Tuesdays with Stories! - #305 Blow Swoop

Episode Date: July 9, 2019

Mark and Joe are back as Joe finally gets his endoscopy and gets a soda spilled on him while Mark brings his show 'Hot Soup' to the Comedy Cellar. Check it out! Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus eps and full video eps! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/ Download the Laughable app today! laughable.com/download

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy hot dog I'm starting we've been sitting here since 1978 it's fucking hot as a fucking pelton John's asshole in here oh that's hot especially when he plays a

piano he was sitting on that caboose all night someone saved my life tonight because Bernie Toppin topical cream ah Benny in the sweats hey you think of that yeah that's pretty good I'll take it while the movie's coming out so I've been writing no it's been out for a while it's number one I think he's out he's been out for a long way he's out as soon as he walked out as Donald duck I had a suspicion he's out the movies out I believe all the movies I didn't know that I haven't heard a buzz yeah I think it's fun no and I know there's no movie buzz anymore we've talked about this before I can't even go to the movies

anymore I look at the list it's Toy Story 11 and green angel ninja it's all comic books and sequels and kids flicks and but then it goes the other way where it's like slavery and gay sex it's all over the road the gay sex I like I mean I love back and actual gay sex I mean I like a lot of things to do with gay sex but what was that call me by your ass all by your name that was pretty good the second time I watched it I was like not so great pretty good Ronald Reagan the actor yeah there's some good stuff but I like a gay sure a big fan of the home I'm on our house gay but all these sequels and the actions and the bullshit

I'm not I don't like it there's a new zombie flick I can see that Bill Murray Adam Driver comedy I'm like okay but it's got a 52% on rotten tomatoes ouch that's not horrible that's is that rotten that's rotten yeah I think it's gonna be 60 or higher they want a nice a solid majority yeah I feel like the the critics now are a little tainted hmm can't trust those scores oh well they got they like the narrative if they like the narrative it's a hundred percent and if they don't a lot of ladies in it I feel like they they give it more I don't know it feels a little kooky yeah there's a lot of time we've talked about this before if it's

about you know civil rights or they're like it's a hundred percent then you're watching like this movie sucks exactly I think that about the Queen movie the Queen I'll give you fun everyone's that's fun you gotta admit the Queen the rock-and-roll oh I'm thinking of the Mary Queen of Cox yes I got those confused myself I gave me shit I didn't care for it oh really rock-and-roll Queen by the way another great name for the Elton John movie hey I like it I heard the movies great but I haven't heard a buzz about the critics jizzing yeah I've heard it's great too but I've watched so many documentaries I know Elton

John right it's a he's alive but don't you like a little movie magic there's no magic what the music is magic he's the magic Elton John's the magic he's Donald Duck he's out of stadium he's boop boop boop the troubadour the high shoes but you know back to the future it's magic the laurians all over the town don't you see there's no real back to the future I know I watched and can go see it's fun to have a big swooping they don't have swooping shots of Elton John getting blown oh they got swoops they got no blow swoop this there's no blow swoop in the movie I bet I heard there's a lot of gay sex if they show

like hardcore penetrating sad I'd go see I'd buy a ticket I think it's in there give it a Google and a man is give it some goo there's no way Shelby's already shaking his head he knows when there's goo on screen I heard there's a hardcore rough homosexual fornication I can't imagine there's no way I think it's PG 13 pretty gay 13 a gay PG movie I can't take it wait well I'm get it PG oh pretty gay I think I'm in 13 is pretty gay Kevin Spacey I was pretty gay around 13 mm-hmm yeah I was pretty gay as a five-year-old I had the heels on I was taking a bath with my friends but people love kids in a heel don't think too big

of a heel to clip around it's beautiful I had a necklace on and a wig there's always a scarf for some reason yeah well you're getting the mom's a boudoir and you really go to town you got a perfume and a boa I think that's why maybe I don't like I'm not gay or something because I don't my mother never had a boa she never had heels my mother had like you know new balance and a sweater he got the most new England mom on the planet I was dressed as me now oh she had a bra I'll get her on she's got a pair of tits on a big set of hooters some those big listicles but yeah you're right your mom dresses like

like a comic yeah she's got a black t-shirt and shoes just like CK in the 90s and 2000 yeah that she's probably jerked off some people by the way we got a couple smiles out of Shelby I think that window would be something window oh I don't want to scare the locals people are clamoring I'd like to see a smirk that will give them a little a glimpse every now and then we can't have a full 100% window all time what about this a lip cam just like a wide screen just the lip just you can see a smile or that's too hot those lips you put that out there in the world it's gonna distract the folks you're tough to

tell you I have to say a skankfest of Shelby doesn't have a microphone so we can't respond but we saw you taking photos of the wrestling match no smirk no no point it out it was the crazy Lewis getting slammed through a table he's getting twisted and turned and thrown up on the ropes and uppercut and you were just going huh look at your nails and nothing doing nothing not you're seeing you're reading the newsweek by the way how fun was that by the way Lewis got chokesland through a table I mean Ari put his asshole on his face while he was pinned it was it was magical that was really something and I've never watched

wrestling a lot I did when I was in high school my high school girlfriend we were just out of high school I guess she got me tickets what that it could tell it was totally she doesn't care about me she bought me WWF live tickets but I never I didn't watch wrestling since I was 10 not the time I knew her you can tell it's like a last minute you're like ah fuck it this is in town I'll take it's an event yeah it was something we went and it was fine but it was definitely a thing of like all right yeah it was all rest I don't know any of the wrestlers yeah if we went now would make fun and whatever sure it was

just kind of a thing we're like everyone's into the story and like who do you like I was just wearing like a Bruins shirt and no foam finger or anything yeah you got to get in in all the way or it's I went to a I got dragged to what do you call a monster truck I've never done the monster truck and again you know I pounded 48 beers is to get through it but it you start to see the clientele and you kind of go as is not my cup of jizz yeah I know one of the guys named grave digger oh my nephew had a grave digger and he would tell me what grave digger it's hard when you can't even I would be hard to have

kids I think I can't fake get into things no you can't fake an orgasm he's like this grave digger I'm like graved it was he's done giving digging graves he's driving a truck it's a truck over cars they're smaller I don't get it I mean it's pretty wild but after the 38th you go yeah yeah I've seen it yeah I don't get it maybe I should be more open-minded and we were there we went that's true we're open-minded yeah we're just different minded sometimes I like having a closed mind sure not interested right right yeah it's kind of nice save you some energy I guess so well you can I think you can get a you can get a

sense you go that's not mine yeah I don't I'm not into it I don't like the noise I don't like the exhaust I don't get it you're crushing car and I felt like as a kid you had to fake it more as you had your crew and my friends were into this and they were in that and I remember being like alright I guess I'll I'll dabble yeah but now we're in the comedy and now I feel it feels like we finally have a place for us sometimes it's good with comedy you go see the thing and then you got a bit about the grave digger that's true that's true yeah maybe we're just observers we stand back and watch these people get in

grave digger grave digger I'll tell you one thing I saw in college is a first of the donkey show in Mexico that's when someone fucks a donkey yeah that was too much but I also went to a party and it was like a classic cliche party with mud wrestling women wow all cool unbelievable like the movie and also old school yeah yeah yeah exactly was a hot they were I mean they were college girls in a bikini wow that was enough they weren't you know dimes but they were nickels wow and yeah it was cool you know headlock and their tits are flopping and the mud slinging and the girl were grunting and flips are over it

was pretty exciting see I think I would I feel like I get nervous they would get too real and all of a sudden they're fistfighting because women fistfighting not hot at all no I'm not into that even wrestling I'd rather have mud eating out that's what they should do yeah but they're eating mud that's a good point I've eaten mud before that a mud pie yeah yeah well it you know it was two gals who weren't fighters so it was like yeah you know it wasn't ever really violent I see yeah the leg lock I love a flexed leg do you love that divide between the quad and hamstring that line the asshole it's really something big

fan of the line and you start picturing like they weren't a bikini there's mud getting in the lips and the laps and the loops yeah I'll eat that flap right out oh yeah there's a little Yosemite Sam on it you know speaking of flaps I'm Tara I'm so glad you heard I have a pop in my side if anyone can help me with this I got a thing by my left side real bleak yeah bleak rib squinch to the side it goes a little like that it sounds like a little pop you heard it which I appreciate yeah I got my ear down there and I heard something squigging you're a good friend I don't know if I have a tumor a growth I don't think it's a

growth because you hear all these stories about someone they they fucking have a nodule this whatever yeah and then they like oh yeah I had to go take it out it was benign but it was a golf ball or a fruit ball well I think you know I get a crick in the neck you got a crick in your side that's all it's a crick but it's been there for like months oh really yeah I can feel it's like something's off something's off kilter something's clicking on something and flicking it it feels like a little bump is flicking on a rib a bumpy rib flick ah something like that but I don't feel I feel I got a clean bill I gotta tell you about my

endoscopy yeah about the endoscopy dying to hear about the the camera in the throat that first of all I gotta say thanks to all the gays that reached out you're all so thoughtful oh they know about deep throat and people were writing to me go and hope the endoscopy went great good luck with your endoscopy sucked my father's dick and Alex Brazil who's out there in the other room I don't I don't know what he's doing out there but uh brisges oh I like that haha that's fun keep it um that's what he said to his girlfriend after he gave her the brisges yeah keep it well anyway so I went I had to get the

endoscopy because you know they got to make money I think all these doctors they just click you over to another doctor so they can make the money they had a kickback doesn't it feel that way yeah yeah kickback because my doctor told me he's like yeah he reflects it's fine he's like I go get it into Scott's endoscopy just to make sure but it's nothing you ain't got shit dr. Drew's like it ain't shit whatever how cool is that you've reached pinnacle doctor I know I got celeb doctors yeah doctors pretty exciting that's how twisted your fucked up this goes that you've reached the top of the mountain doctor

wise I'm up there baby I'm loving every minute of it yes minimum of it so I go to get the endoscopy and I'm getting anxious that I wasn't before cuz Bobby Kelly told me he's like dude it's the best it's the Michael Jackson duck propofol oh that's the propo he's like you're gonna you're gonna be so happy you're gonna understand why he's dead it's amazing and then Alex is like I they had to kick me out of the place I had to stop going because they wanted you wanted to keep getting them oh wow so now I'm a little bit excited but still that morning of I had the anxiety I kept waking up early going did I sleep

in right I sleep in I'm having the anxiety and so I go there you can't eat anything for eight hours so fasting that's not good for you you're you're a nibbler well I've been fat but at night I've been fasting anyway because the reflux I don't eat after 8 30 or 9 day I was before bed which I think is really helping my metabolism and weight burning yeah is this I go 12 to 14 hours without eating wow that's good I feel like the more you live like a native the better hmm you know like you go to bed at sundown you go you wake up at sunrise you eat veggies water little meat and fruit me too yes just natural

natural that's the way to go yeah like I think the Amish are probably really healthy I suspect they are yeah when they get sick though they got a good brass on their asshole and hope that it cures AIDS right I want to be Amish good AIDS I can't imagine so fucking each other yeah there's no needles do they maybe mingle with another Amish town maybe but then I don't know maybe we could give that a Google anyone Amish with AIDS at any point yeah and also an Amish guy they don't have phones so they're not filming each other so they could fuck a horse and get away with it oh good point

well yeah they can't get fucked by a horse though because the horse will I don't know if you've seen the movie horse or whatever it's going with a guy gets fucked to death by a horse see biscuit no I think it's called war horse oh Spielberg yes did he fuck a horse no he didn't somebody somebody got fucked by a horse I can't remember what the movie's called it's too much be called horse I don't know well anyways yeah I call in if you know the horse fucking movie horse or no horse Mr. Edd there it is peanut butter so I gotta go to the endoscopy I gotta bring Sarah you gotta have an escort because you're all

whacked out yeah the lady calls me the day before the nurse I talked to her and she says it's gonna take propa fall it's the Michael Jackson drug but he gave it a bad name she said it's a really really great drug and she said something else but she said it's the Michael Jackson drug which I'm like why bring up the worst that's ever happened with the drug yeah but she's like don't I think they know that you're gonna hear about it right he gave it a bad name it's a great drug yada yada don't eat anything blah blah blah blah I go get great so I'm on my way and look at my phone turns out it's the 10 year anniversary of Michael

Jackson diet wow morning of the anniversary so that's a little spooky so I go I'm talking about the nurse another nurse the what do you call escort what's the lady at the front there wet nurse no just the what do you call the lady my secretary secretary it yes so I go in there I go in there I'm talking to her I go you know it's Michael Jackson's dad she's like oh you're funny cuz she's just like a regular like $15 an hour late Asian Latino okay she's like crazy yeah to be worried like but I think I'm time I just want like to be reassured but she's like I don't know yeah she's like you're funny though right oh that's

sweet I guess Latinos don't worry you never see an anxious Latino that's a good point you know it's like you always say I'll kill you but it's never like oh geez I'm freaking out I got a I got a border thing a good point by the way are we bad people because I was on McNamara and to cars podcast and I talked about how Alex is laid back for a Jew and they both screamed like oh Jesus what everybody's a fucking wuss and I was like well Jews are typically not laid back and they're like oh my god have you heard of Woody Allen and I was like Jesus don't listen to our show I know bad news and then I'm making are we the

worst people on earth no we're just keeping it real I'm just observing I don't see a lot of Jews with you know flip flops and seashell necklaces saying don't worry about it right that's true I never see a Jew in flip flops no yeah I think they're self conscious about their toes so maybe maybe you don't see a Jew in a hammock either no I think cuz they got to be able to run quick in case something goes wrong that's true the Nazis the Muslim all the people are after right or they got to get to the bank plus the not just the not the white supremacists right a lot of groups after that's true that's true yeah the KKK

hates the heaps as well yeah it's tough tough sledding for these Jews by the way I never met a Jew I didn't like I love a fucking Torah yeah always very I think I really relate you know we're very anxious ourselves erotic the comedy the girls of all the tribes that I'm not a member of I feel like I could just slip right into that one no one would know my number one and we're circumcised yeah that's not bad we're in baby you got the glasses the whole thing yeah over bite I think I got a cancer click over here you might be a little too athletic no this is an athletic Jews though you got cofax there's a few you got cofax I

think Harman killer brew might have been one green bomb I think yogi bearer might have been a no he's Italian he's Italian oh is he a big oh yeah really but there was Hank Greenberg that's who I'm thinking of he was a big Jew big greenie and that's a few Gary Gullman's and hell of an athletic that's right that's right I think Magic Johnson and Max Schultz I think he was a Jew and there's a couple Jewish smelling is what I meant to say boxers yeah yeah yeah max smelling is German it was it was a Nazi it was a joke I couldn't get the name right crazy to Jewish boxers back in the day hmm that's how rough they had it yeah box that's

weird and they got out of that and got into fabrics well anyways yeah I go to the speakers I go to the doctor and I'm talking to Latino she's like you're funny you're funny you're fine it's funny cuz it's like we talk about with late-night sets well we're the only one that's nervous you know yeah I've done that before sure same thing at the endoscopy place they're all like I this is all that's all they do is endoscopy she's like everyone walks in they walk out and she's like wait do you see someone walk she's to the same thing she's like where do you see how happy someone is when they walk out I

love this lady yeah so I kept waiting to see someone but it was like early in the morning I had the first appointment so no one walked out damn it so I'm the first one I go in there and first you sit at you see a nurse and the nurse is 11 she's an Asian gal she looked like she was maybe 10 wow with the latest early hot whatever yeah I get in and she sits down I'm having the same thing I'm like I'm very anxious the blue blue blue she's just like what are you talking about shut up you fucking idiot maybe need a little of that yeah you're all girls on you to hush up well she didn't say hush up but she just was like no

no what's your name just like you tell she was like this guy sucks you're a nitty so I go all right all right then the anesthesiologist comes in he's a hell of a guy he's got like a Dion Sanders Scali cap or what not a Scali what's it called a bandana do rag I do rag yeah the do rag rag rag so he comes in and we're both shitting and he goes I'm the anesthesiologist I'm gonna stick a thumb in your ass whatever and I go I well I get nervous I hate needles I hate this I have anxiety and this always happens I've talked about this before with the with the general with the oral surgeon yeah and my dentist and all

these people they all go you keep talking about how anxious you are but you're you're perfect you're handling this very well huh because I I forget that people in there faint and they cry and they run they leave they ship their pants and they can't do it I'm just sitting there going I'm anxious man I hate this right well it's all up here it's all in the noggin yeah I'm just losing my mind but they're like you don't see you seem perfectly fine interesting so he's like all right I'm gonna go to your left arm for the IV and he goes just look over here and it's one of those things where he's like I'm not

gonna tell you it's not gonna hurt it's gonna hurt it's a needle yeah so I go okay and he goes all right in three two one barely feel anything oh it's like a tiny pinch he's like and you're done I couldn't believe it I wanted to suck this guy's dick wait wait give me some deets are we this is throat are we in the arm we are I still got the little track mark there oh yeah look at that which was fine cuz you know I'm in the sobriety circles I tried to really expose that so I got a little street cred yeah amongst the team right hey guys look at me you hooked on the horse tried to yeah

mr. Ed yep Wilbur who's Wilbur that's the owner the owner okay yeah I think it must be because Ed says Wilbur yeah you're right Wilbur really worked out that he has a perfect horse name Wilbur I wonder if they came up with the name based on this lip movement maybe kind of like the Dolores Clitoris right yeah that whole story yeah maybe Wilbur's I've never met another Wilbur yeah there's a Wilbur theater there's Dan Wilbur Dan Wilbur oh yeah the yeah yeah yeah maybe nervous that's his name right yeah yeah Dan Wilbur and then the Wilbur theater was what that that's Boston yeah now that we say Wilbur 18

times it's lost all meaning I know I got worried I was like is that not Dan Wilbur's name yeah that's his name yeah I guess so Wilbur there's no first name Wilbur though no no just mr. Ed they needed it for the to the horse it's got a good zing to it exactly any who so I'm in there you guys so it gives me the needle in the left arm the IV I barely felt anything and you realize this is all child's play they go the finger prick all that stuff it's a second it's kids shit yeah what was that AA is Zen Buddhist thing it's you worry about it before it happens oh what is it you told it to me you spend time worrying but

then it actually the actual thing isn't that bad it's just the worrying is bad damn it huh no no it's a say it's a quote you shut your mouth Alex shit what do you got oh is that the ad yeah all right can you send that over to us forward that we got an ad coming sure as night follows day most things I worry about never happen anyway that's it that's Tom Betty he's dead he should have wore a little more about his drug use that's a good point he died propofol well Alex left funny well he flew the coop I was just getting that you talk but anyways what if he's calling backups they can be quite you know aggressive no we can we

could take him if he has an Israeli back there we've got to worry it's a couple New York heaps we'll just open a diner and you so I get the needle the needles nothing now and then now I'm like all right I guess the worst is over I'm still anxious though and here's why it's the lack of control they're gonna they knock you out you know they just doing shit with you this scope in you and it's very vulnerable you're very vulnerable I like a troll it feels creepy yeah but the guy I was like my heart's racing the guys like that's great your heart is supposed to race you're facing an adverse situation and your heart's doing

what it's designed to do that's what it's that's calming down he's like that's what it's scientifically designed to do you're nervous your heart is racing it's getting ready to fight or fuck or flee yes so I said great that makes me feel good then I come into the room now they're gonna take me to the operating room I got the IV so that's like kind of the worst part I lay down the in the room I know I meet the doctor and I forgot about this the doctor that recommended me to him or what do you call that what's that word recommended no chef recommends Rick I never remember that word exile say were you

blanked by somebody ordered recommended required requested oh yeah what's that word shall we know what I'm talking about they use it in medical terms yeah yeah I know you're talking about why I think it's an hour it's an hour all right retard no shit rest were you blanked by someone look who's back all right refer he's got a button the Shelby window would have been great the window so he referred me like it so when he referred me he's like this doctor he looks 11 years old don't hold it against him at the time that was three months ago so okay whatever he

looks 11 yeah then now I'm shitting my pants I got an IV my ass the doctor walks in he looks 11 I got Vinnie and doogie coming in here and then I remember it I go oh he said he's referred he said he looks 11 don't hold it against him but man I mean when I tell you this guy looks 11 I mean he looks 11 wow and it's Michael Jackson's birthday or whatever whatever he got fucked by MJ yeah he might have I I keep thinking he's the kid from McDonald's you know the little guy behind the counter the kid's upstate or ever oh that kid I keep picturing that guy as your doctor oh no no this guy's more petite that guy was

fat oh he was a fat little number boy forgot about that that was a classic oh classic I think about that kid twice a day classic yeah but so my Instagram I got a little heat for that from people yeah you're like you're exploding a fat kid or whatever he was asking for it he works at McDonald's yeah slinging Big Macs he's gonna take some hate he's not just slaying him he's slaying them or eating them bound to them yeah so anyways the founder dr. Kid comes in he's any like sits Indian style which is weird he's like hey buddy what is this too comfortable so he's nine and he goes yeah it's very common to be nervous

he goes but we do it all day there's nothing wrong blah blah blah and then I said what if I have barretts I'm afraid I have an ulcer he's like wow it's 2% chance of cancer yada yada you're gonna be fine so he really puts me at ease he's like all right let's go do this thing so we walk over the room I get in the room and then there's the anesthesiologist he's got his do rag on his just do it shirt yeah who is a biker guy what's this guy's deal what he's going on with the hospital I want a lab coat I want an Indian guy with glasses balding Asian with a do rag it's not a do rag so much as it is like a skull cap what it's

like a hair net type of thing hair net I was leather no did have skulls on it it wasn't leather it was like a like a hospital thing oh okay oh I thought it was a fashion choice remember when Walberg kills what's his toes in the departed departed yeah I see all right the bag on the shoe I see all right all right I was worried I was like dude you're going to a Hell's Angels here no this guy he was an Asian fellow but he's sweetest by and this is the weird thing about it so you go in and you meet that he even addressed it he's like I know it's weird you're meeting me and my your life is in my hands yeah don't

worry that's what I do yeah he's just like hi I'm fucking Steve sure 30 seconds later he's drugging me to the one I'm passed out I got a hope that I come back to life that's true it's very vulnerable so now I get in the bed now I'm laying there and I'm talking to the doctor on one side I got the anesthesiologist on the other side and they're chatting I say I'm a comedian whatever I'm nervous I'm like my heart's racing is that a problem like no no that's good it's fine whatever it tells me the drugs he's like all right move to your left slide back I'm in the fetal position you know like I'm gonna take a nap then they're like

we got to put this right before it starts he's like I put this mouth guard in you he goes and we can't do it once your sleep it's hard to do because I got it they have to like fuck y'all oh wow so he's like open your mouth and put on this mouth guard I feel like it's like Pulp Fiction I got a ball gag oh wow and this lady came in to do it which is kind of hot wait now are we talking like a box thing thing like a mouth guard are we talking like a dental thing what a little debt you got a bite on it's about the size of maybe a soft dick it's like an inch and a half wide uh-huh it straps on they put a little oxygen your nose now

it's it's go time here is heavy-duty and I'm getting a little nervous and then he goes all right I'm gonna put the medicine in now and they told me it takes 10 seconds wow which is a medicine anesthesia anesthesia anesthesia it's fascinating like chicken did it it says it takes 10 seconds to knock you out like that's fucking crazy crazy the preciseness yes cuz it could go kill you or could not knock you out or can make it woozy but they know exactly when you'll conk right and he said you'll be pretty alert shortly afterwards so that's why it's such a great drug for Michael Jackson right because it knocks

yeah I mean you're fucked you're gone but when you wake up you kind of let you feel wacky for a minute I'll get to that later yeah and then you all of a sudden you're like alright I'm great ah it's interesting fascinating so he's like here comes the medicine so he hits the thing and I had an interesting moment you can feel it going into your arm and I'm a panic guy so I'm like whoa ah I was hurt he's like oh yeah yeah it's unpleasant going in I can feel it go up my arm into my shoulder into my chest where my heart is so I'm like ah but I had a moment on my own volition where I was like oh wait takes 10 seconds right

it's been four seconds I'll be fine I don't need to worry about this yeah and then I just saw everything just go wow it was like the end of a Looney Tunes cartoon where it just goes black and it just went to my face I winked into the camera it just lights out wow that's all folks it was fascinating luckily that wasn't all I came back to life but true same with the Looney Tunes they're still alive they're around but it was really interesting because I had the oh my that moment I was like panicking like oh this hurts and it sucks and I was like oh I got about three seconds of this wow that's so it's got to be what it's

like to be like getting captured by a spirit you can just feel it go in yeah well and you can feel the heroin like addiction I understand a little bit of that thing of like it hits you and you're like whoa feel nice or whatever good times and then I wake up next thing you know fucking nothing whatever I wait I'm awake I'm in this waiting room thing I'm just on the bed and it's just a nurse and she's like how do you do and I'm just chatty Kathy right I'm awake but I'm fucked up the first time I've been fucked up in like seven years will you have what you love in it I was loving it cuz I'm like this I'm like hey who are

you how do you do I'm not a care in the world yeah she's like hey I'm the nurse I'm nurse you know whatever bad shit and you're like I sit on my face you crazy bro that's I felt kind of like that I'm like hey how you doing I feel great I'm like I'm so I started telling like I'm sober a few years this feels nice I started tied but pull my phone out I start texting and I haven't had this in a long time I started texting Colin Quinn I said I'm like I'm so embarrassed wow I got like this text like this long and I'm like I love you I admire you you're unbelievable you're my hero it's crazy wow and now I have that shit later on I

have that shame of like fuck I just texted Colin Quinn I'm like what am I doing what am I talking about it's like a drunk night you texted a bunch of chicks that's how it felt I knew I was up against it time-wise so I tried to really live I love you you don't know what you mean you piece of shit yeah weekend update was great I'm texting all everybody you know like I love remote control yeah and I woke up the stone had texted me about Gotham he's like they asked me to host I was like I don't think you're a host if you want to host I'll give you extra money well fuck all weekend I can't wait wow he's like are you

alright I was like I'm all smashed I relapsed bitch it was really great but it wore it off wore off quick and then the doctor came in he says you don't have Barrett's esophagus you don't have all these like you're perfectly healthy he gave me a sheet of paper with a bunch of pictures on it mmm I think this could be a bit it's like all these pictures I'm like what am I gonna do with this yeah I don't know what this looks like he just shows me pictures of my guts in my inside oh I'd like to see that I'm gonna put them on the Patriot yeah but your whole inside just looks like assholes it looks like nine pictures of different

assholes it's like pink and wet with a little hole in the middle of it with a color photo yeah color photo I gotta see these but I'm like what is this I don't study I don't know what the fuck my inside supposed to look like take a look looks great but pink it's like a pussy pink is good I'm all pink on the inside your salmon ladies March yes women's March pussy don't grab them pussy farts haha but he goes yeah you're great and I go alright I'm like I gotta chill here cuz I'm fucking tuned up a little bit yeah yeah I picture you like you like Tony Clifton you know you're saying the n-word you got a cigar one

hand and a snifter in the other certainly that's with or without the drugs but so I sat there for a few minutes put my pants back on and I walked out I met Sarah I was like we gotta sit here for a couple more minutes I'm still a little wonky you look you took your pants off now I was a joke oh I didn't know if they made you do that but shirt off but I did have the weird thing with the with the 11 year old Asian girl I was like same body I was like I'm underwear on she's like yeah just a shirt but I was so anxious I couldn't really hear she's like yeah just your shirt just take a shirt off yeah what about pants she's like just

a shirt and I was like underwear oh sorry I was like you know when you're not listening all fucked up I was like sorry she's like just you're sure I probably sexually harassed this poor fucking lady poor gal well what can you do she'll find a different job she's heard it all before I like practice look I assume she got fired yeah she'll find a different job but anyway so then I went out we had the breakfast and that's the amazing about the drug and I heard that from the the anesthesiology he's like the old stuff they used to use the other stuff like Valium or whatever we would be like

fucked up for a day right all like crazy for a day this shit within like a half hour I was just back I felt a little weird because I woke up early it was a lot to go through and my stomach hurt because they pump air into your stomach for some reason so I was all crampy and bloaty all day you cleaved but within like a half hour I went home and wrote I was writing jokes TV and I went to the gym and I didn't lift I went to the steam room but pretty amazing drug Propofall yeah it's like boom you're out and then when they'd wake it up you're like all right today to me that's the key is a drug with no side effect no

hangover that's to me the worst part like I love drinking so much but the next day it's not worth it no that's why I'm a shroom guy yeah but I heard shrooms can be a little sad the next day but I've learned how to quiff and queef around that but yeah it's not much of a hangover all right now are we are we reading the ad are we gonna do that in post we better read it right now let's do it like I said folks you gotta support the people that support the podcast and we got some great people supporting the podcast you got that right in fact this week who's supporting us this week oh I know who it is you go you tell about it we

got a hot one this week Express VPN internet privacy is basically dead did you know that the UK government passed a law requiring you to hand over your ID before you can access porn sites what wow that's brutal and what happens when your favorite porn site gets hacked like Ashley Madison did that was bad news that's why I use Express VPN shields your identity no location tracking totally anonymous how do I get it Joseph well how do you get it I can tell you right now you get it you download the Express VPN app on your computer or phone push one button and voila you're protected less than $7 a month 30-day money back

guarantee find out how you can get three months free at Express VPN dot com slash Tuesdays that's Express VPN expr e s s v p n dot com slash Tuesdays for three months free when you buy a one-year package you buy a one-year package you get three months for free Exvisit Express VPN dot com slash Tuesdays to learn more here here they're there yeah folks I love these guys yeah it's a hell of a product oh yeah check about uh yeah what's good to have you back fatty I'm glad you're all right and I'm glad you got to be fucked up for a little bit it was pretty exciting I feel

good and then I went and took the necessary precautions after that so I feel I feel pretty great and I got to go back to the other doctor because I still have the reflex that's the problem with the procedure I feel like Sarah was like you can get you can eat marinara now and I'm like what's not the same problem yeah I just had to look at it yeah yeah just it's just not something more serious or whatever right well that's good news yeah and I got to wait for they took some biopsies but that'll he's like that'll that'll be fine that's me negative whatever all right well but hell hell of a time but you should go

get one really it's 2,500 bucks oh I don't want to know what's in there I got a tuna can and semen and an old you know chef's hat I don't know what's in my guts yeah I think if you have to get it but if you have to get an endoscopy not so bad I gotta tell you yeah well that propo sounds like fun I mean so basically just knocks you out that's the whole point of the drug yeah it's fine it knocks you out it fucks up like your memory for that like 20 minutes like so that way of if you case you wake up whatever right you won't remember even remember it it's like the men in black thing though yeah what do you call that

thing the vaporizer I don't know watch that vape jewel I don't know but yeah I got I got stitches once and this is in the 80s and they've they put some sheet over my face and the sheet knocked me out what I don't know what that was but I gotta talk about I got my ball sack torn open and you got to see inside your guts I saw inside my sack oh wow yeah but it wasn't on purpose and it wasn't a camera yikes yeah see that sack but I want I want to give a shout out to a light on the camera oh it's good okay isn't they usually a red light or something district maybe the light sleeps okay okay it's good alright this is

still good bottom they like to hear about the light I think they like the behind the ain't I got a little nervous I didn't see anything yeah well I go I want to give a shout out to we had our first inaugural hot soup last night and we moved to the fat black pussy whoa that's a big move big move good pay sold out we had a fucking Dan Soder Popton David tell Popton Jim Gaffigan came by what yeah we had a heavy blotnik we had a DJ it was a great time TJ Miller no TJ the Haitian out to kneel to kneel captain to kneel Johan I can't say his whole name French but yeah we had a good old time and it's

every Tuesday at 10 30 and it just it was it was a shaky one cuz Liz was like maybe I'll give you the slot I don't know and then I feel like really really earned it wow that's exciting cuz last time we recorded you were talking about moving to the fat black and now here we are it's done it's done that was the first one and it was a humdinger it's a little late thank God cuz that Tuesday show that was a rough one yeah yeah that was tough I did it once I didn't care for it Sarah did it once she's like it's the worst show I've ever done in my life yeah well now what the hell's happened we're in Vegas I've got some

problems in the video did we lose any video patreon folks you might have lost a little video but that's alright we'll come by we'll paint your house we'll suck your dick Jesus we're gonna have half a patreon but get on the patreon anyways cuz all the videos are up there and the live episode including the live episode from skankfest yes Soder and Brendan Sagalow yes and me having a meltdown and of course the legendary episode from moon tower a couple years ago beddington Christy Amy Schumer's in one of those things somewhere Michelle Wolf is on one Ari's on a couple of them yeah

blazers on one Yannis is on one fat Crissel current fish see the list goes on it's you got to get on that patreon folks and then we got live videos of the not live videos but videos of the podcast here oh yeah and the skank one is video I believe so yeah and not to mention a ton of bonus shit ton of queefs Greg Stone Bert Kreischer you and me together post shows pre-shows all kinds of shit on that picture and maybe I'm gonna put my guts up there put the guts on I'll spill my guts yeah I did one with Ian Lara that was if you like comedy talk we really dissected but I was talking a big gaffigan at the fat

black and he was like you should tell Seinfeld about this and I was like what are you kidding he's like it's a little late at night but he loves this kind of shit oh wow are you kidding what do you mean he's like doesn't love the seller though he doesn't love the sub and it's he's like he likes this small room workout kind of quiet things you know it's it's a Tuesday night at 10 30 it's a little sleepy yeah you got a text sign ah I gotta get on propa fall and get some courage you got the number yeah people give you the number they want you to use the number well he could use it that's true but you know he's might

be nervous no what come on this is a big podcast yeah you might have something there we got video by the way we looked it up I think we were number 189 which isn't bad but I'd like to be better yeah it'd be nice to be 89 yes you know get in that double-ditch but I but I felt good cuz somebody very close to me was like you gotta be in the top 800 I was like 800 800 and then it turns out we were 189 so all right I'll take that you know that's pretty good but we're doing this like 75,000 podcast but is this comedy or is this comedy okay all right I wonder I wonder how many comedy pods there are I'm saying there's

thousands of them at least you think 10 grand gotta be close wow grand I mean we're in the top echelons all right that's not a word probably echelon is something by the way I got a ton of notes here from past things that have gone on you want me to get into yeah please please get it and how long we've been on here for sure but can I ask that we don't have a prize feels like it's been that the horse's asshole 440 oh right nice all right one well I gotta tell you about this we talked about a little bit in the live episode I went down to Asbury Park which is such a great rock and roll town oh yeah I love the trip

down there and just south of there is Ocean Grove which is a magical place Sarah and I went there for the see here now festival is that a rich area that Grove it's pretty rich yeah all like Victorian houses yes like they're self-governing system there's no alcohol sold there it's like it's on the beat so fascinating weird place dry County but it's a beautiful it's one town south of Asbury Park you walk the boardwalk goes one from one to the other how about that so we took the train down there two hour train right down to Asbury Park we stayed this hotel called the Asbury which is a fancy pantsy hipster hotel yeah

yeah it's way it's underrated fancy over there well it's it's like a shit city and there's like hipsters are on the ride a little interesting because you get off the train you're in like hell oh it's dice it's like a dicey thing we're walking like a suitcase yep and you go like a block and a half and it's like hey do you want to buy some antiques and green juice or whatever but I think when the Sun goes down it goes back to you know a little rough and tumble well little dice and you have it when you have a dice area next to a hip area the dicey people are just like why don't we just go take the hip people's money yeah

so yeah you gotta watch out for that panhandle so anyways we got off the train we walked up there we walked all along the boardwalk course we have a beach day it's like June 25th and you got a whatever the date was June 22nd Asbury Park you're thinking the whole time we'll go to the beach we'll swim all day and we'll go to the rock show yeah there at 69 degrees and raining yeah that beach though it's a little lacklust if I'm not gay it's a little dead wave and a little grungy grungy on the on the sand there's some waves that's see here now festival they have a whole surfer section okay but we go down there and we go

to a nice fancy restaurant I'm spending an assload of money on food because I gotta eat salmon and potato and salad and shit by the way if you want to give a gift card if you're near a cheesecake I'm all cheesecake now I can't even go to Chipotle anymore they got health no cheesecake is so healthy what they got the shit they got the shit of course but I got a salmon they got a grilled chicken they have a whole they call it they call it a skinny licious menu and so it's embarrassing cute it's very salad II and all I got a big salmon over there and a huge salad all right some whole wheat bread skinny licious that's a good rapper

yeah it feels a little sex in the city to me yeah little skinny girl tequila or whatever the hell was called yeah yeah if you want to give a gift I love a cheesecake I'm going to Providence comedy connection that is gonna come out nine weeks from now oh wait that's this weekend that's the weekend that we're recording three weeks ago if you're listening to this full disclosure we're on a week vacation in Maine I'm going to Europe with Louie for two weeks I'm gone for a fucking three weeks oh yeah do we need to record again are we gonna be all right well we got it the week after next we'll have to record okay

okay and then we'll be fine we'll be covered all right just check but anyway that was a little behind the scenes sorry we've it's always weird because these people are hearing this today yeah but we could be dead that's true happened three weeks ago that's true this is Joe and Mark past wow trippy bro trippy it's like when you look through your contacts you go he's dead he's dead she's dead weird yeah a dead voicemail for yes that's funky oh yeah I remember my mother kept my grandfather's voicemail for years it was like on a little tape you know oh the tape yeah funny cuz that technology is dead interesting now it's double dead

yes bad game show on Nickelodeon double dad yeah I like that and it just so we go to the fancy restaurant and I'm all excited to get a nice fucking salmon and a baked potato and the waiters a big goof dude and I know this is bad I don't like a male waiter what it's just too much feel it feels weird I don't know hey how's it going I don't like a goofball hey cheese dick I don't know I don't want that guy but I don't want to me I never thought about it he's like a big outside linebacker he's big and bulky I'm like shouldn't you be a bouncer or something I feel like it's dainty to bring food and place it down with a cup

I guess you're right it doesn't sit well something about a guy with eight plates though and the pencil behind his ear and a little slick hair I kind of like it I like a man bartender lady waitress oh wow you got a little gender role going I got a gender role I'm not apologizing I'm saying what I like I don't leave the restaurant if it's a guy I don't get out of here you know bring me abroad well I used to go out to eat with my friend he would go oh this fucking waitress she sucks I'm like what do you mean you go she's got a boyfriend what kind of waitress is a boyfriend I'm like what did she's allowed to have a

boyfriend he's like oh you come here you hit on the waitress you flirt a little I'm like hey right when she said she had a boyfriend he was like he was off put wow something you got with Thomas Hayden church from sideways well there was a needle at the end was that anal I don't think they have anal I could have sworn they fucked in the ass oh he didn't say yes yeah I got my dick in her ass something like that yeah and then he fucks her yeah I wouldn't mind being in that kind of relationship you know now I don't know from work and Hayden church is fucking my wife then he leaves and I fuck him and then Geomati

comes and I chase him out naked that seems like a fun marriage to me yeah it's a it's exciting I don't know about fun yeah I wouldn't want I mean not realistically I wouldn't want to be in there but yeah it's like fun way to live yeah it seems spicy but anyway so I'm sitting there he's a big doof he goes ah boo boo boo he leaves now I'm getting into some conversation now my favorite thing in the world is just being to out to dinner don't you love I love out to dinner especially when you plan it you got a nice crisp shirt on you got a good table it's you got nothing else to do but dinner and you

hang we should go get dinner after this I would love to get dinner let's go to the olive tree all right come by guys come by three weeks ago join us please we're dead so I'm gonna get salmon there so we're sitting there I mean we'll do a bonus bonus we'll have Liz come on salmon queef patreon salmon queef yeah like that now that's a porn that's a good porn band sure daughter that's a good lady name yeah my daughter salmon queef salmon queef normand yeah it kind of goes well with the French name I think SQL is not our sponsor express SQL but he comes in oh so I'm sitting there now I'm ready to talk talk with my wife you

know we got the food ordered and it's nothing better the best part of going out to eat is when you've chosen the food you've ordered the food you know it's coming you are let's talk about if we had a retarded kid will we kill it you know that kind of I like a nice deep you gotta get it early you know I mean get let it be known yeah the situation is that returning it's too big it'll kill you and you don't want to have that fight on the fucking table oh my god the fucking do rag anesthesiologist nearby you know we keep in this we losing this right right yeah how's his face look is it down see so so I'm sitting there we

get the good conversation going and all of a sudden I hear this that's the noise your rib popping now I just hear this glee the sound is a 16 ounce diet Pepsi sliding off of the waiter's dumb thing into my shoulder hits the shoulder whoa ah I go forward yeah I pitch forward yeah the glass hits the table boom does like a kickback lands on my chest 16 ounces diet coke right down my dick my thighs my chin my face my ear a little bit of shoulder and the first thing he says did I get you I go yeah you got me a big hope you should be a lady you piece of shit yeah what it do what does this guy say when he just on tits did I get

you yeah you're all of my tits you fucking galook he didn't mention the tits so I'm not sure but he said it to me and I'm just I'm soaked and you get soaked a lot it's a thank you it's a day trip so I have a backpack for a tag a t-shirt for tomorrow pair panties and a vibrator I can't wear that to a white Reaper show for God's sake no no you can't I'm already self-conscious that we're too old to be there what an insult because you can't have soda and he just throws it right exactly now I smell like soda I'm soaking wet it sucks and soda and then the manager come over he's delightful he's a he's a nice guy and he goes can I get

you a drink around okay any dessert okay I don't really drink or whatever and he goes I'll give you a 10% off the check now we're talking which is okay but here's the thing about 10% 10% is not a big chunk it's not even a tip if our meal came to $100 it'll be 10 bucks 10 bucks soaked for the night yeah I can't do anything I'm well I got no change of clothes or anything yeah that's true it was a hoodie by the way and I had one hoodie that's even worse soaks yeah yeah it's thick and so you know but I but also very what do I care I mean I was like we're both in the service industry we've both been there I get it because

what are you gonna do be mad at the guy right fucking son of a bit some people use that though some people milk the soda yeah they go oh I shall never eat here again I come here all the time I'm a big paying customer you owe me a lobster ravioli oh yeah I just go well what can you do it's fine but you bum because you're wet yeah so he said he said 10% and then he came back he goes I'll take the salads off because that ends up being more than okay 10% was gonna be like four bucks right it's like a $40 meal so he's like I'll take the salads so we save like eight bucks I still tip 20% on the amount without the money but I could

feel the waiter's pain he like barely came back or said anything he wouldn't make eye contact yeah I said to Sarah I'm like this guy is just praying for us to leave he can't wait for us to be gone but it's not your fault sometimes you feel like they hate me I'm an asshole but this time he felt bad well here's the thing that's hard and Sarah talking about she waited tables for years sometimes it's easier to have a tray filled with glasses than it is to have two yes the weight is way I agree and it feels like and we both agreed if it's only two drinks just carry them yeah of course I need a tray for two drinks they

think it looks better that's what it is it's presentation and I wouldn't care if they just had them still like Neil hamburger all stacked in you know yeah yeah hold the triple hold I like a triple I love a triple hold threesome so yeah I was soaked and it's all about that tray I don't care for the did I get you yes you fucking know you got me don't don't make me tell you that I you got me you dropped it on me yeah I'm soaked I'm like a horny chick I'm wet so that was a bummer then at our hip hotel there was an Asbury Park hoodie and I was like perfect solution but they didn't have my size what can you do but anyways

it's kind of rock and roll I let it dry sit in the windows sill and I'm just gonna coke stained hoodie I gotta throw it away did you give it a soak at least you know put in the sink I just sat there wet it dried off eventually and we'll go to a rock show so I'll just be stained up and I know you like a light hoodie you got a white you got a light gray you got an ash it's a gray yeah I suppose I do yeah you're never rocking a black hoodie I guess you're not you know that dark no I guess not I got the Chipotle one that's a black one I never wear those I got that on my wall framed interesting but anyways we go to the

white Reaper show at a Wonder Bar great rock and roll bar and we walk by and you forget this white Reaper man I'm really into him but they're not huge no I have more Instagram followers than that wow and we've got one walk by and the band is setting up huh so we watched a little bit of soundcheck they're right there they're just doing soundcheck so we got a little bit of soundcheck that was fun yeah we go to our hotel we fucked the whole thing watch a little news and now that the the venue and the hotel are like a half a block apart perfect so I go great let's go over there we head over there and we're like it

feels like we're the oldest one it's a lot of young kids you know and it's Tuesday after Tuesday walking up and saying I felt like a rock star recognize more than the band wow there was a couple of gays that came right up and they were like our age and they said maybe a little older they came up they said we're only here cuz you talked about them on the podcast the anal for this band wow everywhere I went Tuesday here Tuesday there big fan over there it was quite a thrill which is a little embarrassing cuz I like to rock out and you know I gotta fix my glasses I'm jumping down like a douche yeah I can

I'm worried they're gonna be looking at me I'm like ah this is weird yeah yeah I get nervous you know but maybe we gotta go across her with the Reaper I know I think we gotta go well because we they heard me talk about it here yeah so some of them got into it there and some I think if you support the arts you support all the arts yeah maybe if you love comedy you love rock and roll I wonder if we need to do an asbury park live app or something I was thinking that maybe we're not but I think some of these rock people they're very possessive they're like why why we don't want a comedy show this is a rock club oh you

good point we're not a general fucking thing it's like white river wanted to play the cellar ah like get out of here you fucking nerds go make sense go wherever yeah that'd be a good spot for a comedy club asbury park by the way you think point Pleasant Beach Uncle Joey's Uncle Vinnie's that's not too far away but I know there's enough space there yeah I stayed at the hotel at Uncle Vinnie's and I took a quick uber to asbury every day yeah it's not it's not bad not bad anyways we go to the show and here's where it gets a little funky mm you know we're watching the show and I have tonight is as you know not to give

anything away here tinnitus white Reaper comes out and they look yeah and there this band can rock I mean they rip it and they rock it I highly recommend go see them live they're great but just a little loud too loud for me and we're sitting in the middle and I think of our spot on the floor because we're close this is a club so we're like 10 feet away that's speaker right between both speakers and immediately they start playing and Sarah and I look at you like what the fuck yeah it was deafening I hate it I couldn't handle it it hurts and then I'm trying to be cool and just pretend it's not bombing I keep looking

hurt she's got her finger in her ear and I look over and a couple other guys had their fingers in their ears and I was like all right well I'm not crazy and I can't even hear the subtleties it was just like noise can you pull back and hit the back row a little bit well we you don't want to put give us such a good spot but I go I gotta go get your protection and rock club most of them have ear protection so we go in the back I get recognized on the way to the back I was like Tuesday I'm going to get ear protection which feels so uncool we're already old but yeah get back to those minority seats so we go down there

and they they have at the bar like yeah they're free so we stick those fucking things in our assholes nice we go over and now our new spot we notice it's not as bad we kept getting closer and closer to the stage and ironically the closer we got the better hmm because the sound of the speaker was above our head so I ended up taking them out about halfway through the show enjoyed the show got my groove back we rocked there's a big mosh pit going which was fun but a friendly mosh pit sure that was fun little slam dancing going on and jumping up and down the band ripped and rocked and kicked ass my ears were ringing for

two fucking straight days which was a bummer hmm afterwards we hung out with some gays took a few photos then went for a walk on the beach started drizzling quite romantic we'll walk at the beach and some drizzle the waves in the in the background our ears are ringing we come back and the band is packing up oh boy and we're kind of in like similar spots we're trying to sell tickets we're selling some tickets starting to grow a little bit uh-huh and this lead singer who's in the van I go hey big fan look at that great show roles are reversed it was a reverse role how about that gender role and he goes dang I want to be like

I'm on Rogan I got a half-hour special and you should check me out it's kind of men's group together or whatever let him know you're an artist I'm an artist you're an artist but then they don't want to hear that I guess I guess I got people coming up to me going hey I'm in a band yeah fine good point we don't want to see your van called salmon queef so that was pretty cool went back to the hotel took the trip back but I love adzbury park and you got to go support these rock and roll bands because some of these bands are out there ripping and rocking oh yeah see him it's a lot of fun but check out white reaper they got three albums they

kick ass damn three albums great live band and yeah yeah look at that yeah support the arts come see us go see them you're we're doing the road we're all over the place we got some hot club dates this year hot club I got a huge August for the love of God I hope you're still listening I'm always afraid people tune out when we start plugging the dates yeah yeah I know it's a lot of pods do it first yeah we should do it early I guess but my August is insane side splitters in Tampa August 1st through the third I gotta mention JFL for just for laughs July 25th and 27th mainline theater if you're up in Montreal

if you're in the air you're gonna be at the festival come to the mainline see me do an hour headline I'm very excited Greg Stone's gonna come up there with me and do some time and then August 1st through the 3rd I'll be with Cantor at side splitters Tampa we're doing Orlando on the Wednesday that's right Orlando on July 31st I think that must be hit me up about that that's gonna be fun Orlando the 31st Tampa August 1st through the 3rd then we can have that Denver comedy works August 8th through the 10th huge club big club gotta be there we can after that act me in Minneapolis two of the best clubs in the fucking world and then

London for God's people are always asking about London when you come to UK mate August 30th 31st it's a fucking door deal for so love of God please come so-ho theater we're gonna be in so hope for three days then we're gonna go explore the countryside with Snowdonia Park we're staying right in there in Wales can't wait so for God's sakes come to London so-ho theater if you're in Wales or Scotland or Ireland Northern Ireland come down across the blind border whatever come to London so-ho theater August 30th and 31st comedian Joe list dot com my dates are all up there they got links to tickets

holy hell yeah I want to go to London did they put you up over there now they give me a buyout the buyout my dad is by all right I'm in wise guys wise guys and Salt Lake City Utah then we're going to woo haha and Worcester mass that'll be fun here that's a cute little room Charlotte comedy zone love this club one of the underrated great clubs by the way get in the zone Indianapolis said helium which I talked to Michelle Wolf she was raving about this place oh I can't wait sell out comic so every room's pretty great comedy works in Denver I'm right on nippin at your anal there and then I'm at Sacramento punch

line love that room Addison improv in Dallas T. hats then we got Kepp City in Austin love Austin love Kepp City Acme comedy club after that in late October Spokane and Tacoma early November roar comedy club in Springfield mass I believe that's in a casino side splinters in Tampa and we're doing the Santa Ana casino in New Mexico come out for that buy those tickets fly out maybe yes and then Portland Oregon and helium so come on by say hello mark Norman comedy dot com get on the patreon tell a friend suck your ass all Tuesdays with stories comedy festival yeah and that's how I'm pitching this son of an anal and get a

shirt at Merch pump and wear it we'll hug you go to Merch pump we got shirts out there pump it up Merch pump dot com and you'll be sporting Lewis who's really fighting some battles I love it to and the lords work good for you Lou stick with it stay strong and yeah we're all comedians just trying to have fun as all of us Merch pump dot com get your Tuesday shirts come to Santa Ana check out our websites yeah yeah and we love the Jews yeah come on your dad and see if he likes it yes salmon we've you