Tuesdays with Stories! - #276 Digressing Hum

Episode Date: December 11, 2018

Hey Hey Tuesgays, Joe has multiple food mishaps in Grand Rapids before a HUGE show at Gotham Comedy Club with Bill Burr & a very special guest! Mark's there too! Check it out! Subscribe to our Patreon to hear the new live ep with Bert Kreischer and Nick Vatterott! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/ Download the Laughable app today! laughable.com/download

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe less Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy we're headed again you got it just bad opening it was a little stunted there I'm gay here we are at the lunch stuff studios folks we had a little

recorder cock there but we're back I think I got a yeast infection what do you mean I think I have my yeast is just turned so we just have yeast it's all coursing through you a yeast iron calcium magnesium okay but yeast you don't hear about cuz everything else is in the ingredients like the in the nutrition facts like you're like this has iron like you eat a candy bar it's like three points of iron you got yeast in there it says yeast in a candy bar really if you read the actual ingredients and where it says nitrate kamikaze okay the below ingredients yeah the word that's not a nutritional fact

that's an ingredient ah but like alright but yeast isn't like calcium though because like Cal you can't like a yeast tablet I'm just saying they're both in you okay like come yeah comes in you send me all kinds of different ways and on the back I'm producing my own and taking in others yes here here it's a you think if you took another come it would match up with your common they'd meet oh wouldn't that be something you could frame somebody for a sex crime wait a minute I swallow your come then I come on like a dead guys back homeless guys face and then someone's like Mark Norman raped a homeless guy once it goes through your

your pipes and stuff it becomes yours it's mixed but is it mixed and matched no no it's all you but what happened to yours yours just becomes mine becomes if you eat it it's gotta go through your part what about through my ass that drips out I think that's a drip that's a cream pie cream puff a cream I've never heard of an anal cream pie out there that's out there and I don't love it every minute I gotta take a break in Google or Bing I'll see on the Bing dot com that thing I got an itchy scalp what do you do for that I gotta date that means you need to drink more water no yeah you dried up yesterday what you got

coming your hair it's amazing when you realize you haven't drank water like yesterday I had a crazy day yesterday we'll get into it but I had mandolin oh boy that's crazy mandolin straight to therapy don't tease then I went to therapy then I went straight from there be jogged to the dentist then I went from the dentist to the movie because the movie was starting watched a movie then I went from straight from a movie to a spot to home and I felt a little whoopee yeah yeah and I pissed and it was just like a like starburst yellow it was just fluorescent yes like a hint of brown I look like you just used a cute tip for

the first time in a month oh yeah yeah yeah yeah that's no good well actually the orange is healthy in the air in the air in the air really here orange is healthy you don't want the orange dick though what that's a carrot what's healthy with the orange it means you're alright like if you get that yellow liquid white like almost a clear liquid that's bad the orange is just standard wax I think it's a little yellow no I think it's more yellow than orange orange is like yeah eight helium or something helium to say what's the other thing with the bomb hydrogen no no no gold yeast calcium plutonium

yeah yeah yeah but yeah yeah the oranges I think is alright it sucks when you think of the thing you wanted to say and then that bombs like plutonium and you're like oh and you're like fuck alright good point I don't know plutonium that seems like it's in the movies for like we need plutonium well back to the future maybe that's the only movie yeah I think so I had a thing about the orange in the air when I was a kid I got my ears drained yeah I'm familiar it was not a pleasant experience I think it's I think it uh what do you call it taunted me now haunted traumatized yes by the way the the part of the hospital is called this

is it the ICU yes intensive care unit there's one for trauma the trauma that the TCU Texas Christian horn frogs that's an H TCU TLC trauma division this is trauma division I don't know about that maybe that's the SVU mmm sexual victims unit yes sexual victims unicycle they ride in they check out that homeless guy with your common face the unicycle has no seat but yeah I don't know well I gotta go into my dad and drink water I can't remember I don't remember but I don't know where to start cuz I got some leftover stuff from last week from Michigan yes the the the mitten yes I

went up to the mitten and Mount Pleasant the whole thing I forgot to tell you this this little whatever story it's kind of horseshit but I was at the casino soaring eagle I told you as a hell yeah a real hell gig of a gig no Jews in Mount Pleasant Michigan and it was one of those ones where no one's welcoming the waitress the bartenders like I'm like I'm the comedian you want to be like oh hey nice to have you right but I guess they sent out an email to the cut not to me because I'm a big shot headliner but they sent an email to the comics being like hey stop being lewd and lascivious to the waitresses bartenders yeah they'd

give out a warning wow like like harassing I don't know I think maybe what happened was the comedians are on stage trying to like fill time and the waitress by you like I wouldn't mind fucking her in the butt get me a coke there bitch whatever happens somebody did something like that yeah so I didn't get a good greeting and I ordered I had a voucher listen to how annoying this is they give you a $25 voucher which is nice that's solid but there's no change from the voucher and the menu very limited so I got buffalo wing boneless buffalo wings and an order of fries all right so then like three minutes later a guy

walks up to me a guy with like a peg leg in an eyepatch he works there his shirt is unbuttoned he's got weird hair is the whole thing he's the manager yeah you can see his orange wax so he's somewhat healthy haha he walks up he's got a tray of fries with like a yellow goo a goo yeah so I thought it was like maybe cheese he goes those little fries and I go yeah yeah yeah so you just put some down and I go all right my water came quick they don't they didn't bring my wings but I'll eat the fries and the fries look kooky but I'm at the soaring eagle casino yeah what do you expect so I assume they got a kooky fry you get some eagle

droppings I bite into it and I'm like what the fuck is this it's a fried pickle that's what the yellow goo a fried pick and I hate pickles one thing about me I don't like a pickle you're a pickle hater a guy I am a pickle hater I like a pickle park but that's it a fickle pickle so this one time I had a guy was speaking of trauma my my your ear tubes is to my pickle situation with this old Republican weirdo and I only bring that up because he's like an asshole anyway he called me like a liberal faggot a bunch and I didn't even want to talk politics like one of these guys really yeah he's friends with Fred

Cantor Jason Cantor's dad's friend the guy's a jerk up not because he's a Republican they just both happened to interact got it a lot of great Republicans out there good people yeah I know one of them but anyways follow he kept trying to get me to eat a fried pickle and I was like I don't want the fried pick I don't like pickles he's like you have to have them that's what they're known for their fame they always do this thing he's like bullying me and I don't like pickles though he's like but you haven't had this one so finally I ate it and I was like he's like what do you think I was like I fucking hate it

he's like fuck it you hate it I told you I hated it that's got what if you did that to him with gays hey someone should do it to him with gays take a pickle up the the rear yes but anyway so I bitten this fried pickling it brought back trauma to this fucking old Reagan I hated this guy so I almost threw up my mouth and then the lady next to me is like are those my fried pickles the waitress comes over she's like those aren't yours and I'm like well he gave him to me I don't know I don't want him he gave me any made me eat one yeah and I didn't know this is a difference back to the Michigan oh that was the

sorry there's all kind of food this is pickle trauma so then at the lady goes this lady next to me goes well I don't want his fry pickly he already ate it I'm like I picked up one and ate it but whatever yeah I get it I get it I get it but still she still sucks she should get double fried pickle take these ones and get a fresh order here here then the bartender looks at me like I'm a dick well you're fucking flunky brought him to me yes and I'm the fucking I'm the victim here yes I got shit pickle in my mouth sure you she gets new fried pickles you don't give a fuck you're getting your $4 an hour who gives a

shit yeah yeah this guy's a prickle and I hadn't even got my drink yet so now I got to just fester with pickling I'm not washing dad you have any what does he say anything to wash that down with oh yes that is a right burger yes kahuna I would kill for a kahuna burger I'd rather get shot like Brett than eat this fried pickle oh yeah it was an act of God so anyways then my my chicken wings come they're bone-in Korean barbecue which is much different than a boneless buffalo sure but I already had my tidbit and I know this email circling about the comics and the waitstaff so I didn't even say anything I just ate barbecue

wings which I don't even like and they're soaring eagle barbecue so they shit there shit yes then my bill is like 12 bucks it's up in the middle of the country so everything's a little more affordable so I got this voucher and I go can I get change for that she goes we don't do change you want to order something else I'm like I hated the food you brought me the wrong orders and I'm already full after this bullshit so I'm like can you take the change as a tip he's like it doesn't work that way so now I got a tipper on top so now I've lost instead of getting a free meal I ate some fried pickle horseshit got the

wrong order ate some decent fries and lost eight bucks I had to give her a nice tip yeah wow what a raping that's why I call it not pleasant Michigan here instead of Mount Pleasant I'm with you anyways that's a tale I would have I would have ordered something to go well it wasn't great food and I was kind of filled up on the fuck I ate my dick first of all that was filling it's a nice size good girth filled with gum cream I meant two sides oh yeah balls ah well they're more underneath than sides all right all right they're not toppings bottomings I don't know like that if I'm bottoming out right now but anyways

then I went back and play it you know the rest of the story with brandy the car dealer the whole thing I respect a nice shitty meal story because that you get so many those on the road where you got of your force to eat a you know a fried dick and then you hate yourself on the waitstaff sucks and you're gone well here's the thing where I blew it because the voucher was good for anywhere in the casino you blew it but I was hungry and it was before the show so I just ate at the venue I should have saved it but I needed something to notch before I went up you know it's a whole I get it I had a weird customer service thing the other

day I had a Uber driver from the upper east side to the West Village so that's a nice chunk of chunk of island right there yes so this guy I think he was a crazy pollock he had some wacky music going he was chewing on a turnip or something and he's hauling around and he's one of these guys who speeds up to red lights and then hits the break oh what is that the tooth chipper yes I hate the tooth chipper I was sucking on stick shift because my head was going back and forth like fucking Monica Lewitzky back there oh and this guy's just like he would just peel ass up to a cab's asshole and hit the break like

what are you doing key and PLS yes so stole it from Chappelle so I was like what the fuck are you doing man so I'm just sitting back like getting woozy like whoa oh that the starting and the stopping and the gut and I roll the window down because I'm trying to get some air I'm so queasy uh-huh and I tell the guy was like why can I ask you a question sir he's very nice I guess yes what shaking and I go why do you hit the gas you could you could let up off the break and your car would roll to the car in front of it the 10 feet and it would be the same outcome yes and you're saving gas uh-huh and he

goes I want to get there and I go yeah but if you just let it roll you we're at a red light anyway let it roll baby roll he's like no no I need to get quick we got to be quick it's the same you still stopping I know it's a no point even talking I tried I tried you try that's nice that you tried it's good to try I want to be like you're a bad driver yes can't say that saying that to a man's like Donna woman's got a fat clip well you could hit him with a two-star review or whatever I know that fucks their whole livelihood but they need that sometimes they need that you know sometimes I'll do that with a cab

driver that's really bad I gotta go I gotta go below the 20 percentile yeah so they learn I guess I don't they're learning though they were learning it wouldn't be an Uber driver well that's a little harsh I think you sound like the fried pickle guy uh-huh the original fried pickle guy alright anybody can over well how about this speaking of service and this was fine service but so I'm at Grand Rapids I'm in the hotel there the chariots of fire what do you call it courtyard Marriott I thought chariots of fire and her I don't know what made me think of that I think his courtyard Marriott I like cuz you went

with your your subconscious brain there I like that you dug in Ben herr is different than chariots of fire though I think they're both epics I suppose they're like 30 years apart though I believe 30 years I don't know about that well Ben herr I think is 59 and chariots of fire is like 83 or something oh I think well which one is the one with the chariots in the Roman time hmm chariots of fire I think was about like retarded kids running and they had to have training wheels or something oh boy I missed that that's what I think right a minute I we need Shelby up in here yeah hold on one of a year I think you're right I don't about

the retarded kids in those training wheels but I think chariots of fire was it was about bikes or something oh maybe it was bikes yeah wasn't it wheelchair kids or something about that maybe one was on a rascal that'd be a great little sketch a rascal chariot race with the spikes on the wheels try to you know cut off the other fat guy we need Shelby back I'll try to be Shelby right now maybe I'll get him in a cupboard here chariots of fire was 1981 and it was a British historical drama film about two athletes in the 1924 Special Olympics oh you got it the retard and you did a hell of a Stephen Hawking well I gotta be honest I

put the special in to make me sound right not the Special Olympics I just do that in there Eric Lidl and about Scottish Christian who runs for the glory of God but I thought that was the chariot aspect of course I thought he was in a wheelchair I never saw chariots of fire I just know the music of course so wait what year though 81 all right and her I'm pretty confident was 59 I think it won all the Oscars previous to Titanic like tied it well there's an epic in the the Technicolor days where it's two chariots racing that's been her oh all right well there you go oh that's what you were saying

connection oh I see the connection but you said chariots of fire I think you have to be chariots just both movies with chariots I nailed the 59 I feel good about that all right well anyways so I'm at chariots of fire courtyard Marriott in Grand Rapids Michigan been her I order I kept ordering from Ben him they gotta change it and them that was better than mine I was gonna say bend them over a couch I like that one yeah coming there air bend over over the Delaware yeah I don't know where we're at anymore and done okay well I order from Pepino's I love the pepino's I think I mentioned Pepino's

last week is your pizza you peep right I think I'm gonna stop coming here so we order a little pepino we I I order a pepino's delivery Saturday watching the football game the Pac-12 championship or whatever it was it was the it wasn't that I don't know what the fuck it was it doesn't matter the big 12 championship I'm watching the game I order Pepino's delivery the guy brings my delivery he does this which I found off putting the hotel doesn't let you up to the room so they call you and say meet me in the in the fucking lobby or the lobby yeah so then I go down there and it happened twice once with Domino's once with

Pepino's I go down there and the guy it takes like seven minutes and I'm bare foot I got my socks on and my underwear and a hard on you got a nightcap and a candle so I think I'm gonna come down there and he's gonna be pulling out of his car but they fuck you they call you way too early because they assume I'm a fat piece of shit get down the stairs they want you to wait they don't want to wait right so I get down there waiting there for like nine minutes like the matriot ease like can I help you sir do you live here are you okay something's wrong with your eyeball right and then I go now I'm waiting for my pizza so the

guy gets there I ordered a pasta dish tortellini he pulls that out with a salad he has been salad similar those old Big Mac foam the white foam hands it as he goes to hand it to me he fumbles like fucking Ernest Biner whichever guy he fucking fumbles and it just flans opens up face down every speck of lettuce on the floor and my foot oh and it was salad he's a salad it was a big I got a big case of fucking cheesefoot he tossed the salad he tossed my salad and came on my foot wow and it was one of those ones just like not even a little salvageable zero salvageable salad yeah no salad and the salad days would no

not return oh yeah so then he's like I can go get you a new one and I'm like I can't make a guy go back and then back again the pizza would have to go but a salad's not a returnable of course so I got it so he just scoops it all up and like this cheese everywhere like and he was like a hot guy like his 30s like a good-looking guy who you feel bad like cuz like he's scraping it off my foot I'm just standing there like Ben her he fucking scrapes the captain Morgan like the cheese dust off my feet I just felt like he felt like he looked like such a bitch down there of course he's like you want he's looking up he's like you want

me to bring you a new one I'm like no no you're fucking hot loser get out of here it is 30s so then like I had already it came to like 1630 and I gave him a 20s I was like yeah just keep it so it's a year been heard nice nice nice tip you know but I'm like now you lost another I lost my salad and I'm like don't bring it back I wasn't excited about it but I was I need to eat my reference I can shit you need a green especially with a cheese tortellini that's like a fucking drain clog that's a car a carby cheesy diarhealoaf oh yeah they're still in there that was a month ago I'm gonna shit those out till my 80th birthday that's got

the cheese in it right yes you know you can get a meat tortellini or cheese tortellini this is a cheese tortellini and it was tossed and like a cream sauce I ate it two days in a row it made my fucking bowels well when you got the second one did you go hey watch out for old hot Chad with the salad droppies no that was the second one the first one I dined in with Zach Martina you know him oh cute kid with the hair yeah he came over from Ann Arbor we had a nice dinner pepino's we had a hot waitress great guy great comic funny guy that's what cool about the Midwest is like there's hot women working at like shitty

places oh my word you don't see that in LA there's no hot chick working at car max you know yes if you're at Grand Rapids go whatever the 7 p.m. shift on a Thursday Ainsley was her name or Callie or Kaley got the name I can't remember the name but she was really a like a bombshell she could put on the bacon and fry it in the pan and not drop it on your hoof yeah all right well good to know I wonder if she listens I doubt it I highly doubt it hey folks got to tell me about that away bag look it's holiday time spread some love get a pal or a loved one or family member that you don't love get him an away bag I love the

away this thing is a thing of beauty it's changed my life I literally travel every weekend I'm on flights I'm on a train I'm in a plane or another John Hughes movie it's thoughtful standards for modern travel this thing is it's light but yet it's strong you can throw it around I can take a beating it's got the wheels on it the 360 degree wheels you can spin and span all over creation it's got the battery this battery will charge your iPhone five times over baby you can't go wrong with the away it's a thing of beauty it's got a combination lock on it it's got this this interior compression system that lets you pack more I'm getting

all kinds of cliff bars and Chipotle cards and pay any hoes you name it I get I'd smush it all in there baby this thing is great I used to use a duffel I've pulled back on the duffel I hate myself away is the way to go TSA approved folks they love that away and so do I you got to get one the last forever and really well we'll help you out we'll give you a if you go to away travel comm slash Tuesdays we'll give you 20 bucks off a suitcase that's pretty good away travel comm slash Tuesdays and use promo code Tuesdays during checkout that's Tuesdays plural so because the season everyone wants to get away that's the fun tag line

I didn't write it so yeah get on board folks get on board and bring you away God love you but anyway I got a couple other things but if you want to sprinkle something in there toss it on my ass I got a I got a big one coming up well at the end later I just want to throw this out then this is not a story or a comment on society but I've gotten this wild hair up my ass I get these these things you know I steal from airports I fuck children whatever it is and I I've been doing this thing where I'm seeing how long I can go without paying for subway rides I've been jumping turnstiles like a kid in the 80s movie well God bless you

and I think that's what we need to be doing the MTA is fucking us I mean I don't condone any of this the stuff you're doing out there with the steel in the coke and the candy the coke but the Chipotle cup oh the water yeah but the MTA I mean we were texting about I was late for this pod because of it we got to start taking life I want to start pulling conductors out and shooting them in the face it's pretty wild it's a it's a shit show with the subway service out here so what do you do you go underneath you go over the top you show them your tits and distract them or what happened I'm Jared the subway guy I'm a top with

subway I just I just jumped right over the turnstiles every time and I've gotten so rogue with it I've gotten so confident that I got a guy in the booth and I still do it wow always look at his dick he's always playing mind eraser or bad brains or whatever you call that shit brick brick breaker and great band because they never want to they never want to help anybody yeah yeah I go okay well I'm gonna use that to my advantage and I'm jumping this puppy while you're picking your asshole hairs well a good way to do it as you know I was a pretty lofty well-established booze last prevention agent back at Sears in the

in the 80s sure and the bet what I would have learned from all my work there is the best way to steal is a grab and go in and out oh really less time you're in there the better so what I'm recommending to you if you really want to get good you got to stand on this side the not paid side and then wait for the train to be coming I do do that and yet you do do then you hop it and get right in there because then you're out you got an escape vehicle that's the best way well yeah you know when you're in trouble or when you're scared you always have some scenario in your brain and I always picture him with some big red button

like he sees me jump at the train cubs and I picture him going we got a we got a runner yeah I think a bunch of like dicks like an FBI dick with the hats and the long coats and the clip club I love that clip clop when the agents are running oh yeah touchable says like a lot of that yeah that is a good the squeaky leather shoe right what's a gum shoe exactly that's a detective I mean I know what it is but like what's the the eponology of the word I could ask the the big bitch on the fridge I'll hold the mic up there all right Alexa what is the etymology of the word gum shoe

cohesive substance designed to be chewed without being swallowed modern chewing gum gum base sweeteners all right that's not the right answer fuck her yeah don't talk about swallowing you never swallow yeah fucking whore what a bitch shut up he's got a hymen fucking women got hey Shelby throwing gum shoe origin right here yes thank you at the turn of the century to gum shoe meant to sneak around quietly as if wearing gum shoes either in order to rob or conversely to catch thieves fascinating all right Shelby good work Shelby you got gummy lips yes and shoes he does have shoes he's got little bitty baby shoes he

feels like a guy that would wear wooden shoes to me doesn't have that vibe yeah he's slow he's got little clogs oh I bet Shelby could run no if he had to maybe with the the force go up leg break that's I think that's what I'm thinking yeah he could just he could be like a guy just runs like 40 miles yes wow how did you do that I guess he's got the same haircut it's not true hair color maybe no well we haven't seen him he might have fucking long dangles he might be blonde now he might be dreadlocks yeah he might have like a you know a bad brain I have no idea but but anyway we have to read the thing well I'll give it a minute all

yeah but yeah I've been jumping them and I feel like a kid in like a like the Warriors come out and play yeah they they suck well this is a premise I look at my notes but I find a premise I'll put this premise today we're recording in advance because I'm going to Seattle and whatever Seattle yeah well I'm going to Portland then go to Seattle okay the Pearl Jam no that was in August oh jeez you're right I'm going to see Derek and his children and his wife also he had kids oh yeah one of them's named Joey hey pretty good pretty good Joey about a food cart Nick oh I see um so about this premise I'm watching the George Bush 41

funeral today oh they play the funeral oh yeah big time by the way Donald Trump's the best thing that ever happened to the bushes I watched George I'm like ten years ago I was like George Debbie Bush is a war crime homophobic piece of garbage now he comes out I'm like I love this guy look at him this son of a bitch he made me cry he started crying I was crying I was like I love this girl he's getting a lot of beef on Twitter people hate this guy who W yeah what about oh just like oh the harassment stuff at the end I mean oh that's HW that's what I'm talking about yeah yeah he died that's the one that

died yeah yeah the W gave the eulogy I see mm-hmm he was actually on a Kimmel very charming that's what I'm saying he's very charming yeah I mean he's a war criminal but he's sure sure what is a war criminal they're all war criminals a weird term well there's this crime they got together and they made rules of war rules of engagement and such and then you know they break them well it's just weird cuz war you just go kill each other and so it's weird to be like oh wait there's rules I know you're telling me there's all it's it's all horrific but you do need them that way you can't just like burn someone's skin on you capture

someone you start you know burn the tip of their dick off and have some decency dick off is a good Russian name dick off yeah Marty and Marty dick off sure but anyways knows that guy I was watching the funeral and it was a joy it's a good watch it's fun this guy Alan Simpson you gotta watch his set he killed what he's like an old senator the guys 115 he could barely walk his knees are like clocking together gangly and I was like this guy's gonna bomb and he brought the heat really one of the best sets I've ever seen what pull it up some points Senator Alan Simpson this guy I don't know he's from the 40s this guy but he

fucking ripped it and it must be weird giggles or like like no killing and whatever bullshit but it must be weird giving a eulogy at 112 because I'm like you're gonna be in there in like 10 minutes yeah right he's like this is like a dress rehearsal for his thing he's like opening for himself yeah exactly open that casket and dive in but sure but he killed but he's what I'm saying here's what I'm thinking they got to get rid of the no applaud policy at a funeral cuz you want like Ronan Tynan comes out he's like this is whole thing with an orchestra and nobody claps yeah I feel for these guys like

they just ate it I feel like I've seen a clap at a few well funny you should say that because W he gave the speech and started crying like a bitch and then they clap for him huh but that's even we're cuz I'm like you clap for this son maybe they wanted to cry maybe but still it's odd yeah but yeah I think we clap for everyone in the funeral you come out you give a whole speech and you go my dad was gay and I shaved his boobs and God bless him go in peace nice applaud would be nice you know what it reminds me of is when a comic does like a 12 minute act out he's doing cartwheels backflips prat falls and no one laughs oh

yeah feels like with just that silence after all he's guy sweating huffing and puffing he's laying on the floor and then nothing well that was always my big fear that's why I never liked doing high-energy stuff yeah it stings when that doesn't hit folks here we are happy hall gotta talk to you about Roman I love these guys look we all know the male sex is not great at hitting the doctor's office I haven't gone to a doctor since Obama was gay you gotta go to the doctor erectile dysfunction any look you can avoid these pesky waiting rooms and awkward visits by checking out Roman you gotta check out Roman no waiting

rooms no face-to-face conversations no uncomfortable trips to the pharmacy you can handle everything discreetly online all you have to do is visit roman.com slash Tuesdays fill out a brief medical onboarding chat with a doctor FDA approved ED meds delivered to your door in unmarked packaging wow I love the Roman so go online and get checked by the doc erectile dysfunction is a problem that guys don't tackle and you shouldn't tackle people with an erection but with Roman it's really easy so go take care of it for a free online visit go to roman.com slash Tuesdays that's get roman.com slash Tuesdays so get roman.com

slash Tuesdays for a free online visit get roman.com slash Tuesdays and get hard again muzzle but anyway I mean should I get to my humdinger I got a humdinger hum because we're gonna be doing a lot of digressing on this hum okay well this is a dinger that can hum I can tell you that folks so I'm out there in Grand Rapids and as we talked about it can get a little lonely and that's why we're so grateful for the fans all the kind emails oh how about this this guy I think his name is Kevin I gotta find his fucking name he works for the record company sent me a bunch of records what I came home I got a box

waiting for me like LPs LPs like 40 records including Brandy Carl Isles by the way I forgive you my favorite album of the year and I gave me one a bunch of new bands I'm just ripping them open and going through and listening to new music I'm loving it in the ad I gave my address and hopefully it doesn't turn on me and kill me with all this talk here so yeah keep liking me please don't come to my home okay I might have robbed me yeah I hope not boy maybe I should have given him Shelby's address or something or like the cellar or something I know but then Liz doesn't want to go hey we got a package for you piece of shit yeah

I went to Liz the other day and I said you got a stamp I got a letter I need a stamp she's like give me the fucking oh geez yeah but we love you Liz oh of course I can't have packages sent there I feel like she'll hit me over the head with a broom handle sure I like a rolling pin well anyways thanks for the records a big I think it's Kevin because there was a card inside with somebody's name but then the return address was Kevin so whoever sent me the records god I'll find the email and give you a proper shout out but anyways so I'm out there lonely in Grand Rapids I'm sitting there and you're going my career what am

I doing my life I get an email from Gotham Booker dot com whatever it is I shouldn't give up his email I guess yeah you're fine wasn't dot com it doesn't matter what his email is but anyways I get an email from the Booker of Gotham Comedy Club right here in New York City and it says hey do you want to MC for Bill Burr on Monday that's exciting now there's the party that's like MC what am I a schmuck on wheels I don't MC I'm a fucking I'm a headliner you take a couple dips for one of the biggies well first of all it's like it's it's a city MC good money and a lot of great comics do MC quite a bit like killer comics but

you don't want to be in that put in that corner no baby you don't want to be in that box no sorry but I'm of course I'm like hey you know what I'll make a cool hundo on a Monday and I don't get booked at Gotham that much and what the hell and I'm open I didn't have a spot till 1015 hey hundo on a Mundo yes exactly and I'll get to see Burr and watch Burr one of the great comics there is of all time right I mean and he's gonna get to see the the list man well we'll see about that so I say sure I'll do it great I go all right I got a nice gig tomorrow I land I come around it's Monday and it was like coming oh I recorded here we did the

podcast recorded right then I walked up called my mother a whole thing went up there and it had a sad talk you say recall your parents would be like I'm sad are you sad you ever do that I don't I don't have that kind of relationship well I don't either I'm trying to oh good on you but I didn't get a good thing it was just like this yeah of course we're like anything else come on it's just yeah yeah I'm sad we're all sad oh we go I feel worse I'm like all right I guess he's like you take Madison but I know you don't want to do that I'm like no I don't okay thank you damn Deb I wanted a nice I love you you piece of shit yeah

you're a funny dick well whatever so then I get sad now I'm like all right well I'm just sad now let me go to Gotham that'll take my mind off it yeah I go down there and it's sold out I knew I wasn't sure if it was just like he was gonna do a pop-in surprise thing oh no but they tweeted out sold out Gotham 295 people are allowed in there according to the Fire Marshal Bill so it's packed and I had that great feeling we talked about when you're walking in the lines around the corner you hear is Joe list Joe list you must be on the show that's nice that feels good whoever murmured that thank you God bless you and you got to fight

through the whole crowd it always feels good to be cutting through a crowd like who's you feel like Henry Hill right I don't have to wait sorry scumbags yeah like get out of my way I see Andrew Andrew Schwarzall great guy good manager there manager good man I go can I get down in the green because I get there really early he's like let me sure it's make sure it's prepared for you just had a baby well that was gonna be part of the story story that was the whole punchline we edit it you fuck now we'll leave in the baby we'll do it Tarantino style Bill Burr delivered his baby all right all right damn it so I go

down stairs come guzzling wigger I'm in there and we're talking Schwartz we'll talk a movie whatever bullshit I hate myself then Paul Versey arrives he's featuring love who cares about Versey the story's ruined he's got a baby he's got special yeah that's his baby it's streaming on comedy central dot com I believe I don't know the name of the special I forget it Shelby plug in the name of that special yeah now we don't want too much plugging here why you gotta plug you gotta help people out we got the special oh it's only got a two second he's gonna say this stuff oh I know what it's called oh Shelby we don't

need you know it's all it's called I'll say this okay there it is all Bursey I'll say this check out the special or don't who gives a fuck I like it yeah baby he's a funny guy who knows so I go down there I'm chat with Versey yeah come in they own the club yes these two guys and they come in old New York Italian guys and they go all right so Joe you're gonna host and then they go you're gonna do 20 and Versey you're gonna do 25 and Versey goes I don't know cuz Burr's not there yet Versey's like I don't know I usually I worked the road with them I did the whole tour he's like usually it's like 10 and 10 yeah and I'll go

second bring him I bring him up and I was like yeah I was hanging with Burr at the cellar last night and he said we're gonna tag it so they're like well I don't know about that and then Christmas the owner he goes tonight you know I think I think for tonight we're gonna have you host he says it very suspiciously something's fishy I go all right and then they leave and Versey's like they don't know what they're talking about like he likes 10 and 10 cuz he does an hour and 15 yeah crazy whops and I said this I feel always feel this way from touring with Louie and you know the Schumer I like to get

the instructions from the comedian I want the headliner to tell me what's going on it's his show and from years of DePaolo to the whole thing I'm like I don't because you've been on the road for years of the some fucking 22 year old kid in a three-piece suit going okay you're gonna do 10 we got three guest spots and then he'll do nine well and then DePaolo comes in he goes fuck you everyone's off the show list you do 20 I'm doing an hour fuck your mother get out of the green room so you know like yes I'm like well this is all in pencil until Burr gets here pencil number two pencil me in so I go up there and it's

packed and I'm nervous cuz I've never performed for Burr's crowd I was worried it's gonna be like opening Anthony people throwing banana peels at me they're gonna love you so I get up there and immediately they're hot they're just a tentative and it's like the opposite of some of these rogue yeah everyone's just on board yes all right yes so I'm killing right away I love the crowd hot crowd I do about 18 or so because they like you think of your five-minute light but you always you're always afraid of going over sure I did about three and a half more I get off at about 18 I bring up Verzi yeah now Verzi's on there

he's supposed to do 20 ish or whatever so I go great and then Burr arrives he's got club soda Kenny with them yeah it's fun it's an event you know yeah but club soda baby so I'm sitting in there in the back and then Ed one of the managers at the club he comes up and he's gonna you know he's in his suit and he's like sweating he's like let me take it he's like can I have a word with you they're all very serious there very see they're all in suits it's very dark very ominous they're all ex cops he gives me like the finger come here yes and now I'm like nervous as I'm like I didn't do enough time I got off a minute and a half

early I fucked up the whole show is ruined Burr's gonna kick me in the dick so we go in the back corner in the sound booth and he's like okay here's what's going on and I'm just kind of finding out things as they come and this is why it's a little weird right it's not a missile launch I'm freaking out I'm trembling like a like a schoolgirl in the rain what are you're 18 years in what are you worried about I know I'm like well what did I do well I'm worried about Burr he terrifies me so he goes here's here's the deal this is why it's been hush hush he goes Jerry Seinfeld is coming to the show and I go oh god and

I gotta tell you I gotta give you a little hint in here hit me when I got the email I suspected maybe Jerry would be there well because he loves Burr I know he loves Burr he goes to Gotham a lot he lives in the city I know he loves counting Gotham's his spy he's at Gotham a lot all got them all day yeah he doesn't even go anywhere else anymore really not really well west side west side once with Bill Burr so they know we know they kind of frat around together they both they smoke cigars blah blah so I did have this suspicion I wonder if Jerry will be there interest now I get the nod from Ed and now I'm freaking out

because now I'm bringing up Jerry oh boy he's like Jerry's on his way he's gonna go next he's like that's why we weren't sure he's supposed to get here at 8 look at the clock it's like 738 oh my bird up there for five oh boy this guy's fucked so Versey's gotta just go they told Versey they didn't tell us that which is weird they're like just tell me Jerry's coming yeah yeah so they didn't tell very they go just wait for the light don't get off until you get the light now Jerry he doesn't give a fuck he's in traffic and he's getting there when he wants to get there yeah yeah he's at the soup Nazi so he's running behind and so

Versey does like 37 minutes oh that's a lot of Versey but I'm terrified cuz I'm worried he's gonna jump off I gotta go on and then I'm like I gotta just fill the time and then I don't know if I'm bringing up Burr or bringing up Jerry right so then they pull me not to mention I have the anxiety of bringing up Jerry of course you know we don't you know what's going on tonight yeah we're only I mean we're doing Jerry what are we doing getting here I'm doing Larry David well that was behind the curtain but we're doing this TV show yeah I mean it's pretty is the show this is we're not changing it yeah they say come in

fact quite a bit more than they do but they had sensors and whatnot on TV but not yet yeah so now I'm freaking out I don't know how to bring what and then they say this this what they say they go Jerry's intro will be the nice thing about coming to Gotham Comedy Club is you never know who will show up ladies and gentlemen Jerry Seinfeld he goes do not say anything more or anything less that's a mouthful but they I think the point is they don't want you to go you guys are gonna shit you might have seen the show it's the greatest show of all time baby you know what I mean they don't want you to go up there do a

Kramer impression and go hey have you seen the soup not see fucking bag of clang maybe that guy yelled the n-word this guy picked him to put him on a show oh jeez I thought you were talking about someone else again oh no alright so anyway so now I'm nervous I want to get the intro right no that no more no less is terrifying yes because you and then you know Jerry's a bit of a nut this guy a bit of a nut he's a full cashew and then the whole all the club owners everyone's in a suit they all got guns it's a whole situation it's sold out Serpico town so now I'm standing in a section where I can see through those

little round window door down the hallway to see when Jerry gets there but I'm also keeping an eye on Versey yes but here there was never any need for a doubt because Versey's a pro yeah he's a pro he's going up there and he does like almost 40 minutes and he's killing but you can tell the crowd is like what the hell's going on here is a little long yeah and by the way at the beginning of my opening set I did the thing where you go Bill Burr see everybody and then I like I went actually he's not here he's not here yet he is coming yeah so I kind of did that and I was like he will be here everybody and I kind of get a laugh

but that now Versey's been up there for 40 so now the crowd is like wait is he not here and you've done 20 it's almost an hour yes it's a long time so finally I'm like sweating I'm freaking out and then the owners pull me out they go okay if Jerry cancels which is possible we're gonna light Versey then you'll go up and do the time and you'll bring up we'll light you when Jerry's here but if Jerry doesn't come we'll give you a note that says Burr is next so now I'm taking all this information so I'm like I might have to just do an undisclosed amount of time yes and then light means Jerry note means Burr so I'm like just get here I

just want this fucking guy to get here and you got to nail that intro as well you got a lot of plate spinning here so finally Jerry shows up Jerry walking in but for whatever reason they don't wait till he's like in the room they're just like he's here don't worry they hand Versey a note to get off stage jeez is a note a note instead of a light give my life hand them a note be like you're gonna get off here cuz it shows going long yeah so now he gets off but I still haven't seen Jerry I just heard word that Jerry's in the building he's parking or something so now I'm nervous cuz now I'm on stage and I'm trying to

really waste time till I see Jerry Jerry in the corner yeah cuz now I don't want to say Jerry Seinfeld and he's taken a shit down there yeah you don't want to do that he had to have the big salad I'm still freaking out I look over then you can't see cuz it's shadowy and there's tons of people everywhere and finally I just go verse keep it off of Paul Versey how about it for first I'm trying to like eat as much as I can without doing a bit oh you're eating it cuz you don't want to be the guy that goes into a bit you know so I'm like all right we go and then I look over I see Chris Mozilla the owner and he's got his hand in the air but it's

too shadowy so I'm like I'm hoping that's a thumbs up but it could be a stop sign could be a Hile it could you know yes so I go all right I'm just betting my money that that's a thumbs upside your bottom dollar so I go all right ladies and gentlemen the great thing about coming to God you never know who's gonna be here ladies and gentlemen Jerry Seinfeld and this place goes crazy oh they've earned it they go crazy for like a minute until they see that Jerry is coming out oh then they go fucking I mean standing oh I shake Jerry's hand I look at his eye I'm like I shake his

hand I wanna like kiss him on his big nose you don't know what you mean to me yeah so the whole thing so we shake hands like I had to like fight my way through the standing oh my god black is white up is down day is night yes so here's the thing I brought up Louie on the tour obviously and that's an original that's a crazy feeling but it's an arena so you're this like elevated stage it's a crazy thing and I brought up Chris Rock a couple times at the cellar but now Gotham is twice as big as the cellar and it's that low stage they're on top of you yes so I never experienced an explosion like this I

mean these people went fucking cray and they said Jerry Jerry I mean the place went fucking nuts oh wow quite a quite a introduction that's why the intro or whatever you call it a welcoming aha I mean the intro was great too so I come off stage and now I'm just like whoo I don't let me try to enjoy this and then back there so we're busting balls and chops or whatever talking Jerry does about 15 good stuff funny stuff he kills he gets heckled by a lady in the front who I also get heckled by so did Bersie Jesus a channel then she's check heckled burr he kicked her out as a whole thing get rid of her so he does he

does 15 that's amazing I go back up I shake his hand again I look him in the eye I'm like this is crazy he leaves then I go I had a good line go guys Bill Burr is dead I'm sorry and that got a huge laugh because now they're so hot yeah and I go listen it doesn't mean the place is like a buzz so it's like it doesn't matter who you are it's not easy following Jerry Seinfeld so everyone finish up your talk that was crazy can we cool it down a little bit here there's like a good host we got yeah I'm a pro 18 years yeah then I go all right everyone settle down we good are you guys ready cuz I want you to all be done

say everything you have to say about seeing Jerry they do that and I go all right ladies and gentlemen Bill Burr the place goes fucking ape shit again they burr then I go in the back I'm staying in front of the sound booth and I'm just I'm standing there watching the show now and I'm like who all my work is done let me enjoy Bill Burr then Jerry walks over he stands right next to me oh my shoulder the shoulder and the whole time you have all these quips or lines I'm like I'll just say something subtle yes I'm the master my domain you bag it but I thought just don't say anything I'll just sit here and so I just stood

with them for the whole 45 minutes we laughed it was fun because we're laughing together next to each other fun and you laugh like those comedian moments where he says something silly a weird word you're like laughing I didn't even look at him hit his shoulder or anything never looked at him never touched him I was like this is this is the way to do it just be quiet don't try anything yeah not a word you don't want to be that guy you know if you would have said that I this is why I suck I would have tried what's that one perfect thing I can say I just want to hug me that thought would come in there of course but I went just

shut up you idiot you did it right so then Burr just rips it he's a killer amazing show we're dying laughing in the back then I had to like out show the show I was like give us a good review whatever the fuck on Yelp and then by the time I'm down everyone's already the comics are all downstairs so I come down there's like three bodyguards out there and I'm like I can go in there I'm on the show yeah you can so I went back there and I then I just listened to Burr and Jerry talk comedy for about 15 minutes you're in the podcast yeah I'm in the room and it's me and Verzi Maureen Tarran's there in the Mazzillis and

you know Burr and Seinfeld and they're like how do you write Jerry's like asking him he's like see you write stuff down he's like I used to but now I do stream a cop blah blah blah oh my god I'm like I'm like listening to like the ultimate comedy podcast Bill Burr Jerry Seinfeld that generation this generation the whole thing whoo it's like comedians and cars minus the vehicle yes and now I have a spot at New York comedy club at 1015 it's like 942 nothing worse than a spot during this shit I know this moment a million times so here's what happens next I make the decision in my mind I'm trying to make decisions and live with

them I'm like I got a spot I gotta go do the spot but they're all going out to dinner to steak dinner Keith Robinson's already at the dinner he's waiting he's going he's yeah you need one at every party I guess so so then Mazzilli goes you know it was what are you doing Burr's like what are you doing after this you want to hang and I was like yeah yeah and so then they're talking and I'm like here's what I'm gonna do he's gonna invite Jerry if Jerry says he's going I'm canceling the spot I like I'm going to have steak with Jerry Seinfeld text you during this you gotta go to the dinner I know we're texting I go if he

says no I'll just get out because at this point by the way I needed some alone time like I've been hosting this show I mean I'm stressed to the fucking gills it's Burr it's Seinfeld and it's instructions and time I'm not used to hosting by the way but you gotta tell you and you landed that puppy safely I did a great job I have to say I'm gonna toot my own asshole yes to the fatty so I'm sitting there and Burgos you want to go have steaks and Jerry's like oh I would I had steak before he's like where you going he's like I can't I gotta go home so as soon as he does that I'm like all right I'm gonna because I also feel

like I'm like wedging into the invite it's like a last second thing they already got a reservation they got to add a chair the whole thing I got a backpack because I'm in the city all day and a winter coat you're a lettuce wedge and I got a spot I want to cancel the spot 20 minutes out it's tough to cancel a spot yeah I'd cancel hopefully appreciate it over there so as we're leaving Burr's like are you jumping this car and I go I'm sorry I gotta go do a spot and he's like oh okay they're like okay whatever you're fucking weirdo yeah I was like maybe I'll meet you after first cigar they all

get in the car they take off I just have this like huge whoo yes you know and then I walk because it's New York County was at 24th and 2nd Avenue this is at 23rd and 7th so I'm like I'll just hoof it yeah about 20 minutes to get over there I hoof it enjoy the cold air I get there and then Mike Feeney the comedian he was at the show watching Jerry and Burr got them he left early he's hosting at New York Comedy Club he's like boy I did not expect to see you here wow I thought for sure you'd be canceling this I went well Jerry didn't go to dinner so yeah yeah and then the right play he's like you better come down off of whatever you're

higher on because about 11 people in there and since like the classic comedy thing I was just hanging out with Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Burr and Paul Verzi sold out show killing and now you're at New York Comedy Club which is also a great club by the way but 10 p.m. on a Monday yeah of course so there's 11 people there you go up that's a fun set and these people have no idea that I was just shaking hands with Jerry Seinfeld no idea that's that's show biz and a nut even if you told them to be like well what what happened yeah and that's not even show biz that just stand up because I feel like Hamilton is just

Hamilton yes there's not there's not like oh boy we did the Sunday matinee and I got heckled three times by a drunk whore and then I you know forgot three bits and you know two times I got my fill on my face there's none of that well they have a different thing of like I ate too many yodels at Thanksgiving I gained 10 pound off in my jersey now and then the understudy took over for me interesting I don't know if they were jerseys if they're doing you know what's that fucking football grease any no movie with the football any given Sunday you on Broadway like a green day on there that's a good point you make it a

point I have a point all right well I'll be funny if they did that other football movie the replacements and then the star got replaced that's just something I'm like what you're jizzing so then the next day which is now yesterday we're recording this a week in advance whatever I texted Burr and I went hey I just want to say thanks again for having me and I go I hope it wasn't rude to not take the dinner invite I do appreciate but I didn't want to cancel spot 20 minutes out and I was like I'm proud to be part of that night it was memorable night and he wrote back oh dude he's like I would have taken the spot to you did

the right thing so it always feels good to do your instinct you know nice because it's one thing as great as Burr is and as much as we love him he's not sign felt like you can have dinner with Burr you know what I mean you're gonna have a dinner with Jerry Seinfeld is like a once-in-a-lifetime you're a piece of shit if you fucking he's an American icon yeah I would get banned from a club to be like I sorry I went I'm with you Burr you're like I'll get you next time we had dinner the night before so right yeah don't worry about it well I gotta say let me ask you this there sloppy jalopy sure when because at some point you were

hosting this shenanigans here and you got the bilber phone number when did that come into play because I feel like that's a big nugget well that was a couple weeks ago I came in and Maureen Taren who use your best she's like the Jimmy Carter of managers best ex-manager manager in history uh-huh like she I'm she's a great manager also but she's used to be my manager now she works at true TV I believe yeah just a great just a comedy fixture yo Montreal comedy festival just a sweet sweet lady staple and even after her the management company she was with when she managed me they stopped

being a management company but she continued to help me get Letterman for no no incentive I was no longer her client she just saw it through so I'm forever grateful and she's just a good hang in a beautiful gal I might add a very lovely lady yes so one night I was at the cellar and she was sitting there with Burr I started chatting with her and she's like why don't you sit down do you know Bill and I was like we've met a couple times we're both from Boston we're both from the South Shore we have mutual friends blah blah blah and he's like yeah I know who you are blah blah blah and then we sat and chatted Patriots

football and sports because we have a lot of similarities you know oh yeah so we chatted and he's like take down my number he was boozing a little bit and he's like take down my number and I was like all right I'm not gonna ever use this number sure I'm not just gonna be like hey remember we were talking so I had it in the phone anyways but now now was an opportunity to be like oh hey thanks for dinner and the show and I'm like that was special and he was like great having you blah blah blah what a night he I think he picked the right cuck to host that puppy well I cucked it up and it was a it was a great night so I'm

grateful to the Mozzillis and Gotham and then Burr and Bursey and then of course Jerry's helped shape my whole life so yeah special night magical night and you don't get we talk about this you don't get a lot of those no and the further into comedy you get the less touching and moving there's not this fewer and fewer people that can be like I fucking saw chair like it was only like eight people left completely and I had a similar Jerry thing but I had to follow him which is I think we talked about in the pod but it was like you know horrifying this is special and exciting and you know fun it's stressful of course

because you got the intro and all that but like I had to follow this guy it was horrific yeah but he and I didn't get to shake his hand or anything but that's sucked and you always picture him watching you but he got the fuck out of there obviously well it's like I said I'm like even for Bill Burr who's performing for his crowd I said it on stage I'm like he's still following Jerry Seinfeld I'm like this is still a tricky spot even for Bill Burr and we're three three hours in here but I have to say there was a moment that like was understandable also a bummer because like Versey and Burr are tight so Jerry

Burr is like Jerry before you leave let me introduce you to my friend Paul Versey he's like Paul get over here he's like this guy has been with me every step of the way he just did a special now he's headlining on his own and he's like great to meet you and Jerry's like oh wow there then the three of them start talking but Burr's not gonna he doesn't he doesn't even know me that moment of like you're kind of looking like yeah but then you just go what am I doing this is silly but there was that moment you're like I'd love to be in Versey's shoes right now yeah I'm just sitting this dingy alone but still

amazing night magical night and so cool and I've now shaken hands with Bruce Springsteen and Jerry Seinfeld if I can blow Woody Allen I'll have to you know kill myself McCartney ain't no sneeze either no I'm a cartney of course Ed Letterman Ed Letterman yeah yeah pretty good you need some Purell there yeah I've never washed my hands anyways so but the reason I bring up the phone digits is because when I opened for Burr we hung out we went to dinner and he goes take my number take my number and then we got smashed on tequila and shit and then we rode the subway home he smokes a see smoked a cigar on the train which I

thought was pretty bad what on the car in the car that's obnoxious well we were we were smoking them and then he kept his and just went down there kept going we were like in a blackout oh Jesus Christ but he got on the train and he still had his and it was puffing away and it was like pretty wild he's like a homeless person yeah so he I texted him that night or something the next time camera who's to text at first but he was like hey funny stuff really whatever and I wrote back like you don't know what this means me you know when you're drunk you're letting it go too much right right stop me if I talked about this no I

don't think so but I just I went in like I was like you don't know what you mean me I know all your bits I watched everything I can memorize that and I think what you're doing is powerful and special all this it was so bad and I really geeked and then he wrote back like thanks for the props oh jeez it's all taken props wow hey after what I wrote I mean good lord if you could have seen it what give him a pinwheel and a horn the props oh right right comic that didn't make sense that was stupid yeah it was pretty bad but just because of that text I'm still embarrassed to see him but it's nice it's good you let him know

you shared your feelings it's who you are I overshared it's good yeah but also the booze it's the same with you know when you you be a you try to hook up with a girl and then you get together and then you just you start writing too much because you didn't fuck so you're just writing the things I would do to you and then you read the next day you're like Jesus God almighty oh yeah oh my god my text I had some of the worst drunk text in history it was brutal I always text X's and be like you love me or you hate me or I hate myself same I like your bush whatever yeah I'll never be doing like you're my soulmate I'll die

for you fucking beautiful you're an angel oh it's humiliating oh god well so hopefully he gets it but yeah where you where you're gonna be and life is good we complain but we got things good yeah we're doing we're doing all right maybe uh well this weekend if you're listening live and this week I am in Raleigh North Carolina North Kaka Laka as they like to say spinning around your head like a helicopter is that right that's something I don't know what that is but I'm in good nights in Raleigh North Carolina this weekend next weekend I'm in Lorraine Ohio just a one-night or next Saturday 21st I think I'm pulling out

my book here rain I think that's a famous country song oh rain Lorraine Alexa what's the play a rant Lorraine oh I think you're thinking of Dolly Parton rich and iron deposits um where's uh oh so December 22nd I am doing a gig with Jason Lawhead just outside of Cleveland it's me him and Brett Ernst then the big one December 27 through 29th Helium Philadelphia please come to that gig for the love of Christ Almighty on Christmas then Royal Oak Michigan January 31st through February 2nd Zainis Chicago a few people have already written me like I hope you come to Zainis soon I am coming there soon oh they're coming out

January 17th through the 19th I'm bringing Sarah that I told her that we have a lot of fans there so please don't let me down come to Zainis January 17th through the 19th and then right when I get back from there January 29th is it yes the live pod live Tuesdays with stories get your tickets early folks live Tuesdays with stories Village Underground and join up the patreon it's only three bucks a month we're about to do a bonus tons of bonuses all the live episodes ton of shit on there so please get on there and those Chipotle gift cards the Starbucks gift cards the Uber gift cards the records all the gifts all

the presents all the nice notes all the emails they really do mean a lot we really appreciate it keeps us going it makes you feel gratitude and how about throwing some money out to charity to it's the holiday season give some money to charity and have fun and help people out people be nice blow a homeless guy yeah take care of each other out there Mazel tov I'm gonna be in Pittsburgh this weekend with my fat friend Chris Al who apparently is all done with the military yeah retired yeah Chris thanks for the service yes now put the service into your comedy and you can get fatter

I mean you're already heavy but like now you can kind of just get fat you have to worry about it right fatten it up there piggy and then we're in Laf Boston for New Year's come on out to that I like Boston I like the club I like the people I like my my aunt and then San Francisco punchline one of my favorite clubs one of my favorite cities I can't wait to just get out there and walk around and see those seals Mohegan son Raleigh North Carolina Philly helium Cleveland Hilarities we got a lot of stuff on the books Royal Oak Michigan the mitts so come on out to hit the website mark Norman comedy dot com always adding new

dates the patron are about to record a bonus right now so things are cooking and thanks for all the love the cards the Ubers I appreciate it that's gone a long way and yeah God bless America live up 29 praise Allah oh I'm also in Long Island on the 21st for the cinema arts Long Island baby yeah somebody tell Seinfeld about this episode and you got any yeast infection tips call me hydrate oh and then Schwitzel had a baby yeah I didn't even go back to that part oh yeah well I had to leave and then that was it oh he'd leave yeah he didn't really ruin the story all right oh geez I feel better but it was a hell of a tale but he left

and had a baby he had to leave he missed the whole night he's the manager there he's like a comedy nerd but he missed the whole fucking thing because at the very beginning he's like I just got a call for my wife she's 10 months pregnant I'll see you later oh man he should have aborted but now he's got a baby and he named it Jerry there you know Jerry Joe Paul Burr all right right Paul Burr ball cop all right guys all this bye bye