Tuesdays with Stories! - #278 Over And Out Pt. 2

Episode Date: January 1, 2019

Well, the guys (Mark) messed up the regular recording so we're forced to do a double phoner this week. Mark can't ski and Joe's getting woken up by hotel fire alarms! Check it out! Subscribe to our Patreon to hear the new live ep with Bert Kreischer and Nick Vatterott! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/ Download the Laughable app today! laughable.com/download

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be chasing yo mark there he is I think we're live all right we're doing it folks this is a new one a first all right well we're recording and we're recording I'm

just double-checking we're on the tape a call yeah we're doing this on our own folks yeah just a little backstory of recorded an F last week just to put it in the can and have it for the new year and something that's fucked up with his mic so now we're scrounging if that is scrounging or scrambling what scrambling is scrambling I would say scrounging is scrambling and we're gonna phone her to knock one out of the fan I'm in the conference room and I pulled on eight eight doors at the west end and there's the arm in the open so there's a wicked echo in here but we're making it work

yeah now why are you in your room I got the lady in the room doing the hair and put a pot in front of her second self-conscious and gay I hate to hate it well say yeah I got my wife come here's my thing we were gonna record later with the help of Shelby so yeah it's just what's up it's because we're idiots we just want to do it but I was I'm seeing my my wife in 10 days and she's coming while that moment over course so I don't want to give her the the one finger up when you're on the phone you know the thing oh of course and go yeah hold on I haven't talked I didn't see a nipple in fucking a week I haven't looked in a

half-pull in three days so I gotta make no nipple well I didn't know I didn't see his nip but I didn't look at that three days ago I thought that was fun people did the math and it tasted you know like deep jerky people are jerky pepperoni little things yeah I hate that we lost it recording and you know I was thinking there might be a decent uh what do you call it what do you call an Instagram queef patreon queef is to just release because your life wasn't fully plugged in fun queef just release just me responding and talking oh yeah making what I say like a fun little exercise yeah like a patreon it's just me going whoa

and then they have to just wonder what you do I'm saying I think it's a fun idea hey put it out more bonus material not bad something it's something I was one sided but I like it it's a little biased well I mean yeah that's why it's a patreon like I really does an episode that would be right for both yeah you can choose your own adventure you could pretend to be me at your house and then talking to you well I got spices I go to mom but when I was like I don't think that's true we shouldn't say that yeah just assume you're saying the inward you know right right there was a couple things on that F that I shouldn't have

said and when it when it uh when it didn't go through and Shelby was like he didn't get it though so the part of it was relieved I hate that we lost the F but it was a little parked off well we didn't have to deal with that backlash yeah I had a couple of notes no like we didn't take that out I would be able to say that yes because it was why it happened that was uh-oh what's that noise did you hear that no I didn't hear anything oh shit it went around the whole situation just happened I believe that I don't know what it was that's why I didn't get it on my end oh shit whatever the app I wanted them to listen and this is what I'm

worried about because it says I'm only based on a paper call was like hey listen fucking face book SMS you know what SMS is that's sexual that's a disease I believe no it's in text message oh that's what the text message means oh wait I don't know what the Nazis were no those are just bad people ah yeah that's that social security yes he could serve us I'm worried that we're gonna record another whole thing it will be dead because without Shelby I think we're just more on system yeah I guess Shelby's a man I hate guys last night I ain't gonna show you back you suck okay thanks for

coming up yeah then this show me that you know I don't know if he should say this in the recording if he's gonna get a big head and start his own part and put us on a business that's true but what they can't see legally he's contracted I think they're not just more than eight words in an hour we're gonna talk to the past and kick him up out of him it's a very private man very oh yeah you can see the secret show it hey if you got that anyway you're very cool yeah so you're I just got back last night from Philly did

the Philly run you know this happened recently I was with my best friend we all know sir he's a wonderful man he was asking and this is a good question he was like what is like pound-for-pound all things taking in consideration the best weekend in comedy oh good question I mean there's different variations a lot of this is good but that's better over here but this is better there and now I was mentioning this so I'd like to hear your answer well my answer was I think it might be changing my original answer was for me DC draft house and the reason good one thing a you're not the fly you can drive there or take a

train yet be like great city love the city one of my oh yeah see if the draft house is not a club there's no waitresses there's no drunks it's like a pretty classy kind of black box theater so the shows are pretty okay you know there's not a lot of like fucking that fucking piece of shit they should have thrown him out yada yada yeah yeah you guys see our pal Sean Joyce running it yeah the old it runs it great chat good hand cares about comedy you're always gonna have a good conversation keeps people out of the green room yada yada yeah no time to treat a comic and the shows are great and we have a lot of

fans right all great points so far but then I just did silly which is even closer than DC I'm not the club more fans great city so I think those are generally on stage is one of my favorite which I'm doing a couple weeks so what do you think and some sense I feel like I'm popping no I like I like I like what you say in there let me throw it at me I do there is something fun though about being in that crazy far away city like you're in the middle of Portland like wow I'm killing in the in on the other coast it doesn't have fun about that too so yeah I hate the flight I hate the cross country I hate the airport

but that's something fun about being Seattle just ripping it with a bunch of weirdos you'll never see again yes I love well obviously I love Seattle is my favorite the poor place to make the helium is just such a great job that guy Nick is like the fucking best today great club and fans there and great city but again it's like we're factoring in all six where you're like yeah silly I got home last night at 2 a.m. did shows kill this rip this thing so it was never got on it too about it was in my couch no plane no security all your factoring in all that yeah yeah that's big yeah I'm silly fine my top three and clubs and I

just love that city and I love a club in the city I like walk there I hate this suburban you know under the highway bullshit like I love cap city but the clubs a million miles away and then you gotta fly there in Texas so often fun but there's a couple of jetback yeah you kind of have to rent a car with cap city to me right you can bomb down the stoker you have a little so cool oh yeah so cool line yes but anyways my point is about interesting conversation I think people are interested in hearing but I'll be able to the one thing about DP draft house to is you can't rip like if the room is bigger than it's a great

room I love it but like it's small enough you can't like silly helium Thursday show early Saturday show you're there thanks for coming up to the best show you're just like it's one of those ones when the new stuff is murdering you're oh yeah something about here yeah well let me throw this that you're at all I got I met them it's left often right now one show tonight to tomorrow and this is you know it's such a good comedy city and they don't get offended and they're with me but I tell you it's like carolines where it's gotta be packed out you can't have a half-full show left often is the room is so big to put the

curtain up everybody needs to be curtain they ruin your whole thing they know the curtain I know the curtain it's all shit so when it's over it's cooking yeah you know I don't know that I've ever done it was full I'm hoping to do it next November hopefully it'll be full I thought I've had only like the half-full curtain thing here's what I do I don't love a high stage that's what the human you're a dick living off the ground you're just right there you could you could force the puddle to blow you if they were nice that's true that's true I think feels weird really gonna live on their faces and he literally look at my

god I'm telling my dick and my face well that was my issue I'm gonna talk about this on the episode that got lost that might be a picture on half a half a picture on by the way I hate the word and the next we're gonna stop saying the word and yada-yada PC blah blah blah every time they say that happen back oh yeah it's doing that to the noise again I don't know if they're gonna hear us but maybe it's just me I didn't hear I think Zuckerberg comes in as far as some of the fuck it goes he knows we like far so he plays that's what the Facebook does you know you're looking at nikes well here's a fucking fart noise

I appreciate that but anyways half a fan one of the great himself I love it I never got my hurt everywhere I wasn't like 9-11 I don't ever get this it's treating like half a fan I'm like it's like it's hilarious it's gold all the half they're good he's half in the bag he's half a star and he's half and he's probably half it's so funny he's a happy half-breed have fun I like to have it on show yeah can never yeah oh boy this is work because I feel like this is some gold yeah this is some interesting stuff it's some good in here I am having a good time I forgot what I was gonna say oh I gotta

say about Vermont yeah it was Vermont we got all kinds of stuff to get into I don't fuck my own dick here so tell me about Vermont spread the bug well first of all I did the whole by the way I talked to the latest at night I think game girlfriend what's another word half of the half a scotch tanker half a cunt I think it's a half a cunt yes well girl from this doesn't sound such a joker yes yes it's like that Mulaney joke he would I like saying my wife my wife's coming it's better than can my girlfriend come well that and like we're supposed to be doing away with girl so it's woman I mean at least woman

friends of the lady friend yeah that's not bad I don't call a lady bird your lady friends are too close to lady boy right yeah I got one of the ladies boy that a lady with a dick yeah the lady boy but it's like a petite boy it's gotta be petite gotta be like a Shelby if you like put on a dress and some looks she would be boy that's the secret Shelby that's what he does by closed doors all right so I put the lady friend and I was telling about the pond our situation and she was like oh you know what's funny I listen to these burger pots and she wasn't all these ladies show and they all yes you know

we we don't have no we can't do it we'll see you next week and I was thinking the county where we've been canceled oh is that too harsh no no I just didn't do it don't I think you're gonna say hey we can take some weeks off I mean we could like these I listen to big podcast by women women are the host and if you can't really know like we couldn't get to it we were sick we were busy we're you know giving birth or whatever so like they just take off and they'll you'll come back next week you like this I'm like I don't have to tell the scene for that me and Joe we're scrounging it's cramblin I don't have a phone right now

I mean I'm this is exactly yeah we gotta make it work we don't want to lose one Tuesday let alone you know age yeah but we have a fact we're out I mean exactly yes aptitude yeah I feel bad about Christmas even I thought we didn't we blindside a little bit we didn't take a big enough announcement but because the last couple of years we didn't do a Christmas week episode and I think some people they rely on this like their medicine yes completely it's a commute it's very like then thing maybe it's like the oatmeal and shit they wake up to a

cup of coffee they shit and they do gay and we should have tweeted at it or something I think what would happen to you I think it was alright we did we did something but anyways we're back and I hope you had a merry Christmas I mean did you have a merry Christmas where were you for Christmas you wouldn't I guess I would the cake cod well I wasn't happy to move down the street with each other again that's right so that's a cake it's beautiful nice it's walkie it's New England but getting out there is a real half a dick twit it is a bitch getting out there yeah well it's out in the middle of nowhere man it's a

peninsula the big scoop yes you get a flight you get a flight that we got a flight to Boston and that's an hour that's easy peasy you land in Boston you're like hey we're almost there and then you gotta go Peter Pan bus to Hyannis and then from Hyannis her dad's gonna come pick us up and then he picks us up it's all to do and he brings us back to that you don't get there 7 p.m. I left the house my house is 9 a.m. that's rough it's not even that far I mean it's the coastline yes like a hundred miles or whatever right exactly so we get there and we do a Yankee swap which is I've never done I'm a Southern

gent I'm a genteel gentile I love you I did three Yankee swaps this year I do year three year I'm good to three year I'm a Yankee doodle man yeah that's more Yankee swaps than the baseball team I guess that'd be trade that's a flop they call it a flop I don't think it yeah yeah yeah maybe you think you could do so yeah so I I got a pair of air buds as a gift and I already have some so I gave those those a hit of a thousand it's so fun the Yankee swap it makes it more intense it's like it's like getting on a game you know or where you go I want that one oh no but I called I went up to you so I get to swap and you can't have it it's it's an art

to it it's invigorating I love a good swap it's very funny I mean we do the you know what dude Yankee swap every year it's a real it's a hit it's a home dinner yes never done I'm never here I love that I'm going to the secret stand the beard you know half a car a secret wow we're good yeah man first they should have trademarked that but so what you end up getting hit me with it what did I get oh I got a uh for brothers of pilot he's like a bit of a gear head he got me a hydro light which is a light flash light water and it works you don't need to charge the battery just wet it's like a fluffy what

yeah you just put water for two seconds and it charges and it works off water a flash light basically but it's a flash light it's generally on it can you shove it in your eye like any moisture or it has to be water I think it's got to be H2O it's some chemical bullshit but you could probably fit on this urine water in your urine I don't worry it sounds like a thing that's not not I don't want to shoot that's something a great gift and I don't want to get back to this pilot cell it's revolta and have them find out guess who's the best game by the way um psychology too um so um I'll tell them for that's that's the right Scientology says the one uh ah yeah secret Scientologist maybe I could be a good

a secret word for gay this guy's a little Scientologist if you think that's me hmm maybe that's time to freeze is gay okay he's gay is Wilson this gay that's what I'm starting he's a prince yeah yeah um there anyway it's a flashlight it sounds neat I don't want I don't want you both to get a step in me but it sounds like a great gift but it feels like like he's telling me well I do the thing I know what you're in but I'm telling you he's got a thing it's a towel I think a little tiny towel like the size of my dick and then you pour water on it and it comes like a beach towel oh wow and he's like you gotta have this thing if you don't have this thing you're an asshole and I think he gets free ones just I don't know like he's like talking about

he uses it like a dinner here it's a cellar and he busts out his little you know symbol and pours water on it and all of a sudden he's you know wiping everyone with that I'm like it's neat but you can't just get an asking yeah exactly also I don't get it what if I just want to wipe something now I gotta now I gotta fold up a parachute because I like to have a little boat well it's a one time you just throw it away oh it's pretty neat it's just as one of those things you're like this is neat but I don't know how necessary it looks like I almost took the size of a pill then you dump a tiny bit of water and after like 10 seconds you have a big wet nap we're but isn't the whole point now is you try to get less waste this guy's creating more garbage well I think it's to bring

shit that's small it's like for camping I think uh-huh so like I didn't even wipe your ass with it like it's like a little tiny thing but you got a nice look you're after the pill can you get on it it gets bigger I could see it what if you live in a girl's under a period you put a pill down no period this is for like uh I think it's like if you're still a little peppy well I don't know what it is I you gotta see if he does a youtube video you gotta follow Bobby say a lot of good stuff out there but this one's cool all right see Bobby hasn't got laid in six years and he's put his all into a veto it's a gadget he loves gadgets I don't know what the lay thing he hasn't six year olds he must have gotten laid sometimes that's what I say in six years oh I see what you

said you're saying since the baby yeah he told me he said I'm live on the five months he was like we don't fuck anymore but you don't fuck you used to be called sexy Bobby boy not fucking fuck in fact we were recording earlier and so I could have sex yes this is all the name of banging well I appreciate it well and also get a catching up and hugging this thing a little bit here yeah this has been eight years I know you got a big night tomorrow you got wolves is up there stones up there the vetoes up there yeah can't wait I'm gonna bring bowls here woke up a big thing in the hotel room we're gonna go you're gonna let us all do it stand the lower how cool is that oh man that's gonna be magical I mean her fans there must

be fans of hers though we were took so no time to dinner yeah because some of the fans are just like women that are like yes we're taking over the world baby and like pro whatever and then the comic so she was up there she's like yeah blow me you're fucking this guy like she takes some real chances you know she's not just like a bleeding heart liberal she's got some yes whatever and then they're trying out you called your credit card they could well hate some of these people hate straight white guys this is like a cow true of them that's true that's why I love wolves he just didn't go with the flow like oh it's what they straight whitey alright we'll hate them but she's like now these are my friends and uh someone sucks I'm stuck and I believe all

women is silly and then get all these great great you know ball these dances but yet they still love her which I think there's a market to that you know there's a market for smart people who are listening who are making their own choices and thinking and that's her that's her whole family that thing and again the Tuesdays of that I think we've got some some first-class people and it'll be honest yeah here can I throw this that shit throw it on me right let's say all right you know you gotta believe all women which you know I get it like you know uh I don't want anybody getting harassed or raped or sexually assaulted women that have had a horrible past well that shit but is it believable women everywhere or is it just sexually because

nobody believed Roseanne and she's a woman hmm they don't believe that no no believe that she's not racist yes yes because I didn't know she was black I didn't know the picture was black that was a big thing right right yeah and then she was on um both of her shoes she was on ambient ambient yeah yeah off you know they were like yeah it's like you ambient doesn't do that and they didn't believe her yeah they did not believe her it is yeah a lot of these things are picky and choosy sometimes yes picky and choosy well because they say we talked about this we talked about this too where there are like many more women on shows and movies and things which I'm pro yes here let's have that goes up again but then there's the biggest show

uh-oh it keeps doing that thing when we don't hear only I hear I don't hear it it goes like this weird but maybe it's maybe I'm just seeing bad spirit because I'm walking in a circle let me tell you one thought this pair now is it cool is that all right uh but anyways so anyway though if we need more women and representation but the biggest show on tv was a woman and they were like get her off the air not that woman we should ah we choose a woman this point yeah you're right they did they don't want to say well it's like Paul Dean goes in all right we're trying to tell her things whatever yeah and golf there's a piece of shit not to mention the the Tennessee uh I don't know governor or senator the one that was like

already hanging for mature they look sometimes they're just like elect women we got elect women and then this one's like I would go to a public hanging you're like you want this woman today you're a framer that was that was michael rickham yeah he's the governor of Tennessee um so yeah there's a bunch of like there's a bunch of women that are like adamantly anti-abortion and like you know some women are like a horrible human being not that you're a horrible human being you're anti-abortion right right but it's it's it's insusia that's a good way to put it you can't have it all it's a it's a broad sweet it's a broad brush hey broad uh huh yeah it's a broad brush but uh it's a couple things when everybody says like

you know think for yourself and do what you think is right but not that I love your pedophile you know if you can't you can't just have these broad strokes yes I'd like to stroke abroad that's why I will report it hello folks yes hey hey over the phone I feel like I'm blowing it on over the phone oh you're doing great this is good stuff it's uh we maybe we should bring back over oh yeah over the phone but I feel it we can we're pulling it off there's not a lot of um you know we're not talking over each other over all right well uh so we did the Yankee swap it was a huge hit dinner was great I'm feeling a couple around the family a lot of Allen moments in your head when you're with your your your lady friend's family you know he's just like oh he said something silly

don't don't dwell on it keep moving no one hates you you're stuck they suck everybody's worried you know liberalized you're gay all this stuff so that was fun then we high-tailed it super much we got we got a rental car and drove up there and uh man is that a beautiful area we drove through Woodstock it's like this Andy not Andy at Norman Rockwell town it's adorable there's a little town hall a big Christmas tree and you know lights to get fences and all that kind of stuff kids are sweating they're like holy shit can we get to them we get to our Airbnb and check it with the weirdo make you lie the house smells like granola and uh he's nice that we don't eat in the town we got a wonderful restaurant garlic it's jam packed everybody's super nice you know Bob

won't give me I'll go Bobby you all know each other it's a real slice of America in there Vermont could something else garlic bomb yeah garlic and uh I love them on bernie bernie ben jerry you name it fish yes selfish yeah yeah uh remember who they are whatever happened to them oh yeah over revolutions crazy crazy crazy crazy info that was a hit in college yeah that was a big college hit by the way I love that we went you made it and then we went out you name it it's from the month we're like up oh yeah well it's about eight people in Vermont so here's the thing I think it's gotta be the least haven't dated state no I think uh I think the the Dakotas are low maybe Montana yeah I think like South Dakota Wyoming is pretty low

uh Vermont is amazing I mean I I still got like a maple syrup I'm actually holding it right now because it's I'm walking around my bedroom uh about living room and Greg Stone and I popped in there one time it was like a house just like a wooden sign with like a kid painted like red rum like a reverse r that was like maple syrup and then we were like let's pop it in see what's going on we knocking the door to buy maple syrup and there was a whole family just sitting there eating breakfast they had like oh they got the end of their shirts and they were like oh hey what's going on and I was like we're here to buy maple syrup he's like come on in the cave we went out there's like nine people eating breakfast and we went and bought maple syrup homemade

right right it's a beautiful place and I just no crying everybody's mashing their sharing things and they're like I forgot my gloves they're like hey I got some bear on me take one I'm like well when do I return escape it it's too nice and the whole time I can't think it'll be you know this we go on twitter and the online it's like white street white guys are the words and white people are evil and like do these people know about this they seem too happy like like to these the people who write that see these are not people and think that you know what I mean like it's so confusing like these are all great people well I think what's happened before it's important to remember because it's a tough time to be alive everyone hates each other and you know

half-hate that's us but right most people in all groups gays black Jews white more gays most people are really good most people are very nice people just living their lives but how do you do most people like if you're walking down the street and dripped and smashed your head up because of bleeding most people would run over and do I ask all the police someone get a shirt turnip get your thumb in his ass people how do you agree yes totally and and it's kind of the way a black guy feels because I always talk about how great this everybody is and everybody's evil and the neo nazis and the kkk and they're all great and then when a black guy's like sitting with his family and they're all like a cookout having a great time headlocks and talking and laughing

they must be like why did they hate us after I feel Vermont yeah we're here we feel like what's that we feel like black people we're in Vermont yeah yeah ironically I feel black because I'm like why does nobody uh hate us you know I don't know so I'm in Vermont this is the white place on the planet also and uh kind of fun when I was skiing I was like oh there's a black guy this is black there's so few you can really point him out it sounds bad if you say it out loud but uh it's fun it's a fun game yeah you got a point on the block yeah yeah it's like my mouth's gonna try the ender ring wow it's making things up so uh boy yeah the whole thing you forget skiing we like we talked to everybody in garlic we're like we're a bunch of half a half a

newbie we don't know what the hell we're doing that's that's help us out but you gotta go to this place you get the ski that's where you get the boost you want to get out early you gotta get the fresh powder it's all about the fresh powder and uh so I was like all right so we get to hit on a lock clock at 8 a.m. we have a quick dive wave bang I love a side wave bang I love the movie sideways I've never done a side wave bang we are like a spoon to the new d.a spoon buck oh I've got a spoon stuff but I gotta tell you we've kind of sunk right into like a normal this works for you and me let's just back knock it out uh what it was can I hear it can I hear the routine I'm just a missionary but I need to see I'm all we'll talk with it I'm all vocal I need you to

say weird thing I need you to go ahead eat might come out of my ass blow a fan behind me that's all just uh mental to me I need all dialogue like you're on coming you're on ass that's impressive yeah anyway okay wow that was fucking great film yeah with spoon the spoon buck and uh or somebody who's called sporking which is cute and uh yeah with spoon buck we get out there so there's a ski shop and you want to rent at the shop not at the lodge the rapist lodge uh so we go to the shop there's guys like all right what are you gonna do she gets the ski blade because she's to play hockey it's just like a ski but it's half as long kind of like a little dick it's not a man dick and uh so I get to snowboard I'm like I'm on snowboard so they put the the boots on us we check out the

whole thing's insanely expensive we get out there it's like 300 bucks for everything and so rental folks so you get out to Killington mountain baby we park the car you jump on the shuttle bus and then bring it up to hell and you just see the glory and mountain the white slope to me either the mountain house like the trail you can see each one oh that's the blue trail that's the bunny that's black diamond you're like oh my god so you go pumped and uh yeah so you put your boots on we buy her lifting it 300 bucks nothing I'm really getting right here and uh so you know we buy them the lifting if you get out there you say fuck it put it all behind you let's get these baby and I fell on my face for a good seven hours I would get my ass kicked I'm a horrible snowboarder

but I had a lot of fun well that sounds fun it was great it was great uh it's too many too many deaths it terrifies me people die they hit trees they don't know how to stop and and then I would die like what a fucking idiot he thought he was doing a thing yeah they get the only people I just want to have one of those deaths they're like what a fucking moron right right yeah well I almost had a few of those I mean I was falling so much like little kids are going by little girls are moving by on a snowboard I'm like god damn it's old ladies like are you okay let me help you out it was it was pretty embarrassing and uh the girlfriend she's from Boston she's living along all day long she's been born you know I'm taking too long

she's doing her nails at the bottom of the hill I'm like god I hate myself that sucks and uh so finally we go all right here's the plan the whole the whole mountain shut down at 6 p.m or 4 p.m because the sun goes down they don't even see the dark so I go all right let's go to the tea lodge that's the lodge on top of the mountain the tip tip top and you get a beer in there you get a stew and a hot roast and you look out the whole thing and glance 360 you just see as far as the ale can go it's pretty lunch it's quite a view so you get our you got our fat asses up there and the guys like I don't have a way to the ski lodge the peak lodge you got to know that the only way down is either go back on a lift or ski down but it ain't pretty a nice game no no no we're

going to we're going to beat the night oh I see so we're going to go up to the lodge handle bike we get up to the lodge you know 230 or so and then it gives a good half hour to ski down so we'll go up to the lodge wouldn't it you're hearing like an enclosed gondola this is one of those ski lifts with the ricky dank metal this is a this thing's like a bubble like a high that windows cool like the pope will do yes exactly like the pope will be left if we didn't touch any children and we get up there we go up with a few other kids and we're all chatting there are their pros and they make fun of me and we all have a good time a couple have the locker because you're touching these and everything but hey you let me learn so we get

all the way up there we're up to that you hear pop it's the whole thing you're eight million degrees in the air it's incredible you get to the lodge it is spectacular like the 3000 photos the sun is starting to set the trees it's so beautiful and you look out as far as the eye can see it's all mountains like if you were getting america you would just say holy hell this the world is flat i'm gay the white man's gonna kill us there's nothing else out there except this it looks like it can never be a tokyo or australia or a Detroit it's all from my mountain baby that's right the people have they think they're like this is all the stuff that's why you gotta get out there it's a microcosm for life good boy they never leave the same small seven towns

they think they've got it all figured out they think they know what's what they think they know what the world needs but they've never traveled they've never been out there they've never met the people well said sir yes it's so it's so true i'm looking at a 300 degree span what do you call a radius whatever you do well i'm swiveling 360 degrees it's all mountains there's nothing else so i have to do not assume if you didn't have an almanac or a laptop how would you assume that there was more so well that's what happens and then they get to get to close minded yes so true we live in a bubble that's what i say you gotta go out of the bubble and you wrote a bubble on the top of the mountain ah yes bubble bump bubble boy i'm a bubble boy the move bubble all right so mr.

we get we get up there and now we have a couple beers we got food you just sitting by the window your your mouth is engaged you can grab you the food is so beautiful and breathtaking i walked out of chili a salad i got seven beers in me i know we would start kissing we're making out season there's nobody out there you know a rubbing boot and got a little d is on or i'm squeezing tips and the whole thing and i'm gonna be like knocking boots that's what's in the booth so uh we were having a great time we look around there's nobody in the lot little last people there like oh shit we're getting out of here so we throw our jackets over and run out there's nobody on the ice on the slope all there's a big wall of skis like kind of like a bike rack full of skis but all the

skis are gone it was hard to see and they're all gone except for hours really oh shit take too long and uh so then we kind of throw our shit on real quick i'm sitting on my butt strapping in so my snowboard and uh these workers like the the staff there is like what the hell are you doing like we're just like you can't be everybody's going everybody's down the hill you gotta get out of here and i go okay the lady goes where's your hat i don't have a hat she goes where's your jacket i go this is my jacket that's this she's a real ball buster real coo the battle act oh boy it takes me she's got it up for me and she's like what do you know i'm like well you know i'm okay she's like you can't go down the mountain this mountain's crazy i got i got it she's like

you're not going down the bow i'm like i'm going down the mountain sister i paint with this lift ticket i've been skiing all day i'm doing it she's like all right well let me see you go down it and i go off and uh it's getting pretty heated so i you know i can i can i can get by because this woman's on my ass she's watching me that's the pressure's on baby i'm terrified freaking out hey you got a couple cocktails no that's true we've got seven beers and chili i'm shitting blood here now let me ask you how much does it let you drink is it like the emergency exit on a plane we can just drink as much as you want i mean so they let you get chin house and and speed down the slope that's a good question no there was no stop me no one said hey you had too many i mean everybody either

were drinking these guys were all pros these are all you know east coast fucking nut job they they put them back yeah it's a slippery slope that's us yeah yeah take that a all right no engines out there but uh so now me and this lady are going at it and i'm snowboarding i'm nervous because i'm not great but i'm not horrific but i know i can make it down this mountain but she's like do you realize this big five miles rock i was like oh he's five miles huh she's like you're looking at me because it's the clock's ticking you got about 20 minutes before you get stuck yeah she hated me she ended up for me and they you know the girls and lady friends like all right all right look lady just listen to her she's trying to mediate i'm like oh i'm doing it i'm

doing the mountain i don't care if i fall the whole way down i'm doing the mountain so of course i get on the floor i start start going a big big drop comes i'm terrified so i try to like get it and slow down i'm flushed my ass and she's i look like she's got her arms crossed staring at me if i go down again i'm doing okay i'm a turban a pizza i'm cheese in i'm french fry i'm all this boom i fall again she's like all right that's it that's it go to the whistles you put your finger in or let's see and he calls them medic now i gotta ride a sled down oh you're the sled homo i'm the sled homo it's the worst but it's very evacuating oh jeez now do you lay on the sled and he's the one with the string like on your kit he thinks he likes the the white fang i'm the white

fang you know it's like a guy has a sled like rosebud and i just fit in it and he told me on his hot guy yeah crunchy granola beer guy he's a big fan but uh i put him on yeah i did bitch about the lady the whole way down there she's the worst everybody hates her so if you go to my instagram i filmed a couple minutes of me being told by this guy and uh we had a nice nice ride down but it's i'm kids i'm going by kids they're like mommy what happened to that so where's the lady boy she's behind me she's like making sure i get down she's i lost her in the distance she laid it she was a bitch well she's scared it hurts me yeah she's the she's on skis are all on skis she's all pros you know but she's a real snow gun

oh man that's mad isn't it i don't understand how the lady can watch you go down the mountain aren't you down the mountain oh my only idea is like croc croc ribbald when he gets on the fucking disc like aren't you gone once you go down the mountain how can she see you until yellow you because he's fought literally following you as i go and it's digging eggs he's on it skis yeah they're all on skis oh yeah the skiers i've got to follow me i picture her standing on the porch like a hair net on feeling like no no no come back oh no there was no hair net she might as well have a bread roller though and shaking that making people she was a real twat i mean just standing there skiing like ten people behind me like making sure i suck oh i don't like this lady i think she

had it up yeah she's neither a city slicker he's too Italian or something exactly she knew i felt weird it was uh she had a a bone to pick ah she's taking a bone yeah yeah yeah sunny bono so i go all right suck her so i get the sled down and i gotta say the flip was a little bit enjoyable because the guy was so fucking talented that he was zipping and zapping and it was kind of fun to be a little alive you know but still i want to go down like a man yeah that sounds like well a man doesn't snowboard but um whatever is that right i got a child's game he's a little feminine really jeez well what's the next game pretty zippy all right pick a move oh hey speaking of speaking of men we gotta we gotta read it out here oh sorry i went along there no that's all right

i just want people to know i don't even care about uh reading the ad i don't want people to know about this yes roman what do you know about roman tell a little bit about roman mark it big fan of roman look guys things were terrible taking care of our health whether it's a knee injury a knee injury a bad back or you you took a dip on the snowboard guys easily more comfortable just rubbing dirt on it and seeing the doctor i'm just giving myself all right so the same is true for erectile dysfunction you know anybody you know you keep it to yourself studies show that 70% of guys who experience ED get treated for it actually won't create an easy way to get checked out by a doctor and get treated for ED online it's all anonymous baby it's all anonymous this is uh

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have fun and enjoy the heart beaming yes sir um boy that sounds like a fun fun trip and now you're still up in the room and this trip is still going on here yeah it was great yeah we had a nice dinner after and uh how about this i'm gonna drive back we hit a bird oh fun look at a bird office i don't know it was it was a lady bird it was white that had a big big gas uh nice hatchet wound in it but it just hit the windshield and bounced off it was wild oh wow yeah that's what happens up in the country if you drive like through the country and your windshield looks like uh jackson pollock painting right exactly yeah it was covered in menstrual blood and the whole thing uh so by the way why i just realized this why don't we call menstrual blood war paint

as the woman she's kind of on a rampage she could be a fun term for i think it's not lord it's not paint that's probably why i hear you a lot either way i like to rub it under my eyes and go in the battle i didn't get dry let's start up there nice war paint that's why the vagina the vagina blood gets like when it gets oxidated or oxygen network it's all brown like i'll like fuck and then i go to take a urine and it looks like i got poo all over me it's like a brown brown blood yeah it gets a little kooky with this big avocado you know you leave it out for two seconds and it turns into uh you know joe jackson yeah and it's a beeping gun a brown blood

gun oh yeah it's a little crunchy yeah you think of what a bright red blood like a thrasher film but i mean it's just really just like a chunky chocolate bar i'm like uh yes almost like a uh like a sirloin burger stew like a like a chunky duke you know like the meat and vegetable one sirloin stew that's us yeah all right that's good let's see that's over all right so uh yeah back in boston landed or drove back in returned the rental car got an uber thanks to all the uber bucks tuesdays out there let me get those uber bucks like crazy got the got the packet of a vexton at chipotle yesterday i feel reborn and just the show is being sold out three shows already i can't believe it i got dan wolk for hosting juggsy on the on the middle and uh just a hot fun green room

mike witton showed up i did the high out last night at the fun little bar show in banger hall love the bean town good people good eggs thanks for everything and then new year's we can't wait what about you come to philly well philly well first of all we go to philly and i got greg stone with me who just does the top top top notch gentlemen and he's gonna be pretty in new year he's on his way up there tomorrow uh i love greg big stone we did a paper on the way down it's up there right now go to patreon this is here you're not on patreon get on that now and it's what type of the patreon goes up right away when people come up we're like we looked at you yesterday on the ride it was like fresh oh wow it's nice great so i drive down with

the stone zone great ride with the senesta hotel beautiful hotel i love it right on market i don't put the feature up so i have the strings left all right yeah there's no there's no features there's no hotel features usually that brings down the share hotel room but uh don't i don't want to share i'm too old to share a hotel with a buddy if it's one night maybe yeah but i like to walk around naked and put the coat hanger in my asshole and you know sure you got a word of that too it's just uh it's too much so we got the hotel we go down there friday morning you're like i know radio because it's like december 28th so it's like everyone's on vacation so i don't even worry about press everyone's gone anyways so no press yeah it's

great thank you so i'm like i'm gonna i'm gonna sleep in and i can't wait then the fire alarm goes up which happened to me if you remember for those die hard days it's happened to me in connecticut where i smashed everything i'm like crazy it happens this time it's 7 30 am i've been struggling to sleep a little bit i'm stressed it's still here it's a big town the family christmas so i haven't seen this family's a lot you know um change that noise again okay it's making crazy noises hopefully it's done okay okay stop tell me a thanks this is ruckerberg who's really enjoying this episode excuse so 7 30 am the alarm goes off i put it on my history it was so loud i had one in my room it was like just going crazy so you don't want to you always assume this is

probably a drill or an accident or bullshit but you also it's like the skiing thing i don't want to just die because i was too lazy to leave the room i don't want to be like i don't want to burn to death because i look at that problem yeah because again you're that god you're like who doesn't split you a firearm what a piece of shit so i get up i put on my warm-up pants my socks my shoes my fucking shirt the whole thing i come out of everyone the whole hallway just filled with people everyone's everyone's going to be real they're not real i look at why right you know so there look at this this is a new bed it's good all weekend you're gonna hot new bit this guy just a piece of shit i don't know if you silly italian what he is white angry guy he sticks his

yelling amazing wow and he's like hey hey what the fuck is it it's fucking 7 30 a.m. bitch called a bitch oh and she's like wow she's like what she's got rubber gloves and a hair net on she's like just sweeping and he's like what the fuck man the hotel you running and i was like she's running the hotel like the hotel she just comes up and cleans tubes just keep it tight yeah and he's like he's the most silly thing i've ever heard it was insane i was like this guy's the worst person i've ever heard of there he goes we better get our fucking money back we are getting out i'm getting i'm calling right let me like threaten to call like anyone's right he's like i'm gonna go call right now like the maze like oh okay go call yeah go call

well there's no number for that it's just a it's a service yeah it's just good first one for pal you know he looks the number for uh you know handling because you're a fire alarm i get at the front desk but he's like i'm a better guy i'm like you think you can get your money back for a fire alarm like yeah exactly you hear a lot more fire alarms at hotel yeah good point good point the pool is over here breakfast is up your ass and uh like oh where's the fire alarm i want to get my money back we're not gonna take a ten thousand dollar lock just some dick say you pulled the fire alarm and it's a good point so i went down there and you know everyone's all foggy and i go hey is there on fire and they're like no no someone pulled the thing i go all right great i bumped into

stone he's in a bathrobe no pants the whole thing it was fun yeah try to go back to that the whole thing but what's that you said i just said it's a classic stone move oh yeah he's a classic classic guy but the shows were fucking great thursday was packed like it's the best thursday we've had in years so i think it's that's december 27th everyone hates this family they just want to get out yeah and that's what it is they need a laugh and it was the most gay health and so many tuesdays at the thursday show and i don't put this out there tuesdays we appreciate it but we're not psychos say hello stop and say hey i love the show thanks a lot because i get people wanting my going like this too good and they just jog away and i'm like all right right well they're trying

to be good eggs and i did it but uh yeah yeah yeah we can take a hug we can take a gay photo and the handshake hey you know don't don't move in with us but uh yeah super sick but there was there was some great gays a lot of beautiful women i saw a guy one guy had a big crazy i didn't even think he had a big crazy beard a two days of story sure he was a patreon member got to say thanks to him all them and great staff at that helium comedy club oh good it's over there good club lunch not the thing is the club is so good that it's hard to get a story from there it's just like every show the top they were great it was fun we did a meet and greet and uh bryganine blue cheddar was really fun just a great great weekend i love philly and it was my sobriety

anniversary and that's where i got sober so that was oh share a couple tears uh great time you're like you're sitting there and i'm like eating you reflect a while like six years ago today i was drunk right at that bar now i'm sober all that shit blah blah blah great time but great show a lot of new stuff isn't red drinking red drink yeah all right i'm just wondering he's not you know you're up on a silver reflecting protected sewer reflecting past and he's the shithouse at the strip club well he's not a shithouse you got he has a couple drinks he's one of these guys this is but so fascinating as like an alcoholic it's so interesting to me he kept like a glass of whiskey then we're leaving and like three quarters of it is just sitting i was like do you want that

it's like that frustrates me i'm like drink that it's just great yeah man like i didn't ever skill in it you like didn't taste great and it's like that's the closest i ever come to drinking is this a general principle of someone not finishing a drink i'm like let me just yeah pretty crazy exactly didn't waste the whiskey that's expensive shit out of a bottle come on he's just ruining it but this is what we talked about before this is how you can tell non problem drinkers i remember being with louis on the plane one time i went in the bathroom and there was a glass of wine maybe it was his glass of what like he took his wine into the bathroom and then just left without it and then never got it again like i would be like uh what the fuck is my shit

look i get nowhere hold on let me find let it get me a new one while i find the old one totally i don't yeah leave in the room and being like oh i forgot i had a beer don't worry about throw it up it's crazy yeah let's be nice that let's be a nice way to live like not relying on it i mean i don't want to party and see in a glass to have a glass of wine with a cigarette but i didn't i would chug it oh yeah well that's well that's you just like just change your mind your uh what do you call it your state state of being sure you're like fuck me let me get weird but uh yes he's in state of being he's uh have a state of state that's right hold on no that's what we went we just went back to the hotel nothing crazy you know

just sure i hate some shake shack break time and then i had all that whatever we talked about last week and it's just got canceled i did rolly and i had more portland stories than that they're lost this is the thing just this this one the pocket is so great for us and important is you get it all down and then you just move forward everything we talked about last week i had stories and all kinds of crazy shit it's just lying forever i agree it sucks i hate it it's it's like losing a photo album those memories is gone i mean i had a show where a guy told a gun out that's gone uh i tried to get the word soggy remember that was my bad word it got launched and got soggy it sucks the soggy shoes the soggy pizza the soggy bread soggy cereal soggy suck that's looking

words but that's gone now oh man they don't listen to me what if we did this we listened to the half that we had that it's okay and then we'll fill in maybe we'll plug in what you were saying we'll kind of remember yes it's a half pause we could plug it together pass it together maybe i don't know yes i like it i like it we'll try it um but so many of you apologize that that was lost we apologize for no christmas eve and we apologize this one's over the fault it's a little clunky and clunky and there might be weird sounds happening hopefully yeah i hope it's just my tonight it's not you know oh that'd be nice yeah tonight it's all right kennedy what did they say yes it's just the proper way to say it oh anyways um what's uh what are you

gonna do i mean we have 2019 days now i know i'm fucked man i'm not back for a while i gotta go to i'm going straight from here to san francis key and doing the punchline so uh i won't be back well sunday oh shit we're not there uh they will record the big men's lunch yes the men's look by the way the uh that men's lunch is a thing we do every year for the folks at home at the it's a big brazilian steakhouse new year all the comic is a giant table in the middle of the day and eat like shit eat like kings for a couple hours but uh they do a good thread a text thread they go who's into the king's lunch and uh some of the people weren't that exciting no one of the guys that was responsible i do this yeah well let's look back at this jump it's a bit of a jump

that sometimes yeah yeah it really is i was i was made to see who else is in before i started well you got this what you gotta do let me talk about this every year you gotta like lock arms with a few buddies because you gotta eat yeah i was there a long time with sloppy wife and fucking Kevin's basis what a range of ages no i grabbed you and Gita and stone by the dicks and fucking i don't let up but we're sitting together i'm i'm leaving yeah we had a good corner class i was like meet you arie stone uh devito yeah it was a good and good group but yeah this year it's uh harvey cosby and uh michael this is they never know what's going to happen um all right let me get those some dates out there and uh i'm worried because all the stuff in the morning keeps

making this buzzing noise and now i'm scared we're going to lose this one i'm terrified of the patron those some dates half a date apparently all right it's half a half my date uh naples florida you know it uh it's a nightmare gig so i eat all the things i can get to shish some people look like tough tuesday some big monthly tuesday uh yeah he's the most by the way you have to call captain brian out there he requests that i know i know i did it years ago with uh dipolo oh wow yeah like a long time ago ten years ago now beautiful area though but anyways i'll be there captain brian naples florida with sarah january 10 11 12 13 then the following week zane he's cago 17 18 19 love that club it's an old town that's going to be a hot one and then the next week

as you know comedy on stage madison wisconsin one of my all-time favorites please get your ticket clearly last time i hit a bunch of bonuses so i'm relying on those come on out cago madison naples fill it up i know there's a big market for us but come on out and you know what that's oh yeah and then the last week of the month january 31st february 1st second royal oak michigan i love that club as well so come on out to that one big date naples florida chicago madison uh royal oak gelatheque comedian gel lift dot com hit the picture on new year new year just some picture on shit a lot of bonuses a lot of live this is all the live episodes january 29th oh i'm gonna sell off here sell this baby practical choker come on yeah we're working another day we

got to yeah we're working we're always working we got a lot of stuff in the book all the live episodes nicky's laser berkreicher yannis pop it's a shell wolf all those are on the patreon so don't forget about those gems that's lunch not soggy and uh what i would like to add here i got uh oh we can always buy merch too merch pump and listen to a laughable yellow chipotle keeps the zubers coming on that san francisco punchline this week then raleigh then philly and clavelyn and mohegan sun um it's springfield mass that was gonna hurt i hear and um back at the naz and uh hasbro heist in jersey all kinds of dates mark normand comedy dot com mohegan suns i say that it's going to be a doozy bring out a bunch of cooks so uh come on by say hi and have a hug and

if you've been brave all up and next week we'll be back in studio at the lunch stuff studios well we'll try harder it'll be better not to this wasn't great i feel like i'm lacking but next week's every scalar will be back at the lunch stuff studios oh i want to know that out that you can remind me bananas valentine's day get your tickets early for valentine's day bananas me and sarah couples comedy oh come on out hot day fucking yeah early get the whole weekend coming fuck each other let's do it yeah there's love you do um all right buddy good good yeah you do uh what are you doing i got the night off for the first time since i was 19 i've worked for 17 years straight i'm going to see margo price and williamsburg i love margo price

country rock and roll singer and uh i'm going to enjoy a date night i've never been off on videos in my adult life so wow are you having a date patty good for you wow man you've been on upstairs you've been doing johnny cat you've been everywhere man and sure that's margo price you like it oh what everybody's doing it's schumer and elli wong who isn't pregnant now huh my wife i hope oh yes i got brown blood all over my dick okay all right well let's get a pill and put a towel down and uh have a half a half a bag baby all right let's go let's go that's what's saying yeah the virgin skull pill towel yes all right there you go how about a jam wow all right i'll see it hell take it easy god love you and jim towel how's it go there it is

yeah you and uh hi all hitler hey take it easy yeah cut that out just i gotta go run on