Tuesdays with Stories! - #301 Douchey Coach

Episode Date: June 11, 2019

Hoo wee, we've got a hell of an ep for ya as Mark continues his ongoing battle with airports in Rochester while Joe golfs in California with Tom Thakkar before seeing Brandi Carlisle in concert. Check it out! Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus eps and full video eps! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/ Download the Laughable app today! laughable.com/download

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy yeah we're back we're here we're queer Adam and Steve not Adam and Eve we're in the bridge over his studio I got the fat man and the douche in the morning how the

hell are you it's hot out I'm sweaty I'm gay I'm covered in a film of jizz by the way our newest addition here a producer I don't know what you are a guy whose house we're in right now he's a Jew Alex he's definitely a Jew and by the way is a plugged-in Jew I might add oh he's plays analog this guy knows every Jew ever yes it's it's crazy but anyways it he described it this Alex character he's I walked in the apartment about 500 degrees in the apartment I said Jesus taught his hell and then he responded well I got an ice box in the studio and I gotta say I don't know what kind of icebox you own but yeah ice cube wouldn't

last five minutes in this thing this is more like an old cooler you found in a boat yeah it's a thing where the guy when a guy hosts you and he puts the stuff in a cooler and he's like it's in a cooler and then you open the can you're like this isn't a cooler you do it's not it's not cold at all no it's kind of like the Seinfeld where he's like does the heat even work in the sky he's like nah yeah that sort of feel this is a foam cooler no ice I do love a foam cooler though anytime you're around a foam cooler it's something's fun you're on a boat drinking you're at a picnic you're tubing I love a foam cooler I might add

this probably an alcoholic within a within a range of you no doubt about it I like the foam sound yeah a nice little foam squeak I'm down with a squeak and I like when it the top fits just right yes I get that OCD you gotta kind of match the little thumb imprint I like your dick you foam them up and I got a thumb print oh yeah that thumb prints never going away I realized I'm gonna die with a big brown peanut butter thumb cock well no when you died I'll know it's yours good boy well hopefully it's still attached to me when I die who knows what'll happen you never know get bobbin it that would be a bummer the way to die

by the way Bob it a big piece of shit I hear I watch the documentary that guy's garbage she's a horrible human being he beat the hell out of the Lorraine a beater raped her the whole night right there weren't they married yeah you can rape a married well friends I can read you maybe I'll get married I love marriage I don't care for rape but well I feel like a marriage rape is that a worse rape or a better rape I would say it's a worse rape what you'd rather be raped in a in a wedlock than raped in the park yeah well first of all it's raping the park thing that's rare that's a myth that ain't no man it happens it happens but

like it happens as a myth yeah it happens occasionally but like 97% of rape is someone you know so watch out for Maril but a marriage rape is bad because you have sworn to protect each other all of a sudden your husband's holding you down fucking yeah that's a bummer and you got to see him at the morning oatmeal the next day exactly a little mow going but but you know if you're if you go on it you're talking to a guy up in here I know it's about as hot as my asshole in here is rape talks get me heated but if you're if you're all if you hang out with a guy at work yeah gotta you know he's got funky breath and a weird tie

and all of a sudden he rapes you like I should have known you know still not your fault rape victims sure guy or girl but it's a little more like Jesus how did I not whatever but your husband raping you that's a real betrayal I would to say the least I agree but let me throw in some some perks yes of a husband or a wife raping you I think that Perkastetz that would help the rape that's true I think Avika dick I think you got you know what you're dealing with genital wise if you're getting raped by a spouse I suppose okay you know you're probably not you might get aids if you get raped in a in a under a

overpass yeah I mean let's be perfectly queer queer well that was Freudian ah that's we are perfectly queer can you be perfectly queer do you occasionally you kiss a woman so you kind of fucked up they called that a gold star gave that you never touched a lady oh yeah I'm a gold star gay no kidding yeah how about that well anyways I you know all rape is horrific of course I you know full disclosure here a rape where we're anti-raping that's a good t-shirt we hate rape it's not bad I feel like it might stir some weird that would stir it's who could disagree I know but things stir this is gonna stir we're

stirring all right well you gotta stir if you want the cake to rise yeah otherwise the sauce will stick yes I'm stirring I'm stirring all right okay so wait what were you gonna say you get aids oh I'm saying there's a couple perks to being raped by your spouse yes you know the genital situation you're not getting aids probably and I guess it's about it you can if you get divorced maybe you get half the money you're not gonna have the money from a rando rape that's a good point crackhead rape no dough yeah so but yeah I think a high percentage of rapes come from people you know which is really jarring it's it's

almost the the rape version of the gun you know most gunshot and wounds are from your own gun right right by the way a pool more dangerous than a gun how so swimming pools kill more people a year than handgun that's a real silly way to put it though I'm just saying I'm not I'm not pro gun I don't have a gun or a pool I know but it's a it's a silly fact it's a fact like we just said pull political dying pools than guns that's a that's good what did I say you said pools are more dangerous oh sorry I would say I think that sounds a little bit like you read it off of a you know and I'm in the fucking bottle cap or

whatever well who cares where I read it well the way you're putting it sounds a little weird I mean a gun certainly is more dangerous than a pool right you can't bring a gun to a pool you swim in a pool you lay a gun is a killing machine sure that's more dangerous than a pool you don't want to bring a pool to a gun fight that's true you don't want to bring a gun to a pool fight either that's also true I mean you'd win I'm just saying it's like saying you know rape is more fun than balloons well I just think we certain certain things are sexy like sharks cows kill more people a year than sharks but we don't talk about cow

killing because it's not sexy when does a cow kill a person cows kill people all the time look it up Rizzy how so though I'm not not I'm not doubting you I'm asking how does a cow kill a person they can kick every now and then they charge they ram they they have a stampede every now and then really yeah yeah I guess because it gets more ink because more people are in the ocean than are on farms it's much like black death that's what I said right this is like the pool thing again Bannon and our a cow he said it the exact same way as though you hadn't said it that way right he also said it was cool in here so I don't know

what's going on that's a good point is it brick solar bristle brazil brazil so briz okay yes but I would say I'd rather my kid in a pool than playing with a gun well the gun could be not loaded I suppose always loaded well you could say the pool is empty in that case yeah but who's playing an empty pool maybe a skateboard skateboards downtown that's dangerous yes did it for years broke many bones interesting mm-hmm well they're all dead it's all dangerous I mean walking across the street is dangerous the car but yep yeah I just hate these are it sounds like one of those ones where it's like a pencil can

kill a person too and you're like okay great with a pencil but let's be honest yeah and a pencil was a design to kill a right nor a pool right was designed for bathing in to let the Phil Hartman but he died a pool I think he did then this wife kill him I believe she did in the pool I think she hit him with a noodle what he could not strengthen her I think he was on some perks remember here in that white that story about her earring is shaking in the intro cuz she was do you remember they ever hear that mm-hmm she was like in his intro in SNL they show all the people and he's like at a restaurant uh-huh and oh like the Phil

Hartman and her earring is swaying cuz she kept staring at the camera she wanted to be on camera too like hey you can't be looking at the camera this is his shot and she was like ah I'm like turned and then like they snapped it then that that's a tell yeah that was something David tell yeah love him yeah he's good he doesn't wear an earring now can you imagine David tell with an earring ugh that's more dangerous than a necklace an earring I don't know I see choking I guess all right I was just saying things I got you we'll cut this out um well you been in when'd you get back from a la la land I got back

yesterday I took the red eye which never always seems like it's gonna be good never good here's what I did I took the red eye asleep 10 25 p.m. flight I took a town all PM I was like that way I'll fall asleep I'll sleep on the plane totally but here's what happened I'm in regular old douchey coach cuz I got a damn wife you can't get upgraded when you get the wife with I was a great both of you can't you go without her yeah they don't not cuz it's one ticket ah so I gotta get her some staff I'm trying to get her status I'm throwing miles her way and book in the flight but she's holding me back she's coach raping she's coach

rape yes boy Phil Jackson right by a coach who would you take I I'd go the what is it Penn State paterno the other guy oh what is his name Sandusky yeah that's that's coach rape well it's you get the headlines yes it's like a shark murder yes you're getting on the you're getting the paper but the problem is you go to jail and you're gonna what's goose for the good for the goose is good for the gander well now if you're not going to jail you're getting raped Sandusky he's in jail that's what I'm saying but you're not gonna go to jail I'm saying when he goes to jail oh he's gonna get the old switcheroo I thought

you thought you go to jail if you get raped and I thought I got a I'm gonna blow your mind right here you get out of jail that's a tough life man can you imagine yeah what are you in jail for I got raped well this is not your lucky day you're going back to jail anyways so I took the red eye I took a town all p.m. couldn't sleep on the plane I'm just tossing and turning but I took the town p.m. so I'm drowsy now I'm drowsy and not sleep I can't keep my eyes open but I can't fall asleep I know it too well my back hurt you ever had that thing where every inch of your back hurts yeah there's like a pain you're like the

whole thing it feels like people are punching me in the shoulders in the back yeah and so I'm trying to curb the back the whole thing and we have I got the the bathroom seats where it's like there's no one in front of you oh yeah bathroom but that physical but it's gonna all these lights and shit smell and and there's commotion here at Grant sexual station in the shitter all kinds of commotion it sucked and so I got home at 7 25 a.m. J and I have a mandolin lesson less at noon and I'm like all right I'll sleep for two hours I'll wake up I'll go to mandolin and then I had the thing where I was like I should cancel I should

not get it's gonna cost me seventy seven dollars it's like a doctor you can't cancel I had a similar thing less than a day out so I'm like I'll just sleep that I wake up should I cancel I don't cancel finally I wake up it's 11 o'clock and I'm like I physically can't get out of bed you know that feeling we're like I can't do I physically am unable to yes so now I cancel 11 but she's in the middle of a lesson so she never responds whenever you cancel you want that response of course you want that don't sweat it of course I get it you know would she give you a pass or you got to pay I got to pay which I was at this

point I'm like I'll pay five grand to not go to a goddamn mandolin lesson on 90 minutes sleep I get it but my point is I'm not even getting the satisfaction of the cancel right I keep checking the text be like oh she hates me she hates me and now you're really not sleeping now there's no sleep no no nothing till Brooklyn and so now I just get up so I get out of the mandolin lesson but I'm still just on no sleep yeah then I had to go this is all yesterday I had to go do Bennington with canner which we were going to plug our apartment show but that got cancelled because they double booked us now we're just there for no

reason other than it is fun it was a great time we had a good time so that was good Bennington's the man oh he's the best and we worked I thought he was mad at me it's a weird thing and he was like I love you don't be mad whatever I thought he was mad maybe I'll ask the same yeah it's nice let me know if you didn't I love you because it was really touching and I can't act because if I don't get the I love you I'm gonna hate myself yeah good point but I won't do it it's all dad I just came from therapy it's all this dad business I want a man to say I love you mandolin yeah I should have gone to that lesson yeah you

canceled your dad canceled yours my mandolin hates me now but anyway so I did that then I had to go meet up with Tom Dustin who was in town he was doing the Anthony Koumia show wow he's back he was in town a couple weeks ago doing Ari storytelling show which was a great time at the stand I'd like to hear about that I know I don't think I talked about it I don't believe you did I'm carry a lot of questions well because the same day you went met Seinfeld ah that Trump's Ari I can't be like hey I gotta tell you about the stand opening in a couple weeks you're out here banging dicks with Seinfeld yeah both

circumcised so any just so Tom was here a couple weeks ago Ari did his story telling show at the stand it's not even open yet completely fresh what do you call that soft open yeah not renovated still yeah and you went and got the tour oh yeah the club looks amazing folks get ready because the stand on 16th and Union Square yeah something like that it is gonna be a doozy perfectly rectangle room low searing they have like these things so it's gonna be a bouncy situation long wide stage but kind of short the mic D logo's there perfect low ceiling there's gonna be a lot of albums recorded there I can already smell it oh that club's gonna

be something big pizza oven ton of pizza I'm is gonna be a special place two rooms podcast room it's in the middle of Union Square heart of the city it's this is this stand I can't I'm so glad we're a part of it we should do a couple live-ups there yeah well we got the village underground they might be a little so we might have to little frosty they loyal over there but we should definitely do stand-up comedy a lot there yes yes always tricky with these multiple clubs now the thing but I'm happy to be part of both of them yes but anyways we did that show it was a Ari big J Sean Patton and then I was Ari

asked me to do the show and I said what if I bring Tom Dustin down because we got this Key West story we tell I've told the story before by myself but I was like it's a lot better when you have both people yes because if you got a story that involves two comics why not have both the comics tell the story and both funny dudes yes so I appreciate that so Ari said yeah come on down you son of a bitch so I brought down Tom and now he gets a little nervous he doesn't spend a lot of time in New York he's intimidated why he puts it on a pedestal he's one of the funniest cats on the gook get in there Tommy these people don't

realize we got some of the best comics in the world of course of course but we got like 500 of the worst comics ever to even they're not even comics they're fucking just meatballs wait what do you talk oh oh he's in the city oh yeah well more than 500 people are like oh I don't know David tell works and you're like yeah but so does fucking just bleep any of these names out yeah I mean that last one was clearly gaffigan but no I'm kidding he's one of the best of course we love you gaffy just felt like a long name he's been around lately again yeah he's doing the pod scene yeah but we can get him on I guarantee we can get him on

boy he is so good anyways killer so anyways I said come on down he comes down and it's a big party feel I mean we went over there together we did our pod you me and Tom walked over there I got a shitty bagel yeah and just a killer show Ari just packs them out I mean there was a line down the street and around the corner and people love Ari not sure why but they love him yeah I know I love because I know him personally right but if I just watched his art I would hate him yeah already she feared yikes not great but he's a mansion a cute kid and we love him and it's so cool to be part of that this it's not done yet the stand

still there's still mud on the floor you know there's wires hanging it's something fun and be part of that like new beginning yes saw dust the whole situation but great show nothing nothing crazy happened it was just a good show and I feel like we really killed up there alright and it's a great story and everything hit that always feels good everything hits yes afterwards and went to the diner after and great great time but anyway so then Tom leaves the next day he leaves his jacket and passport we had to ship in the passports now we need to get the jacket so yesterday I do Bennington I bring the jacket over to

him then my niece is in town for her New York trip they don't go to DC we used to go to DC when we were kids now I'm gonna go to New York alright so I went over I met her I was running around on no sleep you feel like you're fucked up oh it's the worst I heard I did a little googling and it said if you're not sleep if you go one day without sleep it's the equivalent of being point one zero blood alcohol oh yeah so I'm above the legal limit so you're not sober anymore it's kind of fun I've said this before I'm like sometimes I'll just deprive myself of sleep just to be like who feel a little cookie but the only problem is

it's a cranky fucked up you're not like whoa let's get laid you're like I hate everything yeah yeah I want to go to bed right I felt that way a lot when I was drinking too good point good what can you do but how you doing the back on the on the wave I feel good I came home last night went to bed at 1 a.m. took a town I'll PM again slept till 10 a.m. I'm back and I went to therapy that always helps for about 12 hours and I want to kill myself again sure sure but anyway it was it was quite a journey I was in LA did the Dr. Drew podcast keep an ear and an eye out for that that'll come out soon he's a good egg nice guy

and what a setup they got over there yeah they're killing me look at this we got gray shit I don't even know how to say his name it's hot as fuck how does balls we got my phones on a tripod with that set with two books of under it we don't know what's going on yeah it's thanks we stink but we're working on it though go watch the fucking YouTube get on the patreon and pay for some shit yes yeah I mean the I think oh I got the Venmo thank you Venmo didn't you Venmo no the Patriot yeah yeah we're ticking up slowly ticking tick yeah you guys are missing out of your not on just the queef and the quuff and the quaff and the

pods the live apps there's all kinds of goodies on there I'm gonna be quite on I'm gonna put it right on you here I think you're crazy if you enjoy the show not on three dollars we have the cheapest patreon of any podcast yeah it's too cheap we're fucking idiots so if you want to give us five or six that would be ideal but you won't even notice it missing out of your ACT no we won't even notice and we got the new live episode up there with Ari and Corinne and Chris Allen we'll talk about that yeah and then what else is up there he tells a great story all the video is up there full video episode so yeah

we're cooking suck your own dick yeah so your back your sleep sleep prived um I'm my pride should be a word you got deep prived privy privy something privy that information yeah is that derivative of deprived maybe pri privy parts what the fuck does privy mean privy is like your your your hip I mean I know what it means but I like what is it what's the orientation yes the the origin yeah yeah interesting privy because it's double V I think anything with an E on the end of it sounds like it comes from something else yes yes probably from Boston wacky comes from whack that's not a good example cookies from kook faggy comes

from faggot that's true right yeah yeah yeah I can know in such language just no no just doing some word association yeah it was the only faggy word I could come up with by the way you know you're faggy very much I love faggy yeah you hear fag still even faggot is kind of out because it feels very harsh oh it's hard the double G I'll kill you yeah it's like the n-word is similar right two G's in there even gangsters oops sorry even bigot is a double G and that feels harsh the other way spigot spigot hurts a little yeah that sounds like something yeah but faggy you don't I don't hear that much around and I don't hang out with

people that use such language and I don't hear that right hey right yeah I like fag I like this remember this one he's a little yes on to if you're not watching at home mark is shaking his hand yes Michael J. Fox or Muhammad Ali yes who's dead diversity Parkinson's that doesn't seem so bad I think it's a bummer all right I don't want MS I'd rather parky mmm MS is like you're whittle away to nothing right yeah kind of die you're in a wheelchair Parkinson's you're shaking things up you're the life of the party you can't hold anything it's not bad yeah it doesn't seem great because I've seen it up close a couple

people with it and they're really wackadoo I've never seen it in the flesh oh it's something else but I saw a guy one time he was speaking and he was all wackadoo and then he did a thing where he was like but if I really focus and get you know Zen and he kind of like slowed it down and it was like one of the craziest things I've ever seen whoa damn but then it made me feel like I'm like well why don't you just do that all the time well I probably it's like the force you know it takes a second to really focus right right but that's another point point about Star Wars which I'm not a fan of why doesn't he just

grabbing everything all the time yeah yeah why doesn't he end the whole war I know I know get lay fingering chicks or click root move the clip yeah can't he just be like and then have the whole Emperor fucking pass out or whatever and you know fuck him in the ass I mean it's an old hack joke but it's like Superman when he picks up a car he's like yeah you're like well do you have the strength or you need I have the strength yeah like which one is it I never heard that that's good all right I like something that could be something yeah but I don't like it oh yeah still waiting on that lunch chair but I feel

like with Parkinson's there's a ton of built-in jokes like shaking their stern come on buddy take a look you know everything they got a million of them so you want a disease that allows you the most joke yes that seems like a good thing yeah cancer not funny Parkinson's joke bag yeah cancer's tough yeah if it's long you can be like put some deodorant I can't breathe over here I like that but this is fun we should just that should be a bonus writing jokes for diseases and then everyone with a disease can fuck their chemo money you can give us the money right right you don't need it you got aids you go hey the

phone's dropping my T cell phone is out cell service yeah yeah okay okay something with sickle cell in there sickle cell is dropping maybe that's better mmm that's pretty good all right I don't know what sickle cell is that's a black people disease which we don't get is that right we just can't get it I think every now and then like one whitey you'll get it but I think it's mostly afro-american a which feels a little you know discriminous Tory yeah fuck you sickle cell how about some love for the whites brutal one of the diseases are there Alzheimer's yeah Alzheimer's you can go I forgot to call you yeah there's a

lot of those all right we gotta move on to some other business yeah what are you been up to I got I got more stuff but I feel like I've been saying too many okay I got a couple nuggets but nothing nothing juicy I mean it's hard to follow those Seinfeld shoes we got we'll figure something all right all right get off on a tangent we had yes baggy a bunch that's something that helps and a lot of rape talk yeah rape rape in fact well first of all just shout out the show doesn't grow anymore yeah yeah luckily it's all on video for people to cut it up and put on the news but we I want to give a shout out to accommodate the

Carlson Rochester was such a fun weekend you know I'm not saying we're we're blowing up or anything but every now and they get a little just a little tinge of success you know like the hotel one weekend is very nice it's not a day's in and then one show like sells out so you get a little of that jizz so every now and then you get a little bit of gook you know you get a little bit of niceness and I just want to say the weather was perfect Rochester underrated town great club great crowds we had a black Chris Allen open he was killing it the mark the owner was super nice and took us out to dinner and everything was

just a great weekend no flaw no flubs last time I was in Rochester was with you and Chris Allen what was that week for my wedding you guys came and visited oh that's right charlottesville that's right yes he lives and we had a lot of racial discussion we did in the parking lot we got to the bottom of it actually I think we solved it we did we figured it out so here's my clinker though I'm in Rochester upstate New York our flight maybe 47 minute flight I got a nice cushy 1 a.m. or 1 p.m. flight you know you can sleep in a little you don't have to rush to the airport wake up do a phone or pod at 10 a.m. head

to the airport get there for 1150 I'm way too early can't wait board the plane is gonna be great I'll be home at New York by 2 p.m. go right to my apartment you have the whole day on Sunday the weather is great get on the plane I got a leg room seat feeling good up we're gonna be sitting here for 20 minutes we're we know we're backed up you go all right 20 minutes whatever it's a 47 minute flight blow me praise Allah well looks like it's a maintenance issue we got to wait for the part but it's on its way it's coming right now that's a 47 minute flight blow me praise Allah looks like we got to de-board the plane

de-boarding it's such a thing because now you don't know if it's gonna take off at all now why are you de-boarding the just they don't want the too much the analog clock is ruined or the windshield wipers are faulty or the seats not reclining something's all wrong with the plane doesn't it feel like this should be a thing of the past at some point exactly you didn't check that when the flight came in you know and parties like look it's an hour flight let's just fucking let's just go for it right right exactly how bad we need that oil gauge yeah even if we start dropping just coast yes coast get me near get me to

Westchester I'll walk exactly white planes I'll take it parameters so now we're off the plane and it's one of those shit shows where everybody's losing it they're tying the poor desk I feel for the desk guy yeah it's not his plane you know but they just they hone in on me they go what the hell I got my daughter's graduation and my son has got AIDS and sickle cell and he's shaky and paranoid and all this so so they go hey sorry sorry and I see this and I have a I have a fun idea okay they go the plane's not taking off figure it out folks and I run everybody's yelling at this guy so I run to the front gate I

go through security through all that through baggage claim go back to the front gate and I go right to the desk in the front they're all y'all at the guy at the gate I see I'm at the front desk so it's like two people in front of me so my head is pretty good it was 800 people in that line here we go so I noticed the the lady is giving a lot of nose she's going now so we can't do that we can't do that so I look on the board I see oh there's a Delta flight leaving at three or something or four okay I'm gonna get on that so I run to the Delta guy and I go hey man can I just get on this flight I'm with a United got canceled goes no

problem love it no problem yes it's rare she's just a no I got a no problem nice guy he's like it's my last day we chat he's a college kid and I go all right just hold a seat for me goes no problem I run back and I get up to the desk and I go can you put me on that Delta flight and she goes can't do it I go why not she goes it's full I go I just talked to Sam over there and he said it's not full and she goes really and she hated me they don't expect you to do any research exactly but why tell me it's full what is that full because she doesn't want to deal with you she wants to keep you on Europe that flight I guess but that

flight canceled I know but you want to keep you in the United Universe I guess that's it so she calls Sam so I just see him pick up the phone she knows Sam well they call each other they got a little telephone business okay and he goes yeah yeah I'm saving the guy we got a few seats left put him on she was like all right now she's pissed like why are you mad I'm trying to make this work you could yeah fuck it what's her name I didn't get it she had hoop earrings she was daisy sounds like a best fuck you best best you twat so hoops now I'm out now I'm on a Delta flight things are all right I beat the rest of the group you

know they're all still arguing with this guy that feels good got to go back to security whatever get to the Delta counter canceled oh my word there's something wrong with the airport they can't land so they're just everything so now I'm like mother of dick so I don't know what to do so they're going all right we're gonna have to put you in a hotel you're gonna fly out in the morning like yeah yeah Rochester by the way a shit hole shit hole no offense if you're living in Rochester yes but you know you live in a shit hole so now I'm freaking out now I'm like what am I gonna do and the guy goes all right we

got good news we can get you to New York by like midnight I'm like yeah I had sets that night I had a whole thing brutal so I go let me try something this where I had heard your your fat voice in my head thank you I go down I see jet blue they got a bunch of flights in New York I'm like how do they get they're going to JFK and I go interesting cuz Newark and LaGuardia are fucked I don't know why so I go to jet blue and I go hey man do you have a seat left on this thing and he goes we have one seat left and I go can I get it and he goes well you gotta get united either switch you over or you got to pay for it and I was

like what's it cost he goes $260 that seems high for Rochester well 11 bucks the flights in 20 minutes I know but still these flight these airlines they fuck us all they fuck just get me to write it's 20 minutes you don't even notice me I don't want any food I'll lay in the aisle just let me sit in the cockpit I'll be fine exactly they know they got you by the balls because it it's right there they know I want it but it's a horrible I hate I hate the whole thing hate the whole thing so it'll be fucked eventually like the way cabs got fucked I think airlines will get fucked yeah like an Uber for planes yeah it'll

happen right it's like the post office you guys suck cuz you got no competition maybe we should start it all right jet goo the Tuesdays stories stories airline oh yeah you get free come in the mouth and you know sure anal whatever really won't come in my mouth apparently it's a running gag here gag hey alright so it's like the gag while you're running so I call United and it's one of those call you goes you might want to give him a call but call him now because we're about to take off we're about to board I was there so I call him and of course they go no and I give him a little cunty lip you know I'm

like it's so weird you cancel on me but you can't help me out they're like well we'll try to give you a delta I'm like well Delta got canceled but I need to get home I made up all this thing about my wife's got cancer and her babies got AIDS right and she was like I'm sorry sir so I got the credit I got the Delta credit or a united credit that's not bad that's something by the way every store you have that's a nightmare starts with United yes you're right yeah I keep we're on repeat here I hate United fuck you United you keep flying United I know I gotta be your Delta I'm just gonna start doing that I'm gonna pay the extra eight

dollars I've had this nine times actually stop saying start doing well this is your voice again thank you so I go back to the jet blue guy and he's a nice guy I had a fun moment he's like dealing with me but he's kind of like he's like about to get off work and his friend comes up and he goes Charlie oh my god I haven't seen in years well how was the bachelor party and Charlie just shows my picture of a naked stripper and he's like get that shit out of here oh yeah and I start laughing I go you know what fuck it I put the credit card down I bought the flight that's the way to be I got home at 330 430 whatever it was had

the whole night left and it's just it's just money it's gone and it's fine yeah and we're doing okay there's never gonna be a moment where you're going ah if I had that $218 right now it might be a moment might be homeless someday or whatever oh yeah over the time being there's nothing more valuable than being home you're right mandolin lesson I'll give you five grand I don't I can't get out of bed I want to sleep that's a good point it's a good point listen to that body yeah in mind so I had an awkward thing I got to JFK and JFK JFK to my apartment is harder than Rochester to JFK hall it's a fucking you haul I had a

weird moment I said fuck it I'm gonna take the a-train because I felt a little guilty about spending the money sure I didn't want to get an Uber so I got took the a and I'm on the a and I was texting you and I you know we'd like to write a little profanity and I wrote the n-word oh and to you as we do and I look over and this black guy oh salt oh we're doing the two two at the door mode move you know we're both standing at the door I got one side he's got the other and I'm just beep beep beep beep beep beep and a lot of exclamations I put the a not the ER okay but he caught me and he gave me a wild eye roll well you

gotta say this is my black friend Joe I thought about that but isn't that worse I'm calling it to a black guy I think it's less offensive call a white guy the n-word well first of all you weren't calling me you the n-word were you oh yeah hey what's up n-word yeah yeah I think boy I don't know yeah call in he gave me the eye roll he seemed okay with it because he didn't know the situation so I felt like I'm gonna leave him not knowing the situation I don't want to start giving him facts but think if you're calling somebody that over the phone it's clearly a term of endearment if you're

talking about a third person yeah you're saying that that Beth is the real n-word right I agree but I don't think he read I think I think a black guy just can sense when the word is near it's like an alert yeah he said right rock spidery yes widow yes black widow I knew I forgot the black part I knew widow made sense yeah yeah I got to say black we can't forget the blacks damn it was a holocaust true and 911 remember all those things don't forget the alamo but ones never forget ones never again I remembered and then Alamo is never remember remember Alamo is remember yes 911 is never forget and then

holocaust is never again oh okay all a little shifty never again I don't care for because things happen you can't just say never again well you guys say we can't let that happen again sure that's the idea I guess but you know these kooks keep popping up you know Voss has a like a star of day with never again on it and then one time we were at the barbecue and DePaulo goes yeah he got to featuring at the stress factor that's great that was a good one they gave it to them this is why we said like after a set they had to put in never again well you wonder why these guys are struggling so yeah that was the end

word on a train so you go I've been hogging and we're on a train that sounds like a Hitchcock film well I was out and oh boy I don't even know where to get going here I was out and let me tell you this LA snippet which is given to me I love the what do you call that Tinseltown thank you oh really yeah okay I use La La Land already I need oh City of Angels ah City of Angels I love Los Angeles I really do it's a great city can we get the AC on I might take my own life in here I might take my pants off I'm really sticking to everything here no big deal if not take my pants please all right all right the fans might want to

see how the T-cells are made yeah yeah don't don't fall is that how you normally do it you have to get up in the chair oh wow is that the whole issue I could have done that an hour ago yeah yeah I didn't know you guys were cooking I didn't want to oh we're cooking we're cooking we're boiling I think this is gonna make a difference I think this thing is about to turn into a classic yeah yeah this is like the Amistad it feels good all right never again they have one does Amistad have one they need one never Amistad no fuck I'm all off to that this came from therapy I'm all gay therapy'll do it because therapy's like letting me

get in the garbage out you know see now you got an empty garbage can but here's the product don't you want to harness the post therapy because within yeah I'm back to hating myself that's everything he says I'm like okay I feel great I see it so clearly and then a hour later I'm like I gotta take my own life you know what it's like you know when you work out for that day you're ripped yes and then it just fizzles mm-hmm same with sex right after you come I'm like I feel like a billion dollars yeah and then I'm like they come too hard they come too much is he mad at me yeah right I'm the opposite after I come I want to get out

of there oh really yeah yeah with myself and with a lady yeah I have to stay married sure I like her too yeah yeah I mean I like it just my own I'm just like I need to leave I don't want to deal with anything yeah it's hard it's tricky life is tricky but anyways I was in Los Angeles and I did the Dr. Drew which was fun so then Tuesday I like to have a day with nothing I got nothing planned Sarah and I we get up we have breakfast we stayed over in Sherman Oaks had a great time Airbnb hiked around no Red Roof friend or no no Ramada oh bad I don't mind Ramad but what we had been sleeping at my friend Derek's house for

like five days he's got two kids waking up at 6 a.m. on the floor I gotta fuck I gotta go have a bed and these kids yeah so they wouldn't let me yeah it's understandable so anyways we go over there and we go to the Los Feliz golf course little part swingers swingers goofy yeah and it's right down the street from Chris Walsh which I rarely normally stay my dear friend so Sarah and I are having a coffee waiting for Chris Walsh to show up to golf I'm sitting I got a tea she's got a coffee I look up I see a guy jogging up the street and I noticed the t-shirt is the comedy attic logo from Bloomington

Indiana and it's a distinct logo with the stairs and sure I got the comedy attic I think that's com so I'm staring at the shirt I realize it is comedy attic I look up and who it take a guess who it is New York comic visiting LA I'm gonna go Tom to come to car because he's a from there I think you got it Tom to come wow is jog randomly he lives here in New York he's just jogging up the street and I go whoa look at this hole in one so he stops I go what are you up to he goes I'm jogging to the golf course he's carrying one golf ball I'm jogging to this golf course I go well we're going join us yes so he said and

then I see that I see it in his eyes I know that feeling of when you're like you got a plan so any kind of wrench you're like it could be your three best friends in the world I get it I really have been looking forward to golfing by myself so I did that then I thought I went too hard right you don't want to don't join I mean get out of here yes and then I could feel like he was like well you don't want me to come and I was like I really want you to come yeah but if you don't want to come don't come that's comics in a nutshell you can go all the way one way then skid out the other way we're just skidding neurotic

oh that was skid marks in my pants but Mark so he goes what the hell so he sits down and then Chris Wallace joins us and they're good because they're both dear friends that you can mix and match there's no like this guy coming he's a bit of an ass you know I hit the preface people yeah yeah certain friends we have that you gotta be like he's cool but he's gonna be scowling and yell at you and he says retard a lot whatever right but that's a great quality and a guy the mashable guy yeah throw them anywhere you can put them in here put them in there yeah yeah good good quality nice people there's no way Tom's gonna swing and

Chris is gonna be like boy what do you fuck what's your mother a fucking piece of shit whatever yeah Parkinson's or yeah so we go this is gonna be great group so we got a good four some we golf together it's me Sarah to car Chris Wallace and we're yucking it up we're having some fun we're having some good hits just a great time my problem this week is all my stories are uh it was really nice I got no I got a flat tire my father hit me over well life is horrible life was a struggle as we said a little nice this is good I think the kids will like it well I did have a hospital situation I want to hear about

that wait a minute I'm cure where was the car going and he's blow off his aunt he's jogging to the golf course he's staying with his sister but he was just gonna play alone yeah all right well that's not bad okay I was worried you you know he missed the meeting his ex-wife or something no no he's going to golf by himself and I said hey join us there perfect perfect see Pakistani Afghani I have no idea he's half a pack Indian yeah is it Indian I can't tell call in if you know he's half I don't think he's a full yeah I don't know what the car what is to car generally briz I think it might be Indian th a kkar he

listens he'll tell tweet us I think we don't see race or whatever Pakistan you're Stanny yeah I don't know he says in his act but I can't remember anyways funny guy yeah also known as Tom Brady but that didn't take formally yeah but anyways so we golf but I'm up in Seattle first I went to Seattle I was going to see Brandi Carlisle one of my favorite artists I think I'm wearing her shirt right now yeah you got that right she had a birthday show June 1st at the Gorge Amputee have you been to the Gorge I have it's it's stunning it is spectacular out there in George Washington now folks if you're a fan of

music and life and earth get yourself a pair of tickets to a show even a band you hate whoever it is Dave Matthews plays there every year and it's a lot of that kind of yeah but we went to the Brandi Carlisle show and I had been there to visit wants to tick check it out but never for a show yeah and what a sight what a time spectacular it was Sarah and I was gonna go my friend Derek who we talked about a lot but his kid Joey same name is me sure he got asthma had to go to the hospital so through a whole wrench in the day so he's in the hospital with the tubes and the business wow he had a real attack in a a yeah he was hit

hit with the shit but it was kind of fun cuz that's how we got there he's already been fixed or whatever good he's just there to like keep an eye on him you know so by the time he got there you're like this is just fun I was whipping him around and blowing his nose and making him sit on my face all the fun stuff you do with a kid I'd be worried to fuck him up you know he's got asthma you're throwing him around throwing up and down he's can't breathe I think he was faking I don't know what was going on but I was doing armpit farts which I just did it's a go-to and this kid is just howling laughing for four

days straight it's like it's a good move but never one time he didn't go yeah no I know the armpit I get it wow what a life crying like he's got dog to put in shots in his ass yeah cream on his eyes and I'm just going and he's like it's pretty amazing that is amazing especially with comedy is everything fades yeah but he just kept going with it and what's interesting is a real fart that's like hit or miss huh I'm like you're gonna shit listen to this thing I'm like he's like I grow up yeah so I'm like alright I can't tell what's what with this guy kind of respect he's got taste he's got his own comedy way

yeah he likes an armpit fart so if you meet him throw an armpit fart he'll love it yeah but that go I like gorge though I mean it is breathtaking it's it's lunch I did some festival there and just the drive to the gorge was insane it's gorgeous yes well it's so pretty and it's in the summer we drove from Seattle to out to Moses Lake they had a hotel so I got involved with the Brandi Carlisle group they put you all in one hotel oh you're the group and you got to see it's like you know you know there's like cliches or whatever with like for a reason stereotypes it was me and Sarah and 100% lesbian women who

all were wearing Birkenstocks and driving Subaru's there you go like dead on every single couple was wearing Birkenstocks there was one big lady yeah one kind of hot lady yeah and they all had Birkenstocks and Subaru's I was like this is hilarious I mean this is like dead on dead on it's short hair and probably they're probably all synced up period wise yeah it was like 100% on but we had a great time they were all super nice and we went over there killer show killer really it was amazing magical show you should go sear the whole thing sunset sunset the whole thing the gorge the sunshine we had killer seats we were

19 rows from the stage not center but a little kicked over there mm-hmm and she played some great cover she played you know John Denver country road and everyone's singing along with the Sun and magical just a magical time and then went back to Seattle and just hung out it was great the I love my my niece and nephew they're fine I was whipping them around and having some fun we had all kinds of birthday everyone got their own birthday cake so I wonder if any one of any gal thought it was like hey look at that Sarah lady like I wonder if she was a hot number oh good point yeah well one of the funnest parts was in

between the opener they play all this ladies rock you know his brandy's a real like ladies whatever so they're playing all these hits like what's love got to do with it Bobby McGee by Janice we were all singing out in the crowd it was really fun I had some good bonding moments with these Subaru's you got no dyke guy or anything no stink I I think that might have been some stick but I'm singing along to all these ladies so I think they were like he's one of us he's in he's a gay but there was one guy I hated this guy he had a shirt he was an old guy he's wearing Birkenstock and he had a white shirt with an American flag

with a peace symbol and it said Donald Trump is a big goofy ignorant dangerous man it had on both sides oh yeah it just felt like and I agree that's a lot of words felt like get out of here you fucking it's so on the nose thing he would stand like this and kind of like look around like that and you're like we all get it and then he walks up he would walk all the way up and down the aisle and they would just stand places like you can tell he just wanted people like hey right like get out of here you putz you're fucking I'm like for another time we're trying to rock and roll yeah you nerd which I appreciate that everyone

else is just rocking and rolling but I do get nervous that I'm like I'm straight whitey I'm the devil whatever everyone was very welcoming and then it doesn't hurt that I'm like and then I was fucking going nuts during brandy so it was fun and fine everyone gets along great all right it's fun to go to big events with a lot of people because everyone's getting along fine the internet it's all internet it's all Twitter horseshit people are bonding people are in love Twitter's a hate-fueled cesspool I hate it don't tweet at me they'll tweet at me nice thing I love it I sure but this all this

stuff I'm a cuck fag whatever the fuck I lost you fucking loser everybody's a cuck and a nut that gives them a personality you know I think having something to hate gives them something I might have one other thing I think it's that's fuck that might be it I gotta I gotta tell you so I got Chris Allen town fat Chris Allen and I'm getting them some spots I'm taking them around I'm showing them the sights and whatnot did the pod did the pod and we're doing bananas this weekend so you know I'm just showing them a fun time in the Big Apple and we're hanging out at the cellar and you know when you got a friend of

town you want you want to really bring out the red carpet so I got them on new jokes you know I'm like doing five I'm at the cellar hanging I'm hanging later that I normally would I usually do the spot and I leave you know but with him we got we got tahini and fucking hummus coming and we're all hanging out it's great but finally it's like two in the morning I'm like all right we got to go home I gotta go home he's got an 18 mile subway ride back to Brooklyn we're walking past the fat black this is two nights ago the doors open sitting at the bar is San Maril hoisting at tequila goes get in here wow and you're half

like a Sammy but you're also like there goes there goes sleeping yeah that's it I've already had a couple beers I'm going in here one drink one drink all right I'll have a drink that turned into 17 drinks Liz shows up now we're shit talking we're slurring we're spilling we're bumping into each other we got headlocks and noogies that sounds like fun it was a great time the sun's coming up now you know I'm like yeah I got stuff to do with the morning what was I thinking but it was super fun and I it's crazy we do that every night yeah it's insane how he lived yeah well that makes sense when you're in your 20s I guess rip it up a

little bit but we do we I mean I gotta get up and tweet I gotta get up on Instagram I gotta get up and write a joke I got emails I got a phone call you know but I guess we didn't have all that back then no I guess not or I didn't care they didn't care yeah don't care now I get some problem but so now me and Sam leave the bar at five I walk him to the train now we're talking to the train for three hours you're talking to the train we talk at the train oh you know like oh it's not here yet hang out with me till the train go all right that's another 40 minutes I thought you had peyote and you're talking to the train

I've been there I've ran a train but so eventually I get home it's like six 20 you know and the girlfriend's like what's going on you know and she's gonna be up in 10 minutes to go to the equinox so I'm like yeah what am I doing with my life you take 12 tile and all I took some CBD oil just to try to you know knock myself out sure and a fall asleep at 7 you wake up at 3 you got I got a therapy at 345 so I bolted therapy I'm like fat-faced puffy hungover nothing worse to be in it therapy hungover because it's like it's like you're there for that read you know what I mean like that's the reason I'm fucked up is

because I drank and now I'm drunk at therapy but another sideway looking at is that's the best time that's the best place to be if you are hungover that's a good point you know barfing in your sister's asshole right at least I'm trying to I didn't cancel I still went right trying to make it better but yeah he was making fun of me and that was fun so now I did a podcast but man that that no sleep hangover with shit to do there's nothing worse yeah it's not a great feeling the anxiety goes through the roof you do the insecurities go way up everything spikes well the problem I always had was the only way to get out

of the hangovers have a couple beers exactly stopped and I've talked to this before I was hungover or drunk for 10 straight years yeah yeah say high school was like that college was that yeah it's an issue I know and they say every drink of alcohol hurts the body in some way so you just think how much we hurt yeah the body and I still drink I was listening to a Duff McKagan on WTF highly recommend great listen guns and rose yeah but his pancreas swells swelled the swells swelled up swelled to the point is the size of a football and it erupted whoa like all his shit that you digest and shit in there just started

spilling out all over his body I guess it leaks down to his quads like your legs like dies like something kill me fucking kill me and her like luckily it went down and like it was like a miracle type of thing oh my god what yeah you just drank that's how much he drank that but that's the stuff this is why it's tough getting sober sometimes because everyone that drinks to someone worse right you're like well that guy's fucking my pancreas isn't swollen he's a football more of us you know softball yeah it's so you know you're like there's always somebody drinking work but I listen to that I was like this is crazy it

made me feel good to not drink yeah yeah his life and again I'll still go drink on the road it's different though cuz you're like you're in a hotel you can sleep in you got nothing really to do but when you're in the city I feel like it it hurt me more yeah you want to have a life you want to be kind of domesticated yes yes so yeah that was it but man do we put some tequila back and boy that's why smoking weed is pretty good I'm not good with the weed but you don't get hung over but now it feels like isn't there a weed that's like I don't feel like drinking but I want to feel like I had drink there's like very specific

weeds now it might be a strand yes the stand Indica subliminica what's the Indica girl's Indica and Sativa a lot of people are wearing those at the concert oh yeah divas Sativa that's a black chick I fucked but yeah so yeah I'm back though I'm back it was like you had your sleepy day I had my hungover day yesterday yeah I was all fucked up but it was fun I feel I feel good to be back and I'm trying to excite I feel like I was talking to my therapist about this I'm the victim of my own choices I'm like I'm on the road too much I'm so tired to be on the road I'm only home three days a week I gotta start being

like yeah I'm on the road it's nice yeah home it's nice to be home and I go on the road that's nice that's true and you're doing cool shit you're in LA you're a dr. Drew's pod you're doing the improv with this and that I mean you're a brandy Carlisle at the gorge yeah it was pretty exciting very very thrilling I feel like I'm I'm taking a corner though I'm coming around I was depressed for like three straight months yeah dr. Joe is talking about reflux he's like reflux isn't shit what he's like you got anxiety he's like you gotta figure out how to relax he's like and I was like what about throat cancer he's like that's

if you're smoking and drinking and have reflux for 10 years he's like I'm not worried about you so I had two different doctors that are like I'm not worried you find and these are two prestigious Jews famous doctors yeah so I'm trying to I'm still doing the diet and staying healthy but I think so much of it was panic and anxiety and anger I know this anger I'm trying to relax the silent killer that that mental stress it eats you alive yeah I'm just walking around I just want to fight everybody you know that feeling oh yeah get it together yeah yeah every now and then you know putting on some gloves and sparring might not be

a bad idea yeah I might have I should spar my aunt or yeah sure brazil take a hit yeah brazil I bet you get your toughish no I don't know why I said that I could have told you that yeah it was a nice nice idea I don't know what time we started by the way we have no what time did we start always second hand yeah 15 oh wow five zero we better make some stuff up oh geez talk about this is interesting we talked about this could be a I wanted to do this as a bit so I don't want to just say but what you ever why don't we get educated on how to make women come that's a great idea condom put a condom on and but I'm like we

talked about this in the pod a couple weeks ago where it was last week with the clip rubbing no one told me you're supposed to stimulate the clip of course I didn't somebody say that this is another one of your great ideas here fatty I love it I mean like I literally it was until my wife was like I'm gonna play with myself and I was like what what are you bored I don't get it yeah then she starts rubbing her clit and I'm like am I supposed to be doing that and then I look back I'm like I've had sex with over nine women sure just kidding and man way more than that but I was like I never touched any clits I never touched my

life I was all clit nobody told me about the clit I thought you just fucked and there was something inside oh man you never had a like a high school girlfriend who made fun of you no I don't think they knew cuz height no one telling them either oh girls are they know dude they're up in there in the bathtub pouring that water on there with the legs spread since the 80s well maybe they felt bad for me or something they just thought I was retarded but this is also why I've only fucked four women multiple times I was all one and done right I think they were like this guy doesn't know about clits interesting never again I have a

theory this is a good thing to do sexually when you meet a woman say oh you know what my thing is I like to watch women masturbate yeah then you can see how they like it touched and rubbed yeah some do a circular some are doing a back and forth some are the vibrator some are putting a thumb in their ass I would argue a lot of girls I know all that I go do you watch porn they say I watch women on women and I think it's cuz for for once in their fucking life they need to see somebody who knows how to work a badge right it's almost like a they need it but I think that should be part of the education they should of

course down and go all right here's what you gotta do boys you gotta cuz that eating pussy I always liked it yeah but I was licking the hole and the taint and the nipple and the bush I just lick bush yeah you know what I mean I'm like am I doing it I have no idea oh yeah I was looking thigh but here's the thing I was lucky enough to have the cunty high school girlfriend who gave me the whole rigamarole and also you I watch porn I've googled it I've googled how to stimulate the click which is like a nerdy thing but I think it helped but I think school sucks they teach you how to do fucking algebra I've never used

get change the tire change the oil write a check open a savings account build a house all that shit teaches that yeah if everyone made fun of the Votek kids they thought they were retarded vocational technical oh I never heard of Votek that's like where you go in like a tech school yeah like we kind of we had a different name for that crap not crap services now mac and cheese no Robert Kraft he's good Lenz crafters no oh shit trade school trade school same thing tech school yes trade school I thought was like after high school yeah there's that's like a trade oh we had a technical high school and then you

could graduate that and then go to trade school also I guess well it's funny because we all take all these big majors and whatever in high in college but these plumbers and carpenters that's a big thing that AI can't do AI can't plum you got a big turd in there you need a guy with a little where with all these got eight wrenches going and he's got some arm grease and a forearm hair right I think that that's we do this thing in society where we go oh those guys are beneath us their blue collar loser dorks those guys are awesome yeah they're working with their hands they're in there they're doing shit we can't do I

did a little plumbing back in the day is that right yeah like a two uncles that are what they call there's a journeyman there's like a master apprentice there's a journeyman master and emperor but my uncles are high up but I went with them and I would do a thing and really oh I did some plumbing I did a lot of stuff I did some framing some plumbing some bartending and some framing who'd you frame rabbit great film by the way great Zemeckis Bob Hoskins that's right those accent comes out a few times that's pretty good that that's all I got I got chicken who don't forget the tractor beam well I do a

more of a jet I do the Jetsons I think that was it it kind of sounds like the beginning like you're about to hear a Hendrick song and then but anyways I love it kids to clip I love it clip stem fuck vocational how about vage occasional now we're talking now start a school I love it get the click on women will be happier men will get laid more you know this is this could save America yeah let ladies call in right in tell us what you want us to do to your pussies and see you you didn't tap the clip for a while I was the opposite where I went too hard because I was the dumb dude going oh if this feels good you

should mash it and twist it and tweak it and rub it some like a mash though I've done some noodling where I'm kind of finagle it well now I've admitted we know who we're talking about now because I never did it before but I'm doing some light touching yeah and then you know the lady takes over and is really in there right pressure I got I'm not putting enough pressure I thought a tease would be nice yeah tinkle tinkle dinkle I think it depends on the clittle yes you know I've mushed and they I've got yelled at for the mush like what do you do and slow it out but then sometimes this how complete these cunts are not

the women some of them I'm in the beginning they go go soft go then once you get riled up they're like hit it baby I'm like how am I supposed to know when you wanted ramp so ladies I get it we're idiots and we're dumb and we're gorillas and animals but tell us well we'll do we want to please the extra gear yes yeah I've always wanted to move and back to the future when the Libyans are chasing them he's doing like 75 and they's like let's see if you bastards can do 90 and he goes good and he like does another like what gear was that ah were you in third gear when you're doing 70 miles an hour maybe had

not it's kind of like yeah I'm like I don't think this that's true that gear was there he's got an extra gear that's neither here nor there someone some gear head will write to me Richard gear he's nice remember they got mad at him at 9 11 oh yeah and the gerbil up the s oh yeah that's fun that's no need to get mad at that no no maybe the gerbil got upset well let me tell you about some dates if I met a couple dates we got some hot dates now that you're working the clip I hope so well this when what day is it oh tonight I'm at the fat black pussycat with a Sarah Talamush Greg Stone and nice come do that and next

Tuesday I'm at the fat black pussycat again and you can see me there my buddy Johnny Beaners in town he's doing you know him I don't think I know the bean bean head very funny comic anyways and then skankfest we're doing a live Tuesdays the Sunday you got that right Sunday the 23rd we haven't plugged that at all yeah yeah well the tickets are sold okay well come see us if you go to skankfest Sunday June 23rd we'll be there Providence comedy connection June 27 28 29 come on out for that for God's sakes and then Gotham Comedy Club July 13th right here in New York City for the God's sakes if you're in New York come

to this show that's gonna sell out and then I got just announced I'll be at just for laughs comedy festival in Montreal I'm doing a couple of my own shows I don't know which dates yet but come up there that'll be July 26 27 28 and Maltrey all and then August is a huge month side splitters Tampa Denver comedy works ACME in Minneapolis Omaha funny bone come keep me company I'm gonna be sad out there on the road a lot great rooms are you cooking on the on the road fatty yes have come down live comedian Joe list dot com Gotham comedy club Montreal comedy festival Tampa Denver Minneapolis Omaha oh I'm

jealous I wish I was going to Montreal I know me too I want to do a live pot of I would love to allow I haven't been there maybe I pissed somebody off in the old Canuck town but hey I'm at DC draft house this weekend with Omar Khan fun room fun city fun group then I'm at Salt Lake City at the wise guys I'm at Buffalo helium Indianapolis helium I'm doing Cap City again Denver Sacramento punchline all on Mark Norman comedy dot com we got some hot stuff we're cooking I feel like we're in the zone we got mentioned on fighter in the kid you're on Rogan I'm blowing sign things are cooking so hit the patreon a lot of

tweets a lot of live a lot of fun tell some friends to go watch the YouTube clip yes YouTube clips go on how you do we don't know how to do it we don't know what we're doing watch the YouTube spread it around retweet it fucking comment a bunch right right horrible things on there but somebody I get I want to get some news stories share it tell a gay comes he is live educational and praise Allah we love you