Tuesdays with Stories! - #271 Taint Mullet

Episode Date: November 6, 2018

Joe has trouble with every bodily function imaginable while Mark upsets a crowd in Winnipeg before they do the big Hollywood Improv live pod Joe see's the Red Sox win the World Series! Check it out! Subscribe to our Patreon to hear thje new live ep with Bert Kreischer and Nick Vatterott! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/ Download the Laughable app today! laughable.com/download

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be chasing hey everybody we're back happy election day big day it's election or erection day as they call it in Asia yes classic classic joke what too far there classic Joe

yellow election wait what oh erection erection day that was an old joke when I first started Larry Lee Lewis used to do that joke that's good stuff my favorite Asian holiday erection day or something like that I used to go to the New York Film Academy as did you that's her and you know there was kids from China and Japan and Prague and South America the whole thing all over and there was this one kid from Asia I can't remember he was Chinese I think was Japanese but he could not do it and we were going come on man give me an L give me an L we're like come on you get we're all losing it was so fun that's fun guys like

waving money it was we're like bet not like I bet he gets it all this way I bet he's dead by now he's dead he got the Chinese flu did he mouth yes reservoir dog dear hunter dear hunter dear Abby what's that called revolver what's it Russian roulette I think reservoir I had Russian roulette redundant the condom is the reservoir tip yes yes yes that's where the cum goes but I have not won a condom in a long time and it feels great yeah when I was a kid I would jerk off into them yeah I remember you saying that and that seems not not good well I was eight and you know you wanted the the feel and wow what is a condom like how I'm

gonna be an adult I always have kind of the pews we get stuck in the condom and then you pull it off and rip out and really my trim yeah well I don't trim very often today I had this happen last week true story where was I was in the room it was in DC or Sacramento yeah I was in Sacramento I had my pubes I got bush underneath you know in the satchel area the grundle the taint the taint yes if you will and I have like long like the older I get the less curly they become they're just sticking straight up it's like Bart Simpson hair like it's just up wow I got a couple of heteros down there yeah I got a long wavy hair and it

blows the wind you know they're uncurling as time passes strange you're telling me so one of them like curled back around my asshole and I don't think it's stuck inside my asshole like on some poo or if it was the elastic of my Mack Weldon briefs but there was pulling I was walking and I was like cross the street I had my hand tucked beneath my thing trying to figure out what was up because it was like imagine like you know you just kind of tugging on a pub but wait a minute it was a butt pew it was pulling tugging out of your asshole yeah it was like from my taint and like stuck I don't know if it was stuck in my

asshole or the underwear but it was stuck underneath like pulling from underneath the gravitational pole was I think you got to do some cleanup down there sounds like a weird taint mullet I really do we miss Shelby we miss you Shelby we didn't get Shelby in studio put him on the floor or whatever Shelby there's not a chance in hell he has one pubic hair I feel like he is just shorn like a baby's dick he's born that way or he does something no I think he's just born like a Barbie yeah I think he's a like an avatar I don't think there's any hair down there he's like C3 Prio we miss Shelby because right now he could

pop on and say something well he'd say one weird thing like trust me I'm Harry interesting boy send us video yeah he does have kind of a Barbie body like a smith it seems to be smooth yes he's a seal well I don't know Shelby let us know or maybe maybe you can pipe something in maybe you can respond and put it in right here but hey let us approve it you pipe it in all day long you know too much pipe no one I'm saying one pipe this is the one approved because right here Shelby where's your put your comment right here approved pipe but oh sorry do I step on it you step on his pipe give it to him again there it is I don't know what

number is smaller the amount of pubes I have or the number of posters you sold at the Hollywood improv no good line Shelby that's funny stuff it better but just one that was good that would be funny he has a lot of power over the podcast yeah just plug anything in he's listening to it right now just twiddling his thumbs going yeah he could just put it he could just you know fart in the mic and say cotton whatever the end word if you want it and plug it in we're paying him yeah so I guess that's a little incentive to not dick around there let me I don't think he wants to I'm just saying I'm saying he could it's actually

a great relationship because he's a quiet hairless little nut and we're a bunch of yappy dappies so it works out yeah it's good it's perfect we love him he doesn't want to be on radio I don't think maybe he does I don't know people like hearing from him but I don't know I hope he doesn't shoot us no that would be that would be rough yeah all right hearts and thoughts and prayers everybody but anyways I gotta shave my puberty here for sure yeah get down there I gotta tell you I've been real this is what's been taking over my life the last few days and this is not the first time this has happened in the history of the pod

I had some serious constipation going on it's not even fully relieved yet what is that cheese it's backing you up or barbiturates well here's the thing I went to Los Angeles which we'll get into yeah yeah we spent some time together not a lot of time now we made the most of it but yeah it was in and out yeah burger that's where I was going with this oh hey well here's the thing I eat like shit I gotta change my diet I'm working on it I'm working hard by the way this is the best you've ever looked you look at me the shirt the jacket the legs crossed you look great well I'm going to the theater tonight I got to kill a mockingbird

tickets in my pocket Aaron Sorkin who might ruin the thing that guy stinks wait a minute he wrote it he wrote this particular adaptation it ain't broke I mean it's a killer play and book what do we what do we juke in it I don't know he's he likes to juke but Jeff Daniels isn't it get to see Jeff Daniels on Harry Dunn on on live Broadway there shaving that's what I need I need that shit he takes I need one of those and Will Silvins gave me some pills but I get nervous getting the Haitian pill I don't know what it is like voodoo anal yeah it's a magic pill and the pill is bigger than the dump site take it's like this

long and Donnelly was there don't he's like oh give me one of those and Donnelly just popped it on site he flipped it up in the air and caught it in his mouth well the funny thing is you guys have the same diet I know I know eight-year-olds at a swim party well pool party pool party swim party sounds gayer I guess it does yeah I mean sexier I'm trying to say gay less sorry well it's gonna be this possibly half an hour well anyway so Donnelly my diet's a little better than his I do like smoothies and like I'll eat oatmeal in the morning and like drinks any drink but like Donnelly eats like a burger I don't even know what else

anything if anything I'll eat fish okay yeah he won't even he's pizza fries burger yeah mine's pretty bad it's bad but I was in LA I went in and out twice then I drove from Sacramento to LA to the long drive and I was up against I'll get into that later but I had to make sure to get there in time so I just grabbed McDonald's and ate it so I had like eight fucking fast food double cheese burgers with the bun the cheese the fries then like seven-hour car ride with chocolate chips in there yes and then two cross-country flights which are not that's like at the flight is six hours but you're on the plane for 45 minutes

before a half hour so it's like eight hours of sitting dry air dehydration you're drinking water and so I think I was just dehydrated and I don't do a lot of salad eating and so I gotta have a smoothie but there's no soothing place where I was so it's like I went a lot of time without any fiber no fiber no green and then you get stressed and now I'm just I'm taking shits but they're like it's like a fucking it looks like a toe it's dry it's like a little cocoa puff right really like a rabbit pellet what's there's a cocoa pebble and cocoa puffs cocoa puff is a circle it's like a puff out it's puffed out it's like an afro picked if

you pick it out and a pebble is like is like oh I should have saved that if you done that in the microphone that would have been a pebble is like those little mini pebble it's like a flatter pebble how big is a puff a puff is not that much bigger than a pebble puffs like two pebs but that's still pretty small yeah you gotta eat it so was it like a stone tire in there is it like a golf ball no more like a marble okay so they're both pebbly yeah but the pebble is flat and jagged and rigid flat a pebble can't be flat well the fruity pebbles are and the cocoa both pebbles and they're both flat they're flat ish I mean

they're like a flat earth there it could be a little curve in there but all right well generally flat whatever that is I'm shitting those I'm shitting a little bit of puffs and a little bit of pebbles but it's not good all right and then I wipe and it's just I could reuse the toilet paper to blow my nose it's dry nothing there yeah oh you got no moisture yeah I got so I've been hydrating like a motherfucker but what happens this happened before I think we had this exact dialogue if it shits bloody it'll be a fruity that'll be a fruity yeah rainbow some greens right a gay shit but isn't that an Asian thing

a gay shit let me take a say we're dull sipping at the same time Shelby put in another thing right here go Shelby get tickets to see rich boss at the comedy connection in Providence Rhode Island November 22nd through the 24th all right that was offensive Shelby I might have a fire I was all yeah I had lower like I could feel my lower intestines full like it felt like someone was it felt like I had a golf ball inside of my asshole or a fist or thumb a big thumb this would you'd know that one yeah it felt similar to that but so now I'm feeling better I still haven't taken that big she just want that big one was like

yes I took a shit the other day that we could really stop a train yeah I mean it was I was in Winnipeg and it just you know I'm just eating and eating and eating and eating out of boredom and I just went and worked out and had a cup of coffee and after that I came home and it's one of those that like it goes out of the water like it's filled yes and then it then when you flush it the whole bowl is black from the the residue yeah like squeak down the side of the porcelain yeah what do they call that graffiti oh is that right yeah graffiti I like that graffices well I'm a vandal because I just ruined that white wall the pump don't

work because the vandals took the handles what's that Bob Dylan Submarinian homesick blues I think we're the other one yeah it's not one but anyways or it might be tombstone blues I can't remember I have to take a moment not I don't people are trying to take care of Teranian pump don't work goes the vandal too yeah it is that one all right so anyways I have to shit I gotta I gotta take a good shit and so did you take the pill I haven't taken the pill I get nervous the pill and will he's Haitian so it's nerve-wracking I don't know what it is and you read it and it's like if you have an allergy to this and

I'm afraid I wonder why will Scott constipated because he's just a vegan of vegetables rice very well this is all that it's not a constipation pill it's like an all-natural this is good for you but he said it like makes you shit or whatever the best shit I ever took and I might have talked about this before was in a ruble I feel like the ocean helps me because yeah I feel relaxed and I'm swimming in the heels yes and we were drinking the we eat those acai bowls every morning so I have it like waking up early having an acai bowl warm weather relaxed super relaxed and I just took a and I was drinking smoking Cubans I took

a shit that looked like a my calf muscle it was huge was a leg funny because I took a shit once I was did drunk history drink more than I've ever drank drink basically a bottle of scotch went to bed woke up worse it was such a bad hangover I couldn't get out of bed it was like regarding Henry where I was like okay I got a toe moving I couldn't even get up because I was hurting so bad and finally I get on with the day four hours later I get up I get out I'm like an old geriatric but I can't stand up straight you know you're on the sidewalk just walking slow people are whizzing past you and I got a smoothies I need nutrients

yep put down the smoothie and something happened where I just yacked oh I had a beat smoothie and I just yanked look I was puking up blood and then I got home and I just shit out alcohol wow yeah so the body was just trying to get it out yeah it's good to get those that's what I feel like sometimes when I'm trying to eat healthy yeah to take a good shit but sometimes it feels like if you just threw a bunch of crap in there it also blasted out right the healthy with the crap so you get back cuz you get the wee wee problem that might be just stage fright well I got all kinds of urine well that's what I was gonna say is like I'm

over-hydrating trying to take a good shit but what happens is I just take a bad pit I'm just like oh I gotta piss I'll figure it out I got I got mix it in smooth I gotta change my diet I'm 36 I'm gay and I'm getting old I love a good I love healthy I love a good vegetable I love a good salad of a good piece of fruit play it on me fruit is good I had an apple yesterday midday apple and then I was eating like great yeah it is nature's candy you're like this tastes so good I'm like how could I not be eating this all the time yeah when I learned juicing is actually bad because you're getting all the sugar you're taking away the

fiber so yeah so then I was talking to Will's events the Haitian sensation I was like why can I just eat a bunch of fruit but I can't juice and he goes because you're not gonna sit out and eat 12 oranges but you need 12 oranges to make orange juice and I was like ah well done voodoo queen yes but that's different than the juice like orange juice is bad but like if you do the juicing that's supposed to be healthy still bad but you don't get less fiber yeah he chooses all the time that's what he does oh really liquid terrier remember that's what he does he's always there yeah all right but that's a cup and you

get the veggies in there but this is it here's the thing with diet we got and we got to move on to some other business but this is the thing with this health food shit like I'm eating McDonald's and pizza yeah and fried chicken yeah no good beet juice is going to help me people tell you oh beet juice is apples or got sugar you're like no no an apple is fucking healthy that's true if you fucking juice kale and spinach and cucumber that's good for you I'm sorry I agree it's just like yeah there's some sugar but like I'm drinking a coke yeah or a fucking beet juice get the beat and I researched it like it is how like

that's like unhealthy in that like if you're a health nut you're like but this could be a little right right try glisser right off you're like no no that's fucking yeah healthy Bob the builder oh what Bob the builder of the builder I was just trying to think of like Joe the donut man just the regular fat guy yeah yeah whatever the whoever the fuck Bob the builder ain't healthy that's that's pedophile talk well let's talk about some stuff cuz I haven't we haven't done it up we haven't recorded an episode since the 90s lay it on me fatty when did we record lack I can't even think must have been last pre-la so yeah like

last Monday or Wednesday Tuesday 14 days but Tuesday it's been a while yeah I can't even remember but we've been to LA and back and the live episode is up right now on the page yeah it's a cooker so before I got there I went to Sacramento and I gotta say one of my favorite weekends I've ever had in comedy I love the Sacramento punch or punchline Sacramento it's called yeah I'm calling at the Sacramento punchline which seems to make more sense so you were miss me text me on Thursday hey I hate myself I'm gay I'm having all these problems no one's showing up but the shows were great no one was there

Thursday I think there was like 30 people there but I had heard it's hard to draw there it's not a great market first of all the club is awesome and the managers like the best guy in the world good a good fail yeah good room we were there years ago yeah together so but the club as much as I love it like they're doing construction on the building so it's hard to find it's kind of like when I walked in Thursday night I was like oh fuck it moves and I have the wrong address because I got you walk into like an empty building yeah and it's like duveteen and you know shit picket fences up yeah it looks bad as you're going in

the room itself is like preserved and looks fine but like you're in a weird empty hallway of like a mall yeah and also close and dark it's a little tough because the hotel is like you got a walk and it's like a highway it's like not a highway but like a main road like a two-lane three-lane road oh yeah I call a highway yeah it's a main road and then there's a homeless person on every corner yes so like as you're waiting to cross the street you're just sitting with a homeless person right which they're unfortunate people and I feel empathy for them and we should help them but you however there's eight of them you

can't give all and I'm one-on-one with an unstable human being like it makes me nervous and people are like oh he's just sad but I'm like yeah but he has nothing to lose and he's mentally unwell and you're the only guy on foot yes I'm just here with a fucking yeah categorically unstable human being right she's saying the same thing about me but yeah you're standing next to a drifter for a light cycle yes so I gotta keep crossing the streets it makes you a little nervous then at night now the under the cover of darkness who knows what the fuck oh boy so the club is is great though when you get in there there's only 32 people there

on Thursday whatever it was like maybe it was 30 and you're like God I'm like apologizing I feel stupid but they were great there was a few Tuesdays there which was nice and then Friday Saturday picked up but still like a third full is like 75 80 people but every show was killer oh wow killer like hot crowd I was like I couldn't believe I was like I feel great I feel like a great comic right now that's lunch nothing better than killing with a small crowd that's harder to do I love it I love the small crowd the asshole factor goes down which is nice my asshole factor got sealed up but oh yeah with a hair in it I got some

new bits I had some new bits cooking you have like a chunk that just comes when it comes on your face all of a sudden it says all over my back and I go great I got a new bit and that's hitting a couple new things I feel great about I got a new joke about this woman on the plane ya I hate you that yawn out loud they gotta let you know they're young because it's not natural you don't have to you just want attention yes and I want attention but I wrote an act the exact you earned it I got bits exactly you're coming in with a yawn oh yeah yawn's nothing anybody can yawn and it's contagious yawn he pop is uh-huh but

great shows and then the host was killer this guy Adam Pearlstein you ever see this guy heard of him Oakland guy nah maybe very funny guy he's got some killer bits all right and he's a Tuesday hey all right pearly yeah way to go pearly pearly gates yes he's got a few jokes that you're like boy I wish that was mine he's got some real stuff you got me on hand well he's gonna joke about you know karma and he's like you know people talk about karma he's like the other day I hit a guy's side view mirror window what is that side view mirror I view mirror it's like I took it off and I was like oh boy I could I wonder what the hell that

guy did to deserve that you know that's the joke it's a great joke about Netflix everyone loves these crime dramas but everyone does everything they can to get out of jury duty he's like that's like live crime drama this guy obviously he's working a much differently by the way if you're listening I told I don't want to mention his name anymore people get upset with us but I hung up with Louis CK and I was telling him this guy's bits and Louise got this guy's great yeah I love it so he's a fan and he's got to get out of Oakland get to LA I know it's like they were this girlfriend is I was like you got a move and it's like always

with the girlfriend there cuz you're like sorry lady your lives your lives are over yeah you got a move or break up or whatever it is you hold them down you hang oh no she's a beautiful girl sweet gal but anyways he's killer great weekend and then there was some really funny guest spots still like people like hey can we do a guest spot and I go yeah sure yeah and the guest spots were funny wow so good stuff there great club great hang it's not a great town no it's not especially without a vehicle yeah I ladybird I love but I think she's full of baloney yeah that town you got to grow up there get you know molested there

because otherwise there's nothing to do I'd say what I did though I went to guitar center every day and played my mando it's nice to have a guitar center I just went over there played it and they thought I was like a you know retarded orphan or something like you have anywhere to go they fed me a the dog food wait a minute so you went in you brought your mandala in the guitar center no no they have guitars you can just play guitars oh people they let you play a guitar before you buy it right I just went to the mando section picked it up practice played and they you know they let you sit there huh I didn't have a cup

down there and a hat with money in it or how's that working no cup I make my own money all right but you're not like you're not doing a whole drum circle with other people no no there's other people playing but you kind of just concentrate on your own thing do your own thing how about this by the way that's cute Tony day oh it was on my flight huh I love the day oh past guest gay oh gay oh um but I had this happen real by the way day oh gay Os oh that's a great cereal that's the last holes yeah chocolatey and cream sorry everybody all right I had this real sometimes you gotta throw in a positive travel thing all right mix and

match so I get upgrade sometimes they upgrade you without asking so I had an exit row aisle you know because I couldn't afford the Delta comfort on these cross country solid exit row aisle is killer so then Delta goes you've been upgraded they give me the Delta comfort but it's a window cross country I don't want a window I pee every nine seconds and I got I got sick my legs out you're full of piss and vinegar yeah and I might want to beat off also yeah well whatever it takes so they give me the window and I'm like motherfuckers I just lost a better seat now I'm all mad I'm all cranky the whole walk down you upgrade

me without telling me you can't you don't have to take it it was already on my thing like it's just changed I go to see that it's all sold out they want to stick you up there what lunatic is turning down an upgrade exactly this here so then I get there and it's a couple a couple of goofs he's sitting in the window seat oh and I go now this is where my ego comes in because I want the aisle yeah but I also want to let him know he's in my seat oh ego will kill a man yeah my ego is not my amigo hey there it is that's not bad huh so I go hey you're you have the aisle and he's like oh and he starts like filming

getting up I was like but if you want the window I prefer the aisle he's like oh I prefer the window I just didn't know I thought this was blue great he's like I told you totally ratted out his girlfriend he's like I told you and she's like I'm sorry I'm an idiot but I was like I'll take the aisle so I got the aisle I got to tell him he's stupid yeah I got to feel smart and got the upgrade it a win-win ego yes I win a bago so then I finished the Sacramento weekend great weekend of course the world series is going on featuring my beloved Boston Red Sox Friday night the games at five out there because West Coast now

you might have heard about this game it was an 18 inning classic it was the longest game ever we watched I watched the game in the hotel for two hours then went and did the show it's going into extra innings how hard was it to leave that game you got to walk across the highway while your beloved team is on very hard so I have the app I got the MLB app I'm listening to the local radio broadcast I love the sound of baseball on the radio so then I'm back there I'm listening to the radio broadcast the feature I kept trying to chat with me I'm like all right listen to the game do anyways nice game and very funny

Prosting was MC oh sorry so feature gonna throw him a bone I just made fun of him talking to me trying to throw his name up all right good point I know he was really funny and very nice oh boy it was just it was a brief moment where he's like hey what's the thing and I'm like I'm sorry I got the thing in my ear I feel like an FBI I don't know how those FBI guys do it right well they don't give you a lot either they're just like standing there with their aviators on I know but people with an earpiece in like having a conversation with someone's like ask him about the files right like how do you listen to both

the files Serrano's got the discs but anyway so I go on stage I'm like it's extra innings fuck this I even open I'm like a big Red Sox fans I'm actually bummed you guys are here you're ruining my night I come on stage like the game is still going I'm like that's insane wow so then I listen to the game the radio all between the shows the MC goes on the feature goes on it's still extra innings I go back up do 45 minutes again I come off they're like the game is still going we had two full comedy shows yes I ran home and watch the actually Pearl Steve drove me home I ran into my hotel watched the last two innings in the

hotel wow 20 minute game we had two full stand-up comedy shows during the game Red Sox lost that one they lot they win the next night Saturday night I buy tickets game 5 Sunday Red Sox are up three games to one I get the ticks me and Chris Walsh I say hey Chris you want to go to the World Series he goes well I go where you going the World Series you son of an onion so I spent a little bit of money about 1100 bucks yeah produce yeah okay and then the fucking these shit Dodger fans no offense that once they lose Saturday now they're gonna get eliminated so the ticket prices plummet and I'm doing the dumb thing of

checking the ticket prices after I'd already bought the ticket big mistake never smart no it's like leaving the roulette table and checking to see if your number pops up it doesn't make sense get out of there so I way overpaid for these tickets but I go you got to accept your whatever what are we talking what was the last low price the tickets I bought I bought tickets in the ninth row of section 166 for 1100 dollars a hot seat yeah well it's section 166 is like out behind the foul pole still cool but then the next day the tickets in the front row same section we're going for like 750 so I could have been nine rows

up for $300 less or $350 less ouchy wouchy but what are you gonna do it's all money so I get the tickets and then I go rent a car now I'm anxious cuz I'm like I gotta wake up early I gotta rent a car now I'm afraid they're not gonna rent me a car or I'm gonna crash or something's gonna happen it's gonna rain out whatever the hell it is so I go there get the rental car no problems I jump on the oh good though I'm getting loose we probably heard that through the I felt it was a big fart yeah ruin the leather fiber starting to kick in oh boy I gotta get to the point here Haitian hit me get in the car drive all the way down to LA

about a six-hour car drive the mountains all that shit beautiful I got the fucking brandy Kyle rile rockin I got car rile I got Randy Newman going I roll into Glendale California I pick up Chris Walsh I stretch my legs for a minute I said get in the car we gotta get over there we drive over socks fans everywhere the Sun setting over there by Chavez ravine Dodger Stadium gave the world series this is the world series a boyhood dream I mean I grew up with the saw I'm going through all these memories on the drive down thinking about my first game in 1988 and fucking Dewey Evans in the 90s and Brunansky and all

this crazy shit Ellis Berks my dad's dick yes so exciting I'm like they could clinch then I get anxious cuz I'm like they'll make lose and now you're in enemy territory yeah a ton of socks fans but there's like 15,000 socks fans at 40,000 Dodger fans like the Redcoats yeah it's a whole thing so you're excited but you don't want to lose because it's if you're winning they're kind of quiet whatever but if you're losing like fuck you you fucking shit but they've the Dodgers have been winning up till this point what do you mean weren't they up more games not in the world series oh I thought they were they went Red Sox and

Red Sox from the first two Dodgers one game three socks one game four oh now we're game five and I get there and it's exciting beautiful Sun setting I'm so anxious Chris is there a lot of socks fans to see it now lay to a city you love with the weather is perfect the sun is out it's beautiful beautiful mountains all that stuff you love yeah the gaze so then there's the this is the funniest thing that happened at the game so I got like a splitting headache cuz I barely slept I was up late working and then I woke up early you get anxious when you have to get up early and travel games so I'm all anxious and I got a pounding headache

and I'm just stressed from the drive and I go I gotta do something because this is ruining my experience my head is like splitting so I gotta find some Tylenol so I go back I talked to a cop LA cop cute kid he looked like he was 22 I go hey do you have any Tylenol or know where I could get some talent he goes I don't he goes but there's EMTs up in section 144 ask them he goes but dude this is how he's talking dude don't tell him you're drunk I gotta tell him because you gotta tell him you twisted your ankle and I'm like twisted my what I'm like I'm trying to get Tylenol I'm not trying to get you know fentanyl right

and I'm like I'm not dry I haven't had a drink in years I just have a headache he's like I know I know but just do that just say just kind of limp I swear to God this is what a cop say he's like limp up I'm not trying to break any laws here so I go up to the EMT and I'm like hey man I have a headache I'm not gonna pretend to have a ankle turn I like this guy he's a coke yeah but it's fun to see a cop a little loosey-goosey against the breaking the rules a little bit yeah I don't know what the hell is going to must have been a white privileged thing or something but I'll probably steal Rob a bank later

LAPD's never done anything wrong so I walk up to the EMT and I go hey do you have any Tylenol I got a horrible headache and he's like we don't hear but on the 8th floor is the first day in room go up to the 8th floor they'll have Tylenol so I go okay and then I'm like 8th floor I'm at a baseball park they don't go by floors it's like loge upper deck shitty seats right just go to the 8th floor so I'm like I just keep walking up and I'm like what the fuck is this 8th floor hmm so then I ask a guy I'm like hey how do I get to the 8th floor and the guy's like 8th floor what are you crazy that's employees only

oh and I was like well I gotta get Tylenol the guys like hold on I'll call you an escort right now I'm missing the world series by the way I'm walking around this adventure he's gonna get your prostitutes because it's a good town for it I guess so so then he goes all right he calls in an escort Tony Tony Tony comes up it comes up yeah Tony I think I'm busted oh oh tag oh the microphone smell weird so Tony comes up with a green jacket and he goes hey you're here for the Tylenol yeah yeah sir I need Tylenol and it looks crazy cuz I'm fine on the outside I just have a headache well people get migraine

yeah sure so we jump in the elevator and now with like players wives I'm in the elevator in the bowels of Dodger state it's like these beautiful women like stilettos carrying babies you know Latinos with tits hanging out sure love a little bit so we get to the 8th floor then I go in he's like here it is here's the first aid room I walk in and it's like two angry nurses and then there's like three patients like three like bombed out guys they're like all junkies and like you know their hairs are all yellow the eyes are yellow and I'm like what the fuck it's like the top of the third I'm like how did you guys get here

what's going on here huh they look like like literally like homeless junkies and I'm like what time did you start drinking yeah and then we were joking like what if health care was so bad they just bought a thousand dollar tickets they could get an x-ray there it is and I go hi I just need two Tylenol please the ladies handed me them and they're like doesn't say Tylenol it's just like Dodger Tylenol I was like I need to know this is no ibuprofen allergic she's like yeah just take it's Tylenol like for sure and she's like yeah like this is what we have I'm a fucking I work here and I was like alright alright so I take it and

you could tell the three other patients were like who's the new guy we hate this guy and I'm like all right I'm on my way take the elevator back back to my seat I only missed a minute and a half action I had the radio broadcast going in my ear heading subsided during a couple innings went away then a random socks fan sat next to me which was nice we had him to keep us company there we go comes down to the night the Red Sox had a bunch of home runs Mookie Betts homeward Steve Pierce homeward twice JD Martinez homeward ninth inning were counting down outs and so exciting three outs to go two outs to go one out to go they get

the final we go a shit Boston fans go nuts the Dodger fans very nice to us by the way like if you stick down you can go like yeah this big Latino guy was like go down that way you're gonna let you right down to the front or whatever I go thank you very much better luck next year the whole thing people are pretty friendly one guy got in my face at one point it was when I was on the fucking headache pilgrimage pill hey alright JD Martinez he missed a fly ball and some guy go yeah and they turned me away yeah like in my face one moment Chris Wall she's like my buddy from Charlestown wasn't with me

which would have been fun because he wouldn't fucking rabbit punch the guy to death but anyways great win we went down and we all moved down in front of the big ceremony they got the trophy and it was so exciting to watch it live I've now seen four Red Sox world championships too wild the podcast has been on the air look at that amazing first time ever seeing it there I cried I called my parents my dad the whole thing I didn't call my dad I don't know I said that but I texted them yes wow great times great oldies yeah I mean you don't drink what do you do after you got a headlock going with a guy you're a hot dog and then

you do a maybe an oil check on your friend then what that's it we were high-fiving everyone then Chris and I kept starting Yankees Chuck suck chance we were doing it ironically because it's so silly the whole the chanted general is silly to me and then doing it at Dodgers Danny but like everyone kept joining him yeah we're like laughing at them and they thought we were part it was fun and then we went to In-N-Out burgers I always celebrated in and out and nice double cheeseburger met up with our friend Sabina Christmas girl had some double cheeseburgers went back I was exhausted went to bed and then Monday

did a spot at the comedy store the original room never done that before that was quite a thrill very exciting went and saw the movie mid 90s which I loved all right loved it got very emotional cry like a girl Tuesday my old pal Marcus Norman rolls into town live pod takeover I need a break I gotta go shit oh yeah man it was good to get to LA where the hell was like oh yeah so I did Austin Cap City great weekend great club I just they get me in Austin I was really cooking up there I was doing some new stuff for you here to hear first by the way I'll be there my birthday April 4th 5th and 6th oh look at that a long

ways away but get ready a lot of Tuesdays a lot of Chipotle really did it up just a great town great club the whole thing good comedy people so I leave there fly to New York do sticker treat that day sold it out had to turn people away one of the best sticker treats ever 40 plus comics imitating their favorite comic some hijinks some controversies some good times it's amazing that show is still going still good run out of acts it's getting better because you know what it is it's these younger new comics they have so much energy and they're so hungry to kill mm-hmm and they just bring the heat and oh there's always scandal in

comedy right you know you got your Roseanne I got your Cosby you got you this you that so there's always something cooking okay and you can get weird you know one good one guy did Dimitri Martin Shereke Shereke you know the guy everybody hates Shereke Shakerley Shereke I made the AIDS pill really expensive oh I forget that guy's name I think Shereke maybe yeah I don't know all right so you get you get coogie one guy did woke Andrew dice clay that was probably the set of the night did anyone do Brian vegan no it's still available okay keep that one I'll work on that all right so

then we do sugar treat go home bang the lady fly out next day at like 6 a.m. to L.A. go to a meeting get my rental car I got raped on the rental car which we discussed in the live app so check it out patreon anal so meet you at the improv in Los Angeles in Hollywood on Melrose you were wiped we do a couple laps around the block to catch up well here's what happens you go out there and I bumped into Henry at one point it's just Henry and I at the bar we're shooping stories and then Henriksson joins yeah and then another guy comes and then some fans that coming in before you know it we're all lost yeah

it's been like a green room with a couple people no offense to the people that were there we loved everyone see no great but you just get overwhelmed before the show exactly you want to get your head in the game and you know John again is there you want to hug him and go packs there yeah and Rishi and Rishi so you need a break so we go walk around the block and we do a little venting how was this how is that what's gay who's gay what's good but there's some fans on the walk which is exciting people on the way to the show yeah I mean the Tuesdays came out in full force we almost sold it out it was it was felt pretty full as

like 90% full in there we saw this sold it holds 200 we sold I think 138 and then there was about 25 comics hanging out yeah more than 150 people there it was a good time almost 80% full Christ your came out he's he was sober and I gotta say we're Christ your sober is a weird thing see I don't know but that I've only met Bert like three times in my life I mean Bert's the greatest he's the nicest guy coolest guy but sober it just it's almost like seeing a teacher out of school when you're a kid doesn't feel right yeah but he was still you know he still brought the funny and everybody killed and the crowd was hot and they

got us we went dark right away I talked about enslaving transgender people and they got it yeah that was fun yeah and it just it just cooked and then we shook hands at we sold some posters by the way the posters are on sale on the gate yes Patreon members the Hollywood posters are available for sale and we'll sign them oh yeah we're gonna sign this bucket of those in fact I want to get one before we sell all of them because it was a great poster great poster get one get them while they're hot so yeah we just had a great night then we left the comedy club after shaking some hands and having some drinks Rishi bought me a

couple shots we took some photos we went straight to Cantor's deli couple we had each got a hundred dollar gift card from Chipotle oh you got that right yeah that was exciting thank you to that guy big muscle guy yeah with a hell of a facial hair situation forget his name you go to LA this like even the men are sexy our sec like Tuesdays are hot yeah well you know hot for Tuesdays yeah horrible music video so then we we walk over to Cantor's on Fairfax we had a group of like a eight nine of us good group good group we have some corned beef some pickles some drinks some yucks we have a great time Hendrickson for Shaw join us

Vaterot the whole gang and then we we parted ways it was a little sad it was a sad night well we drove yeah we Chris drove me ours to my car I drove you to your car yeah off we went off we went and you went back to the Big Apple I stayed in LA went to the Halloween parade went and did some other shit and had a great time had really lived it up and then I flew to Winnipeg oh Winnipeg Tyler baby oh I gotta throw a shout out to Jonathan Morvey for letting me stay at his apartment he doesn't think we leave and fucks his girlfriend for three days while I stayed his apartment oh that's good stuff what a sweet man good man

more gay more gay more Jew big Jew little Jew so go to Winnipeg weirdest town on the planet I mean Winnipeg there's nothing around for 500 miles just this one city in the middle of nowhere and the weird thing about it is it's a city yeah but it's not a city that I am Matt we've talked about this before like I grew up in the Northeast we're like the cities were like New York City Boston like high rises and like people on top of each other Winnipeg's a city but like it's just houses and yards and then like 30 yards to the next house to the next house yes like strip malls right there's no like subway system like big train like I

went down to there's a downtown it's not friendly yeah oh really no it's not pleasant oh all right well I had a good time and the people there are very it's weird because you're in the city but it's really like a remote village it's extremely rural rural there it is yes fun word to say yes not rations but little canyon so yeah had a great time and we sold out three shows a lot of Tuesdays came out thanks for the Tuesdays I just tried to write cuz every time I'm in Winnipeg you have no car they have no uber it's hot it's cold as balls so I just I just go into this booze

downward spiral last year I went into this horrible thing where you hung over all day then you get it together and you go down drink it again and they put them back out there and Canada booze is more what is it more percentage oh it's like a higher alcohol content and so but this time I flew right but I had one oh tell me the food all right so at the Winnipeg Club rumors good club a lot of history Seinfeld all these greats you know Ray Romano big time headshots are amazing unbelievable headshots Louis Regan de Paulo everybody you name it so Murphy yep maybe maybe he's on the wall might be a print but so

I'm there and they do a lot of like what do you call that events oh yeah a lot of parties like tonight we got the kids baseball team yeah and it's 50 people so be nice so they do these parties which I kind of don't like but I get it's bringing people in they gotta fill it yeah yeah so I'm not complaining but you know there's always a guy with a booth at the front door like hey give it ten cents to fat kids or whatever yeah so they don't tell me and I go in I do my act I got some adult material certainly and I do this one joke about hitting women oh boy it's weird you can cut it with a hockey stick I mean it is palpable now what's

the bit about well I do this bit about how I like babies because they're not evil yet there's a lot of bad people out in the world but you never assume a baby will become one that's why no one ever goes up to a pregnant woman goes oh this one's gonna suck you know blah blah blah and then I say like it's always positive with a new baby because it's all potential like oh it's kicking might be a pro soccer player like oh it's kicking might hit his wife oh that's nice it's a hit it's a good bit of kills but not tonight yeah they didn't go for it not that night and I was like what the hell that usually work it was one of the things we're

like well that didn't that didn't go as well as it normally did or that what fells off or blah blah blah and later I get you know I get back there they're like whoa it was a women's battered women's oh my god that's one you got to put that club has the clock that ticks up to let you know they should put underneath by the way battered women's give me one of those like tickers yes battered women are here battered women are here you know or something do with every group hey these are you know vets or these are alcohol exactly yeah like they put the city on the the monitor if you're a rock band so you don't say the wrong city

right they got to have that for comics it's a great idea mm-hmm so it just got kooky and that the the set kind of dipped after that like I was do the thing I'm like man I'm killing with this side but this side's hate me yeah well I didn't realize they were all beaten whores they might have been traumatized oh they were triggered folks mm-hmm and I was doing like what do you guys bunch of pussies I Canadians can't take it but it turns out these women are just weeping oh jeez so I felt horrible I didn't know I didn't know so that was one thing but I got a positive travel story throw me a positive travel story a pts yes D ah positive

travel story dick so the fucking flight Winnipeg is such a remote cunt that there's nothing out there there's the flights are horrific you get like one flight at 6 a.m. and one flight at 3 p.m. yes and it's all through Chicago or Minneapolis yeah yeah you got to transfer which sucks so I get up I got a 7 a.m. flight you got to get there at 6 you got to get up at 5 you got to leave a 5 30 the whole thing and I got it you know kind of tuned up the night before got a little high and all that because weeds legal there now oh right they're ahead of us up there oh yeah they're good people mm-hmm I always say Canadians

are like an American after we fucked oh because they're a little more clear-headed a little less aggressive and they're constantly saying I'm sorry interesting that was my opener so get to the airport fly out now I was weird things you know you're I'm in Canada but I'm connecting in Montreal oh yeah well you're flying Canada air Canada which stinks out loud oh really oh they saw everything's torn up the seats are all farty and the AC knob is broken and everything it sucks the pizza is all cold and the wine is all warm it's an old tin can white man can't jump yes sir there it is right shelter so I love that she'll although did he do

anything else yeah he pulled Durham killer better than white man can't jump I don't know I got white man I got bowl what sounds bad like I go with the white man so get to the airport in Winnipeg get right through and I go up and customs was so easy how about that yes then it's a four-hour flight to Montreal land in Montreal then I realized oh I'm doing customs here it's a domestic flight I didn't realize that so I was like god damn now I have to connect after customs so you're like trying to blow through customs with those custom cunts they ain't warm no warmth they got no sense of humor they got nothing I do my old my

old line they go how you doing today they look at your ID and they scribble that bullshit on your ticket they go how you doing I go a little hungover and they always go oh well this guy's a cut up get him right through your fucking homos yeah all right but they didn't go for it oh they did not go for it I'd be like either how you doing there what's what's going on with you today well you know a little hungover well you should probably drink less oh geez what is your dad I know ouch so I know I breezed through I'm just trying to get through you get I got the big ol cuz I was in dick no medium I got the the the

away bag and this thing's loaded to the brim because I got posters I got a I got a zoom mic in there I got I got eight coats because I was in Winnipeg but then I was in LA so I got shit for LA so it's a full full bag yeah so you pop this thing open for the laptop to get out and the whole thing it's like a it's like a mattress out of a sofa right you know it just goes like the snakes the one of the snake gets on a plane yeah so the whole bar the whole thing pops open I got sleeping pills and tampons oh that was a good one all kinds of shit in there and so now I got to clean all that up finally I get to the gate in a

Montreal I'm on no sleep I'm hungover I hate myself I'm my dad's gay I get to the thing and the lady goes we are not that full of a flight so we have to move some people around to adjust the weight oh the weight shift yes the old Ralphie May we call it now I go oh I've never heard of this thing so I go up to the counter and I go hey look I'm 19 F or whatever how do you feel about me getting a little closer to the front uh-huh you know I pull a little rows of parks and and she goes let me take a look here well you're in luck we moved you to one a oh daddy first class cuz I've tried to get to the front like a cunt now

division one a and it's a it's a class system it is wow and I'm in the first one first class right up there and boy it's a game to get on the plane first I'm in the first seat that's not always great cuz you got no place to put your carry on was it one of those situations no what are you first class gets all kinds of room but you don't get the seat underneath to slide it under oh I put it up top but everything up top everything I'm a big up top guy I don't want to I want the feet free and clear but yeah depending on how you fly you can't always do that cuz you only get one item well what do you bring I don't check a

bag I check a bag I put the overhead in the overhead and then the other one goes underneath what's the other one what do you got a knapsack I got a backpack and a suitcase oh you go backpack well you just take one bag the whole time oh yeah oh I got two bags I like to have a backpack I want to go to Starbucks I bring my notebook I got my pens in there my book that makes sense but I would probably put the backpack in the bag pack the bag but I want access to it on the plane my books and such I got it I got it I'll be in the the waiting area and I'll just take all the shit I need out if I need me I see but

not a bad system but I need that foot room but sometimes you take it out now all of a sudden I got a pile of leaves in a book and I got my folders and I got a top at and I got to carry all of them a slinky yeah yeah I hear you well maybe get a fanny pack no I don't like a fanny pack I know I saw a hip guy like a chest fanny pack the other day was a big they're coming around people are into it yeah not me not me either I can't do it I mean it's I grew up in the 90s the fanny pack is is ruined I can't look at it normally yeah even if I didn't grow up in the 90 I feel like I'm like what am I an asshole I got a zipper bag attached to

my grundle also the name is rough yeah if you change the name it might help they are the the product to move a little bit well we love the name fanny well yeah but you don't want that's our ad lady but I don't want her wrapped around my balls maybe you do all right so haha so now I'm in first class and it's not only a one hour and ten minute flight it's Montreal so I got very close less than that they always say that but really it's like a 25 minute flight yeah it was probably say their shit yeah so I flew there and she goes you do you want the food which is the dumbest question any woman's ever asked me want the food yeah

she goes like it's such a quick flight do you want any food kind of thing okay and I go yes I definitely want the food I'll take his food his food so she brings it out it's salmon no it's a lot salmon it's locks what's locks locks is fish like the locks bagel and locks that made up lock is that a fish I caught a locks I think it's salmon but they prepare it I've heard of the Loch Ness monster I've heard a lock Smith but there's you never in a locks or locks a lot I have like a like when you go to the gym and you locker no alright I'm being silly you know locks not really hello X I just know Goldie that's it

LOX yeah is that I know there's a there's like a movie about that Larnix the locks was that locks oh the Lorax Laura well give it a look because locks is amazing they serve a brunch at the cellar oh I saw that yesterday there was a little pig pussy on the plate yeah yeah so I get the locks and it comes with locks pancakes because it's all Jews in Montreal we're not all but it's a bunch it's a lot Irish to really oh yeah McGill College McGill University all right well so the locks is amazing comes a little sour cream and these pancakes with the fish and a pickle just basically it's a deli meal uh-huh and it was a

great time took a little fat nap got back and now I'm in New York City back to back to basics and this weekend I'm in Seattle oh and tonight if you're listening right now tonight we're at the comedy cell at 9 p.m. you me and San Maril makes three yeah that's gonna be Sean Donnelly hosting so we can watch a bunch of constipated people tell yuck a month and it's election day we'll be running up watching the news the whole thing so go go vote and then come to the comedy celler I got a register oh boy well it's a little late does that take a while to load up well some states you can register day of but not New York I

think you're I think you missed your chance no I can do it today maybe some of them some states I don't know what states they get cuts off different rules for different states well voting in spirit what are you gonna do but next week I'll be at the funny bone in St. Louis the 15th 16th and 17th was one Sarah Talamush let me tell you this quick story please is at the gym two days ago I bought these warm-up pants and I got a I got a what do you mean why what do you to work out about my pants yeah well my pants oh is that what they're called yeah like sweat pants but not sweat oh alright I hear warm up pants I think you're gonna like MC

hammer it doesn't dance pants dance pants I gotta answer my pants I got some warm up pants but I got a weird body I have a very thin waist I got like a 30 tour I'm a 31 and then my jeans my legs a 97 inches long I mean I got legs for days any long legs over here so most people have legs this long way 850 pounds so I can't find a pair of pants right because I get a medium pair the waist is just right but I look like you know Huck Finn if you had a growth spurt right so I look like a good flood yes so I gotta go goofball so I buy this other ones that's a large so now the pant leg perfect I got a perfect break on

the pant but the waist is like you know under the giant could wear these things is why do they do that because I think that's the regular size human it's the majority I'm an abnormal human because I can't find good pants either yeah so I buy them so they last it's too big so what I did was I took the string the pull string and just pulled it as tight as you get and then knotted it so they fit nice of the waist but you can't there's no expansion I can't slide them off my hips I got a wriggle I'm like Shania twain leather pants over here I feel like a woman man so I go to the bathroom I go to the stall at the gym

and I got a really like pull down hard I can hear the rope the string being like yes it's like you know William Wallace when they're racking them right right then I pull my dick and balls like up over the string it's tight on my dick and balls so I'm being everywhere it's like spray peeing you know why don't you just undo the knot it's too tight you got I gotta bring it over I'll bring it over with a fork and a pair of binoculars and see if you can help me alright so finally the string it flips over my balls and just pinches the bottom my dick it catches on the bottom my dick so I stop peeing because it's strangle

holding so I guess I'm done peeing but then once I release it up over the dick into my pan I pull the pants up my dick just goes I pissed like a court of urine into my underwear like full on I left the toilet and I was like I just pissed my pants yes and then I go to champ go to the steam room I take my warm-up pants off I got my underwear on Mack Weldon's yeah antimicrobial and the stain is just a norm like it's more staying than not staying that's how wet I pan what my pants were now this is on the the warm up not on the after my work this is on the undies but you can't see it through

the pants not to the pants okay I took the pants off because I'm gonna go steam but the underwear I had to roll up tight in a ball and stick in my backpack for the rest of the day you don't want to just wear it out I couldn't put it back on they was so wet I couldn't wear them out I pissed my pants yeah wow it's been a while it was yucky so then I had to like come on when I got home for like an hour I forgot to take them out of my backpack I'm not usually taking underwear out of my backpack is my childhood all over again I know so I own zipped the backpack and now like my notebook my cigar cutter my my the

herpes pills they all smell like a bag of piss oh boy and I throw them in the laundry with all those ones where my laundry bag is half full but I got to drop it off ASAP I can't just have a puddle of piss in my living room now what are you gonna do with the notebook every time you write a joke you're gonna smell whiz I just have to nobody beats the whiz I guess yeah I gotta live with page is gonna look like an old treasure map you got that right I'm gonna burn the edges yeah but anyway so that's that story and the rest is for another time all right you said something that we're oh we gotta talk about what happened at

Chipotle just now oh let's suck each other's dicks what the hell happened at Chipotle oh right right oh god this is bad bro I knew it too I could feel it I felt it coming so me and Joe are at Chipotle doing our you know lunching it up and we're trashing some comics as you do and you kept getting all paranoid because there was some some blue collar looking guy across the table from us so you were getting all whispering on I hate this I believe this guy's listening I'm like I'm like talking about comics is inside baseball he has no idea I'm like Paul Cicero I don't like anyone hearing what I'm saying I hate it yeah weird

profession right right so we're just sitting there and you're going I don't know this guy I think he's listed I'm like ah come on you're fine you're fine and then cut to after a 20 minute long conversation of us trash and comics this guy goes oh you guys do stand-up comedy ah and it's the worst question on the planet we both froze just thinking about it I don't want to talk to this guy of course but you know he's staring at us and then he pulls that you guys go into a Mike yeah you want to Mike later which I'm a little offended that he's doing comedy in New York but doesn't know who we are what's with this guy well that's

how you know this guy's not a real comic well that feels a little much but I'm just but either he's super green or he's a hobbyist uh-huh that's my theory because there's no way this guy doesn't know what to go we're in the village we're got the seller and I was like he's like you got a show night I was like yeah we're going to the fat black so I try to say because I don't want to say the seller yeah well get me in yeah you want to be hurtful yeah yeah exactly don't be mean you want to like just trump the guy like yeah we're actually working comics blow me so yeah we're at the fat like he's he

pretended to know what that was I could tell he didn't he was like oh yeah the fat black it was very uncomfortable I hated the whole thing and brutal I just uh I tried to change the subject I brought it up to Chipotle I got that special Chipotle over here but I just I hate I also find it rude no matter what's happening I find it rude to overhear someone and join their conversation well A it shows you were listening yes and B yeah that's about it you're you're listening to our conversation and now you're part of it we're friends and yeah I hate it I hate talking in public when people are within an airshot and

the people try to do this thing like no one's listening I'm like no everyone's they're listening everyone's listening because I listen to other people and if he's not reading a book or looking at his phone what else can it be doing yeah he's listening yeah unless he just you know went through some traumatic thing that he's replaying in his head he's listening I'd be happy for him to listen to us talk but on the podcast there you go it's gonna be weird if he's what if he comes up in the pockets later than here's this he's like I was that guy well he maybe needs to hear some of this maybe only famous years from now he's like

you're not gonna remember this but in fucking 2018 on election day Eve I was sitting at Chipotle listening to you guys well that's the case help us out let's open for you yeah I love that and get on the patreon you weirdo all right we got we got a boogie here oh yeah therapy and suck my own dick I'm gonna kill a mockingbird geez yes to kill a mockingbird the whole premise is against believe all women really well I haven't seen it oh you don't know the story I know the story but I'm joking but I'm going to see it tonight go to the patreon folks there's never been a better time to be on that patreon this

bonus is this queefs all alive episodes Bert Kreischer Nikki Glazer Yana's pop is Ron Bennington Chris D they're all on there we're talking about our favorite movies we have all kinds of debates we talk serious we talk all kinds of stuff on there three bucks a month I got a an hour long one-on-one with Robert Kelly which was wow it's really fun we talked everything we talked Louis comedy fame everything so that's all on it's three bucks a month 36 dollars a year oh that's a steal minimum you can give more if you'd like please and again thanks to all the so many people brought me Starbucks gift

cards it's insane yeah I appreciate it big Chipotle gift card so thank you to everybody well I feel so grateful I feel like George Bailey all the time you guys are so nice we're very lucky I mean the love in LA was amazing and Winnipeg they came out awesome they came out everybody's coming out of the closet we love you spread the word tell a friend go gay God bless the Tuesdays where you gonna be there St. Louis next week 15 16 17 Dr. Grins the last weekend in thanks whatever in Thanksgiving in November 28 29 and I think it's 29 30th December 1st there you go and then Philadelphia helium is right around the

corner December 27 28 29 I didn't know that yeah I've plugged it every week for the last three months sorry I wasn't listening yeah I'll be there and then Raleigh in December and also helium Portland in December so please rally the troops vote and come out I'm at your heels again we're nipping at each other's heels oh nipping I'm at Seattle this weekend then Wisconsin Appleton Wisconsin I got the good old Zany Chicago can't wait for that I'm doing Hattiesburg at Thanksgiving that Saturday of Thanksgiving doing Hattiesburg Mississippi come on out that'll be in my my trip from seeing the parents all God

knows I'll need you tell a friend let's sell that puppy out then I'm doing Zany Chicago Pittsburgh improv Laugh Boston Raleigh helium in Philly and we're going to Vegas oh yeah Vegas oh I'm doing a Mohegan son again and oh San Francisco coming to the San Francisco punchline in January so let's sell all those out that's a hot room hot city I love it there and yeah get on the patreon come see us all in Vegas be Ari the butler fatty feeder feeder Becky oh and that's gonna be a hot show insane and yeah come on out let's get kooky and we love you get a poster get a t-shirt merch pumps all there we hate ourselves we love you and

raise our love