Tuesdays with Stories! - #282 Sun Shine Shoe

Episode Date: January 29, 2019

Mark & Joe are back with another hot Tuesdays as Mark sees some rude Scots at a show in Brooklyn before watching some fights at Mohegan Sun and Joe gets made fun of by teens while trying to relax in a sauna. Check it out! Sponsored by: Casper - Get $50 towards select mattresses by visiting Casper.com/Tuesdays and use Tuesdays at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Subscribe to our Patreon to hear the new live ep with Bert Kreischer and Nick Vatterott! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/ Download the Laughable app today! laughable.com/download

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe less Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy hello hello baby hello I haven't seen your face for a while yeah

Elton John oh really you know he's gay I've heard he's a big big gay man who isn't funny that one point he wasn't out I mean come on the guy's got a high heels on and and and a sleeveless hoodie hoodie or sleeveless hoodie were a duck costume they wore a duck they had big glasses and a fur and a fur sleeveless fur that's what I was looking for sleeveless fur okay sleeveless hoodie I mean sleeveless fur is a horrible tree sleeveless

anyone ever sleeveless hoodie I don't know if I've ever seen such a thing you could start something with this you know he's got a sleeveless hoodie those karate kid enemies oh they always had some sleeveless the Cobra Kai that's the one they did the Nazis they had sleeveless hoodies oh yeah all those kids with the train it was an 80s thing I'd like to check that out I can't imagine what we need Shelby back we gotta figure something out we gotta get a chair and a thing chair a chair for Shelby oh he can sit on a phone book a third chair well it's like it's gonna be wacky do everywhere you can't sit on a phone book

he's a good kid knees are up over your head he's sitting on a stump he looks like a kid you'd see on a stump a stumpy kid well we love you Shelby and Shelby's doing a great work I mean Freed was really blowing Shelby the other night yeah I was like how was Shelby on your pot he did a whole episode he's like he's great the fans love him millions of tweets I was like geez Shelby who knew yeah we gotta plug him in buddy I feel like I get a bag I got a vibe he hates me I think he hates me well he doesn't give no so you can't bounce he's a tennis ball in a curtain uh-huh but we love the guy I've heard

that analogy you're gonna all kinds of pearls today what pearls I had sleeveless hoodie hoodie no sleeve tennis ball into a curtain I mean it's like I'm dating Shakespeare over here wow I didn't know we were dating dating Ohio I love that town really oh I love date well the Oregon district that's lovely area yeah the rest is so so but I love that barbecue we've talked about it Dayton's alright I like Columbus who's the comic obviously Columbus is better than Dayton I'm not I'm not saying it's number one but you know the comic we talked about this before probably emo Phillips yes that's his favorite city

and his honeymoon was in Dayton that's cookie I gotta assume they're divorced now yeah the wife must hate him I can't imagine what they did all day I guess barbecue and that's it show yeah yeah maybe uh the funny bone now what was there the club that was there I did all this is the funny bone but in Dayton downtown was the old old claw used to do it every year with canner jukebox now that's Peoria Wiley's oh yeah Wiley's right Wiley Coyote great time while E Coyote what's his middle name they ever say Edward Edward Eric erection call in if you know elongated penis I gotta shake that all I want eight cups of coffee I

did a gym and Sam I hit the gym and then I did a conference call now I'm here I'm wacky-dacky yeah you see him off but you're dressed you got a sweater on and a new pair of jeans and your mother's panties just got out of the shower and I'm trying to try to shake shake it off baby Taylor Swift tried rattling and rolling up topsy-turvy I got a couple things I want to tell you I've done some new thing trying some new things out please one for the first time in my entire life I have two pairs of shoes I bought two sneakers I gotta wear the new balance 1088's I got the fucked up planner fasciitis sure I bought a pair

of pinkish red ones which I'm not sure that's gonna go over at the cellar yeah they look real they like they read they turned to pink oh you thinking I like them I think they look cool like a bad cycle no it looks cool it looks like the what do you call it remember those old sweatshirts you'd blow on them and they would turn oh airbrush or no no hyper color yes they're like hyper colors dark red and Sarah's like I don't think you should get those she's like you got to be too nervous you'll never wear him you look scared yeah I'm a bold sneaker guy I got all these aren't bold these are not the bold these are the ones she

liked so you got a conservative and a liberal I got a conservative and a liberal I got a I got a gay and a straight I got a black and a white a pink and a blue and yeah a black and a pink really gonna color and a whitey yeah colored and non-color but they're both colored so this is black black and white and gray a little gray yeah a little mixed but I've never had two pairs of shoes before I go with one as well I've always had one I have 38 shoes in my house but I never touch them aha I've always just worn one like I literally have one set of shoes so Sarah's like you go through shoes in five months she's like

I don't understand you but I'm like but you have 27 shoes yeah so if I have shoes for five months I've worn them 31 days times five month that's 150 days or something like that something like that you but you blow them out then you get a new one I blow them out gotta get a new shoe because they're all dirty and I'm on stage wearing a dirty shoe but now for the first time in my life I got two pairs of shoes there you go I think it could be something so that'll get you through a year I'm hoping let me let me throw this out there too yesterday I put an Insta story Sarah had similar shoes on I took a picture of my left

foot and her right foot and wrote I accidentally wore two different shoes I thought it was a funny bit yeah my foot is way bigger than hers okay nobody got the bit I saw people kept writing that to me and being like oh man I've done that are you fucking goof and that's embarrassing don't worry they look kind of similar yeah and I was like what the hell's going on now I don't want to I don't want to misrepresent I don't want people to think yes I'm a careless idiot that wears two different shoes I see I saw what's tiny my foot's big the photo didn't read I saw it there fatty it didn't I just said I look they look the

same and I moved on no reeds a bad read you dwayne read but she's got a tiny hoof I guess if she had a heel on it would be but with the perspective and the depth of field and the aperture you couldn't tell how small it was Judd aperture yes oh he hates Louis anyway well digress yeah but I mean these are smooth I like these are slick slick kicks slick and smooth but where do you see these pinkies I think you're gonna like it I can't I'm gonna put a towel down but Sarah said looks like the Sun is shining on them at all times I don't want to shine Sun a sunshine shoe I like a Sun sign it's a two-tone sunshine shoe see

what I'm rocking here this is a new balance standard sneaker but it's leather oh really so it's kind of it's teetering on not casual and casual it looks matted mad at a yeah matted black that's like the new thing when you see the car where there's no shine I'm mad at like John matted yeah that looks like it could be that's a good shit looks like it could be in the African-American community that would appeal yeah I think I think something it's urban what I think so black well the white soul well that's that's what the urban is I guess so black is Keith urban I don't know cuz well I just found this out speaking of

urban our friend Chris Allen yes I posted a picture where I had Nike socks and new balance shoes and he's like I can tell you have no black friends this is appalling oh interesting so I was like well I don't have any black friends but that has nothing to do with my yeah Nike sock including him technically isn't that racist what's that saying I can tell your your black friend list by your shoe would that be racist against whites or blacks I assume blacks well I think blacks they don't like I can't say blacks we're generalizing he's basically generalizing he's black so he can do whatever the hell he wants I guess right

except for comedy well yeah I do have black friends by the way sure Chris the other guy yeah one of them died hey how about for Kevin Barnett by the way right in the balls one of our buddies killer comic great guy never had a bad word about him funny as hell good egg sweet sweet kid I hadn't seen him in quite a while I stopped drinking that was a lot of our relationship was drinking and then he moved to LA so yeah yeah he was on everything that guy wrote on a fucking little roll little roll what was that other one he had his own show on true TV with the Lucas brothers and yeah what was that called the people man the

people people power to the people people OPP people magazine and something like that of the people by the people something for the people was it for the people for the people by the people Lincoln huh anyways well he was a great guy but I did that podcast a lot the round table gentlemen that several times we used to drink together good times but fucking kicked off in Mexico yeah brutal man missed he was a good egg they had a big tribute show for the guy I heard about that yeah yeah sweet kid sorry kept 32 32 I didn't realize how young he was even when we were hanging cuz I was thinking about it Sarah brought

it up I'm like we were hanging a bunch back in like 2009 2010 maybe 11 a little bit into 11 you're like oh he was like 22 wow yeah I don't like let's say like 2010 was nine years ago so he would have been like 23 years old whoa it's so weird you just think of everyone is like a doll I'm like oh we're like kids we were kids jumping those fucking photos just you're circulating we're crazy we look like babies yeah maybe go through all those old photos check out the Instagram and you get a motion that makes you happy to be grateful to be alive we all went to the cellar that night a bunch of people not I said we all a

bunch of people were at the cellar it was like Jim twos Louis Katz Che Becky Wolf myself Stone DeVito and Nate Fredson a lot of people over there and then they had a big group but everyone was just hanging you know and like we weren't talking about him too much you're it too much just a lot of like telling stories and laughing yeah and then as I was leaving you know you get emotional because you're thinking about death and then all that stuff and I was like I love you guys and everyone was like yeah buddy and then I was like no no seriously I fucking love you guys and like everyone got like started to get

like emotional and weird like oh I gotta go I gotta cry I had to like jog out of there it's too much but thanks your main way I remember what was Donnelly was there and I was just like you have that thing but you get it's fun to see like the aliveness in everybody we're all telling stories and laughing and I went to the bathroom down so you're gonna walk through the club to get to the restroom down there and Soder was on stage you know we just found out this guy died and Soder called me and he was upset and everyone was upset and I stopped let me stop and watch a little so there you go he's a buddy because I'm

like what if Soder died that guy could kick off his head's too big you drink a lot you know I mean oh he's on yes what if he passes away and then the last time I saw him I'm like oh yeah we fucking all this time I walked through I was taking a shit I wanted to go back upstairs to eat mac and cheese I need to listen so I stopped I stood in the doorway and he's got some killer no so there's a monster killer new I mean like I was howling he had this whole but I don't want to give away his bits because he might be premiering some of them someplace so who knows so I'm watching I'm laughing and he's laughing we catch

each other's eyes and like we both everybody's thinking about it everyone's thinking about their friend just died we're all gonna die and he's killing and I'm like laughing at the bit I just stood there and smiled and I was like we're really doing it we're all doing it he's laughing I'm laughing I'm laughing we're all at the cellar we all came up together I think about those Creek days would all be hanging out the Dean's List Mike and all that shit oh yeah so many it's so many hours together so many years it's 10 years 12 years it's insane and it was it's it's easier to look back now because back then you were like I

might not make it I'm gonna I'm dying here my electricity is off a piece of shit no money I'm eating dollar pizza it was a you were surfed on a wave it was a wild ride you didn't know how it was gonna end but it was scary it was hard to fully enjoy it because you're like I this is fun I know we're having fun but like I'm an alcoholic I can't stop drinking I have no money my act sucks I haven't written a joke since the 90s yeah my parents don't know what I'm doing I gotta go to family reunion and explain this shit I have eight roommates I'm cold I'm gay it was different the whole thing but now looking back now that we

have a little bit of dough I mean not we're not killing it here but I got a savings account I got you know so you're sitting there you going wow we really did it we came out and then so many people are in LA yeah right shows you people over there a lot of people quit thankfully people find their own route he's a writer now he's on cruise ships he went you know to Mexico or whatever it is everybody's got their path and then you realize it was now some of us are dead that's what I'm saying and and then you we're gonna die and so I watched so it I went upstairs and it was just a great hang and good for you I didn't want

to leave and then I was like I seriously I love you guy and everyone was texting I love you it was like this now I love you I love you you're great good for you we gotta do that cuz we have the coolest friends we got the funniest friends all our friends are charming and silly and funny and live in life we took a huge risk doing comedy was a huge risk and it worked out for some and we're all together in this living it's a beautiful thing we're living the life some consider a myth themselves street to 1 2 5th yes good old Tracy Chapman when we used to tease me but they give it to me now nice and easy there we go anyways

that was special that was the night Michelle and I did our benefit at the village underground for the environment raised a couple couple grand for the nature conservancy so we're doing our part yes Greg Stone was on he was great Mike Yard Sal Volcano was on who's at the live pod tonight the village underground and who else was on there great great show Anthony DeVito boy he is a barrel of laughs he's a killer good we got great people in our lab we got a good group we got a good hang and we're very lucky living in New York to sit at the cellar with all these beautiful people beautiful people all Carmen

Lynch was on the show she's hilarious he's very fun I'm a fan great joke she's like my boyfriend's 50 she's like that's so old he's almost a hundred that was hilarious something anyways so you know our IP Kevin well miss you fatty good egg by the way one time this is a fun gay story with Sarah nice we would you know we were hanging out with Barnett back then we started dating Sarah and I not Barnett and I not my type that to black I would kiss her something I'd kiss her a bunch on the face like little kisses you know yeah and I would say these are these are kissing bugs like little bugs kb's Kevin Barnett's and they're just

caught on we would just say Kevin Barnett's all the time she's like give me some Kevin Barnett's so the one time I told him I was like we have this thing we do and he was like what I thought it was like one of those things as you're telling somebody the guys like what is it what are you talking about Kevin Barnett's I was like well is kissing bugs kb's your initial so now we say your name all the time in the bedroom and he was just like I don't know what to tell you that's how he way kept it real that guy yeah yeah like what is what are we talking about here is that great caption of a Dan Saint Germain wrote on

Facebook hey I'm doing Conan tomorrow very excited and then Kevin Barnett commented first and goes but will that help you at all yeah or that change anything he always do out of zing good thing he loved tits and ass funny guy and bird Luger and he's dead crazy crazy anyways let's lighten the loafer here it is great last thing I'll say but there's no we have a photo of Kevin Barnett or whatever there's a photo of all of us at Carolines and it's weird to think that like if you look at that photo 10 years ago and you go one of you will die in 10 years I would have never thought it would be him with that point

I would have thought it would be me or Soder yeah but you know me I could go but yeah it's just weird that like the odds when you look at a photo of 10 people the odds of one of you dying is pretty good yeah and three of them are gay and yeah one's gonna lose their dick in a helicopter accident wow it's one way to lose it how do you do it it goes to the propel I imagine but maybe not I don't know maybe the door he never know I'm not really sure what I was going for with that one helicopter door is usually open a lot of times I wouldn't say usually maybe military mill it to the nom days yeah I think the non-military choppers

they usually seal that thing up yeah but you think who would need a door close more than a helicopter well I think they need the gun out there the gun the UPS guy leaves it open but he's not he's getting in and out he's away from the ground but a helicopter that thing was always open helicopters are scary because if you lose one of the propellers that's it that's it baby like an airplane you can go a long way with one jet engine oh is that right and then even if to you can make an emergency landing coast you get the wind beneath my wings yes but a helicopter one of those things go that's it falls right out there's no like float

down no you lose the prop and he sank like a stone it's you're dead we got we gotta lighten it up here what are we doing here here we go I'll speak I'll lighten it up I was just in just in a gig last night Wow Brooklyn way out in Brooklyn like what do you call it Park slope this guy's like I'll uber you there I'll uber you back I'll give you cash I kept putting the show off I was like fucking I'll do it I get out there I hope this guy never hears it it's this skinny skinny bar like a shotgun bar you know just one room just skinny and there's one bar going down the middle and everybody sits around it and I walk in

I was like well this is gonna be rough where's the guy gonna stand where's the comic and the comic just stands at the bar like the bar is a foot away and you just deliver jokes to the bar patrons brutal I'm like god damn so it the guys these Israelis like get whatever you want food drink it whatever we were happy to have you I was like all right when do I go and he's like you go on in about three hours so everybody's going up there's a Scottish group there's like eight Scots up front heckling like beyond heckling like not even fun stuff just like you suck this is bad why are we here all that shit so everybody's

dying philosophical yeah very profound so then Wally Collins goes up who's a goddamn pro love Wally he's been hanging at the cellar I've had like three hangs of them recently great guy great guy great had a hair just a just been around the scene for I don't know 500 years started in Boston by the way yeah bean towner yep is he from there I don't think we're at the school there all right he seems kind of Connecticut II or something yeah he seems very cool he seems posh posh just nice and well and he's always like hello nice yes yes so he goes up and the Scotsmen finally have had enough and

they're like we're getting out of here so they leave and they he starts fucking over them as they leave because he's just trying to not bomb yeah and they get his face and they're like geez and he goes oh you got any black people in Scotland these are big William Wallace seven footers and they go no we don't and it's not a problem and he goes oh boy and then he goes all right well just saying you know maybe I'll come out there maybe I'll be the one black guy and he's just trying to make light of it and one guy gets right in his face and goes can you dance laddie oh my god yeah he's like Biff Tannen and he's doing well

he's like I'm a black guy of course I can dance he's trying to make it light oh my god eventually the the host gets up there and he's or the the booker was like get out of here guys come on here we go but they were about to stop they were about to river dance on them well Israel will fuck Scotland up I don't know but there's eight of them I know they might have access and shit but Israel is not to be trifled with no no they got bombs and the omics but yeah it's not bad for if a Jewish guy's not doing well Jewish comic a bomb again yeah so finally they left and then I went up and you need these gigs because we used to do these

left and right because we had no credits or no club access or I didn't so I used to do these gigs all the time and there's three minutes of like this is hell you get the flop sweat your dick goes inside you but you get you get to you get the dust shake it off and you start shucking and jiving but the Scots were gone at this point gone so that's easy Wally saved the show yeah because a couple of people had some rough ones up top but it once those Scots left it was better than Wally kicked it open and I got to reap the benefits by going last but man you I left there had the back sweat you know your every second you're

like you lose them you get them something happens somebody drops a drink that's fucked now that jokes over you really got to get on your toes yeah it's it's work I don't I don't envy you on that one I'm gonna fart in the microphone hey I like it I was a cutie I think I might have missed fire though I hope it showed up we don't have cans will you hit the the mic on the couch I think it's skimmed over the mic but I think it probably picked up these things are pretty pretty good pretty good to zoom it smells real bad what do you got there chipotle chipotle with M&M's and yeah it smells like a what do you call it trail

mix last last night Sarah and I ate at Emilio and below Emilio and who they got a sitcom for the 90s Emilio and Belladies Emilio and Belladies Emilio and Belladies you know this place now I know emerald and I know Belladies I did a emerald and Belladies we wrote a buck and bam I don't know wait is there a bike in Belladies I think it's a pully sissy you lay down you pull some ropes and your your taint opens up or your your labia flaps I don't know but can I kill the heat I'm fucking oh kill the heat I put it on for you oh my god I'm fucking dying over that little thing packs a bunch what are you doing well I also got a new hoodie I'm wearing thermals

and my father's gay so it's a lot of a lot of heat yeah that'll heat you up gay dad a lot of friction all right so anyways I went to Emilio and uh Belladies and uh Sal Volcano also another Guinea yeah he recommended he got to go to this place we said all right Sarah and I went we had a big big date day yesterday wait is it high end it's high end because this is restaurant week it's next to Milano's on spring on uh Houston the bar the bar is Milano's dive bar next door I've never seen that I've walked by Milano's all the time it's uh it's a hot place get a little awning it's it's uh what do you call it unpretentious quiet what do you call that when you're unassuming uh greasy spoon you don't even notice it it's

inconspicuous it's an inconspicuous spot but it's a big celebrity haunt yes Obama's eating there David Bowie was a regular there and you know Denzel Washington and yeah a lot a lot of who's walking in there a lot of who's who's owls um so we went in there hell of a meal but it's one of these 36 bucks for a plate of spaghetti and a meatball yeah but what do you we don't drink so we said hey it's 80 bucks is I always think that with not drinking we go to eat against spaghetti and meatball she gets some sort of beef pork with bananas or whatever the fuck it was and the meal's 88 bucks and we're like well that's an expensive meal but I'm like if we just went we wouldn't even go out we just went for drinks at a bar yeah what's been 80 bucks easy

oh yeah you're saving a ton of dough not boozing that's like four drinks each is like 80 bucks in this town yeah but anyways nice night we went and saw the destroyer with Nicole Kibbut which stunk I thought it stunk and then the ending I don't want to give too much away but the ending is so long and just drawn out that I started laughing and then there was a woman next to me she looked she started laughing with me she's like this is terrible right and I was like it is oh that's nice and then Sarah leaned in and I was like we're laughing about how terrible she's like it is terrible we had like it was I've never bonded over how bad a movie was with a stranger next to me yeah ironically the movie is destroying yeah it destroyed our night but uh yeah but anyways I

don't even know where to start I've never heard of this movie oh she got nominated for Golden Globe because she looks ugly and old in it that's big these days that's what they want they go retarded they go ugly they go old they go racist and they go a serial killer by the way she she gives a guy a handjob which she also does in killing of a sacred deer two of her last three movies she's giving out handjobs wow so she must be good I wonder if she auditioned hey let's uh let's talk about Casper shall we I love I have a Casper I love this thing I've had it for years best matches have ever owned my parents have slept on it I've slept on it with them it's a great thing just the right sink just the right amount of bounce it comes in a box you pop it open you don't even need a bed bed uh what

do you call that not bed pan box spring no box spring needed shopping on casper.com is easy I compared mattresses and could shop for pillows and blankets too all the reviews say Casper is a game changer oh yeah and right now you can get $50 towards select mattresses by visiting casper.com slash Tuesdays and use the promo code Tuesdays at checkout that's Tuesdays plural this is really this is only applicable to select mattress purchases terms and conditions apply and you can be sure of your purchase with Casper's 100 night risk-free sleep on it trial if you don't like it send it back plus free shipping and returns in the U.S. and Canada you can't lose so get your Casper mattress today get $50 towards select mattresses at casper.com slash Tuesdays

and use the promo codes Tuesdays at checkout sleep tight now you have one I have one I love it I highly recommend it it's the best thing I ever had the lady loves it she's a fan so it turns her on and it just feels right and it's got a temperature thing it's great that's it's smooth it's bouncy but it's also firm best matches I ever owned get one today yes sir now I just got back from Madison whiskey you were out where you were hegan oh yeah Connecticut unkenville I think there's another S in there unkins on kins I don't know how you say it I don't either no one does the Indians do no I don't know if they know anything other than how to collect the money I bet that like is uh they're making money at the casino

Native Americans are they making money how does that work I think they make billions of dollars what do you mean how's it work so we just build a casino we go take the money I think they build it on their land they own the land it's uh reparations I believe ah the rep they get the things and uh it's their land and they get they kind of get the casino thing but you know they got fucked pretty hard so we just give them all the money and do we do they live in there probably they live in like high rise the people that own the casino this is the the casino owners most Native Americans are doing poorly I believe I heard that yeah I think they're uh they got some problems there's a lot of gambling ironically and uh alcohol in fact most people are doing pretty

poorly in this country yeah yeah there's a lot of coal miners and fatties yeah a lot of a lot of bad shit happening here and a lot of these people who are doing bad are at the casino yes there's a lot of rascals a lot of a lot of stroke canes and a lot of cigarettes yes little rascals good movie uh um disagree all right so should I go I mean I don't know where to go here we're all over the map here all right well I had a crazy I don't have a crazy weekend I had a great weekend that's whatever weekend nothing crazy I got a couple I got some things though I got some shit first of all LaGuardia airport you know I'm there every week it's in my neighborhood I live 10 minutes I could walk there if I wanted to hop a barbed wire fence sure I'm right there I'm up

its ass but uh every time I go you go to the terminal C breakfast area this is the best place to steal I steal there every week oh you steal I've been I've been talked about this I steal because you gotta steal from the airport you gotta do it and they set it up so you can because it's self check out and they check right make sure you have a receipt right but they don't uh the remote's turning on the television okay well I got nervous if something porn was gonna pop up I wish um but I walk in there and you go over there you have to have the if you have a receipt you're just gonna pay for some of the items and the rest you just take right so which is pretty good because they they upcharge you up the asshole over there yeah I don't even buy the item I just get

out of there well they have little ladies looking sure so you gotta at least fake it you gotta go over there at the place I'm talking about anyways yeah they have like a burger joint and a smoothie joint and they have like the trays of hot food yes I know it now okay by the way we started a revolution I get all these tweets look what I stole it's like an rx bar a cliff bar in a tampon well you gotta stick it up there because they're fucking us so I usually roll up a time magazine put that under my arm I'll take an apple juice put that in my backpack yeah you gotta I pay for a couple items any who hopefully this isn't evidence I don't know what the statute of limitations is well it's gone now it's all all the proof is gone isn't there no this is the proof we're admitting it

proof is in the pudding I believe you can deny this which I didn't pay for um anyways look at cameras I guess but every time I go there they're out of ketchup three weeks in a row one two three weeks I go over the ketchup pump yes it just pumps shit I go because it's a ketchup shut down yes it stinks they need to catch up on uh sleep they're not cutting the mustard no they're not so I go over there and then last week two weeks ago I go hey you're out of ketchup is there more ketchup and she's like they always point to the tub yes I'm like you're an idiot I know about the tub uh-huh tub is empty hate the tub area Tubman I'm a shower man so I go there's no tub here and they go all right I go so is there no other ketchup there's gotta be ketchup in the building

somewhere gotta be and I'm like I just paid 75 dollars for eggs and breakfast potato I'm not gonna eat without ketchup we call it Irish marin air in my house I like that or uh white trash salsa I never heard that one I just put it together well it was hurtful all right so anyways I go the last you guys I had to talk to the manager she goes to the other side of the building the whole thing she comes back I go do you have ketchup packets oh yeah packets and then she points the one woman's pointing underneath the cabinet and then none of them speak English and I don't want to sound like a fucking right wing alt white son of a bitch sure but if you're gonna be in the service industry how about you should be able to speak English if you can't speak English I'm all four

people not speaking English doing guarding work I were painting I agree with it but I'm like you're John you're in the service industry yes serve me so I'm like I catch I'm like I think it's under the cabinet I think I was under there because the other lady's pointing under there yeah and she's like well under there no no no and I was like can you just open it because I think if you open it you'll see some ketchup under there locked or are you just no lock you don't want to be the guy to open well eventually I got to the point I open it and point there's a huge box it just says ketchup all over it it's a giant it look like an ACME fucking Bugs Bunny box full of ketchup TNT jackpot I could have dove in there like Scrooge McDuck yes so that was two weeks ago Elton John so last week

this past week I show up again same thing eggs potato you know I'm a man of routine yeah you once again the pump sprays nothing pump don't work as the vandals took the handles yes I said pardon me there's no ketchup she's like no more no more no ketchup I go what about underneath I think I think there might be some underneath she's like no no no underneath and I go I think there is so I open it again once again giant box of ketchup look at that I go this is where the ketchup is yes why are you out by the way it's 9 a.m. I'm like what time do you run out of ketchup in this house right anyways I got the ketchup it was fine the flight got delayed five times we saw Lewis Black at the airport hey that's a fun catch how's he doing I don't know him that well

he just walked by and I said hey look there's Lewis Black is he looking a little rough he's a little worse for wear or whatever sheveled yeah not good I mean the last time I saw him was on comedians and cars and the guy is horrifying to watch eat it's pretty appalling well I think he's an older guy likes to booze you know put some eggs in your mouth and close it I'm taking easy there blackie you got ketchup on it yeah well anyway so we saw him and then the whole time I'm looking because we have a delay so I'm like we're looking for comedians I'm like I always see comedians there's definitely comedians here so we're on the hunt finally after three hours of delays our flight to Madison is taking off we're walking up to the to board yeah I feel this presence on me

like a guy like touching me and rubbing me and I'm already I'm already hot because the ketchup incident yes I'm on no sleep and I'm like I'm gonna fucking punch this fucking person I turn it's Greg Stone look at that he was he was rubbing on you he's heading to now he was doing a gag he's but I'm like you gotta be careful I'm like I almost fucking socked you on yeah you know I was hit him with a ketchup packet sure and he was going to Mayo Clinic he was going to Nashville with DeVito to open for Wolf yes so they were there they had been delayed a bunch he saw me as we were getting on I was like I love you I hugged him we'd grabbed each other's balls and I was like I gotta get on the plane we get on the plane upgraded the first class flew to Madison

on Thursday the high was two God that's a low high two damn that's a high that's everything goes according to plan all things considered best case scenario two that's chilly very chilly the next day negative seven yeah yeah you're praying for a two now yes I'd kill for a two by the way we flew home yesterday it's 45 degrees it's 50 degrees warmer yeah and then Sarah's like do I need to bring my coat and I was like yeah yeah you need your coat come on I'm like I know it's all perspective what am I your dad it's 50 degrees warmer but I'm like it's 45 degrees 45 it's nothing 45 is cold though yeah you need a winter coat and 45 you need a coat you need a coat for sure a negative seven but still that's what she thought she's like is this coat whether you get so fucked

up perspective right right 45 you'll die out here no coat sure especially that that breeze hits you and these these women they got thin little women's skin I think they got bird bones and it gets colder they're very chilly although muscle somebody in Madison a woman an old haggard woman in the steam room with the what do you call it sauna sauna she a co-ed co-ed sauna it's like you're up in there wow she's probably a big old Russian broad or something no no she was like an American cheese head she definitely has a block of cheese on Sundays in the fall hold on I'm gonna fart in the mic let's see the double mic yeah news conference that ruined me there goes the day I guess looking back I shouldn't put my microphone in your ass so you live you learn it's got a windsock

who that sticks but anyway she was saying that women have a lecture layer of fat she's like you know women is it true yeah that's why women are a little softer and the tits and the ass oh really but I mean women they rude they starve themselves to look thin it's a horrible existence because I feel like my wife is petite her than I but it's uh it's it's less muscle oh yes they do way less considerably the layer of fat sounds bad you got a layer of fat people like oh jeez that's an incident but that's just how it how it lays uh-huh it's a very thin layer but it's a layer okay yes so yeah she said there's a layer of fat and she wanted to chat and then she yelled at me she's like you've been in here too long she's like you're not supposed to be in here this

long and I was like well I feel pretty good she's like you better be careful and I was like I hate you isn't she in there too well she came she was swimming she kept swimming by and then I was in the sauna the next day the sauna is next to the pool and there's all these teenage girl I hate teenagers because they hate me to me to them I'm like an old nerd I'm like a big virgin nerd with snaggily teeth right and so they're all swimming they don't sit they just see the sauna they think it's a mirror because the the mirrors the window reflects uh-huh and so at one point a girl is just like looking at the mirror at her hair and I like moved to shuffle my feet or whatever and stretching she was like ah she's like there's a man in there oh my god everyone come over here

and she like brings all these girls over and now it's like an aquarium they're all like look at this a man he's looking he moves and like I think I can't hear them because I'm in a box yes but I got hearing like a like an owl or a worm whoever has good hearing sure I'd get deaf guy so no good hearing well they said yeah good I'm sorry I'm blind blind blind guys can hear the dare devil deaf guys have terrible hearing yeah that's a good comedy though deaf jam and a record label oh yeah uh hey brass monkey so those go together that funky monkey deaf jam and deaf con this is that the same deaf comedy jam yeah that's russle simons yeah russle yeah whose brother is run from run dmc that's right reverend run yeah mm-hmm better than reverend walk every time I uh tell you my

bit about when uh was it run or dmc that died or grandmaster flat no jam master j uh he is j died think it might be a jam master j one of them died and I was like this is my joke I was like 20 at the time and I said uh boy all I could think about was when John Lennon was killed everyone gather around his house and sang imagine and stuff and I was like I wonder if anyone did that to jam master j they gather around and go I was a high school loser never made it with the lady you know yeah that was a bit that's funny it was a big bit you didn't react like it was funny I was enjoying the rap ah jeez sorry but it's a good point did they do they I don't think you do that outside yeah you fucked me it's too late all right well I'm the one not laughing it was a real bomb

about my feelings that was a real bomb but any jeez I don't even know where I was I feel like I'm really hogging this out I don't like I don't like singing bits I'm just gonna come out and say it well it wasn't it wasn't singing it's not like one of these bits where we Sarah and I hate the bits where people sing the punchline but they're good singers you can tell they just want to let you know they can sing but you're a good rapper we are like no I'm not I'm like I'm I'm I know the words and I only did two lines it's not like I'm really rapping I feel like you nailed it I appreciate that yeah well I don't like these teenagers gawking at you oh that's where I was at they're gawking teens get out because they think you're a weirdo you're the weirdo you're looking at inside a sauna at

an old craggly nerd man but they really did a number on me and I could hear them I had to pretend I was still as an owl oh you try to t-rex them I went back to owl again I got something I got owls in my mind interesting hooters yes who are you I'm enjoying the hell out of this episode that's a great time I want to blow myself but anyway it's so I can hear them all snickering and snackering out there yeah now I'm praying for Sarah to come in because at least now I'm like I got a hot day yeah you got a lady you're boning yeah you think I'm something but then they probably look at her as like this fat old cunt too yeah she's got a layer of fat probably like look at this old witch and this douchey nerd you know because they're kids they

don't know any better but she's gonna be in a towel now she's in a two piece oh even better so then I'm she never comes in though she doesn't come into the sauna she goes into the hot tub so I'm sitting there just all still sauna-ing and I'm trying to like meditate and get my sweat on the whole thing yeah you got a couple of rug rats yelling at you yeah it's like seven kids so finally I come out I see Sarah in the hot tub I was like I was dying in there I needed you so I go in there I grab her tits and make out just to look cool yes finger yes not bad so then as we're getting out we're drying off they're like that's the man from the thing in the box and they're like he that he can hear us I hear one of them go he can hear us and the other one's like he doesn't know

what talking about him and I wanted so badly be like yes I do yeah I'm cool I'm cool I know way more than you I know everything about you I'll kill you I'm on TV I got herpes yeah suck on that dickless so I got made fun of by a bunch of teens yeah all right I'll deflect to you because I feel like I've been hogging and no hug no hug Owl I got I got a few other things but I want to I don't have but I'll just I'll skim all right skim around I want I took the Amtrak with this shutdown you never know I don't want to go to the airport so I took the Amtrak to New London town yeah you can't fly to Uncansville anyways that's true uh so I took the Amtrak to Uncantown I mean New London then you get an Uber to the Mohegan Sun uh-huh earth casino that's what they call it it's all

earthy in there yes it is right when you walk in that smell hits you go I know this fucking weekend here we go it's all that that smoke eater and that bad food and all that shit it's like a mall where you can smoke not good I always say a casino is a Walmart with slots that's it that's the whole thing baby and you can smoke it yes so you know we get there meet up with big old Chris Owl we have a great time we shoot the shit we discuss the state of comedy and live it up and then uh the shows are actually pretty good everything everything was all right like we had some food we we we did the show we got milkshakes Johnny Rockets fun by the way that club is most improved yes completely when it was at Foxwoods it was dog shit it was tough yeah so we got the we had the Johnny Rockets we

got the milkshakes where you get the glass and you get the metal thing with the extra I love that love the extra what is that called a shaker a stirrer oh yeah a high ball maybe a high ball something I got long balls but then we went and got it we went to the clay pipe which is the cigar bar inside Mohegan we hit a couple stokies with a couple one percenters we chatted up with the guy he was cool and then we just walked around for hours talking and shooting the shit it's nice to talk with a comic next day the lady came out uh she's a lesbian she came into Mohegan we came we got in there and uh the owner of uh Mohegan was like hey there's a there's a quest love tonight and slugfest what's slugfest slugfest is like a big boxing thing in the arena oh wow

so we go well let's go to slugfest you know I don't want to see a dj so we uh we do the shows she she gets all dolled up goes to slugfest alone I go meet her between shows it's bananas it's basically like an open mic for for boxers so they're like this guy's from New Haven he's a Puerto Rican guy he's got the flag draped on him and this guy's from Belarus so you're like well this guy flew in for this fly in ding ding ding literally they go at each other 12 seconds the Belarus guys on the floor oh wow it was it was horrible boxing it was brutal everything was over so quick I wanted to get in there it was rough that's how bad he's got that all right next go another Puerto Rican guy from new london all right here we go here there's a guy from uh

russia all right great russian guy gets knocked out in two seconds wow russian's a tough tool I know but these guys are feather weights they weigh like six pounds it was a horrible experience and the Puerto Ricans in the crowd are going nuts as they should because they're kicking ass but uh man was it a bummer I was like I'm just gonna go back this is boring it's weird to go to fights because even though it's a sport it's still a fight yeah it's like when two people fight you're like your heart you get the valves are pumping you're like oh god this is weird I'm not gonna be next and everyone gets that fighty feeling yes it's strange I got a baseball game you're not like are we all gonna break out into baseball right am I gonna slide but in a fight you're like oh god what if because

people get excited about fights they want to punch you that is exactly right because there was a guy in front of me he kept standing up because he was getting all excited like part of me was like I'm gonna knock this guy out I can't see but obviously I wasn't gonna do that he could have shanked me you know he was a real manuel so uh we got the hell out of there did the last show he sold out a couple shows and uh lived it up so then I go well we have to gamble it's our last thing we gotta do a little gambling sure so I uh I was too scared to gamble but I put some money in the video poker one like 15 bucks that was exciting but we're walking around and Chris Al he's an old military guy so he's been a lot of casinos and nightclubs he's old so I go here take

a 20 and just drop it on some craps because I don't know how to play craps but he does yes they all do yeah so uh he he goes all right he throws the 20 down bing what a what is he hit a nine and eight to seven I don't know you can bet four or where the com or don't come yeah yeah he came you can bet four a seven or 11 or against a seven or 11 oh is that it something like that he explained to me like 19 times and I blacked out and uh so he won a bunch of money he's like here's 25 for the 20 and then he went he hit 45 and he had 45 again and he pulled he paid you the vig yes the everybody he's a real vigor and uh we had a great night and uh just lived it up and next day we took the Amtrak out and had breakfast in New London and uh got back to New York and did some shows last

night that's when I did the Brooklyn show last night now what does he drive or does he fly somewhere because he lives in Atlanta or does he live in Virginia still but he had a rough go he had to go to the airport at like four in the morning flight at six to Atlanta then connect to DC then pick up his car then drive to Virginia so he had a bitch of a travel day but uh I thought he was moving to Atlanta when does that happen eventually I don't know eight years ago he said that who knows when that's happening he's married and gay it's gonna be weird we gotta get him on sometime yeah but uh yeah well we'll do a quiff we should have done a quiff with him yeah you should a quiff no quiff no quiff no quiff wonder why christmas missed us birthdays was the worst days

now we set champagne when we're thirsty uh all right you got more I'm out hit me how much time we got left oh my god all right well let me tell you about this today we talked about this a little off air uh I got this knot in my shoulder I gotta hit up a dug key I gotta I gotta figure out how to get rid of this thing I got a knot the side I mean you can it's like visible oh you got an egg yeah it looks like a testicle back there I want to see it it's uh it's not good so it's I'm all knotted up so I decided to go to a massage therapist but I don't know how to do it so I just googled and I was like oh there's one down the street from my house but I went there I think I might have gone to a rubbing tug oh interesting I can't tell because I went in there and it was all it was asiany yeah

hey it was asians and uh they had curtains over the window the whole deal sure it was like a private room and it was similar remember the side fell where george meets the woman in the subway and she's like make yourself comfortable yes and he's like what do I what does that mean I felt that way she put me in this room with the curtain and then she's like I'll be back so I was like am I supposed to be naked when she comes back I think so I've never done it so I just I did very similar to Costanza I took my jacket my coat off then I had like a hoodie I took the hoodie off and my shoes off so I was jean socks t-shirt yes just sitting there and you tell what she came in she's like what are you doing she's like you're supposed to lay down shirt off lay down like what the

fuck oh yeah but they never assume you're a first timer they always assume you're just a well-seasoned joker yeah so I'm like oh sorry okay I just wanted to make sure so I laid out with my face in the thing which I've seen in a million movies and sketches and yeah sitcoms I got the face in the thing donut and you can see the toes you know the whole thing so I'm sitting there and she really started working me elbows like I got a knot and she's like oh she didn't really say anything in English you don't want to be a wuss but it hurts it hurts back okay it does hurt yeah I was freaking out I mean she had the elbow like dug in there and I was like oh yeah and I'm sore still and for a while I felt better but now it's back again oh no well it's like Asian food you hungry again

yeah she's uh really working it cream of some young guy yeah be so horny but uh so she's doing this whole thing and then she didn't speak English well so she said don't know it and I was like what she's like dead of it and I was like tomorrow she's like oh you want it tomorrow and I was like what she's like today and I was like what today it is today I realized later she was saying turn around which is one of their secret words do you want to turn around so like now I'm massaging you from the front right but I didn't realize till right afterwards I was like today tomorrow and then she was like how do you want me finish and I was like oh oh just like this because she had the hot rocks she busted up those hot rocks oh yeah really worked it yeah

rolling stones greatest hits wait a minute so do you pay more for a rub how's that work did she just do the rub I've never been to a rub and tuck believe it or not but I've heard a lot of stories but I think what they do is they give you they start I've heard from several friends who will remain anonymous they start rubbing the inside of your leg they'll get really close to like your ball and see how you react I think a lot of times you're like whoa whoa what yes but if you're just like I think you know what's interesting about the rub and tug asian whore is they are kind of like a guy who's trying to get laid on a date yes you know they have to feel it out and if you go too far the the person will be like hey what are you doing it's like a woman it's almost like a me too

it's very similar yeah because I was like I felt bad afterwards because I'm like oh is she like embarrassed right she was like you want to turn around how do you want me to finish and I was like I don't know this is fine like I felt like afterwards you don't be like sorry I didn't want you to jerk me off yes wife yes the only difference is she's not disappointed she's like oh probably happier that you didn't want to get but they upcharge too so they probably want that 20 but because I heard I think she's probably she's probably dead emotionally connected she's just like this is why I jerk people off and what do I care get off your hot rocks I'm sure she doesn't love it but I don't know what she's not Nicole Kidman no but um so anyways I was like oh I didn't

realize in the moment that I'm glad I did it because she was like turn around I would have been like uh all right and then I would have turned around that she would have started grabbing my dick and I'd be like oh no no no what's what but I also heard sometimes you wouldn't have stopped it oh I would have stopped that's what I'm saying I would have felt it would have been weirder stopping after she's grabbing my dick yeah that's true also my dick is as limp as a fucking you know an old man yeah it's a it's a sad tiny dick and not just that I'm also like being touched and worked so like I'm in pain my dick is like a stack of nickels right I'm more of a dime man it was just a teeny uh teeny dick like just the head was out wow all right so how

was she how'd she look uh not good I mean she had uh she had she looked like remember when Kramer has the smoking room oh yeah the catcher's mitt look got she was a little beat up I mean she's probably 70 years old this woman yeah well she probably spends a lot of time in the casino great deal blackjack masseuse but her yeah her fingers were all craggly craggly up and her teeth were whoo they made my teeth look like you know uh michael canes I don't know whose teeth even look but I'll take it he's british yeah I shouldn't have brought him that's a bad example but uh he's a hot guy in his day now how about how about this now all right I'm fascinated with this rubbing tug though because I went once to get a massage with my lady ex-girlfriend and I rolled

the lady goes roll over and she had the towel on me and I had a big old tent pitched and I remember thinking like she was nervous about it she was like oh so I went to a what do you call it a place it was on the up and up yes the normal yeah you were maybe at a shady acres I think my my friend told me um my friend my friend he told me that there's a few giveaways one is uh I had a funny line via text he's like one is if it's open 24 hours oh is there a doorbell oh and then he said it'll have like a weird name like the sappy the soapy sud and I was like well this place is called handy job so I don't think it was one of those that was a good chuckle but mine had mine was not 24 hours no doorbell and a regular name the name was like spring body works oh yeah so I think it

was legit but she said turn around how you want me finished so that seems a little yeah sketchy now uh what are we in soho this is my neighbor this is Dallas from my house oh wow right on Broadway in Astoria well it's probably good you didn't get it you'd see her on the subway oh yeah I know I can't I can't be I don't want I have no desire to have a woman jerk me off I can jerk myself off yeah I'm not with you and I'm not attracted to her I have no emotional connection to her and uh I'm really good at jerking off sure I also have a plethora of sex so it's not really a desire to yeah have a strange woman jerk me off right right especially if you're not into or the looks and it would undo the relax it I wouldn't be relaxed I'd be like oh god I'm sorry I hate

myself yeah although after you jizz you kind of let loose a little yeah but I can do that on my own which I did later yeah same how about this so yesterday I'm coming back from Madison and uh Sarah and I booked the early flight it's hard to get a direct flight Madison to New York oh yeah it's a small city so there's like a 6 a.m. and then there's like a 3 p.m. so I booked the 6 a.m. I'm like it'll just suck who cares we now we go to bed at 2 the alarm goes off at 4 30 and I was in mid-dream it was about you by the way yeah Rubin took yeah no no I don't want to get into it on there but we were fucking all right I'll take it so the alarm goes off at 4 30 I had set up a cab green cab company no Madison Wisconsin well I got fucked last time with Uber in Raleigh if you

remember I set up the Uber and it just never came yeah much like you with the rub exactly so I call green cab company I go I'm going old school local business I'm going to support I don't even know where to begin this is why we're supposed to feel bad for these cab companies because Lyft and the corporations put them out the medallion the whole thing my friend so I call them up at 6 p.m. I say I need a cab for 4 45 a.m. tomorrow the guy says great okay what's your phone number what's your name perfect all set I go great and Sarah's like you don't want me to set up a thing with the I go no no I set it up I called the guy I talked I got a confirmation 4 45 we walked in we come down at 4 41 I like to be early I'm an early bird we come down usually almost every time you get a car company

or cab they're there early they text they go here when you're ready always sometimes they get there too early exactly and then I feel guilty I don't want to make them wait even though they're early exactly and then they give you shit when you get in like finally like motherfucker you gotta here too yeah I'm early now still yes so I come down there there's nobody there I'm like this is weird so then gets up to like 4 48 oh no and we get to the fucking airport so I call the cab coming to the guys like oh yeah yeah it's all set he goes when you these early orders when you order in advance you have to allow a 15 minute window what I go what window I go you didn't say that on the phone uh-huh and I was like that's significant 15 minutes that's a quarter of an hour yes a quarter

15 minutes and I'm like I would have booked it for 4 30 right and you didn't say these like well you gotta factor in weather and stuff and I'm like no no you have to factor in whether you factor in the weather your job is to come pick me up why would I factor in weather that's a good point and it's not snowing aha it's not even snowing it's just cold yes 4 45 and then the guy comes down he starts a van the concourse hotel van he starts it up and I go hey you don't take people to the airport D's like we leave at 5 and it's 4 50 so I'm like all right well hopefully my cab comes before then yeah they're like well if not you can take the the shuttle at 5 a.m. all right so we're sitting there and sitting there 15 minutes goes by it's 5 a.m. now the shuttle I'm like all right

well taking the shuttle never shows up this green company come on they call me six minutes into the rides now 506 and it's a lady cab driver she's like hey I'm here at the concourse I go what are you talking about I left yeah blow me and she goes okay and I go you're 20 minutes late she's like no problem and then just hung up like friendly like Wisconsin friendly but I'm like what kind of business is this that's a shit biz 21 minutes late for a cab pickup I hate her and I called whatever it is 17 hours in advance yeah suck it greeny what are they called green cab company Madison if you go to Google I left a review I said the whole story on there I can be quite country if I have to be sure I don't have to be yeah green you got green right you probably pedaled there yeah fuck green

cab company in Madison if you're listening from Madison Madtown Mad City whatever you want to be called madcap oh we should have done a backup in case something happened with this now we're good oh well all right it's a mad mad world anyways mad cow fuck green cab company don't book from there we ended up getting there it actually ended up being cool because we showed up like 20 minutes later than I wanted but it was like got right through security and then they'll like we'll be boarding in five minutes which I never do usually I'm there two hours early it's fun to live on the edge so uh good flight home we got upgraded to first class that was that was oh yeah both of us because that's nice I finally got her to get a delta number and we've been flying together so much

we just did like a three week tour we did Florida Chicago Madison dream come true you're a great manager for her I know I really am and I said I'm like we're gonna look back on this two months five years 20 years is like the best time of our lives three weeks in a row on the road renting cars Chicago swam in the Gulf of Mexico Madison we went to the college basketball game Madison Brooks Northwest and she's never been to a basketball game we had a great time singing sister snowing killer shows Friday early show best show of my life in Madison court day was great I got it recorded and then some of the shows weren't that great the last show was like kind of tough sledding there but people show up in that web oh yeah we sold out two shows

had a couple bonuses which was nice the key to Madison this book in the winter oh really they just sell out there's nothing else to do it's packed yeah I can't do anything outside but uh best club that's my favorite club I mean they really treat the green room's insane I love it it's a whole floor basically you get the fucking tv got the fridge they got a piano up there they got an exercise bike they got a Nintendo up there they get the massage chairs up there it's unbelievable oh yeah I'm there in June the people are so nice and uh I got some cookies from a fan Mr. Cynical I think I forget his actual name oh yeah I know that guy and then sincere life you know sincere life Craig he's doing stand-up killed come on kill Jerry guess it yeah well first of all he was a

rapper for years he would always come big to his gay big you know what duder yeah big fan and would always meet him as a fan and last year he sat in the front row like a psychopath I was like what are you doing he's been doing stand-up now for like two years and he's doing a guest spot he's like I'm so excited to do a guest spot I was like oh that's great nice I figure he's gonna just eat it sure because he's two years in now was it killed Madison killed or killed killed because Madison's such a hot room any Tom Dickens sincere can kill hot crowd but I was loling myself I mean these are good jokes these are real jokes and he's got bits did like a tight five or six or something but uh he killed the crowd loved them and I was like hey fucking Craig all right ripping it

sincere life yeah keep at it fatty so uh yeah it was pretty good all right great weekend and uh the host Jeff awesomest you know him he lives here he lives with Ranaan Ranaan however you say his name Ranaan both both funny Jews does not uh wait Jeff is not you he's a German well this is German Jews I suppose there are yeah but anyways yeah Ranaan or Ranaan Ranaan Ranaan I think Ranaan is how he says it but he's like both are right I was like I think you're just being nice yeah I think it's Ramadan because there's no way there's two different ways to say a name well it's got about 30 a's in that thing there's two a's and then one a oh I thought it was one a then two I think it's R-A-A-N-A-N the A-A is the beginning I'm going right after this so I think it's Ranaan

wait no Ranaan Ranaan oh either way this is Ranaan and long yeah well he's a great comic and a great guy and so is awesomest they live together oh great yeah it's something but anyways great fucking weekend I love that club thank you Madison and should we plug some shows or yes what do you got there fat man well this one nobody's bought tickets to this show Sunday February 10th my apartment show is back that's a great room the show is killer great room usually it sells out hopefully this will bump it up but we got uh maybe we'll get uh Ranaan sentence on there yeah he's funny he did it before oh all right yeah we've had him on once but anyways uh Bennington is doing it Ron Bennington oh Ranaan Ben yeah he's doing it he's got a lot of he's got as many ends as he has a

yeah a lot of ends in this city uh love you Chris Allen I was just getting earlier speaking of uh he killed it he's got some new shit he's on he's on fire baby Christ um geez you quit the military he's thinking about when I started writing but no we love we love Chris we love Craig we love Kevin Barnett and uh yes the whole gang gangs we went to a nightclub too those are horrific oh I hated them when I was 21 I hated nightclubs who would you I mean everybody in there was falling oh I saw eight people get kicked out but that's what you got to get hammered it's the only way no it stinks but the women in there my god yeah I like that um anyway so February 10th the apartment show PS 109 email me message me for details I've tweeted out the link it's it's been on

places it's somewhere Ron Bennington is on Aaron Jackson is on and uh canner myself I think Charad somebody else is a great great show always a fun show it's hip it's on the upper east side and then the comedy store February 6th I'm recording I'm shooting Corden yeah and then co-headlining with Sam at the comedy store what a dream night that is what a week man yeah it's gonna be fun so come to that comedy store February 6th 1030 show put the kids to bed or whatever you do yep and then uh Key West boy those flights the February flights it's like a $2,000 flight it's crazy I'm gonna fart again yeah oh that was a that was a closer that was a fun one that was not like an armpit fart armpit fart oh it smells like shit can you get that oh all right well I'm

gonna be in Cleveland I know what's in done oh sorry at that fart I thought you were done Key West February 22nd 23rd and then Fort Worth Texas at whatever the fuck the Fort Worth what's that one hyenas hyenas Fort Worth uh end of the February beginning of March whatever that is February 28th March 1st and 2nd something like that go to comedian joe list dot com for details Fort Worth Key West the apartment show LA I'm oh fuck I forgot the biggest one bananas Valentine's Day weekend bananas in Hasbrook Heights New Jersey that's Valentine's Day weekend 14 15 16 Jersey tri-state area I know there's a lot of gays in this area so come out to bananas February 14 15 16 get the tickets early because it's Valentine's Day they'll sell out smart move uh getting the Valentine's in

the city yeah back to the New York proper and make love yeah exactly all right I'm at listen to this run of hot clubs I got I can't wait all right so this week I'm with Ari and Bert at Wise Guys with Sean Patton and a couple other Jews then I got hilarities with Chris Allen Cleveland then I got good nights in Raleigh then I got oh I'm doing a Doug loves movies in Raleigh so come out to that too that'll be fun that's at like 4 p.m. on a Saturday then we got Syracuse that's a real thorn in my taint then we got helium and Philly my number one with a bullet there's a lot of bullets there then we got Royal Oak Michigan Comedy Castle oh I'm there this weekend I forgot to plug that one I'm there this weekend there you go royal oak sorry I'm slipping over here and we're in Vegas

oh yes baby you don't want to miss that if you live in that area Vegas Reno or Carson County come on out to the comedy seller then doing uh how about this I'm doing Ohio State University the Ohio State University not bragging uh then we got uh some other shit comedy club on state in April recording an album just to get some fucking money because Comedy Central raped me right up the pooper and laughing skull Atlanta love Atlanta Springfield mass doing roar comedy club it's in a casino that's gonna be a toughy but we'll make it work and we'll have a good time and uh yeah a lot of fun stuff mark norman comedy dot com sorry we started off a little slow we picked it up what I saw you think speak for yourself I felt like I was like I was ripping it up there I had a

fart and I said something weird you were killing I was uh a little rough yeah geez you really threw me out of the bus there so I want to include everybody and uh yeah tell your mom we we love fucking her and uh praise Allah and patreon oh we got a bonus big bonus right here oh you're taking your questions too yes so call in if you like it she'll be we miss you and uh we'll see at the live up tonight yeah don't hate me come say hello