Tuesdays with Stories! - #285 Lickstarter

Episode Date: February 19, 2019

It's a kooky ep as Mark's mom gets masturbated at during a visit to NYC, Mark dines with a comedy legend, and Joe see's a play he didn't like. Check it out! Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus eps and more! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/ Download the Laughable app today! laughable.com/download

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy hi I'm Joe and my friend here is Mark hello Joe we're live from San Francisco Bay San Fran in the morning yeah I'm just kidding I did book a fight today from San Fran I booked a flight from San Fran to Houston not

easy Delta no there's no hub I gotta fly to Salt Lake City wait why oh here's a listen to this listen to this we're already in it listen to this March I got for you all right this is a real fucking come on my back as a good thing I like warm I like coming my back yes so March and this is I'll do some plugs here as well but listen how exciting this is we're in Vegas together March 20th baby doll I can't wait 20th of the 24th you me Gary Viter Ari Shafir Mike Beck you know what a hot lineup is that it that's it right that's the big five Liz is coming out we're gonna be there Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday

I got Sarah flying out Sunday after the show Sunday me Ari Sarah which you're still welcome to join this but you probably got business I gotta work to do and I'm gay we're going to Zion National Park Utah basketball player yes well well done he's a quite the phenom he's a real phenom yeah he's a stud he's exciting imagine that sperm so we're gonna drive from vague do all of Vegas then we're gonna drive to Zion hike Zion for two and a half days got some place oh yeah two and a half it's a huge park huge red with the rocks and the rear I don't know what the fuck it is but it's exciting not red rocks no

that's different we went to together with Ari that's right yeah this is much bigger and wilder and crazier I think a lot of Jews hike oh they hike didn't they march for days Moses isn't that the desert I wouldn't call that well that was more of a stroll well this is desert to I guess so yeah 40 years wasn't it some Jews hike was it 40 years I don't know anything about anything maybe 40 days and 40 nights that was a movie with Josh Hartnett great movie got Robert the Oscars yeah so we're doing three days I alright then we're gonna drive back to Vegas drop him off then we're driving from Zion to Vegas all the way to

Sunnyvale we got Sunnyvale the next day so that's like a 10 hour drive so we're gonna bust it up we're gonna drive halfway Wednesday stay in like Bakersfield drive the rest of the way to Sunnyvale watch ever big as that's white trash central oh alright well I could dabble so we're gonna go to Sunnyvale do rooster tea feathers that's like the 20s it's eighth or whatever through April 1st or something like 26 to the 28th or something oh yeah then we're gonna fly we're in Austin the following weekend so we're flying to Houston see her parents for a couple days then driving to Austin to New Cap City April 3rd through the

6th wow my birthday back to Houston to see Jenny Lewis on Sunday the 7th then all the way home so I got like two and a half weeks warm weather Utah Nevada California Texas out on the road the open road man big sky wait a minute that means we got to record some pods in the can I know I was thinking that will you tease some Europe tour well this podcast might be over this might be the last that's a good point so we ever do we're getting busy folks the works are coming in well we're going to do I went in Vegas so that's no problem that'll be the following weeks maybe we'll do two we're there Wednesday through Sunday to do

we'll do two and then we'll do one before we leave and wrap smack happy that we'll queef it up with the little bead and we'll queef it up with the big Jew and the Vic yes good time to get on patreon folks because when we're in Vegas we're gonna be recording podcast up the ass maybe we'll record one at the blackjack table oh kind of haven't hidden it's not but we'll keep it hidden like cards as queen I've got carbs I just rewatched a rain man hell of a program by the way do you have Amazon Prime we got to get into some stories do you have Amazon Prime I canceled it oh really yeah I wasn't using enough it was 18 a

month oh I'm loving it Sarah got it I watched long strange trip the grateful dead documentary unbelievable inspiring exciting it was terrific when I rewatched hoop dreams the first time in a while which is one of the best movies ever unbelievable and then that's why we watched rain man and then that's it but big big three yeah it's quite a bad bag on that that Amazon you're like oh maybe I'll watch Rain Man and then I'll go over to DuckTales and then I'll check out Seinfeld thank you anyway so I'm looking forward to it's a get on the patreon and we were really cooking it up with the page live apps and

queefs and anal you name it yeah so do that whatever so it's gonna be a fun couple weeks but yeah well we'll make sure it's good yeah yeah we're thinking about dabbling in some video folks everybody keeps wanting to see our big mugs so maybe we'll put something up soon visitio did you see that guy's tweet well he was like hey you keep promising these things on the patreon and not delivering yeah I wanted to tweet him back for some examples I'm not sure what he's talking about maybe some of the cordon thing I mentioned but that was no problem well you said maybe yeah I think we've said maybe we'll throw in the

patreon then we don't I don't know what else I remember saying what I put like our submission tapes on there we should do that yeah and you had something else that you wanted to put on I think my cock my mother's underwear yeah but that's still no yeah anyways where should we start I mean you want to say something yeah I want to jump out on this so my parents were just in town who and that is always a real kick in the taint of your ego yeah mine are coming down I think in April or something like that they don't do a lot of hey would it be cool if we came down they're like we're thinking about coming down well I

mean they're allowed to come to a New York City it's America certainly but but they know it's gonna be I'm gonna be hanging we're gonna be I'm gonna have to entertain them oh oh got it sure it's not like they're gonna just you know but maybe they won't maybe they won't reach out who knows maybe not you never know what this gang yeah what was the guy's Darren you can just give him that guy I'll take them all around the town who's Darren judge Reinhold Seinfeld no that wasn't judge Reinhold close talker oh yeah yeah I think but Darren was Cramer's like assistant oh that's right that one Darren well that was when I got kooky

those later episodes I hate him catch a bit of mustard in the same bottle yes Cramerica Cramerica industries yeah that was Darren what was the guy what was Reinhold's name Cliff Clyde Clancy that can't remember anyway your parents are sorry this is clunky Clyde my mom is my mom's a busy busy bitch you know she's a food cunt so she's all about the you know she runs a food museum in the big I'm familiar yes the apron the whole thing yeah so she comes here and she's got all these food bags to meet and she meets up you know one one seminar it's all boring adult stuff and so she's like maybe I can squeeze in for lunch which is

great for me I like that she's busy because I don't want to take her to the bed eight times a day so we go get lunch and you know it's tough it's at this swanky place in Tribeca my dad's got a tie on it's noon I'm hung over I'm bad I'm Jew so I get there and I immediately with the criticizing and they don't care so this waitress I know sorry the manager of the place is this tall woman with a business suit on okay a Nazi that Nazi haircut with the flip the swoop the swoop with the side shaved yeah by the way what I'm into that as a woman yeah I want a Nazi woman to spit in my ass and you know hawk one in my mouth and yes call

me a bitch all right you want a little little SS yeah my wife's too sweet I need someone to really fist my ass and make me wear her shoes around the house there you go beat me with a stick all right well yeah I mean a Nazi would be down I'm sure put you in a shower put some lipstick on me you know yeah yeah so so that my dad is obsessed with this manager she's going around doing the hobnob it's just a nice place so if you look at my Instagram I took a photo of it of my parents obsessed negative or pop what's he obsessed well I'm like so this woman he goes that's not a woman that's a man that's a woman it's just this

androgynous or whatever the word is you know like that's a lady and he's like now she's wearing a business suit she's like six three homogenized yes Louis Pasteur mm-hmm so so I'm like that's a lady he's like no no no so now he's staring an old guy's got bad eyes he's from a different time and he's just staring and he waves this lady over and he's just trying to get clues and it's so uncomfortable because he's so obvious it sounds like he's being silly also a couple chuckles no no he's square as can be sober as a judge just clean cut going to so how long you run the joint here you know what year is this place and

the ladies like well you know and she's she's definitely a lady not a not a stubble not a bulge not a tit uh-huh but she's tall and in a business it was so my dad can't get his head around it so she's finally going oh you know my my girlfriend and she's a lesbo I see she's doing this and that and I'm and my mom's like Rick that is a woman and I'm like dad it's a woman he's like I don't know I don't know like god damn it dad so he keeps calling her he ended up talking to this woman for maybe 40 minutes I'm not even kidding oh my just standing at the table he's like well we're from New Orleans he's like oh she's from France

and so now they're going off in the French world and the whole thing French Nazi yes so we didn't I don't think they talked to me for maybe five minutes and it was all wait all the manager after that how was the food it was good really good French French cuisine very good but that's that's my parents in a nutshell hey you gotta come visit us we're coming to New York I go there I see them for five minutes they talked to this manager the whole time oh geez so that's that's where my self-esteem comes from but my dad would not let up then the waitress comes by and he's like what is that turmeric is that

turmeric in here she's like actually it's a tarragon and they're going off I didn't get a word and I got no stage time now your mother must have loved the meal though because she knows her shit oh love the meal she's ranting and raving she's got heard about this place from years ago I had to come and she was a fan did she come she came all over the croquettes hot spaghetti yes so that's Italian but yeah we had a nice time and then so my mom we have dinner that night at Raul's who gets a Raul's go there it's in Soho the soothing sounds of Raul ladies and gentlemen yes Raul Julia he died he was in Street Fighter and Adam's

family and Adam's family values so we go to Raul's my parents hate it the whole thing it's a loud and so ho kind of hip place the food's great so my mom we're like 20 minutes in the meal my mom goes hey you know it's crazy I was on the subway today and this is my mom on a nutshell on the subway today there's no one else on the car but me and a homeless guy and I'm like oh that's never good and she's like yeah he came and sat in front of me on the bench across from me pulled his pants down and started masturbate what I was like are you kidding oh my god my poor little mom she's got a short haircut she's overweight

it's terrifying holy shit did she come well that's what I said I said were you scared she was like nah I just got up grabbed my book and went to another bench oh my god kidding me I've been in the I've been in New York 12 years I've never seen this I always hear about it and it happens to you've been here two days you get jerked off on wow I was like what are you kidding my mom you know she's ex-military tough whore you know military I didn't know that my parents are both Jags no kidding I told you they were Jags I didn't know she was a Jag I thought he was a Jag no he Jags a Jag off but they used to be living Germany

together travel the world just jagging off no kidding wow so what was that Navy Army she was an army jet that Jag was Navy I don't know what the Jag is Navy's Homo Jew anal goo Navy goo that's the enemy that's what she got shot at her so it's like a what you know I'm making jokes I'm like well you're flattered she's like oh I'm like whoa what was it scary was he a big well and down what are we talking here and she was like I don't know he just pulled it out and started yanking it so I moved seats and it hit me this is how hard you were there too this is how hard it is to get a reaction out of my mom there's a guy a homeless

guy yanking it in front of my dear old ma and she didn't care she was like hey what are you gonna do wow so can you imagine me a six-year-old trying to get some yucks out of her boy she's got some hard bark on her yeah she's a tough crowd do you have a jerk off in front of her in public I don't think it would have done anything I always wonder about those homeless guys jerking off do they have lube cuz I think I picture them having very dry skin I just pictures skin flakes shooting everywhere like grated cheese yeah well you see their ankles and it looks like a tree they're rough it's like a chalkboard situation

yes it's a chalkboard there's some bad bad homeless feet and I really want to just give them a good scrub and I always think about taking them in and shower them and soaking them up and then send them on their way but I never do well that's a whole day's work and there's so many of them yeah you do one you got to do them all I know a guy in the sober community he brought in a homeless guy because he was trying to do some service you know so he brought in a homeless guy to like stay at his house ooh and the homeless guy ended up leaving after like four days he's like I can't handle it cuz a lot of these people they get it's

being institutionalized they're just like what is this a shower a couch I gotta go back on the street that's like their life they're interested they're on you know they're unhinged or unstable or unstoppable it brooks from from Shawshank yeah institution you gotta get back yeah he goes out and they got to do it that's why I think that might be why they're jerking off by the way good for your mom she must have felt kind of nice as you get older you get a little self-esteem issues someone's still well and went off to her I guess that's what I said but she was like oh no no no but I'm just that's it my whole point is it's

this is how hard it is to get a reaction on my mom yeah that's difficult yeah I don't know how my dad gets her off maybe doesn't yeah maybe she just watches them I don't know what was she wearing something nice moomoo type thing she's a big very flowy garment bitch yeah so nice lady very nice we had a great dinner and all that we got some ice cream after and you did this and that and we had a good time little stroll around Manhattan but yeah that was it the parents saw him for a couple days and they take the self esteem right out of you but you know it's fun is bringing the girlfriend to the

dinner because you you go let me bring this normal person in front of my wackadoo kin and you can see like oh look look she's seeing how crazy they are it's not just me it provides proof yeah no of course that's the best one of the great things about therapy and all your friendships you kind of be like what do this that's insane yeah like our therapy he's like the best like this is really sad is crazy crazy thing and like I don't it's just normalized to me so I'm not sad right say and then he'll say something like that's the saddest thing I've ever heard in my life he's like serious and like he's like crying right

and I was like boy maybe I should cry yeah that's how I feel and because you know my parents they give you nothing we're all about reaction that's literally our whole job is just saying something getting a laugh or getting a reaction and they don't react so they do I'll be my dad you be me all right all right so I'm gonna go I'm gonna ask you a question you answer the question so what's your address there where you live what neighborhood you live in and I live in the village waiters yeah and is he a guy is that a gal what's he gay what's going on in the world you know all right well what the hell am I doing here it says

the village yeah who's the president now is it Joe Biden all right yeah that's what you gotta do you gotta say hey dad you asked me a question and then you didn't listen to the answer well I would say that he would still be looking at his pocket watch now here's where I'm at with my dad all right I'll be my dad you be me all right I got her piece that's my dad right there's not even a question wow at least he put that is that towards a question out there yeah that's something but your dad at least you're getting just ice cold water I'm getting the old good for the goose is good for the gander I'm getting the switcheroo

because he's set me up and then taking a hike in Zion right my dad I've never heard from my dad one time never a phone call a text zero if I try to do a joke but if my dad calls me it means my mother's dead I've never seen there's never been one reach out zero reach out none I see him when I come home and that's it I'm not getting a whole lot now is this his dad must have been a just a just a petrified forest oh I mean just nothing oh yeah worse yeah he was just he would whistle when he walked up the steps but that was it what does that mean like a cat call oh yeah just whistle like he'd kind of a drum a lot

you go doot-doot I'm talking about that's that's the that's what you'd get out of them oh I see and then yeah he went a little go go towards the end you cut his own hair and shit is pants a couple times did you meet him oh yeah I mean he died not that long ago they lived until he lives you know is 88 or something like that I'm not a talker no very quiet guy funny guy when he would say something I think it's a thing here there but no I think it's very that that Boston Irish Catholic yeah just Stoic zip it yeah yeah mute yeah it's quiet but you know what can you do I'm working on it yeah well I mean I hate to say it there fatty but I

think it's why we gravitate towards each other's assholes yeah yeah we gotta put our tongues in each other's assholes yeah because you go hey you had a wacky weirdo dad I had a wacky weirdo dad my dad was a little you know a little different wacky but that's why we're not the same but we gel let me ask you this what amount of money would it take to just lick my asshole top to bottom right now top to bottom how long is it it's a quick one just a hundred bucks a thousand bucks ten grand I do it for five five bucks hundred five I do it for five hundo five hundo yeah so people paid you you guys want to start like a go fund me

I'll do it yeah we'll put it get a kick a lick starter put it on the video put a video up because I've licked assholes before me too I mean how much work hashtag how much worse can your asshole be than you know my wife's well I got a big puke patch in that thing it's like a it's like a little field back there it's so interesting that we have such hair your assholes oh yeah I feel like the front part hair is about the same male to female and sometimes females have more I feel like but then the asshole we just have a forest down well I know for a fact that my lady goes and gets hers shocked all like a electrified oh wow but

even if she didn't I feel like it wouldn't be it wouldn't look like yours I will say I banged a girl in Connecticut this is I don't know 1988 she was a little older she's probably like 38 good looking lady I wonder if we fuck the same lady really I fucked an older lady in Connecticut but I mean hold on tell me say what you're gonna say cuz I would know Kentucky was in Louisville Kentucky Kentucky yeah so Connecticut I meant Kentucky all right it was at the comedy dirt in the comedy caravan oh yeah yeah yeah that was it this is so long ago I'm flipping and flopping but she bent over and I swear to God she had this the weirdest asshole

here because it was short but rigid it looked like a paintbrush oh wow just shot out like a paint like a Hitler mustache on top of her asshole like the mean kid from Toy Story huh his hair was very prickly oh boy what a pull yeah sure asshole look like alfalfa from the little rascals but it just shot out and it was about a two inches long just wow hard hair no kidding it was a little bristle it was bristly so I had it was tickling my my taint it was wild I couldn't I think about it every three weeks no kidding yeah I don't I've never had any crazy hair experiments like that experiences not experiments I think you got to

maintain it if you're a lady I think if you're if you're dabbling in these the carnal arts you got a trim yeah I guess so I should too because what I have I've talked about this in the pub before I have hair between my ball sack and the inside of my leg that little valley there same yeah but it's so long sometimes it gets caught in my Mack Weldon boxer shorts and will tug on them so I got to get out there and trim them interesting I was they did that when you do TV like I did court and they do the makeup chair they're like if you want to trim your eyebrows it would be nice if they did a little taint business that's a good point

yeah in the crazy that a lady most women I'd say 90% of women go to some Russian bitch or some Asian skank and they put their knees up on a thing and they go all right trim it up and just some immigrant starts slicing is that wild that's pretty wild I don't think is it that many I did my wife doesn't do that but she doesn't know now I get in there for she hires me Scotch tape my eyes back she gives me pucks

I'll picture you with a welding mask just going in with a with a little miners light on your forehead well I'll still do it herself sometime but I want to be involved I like being part of it I like to get in there and pop the pimples and break the blackheads and I'll put Scotch tape in there and rip it off I don't want to get involved in that that's too personal well we're married I guess but I mean you don't want to know the sausage ins and outs well I put my sausage in that while I'm doing it

that's a good point but when you once you're older you got I'm at the feeder baby food and wiper asshole so I might as well get in there and shave it right now and oh you guys aren't having kids no but you have kids I feel like you see inside Satan's Valley I mean that vagina opens up there's placenta there's blood there's guts there's poo yeah that seems unpleasant I would not want to be part of that watching ahead cram out of it isn't weird with parents too the idea of like I'm like

taller than my mother I was inside her body it's weird that we just grow that is interesting fascinating yeah yeah I always think when I see a little kid and I don't know if this is gonna get me arrested but I see a little kid and I think you don't think about sex at all it's not even on the table not even a nuance doesn't creep into your head you might see a boob and go oh that's interesting but it's not even part of your whole world and then in like a couple years you're gonna be 14 and it's gonna be all you think about

little little kid because I really like third grade starting to think about girls oh really oh yeah I mean I wasn't like I'm gonna bend her over and bang her but you're like oh I like her I like she's wearing socks with a little tassel on them I'm into that like get like what do they call that like that French uh doily yeah like a doily like a like a tablecloth I remember seeing like a sock with that and then spandex in the 90s you'd be like oh my god what's happening to me and then like tights would come in oh tights remember watching an exercise video as a kid you're like oh my god this is

bananas yeah now spandex do nothing for me but like yoga pants kind of took over but like in the 90s spandex you'd be like what the fuck is that I know I was just in Raleigh and I'm jealous of these college kids because you walk around every single solitary whore is wearing spandex uh the yoga pants yes it's just common knowledge yes or common common ground good rapper great book alright so yeah but alright I've been hogging what are you I mentioned cordon I alluded to cordon and this is pretty unbelievable this I told

the whole story the whole rigmarole I clapped I said shit I pissed my pants they shaved my eyebrows somehow I blacked out this thing that happened that Steve Big Nick Rodgers reminded me I work by the way I work with Steve Rodgers and Ian Flance this weekend oh wow yeah Ian MC the bananas on Valentine's Day and then Steve did Friday Saturday so I got the whole gang the MC Sarah featured and then Steve came out and MC even though he featured last time but he's a good kid

he's like he just wanted to hang out so alright came and did it we'll get into that it was an okay weekend but anyway so I hung out with both the boys yes cute kid I wouldn't be surprised if Flance was just packing heat yeah I could see that he's probably got a big hook down there I bet that thing cuts right or right hook oh yeah he's like Muhammad Ali down there or maybe he's left he's a liberal I've only ever seen the hook go up oh I've seen a couple of canes I'll pull a guy off the Apollo stage

alright alright in the left bend yo yeah they're out there baby wow I have never seen such a thing you got to put it inside ways and then turn you got a hook hook it yeah doesn't that hit her pancreas or something yeah some of like it I'm just it's new it's a different wall that it hit so I think a couple girls like like a little variety oh I think the bent cock is new the right hook is new that's what I'm saying I don't I don't I don't know that I believe this I'm gonna Google your phone images are gonna

scare you alright Ian I'll call in Ian if you got a left or right jab or hook or uppercut I'd like to see that all come captain hook I feel like that's a bend not a hook maybe a bend because a hook is a hook hook's up even hook sideways sideways hook yeah I know but I'm just saying the word hook if you say you have a hook in your cock it means something people think of a swoop up

yeah like a comma but you're gonna need a different word if it's going right and left no okay maybe we'll come up with something a bend a cock bend cock bend isn't bad it's a horrible street in my neighborhood ladies tweet or email if you've seen a right or left bend I've never even heard of this they're out there they're political leanings sounds like a eyebrow mm-hmm anyway I'm at corner but Steve Rogers reminded me he's like I watched your set he's like at one point there's a weird noise in the set he's like and you respond to you react

to it and I forgot in the middle of my set these two grips or whatever we're moving the dolly and it like dragged in the ground it was like oh you know what they should have said when they moved the dolly pardon that's fun Jolene Jolene huge tits gigantic tits I don't know if stand by your man was her but anyway so there's this huge noise happened in the middle of the show and I was like what the fuck it was like if you were at a bar show and somebody dropped a glass

or something and so you can hear it on the tape so you can go back and rewatch it give it another thumbs up and comment but at some point I didn't say anything I just stopped and looked over there like what the fuck and I looked and it's all lit so you can see them and I was like but nobody addressed it afterwards because like so many things happened where I clapped and said shit forgot a joke and then the drummer did the thing so afterwards I wasn't like what the fuck was that and I never talked to anybody about it even afterwards and I can't believe I haven't spoken to anybody I got to call Chris Walsh and John again and Ryan and all these people

but I haven't watched the video yet either so maybe I'll have to watch it but evidently it happens and I kind of look over like what the fuck is this yeah I've seen a zillion late nights I've talked to people about a million I've never heard of that happening ever it was so strange I could see them and like they were all looking you could see a couple guys being like oh my god it was very strange so I gotta like go relive it but it was one more thing that went haywire and that's it yeah I feel like you had a you got an off day over there I mean you had the wacky audience you had the screeching thing and then you blacked out something was up yeah it wasn't good but what can you do

um and then alright let me see what I got here I got a couple things oh I went to a hot hot date night we did new Valentine's Day Eve that's what we did because we were working I was at Bananas on Valentine's Day not a great crowd it's a tough tough gang over there it's a lot of blue collar a lot of bridge and ton a lot of construction guys that caught a lot of wise guys all weekend a lot of guineas oh I'm gonna fart ooh I was on board

with that one that was like a little too it's an insisting I can smell it already or maybe I can smell it in the microphone oh yeah you probably ruined the uh the hood there what do you call that the the the windscreen is that right yeah oh wow that was a mighty wind oh god that's what I call that ladies butt hair the windscreen yes it was bristly um but anyways so we will go out it's it's Valentine's Day Eve and I but I got us tickets to see true west yeah on Broadway I've heard great things Paul do you say dano or dano dano I think

it's dano right it is dano I said dano for a long time then I started saying dano because I was told that was right then I said dano and people started correcting me on dano people just want to correct they don't think you're right it's like can and con they gotta come correct yes so we go see it's Ethan Hawke who's one of my favorite actors and artists of any kind he directed one of my favorite movies this year called uh fuck what's the name of that movie Paul Schroeder wrote it uh oh Schrader Paul Schaefer Paul Schaefer in the world's most dangerous band

they were yeah I didn't know that um that was in the first show what the fuck was the name of this movie first reformed first reformed is it a Nazi I saw it in Dublin it was about a it's about a priest who's trying to help this depressed guy and it's really terrific alright it's Ethan Hawke plays the he directed it and um he's good oh wait no he didn't direct I'm a fucking asshole I hate myself this is bad this is bad he didn't direct it Paul Schaefer directed it he directed Blaze which is one of my favorite movies of the year

also so he was in one and directed one I'm sorry but you gotta correct all these people will fucking tweet me and they'll say it's pronounced Dano don't make me ask Alexa no no no I got it all figured out anyways we went to see the show we're all excited Ethan Hawke Paul Dano we got great seats I'm in row C in the mezzanine dead center I'm talking middle seat those weren't cheap no very expensive I don't want to yeah I don't want to dispose but it was more than 300 I'll say wow easy there expensive

date we got it I made reservations beforehand to Tony Denapoli you ever eat there forty-third street no I don't know it hell of an Italian joint it's all family style so I get a chicken pie and it's this massive thing it's the two of us expensive meal about a $500 date I have to say at the end you're like what are we doing here I know it wasn't a good idea but we had fun Tony Denapoli but if you're ever going to like a Broadway play you gotta go check this place out it's been there since 1926 they got all the celebrities up there it's packed it's old school family style huge

portions very exciting I wear my best Ted Baker to Ted Baker's double Ted Baker Sarah's got whatever that's lunch she's looking nice I'm looking my best we go in there we have some bread the whole thing we got our coke nice meal we go to the play we bump into Ryan Beck right outside he's handsome nice guy he's going to the same show I'm like that's exciting got a lady with him or a solo he was meeting a lady but he was by himself at the moment I always thought he was a gay they might be I mean I never saw the lady so he might have been full of baloney or full of sausage

Nazi so we go up there row C we're dead center we're so excited for the play the set looks really cool and I gotta tell you I'm out and about ten minutes in I'm like ah boy come on I just don't get plays I don't get them it's all dialogue right I know I keep going I've been to like nine plays and every time like there's an intermission I turn to Sarah like I don't know what the hell's going on here you never seen a great play when it's the actors are moving and captivating and you got a tear coming down and a boner I got not I think it's a hard for me to get into the

moment or something I watched Bengal Tiger with Robin Williams I thought I was like what the fuck is this yeah he's supposed to be a tie he's in a cage he's got a beard like an athlete no no he's a tiger oh we're like Tony the frost is just like Tony but not as great he's just in there being Robin Williams I was like I don't get it this sucks then we saw like a Woody Allen play me and Dan Herschel we took like Perkis said I took a Perkis said or something like it was a Clonopin so I had like one eye open

and it was like I didn't get it Steve Gutenberg was in it I'm a Woody Allen guy but I was like this sucks and then what else do we see we went and saw let the right one in out in Brooklyn Sarah and I which is a cool movie but I vampire yeah it's vampires but I didn't get that one either I thought that sucked my ass you hate a play then I went the best show I went to was the magic show in Union Square I forgot that guy's Derek something what's it called cause this the lady likes magic that one might be gone now is Derek something see you died

it's some kind of Latino-ish name that was amazing it was right in Union Square that was great then I said the one thing I loved a musical I saw Billy Elliot I sobbed like a little girl I sobbed like my fucking aunt on Wednesdays Wow Billy Elliot the retarded dancer he did he's not retarded I think he might be gay I don't know what's going on he's a little Parkinson's-y or Down-Z I think he's just Irish I think he's poor and Irish yeah he dances the night away and his mother's dead it's amazing I listen to it

the soundtrack sometimes that was incredible but this play something I didn't get it I was just like am I missing something they kind of shout at each other they're all sitting there it's one setting the mother's cookie and she's supposed to it's the mother from Sideways who I love but she's just silly Derek destroying the play someone right in call me if I'm missing something my friend saw it when he was in high school he said it changed his life yeah I don't know what the hell's going on with me maybe I can take it out of it because I'm a film guy and I love a good film and I'm a movie queer

but this this play I just I didn't know what the hell was going on not that I didn't know what the hell was going on I understood the plot I followed it it just didn't grab you just did not grab it well here's the thing it wasn't the jokes are like every joke on oh I also thought to kill a mockingbird that was fine it was okay but the jokes don't hit because we're comedians so we're cynical and we're watching fucking I need Roy Scoville to fucking sure climb the curtains in an Irish accent in order for me to laugh yeah I need someone to slip and fall or something are they hitting though with the other a little bit a little bit

and then it's not like sad and I never cried I never laughed I never felt like I and I never also had like the suspense of like what is going to happen where is this leading yes I just kind of was like all right all right wow I was gonna buy tickets and maybe I won't now Sarah felt similarly it's cool to see Ethan Hawke live you're like wow that's him I'm just thinking about other performances and it's neat and Dano is a beast Dano is great but I don't think he was great in the play wow great in there will be blood but I don't know what else prisoners I love him into I gotta see that

good oh boy all right maybe uh maybe you hate uh play like TV I think I hate plays just like I hate TV I'm a movie and music and comedy and sex all right you like your things and you stick with it I like sports very much you gotta love sports ruins uh anyway so that was the play night I don't know now I feel like I'm hogging I feel like I stay I feel dumb that's the thing I leave feeling dumb wow interesting I don't know if he's very smart or very dumb ever I mean my friend saw in high school and it was like Clooney and you know because it was

they were younger than right he's like our age well Philip Seymour Hoffman did it a few years ago yeah he saw that one too he saw he's seen every iteration he saw one with uh John C Riley he saw one with somebody else big I genuinely don't get why it keeps getting remade like it's basically they just argue I swear to god I'm like I must be missing something huge here yeah boo west and I don't uh I'm not dumb I'm a smart guy I'm watching it I mean literally it's like they're arguing about a movie and then they start destroying

the place I also start to get like wait what how many drinks do they have why are they how do they still have more boo they haven't left the house they've been yeah I do a lot of that so call in write in I don't know what the hell went on there but I didn't get it I gotta go see musicals only yeah I love west side story I just rewatched it on Netflix so good it's so pretty every song is great every tune is great every uh kick and dance uh plus it's cool you ever seen west side story yeah of course it's so cool to see like a white gang in hell's

kitchen you know it's weird yeah old school yeah so uh I went and took the lady out for Valentine's I did one show and just took the rest of the night off and we went to blue ribbon sushi oh well it's a lot of blue ribbons there's a couple of ribbons chicken sushi and there's I think a pizza one if I'm not blue ribbon pizza I might have made that up there's a paps blue ribbon sure play guitar and drink PBR I used to love that so uh she picked that the restaurant I go look I feel bad I'm gone on Valentine's so I'll buy a nice

big fat Asian meal so I show up there I get there a little early I put my name in it's packed and uh in walks is big entourage of like hip black guys oh what's this about and then I see Dave Chappelle oh and the caboose of the whole entourage and I go oh my god Dave Chappelle's here so I'm sitting there with the lady Dave Chappelle walks by and then this little Indian guy walks by who I know Sina he's the live nation

guy Sina John yes I know Sina yeah good at noting that's not it is that it he's a comic I don't know if he works for live nation comic oh his name is Sina and he is a different Sina different brown Sina John I don't think is Indian no he's a I don't know what he is something Greek might be Greek something he's got a sound right I think he might be Albanian or something like that yeah he's got curly black hair yeah and that sounds Albanian Algeria something without so

algorithm yes al dente Sina walks in so I just instinctively I just hit Sina because I see a comic who I've worked with and I don't want to bother him but I know I should be involved here I'm a comic you're a comic yeah so I just slap Sina on the wrist and he goes he's walking by me and he goes what the hell and he sees me what's up man he goes oh because I've hoped for Dave a few times I'm calling Dave now and he's like oh shit and he just instinctively goes hey Dave you remember Mark and Dave goes oh yeah didn't we hang out in the back of

the garden with an Amy show and I was like yes you remember how cool is that that is amazing and what a sentence to hear as they're like a douchey nobody comic like did we hang out at the garden once when you went on like that's so cool to hear from Dave Chappelle it's also like Dave's a guy you assume never remembers anything because he's like a superstar he's a genius he's high he's drinking he's chain smoking and he's got so many friends knows so many people you're like wow and why would you remember me exactly so I'm standing there with the girl I look like a fucking

badass yeah that's big so so he immediately he's over like talking to the host and then he started goes oh yeah the garden and he just walks over to me and he starts we have a conversation freaking out like I'm trying to play it cool it's this legend it's this Mount Rushmore comic and I'm just going oh yeah and he's like you're gonna be at the cellar later I'm like I took the night off he's like what about this weekend you go in there I'm like I can't I gotta do Raleigh Charlotte tomorrow maybe I'll see I'm like yeah come by and he's like well actually it's three hours away so we're just talking we start talking about the cellar and he's like I just

go to the cellar now I feel like I'm on crashing it's weird I'm like yes it's weird it's not the same we start talking about the cellar and uh and then Sina goes hey Dave our table is ready and he goes you guys want to join us what and I go come on what do you get but it's like a whole tiny hole in the walls I mean it's a nice place but it's tiny it's one of these like little New York joints and uh Sina goes ah that'd be great but it's it's like a tiny back room with six seats it's like eight of them fucking Sina so well I mean he was right there's no room I didn't see that coming yeah so uh so

he goes oh shit well all right good to be a man and you know what's interesting when he was talking to me he looks down and he's very hunchy he hunches uh-huh just like in comedians and cars maybe he's like hunched the whole time oh yeah yeah he was like that he's very introverted and very uh meek almost interesting but yet you get him on stage and he blossoms yes great show so uh so I was like all right well good to meet you man he's like yeah keep doing it comedy it's the best job with the whole thing then he goes off into his uh back private room there and I go we get our table at the bar and I'm just glowing the whole

time I couldn't believe she got annoyed with me she's like hey I'm here like this is my yeah that's tough she's a tough act to follow tough to follow but it was just this beautiful moment I'm like oh my god I'm in I'm in the zone you know we have all these comedy things where you get turned down for this you bomb every audition you can't get on TV you can't get a special we try to sell that thing nobody likes us and then this guy this king of comedy Dave Chappelle is going hey I remember you what's up Mark I mean it it makes it all worth it that's amazing that's exciting I wonder if they let him smoke in there they did really

yeah they did that's amazing these Asians they let him smoke it just so it goes to tell you the industry doesn't know shit the comics know everything we're all on top of who's funny and who's not and who's the real deal and who's a fucking phony and who's just playing the game and the fucking fiddle but he knew who I wasn't that made me uh made it all come back by the way if we don't sell this special we could put this video we made on the Patreon I promise oh yeah that's true is that thing over or what what's going on with that

that's true we basically made a little cute thing that we're trying to sell Netflix said no and now we're working on Hulu, Amazon, CISO and Comedy Central so we'll see what happens yeah what can you do so yeah so that was my Valentine's night and we went and got drunk after and then made passionate passionate filthy drunk love oh that's fun that's the one thing I miss about not drinking is drunk sex you can really get weird I mean it's pulling and they seemin everywhere and blood it's wild that's what I want I want to

get drunk just once and put a remote in my ass and wear her boots and uh you know really she's got a leg up on the dresser and I'm going unpenetrating from below and it's a feel and she likes being a name calling and all that so I'm just calling her a fat bitch and the whole thing yeah that seems fun yeah it's a good time I'll send you the video we'll put it on the Patreon I promise yeah yeah so yeah I just got back from Raleigh great city great club I love that club and you got that nice Y did you go to the Y I did go to the Y

that Y is tremendous indoor track pool the basketball the whole thing steam rooms I went to the Y this is how good that Y is this is when you get out of New York and you go oh man New York is tough it's the worst place on earth I don't know why I live here it's brutal it smells like piss everybody hates you it's hobos jerking off in front of your mom well Sarah and I were killing time between sets last night we went to a diner we ordered cheese burgers I got a cup of tea she got a cup of coffee forty seven dollars what it's insane and then you got a tip nine yeah of course it's like a fifty five dollar meal I'm like I could have gotten in fucking you know Indianapolis I could have gotten a steak

and bought the colts for fifty five bucks wait what what diner it was that diner it's like in Gramercy by the stand on the west side of third avenue and like I don't know 18th street they just redid the whole thing I know that place yeah yeah it's not even like diner anymore they close at 10 now with the only two in there oh grow the diner's supposed to be all night and you and a bunch of hooligans I know they kicked us out we ordered coffee and tea busted our notebooks I put my headphones in I'm writing in between sets don't you hate as a comic when you're just trying to work and you can't find a place they kick you out and it's raining out so you're like oh now let's go hang with a bunch of fucking losers and then in New York just to get

indoors you gotta spend thirty nine dollars so on a cup of coffee and a hand job brutal by the way I said it was I had the best time of my life it was Steve Rogers Caitlyn Balufo Brendon Sagalow we had a great time that's a good group where you're hanging with the the youngies I like the youngies they're good and fresh and they're hot and hungry yeah these guys they give you energy you vibe off of them oh yeah it was a good time a lot of these young whippersnappers they were like right I look at Steve Rogers left his notebook open so I wrote down like you know you ever do that you write a fake premise in someone's notebook I was like what's the deal with farts they're weird they smell funny then I was lost again there I pull it up I'm like as you show them your new bid about fire and he's he's got like nine pages he's written it was the day before wow he's a real writer that kid all right

well maybe he'll get good but if just gotta know his act bunch of funny few do but a bunch of funny people that Lindsay Tyson do you know her great new Asian comic few do all right all right if you do long I guess it's the comic named Peter Wong do you know him or Paul Wong or Pepe Wong Joe Wong no he's been around forever we like we started together almost kind of not really he lives in China but there's a guy named Peter Wong and Steve Rogers wanted to start a podcast called Wong and White the two of them long and white I was like that's gold I love it but they don't want to do it they're all wrong anyways bunch of a bunch of funny comics at New York comedy club where are you you're in Raleigh some in Raleigh and just a great way that is a hidden gem like no one talks about that club it's always like Philly helium ACME comedy come on state Raleigh I love that room see I had the reverse experience

what everybody since I started has been like you gotta go do Charlie good night's way do you do this club it's insane it's the best club in the planet and I went and did it I thought it was good I thought it was very good okay but I thought it wasn't I thought it was gonna be on par with like Philly helium ACME and Denver comedy works I got it built up no no it's it's more mom and poppy it's small if she's like 220 mm-hmm but that pop in there I feel like you can't get a pop like it's a mom and pop interesting big boom in there it's all brick and it's old and the laughs are in the wood I got a lot of mom and uh well I will say this it was a good comedy weekend because the improv didn't they forgot to book somebody apparently the improv show there's an improv there I know it wasn't even open when I was there yeah so the improv screwed the pooch and forgot to book somebody

they had like a magic show so then I had I had all the comedy people come out and there was a Doug Loves movies during the day oh wow so I got on that and it was just a buzz in the air that show is amazing by the way and I just got I had a couple sellouts but then here's the clinker we had a couple sellouts we're already to the clinker oh yeah well we nag on the clink so so and some great shows Thursday was Valentine's Day so you sell that out that was a hot one I don't know why I was like here we go with a bunch of couples they're gonna hate my jokes about Puerto Ricans and queefs but they loved it then Friday was good then we had Doug Loves movies at four on Saturday that was hot lights out every every seat they're bringing seats in Doug Benson has really figured out what he's doing yes he's like I like weed I like movies let's do that

yeah that'll be my whole life and I'll be a millionaire we gotta do a pussy coke show yes Coca-Cola classic right right and vaginas yeah vagina Coca-Cola yeah a better name horrible flavor but so so yeah so we do Doug Loves movies and just had a great time we were getting big laughs and having a fun romp and these kids that come out with posters and all this shit it's a whole to do is like Woodstock nerd stock and then then the Friday of Saturday early shows sold out that's the hottest show of my life having a great time is one of the shows you go man I should have made out my album you have that yes of course Saturday is not sold out and I got like I kept getting these rumblings from the manager like yeah yeah I had to give away some tickets for the late show I don't know what happened like I think the whole city blew their wad on me on Friday and Saturday early and then that late show is like toothless lady in the front row guy on

the rascal like all the people who are just like let's go do something on it on a fucking Saturday night that's all it's got going on in town and I got no money to spend we got a free ticket I mean this was this was the D squad of just white trash and Hoboken or what do you call it country bumpkin bumpkin yes and man did I bomb like jokes they're like not even getting it is just going right over their head they're talking amongst each other they do the thing where you say to yet that we got coffee with Redgie who we Z Gay and I'm like I'm not to the set up yet they're good that I mentioned coffee so that was like its music wore talking to in a dumb person who doesn't get anything there are

I don't know what they're getting into they didn't Google me they didn't do anything so they're just like why is he talking about this what's going on what's anxiety who can afford a therapist so it was a bomb big bomb ending on a bomb is always a bummer I know especially when you're up here and then you get brought right right back down the earth like the feature got off and I go how are they as I was like eating an ice cream in the back like you just know I got to do an hour of shit you know it's the worst feeling you're not even on stage they're like here comes an hour of just hating myself and lowering myself esteem but yeah we have a few drinks after and just dance the night away that's how I felt about bananas and Hasbrook Heights New Jersey I had to do the one with like three shows and I had to text you and Sam and Mackie and be like hey this room is brutal right

right and you're like yeah yeah okay cool and then I'm like telling the other comics I'm like guys everyone says it stinks just to let you know don't you hate though when you go this room sucks you'll go I don't know I had the best set of my life there yeah that's a tough feeling but boy it's not easy fun gig because it's you're sleeping in your own bed you're out and back but the traffic is a goddamn nightmare it's an hour and 10 minutes there and then like 25 minutes back because there's no traffic right right but yeah it was me and old big dick Rogers and regular vagina Ptolemish and we had a good time but boy it was tough sledding yeah and it's one of those rooms with some it's a bunch of fucking everyone's got there was a woman it's almost always women by the way and we've talked about this before and Sarah agrees it's not just like we're dudes getting it's just always a lady going like this no yeah yeah yeah oh no oh god no no no and I just I try not

to get into it so like 48 minutes in I just go how come you keep saying no why do you keep doing that good for you and then she looks at me like an utter shock right what are you great what is this and then her friends like yeah seriously what are you doing oh she gets mad at her oh and then they're all fighting at the last five minutes they're all just kind of like talking once and I can see you're just pouting yeah but I wasn't mean to her I was like shut up I was I just ignored it and ignored it I was like how come you're doing that right you keep yelling no I'm like what time did you start drinking I don't understand what's going on good and she was like just folds her arms and she's like fuck you now I'm not laughing at all I'm like I'm just curious exactly what do you do it what do you think this is and also there's people around you and I mean I know it's not like a comedy cunt but every extra noise affects the joke yes you know because it's all a rhythm

thing and it's like tink tank tink you know but I'm yeah yeah it's a one to punch and you're coming in there with a pinky she's just saying no and the night before almost the same exact same table almost the same exact seat it was the same thing just a woman going oh god I'm so tired oh I'm just hammered yeah she's going like this oh my god you're fine both the two different women two different nights same table just going like this both of them went you're funny that's funny that's really funny and then the Thursday there was a woman over here stage right Latino woman and she actually got like the biggest laugh of the show it was not a great show but it was like a huge laugh like I riffed off and gonna laugh but I'm doing a you know do like airplane jokes up front and then like 20 minutes later I'm talking about the dentist and she's like but what happened about the plane when did the plane land and that gets like a

laugh because it's like so crazy yeah she's drunk and I'm like what kind of person are you who's how do you is this how you listen to stories ripped on it and that kills and then they go I'm helping yeah that she gets up believes it's like everyone's kind of keeping an eye on her and I'm like what three nights in a row three separate women just going yeah no okay what about this and they all three of them I'm literally I have all recorded at some point when you're funny that's funny you're funny he's funny where I'm like why you're interrupting my funny I laugh and then after the show you go hey that was great that was really funny exactly but they got to be a part of it and they feel left out and then it's hard to shut them down because they're complimenting you yeah in a way and then all three of them by the way all the other two comics Steve and Sarah like this is one lady

that won't shut the fuck up up front so it's like we all hate you yes everyone's talking about how shitty you are and the one lady one of the three that was like oh I'm tired I gotta go to bed you're funny but I gotta go to bed she came up to Sarah apparently she's in the business and she like sat down with Sarah she's like let me get your email you're so good I'm gonna get you a movie and I was like how funny would it be if you blew up from this fucking yeah fuck me that's wild but very very annoying but still grateful to be there there was a some Tuesdays came out all right by the way one guy I forget his name he'll know who he is he tweeted he's like I just made an ass of myself to Joe in a couple of the comics no ass he was very nice I had the same thing I don't get it you guys have some confidence you you Tuesdays

we love you well they're just like us they're all bunch of squirrely anxious wackos yeah like I had a guy be like I just made an ass myself for the mark we took a photo and I blew it I'm like I thought it was a photo yeah we chat I was quite pleasant I enjoyed chatting with them and then we talked about this before some some some of you you guys are great great at figuring out the balance but I had one guy leave the show he's like I'm a big Tuesday I'm sorry he's like left so I was like well come say hello I felt like I ate it I'm gonna kill myself over here yeah I'm tired of talking to Steve and Sarah so I couldn't use some fresh blood right and the guys just like I'm a big fan sorry and then like jogged away I love it I just seem like diving into the bushes I respect that because they I like a guy who internalizes I like a guy who goes

it's my fault I fucked up I'm a piece of shit because no one does that anymore everything's everybody else's fault I'm a victim I'm a woman I'm a guy I'm a Jew it's like shut up now you have this after some of these shows I see fans I can tell their fans they don't come up after the show is not great and I just feel like I only lost fans at this show there's no way no one no one got on board yeah I feel like there's some people that are like we like the paw but we're never seen him again right just fucking ate his cock at the Hasbrook Heights yeah yeah it sucks because you hope that people can see through the I hope cloud yes but they can't like Andy to frame I hope yes Brooks Adlin that's to Shawshankers it's hard not to Steve Big Dick

Rodgers never seen Shawshankers good he's never seen Best in Show he's never seen any Wes Anderson movies these young folk I know as young as she's about it 14 and she hasn't seen anything I'm like you've seen Titanic she's like I could care less she can barely get through a movie what Titanic snakes there's a whole generation they can't get through movies that's the thing I'll put on a brilliant amazing good fellas she's like geez this is got another hour like I'm hoping for two more yeah it's brutal yeah they don't like Doug loves movies it's a lot of older folk because the young young ease they're like why would I watch back to the future this three of us too long yeah crazy well it's amazing the joy we got I guess it's like in the 1800s they probably like books

oh my god I want a thousand books and I'm like I'll read one a year yeah all right well hopefully they listen to the podcast and we got speaking of which we're gonna wrap up before we go too long they'll be ditching us oh yeah but people like the tight podcast I think tight bus you want them want more vagina coke what was that one pussy coke vanilla yeah vagina coke I gotta say I would disagree with your assessment though I think that'd be the most delicious thing ever well depends on the vagina and the time in between shower cuz I feel like balls to say I don't want to be anti vagina but the every minute after the shower it's a it's downhill yes you got about eight minutes of sweetness and then minute nine it starts getting weird and then like three hours in you like yikes and then if you go a day

you know what balls are like nachos the longer they sit out the gooier and weirder they get yeah I got well Sarah cooks a lot and she's got like leftover whatever and you'll throw it in the trash and then you leave I go to the gym I take a steam I buy a coffee and I you know kiss my aunt and I come home and the house smells like fucking Darfur and it's like I think a vagina and ballsack are very similar on their own forget about their own devices surprise because balls are on the outside and they can still get a horrific stench but the temperature it's hot down there that's why in the winter I put my hands on my balls and warm them right up yeah it's like Zion it's hot and Sandy and Harry Sandy all right well folks we gotta wrap it up here thanks for listening of course we hope you had a great

we gotta figure out our March here because we we gotta know when we're recording and we gotta oh I guess we'll do something Vegas March the penguin we gotta bring this puppy don't forget to bring this to Vegas we'll record one that Monday so we'll have that week's episode then we'll record two in Vegas and then boom boom boom boom but we gotta we gotta get on it because you know we have so much fun that you go I don't want to fucking sit down and record but the podcast is fun too that's true and we'll do some patriots get on the patreon right now everybody do it right now yeah go to patreon.com slash Tuesdays throw down your card it's three bucks a month you won't even notice it no who the fuck checks their statement that off three bucks is nothing that's like you drop that in the

couch cushion that's true and we're the only ones that are three bucks everyone else is five we should probably make ours five at some point yeah it's three bucks look in your couch cushion you'll find three bucks a month check in your twat whatever it is and we got all the live episodes we're about to do a bonus right now we got ask me anything's up there we got live podcast up the ass it's wild in there you gotta get on a lot of good stuff a lot of fun stuff a lot of I feel like we get more real on the patreon yes there's not as many spies listening the patreon is where you really get the dirt yes and let's even get over a thousand I think we're at 932 right now let's crank it up to a thousand people yeah we can do that and it's an intimate group so get on the patreon three bucks a month this weekend

I'm in Key West Thursday Friday I'm somewhere in Miami I can't figure it out I'm trying to call Tom I don't know where I am in Miami so Magic City Google it maybe I don't know Orlando casino is it a casino I don't know I don't know I have no idea that might be it I have no idea but I'm in Miami and then the week after that Fort Worth Texas February 28th March 1st and 2nd Fort Worth hyenas then Magoobies haven't been there in a couple years now nice two years to the month I think Timonium Maryland March 7th through the 9th come down to Magoobies fun club great club get yourself out if you're in Baltimore DC come on leave the city go to the country come see the show yes and then Vegas get your tickets now March 20th through the 24th we should do a live pod during it we should

can we set that up let's talk to Liz like a five o'clock thing five o'clock funnies yeah we got we got a lot of funny there why not just do a live pod so come out to that in Vegas and then Caps City April 4th 5th and 6th nice the 3rd 4th 5th and 6 Wednesday through Saturday it's my birthday that's gonna be fun I love that city we'll go to McNally we'll have some fun I love that town so come on out to that suck your dick eat a pussy sure fuck you're dead I'm gonna be in Syracuse this weekend the white whale of hell the all-time most hated city and club so come on out and convince me that it's decent I'm bringing Sean Murph the Murph dogs coming we're gonna rock it and roll it all over that mall and go to dinosaur barbecue blow me then I'm in Philly Helium my

number one I'm going worst to best number one favorite club in the whole country I love the city I love the city I love the club I love the people I love that town pillow devil freedom then next week just like the fat man over here I'll be in South by Southwest that Friday and Saturday in Austin Tejas then Royal Oak Michigan the comedy castle love that room love that little city I was just there loved it Vegas comedy club on state doing my album recording got to get something on that new serious channel Spotify Pandora Atlanta ATL hot lander go on their laughing skull that sell all those out that's a small room Tempe improv who are nice all you guys are going when you come to Phoenix when you come to Phoenix this is close enough

come on up to the town it's the same city yeah that might be doing some European stuff if you know what I mean what else we got cooking all I'm at bananas in Jersey Hasbrook Heights hopefully it goes a little better and yeah some other fun stuff so Mark Norman comedy dot com give it a whirl we love you God bless America we'll see out there in the world in the U.S. of a muzzle tough praise Allah and vagina take care