Tuesdays with Stories! - #283 The Pounder

Episode Date: February 5, 2019

It's a cold Tuesdays as Mark takes shrooms and goes skiing with Bert Kreischer and Ari Shaffir while Joe searches for pasta and deals with annoying yoga instructors in Michigan. Check it out! Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus eps and more! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/ Download the Laughable app today! laughable.com/download

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe less Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy that I was a real finger

finger snap the whole boy here we are the weary wacky one Super Bowl Sunday I just got off a flight from Salt Lake City we left at 5.50 AM and you just came back from the big Mitch the Mitten yeah Michigan a royal oak hell of a hell of a town that royal oak you town it's clean it's safe it's gay it's quaint well there's some riffraff no question about that but yeah it's I think it's some affluent yes but it's also there's some homeless people it's always strange when you see homeless people in the affluent effluenza haha is that white flight which one which part

the royal oak oh I think so I think everything Michigan the whole state is white flight I believe yeah I just ran out I think the 68 they had the big riot and then they never recovered that's what they say it was just riots and burning and the thing and then that was that and then the city sucked since then but some other guys started buying all the shit and now it's coming back there's a couple neighborhoods a lot of barrel fires out there yeah it was a whole situation Robo cop he's out there there's been some race problems in this country I don't know if you've heard I haven't heard much we don't talk about

race enough no no you definitely don't nowadays well I went to a ham tamarick when you're out there you should go hit the show Trixie's Trixie's little bar show Ham Tamarick what's that now that's a town and a couple towns over I don't eat pork and it's Ham Tamarick but the Latin the ends TRCK there's no oh oh and Tamarick oh the bar show yeah it's like a Trixie's yeah yeah it's okay it's pretty fun yeah that wasn't bad but I think I try to go because I'm like I'm done at 930 I was with my friend Mike Cronin meat we love and know and bone snake three it's a whole bit he's got one of those handles

that he did a he made the handle after a bit but now you just have to do the bit forever all right like his handle is bone snake but if he doesn't do the joke you're like what's bone snake they has to like do a bit offstage what's a real problem you hear the bit he went to sign up for an email and I made his dad's email this is what it was his dad's email was bone snake to yeah and he was like where the hell did you get that he's like I thought it was cool and he's like am I bone snake three and there was already a bone snake one is grandpa bone snake one that all it all stems from his dad's email I see bone snake to

which is hilarious check your dad's email and it's bone snake to a dick riff I don't really know I think his dad's a kook I think that's the whole thing yeah but I guess it would be a boner would be a bone snake snake snake oh I was taking a steak because he's a meat no no a snake which is even cool because it's a snake it's slippery and poisonous that's gotta be a dick bone snake I guess yeah yeah that's a big fat Python boner but stakes snakes do have bones did they not I believe they have a vertebrae they gotta have something not everything has a worm doesn't have a vertebrae and they're big worms no

different family I think but same shape yeah that's like saying you know a baby and an adult of the same species they are but what about when the snake eats that rabbit and just see the rabbit rabbit you think of a mouse no rabbits they can eat an antelope I think you're mistaken they can eat a fox I bet they unhinged but I don't know about the fox and whatever moose I think it's gonna be a mouse a rabbit maybe I'm sure someone's gonna send us a video and I want to see the video you can eat a rabbit but imagine how much that would suck if every time you ate a whopper you just saw a whopper right there I feel

like I'm getting to that point now in my mid 30s yeah I don't see the whopper but I can definitely see a couple wrinkles and crinkles little gut cell you lie but by the way how about this brand new white hoodie put it on today first time wearing it spaghetti you can't eat spaghetti even buying some hoodies you gotta get with his wife decided I've got a little extra dough not a ton but we're doing okay so why not buy a bunch of all the things I'm thinking about getting two frames of glasses I got two pairs of sneakers the first time in my life get several hoodies that's so funny to say that cuz I really enjoy these

sneakers just put another pair yeah I got two of these I got the pinks and the blacks and I'm like Brett the hitman hard over here yeah yeah yeah the shoes weren't bad I remember you were worried about the pinkies I got a lot of compliments about the pinks yeah I didn't even notice them really that live I will tease the live night what a night late December back in 63 but anyway so me and the snake the boner snake yes we go to that Trixie's and it's fun glad I went the whole thing but then afterwards he's having a couple cocktails sure and you know he's got a dame over there so I come off stage and I'm like all right

that was fine let's hit it let's roll and he's got like a these double fist he's got a full cocktail he's got you know there's three women on them and a guy blowing them yeah and I'm like well I gotta I gotta go home I'm an old Nancy and you're in another town it's not like you're at the corner store yeah I'm in I'm not walking distance I already did one show I flew in that day early flight like an early flight although it's starting to burn me out but so I get there we finished the show and I'm like all right let's hit it and he's like got two drinks and it's that weird moment where like I know he wants to hang it's

his last night in town he's got cocktails everyone's blowing him he's fat and I'm like I gotta go right but I don't want to be a cock block and be like just get rid of those two drinks drive me home yeah although he did take me there so isn't there partial responsibility on the person bringing you to the thing to get back but did he can you oob I ended up oobing from a woman named Keith yeah oh Asian no black black lady never heard that name before Keith yeah I gotta say Keith woman it's a woman Keith Keith yeah and the girl you there you go I gotta say I think that African-Americans are being more creative with their names

wouldn't you say well I would definitely say that but whitey rich whitey's getting kooky with the lighthouse and the apple and the gridlock or whatever the name yeah crayon and all that bullshit but also but those are already things they're naming their kids up to fit like mug Costanza or cactus whatever it is right seven yeah soda pussy hoof whatever it is but the African-American community they're getting weird they're taking things and adding things Keith yeah yeah I feel like a Shaliqua and a Fantasia and how about I can't think of any right yes yes there's a few out there and I like it they're creative people how about

when Dane and Louie both had the same bit about naming their kids remember that oh yeah that Louie yeah yeah he had the 40 f's just go yeah no vowels right and then Dane had a similar thing I can't remember what his was that was something and it was a little louder but anyway so I took an Uber home but then as you're home the Uber's 18 bucks I waited 40 minutes to get up I'm standing back there and everyone was super nice I love all the young comics it's nice they're very nice to me I like them it's cool but it would be nice on stage where they give it up who the audience sometimes yeah sometimes they go all right let's

watch this big shot who's he think he is and they they're all bitter well I'll tell you it was getting what it was probably like I think it was maybe 40 percent comics and then 60 percent audience okay but it was a woman that hosts the show is her birthday so everyone was kind of celebrating and then it was towards the end of the night of course I was like you could tell it was getting a little short on attention span everyone was ready because after a while everyone's ready to just go party you just want to start hanging yeah there's only so long you can whisper in the back before you're like all right what are we

doing what the fuck is this exactly and people think a comedy show is a booze fest that's kind of what they do they go we'll go there we'll get some drinks we get liquored up we get tuned up we'll giggle yeah I don't like this when hosts will be like drink up because the funnier you drink the more we get weird I never got that yeah when I was a kid laughing on the playground with my friends no one was boozing we were just howling and falling the floor holding our stomachs there was no liquor yeah and in the drug you get the less attention span you have right it's like a reverse effect the drug you get the less funny

it gets yes exactly always killing a theater because they're not boozing that hard right to couple cocktails is ideal for my sex life but anyways I'm driving I'm like did I really need that well that's what I was gonna say is everyone's partying and they're young it's these young whippersnappers the young kids so they're boozing and telling stories and they all know each other I don't really know them I'm not drinking I'm old and you get work done at the show right you try your new on the Thursday even on the weekend so it was fun but it was definitely a thing of like I could have just kind of been home relaxing and now

it's midnight I'm spending 16 bucks and then the other thing was I hadn't eaten so he was gonna be my ticket into a fast food drive-thru so now I gotta get Uber Eats and Royal Oak and Uber Eats Royal Oak 12 30 at night not a lot of options not a lot of options I got Buffalo Wild Wings which was three blocks down but it was negative 40 polar vortex suck my dick damn the polar bipolar two weeks in a row with this fucking vortex Madison and Royal Oak you like saying vortex I love a good vortex that's I know what you're thinking and I did last time I did Royal Oak two years ago I did that same show but that two years ago I was still

on that groove I was still boozing and we all went to a diner after it was a big night but I get it now and I'm going there in a month that I'm probably not gonna do the show yeah it's it's a cool show it's fun but that's some woman yelled next one of my jokes I did a new joke doesn't hit and she goes next and that's when you just want to go home like hey I'm lucky I'm here twat face and I mean home right in the hotel I want to go home to my wife and like getting this fetal position and rubber feet until I bleed yeah I think the only way to do that show is to go I'll do it but you gotta guarantee we walk off walk into an

Uber right that's the only caveat caveat something like that we are I don't know it caveat I don't know that's right I don't know that's a weird word I think it's like condition you know that's the only condition I thought a caveat was like a bonus or something like a nice caveat is you get a free meal is that I think it's land yam we really need what's his name Shelby I was called a chappelle Sheldon I'm a little wacky you got that that lack of sleep you start the motor skills start going completely my brain is a big foggy mush I got an oatmeal in my head I got the thing is to he's like we talked about this a lot I

can't go to bed before to cannot do it that's my bedtime same so I'll get home from the show and then you're juiced up from the show the meet and greet all the situation you get home you want to go to bed I want to get the sleep I'm like if I go to sleep now I'll get five hours I'll get six hours I go to bed now but you can't the wheels are spinning you're still hanging and all you're all fucking hyped up on the comedy can't do it so I'm on no sleep I'm stressed about the game the game starts by the way and ten seconds very very soon it's it's a bad situation here I fucked up what time was your flight which flight today

tomorrow today the flight was I think 8 15 so it was a six o'clock pick up so you wake up at 5 45 but then you wake up at 5 10 going yeah yeah that thing I went to bed at 2 15 so it's like this three hour job and then you come home and like I'm home I'm leaving tomorrow I got a 6 15 pick up tomorrow right which is nothing worse than flying out the day after you get back yeah the day before travel is a whole thing on its own sure you go let me go do laundry let me go pack let me figure out my situation I'm doing that and the let me unwind let me unpack all the same day I'm gonna see my wife I didn't see her for three days now

I'm seeing her for 12 hours gone for three days and this LA is like a it's a thumb going to do TV I'm going to we're a comedy store you gotta be fresh and I'm doing Josh Adam Myers podcast so it's not just like a and I'm running the set tomorrow so it's not just like a let me go out and get some fun in the sun and get my asshole eating now you gotta be clearheaded and fresh the days yeah and then the game stresses me out I'm embarrassed to say but I get really fucking cranked up about the game the whole country's cranked it's a Super Bowl I know but not not like that's the region my team is in there oh yeah the

legacy you got a dynasty cooking people hate that Brady I love it I feed off the fuel all that hate's gonna burn you up keep you warm all right anyways you go I'm tired of all right I'm fed I'm gay I'm all messed up whoo see that's probably these fun weekends this is one of the funnest weekends of my life but when there's fun there's work you got to return everything you got to clean the house you got to get to the fucking rental car but I'll just get right into it so should we talk about the live app let's go the live app unbelievable one of our best maybe our best sold out village underground we got Sal volcano in

there we got our pal Gary Viter and oh what about I'm gonna tell the story about the youngster the young whippersnapper what's the name Ian Ian Ian Philance and he might have to change his name or Ian Fidance because there's a new sensation coming through oh yeah because you try to tell the story you say Ian Philance they go I know Ian Fidance no no different guy I know how to say Ian's name very different well this guy so first I remember I was reminiscing about young Ian we've talked about in the podcast before yes he I met him in Nantucket at the Nantucket Festival he was interning for some filmmaker who was there

on vacation I think he was like getting his socks like mr. Pitt okay yeah and he was just kind of this strange bird who was around and he's cookie I said in the podcast he looks like your dad if your dad was younger than you yes he's got a strange look and then other people said Andy Kaufman that's what I said he's got a day's look yes that thousand-yard stare his hair's a little whippy right he's got big eyeballs and they're glassy and dead he's a real he's a real guy he looks like he came to life like he was a doll yeah he was a doll somebody pissed on and then he's woke up right to our Kelly so we're at this we're

at the village on a girl at the cell we're like hey the show starts in 10 oh we should have an opener it's nice to have a guy do five so we asked a couple people nobody's around and he happened to be at the show alone yeah he was texting me oh yeah he's like can I come say hello I want to say hello he's a nervous Nellie I mean this guy is sweet as pie nebish oh anyway so I met him in Nantucket we hung out that whole week that week he killed and then Tyler's murdered then he came and did guest spots and all but he hung out with me and Tom Dustin Alvin David now imagine those two personalities with this fucking guy

that's a clash it was wacky do but he was like can I come say hello so I said come say hello let's put him up you guys were down for it which was fine well you I guess Sal and Gary don't care but I wanted to kind of see the spectacles he was he was shaking in his in his moccasins this kid was terrified when you said you wanted to buy I gotta say he made me laugh harder than I've laughed in a long time because he was he's so deadpan this he's a really funny guy but he seems like he's off right so it adds to it he's like a Steven Wright quality we can't tell if you like where's the joke end and the weirdness

begin exactly the lines he said to me I go you gotta go up do five and he's like I can't feel my knees yeah which that made me laugh he's like even this is a good idea look it's a good idea and he's like I might kill myself and it was just it was really great but he went up but I thought he did well he had a good set and it was almost he's good jokes but the audience was like what the fuck is this like what's his deal is he is he being weird or is he just actually weird is he being funny so I think everybody was a little confused he's a magical little guy it was also weird to come out because first of all you're coming out cold

which is always awkward then there was four chairs set up yeah and the microphones right so that was a little weird he had to kind of like work his way around that he didn't know he's going on and then there's you sitting at a table with three other guys and all of a sudden he just leaves and goes on stage they might it was like a wrestling when they pull like tugboat out of the fucking crowd hey right or whoever earthquake but he didn't do any like hey everybody how you doing you guys ready for a podcast was just like hello I mean I'm terrifying I'll kill your family put him in the freezer so but he was

great did some jokes about seven minutes and we lit the hell out of them and then we went on stage and we fucked with him we really roasted him up it was fun so you got to get to hear the live up and hear that because we really do a number on that weirdo and then we riff it up without him and then Sal pops in we were just cooking baby with the crowd was hot sold out it was it was a hum dinger sold out and our fan I figured it was mostly you know the seller just sells out but it was mostly our people there was a Robert Redford lookalike with a wife that was quite perturbed I would have to say she was not a fan she

was not into the pod she didn't know what was going on then a couple people brought their dames you'd see a hot girl you're like what are you doing here oh my boyfriend likes it ah that makes it but a couple times there was the reverse that's true there was a couple ladies that brought their gentlemen there was one real beautiful gal and she's like I got him into it and he was just kind of confused he was like I was good I guess right so there's a little bit of a flippy give it a listen gang it's a it's a whopper yeah you gotta get on the patreon cuz the same last week we had the 45 minute bonus a full bonus that we

took your questions we did our top favorite comedians a lot of questions were answered that was a fun one almost a full-length episode this week we got the live episode coming out and boy it was hot Sal was on Gary was there it was really fun it was a great time it was a peach real lunch all right so then the next day I Ari was mad at me because I'd do this live pod because he's like you're gonna miss skiing so Ari invited me and Bert and ran as easy and Sean Patton and Ryan O'Neill to come skiing in Salt Lake City Park City Utah so I was like alright I love to go so he bought my ticket for the 27th and our pot was on the 29th so I

had to make him change it and he was furious yeah and he gives you that guilt trip like you can only get it you get two days of skiing I'm like I know I'm aware I'm fucked you're not fucked why are you yelling at me right but yeah so he buys your ticket though and he's a sweet sweet man and good big nose huge Jew so me and Sean Patton land and Park City about noon and Salt Lake City on Wednesday ran as easy picks us up on a big panel van what is panel I don't even know what you're talking about they say I heard doing late panel van yeah I've heard that I don't know I think it's for fucking kids is it the wood thing maybe

it's the wood they wallpaper the wood on yeah sounds like it's something panel what's the one with the porthole in the back what kind of van is that porty porta potty that's a creepy van yeah vans aren't aren't good looking no so he picks us up we go straight to the rental the snowboard ski rental oh I see so we go in there it's all these hot young guys with blonde hair and scraggly beers and like yeah bro we're skiing yeah and Ari's hooked it all up Ari's getting all tickets to the show so we get free rentals oh wow he's a good these these you know what's a really good at making deals it's all business with these heaps and

everything's all set up and we show up they just throw a bunch of boots on us they're laughing they're telling Bert Kreischer stories and all this so we throw the shit on we go we go to the house he rented his Airbnb beautiful the whole thing backyard hot tub garage five bedrooms big fucking TV with the L shape couch love an L shape mm-hmm upper case L by the way oh yes lower case L is confusing yeah that's just this over couch yeah just straight line but a chair be like an eye oh yeah all right maybe and then Ottomans and oh all right so we get to we get to the house drop our shit off then we just hit the slopes whoo

Asians yeah we beat them up like marky mark and we got there and it was a little too late so ran as easy as I'm gonna do one more run now I'm like I'm just gonna hang back and get a beer so I just sit down get a beer taken the mountains it's beautiful boom up walks Kreischer the machine is there we're all drinking he goes let's go to another bar we all grab our shit we go to this other bar called the pig pen we just booze it up we're just talking shit immediately it's one of these like zero to 60 hangs out of the gate now where are you again Park City Utah now how far is Park City from Salt Lake City 28 minutes

okay it's like the rich snowy ski area so it's like aspeni yes very aspeni and Sundance is still in the air oh there's like tons of good-looking people rich people and everything's every restaurant packed every hotel is packed I'd like to go to that Sundance a lot of people were there yeah Pete Davidson Jim Gaff again all these people you'd like to hear more about how I feel about Robert Redford get on the patreon check out that live up by the way I got to tell them it was called Sundance because of Robert Redford and the Sundance kid and they were like whoa that's an interesting thing not to know yeah people in the

business I remember figuring that out for myself and being blown away in New Orleans yeah yeah alright so that we get back to the hotel we just go right to the hot tub now we got coronas and Bud lights on the hot tub just sucking them back laughing Patton tell some stories we're all cooking it up just a great time then we'll let's go get dinner and you forget because we work so hard we work every night we do shows every night we're writing every day you can just do this shit I forget what do you mean well like I'm like holy shit I just landed I'm 18 beers in it's snowy mountains I'm in a hot tub with steam coming around

me talking to Ari and Bert Kreischer and ran is easy and Patton I'm half in the bag we're now we're just gonna go out and get a steak dinner oh yeah that's our night live your life live in baby yeah there's nothing better than a night off I mean I've talked about it for years I love it unbelievable I felt guilty I was like I can't believe we're allowed to do this so we go to this steak place they all know Bert walks in the machine we get all these fucking T bones and Porter house and anal now how often is he getting recognized bird I don't understand his level of celebrity it's pretty pretty high frequency wow I mean he's getting

there and we get drinks sent over hey this corn chowder's on that lady at the bar over there he goes oh thank you taking photos with everybody the coach check lady the valet guy it seems painful to be on that much I feel like it would be hard for me he enjoys it it's a rare thing I've opened for him before and he'll go to a bar next door and chum it up with every single person's shirtless wow I don't have that it's a rare thing but he's got it also he's half in the bag right right I like a nice hello oh thank you that's very sweet I appreciate that you look great thanks for coming and take care

I'm very grateful goodbye yeah yeah not him he's got the guy in a headlocked they're doing nuggies and titty twisters hmm so we pass out we're hammered we pass out wake up the next day go straight to snowboarding we say 9 a.m. we don't get out there it'll about 1130 that makes sense you know that goes and yeah I'm just trying to keep up I'm not great and they're whizzing and whazzin and all this shit I take a bunch of bad spills like rain is easy made me get a helmet and I'm glad I did cuz I hit my head like 10 times well he's been in some accidents himself that's true yeah you're not lying so took some nasty spills

and we stopped for lunch we get chili and a beer chili on a mountain is nothing better just eating chili in a lodge Ari gets the idea is like I want to go shirtless and ski which is illegal or whatever but he does it so he goes on these slu these ramps and he takes his shirt off and he does a jump shirtless it's a great wow and Bert is such a nut he's got these go-pros he's got six cameras hooked on to him he's like he's like taxicab confessions for a guy that likes to be shirtless Ari has one of the worst bodies I've ever seen yeah like he's ever done a push-up before he's got some Auschwitz happening there yeah it's

a sag situation yeah screen actors guild body yeah so we do all that we we live it up we ski all day I'm busting my I'm just trying to keep up with these guys I feel bad I'm the runt you know we go meet down the hill at the ski lift and I go all right and then I get down there they've been waiting 10 minutes what about Patton you got to be better than Patton well he snowboards more but he he gets winded after like two runs I can go all day yeah cuz he can't even sleep without being winded he's got the Darth Vader thing and the apnea yes yes it was bad he fell asleep on the couch every night and we just buzz sawin yeah I

remember Denver it was a situation you had to put that Bane mask on him right right so we get back to the house now we're just watching TV we were drinking again we would get back in the hot tub and ran as easy goes I just took some shrooms oh well we got no show tonight maybe I'll take some shrooms why not so I take a cap we start watching TV we're laughing we're hanging out just so many laugh I mean I was on the floor just hanging out shitting on people talking shop whatever now who's the funniest of those guys because Patton brings the heat in the hang you can't beat Patton but Neil sleeper

funny guy I forgot about O'Neill that's the guy that be or Lewis beat up yes sir yeah he is fucking whole and he's dark oh I love dark dark dark dark we did a ton of down syndrome jokes I don't want to get into oh that's fun but we went to town and so I've been sitting there for an hour with this shroom no no no nothing oh boy no kick so I talked to still hey you getting anything he's like oh I'm on the moon I'm like well what the fuck so a couple hours ago but I'm like still nothing so I go fuck it I take another one I'll go like classic class as old as anal I fucked myself so now it's like four in the morning we're going to bed we

got to be up in five hours ago skiing I'm on cloud anal I'm fucking jizzing baby I can't my body's tingling my dick is jizzing I'm all over the road so now Ari is the only one who's willing like kind of stay up with me I don't want to be alone I'm tripping my balls off in a random Airbnb in Utah yeah Ari will stay up though he will he's a sweet the heart of a man but you got to remember this guy's skiing all day we've been drinking all night so he's out he's like kind of like road wet and weary he's his glassy eyed big face is falling asleep yeah so he finally goes do it I got to go to bed so I'm just laying in bed I'm in a bunk

bed staring at the top bunk or the beat of the bottom of the top bunk just tripping my bob going through childhood and every time I've got raped and molested I'm going through everything and I go through the shame spot I'm having a bad trip in the dark and I'm just thinking like I gotta be up in like two hours three hours one hour and we're gonna ski all day you can't be on no sleep with a ski no the shrew was the worst thing I ever did I'm in a bunk bed think about a Tylenol PM or some kind of two sleeping camomile or anything didn't didn't crack it you can't fuck with the shrew yeah so but we had a great night I went to bed I

got like two hours of sleep we woke up Steve made baked ziti wow for breakfast well we had some last night we all ate it for break was so good wow gotta make this all you do is get the ziti put cheese on it then the sauce it's amazing I'm familiar with big CD I'd never made it I mean I don't make it but I mean I'm familiar with the the product I've never made anything yeah yeah I don't cook so next day we go snowboarding again we have a great time Sean pulls them a hammy he's kind of out for the count so we kind of take it easy that day we go get some beers in the lodge and talk shit again and we have a great time I had a

conference call on the slope which was kind of fun oh it was awkward it didn't work and I kept dropping but it felt cool be like sorry guys I'm in YouTube and I'm skiing so I gotta work out yeah that's the problem with like a sports trip in your 40s someone's gonna get hurt like the chances of everyone going with no one getting hurt is like almost I would say less than 1% exactly so then we have one more hurrah we're going all right we're done with the beers we got a few hours we got shows tonight this is the first time we have shows it's Friday night so we're like let's just do one more run loser has to buy all the alcohol at night

or something so I'm like fuck I'm gonna lose we go down we all just split up because we're all different talents or what are you different skill sets uh-huh we get down Bert first Steve Patton me like huh where the hell's O'Neill and Ari that's weird so then we just go fuck let's go to the lodge we start drinking more ten twenty minutes an hour goes by finally they show up Ari broke his wrist oh no yeah he bumped into a guy and they just tumbled down the mountain broke his wrist oh wow see I was thinking they were gonna show up be like I'm just kidding we got you 75 beers and six bottles of crown royal and

three Hennesseys and it's just a disaster no I thought it was gonna be like a fun surprise now he it was a it was a bad surprise it was a break now was it his masturbation wrist it was a lefty okay that's not bad and it was bad but he was like I'm okay I'm okay but then it got kind of puffy and puffy and then before you know it it was P Diddy so boom broken wrist torn hammy we get back to the house we we got stories we got to tell two stories tonight it's fucking you remember those days yes Denver those days it's the storytelling show so it's sold out both shows sold out so we go all right the shows that eight let's get

let's get a uber at seven so we jump in an uber I'm all nervous when I still have a horrible storyteller and we get as you can see we we start heading towards the comedy club at Salt Lake City and the Keith who owns the place Keithia is like where the hell are you guys and we're like oh it's a 720 we'll be there in like 20 minutes so we'll be there nice and early it's like shows at seven oh my god what we fucked none of you knew what time the show was a single human being in the house and we're all we've all been drinking I got a shroom buzz you know it's I'm on two hours of sleep everybody's all fucked up he's got a broken wrist where

we're we're a bad gang of bandits here maybe you should have got a swollen wrist watch so we fucking haul ass and we don't get there till 745 the place Jesus sold out Ari goes right on you like guns and roses it was weird and Bert of course Bert's like who care they're there for us they're waiting we're like we're not used to this we have to you know we got to please these people but isn't there a second show also there is yes so he goes right on brings everybody if Sean Pat goes the first rips it up I do well but I got no ending my ending blows patent first yeah cuz he wanted to kick it oh you want to kick it up kick it on a high

gear patents like one of the best storytellers underrated nobody knows it so then ran as easy O'Neill they go up and then Bert goes up oh my god I mean I'm not I don't want to suck this alcoholics penis but this guy would go up eat the shirt comes off of course and then it's just everybody's on their feet fucking fist pumping and he goes into this story and it was amazing and it's got a huge ending and it all comes together with a callback and a big finale crescendo place goes insane wow so that was like oh wow this guy is seasoned you can see it yeah that's this thing he's the story guy that's this thing but I think he does like

two-hour shows on the road and shit hour 45 something like that yeah so we push through we do the second show second show is great Bert kills it again then Bert brings us all on stage and does that raffle oh yes the raft the raffle so the some some wait you're they all put money in a pot some waitress picks out a name and if it's her name she wins she won like $1,600 wow saying so that's kind of interesting there cuz everyone's rich aren't they or it's a Salt Lake city so it's not as much and their waitress so what are they yeah it's a lot of neck tattoos and whatnot mm-hmm so we had a great time then we leave there and we

go well we're starving but we went to the bar upstairs we had to go to the bar upstairs and talked all the fans Ari was just miserable but we just drink it we're drinking now we leave it's two in the morning we're all starving and we go let's go to Del Taco it's the only thing open no I didn't know they had Del Taco there I didn't either so we go to Delta we go to the drives we're in a big we're in a big panel van in the drive-thru no we're in an Uber we're an Uber and we go yeah we're all yelling we're drunks we're yelling at the screen you know like oh I want a double Del P for I want the the pounder I want the you

know the fist so Bert just goes enough shut up just put $100 worth of Del Taco in a bag and we'll be on our way and the lady was like well I don't know what he's just you figure it out wow and she was like okay so we pull up and he gives her a hundred she hands us a huge bag of hot sauce and then two giant bags of food and two like fiesta boxes a hundred dollars at Del Taco you can own a store have a piece of the franchise it was a booth it was crazy so then he gave her a 20 on top of that and then we got the hell out of there we went home and just ate this Del Taco we all shit ourselves we had a miscarriage it was

insane it was a wild night I'm not proud of it I think I gained 12 pounds on this thing so that yeah the next day we go do go to the show again we don't ski this is the part I was talking about Saturday last day yesterday we got to return the skis we got to clean the whole house return the rental cars a whole ton of ton of work but then the show is we're killer we got there on time both sold out Ari's taking photos the the amount of drugs people hand that guy it's insane it's like us with tea tea well I get Starbucks now it's people like let me buy a cup of green tea yeah he's getting mushrooms and you know whatever it is

Viagra it's funny how much they love him because these women they come up and rub his back and just hand him like a box and I'm like man have a guy do that it be a totally veneno yeah I had a couple situations I'll get into them later all right now just wrap it up here so then the night before when we had Delta we got in the hot tub and Steve Fran is easy we all know lied about 9-11 yes we go hey you should tell your story and he's like I can I can't we're like no you should do it so we broke it all down they they Bert helped him work on it they worked on it all day he talked about on stage oh it was tough to follow Bert was like that was

hard follow man it was amazing people on the edge of their seat cuz you know you always here with Louie you got to address it you got to address it right wow and it was crazy he hasn't done that before on stage I'm surprised the first no kidding I listen to his stern it was quite compelling oh really yeah I think we talked about it maybe I can't remember we talked about off mic but yeah it's a compelling story yeah I mean right when he because the theme was lying oh how can you not it's crazy it not to gotta do it so he goes up and he just goes yeah I was in the South Tower on 9-11 and but let me tell you why I wasn't or whatever the

opener was but it was some perfect opener on the plate the whole room goes oh wow and then you just compelled you know you're on the edge of your seat the whole time it was crazy there's still some people plenty of people I imagine in the audience even that hate them there's already doesn't advertise who's on the show right but it didn't get that fine you know it's been four or five years it's not they have nothing to do with 9-11 but maybe there's some military nut in the crowd I bet there's some people upset certainly here cuz I remember the stern episode it's really compelling and great and what good listen but Stern's like

I'm not gonna take any college because you should see what the people are fucking writing here right this is crazy he's like I'm gonna take pity on you by not reading it there's definitely people I've met them that are like this is on even comedians in New York that are like what are we talking about with Louie this guy's a fucking piece of garbage but yeah some reason I don't care I don't know he lied he reneged on it it's over I don't know people everybody lies yeah it's a fucked up thing to do but I don't I try to do a thing and I know this is very noble it's just base people off how they treat me I don't like I don't have

this thing of like he said a thing in 1986 and fuck him forever I don't get it I met him he's a nice guy he's a human being and I feel that way about a lot of people that have flaws have done bad things I go rather a pretty good person and they're just trying to raise a family they fucked up we all fuck up um you know yeah I guess he just never got you know if you don't get caught nobody cares you know we all do horrible shit but he just had to come clean right I don't know he's a great guy he's a sweet dude funny we had a great time all weekend he just he fucked up and that's okay yeah yeah people fuck up sweet guy I've

only met him twice for 10 minutes each time but nice guy I think he was quite touched years ago when I was like you should come on our pod and he was like you serious yeah we're like I think he's one of those guys like Louie similarly that like is touched when someone doesn't hate him right which is a bummer to have be in that situation I understand they brought it on themselves I understand sure but it also is a bummer to be like oh you don't hate me okay great I mean I feel that way about myself and I didn't do that same I just lived my life that way but he's so not and it's that's why it's so great to have friends

him and Ari they would never got they never nothing became between them our was like oh that 9-11 they were done now right they're all buddies him and Bert the whole crew yeah I think that Ari knew about it too I think it was just like I told this lie it's crazy and I was like well don't tell anybody else yeah whatever but he said the backlash like Twitter was insane he couldn't sleep for weeks and he had to you know go to therapy and all that they fuck your life up yeah yeah that public shaming thing seems pretty rough yeah look forward to it he told it and it's I hope he does it in a special or something but it was pretty

magical and we all thank to keep the owner of wise guys one of the best clubs you gotta get out there underrated sneaky amazing club right talks about it I think we got you in all right talk to you up and yeah we just had a great time and though of course we went out with the staff again went back home shit faced way to be up at 530 and it's like three in the morning we're just laughing like we gotta go to bed we couldn't stop loud with so many jokes right and then we went to bed and got up fucking crack of shit went to the airport now I'm here yeah I gave Ariadramamine he slept the whole flight I got photos of it he's a hideous

sleeper yo yeah yeah he's a hideous a waker so asleep I can't imagine but what was I gonna say there was something else I felt like we did it was noteworthy at our show I can't remember what it was Ian Phelan it's something else oh it did live up the live app or something or something part of that I knocked something into me that I was like I gotta say this thing Liz has got some checks for us oh baby yeah and then Sal Volcano's like don't give me any money I don't need any money I don't want it we're not a menchie guy and then Ian we don't have to give money to because he's

new I'm kidding we gave him a nice shout out yeah we'll throw him somebody yeah give him a follow on Instagram and stuff sure now how about this well first of all let me just plug this real quick I got my ps 109 show on the upper east side February 10th we haven't sold any tickets for God's sakes if you're at the live episode you live in New York get a ticket it's like a fucking $12 show Ron Bennington's on charade Smalls on and canner's on it's a hot show it's a cool room it's it's real indie shit great room it's in an old castle a lot of you have been before come to look at my Instagram or Twitter whatever the fuck

for a link but we've sold like eight tickets I got Bennington coming I'm like I gotta figure something out here yeah Ari can't do it you need that Ari mug in there he's I don't know where he is I don't know he said he was somewhere for while it was our show but he bailed and we kept going but so get a ticket fucking it's 15 bucks it's in New York City upper east side great spot how about this I did yoga yesterday I'm trying to I'm on the road the polar vortex is fucking licking my asshole I've got icicles coming out of my dick sure it's freezing and the road I was with the on the road four weeks in a row I had Sarah

for three of them which is beautiful but even with your wife you're still that downtime we're like what am I doing what I gotta do oh yeah so I'm in Royal Oak and I can't even walk around like it's like it's horrifying cold you put thermals on in a hat but even whatever is exposed it's you're in danger you're fucked yeah it's a dangerous temperature so I can't even stroll around I'm in the hotel Saturday Friday I went walking around I saw a yoga place I'm like I'm gonna go sign up for yoga now in the place because if I sign up now I'll go right so I go over there and I'm like the you know woman's like the hottest

woman of all time yoga instructor class just like hello like these yoga people I don't know how they it's like they chiseled their face it's another breed it really is so I go I'm gonna sign up I'm gonna do the feel the burn class slow burn it's called and it's you hold the position slowly whatever the fuck so I sign up and she's like the first class is free and I go great so it's free and I go you have any short I forgot to remember my shorts because the week before I was on the road this is a problem with every week on the road all your shit gets dirty yep and so I go can I buy shorts anywhere she starts looking up for

me she's like there's this she's naming all these like designer and vintage stores I was like target I was like maybe I'll go to the Salvation Army across the street and she like laughed and I was like no seriously I'm gonna go to the Salvation Army you tell she was like oh you're okay yeah so right over there I got a pair of $7 boy shorts there was coming them the whole thing was tiny little waist blue baby blue little priest fingerprint yeah you could tell it was definitely a kid short just weird because I pay seven bucks I'm like some kid was playing youth basketball in these yeah and now they're on me and I'm doing yoga

with a boner but I went and did yoga tell me this is annoying first of all it's Saturday morning I didn't want to go I woke up was like I'm gonna skip it and I did that thing where you like physically rip yourself out of bed you're like just go you piece of shit just go cuz I'm like I could sleep in but then I'll beat myself up I'm like I'm not gonna work out I gotta just go there so I walk over there good for you and it's packed with Saturday 1115 so you're like you're right on top everybody and it's me and the three guys and 75 women and the instructor is like this hip hipster you know 25-year-old white lady yep well

you know affluent whatever doing great yeah Roy look she's doing this thing during while she's instructing where she says yo and word it takes me out of it she's like she's like stretch out your back yo she's not like an urban part like certainly there's like there's no weary no I don't know we can say that but but some people they grow up in an urban setting so whatever there but this is like they got a little flavor this lady lives in Royal Oak and she's in a yoga instructor that's cultural appropriate that's what it feels like right she says word she's like if you if you're if you go and it takes you

out of it cuz she's like if you go into a position you're not into word just change it yo and I'm like what is work do we both she sounds like a dork and then she's like doing this whole other thing where y'all kind of a yoga pure it yoga the instructors there just to tell you kind of guide you through the positions and the the what do you call it stances programs moves downward dog what's it call yeah what's that called position they're all yelling at us rusty trombone we talking the Popeye the move the thing yeah it's position but it's not position fuck me hard doggy style you're fucking me up pinwheel hat what do you

mean you know the downward dog yeah but it's called a move a position a dance pose it's a pose yes the pose oh my god she's my number one all time but anyways so you supposed to take us to the pose but she keeps doing this other thing like this motivational speech she's like don't be fake anymore let your real self shine this is where you find your real self irony she's like get rid of your fake self yo and she goes how many times you fake laugh at your boss she's like I'm tired of fake laughing at jokes I don't agree with she brings up joke she doesn't agree with and I'm like first of all there's no such thing as a joke you

don't agree with yes it's a joke there's no agree or disagree you think it's funny or you don't think it's funny exactly what is this thing this is this new thing where it's like a joke is a statement yes you know Brooklyn you can feel that I don't agree with your joke we like what do you mean you don't agree it's a joke it's a joke I'm not saying we gotta fucking do this it's a joke I'm kidding so she's like breaking up not make sense but that's a different thing right I think yeah I can I fuck the logic sucks but it's just like I don't agree with your joke and I'm like why are we talking about Joe it's actually new

as a comedian she was just a very annoying then one point she made a Trump joke and I hate Trump as much as the next guy or whatever guy and by the way warning about the pot it gets a little Trumpy at the end but anyways I hate Trump I'll be I want him to be out of office the whole thing I think he's a Russian trader blah blah blah the whole thing but I'm like what are we doing we're at yoga why are you bringing up Trump why we doing Trump jokes and we just jumped the shark this thing you know what she is a poser she's a poser yeah it's a very annoying but anyways it felt good and there's nothing better than

when you don't want to do something but you do it yes healthy I know the feeling I felt great left there with a sweat and then I go how about this this is some this is some what do you call it small town shit I leave there I go to Starbucks and I'm like I'm feeling the goodness and it's Saturday which should be like a day off but I'm like I did yoga I'm gonna write I'm gonna sit right look at you listen to my sets from last night where's your lady is she just saw on logs over here no she wasn't on the road she wasn't on this trip that's what I'm saying I got you she stayed home for this one she was in New York so normally

Saturday I'm like I don't need to do any work but a lot of times there's nothing else to do all right so you're like I'll just work just because I got nothing else to do yeah so I sit there I write I'm texting with Sam and once you said one day it's over that's it's two hours I'm with you that's why sometimes I don't I won't write back give him a little buffer yeah give him an hour and then he might be doing something by then sometimes it's hard because you want to be like I'm not writing right now I'm walking I thought of this thing just just tell me if you've heard it that's all I want all you never heard it great

I'm not even I'm not sitting and writing I'm living my life right now right right then all of a sudden it's a whole thing but anyways this one was very helpful because I was when you're sitting there and actually writing it's very helpful yes but anyways so we bounce bits for a while get some writing down like now I'm ready for lunch it's 2 p.m. I woke up I did yoga I wrote for an hour I listed some sets I'm going to eat some lunch I got the the mood for pasta you know me I eat pasta about 80% of the my meals little Carby yeah I like a car but I'm not afraid of no carb now carpool Bernie Carbo so I go to this Italian I

Google I go a series where's the Italian restaurant I go to this first restaurant nice retratoria blah blah blah opens at 4 I go ah all right not to be deterred I did yoga I wrote there's a place across the street I go to the place across the street I walk in the lady goes whoa whoa whoa this is a private party private party till 3 p.m. I go all right she goes you can order from the the bar though over here I look over is a wall with just a doorway into it like a different place so I go into this place it's a completely different restaurant no different menu no different yeah different menu I don't like this is not

in the guys like we have brunch only right now and I'm like is this the same place he's like we're associated I'm like associated this is not this is a different meal yeah so then he takes me through this thing's like I show you shook it to our other restaurant he's like we got another restaurant it's Italian I go all right so then he points me to some door and it takes me down a hallway I get through I come out in some general store this is Allison Wonderland what's going on it gets kook here this is just a Saturday afternoon Royal Oak so I walk into a general store but it has sandwiches I see chicken parm sandwich I

go all right I'm gonna switch my mode sandwich no matter in there yeah I sit there for six full minutes nobody comes out there's nobody in there I go what the fuck is this associated so I leave I could have ransacked the place but I took pity on them sure I did yoga so I felt all you know whole yo so I leave I leave my whole yo my yo yo and I walk out and I go all right there's another place over here two blocks away I walked to this place it says pizza but usually those pizza places have pasta also yeah they do I walk in it's one of these things you've been here before I'm sure when you walk in and it's like an old

Western it's just me and him yeah in the proprietor yes is it papaya or proprietor proprietor pro is an hour in the front oh yeah he's a he's a pro a pro piator pro pie I'd be a good pro pie eater and his pro mean expert or just getting paid yeah because you can be a pro and not an expert there's plenty of comics that are yeah whore is a pro a slut is pro bono oh yeah I couldn't tell if we said the same thing I heard bono bono yeah yeah all right same thing same same race affluent affluent Godfrey all right how about when give it Godfrey got fired they audition all these people and they sent it to

Apollo oh they're like you want to audition he's like what are you insane he's like they just fired Gilbert Godfrey they're gonna bring me yeah he's like what's gonna it's like the craziest that's like sums up show biz right we're like Godfrey's a little too edgy we're gonna go with someone else to Paul do you want to try to get it crazy I said fag 11 times in my opening minute we're gonna get rid of Jared Fogle with Subway we'll bring in Sandusky by the way perfect analogy by the way have you listened to Apollo's Bennington unmasked I have not folks pause this go listen to that I listen to 20 it's from no not

old it's from the state like 2017 August of 2017 I listened to it I tried to listen to it working out I had to pause it I my muscles fell right out of my skull laughing I'm die I mean it's crazy most of the unmasked and like get to know you he's just like bringing it it's so funny it's crazy tomorrow it's like he's doing stand-up Bennington's howling Bennington has some great lines the Apollo's like nervous but like cuz he's like this is my big night what the fuck and he says he's like ripping it I couldn't believe how funny it is wow half hour in I'm like on the ground and it's there's no like how did you start what makes you tick

it's just him like blazing it was fucking it's unbelievable I'm on it and you can hear it on the laughable app I've been using the laughable app which is great but anyways let me get back to my story yeah pasta now I go to the part it's me in the proprietor one-on-one I'm just staring at him I'm look at the menu and I can see pasta's none of the menu I don't want pizza I already had dominoes seven times so I'm just staring at it and he's like I help you I do it today he's I don't know what he is but he sounded similar to that and then I go you get pasta and he's like yes yes pasta we have it he's like oh but not in the

system yet later I'm like in the system I go what do you mean systematic he's like I could make it but I prefer not it's not in the system he's pointing to the register I don't know what the fuck that means I go all right maybe I'll come back for dinner yes so now I'm up to one two three four places jeez finally I go out with the pasta I'm gonna go to Comet burger yeah which is right on the way to the hotel I'm like I know it's on the way there I walk up to Comet burgers a piece of paper stuck in the door I swear to God it says having maintenance issues be back soon yeah this is some STS five play what's that

small town shit five places just closed private party we don't know what we're doing no one answers and this is why I try to be a support the local guy local business I hate the corporations United corporate blah blah blah I'm fucked five places so I go I just go I go to dominoes I hit reorder it says we're on our way wow all you do is open the app reorder yesterday's order oh two buttons you go yeah I got a pizza on the way yeah I get a head start I walked the hotel I got a dominoes fucking delicious beautiful five places I'm like you got to be shit me and you know when that blood sugar starts to drop I worked out

I'm like I'm gonna fucking kill somebody and you can't share with anyone I start texting Sarah but it's a 45 minute long text and I'm like she doesn't give a shit right she's like I'm at the jail what are you right oh no sorry yeah that's a good point if that blood sugar my dad has low blood pressure or is it blood sugar there's both things I don't know what's what what basically I see the cookie or he passes out right that's blood pressure I think blood sugar that's blood sugar yeah but it's weird because he's like the scariest guy on the planet military guy what the fuck I can't and he's like oh how cookie yes we don't

cookie takes this tough guy down yeah I feel that okay cookie I get that sometimes too but it's not like a elm but sometimes you just haven't eaten and you work out your tea like you get some caffeine in there maybe that's where they got cookie monster hmm he's a monster you give him a cookies all right how about this the last night by the way the show is all killer at the comedy castle fun time they drink over there oh they get a little rowdy I had a lady last night I got more emails and tweets and walk up to the during the meet and greet about this quieting a heckler than any other show that's what the people like they

really do kind of like an incident they like a bummer a thing to happen they hate the it's been six months perfecting a joke and they go hey when you told that guy he was a come guzzling Nazi that's really when I lost it yes well I was on stage the second show and I never liked to get into it the audience it takes a lot for me to say something I rather just ignore it breeze through because it can get awkward and you never want to show the crowd that other side of you right because you want to be hey guys I'm here and I'm fun and I like being here and here are the jokes and I'm your entertainment for the evening yeah once

you're like shut up shut the fuck up the crowd is like oh my god what is this this guy's a weirdo he's a monster you can go too far is he a weirdo or do they like the realness it depends sometimes they do but a lot I've seen a lot of crowds turn you go oh this guy's crazy I've been turned on of course right turned on right now so I'm on the stage I'm killing I mean just killing and there's this lady stage right front row probably in her fifties drunk she's like Kathy Bates in Titanic or any other movie that Kathy Bates is in Titanic oh yeah she thinks the ship no she's the rich nice lady she's the new money new money

she's the unsinkable Molly ring wall or whatever got it flogging Molly yes oh I love flogging Molly what they said I'm on Molly ah Molly's game sucked as a movie that wasn't great but that lady's hot you think so oh yeah it's just a real fiery red twat I've always been turned off because she's the one that goes I'm the motherfucker who found him in that bin Laden movie that makes me oh zero dark dick yeah I'm the motherfucker who found oh yeah oh Jesus what's such a cringy line but that movie just cleavage in red hair that's all it is but yeah alright so you're gonna wrap up sorry no pasta I ate dominoes I don't know where the

fuck I am oh so I'm on stage I'm killing this lady's talking though you can hear her talk she's talking like this volume right to the late next to her she's going yeah uh-huh oh yeah totally and finally after like 20 minutes I go you gotta you gotta be quiet I'm sorry I can hear you you're so close it's distracting I'm hearing everything you're saying she's like I'm sorry I'm sorry and she's already said sorry three times every time I look at her she goes I'm sorry and I go you're not sorry I feel like you're not sorry because you keep doing it right and she goes I gotta be honest you're right I'm not sorry and

laughs and I go I could tell you're not sorry just just please stop because I'm trying she goes I think you're doing really well and I was like I am I'm fucking killing in spite of you yes and that gets like a kind of a cheery laugh and then she's like just tune me out she's making like she was to me out like your wife put on your wife ears I go I don't tune out my wife I like my wife I have a problem with you yeah you suck sing it sister and she's like you tune out your wife you tune up and that's some fans that you on Sarah we love you Sarah like Tuesday which is nice but I'm like thank you but now I'm getting

like I'm in like a fight mode so I'm like shaking yeah I've been there and I'm like you just got to be quiet I'm like I appreciate you having fun it's your birthday but I can hear everything you're saying you know stuck and they the dormant can't get to her because she's in the front row in that little corner you know comedy castles like a one little seat bad corner bad corner so I go it's like the corner three and I go just just be quiet because I can I can hear you and it's annoying I don't ignore my wife I like my wife I don't like you to her credit never made a peep the next 25 minutes that's rare right back to killing

she laughs she enjoyed it I didn't see her I kind of ducked away when she left interesting but it ended up being alright but everyone's writing to me like that was great I love the way you handle that we could hear she sucks you're the best and that was that was sweet that felt good it's almost as if she wanted to be put in her place then when you finally did it she was like alright I can relax now yeah sometimes I think they legitimately don't realize they're like oh I guess I'm ruining the show for everybody I guess so but this I hate this birthday thing we're like you're 50 years old what are you doing grow up

have a birthday like have a birthday dinner I like to get people together we have a dinner you get to choose where the food is it's your special day the whole thing but this talking during the show you like hey can you stop talking it's my birthday I'm like what does what's that mean you're letting me a rude whore yeah I don't get it I don't get either anyways I got a couple more things but we run fresh out of time here and jeez sorry I went too long with the skiing I gotta get home no it was perfect I gotta get home for the fucking Super Bowl my boys are playing oh my god we're cutting I know it's crazy you're

gonna be there fatty all right well February 10th PS 109 the thing I can plug the most is the patreon it's three bucks a month the live pod is insane salvol can all those live pods are there Ron Bennington Chris D. Nikki Glazer Samantha Ruddy so many fucking great people up there yeah and then bananas Valentine's Day get your tickets early because that'll sell out every show sells out on Valentine's Day so get tickets for that the whole weekend February 14 15 16 Hasbrooke Heights New Jersey I love that room Key West the week after that if you want to come back to Key West I know you were just

there with Marcus here nice but come back I'll be doing that Miami room whatever the hell that room is the casino maybe I don't know I've got two shows in Miami that night oh too wow yeah we had to the show somewhere not added it's thanks it's only I sold out we had the show it's a different show another venue all right so Key West Miami and then Fort Worth is coming up Hyena's Fort Worth I'll put all the dates on that comedian Joe list and I'll be on Corden Wednesday tomorrow oh my god I didn't know that tomorrow yeah I'm going up that's what I'm going up there shooting it Wednesday yes oh you're gonna murder that's gonna

be a very excited I hope so I get there I don't know who's on the show but keep an eye out for it and retweet the YouTube all that happy shit and depending on you're listening to this right now I mean they're devastated by the Patriots or I'm on cloud nine here yeah you could have a Patriots win and a Corden kill that would be something that's what we're shooting or I could have neither or neither well kill see to and then we'll see all right I'll be in hilarities this weekend love Cleveland you know me Cleveland's better than the others big fan then I'm at good nights in Raleigh one of my favorites love that place funny

bone Syracuse please help me out there Philadelphia helium my top number one club of all time comedy castle and Royal Oak I'll try to find a mom and pop with a fucking menu that's working then we're in Vegas I'm in Ohio State opening for dice clay wow yeah that'll be something comedy club on state recording an album laughing school in Atlanta Georgia love Atlanta roar in Springfield mass and yeah you know it you love it bananas Hasbrook Heights we're all at the same fucking rooms we're all comics we're all working we're trying to make a living we're trying to keep you laughing we're trying to keep you happy and not kill

ourselves god love you praise Allah yell at your potlake bring us some Uber come see us live get on the patreon check out check out laughable and kiss your uncle on the lips and blow your dad have a good night you