Tuesdays with Stories! - #266 Birthday Beej

Episode Date: October 2, 2018

Hot Damn, Mark & Joe are back baby! After the guys discuss they'd hypothetically bang each other, Mark gets into how he celebrated his b[-day and Joe see's the city of Cleveland erupt after the Brown's finally get a win. Check it out! Subscribe to our Patreon where we're crankin' out bonus episodes every week! You can listen on any podcast app! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/ Download the Laughable app today! laughable.com/download

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy we're live we're back we're assholes we're anal sex we're come with come all over our eyeballs we put it inside me shoot a load don't tell me if we had to fuck you know you know I mean like I was like I'll give you a

million bucks whatever it is 10 million whatever you know we'll give you a season tickets to the Mariners what how would we fuck well I do missionary I'm fucking you well doggie I'd prefer to bang you just for the herp reasoning oh yeah you don't want herpes in your ass you want to get jizzed on so everybody wins yeah but I don't want to be fucked in the butt I don't want to be fucked you know you like a finger but I mean you know if you want something I mean I might not want it and then like it that's possible that's what I'm getting it but I certainly don't want it I'll fuck you for the sake of the fantasy wait a minute how'd we

flip that well I started it all right if you flipped it I started and you flipped you asked no I'm saying that the people that are gonna give us the season tickets they want me to fuck you I gotta talk to these ticket holders wait a minute season ticket I forgot about that that was a big hit by the way Delray Dean Delray our buddy aficionado to the rock and roll I mean he knows everything about AC DC he happened to be wearing a highway to hell shirt ironically when I brought up the topic I might have been a tattoo but he's he is sensitive about it like as soon as I was like you ever hear about this highway to hell and he's like it's

not the n-word he's like they didn't say that the good guy like he said it like it was I was talking about his uncle he better get on I tune because it we'd listen to it 18 times well the way he explained he actually convinced me he was like cuz he's saying he's a singer and he can sing just like a bond so he he's had a good point he's like the guy's got like a thick Scottish accent he's an alcoholic heroinic maniac sure and he's like if you listen he doesn't enunciate a lot of words like he's like a fuck he's a Scottish fucking lunatic yeah and so like the way he's saying he's like it just he doesn't hit words so

he's like so he says it real wampy wampy and wacky all right well I mean I felt like bad I had to be like I didn't say I'm just kidding I'm sorry he's not in the band he loves the band I said he had an African American friend when they were younger who's like fuck this band they suck I get the feel I've had people like be like Pearl Jim sucks and I'm like you speak to shit let me at him I see I see so I think it was like one of those deals it was it was quite it was sweet that he took it really he was like hey man don't mind I'm not here to hear any of that shit yeah you don't come around talking about ACDC he doesn't

fuck around he keeps it all close to the vest that guy the leather vest he's a good man I bet he could kick some ass by the way I mean maybe before his motorcycle accident now I bet he's he's got a couple pins and rods in them now that don't agree with him I bet that I could beat some ass I think I don't know but anyways how about Shug Knight going to jail Shug Knight isn't he dead no he's a real ice throw him off a balcony no no he threw other people on oh I'm misunderstanding the story he's a bad mother shut your mouth oh he ran over a guy in the 90s and they now he's just going to jail for it 90s I thought that

was more recently oh maybe he's done it a few times he's he's a runner over but he's a he's a scary son of a B he's a bad person it seems like yeah I don't mean I don't want this getting out there so we don't get shot over that was like a big thing do you have that in like the 90s early 90s we're like if you were like Chicago bowls red are you gonna get killed right right it was like the the Bloods or whatever it was like a whole thing everyone's afraid like I remember there was a guy he was like a cop and I went to school with his kid and like he knew about the gang units and the Bloods and the Crip so he was like no guys

don't wear Chicago Bowl stuff and so then he had to like wear like a Charlotte Hornets and everyone was like the Hornets suck a lot of the morning blows it was like a whole thing right right because no one has the Hornets no one's gonna wear that color the blue that like gay blue right right the baby blue baby baby gave you blue there it is gave you blue that's gonna be a title see I went to public school well you did you guys have a it was all about starter jackets that's what I'm talking about yeah yeah I was huge huge which we've talked about this before everyone always says public school I don't know

anyone that went to private school what maybe Sam I guess yeah he went everyone always said it's a big punch line up public school I went to public school like who the fuck didn't go to public school I think a lot of people didn't and a lot of people do the whole I did the whole gamut I did public private Catholic community college regular college hmm did the whole thing and I did online college which whoa that was easy I just did K through 12 no preschool no college nothing I did K through 12 public that was it never never looked back you got in you got out I look back quite a bit actually but yeah people

always look back why do they say that so anyways what do I do I fuck you missionary from behind or what are we doing maybe like a side thing and in between where you're in the fetal position and I'm just that's the way to go I don't want to look at you missionary I'm looking up at your your big noggin but it's fun to hold an ankle when having sex with a woman in my experience a nice ankle hold a foothold if you're gonna hold my ankle is gonna have to really prop me because you need my butthole exposed yeah you got to really push it back there yeah so I'll be doing some bending which I should get into yoga I

guess I also always worry I see these these these gay sex I watch a lot of gay sex if I can is that right yeah it's not I didn't know that but the missionary wouldn't you be worried that if you're receiving in the missionary are you worried that your balls gonna get squished my balls hang down by my asshole my balls are your balls the balls of the person whose legs are in the air oh the person receiving like my ball bag drips over my asshole same it's like a trap door so it's like a curtain if you're fucking me missionary my balls are gonna be getting hammered squished yeah yeah I guess I have to like throw them over

your belly button area let's reach my nipples like a continental soldier oh boy my farts might be kicking in so I had oatmeal again and oh yeah burrito I had oatmeal last night and I used to made it with oat milk so I had a whole oat incestual thing going I don't know what this oat milk you just showed me this carton I don't get it I get milk at everything I got a laptop milk soon but let me just say this about the sack I eat I got I got a real droopy bag of hammers back here and I was dating this girl in college lib that was her name live her name was Liz but I heard yeah it's hard and it was pre-lip-tart days so

hadn't come up with that but uh she was the scary lady like she was like a soccer player scary mean country chick which kind of made her hop it was also terrifying yeah and she would come over and she was like she would call me like I'm coming over to fuck so you better be ready oh my god I was terrified and if I just too early she would flip oh it's so angry and it was Colin so I'm just in four seconds you got a flippy lip yes lip flip so she came out she was coming over she's on her way she had a big truck too she's peeling I heard that the gravel it's terrifying it sounds like she's for sure a lesbian she might be

yeah a huge size queen a limbo uh-huh let's go let's go all right size queen lesbo with the gravel yes truck and soccer player mind you and she had this she had a brother and her brother was like this beefy big strapping guy with a huge dong she was like oh my brother's got a huge dick and I was like this is weird she knows about her brother's dick he's in the shower he comes out I don't know but she would always compare my dick to her brother in a very strange situation but uh boy she was coming over once and I was like all right I'm ready but my balls were down to the floor and I had to get ice cubes and press them

against the cards why because I wanted them to scoop up the cold wind you know the temp but what difference does it make she was she was didn't like your long balls nobody likes a long ball but once you start fucking the balls come in when you're close to coming the balls have to be close to your body that's true but you got that's once you're in there I'm getting blown first and maybe a little handy something you want the balls up yeah the balls come up because I always feel that way I have long balls because that they'll slap but once you're getting once you're aroused and coming they get real tight in there

because they want to they don't want to shoot the come a long distance so they get really close to your asshole and your dick they can just go but isn't it weird how when you when it's cold out your balls will go up because they will go to the body for heat oh yeah it's all about the temperature yeah that's why the ice mm-hmm ice baby so I used to watch a lot of a CFNM closed female naked yeah well we learned about this earlier in the pod history ah here's a go yeah and all the girls it was fast because you got the truth out of women for once they'd be like they'd have a guy standing in front of them with a boner and

they'd go that's a nice dick it's a little thin I prefer to be like an inch longer and the balls I prefer the balls to be more up and I'm really like I do it interesting I feel like women most women I think just ignore the balls they don't care about the balls they don't look they don't notice it's like a you just look away it's like us with the boy I guess we don't have a body part that we don't look at yeah the bottom of the feet maybe the personality I love a bottom of the feet I hold those ankles I'll look at the bottom of the foot the ass cheek I love the asshole I get right in there I put a fucking magnifying glass

in there same same I know about the diet meat thermometer in there I'm trying to think with the armpit I don't know I like an armpit I'm fine with an armpit turkey neck I also have a very attractive fit lady like if I had a if I was dating live I might not be looking at her neck she was a hot piece I mean remember she was a big dyke soccer player oh right I dated a woman who she was like Greek and Italian and she had to shave her face and that like she had like hair yeah yeah it was a very brief date but I would I could see the stubble so I have to look away from that which I don't want to judge I mean ladies some

ladies you know you're born with some hair your hairy gal maybe your dad's hairy or it skips a generation whatever it is but like so I think you're a fine person but I don't want to see us a face stubble on the lady no no you don't want to see that it feels like as a guy you can't talk about what you want what you don't want on the lady but I feel like women can do it all day well we certainly have done it our whole I think they're trying to flip it I mean but every TV show movie podcast is guys talking about what they like to see a woman I think well it's also one I mean we could really dive into the deep end

dive in I got nowhere to be all right I'm diving so hold your nose it's weird that and I have a joke about this so I don't want to get too bitty but like if a gay guy grabs a girl's tits everybody's fine with it and I'm like why it's still a guy grabbing woman they go well he's not attracted to women I'm like so what if I do it it's a crime because I like it I don't get why why does one make it a crime and one not well I assume that I think though they're not randomly do it like they're the woman has a relationship with the gay man I don't think gay men are just walking out the women on the subway and grabbing their

tits sure okay I'll give you that you're right but if I have a relationship with the one I'm not saying I want to do it or I will do it I'm just saying the gay friend does it okay the not gay friend does it not okay right I find that strange it is strange I mean I've had that before with girls that I'm dating even my current wife now in the past where like I remember my ex-girlfriend she had a good friend who was a gay guy and they kissed on the mouth and I was like I was like don't ever do that were you crazy yeah she's like I always gay I've known him for years but I'm like yeah but you got your lips on a guy's

mouth what are you saying I'm like I'm not I'm not that kind of guy I don't want you to kiss a fucking guy on the mouth so you can kiss a lesbo a limbo and it's also like he's gay but that doesn't mean you're not turned on he's still a handsome guy kissing you now we're talking and it's like I gotta I mean I'm not a fucking like old-school douche I'm not like a jealous guy but you're like I can't have my girlfriend kissing guys on the mouth I'm not that what am I a fucking I mean what's that you could just rail her in the anal I know that's the thing why he's gay so I don't fuck me yeah who cares that part's weird but I

think I think the the women that gay guys are grabbing them there they have a relationship and they talked about that it's their choice to be okay with it I guess I don't know yeah I'm just trying to keep it all squared away here yeah square all right so back to what I was written that was just a side jizz side I don't point I guess don't figure out how we're gonna fuck each other but the original point we talked about the ball bag live but shit lip-tart is in my asshole what was that oh boy but period you put the ice on the ball yeah we had brothers had a big dick which is weird yeah big brother don sounds like live

fucked her brother that's what I'm thinking it I mean that would solve a lot of problems what problems would it solve well she climb change get over it I think so where where are we and I just had it and I lost it dick cheese it was something about women in the gay doing the thing with the gaze I'll sick of more tree what was sideways what was the gay what started us off in the gay stuff I got off when I said I'm gonna go on a whole deep dive here and I like to get off on a gay yeah hmm I don't know maybe it was done no not done not done by a long shot damn it we're still recording right yeah what

was that shit oh we can let's retrace all right we're retracing so we're talking about live I'd get my balls squished cuz a lot that's way gone right okay you got it I got something all right but I'm gonna be men women can talk about what they don't like in a man all right yeah basically and men can't talk about what okay so I hear girls talk about this all day the girlfriend her friends are always like a guy with a ponytail or like he had this or he was too clean shaving but if a guy goes yeah you know she was a little fat yeah whoa whoa you pig your monster I'm like well she did the whole thing on the ponytail yeah that's

all I was getting it is tricky it's definitely tricky but sometimes it's nothing well this is what I'm saying too is like I don't think that they're a bad person or they shouldn't be allowed to work or live their lives I'm just saying what I'm personally attracted to yes like a girl has you know their eyes are uneven I'm like I don't care for the crooked eye yeah I don't care for a cock-eye either but you know a girl be like oh he's less than six foot don't talk to me yep and everybody's like all right yeah that's that's what she likes yeah I goes if she's 800 pounds I'm out they go whoa well what about her

personality well I think I think it's because women have been held to this standard and they're getting raped the whole situation it's a lot there's a lot of off-putting shit and so we have to kind of take it because we've done well I think I guess that's what I just that's all I need to hear if you tell me that I go okay got it right there's all this dancing around the dick hole that I don't know what the hell we're doing great tune yes that's around the dick hole Chuck Barry haha he filmed it well let me know what should we should we jump into some business let's biz I don't have I don't have this is what I got I got a bunch of

I went to the museum and it was great those are the stories I got I mean last week I had the couple fucking in my house that was something well I've been telling that a cocktail party isn't killing I mean I'll give you credit but it's it's a great New York tale I've been telling that Vaghtale parties the opposite of cock Vaght the podcast Vaght for God's sakes it's my wife's podcast with Adrian and it's very funny it's very funny oh can I throw this out throw some stuff out I'm telling you I mean I got a bunch of like I went to a restaurant that I liked this is my story all right I just got a I just had a

birthday happy birthday big 3-5 wow it'd be a lot further along career wise but I'm not complaining starting to go by too fast too fast I am going by so the girl says that's your birthday what do you want I say this is what I want I'm taking a night off which is rare I'll do whatever I just want you to figure it out that's I want my gift because I hate that shit with it with it's your birthday what do you want to do I don't know what I want to do I want to sit at home and jerk off is what I want to do I want to I want you to you know put your lips on my penis why don't you say that I did okay but you know I still want to go out

but I was like I want you to figure it out and that was it that to me that's because I hate they what do you what do we do where do you want to eat what do you like I'm like sitting there like googling Greek food in Williamsburg yeah it's too much so I just said you figure it out she said alright fine she came up with a hell of a night if I may say so dinner at Blue Ribbon ah my favorite you've been I've any times that's my favorite it's my go-to spot so we do dinner Blue Ribbon I got a nice throw on a blazer uh-huh why the hell not she throws on a nice dress then jazz club

whoo which one well we went to Smalls I'll get to the whole thing was I'll give you the let me paint the whole jizz all right so in proper Norman fashion I go let's walk to dinner it's in Soho uh-huh and I live in the West Village so I say let's walk pretty close pretty close yeah 15 minute walk maybe and I go let's get a couple road beers for the walk so now we're walking down 7th Avenue we got a bottle of beer and a brown bag and we're wearing blazers like nice crisp night it was perfect so we walk down there we finish our beers we throw them out sit on a bench for a while make out then we go into the we go into the

restaurant boom most deaf is at the table next oh wow it's a it's a celeb hunt I didn't know that well I've only gone there with celeb uh-huh got it so I go wow Louis that's pretty cool look at that all right and then he gets up and eight people hug him they go oh my god most I didn't know you were here because he got up and everybody knew and they all know each other he's got an entourage no no these are other tables uh-huh and I think they're all in the record biz or it's a very hip cool hang it's also this is why one of the reasons it's so popular it's one of the only late night high-end food joints they serve food to

like four that's exactly right so that's it's a big spot yeah this place is lunch very lunch or dinner or dinner or supper or a dry stock after a wet suck ah sneaky 50 so uh we go in and most deaths there that's pretty cool it looks great in person handsome man then in walks quest love whoa daddy yeah not too bad and it's met him or seen him well yes we met him tonight show tonight show he's friends with Schuber the whole salary is always over there he loves comedy but I can't get the gall to say hello no what am I who am I

I've met him eight times it's a night show I've made the guy laugh if you watch my YouTube you can hear him chuckling yeah but even then you're still a he's like well what is this exactly I always think about Seinfeld talking about people running to him I mean obviously he's got some qualities that are not appealing always he's a cunt people will come up to them and go hey I was in Seinfeld and he's like I remember them I got you think I remember every character and you're like that's so hurtful to me I'm like well I was on your show yeah it feels like a decent in

it's a decent in but he's like get out of here I don't remember when I was on my show ah I hated that interview decent in or hotel what interview the way he said that uh-huh he's like I get people I think it was like a commentary for the DVD he's like people will come up to me be like hey I played so-and-so on the show and he's like I don't care I don't know who you are right right you're like geez you can't even you can't wow whatever I get it I get it from both points but uh it's still hurtful he could be hurtful so I don't want to go and she's like just go say hi to him

he did the show I'm like yeah but he's done eight thousand shows this year I I'm just another idiot who cares and I can't do it so I leave him alone and uh you know I gotta tell you we racked up that bill pretty high well you're not paying for dinner it's amazing I pay for everything uh-huh I'm just one of those guys and boy oh boy I mean first of all the bill came and it was what's a very expensive restaurant it was up that we had drinks and appetite we got the oysters and I'm like it's unbelievable I can't

imagine how people live like this I felt guilty when the bill came I was like you sure she gets your birthday I got it I'm like she's like you pay for everything I'm like yeah I guess I do but it still feels weird but she makes a lot of money I thought she does pretty well yeah I'm just saying I'm just so used to it it's it's gotta be it's nice to live like a lady or a hot lady I should say yeah minus the rape so uh yeah so then we eat there most definitely great night we leave then we walk over to ah what's that place it's right

next to fucking Stonewall it's called like club 22 or something it's right on Christopher Street uh very hip don't know it and so this kids outside and we I see a band playing in there and we just want some live music so you know I got a half a buzz on I'm like hey buddy what's cooking over here and he goes oh and he sums this he looks us up and down sums us all up but he's like a probably a 25 year old kid and he goes well it's clear you guys are tourists so uh I guess you can come in here this is pretty good or you can go down to

Smalls that's Tragaz and I'm like all right well you can tell he's like totally big timing us and he's like well how much is it small he's like $20 cover you know and that's you got to stay the whole time like I don't want I'd rather like be able to go in and out and he's like well if you like that Tragaz but this is more like indie bongo shit and I'm like what and I go I just I hate this kid he's completely talking down to us so I go hey I live a block away and he goes you look like a tourist I go

I've lived here 10 years he go I go why do I look like a tourist he goes you're holding a bag a bag I got a bag of leftovers everyone's got a bag and it's leftovers I got a long bag I don't know anyone that doesn't have a bag all bags I'm a bag lady so my the lady just kind of gets into it with this guy and she's like we got it all right and he keeps going he keeps because no one listens to him you can tell he finally has a shot to like talk about what he knows yeah and he I'm like what's Tragaz he's like you don't know Tragaz traditional I didn't know

that well I'm just putting it together yeah I didn't put that because it sounds like a thing could be tragic I guess I guess he was tragic so I was like all right we got it so I just go all right we're leaving you lost two customers we were about to go in he pushed us out he was the door guy bad door guy just a big dork you can tell he's probably from you know Cincinnati he's he's got his job there they don't want him in the in the bar so they let him do the door sidewalk work he's a dork guy aha dork so uh he's a dork jam horrible band

so we go to Arthur's tavern right here next to big gay ice cream I see and you go in it's just a bar with jazz these guys were cooking oh really I highly recommend great date spot real new yorkers in there like people from the neighborhood and uh just a killer act just Bing baby bopping and scatting the whole night and I had a couple more pups and uh came back here and you get that beach did it up birthday beach and the beach earlier that's nice can I just say this though a lot of times these people yet you're mad for

saying what do you want to do but it sounds like maybe a girlfriend's thoughtful she's trying to find out what you want to do she cares she's completely thoughtful she completely cares and of course I get it and I appreciate it the whole like hey what are we gonna do but you figure it out I got you everything else out it's bummer it's all right all right that's fair that's what I want for my gift that's all sounds like a good gift a great gift sounds like a great night I love it fun night great meal great jazz most

death love it well you got all right last night I went to I was down your neighbor I went to the IFC theater and sell this movie called blaze directed by Ethan Hawke who's one of my favorite artists of any kind I love Ethan Hawke he is just great and wise and smart but this movie you gotta check it out blaze it's about this musician named blaze foley singer songwriter who lived a wild life real guy real guy all right big big fat bearded fella tragic life tragic guy you know it goes great movie really well done well

directed the music's great sad I mean we cried like little girls is a tragic life yes tragic tragic country so a great movie and then we walked around beautiful night last night in the village it is good it's nothing better than having the night off when you get back from the road yes you relax you hang out we strolled around we ordered takeout mr chicken and queens which playing people have emailed me been like thanks for telling me about mr chicken this place is phenomenal autumn in new york there's nothing like it

autumn in new york uh but uh I was in Cleveland I want to give a quick plug dirty old boston on instagram if you're from boston to england even if you're not check out at dirty old boston they're sending me some t-shirts they're a fan and they got all these great old boston photos oh and they sell cool old t-shirts too so check out dirty old boston these guys are really hip and cool and I don't know if they're hip I don't know why I said that but they're really nice they're a great member of the wu-tang d.o.b as you can see you got that right you cut it dirty one of them cut his dick off

oh that's unpleasant yeah well I was out there in Cleveland I got a I got a big announcement to make I got a big thing to put out there you go all right all right I gotta really put it out there folks putting it out I'm ashamed of myself I hate myself I want to I want to spread my own asshole open stick my face in there for a half hour after eating oatmeal this is a first I believe this is big folks I don't know what I was talking about I don't even know who I am with this Cincinnati Cleveland stuff I'm in love with Cleveland I'm head over heels over

Cleveland thank you love Cleveland Cincinnati I hope you burn to the ground you Kentucky fucking losers whoa you heard it here first jizz icky woods can blow me I hate that guy fucking Jose Rio Barry Larkin they all suck Cincinnati Stakes yes Cleveland's killer Cleveland's killer you got Garfield and Jim Toomey and you know fucking Drew Carey and rock and roll whatever Alan Freed and the battalion joint Mama Santa I mean I've talked about it a lot Mama Santa this this restaurant

I want to eat the pussy of the owner and blow the fucking uncle of the cook I don't care if she's bleeding marinara I mean you gotta go there I've talked about it many times Mama Santa they got homemade noodles homemade meat but the meatballs I ordered an appetizer meatballs then I had meatballs to go and then meatballs during the lunch I had 12 meatballs wow those are big balls a lot of balls they're like melty chocolate you I don't know how they make them they're soft they just fall apart in your mouth the homemade noodle it's great family owned

and operated since you know 1871 or whatever you gotta put ice on those balls took the train down I've never taken the subway in Cleveland and it's a it's quite a I didn't know they had one oh yeah well I don't know if it's a subway it's a it's above ground I think quite a situation is it modern or modern it looks like a subway but like it's a few cars there is a subway it is on the ground at one point I didn't know that and yeah took the public transit it's it's quite a scene not great but it's not I like to get on

all the public transit it's fun went down to Little Lily went over to Lakeview Cemetery which you got to check out if you're in Cleveland we went to the James Garfield tomb whoa which is spectacular it's I put a bunch of photos on the Instagram at Jill this comedy please follow us for god's sake started doing insta stories thanks for saying nice things it's this huge monument tomb he was assassinated but he didn't die from the wounds they kept using dirty tools dirty old Boston tools yeah and it went off like he was only in office for 200 days and they would use all these fucking

nasty tools he got infected but you can go look at his casket there's a tomb you walk right down there wow and his cast is the flag draped over his wife is there his two kids are cremated and just sitting there but you're like the wife's there yeah hanging out but you're well she's dead long dead this is 18 remarried a young lady something but yeah you got shot and died and you can just you look at his casket to make the buildings insane they got all these old artifacts yeah and really cool Alan Freed is buried there Elliot Nests is buried there

untouchable and then uh Paul Giamatti from American Splendor whatever that guy's name is Detka Fetka Fakka oh I know the cartoonist yes yes they got all these pens and markers stuck in his grave which is pretty cool Bob Ross no that's not him he was the squirrel he got eaten to death by squirrels the guy who made the no Africa NACA Africa Arthur neck necktie Mel Blanc no ain't it he was the voices and the cut dude Matt grain I'll pull up his dollar how you want to you want to know you really want to know I'll pull it right on Harvey P car Harvey P car that's

it I can't believe I got that pulled right out of my subconscious anal beloved husband and guardian life is about women gigs and being creative is his quote on his cemetery coming in his on his week of being creative hey I can live with that yeah well you're Harvey P car now I'm a peak look at these meatball look at that meatball that's a mama Santa meatball god damn it's good anyways we went there then we went to some money museum in the old treasury building it's a freed half-hour tour we learned about money

spectacular building the Heinen grocery store the rooftop the whole thing we went down to the lake we threw the baseball around I went to Jacobsfield progressive field whatever it's called now been there a hundred times so our walk-off grand slam by Jason Kipnis I bought a box seat I'm three rows back I gotta say this about these this Cleveland stadium though great stadium beautiful ballpark I've been there above in there twice this year great city but and maybe it's because they already clinched the division but I I hate this 2018 sports everyone's fucking idiotic

the crowd and granted it was a meaningless game they already clinched the crowd there only makes noise when it says make some noise on the screen and then as soon as it disappears they get quiet again weird it's like two on two out in the eighth and a tie game and the crowd just sitting there and all of a sudden you hear cheering and without fail I'm like oh they're cheering I look up at the big board it says louder like they have to be assisted they're just idiots yeah did you cheer when you when something good happens

I'm not saying Cleveland is it I'm saying these people at this specific game but I was like this is depressing that it's like oh this they have to be queued up to be into it right and then they'll be like yeah they're cheering and then like right before the pitch it goes away and they just get quiet again interesting but it was quite an ending it was one nothing uh white uh white socks and then bottom of the night I think it was might have been the 10th I think it was the bottom of the night Jason Kipnis Jew yes grand salami deep into the right field bleachers everyone went crazy

even I got into it I'm a socks fan of course I was emotional I was like that was crazy they walk off they dump Gatorade on his head they fuck him in the ass it was quite a night nice one Jew nice win uh was it a Saturday no it was a Wednesday oh good I had to go in Wednesday for media on Thursday ah at least you got a game in a lot of media I want to tell you all about hilarities but first we got a new sponsor oh and this one is big this one hits close to all we love this love audible big fan of audible I've been using audible for years

yes you are yeah yes you are and have been guys you got to go to audible.com slash Tuesday yes go get this going on it's a special offer just for you guys you can go on there audible is a great place to listen to some books I mean it's great especially if you're on the road you're you're on you fly a lot like we do you're on the bus you're in the car go to audible.com slash Tuesday and get involved I just read this book Missoula which I was telling you about I told my buddy Fred canner Jason's dad great comic great dad I told him you gotta you gotta read this book and he's like I'll

get it on audible I swear to god he said that audible is big and I said don't get it yet go to audible.com slash Tuesday and get it through us you got that right some great things about audible this is why I love them you can share audio excerpts from your favorite listens with anyone how cool is that I read something or I hear something I like I send it right over to you that's cool and they got the speed controlling and listen faster slower you know sometimes these books can be a little tedious you you juice that thing right up and now you're getting the info twice as fast yes you are narration at the speed that suits you listen up

with audible to start your 30-day trial go to audible.com slash Tuesday or text Tuesday to 500500 that's audible.com slash Tuesday or text Tuesday to 500500 thank you yeah audible.com slash Tuesday thank you thank you all right so anyways I'm at hilarities all week I want to thank everyone that came out a lot of Tuesdays came out we had one couple drive down from Detroit love Cleveland which I'm coming back to Detroit in January so you don't have to drive but I did hilarities which is one of the best clubs you really there's a lot of great clubs of course we're on the road alive but that's one of those clubs you circle the date oh yeah best hotel in the business Grand Hyatt downtown nothing like what was that 1920

something earlier 1880 that thing's the arcade yes the arcade had some good nights there beautiful old building I mean check out my Instagram at Joe List comedy there's some beautiful pictures there and they put me this time they put me in the tower on Euclid looking down fourth street you can see the ballpark oh boy I sat there for hours just watching fourth street there's the big street there in downtown Cleveland where all the bars that's where the club is yep yep yep killer weekend Sam the manager good egg good egg big fan of ours which I appreciate shows were great we had people there a lot of Tuesdays a lot of media like I said but every show is one was one where every show was good oh wow wasn't one egg one bad one the late night drunk no rowdy no heckle late show Friday was

killer both shows Friday with killer the worst show the weekend was late show Saturday but still good all right they were a little tired worn out and it was a big weekend in Cleveland Thursday night did the show Indians are playing downtown the Browns are playing you know the Browns haven't won since 2016 the brown stink yeah they were they stink but their quarterback gets hurt rookie Baker Mayfield comes out out of Oklahoma Oklahoma he comes big comeback wild comeback the place goes crazy the city of Cleveland is on fire it's like they won the Super Bowl yeah LeBron I ran back to my hotel to watch out my eighth floor tower of the hotel I got a time lapse people were fucking the street I fucked three women that night it was wild it was like V-day people were kissing baking out

grabbing pussies VD day the whole thing I mean it was a wild night so fun times in Cleveland I got into it I was like go brown because the Patriots they have just been winning for 15 years I'm sick of it yeah well let me ask you well what's going on with that thing with the Cleveland city of Cleveland where they're doing a free beer if they win that was the thing that all these beers locked in cases they won so they did a digital unlocking the cases is that mayhem I feel like that would cause a riot I'm not sure what happened there because I went I literally ran back to my hotels like I'm not dealing with any of this I don't want to be out there especially because I had a view in the tower so save the clock tower tower power so that was really exciting and thrilling

mama Sanchez was great the Garfield tomb was killer again I saw go pack Joe go back and Crystal fun trivia first show since the baby Joe listed hilarities so thanks for coming out they got a sitter the baby's 16 days old or whatever the hell you might have an impact on that baby's noggin I hope so look at that baby wasn't there oh I thought they brought the baby now I told them they should bring the baby but they can't bring the baby they were thinking about they got tickets to come see us at the Hollywood improv on October 30th Halloween Eve you got that right but like I don't know if we can do it because we have a baby I was like bring the baby who gives a shit we'll bring the baby on stage and fuck with it yeah it'll be fun I'll poke it that's why I peaked

but anyway there's killer killer week I got more stuff but you you go and I'll try to find my shit but about cleveland uh hilarities is that you know I love those clubs that know who we are and appreciate us coming you know they're like oh man I'm a big fan of you I get your comedy I like your stuff come do my club yeah makes all the difference in the world and when you go there and some guys like who are you yeah and they throw you an apron you're like well no i'm a comic they go okay huge and then nick the owner who I think is like 76 years old or something yeah he's a hot he's a hot deal but he looks like he looks like he could be 40 he looks like he could kick your ass oh he's got traps and and yips and buy and try it's so thoughtfully came back in the green room

because I'm always worried about attendance but which by the way if you could come to these shows and just spread the I want to be like a word-of-mouth guy like Regan or a man of scalco or just spread spread around spread your butter folks herpes but uh nick was talking to me he was like you know he's like we think you're a great comic he's like I'm sorry there's not more people but I don't know how times have changed it felt like you know Michael and veto in the garden we was like you know I thought I never I never wanted this for you I thought you'd be selling out this whole thing and I'm like we'll get there pop it was a real moment you know so uh I like that personal touch from the club and yes it's a long way and uh again a bunch of fans came out so kind with the

kindest most thoughtful fans which stick by us by the way if she ever goes down these days you never know it's gonna happen folks we got comedians coming out telling other comedians what they should say so it's a weird topsy-turvy time the reckoning is coming so please keep supporting us because I'm terrified I stay up at night just going oh my god this is gonna be horrible oh yeah we're we're fucked but we're good people we just like a reverent humor for God's sakes yes and so do you and I think our audience gets that and they're smart every time I meet one of these guys go hey you're a fucking nerd thank god yeah you get comedy you get these are jokes and you don't want it to go away and we had women we have women fans too I gotta thank Lisa P who's

well she's got a birthday card for you what Lisa P who's she's the one that came and saw me at safe go field before Pearl Jam Lisa P so uh fan of the P thank you so much there's your card whoa what if it's personal it's probably gonna be personal we don't have to read it but you can open it opening can you hear that I don't know if you can hold the mic there I got it down there oh cute card nice card yeah look at that oh what is it oh my god it's a lock of pubes no love the pod and patreon all your zaniness yes chipotle gifts all right happy bday mark nom nom nom Lisa P Rochester hold on I hope Joe gets this to you happy bday hope to see you live soon Tuesday Tuesday's gay girl love Lisa well I got it too they're at least great to see you yeah good

good egg and then there was another table with just two women that they were dying laughing they were so excited to see the show so we love the women the women of the gays we appreciate it big fan of the gay women uh the twos dykes I guess we'll call you the limbs there's a swastika on the card I don't know what that's about but I appreciate it Lisa speaking of which the Garfield tomb peppered with swastikas no yeah because this is before the 30s it'd be more salt the uh the the the the Nazis took the swastika it was like hindu and buddhist and it meant peace and love and anal or whatever but then it didn't mean that so like you go to the Garfield's tomb there's swastikas on his forehead all over the place because it means peace it means peace and understanding and thoughtfulness

and whatever togetherness I could really get me out of a jam but the Nazis really destroyed it wow they took another thing from the brown man and the Hitler stash there you go that was chaplain so uh you go go check it out um go go gadget swastika go go check it out go to the Garfield's tomb go to Mama Santa I mean I love that city and then of course I'm you know Jason's from there Fred's from there so I love I have love for those guys I love the ballpark and it's just nice and I don't know where I don't know I was on drugs I think with the Cincinnati that's good to see on the on the good side yeah I don't know I'll never what do you think it was was it just a uh a indignance thing where you're like I gotta stick to my answer well I love Cincinnati I like Cincinnati first

of all go bananas I love that club also I love working the club I've been to that ballpark it's right in the river they got that bridge that the brooklyn bridge is based on which is so cool I didn't know that yeah the brooklyn bridge is the same guy I think it's the same guy but it was based on the design came before the brooklyn bridge beautiful bridge 400 oak street you know I like the underground railroad is neat and I've always loved Cincinnati they got a subway too yeah it's a it's a nice town and I do love Cincinnati but hey Cleveland by the way this is the other thing Cleveland more dangerous seven eight years ago nine years ago was shit like when I first went there I was like the rock roll it's fucking cold it was also I was there

in good weather this time too uh-huh Cincinnati like maybe a little bit warmer I don't know I don't know but Cleveland what's on the leg Cleveland but you're telling me the brooklyn bridge was built after the Kentucky bridge that uh yes Cincinnati yeah so we'd have that first in the New York City well they had other bridges or something yeah Madison County I don't know but uh what was I gonna say but Cleveland the first time I went there oh seven oh eight it was shit the downtown it's had a big resurgence so it's resurged a lot quite a research they built the ballpark down there the football stadium they've done a lot of work but Cleveland could still use some work the like you go to Chicago Lake Michigan it's all beach and beach beautiful but you go

to Cleveland it's like there's a shitty airport that no one uses there's like a port there's like a highway there you're like clear up the fucking coast yeah get the shit out of there you're on the ocean for god sakes are they that's a lake is a joke lake same thing the lake is huge big lake lake Cleveland big sky all right well good to have you on the right side of history great we can happy to be back uh oh man I loved it well let me just say that I forgot one little tidbit yeah throw it out there a little bit a little bit lip biscuit who are you so uh we're at the dinner blue ribbon chicken and I get an email you know I'm like half drunk you look at your phone every like two hours I'm like I got a couple whiskies in me look at my phone from my manager he's in

LA so that's three hours behind yep so it's eight o'clock me five o'clock there and he goes uh hey good news and bad news I can't remember what the bad news was but the good news is hey they want you to do James Corden hey next week and I go Jesus Christ next week so now I'm at dinner peeing in the blue ribbon toilet half buzzed reading this email and your whole night changes you're like half excited like oh shit TV but then you're half like a week but then you're also like well it's Corden who watches that so it was it was a wild it was a fun birthday gift that's exciting I you know what I was thinking about because we talked that night or the night after the day after and I was thinking like I have distinct memories of exactly where I was the moment I got the news

of every late night me too as as exciting as memorable as the late night is getting that new you gotta confirm like here's your date you're gonna be on tv you go yeah you have like that weird thing and you're like yes this is gonna be awesome and then you're also nervous you're picturing you on the on the stage and meeting all the guy meeting Conan meeting Letterman whoever yeah it's very uh exciting and thrilling I remember exact I was in Hawaii for one of it with Sarah she was doing the Adam divine show and I had nothing to do out there and then you when you go to like someone else's tv taping you're like oh everyone's doing tv I should be kind of in the career mode yes because it's like there's crew there there's Comedy Central's there there's industry

and you're on a fucking you're on flip flops and I'm sitting around on vacation go what am I doing and I got the email being like Conan next week so it puts you at E and you're like oh all right I can go enjoy myself because I got Conan next week so I remember that well and I remember I was there when you got Letterman I was with you yeah I was excited you were on stage yeah I told you as you came off right right very exciting so that was that was something I was in the green room of Carolines yeah Broadway yeah I just got Letterman I was like holy shit then you went right on stage yeah it was so thrilling so it's all very exciting tonight show I was down in South Carolina for my cousin's marine graduation which was fun I couldn't tell anyone because it felt weird being like you

graduated from the Marines I'm like I'm doing tonight show if I had to sit on it like a cock I remember my first Conan I was in a cab on the way to Parkside Lounge I was doing like five sets I was in between sets running the Parkside Lounge from I don't know Broadway comedy club and I got a call and I answered it said you're doing Conan I said and I bombed the next show but I didn't care yeah I remember Vancouver was right before that oh yeah we're on Vancouver I was newly sober we all fucked it was so fun that was a great little trip Garmin Lynch Gary Veter Phil Hanley Sam was there yeah oh that was fun good lot of glorious glorious memories well I'm excited so you leave as the time of us recording this you're leaving cordon this uh you're leaving what tomorrow or the next day

Wednesday flight out meetings when I land to the kitchen LA meeting meeting meeting go to bed Orlando hotel Orlando very hip hotel that's the coolie by cordon it shoots in Hollywood it's not one of these studios city nonsense things yeah so it shoots at Hollywood so I'm staying like two minutes away from the improv oh that's fun in the city right there in Hollywood West Hollywood very gay do the show Thursday night I'm doing two sets at the improv on Wednesday do the show Thursday night red eye back back baby to Manhattan and I'll be here for Gotham comedy club which I guess will be over by the time this comes yeah all right but that was a great week and you killed it I heard thank you Chris Allen I had some good Ian Lara some real pals over there John Fish is hosting

oh fun yeah I can't wait to hang out in that green room I've never had like the Gotham green room to myself no that's exciting yeah very exciting and let me just say this and then I'll toss it back to your fat ass all right uh some great nights I last weekend I did a gig in Jersey uh because I had the weekend in New York so this guy goes hey you want to do a theater in New Jersey you know some money I said sure forgot about it the date comes around I Google it like where the hell is this theater because you think Jersey I'll take a path I'll take an Uber whatever yeah it's right over the water two and a half hours away that's the thing is jerseys wider than you think oh it's girth like to drive to the Pennsylvania State line it's like a two and a half hour journey

out there exactly two and a half hour jersey ah I'll take it all right I'm wearing a jersey so I go fuck how am I gonna so then I email all right let's see who's on the show I'll email this guy he's on the show maybe he's got a car and he's like oh I'm actually in Jersey right now I'm gonna be there early I'm like fuck by the way that's usually what you say when you don't want to drive somebody probably head yeah that's what I always do I can't tell you how many times I've told someone I have a family member that lives in the area I'm like oh my uncle lives in Charlotte so I'll just beat you at the gig yeah my uncle will be you know dog sitting that's funny because the guy who said that lives in Brooklyn so I was like oh he fucking rooked me yeah so then I asked

this other lady she's like well you could take the path and then take Jersey transit and then transfer and I was like god damn it so that's what I had to do had to take Jersey transit from Penn Station get on another train in like Hackensack oh then get an Uber the whole thing took like three hours I left my house at four and then you get to the gig and they're like ah you're closing you're like oh man I got here way too early now I'm closing so I begged the woman I begged one I'm not gonna say her name but she was on the show and I begged her to get me home just like give me to Newark I'll take it just give me I'll give you gas money whatever I can't go back on those trains it was too much they're all done now it's too late mm-hmm by the way I got to the gig 800 seat theater

60 people no come on 60 people and 78 was the mean age oh or median median I think yeah what does mean mean is like when you're not nice to somebody that's what I was looking for so there you go so yeah it was a it was a tough gig and you realize you know we're out we're in this bubble you go out into the world and they don't know what snapchat is they don't know what an instagram filter all my jokes I had to like retool I was like you guys have heard of backbook pro they're like who's that what's what position it's like ah fuck all right so uh bomb they're pretty bad and then I tell them back with this lady in Newark and here's how I got the gig hers I got the ride uh oh she's like I'm trying to get a tape together for tonight's show and I was like oh boy you know uh if you

give me that ride I know the booker oh she was like is that right and I was like yes send me the tape so I got this old lady sent me a tape so I don't know what I'll do maybe I'll just have a premiere party and show it to all my friends that's like that in the old days I don't want to name names or cities but there was a festival we had to submit tapes and a friend of mine finagled his way into getting copies of all the submissions oh and we would have parties would get together and smoke drink beers and watch all these dog shit submissions that's hilarious and you'd be surprised how many people submit tapes there aren't in front of an audience what like if you poured out there like hey we're having a contest send us 25 bucks and uh send a video we want or even if there's no money

just say submit a tape a lot of people there are people out there that catch wind of this and they think a festival was where they will debut their comedy interesting like they're like oh I've always wanted to do comedy maybe I'll go do the Boston comedy festival it's like last comic standing there's a line around the club at the audition night and these guys have never done comedy exactly so they'll do it in their home they'll just set up a camera and go boy the other day I was getting my uh you know asshole checked out and my eyebrows whatever and there's no audience there they're just literally talking to the camera at their house not a bad bit that's one of my old ones that's how I got into the festival the first time what's the last time you did the Boston

festival or contest uh probably three years ago yeah we did it together we remember we go ahead let you host the nightclothes then we flipped in the second show yeah that was fun that was the Somerville theater and then we did a live pot too with Bulger and uh Alvin oh that was what five years four years ago that must have been three years ago probably four years and we had fans at that one oh yeah we've had fans for a long time we really are very grateful let me say this speaking of fans I uh I've just cleaned out my apartment I found like I got like 80 Chipotle gift cards yeah you do so we appreciate the support but I gotta say to everyone if you want to get a gift and support or whatever patreon can can I switch to Starbucks for something because I'm

going to Starbucks three times a day oh yeah I'm staying on Chipotle but I mean I got boxes of these things yeah well give them to the poor no you're gonna wrap me up and feed me to the poor your two-faced Irish lays curtain fuck it's just I got I got too many right now so I mean go to the patreon too because there's a bunch of stuff that's three bucks a month and you can get a bunch of bonus shit I mean a ton of bonus stuff on they were about to record another bonus all the live stuff the patreon is really a place to be oh yeah hot spot yeah and just and talk to somebody if you don't know talk to someone that has the patreon they're they're written and raving about how good it is just raving but yeah maybe a Starbucks gift card or a movie theater gift I mean I appreciate it

or just cash I don't know what you want to do I appreciate the support and I don't want to not get the support because I'm so grateful for it and it's so kind but I got Chipotle I could eat for two years straight with this stuff I'm overwhelmed what uh okay I guess I'm eating there more than you I don't know I mean I eat a lot but I mean you might have cards you just can't find or so I just went through my desk and there was like stacks of them maybe there's no money on them but I just never I probably should check to make sure there's money on them yeah yeah I got about 30 of them but I mean I eat there four times a week still all right so do I but I've spent years but someone gets you a $25 gift card that's two or three burritos yeah it's a lot

it's a lot but hey we all god love it we appreciate it yeah I mean I've never been more grateful for anything in my life you care more than my parents do let me ask you this what is what's the deal with movie pass every shittin on is that out I got rid of it and here's when I my theory I think I said this before on this podcast but maybe not it's a great scam they pulled oh really here's what you do this is what they think they did this is my conspiracy theory and I'm not a conspiracy theorist but I think they go hey everyone sign up it's 10 bucks a month you go to unlimited movies all over the country you can go to a fucking seven a week and people are like wow how does they even pay for that how do they pay for that that seems crazy all the theaters are participating yes so it seems

very strange sure so you get millions of people to sign up because they're like this deal is insane one movie is 15 bucks I'll pay 10 bucks oh my god you get 10 million people to sign up then what's the rub here's the rub after six months they go we can't afford this it's down to three movies a month and we choose the movie so here's what happens everyone goes that sucks but they count on millions of people not taking the time to go and unsubscribe cancel it's the same method that planet fitness uses they go we're 10 bucks a month but they know that 60 percent of the people will just pay and never cancel right so they're just getting that money for nothing yes for free so I think all these fucking movie pass people so many people just forgot to sign because I made sure to unsubscribe

because now it's specific movies they choose a good job you can see one of these three movies oh no it's worship but there's definitely tons of people not unsubscribing or whatever it is and then you just get the money same I had to have with pbs I paid for pbs to see the vietnam doc yeah and it's monthly I haven't canceled it then next thing you know old jeds a millionaire and vietnam is on netflix so now I'm paying for pbs for nothing I haven't looked at it in years they make it so tricky to can't I'm still on aol yeah they don't even want to get the money back there yeah it's hard to can't they should just make it a button just click yes or no or a checkbox something but they make you gotta fill up paperwork and fuck your dad the whole thing no movie pass

blows and they did it on purpose I feel like so did you get out I'm out I went on and I ended it you fled like Nazi Germany yeah good movie but anyways all right should we start to wrap this thing up or what because I saw a lot of people shitting on movie pass on the twitter box so I got a little confused there yeah now it's I think it's three movies a month but it's not every movie it's like they got specific movies that you're allowed to see because even three is solid but yeah if I can't pick the movie I don't want to go see you know what the hell a great crazy rich asians four times yeah well Ronnie Chang's in there I do love Chang he's a rich asian what a great guy great guy funny guy cool guy let me let me can I plug a thing please tonight that's right

tonight if you're in the New York City area tri-state area I'm at the fat black pussycat at 8 30 p.m. with my old pal Matt Wayne and my old pal Sarah Talamosh come out it's tonight fat black pussycat I think it's 10 bucks all right so come on out it's an early enough that you can get back home so all your New York City gays come out yeah I love that room that's like my new favorite thing in New York doing that hour in the city you do a seven o'clock hour you're home by 9 30 beautiful so and then next weekend Norway Bergen on Thursday and Friday Oslo Saturday I still even know where I'm going so go to that yeah and then DC draft house one of my favorite rooms I cannot wait to be in this room I love this room October 19th and 20th I love that city I've been

going there for so long so come out to that the week after that Sacramento punchline October 25th 26 27th you got that right Sacktown the Bay Area and back down and then of course live Tuesdays with stories with Bert Kreischer Nick batter on Henry Phillips yes Mark and I October 30th come out to that and then St. Louis funny bone next month St. Louis funny bone on November 15th 16th and 17th I'm coming back to Dr. Grins right after that and then December is a huge month I mean that's down the road but Portland Helium Charlie good night or just good nights it's called now I think I think it's called good night's yeah it's a great club and run by the Helium Jews that's in Raleigh and then Helium December 27th through the 29th in Philadelphia so I got Portland Helium

Philadelphia Helium Raleigh good nights all in December check out the website comedian Joe Liz suck your own dick thank you yes all right let me throw some jizz on the wall see if it sticks uh this weekend I'm in New Jersey New Brunswick at the Stress Factory Comedy Club Classic Club Jersey East Coast you got to come by everybody's done it I think Gerardo died there oh yeah then I'm in Uncle Vinnie's in Point Pleasant New Jersey and then I'm at the funny bone in Cincinnati with my old pal Chris Al and also Rogue Island Comedy Festival that's in Newport Rhode Island I think that's October 8th it's a Monday let me just double check yes Rogue Island Comedy Fest Doug Key put on a nice little fest over there and it's a it's just a killer venue and

it's it's a good vibe so if you're in the Newport area then one of my favorites very excited by this Cap City Comedy Club somebody dropped out they gave me the date that's October 24th through 27th come on out I'm gonna go straight from there to LA for the old live pod at the improv Joe Fatty just mentioned it uh yeah also check me out on Corden spread the love because nobody watches those clips so let's try to share and queef and anal then I'm at rumors at Winnipeg not bragging laughs in Seattle a lot of Seattle Tuesdays we'd love to have you then uh oh boy Black Friday I don't like the sound of that Zanies in Chicago love that club love that city they've got an L elevated train deep dish skyline comedy club in Appleton Wisconsin Pittsburgh improv and

Boston for New Year so a lot of good stuff coming up tell the gays tell the dykes tell the world we are the world we are the children praise Allah we love you hit the patreon get a merch pump shirt we'll see at the live show audible audible and uh yeah I guess that'll do it say hello give us a hug and come on out word of mouth say hello to my little friend oh I love Jurassic Park thank you we'll see you in hell you