Tuesdays with Stories! - #288 Big Digress

Episode Date: March 12, 2019

Mark & Joe are back as they kibitz about ear zits, sitcom faces, and Joe's ongoing diet struggles before getting into Joe being bumped off morning radio in Baltimore & Mark's trip to Michigan with Doug Key. Check it out! Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus eps and more! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/ Download the Laughable app today! laughable.com/download

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy my video is spitting at me hi hi guys hello hello oh gay voice classic classic remember I'm living color the half-time show and they did the blue balls yeah I meant on film they did the Super Bowl half-time show it's

like the best thing about that oh man they had like their alternative half-time show do I forget what you probably 92 or 93 and then you switched over and watched maybe it was 94 I don't know I might have been later because I think they did the OJ joke where OJ's I think it's David Elin Greer was OJ and he was like using the pen to draw out like a play you know these marker and then he drew all the receivers and he slowly wrote I did it but did the men on film and they was like and I say hi you just grab that blue ball he's like isn't that gonna hurt and it was amazing oh at the time watching it now you'd probably be

like oh this is stupid yeah yeah well they they really kind of went for that was very low brow that's why I love that show yes it was this brown bad brow low brow low brow what with Jamie Foxx which is dressed as an ugly woman that was a bit shanae no wasn't that shanae one shanae was on Martin right but that wasn't the same character I thought it was like a crossover no cross dress but they were similar it was just scary ugly women yeah yeah that was the whole premise yeah that was happening a lot back then I mean the scary ugly women now but sure plenty of them yeah we know a few ugly women exist I'm sorry and ugly men yeah I'm

one fat and ugly I wouldn't say fat no that was the idea of there's a calm last week's idea that stone and I had about a radio show ugly yeah right it's nothing I like it yeah I got a pimple in my ear that's the size of my cock and it hurts worse than my testicle being stepped on nothing worse than an ear is it except maybe a nostrils it yeah that's a tough too but a nostrils at least you can get a visual and you can kind of stick a pin in it when I was a kid my mother would have a pimple or whatever she would just stick a needle right in it like pop it is that like boil it first you bake it or

boil irish you gotta boil everything that she would stick a needle and it would just shoot everyone should make me watch it was real creepy wow well here's the the one perk of the ears it is when you pop it you can hear it oh mine just went you did it yeah I wasn't even playing with it hard I got I'm leaking though oh yeah you gotta get a towel or something hold on I got a paper towel over there but let me see the remnants I want to I want to see what happened ah Joe's looking in the mirror now and he's got probably assumes he has cancer and this is a this is all over folks there you go there's some blood all right we got

it back folks oh that was a relief your period for the first time yeah you pop the hymen oh my god it was so big it's like gone now it's like flat it was like this huge nipple in my ear make sure to really get all the jizz out of it yeah I'm trying oh look at that wow satisfying this this got a red rag over there is a historic moment in the history of the podcast I guess so yeah first pimple pop pimple pop or MD yeah cancer I had a zit that's gonna sound bad I one time I had a zit on my thigh between my thigh and my ball bag oh that's fun because it gets a lot of schmegman there you know it's a sweaty wacky area and the

zit was huge and it hurt like a dick and I popped it and boy some real gravy came out of that thing yeah don't you kind of like it though especially when it's a place where you can't be seen where it's not embarrassing yeah like to just have a big fucking goiter on there you just squeeze and it shoots out now let me ask you ever had an asshole's it asshole well an ass crack oh I got them to top my ass crack all the time like a top yeah I think is that steam room I'm wearing a towel but yeah I don't know what goes on in there but I always I'll be washing my butt and I'll just have a huge fucking I'm running out of similes

or whatever nipple cock goiter I'm running low here volcanoes mountain yeah volcano a big pimple on my ass there you go but not in the crack so much more the butt cheek yeah we we got all we got lucky with the high school we didn't get the acne pock oh no I didn't have I had a lot of pimples and such but not acne yeah my brother had the real pizza face he had he did the proactive oh good proactive I remember there was a kid I don't want to say his name in case he's listening or you know killed himself because of it but he had the acne so bad it was on acne it was on his eyelids what those ones like he had pimples on

his eyelids oh and I remember just talking to my buddy would like talking to me like that must be just you want to kill yourself I must be so painful but he always think I would just be popping them all day but I do you're not supposed to do that or something what makes a scar but I don't know I popped every zit I ever had and I never got a scar yeah I squeezed my nipple for a couple days sure yeah didn't you want to reach over when they had the white ones I want to just claw his face and just pop them all I know especially a white head but last night I was popping Sarah I didn't see in Sarah for like two weeks but she had

like a little I don't know ingrown blackhead thing like an armpit shave and I fucking ripped that thing out so much weasers it was fun wow I like to do go to work she must have been in pain for that now she's a tough cookie she's tougher than I am I can tell you that South African yeah apartheid it was fun but this year this is very satisfying I have to say I hate that I can't see it though can I see it let me take a look in there what's going on oh yeah it's still a hump oh there's a hump you got all you gotta mash that Nazi I'm pushing on it but I can't see you want your hands in there it's a little intimate

a good point but it's right there on the on the cusp yeah it's in the it's well here it is I think it's from the head but earbuds because they put them on there and I think it's bacteria or it's covered a pool I don't know how it works but boy you ever get a cleaning in one of those I mean you can really get a like a match stick and get some goo out of there oh yeah you're not supposed to do that or something but I don't know what people do that don't do it well like doctors I remember hearing a doctor say never put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear wow which is like a joke because anything smaller than an elbow it doesn't

fit yeah it was puts it in your ear and Tom Dustin's mother she's like an ear doctor at the veterans hospital and she said like it's the word because you pack it in when you stick a q-tip in there you're getting some shit up but you're packing the rest right she has all these old nom vets that are fucking you know cuckoo for cocoa puffs and they come in they're like I'm hearing bombs or whatever and she looks and she's like no no you're fine he's got a bunch of fucking bubble wrap in your ear right you know it's a it's bad it makes sense because I was an inner ear infection to shows a kid tubes tubes we mentioned the tubes in

a long time yeah it's been some time yeah yeah Jimmy Jimmy look at the tubes so every steak is on tube no I he would I would a q-tip all day long because it felt so good because I had such crazy ear wax and then I went to the doctor and he's like holy hell you know they do the big the big flashlight in your ear yeah and he's like what the hell is this and he pulled out a wad of old cotton that had been oh glomerating what's the word accumulating oh wow accumulating over the years and it came out was like oh it was like a wide the size of a like a quarter well I know there's an operation or something like a vacuum they do is

that similar because I had the tonight is tinnitus yes they're like the guys like well hopefully just an obstruction we can just pop it right out but it wasn't I got some crazy problem but I was like that's what I was hoping for just that vacuum thing because Matt Ruby told me I hope he doesn't mind me saying that he had that he had some ear issue and they fucking zipped it out and he said he was like Spider-Man or Wolf-Man whoever hears that's a DJ in the rock and roll station I think Wolf-Man Jack yes yes I had the sucking and it it's hell because it's just like a fucking muffler in your ear like it's so close to your

eardrum but it boy it feels good wow maybe I'll get it done get it done it's not pretty I cried during it I remember I had a tear come down while they were doing it oh that's that was 28 I gotta have some procedures I got all kinds of problems I got the you know what do I have tinnitus well I have that but also the other thing herpes LPR which I don't know what it stands for larynfectus reflux it's a real bummer man I'm trying the diet business but I gotta go like full tilt all in I keep cheating a little bit where I have some friend last night had some french fries it really activates because I'm like wow

this isn't spicy it's not marinara but does say fat fried greasy sure but I was like fuck it I'm like I'm going crazy I gotta eat something yeah yeah so I had some fries and then just a mess it looks like a fucking bukkake in the back of my throat it's all bumps that quick yeah well an hour later whatever but I got wow I gotta show you my mouth it's called cobblestone it looks crazy I kind of want to see it it looks like my dick during an outbreak it's just bumps and Braille and what about a sweet potato maybe a sweet potato I think the fry if it's fried it's an issue I've been eating mashed potatoes those are okay I've been

reading a lot about diet and shit I think potatoes get a bad rap because of french fries mmm but it's actually a pretty it's a vegetable yeah potatoes actually pretty healthy but it's a starch it's a starch and the carbs and all that bullshit and like a home fry or a hash brown that's all cooked in oil that's fried and shit yeah yeah you gotta get like a baked potato I think is actually I've been googling health benefits of food yeah it's fun to do while you're eating like a spare I've been eating all kinds of asparagus I don't love it but I dip it in some something yeah come or whatever and then I just look I just

Google health benefits of asparagus I read it and it feels good to read while you're eating it it's weird because it doesn't seem like you're allowed to put anything in your body you have to have food to live you need food for energy but then it sounds like everything you put in fucks you up well it's all these assholes gotta tell you oh that's no good yeah that I'm like well like Caesar dressing that's shit it's fat name I'm like I know but I'm eating a huge bowl of spinach right can't you just go wow that's great yeah they always have to go I know but this that thing's not great and I'm like well I used to be eating a

double cheeseburger with a large fry and a coke right I think a half a fucking thimble of Caesar dressing is not gonna kill me yeah I think you're all right what about a little Italian no like a little balsam I like balsam I'll throw in an oil you know I'll mix it up but I've been going to the set you find this and and call in right in does it take you nine hours to eat a salad I went to just salad I got a big bowl of spinach and some cucumber and some croutons and chicken and it took me 40 minutes to eat it yeah well it's it's like breaking you know you got to pick up all the roughage it's hard to pick up and then it's

hard to break down whereas like right leg three bites I just swallow it yeah take it right down love a swallow but it the Chipotle you're scooping you're mixing with the salad it's a lot of stabbing and then you got to just chew like a cow a lot of chewing yeah we got to get something between that you want to get a salad in between sure I'll watch you're not gonna eat a salad maybe help get your potent break it over oh you're fucking me well I don't have you know aids support me here all right I'll get us it's been good for you yeah you're fat in a in a in a fucking what zucchini no spinach cucumber chicken get some oils

it's healthy you'll take a big green shit I don't mind a green shit let me ask you this speaking of swallowing if you were a gay or a lady do you think you'd be a swallower or a spit away I think you'd handle that question I think what my gal does is pretty good she will do a half and half really yeah it's a pretty hot move where she's you can tell she's kind of she takes a lot in the mouth and then she lets it run out of the mouth it's hanging off the chin like a weird snot it's hot okay that's something yeah so I think you don't want a full cup of Caesar you know you want a half so she's not taking it all in which is clever I

think it's a good move and it still doesn't she's not going up that some people do yes which is not nice but I get it I don't want a mouthful of a ejaculate either but yeah I get a half in or just a tablespoon yeah that's a good move yeah but I think some ladies are turned off by the dripping out that's grosser like I've talked to women that are like spitting it out is even grosser really it feels like you know slimy yeah it's a weird to spit so it's rather just go one big like a shot like a shot of what did you say to do a shot of tequila wait maybe I was talking to someone else oh I was talking to Val at

the cellar last night uh-huh she got me under this celery juice you ever hear about this guy that's a guy this is named celery juice he's an urban act no it's it's used to be a little cell all right I took it too far but he's a guy on Instagram he's got 1.7 million followers and all these people are all into him he swears by waking up every morning and drinking a glass of celery juice you got a juice celery and it gets rid of acne acne the comedy club yeah it gets rid of acne and it gets rid of fucking reflux and it cures AIDS and her the whole thing you gotta follow out it's medicine something how do you do

that every morning I mean I get the drink it every morning but how do you promote this every day I feel like the Instagram channel will get old oh you did it again today so I thought and that and he has a book which I thought was hilarious I'm like what's the book yeah isn't a pamphlet it's gotta be guys on reruns just open the celery up put it in your juice to drink it I don't understand what else to be in there and what I mean what is so good about celery because I know there's a lot of water in it but you could just drink water but this salt or I don't know hey well you gotta read the book I guess I gotta read the book yeah

buy the book but buy the book all these celebrities and shit swear but it has a million followers and all these people post pictures of them like it's kind of funny it's like a girl like a fat girl with like the tubes in her nose and she's got cancer and then she's like it's like a split screen and she like you know she's jogging she weighs like a hundred pounds and she's like I'm fine now I like that so it's from celery juice evidently but vows on it I was like I'll try I'll try anything at this point yeah I'll try it and then she to people said an apple a day helps with reflux I'm gonna go buy an apple I've heard the apple the apple a day

keeps the doctor way that like you know it came from somewhere sugar again people want to take but it's fiber and the skin is good and what oh yeah again not good if you have you know AIDS or something an apple yeah I feel like you that's not gonna cure you well they say it keeps the doctor away yeah well I mean not having insurance keeps the doctor away also hello hey tweet it could be a bit I like it could be something I haven't gone to the doctor in many years yeah I've been going on this year doctor I know what I gotta do is now I gotta go to follow up because here's the thing when you have no insurance you make a last minute

appointment they just go yeah it's this get out of here I need to sit down with them like all right tell me about this yeah what's a timeline tell me about that I always said there needs to be an app where you can just ask a doctor something and there's a guy just on call and he just goes no don't do that that's dumb I think there is that is there's a website yeah there's a ass there's there is a web because I've got Google so much shit there is like a doctor that responds but you never know it's the internet so is he really a doctor and then some guy messaged me about a thing that's almost like Airbnb for doctors like you say

what you're willing to pay or something and then they take go to their house and they for I don't know it's the house I think it's like their office or something I'm not sure because you don't want that guy I always wanted like you know that the bad guy in the movie gets shot and he goes to some raggedy weird warehouse where you know the guy's got a barber chair and a spotlight and he's pulling out the bullets and he's pouring whiskey on it yeah I think there's just mob doctors yeah I'd like to have a mob doc yeah we should get that do that oh oh that one really busted open I think I got an extra juice on that one yeah

I think you're clean now wait now I got I reopened it you know they said I read a thing on what the fuck facts oh god I never trust this I love fun facts it said that the healthiest foods are raspberry spinach avocado and salmon I've been eating so much salmon oh yeah oh my god every day I'm eating salmon but then again it comes back again they go what the lead there's too much lead in the ocean and now you got to get cancer from that you're like fuck and I've heard about mercury mercury that's what it is yeah that might be mercury right maybe it's mercury that's what it is mercury rising yeah retrograde yeah so read who

knows everything's got so that's what I'm saying you keep one thing in your fucked yeah it sucks gotta drink water and eat spinach yeah maybe but then spinach goes bad you get that shit that's like you got E. Coli ah yeah remember when they pulled spinach it was like a firestone what's firestone that was a tire they got recalled oh I see was it firestone yeah that's a tire that's a comedian your Joe Firestone oh yeah she's great I love firestone then this Roy Firestone who Roy Firestone was the guy he did like an ESPN thing he would talk on the show and make you cry he's in Jerry McGuire oh alright the make you cry was just part of

Jerry McGuire the rest I think is just so he's fictional no he's a real guy he plays himself Jerry McGuire one of those movies that has like people playing themselves and shit that's fun yeah that movie stinks really Cameron Crow yeah stinks wow show me the money yeah overrated I never got the Zellweger love I never understood her attractiveness or her acting or as a whole thing she was hot flash in the anal for 10 seconds and then we just dump her on the corner yeah Bridget Jones she was in the Jerry McGuire she was a me myself and Irene she had like a moment yeah she was hot a hot like industry yes

yes I never found her overly attractive she had that squinty face yeah real squinty then she did like surgery that like made it worse and permanent she looked yeah it looked like someone like um I don't know squished her up yeah suck the helium out of her head also when she was in me myself and Irene I always am fascinating when they do this in a movie he made fun of her he's like you got real squinty eyes you look like you're sucking on a lemon I'm like so is he just riffing or it was that written in I wonder about that then have to write it in after they cast yeah exactly so that it's it's honest it's always a bummer

to I feel for like and maybe I'll be this guy's like a nerd or whatever but like it's weird when you're like get cast is like yeah you're gonna be a fat fuck that we make fun of the whole movie you gotta have a fat fuck yeah well in the old days it's it well yeah but it's in the script you know like hey we need a fat guy here yeah and then you're just like oh I'm fat like do they put out a casting call going hey fatty yeah we need fat fucks I guess so I mean if you're fatty go hey great I got a gig yeah I think so I think that's like part of the thing that's helpful because you're a tweeter you got nothing to show for

nothing I'm a white boring loser yeah but you're like you're attractive but you're not like a smoke show yeah I got nothing you got mediocre weird hair that the Adam's apple is a problem but I have like at least nerd look right nerd right he's like bad teeth sweet guy yes that's something tall yeah that's like that could be something although I did like nerdy ur now oh you gotta go real nerd you need the Hawking yeah I gotta be falling down and fucking have braces on my legs I guess they could put those on for the movie yeah yeah that's true but you have like a tweener look I got nothing yeah middle of the road somebody

told me I have sitcom face the other day and I thought that was something what's that mean you know cuz I my material is a little darker and they were like it's weird your material is so dark but you got sitcom face I think people know a fence to this person I think people know that you can say something and then add face to it and it's like a good formula but you're like what does that mean you right cuz I'm like sitcom you're like there's Matthew Perry but there's Steve Urkel like there's the dad from Family Matters and then Alan Rock was in you know step by step I mean there's a lot of different faces on rock from Ferris

Bueller yeah he was in step by step or no not the other one the one with going places no going he was in going places I've never heard of that that was on Friday nights for a minute go in places new faces faces yeah that was on it was on TGIF for like 10 minutes I never heard of going places I'm not going Shelby What's that he was in Spin City here's a spin say yes that was Michael J. Fox sitcom face you don't look like him no but I think it's like the lead like you could be the the boy like how I met your anal I guess I'm just saying I'm a lot of

different faces in sitcom so I'm saying the joke isn't great however Kurt Metzger calling what's his toes it's got a specific he called keep the albastat astronaut head that's good that's good every astronauts a white guy with a square jaw kind of balding handsome yep he nailed that that one's great I know there's a few female astronauts and this I'm sure there's a couple with whatever the beauty of the blah blah blah face is it's very vague so it covers a lot of ground because I know a guy at a joke where he said I have asshole face and you go yeah I guess you kind of do why not yeah and then I knew another joke where

guys said I have gay face and you're like yeah I guess you kind of do yeah you can kind of glom on to it it's not it's not you didn't nail it yeah so you can't really be wrong which is why astronaut head is so perfect because it's like that's that thing yeah he's like tall and in from the South do like he has a real astronaut situation right a little bit of tan astronaut head that's great what was my point here I can't remember when you don't look good you don't have a casting oh yeah whenever somebody tells you it's always kind of an insult when somebody goes you got a good look yes that because that could mean a lot of things yeah

that's true you got a good look could mean hey you could be a rape victim you could be a rapist it could be a Jew it's it's it's very vague it's also very dehumanizing you got a good look I don't want me to look I'm a person I'm a human being yeah my soul yeah but I mean it's so funny to see two in movies whenever they cast a comedian because it's all about their look and you're like oh wow which show business show business just look that's the whole thing yeah it's a huge part of it of course huge part of it and you're like this guy has amazing jokes and he's smart and has great writing but you go oh he looks like

a nerd put him in what's like auditions are like that too it's like you try to tell me like never take it personal cuz sometimes it's just like you're too tall for the lead after that we already casted yeah like when you see Gaffigan in a movie and he's like he's like the fat bumbly guy you're like oh man this guy's like a brilliant comedian he's got a millions of dollars eight kids and you just see him as this fat weirdo yeah but that's the business we're in folks it's a weird time it's a weird time to like remember I watch Seinfeld obviously all the time religiously and there's all these fat jokes about George oh yeah he's

90s fat we've talked about this before like now he's not even fat no he just looks fine he looks like yeah yeah he just looks like you know stone or whatever easy that ugly I'm gonna give him a complex but anyways not fat well I'm saying he's not fat yeah let me let me get into some business here please a little business we can get into oh we have an ad to remember we do have an ad nice ad love an ad thank you Fanny yeah coming we got to find that thing hit me yeah we're back we'll take that chunk out there yeah work on that show alright folks we just cut out a big chunk of nothing when we looked at emails and

Mark said the n-word twice young Sheldon all right how about that I'll tell this real frustrating egg of a story I'm down in Baltimore they call it Baltimore but it's not Baltimore Timonium yes which is what you have in your ear yes Magoobies oh yeah that's what just shot out of my pimple yeah oh god it's yucky you're leaking over there so I rented a car and it's like I'm like I don't want to fly to bulk if you fly to Baltimore then you got to get on a train if you take the train to Baltimore you got to take a car back to the Timonium sure it's a suburb it's basically white flight I guess so and it's it's uh no the Jew

area is uh it rhymes with the K word it's called Dychesville or something like that yeah I think it is Dychesville Dychesville all right because uh the guy Umar that we worked with yes yes you work with them on Wednesday I work in the rest of the week funny guy funny guy nice guy I said he's like nicer Chris Alan yeah let's bully Chris Alan let's bully and a little more uh cultured oh well he's teaching kids he's out there he's Indian or he's Pakistan I think he's Pakistani edit that Shelby yeah wait which part but I called him Indian I have to edit that that's close it's all in the same region they get a little

little frosty he's not gonna he's not a fucking real person might not a comedian all right well yeah he works with kids like child psychologist or something yeah yeah he's lived yeah he's a real he's good I mean well Chris went to the Air Force or whatever the well so did my gay uncle anybody can do that they let them in now they do all right good for them uh buried as well but anyways yeah he said it was like it was a bunch of us sitting in the room and then uh Allie Breen came down she's a guest bar I love Allie so funny she was there for a bar mitzvah came over did a guest spot on the show was she in Dykesville

that's what he said right away which is funny because it's like stuff that you know everything's so PC now but she's like I went to a bar mitzvah he was like Dykesville she's like yeah how'd you know he's like that's where all the Jews are there you go it's a little off-putting for a Muslim to know where all the Jews are but uh and she's a Jew I don't think she's a Jew I think Breen I don't know she's very blonde and Irish I think she's Irish she might be uh yeah she's freckly and from Boston she's a Mick I'm with a lot of Jews in Boston they're in Newton and Sharon uh-huh Stoughton maybe Sharon yeah oh that's fun that's a

fun name it is I'm inside Sharon there's a bunch of up there that was used to be a that was like a classic bit well I got drunk last night woke up in Lawrence boy was he pissed as a town there's Lawrence and there's Sharon and there's like there's other ones I can't think of well you also got sandwich sandwich I got drunk and ended up in sandwich I woke up in a sandwich I woke up in the East River in a sack um but anyways so it was the town is Dykesville and then Ali and I both were like do they ever call it kicks oh and he's like yeah yeah that's the big it's too easy it's hard not to I shouldn't have put Ali in there well it's like Newton you gotta go Newton yes exactly for the picking yeah I tell you one time we went to there was a eight you

know h&m not h&m h&h h&h not the bagels wait what's the video place oh b&h b&h yeah I feel me I don't we should be saying any of this stuff because it's gotta come off very anti-semitic we love the Jew I was like b&h I'm like that place is like it's so crazy it's like another planet and then my friend who will rename nameless yeah yeah it's Jupiter oh it was a big line I love that it was a big line if you ever go to the store a big one people if I haven't been there it's all like Hasidic Jews that run the they are all yeah it's like a chocolate factory with Jews yeah but it's an amazing store it's a video but it's crazy because everything's on trains you order something they put it on a little train car so there's trains whipping around it feels like

um the north pole you know yes yes it's like that's all elves and everything's on a conveyor and millions of pulleys and it's the most efficient store in the city it's exciting it's a cool store but um anyways I don't condone the kind of language of course but it's just kind of a big fan of the uh Hebrew people but anyways chosen yeah they chose must be nice and no hell was that right they don't have a hell oh interesting very convenient yeah that's nice smart move when they were setting up the whole religion I think go no hell humans don't have a hell really either humans what do you say they're not real we're not going to hell as my point there's no hell well obviously they're all full of shit I mean there's no heaven either I'm just saying when they've set up

the whole thing I remember Jim carry had a joke not the strongest stand-up comic but he had a joke about I think hell is just listening to your grandparents nostrils whistle while they eat sandwiches oh that was his like that's what was that's obviously he didn't like that his sandwich whistles yeah he said oh I hate this nose thing and I'm gonna write a bit about it yeah yeah exactly that is obvious yeah but uh um now what about uh oh so I went down there Jesus great his dykes is still offensive as well oh yeah good boy that could be the gay neighborhood damned if you don't damned if you do that could be uh yeah the lesbian neighborhood right yeah I feel like the les don't get much rep what do you mean it's all about gay bar that's a gay neighborhood

but it's never a lesbian yeah but I think lesbian is gay also a gay woman but you go to a gay bar and it's dudes oh interesting I think there's lesbian bars there's one around here I actually had to research it because I was like this seems unfair that lesbians don't get their own venue yeah and uh it's called the cubby hole oh fun which is nice I like that cubby oh isn't that a chicago a cubby bear is like a big cubs bar in chicago cubby bear yeah that's uh that sounds like a gay twink thing like it's like a fat guy who's little oh it's not a bear but a cubby bear yeah also if a guy if a fat guy is super gay and super squishy he could be a gummy bear all right all right we're having fun we really are aren't we um oh so I had radio but I rented

the car I drove down more on that later you're in the car that's what I'm saying all right that's the best way to get to Baltimore to me because then Timonium is a shit town it's horse it's in a business park the hotel sucks there and so now I have a car now I'm whipping around I can go wherever I want nice and where I want to go is cheesecake factory for lunch because I got a salmon mashed potato and uh ass burgers what's the fucking thing uh asparagus I always say ass burgers right right right right um but anyways so I had the car I got radio 7 a.m radio and I'm like I'll just drive myself good wake up at 6 15 a.m. out drive down there I'm crazy about time so I go all the way down there I'm waiting in the waiting room I go hey I'm here Joe list for K rock

whatever the fuck it's called they go yeah just have a seat over there so I sit down there's two large african-american men they go one of them says hey mr. list how you doing I said hi I was like I don't know this guy's I don't know what's going on here and then I thought oh they must be driving someone else to rate it like they know the deal maybe they're from the other club or something that's why they said hello I don't know what's going on I don't know so I'm watching the today's show for about 20 minutes because they said get there at 7 4 it was 8 a.m. so I said get there at 7 45 so I got there right at 7 45 I'm sitting there watching the today's show fighting around thumbing my ass and then around 8 o'clock I still haven't heard anyone so I'm like oh this is

well hopefully know I'm here like what if the secretary's just a dummy yeah didn't know didn't call down I want I want to get credit for being here on time yes credit because a lot of clubs don't want to let you go out by yourself they don't trust the comics they don't think you'll do it yeah so I'm like I better get credit for being here on time I'm already having an argument in my head so then about 8 10 Bill Bellamy comes out oh he's with these are his handlers wow from the comedy factory so they must be like oh hey Joe you're from the other club aha that's how they knew me and I was like oh that's why I've been waiting he probably went a little long sure look great by the way he's got a hat what up whatever not a fedora maybe a fedora or a skull cap

clan hood flyer I don't know he had the diamond earrings and the shades and just looked cool as a cucumber yeah he's a hip dude and he's at the comedy factory so he goes hey let's go get some breakfast and it was funny because you know he's a little late coming out and he's like let's go get some breakfast and like well the next show is at 8 45 you're on the air he's like oh we'll grab breakfast and I was like look at my why I'm like it's 8 10 yeah it'd be on the air at 8 45 he's like well we'll grab breakfast and I was like yeah they're gonna be an hour late for that show right but wait this is Bellamy this is Bellamy I'm just overhearing over here I was inviting you no no he's saying to the two guys got it let's go get some breakfast and they're like no no

the we have to be on at 8 45 and he's like that's fine we'll grab breakfast and I was like so then I'm like all right well it should be any minute now he probably went long so I'm just sitting there now it's 8 15 8 20 and I'm like this is getting insane I've been here for a fucking 45 minutes sure this is the saddest moment of my comedy career a woman walks down and she's just got that face of like oh I know that face she walks up and goes Mr. List um I know there must have been a miscommunication you're not all we don't have you booked here today whoa she's like I wear two packed I can't even squeeze you on so I'm really sorry so ouch there's no radio I'm not even on I just went all the way down there for nothing woke up at fucking 6 10 a.m drove all the way down

traffic commuter traffic I wait for a half hour and it's like there's nothing better on the road than no radio of course the best feeling in the world yeah and I had that but I didn't have it you didn't have it robbed me of the no radio and I know everybody's sitting home going oh excuse me you fucking queen you had to go wake up it's brutal because you gotta wake up at 6 and then you get the whole day you can't get a nap in you try to do it you spend four hours trying to nap you lose the day then you gotta work all night yes exactly because people get up at 5 30 a.m every day yeah but they don't have a fucking show to do at 11 o'clock at night exactly two shows and then you gotta do a meet and greet and hang out and stay up and all that so

it fucks you and it can make you literally ill and I mean again I'm grateful that we have an easy job essentially we travel we tell dick jokes we're goofing around people are roofing and plumbing and all that bullshit it's very difficult I wouldn't want to trade jobs but the part about getting up and going at least if you get up at 5 some people like I got up at 5 30 a.m every day but you're like yeah but you go to work and then you get paid for it yes I just got up at 6 a.m and drove around for no reason no reason zero benefit very frustrating I mean they were like so apologetic they felt horrible which was nice all right but it's nice is like how pissed are you and I'm like well it's been 10 hours now I don't really care now yeah watch that because it's like it's hard to

be like you fucked me I never understand that because I'm like well it's over now it's annoying but you made a mistake what am I gonna do well yeah we can't take it back but some people that's where you're a good egg and some people will soak that up for too long yeah they want to just snap and yell but I'm just like whatever who cares yeah yeah can I just say this it'd be nice if you could buy sleep and you can't buy it but you can buy Tylenol PM or you can buy that but it'd be nice you know you can pay someone in in money you can pay them in food you can pay them in compliments it'd be nice if you could pay someone in sleep like here I will give you two hours of sleep and you just go it just download go hard I feel better wow that would be nice wouldn't that

be great yeah in the future I'm sure there'll be a pill that simulates sleep doesn't put you to sleep maybe it makes you feel like you slept like the way we have a vitamin like oh I'm got a deficiency I need some iron you take an iron pill it'd be nice to take a sleep pill I'd like to take a just cane pill that would be nice my wife would love that if I had that smarter that way you take it you know that feeling where your ball bags empty and you just feel loose oh you actually feel like a woman you're thinking clearly you're making good decisions yeah you got no balls anymore they're empty it's nice hey you know what's nice is Eero oh yeah guys life is too short for bad Wi-Fi have you ever come home after a long day and you just want to take your computer into your

room to surf the web but you got a weak signal and you can't oh that's the worst I'll tell you not a fan of that yeah well you don't have to anymore because it's enough of those frustrating experiences our friends at Eero have you covered sweet I hate to break it to you but the single router model just doesn't work anymore it stinks oh yeah I remember when the phone company would just send me one router all I had to do was plug it in and call today well no longer in this high bandwidth world one small router won't cut the mustard mark why is that you say fatty it's simple physics that's why just like waves just like light waves Wi-Fi waves don't travel walls very well everybody knows that so what you need is Eero Eero is a system of beacons and base stations that

distribute a strong Wi-Fi signal evenly all over your house just like a net that sounds a little complicated for this goober it is not I just downloaded the app and Eero walked me through each step of the process to make sure my Wi-Fi network was connected uh-huh wow all right well with all those different hubs transmitting my personal information around the house isn't vulnerable to a cyber attack not with Eero I mean excellent question you have a lot of great questions mark but not with Eero they've got you covered with WPA two level encryption wow wow unlike traditional routers it controls the hardware and software for your entire network so you're always secure what a relief and if that's not enough you can add an Eero plus that's

what we have yes thank you Eero subscription to the mix with Eero plus you get tons of additional protections like you get total network protection block malicious and unwanted content across your entire network advanced security content blocking ad blocking technology it's the best we got Eero here we got the quickest zippiest internet on the planet we never have to wait it just loads right up I'm a big fan get Eero plus and keep your family safe and block pop-ups never think about Wi-Fi again get $100 off the Eero base unit and two beacons package and one year of Eero plus just by going to Eero dot com slash Tuesdays and enter Tuesdays at checkout that's E E R O dot com slash Tuesdays plural to get $100 off the base unit and two

beacons package plus one year of Eero plus Eero dot com slash Tuesdays and enter Tuesdays at checkout Eero get good Wi-Fi today all right my Eero is bleeding yeah that's true and then an Eero comes along sing it sister uh boy we really fucking banter and I wave right through this whole episode oh yeah I didn't even get to any of the stories good well hit me fatty what do you got well you I just told that radio business that was nonsense really well if we're talking Balti more I gotta I gotta talk about this real bomb I had were there baltimoreans there uh-huh felt like it they wanted Balti less of me so I got a gig in Baltimore I got my pal Doug Key he's got a nice whip as the kids call it that's a car oh really yeah yeah I gotta talk to him I got a shoulder

problem oh yeah he's a good little uh physical there yes so Doug Key goes yeah I'll drive it's a four hour drive we leave the house at three I go up to the Bronx I don't know he works in the Bronx and this is like boogie down Bronx takes like an hour to get up there on the two oh yeah I remember that before you had to do that yeah he parks his car in the Bronx and he lives in Harlem he's all north of us yeah he just works and lives up there it's a whole thing yucky so he works with all these uh old folk he like puts them into a bed puts them into a chair helps feed them he's like a good egg yeah there's a lot of good guys in this episode umar him yeah well we surround ourselves with positive peeps nice people so uh he's a good dude and he's telling me all about these guys one

guy's a holocaust survivor wow still alive still he's like 98 saw the whole thing one guy was uh in world war two shooting crouts out there in the shit god they got some old fucking bags up there these are old new york dudes like these guys lived and they saw some shit and uh now they just live in this fucking weird home in the Bronx but Doug gets to talk to him and get some stories out of him wow it's wild so uh Doug was driving we drive up here's a weird thing I got one of those you ever just have this year in a car and you're talking you're like man my throat is uh hurting maybe it's lpr what's that that's what I have oh laryn phytonics oh yeah that crossed my mind I was like maybe I have what he has yeah I'm freaking out now I'm like oh my throat hurts I'm like hey what's going

on I'm getting old you know well we talk a lot we talk a lot and I'm talking to the car I'm bitching about pc and jews and the whole thing and yeah I'm really giving Doug a I'm bending his ear I appreciate him letting me vent hero and uh so we get to the gig show up umar it's it's at this bar and uh Baltimore city I think is the name of the neighborhood and umar yes and it's fucking sold out and hot and we get a meal there and umar is cool and everything's everything's set up perfectly you know you go to a million shows that aren't set up right everything's set up perfect the mic's hot the seats are the right place he showed me the photos looks amazing looks great you gotta do it jokes jinn and jokes go do that folks I'm not supposed to do it because of my goobies might

eat my ass but uh yeah it's one night blow me so uh we go there it fills up in two seconds and uh everybody goes up in the crowd it's pretty good everybody's killing and I went up there in my material just rubbed them wrong ooh not into it I had like a uh front row of like young pretty girls and they were I once I did a school shooting joke they were checked out fatty oh boy pretty young thing and I had that uh had that moment of like should I change my acts like is this bad I don't want to bother people that's not what I got into this I'm a comedian yeah I know the feeling but then you're like this is who I am and you know what if patrice had done that not saying I'm patrice but you know you can't change who you are and some people don't find the defensive some

people do and it was a long sad ride back well how much time did you have to do I did an hour flat geez well I want to run I'm running my hour so and it just never you never got them well I had them it wasn't a bomb it wasn't all right you said you bombed oh did I okay well couple times it was just uh it was a what's the word it was not satisfactory it didn't sit well ah like I got off stage and I was like fuck them fuck them they're pussies to me too yeah and I was like yeah yeah I guess but you still don't want to I don't want to bother people I still want to be a killer act of course but I like you know I don't know maybe it's a youth thing I think the youth in me aren't connecting uh the youth but you're a youth I gotta touch more kids I guess there's uh I mean

how young were they in their 20s I guess early 20s these are college cunts yeah a lot of these early 20s people especially in like an inner city they're trying they're a little more uh I don't know well you know it's a weird thing is we watched like the Ted Bundy doc we watched the Michael Jackson doc and our Kelly's peeing in my mouth and everybody's like this is crazy this is good entertainment and then I make a joke about something that never happened and I'm the bad guy yeah it's very straight it's a strange it's it's a kooky way to have priorities well I guess you're making light of it and the documentary isn't they're just presenting it of like here's a thing that happened and you're making light of it and they think the victims are gonna hear it or it's

insensitive or something I don't know well some kid tweeted at me and he goes well because I did a whole thing about how the Michael Jackson doc was awesome but your 30 second fictional pedophilia joke was offensive and I'm like so how is that okay one kid tweeted well if your your friend's mom died it's okay to go to the funeral but you can't joke about it which I get he's got a point so I wrote I'm not joking about any moms specifically I'm just joking about death right I'm just joking about pedophilia I'm not saying this happened and that happened to me so it's not specific it's just a pedophile joke right so our priorities are out of whack with what's what's offensive and what I can't even watch the Michael Jackson doc I don't know why it bums me out yeah but the jokes

I like because I they feel good yeah it's tricky it's but people people are different strokes for different folks I guess yeah some people are offended by it I don't understand it but that's how they are I'm not offended by anything but I'm offended I guess if you were like ah you're fucking family's dumb I might be like hey fuck you but again that's specific to your family I understand the dead mom tweet but they're uh offended by I don't know I get it maybe they were touched I'm not really sure it just worries me because a couple things one everybody's got their shit you know your dad died of cancer your dad your your aunt got a feline aids whatever it is so you touch on feline aids and they might go hey oh well that hurts you can't talk about that you're

like well if we can't talk about that we can't talk about anything I know that everybody's got something the poll used to always say that when someone goes uh you joke about cancer they're like hey I know it gets cancer we all know someone shut the fuck up yeah yeah exactly um it's a tricky time I don't know but maybe uh but this my other thing is I think that the Michael Jackson doc you watch in your own privacy of your own anal and you go oh wow that's crazy but with the comedy you need an illicit you need to illicit laughter so then people see you laughing and they go oh he's one of them you know it has there's a reaction to it that other people can see there's judgment there's judgment yes judgment day terminator two exactly so that that becomes a factor right

where's the mj doc you're watching it in bed jerking off yeah so I did a lot of thinking but it was a long four hour ride back and we got back to New York at like three in the morning and I did that whole thing you know that awkward thing where you're getting a ride and he's like but I live in Harlem and I'm like well can you give me kind of to the midtown area and I'll just jump out you know if you see a two I'll just jump out and so I got uh I got out in Times Square that was our what's the word uh uh compromise compromise well they wouldn't have been bad to take the Holland tunnel just drop you right there and then shoot up the f west side highway well he was going off a gp ju and uh it said Lincoln wow so we got out I got out in the midtown area and came home and

uh yeah it's a just a late late night thinker yeah that's what I had two nights ago same thing coming back from Baltimore because I rented the car but if I'm not back by 10 a.m. Sunday I gotta pay for another day of car so I was like I'm leaving at the hotel stinks so I'm like I'm going right after the show on saturday yeah so I did two shows first one was amazing sold out actually second one was better sold out yeah and a nice bonus which was nice that ain't easy in in the the Timon no well no one came to any of the shows Thursday we had 28 people in a bunch of Tuesdays I feel terrible 28 there was 28 in a room that holds 900 or something it's got like bleachers and a balcony it's uh what do you call it uh escalated or what stadium style vaulted where the seats go up in a

diagonal like a like a highl Hitler I never heard vaulted vaulted ceiling gets a ceiling that's kind of diagonal all right well it's vaulted baby it's in the vaulted uh but yeah I had a few Tuesdays there and I appreciate you coming but I wish you had come to a better show because it felt like the the gays were just looking at me like what is this is he stink it's such a people like a fan of the podcast and I seemingly a fan of the stand-up then they're watching the show just being like oh god maybe he sucks it's crazy how much comedy such a mood thing like you go and you're like there's 18 people here this the room's weirdly lit it's dingy I'm gay this is weird and you're like no you can be the best comic on the planet but if it the mood is wrong it's like

a boner yeah Saturday both shows were killer and it was fun a lot of fans came out so I thank you I appreciate it uh no gifts I think that's over I guess those day we had a good run we did have a good run well I'll get on the paycheck that's better anyways but anyway so Saturday I'm like I'm bombing out of here as soon as this show is over and it's 945 so it's pretty early which is nice not bad so I went in there got my paycheck fucking chatted with the owner a little bit jumped in the car but it's pouring rain yeah and then if we skipped ahead an hour ah so I'm driving when it hits two all of a sudden it turns to three ah I hate the hour change so I got home at 5 a.m. oh I've been going to bed at 5 a.m. since I was 28 in the blackout fucking my aunt in the ass I mean

it was crazy wow five o'clock a.m. bedtime it throws you all off for Sunday but boy it feels good to return that car oh yeah and then you jump in the lift home but driving in the pouring rain is terrifying the worst feeling trying to pass an 18-wheeler on a two-lane highway because it's spraying everywhere yeah I kept bailing it happened like four times I was like here we go and I'd be like ah because it's fucking spraying so hard the wipers are going nuts yeah I'm afraid I'm gonna skid off the road there's a godrail right there and and you're just picturing you're the car flipping yes 200 times I do that all the time I'm just visualizing just hanging out and like you go black and your eyeballs hanging out your fucking asshole it feels really you get that fear and you can't

think straight yeah now I'm driving 48 I gotta like rebuild and it's the same truck I can't get past him yeah so finally I just got up the gall because like four cars did it first they all just whip pass and I'm like all right these fucking one of us a minivan with the kids in it oh wow I'm like I got a man up here so I just fucking got I'm doing like 110 miles an hour in a Ford Focus or whatever baby on board and then I got by and then it's always because as soon as I pass I just get back in front of him and drive like the same speed he's driving yeah like two car links ahead and he must just be like what a bitch this guy is well wait a minute how do you return a car they open oh yeah Alamo 24 hours just drop it right off get a lift and squirt home Alamo I'll remember that

but I went to bed at uh 5 a.m. and uh it was a wild wild time then Sarah came home yesterday like six I hadn't seen her in 12 days longest time we've gone without seeing him well that's almost a fortnight well it's crazy because I'm like I went to Fort Worth ah three fort nights Fort Worth nights the worst nights but I was there for three and then I was home for four nights I went to Baltimore for three yeah she was just in Houston with her family but you're like it's always weird when you're like what are you even up to what's going on like I've been up to like I don't even know how to start I've been in eight cities five states and three assholes yeah I've had fucking six bombs two kills and a partridge in a queer tree yeah um I think it's

probably the least stories we've ever told on an episode no we've had some digress I mean this was really something you'll digress Tyson um how about this on the way down here this is nothing crazy but uh I guess I'm revealing I had nothing for this episode maybe a couple things coming I think you had some you got Bill Bellamy in here I had the ear thing yeah you had the ear jizz zero yeah can I just say that uh I mentioned the throat feeling oh yeah so we drive back we get back at three in the morning you know you can't sleep I'm gay and I went to bed and I have an ear now I have an ear would you ever have this though whoa whoa whoa whoa interesting in my ear and I can't sleep because your ears just wowing it sounds like tinnitus kind of I googled it and it said

tinnitus but I thought you had a ringing mine's like this oh weird mine was wow did it go away it comes and goes ah I don't have it right now but when I lay down it might come back yeah mine is there all the time it's very frustrating I wonder if that's sinus or now I'm all worried because you know I woke up the next day at like 7 a.m. to go straight to Austin Tejas and I was all fucking out of splitting headache and I never get headaches so something's up I think I need a just a nice rest hmm but yeah it's it's we time it's getting older I feel crazy I'm all I have like fucking plantar fasciitis I got a pinched nerve my rotator cuff or something my shoulders hurt for like four months not even an injury I got this silent reflex which is kind of cobblestone

throat I got fucking cum dripping down my throat yeah I feel like I'm dying I gotta eat better I eat one set of french fries and I'm just I wanted to throw up blood wait is that a mint tea you're drinking no this is chamomile I can't have any caffeine I can't have any mint I can't have coke I can't have fries I can't have marinara I want to kill myself we're old I'm all crickety I get out of bed I gotta stretch every day I have like a regiment every day it's uh it's bad and I used to just treat my body like a like a vehicle like I would guzzle a bunch of booze I jerk off I jizz in this I'd eat my own ass and then I would just go get on a plane I don't have two hours of sleep but I was like oh I know I feel like shit but just get on the plane and now I feel so shitty

I can't do it we're in our 30s I know I can't we talked about this last week but I'm like these people these fat asses in their 50s that smoke I mean they must just be feel like garbage crazy I don't know how people do it but I'm trying to really turn around with this diet I want to just fucking be full on health yeah it's not easy it's very difficult and like you just Thursday night I think it was in Baltimore I just I hadn't eaten in like hours and like it was an early show so you're done at 9 30 and I'm like I want to go out to dinner right now just eat a fucking chicken parm or a McDonald's or a diner I drive by Chick-fil-A I'm like I want some buffalo sod I would guzzle it but it'll fucking send me into convulsions you're addicted well I was listening

to this MMA fighter I'm not a big MMA guy but this guy was on a pod and he was saying how he would eat this and lose a fight then he would eat that and win and he's like you really are what you eat it's cliche and he's like I used to be a vegan and blah blah blah and it's it's a good way to keep you in check and it's the same with your throat you know like you eat the the the the three cheese pasta and a birthday cake you're gonna hate yourself yeah but if you don't you're gonna feel good yeah I'll feel alright I mean so far I still feel not great no matter what I eat which is a bummer that's not good but I'm hoping I mean people reached out I appreciate you keep reaching out I'm like how long is this gonna take what is it a month a week I mean I was hoping to just fix my diet for

a week and feel fine but I think it's not a miracle fix we're too old for that yeah in your twenties you're like you pop a couple Tylenol and you take a bath and all of a sudden you're like I feel 100 percent yeah I think it's like drinking give it a couple weeks of living living life healthy and you'll be alright maybe a month or two I don't know what the hell's going on but then you start thinking like how would it fix itself like why wouldn't it just keep doing that well you got a lot of gook and jizz in you there you got to get out I think it's all stomach lining it's in there for 30 years of fucking hamburger buns I think you're right burgers yeah I never fucked a hamburger bun but it's not bad especially if it has butter the meat I guess would be nice when you're like

grind up meat with your hands whatever you call that sticking your dick in them it's a little chili ground beef god I have no sex drive anymore and let me tell my wife comes home on the how about this I'm not we're gonna wrap it up but I'm on the road I didn't jerk off for three days I didn't even notice oh that's weird well first of all I'm obsessed with my fucking LPR yeah uh silent reef laryn feck and penis retard but I'm just thinking about that and googling I'm trying to ride I'm trying to exercise I'm trying to stay healthy I'm just I give an obsessive personality obviously so I'm just obsessed with silent reflux and I'm reading all these articles I realize I'm like when's the last time I beat off that's why I did three times yesterday been days and then of course

when my wife comes home you're like oh yes sex I'm attracted to her right so we bang so but before that I'm just I'm not even thinking about it but it's that kind of gotta be nice remember when you're when you're 21 you're all horny like I wish I wasn't so horny it's a horrible way to live so maybe you're living the dream it's nice but at the same time you're like no I'm getting old again I gotta get better food or something I gotta eat some pineapples or aphrodisiac juice the grass is always gayer because when you're 13 you get a boner in biology you go gotta hate these boners that when you're 48 you go I'd kill for a biology boner well I still have bone I mean I still get a bone I have no problem getting a boner but I'm walking around the mall in the old days I'd be

like oh look at her I gotta like Jesus I'm gonna remember her yeah now I'm just like yeah whatever who cares I'm looking at guys being like I should get in that shape right but what can you do we gotta wrap up I mean sorry for the lack of stories but uh I think it was fun yeah we had a lot of zingers yeah we had some fun and uh we learned was a little laugh and learn now what do you got coming up there tubs big news big news everybody added a date well it's big news to me whatever Houston I get all these messages when you come into Houston Houston suck my dick Houston we have a problem April 2nd it's a Tuesday I know it's a weeknight weeknight suck but just come out just fuck it just come out Tuesday April 2nd secret group and Sarah and I were co-headlining

the secret group Tuesday April 2nd Houston you gotta really come through with me on this one or for me whatever and then that weekend Austin Cap City April 3rd through the 6th also with Sarah and then the weekend before that I feel like I haven't plugged it enough Sunnyvale I love Sunnyvale Rooster Teeth Feathers I think it's March 28 29 30 whatever that weekend is I feel like you're there twice a week in Sunnyvale I love that club 28 29 30 31 uh is Sunnyvale and then uh secret group April 2nd Cap City April 3rd through the 6th and then woo ha ha in Worcester Massachusetts woo ha ha yeah April 11 12 13 that's a Patriots Day weekend that'll be fun and then the Uncle Dale firefighter benefit in Holbrook Massachusetts I do every year I've got this year I'm gonna get a

link for that's gonna be Friday April 19th South Shore people come on out it's for a great uh fire department so do that and you can go to comedian Joe List of course and get on the Patreon there's so much bonus shit it's crazy if you're not on the Patreon you're not a fucking fan there's so much shit on there so we got video we got live pods we got clefs we got Jews you name it it's crazy there's a lot of stuff on there uh all right this weekend come on out Misha again the Mitten I'm at Royal Oak Comedy Castle in Royal Oak Michigan uh then we're in Vegas don't forget Vegas somewhere in the middle of this I'll be in Conan uh the dates keep getting in Conan I'll be on inside Conan's but but no the dates keep getting topsy turvy but I'll be on Conan sometime next week

so tune in then we're in Vegas that's gonna be a hot show if you if you live in Vegas Reno Nevada Grand Canyon get out to Vegas that's gonna be the best at the Rio and Ari and Vecchione and Veter Veter Las Vegas uh then I'm doing some music festival opening for dice wow one night only at the sonic temple in in Columbus Ohio something like that then comedy club on state the big album recording let's get some Tuesdays in there so it's not just a bunch of bachelorettes and uh pita and dog owners and whatever let's get in there folks and uh Laughing Skull Lana love the ATL Hot Lana Tempe Imprive all you queefs who are saying when you're coming out to Phoenix when you come in Arizona this is it Tempe Imprive great club bringing Chris Al unworldly having a good

time then I'm going to Europe with the fat guy then uh comedy at the Carlson and Rochester New York Bananas and Hasbrook Heights real drop off here and a lot of fun stuff Tacoma's coming up Magoobies I'm doing so uh yeah come out to Mark Norman comedy dot com check out the Patreon we've got queefs we've got anal and uh praise Allah and yeah get your ears checked out such a dick yeah all right Mago