Tuesdays with Stories! - #280 Devil's Stew

Episode Date: January 15, 2019

We've get a corker of an ep as Joe gets mocked by TSA agents and IHOP waitresses on his way through Naples, Florida and Mark gets though a tougher audience member in St. Louis. Check it out! Subscribe to our Patreon to hear the new live ep with Bert Kreischer and Nick Vatterott! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/ Download the Laughable app today! laughable.com/download

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe less Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy oh yeah it's a late Monday afternoon in this cold wintery town of New York City I would say I don't want to correct I don't want to start off by correcting I

would say it's evening you call this Eve yeah well it's 5 18 all right that feels like an evening because afternoon what did I say you said afternoon well technically technically everything's afternoon but it could be before noon tomorrow's noon I got a new come tomorrow but that guy who's at the slumber party hey hey it's a fun night tonight actually it's tomorrow wait you started with the fucking technically you're saying the other one saying technically I'm like it's five hours and 18 minutes afternoon well it's evening if it was summer I'd give you afternoon because it'll be bright out I'm gonna say winter

it's cold it's chilly it's pitch black it's five o'clock it's evening maybe it's dusk no it's not dusk it's pretty well no that's a that's a light no it's dark no it's fine it's dusk dusk is when it's dusky Sandusky it's when you figure it in the ass in the shower go pen yeah Penn State pen is a Ivy League uh-huh what'd you say pens might hear than the dick ah the sword yeah that's words yeah pan don't confuse pen and Penn State the pens key file and is that's a that's a you know Ivy League fucking you know Denzel Washington's character in Philadelphia went to Penn Law okay or maybe the guy no the gay guy he bumps

into it CVS is gay yeah and then it turns out Denzel by the way quite homophobic in the film oh really yeah he tries to beat up a guy and he says I should kick I'm gonna quote here and it's very hard times to say anything so I'm quoting a film he said I should kick your faggity little ass wow yeah just cuz he was flirting with them and I'm like this guy is extremely intolerant I don't believe that that character would take on that client they overwrote him I thought aha they had to prove a point right well he had AIDS no Tom Hanks at AIDS oh he got better I see but yeah now he's gay in the film he got it from

Antonio Banderas ooh not a bad guy to get AIDS from no he didn't get it from him Antonio Banderas is his boyfriend but he endangered Antonio Banderas they assaulted his character and he was fucking Banderas unprotected I got it from a movie theater a porn theater Banderas getting from dust till dawn whoa don Kelly Bobby's wife yeah wow what a pull also a soap don yes dish soap I believe sure I got a day I ordered up some how about this for a fun dish a fun thing so I was talking sex with a friend of mine I won't say which friend you're talking sex with other friends I'm sorry I should have patreoned it is it

working you make me nervous when you touch thing just double checking the levels we don't want to lose another hot app certainly don't well so I ordered up on Amazon I got some Amazon gift card so I you I bought some yard lee soap what do you call what's the nice yeah it's like an English smelly what's the soap it's Irish spring no no no nice adjectives lava lava no lavender lavender what's that mean it's a fragrance oh is that right yeah I thought it was like a elephant tusk that's ivory oh that's ivory yes I got I get all confused with my soaps and shit yeah I got an ivory deficiency confused soap and shit well I

get this yard lee both go up your ass lavender soap that I like it smells like a bag of pussy fruit it's really something that's a great produce you get that the at the Trader Joe's it's a nice odor or whole food so I ordered some up and then I was talking sex with a friend of mine a dear friend and we were talking about you know it's it's your wife you get a wife and all of a sudden the way it's hard to bang and it's hard to get women on you don't know no one ever gives you a manual like how about this or a woman you'll nobody ever told me that you gotta play stimulate the clip what you didn't get told that

eventually you figure it out cuz you see the lady starts being like I'll just do this myself he like oh what's she doing down there but nobody I don't know you know my dad was never said much so nobody there was no one there to be like hey when you fuck you gotta fucking work the clip yeah nobody says that to you that's true and then girls get weird when you don't know it yes give you shit like oh you inexperienced douche my first girlfriend taught me about the clip and then I went at it too hard that's a whole another thing with the clip oh yeah you gotta be easy yeah you think like oh it's with this pleasure

center it's on a panic button it's the man in the boat the whole thing but you start gnawing at that thing and they they freak out it's it's a lot it's not like gum you can't just chew it and blow bubbles you gotta really sniff it and wiggle it like a tissue where you got a delicately snot on it you know you can't really get in there which is ironic because you think like like my dick I've beaten that thing with a crowbar and hit it putting the toaster oven but the clip is very delicate and fun fact it's the only body part human body part that is sole purpose is for sexual pleasure really only one out there interesting can

you think of another well it's part of the pussy though isn't it well it's its own thing I mean could you say dickhead like are you I don't mean as being the only pleasure part I'm like but you break up a dick into parts the shaft the vein the ball the stain the thumbprint I mean maybe or is it just one thing well I think the clip is its own thing at the clips like a loner okay because I thought the clip was just a piece of the dick like the foreskin it's like saying the the the shifter in a car it's all part of the car but it's a shifter I got you what but well it's all part of the human yes the pussy like the gas tank is not

part of the trunk all right but the the the steering wheel is part of the dash sure that's what I'm saying the gas the gas the gas the gas board the lips of the gas gas board gas and thralling and it's an Audi it really is an Audi I saw it any one time I think she's actually a plow too hard or something everything was sealed up and any bad yeah it's all badges are innings well but there's some dangly part the mudflap you can open up and pull stuff out it's really interesting it really makes me uncomfortable that your neighbors like six inches from my head I know it's not good but we'll just tell we're doing a show on women's

health well speaking of women's health so I said my buddy I said you got to get a vibrator involved in your life I got a drawer full of them yeah I'm that's since we tallied up all the money I've spent on sexual toys it's in the triple digits and approaching the quadruples because I don't know what I'm doing I got weird thumbs and a small dick so I got to really buy some product out there and now you've already moved on to the electric toothbrush even oh yeah so you're vibrating every hole oh you better believe it I got a massage chair kept on the way I never heard of this Joe Mayo character so anyways the Drake I

send a vibrator to my friend but also accidentally send the soap to the friend oh also or in place of both inadvertently I send one I send the vibrator on purpose but then I accidentally send my soap there now he gets a couple of packages from Amazon yeah he goes let me see what this is all about probably my baby bib or toy or shoes whatever the hell opens it up and it's a it's a thing of soap and he thinks oh this must have been my mother that sent this to me by accident then he opens up package number two and it's a goddamn dildo and he's like oh my god my mother sent me a dildo this whole thing

don't have your name on it yeah there's no return address it just says it comes from Amazon it says Amazon's name right so he thinks some big tall woman is sending him dildos and soap sure Bezos so a few days later I go hey did you buy any chance get my soap and he's like oh you sent me a dildo there we go now the problem is he's already discussed with his wife I think my mother sent me a dildo they've had a big laugh about it so he can't bust it out now because she's gonna be like what is this your mother's dildo she's under the impression that it's his mom's dildo that's kind of hot I mean if it was your mom's dildo maybe

sure someone else's mom and I want their mother-in-law is dildo I'm sure they had a good chuckle about the the milf dildo but once you have a chuck you can't have a fuck ah too much wood this doesn't record I'm killing myself wait a shit me they must know it's not from old mommy face no they didn't they didn't know because I wasn't like I'm gonna send you a vibrator I thought it would be a fun surprise but I just thought maybe you know who knows yeah also the soap threw off the scent no no no dick intended right six cents all right well I still think you got to use it yeah I

said that too I'm like you got to use it cuz what are you what are you gonna do I mean you gotta it's a free dildo yeah oh you gotta use it so I'm trying to figure out a way to get it in there but it's hard to bring it up now you got to be like well I guess we should use my mom's dildo right because otherwise you have to explain it somehow you don't want to be like oh Joe sent it because that's weird too that's also weird I think it's a good friend I was trying to be a good friend but he thought it was a weird mom yeah but you get the soap back I don't I don't know how to get the soap I don't want to make cuz that's gonna cost money

to send I just bought new soap all right well so now we each got an eight pack of soap and lead and soap so you can use the soap it's funny these you he's fine with using the soap but not the dildo well your mother's soap and your mother's dildo certainly aren't in the same ball that's like a trunk in a steering wheel was a different ballpark true true one goes at the back but I just don't I just don't think I would go if I got a dildo up from Amazon I would go hey all right my mom sent it haha and I put it in me you know I never could laugh and then I'd get horny yeah I don't know I think it'd be a little you'd be a little off because

I think this has happened before where the mother sent something before she sent you know oh pajamas or whatever the hell I see they gotta close mom's situation well this is the problem when you mix and match Amazon addresses you don't know what's going where good point it's a real tricky because imagine if I sent stuff to my mother before if my mother got a dildo yeah and I never heard about it that'd be weird what that and all the online it's too easy to fuck up that's why I've sent I've gotten flights for the wrong day I booked the wrong apartment the wrong this the wrong that the wrong address they got her shipping then they

got the billing address it's too much yeah so easy to fuck up yeah I don't like I try to really go shopping I like the dopamine's and the amphetamines from when you go and meet someone and talk to someone and you get to pick it up and hold it and shake it yes but sometimes these people they are but they fucking make you crazy they work at CVS and they go no I don't want to use the automated things I want you to have a job like what I'll use the automated I'm like I'm trying to save you I know you fuck I hate the all I use the automated because I don't want to deal with the guy with the cock breath but sorry I hate the

automated thing there's a guy there and an automated like just be good the guy there I know gotta stand there cuz the automated goes and you gotta go sorry this was good doesn't fit in the container it's a whole thing and then he ends up doing the whole thing anyway this would have been better off and I like the the things the endorphins when you go hi nice to see all right take it what's that a nice blouse you fuck right I've got a bit about it the automated it's like a dildo guy like it's a vibrant it's taking the job yes would you want to fuck over watch a vibrate man they don't want to watch a vibrate they

ain't a vibe speaking of automated things in service let me tell you about this one so this is this is fun so last week I just got back today from Naples Florida nipples yes so I went down to off the hook comedy club and I gotta tell you it was on the hook I believe it yeah it wasn't too exciting but it was fun I don't want to I don't wanna get ahead of myself but anyways we're going to Naples we had to leave Wednesday night for Thursday media brutal media down there really 6 a.m. pick up five shows of Facebook live the whole situation TV and radio just radio all right but a Facebook live things you had to look okay

yeah but I have to say once you're in it it's never that bad it's just the getting up and knowing you have to do it but it does fuck with your rods and cones because you go all right well I got up at six today there's no way I'll get a nap in now I gotta show it two shows tonight then you get done at one and then you got to go to bed and your wife it's you can't get here on your rhythm well here's the one good thing about this particular club you fly in and night early which is annoying yes all the media takes place on Thursday and just have one 7 p.m. show you're done at 8 30 all right so that's pretty good

that's pretty good and then you're done for the week Friday you can sleep in so that's actually a better way to do it all right but you got to lose a night yeah but at least you're in Florida yucking it up not too bad so Sarah and I are going out there together we got to go to LaGuardia Airport and we got a little we start leaving early because this government shut down and all the business yes very very important shutdown yeah sure so we go early and then who's in front why you take three guesses who's in front of us tall scraggly hair entertainer not that exciting but something worth noting those are your

clues tall scraggly hair entertainer I thought how exciting but you said not that exciting that's exciting now what's he doing at LaGuardia it go to you know all right I'm gonna go Ed Begley jr. is he scraggly oh he's a scraggle fest he's got short hair this guy's like a wacky scraggly this guy was in scraggle rock all right let me see no Ed Begley jr. Christopher Lloyd's got a trim oh that would be exciting to me I'm a Dr. Brown I'm a cuckoo's nest what he has shit me angels in the outfield stings but the rest is great 88 miles an hour all right this is your third guest and don't think I didn't notice that you slipped in a

fourth that you noticed you know you know what nice lip in another digit let's see I'm gonna go tall scraggle fest not that exciting but something possibly you don't even know who this person is maybe I'm thinking Mac and row no no Mac and roll all right hit me Mick Foley not that exciting not that exciting doing stand-up now he's overweight but contains one of the hardest I've ever laughed in my life did I ever tell you this tale please fun story not really a great story it's definitely I had to be there it never works never gets a laugh yeah but my god

one of the hardest I've ever laughed in my life this might have happened on the podcast so maybe I told it way back yonder yeah I did Gotham comedy live and it was the second time I did it I remember that DC Benny was on the show yay at the end of the show the host Charlie Murphy brings everybody back up on stage he goes come on back up your losers the late Charlie Murphy oh he dies yeah he's done Jesus Christ yeah yeah wow hmm anyways we're up on stage and then they go we're gonna bring out next week's hosts Mick Foley and Mick Foley comes out and everyone's clapping and I think I told the story on the pod

there's two kids probably 22 years old 20 in the front row they go fucking bananas like Beatlemania they're hugging they're jumping up and down like they won the jackpot yeah and I just start laughing because these two fucking nerds are losing their shit for like a weird old scraggly do yeah weird reference of a wrestler yeah I mean they're going crazy and then DC Benny leans over and goes I have no fucking idea who this guy is and it made me laugh so hard well DC is so genuine and sincere yeah and we probably wasn't trying to be funny he wasn't trying to be funny but we were both laughing already because of this these

two kids were like literally crying like actually crying and then Mick Foley just standing and they were just so funny too that DC Benny's like such a funny guy cool guy and he's looking at like Mick Foley's got his sleeves cut off he looks like Larry the cable guy his hair is everywhere he's like I have no fucking idea who this dude is and it was great but anyways we're behind him in line and the TSA precheck is closed because it's late at night I guess and the shutdown and your mother's got those prechecks every now and then you're getting the same as the regular line the same length yes but you zip right

through I is it because of the you the no shoes no computer and it's a lot of people that know what they're doing so there's no TSA prechecks we go the regular line there's only two people plus Foley than me I gave Foley a wave because we've like we met one time we're both comedians but I don't want to talk to them I want to talk I don't want to bother the guy yeah he might think you're just some rando yeah so I like to do that I like to just go acknowledge sure keep it moving I had the same thing with quest love recently I gave him a Hile Hitler and I moved on did you touch the comb no I wouldn't dare the comb is a

black fist if you ever looked at it close oh I think I have those afro pics if you look at it close the handle is a fist oh that's cool it's pretty clever I'm down yeah I'm down with the cause oh well you can't be down with him he raped women for many years quest love cause oh cause not down with the cause that's the column I'm up with the cause yeah you're down with the I'm fed up James Brown from the waist down anyways so we go up there and now there's a young lady young young chap and she says I go and I got TSA precheck here no no precheck line huh she goes no mmm and I go all right well do I have to take my

shoes off or take my computer out she's like you leave your shoes on you have to take a computer out and I was like oh what a bummer no TSA precheck oh bummer that's exactly what I said okay that's the quote then I move on I keep moving now we're in LaGuardia LaGuardia Airport so now I'm in line I put my stuff I take my computer out which I'm I am frustrated because it costs you money to get precheck sure now there's no one there so I have to do the stuff which I know I sound cuntty white privilege or whatever the fuck male print whatever bullshit yeah but it is a service I've paid for you're not you're

not getting it to me I agree so I'm a little peeved I like to let him know I'm peeved I go all right I was like bum bummer about the no precheck here and I'm not being a cunt I'm just saying I can be a cunt oh he can be a cunt I'm not in this situation I don't think no so then I walk up to the thing and the guy goes whoa what's the shoes I go I'm prechecking he goes well where's your ticket I go my ticket's on my phone it's in the my bag and he's like well where's your did you give you a piece of paper and I go I don't I don't have a piece of paper she didn't give me a piece of paper and he's like Bethany whatever name

was Sue and she goes they said no precheck she did that voice she mocked Sarah and I was like they wanted to kick her face off I've never been mocked by an adult like that wow and then I talked back I said no I didn't I just said it's a bummer I said it's a bummer you didn't give me anything I'm and the guys again just come through and you can tell like they all hate her all good and I feel bad she's not getting paid and that the government shut down but you don't take that out of me and I said was so I have to I confirm because I don't know what to do because I have prechecked precheck line so I take my

shoes off and take my computer out that's just that's just asking a fair question you could you convert I confirmed and I said oh that's a bummer and she does like yeah and that like it's my fault that she didn't give me a ticket or a thing and I'm like that's not my fault and then the girls like I know I know just keep the other ladies like just keep moving but you just want revenge you want to spit in her face or punch her in the eye yes that's evil that's something about the mock I really get some to your jizz was she the scribble skank or was she the she's the boop soup poop but I don't scribble because

I got a phone ticket so usually they just go have a good day she's the boop boop yeah she's a boop boop by the douche douche she by the bin she's before the bin she's the first person the one sitting at the podium oh she's checking their x-ray yeah yeah I'm not the check in the x-ray what are you crazy what are we having Costello I'm just I can't picture and sue the whore she's the podium boop boop when you walk up through the line you got your hand or your ID and you do a boop boop that's the scribble skank that's what I said but I don't get a scribble because I don't have a ticket I got a phone

ticket but she's the podium twat yeah the boop boop the boop boop I go past the boop boop then I talk to the guy behind the belt and he goes he's like you got to take the thing out and I go all right great yeah then I get up to the next guy in the tube the tube guy the woo woo the woo woo two guy yeah the woo woo two guys says what's with the shoes and I said boop boop told me to take it leave my shoes on he's like well where's your ticket I said she gave me no ticket and then she said oh TSA please take and Sarah really hated her maybe feel better because I think I'm crazy I got a temper I'm angry I'm Irish I'm gay but then my

wife was like I fucking hope she dies that alright alright so we gave each other headlocks made out made the flight Mick Foley was on the other side of the plane whatever yeah yeah wow the the woo woo two toots they hate the the Hootsu's well she just didn't care for me but I think you know maybe she's got some other problems going on and the shutdown and you know we probably seem like the enemy to her you know we're just coming in here with our bags and our suitcases flying and maybe you know she's not doing great I don't know I guess but I don't know people always do that but I'm against now she's

profiling you though she's being very mean very unpleasant and they're not getting paid but they have to go in I believe so I believe as of last Friday or this Friday they won't get a paycheck so a lot of them have been calling out sick naturally and there's less people and I think one airport had to shut down a terminal and then today I didn't read the story just to the headline that some guy in Houston like snuck a gun in Texas classic Tejas well I heard yeah Houston shut down or something but I heard that Obama had one of these as well shut down yeah well this is now this was the second longest shutdown in

history and now it's the longest I don't know if it's past the longest yet but this is a lot longer they've been shut down they've been this is the second or third shutdown during Trump usually they're a day or two days a couple days here there and they settle it but this one is going onward and upward and then the Joshua trees you hear about that people are going out into Joshua tree and cutting down trees and fucking about what's that about very depressing what's going on but you think Obama shut down and this one's longer way longer this is a this is aggressive this is his would have more girth all right well damn but

you got there we got that a lot of stuff to get so I want you to go and I'll just let me just say I went to St. Louis flight was delayed French the airport was dead it was nothing and dead is Charlie Murphy get there there's nobody there flight delayed they did they jizz on you so I did Jim and Sam which I like to do because you get the free ride of the airport I'm familiar did it with what's it called Mike Cannon funny good and wet hands good guy yes yeah he just he's having a baby no kid yeah the prego wow that baby's gonna slip right out of those mitts oh yeah he's got a slimy wife's loose vagina oh Jesus I've never heard

of a bit so Romney so the so the night before we're all to sell her and I don't know where we're at I don't know if you saw my Instagram I don't think you follow me I follow you we're talking about I don't know what napchat was it hurt my feelings why don't watch the story I'm not a story guy I'm killing on the story I watch Bobby Kelly's story and that's just about it I'll watch a few stories I tagged in a few I'll pop in I'll look at the tag I appreciate a tag ah well either way we're at the cell it was one of those just great hang like one of those magic ones like Michelle Wolf Ryan Hamilton Sam Arill Joe Mackie

Chad Daniels shows up it was just Liz was cooking Godfrey was holding cord it was cooking she was cooking burgers and shit wow she was bringing us food and there was cookies around and will so Vince is cutting a rug it was just one of those great nights and we got a photo of it and it's a beautiful photo I saw the people posted yeah it was a great night and so Chad you know we've all had a couple of pups and I go hey chatty baby you're in town what's cooking how about you do Jim and Sam tomorrow I got a little little booze confidence and he's like well I love to do it I've never done it can I just get on I go I'll get you

and I'll get you and I do that whole thing and then you know I black out wake up I'm late and he goes the show is from 7 to 10 so he goes well just get there and feel it out and I go you got it I'll text them they love me over there I'm in so I black out I wake up I miss my alarm I'm like 45 minutes late I jump in a cab I throw a bunch of shit in a bag jumping a cab go straight to serious now I'm the late guy I got no pull so I go hey Roland how do you feel by this Chad Chad Daniels coming he's like who I'm like a Chad Dale funny guy great comic number one on Pandora couple of codons he goes I don't know I feel I feel weird

just bringing them in and they text Sam Roberts and he's like I don't know him and I was like ah shit so I felt so guilty I just text yeah come by oh my god he shows up and it was fine it was all he just showed up and Sam was like who are you super awkward but we got through it and Sam and Chad was funny and then we he did a Nicky show after it was good always funny that guy's funny he is one of the best and I think he's gonna be big well I'm not that funny when he did our pod he was very late and didn't really was quite serious yeah I think he just got raped or he was wife or something yeah we're gonna have him

back on maybe a lie I feel like alive he would thrive I don't want to throw these rhymes at you yeah we got to get him back in because that was it was a tough one he showed up with like four minutes left and then we just ended up talking serious about hockey I think yeah yeah that was awkward yeah either way hello comic and got got to LaGuardia there's like eight people there get on the plane it was one of those two o'clock flights so I landed four because you gained an hour and then it just 2 15 2 30 they love to give you the nuggets increments they kick in the nuggets yeah Denver nuggets so chicken McNuggets

gold nuggets so we get to St. Lou Sean O'Brien picks me up and so be yeah he's a good egg we we we hide Taylor to the hotel I've been a nice I love a good middle of the road hotel I don't like a fancy don't like a fancy I'll take a thing I'll take a four even I'll take it but I like I like a courtyard mayor a Hampton in is nice love I have you get the free coffee is breakfast I just gonna in that's almost every hotel but you know what the happenings got they got those little they got a shape is like their symbol a shape it's a weird yeah it's exactly like Prince hotel for me notice Hampton it's like a hexagon you

know what I'm talking about the Hampton in shall be pulling up he's not here we miss Shelby we love your show too bad he got it's like a shape of the shower curtain has like cutouts in the shape so my wife is showering I can peer right get kind of a what do you call that voyeur shower situation you know what I noticed she never voyors me no there's not a lot of that happening when she's shout I'm in there I could just I'm like oh my god look at the wetness in the soap but I'm never she's never watching me wash my ass being like oh what a hot hunk no no one wants to see that but my gal a voyeur me and I don't like it see

that's nice stuff that means she's attracted to you like oh your lady's attracted she's getting moist downtown I'm sure she's attracted she's I think she's attracted emotionally and physically she'll take it you're tall cup of jizz great head of hair cool frames big feet I gotta I got a regular foot I would say look like a ski from where I'm sitting but angle so you're in the middle of the road you know give me that cup of coffee and I'll jerk one off I did a weird thing when I need I was jerking off kneeling you protest in the cops oh yeah I like he's on and that's it so yeah I just I don't know

what happened I was I was somehow was using my laptop on the bed on my knees okay space in the bed with the laptop on the bed I was on my knees and I just gotta you know you get one of those those urges and I just whipped it out and I just all over the comforter on the side of it I don't know what I was thinking but I like to watch it run down it's a horrifying so jump in the shower go to the st. Louis funny bone great club love it history in the walls you can feel it as characters the patty the waitress he's been there since the 40s and yes Matt's an old drunk and everybody's fun as a guy in a wheelchair taking tickets he's a

cook he's a cook I don't know what he had but he shook my hand of it it was rough yeah it's a way that yes so I go we have a hot show you know we got a couple Tuesdays there some nice people but boy front row retarded guy oh the wheel chair fellow retard in the front row no different guy and this guy I mean this guy had a head like a beach ball with a hat on top of it just a hat like Mr. Met yes it was Mr. Met that's exactly oh my god let's play too oh this guy was at the dugout Ernie Banks yeah that's what he looked like and he was weird because he was facing sideways like he was facing his friend like the movie sideways well

I don't know which way they don't know what's up and what's down I guess but he was looking at his friend so I had just I was delivering delivering right to his ear just the side of his big noggin delivery yes the worst guy now any kind of mess happened here I couldn't get a look in the ear was so small compared to the full dome I'm familiar with that yeah tiny ear and I'm just like alright whatever retard front row I'm not complaining I'll take anybody I don't discrim so but here's the clinker this guy we're already to the clinker well I mean I've given you the goods this guy would clap his bat his balls off every

every joke like I literally I would go like every punchline so that's when the guy took my shoes off they like clapping all right that's gotta be unpleasant to the listener that's what it was like but I'm doing an hour here I got 38 punch lines in the first 10 minutes and it was just clapping I go hey buddy I got getting your clap back in or your clap happy jappy but you get me here and he was like whoo he was terrified I never yelled at his life I was like no I love you I'm glad you're here you got a big head but Jesus cool it with the claps you got Chlamydia yes some penicillin yeah it was so many claps and I he had a

like a handler a Chelsea handler so I was like hey I kept kind of giving him the eye and he was like what do you want me to do man it's guys down so yeah it was just a long seven we had a good time good crowd great crowd they don't get offended they're fun they like comedy they come out it was good but then we get off stage and Sean O'Brien goes hey buddy he killed by the way he's a funny guy very funny and a Tuesday and a hell of a twos he goes I got bad news there fatty it's good we're having a snow blizzard alert oh I guess I didn't need to say snow that's all right could be a blizzard of Oz there you go or Dairy Queen

so he's like yeah we got a snow blizzard coming and it's gonna wipe out the whole city I know this city I've lived here they just shut down like people don't leave the house they bunker in they hunker they order emos yes what is that a depressed sandwich it's the square Pete yeah essentially yeah that square pizza they call pizza it's something it's very divisive out there it's weird it's got the weird cheese on it's a weird cheese it's a whole thing I don't like it all right because I want to sell tickets there but some people hate it yeah yeah they get they get defensive about it oh it's bad very much so he

goes and I go I will be fine you know me I get I don't I'm not scared of cancer so we go back we have a couple pops go back to the hotel we do a Denny's we do a fucking Denny's till 3 a.m. talking comedy out for birds are all though all this shit yuck it up couple pancakes we hate ourselves go back to my jizz crusted comforter pass out wake up there's eight pounds of snow on the flucking on the on the street it's crazy it's like it's a wonderful life out there it's just hailing and snowing and coming down sleets and slurries and flurries so I go oh well this is over and so I hightailed to the YMCA do a

workout boy it's a sad state of affairs over there oh yeah much is a lot of oldies and weird kids and I think I saw the Downsie guy in the waiting pool they're extra naked there I talked about this when I was in Raleigh the YMCA there's no rule it's balls out yeah it's balls to the wall over there and but they give you a free admission yes so that's something that's nice worth the sack mm-hmm I paid 30 bucks to get us into the LA fitness each 15 each per day though per day planet fitness is 20 oh god they rape you and gold jib is 40 but here's what's frustrating you there for four days you're like you won't even

notice us a little slide and at one point the manager came over he's like where are you guys from I was like New York he's like how long in town for like three days he's like great have a great time give us a deal he didn't give us a deal no it's a gym is gonna be here just give us a slippy deal I like to throw out some tickets throw up some tickets yeah but then it's off the hook and then you got a whole situation so yeah do the gym but then I go back to hotel the club calls hey we're canceling everything sorry that's kind of a dream come true in some way well it wasn't back as we showed up and there was like four people in

the audience and Matt goes look what are you gonna have to do to do a show I said I don't know 10 and eight people showed up and one lady was pregnant so we did the show oh fun but what a badass lady I'm on stage you know you can't really do your act so I'm just talking to him I go when's the baby dude she goes tomorrow what yeah I was like why are you crazy irresponsible leave that she was like a hot like pregnant lady is she a Tuesday I don't think so she's like we gotta get out I hate myself and I did the show and I later saw them the same couple up in the sushi joint making out no kidding yeah so there I think that

baby's gonna have a fun life you gotta be careful with that fish though it's got lead the baby's gonna come out like mr. met junior oh yeah geez oh yeah guys life's too short for bad Wi-Fi all right you've ever come home after a long day just want to take a computer into your room and surf the web but you got a weak signal nothing worse that's the worst well you don't have to do that anymore folks no more frustrating experiences our friends at Eero have you covered baby hate to break it to you but the single router modem is out of work baby sticks I love this Eero they sent us some Eero you know you got one

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dot com slash Tuesdays and entered Tuesdays at checkout yes Eero get good Wi-Fi today sing it sister all right all right so yeah get on that Eero and yes the St. Louis was fun we did the second show got cancelled we went back to the Denny's and did it up and it's just a cool thing you know what's great about St. Louis tell me is or this club and this city and all that is we live in New York it's this fucking cultural hub and a busy body metropolis mm-hmm we're sitting at the bar at the St. Louis funnybone and the guy goes I want to go home here you go you guys can keep drinking he threw Sean the keys wow we

just sat at the bar we could drink we can lock it up and then just left wow you don't get that it's like a small town kind of community feel you don't see anymore nice feel they got that Panera bread there also known as St. Louis bread there is started out there but they got a good alumni and say St. Louis used to be a spot yeah it's a good spot they got anhyzer bush I mean you got Red Fox you got Miles Davis you got the other guy John again Nicky wasn't that didn't Chuck Berry spend some time but they got a statue to him out there they do yeah out on that street I think it's Chuck Berry maybe it's southern

boy yeah but I think there's a statue for some reason maybe you played there you moved there not a film to a girl there I don't know Alexa where's Chuck Berry from the the sale as yes sir there we go all right well yeah good good the crop of G's over there and

I was gonna feel real bad if I confused him with another African American no you nailed it baby I mean our Kelly would be the appropriate confused oh yeah but yeah just had a great time and Saturday we did two shows and Tuesdays came we had a fun couple of couple of shows that I had the late show Sarah's a set of my life and yeah flew out the next day way too late had to go straight to the comedy cellar to do a spot wow which kind of feels fun but glad to be back that is a room we've talked about it on here before that is a room the St. Louis funny bone that you can rip oh you can

you can rip in that room I mean I've done some shows I wasn't weekend that was there Valentine's Day a couple years ago so it was all sold out isn't that fun you do a Valentine's Day because you don't worry everything's just sold out I just did that with New Year's they weren't there for me yeah you just that room is like it's low ceiling it's old school I love the low stage they're right on top of you surrounded their feet are on the stage you can really crush that room oh yeah yeah I love that feel that darkness and the smoke in the walls I had a fun talk with Patty literally the 80 year old waitress who's been there

since day one yeah and she's like I saw Seinfeld here in 88 wow he bombed what bombed hard that's a tough room it's hard to kill there yeah and he she said he was she was sitting I hope I'm not ruining her life here but she was sitting at the bar with him and he was like man that was really bad huh she was like yeah I gotta tell you you should probably think about something else really and then the year later got the show wow how about that she's a she's a bruiser yeah well she's uh yeah she's a she's a full-figured gal oh yeah that's just a line from Seinfeld I don't really know what that means or

whatever it means a fat chick but she's she's not fat no she's not she's petite I would say yeah apparently she was quite the Betty in her day well she's got something about her she's very uh she's attractive even still yeah she's got that diner waitress spunk is that what full-figured gal means I wasn't sure full-figured oh I see what you think it meant I don't know I just want to make it clear that I didn't mean that she was fat no well she's never heard of a podcast well erase all this obviously in post how about that woman who got fucked in the nursing home hear about that what yeah some chick is in a coma for like 14 years

like kill Bill yeah they some guy banged her she got pregnant what in the coma gave birth still combing no still birth oh my god it was fine yeah that might be Mr. Meddales from that sounds like that's gonna be a problem child I'll be a coma kid great film Robert the Oscars yep Rob uh no Gilbert Godfrey oh yeah he's in there you had a run Affleck all right now what do you got there in April hit me with the blood like well a lot of stuff happening in Naples nothing crazy but fun how are the shows were they horrific cuz I only know Sam's tails well I gotta tell you the shows are not ideal but here's what I realized I was

all in Sam had me shaking in my nikes here whatever these are Kaepernick and I did this room years ago I did when I was in Marco Island with DiPallo and they put us like a resort and it was like that was when it was like truly in a seafood restaurant it was a little rougher back then now it's a little bit better but it's still a seafood restaurant you're in the middle of a seafood restaurant full round bar kind of in the middle of the thing oh god and it's not so much the setup it's the people it's not a hip area it's one of the richest there's more millionaires per capita or something like that Naples it's very rich it's a little

conservative and I don't mean conservative politically it's conservative politically awesome it's a little more conservative like it's all guys who like sailboats on their shirts they have like weird like bowl haircuts and they kind of look and they have like crosses on their neck what is it I don't know about that a lot of pastel a lot of golfers yes a lot of golfy and I can feel when Sarah comes out it's South Florida I feel like most of the men are like what the fuck is this fucking dame doing up there what is this shit yeah that's cut like in New York a woman comes out and they're like hey all right a lady that's

interesting that's neat something different I'm interested to see this yes but I think a lot of the middle of the country the Midwest the South a lot of places there's still they see a woman coming out and they go what the fuck is this why doesn't she bring me my meal so she's in a hole for sure shoes yeah it's a whole situation so I forgot the whole barefoot thing yeah I don't get that either yeah why why can't the lady put a slipper on yeah anytime you see the footage they have shoes on they have like a small heel buckle like the 50s ladies yeah yeah yeah jump into by the way full makeup and like she's always carrying a

turkey on a tray mm-hmm yes and a little skirt with a frizzles yeah frizzles and she's got a labored on yeah yeah pearls pretty hot by the way I saw Schumer's album is hanging her old album it's like her on her knees the black eye oh cutting yeah that wouldn't fly these days no that's like a whole joke is like women spousal abuse yeah that's like boy this is because some of these things like a tweet you can erase but an album cover you just have to be like ah fuck that's out there that's a good point never thought about that yeah alright anyway so there's a lot of a lot of album cut not saying that one specifically well there's a

Lenny Bruce with these kkk guys on it yeah lynching black guys there's a lot of albums in general that just don't hold album covers yeah the material holds up but the covers you're like oof this is not great the one Cosby with the bedtime next to a girl in bed that one's tough mm-hmm I remember that one that was the B side oh I see anyways yeah we got the energy back ripping and rapping for a minute these these ads they take it right out of the Cosby talk I really put me down I'm trying to read it well we had Sandusky really that perked us up ah well the finger the butt always does um is that what he did might have been more than

the finger I can't get into these cases I just go alright that guy sounds like a piece of shit I don't need the details yeah I got enough of it oh my gals watching the surviving R Kelly and I'm like I can't hear it so horrific yeah I just go alright piece of shit no problem got it piece of shit oh any who but then there's some guys who are called busy who aren't yep anyway so we go to the movies Thursday night I love this so we're down there we get there Wednesday night Thursday I do media and I'm wiped because they do a show but the 7 o'clock show it's over at 8 30 p.m. prime meridian post meridian penis monkey what's what's p.m.

post menopause I think it's prime meridian is that right I don't know Amazon Prime penis Mongloid pepper spray pepper makes pepper mill pepper mill yeah there you go pepper mint patty St. Louis all right sorry we go to it so it's 7 30 7 o'clock show shows over at 8 30 8 30 p.m. Thursday night Thursday night and it was a tough sled I mean Sarah goes up she bombs I go up and I just take it on this I'm getting a couple laughs here next I know a few tricks yeah I go

what are you mad at me what is this Florida I haven't seen a fish and the blah blah blah I do a couple of things where you eat and see food you think what is this you thought this was bingo night folks I get a couple laughs and then we leave we limp it we walk out the back door we're just like carrying each other like forest and Bubba going off to die yeah yeah Lieutenant Dan's gone and oh wait I fucked up I fucked up Thursday was pretty good Thursday was pretty good that's what was fun sorry so that's what happened pretty good or pretty good for this room pretty good for this room okay wasn't

bad like right away because I'm terrified I'm like this is tough and like I'm you know South Florida is like bringing my wife into the barrel of the belly or whatever you say shape like a dick and again it's like I think there's a lot of like old school Southern fellas that are like what is it we already talked about that so I'm like this is gonna be rough so like the first joke gets a laugh my eyebrow pucks up like alright okay goes pretty well light crowd few fans up front a Tuesday right up front gave a couple of uber cards appreciate the generous gift one for you one for me one for Sarah

I love that wow Tuesday great night so we leave it she's like I gotta tell you I think we did better than Sam we worked out better than Sam I went hey easy we got five to go easy big that was one show Sam think it's legendary but everyone's talking about Sam videos about yeah so she's like I think we got a better we got lucky alright better crowd and Sam God and I go alright alright easy big fella yeah this is only the first act yes so it's 8 30 p.m. and I go hey let's go see a flick let's go see a movie it's so early I want to go take advantage because I don't want to go back to the hotel

at 8 45 watching TV you know so we go to the movies I'm like there's so much shit I'm like what can we possibly see Aquaman I'm out and the sequels and the comic book so there's this movie called panic room no no escape room oh that looked bad it looks bad but I go we can see it it looks kind of fun we'll laugh at it we'll giggle no one's gonna be there it's Thursday night put your feet up so I find the convinced her let's go she goes alright fine we'll go I get some Wendy's I eat it in the car it tastes like shit I'm a piece of shit I throw the bag in the back by the way the rental car place we got there

one in the morning because our flight was delayed on Wednesday night they give us a Mustang Ford Mustang the big bright yellow muslin big yellow dick it's got a 500 inch engine or whatever the fuck I've never driven a car like that I'm a car guy that's muscle American muscle which is weird because people are car guys like what do you got under the hood I'm like nothing I got stuff under the trunk yeah the hood I got a suitcase and some beach towels sure so I'm hitting the gab all right look at you oh yeah it was fine I was gripping it and ripping it oh you got pre-check yeah fuck that

yeah so anyways we go to the movies and we're the only two in the whole theater I mean like the only two in there it's like one pimpley 17 year old kid he goes here's your ticket scumbag pea brains sure so we go in there we sit in the back we got leather recliners and then we can lift the arm in between you so we're like snuggling she takes her shoes off I take my shoes off you put your boots on the table we got our feet up we watch the movie and it's like this horrible dialogue it's like oh what now almost like a bullshit but

once you get past it you're kind of like this is pretty fun yeah it's fun that's what it's popcorn bullshit yeah it's kind of actually fun we got into it we were laughing making fun of the dialogue and like this guy's gonna die first this guy's this this is gonna happen we enjoyed the hell out of it pretty fun movie all right well look at you having you hate the Oscar winner you're the biggest movie cut of all time who do escape room particularly your pickle well don't get me wrong this is not gonna win a golden globe or whatever I mean the dialogue's pretty cheese balls but we had some fun we had some laughs and we really enjoyed it all right and we were like this is

better than fucking three billboard we both started laughing like this is better than three billboards legitimately look at that anyway so we watched the movie great night we go home the next show Friday now we go all right it's not so bad Friday bombs away I'm talking Harry Truman Doris Day Red China Johnny Ray I mean Harbour it is a bomb fest I'm talking like one of those ones we are like nothing Nagasaki nothing and Sarah such a trooper does the full 25 that was the other thing we get there and I go well who's the emcee they go no no it's

two person show they go what do I do 45 each or an hour and 30 minutes and I'm like what wow and that meanwhile I'm trying to do like 40 I know this room is rough and I'm like two person show what are you shitting me wait a minute can I get the meal is there a meal oh there's a meal a nice restaurant I'm this is a classy restaurant you're getting some salmon and whatnot salmon French fries and crab legs steak and what's the one chicken wings thing so you're eating your regular shit so there's no one there to emcee so Sarah's just going up cold you know how hard it is to go cold oh yeah especially at seafood

she's going up cold at seafood restaurant Florida and this first one on Friday yikes a room so like everything I said before but I had the order wrong so I take it hot on the seat and we just go oh my god we're in the back like that's more like it that's what I thought we're just crying in each other's shoulders and we go I can't believe we gotta do another one of these second show not bad in fact pretty good and the second show Friday is always the shit stick same thing I'm like just get through it try your best just say fuck a little more if you have to or whatever you're

gonna do just get me get up get me up there and I'll just fucking crash the ship into the rocks we'll get out of here your material is very accessible it's very relatable I can't imagine like I can see me going up there talking about Puerto Ricans for 20 minutes but you're up there talking sex and drinking and wife I mean yeah I mean it's I mean it's not that I'm bombing it's just like you're getting like a big hit is like 40% of the room but some people in their late 80s I mean it's like all people just looking being like what is this and like we're both a little dirty so they're like Sarah goes up

she's talking about blowjobs which is hilarious sure and like the young people are like laughing at the ladies are like yes yes queen but there's like a bunch of like elderly ladies being like you don't talk like that what is this these guys going who is this what is it you got a couple of Nancy Reagan's in there yeah exactly one tit so I do all right then Saturday rolls around and these shows are both pretty rough yeah pretty rough we're getting through it but not great they want Bob Hope I mean what the fuck I think they want like Sebastian Maniscalco would be ideal

some kind of like kind of high energy and like the sex stuff would kill I'd get to the end and do like marriage sex stuff and they'd be like okay and you get the checks the whole thing we get through it then Sunday you're like all right one more show today we can rely you always like that Sunday relaxed we went down to Vanderbilt Beach I go in the water everyone's like oh the water is cold it's January I go wait what's cold I'm from New England I go what's cold like high 60s I'm like what are you kidding me you're a polar bear I swim in the main in July August like 55 degrees

you gotta be shitting me so I'm the only one out there I'm swimming in the Gulf of Mexico I'm feeling spiritual I'm back in the water I got my dick out it's wild like an immigrant coming into the U.S. beautiful I mean beautiful day sun's beaten down Sarah's over the beach is packed by the way no one's in the water there's like it's me and two children who don't I don't think they feel temperature these kids no no well they don't feel a lot of things in Penn State they don't they don't give a shit but anyways I swam in the Gulf of Mexico then we go all right one show seven o'clock will be done at 830 who gives a shit Sunday show

there's a there's a MC this time weird Melek Malik Malik Remy Malik something no Malik's his last name Fusel Fassel Fassel's his name I got an email from him Fassel Fassel goes west yeah I think he's Pakistani Fassel Malik all right and he's a twos gay hey twos he was good in Bohemian Rhapsody so he showed up yeah that's same similar name yes Peru's a bulk so he shows up just to watch the show and they go did you want to do some time these two hate each other for the love of Christ please so he goes

he does 10 and like he immediately comes out and he's like boy very diverse crowd and like they don't like that no they hate that because here's the thing in order for the very diverse crowd to work they have to feel guilty that there's all white people these people are like no we're not diverse and we don't want it to be diverse that joke's not going to hit they're like no no we're rich and white and that's what we want it we want anyone around here that's why we moved here so they're not laughing no no and then you know he does a couple of Trump things and like you know I'm a Muslim and they're like

they're looking at him like we fucking hate you wow I mean I don't know that they hated they just weren't a great crowd it might not have been that but it was like oh boy here we go I bet if he did some I'm a terrorist stuff they'd be like all right now we're cooking they did a couple of those got laughs great jokes by the way really funny guy good joke but it's not it's certainly not killing so you're just like all right good stuff and Sarah and I are looking at each other like this is going to be a rough one just do 20 because we got a host of funny yeah get out of there and this one was the toughest toughest show yet yikes very little I mean we got a couple of Tuesdays back there up how Joe

tricky on a I don't think I need to say his name tricker Rico him and his girl they're laughing back there a couple people over here laughing but a lot of egg timers I'm talking like 70 year old birthday people some blue hair and so everyone that's like young and hip and gets it they're howling laughing interesting so we had a lot of people coming up after me like we got it we thought it was great right I go up there opening joke zilch I'm talking a zero I do some room reffing a couple a couple laughs a tee he a smile back there yeah about

50 straight minutes of like tee he's and haha I mean it really brings you right down but luckily we kind of just went what are you gonna do it's fucking it's off the hook and we had a vacation other than that we was swimming in the ocean we went and played racquetball basketball with the time of our life one of the best trips of my whole life look at that minus bombing four out of the six shows yeah we're pretty good couple questions please do you feel like a bond with your lady because that you guys have been to war together oh of course I mean it's like at some point the relationship

goes out like the wife husband goes out the window you're just two comics being like this is gonna suck we're gonna wear it together and I'm like just just give me everything you can give me and then I'll go up and then I'm like texting her while she's on I'm like you're doing great these guys are assholes fuck these pieces of shit for you so it's fun to kind of be like texting her and a couple of this like I said Thursday and then late Friday we're like good I wouldn't say killer but like good alright that was good and then the rest were like whoo but early early Friday and Sunday we're like that was as tough as a show as I've ever

I think Sarah as well it was the kind of thing we were like what the fuck are we doing yeah but then you go I'm sunburned yeah I was in the Gulf of Mexico who gives a shit about the fucking show it's an hour it's an hour a night or two hours a night you can do it exactly the food was good the staff was great really nice and the staff know are they aware oh yeah sorry this is if you want to go through hell for two hours well you know it's interesting they don't know because they think it's great they think we're funny they kept being like you're hilarious everyone kept coming up like your wife is so funny oh my god you're so lucky and I'm like I'm the luckiest guy in the world but god six yeah you are

but then they would come up after and I was like boy that was a tough one we were really struggling and they're looking at us like what what do you mean right it was great yeah I'm like I think they have a lot of people like snapping and be like this sucks or like that's just what they're used to right they just watch it like I think this is funny yeah like they're looking at me like oh I don't even know what you mean I thought you were great you know okay great in a weird twisty fucked up back of my head part of me wants to go do it and then part of me is like I fuck it well it pays well yeah and you gotta go bring a girl and rent a car that's where like Sam went around because if you don't have a car at that gig it's miserable you have to hamp it in it's a 20 minute ride to the to the club hate it 20 minutes so you gotta get a lift

in an Uber and like I we were going to Chipotle we were going to seafood restaurants we were cruising around we got ice cream we got smoothies there was a cigar place called Vicente of London I suppose to the picture we're under like palm trees smoking a cigar sunset I'm like this is beautiful I got a nice cigar buzz I'm watching football with my feet up outside so that was was that how's your father or what is it my father the judge yes the judge the judge you made it back in one piece and you got a little you got a little complexion you yes and let me take a one last service douche this is all this is that we gotta sign off here but we're at I want to go to I hop yesterday and we do a lot of Chipotle because I got the gift card but Sarah doesn't love Chipotle she doesn't love it doesn't love it oh that's a kick in the dick I didn't know that doesn't mind

it but doesn't love it now I can eat Chipotle nine times a day same same I'm meeting it right now but my gal's the same but she it's okay to her it's like yeah it's a fast food place that's how most people feel but we're getting it for free because we got all these generous gift cards we appreciate it I feel a love I feel a connection with the Chipotle I love it I think it's pretty healthy it's quick and it's fun I like I like chatting and you get to chat to a couple people it's nice yeah burrito warm so we go there a couple times and I go all right we're too much Chipotle and Cheesecake Factory in the other place I go what do you want to eat she goes I want I want eggs and bacon I go why what's gets up where do you want we got whole foods where do you want to go she's like I want to go to I hop let's go to I hop wow look at her I go great

let's go to I hop so we go to I hop I get a boiga and I go can I get just beef cheese and bun and some french fries please classic waitress comes back over drops off the plates and goes just cheese is that I eat you sandwiches to bread and cheese whoa turns to Sarah goes I next boyfriend the eight like that too walks away oh that is one of the rudest things I've ever had happened to me I hate it she thinks she's being chummy maybe but there was no smile or giggle it was just kind of do she also I'm like a sandwich a grilled cheese is one thing but just bread and cheese is not comparable to a cheese burger right like beef cheese bun cheese burger that's a standard burger yes the other stuff is extra that's a deluxe technically yes tomato a lettuce exactly I'm like this is not an abnormal this is like if you say a cheese

burger this is what comes on it I don't care for this horror yeah it's not just bread and cheese like I'm like I'm a fucking whatever a huge I don't like this whole thing that's a older lady thing where they feel like they got a bond with the other vagina in the room you know they go how about these fucking men with their testicles and their chest air and their fucking sports pieces of shit I like those things talk to me I'll talk to all of them talk to all of us we're all here it's also weird to be like I had an ex boyfriend like that and I'm like so like I'm like a douche or I'm gonna be an ex boyfriend or something also it's like my wife doesn't give a shit what I order it's not putting her out nor should she yeah it's like I had an ex boyfriend like this I'm like Sarah's like I don't care what the fucking orders I see why he left

yeah it's very weird and I'm like I think it might be that you're an I hop waitress who's mean that might be yes not a good resume so far also a bit of a heavyweight if you ask me a full-figured gal there you go I figured I mean I don't think she's a patty you know what I mean well let me just say St. Louis me and Greg Warren picked me up one day the best we went to into the city went to the Grove and St. Louis St. Louis got some cool spots real meal there we get the white fish oh to a Greek place and it was one of those Greek places where all the waitresses were hot we went there to me there as well he's got two spots apparently yeah he's a creature of habit yeah great guy funny guy we we laughed and laughed over a nice filet-o-fish past guest that's right yeah back in the early days great guy and he's doing well in that sound

exchange he's squeaky clean oh yeah he doesn't say heck so so funny great guy one of the best guys in the world great great beautiful eyes to yes good looking guy and an all-American wrestler and took us out to dinner when we got engaged just a sweet sweet man yeah so I came we drove me back to the hotel and these two local chums want to do a pod and I say hey I'll do you bring me some some Chipotle so they brought Chipotle so I doubled up I was a real fatty ate in the room oh I thought there was more no no we had a great we had a great it's called shooting the dog shit shooting the dog something like that what's the shoot dog shit maybe it's fun to shoot I like shooting the shit but but do you talk dogs now it's DAWG I think there it's a fun joke oh is it urban what's up dog now a couple of honkies but yeah so shout out to them and check out that

up we had a good we had a lot of laughs and thanks for the Chipotle it'll probably be on the laughable app that's right laughable all goes on laughable yes I hope you're listening buddy laughable yes liquid money liquid money liquid courage liquid train oh I had some liquid shits out there I had a wild shit oh I gotta tell you this real quick and then I gotta sign that we gotta get out of here but I had I was getting smooth go to Whole Foods getting big smoothies start my day with a big smoothie of a smoothie then I was having these big cigars you get that nicotine going plus the Chipotle and then a swim that's the devil's stew that is that's a hell of a bakery of an assortment yes for me if I need to shit I need an ocean swim some burrito with queso oh god a lot of green smoothie and some nicotine and a green tea some caffeine

nicotine and just oatmeal and I'll just drop a ball I mean I took a shit I needed a team to clean my ass wow nicotine please a nicotine to clean my ass but then I like to occasionally get weird I sent Ari and Bobby Kelly a picture of my shit because it was a wild one a real dump ado sure and then Bobby says that looks like a guy and then Ari's like what are you talking about what kind of imagination you had this doesn't look like a guy so then I went on to the art section of my phone I gotta show it I'll put it on the patreon yes I'm gonna put it on the page if you have a weak stomach don't go to the patreon but I may I flipped it and I put a little hat in a skirt on its little trans whatever the right word is shit trans shit trans yeah that's the car I drove in high school

what do you go I'm lost in trans shit lost in trans shit I like lost in translation my favorite film Sophia Coppola and he jizz you gotta check it out I mean go on the patreon see a picture of my shit with a hat on it and it was a lot of fun and great weekend this weekend two days from now three days two days from now I'm in Chicago Zainis get tickets to the Thursday or late Friday show I hit bonuses on those ones you'll hit you'll hit it was a snow on Thursday hope I can get out there now shit Sally with me first time at in Chicago are you gonna love it man we're gonna go to this hurt first time I've been there many times I'm going to love yeah okay love it so we'll be there three shows Saturday to Friday one Thursday and then next week comedy on state in Madison you know

how we feel about that one and then the week after that Royal Oak Michigan and tell everybody tweet it out I get so many people that don't even know where it's coming to town just gotta fucking Instagram hey let me know when you're coming to Chicago I was like I was just there three weeks so you're cock sucking you brutal so Royal Oaks coming up's Appleton I'm not Appleton Madison yeah and get on the Patriot this is the year for Patriot we got the live January 29th we got Sal Volcano and other guests coming kicking in the pants high gear folks we're going hard on the Patriot we're gonna do a video a video of the whole show oh show video that's worth 50 bucks alone there's a picture of my dump with a hat on in there can't beat that we got a hot bonus

we got queues up the ass yeah get on the Patriot it's three bucks three bucks can't beat it this weekend I'm gonna be in Miami well first of being Key West but I don't know what's traveling out there I come people you'd be surprised yes sir we'll come to Key West Thursday Friday me and Tom Dustin will be cutting it up and then Miami I'm at the Magic City Casino this Saturday the 19th of January and then I'll be speaking to casinos I'll be in Mohican Sun oh we can have to we can have to add a comic so please for the love of Christ come to that because that's a bit of a Captain Brian vibe over there there's an off the hookish yeah I mean it's working you're working we got Doug Key we got Fat Crissel so that'll be fun then Royal Oak I'm gonna try to do this off off memory Cleveland

Hilarities Royal Oak Michigan oh shit my French fries what else so hang on hang on yeah go to the website all right fuck it I was telling them to go to the website oh yeah Mark Norman comedy dot com check it out Cleveland good nights in Raleigh that's a fun one Syracuse my arch nemesis that's at the funny bone Philadelphia helium my favorite club of all time and one of my favorite cities Royal Oak we're doing Vegas and doing some Ohio sound something music festival opening for dice oh wow that'll be weird then I'm a comedy club on stage laughing skull Atlanta a lot of fun stuff roar I hear that's a kick in the pants and then the sonic temple that's what it's called in Columbus Ohio so get those tickets mark Norman comedy dot com get on the patreon hit us up on Twitter Instagram yell at Chipotle

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