Tuesdays with Stories! - #269 Bad F*ck

Episode Date: October 23, 2018

Hey hey, Mark & Joe are back with stories of Joe possibly getting made fun of in Norway, and Mark getting hassled by New Jerseyans everywhere he goes. Check it out! Mark & Joe are doing a LIVE Tuesdays With Stories! at the Hollywood Improv on Tuesday, October 30th at 8:00! Get tickets here! hollywood.improv.com/comedian/tw-ev…RMAND/8600915/ Subscribe to our Patreon where we're crankin' out bonus episodes every week! You can listen on any podcast app! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/ Download the Laughable app today! laughable.com/download

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy I almost forgot the chair I almost forgot I'm laying back on the couch like a douche and I think we had a hot up last week yeah you think you think we did but you never know from the response we are real not

tangled in our dicks are gonna not hear hold on not mention that again easy Adam Sandler CD yes that was big that was the only thing I ever liked to Sandler's really yeah Gilmore I mean like happy Gilmore was okay and Billy Madison was fine I just never never it never rubbed my cock yeah I just felt like he did the day to day to day like that retard thing a lot yeah can I just say I was I was that confident in like my comedic I don't know whatever shtick or style to could you imagine going on stage and doing the door whatever the hell he does like go to your hole I'm Adam Sandler yeah Hanukkah get the balls to be that comfortable yeah

that's how I talked about this before that's how I developed into the style that I am at my first start I was 17 I love Jim Carrey right I wanted to be Jim care I love Carrie and Carlin I'm gonna combine George Carlin with Jim Carrey Carolyn and Caroline's on Broadway premier comedy club but I went not anymore but I would go up and be really no she's dead but I would go up and be like hey folks why but then you need a high energy yeah like a high energy bomb oh it's so bad so then like you just start stand there being like alright so this happened and I don't know about this and this other thing yeah but

originally I wanted to be like now I'm gonna go way back when he like does a backflip stuff I mean I was 18 also but like I wanted to be like whatever the fuck Jim Carrey did imagine you up there going all righty then like what is this doing well that's the thing like Dane Cook would be bouncing around do a hand stand but I'm like that's not working you're just doing a handstand on the stool right when he does it they fucking does a beach ball bouncing and they're going crazy well like his early bits like he rips his pants off he's have like tear away pants and like he took his shirt off or he was like suck my butt can

you imagine eating it with your pants oh my god yeah how do you get to that level because you have to start at an open bike doing that that's to come from right right first time yeah it's very I couldn't do it but yeah Adam Stanley just a lot of like want to touch the high knee I can't do impressions but I just was like what I can't either but I never got into it I liked you know naked gun and Monty Python he was doing a little silly but it seems like the nicest guy he's very charitable and helps his friends it seems like one of the really good guys so good bless him quite the moneymaker I mean that guy he puts out

so much horse shit and it just does well one of the highest grossing actors of all time isn't that cookie very cookie and like him and like Jennifer Aniston oh she's up there yeah they both are fine I think she's pretty but everybody's like Jennifer Aniston oh I'd like lick her toenails I'm like I mean she's if she worked at my restaurant to be like oh that she's a cute girl you have a restaurant I gotta do one it's coming out it's called avocado pit I'd like anyone's toenails because that's my thing but I thought the first season of friend first two seasons she had gigantic tips if you can say that still did

she really what do you mean they got smaller yeah well she got like skinnier ah she was kind of like rounded out she was kind of a curvy in a way a little of a lup and she had like a little bit of like baby fat in her face that she would always wear like those short skirts something just moved by or walked by oh god in my apartment oh no it's a door move there's a movement outside it maybe nervous that there was a boogeyman from my window you can see into the other building happy Halloween but anyways early on she was very sexy and then she started to get like she straightened her hair out she started

losing weight she went real thin yeah she got really rail thin you could see the arm muscle you know she had like defined arms like tendons and yeah like that tendonitis super intendant but yeah I thought she was on that and Courtney Cox also early on was very hot and it got less hot Lisa Kujo is less hot not the Kujo is always a real just blah she was like a wet turkey yeah kind of whatever now all good people equally wonderful artists and performers were just talking strictly about their physical appearance here yes judging you by your looks well I'm not judging them by their looks I'm just saying I like their

looks why you never know these days people gonna call us on the phone and shoot us when we walk by irony has really been just taking a quick dump on no one gets irony no one wants irony because people want to get outrage because then it gives them something to talk about and something to do all right all right take it easy really didn't really ain't no but any who what were we talking about originally Jennifer Aniston then we went oh and Sandler because that we said high news by the way and it's not a no she was a Jew on the show I'm sorry Rachel green big he all right but I don't think she's a Jew in real life swimmer too

pretty who I hate he's one of the guys I hate I hate swimmer face he's mouth never closed you know I forgot about in the list of people we were talking the other day at the stellar that I think are overrated Tim Robbins is another actor that just takes yes thanks he only had one great role really Shawshank yeah I mean what else that he's not great in it he's in that Martin Lawrence movie oh lose I think it is he's in a Cohen brothers movie to hud suckers proxy oh he was good in that yeah he was good oh and bull Durham is great he's in good movies but I think like good bull Durham that scene in show yeah but he's still

he's like a cartoony character in the movie but that scene in Shawshank where he's like I was in the path of the tornado bad luck blows around it's like ugh it's it's very look all right all right Freeman's much better yes red but anyways so send us some positive stuff we really appreciate it John Doe's got the upper hand what's that what's in the box seven you got it oh all right what how do we get to him oh Morgan Freeman I forgot I was thinking Brad Pitt he's a free man yes he is they all are well there's some that have been jailed for very minor true crimes of course we're on drug sticks they matter we're on the

same page yeah we love them all right well I gotta get into Norway I guess I got some other stuff I mean I'm all over the place nor gay how about this this just happened to me today this is a fresh fresh business right here the wire off the truck good show to just stole my truck it's not like we edited that out but I did it on my own it's gonna sound like I said the n-word and then they did I was just my own thing from a movie that you didn't write Chris Allen we're friends do we fat shame him by the way he started tweetings on the treadmill I mean when he said something about him being fat I

don't think that fat shame away it's helping him it's making him do shit no he looks great douche it all right do shit do shit that's a lot like do shit I guess so he needs a douche is pussy too I think you look thin and great they're Chris yeah the pictures look very good head shots they look good yeah so no need to walk on our account no no just you know write some jokes we don't mean any of the things we're saying oh well some of them we mean I mean yeah we medium yeah we're gay that's real but anyway so this just happened to me and this is for the real the New Yorkers but you can I could paint a photo don't

worry I'm coming down on my way to meet you and Ari at the diner here I'm really diner hot queef out there check it out came out last week just dropped so I'm coming down at 34 street I have to transfer from the end train to the D train all right or I could take the F the F is local this just happened the D is expressed this happened today all right right the BB BB so I come down and both trains arrive at the same time so I run down I'm coming down the stairs and I go to the D that's expressed and as I walk up to it the doors close right my face I go I miss the express oh well I'll take the F a couple people in my

way I walk around now I get to the F doors close right in my face I had a double door close in the face you get a shoe in there I don't like to put a shoe because I don't want to delay everybody I'm very thoughtful it's quick but I was early anyways I'm always early you're an early weirdo early bird stuff is happening don't call me a bird that hurts my feelings early riser thank you thanks for noticing my erection but anyways that's all it was just a double it was one of those ones and if anyone saw it they'd be laughing their asses off it was like boop boop double door close damn yeah right what can you do

that story sucks no it's all right one of the ones that felt like something I was like that's a classic story but it's only fun to tell your wife can I say this and it's not gonna go well oh Jesus well I talked to my lady about this did she hate me no big fan okay all right not the outfit but she and me were talking about men and women and differences and you know a lot of 80s comedy stuff and we were saying how I've noticed a lot of women mm-hmm when the door closes we'll just go ah fuck it and they just let it happen because they don't want to upset the train much like yourself I'm a woman you're a lady you're a big bird lady and

and men will most men will stick their arm in there they'll put a baby in there they get a shoe in there they put some wedge in jerks jerks but I think that says a lot about men and women like because they say there's not really this is that should I've read there's not much of a wage gap but a lot of men will push push their way to the top I've heard a lot of women go I'm just happy to be here I don't bother anybody I'm gay you know so men will push and I think the door that door says a lot interesting so you're not a pusher I'm not a pusher but I've made it pretty high up eventually on your own right I'm a quiet I'm not in the

right but I'm third I'm a quiet guy but I don't want I'm considerate I'm courteous and considerate yes the people that put their arm in almost so dangerous I'm also apprehensive that my fucking fingers gonna get cut off sure but I don't like to the hold the door they peel the door but it can hurt by the way that doors I've been chopped up clutchy yeah yeah it's like a dicer to keep cutting you but I always I always shove in because I'm too impatient I can't wait and who knows what that next train's coming could be days years well been afternoon the decay came a minute later and I was still 20 minutes early the

D's are coming and then Ari was late great great diner had I love those diners I'm not a bit people other people aren't as into the diners as I love it love a New York diner same waitress say does check out the queef Louis showed up for a while that was nice get to meet his gal friend already picked up the bill thank you Ari yeah we shamed him into it yeah I mean Louis left before the bill came and he didn't order anything I don't want people to think that he didn't know but yeah whatever it is but Ari paid thank you Ari good good diner waverly diner yes not

far from here now I gotta ask about the big nor oh let me tell you about the Norway mark Norway I don't even know where to start I mean long strange trip we did Bergen Norway which I've never been to I've been to Oslo a few times so it was Bergen Thursday and Friday and then Oslo on Saturday which was kind of attack on Beast of Bergen the Berger Bergen yeah never leave you pizza burn that was on the west coast of Norway and I was doing a headlining show I was headlining was an English-speaking show Sarah was featuring this guy Christopher Christopher Christopher he put it together comic in Norway big

comedy fan he's had Ari and Todd Barry and this guy really knows his comedy oh well yeah I've saw all the ads for you because he would post on my wall because he'd be like this guy has a podcast with Mark and I it was just gibberish because it's Norwegian yeah yeah a lot of gibberish there Jabber jabber to yeah yeah Jabber the hut please I went went to Bergen first but it was weird because he booked the flights for us which we appreciate but if I had my way I would have flown a day early saw some sites got acclimated then maybe stayed a day late or stopped off in Iceland hate the flight book so it was

like a three-day work week like a regular comedy week but in Norway right hours six hour time difference so we're fucking out of our minds and then it was on Norwegian air which I think stinks oh yeah I'm not a fan Mackie told me it was good he's like it's pretty good but I gotta tell you I fucking hated it yeah it's like an old plane it was like a dirty plane there was dirt on the plane yeah stained fucking seats and seatbelts had Schmigma on them it was a real strange thing and it was overly packed it was a whole situation on the flight back I'm getting a little out of order here on the flight back I chose the

seats to go to row 11 the whole pods out of order which was front front like there's like first class then there's like bathrooms in the little center console there where they hang then we were the front row of that extra leg room good spot because there was nothing there but a wall was like I would say like a 45 degree knee bend to keep my feet touching the wall that's it yeah not much that's not enough little more than a regular seat but here's the deal the regular seat put your foot under at least under but it was about the same distance you can go under because my shins all hit okay and you got a long

shin so it's one of these ones where there's like two seats to the left no three to the left then a space three in the middle then two to the right side okay two hallways it's a big plane you know big jumbo jet so Sarah and I are in the middle row of three the guy next to her he leaves he gets a $400 upgrade he hated us damn out we I don't know she didn't shower I don't know what happened you need to do shit but so he leaves so we just have this the row it's me and then her that an empty seat there's some reason to my left side there's no bathroom on the left side of this console there's only one to the right so

now everybody on the left side of the plane instinctively walks forward to go to the bathroom then they find there is no bathroom on this side so they're all for eight hours stepping over my legs and then her legs kicking me stepping on me stepping on my shit and every time I was getting livid and it's an overnight flight right I think snooze I'm trying to snooze and I got my eyes closed all of a sudden I just feel a hoof yes rub over my thigh it's not a hallway right go that way you got to go this way and everyone's looking at me like oh American cunt and I'm like you fucking fuck so I went to my overhead I pulled

up my backpack and took my shoes off and like set them like landmines look at you I'm like Kevin McAllister yeah I got micro machines and banana peels everywhere paint can't swing and but they're still going and I'm like this is insane and so then when I would go to the bathroom just like 11 times you know me I would purposely go back even though I could just step over my wife it's my wife so I'll just go right there but I would just go backwards like 10 rows and I'm like look everybody this is the bathroom you can't step over people this is not a hallway yes yes it was insane to me that I'm like how are

you not so I would never do that in my life this much about consideration yeah it would never occur to me to be like I'll step over these two people to get to this bathroom when this and there's two bathrooms back there right just walk fucking back it's 10 rows wow your bathroom at home is further away so they figure I'm already up here I'm not going back I think they cut over thought that was the system and they're like cooks they'd be like jubu one guy like completely fell like he was barefoot to his bare feet were touching me they're stepping on my feet it was a long flight because of this eventually you had to

just fucking accept it you're like all right I guess we're just the fucking people gonna be stepping over us yeah I mean I always want to check with a stewardess on this like what is your policy what do you think about this I thought about doing that myself but I found him all unpleasant every flight attendant man woman child fat gay black yellow Norwegian American they were all extremely unpleasant yeah at one point I got a coke and then I was like I got a little more coke and the ladies like what oh she's like what are you talking about and I was like a lot more coke and she's like how much more like another

glass of coke oh my god and I was like yeah I mean I fly every week I was like I don't know just more can I have more beverage please sir can I have some more very strange wow didn't care for it but that was the flight on whatever that was home that was the flight back oh boy my phone's acting squirrely here give it a nut man but the trip look fun I why I perused your Instagram and really saw some beauties and you guys were skipping to the park it was really something we had a great time we went to that park that I forget the name of it vice lend I can never the words are in Norwegian so I don't know how to say them okay but

there's a big sculpture park they're very famous that's in Oslo and I was like we gotta go to this this is the crown jewel of Oslo so we go out to this park and it's autumn I mean the leaves are like bright yellow bright orange bright red dick dick shaft red yes you know what I mean purple headed eggplant yeah was really really something beautiful weather but let me tell you about Bergen we get to Bergen and beautiful town we took the little cable car thing it's like four but but they're Croners are crew cookie that's like 9,000 crows it's like 11 bucks or something fifty seven hundred lira yes exactly you

don't understand the exchange rate so we took this little cable car up through the mountain up to the top of the mountain really cool yeah and you can see the whole town just all over it and we flew over these beautiful mountains snow capped the whole family it's a beautiful country oh yeah clean very clean very rich they got oil money in the late 60s it's a very it's like I think might be the richest country how about that I mean maybe Saudi Arabia or some someone's gonna tweet but it's one of the richer countries but it's beautiful I'd like to go up north do some prospecting you know see the northern

lights and such oh there you go so we go to Bergen beautiful town this club is Rick's cafe like Casablanca you know yes Rick's cabaret and there was a guy named Omid Omid sing you know I know that guy yeah he's an LA comic good egg used to live here yes I think it's Omid Omid I think it's Omid or Omid I spelled Omid it looks Omid but I think it's Omid I think it's Omid sing yeah very funny guy and I didn't know there's gonna be another American there so I just thought I assumed he was Norwegian and then you talk for a moment I'm like hey you're American that must be nice kind of like oh American very nice and

he was on the show Sarin this guy Christopher who's very funny and a big comedy fan he hosted he killed Omid killed Sarah killed I go up kill I mean they're great yes there's a Norwegian they were really good because it was an English-speaking show fun club and you're in your head because everything you're like do you say this do they do this they come on each other there or whatever but you just bust through it and it was really really fun you feel so cool to just go and work in another country yeah and you can still kill it I've done festivals and I've opened for Louie but I've never done like a

headlining show in another country very cool and they got it all that would be so surreal to me to just go here's some English words in the certain order and they're like we don't live there we don't speak that language base basically but they do they speak it and they they have the thing in Scandinavia they don't do they have subtitles they don't do overdubs they just subtitle of the show they hear the American delivery okay so they get it they watch all the sitcoms yada yada but that was fun those shows were great then Saturday we shot over to Oslo and now this one was not an English-speaking show I just did the

club ladder which is the best club I think the only club in Norway 49 it's almost like the seller I mean it's like a killer club high-end they give you like a steak at this like a comedy club steak it was like a filet mignon pink with like little strudels on it those big plates with the presentation oh this is crazy love a big plate and beautiful restaurant fun comics I met a Swedish comic a couple Norwegian comics but they're all speaking a foreign language here and the host goes to bring me up and she's just speaking in Norwegian so you don't know what the intro is and then in the middle of the intro you hear

like zoom zoom in the boat aah an American comedian Donald Trump oh no and just like a hello like I'm a hello yes hello like and it does like an American voice yeah mentions Donald Trump and then just goes Joe this I'm like what the fuck was that yeah what did you just say what the hell was that it was a little strange you didn't hear tonight show yes how about some Netflix right it was a little weird it was almost like if a Norwegian comic came and I was like hey she's from Norway rape Vikings rape the ton here she is yes oil money in the late 60s so it's a little little off with that it's weird to have an intro that

you didn't hear but you know they're kind of making jokes about you and some of them maybe don't speak English and it just felt a little off and the first show was pretty good okay second show are you doing an hour no no this is just 15 the middle of the show low pressure before the intermission so it's a nice low pressure spot low pressure system by the way if I know my fat friend here mm-hmm you commented on that intro I did I was like I don't know what that was there was a little I should play it yeah play the intro I was like a little disparaging oh the queers are not here well how long is it it's an intro I don't

know play it for the people this is exciting I didn't know you had it on you Oh I got it all right this work Okay If you just want to get some coffee or something wow You take the road down here like you see like a building Like it's all making fun of me in my country totally like good impression yeah Wow you weren't kidding there

Oh What's coming Sounds Asian to me Everyone's laughing at me right before my son. Yeah Oh, this would terrify me Oh my god, they're laughing in your face Oh The crowd is hot they're packed but it felt like she's shitting on me, right? Completely shitting on I heard I heard the word lanky

I heard a no chin and I heard bad teeth in the clap rhythmically All right, so anyway, she was really nice wow First of all, she was killing and really funny and couldn't have been nicer But just it's weird to go up when you're like what just happened I feel like I'm the butt of the joke here, right and I'm getting shit on plus the intro was nine minutes long And hey, I'm American love the really tall building Yeah, I get I mean they hate us and I mean I hate myself and I hate us a lot of the time, too

But don't I don't know it's a weird move make fun of me after also you could just be like This guy's a big deal. He's in America does very well. He's on Netflix. You can see him He's been on the Tonight Show in America. Yeah, he's great. We're happy to have him Yeah, but I mean that might have been in there We don't know maybe but it sounded more like an American intro like they made fun of our intros and the thing But I also want to say I'm very grateful They were so nice and like everyone was so kind and we all chat just felt like you know comics are just comics So you meet and you're kind of chat. Yeah, but the intro was intimidating at the very least

Yeah, it still feels like even if it's not it feels like I'm being made fun of completely I think you were a smidge and I think It was all in Norwegian so we don't know what the hell she said, but let us not forget who invented stand-up comedy Yes, Norway, huh? Oh, they've been doing stand-up for six months over there. Exactly. You're in the fetal position Mm-hmm. Where we perfected it suck it. Yes, but that your intro I'm a god. I'm American. I'm doing an art form that they invented and we can't do it as well But we'll get there one day Anyways, I'd love to do the fest very wasn't even a fest. It was just a regular weekend

But this guy Christopher couldn't have been nicer great hotel great time. I don't want to hog. We will come back All right, I gotta I gotta remind myself of some of these things but Oh Great show how about this now 90 minutes left in the flight on the way back long flight Like I said people are stepping over us the whole time with jet lag. We're tired. We're all fucked up the pilot comes I hated this airline. I hate Norwegian air pilots in the audience the pilot comes on he goes Hello, he talks like this. Hello folks. We've been Experiencing a problem. We have a problem up here. This is on the way. This is on the flight back

The flight we're 35,000 or 80,000 feet in the air. He goes we're experiencing a problem here We have a problem. We need to deal with that's what he says a pilot should never say that everyone's shitting their pants Sarah's like freaking out. She's like, what the fuck is this? I think we're okay. He's like, we have a problem We need to deal with They didn't he talks real slow like this. He's like they didn't pack enough meals on the plane So we're under Mealed or whatever, but I'm like, why are you coming on saying we're having a problem that we need to deal with it Sounds like we're gonna crash in the fucking Atlantic exactly and he goes up

So please they didn't bring enough meals So if you have a meal we're giving you a second meal if you already had one, please think about giving up your meal We hear the staff the crew has already given up our meals and I hate them so much. I went. Oh, wow I did like a sarcastic applause. Yeah, people hate me because I was already snapping at people Wall of book bags on the floor. I know and I did a sarcastic a plot, but I thought it was so Annoying that they came on like they were heroes. Yes folks. We're giving up our meals up here You're like, all right, fuck you. Yeah, I didn't want a meal anyways. They bring you a big sandwich Uh-huh some of these airlines the flight there

We were it was 5 10 in the morning our time and they come on with an hour left in the flight They go we're bringing our second meal and they bring us a turkey sandwich on a big roll with a brownie and an apple juice You're like, this is such a hilarious five in the morning meal, right guys. It's five in the morning Here's your turkey sandwich and your brownie. Yeah, do I breakfast most important meal of the day? I don't want a turkey sandwich, but anyways, that was that was annoying and fun. Yeah, that's wild And how about this the hotel in Oslo? We get to Oslo and we're staying right where the truck bomb was Oh July 22nd business check that out on Netflix not great I didn't love it, but they did that right where the truck bomb right in the government area

That's where we are. We're staying right across the street So we went and saw the the building with the windows are still blown out and shit It was five years ago time to yeah moving six years ago. It's a couple of slackers seven years ago seven 2011 So we go there get to the hotel in Oslo and I go how I am checking in my wife and I and they go Oh your wife and you I thought it was one person It's my wife and I like well two people you have to pay a fee for that And I was like what do you mean the rooms paid for she's like we pay we charge per person We don't do that and I was like that's never happened in any hotel. What are you talking about?

I've stayed in hotels all over the world. I stay at hotel every night. I was like I've never heard that But how do you know that's on a Norway? System, you know, they might do a different a custom maybe but I'm like they don't do that in Israel or England or France And she goes it's for the breakfast And I was like well, we won't even be up for breakfast. She's like it doesn't matter You got to pay per person. We were told it was gonna be one person It was only like 50 bucks or something But you're like, okay, it's queer. I was like, well, that's very strange then

Same hotel when you leave the room you have to personally actively lock the door Doesn't lock automatically. So I'm like you guys have two things that take place at no other hotel Yeah, and get with the times folks bad time. So I'm like if I just leave my rooms unlocked Yeah, very strange and Same hotel. No, this is different hotel the one in Bergen. They gave us the key to go. You're in 801 We go to 801. There's a do not disturb sign on it. I'm like, that's very bizarre Then I opened the door. There's people shit in there. There's people in there. I go, whoa, sorry. I freak out I come back down. She's like, oh shit. You're an 811. I'm sorry

I'm like you just gave me the wrong what people are fucking or banging or raping in there the key worked the key Activated two keys gave us each a key to someone else's room key to their hearts Jesus they gotta get it together in the hotel game. Yeah, bad hotels over there in Norway, but still amazing great city We went all over we went to like I said the big park We had fish and chips all over the place great people great country will do it again. I'd like to go back there I mean, I'll go back there any time this time. I'll go for longer go up north But so fun. I feel so blessed to be able to go and do comedy in another country in another language Yeah, Christopher such a great guy good guy fun shows and Oslo is a beautiful city killer weather

We went down to the water. We went to some castle bullshit. I've been there a few times before really Great time and it was really fun the Oslo show. I had a guy come up to me after the show He goes, I want to say he's like I like you the best on the whole show I thought you were amazing. He goes and I want to tell you why Because I don't speak Norwegian It's like, oh, thanks man. Good for you. Good for him. All right, you go. I got nothing Can I just say you realize these all these comedy seller shows the Stan New York comic Oh, whatever we're doing. It's a showcase show with ten comics on it five comics all the audience is doing is going

He's a little better than that guy like this guy. That's all they do is just rate us. Yeah, that's all they do instinctively That's their go-to move and they always go you were better. I liked her and she sucked. He was gay It's always a rating. Yeah, well, we do the same thing with movies. I'm like Robert Redford stinks. Paul Newman I guess so I guess so I guess yeah, it's problem. Paul Newman is good. I wish I had better stories I feel like I'm lacking here. Ah, you were an Oslo. This is wild stuff. I mean, I love the Bathroom feel like I failed I can see I can see everyone's face is gone. Well, who gives a shit. What cares about Norway? I

Know I still got no fans in Indiana Our fans are in Chicago, New Jersey, Philly and LA and that's it DC You're gonna kill that at that draft house draft on what's already happened now. It's just there I hope so Sacramento this weekend. I don't know. I feel like sometimes you're just like this is gonna be hot story But we're hanging out. We're in hang mode. I'm not in show mode This is why people are gonna write to us and say you suck the show stick They want to hang we're hanging with the fans the fans are hanging with us I blew it. I blew it. I should have warmed up. Ah, you're hung. I need a third seat now. Maybe I'll sit in the cactus

Oh, good luck. Get some lube because that is gonna be a tough Entry. Are you top it in my head over here? I don't do it. I'm 40 straight minutes of talking about Norway Who gives a fuck they don't even know Christopher Christopher's gay Oslo Berg you name it Aaron Bergen. All right, I was at uncle Vinnie's I'm not gonna give any specifics, but I think you can tell by the name how that went point Pleasant Beach Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey folks on the Jersey Shore just like the TV show love the Jersey Shore Beautiful sure. I mean, it's weird cuz let me just get into the shore for a second. I got a hotel. I Like that. Yeah, I'm coming back. He's back folks. I like I got the hotel cuz I go. I've never seen the shore

I've seen the show. I've heard about it. It's basically a wet an east coast LA kind of you know Not LA, but it's an east coast beach town, which I never see I seen Cape Cod in the winter So it's like gloomy and ugly and a bunch of fucking mass holes running around then that's hurtful You got the the west coast you go to Malibu you go to Santa Monica you go to the piers all that shit So you're right on the edge of the world there. The west coast is the best coast Wow and beach world I think I don't know the coast. I'm talking about the coast. Yeah, good point Yeah, so the east coast, but this is pretty it's Nice sand nice beach waves people are surfing out there like there's murals and big bars and

Ferris wheels and the pier is nice. I love it. I love Jersey Shore Great, but it's a nice touch of that west coast beach vibe on the east coast, right? And I would walk around the neighborhoods and the houses are insanely pretty. Yeah, the neighborhoods are clean though It was a perfect day. I got a I got a mean tan There's a bunch of old cars driving around as great parks kind of funky, you know It was beautiful. I had a great time and it looks like the houses there look like if Miami Beach Fucked a windmill Really? That's my review interesting now who fucks it because I think the windmill would really destroy your pussy

Big arms. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, that would be a bad fuck. Yeah, Miami could take it. It's a whore Well, Miami's going down by the way. What do you mean? The sea level rise is gonna be an issue for them Oh, so the sea is going up. See is going up Miami's going down and I'm sorry about the Norway section. Oh, it was fine It was Oz high See we can all suck today So you're in point pleasant beach PPB we get you know It's an hour and a half drive so that it's one show a night first day Friday Saturday one show a night at 930 930 930 every night

It's the weirdest thing like if you're gonna do one show doing it eight so the people aren't shithouse What are they vampires down there? This is a sleepy beach come guzzling town. They don't want to stay out. It's October the Sun goes down at 4 p.m So I get the hotel because I'm a douche. I'm like, I've never been to the shore I'll bring the lady out. So then the lady goes I can't go I got a wedding or something So I go fuck so I'm out there in the middle of hell. Oh, and they don't put you they put me in Neptune hell They put me in Neptune. Oh Neptune a shit box town. I know Neptune I mean that I'm a mile and a half away from anything close to a beach

Life's a beach and I'm miserable and I got no car. I spent about $800,000 on ubers. Well, you're giving me mixed sickles here a second ago It was beautiful and you loved it and you're in Malibu. I like the beach I've been Neptune, but Neptune is also close to the beach Cuz like where I stayed in and fucking what's it called Ocean Grove is Neptune Township. Oh, is that right? Yeah, but you got to take a lift or something. Yeah, you're gonna lift over there Well, they make it Neptune's all, you know, it's the god of the sea You can talk to the fish and the dolphins and he fucks the whales

But I thought I was closer to the beach But they put me in a holiday and express it Neptune and he got no big fight with my agent because he's been doing David tell rich boss Jim Florentine Jim Norton. He's had all these guys who drive back to the city Right there fucking paycheck. You're saying a different Neptune. Hello. Yeah, Jesus Christ I gotta kill myself landed fitness. Oh, so so he goes. I know you don't want the hotel, right? I go no, no, I want the hotel. He's like, oh So you got no fight with my agent because he's like the way he's gonna want the hotel But I showed him what's like I do want he's like, oh fuck

So we had to get on the horn and get called the holiday express. Oh wait people hate our agents. Oh I got to Norway this guy's like your agents a piece of shit. I hope he dies. I was like, sorry But you know what? I think that's a sign of a good agent Of course. Yeah, because he's like we want the money. We want this we want that right But the guy was like don't ever let that guy call me again. Yeah, I hate you. I wish I didn't but did this They're fucking pit bulls, baby. Yeah pit bulls of comedy. Yeah, so choose. Yes jubles Now it sounds more hurtful sure bulldye So I get out there where of course we're late it's stuck in traffic on the tunnel

Two-week ends in a row. Yeah, I'm going in the plane. Yes Yeah in the tunnel. Thank you because it was underwater Finally we get there the driver KP Burke great guy great KP Burke, you know his name He was a host. Oh, he's a comic. He picked me up. Oh, I thought it was just a driver. He was driving Oh, I say so he's not a driver. He's a comic. He's a comic who was driving I got you because the driver makes it sound like yeah, you got a limo guy that you made friends with he's more of a putter so we Wedge and

Wood and we get tongue of any and he puts the Dino he's like Dino's the guy that runs it is the owner. I remember Dino So Dino he gets Dino on the horn on speakerphone We're in the tunnel Dino's like KP KP, you know, you're going straight on you are parking that car go straight on stage And he's like, okay. Yes, sir. I know so we pull up KP runs on Cooks them up. There's about eight people in the crowd. They're all eating chicken parm There's no green room the whole thing whatever, but it's a cute place and a lot of a lot of big a you know Dice has been there and all these people's Sebastian Manus Calco anybody with an a vowel at the end of their name and

So KP cooks it Graham Kay goes up as a fun one. I I mean, this is beyond a bomb. This is a high-energy bomb. I am shucking and jiving. I'm trying everything I'm going. Hey, how's the pasta bubble? Hey, how's your good maranam? I get out of here. You fucking home. Oh, boy Hey, I turned into a Mario Brothers cartoon. It was brutal But up on up on up. It was bad news man I went all the shift boy Rd on them and they weren't happening I was twirling my mustache and stirring up marinara. Well, we this room is one of those rooms. They want

Alpha comedy of like my wife fucking bought an antique. Why are you buying old shit? You dumb whore like that's the kind of comedy they like in the 80s We never wore a seat a seat belt was for whipping your sister in the ass before you blew her That kind of stuff. That's what they want. They want crowd work and they want you know, sure jokes sure We're called Benny's We mean we're called that that's what a outsider is called because you know, it's a seasonal town. That was KP Is he the Jets? Aha

All right, all right. He's a shark. I'm gonna kill myself. No, no, you know what a Benny is No, I don't know what a Benny is the tourists that come into their town and go to the beach and shit in the good in the on Seasons, what's it short for? Bayone Edison? Newark, New York. Oh They come in now the Benny's kind of that's like they're into the bridge and tunnel. Yes, that's what we call them exactly So they had a little bullshit answer. Yeah, so they with a they see me as an outsider Benny So every time I go about that asbury park, you don't want to get stabbed. I go look at this guy trying to do local humor Oh shit, okay. He's a Benny. He's a Benny. So I had an epic bomb and

I got so jealous because KP and Graham are like, all right, we'll see you later. We're going back to the city Oh, and I go, oh, I'm staying here. Shit in my asshole So I go back to this hotel in Neptune and they don't give you a ride to the hotel. What so that was my fault I just kind of dicked around. What about KP? He went back. Ah, he's already gone I was finishing my food and they're like, we can we go back? I was again, of course I say whatever I just took too long was my fault and now I'm standing outside and the owner just goes toodaloo He goes off to his fat wife and now I'm staying on the sidewalk like ah shit What am I gonna do?

Cut to there's a restaurant across the street this guy Alex who I used to be cool with he's a comic in New York He lives there. He's what he's the head chef of this restaurant. You gotta be kidding amendment 21 great place I ate there the next night. He goes. Oh my god. How about this? I saw you your name on the flyer I haven't seen you in 10 years. We still open mics and eat each other's assholes on stage Haven't seen this guy in eight years. Wow crazy. He's the head chef. No kidding So he comes out he reeks of French young in and he's like well You're staying in Neptune what you should do is take this New Jersey transit a block away Then uber cuz it'll be like five bucks if you uber from here. It'll be like $800. I was like, all right

So we ride the train together. We had a great little chat. Oh nice. Yeah, I'm a good chap It was just such a weird happenstance where you get off stage after a hot hot soupy bomb I'm like, you know, I got the back sweat going the nuts and I get a I get on a train with this guy Who I haven't seen in 28 years and now now I'm in Neptune Wow So I get to Neptune I check in the lady says Complimentary breakfast. So this is silver anal and I go great. She goes six to ten. I set my alarm for nine. I Can't fall asleep. I fall asleep at like literally six in the morning. Wake up at nine. I go. Ah, I'm such a cum Guzzler. I go get the breakfast now. I'm just up. Uh-huh. I'm up. Yeah, we were dealing with that to the jet lag is a bitch

It's a bitch. I just can't sleep. I can't get out of my head. So I just say fuck it Go to the shore spend the whole day on the shore. I don't care how tired you are I get up I go to Asbury Park ten dollar Uber get to Asbury just love it beautiful town It's so pretty and it's cool and very 60s And you can still feel the energy there like the the stone pony the wonder bar the other thing rock and roll Yes, you can feel the boss just tickling through your taint And I just had a great day. I walked from Asbury Park all the way down the spring lake and which I told people they're like What are you crazy? Oh my god? That's like a three-hour walk

But I had nothing else to do with headphones in you go for the walk nice walk great walk got some sun Then I got a haircut worst haircut I've ever gotten. I just saw a salon I went in this lady's like, oh, you're a comedian. Tell me a joke. She was a big lesbian lady So I was like, hey, you guys ever scissor and she was like not funny and she clipped half my ear off. Oh jeez Yes, that's ironic ah Yeah, she got me back. I guess so then this time. I'm like I am not bombing the night and Graham and KP showed up they go up. They have fun. I go up I did all this local humor for that I wrote on the pier

You know, I went on saw the people and I thought I had them. I thought I had a connection. Yeah, no connection How about this Graham KP? I missed that one like Larry David Schumer the ubers there are horrific by the way first of all, they're way more expensive Yeah, and secondly there. It's a small town over there. We forget I heard the n-word four times. What yes from white people or black people white Oh, yeah, that's the worst kind. Yeah, some might have been You know mixed Latino Yeah, but for and where I mean this is a throwback this whole The whole Jersey Shore area is very like family a lot of American flags. It's very 50s out there

Yes, you know, they haven't really evolved the month that much. There's still the tension over there That's America now a lot of tension. We're going in a bad direction if you ask me. Yeah, it's not good And you know, you'd be like so what happened as very part of you like oh, they're driving like oh race riots, man That ruined everything all the white people got out of there. That's when the Oh Like oh wow and but in not defending them, but there I didn't see many black people out there at all Where in the Jersey Shore? Well, that's very park. This is a plethora. Oh, really? But there's the beach and then there's like the town it's very separate yes

You want like that's why we're talking about a couple weeks ago. We're like if you leave 300 yards to the beach. It's like a very Gritty city and that's very much African-American go to the beach and it's not so much. Yeah, the beach was hoity-toity I didn't see any season tickets Yeah, it was a weird just I was like a time warp and I'm bombing on stage and I'm in this hotel I'm on no sleep. So it's just a a kooky Mindful because I'm on the beach, but yet I'm sleepy and I'm hearing the n-word and I'm bombing but I'm in these coasts I'm injured. So none of it matched. Yeah, it's like, you know weird nightmare. I was just a dream

But I don't want to make it sound like that's a dream to me. I was in a season ticket mirror What black mirror? Oh black? That went for it. Okay. All right All right, so I'm spending so much on ubers and I'll wrap it up here I spent so much on ubers that I was feeling guilty about spending so much money that I was like All right, I gotta go down to uber pool because I'm just raping my I hate the pool the pool It's a shit show. It's like it's insane. It's like it's like an HBO sitcom It's like I can't believe this is happening. It's like a public pool. Yes, it's public

So I go in this pool and I go alright because you know sometimes you get lucky and they don't pick anyone up Oh, is that right? I had a few of those. Yeah, I pulled five times and they only picked people up three Oh, really? I've never really done it. So it's a gamble. It's a pool gamble. So I Get in this guy this guy's from Queens old guy moved out there to be with his wife in the suburb Nice guy great guy mustache cute little Jewish guy I think and he's like, oh man Queens was great over Halloween We just trick-or-treat all over the buildings We'd make so much money with so say or so much candy so safe different time blah blah and then

This guy goes up. We got a pickup No, I got crap. All right, and he goes I hear him go on the speaker and the guy He's like I'm at your apartment. I don't see and the guy's like we're fucking here. We're fucking here Oh, this is coming through the speakerphone. I'm like, oh man. This guy's trouble and he's like you can hear him yelling at his Wife like I can't fucking you see this fucking guy where the fuck is this guy? I'm like this poor little, you know Jewish guy's getting yelled at already He's like, I'm sorry, sir. I can't find you whatever. So finally we pull into eight different turns We go into this weird tiny part of this condo

Section and this guy's a big white guy with like a tuxedo the the bow ties undone He's got the shirt open chest hair slick back hair big fat guy and his wife's like She's got like high heels on in the tight dress and he's like you get in you get in I've had a bad day I had he's like so he puts already slams the door. I'm like, oh my god I so I just got out and went in the front seat because I'm not dealing with this shit boy And then the guy just slams door and goes in his house How does he put her in the pool? Yeah, I was like, what's this about and I was like fuck it. Let's just leave I'm telling the guy like fuck this guy. Let's leave the woman's like no

No, he's coming back and you don't want him to you don't want to piss him off I'm like, what the hell's going on? Oh, that sounds horrible. So finally comes back to get his wallet or something Gets in the car and like a big shot. He goes Here here's this is for you and he gave the driver a five No, I hate this guy. So he's just talking. He's where are you from? Oh, yeah? Remember Lenny's on the pier that was the best place and I hate this guy I don't like him either finally drop him off that took forever Then I get back on my round. We just shat on that guy all day, but oh, that's fun

But these guys have to deal with that shit all day. Yeah, it's a tough job That way with these these Middle Eastern cab drivers here. Everyone treats a little like hey, what's up there? Osama take me to the thing Yeah, like we are in the pod but in real life in real life to another person's face to them. Yeah the back of their turban Yeah, we're doing it. You know here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was bad for those type of wearing terrorists, but Weren't there But yeah, so I'm joking. I'm joking did the show. I had so much time to kill I sat at a diner eight alone and then I went and saw a star is born. How'd you like it?

Brandy Carlisle makes a cameo is that right? Oh jeez. You didn't even know I only know her voice. I think she plays Brandy Carlisle. Oh, okay. I didn't comes out and sings Oh, all right. Well, the singing is amazing. The music really like every music like this could be a hit in real life This is great. No kidding pop song. And you know, that's the fourth time who he's been eight. Yes They keep redoing it. I think Babs was in one Babs Kramer Streisand. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's the big one I think that Kramer's mom No, so she was in one and Wait, what? Yeah, Babs was in one, but this one it's pretty good. It's a it's very tropey. It's very

As you would say samey. Yes, but it's it's it pulls on the heart dick and all that So it's it's worth the watch cry. No, but I got a little jizz in the throat not to cry when Carlisle came out I can tell you that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, lover, but it's well shot It's it's the whole thing but then I I got to the show did my set best set of the weekend Oh, Millie work and so now I'm back and I'll tell you KP picked me up drove me to New York I got on the ground got on my knees and kissed the ground. Yes. It's a beautiful city good to be I felt the same feeling coming back from Norway that's the thing about foreign travel you realize all the things you hate about America But you also have the things you love about America here here like you can't find ice over there

Which is annoying and then they got straws with no wrappers just sitting out there But what the hell is this and then it but it's people are nice, but then they're weird and it's good to be home I love America. Yes, we got to go see these places why we can't I mean who knows 2040 They say might not be able to airline travel world's gonna end or something. I don't know who knows what but recycle good to be Home and how about that hang at the cellar on Monday night or Tuesday night good to be first of all the sellers Just so welcoming you feel home. Yes. Everyone speaks English, but how about that? Hey, was you me Bill Burr? Yeah, Ari. Yeah, Chris D. Sam Merrill and Nikki Glaser Michelle Wolfe Rachel Feinstein. Yeah, I mean you name it. They were all hanging will so Vince is the best and

Aziz was hanging out easy and fire. He's been a lot different I've noticed more chipper than the beat to movement kicked a personality into that guy. Well, he's very friendly Yeah, not friendly at all to me ever always a nice guy, but never really like warm And now I feel like he's going he's making a an attempt. No, yes, he's making a effort effort. Yes a for effort Thank you and for Aziz. Yes And Maureen Tarran was there just one of those ones you're like there's too many people hanging out Can't even get a good hang on cuz you like this 50 guy with like a big circle and girls women a lot of women Yeah, so right and Bill Burr did a set and I gotta say it was I mean you always go Bill Burr is great

But you see that he did a fucking me too chunk and it was like Mind-blowing wow so good. I wish I so I had a weird because they thought Louis was coming by that night But then he didn't come but they had me I What do you call it stretching until he got there right to do like 28 minutes at the cellar, which is very bizarre And Ari was sitting in the crowd, which is really watch both of our sets. We went after I went after you Oh, yeah, what was he? Oh, he's waiting for Louie, but still weird to watch Yeah, he just sat in the crowd as we when you're doing a set and you feel good All the same you like look over and you see that long horse face big camel man not to steal from the president

But what was that horse thing? What is that? What am I missing? Saudi Arabia happened to right? Yeah, well an American journalist got murdered by Saudi Arabians he went to go visit in Turkey. I believe at the consulate or some shit and they fucking tortured him and murdered What this the story is changing so it might have changed the time this comes out, but yeah, that's wild Jesus and then horse face was he referenced Stormy Daniels the president of the United States tweeted He's like now I can go after old horse face It's really wild like 6,000 international scientists got together and they were like guys The world is gonna end in 2040 and two days later the president of the United States is like how about this fucking horse face or

It's bizarro times and now I'm just resign myself to the fact that we're gonna be here for the end It's the decline of civilization. Let's have some fun on the way down. Sure. Go nuts and fuck a horse. I don't think I would bang Stormy Yeah, I mean he did yeah, he fucked her painted to be quiet now. He's calling her horse face. What are you gonna do? Yeah, it's just uh, that's not fair. It's silly silly times. It's it's you gotta just laugh, you know It's all a carnival, but it's real wacky. It was horse face and there was another one Pocahontas No, that's Elizabeth Warren a little foot or dickfoot. I'm not sure. I'm thinking of other Indians Yeah, it's a it's he's a strange strange bird to say the least. Oh, he's a cub McCaw What's that? It's a bird. Oh, okay

well, I Don't know I gotta apologize for my performance. I think I'm still jet lag. I'm a little cookie. I got the I don't know Oh, you're fine. I got lacks of days ago because we were hanging and then sometimes the Norway I'm like, yeah, that was fun and that was weird, but maybe it's not so bad. I don't know. I got no confidence We got a wrap up in a minute. Let me just tell you this please you got anything No, all right So the guy I met the head chef Alex hey Alex come by my restaurant tomorrow. I'll give you a free meal No, okay, and I said, oh, yeah, you know me so I get there. It's jammed sat or Friday night packed the whole thing

So I get there and there's only one seat literally one chair next to four women at like a big table Oh, I just sit there. It's like a long table So I'm just in the end in my one seat got my headphones in Watching some sports thing places packs like a sports bar slash restaurant. Okay, and they're doing it These three blonde four blonde Jersey women and they go, what are you doing? You want a friend? I'm great at making friends. No, it's like classic out of a movie and I'm like, oh, no, no I'm good. They're like you look like shy in the booth. You look like this guy. They just get you look like no No, Adam Levine, and I'm they're all married and have kids

They're annoying and I'm like, yeah, yeah, and like, what do you do? And I'm like, I'm like, I got headphones in over here Yeah, so I'm like, oh, I'm a carpenter or whatever. I just said something I'm a you know a milkman and they're like, oh, he's a he's something's up with him And they're just talking in full vinyl. You want some more food like they're just trying and I felt like a girl Feels when a guy is being too aggressive. Yeah, and so then my friend comes out head chef Uh-huh. He goes, oh, hey, you made it. What do you want? I'll put it right in. I was like, okay, Alex Thank you. So then he leaves they go. Oh Oh, he knows the head chef. You're important. Are you you are?

Leave me alone you dirty twat give me some privacy. Yes headphones in So I go down they go. Oh, oh, and this one chick thinks she's Einstein. She goes. He's a food critic He's a food. Oh, that makes sense. That's a good. It makes sense pretty good guests and I go, I hate food I hate you. I hate critics. I'm not anything the show was decent. I love all those things and So now there's like always a food critic. You got to write about us in there. You got to put us in there Horrible mentality it's brutal and then one of them slides next to me closer and she's like, I'm the interesting one Oh, and it was like oh, but I hate all of you and She's showing me pictures of her kids and this whole thing and she's like, are you single?

Are you married? Are you gay? You know and I'm like that stop crying and eventually the cook brings the food out and he goes I'm slam back here. Enjoy the food. Have a good show What's your name? Oh my god, so I had a fun moment. Oh, tell me about it I go just give me a Google and I finished my last bite and I said give me a Google They put in my name and she went. Oh my god. He's been on the tonight show And I walked out. Oh you dropped the fork. I dropped the mic. Yes, exactly the fork. Yes, even better Drop the fork. That was good. Don't kill yourself. Ah, geez. You need to drop the knife. I hate myself

I'm gonna stab myself with my tits. Uh-huh. I Hate that shit. I hate that thing though. They're like put us in your show that mentality of that very me thing Maybe on my pot, I will yeah, yeah Yeah, let me eat in peace gonna say horrible thing Hopefully they didn't get as far as the podcast and listen to this No, they'll never they don't know what up when itunes is they were way behind the times But you could just tell like and they were kind of drunk so they kept asking me the same question over and over like How's your meal? Where do you live west village?

You know, okay. What are you doing here? I'm working on something. Where do you live west village? Oh, yeah, what are you doing? It's all right. You got nothing. Leave me alone I hate and it's condescending because I get this treatment a lot because of my look They think that you're like a sad nerve. So like let us bring you will help you. We'll sit and I'm like no I'm doing well. I'm happier than you are in life. Exactly. I'm just not with anybody right now and I'm okay with it Yes, I'm okay with quiet. I'm content as a human being. I prefer it. Yes So, uh, yeah, I can't stand that get it a lot and fuck them. Yeah, they think they're helping. It's it's like a heckler What are you looking at? I was just checking the time

There's time under there. I got a clock under there. I keep a clock under the couch Ah, what's that the cable box cable box? I see I have cable if you're gonna watch no kidding. I didn't know that Oh, yeah, I got the whole package like a cable also it it costs more to have Just internet. So I got the whole giz. Oh, I need k. I love cable news and sports. They live off of it Oh, yeah, big msmbc and hockey Football baseball, you know what sports are. Sure. I'm a big youtuber. I go youtube all day. I watch no youtube whatsoever I get everything from youtube. They go, oh, you see that cavanaugh clip youtube. Oh, you see that s n l sketch youtube

I'll watch old stuff on youtube because i'm reading like all these political books No, like then on the super bowl the 60 minutes hillary and bill talked about blah blah blah I'm like, oh, I'll go watch that. That'll be fun. All right. We gotta wrap it up. All right. I'm gonna wrap this quarter on my neck I apologize next week. I'm gonna really bring the heat now. You keep talking negatively I'm gonna touch your knees speak of the next week. No need to touch Speak of the next week. I always on his way back speak of the next week one week from today You go one week left folks make the plan hollywood improv. Yes gotta be there I mean, this is gonna be hot dog central. We got burt christier nick batter on he writes for real time

henry phillips It's gonna be killer hollywood under the sun under the lights the stars grip with park All those things. Yes those feelers Los angeles we've never done a show in los angeles. We've never done a live show anywhere except new york philly and boston Good amount of tickets. So they're going folks. So get a friend and get a lady and get a little person and get in there Come on out. If you're just thinking about it. Just go tonight. We're both at the comedy cellar seven and nine

I'm not there seven. You're there at nine pick your favorite. Uh, such a Silly silly thing. Yeah big mistake there. Yeah, god. I gotta kill myself. Maybe you do a spot on mine You want to do a spot on mine? All right. Uh-huh. That's not bad Now we got something but they still have to pick one Yeah, well, maybe, you know time wise they can see us both that way I guess one they're gonna see for longer. I don't have to do a spot on yours, but you can do a spot on mine Why why why wouldn't we mix and match? Well, I'm happy. I just wanted to put pressure on you. Okay, okay I mean, I'll do you know five minutes

Oh me no me because you got already got your lady on yeah, but well, I mean it's you know Whatever come early. We'll do a spot. We're gonna have dinner too before me and sean and sarah. You're join We'll have dinner. We'll do the show. We'll see all the fans. It'll be nice Comedy seller main room Tonight unprecedented tonight original tonight only that's a lot of entertainment for two dollars. Yeah. All right. Where else are you gonna be on the room? Sacramento this weekend leading up to The Hollywood improv Sacramento this weekend then I got I've said my dates comedian Joe list dot com. I got grand rapids coming up. I got Philly helium coming up

I got Raleigh coming up And uh, fuck. I don't know go to your website Yeah, comedian Joe list dot com and uh, listen to the get on the patreon. We got a bunch of queefs up there. Yes, I'm uh Yeah, this comes I'm in Seattle. I'm in a cap city comedy club this weekend in austin Love texas come out. I love austin. Love that club. Seattle laughs zanies in chicago I mean Appleton wisconsin mark dormant comedy dot com give it a gander. I'm gonna be in haddie'sburg over Thanksgiving So uh, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna drive out there after I make love to my parents and have Thanksgiving dinner

And then uh, yeah, so uh, check it all out go gay hit the patreon new queef is up And uh, god love you all praise all on well. We'll see you in hell. Sorry Music