Tuesdays with Stories! - #302 Gay Wave

Episode Date: June 18, 2019

We've got a hot one for today folks as Mark gives us a Jerry update before a kayak ride around Manhattan while Joe mixes and matches at Colin Quinn's wedding. Check it out! Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus eps and full video eps! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/ Download the Laughable app today! laughable.com/download

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy hey mecca like a high mecca heiny ho remember that now what is that I think we've used that before to open that was a big part of my childhood that was Pee

Wee's Playhouse that was the genie ah the genie yes what a kooky show that was yeah I remember watching it but it was kind of creepy to me yeah that'll creep to it the movie scare me there was big Bertha right yes that Bertha and she was terrifying to me and Tim Burton so you're gonna get some dark I need Burton do that oh Burton's big no kidding I didn't know that was a Burton maybe his first movie I don't know well probably had him over for lunch last night this guy's plugged in out here show briz oh I like that it's on the wall ah okay oh show briz wow clever it is clever well now what do you got on the

bird well tell us a microphone in there oh well he could give me a thumbs up or you know this is why I hate the camera I can't can't pick my nose I feel like people gonna be like oh geez normally I have three knuckles in there is there anything better than I you just get that that clinger and really yank it out it's the only reason I like going camping that's the only reason those dry fucking camp boogers and you pull them out and they're longer than my asshole all that dry look at the thumbs up from Shelby that's his first film Tim Burton wow knocked out of the park out of the game no kidding what do you wait what's the

year on that 87 85 85 which one 85 all right wow look at him the 80s see that was back when you can get kooky now you can't get kooky well we're getting kooky we're getting we're extremely kooky we're talking about rapes and gooks and sure I mean it's just kooky as it gets we're off on the on the fringes as they say oh yeah was in Hollywood jizz it on a on a dame that's true his dame I think is very attractive you like that conum Carter Belda Helen a bottom Carter that's it she is just as sexy as the inside of my cock I don't know how sexy that is that's a that's fully urine and herpes that's true I think that more rests in

the balls and the spine where's the urine at that's the bladder yeah yeah I really know then there's the vase deference come again that's what they do but yeah bottom Carter yeah fact about her listen to this all right I love a fun fact they lived they're married and they live in separate homes next to each other oh wow just so they can't you know fight and stuff tunnel no just pop on over okay so you got to go outside I guess so I guess it's Hollywood it's not jelly particularly yeah it's a two-step walk they're goofy I think all these people with directors who are wives that are actresses are weird cuz then you're

directing I think it's a weird fetish where you're like all right now go fuck my wife yeah that seems odd to me that is also you're telling her what to do that's kind of mansplaining I suppose it could be some female directors with male actors I don't know if there are any those who's a female director Penelope Spheras well there's the one that died there the League of their own Penny Marshall I don't know who her husband was yeah I think she was a lesbian then there's the one the Hurtlocker lady Bigelow Catherine Bigelow I don't know who her husband is okay then there's Sophia Coppola of course her husband's in

the band fun oh really yeah no not fun who's the one that did listomania not fun bummer the queers the dinks the donks don don they're a French group they sang listomania I met the guy the croissants the frogs now tower yes french fries French freedom doors oh I like that name oh well anyways yeah but she doesn't direct him but anyway it's a strange thing like Phoenix good pole great city yeah to son Arizona hey we should play that New Mexico gig oh yeah what's up I don't know that anyone's gonna be there but I think I said this before I think we got to get people to fly down like a festival yes like has

nobody lives it's like Mesa or Costa Mesa it's in New Mexico at a casino and we're co-headlining it's in December we're doing a live pot or we're doing a podcast and co-headline we're doing both wow you can't miss this so you got to make it like a skank fat you got to fly into New Mexico I hear it's pretty there's a Sun pit sure we'll gamble we'll we'll lay out yeah not with you no but definitely common you do that and then we'll yes see after it we'll shake a hand and I'll take a photo yeah we'll say hello all right yeah Mesa look it up give it a Google I think it's Mesa yeah Mesa can you Google that Briss and see

what the hell we're talking about we should have a deal memo in our email all right he's pulling up a deal mem all right well we'll figure it out later but come to New Mexico we'll plug it if we plant the seed yes and then you can look it up on our websites yeah it's hard to grow down there but the two houses that's that's crazy I mean these Hollywood people I think are a little fucked up to be honest with you some of them they're definitely fucked up but I think it's a pretty good idea I kind of like it she can decorate how she wants he can decorate as she wants he can have the TV here she can have the TV there

they got their own bed they can go sleep over obviously but you can do that in a big house why don't you just get a big house you have one floor I have the other floor you have the east wing I have the west wing it's weird to have two houses that's true but what if you want to put the TV in the living room she goes I don't like a TV in the living room well you do that on floor one floor two off floor one we got house one house two interesting I mean it's I mean that's it's a little funky but try if it works if it works hey more power anal yeah but she's sexy she's one of these ones she's a shapeshifter come again like fat to

skinny no well she just looks she puts makeup on I guess but she looks different in all the film but I find her sexy as fuck I find her sexy too she's dark and wacky and mysterious and cunty I like her I always think this too and I watch movies if I was dating someone that was an actress I would want to fuck them in the makeup like in Big Fish she plays an old one-eyed witch I'd be like you got to let me fuck as an old one-eyed witch yes I'll see how I die if I eat you out yeah I think that would be nice I think that all the time I want my wife to get into like acting roles where she's like got cancer she's bald I could fuck her

bald yes I could fuck her as a redhead you know really mix it up as a dude maybe oh it's a dude I'd like to fuck a dude yeah I bet actors do that like when the guy was in transparent but his wife was like hang on let me let me sit on your face yeah for sure that's one of the big benefits of dating an actor yeah never thought about that what about a mask I wouldn't want to fuck him yeah might as well try it maybe the mask oh yeah that was fun oh yeah by the way we have no stories we got we'll figure it out I got a couple things alright you went to a wedding I went to Jersey we should have at least wrote down some riff topics

that's true we're like four minutes in here I'm fucked I got nothing no we're alright we're alright to go back into HBC what's that Helen a bottom guard oh I thought there was a bank it sounds like what is it HSBC I don't understand all the banks how could one bank be better than another what's this bad this I walk by 500 banks it's all is it all just choice or what it's choice and I think they give you deals and you end up getting a credit card with one you want to stick with that one it's almost like an airline yes okay they give you deals they give you points they give you a percentage and then you start doing a

savings you do savings I got a I got the corporate card then I got a savings and checking but that's two different banks one's a TD and one's a chase what you gotta do to combine consolidate thank you well the chase was the corporate that was like our accountant was like you gotta have a corporate and you gotta go chase knows okay well whatever he says I just do it you have a corporate name I do can we hear it or you know about it lunch stuff studios oh you went with that I'm no I'm small stuff small that's how I got guys I think you're doing too many drugs or something I did drugs not too long ago yeah you seem a little off

I did you know what I did I'm doing that a THC not CBD sorry CBD see I'm off and I think it's fogging me I'm doing BBD Bellevue Devoe oh big black dick oh is that right and that's a big named after Bellevue Devoe well actually it's BBC big black cock that normal sense yeah but yeah the CBD I'm all I'm a London fog up here I got the headlights I can't drive that great that everyone tells me it's amazing Sam but everyone keeps emailing me say CBD will change your anal CBD is awesome I'm a fan but here's the kinker clinker if you take too much it helps me fall asleep but if I had Jim and Sam today so I had to get up at the crack of

jizz so it didn't wear out yet so I'm still a little that's what I had last week with the Tylenol Pia right I was fog fog heaven yeah so I'm trying to break through but I'll get there all right if we keep doing this the brain starts firing yeah it starts throwing the fog away yes yes yes what is that when they say I can't I got that got enough two brain cells are rubbed together I was rubbing brain cells I never heard that but I think I assume it the etymology is a etymology and empath that empathy hysterectomy epithet I think it's when you rubbed two sticks together ah that makes sense but brain

cells evidently don't grow back everything else in the body recovers except for brain so I heard so a boxer is gonna be dumb at the end of the run yeah that's why Ali is all shaky do now he's dead but yeah but J Fox never got in the ring and he's shaky do as well yeah but I think he had his head in the DeLorean ah something jiggle what's will get you 121 I don't know if we can say that all right jigaboo oh boy cut oh just ain't got it just kidding we're fine I gotta tell you my Jerry updates play give me some Jerry up well I'm not I don't want to let anybody down but I think I blew it oh my god I doubt it but

you tell the story then we'll see what happens well after the Gotham meeting you know we had such a great run and we were texting and tweeting and twacking all about our joke ideas and it was fun and I felt like an equal Jerry uh-huh and so then you know he goes we should have a we should get together so you know nothing ever happened so like I waited like a week and I was in a in the Rochester airport stranded I was bored out of my mind so I go fuck it I go hey Jerry you want to get that meal don't you I said something like that you know no I didn't quote the show and I said hey I'm Jones in the talk some comedy

let's get together and he goes oh yeah all right I'll set something up and I go oh that was good nothing another week goes by how long ago was that it was Rochester so was that a week and a half okay so I waited about another half a week or five days or whatever and last night he's been working on this bit so I go I got something on the on the bit and he goes and I've been writing I was like I'm spending more time on his bits than mine sure so then I text in the bit I think it was pretty good he wrote back very good uh that's not bad and I wrote oh great I was worried I wouldn't read over text

and he wrote back no no I love the ending then I go oh great nothing and then I said I'll keep working on it nothing I blew it I think he might be a guy that just sends the text and that's it ah but we texted so long the first time oh I see so there's a precedent yes I think we came out hot I'm doing that thing it's like a girl I'm overthinking I'm analyzing I'm retweeting I'm spell checking I know the feeling yeah yeah it's like having one of those dream journals where you're reading the dream journal and you're like what does this mean what is that that's when you have a dream and then you look it up it says uh you know if you dream about cowboys you're gay or if you dream about you know waves you're also gay uh yeah the

gay waves all right well I don't know about a dream journal but uh my dreams are ruined don't tell you that I had a good moment in the sun and it's over I just got to accept that well my point is though with the dream journal it's it's a similar thing you're trying to get to the bottom of what everything means yes I see it's a stretch I suppose but yeah I get it I had a whopper last week I had a dream that hamburger was eating me uh it sounds like it's pretty good he got a very good he's probably just matter of fact and he's very busy yeah these people are busy they're busy he's a busy guy he could be I sent him into like you know three in the afternoon it could be middle of day shooting you know he's picking kids up from uh whatever all right all right

yoga and tm and your mother's cunt and oh he's got a lot of stuff I'll tell you what the next text is coming for I'm not I'm not I'm out I did my part you gotta play cool I'm playing it cool that doesn't sound so bad all right all right all right that sounds pretty good it's pretty wild it's pretty wild I'm I'm I'm forgetting how wild it is I should focus on the adiantay wilder don't forget the wild because I had a moment with him myself this weekend I don't want to get too into it because it's a very I went to a wedding very private wedding oh it was uh the wedding of uh kramer and uh I don't know what the butler Alex laughed it's nice to have alex back there uh laughing I kicked it because I thought that was stupid but he's stupid so he's a dumb guy

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but this butter it's top-notch it's so slick and smooth and gooey and thick big fan get on it folks not to mention dollar shave clubs got everything you need they got toothpaste they got body wash they got shampoo they've gone past shaving so get in there get kooky and right now you can get a dollar shave club starter set for just five bucks that's a finski it comes with everything you need for a great shave the executive razor the shave butter and the face cleanser you're gonna love it as much as I do get your starter set for just five smackers at dollar shave club dot com slash Tuesdays that's dollar shave club dot com slash Tuesdays uh well anyway so I went to it was the call in Quinn wedding it's in page six so there's no there's no hiding from it yeah it's out there

but uh it was one of these weddings you get there in this poster boards that say please leave your phones in your pockets no photos no hashtags I kind of dig it I dig it but we're all like oh fuck cuz I just want to look at Instagram I don't even care about posting oh you want to you want to scroll well you get there early and uh you gotta wait for the ceremony so you're kind of sitting around a lot of downtime at a wed but it was fun we were there early it was uh charade was there with his lady or a lady I don't know I don't know who it was but uh and then you know it's Bobby Kelly and his wife and uh Jim and Sam are both there oh fun I think they came together was interesting arm and arm Bobby and Sam were arm and arm and I think Jim you know punched Bobby

and took them back all right I made up the last part I can imagine Bobby clunking their heads together I don't know why hey seems like a head clunker oh yeah he looks like the rock or no the thing oh yeah I could see that fantastic four I didn't find them all that fantastic yeah any of them no what are you getting the stretching the ones of flaming guy I like flaming I like Elton John he's good yeah he's got a movie coming out he's fantastic uh he's uh mr uh captain fantastic and the brown dirt band what was that album called I don't know but don't you feel like you feel weird faint saying fantastic it feels kind of gay doesn't it fantastic that's not a word I use very same but we should it's a fine word but yeah we don't use it fantastic it's like Louis bit about

the word wonderful you're like I don't fuck with wonderful wonderful I think I say wonderful more than fantastic I do too but it's a killer a lot yeah yeah you can see killers got some edge yeah we're such aggro cunts killer yeah I don't know uh we gotta grow up huh we're so worried about a dick in our pooper I'm trying to grow up I'm making some changes I'm making some real changes oh yeah change the diet well I changed the diet uh I'm changing my a lot of approaches change my approach I've changed my mental health I'm changing my diet and I'm really coming around I'm better than I was a few weeks ago you look you look better you're glowing you you have a positive vibe I feel good I feel a lot better I can sense that I think going to Seattle

hanging out with Derek and his children a little bit Dr. Aviv helped tell and uh I feel I'm feeling better and uh you know I'm getting back involved in some other things and just feeling good all right well all right so what happened to the the wedlock ah so we got there beautiful day it was out in uh under the brooklyn bridge and uh dumbo oh wait maybe not the brooklyn bridge it was in Williamsburg okay it was the Manhattan bridge might have been the man the Williamsburg bridge probably the Williamsburg bridge it's a Williamsburg oh yeah good I don't know what it was it was by a bridge in brooklyn yeah and uh yeah it was you know Bobby and his wife and Norton and Sam and uh gnome was there and his wife she's a hot ticket oh yeah real number yeah she's real fun and uh

Chris D of course and uh and we had fun it was me and Chris D and Sarah sat together at the table we kind of made it our own you know Chris kept grabbing my dick every time the waitress came and he's like sorry I'm a faggot and uh she was appalled and that was really fun and I would grab his dick and hit grab my dick and after a while your wife starts to be like what's going on here with the dicks and I'm like sorry and then she knows he sends me pictures of his dick a lot yes so she's already a little weirded out by that now we're together just jerking each other off at the table you wait up I've been allowed to grab your dick this whole time yeah it's different relationships different strokes you're different folks wow I'm I'm what oh do it I'm assuming he's

not grabbing maybe a poke ah it's like it's one of these like I like oh god I'm so jealous what do you call it with the toy with one of those grab things yeah but we had suits on it's different oh I'll put a suit on right now I mean Alex you got a suit back there he's got a suit we'll put the bomb on I'll put a tux on for the dick but it was a lot of a lot of kooky stuff happening and then uh it's hard with those big wedding tables though because they're way over there was Voss was there and Bonnie but they're way over there so they're having fun I can do what they're saying then we had this you get into the ceremony and you all got to sit and so all the comics come in and Sarah and I are like the first one's there because you know I'm a lunatic so I'm

there yeah three hours early so we're like we'll sit over here we sit down in a row there's no name tag no this is at the ceremony itself got it so then all the comics start sitting in our row Goomba Johnny was there what a sweet guy great he was as nice as it comes and too nice so he's talking about one of my bits in depth but why it's so great I'm blushing I started crying I was like all right enough enough was he wearing a ball cap no ball cap I've never seen him outside of a cap I've never heard a person under 50 say ball cap ball gag but sure sure that's a hat where I come from ball yeah well I wanted to paint a pic he say hat the audience doesn't know if I'm talking cowboy yamaka pinwheel that's true probably not yamaka from Goomba that's true he's a big old Bronx

yeah he is and uh wow sweet sweet guy I mean he's good he's like that bit is so good I'm like I wanted to blow the guy but Chris was already blowing me sure I'm jealous so we sit down and then everyone sits in our row and then they go what are we doing back here let's move up so everyone moves up uh but Sarah feels weird moving up because oh I this is what happened I went to the bathroom I was like I'm gonna run to the restroom then I come back and the whole gang has moved up four rows and she's like I felt weird moving up without you I didn't know what to do and now the brides whole family's surrounding us oh no it was like the civilians it was like the graduate they're like who are you how do you know her are you a cousin I was like a friend

was calling they're like how do you know him but I don't want to say him a comic because they're all like gonna be like oh yeah of course of course and they're all being funny like our family's crazy everyone thinks their family's crazy all right well most families are but nobody gives a shit what the fuck's brazil doing he saw a bug oh all right all of a sudden he's clapping like a retard back there it's like a seal um I should have said seal that's more appropriate probably this retarded seals I'm sure there's gotta be the ones that hit the prop on the boat they're gonna be all right right another one that fucked uh Heidi Klum oh yeah he's got something up hey well he's been burned before so yeah so I come back and then now I'm sitting with the

cousins in the app but Johnny's still behind me he's still talking about my bit which was nice wow that's a long bit I missed the whole ceremony but uh so now we're waiting and then it is exciting because you try to play a cool your comics and all of a sudden you know tomatoes shows up whoa and you go oh wow tomatoes is there that's a hell Wanda Sykes shows up and she remembered me which I couldn't believe you wow you didn't know you knew Wanda from last comic standing oh that's right here's what's crazy I didn't know I knew Wanda yes Joe and I was like you know me wow that's a good lady yeah and uh well I figure I forgot she was the executive producer of the show yeah and I was a finalist yeah and they were rearranging the names and the number who's gonna go where

who's gonna do what and then we did a one-on-one session where I ran my bits by so like you're in you're producing the show I mean more to her than she meant to me in that process I mean like more memorable right in that she was on the thing that was down to ten comics she's like well we could put them here she could do this to me the name Wanda Sykes is just on the show right I wasn't having interaction with her but she was interacting about me still I mean that's a lot of color that's pretty good yeah so well it felt nice and then I was like I didn't think you know who I was and she's like what's wrong with you and I was like I gotta be honest I don't even think Colin knows who I am and she laughed at that which was fun I love it tell you realize we're funnier than a lot of these

people yeah well we're all funny but yeah we're all funny but come on oh she's out of the game I feel like I mean she has a special out but I feel like as they say she's not firing like we're firing we're firing yeah well we're in our prime yes it's an NFL guy on the field and an NFL guy 20 years later I see I haven't watched the special I haven't that's a few minutes I heard one person say they didn't like it and then a couple people say it was amazing so I'm gonna watch it though because she was so sweet we love you Wanda and help me Wanda help help me Wanda help me Wanda yeah get her out of my heart um Jamie Foxx played a character named Wanda on a living color oh yeah it was a lot of fun that was fun but anyways so then and then Amy was there and Jerry was there

and oh Jerry it was all all very exciting and then did you see him not answer any texts no no phones we weren't allowed to have our phones oh right Tom Papa did the ceremony and he just ripped it I mean he killed it was so sweet they did vows and that was beautiful it was just a beautiful time and again I don't want to get too into the whole thing sure it was a beautiful day and I really was touched I cried like a girl well here's the thing with these vows these people telling each other how much they mean to each other yeah and then Colin has meant so much to me so it was just a big beautiful day did he get any zings in because I remember Schumer's wedding during the valley was like just touch everybody's sobbing the guy that Chris the husband killed it he poured his heart out and then it was

her turn and she goes I'm gonna plug some road dates yeah and you know it just kills it's just such a tense moment and then you break the tension there was a lot of great jokes in there I don't want to divulge it just maybe off air I'll tell you a couple of good ones but a lot of good stuff and then yeah we all went and danced and Quinn can dance is that right well he's a Brooklyn cat he's a soulful guy he's from the 70s he's from Brooklyn and uh he really he can shake it down wow I'd love to see that old bag of bones rocking and rolling oh he can rock and roll with the best of him he looked great he's a very sexy man if you ask me perfect square jaw big jug head barrel-chested the Irish Nick he's got that smile right smile like one of these yeah almost a

Nicholson mmm a tight tight skin like a what do you call it a drum eastwood eastwood Clint oh eastwood I see yeah I thought it was like a wood like a tree like an eastwood like an eastwood tree we chopped down a big eastwood oh yeah no redwood yeah but he's got that good skin he's got the good look and he eats like an asshole well I think he's getting better now because he had a big heart attack yeah I've never seen him not eat a wing he loves wings yeah diet coke but uh that was great and then we all hit the dance floor and uh that was fun and Sarah and I were boogying down as we do and we looked over and Jerry Seinfeld's right next to us on the dance floor he was really shaking a tail feather not a great dancer I could see that everyone pokes fun of

Elaine but uh old Jerry's not exactly uh Mick Jagger over there putros putros golly but um that was uh that was a thrill that was exciting and we danced the night away and uh had some fun in the photo booth and that was exciting but here's the thing you know these guys are they're older I'd be calling 60 everyone at our table sober and married as kids so it just kind of willed out I was home at 12 15 whoa and I never been to a wedding because even my own wedding we had a pre-party and after party we're having cigars it went all night there's drunk people are throwing up in the bushes yes and you're nervous it's your own wedding it's a whole thing but this was like no pressure we showed up in a lift it was quiet easy and all of a sudden it was like 11 30 like

all right I guess we'll hit it we took a lift home and watched like a movie wow and I've never been to a wedding because I realized my wedding well I guess Vita's wedding Vita's wedding and my wedding only weddings I've been to sober every weddings before that was like you're drinking at 11 a.m you're throwing up in your own shoes you're fucking your mother in the ass and it's just a wild time and they go to 5 a.m yeah exactly but uh you know Quinn 60 he's gonna be embedded 7 p.m so yeah he left early wow I made up the part about him leaving early but the rest is true man oh man that sounds like a wild now how was two questions uh oh how was the food good grub food was great but yeah I got the uh you know reflex I was kind of picking and shit and I had some cake and I'm

really kind of dealing with the consequences because wow just one slice of cake well I had cake and then there was like a lemon chicken and there was some sauce on the risotto I feel full after the risotto uh-huh and so I had to eat some shit over there and then the next day I ate a lot of shit oh boy all fucked up going off the rails fatty so but I'm back on the horse now and I had a good meeting with my art therapist and he said he's like no cookies ever and I was like well he's like you're doing it you're making excuses say it out loud no cookies ever and I had to be like no cookies ever and he's like yeah your piece of shit damn that sucks for the double tree I gotta go no cookies and um but you know yeah I just want some point this the cookie is the hardest thing to

turn down I said at the double tree in Rochester and it was just like every time I walked in and walked out I had a cookie yeah well it's hard and uh you know I love cookies yeah they're the best it's like booze I feel like I went I was in Seattle and I went in I got I'm gonna get some cupcakes for my knee I'm already told us I was gonna get some cupcakes for my knees and I was like there's that chocolate chip cookie I love so much but I'm not gonna get one the guy walks over I was like I'll have four cupcakes and a chocolate chip cookie I didn't even mean to and then I'm leaving yeah what I'm walking out and I'm like uh I'm like well I won't eat it I'll just throw it away or I'll give it to her and as I'm thinking that I'm eating it I'm like this is this is how you

relax yeah exact muscle but I'm doing with cookies so I'm trying I gotta get myself together I'm all the brain just does it I have shit at my house I have a box of cereal I was it on my couch at 2 a.m. I go don't eat the cereal don't eat the cereal and I'm eating it yeah it's crazy it's tricky and this you know Alan says you need some self-discipline you fucking loser and well I mean you've been sober for 78 years that's something let's not forget that folks I know but uh you know I can go away like that that's true that's true uh vigilant but anyways it was a hell of a time hell of a weekend I was proud to be part of it and I wrote a nice card I'm very good at writing cards I feel like oh yeah yeah I put a nice touch a couple of nice yeah the keys to get out a lot of mush

not be cheesy and keep it short keep it short like Twitter I'm like let me give you a few characters here uh a couple emojis and uh that was that right as they say but uh great time and uh I love a good love story you know yes well what is the love story well they're in love ah I thought there was a big to-do well it was ups and downs and overs and out strikes and gutters you know how it goes man Jerry dancing that's something it was something it was wild I'm like this how about that that's this guy we've seen for zillions of hours dancing on the dance floor it was pretty wild he like how about that unbelievable man wish I was there that was something yeah very something hey folks Roman here love that Roman guys are terrible at taking care of their health we all

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dong anyways so uh this weekend while you were hobnobbing rubbing elbows i was uh getting my ass kicked at bananas in new jersey oh bananas the dreaded bananas hasbroke heights i can't say no it's right there you're sleeping your own bed you got sunday off you're back home it's it's not a bad gig it's a pretty good gig it's a pretty good gig yeah and there's some fans there there's some gays we had some Tuesdays come out i got oh damn i got a chipotle card for you at my house i forgot it that's about as useful to me as a bottle of scotch these days oh do you want it give it to sarah maybe i'll give it to sarah don't you have an uber for me maybe you said you did you said i got a number four but it's at my house ah shit i don't know if i put it in my bag it might be in my bag

let's check the bag let's check the bag it's somewhere so uh yeah pretty fun weekend though you know friday i meet up with ian lara my my buddy little you know little lara i love ian great guy cute guy called him idris elfa which i was proud of because he's so little and he's a hot black guy yeah um and then we had chris fat chris al in the back and he drove we picked us up we're just shucking and jiving the whole ride out there you know it's friday you get the traffic we get there early they give you a meal you show up you get the chicken parm you get the chicken marcella no offense and you're in that hotel room and uh you know you got the room huh you got the room no no i'm just saying we're in that ballroom the whole thing's in a holiday in on highway 17 i got you and it's just

everything not glamorous about comedy they do it's a shitty sign on the highway you gotta make an illegal u-turn just to get in there and it's uh it's in a hotel and there's a sweet 16 going on you gotta push those cunts out of the way and get in there and they they put the wall divider up which i've never had feeling when they're like that yes and you're like what's this you're like you only sold 11 tickets yeah exactly it's not a great feeling but i do love those old pictures in there the pictures are treasures yes i mean it's bill marr it's seinfeld it's like amazing jonathan it's old quinn old depol it's chappels 18 or whatever it's crazy i think you mean young quinn in depol what did i say he said old old picks i mean i got you but yeah so just a good time and

chris al hosting ian lara featuring just just yucking it up having fun dick it around and there's no stakes at these shows so you can be a douche and really riff it up it's about time alan gets demoted to mc by the way yeah it felt right yeah that's a better spot for him yeah he did he did well as mc and uh you know you killed time between shows you walk around i did a quiff with ian and just had a great time you drive back i met the lady at a bar you start drinking i'm back in the city by midnight it's great that's a nice feeling i like that gig yeah it's not bad denise is nice yeah and nothing's changed over there it's all everything's back to normal it's a good humbling gig and so drive back saturday we go out we do the whole thing again we have a great time that we

they've pushed it in another room because you ever done the back room i have yeah i never did the back room yeah i think i like i liked it better i kind of liked it too yeah because uh there was like a kinsignera in the other room so you know can't beat a kinsie so got pushed out back room having a good time a lot of tuesdays thanks for coming out we drive back sunday and we go what should we do on saturday night and we got saturday night i don't know what's going on let's just hit a diner all right so the three of us go to a diner and we're just having a great time dicking around eating eggs and i get home at like five we just talk comedy the whole time get home at five i get two messages randomly i'm like as i'm falling asleep looking at my messages

it's like jerry no way worse it's some fan guy some tuesdays like why are you at the cellar i'm sitting here and this is from like four hours ago i'm sitting here it's a who's who jim jeffries is here he's hammered he's got ari in a headlock all the people from quinn's wedding are showing up they're in suits this is the best night ever i'm like ah man i'm at my fucking dumb house i'm in my shitty pajamas with holding the candle in a nightcap everybody's living it up at the cellar but you were living it up you were in a diner i was in a diner with two nobodies two blacks that's true that's something that counts for something two blacks stole my truck i changed the line but who was at the cellar there couldn't have been that many people at the

cellar it was a real hobnob fest but jeffries is why i used to drunk you go over there he's gonna call you a cunt and be all i a cunt thing i guess it i'm trying to make you feel better all right i would love to have been there yes damn it and his aries out just the cellar of this past couple weeks that table outside the sun is shining all the shows are packed all the celebs were in town for quinn's wedding it's just been a beautiful thing over there yeah i was there last night it was me wolf and ari it was late we were having a good chat talking about comedy who stinks the whole thing yeah that was fun we had a nice angle for a while for a while it was bennington desbyship donnelly myself and uh somebody else up again good crew we were talking movies i was

telling how redford sucks and no one was buying it uh people love redford yeah it's very strange a lot of people think costner sucks and i'm not on board with that you like cost i like cost i mean he hasn't been good since uh you know i was nine the untouchables feel the dreams love boulder oh my love jfk i love silverado i love dancing with wolf sucks he's in good movies maybe that's the problem i think he's great in those great movies but uh he's kind of the same and everything isn't he i find him to be different but bennington thinks he sucks and uh wow and uh so does louis wow and then i got a little offended because i was like well bennington's like he sucks and i was like well louis ck agrees with you and they're like well if louis oh this thing i was like well i'm

just saying i know another guy that yeah no he's a filmmaker then they make a jerk-off joke and you're like well how'd we get here i know it's not like i said my cousin pete thinks that yes i'm like he's a guy that makes films he's in the business he's a pretty smart guy yeah uh but everyone shitted me for that one but uh never heard never heard costner snuck sucking yeah someone else said that too i was a i'm not a huge cloney guy oh cloney's pretty good i think he's pretty good i think he's great with acting it's either good or bad i there's no pretty good it's hard to you can't do that with acting oh i disagree who's pretty good i just told you george cloney i but how can you tell does he do a couple bad things and a couple good so that makes him

pretty good okay and he just seems like himself like where like i was like george cloney just always feels like he's just being george cloney and donnelly's like you can say the same for tom hanks is like you can't tom hanks is filled out he's got a some patches on his head he's all wacky for his guppies he's you know slow way yeah he's always got beard he's fat he's thin the terminal he's russian yeah exactly he's like he's all over the place he can really meld and melt and four i mean the great great actors to me like philip steamheart tom hardy you can't even recognize tom hardy's unbelievable you don't even know you're like that's the same guy as that guy christian bail like that guy's unbelievable unbelievable but you know uh way

night is pretty good i think way night's really good ah he's great that's a bad example but there's plenty of people there's plenty of actors that are pretty good the pretty good actors you don't really notice you go right right shea wiggum he's pretty good you know what a bull he just says pretty good yeah there's some guys there's plenty of guys that are pretty good then there's guys that are just bad sure and um those guys that are great then there's daniel delu exactly daniel deluas is great got it got it that's like comedy some are pretty good yeah i'm just trying to be pretty comedy i'm just trying to be pretty good for long enough that it becomes like ah he's great right right if you hang around long enough that's pretty good you're in the mix exactly it's

same as sports like robert ory you're like this guy's a hall of famer he's gonna score an 18 a game for 20 years yeah those numbers might be off i don't know classic ory who knows yeah john goodman i find underrated oh he's tremendous so good but back to the uh the show here so sunday rolls around i'm with the lady and she goes what do you want to do and i go let's go to the water we go down to the water free kayaking um what's the last time you yanked uh last summer probably i'm i'm i'm good for one kayak a summer oh that's pretty good that's pretty good most people get one in ten decade like in a decade kayak could be a slur don't you think i like kayak yeah by the temple a lot of fucking kayaks in there sure i'm down with that anything a funny word as a slur oh is is a better

joke uh oh you got a bad text no no i got a good text is a jerry now it's time to car i got worried because we mentioned him in the pod and i got worried that uh you know it's gonna be like hey what are you doing you're not supposed to tell anyone i golf you fucking loser yeah yeah i got it all right so you go to the water you do some kayaking we do kayaking it was the best day we stayed all along the water there we had lunch on the water then you go kayaking then we had a beer on the water it was just the best day right on chelsea pierce you can't beat it hudson hudson that's the better river i think oh no doubt about it the east river is full of bodies and scum yeah it's not even an actual river it's like a thing or something i heard i don't know all the barges

go through the east it's it's got it's gross yeah it's no good but yeah the water does not smell great i'll tell you that is that right i dunked my feet in and dunked my hands in it's freezing and then you smell your hands later it smells like shelby's taint bad dunk yeah not a good dunk but just great on that kite just row it and it's fun because you hit the left side and you actually turn oh yeah it works and you do the backwards you break and you can flip that thing right around i love a break it's really fun well you know you had two different kayaks like bonnie mccarter and burton or you're in one kayak one guy oh that's appalling well the wife in the kayak with you i was in the back i was the rudder baby oh my god that's uh that's that's embarrassing what's

the problem you gotta give her own kayak you're holding her back maybe i think so i'm dead weight yeah you're dead wood i was doing all the rowing well i just feel like the lady should get her own kayak for god's sake let her live a little bit well equality i don't know she should live we're working together that's nice i suppose yeah the opposite of the burdens i know we're better yeah you are tim burton she's pretty good bonum hello to bona yeah she's good very good i would say actually he's had a few stinkers huh oh i think so i don't i'm not that into a lot of his stuff big fish is one of my favorite films of all time uh huh beetle batman batman uh pee we night before christmas everyone says this gray but it's not my cup of tea it's good but i don't

it's not my cup of juice i don't like a walking will clay is what are we doing i'm with you on the i don't even like wonka wonka is too creepy for me oh yeah i never i never get into any of that and he's like nonchalant about these kids dying you know yeah which is always irked me as a child alice in wonderland creep me out i like her she's nice she seems nice but it's just the the mushroom and the fat cat and the cuntie queen through the looking glass uh huh yeah so kayaked all day had a great time we're gonna really bring it next week yes eat some food had a great day did a show i love new york in the summer what a city great city and uh yesterday was rain but that was kind of romantic but also annoying now it's back to nice again ah so nice i like three nice

days a rainy day than a nice day it feels good to just bounce back i don't want a week of shit that's true i'm getting all these dumb twat messages from all these people writing in they go what what how's your joke process and i feel guilty so i write then they go do you ever get sad i'm like well how do we get here now i'm not here to fix your life here i'm helping you with a bit now if it's herpes or alcohol related i get a nice response other than that don't get out of here go read a book or something these people want to get coffee these people are nuts yeah i never had that i never thought once to call greg rogell and you're like you want to go kayak and bounce exactly it's bananas the entitlement on these young coups it's right but then someone i've

had this conversation before is it because we didn't have access it was hard you couldn't just email greg gerald that's a part of it but i don't think but even then i never even went in the green room at these clubs i'm the same way i'd be terrified that's how i got to work with the polo i just sat in the corner like chewing my thumb yeah and he likes that i like you you're a fucking psycho let's go on the road that's how i feel i want the because this is how i was i want the new guy to come up being go hello uh sorry you good you need anything i go i'm good i'm good but i can already tell that he's like not wanting to overstep and to me that goes a long way i just need the jester gesture oh that was like a Freudian oh yeah you needed a jester yes court but yeah

some of these people were like hey can i emcee the show and i'm like as i'm walking on stage i'm like i'm already having emcee yeah that's a big one too like hey i see you're doing a dc draft house tomorrow can i open for you i'm like i had an opener in the 80s like this somebody hit me up before i got the gig yeah that's why it's nice to have a wife i go hey my wife does all my gigs and i'll blame her i'm like she's a controlling cunt she uses her own kayak she won't let me sleep we have one house i guess quinn's got an opener now she's got a feature well my wife's a comic ah i got it you know not a comic but well that brings us to this week's ad we got a new one it's a hot one take it there mark oh yeah dave.com not paying attention to your bank balance who does

i don't want to see that thing i take stuff out of the atm i don't look back i just get the hell out of there i don't know what i'm working with then you get overdrafted that's what happens i've been screwed many a time so you know that sting you feel every time you pay an overdraft fee the worst let me pour some salt in the wounds big banks make 33 billion bucks off the overdraft fees they charge each year those that's ridiculous fat cats yeah that's what the dave app doing that's the dave app is here to stop that the dave app is putting an end to overdraft fees for good finally jesus dave is the number one budgeting app in america because it saves you overdraft fees tells you about upcoming bills and you can advance you get an advance of 75 clams that's nice from

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going to dave.com right now yes don't get overdrafted again folks mazel well i gotta tell you we missed you sunday i thought you were out of town i'm crushed i wasn't invited you gotta talk to louis you gotta email all the big celeb people well i'm too busy the girlfriends pissed i'm neglecting her for tweets from jerry from tex ah jeez well she's gonna come over because louis had a few people over again i don't want to get too into the details but it was a small group i saw him on the street too the other day i should have should have tackled him i just figured well he's a little out of sorts he's going through some shit but uh we had a nice day over there and uh speaking to the cohen brothers whoa this was a john goodman okay which led me to cohen's which led me to steve busemi was over there

oh i know bush yeah he's a hell of a guy sweet sweet guy another brooklyn cap yeah he's still living the same block as well i don't want to get into oh boy private details but uh i got some fun facts after the show oh i can't wait i love an ff but i made him loud i was telling some stories and uh it feels good to make those guys laugh you're talking to mr pink over here i know mr pink and uh two of the stink nor the windslow from uh big fish and um what yeah what big fish has come up 68 times wow it's a hell of a film it's pretty solid movie i guess i love that film i like it too brian cox is good oh he's great yes um bbc wait brian cox albert finney that's the one i confused them too oh they're very similar guys big fin that's a finny finny's dead cox is alive finny's dead

finny dies i didn't get the fucking newsletter on big fin he's fin but uh albert yeah those guys are very similar cox and finny i'm glad to know we uh have that in common i have the same thing with dom delawiz and paul pradome and i used to when i was a kid it was deniro and pechino just because they were so italian and and cunty well that one's offensive but uh well i'm a child ah you better been real child i don't know i'm off today but i gotta tell you cbd uh yeah those are those guys finny and cox were have to be like this yeah i got it i know which one's which it takes me a second every time yeah cox is uncle argyle in braveheart and uh super troopers oh yeah he's in super troopers he's also in match point he's the dad yeah and uh and then rip

torn is in that area too oh yeah you know he's in that gruff old guy kind of funny sexy well i've talked about it before but uh all i can think about when i hear rip torn is the alex ball when comedians and cars comes back around to jerry if you haven't watched it if you've watched it go watch it again it's the best hit get you want to give a hum a few bars well we've talked about just the line where alex paul when he gets love the line he tells the whole story and then he's so funny and then he gets real serious he goes oh he's crazy uh that's what he goes he's cracked him in the jaw because the guy came up and he's a unit problem there sir so i cracked him in the jaw and i kicked him in the balls and he goes oh he's crazy he's like 84 years old it's amazing

it is amazing that is one of those treasures that you're so glad it exists that videotape of those two guys being goofball he's getting roasted by the way who is baldwin oh no kidding he's a comedy he's the next comedy central roast oh good for him well there should be a lot of jokes about how terribly abusive he's been to his child that'll that's gonna come up but his daughter's banging beaver i believe no get no he's married because i was beaver yeah because i did cordon with beaver's wife oh wait a minute sister wait a minute hailey baldwin is that not a baldwin baldwin that's a different ball i got show me and briz saying two opposite facts here wait does we have a computer beaver is married to isn't he married to the woman baldwin

does he have a sister i thought i was on cordon with justin beaver's that was salina gomez steven baldwin oh he's the one of the usual suspects uh he's the shittier bald wait who is fucking justin beaver married to baldwin okay so she's a baldwin and a beaver now she's a bald beaver bald beaver i think i did cordon with that uh dame you did gomez now no gomez oh it was baldwin with uh justin beaver's wife and alicia keys wow that's a hot show and a beaver baldwin all right well that's hurtful i feel like i really had a tough time i'm talking about sexually ah i gotta work on my teeth but uh anyway it was a it was a nice cook and uh boy would you do a barbecue is it a drink out to

cook off a fish fry what was it he had he had uh he had two chickens going he had a um tisserie two chickens and uh and a lamb two chickens and a microphone and uh he was there no i made that a part up but there was some other uh big celebby types and then it was you know vekyone and fish and ari kramer the butler norton norton was there two not two norton hangs in a row bobby yeah you and norton are chumming it up well we had some chums he's a introvert guy oh he's a not yeah not a lot of times where norton has the tape he's like guys get in on this right but you know what's cool about norton is he's introverted in in his phone the whole time but if you throw him the ball he'll play oh yeah you just gotta throw it to him he won't grab the ball

but he can go off on a movie uh reference and an impression and a great line and a dig well there's nobody funnier but uh yeah he's a quiet guy we actually had a quiet table at the wedding yeah boss is kind of quiet bonnie's very quiet sarah's quiet christy and i were blowing each other norton's quiet no quiet yeah yeah bobby's loud bobby's loud yeah but uh that was a nice day nice time and i brought these cookies and i ate three of them like a fucking idiot big chocolate chip gooey and i just oh i'm all fucked up my throat's all gargly again damn why i gotta commend you for having a gargly throat and still keeping the the high hopes well i'm trying to bring the heat and be hopeful i got a lot a lot riding on this life you know we gotta we gotta stay strong out here it's

onward and upward it's all uphill from here fatty i think things are gonna get cooking soon now downhill wait uphill is uh yeah it's weird because they've gone downhill is bad yeah but downhill is easier is bad yes as they say it's all uphill that means it's an uphill climb oh yeah the going downhill is bad if your career's gone downhill or your face or whatever right but it's actually easier and more fun but it's it's all downhill from here that's good is it that's what they say that's saying all right it's all downhill from here isn't it but then onward and upward is a positive upward i think if you say if you're just hanging out and you go uh we you know we had a flat time we get it fixed and we say it's all downhill from here ah isn't that good i mean that is bad i think

it's bad i mean in the expression it's bad wait wait fish don't fry in the kitchen beans don't burn on the grill took a lot of char iron just to get up that hill uh huh well getting up the hill is good yes uphill battle is bad bad climb you're gonna lose the uphill battle because you're you're fighting going up that ain't easy hmm i don't know i thought downhill was good but now maybe now that i'm saying it out loud i think i might be stupid bad but i think we should change it right here right now like sledding you need to have a downhill sledding on a flat so downhill sled is something yeah downhill um rocket ship to mars what's what's it called when you hit the flag the slalom that's an is that anything that's a bad that's a guy from goonies oh right uh but

i wanted to say speaking of positive and keeping it uphill and downhill and and sideways uh film yes alexander pain um so fat chris allen was in town for the for the week and he's on a new yorker he lives out in the sticks of virginia and charlottesville to be exact and um it's so fun having a non new yorker i got him on a new york comic club got him on a fat black he's hanging up the cellar he comes oh he's like i just talked to keep robinson oh my god you're like keep robinson who gives a fuck about that wow but you know you're just out of out of the loop and you don't live here and it's so cute and he's like he's like i'm at the cell you coming by what are you doing oh man we're sitting outside i'm talking to harry i might do harry's pocket it's so adorable

you're like oh yeah this is great it's a very exciting he's doing the harry pot i believe i believe i don't know what you're gonna talk about i guess being fat or whatever i don't know what his topic is yeah yeah who knows uh having a kid you don't want i don't know but either way uh it was just a great great for me because i'm like oh this is great just to run the walk from the cellar to the subway we got hit up by like eight hobos he's like oh man this is great i'm like this is great he loves the hobos well it just reminds you you're in a big city and like it keeps you gritty and it keeps it fun and like this white la comics some of them suck because it's it's just sunshine and lollipops out there he should really move here because he's very sexy he's a all kidding aside

he's a sexy man well i don't know what's sexy he's tall he's big he's got the high top fade yeah yeah he's got some facial hair maybe he's got a beard he's got a milleted necklace and a sneaker but he's in great shape and he's tall he's he's sexy he can pass for a young even though he's old as shit he's a veteran yes something he's a dad he's got a lot going for he's gonna have a great headstone and his kid is like uh is like a model model oh sexy kid yeah so uh he's got a lot going on and uh and he's funny he's getting there yeah yeah he's funny he should but i mean he's got a family and they got to pull up steaks and uh he likes steak so it's tough but just having him here was such a good eye opener for us because we you know we

get entangled in it we're engulfed in you know oh sd gave me no spots and this guy's giving me the stink guy and my dad's gay so it was fun to see a guy really relishing in it yes yeah we got it we got it good we got it made in the shade with a is the grade and uh it's easy to forget but yeah i had i've had a couple of nights uh friday night i had a hell of a night i did i had one spot at 1 40 am at the comedy cellar first about there in a month so i was excited about that jesus h but i was like i can't just leave my house at 12 30 so i sent out a facebook saying anyone got a spot i could jump on oh i like that and then uh eric newman who i love you're talking about sexy men now he's a sexy man hot hebe yeah good-looking guy tall tall man and uh so he says hey i got a

show uh you want to come do my show and i said great and then he texts back calls back first ever phone call that's always exciting when you see someone calling and you're like are we gonna be on a phone call situation here yeah that is risky because i only got three people on a phone call relationship yes i think i've won yeah everyone's in a while dive in on a call but uh so he calls and he goes hey we had someone drop out you want to do a regular paid spot oh so living it up things to look it up now what are we the strip now this is at the new york comedy club oh even better so i do new york comedy club fourth street and i have a good set fun a lot of fun now sarah is that that on that show she does her set then she goes i have a set at new york comedy club

Gramercy do you want to go up there with me i said let's go together so we walk all the way up to new york comedy club Gramercy tonight's walk she did a beautiful walk friday night it's fun she does her set then arish shows up he's on the show hey so we all start hanging we're having a hell of a hang we're talking about everything politics the whole thing and then i go i gotta go down to now it's 1245 i got a 145 at the cell you guys want to go down there so we walk all the way back down to the cellar now as i'm walking i get the dreaded text from liz the general manager oh god says where are you oh i hate the where now where are you in the in the grand i'm by the old stan i'm at like 23rd 20th and 3rd avenue which is a good long walk you're on the east and up so i shit

my pants and now we're all having a great time we're pushing each other to the bushes laughing i get that where are you tex and i'm like oh my god yeah that goes the anxiety i go what do you mean my spots at 145 and she goes idiot i said where are you oh i know i'm like oh i'm at i mean Gramercy but my spot's not for another half hour and she's like do you want another spot i'm asking you where you are classic liz have to have to insult you so i said uh oh i'll take it so now i gotta spot the village underground right before so i got we gotta pick up the pace it's always hard when you're walking with someone else they're always too slow and i'm like i mean like i mean pick it up yeah like the lights turning so they'll stop like i like a five second i go no we gotta

run across traffic here completely so we end up the three of us kind of you know speed walk down there i get on stage and the the previous comic is already lit so i go up in the village underground kill at the village underground it's like 1 4 in the morning i get off stage and the manager there's going they're ready for you around the corner oh i love it so i grab my shit we run around the corner sarah's following me you know i get over there and then like will is just killing time like there's nobody on stage tight squeeze so i gotta wave to him i'm here i walk right on stage there and just rip like one of the best sets i've ever had in my life quarter or two in the morning look at that it's like bizarro world it's two o'clock in the morning and the crowd is hot

yes they're not drunk or stumbling out or half paying attention you're just rocking yeah baby come upstairs newman's still there hanging out sarah's there we go home we watch we're watching the show homecoming on amazon prime don't give anything away you fucks and uh we go home watch like four episodes of that it's 4 30 in the morning i haven't stayed up that late since i was seven years old that's lunch you're living i went from one spot to three spots great feeling got a little cash in my pocket and then liz had the check from the live pod which thanks for coming everybody yeah not a bad check yeah i come home with uh oh we gotta wrap this fucking thing up jesus eight channel but yeah i came home with some money and uh anyways we gotta wrap this thing i think this

was okay that was good we got through we we slalom'd she'll be saying yeah not a not a great yeah well have you ever gotten a great yeah from the shelter did you raise the roof there all right bringing that back i like it somebody's gotta go deep on a sole patch um it's weird when you see people with goatees it's not great well they're out there yeah but it's very 90s yeah baseball player yeah i feel like a lot of fat guys do it hmm well that's why i have a jaw situation so i gotta have a yeah well like my gal's like don't ever shave she's like i need to have a little uh it's almost like uh wow what's a good analogy like if a girl gains five pounds well no that's no good what would be it because i look too boyish oh you know what she doesn't want to be boyish i see she wants to be the man

but yeah with a girl you kind of want her to be girlish i want to be boyish yeah oh yeah that too or blackish oh yeah good show chris allen all right well hey uh i don't even know what the fuck week it is skankfest this week and we're doing a live one to sunday 2 p.m live tuesdays with stories at skankfest but i think you already have to have tickets but if you're a skankfest ticket holder yeah come out to that uh i don't have my book with me i get a lot of stuff in my book you're not gonna want to miss that skankfest it'll be 2 p.m we're gonna get raunchy we're gonna get rowdy she'll be you're coming huh we need a producer there and uh we'll get kooky but yeah i guess you already have a ticket you don't buy one you just have a world pass or a weekend pass

um yeah so that'll be fun and uh i'm in dc this weekend at the draft house friday saturday let's sell that puppy out christina p's at the improv and ian lara is at the big hunt so come see me if that sells out go see one of them buffalo helium after that love the buff wise guys in salt lake city love that club love those Mormons woo ha ha and Worcester mass after that then we got the old indianapolis helium indy come on out then denver comedy works uh sacramental punchline cap city in austin and just added acme in minneapolis come to that i love that club addison improv and uh jeez a couple other things after that but uh spokane and takoma for the seattle jews so come on out praise allah what do you got fat man i got uh provenance comedy connection jew 27 28 29 i believe

gotham comedy club right here in new york city get tickets to that one if you're in the tri-state area it's a real fucking club i want to have me back july 12th and 13th i believe that one is so uh please come to that and then august is a big one i got acme in minneapolis i got denver comedy works go to my website i'm gonna put all those the dates up uh by the time you're listening to this they'll all be up there comedian joe list dot com acme minneapolis comedy works denver got them comedy club oh and montreal this has just been announced i'm doing two hour shows at the festival just for laughs uh come out there a lot of you guys gonna make the trip go pack joe i'm sure you'll be out there we have a baby now so who knows but uh come out there and uh it's gonna be fun just for

laugh i'm so proud to be part of it so yes go see that hour folks yeah i got a big july i'm going to europe with louis i'm doing just for laughs and i'm doing gothams so come out and suck your own dick join the patreon for fuck's sake every live episode is on this tons of queves tons of bonuses full video of all these episodes yes three bucks it's fucking insane how cheap it is cheap is five though for god's sakes that's the standard throw us a finski will ya cheapest patreon in the business so much bonus you get the video earlier than everybody else video is galore come on out see us live support bring a chipote for me or an uber for the uh throat over here i'm using that uber like crazy i love the uber fish delivered to my house yes uber eats folks so uh yeah we'll see

in hell fuck you dad blow your mom and praise anal queep you