Tuesdays with Stories! - #304 Flick & Flush

Episode Date: July 2, 2019

Hoo doggie, Mark & Joe are back for another hot one as Mark has some fruit cart drama, Joe may have shit out a worm, and the guys both have a wild weekend at Skankfest. Check it out! Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus eps and full video eps! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/ Download the Laughable app today! laughable.com/download

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy hi hell high school suck dicks whoa that's a tough school to get into yeah hell is easy to get into ironically you're gonna suck a dick of the same

gender that'll get you to hell true sure they say all dogs go to heaven but what if they're gay mmm no they can't be any gay dogs are the gay dogs what are you getting they're all sniffing ass licking dicks I don't know I cuz I remember hearing that penguins were the only gay species other than humans really that's what I remember here but that was in 1998 it was from a anti homophobic guy to be quite friend oh really yeah he was he was odd yeah that weird homophobic we're like oh you're serious right you don't even talk to someone you're like oh you're not getting yeah that's even funnier really that's true

these are all demons and they come from a cabbage patch and you're like whoa you're off the deep end well he was one of those ones that like doesn't believe in gay he's like it's a judge it's a that's for attention he's one of those guys right we're only that's a long time to get attention yeah well you know I'm from Louisiana and I remember working at a Mexican restaurant this guy was telling me like I don't have anything against gays I just don't understand it I remember thinking it's fair that's fair but what's not to understand they like guys it's actually very simple well I think he's saying he doesn't

understand he can't put himself there is what I see I see by the way Brazil are a wonderful producer tiny handsome guy yeah skimpy on the water if you ask me oh I thought you're gonna compliment the guy three quarters guys on one I mean first of all the glass goes in this direction it's a it's a v-shape or whatever so most of the majority of the ounces are at the top so this is this is like a third of a glass I would say I'm missing about a third it's like he said leave room for cream yes exactly oh now you're back on my side I appreciate it I feel like you should be with me on this I'm with you but the guys giving us a

studio you give me brought your glass of water that's very nice but I mean let's be honest we're throwing his name out there and quite a bit for him he's not going anywhere he's going l.a. people even people are gonna forget the name Alex Brick cell any time soon Brazil studio show briz is it a z it's a z I'm kidding speaking of z's I'm nervous and Alex is making me feel better I wish we had a microphone for you yeah he's making me feel better because tomorrow I got to go in for the big endoscopy ah yes and they give you a propa fall is that what it's called propa fall and I talked to the nurse you

might be I do you feel like you've heard it before I have her a prophylactic now prophylactic is a condom I think ah a propa fall you might have heard of those aren't fun with a little whew whew whew whew Whitney Houston Michael Jack oh Michael Jackson yeah he sucked his own dick on propa fall and passed away yeah he's going to hell and I would imagine he's down there burning I mean I don't believe in hell but if I wish I did for people like him right right big a pet oh I'd be moonwalking across there and Satan's like I've seen it get over here and blow me but anyways I gotta go and the nurse said she's like it's the Michael

Jack this is the nurse on the phone she's like it's the Michael Jackson drug but he gave it a bad name it's pretty amazing oh wow yeah and brazil keeps telling me it's the best time he's ever had in his life so and then by Dr. Bobby Kelly and he's like dude it's pretty unbelievable is it a sedata sedative is it a yes depository aesthetic it puts you to bed yeah so what happens that she said as it goes into your blessing it starts working within three seconds they put in the IV and then they stick it in your ass and then three mississippi's you're just like wow and then they do the procedure which takes

15 minutes you're out for about a half hour and then I guess for I guess a couple hours you're just on top of the world you're loving life huh and I've been high in a long time yeah you're gonna be on the moon so you you wake up feeling good I guess so that's what I mean Alex says he wishes you could go every week and they fucking they blocked him from the Twitter account can I take that to go sleep at night or is it too much well that's what Michael Jackson was doing kicked off so I would fuck a kid first that's true maybe if you don't fuck a kid it doesn't bother you yeah maybe the fucking kid is like drinking on

ambient you can't fuck a kid on propofol oh that might be it you're propofol asleep but I started researching because I wanted to know more and I read about three sentences I gotta put this away it's like searching your own name on Twitter you're like this isn't good for anybody I was too dicey it was like some common side effects and this and that and you can die and some people have this and I was like I better just leave it alone yeah but the nurse made me kind of excited she's like you have nothing to worry about you're gonna love it I'm excited I have to have an escort like Sarah has to I gotta get a prostitute to

come yeah it's like an abortion for a guy yeah Sarah's gonna come with me and ride me home riding home with boys because it's kind of like the wisdom teeth but with the wisdom teeth I was all fucked up they fucking Jack hammered my mouth yeah it was all swollen this will be no Jack hammer no swollen what is it an endoscopy that they take a little throat jizz sample stick a dick with a camera on it down your throat it's an upper endoscopy so they look at your stomach and shit whoa goes all the way down in there and they fucking squirrel around they're checking for an ulcer and Barrett's esophagus and that's when

your esophagus just mixes with stomach oil or something and then you get cancer and die well they're gonna see all kinds of fun stuff it'd be cool if it was just like a like a gallery of your past you know there's an old PBR can over here there's a million chocolate chip cookies over there there's a bunch of tea there's a bunch of a burritos there's not as much water as I would like you know that guys one sip I'm halfway done man you gotta milk it but anyways I'm excited about it and but I'm also nervous cuz what if I you know die it's a it's a camera in the in the anal it's always nerve-wracking I get it I had that

feeling because Sarah escorts me you know I had that feeling of like imagine that moment where like they kill me with the drug and then they're sitting there being like fuck he's dead he's done and then they'd like buck up over who's gonna tell her yeah there's gotta be that moment we are like alright they're splashing water in the face you gotta go out there and be like hi you know your husband he's he died he's a goner well they're gonna do a little pet chest pounding a little CP and a huff-huff I suppose so but and then I wonder if she hears that just me going yeah what's weird cuz you don't gag you think if

something's going on you throw you would instinctively even if you're out you think you'd get yak or twist or wiggle but that's the propa fall it makes you all loosey-goosey and they could just and if it hits a your hangi ball they just plow right through it cuz you're all unconscious but that's what's so insane to me with these anesthesia it's crazy to think about you're just they could just fucking oh yeah rape the hell out of your arm dick and your taint put his finger my nose Instagram face and I think it'd be fun if you're a doctor just come on a face and wipe it up good who's gonna know who's gonna know maybe

we should be doctors yeah maybe is this what the Kovorkin was doing no he was killing the people you know blessing well they come on a face is better than killing so whatever he got you'd probably a lot less not if you want to die if you want to die killing he comes in your face that's that's that's tough then you really want to die but maybe you like it maybe you know you like it yeah I would like it I've never had it but I think I would love it better be sure before it happens um but yeah I wonder if that saved your life your suicidal someone comes in your face and all of a sudden you have a will to live you know

that I watched that movie the bridge I don't know the bridge you don't know the bridge yeah I know I love it I know bridge in the River Kwai I know bridges of Madison County I know this is the bridge where they just shot the San Francisco Golden Gate oh the documentary yeah it's just they got the shot of her what is a month maybe and they got like six people jumping wow well check it out how long is the movie two hours is there more than people jumping you get to know a guy a little bit some people survive some people die oh so it's not just the shot of the bridge it's not a surveillance they fast

work that'll be fun if the whole movie was just people zipping zapping past right there'll be a lot of zips there's a lot of that one dies yeah yeah I just like who and you go huh and by the six one you're like all right when's that pizza cup but one guy I don't want to give it away but I will give it away give it away give it away now one guy jumps breaks like every bone he's just laying there he's going I wish I hadn't done that seal nubs him to the shore I think I heard about the seal it's a nub seven seal yes seal and Heidi I think I remember hearing about that but we ever hear the old myth or adage or I think it's a

myth hmm or a wives tale or whatever the fuck about the people that jump off the GW bridge and they're going so fast they end up sinking waist deep into the water and they drown if you go like at the bottom of the Hudson River it's just a bunch of people waste talking about this at some point it's an urban it might be an urban legend yes you say urban myth too yeah all right yeah yeah I guess again urban legend would be black panther hmm or like yeah right you know if in or whatever those guys who what's this name again Scotty Pippin Pippin no it's Eddie Griffin right yeah I think urban I think of like an urban

show but black panther worked better and I don't know what I was doing there was a good Pippin cuz I thought I said Griffin but you didn't respond I was like maybe I have it wrong I thought many Eddie Pippin comedian yeah how is he urban legend well he's like cuz I think of what I think we're urban I think of urban comedy I'd be prior up down urban but he was across the board Griffin is just there I see that makes sense herbs and spices then there's Irvin is there any guy named Irvin Irvin Magic Johnson there you go proper fall he's a legend aids like a big-time legend yeah rollins yeah remember

that joke that was a Michael Jackson in a wheelchair but wait I don't know if it cuz you don't have AIDS well back then we thought it was a it was all just a it was a yeah nobody cared I was running that was the most appropriate Magic Johnson joke back in the 90s what was about how magic stands for my ass got infected coach that's a big one that was a big one that's gold and you can also do my ass got infected cookie cookie that was his wife we had a chocolate chip all the sudden now she was chocolatey and he ate her yeah yeah that's bad chip chip or so the beauty of that magic my ass is infected with anal or

whatever it was it's a some weirdo had to sit down and go I got this one hold on I could do something with this no it's made all those jokes were written by something I think about all the time even the guy who goes like is that clear crystal that guy gets no credit yeah well that was Alan Arkin what are the fuck that guy's name is that I hate Alan Arkin not Alan Arkin who's the guy that writes all the shit the people think is good but he sucks Eddie Griffin no no not him too you know the one who's his name Alan Havy Redford no I hate him but no good good a few good men a few good men Alan Alan shit I just went

saw is dumb Alan Sorin Sorin Sorin Sorin Sorin Sorin yeah he went Asian on yeah Sorin Alan Sorin boy the Rhine's across yeah that guy stinks but I don't want to get into that wait a minute did he do the social report in the social network that movie's good it's okay watch it again it's pretty good it's it's interesting but there's a lot of bullshit fucking first of all there's a whole bunch of horseshit in there I think most Hollywood yeah horseshit but anyways also you've seen the movie the paper with Michael Keaton oh yeah that was pretty good I don't think he did that yeah I don't think so either that was

those of those two brothers that was fun Farrelly no Zooker Howard was a director I'm talking about the the the two writers they've written everything a lot of brother the Zooker's Cohen is zucker zucker Farrelly yeah that's some good brothers are the boroughs were the two borrow the brothers that wrote cheers sclar those Walsh brothers kept kept brothers yeah they've written go down the list of what the caps have written the guys are unsung heroes all right I want to hit some caps we got a microphone for you because I don't hear them kept yeah you got stone and stone oh yeah that's an inside anal right there

comics that's true Farrelly here's my mic oh you have a mic is that work or is that just for sure it actually works but you're not gonna be able to hear me oh I'm to the board Jurassic Park oh the cans work look at that Jurassic Park Spider-Man what mission impossible uh-huh the mummy okay well that one's bad panic room panic room that was fun these guys they get no love snake eyes the shadow okay toy soldiers oh I love that one that's the Lewis Gossett Jr. with Sean Aston that was great great movie that was fun there it is all right not a bad little Hollywood run that's pretty good yeah I'm kind of digging the cans

here I can hear yeah they work maybe I'll go one on one off so I can kind of hear you but I can hear the business like a DJ I don't like I like a knob to I got no water and we're gonna go back to the house so we're been over here at Brazil it's been a fun experiment but this guy's getting fucking kicked out he's moving to La La Land he's going up in the the career there I think you're gonna be a big player that's what I think about Brazil I love a player I'll be a player all right I mean sexual player like a Hollywood player yeah he'll have a nice dame on his arm and he'll have a Porsche and you know a nice place in

Malibu mm-hmm yep see some Malibu's lick them how about this let me run this just happen to me all right sticking to my ass see if I like it all right so I'm walking to the L train here in Big Manhattan and I see a fruit cart I love a fruit cart love a fruit cart surprisingly cheap these guys yeah yeah the fruit go to the cart so I always I go hey let me see I shimmy through my pocket with my right hand I got I feel a quarter I feel a nice round good size of it of a coin mm-hmm I bet that's a quarter bananas quarter each really that's very cheap me I'm telling the cart that's but even a bodega in Queens they're

50 cents oh yeah that's Queen usually Manhattan is five times as much as a Queens and how about this if you want to go five bananas it's a buck they let you they throw that extra one in there for for jizz sake wow so I always go ahead it's the best deal in town I'm getting a nana and they're supposed to make you happy apparently yeah about that Sam's got a great bit about that does he foods to eat if you're depressed ah it's a really I saw Sam Merrill last night he is unreal he's one of the most underrated comics I think tremendous one of the best joke writers but yeah maybe maybe it's just because you can put it

up your ass no one says eating it they just say it's a happy fruit and you can fuck the peel too you can put the banana in your ass while fucking the peel can you fuck the peel oh yeah you gotta you gotta re put it together a little bit together but then yeah that was the old thing when we were kids you put the banana peel in the microwave microwave it and then fuck it yeah organic mm-hmm I think we talked about that at one point too this might be a best of I don't remember a key and peel I think we did someone call in all right phones are lighting up so I got the nan and I go up I grow I find the best nana you feel

like a size queen for the first time you're like all right I'm gonna be the biggest one best deal in town so you rip that off the thing and there's a bench right by the cart so you go there's like three Nigerian guys they're all in their phone you know yeah a lot of that they all have one strap bags and they're like messenger guys I guess so I'm like okay one of these guys has the cart the cart guys nowhere to be found and then as a police officer lady going like what do you guys want like she's being funny standing next to the cart like I got all the best fruit what do you want and I was like well she obviously is joking this

is quite a scene it was quite a scene West Village so I go all right well I got my quarter of my hand I got the banana the other hand I go who do I give this to and I go anybody here because it's it's a I'm the white guy and it's a bunch of the black lady cop I got the Nigerian guys and then a Mexican guy walks up holding a bag of fruit and I go oh all right here you go and he goes I don't fucking work here what is a street joke it felt like a street joke God three Nigerians in a black cop so he's offended yeah he was like I don't fucking work here I'm like you're four foot eight you're Mexican you're holding a bag of

fruit in front of a fruit cart the Nigerians are on the phone the cops whining and dining I had to go with the what do you call it the rule of the best suspect the laws of attraction of elimination process of elimination process yes I eliminated and boy was I wrong wow he was pissed so I go all right I just throw the fucking quarter at the at the cum quad and I got out of there wow what that's quite a scene it was weird so we still don't know who the guy who's running the show over there here's what I think is I had a whole train ride to think about it I think the guy said hey I gotta step out and take a boom boom

hey cop bitch why don't you watch the the produce and so she was making it you know kooky oh that's fun she was like siphon when he was the door guy yes she put the hat on and everything that's not bad well I said she should have taken the quarter I guess she could have spoken up and said hey I'm serving and protecting the fruit right right yeah it is gay pride month after all that'd be great if she had a gun at the eggplant like don't move hands up yeah that could have been fun by the way when I pick a banana what do you like I like a full sea oh no sometimes there's the long one with just like a curl in the end like a

cock I like a curl cock that's too much banana for me it's all banana give me a more banana size queen I like a little comma just a little like a good phone banana nah too that's might as well get a plantain at that point I don't know what a plantain is to be honest like a banana with some attitude is it purple it's brown it's cuntier no I should have plantain earlier than I had a cuntie brown banana out of my ass oh yeah let me tell you this speaking of shitting up my ass this is a kooky one I gotta remember where I was for this I was at home it doesn't matter where I was I was walking in the park and I even sat on the grass a

little bit I really lived it up a little bit sure and god maybe it was an asbury park I can't remember it doesn't matter I just I had that moment where you like you want to know where you were but I was walking in a park somewhere over the rainbow and uh I just remember where it was it was Winnipeg I went out walking in the park in Winnipeg this is last weekend they have parks yeah I found the one park it's actually really nice it's called the forks next time you're there you gotta go downtown and go over the forks they just redid the whole area it's quite lovely actually and it's on my instagram but I walked around I laid in

the grass for a while really enjoyed myself came back had to shit as you know I take these super shits because I'm drinking all green shit and oatmeal and hay and whatever so I take a big long spicy shit not spicy but nice sure hardy I get up and I always check my poo I like to see the color the texture the length the width the smell that was a great pet dixon joke you know in the automatic flush like what if I wanted to look at it oh yeah they had the whole uh Jesus he should have jay oh yeah right he goes you gotta take a photo because what if the next five shits I take are e s u s I get some pearls four shits and they said uh

it was a cursive jay he's like it wasn't perfect I had to maneuver it a little bit he had some great bits oh yeah uh we're talking like he's dead but anyways I look down I wipe my ass I look up and an inch worm falls out of my asshole whoa whoa whoa what does that mean like a maggot like a green butt about an inch lime green it falls it lands on the bowl what and I go that look like a worm and it's going in and out I thought maybe it was a leaf what I should have fucking worm now I'm hoping I'm hoping to hell I'm gonna ask the endoscopist tomorrow what I'm hoping that it was just on my shirt and it flicked

off when I spun oh I might be shitting fucking inch worms over here let me ask you this there fatty did the worm look covered in shit no it wasn't poo it was fluorescent green okay it's not the first time I've had an inch worm in my ass if you know what I mean hey hey Irish boyfriend I'm two inches uh wait a minute so wait I think it was on the shirt otherwise it would have been had a little resin resin poo now this is where I it shows that I'm taking stock of my life and going to uh therapy and such because I didn't freak out too much I had a moment and I went ah it's probably on the shirt because I was in the woods

if I hadn't been in the woods if I was in Queens only right I would have been like I gotta go see a doctor and have two endoscopies and a colonoscopy because I got worms up my ass and you're in the Canadian woods who knows what kind of meal worm inch worm and whatever they got over there that's true millimeter uh-huh I got the metric system that's right fucking inch worm is metric oh yeah I thought that was England nah everyone but us wow and in the 70s we tried to convert it was a whole thing and then we just bailed on it a wee rider are they right I think they're

smarter yeah their system makes more sense I believe I don't know a leader seems weird we use leader we use leader that's the only one use your leader watch your parking meters yeah yeah some people tell me I'm a good leader but anyways being a leader is like being a woman if you have to tell people you are you probably are not oh that was Margaret Thatcher by the way she could get kicked out of society for saying that now yeah now it's the trans situation funny how it's all changed but it was very creepy to look down and see a living creature like it was because he was doing that fold up

oh yeah yeah he was twerking yeah he was doing a little twerk and uh there was definitely a moment where I was like I think I got green worms coming out of my asshole but I just gave him a little flick and flushed him a flick and flush ah yes I feel bad because he's a living being but you can't be in my asshole no or my asshole vicinity yeah if I saw him on the street I'd go and carry on little greeny that's why it's gonna be hard to have a gash or a vad or a puss or a cunt or a slit because your whole thing about your assholes you're scared something's gonna go in it and I think if

you have a vagina you're always worried about that it's double double penetration you got two things double fear not to mention there's all kinds of business coming out of that pussy that's true white and snot and yellow and come and yeah those fingernails weird white dots sometimes yeah toilet paper is that just secretion is that snot I don't know they got a lot of business I'll lick it I'm into it yeah yeah I think it cleans the dick I got a feeling but yeah when I fuck sometimes I got a white goo around the base of my car yeah I love the goo yeah I'll smear it off and put it on my ice cream oh yeah I'm a goo gobbler

but um I don't know what's going on and Michelle is a great new bit by the way I watched Michelle Wolf the last 20 minutes or for an hour at the underground uh I mean this is something oh yeah this thing's gonna be bad have you seen it at all I've seen bits and anals but nothing else man I mean it's a show she's one of those acts that's like a show right I'm up there I got a bit about this I meander over here I got a bit about that and it's pretty good it's funny I don't get me wrong but she's got like one of those performance it's like rock oh really you like big dick y'all like big I mean

that's not uh that's not what she sounds like but I mean the crowd was dying howling and she's like kind of pacing and owns the stay I'm watching again like this is unbelievable wow she's blown she's a star yeah and eventually it's gonna be a special somewhere so keep your eyes peeled okay well that cut it jizz it saving uh but that's it's gonna be something else so keep uh keep two eyes out you ever have that thing it's that thing where you're watching someone a lot of times you're like boy I gotta write more I gotta work harder

but her you're like oh she's just operating on a different level yeah she's doing a different thing than I'm doing I think that's what Louis said he saw Chris Rockett uh Caroline's in you know 1941 and he was doing bring the pain but it wasn't recorded yet and he's been like touring it for a year and they saw it at Caroline's he was like oh I could never do that wow well but then he did do that yeah and better and a bunch more yeah a lot more uh but should we get into some skank fest or what yeah let me just give a

shout out to the district of Columbia because I was just in well I got a couple shout out first of all comedy is just popping it's it's it's controversial it's fun it's packed it's great it's popular the the the comedy world is a bubbling you know and that's it's bittersweet because I think comedy I was talking to Eli Sears about this he's like I wish comedy was not popular again because you could just do what you wanted nobody cared and nobody yelled at you yeah but then it's like well you could also

get on Netflix and be a movie star and we're still out in arena so it's it's a given anal but uh get a call or a text Thursday it's like 6 30 I'm in my apartment and I got a text I'm in my underwear I'm about to do some writing and when you put the notebook out he kind of dreading it but you're like I gotta do it and I'll write for an hour it'll be six there then it'll be seventh there'll be time for you to go to a show so it'll be perfect I get a text hey man I know it's last minute can you come do kill Tony and I was like

you know you have that mental jizz where you go I don't want to I'm in my underwear I got half a boner I'm about to write but then you also like it's sold out at the Gramercy it's got a lot of listeners fucking you know that feeling of this story my life I mean that's all I never wanted to do anything in my life right I got second row tickets to Pearl jail I'm like ah I gotta get in the car yeah what am I doing exactly everything I've ever done TV Montreal comedy podcast sex yes even sex I'm like all right let me let me get it

up to go right but every time I have that feeling I go just do it and I'm always happy every single time I'm happy I've done it okay 100% I don't know about you yeah all right so I go yeah you know this feeling it happens all the time you go inward you go oh I suck I'm gay I'm not gonna do it you go fuck it and I just do it and I go over there and it's the best time it was sold out you know we're zinging in zangers the whole show you get to sit there and roast people give me some name who's on who are the guy who are

the uh whatever panel it was Tony Hinchcliffe show obviously and then he got red man on on the on the ones and twos and then Jeremiah great guy funny guy he's like dressed up in a mariachi he's got a fucking trombone then there's a guy this guy on drums he killed it and then they just pulled names out of a hat and a bunch of like open micers come and do sets and you get to fuck with them and talk to them and bust balls it's great was it just you and him because I watched it for the first time in my life at Skankfest and it was like five people it was Ari, Voss, Bonnie and him

yeah no it was just me I was the guest oh that's great it was way better because you get to oh I thought it was a whole panel no I think maybe sometimes it is like at a festival maybe it is but uh this was just me and then the second show I did the seven the second show was Gilbert Godfried so you know you have some fun yucks and I was so glad I did I'm getting a bunch of tweets about it everybody enjoyed it did you know any of the comics that went on I reishi went on no kidding oh he told me that I didn't realize it was that one Tuesday so I had to be like should I say I know him or should I let it go or

should I just fuck with him and I just busted his balls and gave my handshake after but he did a good job he have any bits he had a couple bits they they escaped me you know a lot of terrorism this and I'm a Kenyan that but he's from Kenya reishi's from Kenya that's what I said that we all thought he I thought he was a lift driver he's Kenyan he's an Obama wow yeah so he's got an earring he's bald he looks like a like a shitty genie but yeah so it's just super fun and then I bolted out of there and went and did some shows and uh just so nice to get that text and you're on that list and blah blah blah and that's

the Gramercy theater two shows sold out they did a European tour they've toured all over the country that was huge it just blows up blows up baby it's a well-run machine I mean they're their own tablecloth they got music they got a the band is there it's great he's good off the cuff uh hinge clip oh yeah he's quick quick yeah nice guy funny guy well what's that I mean that brings us to skankfest there you go skankfest folks I mean what a week to get your tickets now to skankfest 2020 and there's a skankfest Houston is that right they're calling skank by skank west which is a little weird because that's in Austin

oh yeah but whatever it's gonna be uh what's his name uh Andrew Youngblood what's this club called there oh yeah the secret group secret group is gonna be a secret group group in Houston and uh oh we gotta do some ads uh it's gonna be a secret group in Houston which I'm gonna try to get on there because we can go see Sarah's parents which I thought was funny the idea of going to visit her parents during the day and then at night fucking you know taking my tits out and fucking my mother in the ass the most wholesome thing next to the most debauchery on the planet yeah speaking of wholesome things let's tell you about some of our

sponsors we really want you to support the people that support the show I've heard a lot of people say that on podcasts yes a good line it's a good line so support the people that support the shows and uh one of the things you can support this week's a way bag right yeah we don't have the jizz for it we'll pull up some jizz because I love the way that they sent me well first of all god bless them for sending us stuff they gave us an example they sent me an away backpack you have the suitcase yep I got the backpack and uh I said Sarah take it for a spin tell me what you think she never gave it back to me ah she loves it

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a lot of you were there it's the talk of the town it's the talk of the internet it's the talk of twitter it's the talk of my asshole well I mean let's go through some of the highlights if we can I don't want to give it away but uh it's an away bag it's let's see Louis C K pops in Bobby Kelly's crowd surfs uh kill Tony's there live Tuesdays is there there's a fucking boxing match a wrestling match an MMA match I mean it's bananas three floors of mayhem Ari's naked Ari's yanking his cock in front of a crowd yeah I mean it was it was a great time for men women I saw a lot of trans people there it was people of all walks of life all colors having a great time drinking doing drugs living it up fun music open mic tattoo parlor there was

a sober green room and a drug green room every day right oh yeah I mean I never set foot in the sober green room and I'm sober so I imagine it was empty I didn't either there was a hell of a greener there was croissants and what's the word it's weird muffin now now there's one that's kind of a crawler name it might be crawler uh bear claw no no dick it might have been crawler might have been crawler there was something else though some apple fritter fritter it was fritters it was a chuck can you have a chocolate fritter you can't have a chocolate there was a chocolate fritter there all right I remember thinking it sounded spooky a fritter oh yeah fritter I don't want a fritter what do you know it was it was fritters I well nowadays I can only have bagels and cums so well

I'm I know I sound like an LA cunt but I'm off bread it was all bread it was a little croissant muffin brownie fritter uh gummies a lot of gummies a lot of edibles cbd up the app I mean I've never seen so much cbd a lot of cbd you know it's a weird I think I mentioned this already but this is this big debauchery trashy let's get crazy fast and we're giving out a bunch of cbd cbd has no drugs in it well they were the sponsor oh so you got to respect the spot support the people that support the show all right I just felt weird like we're getting crazy here's a pill it does nothing well cbd also I think it cools you out or whatever it's like propa fall for losers but at the whole crowd they're all sleeping on uh weed and edibles and OCD or whatever the hell it's called and so

it's hard to perform because everyone's just kind of like strung out and staring at you not to mention I'm going to the negative first then we'll go positive yeah all right so I did four sets by Sunday yesterday yeah I was like I can't go out there I had a panic attack out there you're looking at every tall Tuesdays they just watch us do the pod right they watched us do the pod the day before yeah and then I've done four sets and I don't think they want bits I love our fans I'm so grateful but when you get that many skanks and gays and crackles whatever the hell they're called oh yeah bonfire dudes do you know what it is what are they called crackle crackle oh campers campers yeah campers and the gays and the skanks and the dudes yeah yeah yeah which dudes is new that was never never dudes before

what were they what were they before just fans ah yeah all right uh I don't know and uh but anyways you get them all together I feel like a lot of yous you don't want written material no that whole fashion just be podcast that's funny how you say that because I just did DC and my I had a lot of Tuesdays there my opener was like they were nice and smiling and they were into it but they don't really laugh I'm like yeah those are Tuesdays yeah gays you gotta find an Indian and I chuckle it up because I think I get it because we're the same way yes they're so into comedy you want to study it you want to analyze you want to watch you want to analyze you want to go I heard him talking about this before I know this premise yep yep he does have a cold yes he's got herpes and he's uh

size queen it's rare that you meet a gay in the audience that's like this oh my god that is hot baby no because they're comedy savants not savanna aficionados ah connoisseur connoisseur you know it's like you watch a great ad go oh that's good that's funny you know you saw michelle wolf the other night you were like it was fucking great I bet you didn't laugh a lot not a lot of laughing just a lot of like boy I gotta get better yeah but that's how that's what they're doing yeah I guess they gotta get their lives better I don't know but I gotta get better at paying the bills so the crowds are tough not to mention it's the middle of the afternoon it's a three-day thing they're on oxy cotton they're on weed whatever it is yeah and I think they wanted a lot of story like we get a laugh

of like Bobby would poke out and heckle boss or something right that's what they want boss at a great line boss was going long so Bobby lit them and the boss goes look a lighthouse that was a great one he had a few great ones beautiful they did would you fuck them and uh who would you rather who would you rather no that's what would you bang him would you bang him yeah yeah the bangers and uh what's his toes Mike Feeney's out there he has a tattoo of the skyline on his leg uh and boss goes none of the clubs in your leg will book you that was a fun one boss is good for two a week two a month yeah he's like a like a period twice a year he's great um no he's a he's a he's one of the quickest hot number and uh hot number bad fedora but so I show up Friday now you were

out of town for Friday setting we really missed you I mean we did some missing I was watching the video it's going gaah can you believe it was like a big sports event like oh look at that touchdown Louis oh Bobby oh Harry's dick is out Louis CK punched him in the balls and Louis drank in his face like can I just say this to all the gays out there God love you I don't know where Mark is I don't know fucking look at his Twitter his Instagram I don't know everyone's like this I love you you're great oh where's Mark we want Mark I don't know where he is he's in DCs he's blowing Chris Allen yeah yeah but I appreciate it I love it so it's nice to have you there Sunday sure sure there he is everybody I can you know he's here yeah it's funny cuz big J and Soder get that

and everybody gets that with their significant other hi you know Sklar brothers the other one whoever else is out there well they're not allowed to leave each other I think I think they're tethered side that was another one boss Ed he goes you look Bobby Kelly because he got some Siamese gorillas that was another one Siamese gorillas was great that's fun it was a lot of fun but what a day so that was Friday I showed up to like a 5 p.m show on Friday yeah and just a great hang it was already amazing everyone everyone we were like celebrities it felt like being a rock star it was great I took about 5,000 photos I signed three tits and 11 cocks and two ball sacks oh yeah licked an asshole a lot of cargo shorts a lot of heroin a lot of neck tattoos a lot of bad hair

cuts it's just a great time you get off that the g-train and it just looks like a halfway house exploded it was amazing waiting outside it's great you shake all the hands the McDonald's the next door got got a got an asshole well to mention Greenpoint is like hipsterville it's like the king of their skinny jeans and Doris was boss brought an extra one yeah and then you go in there and it's like this weird homage or a puddle what's that word homage no what's that word where you find uh you find a uh one spot in the middle of a thing uh uh uh what is it gem gem no wait not a mandarin what is that called a plateau an island mandolin lessons it's like uh oasis oasis an oasis is something wonder well something like an oasis I don't even know if oasis makes

sense whatever I don't know that's probably not the word we're gonna get 300 tweets I think island maybe I don't know oh either way it looks like a like a walmart is on salvia yeah that's what the whole place looks like what is that business by the way it's got that thin shitty carpeting it's like a titty bar it's a polish event hall oh wow yeah the pollocks don't care for the aesthetics I don't know if you've seen their faces uh-huh but yeah it's three floors and there's a basement with a tattoo parl is an ongoing open mic I saw tim dillon shit on a guy in one floor and then you go up and again and louis louis gomez getting body slammed through a table and you go up another floor and kill tonys trashing an aborted fetus it's crazy well let's go through it you just spice

in everything through okay well I don't want to get to the table okay get to the table well I mean that was wild but uh so we get there Friday we had the day I mean you were gone which was a bummer yeah and then I can't all the days are mixed together but then uh I get in I get a text from one of the producers saying give me louis email oh and I don't love a gimme can I just say oh interesting but you know yeah that's how we talk we're all hey give me give me and so I don't like to just give away emails will I don't either especially have a celeb yeah so I text and go hey the skankfest wants your email they want to invite you can I give them your email and he goes what the fuck is a skankfest and so I gotta go well it's this thing with louis gomez and he goes who the

fucks louis gomez and the day before he watched louis louis gomez is special wow he's really uh skimming the barrel which is really fun because I'm like he's like that guy's really funny I watched his special oh look at that all right gomez uh and I go hey all right this is great so I text louis and I'm like hey louis watch especially thought it was great the whole thing then the next day I'm like louis gomez is special he's like who's louis gomez yeah we just talked about him that that's what these these big shots they forget but he's got a lot going on yeah he's like dealing with some family shit children whatever but anyways so I said they want to invite you and I'm like I know you won't go but he goes yeah give him my email what the hell wow so then that night

we're hanging out he came to the fat black pussycat you were there yeah yeah and so we went out to dinner had a nice deal we sat the fat black and he's not going to go on of course blah blah blah but it's he's excited he's out he's out hanging and he's dealing with some personal shit so he's trying to feel better and we're all chatting I go wow you should come to skankfest he goes I probably not we'll see then it that seed starts to grow it's fun you start to hear about it a little bit planting so then he calls Friday says I think I'm gonna come to that skankfest tomorrow I said come on by we're doing you know what dude it's me boss Bobby you know Ari the whole thing and so he says yeah maybe I'll come he goes what time you're gonna be there yada yada I said

I'll be there bloop bloop bloop you're throwing good you're throwing good names at him too these are all safe friends friendly whatever yeah old friends so he says great so I show up with Sarah Earl Friday Saturday I got there early around 1 30 because I want to be part of it what's your taste on Friday like I gotta be here yeah it's it's a scene man and not bubbling also around 9 p.m. it starts getting weird on 11 for me I'm sober that's when I started to go all right I gotta beat it so I go early right hang in uh smart because the nice thing is and if you want to come come next year if you didn't go it's wild but there's no barrier between fans and comics now you're out there swimming in the uncharted waters which is nice until that 10 o'clock 11 o'clock

when everybody's tripping and fucking high oh yeah and now it goes from like hey big fan two's gays into like can I be friends with your uncle Dale and you're like that's an inside scoop grabbing your ass and like I know you're like a finger in the ass and you're like oh my god this is getting weird I'll come on your back Joe yeah that kind of this is zombie land yeah yeah and they get your headlock and they yeah they goosier it's a whole thing yeah all of a sudden there was one guy that was so fucked up he was talking to me I could I had to go on so I couldn't get a word in finally just walked away and he kept talking it was like that character in Rain Man that's just doing jeopardy right he just kept going and I was like all right

I guess whatever and what is it quints um why don't I catch up thank you here comes the judge and a hook shot so I go down see I'm doing the basement show that's rocking every night it's a lot of fun we're hanging out I get the text from Louis he goes I'm here that's exciting because I'm watching Sarah downstairs and then I feel like I gotta be his he's like I want to be the one you're there because I don't know what's going on yeah I feel like his like um confidant yeah like uh sherpa you're like his uh um embassy and that's the word I was looking for the other thing you called it come on embassy embassy sweets yes so I go up there like let me go find him out of time like I give you like as a child and then I find it's like him Nate Jay

and I go oh you're fine what the fuck am I doing so I go back downstairs with Sarah we hang out then we all spread around and then who knows where who is this is going on that's going on I would come down to the ballroom yeah yeah Bennington's on stage we're all crammed back there and this it's so fun because it's a little dressing room and it's Ari and uh who else is Voss and Bonnie and Sarah and me and canner and it's just there's a tiny little room but we're all packed in there shoulder and of course there's an old saying uh in AA if you hang in a barbershop long enough you're gonna get a haircut oh I like that you know what I mean this there's about it's about a bar you know you gotta stare from these bars right uh but this is with Louis he's just hanging

out all day right and so tickle and by all day I mean about a half hour before all of a sudden he's like you know I think I might want to go on yes so he says to me what do you think and I go well you know what I'm gonna say of course you should go on and this is the place to do it there's no safe for space to do a surprise set right right and ironically people think this place is so dangerous this is a safe space but yeah for for for dirty comedy or whatever sure sure but uh so he hasn't done a surprise set in like a year wow he stopped because people were upset so he said all right I won't do that anymore right started doing just his own shows what a nice guy so uh he listens so uh he went you know I think this is a good spot I said I think you gotta go on he goes well I

can't remember my act fortunately I'm a fucking loser nerd always taking notes in the back so I type in Louis into my notes I got every fucking notes in every joke wow I go there you go I just hand him a set list he's like this is insane embassy he's like I don't even know what this means and I'm like well it's your shit wow so he goes great he's like can I have this like I'll send it to you and uh so he's like all right I'm gonna go on he's tends to chase Michael chase there and there he goes can I go on next she goes of course Justin silvers hosting Bennington comes off he's excited I got a text now Rebecca Trent who's running the thing Christine and Lewis Gomez because none of them are there I go hey he's going up you gotta want to see where they they're just

running around there's four other shows go yeah there you go so they all come down they go out they give the camera warning and it's exciting because the crowd is no idea right and it's all just us it's like we're in on this big surprise fun thing yes so Justin goes out and goes hey it's exciting you know a lot happens at skankfest Louis CK and I mean they fucking erupted wow the video's got 300 000 views Gomez boasted that Louis probably pissed about that yeah well but I mean they went not I mean people were screaming and jumping up and they just won the world series wow and this was just in the big room this is in the ballroom oh ground level yeah the biggest room I think man and so if and I feel bad for people that were there but not there

oh that's what I feel the worst for kill yourself and boy it was quite a set and he killed what did about I don't know a half hour so murder 20 minutes maybe half hour that's lunch and then Che comes on I go if I said if Silver has any balls I'll bring him right up and he did I don't think he was trying to be funny I think he was like I have here he comes right he brings him up and Che had a great line he goes Louis asked if he could go on before me I thought people still hated him that fucking murdered that was great Che killed then Bonnie went up she killed she had some great lines and uh I don't know who closed that show uh who closed that show I don't know who cares you weren't there I keep forgetting you weren't there I wish I was there in spirit I was

watching the videos in DC we're all going look at the video we're in the green room jizzing all over I know Dylan missed it too but uh it was quite a thrill then we all were not these like Nate oh Nate closed the show oh Nate killed and then Nate and Soda go hey let's go out to dinner we're going out to dinner I say all right great Louis you want to get some dinner Sarah you want to get some dinner they go yeah yeah and then Florentine's like I'll go and Canada's like I'll go so it's me canner Florentine Sarah Nate Soder Louis we all go to this diner the butler the waitress is fucking crazy she's got marbles in her mouth she's a nut she's like Bugs Bunny she's got an old New York accent she kept coming in everything she said she's like why are we going

oh and then Louis would just go not a thing not a word we're all just like what the fuck is this he bought dinner we all go back we went downstairs we watched Metzger's Metzger's set and it was just fun we just all hung everybody's everywhere and everywhere you look there's another comic you go hey look at this son of a bitch Eli stairs Mike Cannon Jay and everybody was there the whole gang the whole kitten caboodle it was so much fun and I got to talk about you know what dude please even with the Louis thing to me the highlight of the whole festival was the you know what oh really episode it was me and Bobby we started out Louis of course was late Voss of course was late and so me and Bobby just go up and we're standing I go what is this isn't the

show the fuck are we doing because you and I our show is you and I sure but you know what dude is not that it's seven people yeah yeah so it's always too many I'm sitting there going what the hell are we doing this is one-on-one this is stupid so I look over in cannons over there I go get Mike Cannon out here yeah Mike Cannon murdered I mean just killed like on this on the show on the show 70 you should go listen to I will have a patreon 70 minutes I mean he had all the aces lines just killed Louis of course he's late because he wanted to come up to the back and make his entrance with the skank oh of course it's all part ways he comes up and I go man I just want to crowd serve look at this crowd they're crazy yeah crowd serve and then they go why don't you and I go I think I will

and Louis this is weird I got this from five room people Louis is like if you have a crowd surfed and I go of course he's like where I was like I'm from the 90s what are you talking about that's all we did I've never crowd surfed River rave and well you're not a big rock rock and roll guy yeah I don't go to concerts so I was like I don't I crowd surfed all the time he's like I'm like a bunch of people said that and like you crowd surf before I'm like we were all crowd surfing in the 90s yeah I guess so but anyway so I went out there and everyone stood up and I did a little first this is the best it's like this great festival we all love each other it's exciting Louis is like make sure you empty your pockets before you do it oh good boy I take my wallet

up my money he's like take your chain take everything off so I'm just like getting naked you know that should be a great segment Puerto Rican advice to empty your pocket before crowd surfing so I jump in the crowd they crowd surf me all the way back to the world and they start chatting send him back so they start sending me back at one point I look over and there's just a huge empty space uh and so you can see me in the video I start freaking out like there's a hole there's a hole but these skank fans they're amazing they come running over and they they fill it up and they carry me all the way back they're good people then I get back I go whoo what a ride and Bobby goes I'm fucking crowd surfing you gotta be shitting me Bobby dives head first into the crowd who goes

stomach down and look his stomach down and Louis runs off to stay he dives over the table gets down to support him I jump back out I grab the leg wow there's a great video of it you see a young lady try to like hold him and she's just like I can't do it that's like 9 11 footage like the rubble coming down oh people were terrified and I'm sure they're all threw their backs out but sure hernia kind of held him up there he's giggling and yelling it was unbelievable this is before the show even started what I mean it was magical wow before the show I mean this is the beginning of the show we haven't gotten into it yet and then uh we had a big dick sucking contest they had a what do you call it a mold of Louis's actual dick how is it nice piece really yeah pretty thick

it's blue oh the mold is blue blue balls uh but we had that so we got we like we need five guys no women because it's too weird we need five guys to come up here we're gonna judge and have an audience vote who sucks the best dick uh and of course there was four guys that come up there then the fifth guy comes up and look and Bobby goes if there was one gay guy here he would obviously win and this one guy uh Rashan is his name he turns it just exposes his hand like this and he's got rainbow fingernails and we all just explode like this guy's gonna dominate this go away it was the best way to come out ever yes and you got rainbow fingernails like a gay superhero exactly I say like Wolverine yes it killed so he was the favorite but there was a bunch of guys sucked the great

dick then it was time for the the gay gentleman to go and I said if you don't mind saying how many dicks have you sucked and he's went a lot and then it was his turn we said go and you gotta I mean you gotta see this I mean this is it turned me on is this on film I think it's gonna be on the you know what dude patreon all right all right you gotta sign up but uh what a what a hot dick so he put his fingers in Lewis's mouth and he really just worked out there was some good techniques it really got me hot and heavy as Lewis he's wearing it Lewis has it all he's got it like between his pants there and uh it was really it was one of those things where you're like this is uh absurd and wild but everybody was on board it was really fun this is special this is a beautiful

thing I love it it was wild and then of course there was the Lewis Ari thing that was Friday night where Ari was gonna make Lewis suck his dick yeah and so Ari just got naked on stage and Lewis got down on his knees and he was gonna put his dick in his mouth at the last second he punched him the balls and whipped beer in his face yes the crowd went crazy and it was like a big wrestling he threw a chair and that was exciting Ari took it like a champ and somebody made a gift out of it it's just a gift of Ari going oh well Ari is just on anything that's part of the show or a bit both those guys they're on board oh yeah Ari made pedophile shirts with Lewis's face it was all a great time oh good fun I'm sure everybody hates us and things were bad people but uh we had fun

no one got hurt and uh and everybody was happy and then Sunday we did Tuesdays with stories and we weren't thrilled I was I was off I had a bit of a panic meltdown on stage I was off too you know it's it's the I drank all weekend I'm drinking whiskey you know I'm doing kill Tony then I'm getting drunk then I go on a fucking Amtrak for four hours and I do DC we have great shows I drink every night I go out in DC we stay up to five in the morning then you get on 8 a.m. Amtrak back then you eat like six edibles two CBD's and a taco and it's it's not a good mental state that was tricky and uh Sagallo was great Soda was great yeah the fans are great we felt like it wasn't our hottest best episode there's something we got a skankfest curse yes because two years ago

we did skank it was our worst episode we ever did it's us though I mean it's me I was in my head I sucked I had that that comedy wall up where I couldn't get over it I couldn't think of anything funny well sometimes it's just tricky because we don't plan anything no even for this show in the studio we have minimal notes today we didn't really have any notes but you have minimal notes and you kind of go off but the live one we're just going in cold right hoping this some gold so it's tough and you forget we're also both when it goes groups that kind of snipery guys yeah so someone has to lead it and you're gonna get a topic going so I have to keep being like what about this yeah and so it's a little tricky but the gays seem to like it so we appreciate that

and thanks for coming you filled it up it was a packed house packed and highly anticipate all week at people like Sunday can't wait for Sunday blew it so we could have been better but I think the gays and the fans they kind of know were anxious nutballs so they know it so I posted today on Instagram like thanks for coming out I post a picture of us that Rishi took and I was like hey I had a meltdown panic wise all the booze and the anal and all that it came to a head at the fucking pod and they they get it they go yeah you seemed a little off we we get it is yeah it's like but I was on I'm taking full credit yeah well it wasn't it wasn't our best but it's also Sunday afternoon yeah two o'clock on a Sunday afternoon we just watched Lewis get slammed

through a table it was real wacky and weird but what is that we're funny guys we've done the pot 8,000 times we've done it for years why does a thing just I was hit with a dart the unfunny dart I just couldn't get my brain to work well sometimes you just don't have it the show is improvised we're improvising hours a week I just don't have anything but it was I was beyond not having it I was bad I was in the I was at a the sunken place nah it wasn't bad it was fine it was just fine it wasn't as good as he wanted to give it a listen give it a listen as we really sold it well you if you want to hear the meltdown you were good Soder was great Sackalo was great he held his own and it wasn't a meltdown you're not gonna hear a meltdown you're gonna hear a show well if you hear me on

a good one then you hear me on this when you go who's this guy that's two difference 180 yeah by the way I mean I also had nothing you were great that the tea story was good the karaoke tea what tea you talk about the caramel it was terrible it was nothing I was a chamomile caramel out of it the crowd it's it's crowds are getting my head because they're they're they're too big of fans that's what it had to be to just stand there or they're high and they don't know what the fun there's no laughs and yeah you know what it's like it's like when you're into a girl and you find out she's really into you you're kind of like well this is weird now I don't know who I am now I don't know how to act I know I'm I'm panicking the last show that's when I fucking lost my mind Sunday afternoon

I apologize for that show I left like Elvis I walked straight out the door it was amazing Saturday one of the best days and nights of my life Sunday I wanted to quit I went over five o'clock in the afternoon yeah I can't go on I couldn't wait for the light because you feel like it's all tricks they they're too good of fans they know they know the tricks so I'm like hey you ever go to therapy they're like ah therapy what is this but I mean I was listening I was behind the curtain waiting to go on and you sat on you were getting laughs no it was bad it was bad the last joke I got it recorded the last two jokes were like nothing you listened I can't listen but I know all right send it over I'll take it it was really bad so yes you had Saturday Sunday I hated I mean I left I couldn't

stop looking at my throat it was tore up terrible oh yeah the throat no but uh great great festival I mean Lewis you just I want I want to blow the guy what an amazing festival it's inspiring I mean what the guy put together every show is full every room is packed it sold out in 10 seconds I heard clusterfest was a real shit bomb oh really yeah so well I was uh it was it was magical and it felt special to be a part of and uh he's an impressive guy was he's an entrepreneur and a and a fire started a trailblazer yeah and so many great great comics Roy Wood he was there Roy Wood was there last night Burr was there last night uh Bonnie Shay Bonnie Sarah Adrienne uh Tim Dillon and Ari you me Ari big J Soder of course Tony red state Nate unbelievable good lineup uh so go

skankfest 2020 don't miss it get tickets early it'll sell out and then march is the uh Houston version which I'm hoping to be there yeah I'm gonna get on that hoping to be there for that we gotta we gotta wrap up we're an hour in here oh gee where are you gonna be there fatty uh this uh weekend I'm on vacation in Maine uh but um what is it oh no no this weekend I'm at Gotham this will be the weekend oh wait no I can't even fucking know vacation this weekend yeah yeah but next weekend July 12th and 13th Gotham Comedy Club July 12th and 13th Gotham Comedy Club and the the ticket link is up for London Soho Theatre August 30th and 31st that ticket link is up go to I don't know the link it'll be on my Instagram I'll tweet it it's up there I'll put it on my website all

that shit Denver Comedy Works August 8th 9th and 10th I don't have my book with me so I'm trying to go off of memory here Acme in Minneapolis in August August August is a big one I got a bunch of funny bones coming up and going to Omaha at some point and we have Santa Ana New Mexico that's gonna be big for the gays to December 13th and 14th laughs in Seattle in October boy good list good run bunch bunch of shit coming up Denver in Minneapolis those are the big ones in London and Gotham those are the big ones get on the patreon to hear the live episode yes all right I'm uh I'm gonna be in wise guys coming up then uh helium and buffalo that's this week so go to Buffalo helium come out say hello be gay hug me uh then we're going to whoo ha ha and Worcester

and then Charlotte Comedy Zone with Fat Crissel I love that room helium in Indianapolis everybody always says when you come in indeed then I'm at Comedy Works in Denver Colorado come on by punchline Sacramento Lady Bird Addison Improv in Dallas and Cap City in Austin come on out Austin we love you down there Spokane and Tacoma Roar Comedy Club Springfield Mass Sidesplitters in Tampa and we gotta plug the New Mexico Santa Ana Casino that's in December so you got some time but it's two nights come on out we'll do some live pods we'll do some gay shows oh yeah I'm doing Sidesplitters to August 1st to the 3rd oh there you go wow you know your dates in uh Portland and way in December good times come on by we love you we're weirdos sorry we're gay Skankfest was amazing thanks DC

praise Allah fuck your uncle and take it easy