis and controversy have you watched norm mcdonald's show I'm 14 episodes in I mean I watched that spade it is great spades killer I thought the drew Barrymore was great I thought the judge Judy was great I'm on the letterman one now the uh spades karsten's

story is one of the best stories I've ever heard in my life what was that again I had no idea he even did karson I didn't either he did like the last year I think yeah like he said two months before he went off oh he said that he's talking to the producer and he's like you stand here and as soon as you finish you come back right back here and he's like well what do I do if johnny wades me over and the producer's like he won't yeah which is hilarious and then he did then he did he was martin short and he's like come on over here and then he's like he left and then johnny and martin came back like why didn't you come over he's like I didn't he told me not to then the producer's like now I'm gonna be in trouble that's great I mean that was like amazing so great but

anyhow so I go to Nashville I got a corporate guy and you know me I don't do a lot of corporate gigs because most of my act is about dickholes and shitholes but you look like a clean comic I think people think because I did letterman and I wear a suit on tv and I'm a nice guy they think I'm a clean guy yeah but glasses I got glasses and bad teeth and herpes I mean now I'm just naming attributes but um throw a positive one in there will you well I got a I got a medium dick medium dick good head of hair thank you it's flows yeah nice guy said nice guy sober I'm thoughtful I thought full yeah I appreciate it I you know I stand by my friends even though if they do you know whatever sure but anyways let's uh let's get to the task at hand shall we friends with less moon vest

so um who never mind keep it moving moon vest sounds like something you're buying in Huntington or Huntsville fuck maybe damn it West Virginia wait a minute oh because it's NASA yeah I see no let's move us to the CEO of CBS sometimes I skip the stories like there's stories that I see and I'm like that sounds horrific I'll just skip it there's too many I'll catch the next one yeah 800,000 I feel that way sometimes with shootings hurricanes I'll get really into one of them but then the next one I'm like I got too much the last one I'm gonna skip this one yeah yeah too much any which is so I got this corporate gig in Nashville for the Nashville Predators the hockey team funny name and I'm a big hockey guy as you know as we all know we talk about it love hockey

Ryan Hamilton and Nate Bargatze put in a good word for me they did this gig before and uh it's that bridge stone arena oh wow which is the hockey arena which I've performed at before with Louis so this is my second time at the bridge stone arena I've done Nashville twice now you're headlining that's kind of fun I'm the comedian yes I'm the headlining entertainment and I'm the only well there's another Scott Hamilton was like kind of hosting it the remember we did a whole episode the backflip guy the backflip guy who you look like I don't know about that well I forget how we got there but I was like if you go bald you look like him yeah his horseshoe ball whatever great guy but he's teeny he's petite uh Ryan Hamilton no Scott no Scott yeah no relation

he's a little cup of water well you gotta be a little to get on those skates and wiggle I don't think so I think it helps center of grave Zadano Chara he's 611 he goes on skates he wiggles excuse you he's a hockey player oh oh I'm flipping though well he's not doing flips on the uh with the stick I can't imagine he flips yeah probably hit his head if he flipped because he'd do a little because he's long exactly a lot of link well anyways I met Scottie Hamilton great guy I met all these I'm nervous because it's a corporate gig and you never know how clean is clean and how dirty and I'm like I do this joke this is a dick joke but it's not really dirty because to me none of this stuff is dirty dirty the podcast is dirty oh jizz am I anal yeah my act isn't

dirty I talk about sex and shit but I'm not saying what we say on here now blow your uncle but that's the thing I had a clean show once and I did a so I live in a gay neighborhood and I see the guy in the back doing the neck cut like what are you doing I was like I do live in a gay neighborhood like how is that dirty right I didn't say so two gay guys are balling each other in the rear right even that doesn't sound that dirty well I cleaned it up yeah but yeah plus let's I don't know but anyway bothers me but different strokes for different folks which is also dirty yes so we go to Nashville we got a car we have a driver drive us from Huntsville to Nashville about two hours it's a drizzly day Sarah's never been to Nashville I love Nashville oh wow to go

there is to love it you get there and you go oh this is great great they put us at the Omni hotel huge skyscraper five-star hotel and they gave us like the MVP treat MVP sports VIP HPV HPV treatment simplex they put us in the 21st floor beautiful view of the city overlooking the arena and the fucking a grand old opera over there the whole thing what's that called again oh right man yes look we're looking over the Ryman and Main Street there and Broadway so beautiful so cool I think it's Main Street I think it's with all the hockey talks yeah I think it's Broadway I think it's Main Street call in give it a goog Shelby we got no Shelby got no lips I'm pretty sure it's main I think it's broad no it ain't Broadway old Broadway all right I'll

Google you fill the time all right I was just in Nashville and I got hammered on Broadway and ran down the street with my pants down and we got somebody took a photo of it and sent it to me it's on Instagram check it out go back a few rows it's on there we went to uh jack's barbecue which is so good I went there twice that's the thing about the bbq I went to pecan lodge in deep ellum Dallas everybody said you got to go there and barbecue I waited in line for an hour oh well you don't go for an hour I mean it was good but they're like that's the one you got to go there and it was good but you know barbecue it's meat with sauce you're right it's Broadway thank you I don't know why I thought main I really I would have swore by it I would have fucked my mother in

the ass on that bet ah I should have taken that one with a video all right so we're down we go down to uh Broadway we walk around we go to jack's barbecue which is killer and there was no lie because it was a sunday afternoon football season's back football season I don't care that much about the NFL football so I'm just not I'm in the car I got my football on saturdays I'm a college football guy I like the Patriots I watch the Patriots when I can and then the playoffs I get into playoffs who did but I don't like we've talked about this probably every year but like the jets dolphins has no appeal to me whatsoever I don't bet on sports I don't do the fucking rotisserie chicken whatever the hell it's called the pool no what's it called now chicken I used to be called

rotisserie sports originally sec now what do you call it the fucking shit where you pick a player then his stats get your points whatever the fuck reality and dusky what's it called fantasy fantasy I don't do the fantasy shit I hate the fantasy my fantasy is a woman coming in my face you know what I mean right yeah yeah fantasy that's the lord of the ring that's the dungeon dragons for sports yes exactly by the way shit in the shoe is a reality not oh yeah good point that was real life baby um nonfiction so anyways we go down there and sunday afternoon everyone's out watching football and it was opening weekend so everyone's home watching the fucking Titans suck their own dicks so we had the place to ourselves we went around and we went to

jack's barbecue which I went there with Mackie and Wolf when we opened for Louis and we had a great barbecue meal down on main Broadway street Broadway great time then we walked to some store from a reality show that she went she loves to some I guess there's an old jay cutler's wife owns a store and she's on real housewives or some shit so we had to go to that store that store sucked but right across the street was vintage guitars we went there I spent a couple hours there and playing mandolins I almost bought one I come home the next day you're wearing the shirt from the store that's right I love that place wild beautiful place so it was one of those things you walk somewhere to go see a thing the thing sucks but right across the street to something

now it's a microcosm for life yes we've traveled this country man you forget that you don't forget it because we were up and at them at the crack of dick going on a flight but we've been all over this here land it's like that Johnny Cash song I've been everywhere man breathe the mountain air man man cruise the desert fair man yeah yeah mazula something boy bad book great book sad sad things happening out there we gotta make some changes we've been all over I mean Omaha to Dallas to Denver to Albany to Buffalo to Nashville it's crazy to Tampa well I had never been to Alabama it was my 42nd state how long was that all of them you gotta get that Alaska in there Alaska yeah oh speaking of which yesterday I took an uber I was in Buffalo uh-huh I took an uber to the

airport and the guys like it gets so cold up here because we're so close to Canada and Alaska and I didn't have the heart to tell them like you are a long way from Alaska way I should have said Nova Scotch like probably 22 hour ride I'm guessing from Buffalo to Alaska I mean I mean if you just drove I mean it might be more than that maybe more than that I don't mean it's a long long way and I hope you got an aquatic vehicle yeah I just uh I just didn't I think you could do it on the land though you think yeah I think there's a little maybe a hop skip on a jump maybe there's some trouble there's some lakes you can drive around but like certainly we're connected I figured it was uh a little a little water gap there no last is attached to

Canada can is attached to us okay I mean you're gonna have to circumvent some water I see well yeah you have to go island but uh speaking of the airport I had an awkward first of all had some good stealing again at the airport stole a bag of nuts that's important but uh so I had an airport I bought a water or I brought a water bottle filled it up at the airport went to pee I'm on like four hours of sleep three hours sleep I went out drinking at an 8 a.m. flight the whole thing got the water bottle you're at the urinal packed out bathroom everybody's in there everybody's whizzing there's dicks everywhere piss flapping back and coming off the walls hitting you I put my water bottle up on that tray you know they give you a tray

above the urinal to put things on like a phone or whatever tray cool yes a tray parker so I put my water up there and I pee I zip up I walk away I left my phone in my water up there oh the phone in the water that's a new guy peeing I don't like the new guy at all I don't like the sound of him so now I got to stand behind him to get to my phone and water stand beside him and guide him through the water in the phone that's up above piss splash so I stand behind him and I'm just it's like an ATM where you don't want to get too close but you want everybody to know like hey I'm next motherfucker uh so I stand behind him and he just goes oh he booped oh he booped on you oh it was a boof a poof and a woof I got it bad it was an air biscuit oh you want to say

why don't you take it to a stall pal I know I know you got a shit ready to rock I mean I could feel it my pants went like in the wind it was brutal so I just accept his fart loaf and then wait grab my shit and get out of there oh but grab his shit too yeah it might have looked like I set up a phone camera situation like all right this guy's gonna pee I want to get a shot of that oh you're Chuck Berry ah yes I like it so uh yeah I got the hell out of there he had a dingleberry oh and uh then got on the flight fell asleep watched 310 to Yuma which is great I had one of the best movies I've ever seen I loved I was like I'll take a shot on this I'm not a huge western guy and it was killer I told you it's the best movie I've ever seen in my life lunch movie got off the flight I'm dreary

I'm gay I'm hard I walked to I'm at Newark I walked to the ride share get my uber and some kid goes Mr. Norman and I go huh I've never heard that in my life no one's ever called me that and I look over it's a skinny little kid with his mom and his brother and my the mom goes do you know him son and he goes do I know him that's Mark Norman it was like a kid with a baseball player in the 50s oh my god I felt like Jimmy Dugan I had the clap oh wow that's good advice yeah I was like yeah can I help you I'm like dreary I got drool in my face coming my ears I'm like can I help you there kiddo he's got a lollipop a hat with a propeller a balloon and I was like what's up but he goes you're like my favorite comedian can I get a photo and I was like yeah sure we got a photo I put it

on Instagram I look like hell oh wow did you pinch his cheek I should have I pinched his ass and I got arrested but yeah it was crazy and I just was like and he's like thank you so much and like I introduced I met his mom I met his brother and they were like hey freaked out and I got in the uber and I got the hell out of there now that's great yeah so fun little fun little weekend full of surprises life is full of surprises and speaking of which yes I go to this gig at the arena oh yes bridge stone uh oh yeah the corporate bridge stone arena corporate gig the hockey team is like that I meet Scott Hamilton this guy chas great guy he runs the whole thing and he really put me at ease he's fun and funny then there was an auctioneer he was a nice guy forget his name hey I'll take one

over here do over here do be a bit of a 14 so he did one of those things it was fun so then I went on stage after him and it was a tough gig I wasn't doing great there's a thousand people there you're in the hockey arena yeah and they're all in suits and you're following everyone talking about Parkinson's the whole time so it's a shaky group it's a tough follow yeah so when I went up there I did a couple jokes he didn't hit and I was like can I get a laugh can I get a high up can I get a chuckle can someone give me a chuckle maybe a smile come on one applause break can I get an applause break and that was fun that kind of kill that was exciting and I was it was fucking with the arena that's a thousand people but the arena holds 18,000 I was like this is about my ratio empty seats to

regular seats not gonna laugh you know and then I did well it was fun but it was a lot of anxiety but I did well everyone was really happy that I had a Tuesday there who I forget her name how many minutes I did about 39 minutes wow that's a lot 30 35 to 40 35 40 45 minutes yeah yeah so I go up there and then every joke you start a joke and you're like oh this ends with coming my ass this ends with a blowjob this is kind of a dick joke really edit on the fly he's throwing some freakens in there some stuff instead of shit and it's hard because there's a hockey team there and I watched like mic'd up and they're just like yelling horrible obscenities at each other but you know you gotta you gotta play by the rules but I got to meet Philip Forsberg who's like one of my favorite

players in the league he's a skill player this guy can really score and handle the puck Jew nice Swedish I think uh burger threw me uh yeah he's a swede which is funny when you meet celebrities or people you know he's like yeah I'm like I'm going to Norway in a few weeks he's like I'm from Sweden I was like no I know that yeah that's why I said the Norway right I'm just letting you know right and then you meet these people they're like oh I won the trophy I'm like I know everything about you I met Peccarine who's finished he just won the Vesna trophy which means best goalie wow and he's like this tall lanky guy goalies always look stocky because they got the pads on they're in the net the crouched but he's a lanky douche interesting nice guy lanky peck yes

sweetest pie Peccarine I met him Philip Forsberg uh who else did I meet uh oh Roman Ossi who's a fucking sexy man oh yeah sexy you gotta you gotta look this guy up I mean he's uh I think it went to where's Roman Yossi from he might be finished also just getting started maybe Swedish or Finnish I can't remember all right check I can't remember when he's a sexy man then uh Ryan Ellis who's a little drink of water a little little cup shot glass anyways met a few hockey players super nice there was a Tuesday there a woman who gave me a Chipotle gift card she worked for the team she introduced me to all the players she was like my little savior wow it's so nice when you're in an anxious situation it's nice to meet a friendly yes she's like I'm a big fan I'm so

happy you're here and then she like knew a lot of the stories and bits so she's like oh boy where's this one going she's like ah you came through wow so that was exciting I appreciate the hospitality it's nice to just bump into fans we love you you two's gays yes but here's the thing you gotta start spreading the word please there is not enough gays in the world no we need more twos homosexuals yeah so go tell some friends and then not just the puck is maybe the pod is offensive it's too much they go oh god I can't hear right tell about our albums I'm on Netflix there's we got albums everywhere our half hours are on Comedy Central the hours out there I mean you go find the late night stuff yeah kind of it say hey even if you don't like the pod maybe go see the stand up and and they're

late nights we got plenty on youtube they're all clean all over the place they're clean they're nice and they're friendly so just spread the word is the best thing you can fucking please I gotta say a lot of Jews in Dallas came out there like I brought my aunt my uncle my dog my butler so people bring friends it's nice we appreciate it and then they go oh I never heard of you now I'm a fan and I'm gay and then we fuck each other yeah because I was just in Buffalo and I gotta tell you I'm in a I'm in a funk I'm in a depressive funk because I did not sell any tickets there was a few gays there again we appreciate it Bennington fan but it's just like it was like 12 fans came it was rough that's tough because uh you did the album there you got

Matt Wayne with you you got a good bass and then the no fan thing is a bummer love Matt way we had a great time we went and saw white boy Rick you can hear our review on the patreon that movie stinks oh no so uh we did a patreon together that was fun such a funny guy you hit the patreon I mean we got all kinds of fucking some great stuff on there a lot of queeps a lot of gold a lot of fun facts and we got we did a Seinfeld review it's all kooky oh that was fun a lot of farts uh oh yeah Sam's technical should I tell him to meet us here we're going to Ari Shafir's house for barbecue sure sure yeah text him and tell him to meet us here maybe uh oh what happened I mean is he already on the east side though that's the problem oh I don't know that just write to him say

hey would you want to meet us I don't have his address but you want to meet us here we're leaving 15 all right texting him now Sam check out his special I think it rears that just reared last night positive influence it's gotta be on commiscentral.com or whatever the fuck it is but god he is as good as it gets the best oh man Sam so good I just did ran jokes with him today and he's new stuff is great he's already got a fucking new hour cooking I mean he is uh on top of his anal oh he's he's killer but I gotta I gotta I gotta bring I got a story for you for the ages here okay we got a hum coming here I got a story should I pause this you can text or what no I text it all right because he's gonna start responding though he's gonna be the issue oh yeah oh he's

already down he's already over there Ari's on 12th and a yeah tell him to text Ari for Ari's address oh yeah that might be that might work better Ari probably knows his address better than we know I don't know his number add right just go by the look of his door he's got a big Mazza yes big old hebe yeah but also just call Ari on the phone call them up call them up all right we're good here's your number all right now listen I'm gonna really spread my butter here because this is a this is a wild one cheeks are ready this is a wild one and I the only people that know about this story are Sarah Talamash a couple characters in the story and then the audience at Buffalo who may or may not have even believed me oh my god and my mother I called my mother

all right and Derek there's actually quite a few people that know about this but I've been saving I want to tell you about it my answer is to call you but we gotta pause I want to save it for the pod to get a fresh reaction here we got hot exclusive Potter so this is all fresh and this is something else Harry Potter something I've never experienced in my whole life I would never think to experience oh my god should I guess so you want to just get gay I might stand up for this wow he's standing folks I've never stood in my life I'm like a Churchill yes Churchill who's the other guy Hawkins no no the other guy that's associated with Churchill he had no legs FDR yes wow I can't believe I got that I almost said Jim Abbott aha he's missing a hand it's kind of fun

to stand to the pod maybe we should stand to the pod from now on I'm good my back's all sweaty oh yeah you got a wet back it's hot in here all right take one good guess what happened okay something wild something fun that you never do never never seen never had happened between me before well just eat of eat a vegetable never seen you do that um I put him in drinks obviously you can't have a drink a cocktail just take a guess just hit me with that I came all this way all right something you would never do I've never I didn't do anything I saw something that happened something you saw what happened this could be anything well you wanted to guess all right all right you saw your dad laugh at your joke no no he's laughing my jokes okay okay oh boy

you saw Sarah naked I don't know give me all right this is what happened so I'm at my apartment I had where did I go I came from here oh this is what happened I went I met up with my friend I went to the dentist for a moment to check out the thing that was nothing because I'm an idiot wow you go to the dentist to get a check in I just hung out I had a thing I thought was something he's like that's not in anything and then I was like okay fine you're right like norm with cheers over there so then I don't mention norm we'll get shut down good so then I go and meet up with Steve Rogers at Bloomingdale's he's doing late night supposedly at some point he's doing late night so I took him suit shopping we bought the suit Samantha Ruddy came over I picked out a suit for him he looked

great he's all fitted and sweet yeah he's a cute kid fun kid it's fun to pay it forward to take someone's suit shopping because it's been done for me you're not buying are you no I can't buy a suit what are you great I'm out of money I'm selling no tickets like a make-a-wish here I let my family some money I bought Sarah a computer no one comes to the show I'm like I'm not doing well anymore man you're a good egg yeah I know I'm out of money but anyway so Chipotle would be wonderful spread the word spread the cheeks anyway so I just give us money for God's sake I'm dying out here you don't have to give us money but anyway one day we'll sell it goddamn yeah we'll sell a show or something I hope you ain't no if you do the patreon you get quite a few goods in exchange that's true they're

here and we're there we'll buy a shirt or I'll just kill myself anyway we buy a suit I say so long Steve have a great time I give him a hug I thumb his asshole I go home and you know how do you have this when you get home after you go do some stuff you always plop I look at the phone for a minute I'll look at TV like I can't just get home and then move on to another thing now I always in New York I always plop I'm like who let me just take a load off let me check my Twitter I'll touch my balls so now I'm sitting there for about a half hour 25 minutes I'm getting ready to go to the gym I'm finally after like a half hour look at my phone like just get up and go you know I struggle with that you're like just put your phone down get up go do the thing you gotta do I do that in bed

I go I got just pull the covers off you twat same here so I go fine just go down I'm like all right I'm going now I put my shorts on I fucking put the phone away I open my door now you've been to my apartment yes my apartment let me paint a picture here you walk into the building it's a four unit apartment it's like a house mm-hmm it's not a big building it's like a two level four unit two on the bottom two up top you walk in as a hallway with two doors yes the first door doesn't close all the way so it just kind of stays a jar that's the front door that's the front door then there's a little the mailboxes this is like an atrium yes whatever you'd call yeah vestibule yes I think a vestibule yeah similarly you have the same thing yes two doors with the mailboxes

in between 30 new york yes standard new york's and there's a second door then there's all the first unit is right there on the left then there's a long hallway not a long hallway but a hallway yeah to my apartment yes so I open my door just randomly it's 4 10 p.m not the Yuma 4 10 p.m I open the door and I see a couple of shadowy figures whoa in the vestibule asian african-american oh boy now it's it's it's dark because it's bright outside but there's no lights on in the hallway so they're back lit so they look a little shadowy they're black lit uh yeah so I don't I see I thought they had a package I thought it was a someone package and when you first they got a package when you first see something it doesn't compute so I go what's going on here and I'm still walking

on the hallway so I'm getting closer and then I see a big old black dong this guy was fucking his girlfriend in my atrium doggy style they're up against she's pressed against the door and when I opened the door they were just fucking railing come on 10 p.m in my apartment building yeah and he pulls out his thing I'm looking I'm like my mind everything's flooding and rushing I'm like what's happening right now they're by the mailbox right by the back between the two doors because the first door doesn't close all the way oh you know the young whippersnappers they got no place to fuck right they're probably I mean I assume I mean I'm being presumptuous that I live right near some projects I assume they live with their family and whoever yeah and their young kid they're like late teens

early 20s all right and so they're probably horny they were smoking a joint too it's all filled with smoke look at this and I just freeze it was like a freeze frost response what's that called they're hot boxing in two ways you know what I mean and so I stand there I'm just look I'm making eye contact the guys like doing the jump up pants pull up I can see his big hard dong flipping and flapping then I look to her and she's pulling her I'm looking at I can see her vagina like a pink vagina wow and like a little like you know bush oh yeah like a little uh it looked like that magnetic thing that used to play with with the face what oh yeah yeah like that kind of bush mr beard shaky yeah shaky beard yes uh partners so I'm like this is crazy I don't know what to do

I'm just frozen yeah the woman like looks at me like boo and she's just pulling her pants up and I'm like get the fuck out of here yes and they they leave the apartment and I'm like I feel weird because I'm like I feel old I'm like scram yeah kids do you say anything I don't know what to say so I I start I let them leave and I walk out and they took a right I was going left and they were only like 15 feet away yeah kind of like walking and getting the guy look back and like waved at me like this weird wave thing yeah it smells like joint there's smoke everywhere and I was just frozen again outside looking and I'm like what do I do I'm not going to call the cops holy moley because it's like I don't want to have a record and get arrested what do you know what I mean like what the

fuck they're just they're fucking then I looked there was no condom they didn't blow a load or anything all right so I just opened the door aired the smoke out and this is the craziest part that's the end of the story like I just went to the gym within three minutes his dick was still hard I was on an elliptical going what the hell just happened wow I texted sarah she's at work I'm like there was just two people fucking in our apartment she's like what holy hell and she wanted to call but she's at a meeting and then I'm like for all I know they're there every day at 4 10 p.m I don't know yeah I mean school's out baby I had never seen people fuck live before other than myself in a mirror and porn it's pretty hot it was kind of hot it was underage I don't think they were

underage I mean they were probably it's hard to tell 22 night black I would say between 17 and 21 so possibly underage but I think they were probably late teens early 20s there's grass on the field I got worried though because I thought you're gonna say it was Sarah no no that was that was my my visual sadly no that would be a bummer yeah that's a different mailbox but pretty wild I mean just two people fucking in my apartment hallway mind blowing wow and then I'm like I don't even know what to do I like I said I just kind of walked away and I was like we gotta start shutting that door yeah because it's shut if you pull it shut it'll shut but otherwise it just kind of clicks right and I'm like they must have just been looking for anywhere to fuck and they were like fuck it

we'll just do it right here yeah I felt bad for interrupting I want to be like you want to just take my apartment yeah take it for a couple hours take it for a bit let me watch it's funny because they're gonna tell the story they're like some old nerdy guy 75 years old caught us you know some old white nerd came out and didn't say shit right and so hopefully it's not their fuck spot from now like I said they could be there every day I don't know it's funny because if this happened in Tulsa this would be the talk of the town but in New York it's a I'm going to the gym yeah I was just it just all ended and then Sarah's like what else I'm like that's it I mean I came out they were fucking but it was weird to see someone's dick and vagina yes and you're so close

they're just like I'm like I'm in the right because it's my apartment but I'm like I feel bad that I'm looking at somebody's genitals now is the door windowed the first door is there a window or is it a solid both glass all glass both both doors yeah so anyone walking by would have been able to see them oh my god it's long strips of glass like there's pillars or whatever but like it's definitely like vertical rectangles yes it's transparent you can see through the door wow and it's a small area so that she just like had her like hands on the glass getting railed from behind how do you like that good for them you know I mean what am I gonna do I mean again like who do you call my sister my sister my wife is like should we call tell the landlord oh my god he

doesn't need to know what's he gonna do yeah come out there with a hose every four ten so there's nothing nothing to do nothing to say what two people fucking never seen it maybe they'll hear this one day and they'll they'll be like yeah high five lord I hope so I mean email if you guys if you know them call in and email these two wild whippersnappers I mean yeah good for them because you know when I was a whipper snapper we had a weed fucking cars but they don't have a car because it's Manhattan or Queens yeah they don't have a car and it's like they can't afford a hotel like I said their parents or siblings probably live in the house or like one's not allowed at the other house like when you're young your girlfriend's parents hate you you know they're like he's a

fucking asshole don't come over here so you had I remember sneaking around trying to fuck somewhere it's like all my parents went to work or whatever yeah I fucked on the playground you've done that that's why I got herpes yeah or like a cemetery you know what I mean but they don't there's like you said there's not a lot of open spaces plus if you're it's during the day you got a joint you're like we'll smoke in here and then you start to go why not just fuck yeah it was wild but it was really something I'm trying to talk about it on stage a little bit but even on stage people like what happened what is this right yeah it's I get the whole no ending thing but there that I think that's a sweet ending it's a happy ending no pun intended they walked away I walked away

it was almost like a western we were like back to back we just took like 10 steps I went this way they went that way and then they kind of like cut across the street because they were I'm sure they were like fucking skeptical of me sure sure and you're lucky they got into a swing because he's in flight or fuck or whatever you know because like he's maybe about to blow a wad and then you come in with glasses he don't know what's going on well that's the thing too it's hard to you can't just be like hey get on don't come back I'm like there's no reason to upset this person he knows where I live I don't want someone getting mad and like rubbing dog shit on my door handle or throwing eggs at my house yeah or a spent condom so I just went hey take care comb your hair

and have a good night there you go fight or flight or freeze wow man that is something holy I didn't see that coming well I said don't get it on the envelopes those are hard enough to open already haha that's a sticky door but anyway so that was that wild week I mean a lot happening whoo if you if you know that kid or know that lady call in because we'd love to meet you Buffalo Nashville yeah be a good queef to get to know him yeah she might have queefed in that atrium I'm sure on the walk home oh yeah just hey let me let me let me plug some dates here huh shall we all right this week oh this weekend I'm off I'm going to this Asbury Park music festival you're hitting every music fest in the city I'm trying well I'm out of money now because

of it because I'm a fucking idiot but anyways norway two weeks from now I'm in nor if anyone's listening in Norway I'm in Bergen October 11th and 12th and then Oslo on the 13th I gotta get some details for that oh yeah the weekend after that it's a it's a it's a little ways away but October 19th and 20th DC draft house I fucking love that room I love that city Matt Wayne will be whacked back with me Sarah bailed on me ouch that hurts but it'll be me and Matt Wayne I love the city so much it's that's a sit like Buffalo you're like well I didn't sell in Buffalo but DC I mean I want to be able to sell some tickets in DC love that city we got some we got some friendlies down there a lot of history there oh yeah so be the DC draft house come on out to that one

and then October 25th 26 27th Sacramento punchline bay area sack town and back down whatever the fucking that lyric is come out to the Sacramento punchline haven't been there in eight years when I was featuring with you and uh jota rosa holy hell good room come out to that and then of course October 30th we are at the Hollywood improv was sold a lot of tickets for that keep them coming Bert Kreischer is going to be there Henry Phillips is going to be there Nick Vatterot's going to be there yes come out to that and then November 15th 16th and 17th st louis funny bone I love that room they were headlining me when no one else would so please come out to that and then dr grins the last weekend of November slash first weekend of December yes

dr grins in uh what's that grand rapids grand rapids mish with old Seth as the manager yeah all right uh I'm actually in the city this weekend for once in my goddamn lie I'm at the fat black pussycat running my hour on Saturday September 22nd although my birthday is September 18th oh that's tomorrow yeah well as we're as we're quite oh that remind me sorry what October second I'm at the fat black pussycat too a Tuesday there you go also with Matt Wayne and Sarah both of them October 2nd that's a hot show go see that folks we're all over that uh that fat black yeah come out yeah come out but don't blow your load on those fat blacks as I met Gotham comedy club I got Ian Lauer I got Chris sound I got Samantha Ruddy I got uh Sean Murphy all some

some nice cats opening that's the 28th and 29th this September stress factory Jersey I'm all over you after that Uncle Vinny's and Point Pleasant then I'm at the funny bone in Cincinnati with old fat Chris L cap city comedy club in Austin Tejas one of my favorite clubs and towns a lot of history there rumors in Winnipeg that's gonna be a kick in the pants laughs comedy club in Seattle you know it you love it Zany Chicago Skyline and Appleton Pittsburgh Improv Laugh Boston Philly Helium Raleigh Good Nights you know it you love it Mark Norman comedy dot com praise Allah shower with your aunt Missoula slang Parkinson's have a good night do all of it tell a friend tell everybody fuck my ass patreon