Tuesdays with Stories! - #274 Track Trim

Episode Date: November 27, 2018

Hoo wee, it's a holiday ep as Joe gets pelted with a lollipop on stage before a Thanksgiving Amtrak nightmare and Mark gets beaten up by kids before having the bomb of his life! Check it out! Subscribe to our Patreon to hear thje new live ep with Bert Kreischer and Nick Vatterott! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/ Download the Laughable app today! laughable.com/download

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe less Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy suck my dick it's Tuesday let me blow one in your throat yes we're back what they said the snowball they called it oh I'm into that scene when the first I got a

porn in as a kid it was a big orange VHS and it was it had all the hits on it like all the shit you like real porn people like and this guy blew a load into a lady's mouth and she spit it into another lady's mouth it blew my mind yeah it's fun here's what I need and I think I've talked about this before on the show so punch me in the balls if I said this alright I don't need to do the dirty stuff I just want to talk about during regular sex like I want my way we're fucking I wanted to be like as soon as you come you're gonna stick your head down there you're gonna lick it out of my pussy that would get me off see

you're not you're you're not a movie guy you're the book was better when it comes to sex you want the the the words well this is I don't think your analogy is great because they're both stories either way you know one is visual I think I think you'd be better if you said a history book you don't need to go to World War two the history book is better all right the guy that lived it because one you're living it and the other one you're hearing the story got it I wanted to say the book was better that was what I want yeah I can tell all right what's an audiobook because she's saying it yes you know what

I mean like I want to say this I'm like just tell me you're gonna make me eat my own gum right once you come everything's out the door that's true it's all good nothing said tits aren't attractive to me no tits what are you doing with tits yeah yeah as soon as you come forget I mean I don't even like baseball after I come I hate everything hate at all yeah I hate women I want to be I want to push them away get away from me lady well by men I hate man I hate midget so everybody midget my ex-girlfriend hate it she was like a racist to midget a prejudice a foe I think I told well last week we talked

about our friend Nick a little person he came to the cellar what that was no I forgot to tell you we were just talking about this guy a little person the only one we know but he came to the cellar that night I was like I was just talking about you and of course in midget fashion he was like what the hell are you saying cuz it's rarely positive little person chatter midget fashion is a magazine I subscribe to by the way but what was I gonna say a little baby tease I assume Gary Veter what were we talking about what was I gonna say to Vicki oh yeah what was a little basketball story I know but that's why

we talked about him last week oh but the phobia the phobia the phobia one time I was in LA it's a little fear yeah and what time I was out in California I was talking with I told you this before in private maybe on the podcast who knows what's what tell public but I was talking to a member of the industry like an industry person like an executive oh boy and a little person this particular one yeah walked in and this woman was like oh gross look at that whoa oh my god he's coming over here whoa his wife and he was like oh he's two of them oh my god and I was like she's little as well his wife yeah yeah but this woman who's a

member of our industry that we're supposed to be impressing and you know open-minded yeah yeah the whole thing yeah and we're supposed to impress we're supposed to write a thing and send it and be like will you will you make it please right right person was the most over open race I don't know if it's a race or what word you'd call it hey what do you type it's a prejudice yeah the most prejudice behavior I've seen in the flesh I know there's horrible things and and the clan is a person or a thing to be gross yes you know like you hate Asians you just hate Asians but you're not grossed out by and like looking away

like I can't even oh she's like going is and I was like you're a horrific human being and then I tell someone this and then they're like well I think it is an actual legitimate fear and I'm like well that well in that case racism is just a fear what are you talking about it's a legitimate fear right I'm scared of Jews I mean I agree that racism and homophobia and prejudice is an illness and it's like a learned behavior so anything illness it's a I think it's a mental illness of some sort okay maybe mental ill that's what I'm saying ignorance is an illness too if you ask me you're a dumb dumb you've received this thing

I've been handed down this shittiness I guess but I like I like a doctor visit isn't gonna you know that's not gonna cure any homophobia well therapy might am I you know little exposure you're gonna blow somebody or something sure I don't know exposure therapy I mean I'm some of these people I do feel like our victims from their surroundings they're upbringing oh no doubt about if you're three and your dad's being like I gotta tell you about these n words we gotta get rid of them and then you're 15 you feel that way it's not really your fault yeah yeah at some point you might want to seek other counsel I run could be a

black kids dad who says the same thing is that weird yeah well I mean there's I'm sure there's black people that are very racist against white people oh yeah I've met a few by sure I mean I've experienced it yeah yeah yeah yeah so what are you gonna do but anyways we're getting too serious here but you never hear about little people fighting back you never hear about them going we're pressed prejudiced upon or what's the term what about the lollipop guild they were nothing to be fucked around with yeah but they never complain is what I'm saying yeah I think they want to be treated like normals they were abused

in the making of the Wizard of Oz you ever watch any of those or hear those no no I guess like Judy Garland used to spit on them or maybe they were mean to her I think they were mean to her I forget the film fact someone sent me an article well you get enough of them together they did the mob mentality oh I remember what it was they were drunks they were all drunk and crazy and like doing up skirts and grabbing her pussy and yeah they were like little trumps now that's a movie by the pussy and they just drink it a little airplane bottles I think so oh hell but yeah they were they were wild on the set and it was a

whole situation they all hated them yeah yeah well my gal my ex-girlfriend would really she would run the other way she she was it was a hatred she's like their heads their hands it's gross I hate it she was like the agent well the nice thing is you don't have to run for very long that's good ten paces and you're clear and he can probably just do like a leg swoop right over one but you know they'll snatch on that's that's true look at that cunt Garland easy well somewhere over the rainbow it's a better world yeah it's a small world yeah after all sure is all right well it's good to be home I mean it's it's what we got a

few days after Thanksgiving but I'm my vacation just ended abruptly today like I woke up and I'm back yeah we're both fried you you took a train I took a plane and we're both a couple of cars now where did you land I landed about nine thirty six a.m. or which is just a kick in the cock it's like you got to get up at four get to the airport at five and then you fly at six and brutal yeah say I took the Amtrak there and back and Amtrak is just a nightmare I know we're complaining about the travel and the blub but Amtrak is suck so bad it's overpriced it cost me four hundred and forty dollars for the two tickets round

trip we bought like the cheapo depot Monday morning tickets yeah and it's never on time it's literally never on time never CPT if you're 20 minutes late you're like okay not bad yeah but sometimes it's an hour two hour 40 minutes and then the boarding process oh that line 500 people this is how it works if you've never been to Penn Station like people in the middle of the country and elsewhere and foreign lands they don't know what the fuck's going on they don't know what we're talking about yeah in New York City the way you get on an Amtrak train there's a big open space then there's 500 people that are

getting on the train all standing there looking at a board yep and then the board they go stand by and that's 20 minutes stand by means we're gonna announce the track shortly yep that's 20 minutes to stand there and just look at this track 12 yep and the track 12 is a single escalator single file you couldn't stand to abreast escalator downstairs so 500 people go everyone's punching each other shot in the elbows running and it just cram it's like 10 people wide 30 people deep it's a bottleneck yes it's a bottleneck and you have to go single file down there and it's a nightmare and it does matter to

get to the front because if there's two of us we want to sit together it's a five hour train ride I want to get some rail head yeah rail trail I thought trail was a thing but it's not is it some tracks trim I was thinking trim track trim track there you go bad that might have been what I was going for like somewhere deep in there I came up with rail rim what did I say I can't even remember already rail rack the track trim is good I like track trim yeah rail rail rim isn't rim a thing is that a job that's the anal licking but did I never use rim as a term I gotta get some rim now I think that might have been a

thing in Boston I don't think give me some rim specific rim dome we use don't was big Bob the Bishop plugged the dolphin suck my dick yeah blow me spit you're coming my mouth yeah but what was that other one last one was just a request make hit the monk spank the monkey oh it's making the monkey beating the penguin yeah penguin like the hockey team remind me of this guy Jack Lynch had a really funny joke about you know it would he called his buddy's playing his video game but he's something something that's the setup he's like what are you doing he's like I'm beating the penguin he was playing the batman it was a

stretch but it was funny I'm beating the penguin he goes what you get to the phone for wasn't bad wasn't bad beat that guess dicks can't fly so there's some kind of comparison there and they're blackened with a white belly they like it cold all right well they like fish yes the puss you don't hear about pussy being called fish very much I think that got run out of town with the you know the me too movement because that when we were kids that was everything the fish tuna taco fish taco is big oh yeah what have you said I

smell fish close your legs yes I grew up into the shore I mean as did you should always go oh boy it smells like a low ton why don't you close your legs you fucking cunt yeah yeah that was big fishy something fishy clam is ocean is nautical as well that was something people would say if someone said something's fishy yeah I want to close your legs right I wonder if you smelled worse back then oh I would imagine I think everything is getting better everything's better yeah electric cars and better snatch but I mean pussy's in like the 20s they must smell I mean they were roaring

it was the depression all right well yeah yeah I had this one with the flight you know it's a fucking 6 a.m. flight I hate myself I hate the gaze I hate everything and I get on this fucking tin can of a united flight oh I gotta talk about United what are you doing on United well I'm going cheapo deep I'm trying to get out of the town it's last train out of Clarksville on Thanksgiving oh my god you and the United fight to fly on Monday at 6 a.m. it's the only thing left and it was not $8,000 that's what I had the same with Amtrak yes 25 a.m. I hate United but I'll get to this but I had the fucking aisle seat 25d weird nerd

dweeb guy at the window I said this is great we got the middle open but of course literally the last twat to get on the plane comes right to the middle and she's got like eight bags of shit she's got cookies chips a sandwich a charger a big bottle of water eight coats a blanket and a pillow you know those horse carry a pillow on the plane grow up I like I hate the people that wear the neck pillow they walk around the airport with the neck pillow yeah I got the neck pillow I put that thing on directly before I sit yes gotta do it but so she she plumps she's like a bag lady she plumps down in the middle of seat and she's got half

her shit on my seat so I can't sit down till she moves all her fucking garbage and then she does this move where she throws her big furry dumb jacket over her shoulder so half of it's in my seat I'm sick of it you crossed my arm rest we're done that's that's illegal you're in my territory it's a caravan she's on the border teargasser yeah I should have I'll put you in a cage you skank but yeah I just had this and you can't sleep I'm a big sleeper on the plane I can't sleep just knowing that dumb fake mink is touching my Adam's apple well everything's touching your Adam that's true it's a problem pointy but I flew I don't want

to get all discombobbed here or discomb Roberts but I flew spirit and I got to trash these people I mean I don't even know what you're doing you spend the extra bucks you Delta you gotta go Delta I love Delta Delta's my guy it's my go to it's my main man my number one but I mean how much did they rob you from your flying spirit united I don't even know you are anymore well again it's Thanksgiving and I and I booked late I've put it off I'm a piece of shit so I go spirit there and oh I'll never go spirit again I'm done with spirit I'm gonna shit talk you on the pod publicly you know sometimes when you land you get

an email immediately how was your flight no one answers it I went whole hog on that thing I fucking shit a brick on spirit should be called break your spirit yeah you someone must have made that joke I'm an atheist now because of spirit so first of all you get there you check in I like to print the paper I know you're a phone man I got the app it's all and set up it's nice I like a paper ticket I don't I don't feel like with the app I feel like I'm losing battery showing everybody my phone all right I'm a big battery nut well I go low battery mode a hundred percent of the time and anyone that doesn't is a

fucking moron I'm telling you that you tweeted me for that your sons of bitches you're walking around not on low battery mode fuck you you're a piece of garbage I'll do low bat and I'll plug it in it goes away I know but you gotta go back on you gotta be you gotta be on top of the low bat diligent now if my battery is black or white not yellow I know something's wrong okay low battery you yellow I need a yellow battery now you like an Asian battery and not a Caucasian or an African-American yeah it looks like the front of my underwear yes big yellow rectangle here here it's a gold bar so you get there you check in

and then I go oh it says a not seat no seat assigned so you got to go to the agent at the desk at the like at the plane desk not the fucking desk desk so I go up I go oh well you know I booked this a while ago I got I paid for my flight I go up to the desk the lady goes yeah we're overbooked and we do it but you don't have a seat you're not on this flight and I go what and she goes you have to wait because you checked in dead last so she goes you have to wait and if no one shows up you'll get the seat so I'm like what I paid for this seat now now I'm not even on the flight I've never heard this finally I'm waiting there

I'm fuming I'm just sitting there like fuck you spirit I'll just right in your eye and then 20 minutes later everybody's boarding it oh and that's the other thing I'm sorry I'm venting okay vent vent while I was checking in they go you want to pay $12 and get group two which I never do but I was with the girl I want to show off I'm already flying spirit which is the bottom of the barrel so I go I'll spend a couple bucks no way to show off well it's so spirit so I pay the 12 bucks I get hers I get mine now we're in group two instead of group 1914 so I'm like all right great roll roll one so we go up and she goes you

don't have a seat so group two is just walking by I go I paid for the group two thing she goes that doesn't matter and I go was give my money back she was not refundable I go come on with this so that was strike to I have no seat now I paid the 12 shit holes I'm taking it right up the tailpipe she got my 12 clams that's the spirit finally she she goes all right Normand Matt Normand I go that's me I go up she goes you're dead last you buy the shitter you fuck you and your mother and I go all right thanks at least I got on as a lady get on too cuz you got a two for you gotta carry on she did it right oh she booked

her own yeah boy piece of garbage oh wow so I'm like all right well at least I get on so I'm walking my fat ass on the plane with my away bag and they go whoa whoa yeah you gotta check that I got carry on carry on size they go no no no you have to check it there's no more slots 65 bucks your mother's a slot how about that yeah trim so 65 I should have just gotten a regular flight I paid the 12 plus the 65 plus the price of the ticket I got raped ain't only that's the thing is you never end up making out it's the classic thing you try to save money never worth it the shit breaks or it comes apart and you're doing a

disservice to everybody not you in general I'm talking if you get a spirit or a frontier because now Delta and they start doing the affordable tickets they see how well spirits do it oh why don't we have the cheapo ticket this is just show up in the middle and we lose fucking rights or not privileges or whatever the hell it is not I don't want to say rights because this shit happening in the world blah blah blah but like you lose privileges white by these people buying this these cheap tickets because then Delta and all the big airlines ago well what the fuck are we doing gotta compete with this gray

hound in the sky yeah but they're like if people are willing to do that they'll do it over here yeah you can get a ticket for eight bucks less but you have to pay for your coke you fuck exact alright so now that we're up to 18 strikes we get on the plane the seats are made out of wicker I mean this is old school they don't recline yeah not even a nanometer of recline just nothing they don't even have a button on the on the armrest just to tease you with a recline the seats are thinner than than a supermodel and um then you get no recline you get a thin seat and then the cart cut comes by you gotta pay for water I know that's what

they do hey for water what is this the Philippines I know and then these other airlines I just said it but they go well hey they've charging over at spirit why don't we start charging yeah fuck the free fresco free Presca yeah Presca Tulk so that was a push a shit shit flight landed in New Orleans had a great time I'm hogging sorry had to get that out no hog no hog here in the sky oh set me off well I got a couple of things I wrote down I can't really remember what it was there was something in here though as I said oh let me talk about this this goes back to a week ago I did your show hot soup yes fun show I hope I'm

never taking advantage whenever I had nothing on Tuesday I hit up you or Jeremy or Gary I try to rotate who I asked the favor to smart I hit up Jeremy this time I said hey I wouldn't mind doing some comic is it you this is the thing with these holidays I take off Wednesday Thursday Saturday Sunday and I had nothing booked Tuesday I'm like I don't want to go Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Sunday rusty yeah next thing you know old Jed's a millionaire so I got booked on hot soup yeah baby always 830 I always fun yeah Tuesdays 830 Irish exit free show you got that right right nine years and sometimes it shows oh it's

the spirit of shows I think it's a good show for the audience can be a tough show for the comics all right I like that like if you're not he's never you go hey I'm gonna go see some of the best and brightest for free but if you're a comic sometimes you go I'm performing I'm one of the best at best and breast and vitist yes breast and I just and I'm performing for some fucking schmohawk yeah I do my opening jokes about a guy eating a lollipop on a plane some fucking moron whips a lollipop at me wow what is he a dentist like I'm fucking Elwood Blues at the Bob's Country Bunker you need your chicken wire

there chicken wire one of the best deliveries ever uh-huh chicken wire I think pull that audio then pull up the movie I think I nailed it you might have something there Shelby if there's any way you can plug in that guy saying chicken wire yeah and show me if you don't make track trim the title you're fired yeah you're not fired we love you chicken wire but anyways I got through a lollipop what is that whipped it at you whipped the lollipop it was fun cuz I stepped on the lollipop and then kicked it back at him so that was kind of enjoyable it's like a cigarette you stopped it but I

had that fight flight freeze I want to beat this guy up yeah I can't do that so I just sat there I'm like I gotta do something I was like I want to leave I want to leave but then I like just saw you know Vita in the background crying so I was like I'll stay I'll do my set but I wasn't happy about it now I had some projectile thrown at me that's why what are these people think we are we're entertainers which we're telling jokes in a show you came to let me do my act and that stick could have gone right in my eye if I didn't have protective lenses over true and then the sugar would have cremated you and all the

amalgamated who know but I gotta say it's very upsetting I go what are you doing he's like I had a lollipop like so what if I did a joke about beer you whip your bottle at me yeah what if I do with a baby you throw your kid at me yeah well I don't know what his kids doing at the show but he's a bad father well whatever but that was annoying but fun show all all the same is that how you say it all the same yeah something like that good to see Peter good hang old well that ends well yeah I think it is and then the next day it was a fun day I went and saw the new Cohen brothers movie at IFC we gotta talk about that I

love the film seen it twice now I saw an IFC I watched on Netflix I love the movie I mean the seat the Liam Neeson one is just show biz yeah yeah right which one was your favorite but the first one is my favorite because it's just so fun it's a cartoon it's so fun so funny and then the wagon train I love the show biz one was great the jazz Franco was great I like the gold one that was my favorite I was well Tom waits is just fun and just a great film I went and saw it at IFC which was enjoyable I was with Louie and I went you know you're the guy in that Liam Neeson throws off the water oh yeah I'm like that's you the industry through

him right yeah I can't make any more money they fucking whipped him right into the ocean or the river or the lake metaphor whatever and then you know we made out during the credits and that was fun did he did he dig it he dug it yeah it was fun but I think like you tell he's like I had a movie this is a bad that's gonna be that's gotta sting whatever what can you do but yeah fun day with him and then we walked around the village I got some good show biz emails he yelled at Sam that was the situation we'll talk about I gotta hear all this yeah and then went met up with Sarah went to hot soup that was fun

went to bed up with the feeder and then the next day is like the big travel day oh yeah Wednesday and again we had to book whatever was available so we have like a 5 30 p.m. trade that's why I got spirit on the Wednesday so Sarah goes to work works a half day I go to therapy I'm like I'll squeeze in a little therapy before the family got a load up yeah exactly but you think it's gonna be a good idea but I gotta bring my luggage cuz I'm going straight to the gig don't you hate work when therapy defeats the purpose of therapy it stresses you out yes I'm going up there now I didn't know this now it's we had the coldest

Thanksgiving in a hundred years whatever is 22 degrees 21 degrees don't get me started alright so I would go up there and now everybody I didn't know you could do this the night before Thanksgiving you can go watch them blow up the cartoon bullshit the Snoopies the Snoopies and the poopies and Tweety and haha the Woody Wood Woody Woodpecker so that's like an event you can go do if you don't want to go to the big parade it's gonna be cold the next day so what unbeknownst fun word to me I'm carrying my luggage I'm all bundling up my winter coat on I'm gonna go up the Upper West Side every child and parent in the

fucking tri-state area is going there also because the only entrance is on 73rd Street our therapist is on 72nd Street so I'm bumbling and fumbling I'm getting elbowed in the balls and the dick by all these toddlers right at dick level fuck you and your dumb balloons I hate balloons who gives it a shit you can see the strings yes if you couldn't see the strings maybe but I can see the strings I never got that even as a kid like they go we go there's Mickey I'm like it's the costume even as a kid I knew it was a costume but the costume is one thing I agree I agree all right but the balloon is even worse is like it doesn't look like

Mickey it's too big to be Mickey he's floating why is he floating he can't fly he can't blink there's no hole by the way Mickey and Minnie suck anyways nothing good came out of Mickey now he blew I think that was an old Louis joke he's like I like bugs bugs had jokes he had jokes he was timing he was groucho basically he had bits yeah he had an accent which was weird but Daffy was a was a comedic hero he was that guy's a fucking legend a cut up I loved the Wiley Coyote and the the Road Runner and it was all right it was a lot of fun yeah me me I think we've had this discussion before also yeah meep meep meep yeah yeah

what did I do when you say it very quick meep he's a road runner he's gonna hit the pee meep meep I think there's a well he's whizzing by I mean you're not gonna get a perfect audio file you're doing it too quick you sound like Minnie Minnie meep meep I don't know I think I gotta turn back that sonic ear shall we plug in that one too by the way can I just say I don't know if they robbed you of a fan and an air conditioner but about 175 degrees in Europe scared open the window after the great train robbery of 91 all right so anyway speaking of which I'm heading to the train I go to therapy that's great then it's all

bumbly and fucky yeah go down to Penn Station and I described earlier so I would get to into it but Penn Station the night before thank you it's like Woodstock it's like a brutal there was you had picture Woodstock 69 yeah and then just every once in a while they go hey run the track eight it's just crazy yeah it's like the stock market it was the stock market then there's a little tweet about this I thought this is great there's a little kid running a book but he's pretending the book was a gun he was going I was like if this isn't an analogy for America right I don't know what is that's good he has a book but

he's pretending it's a gun he's just randomly shooting everyone which by the way is a little off-putting when someone's pretending to shoot you sure it's better than the alternative which happens quite a bit also yeah but there's a little kid walking up to you going I'm like get the I want to kick him in the face yeah out of here you fucking piece of shit and it's a book open the book it's not even shaped like a gun yeah you get a croissant or something maybe we'll talk but this is a book croissant shaped like a gun I could chew it you get the chew in there you got a right you chew it so it looks like a gun yes I see he

looked like you might have nibbled on this book to be interesting the only thing you need to stop a good bad kid with a gun is a good adult with a foot there you go that was a FDR was a mouthful although he was in a wheelchair yeah his his third he got elected three times of three terms unreal and his third inauguration was the shortest in history because it was the amount of time he was able to stand right he had those metal weirdo for his gump brace yeah he had those and he could run like the wind blows but he had to like he stood there was like my fellow Americans we're gonna do great and I'll see you out there

sit down immediately yeah yeah it's a I watch you watch the documentary on him on Netflix now I haven't seen it's pretty good I mean it thank God he was around before the old Wi-Fi because this guy got away with murder oh yeah all those guys oh yeah it's Nixon being elected it's insane the guy's bald his nose is longer than my cock I mean Pinocchio yeah all right so anyway so we are we're gonna I want to tell these people this thing so I'll do a quick thing and then we'll tell them about how much fun we had a big sponsor today yeah I mean it's a sponsor but really it's just fun it's a beautiful thing oh big

fan oh so we get there finally we get up there the train's delayed of course an hour we get on the Amtrak and once you're sitting together traveling with somebody is really helps yes and you got a partner you got someone that loves you it's really the best everybody you know go be with what do they can hang in some people can't hang you know you're running to the train there live 18 steps behind they dropped the book they eat it it's a gun they don't know what's going well that I just go I'll find if we get lost I'm getting us some fucking seats I sharpen up my elbows I throw elbows and kick kids with guns I don't give a fuck

good man like I'll find the seats and I'll I'll save them sure but she can hang so we had a good good talk we're bullshitting you know I'm eating her out the whole thing yeah trek trim we get up there and then my parents left the car for me and the parking lot of Amtrak so they're like we don't we'll just leave the key behind the back tire we'll let you know what are they uber back no they have to cut each have a car so they drive each drive a car they go to dinner they buy us dinner leave it in the fridge we got leftovers to come home to which is like hostess very nice very nice you know I trade it for and I love

you but whatever what are you gonna do I get it so the car is parked in a certain spot I we walk over there I go this must be the car but I'm not sure because I got a new car relatively recently and you don't want to be breaking into someone else's car they don't be pulling handles and it's hard to find the keys so I look in I see a bunch of Lotto tickets I'm like this isn't my mother's car she's got OCD she's very clean and you know maybe dad's got a new hobby I don't know so then I had to call which defeats the whole purpose because she's asleep she's like hello what are you doing what is this so you're dead I go no I think I

found the car but certainly there's no Lotto tickets and she's like no we're broke as a joke I bought 5,000 Lotto tickets we didn't win oh there you go yeah it's like oh all right so we got the car now and we got a winner now I'm concerned that they're buying lottery tickets who knows not a good sign that's really the end of your rope yeah if you're hitting the scratchies yeah so I bought a ton of them all up there by the way didn't win any my cousin hit for 5 under but that's the whole other story all right tell on his podcast that's he's uncle he's uncle oh crazy promoted yeah this is cousin Jamie I think Jamie so we

go we get out of the cat now it's like we've driven six hours I had therapy my bag is a loose tire I've had a hard on the size of a Christmas tree sure light it I go to leave and there's a bunch of cars lined up and the arm the parking lot arm it's stuck like a McCain arm got arthritis yeah it's bad news bears and the ladies like hello hello and cars are trying to back up so we were the last car so we back up first let's get out I know an alternative route all fenced in we're stuck in the garage you see yes and so now I don't know what the fuck's going on you're just going whoo he's looping I loop a couple times then I

get back in line now the nice thing was there was four cars in front of us but they all backed out to seek alternative I was the first one to seek the alternative so I was the first one to find out there is that so when I come back now I'm second they all have to come back behind me I'm like haha so I actually cut in front of the line which was nice that's pretty good but now the guy the attendant he must have to wake up at his house and walk all the way down there holy hell so he's got to come down so he punches some buttons opens the arm so now we're next then I give the guy my my corporate card it's seven bucks I

go here you go he swipes the thing twice he goes card doesn't work give me a better card I go maybe it's the machine doesn't work machine works your car doesn't work I go what are you talking about why if it works why are you out here oh Sarah's like taking easy babe but I'm like what are you taking his side I'm all cranky now yes and I'm like what do you mean he's acting like an asshole I call him an asshole wow that's what she has me her car her card works immediately the arm goes up and I was like sorry about that everything's giving that I leave my card is fine but the arm is shit but anyways all right we

gotta do it to be continued cuz I want to talk about the gifts we exchanged we really exchanged some gifts folks oh yeah and we did it through story worth you S T O R Y W O R T H worth yes what's the story worth the easiest way to share your story now we're called Tuesdays Mr. We're a story podcast we're all story but we're also not great at communicating that's true it's when we go to therapy we have bad parents yeah and we go well what a cast dispersions but what we do the best thing we've done is we went to story worth dot com yes back Tuesdays tell what we did mark basically it's a nice way to get to know

people it's almost like a online scrapbook you keep it with a friend or a family member over the years you ask each other questions like did you have any nicknames as a child oh did I ever what you have lanky pants oh yep and Doug funny oh yeah yeah and you know what is some of your favorite smells that's a weird one tennis balls all the way you get that new can you really yeah I like gasoline also I like gas to let it in on so yeah so you ask these questions and you get to know people over the years and you can look back later and it's really easy to sign up I signed up through Facebook you jump right on it's

very self-explanatory it's a great thing keep in touch with the loved ones and communicate back and forth and look back later it's really because the family your family is all over the place you know I got family in New Hampshire and Maine I got some California people I got Washington people so it's a great way to keep your family together and really share your story share one of their great stories that was memorable for you as an example of what you expect yes yes and it's good because we can keep in touch when we're on the road and look back and see what we talked about in time past it's a great time it's a great

thing it's very sentimental get on board we're all losing connection yeah I'm working on one with my sister right now for her it's a big surprise hopefully she doesn't listen but she's not a fan it's really fun I get one for my sister for my aunt I mean they really love it it's kind of like scrapbooking but better way better way you don't have to cut things and get hurt fingers and snip a nail no it's story worth dot com and for $20 off visit story worth dot com slash Tuesdays when you subscribe using the promo code Tuesdays yeah it's a great way to preserve your memories and it really is a fun gift for the family

they're gonna love it and plus it's it's special and unique yes yes it's what Facebook was supposed to be this is way better yeah the one you made for me was great I mean I loved it I was laughing I showed everyone at my family went to Thanksgiving I showed everybody so look what Mark made me well that's very nice and it was really sweet story worth dot com slash Tuesdays that's it baby get on it's very fun you won't regret it now I don't have a lot of stories from up there because here's the thing I had a bunch of just hanging out with the family and it was great we had some laughs one I got a few this is my stories I have this week

I got a few kids say the darndest things which isn't really our market our MO sure we like weird words and trim yeah and come but we're sitting there and you know my family there's always about 40 people over there you know it's a big Irish drunk wild situation oh yeah New England's own there's never just two people chat I get the table no it's a bark fist you got 27 of us all yelling and shouting we played a lot of monopoly deal so Tyler in Winnipeg he introduced me this game monopoly deal another great gift idea by the way and we played it every day eight hours a day I mean it was really fun game yeah so I wish we

had them as a sponsor oh monopoly and those poo pills that will so Vince but gave me the talk of the town and my family the Haitian constipation I gotta show you these the results oh really I took a shit that was three full shits next to each other why logs just lined up boom boom boom wow I threw a hat trick a boom boom boom boom boom boom it was amazing and then I shit twice I feel light as a feather light as a Elton John wow alright Elton John well that's an old light in the loafers thing I went with a gay I don't know sorry I apologize well you left a few loafs big time loaf ER loaf yeah emergency room I don't know

what I'm talking about hey that's a great time and was that it I gotta tell I gotta give you one of the kids of the Darnedest oh give me the Darnedest so my brother like comes he's watched he likes to lay on the floor and watch TV which I can't imagine how uncomfortable that is I used to do that all the time but like the TV is like up high it's a whole thing I don't know I don't know what he's doing down there alright but there's a little kid that comes in it's like a like a cousin but like an extended family cuz I don't even know who this kid is I don't like them sometimes you just got kids running around I'm like who the hell's

this guy feels like strangers much like your gun kid I want to kick him yeah so he comes in well you gotta want to kick him in a second he comes in he sits down next to my brother-in-law my brother-in-law it's like fantasy football it's Sunday he's looking at his stats or whatever bullshit this fantasy football crap he's looking at that he looks at the iPad looks at my brother-in-law looks back at the iPad and then unleashes a full wet kid sneeze right in his face doesn't say anything I'm talking a full like a like a poor like something I'd be into oh like a bukkake sneeze yeah right in his face gets up walks away I've never laughed

harder in my life oh my god that's how you get Ebola and he and the and my brother-in-law was like pissed but like it was so funny and it made it worse that we couldn't stop laughing it was purpose no I think it was an accident all right you know two or whatever three I don't know how old he is I'm picturing like a 16 year old at one point I picked him up the kid I'm proud of the kid he said something about him taking all my cousins just picking up and whipping them off the couch you know yeah I'm in the garbage disposal like just whipping them yes I just grabbed this kid I don't know who he is I just grabbed him he's there he's in the house he must have been invited so I picked him up I spin him around on a finger

and throw him uh-huh and he's like don't do that to me wow and I was like all right sorry and then he just shuffled off how about that I said a little cry he was a big pussy but whatever yeah he's ran off but I was proud of him for setting some boundaries because as I was a kid I would have just got whipped around him like oh exactly became a comedian but I've done that too with a kid where you go too far and they say hey don't do that you piece of garbage and and you feel weird as an adult you're like oh that kind of shook me you're gonna have to add some details because it feels a little aloof what you're saying now I've said I've gotten a kid in a headlock and done a noogie and like oh kids like this you know I'm 18 I got you and then they go

oh yeah that's not for me and don't ever do that again then they tell the mom uh-huh and the mom has to play it cool even though she's kind of maddie and she's like oh he's playing don't worry and she's with the kids like what thanks for backstabbing mom I got you I was worried you slept with them no that was later be that be that all right what do you got because I got like a little dumb yeah my nephew said this it was adorable this is gonna be a real Disney G rated like uh this is a sentimental okay we got story worth we got kids we got anal well if you want me to get sentimental I could I mean I was crying up there really they touch me I get touched again with the kids uh yeah so I just gotta say I have a I bring the lady down in New Orleans and it's fun to see her see

New Orleans it's a magical city and it's weird and unique and different and there's a sense of community there we forget we live in New York there's a bubble there's this elitist you know we know it all kind of we're better than everybody bubble in New York yeah and you go down in New Orleans it's all there's no pretension in New Orleans really and that's a beautiful thing you get on the streetcar and the streetcar driver's talking to you like you're an equal uh-huh it's a beautiful thing he was going where are you guys going oh all right where are you from I got the thick accent and then you just just chugging along down St. Charles and everybody's walking around and people talk to you I don't want to live there but man I just fell in love with the city all over

again and my dad knows this lady Gail ooh I love a Gail yeah you don't see a lot of Gail's Gail Bennington Gail Cunningham Gail Sayers who's a man oh really yeah I believe he's dead now I don't know if he's dead he might not be all right nightingale so Gail has a place a condo in the quarter uh-huh the french quarter yes I see she just has it and she's like hey you can stay there whatever you want well she people say that but she means it now that's nice so we show up we get the new key or whatever the extra key we pop in you have sex all over the condo didn't you stay here before many times I remember a story before we stayed at Gail's and she's one of these people who just stalks the fridge with food and beer she's like it's all yours go nuts you're like why

what do you get out of that I think there's old people enjoy giving well it feels good it's nice to be nice to the nice I guess it is and the indigent so you know we we try to try to get a gift but you just you're in the french quarter it's amazing it's like having a Manhattan apartment right in like you know the west village or something you just go out there and see the city and eat and do the whole thing so we just had a grand old time but on the last night we go we got to do it up but we've done the whole city that's the thing you can do New Orleans pretty much in it in two days so I go well let's go eat at this place by the park we're eating at this place a little overpriced I'm not going to say the name but it's decent but I see a choo choo train going through the park and I

go oh my god it's Christmas in the oaks now this is a whole thing that kids do you bring it's like the macy's thing where you bring the kids you get on a choo choo and it goes through the park and it's night so it's all Christmas lights a night train yes the mean wine exactly so you get on this so I go we got to finish this meal we got a haul ass and get on that train we get on the train and it is just glorious and then the train lets you out at the amusement park wow it's like a kitty amusement park but I go we're going on the rollercoaster had my first kiss on the roller coaster wow so this year yes so I take her we go on the roller coaster it's four dollars it's whatever and we walk through story land we ride the ride it's all dumb it's silly we have I was welling up

wow my childhood is happening again I forgot about it just happened you know when you travel and like what should we do you're kind of googling what things to do in Mississippi we we fucking google it I mean we don't go we just see it they just worked out it was beautiful I had a similar experience because last night we went to the movies again and saw the front runner which is a big piece of shit but oh really our friend Mike Lawrence is in it oh it's Hugh Jack yes Hugh Jackman who I did Letterman with Bill Burr is in it and uh Mike Lawrence has a couple lines wow I don't want to say it's a piece of shit it's not it's not great it's hard because it's like you want to be like Mike and Bill like are you guys attached to this movie or are you just in it

because if you're just in it it stinks right but if you feel really close and related to it boy it's tremendous but it could be fun to tell Mike because he's a big uh critic yes he is so it could be fun to go up to him and go hey your movie sucks yeah well it's not his it's uh some douches but he's in it he's in it he's a party he's attached but I'd kill to be in it I mean he's so cool he's on the set he's got line and he's in there a few times yeah I'd kill to be in you know mind calm for whatever it is he's put me in the book was better than the real experience uh-huh but anyway so we went and saw that but we went down to the Independence Mall in Kingston Massachusetts and I hadn't been there and it was funny because Derek came down my best pal Derek I

talk about him we had a great time his wife Erica his kids one of them's named after him which is exciting oh that's fun now ever now a giant forehead googly eye ah god like a chance uh so they came down we had a great time and then the last night you got to get out of that house you with the family the whole time so I say Sarah let's go to the movies we go down to the Independence Mall in Kingston I'm like last time I was here was with Derek 20 years ago wow and you're like the food court now it's always hard because you with my wife at this point she's ready to go home she's done with the family she was never been there so she doesn't give a shit but I was like I made out right here I we were at the movie here we saw a thin red line here I left there was one

in the morning I remember seeing you know fucking old school whatever the hell it was and uh it's that memory lane you start to well up because all the time with the family brings you back to those days like a kid again and and the Amuse Park everything looked so small I remember this was grand everything with you the Ferris wheel was to the moon Alice well and you haven't thought about those times so long yes because you're busy thinking about the future and the gig and your next bit and your wife and sex and whatever yep but then you're like god I haven't put myself in this place in so long and we're at the movies you probably had the same experience there's all these teenagers there on a date I'm like that was me it's their turn now it's their turn

to do this the rotation they're gonna break up they're gonna have a horrible breakup it's gonna affect his whole life yes we're buying the tickets the girl's 15 she's like a thick accent she's like do you have a regals reward card which I'm like this girl's 11 she talks like a Kennedy right and we're in the back of the theater you know she's fingering me I'm fingering her and I'm like god this is like the 90s yeah it's a beautiful thing and you forget it just time just goes away like I it hit me we flew in at like 6 a.m landed New Orleans at 9 30 my parents took me straight to my brother's house he's having Thanksgiving this year he just had a newborn the thing's three months old it's it can't even move it's just like a big pile of garbage like spitting up everywhere

it's shitting itself and I'm like this is crazy I'm in my brother's home that he owns with his doctor wife their newborn her his daughter now is six so he's got a six-year-old running around she's kicking my ass kids like to hit me yeah yeah me too yeah maybe it's because we're passive I don't know well I said it sometimes they pick and you go you're being mean yeah because you were funny so they're like he's funny let's stick a Barbie in his asshole right she likes smell its butt and like sticking in my I'm like all right all right you're being mean to me I know but I'll take a Barbie there she just hits me over and over on the shoulder and like oh you're stupid and I can tell it's love but it's also like just give me a fucking hug you twat well you gotta set

that boundary I guess I know but I need to take a page out of this kid's book that you whipped in the noggin kid's book can be a gun ah little what is it fashion midget fashion midget what that's the book we talked about oh model midget was that it fashion midget he was fashion midget midget fashion midget fashion that sounds right I gotta subscribe to that it wasn't clicking my you know clit yeah and you said that something seemed off click click so uh but yeah it's just crazy and I was like man Thanksgiving I remember being here a year ago and it just flies by and the whole thing and uh so then here comes back to the community of New Orleans that you don't get in New York let me a little in in Brooklyn or Astoria you get this but we do the whole

Thanksgiving it's great we're with the family we do a whole to do we make a puzzle I bring a gift it's fun to bring a gift you make a puzzle you do a puzzle we do a puzzle sorry and uh it's great the kid my brother doesn't allow my uh my niece to watch tv or or have an iPad or any of that so it's all creative this kid is so fucking creative it's Sudoku it's puzzles it's art it's painting she has a mud kitchen wow yeah it's wild so you have to sit there like an idiot while she goes you what do you want to go french toes she goes all right she scoops up much of dirt out of the ground puts in a bowl and you gotta eat it wow it's brutal I'm like hey just because you have an imagination doesn't mean I'm retarded sounds like the food on spirit airlines you got that right

but hers was free so uh then we leave there you know you gotta get drunk well I do after seeing the family that long got the lady there she's wiped because the lady has to up the game she's trying to kill I know in-laws is tough you really gotta be on and in you can't pick your nose you can't say the C word it's all situation yeah you're just being judged constantly like who's the new guy you know so I go let's let's hit the town so we leave there we go out to the french quarter now we go to this place called our bar which is royal street bar they call it our bar I get there there's a saints game on that night some douche brought a projector projected it on the side of the building there's probably like 60 kids in lawn chairs or not kids but 20 somethings watching the

saints game just in the street it was beautiful then that's nice a couple people brought turkeys now there's three turkeys on a pool table stuffing gravy it's all the neighborhood people just watching the saints game eating free turkey it was beautiful wow that sounds nice it was very nice we got a couple drinks we sat and watched the game they want apparently there's some Super Bowl buzz well they're 10-1 wow they'll find a way to fuck it up I hope not but well they won it not that long ago that 2010 was it I thought it was earlier than that maybe it was post-catrine it was right after I think it was 06 I think it was right after Katrina I remember I lived here I didn't live here in 06 this morning it was 06 but I could be wrong I thought it was 09010

might have been 010 but that doesn't make sense maybe 08 08 could have been I thought it was like right after Katrina well we made it sound like that just to like ride that you know happy sad train well Shelby you can look it up yeah look it up Shelby so uh yeah just a great trip but I gotta tell you about something happened to me last week oh I had one of my biggest bombs of my life wow and I've had some bombs so a buddy a Ben Hague you know Ben Hague oh yeah I know Ben good kid I think he's a I think he's a New England guy Rhode Island yes is that New England sure is what do you got Connecticut Rhode Island Mass Delaware only one syllable state Maine Maine uh-huh is that it and there's uh two more New Ham New Hampshire and uh the only one that has no coastline

famous for maple syrup and a certain socialist senator big V big V all right Vermont love Vermont Burlington comedy club Ben and Jerry's yep all right so he he hits me up and he goes hey I'll give you a pretty penny and this was a nice little purse to come out to Long Island and do the West Berry country club oh country clubs are nerve-wracking yeah and this is a Jewish country club okay so uh the lineup is me Jessica Kirsten Jew killer Sam Merrill killer killer Rich Voss Jew Lenny Marcus Jew great comic and I love all these guys and they're all killer comics and they're all it's a great hang oh and Rachel finds the killer it's a hell of a hang I just want to go for the hang and Ben's like hey come by well the food's insane we have a fucking spread out of my asshole those

Jews can do food oh well rich Jews you get some fucking Israeli they're making coogle or some shit I'm telling you I went to Israel the best food I've ever had in my life was amazing but I was with fucking Louie and Berkowitz so I was with a couple of billionaires yeah you're eating some five-star dick yeah so five star of David's we get there and you know he's he does it all up he's like I'll Uber you all out get to the cellar this time you guys jump in an Uber we'll get there early and eat our faces off we'll drink our faces off so uh what do you need oh it's fine it's fine just give it a swipe off the off the table there I got a puddle I'm not gonna swipe onto a rug give a rug swipe I'm out I'm allowing it all right oh that was a lot I told

you as a puddle you can still see the the fingerprints on the table it's all chalk I remember that from last week shit sorry I'm replaying all right we gotta get into the story all right all right sorry I just wanted to wipe I was gonna silently wipe silent wipe holy night silent wipe I can play that on the mando by the way oh yeah I'll bring it over one day we gotta have a bonus mandolin set that's a good idea you could sing I'll play and then we'll cut you out and it'll be great there it is so we got to Long Island and it hits me oh my god I've played this place before and I had my all-time bomb here opening for Schumer in like 2011 oh so I go oh my god I'm back and then you go but hey look that's been eight seven years I'm a better comic I'm gonna rip it open so I go ah

fucking I'm not worried I pig out I'm talking I got a lobster on my plate I got two ducks and a ice cream bowl and sprinkles with sushi it's just all piled up I eat it all I go oh I have four beers like oh I have 18 cookies like oh I got 19 espresso is trying to wake me up so my body is like a big landfill okay so Voss the legend Rich Voss is supposed to close yeah so he goes I want to get back he likes to change things up just to feel important I guess yeah and he goes I'm gonna I'm gonna go in the middle and they go hey and Ben goes you should close and he's like I'm gonna go in the middle so now I gotta follow Voss and then Kiersten follows me which she should close she should close yeah but it was gonna be Voss Kiersten but now it's Voss me Kiersten so Lenny goes up kills you know

he does all that shit killing Rachel kills Voss goes up destroys because he does all crowd work yeah and it's just look at this guy in the front row look at that fat whore look at this piece of dunk shit shit shit ju ju ju hebe hebe hebe killing you know it's all like the Hebrew words and all that they love it oh yeah he takes it serious oh yeah he was nervous he's got a star and David never forget tattoo I mean he's like he's legit oh wow yeah he's like he's he's into the scene and he grew up in the I mean he like came up in that like country club back bar room like he's done it oh I mean comedy comedy yeah yeah so he knows all the tricks and the anal and everything and he's a pro he's a pro he goes up there and he looks like a pretty like turn the lights up you

know he's he's taking control uh-huh and I just got an act I could do crowd work but I just want to do my act because I'm like I can get these guys with my jokes so he gets off and everybody leaves and it's one of those exodus no pun intended but they all get the hell out of there and movement of your people yes and then I go up and it you know when you're walking on stage I put one foot on stage and I go this is gonna be bad you can just feel it yep and I go up and I say one thing about there was a woman with a like crazy breast implant cleavage oh and I said something about that and that got zero and one woman goes oh come on like that I could hear it like like that was out of line kind of thing then I make another little crack that bombs and I immediately they can tell I'm like

I'm dead in the water they go we smell blood you're scared we can feel it you can see it fuck you I tried some of my best bits I'm five minutes in I haven't got one laugh and I'm doing like a a I probably told like 12 jokes 13 jokes in five minutes bombing bombing I go back into the crowd they hate it and this is where I knew I was really dying up there I hate them so much I got the back sweat dripping down my crack and I go this one I'll get you I say the joke zero and I go well that killed on the tonight show which is the all time you lost you're reeling reeling so I fucking died and I was supposed to do like 20 and I think he lit me at like 13 oh wow painful painful yikes because you know there's a conversation in the back

I'll just get them off it's fine we don't need them yeah they've made an executive decision that less of you is better for the show better for the night that's the quality of life not a great feeling because I've been in both positions I've been in the back and you go just light them up light them up to get out of here I'm always the light them up guy so it was interesting to be on the other side of the table and it stings yeah it's not good so I was like oh man and there was a cop in the back like a security guard he was dying Rachel he's bent over slapping his knee Lenny's like rich boss he took his pants off and jerked off right there when I went on I could see him like just kind of he's like looking at his gun yeah like polishing his badge like just trying

to kill time I was like god damn it good guy with a gun just shoot me so then uh Ben goes up and tries to salvage it and it's tough they hate everything and then Jessica goes up just chews him out and kills oh but that was a she's so good she is a beast she's so funny she's like what are my heroes I watch I go I could never do that and she's got a special coming yeah Bill Burr presents yes finally you know coming central there's such cunts they don't know what's what oh here's Shelby texting us we gotta get this thing I gotta get the therapy track trip so yeah it was just a brutal bomb and I took an uber back by myself and I had a moment in the lobby of the country club where the lady goes don't worry you'll get better oh I'm like getting in the uber

with one foot in the uber and she said that and oh it was so condescending and I fucking god I was anti-semitic for like an hour well hopefully she's right but yeah hopefully tough tough to hear that oh better and yeah I had that shaky bomb where I rode back home in the uber where you're just thinking about it and I was queasy you ever bombs about your queasy of course that's pretty rare I'm queasy most of the time yeah so I pull up and uh yeah it was it was fine so where are you gonna be there well boy I mean we've talked about it this is a big month big month this weekend Grand Rapids I'm there Thursday Friday Saturday I'm doing some gigging a casino Wednesday I don't even know if it's open to the public I have no idea probably some good dough there decent dough so

come to Grand Rapids hopefully hit a bonus last year I hit bonuses it was New Year's Eve weekend hopefully we'll see who knows come out to Grand Rapids then next week Portland Helium I'm so excited about that one I love that club so come in near and far come out and then Raleigh the week after that at good nights and then Cleveland I'm doing a one night around the 22nd with Jason Lawhead and Brett Ernst oh great guys funny guys and then New Year's Eve weekend 27 to the 29 Philly Helium Philadelphia get your tickets get them early please come for God's sakes and then January is crazy too I got Zany Chicago coming up and then I got Madison I just picked that up last minute back to back Chicago Madison's gonna be a cold January but I love those two

rooms love those two clubs so come to one come to both I mean I don't know come to one of the other or obviously some of you live in that town and don't forget who was saying how great Madison was back in that day let's pay it off in spades if you will love the town love the club did my album there just for a reference comedian Joe Liz dot com go there all the sites all the links are up there suck my own dick and be nice send some money to charity for God's sakes all right uh I just want to say for the for the people the nice people who messaged me about the robbery appreciate it thank you god bless America and I just bought a nest cam so anybody wants to come in here they're gonna be on tv finally somebody told me before I got here somebody I know maybe we'll get a tv

credit for the first time but yeah so nobody's getting in here baby I'm the big bad wolf and you come in and I'm gonna shoot you the face so I'm in Zany Chicago this weekend one of my favorite clubs one of my favorite cities then Appleton Wisconsin Pittsburgh improv uh Laugh Boston got some fun stuff I'm at Cinema Arts in Long Island right before Christmas then uh San Francisco punchline one of my favorite clubs of all time Cleveland at hilarities Mohegan son again uh Raleigh good nights Philly helium a lot of great stuff we're cooking we're gay we're jizzing patreon hit that patreon oh and I think we're gonna do a live show in New York again hopefully soon we gotta do that I think in January we're touching we'd like that so yeah don't have sex

with children have sex with your aunt and uh praise Allah and blow my asshole all right thank you thank yep