Tuesdays with Stories! - #267 Tilty Fry Box

Episode Date: October 9, 2018

Good Golly Miss Molly, it's a great Tuesday as Joe goes to Asbury Park & freaks out some other Bed & Breakfast guests while Mark goes to L.A. to see Chad Daniels perform on Conan and to do a set himself on The Late Late Show! Check it out! Sponsored by: eero (Get $100 off the best-selling WiFi package and a year of eero Plus, by visiting eero.com/TUESDAYS and entering promo code 'TUESDAYS' at checkout) Subscribe to our Patreon where we're crankin' out bonus episodes every week! You can listen on any podcast app! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/ Download the Laughable app today! laughable.com/download

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe less Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy yeah right away like a proctology exam there what's that you said turn your head and call I turned my head yeah that's when they grab your balls or

something I think oh it's like a best-in-show where they check the sack yeah I think there's a sack check but I just turned my head I just turned my head anyways when I'm coughing because you don't want to get it on people so I go into the corner that the elbow whatever the bicep forearm yes and then sometimes I'll go under I'll even go under the shirt and the four up I mean I don't even hear that because I acted it out with the microphone it's weird because with a sack grab usually you cough to the right or you you don't want to get the cough on them or you get a sack grabbing jizz on the girl my gal

grabs the sack during a jizzing oh really oh it's the best to feel the pulsation or something or what I don't know it just it's it's Ed's stimuli oh really we'll talk about this many times before I have no sack stimuli I had nothing big ball gag you could lick my sack bite my sack flick it ping it squeeze it nothing I mean it's sensitive it hurts yeah if that's the thing it's too sensitive to pain that I can't there's no pleasure coming from just too nervous that's gonna you're gonna break an egg but you know massaging it can't like a massage on the back to get that elbow in there but it kind of feels good

but it hurts so good yeah I don't like a massage either but there's some things that hurt that feel good like you know if she squeezes a pimple on my dick that's nice or something pulls out an ingrown hair on my eye right gotta have those breakouts I'm gonna take a sip of water I was just watching a pimple popper MD those videos where they just squeeze the goo right out of there oh I meant that Seinfeld episode actual pimple popper I don't want to see that but I mean you're watching with one anal closed but it's heavy duty I remember watching jackass they did it when he had a blackhead and it's squeezed out for

like 10 minutes it was really off putting a lot of that but I was jealous also cuz I like my it's like farts you like your own but watching or smelling someone else's no good yeah yeah it was like a 10 minute video and the guy was just littered it was like a crater on the moon it was just back oh it was crazy just these black dots and they're late after the 13th one you're like you're in the first three you're going I can't take it and then you're you're all on board well I like popping my wife's pimples but she gets what it's very rare but I got sometimes I'll rub french fries on her back just because I

wanted to blow up a little bit yeah it's something to do the grease mm-hmm we just stayed in a hotel a bed and breakfast hotel Lilligard an ocean Grove it's all old down there you know it is but the wallpaper was white with yellow pinstripes it felt like we were inside of a fry box we kept saying over here in the fry box yeah I was like it felt like we were the last two fries fucking trying to make more fries I let now you curly or you waffle I'm straight I'm the loomster the loomster that's the longest fry in the bunch you can look it up from McDonald's kids club there's a Burger King kids club in the

McDonald's what was McDonald's thing ball pit there was a ball pit for sure you're gonna squeeze it I liked I fantasize about fucking in that ball pit oh that ball pits hep C cinch yeah it's a hep CC yeah you don't want to fuck around that ball pit you'll get a hernia if you had if you were rich super rich and you could do a room that was all would you go trampoline or ball pit trampo tramp yeah you know the movie big the ball pit you get to lose a cell phone in there it's a whole thing loose chain I imagine there'd be a ton of money on the bottom of that thing oh yeah oh I bet you clean up in that pit but but those

balls they just I just they collect jizz all through the years the tramp I feel like it's cut and dry it's a little surface well this is your home though this doesn't have kids in there there's not people fucking and homeless people living in there this is your ball pit I'll take a foam pit over a ball pit foam seems like a lot of upkeep no foams durable what do you mean durable it's I mean all the place it's soapy phone not soap I'm talking about foam like a cushiony you know you ever you ever heard a woodward like a foam or a pit of foam cubes you can jump do backflips into it I got you a foam cube pit cube foam yeah I see I

was looking just foam like you know like like wild on Ibiza where they just spray in the foam you know and I never got that I was like that sounds like it sucks it's in my eye it's up my ass yeah that's no good I've done that one too I've done been to a foam party and that's that's bad oh but there's a lot of groping really oh yeah well there's so much foam you can't see it's a big bubble bath oh Kevin oh yeah there's hands and dicks and everything coming out of each bubble so I think I'd go ball pit I mean well trampoline is nice because you can you're working out also a trampoline is exercise you're getting

some leg the core you're whatever yeah yeah but the ball pits because you can't get out of it and you're loosened there and the plastic and then you can whip them at each other that seems like fun not bad I like a whip but then the balls get dented yes you can't have a dent I hate a dented ball because there's no way to get the dent out right Harvey Dent I guess dental exam maybe they could do a foam ball like a nerf yes a nerf foam ball pit alert well we got to make some money get on the patreon folks we can get a big foam ball pit in this living room here oh yeah that'd be fun so we better start

getting into it we got a lot of goo here to get jizzing we got a lot of fry boxes I mean I might have some just quick things to throw out there hit me hit me fry like today I'll just go back I mean I'm not gonna do my whole thing yet but here's a quick nugget a chicken mcnugget if you all right we're taking the train back with a big weekend down Ocean Grove Asbury Park I'll get into it on another episode or later today but we take the train back and it's a long train ride down Asbury Park yeah it's so nice to have a car as a part is 90 minutes but train it's like three hours wow you got to take the you got to go to

Penn Station get the New Jersey transit down to Long Branch then you got to transfer from Long Branch to Asbury Park yeah try not to get shot before getting to the boardwalk and it's beautiful a three-hour train but we take the train back we're on the quiet car it's a New Jersey transit commuter train the 1034 AM and the first car and last car are quiet cars now Sarah and I we don't realize it's the quiet car we just get on here we go nah we don't mind being quiet because we're in together all weekend we're married for God's sake I like little peace and Q well by myself I'm always I'm all quiet I'm a

headphone douche the best thing is to you can go if someone text your call you go hey I'm on the quiet car nothing I can do my hands are tied here love that excuse yes I sometimes I'll throw out quiet one time I got caught on I think I told the story I said I'm in the quiet car and then Adrian Leblanc was like me too I don't see you oh no and I was like fuck and then it turned out she was on a different train oh two trains at once different I wonder if the quiet car was invented by the Germans I imagine that was a any car was a quiet car on those tracks oh yeah well it's price of whimpering yeah some whimper and some you

know any regrets you know how'd you get caught yeah yes and my family my love yeah I went to the coupon for this train stuff like that oh oh boy well it's a little drafty in here um anyways so we're on the train and we're in the quiet car we're accidental quiet car but then we go hey what the fuck we've been together all week we're gonna nap anyways we're farting so we sit there then around the third stop a lady gets on with her friend one has a newborn baby the other was a toddler they get on the quiet car here we go now right away you're going well why are you on the quiet car with a toddler and a babe

yeah a couple of squawk boxes these things are gonna go batshit and they weren't Native American good uh they get on I'll tell you I wish I had a bow and arrow cuz right away this train starts going they must have scalp those tickets and it's just right I'd like to give them back right away they get on and the baby the toddler starts going and he's just baby talk he can't he's toddlery yeah yeah he's all boom and the baby starts going and then there's like this lady that's Jersey I mean this is on Jersey you can't fuck around with these men or women the Jersey ladies like I mean this is crazy she kept

starting her sentence with I mean I mean I mean it's crazy yeah this is crazy but then the fucking the stewardess guys what do you call them the guys that take the tickets oh yeah the not the conductor I think they are conductors it's all conductors the guy in the music though he's a conductor yes that's a musical conductor but this is like a train conductor okay but I think they're all considered conduct conductors Kentucky Kentucky Derby's Dr. Fred chicken well anyways they come there they don't really say anything and then this is this is wild I swear this happened every time the conductor comes in the baby and Tyler

get quiet it's almost like they knew the baby was like and they would just come through and I'm going you want to try to go hey you can't have a baby over here but I think they didn't want to move the baby or whatever so finally the lady kept saying I mean this is crazy and then she packed up all her gear did like a storm past the stair down haha she did a stair down storm past wait why are you no at the baby oh it's a baby but it's just supposed to be a quiet car surely the quiet car somebody breaks the quiet car rule by being like taking a phone call or like whispering like I'm sorry there's just it's gonna be quiet yeah this

was like the most egregious quiet car hundred percent crying the whole time crying and squawking the whole thing and I was just laughing yeah and then we're laughing and then the more angry that lady got the more funny it was to us of course and then there's another lady next to her and that was laughing I kept making eye contact with her laughing we're all laughing and then a guy comes on he just takes a phone call and then you're like all right we'll just off the rails no pun intended yeah now it's it's the it's just a loud car and I was thinking they should all be quiet cars instead of having two quiet cars it

should be two anything goes oh a mayhem car you gotta make a phone call you want to finger your girlfriend or fuck your wife or your dad you just go in here that's the that's the crazy you play music out loud your fuck your orgy it's a chaos car yes so that way when the homeless guy comes in or the young buck wants to dance and collect the money in the hat you go hey you go down there there you car for you do a what do you call a busker yes you can bus you can bus bus boy well you know what it's like with the kid being quiet when the guy walks by that's like when you get the heckler cunt and that's the the the

bouncer guys out of the room or something then he comes back in the room she's not talking yes I'd be crazy you know I didn't hear anything I don't know yeah I had one the other day at the cellar which they're the best at fucking grabbing people kicking him out whatever yeah there was a lady on the front and this is gonna be a new thing that we have to deal with because people have the eye watch Apple watch the Apple watch so she's just looking down scanning her text with her watch it's only this big it's the size of my dick so and break which also can strap on to your wrist if you're interested

she's just doing that my whole set hundred percent of my set oh and I don't want to go hey you fucking bitch get off the phone but because she's just being quiet or whatever and everyone else I'm killing so it's like why draw our attention right and you can't have a doorman saying it so it's just like this new thing where it's someone on their phone but they're not on their phone but they're on their phone yes I got this little light and she's just scanning through reading her business very frustrating but you know if she's not she's not making a commotion yeah no commotion locomotion do the locomotion I

will say that is gonna get me into some hot jizz but I think the cellar it's such a good club that the bouncers are almost getting like bored yeah I feel like they're almost kind of like they're on their phone they're reading something they're eating chicken fingers in the back hallway like sometimes I need them in there a little more alert yes but they might be on their toes soon because old Louise stop it in quite a bit that's big two so far well too much this is coming out in a week you might be there at ten times the time this comes out who knows true that's true I think he's I didn't see much commotion locomotion

about it really yeah this one hasn't been picked up on who knows it's early here says this we're recording on Monday happened last night last night so who knows what's gonna shake down yeah but it's gonna be spicy over there oh yeah it's a big melting pot melting pot that's not right it's a boiling point boiling boiling something boiling point that's the boil I don't know it's some it's boiling pop by Doyle I don't know love pop by Doyle oh yeah so I was the concert well I mean it's alive a lot to a lot to undress here a lot to unravel unpack yeah a lot unpack here yes so we went down to the sea as an ocean

see here as in listen okay now as in the only meaning of now got it see here now fest put together by Danny clinch the wonderful photographer rock and roll photographer and filmmaker I might add and brilliant harmonica player this guy Danny clinch from Tom's River New Jersey bit of a legend he started his career as a intern for Annie Leibowitz yes very famous photographer so now he's his own photographer this guy's led quite a life he's been doing rock photography his friends as Bruce Springsteen and Eddie Vedder and all these guys and he photographs all these bands and he made a movie about Jack

Johnson he made one about Pearl Jam he made a movie about the food fighters he made a movie about your sister yeah he did so anyways he's he puts on this big festival he's from the Jersey Shore and puts on this big Jersey Shore Festival Asbury Park legendary music location down the whole thing I mean it's very exciting and I booked this way back in like March it's one of those trips you're like we're gonna go down I got a nice bed and breakfast at Ocean Grove which is a spectacular little town part of the new Newton Neptune Neptune Township it's all wacky down there you have townships and then you have fucking sections in

this place Ocean Grove is like owned by the church it dates back to the 1800s it's this weird kooky religious town and now it's gay it's like gay religious and they fight it's all these Victorian houses you guys you gotta look this place it's wacky I hear it's a little dicey over there now well Asbury Park is dicey yeah there's quite a bit of dice but it's on the up swing like 80s and 90s it was like hell and now it's like coming back a little bit but there's it's weird you drive through and you see like boarded up houses and out of business places yeah cash for checks or whatever that check cashing check cashing

and then you know it's some CD area overgrown grass and like what happened it was booming was it a factory closing kind of sit seems every song goes like that there's a lot of that but part of what happened like way back when they built the Garden State Parkway now before everyone would just take trains down so wherever you go to the train you like the shore Asbury Park beautiful there's an amusement park and the boardwalk then they opened the Garden State Parkway and cars became all the the rage the the hip the square what's one of these words sure all the rage it's all the rage I thought it was all

maybe right it's the rage because the Thai magazine with Eddie Vedder said all the rage it was like a double meaning like it's all the rage but then all the rage angry guy rage against machine yes exactly all the rage against the machines that was their original name all the rape now oh boy so anyway so I guess the Garden State Parkway everyone started going further down they go we'll go down to here we'll go down to there yeah you can go anywhere there you go so that was part of it I guess but anyways Asbury Park the stone pony still there and now the boardwalk is all rebuilt and they got all these beautiful old

buildings that are being refurbished yes the carousel and all this thing it's a big artsy-fartsy town but it always remained a music town a lot of bands there good you get the gaze in there they'll fix anything yes well the gains are in Ocean Grove but they're in Isbury Park also so ocean grove is the next town down you walk so we stayed in Ocean Grove went to Asbury Park both beautiful and New Jersey I've talked about it before they got such a bad rap underrated there is no greater disparity from perception of place to place yes yes well the TV show and the highway sucks and there's the power plant and then like this all

that it's in the shadow of Manhattan yes exactly and it's like not Philly and the name stinks New Jersey doesn't sound great it sounds like an old thing that's new and some trash there certainly and then the Jersey Shore the TV show sucked and that made it look like this Guido we think but the Jersey Shore is spectacular I mean it's unbelievable the beach is cool beach is amazing amazing beach yes and it's a train ride you take the Jersey transit you're there so we go down there and it's all planned it's all very exciting I love a music festival it's my it's my favorite thing in the world because you start planning

like we'll go see this band as soon as they're done we'll run out there we like we'll watch 45 minutes in this band then we'll leave early to get a good spot for that man we want a good spot for them then we could be in the back and this thing that see here now the whole thing so it's very exciting we go down there we get down there Friday night I like to go a day early night early we go we got a bed and breakfast and these bed and breakfast are kooky it's an old boutiquey bed and breakfast and everything there is built in 1880 so everything's sideways I put my plantar fasciitis ball down it just rolls down the hallway it's a tilty it's

a real tilty fry box so we go in there now listen to this and I might get a new bit out of this I hope there's no TVs in the room there's just one joint group shared television set a general pop common area yes in the living room when you walk in he's like here's the TV if you need it the remote's right here here's how you use it so I'm like you gotta be shitting me I don't want this is my worst nightmare watching TV with other strangers you know what are we gonna watch Matlock I mean how do you pick I know and I like to beat off when I'm watching TV I'm playing with my dick my balls I jerk off five times the right

commercial hits yeah you love Matlock forget about it I'm coming all over the place and putting it on the remote if I want to oh yeah last channel universal remote so I go down there and I gotta watch TV and then people are coming into the hotel cuz it's the front door and a one night last night Sarah had some work to do so I was like I'll watch Monday Night Football while she's finishing her sketches or whatnot football is a good one because it's universe yes everyone we're all on football but everyone's why you get the person comes in with the head injuries and the rapes well these guys are this

and that the other thing I go down there and it's pitch black because it's late they roll up the sidewalks in this town it's a god town yeah and the bed and bees are all old ladies exactly and it's a Sunday night so I go down there it's pitch black and I don't want to make any fuss cuz I don't want to wake anyone up I don't want to talk to anybody no you don't so I got no shoes on I'm tiptoeing and it's like a quiet place I step on a loose nail and a floor board the creek so I get down there and I can't figure out the room I can never figure out remotes there's nine remotes two TVs the whole thing an epidemic and

it's an old thing is bolted to the thing it's got a cord on it this whole situation is it a fat TV I don't imagine it's a flat it's a fat TV okay it's a big fat one that's what I fig and so I'm trying to get the remote on and I see these two figures coming up and now the door is locked it's after hours they come from the content they're probably been drinking yeah so they open the door but I'm in the pitch black and I can't get the TV on so I'm just sitting there in the dark now it's doctors they come in there's four of them two couples they're drunk and they're recapping the night they hit the light they don't hit

the light but now they don't know that I'm here but I know they're there and I can't get the remote on so now I just like a ghostly pale nerd why you're a loomster I look like a ghostly loomster because it's already creepy it's this old 1880 hotel it's three floors it's crooked the fry box the whole thing yeah it looks like a haunted house tilty now they walk into a haunted house and I'm just staring at him like this and they finally one lady looks up he goes what what's going on I'm like I can't figure out the TV I'm really sorry and I wanted to make them aware of me hi that's even creepy that's weird hello I've been

waiting for you yes it was so I felt like such a ghostly creeper I thought about hide I literally was like they will just hide behind the chair wow but that's even worse they come around now I'm hiding so there's no way for me to get out of this not looking like a mania yeah and you're the nightie and I'm going yeah I had the little thing over with the candle in the nightcap yes so then I go hey yeah I'm just trying to turn the TV on here and then finally I get it on the guys like what do you got Steelers here the Ravens and the Steelers the Ravens gonna beat the steel here we go now I talk to this guy hate the guy

and of course I got my socks hat on which is a big mistake is that was like all the Patriots Tom Brady blow me the fucking Eagles and like that's great that's great here we go and that was a whole situation did you get the game going I got the game going so then here they go down in the basement is where they keep the sodas and like it's one of these things we like we have one fridge downstairs put your leftovers down there you're gonna write your name on it so let's go get the leftovers so soon as they go downstairs to communal I killed the TV I run back upstairs yeah people come down they see a ghost when they

walk in then they see a nerd watching football they go downstairs to come back and I'm just gone so they probably thought I was a figment of their asshole good get rid of them anyways great time the festival was amazing last night as we're speaking Sunday night we're there and of course you're in Asbury Park so you're just thinking about Springsteen the whole time social distortion comes out second to last band of the weekend one of my favorite bands all time well honey moon and ohana fest which was very similar last year great times yes they're out there they play a whole everyone gets an hour I'm dying sorry I spoke too

many cigars there get some Kool-Aid so what now I was gonna say Kool-Aid that I mixed it with jizz I said kuz oh kuz water water is what it's called water I don't know social deed oh here quite a band leave a hit that I would know well nice thing story of my life and ball and Shane and a cover of Ring of Fire this is all late 80s early 90s it's not late 70s they're like an orange County not like the orange County punk bands leave tattooed Oh all right all right I've been to that yeah well story my life was a big they're like kind of big song you know anyways Mike Ness has got two great solo albums

two kind of rockabilly albums he might have more than that get my world I had anyways they're a wonderful great band legendary band so I'm watching them for the fucking 78th time and everyone's doing an hour they do about 40 minutes he's like you've been great thank you and they walk off and I'm like what's going on here who doesn't encore for an hour show yeah they went short went short and I'm like I'm maybe they're upset maybe the sound is weird then I'm thinking because the festival is weird because all these band they're like an old-school punk rock fucking tough hard Harley fucking beat them up mosh pit band all

right but there's this other band called the front bottoms who's like this new blink 182 they go I can hear your dog whistle through your pillow like that kind of shit and then there's this other band called Khalio or something on Milky Chance boy big difference bank well that's two different bands but the band right before it's called Milky Chance like a reggae band yeah that was fine but I just like social sources like what is this we're put the bunch of fucking homos here yeah yeah that's them talking not sure sure big D so then he comes back they play another song and he goes boy I was walking around the boardwalk today

and I saw a guy just not doing anything minding his own business and I said what are you doing tonight and he said nothing I said well maybe you might want to play a couple songs with us and then the crowd goes yeah and everyone starts going bruise and everyone's people like no way it's not bruise fuck you you motherfucker and it's Bruce Springsteen comes out Sunday night second to last band they play three songs together including Ring of Fire the boss now the boss last time I saw him of course was on Broadway in the theater show he's doing the piano the acoustic so he's excited to this fucking whale on some

electric guitar yes and he really did his punk voice he was like really gave the heat they're going back and forth to legends going at it on stage surprise set asbury park across from the Stone Pony just like the old days Springsteen Mike that's bringing it home then Jack Johnson came out afterwards and did a surf ship which was great too but tough back to follow my great festival the highlight of the whole festival though of course Brandy Carlisle I can't stop talking about I've mentioned it before I've talked about it before I've tweeted an Instagram I don't know what else I can do for you people one of my favorite

artists of all time I mean right up there with Pearl Jam and Springsteen behind them a good distance but above most people I gotta thank Chris Walsh and Sabina Dorsling for giving me the heads up on this broad yeah I mean this this team can really whale and sing and the songwriting it's too much I cried like a little girl yeah you did we went way up front for her I'm like 10th row center stage against the side rail she gripped it and ripped it what a performance I mean I'm crying like a girl my wife I feel embarrassed I'm like I'm never gonna get blown again she's like oh my god I got a sissy boy boy

they dig the emotional I think they like it yeah no rock and roll tears is this nighttime or win in the day where are we this is nighttime and she was the second-to-last act of Saturday and the headline was incubus so I never can I call it stink you best I'm with you I'm not a fan which was perfect for me because as soon as Brandy Carlisle finished my mind is blowing I'm crying I got a heart out of my assholes bleeding yes we go let's get out of here we walk all the way back down to Ocean Grove and you can hear a stink you best out in the distance go on boo boo boo boo boo boo and that was fun we ordered Domino's

pizzas the only thing open Ocean Grove has one fucking place of business that stays open late some bullshit pizza we walk in at 935 we left the show where we walk past all these food places in Asbury Park we'll just go to the one place in Ocean Grove now just as we feared fucking 45 minute walk all the way down there we walk in they go we're actually closed I hate that move because the lights are on and the door is open and it's 25 minutes to close it goes we haven't had a table for 45 minutes I'm like well who gives a fuck that's not my problem why is that my problem you're fucking supposed to be open you have a

table right now give me a pie bitch this is why again they we talk about it these corporations everyone hits a corporation but the mom and pop they closed cuz they felt like closing they're tired so I the Nate Bargatzi bit so good exactly so I go I'll go to my app I'll get a Domino's no problem you blew it you blew it you don't get money now I'll get a delicious pizza from Domino's nice delivery woman but anyway great fest lot of son I mean it was run so well 20,000 people each night there was two stages there was the surf stage and the sand stage one on either side then there was this park stage over there saw some

cool bands they watch this bank this woman named Nicole Atkins up front we just went up right it was early in the afternoon so we went like second row right up against the rail there yeah watch her she was very sexy very talented some guy named Langhorn slim really brought the heat he was funny walked around the crowd and it's fun because a festival you have to really try to get everyone's attention so people did all this crazy stuff they've been walking out into the seats and we saw Jack Johnson up close and in person he was in this tent they had a tent with all a Danny clinches photos and such a big place set up some

music they played a couple songs there so we saw Jack Johnson there in the little tent and he walked out him and his wife and they had a little escort and he was right there right where you are wow it was very exciting like hey Jack and he went hey give me a wave that was fun it seems like a chill dude very chill he's from you know North Shore Hawaii the surfing the whole thing would be so different if we grew up in Hawaii oh yeah we wouldn't be funny I'll tell you that no he's not a funny guy no he's a handsome he's an ex surfer I think big surfer he's gonna be like a pro surfer and he crashed almost dies so he still

surfs but he doesn't do the big wave shit that was the only struggle in his life I'm sure and then we saw Ben Harper and the innocent criminals they were killer a lot of my favorite fans great fest buttons and Tuesdays there hey big Joe saw him he said hello he came over talk to Joe another guy just said hey man big fan whatever so that was exciting it's nice to get recognized at a festival you got that right so a lot of artists they think we're just like them it's crazy we got nothing on them it was quite a thrill so amazing but Brandy Carlisle stole the show stole the fest I mean I'm just I just think she's such a

tremendous artist she makes me cry every song every album I love it I'm obsessed is she in the McLaughlin group or what would you put her like McLaughlin well she came way after the McLaughlin was like 90s yeah I think she's like kind of country she's kind of rock and roll if she's Seattle and I don't know much about her she's a she's a gay lady oh that helps I like a big list and her second album the story that was like her big kind of okay break through which thing but she's now kind of having a moment I feel like where she's starting to get some comeuppance all right Alexa play Brandy Carlisle well not now

we're recording a podcast with God's sakes well we'll get to that later big out shut up or learn more later yeah Eero Eero life's too short for bad Wi-Fi we got the Eero set up over here this thing is a peach baby it's a thing of beauty fast Wi-Fi makes all the difference and not only is it fast but it provides reliable security that defends your home against a growing number of threats malware spyware you name it this it's gonna include total network protection advanced security content blocking ad blocking come on so you get the high speed and the perks you

need this at home folks and with our help get a hundred dollars off best-selling Wi-Fi package and a year of Eero plus you got to visit Eero dot com backslash Tuesdays plural and a check out into the promo code Tuesdays get on the Eero we love it you're gonna love it who's got time to wait for that internet to load get cooking folks all right anyways it was quite a fast and I got some more but you go for a lot I'm losing my voice over here you get a dick in the throat you're gargling well I had a cold a little bit of a cold and I was singing I mean I'm

going crazy at this show I jump I don't fucking hate shit at these shows I'm singing I'm yelling I'm jumping around I have a good time my life gotta get loose I needed what three days huh well I was there the festival is two days okay but all day we went around we don't drink so we don't need to pregame or anything we want to take we go right in when it opens we watched every bed and we damn did the thing it was about 18 hours you did it up but did you did you get in there in the big sea cunt know the water no it wasn't that hot and then we're at the fest because the festival he doesn't allow there's no access to the water so I

mean it was like 70 degrees it gets a little cool down there so but we stood by the water I just feel the ocean it really heals you get the salt the wind it's the best and I know you got into a Sarah's yeah I got right in there with my mouth and dick and toes go nuts yes oh yeah the water is just fine well I'll I got too much so this might be six episodes worth but we'll start out with the biggie James Corden yeah 10th late night set wow it was one of those things where I emailed Corden in January and I was like hey I got a set together it's a clean set what do you think they're like yeah we'll be in touch don't hear a

thing for 10 years then September 4th rolls around like can you do it next week we're like Jesus Christ he had a year to talk to me I don't care for this next week but hey then I mean it just clearly means someone dropped out of it a hole in the sketch but they called give me three weeks three would be nice three is the perfect amount but I will say they're a lot more lenient than some of the other ones tonight show okay well there's less people to offend that's true that's later at night and later at night yes and he's British which I think makes it weirder in a weird way is he gay or no that's what I thought we'll get

into that okay I fucked him God bless you so I'm trying to put the set together quick you know I'm scrambling here I'm on my heels and I got two jokes that I want to do and they're not hitting I'm talking two out of the gate jokes are just bombing I'm like I know there's something here but I can't figure it out so I'm bombing with these two jokes then killing at the end of my set of running at the cellar every night four times a night two jokes and I've run it by six different people I was like maybe try this try that nothing's working the night before I leave I'm in my apartment just hair brushing hand doing the joke so and

I had a click I go maybe this and then I go maybe that and I came with like five lines for each five extra lines went to the cellar that night did all five and one of them work nice and I just kept it and the bit the bit is sold it works good click it clicked you had a nice click they led to a click I had a click-clack and we got a bit working and that was that mm-hmm so I set up Courtney I think they felt guilty about the late you know taken so long like you got a week so they gave me a car to JFK oh that's nice yeah which that JFK running such a bitch they're just to not have to worry about that as a loader yeah I mean JFK

is a $50 cab ride from my house I live in the same borough it's 70 for me yes so I got the JFK car Delta comfort love Delta comfort for a cross country that's something that's big going LA so I get out there fly straight to LA and on the plane I'm getting a text from my agent and I go yeah you get the free Wi-Fi with the texting I'm gold status I don't get free Wi-Fi get free text but I'll take it so I go hey what are you up to she's like I'm going LA to I go what are you doing LA she goes Chad Dales doing Conan uh-huh and I go is that right I landed 330 think I could make it she's like you don't you're gonna have to come straight

here I'm hungover I'm unshowered and I got four shows that night in LA and I go God I was already planning on getting to the hotel they put you up in this nice hotel called the Orlando I was planning getting to the hotel take a shower take a dump rub one out put on a nice outfit and hit the town but now this is throwing a wrench in my asshole but I'll say I said fucking I'm doing it you gotta live gotta do it so I fly straight to LA getting a car and I go hey driver change your plans you piece of shit we're going to Warner Brothers he goes that's gonna take two hours I go step on it darky oh yeah I had the same experience with

Conan is that right remember I landed on the plane freshly shower though you gotta go straight there I went straight there I'm showered I'm showered I'm showered I'm kept for a Conan unfettered a Norman Conan a Daniels Conan untethered untethered I think tethered yeah feather we have tethered Tartan feather that's retarded feather ah that's a good prank you get tired and feathered then you get retarded feathered you do it over again alright so boom get to see Chad Patrick Keen's there and you know all these people are there it's a great time and he's got a packed green room and it's it's so nice being there

not being on the show yo yeah JP's hanging out there's cookies everywhere there's snacks I got a cup of coffee and I'm like this is great like just watching Chad I got filmed him going out there but up up up Chad Daniels the big door slides open to a big door the big door it's like a castle from a curtain door aha that's right maybe they got a they got attacked or something I don't know so Chad goes out rips it up we're all taking photos of Chad talking to Conan it's great you're supporting great comedy and then they go let's all go out to eat and I go crazy question would you guys mind if I took a shower in the

green room what and they were like yeah I guess it's a little weird but go for it took a shower in the Conan green room wow so I'm showering up in there which I know maybe a little too comfortable but I feel like a million bucks I'm out of the shower I'm clean now in LA I didn't need to go to the hotel we go out to dinner we have a couple beers out there we go to claim jumper claim yeah it's like their TGI Friday kind of thing it's I think it's only west coast fascinating claim jumper give it a Google I don't know what it means I asked the waiter you jump from claim to claim it's a it's a it's a 49er term oh I see the gold rush

oh some guy find some gold and you know you jump it you I found it first you claim job oh something like that I was listening so boom I'm showered couple drinks Chad jumps on a red eye Pat Keen drives me to the improv no he drives me to a backyard show I do a backyard show at 8 in Hollywood some guys backyard it was killer wow then go to the laugh factory laugh factories bananas you ever been there I have this place is a kook show and a half so I get there one show is going out getting out it's like 945 I'm talking to Theo Vaughn I'm like what's going on he's like dude the next show is not starting probably supposed to start at

10 probably not gonna start till 1030 yeah shit because I'm on at the improv at 1048 and they run on time that's how they do it over there they're 12 minute spots it's la la land I think it is and Dane cooks on so who knows what's gonna happen yeah so I get to the laugh back and 10 0 5 10 10 I go when are we starting this problem I'm tired of the waitresses like they're all like oh you're fucked I'm just running five minutes so this host goes on I don't want to get to judgy here but maybe one of the worst comics I've ever seen in my life really oh this guy was a he was greener than an avocado oh boy news and so he goes on

and he's just yelling who here eats ass who likes eating that they're all like Gary Busey's in the crowd John Lovato's in the crowd what yeah also Godfrey went on the show earlier and they were people were on their knees like bowing him he ripped it up wow New York guys to come in there it's over yeah so I'm just like Theo Vaughn's in the lobby just like oh dude get a lawn chair and a pillow we're gonna be here a while I'm like I gotta go on at the improv which is like five minutes away literally yeah it's fascinating all of you never been to LA comedy all three clubs are like eight minutes from each other a total sunset

strip it's fascinating yeah so I'm like yeah I'm just you know I'm getting up biting my nails here like oh boy oh boy so I'm up first I'm just doing five minutes I tell the manager I'm like do you mind if I just do five I had a 10 minutes like I'm just gonna do five and run out she was like okay so I get the uber on my phone ready I'm waiting for the host he's talking about eating ass for 25 minutes finally goes all right let's get this show going never got one left and I go I'm gonna bomb my cordon set fuck it I go up or I'm waiting I'm waiting by the stage I'm right by the stairs like all right here we go he's

gonna bring me up and he goes all right I'm gonna bring a cat to the stage this first guy I'm gonna change things up first guy you know the cat I'm on the list as first and I have to get out of there now it's like 1028 you're not a cat I can tell you're not the cat no cat no cat nothing about you he goes the cat's out of the bag because he goes hey folks this guy I love big friend of mine I'm kind of like maybe just lying you know like I do and he goes e-sop fable or whatever the guy say it was he's up some other guy and I go what the fuck I'm on and you know I'm on this the other place in like 18 minutes and I'm supposed to

five I'm on the list is first but he was he didn't know who I was so he's like I'm gonna bring this other guy up just to get the show going oh so I just go to the magic I gotta go like this is not my my cup of jizz I'm not I'm not a lever but I gotta go I'm not a big-timer I just have to leave it's not your bowl of milk yes it's not my cup of jizz so she goes yeah I totally understand she was very nice so I grabbed my suitcase I puts the Uber button he gets there in two minutes we head to the improv my manager going where the hell are you I'm here with Ryan he's the booker he's looking for you we don't know what the hell's going on

you're up you're up next you're on next I'm like how much time do I have he's like you have technically you have nine minutes or eight minutes I show up get out of the uber run of the club run right in go in somebody's on stage Moshe casher and they go he goes all right thanks a lot and the host goes up and he goes you ready I'm ready I'm all sweaty he goes Mark Norman I ran right on set of my life whoa I minutes killed it zinging and zanging it was a comedy juice show the crowd was packed I get off stage Ryan the Booker for Gordon's like wow that was killer and the whole time you're like he's gonna want to

change it he's gonna hate it he was like that was great and then they go you want to run in the lab oh I love the lab I like the lab too but it was four people in there we're blind and one was retarded and feathered so I go yeah let's run in the lab why not and boy to that bomb well it was ugly that's double four people you know what are you gonna do yeah yeah but they it was it was a mean four that just stared at you for mm-hmm where you're like how did I just kill there even though you're four people you're still allowed to laugh yeah I never got that well it's vibe it's all vibe and energy you need vibe and lot goes

into comedy it's not like music well music is similar in some ways I think yeah you're right you play a you play a song for nobody it sounds great yes you do a joke for nobody it's just there's nothing there it's a sing song it's a dialogue it's a good point it's a conversation it's a lot of energy yeah alright so whatever I bomb it up and then I bunch of friends are at the impromptu like I had Eddie so Dilla sepia I don't want to say his name Ryan Connor remember Ryan Connor I love Ryan Nick Cobb is there so they all go hey we show up we should all go drinking Cobb salad so I go yeah why the hell not I

haven't been in the hotel yet oh my god so now it's fucking 11 30 at night we go out have a couple of whiskies I go check in now it's fucking 2 o'clock in the morning which is 5 a.m. New York right and I've had 17 whiskies go to bed wake up 8 30 I got a meeting at 9 oh my manager set up all these meetings they do that when I'm in town they just suck up my calendar yeah I don't like the meetings hate the meeting I want to do the meeting I want to go to LA I want to go to the diner and eat yeah beach and jizz and queef that's why LA is tough for me I like to hike I like to go to the ocean I like to see sights and I got

close friends that I don't get to see exactly do you want to meet with this I'm like no I want to hang with Chris Walsh I want to fuck him in the ass but they're going you never hear you got to do it I go ah geez these people don't want to meet me now you gonna meet me now I got a meeting at 9 so I run out of hungover I haven't showered again I'm all a mess and the whole time you're thinking I got a set tonight I got do I want TV tonight like I mean these meetings like yeah oh yeah that's a good idea cool but I'm just like ah don't forget your jokes you suck you're not good you hate yourself your parents don't

love you and then I go to another meeting then another meeting that had a V.O. audition V.O. audition the middle of Beverly Hills voiceover the whiskey oh yeah voiceover audition for some fucking cartoon that I'll never get just a big waste of time and boy did I bomb that and the guy was like come on man you got to give it your all I was like I thought I was it was it was bad news so finally I'm supposed to be a cordon for two 2 p.m. 2 p.m. the show shoots at six that's a lot of meetings an audition when you got 2 p.m. call time I squeezed them in all right yeah so I get the cordon and I go hey buddy I meet the

guys at the headset the clipboard I go hey man could I just take a nap in there because I hate to hurry up and wait you're you're killing my whole day yeah that's four hours with nothing to do I know they want you there early cuz they're like afraid you're gonna miss it or whatever they want to make sure everyone's accounted for but you're like this is the biggest night of my life I'm not gonna miss it right I'll be there if you tell me an hour before I'll be there two hours before exactly come four hours before also the longer I'm there the more I can stew and my own hatred and sick vile and vinegar and piss yeah so

whatever so I get there fuck it take a shower another green room shower which that that's frowned upon I think people give me a weird look I came out with a towel on I had like another towel in my head I got slippers on and the whole thing so go in the green room I try to take a nap Dean del Rey shows up I love Dean too but then you know the my manager shows up my agent shows up so I go alright well fuck it you gotta look alive snap it up yeah here's where I throw my clothes on we go play basketball there's a basketball court on the roof a post shower basketball yeah this is crazy talk it's LA what are you gonna do you're a

gook well it's open bar it's basketball is a food spread that you would you should see these chocolate chip cookies back there oh my god it's banana it's the most laid-back of all the late nights everybody's just got their feet up it's beautiful as a guy shaking you know like a mixed drink going as a margarita machine as Heineken's as picnic tables I saw Reggie Watts I saw the whole gang saw Nate Fernald are they on the show there are Reggie Watts is the band leader really yeah I've never seen the program and Nate Fernald's a writer Logan's a writer Ian Carmel's a writer wow yeah it's a heavy staff they're fat and good

eggs and yeah the Damon Waynes Jr. goes on the Gina Rodriguez was the other gal and they go on together it's very loose wow they sit on a couch in bullshit that's fascinating and then they go alright you're on I go alright here we go and he you can hear him he does the fountain like this guy's amazing we're so lucky to have him you got to give it up his parents are watching stand up as the hardest art form and you're like I went out there and the whole time you're like this isn't the tonight show I'm wearing a bomber jacket I got tennis shoes on let's have fun and I if you watch my set I have a brain fart

immediately what I watch the set I saw no brain fight really yeah oh I had a panic I went out there and I went so it's gonna be here in LA I'm standing in the heart of Hollywood and it just luckily I just snapped in oh I didn't notice anything like you're just hanging out doing stuff oh wow alright well in my head it was an eternity and then it was a hot set and they applaud too much they're very hot they're too hot now it looks like they're right in front of you there literally where that TV is five feet in front of you and they're set up like tables and chairs it looks like a nightclub it looks nightclubby and they

are ready to go and they're very applausey it's almost like you got special needs they're just giving up yeah you're doing good buddy great job keep going you're retired and feather there it is so then yeah we got offstage and hot set thank you thank you killed hot crowd and got out of the air it's a nice relief and we went out to dinner in the Grove I love the Grove I always go to the Grove you I've never been beautiful outdoor open air we got some Cajun food then I jumped on a red eye and that was it now tell me about Gordon did you talk to him nice guy or what yes yes sorry so he's gay or he's not gay he's supposed to give

me the business here in the 17 hours I was in the green room at some point he comes in and I was like oh here we go Gordon's going in look alive and coolest dude like really man's man he came in he was like oh man I love stand-up comedy we talked about in a net for 20 minutes wow shitting on this shitting on that he liked this he liked that he's like I gotta tell you I go to the I go to the comedy clubs here and you know I'm a British guy so comedy's big I go to the ones here every punchline is what the fuck what the fuck that's not a punchline we're like yes yes we're all

dying in there I got a bunch of comics in there we're losing it now is he a stand-up at all was he ever nothing which I also likes he respects it and he's like I can't ever do that kind of thing well I watched his sitcom I really dug it oh really British one I didn't know he had a sick it was guy and a girl a name and a name Dante and Ralph or something like that Sarah and Steve well there you go Mick and Keith I don't know I can't remember what it was yeah so he and there was a great moment at one point you know we're in my room with the door close and this lady comes in with a headset and a clipboard she goes James I just want you

know he goes hey shut up let me alone he slams the door we all died oh wow but it was all comedic effect but it was so funny and I was like that guy's like he's a fucking cool dude really he was ripping it up we were dying in there was holding cord it was great but is he gay or is it not gay not gay all right why don't think he was gay I thought he was gay he's a song and dance man he's British he's he's dainty I mean I cry at Brandy Carlisle so I might be gay also and I like to suck dicks but yeah they're here no there but now let me ask you this yes hit me fatty what was the what was the situation right before you

go on is it is it nice guys did the same thing your people hanging with you do they go in the crowd or where what's going on there way well there's a common area much like Conan has that comment okay everything so everybody's hanging out there they're half out there have my green room and then they go hey you're on I walk backstage through some curtain grip kind of area and then they go to the side just like Conan they go to the side they're standing next to the audience on my left side and they're all hooting and hollering and that was it then you walk off he comes up I did the tie dab again he was crazy about it and

then you walk off to meet the friends and they all hug you wow what a what an exciting time it we're very lucky you know that I flew back on a red eye landed in New York at 8 a.m. took a nap then got them Friday night tell me about Gotham well you gotta go I mean this is more I'll tell you I gotta go I gotta go to the bathroom I got a piss like you read about a wee wee big time big time we we how about this today I forgot to mention this run the train coming back there's a lady white tank top a little ghostly looking holding a guitar case like a big black case I was on the train we're doing 40 miles an hour on the middle of the

woods like nowhere like we're going it's a full four minutes of going 80 miles an hour this direction and that direction before in any town we saw a lady on the side of the fucking train what I think she I said it sounds like you saw her right she's like yeah you saw that that was spooky sounds like another specter yeah it was like me with the TV off it was fascinating that is that just makes your brain go what the hell was it who what's her backstory what's her life you start really pant pondering very strange and I forgot to mention this Debbie Harry went blondie was at the festival also Debbie Harry was old when she made

it like when they've been blondie hit yeah she was like 40 so she's 72 years old or something that 74 maybe that's you look pretty good I mean good for 74 year old she's out there she's in a one-piece all spandexy thing on a flag wow flag what do you call it a cape aha she was wearing a cape she came out the band was rocking and this is where it's unfair for musicians as a singer you lose the range and the voice and you can't breathe properly but the band they can still rip yeah so that the band is like ripping interesting she was doing a lot of this move that's kind of sad when she like call me call and like holds the

mic out like you guys can tell she just can't sing keep her breath up brutal then this is amazing I gotta look up to see if people tweeted about it or what not cuz Sarah and I were dying laughing she's singing rapture and there's like a little rap in the middle of it she's like hey fat five Freddie just sneezes right in the middle of the rap she's like rapping and then just sneezes like a hardcore old lady sneeze I assume she shit her pants and her uterus fell out yeah and then just went back into the rap never addressed it or anything she wasn't like oh boy I'm getting old that was crazy that's embarrassing and it's

hard because it's an elderly person yeah 74 years old whatever I mean cuz she is still saying to some degree and sounded good in the band ripped yeah but it's hard cuz it's like this thing of like yeah you're still out there and just punk rock and it's cool she's like fuck you motherfucker she's still out there but they're also like out of breath and like I remember watching Axl Rose saying he's trying to run around so you're gonna welcome the jungle but he can't breathe because he's fat and like squishy and bloated brutal and he's like and you're like ah this sucks to watch season tickets that's why you gotta really take

care of yourself yeah and that's why comedy is great because you can be the funny old guy yeah you can be fat and you know yeah exactly enough to move too much yeah and this is a fun one I went and met Bobby out and we hawk did a cool old show for the syndicate oh whose laugh button is like it's like laugh buttons they're part of the syndicate uh-huh they did a show their 20th anniversary at this old studio recording space out in we hawk and legendary spot you're all over Jersey all yeah yeah Jersey I love it I took the bus we have never had to take a bus before to like a gig never taking a bus to a gig well I'm taking

like a greyhound haha this is like a city New Jersey transit bus it's very strange you just take the path train or whatever yeah you're a busker so I take the the end train get off at 42nd Street walk over to Port Authority now Times Square is a complete nightmare everyone talks about how bad it used to be it hasn't changed I think I'd rather get mugged and fuck a whore that have a fucking these Mickey Mouse chasing after me and I had a Batman guy come up to me and now this is just a fun little snippet the guy comes up here I have my like my venti tea and he comes up and he taps me goes what are you drinking a

coffee and then I said don't touch me Batman it was a proud moment of my life and because I don't like people touching me in general I don't want you touching me let alone some fucking Latino Batman at Times Square I've noticed and I don't know why you have to touch me I don't get what he's doing I don't know he's going for and I'm wearing a backpack and I look like a nerd so I think I'm a tourist I guess oh yeah and I'm like look I gotta map out looking for the Jersey Transit but he put his hand on me but it was fucking I was gonna say please don't touch me but I threw in the Batman it really made me laugh that I

was walking away I'm like that was hilarious yes it's very very few people can say they actually said earnestly don't touch me Batman that did he go sorry there Robin or anything like that no I just kept going like I didn't look I don't want to be in a thing I mean I assume he's illegal or something out there was there an accent he was I mean it's Batman so you can see his face he was a Latino okay and then you always see well the Mickey Mouse people they take their ears off they're like little Mexican women sure it's funny you see Mickey and Minnie and you know Iron Man and then they'll take that thing off to

get some water because that's Paco doesn't breathe really well yeah lady they're all women yeah some of Batman was a guy I think it's right here but anyways I take the bus and it's hard when you're you lived here that city for 25 years but I've never taken the bus to Weehawken so I get up there and I ask some guy and he's like chewing his gum and he's like what are you looking for when you're trying to get there why are they the worst and I'm like I'm just trying to figure out how to get the bus like what bus and I'm like it's this bus I'm from here I live here I always have to say that I live here I'm from here I just

have to go to New Jersey for some reason tells me the bus I run upstairs I'm the last one on the bus the door literally closes behind me and there's one seat left in the bus next to an old lady kind of sexy old lady I sit down one step you're gonna do a Weehawken one stop Port Authority right through the tunnel it lets me off I'm meeting Bobby Kelly like two hours for the show we're working on some stuff he's like we'll have a cigar there's a cigar lounge right by the gig I get off the bus I'm the only like it's off which always makes you skeptical we're like is this a bad neighborhood what's going on why is

packed bus I'm gonna look it off yeah what do you know what I don't know I look up Havana's Weehawken cigar bar I'm just the bus stop is the cigar lounge I call Bobby I go where you at he's like I'm at the gig he's like should I walk over the cigar lounge I'm like I'm here now I beat him there look at that I walk right in there they couldn't be nicer also Latinos no Batman mask they said come on in I got a my father I smoked it and sucked Bobby's dick and it was great I saw the Instagram stories it was nice so we sat there had a cigar then we go over to this music space there's a piano there I'm kicking

around the piano playing some chords you know Mandolin lessons the whole thing yeah the Bobby goes you know that's the piano that John Lennon wrote imagine on I'm laughing oh you gotta go with a smaller lie you gotta go small lie you gotta say Elton John wrote fucking leave on on this or something something small and he goes alright he's laughing I'm like whatever then an old man walks up he goes you know about this studio and I go no no it's a gig I don't know whatever he goes this is where Justin Timberlake and the Rolling Stones and Beyonce play they rehearse here before SNL or the Super Bowl like a legendary

studio he goes and he goes that piano is the piano that John Lennon wrote imagine on here we go I go come on all right all right how much you pay you blah blah blah the guys like I swear to God the owner bought it it was 40 grand he just keeps there uncovered I'm like that's insane yeah two other guys show up and they go hey I don't know if you know this that's it is the piano I'm fucking around I'm kicking it and playing a little risk richer to whatever I'm playing the piano I'm playing John Lennon's piano it's the piano imagine that imagine that if hat and imagine that it's John Lennon's piano the guy bought

it or whatever it's a famous studio no plaque no nothing it's just literally in the corner and there's like a cocktail on the thing and I'm playing it and then Christie showed up Yanis at a great night me Bobby Christie Yanis the whole thing and boy you if the people could hear that green room would all be out of the business we really let each other have it we're like you're a fat Rita you whatever cursed words cuss words the whole thing comedy great great gig great hang a lot of fun and don't touch me Batman what else did I a couple of the things but nothing too crazy baby it was fun we're gonna wrap up here we're

on time I got I got so much more we got more episodes to come certainly yeah yeah yeah let's just double check if there's anything quickie no I think I'm all just out here all right well man yeah well throw some dates at these people all right yeah I gotta just thank all the twos guys who came out there to the shows this weekend and boy I got a I got a shroom story coming up I did shrooms yesterday yeah tease it teasing the shrooms hallucinogen I went to a concert as well we had two twos guys out and join a couple of tunes tunes gaze and where are you gonna be there fat man well this weekend is the big week in Norway I know

there's some twos guys I know there are some twos guys in Norway if you're on the west southwest coast I don't know what they call it I don't know if you're in Bergen I'm there this Thursday and Friday with Sarah Bergen Norway Saturday in Oslo I've already some people have reached out there coming so come on out from miles around Norway get up there I'm not doing any other country so stop asking your sons of bitches I'll come back soon we're not going to England next weekend DC draft house Washington DC one of my favorite cities Matt Wayne is coming I love that city so much I love that club I love

Sean Joy such a good dude doing a lot for comedy so please come out to that show so I can keep getting booked back there the week after that Sacramento punchline middle there 10 years ago never headline there October 25th 26 27 of course October 30th you've seen the posters now the cat's out of the bag again yeah he's not on the show that's a big bag yeah get the poster we're gonna sell some online let us know if you're interested in buying them even if you can't make it to the show right but make it to that show it's gonna be a legendary night Tuesday's the story St. Louis funny bone November 15 16 and 17 please come out to that Dr. Grins November 29th and 30th and December is a crazy month

Dr. Grins Portland Helium Raleigh Charlie good night or just good nights now great club Philly of Philly of Philly I'm why can't I I can't say Helium Philly Philly Helium Philly of Philly come out to Philly of Philly December 27 28 29 fuck New Year's don't go out of New Year's Eve it's amateur hour it's fucking horses you don't want to be out you want to go out the weekend before New Year's you got that right Helium Philly Philly Helium Philly Helium Phil Phil Phillip Rivers all right I hate myself Silver's yeah fuck my family I'm coming apart Phillip with one L yeah you all right Tuesday's the stories Patriot go get the Patriot you're missing out if not that live episode is gonna be up there the next day or a couple days later

we just put a bonus hour doing a pull one out right now oh and another live one of the underground for the festival bright hot off the press folks what's the date on that puppy the date on that puppy is suck my ass I gotta find it I'm in October November November 6 7 p.m November 6 yes election day go out and vote rock the vote blue wave blow me don't tweet at me I don't care about your politics fuck up and you don't have to care about mine either anyways it's election day rock the vote then come to no matter who you vote for come to the comedy cell the original comedy so we're gonna do a live pod at the seller that's legend 117 mcdougal street be there or be gay or be both November 6 7 p.m hot off the press New York comedy festival part of the

fest part of the fest there just face I can't believe I can't believe they're giving us that room insane insane we've really made it all right I'm gonna be uh we talk about jersey I'm gonna be an uncle Vinny's and point pleasant right down the street right down the street on the beach come say hello I hear that room's a real roadhouse yeah let's get kooky out there uh funny bone in Cincinnati over the Rhine Liberty Township come on out since see I'll be there with Chris Al Cap City in Austin one of my favorite cities one of my favorite clubs Austin Teja come on by rumors and Winnipeg already got some tweets and Jews coming out that'll be cute Seattle lunch great city great club Seattle at laughs check my website for dates then it's Black Friday

African American Sainese in Chicago we'd love to have you a lot of Tuesdays in shite town let's do it go cup skyline comedy cafe in Appleton Wisconsin Pittsburgh improv you know what you love it laugh Boston for New Year's so come on out check the website hit the Patreon yell at Chipotle I feel like we're getting somewhere yeah he's on it suck dick's for money yeah and uh god love you praise all on we'll see all hell thank you you