Tuesdays with Stories! - #310 Sack Crash

Episode Date: August 13, 2019

It's another international Tuesdays as Joe goes through an obstacle course at a German airport trying to get back home while Mark deals with loud gym guys and a bad bus ride. Check it out! Sponsored by: Roman (GetRoman.com/Tuesdays) Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus eps and full video eps! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy spitting at me hey here we are there you are here's the pond Tuesdays everybody

yep we're back all the air conditioning oh my god turn the AC off tell us if this is bad I have well they're not gonna tell us till next week yeah yeah yeah that's alright it's gonna get a little back sweat burn some fat there you go I just showered always a bitch when you shower then you sweat uh-huh remember car washing car washing I think that still exists I know but like when you used to wash your car then would rain and people go oh I never understood that what is that I didn't get it either but my dad said like you know you wash it you dry it you wax it and then it rains so now you get the shit all just sticks to it

again because it's wet is that what it is hey get your pollen and your dust and your jizz right back on it oh yeah I never got that I was like what's the big that it rained yeah dirty is it or acid rain is that something dirty rain sounds like an album to in the dirty rain purple rain purple rain and then purple rain some somewhat like the only love love rain on me no thunder rain or thunder road wait no no no and the thunder oh and the thunder rolls guns and November rain November rains a great one yeah that's like a 13 hour song rain on me minute yeah that's lean on me rain on me was a weird sandler flick yeah

that was that that song only love can bring the rain yes projim cover of that and then there was a song about like a guy singing in the rain in the rain is when I cry oh I know I'm singing in the rain what a glorious feeling I'm happy again I'm laughing at clouds Gene Kelly who I think wanted to play for the pirates or did play for the pirates or something yeah it was a baseball player dancer that was back when celebs were really interesting they all fought in the war now yes they all were like you know like fucking Buster Keaton and guys like that were unbelievable yeah they would act it write

it direct it shoot it they would do their own stunts that guy deserves way more comedy credit I feel like oh yeah broke his neck the whole thing and was and was in the act when he was like three months old they put a they put a handle on them and whipped them into the crowd fascinating fascinating guy and like I went back I watched YouTube of him talking as an old man and they show clips he's like I chose this for this and you're like well he was doing shit before cartoons yeah fascinating guy you missed the great park hang by the way last dude we had a Buster Keaton chat what we had a good hang I've been putting

together these parkings for years now I realized for 10 years and we had a nice one the other day it was 90 degrees but we all got it out we sat in the shade we had a big blanket that Sarah brought and good group yeah oh yeah it was fun we talked movies and there was no like a big life I shut out it was just like oh that's interesting it was a really nice I feel like a bunch of you know queers in the grass yeah like that's queer nice breeze and we talked about films and we played a board game and it was quite delightful wow yeah we could have we could have used you yeah all right through the Frisbee he got like sun

poisoning he felt like a real you know day out you know he goes like dizzy because he threw the Frisbee for 10 minutes he had to walk around and he had his outfit on and Ari's got his you know his head shave with the horseshoe ball in the mustache at one point a little kid was nearby so he threw the Frisbee and I was like you can't throw the Frisbee to a little kid when you look like that that's a good point the lady was like how do you know she just print over a ground and like ran away and called the cops it's a that's a little discrimination if he asked me I mean a bald guy with a stash maybe just likes

that look and now all of a sudden he's a petto well he had a kooky outfit on too but he looks like a petafile it is it's not fair because he's not a petafile right I don't think he could be but I mean you know black guy walked down you clinch your purse you go hey that's fucked up you go yeah that is fucked up but you know bald guy with a stash walks by you grab your kid and that's a worse crime a purse snatchers like whatever that's like a misdemeanor right grabbing a kid that's a felony I believe funny how you sprinkle a little afro into something but it makes everything pop a little more hmm well they've been the victims of a

lot more racism but then you know Jews were murdered six million yeah which at Auschwitz thank you where I visited we'll touch on it I'm gonna keep teasing Auschwitz until life is over oh well there's this but well six million of them yeah no it's a myth not pleasant no no it's not but anyways great park hang we'll do it again it was a good good time and it was nice as it was hot we had the place to ourselves almost and I felt bad this one guy this big giant African American gentleman he works for the parks but we had to kick everybody out his job every day it's to kick everyone out of sheep meadow he's going sheep meadows

clothes and everyone's like fuck you and there's probably a thousand people in there yeah this is America and I had to walk around a little red flags and like no one's I felt bad because you can tell every day no one pays attention to this guy yes because you're like what do you mean clothes like we're in here we're laying down we got wine we're fucking we're playing Monopoly and you know Ari stealing kids it's almost like the opposite of a check spot you know cuz you got to get rid of people you know get out of here and everybody's like fuck this guy yeah kicking people I always felt for kicking people out of a bar I

bartended and it was hard people don't like to change places no especially when it's like just one guy say cuz I'm like what are you gonna do a recipe I'm not I'm hanging out also I got nine beers in me I got a finger up a girl's ass like I'm working here yeah all right well either way I got to bring this up sure cuz you you want to do want to talk New York and this happened right when I got back from Puerto Rico so I was like all sun kissed and zin doubt like that was a thing I noticed me and the lady we sit on the beach and we're like I don't have a care in the world Puerto Rico's like a geographic Xanax mmm not a care not a

worry not a just a nothing the beach is nice it is and we hold no you know a Mediah beer and we're just sitting there we're going we're I'm so not worried about anything that I'm worried oh I have that all you know what I'm talking about yeah it's crazy yes of course I start rifling through I'm like I should be worried about something yes which I've talked about that I've had that when I was a kid I remember being a kid being like what was I where I gotta come up with something right and I'd be like AIDS I'll go with AIDS because I was doing heroin when I was nine sure fucking guys also yeah yeah that'll do it yeah you

gotta enjoy your childhood so me and the lady made like a little gay packed like all right well one of us feels good and then starts worrying push it back and we got to keep each other in non-worry check nice yeah so we just zin'd out we're like all right we got dinner at nine and now it's six just cool out you know you go in the water you come back you have another beer you have a joke you tell a laugh you do this whatever so get back from Puerto Rico and I go all right Puerto Rico is so chill and magic that I gotta just slide right back into home play like I can't there's no pussy-footing I see so I went right back I woke up

early went right back to the gym I haven't woken up early in three years I'm freaking out I haven't lifted anything heavier than a coconut in four or five days so I'm all rusty at the gym and this guy comes in I'm pouring sweat I'm miserable I hate it I just wanted to end this guy comes in boombox what giant guy this guy must have been six five flat top boombox blaring blaring whatever the hell the music was Bruno Mars or Pluto or some shit and just gets on a bench who who pumping it up pumping it up Jesus I had a moment because it's the rec center so you can't really complain you know it's it's 400 bucks a decade but

this guy's a cock smooch a boombox what is this 88 I know he was like radio Raheem he came in there but the power yeah he put that boombox down and I was working on the the curl thing you know where you hang your arms over curls for girls but you know that it's like a machine for the curl machine whatever that curling iron there it is your curling iron that's interesting right it's up then curling iron that's big baby by the way I thought of this for a second a second ago pussy foot and be funny come up with another version cunt huffing not as good as curling iron well curling ironed I think you really stepped in

something there but I think cunt huffing could be a good term I like it's a good term hey I'm not cunt huffing around here yeah because it's pussy and cut and this foot and hoof sure sure cunt huffing cunt huff alright it's not the best alright so curling iron so I'm curling iron and I look over and there's a blonde guy like you know lifting weights hate a blonde guy yeah he's not pleasant but this for women I'm sorry he's not blonde what are you kidding I'm not kidding he's got brown hair I'm pretty sure it's yellow Anthony just like yeah he's got a beard he's got a brown beard and brown hair well Zach Morris is blonde but that

was fake I was died but when I when I was back when I was banging and then Jezel neck lived in this town he was a yellow all right but he's not yellow anymore yeah yellow I think he's a browned out he had a brown out he's brown yeah my asshole sweet guy by the way nobody's ever a hilarious guy and sweet sweet nice man sweet as pie he's a good he's my go-to impure like you can't joke about this I'm like what about him that's a hilarious joke yeah he's kind of like grandfathered in he gets shit to he gets some flak oh does he people love him of course people hate him okay I didn't know people but the industry people

they put that I like them they like him but he's a good-looking cat and he's cool as a cucumber and his jokes are top-notch if you ask me yeah he's gotten some serious flak at points I know you got flak for the shark thing yeah a couple things actually got a show taken away from him for that yeah that's pretty serious that's flak brown hair Roberta flak so the guy is pumping music and I'm on the curl I'm a mid-curl and I look over at the blonde guy and he gives me an eye roll and we had like this weird fucking spot says moment nice to connect it wasn't a spot some moment it was a can you believe this guy but it just

happened that we were both honkies and he was a you know brown but it was suck it sucked because I'm fuming now I'm already miserable I'm gay I hate myself I'm sweating and I hate them at the gym I just want to get it over with and this guy comes in and I got the headphones on so now I can't hear my own pod oh that's how loud it was I can't even hear Neil deGrasse Tyson go off about black holes but you're working out to a podcast every time that's strange I got I like I like to be stimulated mentally while I stimulate the muscles I like a like an eye of the tiger and I don't listen to music at all really when I work out but

if I did I'd like it but yeah I just liked I get bored with music I like it but whatever so so I just go what the fuck say something this is out of out of control is irrational behavior and I just kept having all these fantasies like maybe I'll come next week see this guy and bring my boombox in and just play it in front of his I've done that before you have yeah well you play me well it's not gonna phone but in the locker room where I start playing music and they notice cuz right away they're like what the fuck is this and I'm like right I told you that story I had a guy come over and apologize me weeks later one

time it was delightful I don't remember that I was a great moment yeah he was a he was a Middle Eastern gentleman and he came over he came jogging across the street and I thought he was gonna you know blow me up or whatever and he came over and he was like I just want to apologize a couple weeks ago I was playing music I saw you made a look and I was complete asshole I was going through some stuff and I'm genuinely sorry and then I tried to be like I don't know why I can't just accept an apology I was like I don't even remember that was nothing he's like and then he didn't think he kind of pushed back on

it he was like no no you were you were mad and I apologize good for him it was so nice it releases that serotonin or endorphins I always confuse those two yeah serotonin and Rick Dorfinn one of what I'm the dolphin the Dorfinn yes yeah dorsal the dorsal to the tail well that's that's one you get one of those in a lifetime that guy yes this guy was out to lunch and I hated him and I just have all these thoughts like what if I did this wouldn't he be pissed about that and then you have to go hey he sees a dick that's it yeah he's a bad guy and then you yeah cuz you start existing in your head and then there's anger and it's

just pushing and then you get this repressed anger and that's what anxiety is is all repressed and yeah you gotta read a healing back pain one of the best books ever go get it I don't have back pain it's not it's not about back pain it's about repressed anger and anxiety and all these things that I have hate the guy hate the hate the boombox and I just kept wanting to bring my own boombox in I kept wanting to go hey can you turn that down like I you know you have all these fantasies but and then I go all right I'm a white guy I'm just gonna go downstairs and tell the guy at the front desk then I got that's what the whites

do baby the whites do that's what every cunt with the you don't have a license to sell lemonade and all these skanks but I didn't do it I walked by the front desk and it took every cracker bean in my body not to say hey there's a guy up there blaring a two-pack you know you want to step in there but I didn't do it and I don't know if I made the right choice or the wrong choice but I just want the gaze out there and everybody who's listening to this don't do that it's fucked up it's cruel it's mean and it's inconsiderate and it's selfish yeah you're a jerk of circus yeah so I lost it on this guy in my head yeah I mean if

he wasn't 612 I would have a really not done anything that's why you hope it's always hope it's like a little petite like a Vita or something but then you never know cuz all this right everyone's taking the Tai Chi and the Q Kong and the Hong Kong what's it called movie ties one the main what the jujitsu business Jews I was like a Chris get there Chris get there does like a is a fucking jujitsu is he got for like 20 years oh I've always had thoughts of crack in his glasses but you look at get that he looks like a guy that you just snap around and throw back I'll fuck you up I guess he's easy he's kind of sturdy if you look at him he's

got some veins oh yeah he's no joke he's a good guy great guy funny guys so yeah I just left there and I just ah wanted to kill somebody but boy that is it it's weird I always think if the movie of our lives are playing why would you want to be the bad guy well now they don't they don't think they are they're just like I'm listening to but I think they do realize it's a fucking I think some of those guys want confrontation I guess so or they just think I don't give a fuck there that's how you know that's the people that play music out loud just think I'm the only one here right it's the people there if their parents did

something fucking weird I think what that guy on top of the mountain in Arizona which I did say something to which was right I just think like his parents were like I do whatever you want I think about I do this bit about this kid that kept stepping on my shoe and I said stop stepping on my shoe and his mother was like he's a kid oh where I'm like that kid's gonna grow up to be a piece of shit of course because his mother he has no sense of space no care for other people right right I told about the time I was on the subway and it was jammed and this kid kept headbutting me in the back he's like 12 13 maybe 11 maybe 5 but he

kept headbutting me in the back so eventually I just kind of went like this I suck my elbow out yeah head but it right on my elbow he went he started like clawing at me and I was like well this kid's losing you know and the mom was like I'm so sorry about my son and I remember looking at son go that's what you get you fucking cut suck on that elbow bitch I'd love to elbow a kid oh I felt good just fuck like I like I like a million dollar man elbow like a fucking bow oh like a tap it first drop on yeah like a good Randy Savage yeah you see I got elbow when I was a kid and look how I turned out so I don't know

I'm just saying this guy sucks don't do that it's it people notice people take note and you know if I see that guy again I'm gonna say hello well hopefully he'll listen to this yeah then smash that thing over your head probably what's gonna happen um technically that's a rep hmm yeah picking the boombox throw and that's a rep a rep oh a rep like a rep you reputable a repetition what is rep short for repetition I believe 28 repetitions that seems weird repeat it yeah you're repeating it but I guess it doesn't work if you say the whole thing repetitions huh that's weird 28 repetitions you're gonna repeat that 28

times I guess so yeah it's not as good you see that's what happens with words the the smaller word got more normalized and now the other one seems weirder we need to normalize small dicks sure that would not be nice I think they're normal I guess so they're not a not a desired but they were normal they wouldn't be small that'd be normal small is inherently different than normal there's a normal dick and a small dick but I'm abnormal a bumblebee is small but it's normal for a bumblebee aha but a small dick is specific so dicks aren't well the dicks are small relatively to the rest of the world is smaller than a boat I see what

you're saying in comparison to a state a dick is very small size of the ocean if we're going boats but the motion of the motion the ocean yeah oh boy do you ever feel like we're running out of steam the whole show's over now I feel like I like this when it's steamy by the way that gotta laugh Shelby I think you think Shelby hates the box he hates everything he doesn't laugh at anything I go you would think the podcast might just be dead Shelby's howling over here I know he's a tough critic he's like I've been thinking that for three years I've all heard from Shelby is eight size in the past ten minutes Shelby's smiling in a

way that if a girl did you'd be like oh I'm about to get laid oh yeah that thing with his like you're on to something like a connection right that moment where like there's a smile we can hold you down and fuck you I bet right now I bet we could I guarantee it just know that yes keep that mind there fatty at any moment we could ruin that asshole ears that pristine perfect asshole this is the ultimate jumping of the shark or like I think we're out of ideas and then we just threaten rape to our producer well either way we got to film it and put on the Patriot all right Shelby's actually smirking this is where we're

at comedically yeah I just realized I've been we've been done two episodes my back is sweating I'm leaning on a furb bear blanket here there's so much shit down there oh shit right here our hands felt weird this is a cesspool of boogers fingernails lint oh yeah random shit I've just thrown back there I've realized I came up with realization the other day I'm gonna be picking boogers and wiping them for all my entire till I'm dead never stop you something you think you mature out of no I'm in a rental car the in between my legs in a rental when I return it it's just a fucking cemetery of boogers I mean you

could stop nah I can't stop won't stop by the way Shelby no longer smiling he looks really upset we gotta go back to threatening to rape him are you a booger mover shall bow what what do you do with your boogers you got a clean house every now then you shower your booger that doesn't make sense that's a lie we just get out of here shower that's you're gonna be a bad cheater we like where were you I was at amusement park you like what concentration a shower you can't shower out boogers you need a finger you gotta get in there and get a loofah in that thing oh you do it in the shower oh I see and then it

goes down the drain I say well if I had to shower every time I had a booger I'd be showering 40 times a day yeah yeah that's a Holocaust I'd be like Auschwitz I gotta keep my Auschwitz about me there it is but now I'm a big booger guy and they're all in the car it's a it's a I think it's a compulsion yeah hotel rooms is a it's over I'm just oh forget about it there's one pillow that looks like a map of Hawaii sure snugs and bugs and I'll take photos of and send them to my parents my friend you do a lot of cocaine cocaine yeah and he would have some real green brown boulders oh really cocaine does that I guess it all

gloms together in there because the coke and everything and whatnot I don't know I think camping you want to like Joshua tree and like you'll pull out some dry logs like a big wow I like sometimes when there's a hair yeah amongst it yeah hair with booger around it because the booger forms on the hair nothing more satisfying Ali Wong and I used to have some good booger she's a big booger fanatic and she said her favorite were the ones where you just push up and then pull down to the finger yes a classic I love though those are fun but I like when you have to work for it you got a thumb in there and just scrape the side like an

pulling it around and then it all swoops out and melts in your mouth the hard ones are the best yeah there's a little there's more a heft I'll do a pinky one I'll just circulate oh yeah and how about my dad he did the cue the key in the ear a key key would clean his ears out with a car key oh I'll use a pen cap like the part that sticks out the pen get super round and then I'll push it all together and I'll fling it and just if it hits someone that's those of the breaks that's it and look I'm a booger guy don't get me wrong but I'll tell you I saw a guy eat boogers I remember every booger eating scenario I've ever been in

my life because they're so fucking traumatizing yeah eating nasty I was on the D train and this fucking chunky blonde kid with their face whiskers was just read the book and going out finger the mouth turn the page finger the mouth turn the pay I wanted to kick his ass I want to go hey buddy get your life together yeah well I told you there was the one where Derek witnessed a guy I can't hear he was picking his nose wiping it in a notebook that he took the whole clump and put it in his mouth like a dip can handle it he put it in like a dip and kept it in there for an entire show that kid should be tased and arrested

that's bad news bears but yeah eating but here's the thing eating a booger the grossest but every once in a while I'll do a and then you get it and then that's boogers that's boogers in your mouth and that I'll save her for a little while that I like I'll chew on that for a couple minutes I get it I'm not against it do what you got to do but I can't handle that that that's a noise like never been in it yeah people always do it in the urinal oh yeah it's always in that is a nice hawk and loogie brown orange goop in the urinal but I like it in the bedroom I want a good loogie right in my mouth from somebody else yeah from a lady or a man

whoever all right well whatever it is I'm against what's the ad today yeah well we're not quite there yet nasal clean but let me tell you this I'm at Act Me this weekend this weekend I'm a dead crow or Charlotte one of those one of those you're in Carolina someone said when only 40% people don't listen to the plugs what are you doing not listen to the plug we're trying to come say hello to you live like but plug yes hair plug hair plugs hair plug cable guy that's one of my favorite movies ever good jokes in that movie hey folks don't forget about Roman you got to love Roman guys are terrible at taking care of their health

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today get roman.com slash Tuesday all right let me get into this I haven't talked about Europe it was six months ago let's hear it I want to hear about these fake camps well we went to Auschwitz and that was really so it's not worth getting into that though it's sad it's depressing it's weird you know what I mean we've had a sad month as is yeah so but we went to Auschwitz and it was really something from Krakow every Louis and I went we had a tour guide nice guy they wear a little headset and they tell you they take you through there it's pretty it's pretty unbelievable by the way Krakow sounds like a sound on Batman

from the sick Krakow you see the cow yeah it's a it's a wonderful city it's a really cool city I highly recommend going to Krakow check it out yeah it's really something Warsaw not as great all right Krakow tremendous you take an hour car ride through the country and it was beautiful Warsaw what is it good for it was it was really fun and well I should say fun it was what's that word sad somber somber yes it was very somber but it was really interesting and neat and I don't know what to get into it just it's not worth talking about I feel like I got some dumb tourist white American fact guy question sure how far is the camp

from the city about an hour it's about 45 minutes an hour and there's three Auschwitz is there's three camps is like a sequel it's like the godfather and not as good but there's Auschwitz one which is like this small can't that was like the original one and then they said they kind of got into it and they were like let's do it another one similar to sequel we can make more money we can kill some more fucking people they're franchising they franchise the Holocaust so there's there's there's the first one and you go there and it's really interesting there's huge long lines everywhere and they charge you use the bathroom which is a little

putting a little chewy but I guess you got to keep it open and shit but there's a lady doing they don't fuck around you try to walk but people walk by she's fucking money you can't just go pissing there you want to go easy bathroom Nazi yeah but it keeps it keeps it keeps it going you know you got the lights on exactly and the gas burning but it's pretty well but you go there you get the whole tour and it's funny how it works everything works similar to show but it's like a movie or music or any kind of show or production they got a close with the big shit the gas chambers the last thing oh it's kind of fun

there was a moment where I was like that's kind of interesting like all right here comes they know that everyone's like let's see that gas chamber right bust out the the chamber baby oh yeah and it's pretty wild like the guy lived his house is still there the guy that ran the fucking camp was there I forget and there's that the show where he got hung you know cuz they got him they hung on it right in front of his house in the camp and oh yeah but most people they didn't most of these Nazis just fucking went right back into regular life and Germany's doing great yeah she'll be one are you German no what are you

Transylvanian England but you look so all of you very all of me Poland I can see the pole that's where you get the tan from the Polish they're known for their tans yes but anyways we were there it was tremendous the tour guy we went to the but you go to the concentration camp and what's crazy I think I'm gonna talk about this already I can't remember but what puts it into perspective is the line of people they're lined up to go down into the fucking gas chamber looks like this is what it was like right and I think I'm gonna talk about this already I can't remember but you go down there and it says like you're entering an

actual gas chamber people died it's very serious it's very crazy wow but it's really it's gripping and then you go out to Auschwitz Auschwitz 2 no that's like doos yeah there's two there's three when you go to the second one and that's the one that's more iconic that was the huge one where you see in the books and the movie is a big like long red entrance with the tower yes and that one just goes for days and those gas chambers have been destroyed because the Germans were like they're getting close it's destroying but they still have the rubble the Barney rubble there see that's interesting because they knew it was bad

news the you have to know it's bad if you're gonna destroy yeah they were aware yeah I feel like they were thought they were doing the Lord's work I think they thought they were doing but they were they knew they were gonna be in trouble they weren't it wasn't good but anyways that was incredible but let me tell you about the journey home now is always fast because we escaped good band and the great escape we got we got down we go we had to go home I've been it's a 10-day trip to Europe we went to Poland and fucking your mother's house and all that shit sure Italy crack out Bulgaria Romania and now it's time I'm going home

for one night before going to Montreal just to land at 7 30 real listening I'll get home at 9 p.m. Sarah will be home I'll get to like at least seer I'm gonna be on fucking Europe time so I'm like I'll get a few hours my wife hopefully get laid snuggle and I leave at 7 30 the next morning for Montreal for three days so I got this little window I haven't had sex I haven't hugged I haven't snuggled haven't seen my wife it's been 10 days and I'm like I just can't wait to get home I miss my wife so bad so that morning we wake up and Keith Robinson his he's got an early morning flight he's out I wish I was on that flight yeah

six is I got a wife to go home he's got nothing to go home to this guy no but anyways I'm joking he's got a girl and kids so he goes home we wake up and it's morning so me and Greg and Louie have breakfast and I'm always a little bit nervous of the flight home but we haven't had one issue so with all these flights have been great so I'm like don't worry about it we're all together no delays will be fine we're flying from Bulgaria to Frankfurt Germany our layover Frankfurt to JFK all together no we're all on different lines Louie and I are together Greg is going to Boston so he's flying to London and London layover

flying to Boston and then Leah the tour manager she is flying to New York so she were all on different flights they're on the first flight together so we go out to breakfast you have a nice breakfast I go out I'm like I had the shit I had diarrhea for like five days straight what do you think it was I don't know the travel I was eating so many fucking eggs I was eating like there was these buffets these nice hotels so I'm just load up on eggs because it doesn't cause reflux and it's morning and it's free so I was eating like 500 eggs so one of them probably had a little come in it or something like cool hand Luke

oh 35 or 39 so I ate a shit load of eggs I had diarrhea I got some Bulgarian shit pills I bought more of I brought home best thing I've ever taken in my life really I was having diet yellow bright fucking water diarrhea Louie took a nice Bulgarian pill he's like take this and I was skeptical of taking it for like hours I don't want to take some shit finally I took it I was better I had a boner and my vision was cured damn Bulgaria four hours yeah I got some I got some if you want to chew them up and stick them in your ass I'll try one chewed up so I have diarrhea we have breakfast I'm like I'm gonna go see as much of this

city as I can because we got an hour left I walk all over Bulgaria it's a fascinating place it's got a little grime on it little little garbage but nice the smart women yes I come back I'm all packed up we all jump in the car and I'm sad I hate leaving everybody I love those guys we had a great time I made friends with them and it's just non-stop laughs so we're going to the airport we get to the Bulgarian airport we get through security we have a little breakfast the whole our lunch whatever the fuck we go now we're parting ways their flights leave in 20 minutes before ours we're all saying goodbye oh Greg it

was fun Louie the whole thing we get there and I see the thing you never want to see the jetway with no airplane at the end of it and right away I grab everybody go uh-oh because our flights even like a half hour right and I go there's no plane there I go fuck and then you see a whole bunch of people gathered around like looking miffed and I go this isn't great hour and 20 minute delay our layover was an hour so we're like fuck we're fucked no it was like something that layover was like an hour 40 we're like we're gonna have 20 minutes so it's one of those we're like all right so Leah and Greg they go on their

flight their flights fine and we're like they were good job on their flight but we checked our bags which we contemplated not doing that's the issue with checking fucked you can't get your luggage now you go oh you're not a free agent if you have your luggage you go we'll jump on that flight we'll go over here yeah agents take 10% so the flight is delayed we're sitting they're going okay let's not push the panic button I email my manager and agent go I might have to get my own flight Leah luckily having an assistant it's huge huge because she's getting on her plane but you're like all right you gotta look I'm like I gotta

get to Montreal Louie's gonna get home to see his kids but I'm like I got Montreal right in tomorrow yeah they can go straight there so I'm like I'm gonna have to you gotta figure out a flight so I start looking up flight she starts looking up flights I'm like if I can get to Paris I can get to the thing they don't fly the blah blah blah so now it's like I'm trying not to panic but I'm like I gotta get to Montreal I got a gig I'm gonna lose seeing my wife so I email my manager an agent I'm gonna come on blah blah blah blah I email my wife I might not be able to see you but who knows and then she's just like that's

Joe pushing the panic button the regular yeah silent re so we wait there we wait he gets recognized a couple times now we're like upset because we're missing the flight and people like aren't you Louie see get the fuck away like no Michael Bolton when a man loves a woman so finally the plane arrives and we're watching our plane come in we're checking the time like okay it's gonna be this gonna be 10 minutes if we leave now blah blah blah the plane gets in it takes forever to get everyone off it takes forever to board we're doing the fucking math we're like we're fucked and it's Bulgaria so everything's like

zubububu and then they leave for a while you're like fuck me come on we get on the plane and the whole flight it's like a two-hour flight to Germany and you're just looking at that clock being like it's not gonna work I'm asking the guy and he's like well your first class we're first class Lufthansa which is a high-end flight and it's Frankfurt to New York so it's like a $5,000 ticket or whatever the fuck wow so I'm like they're not gonna they don't want to leave us they don't want to just leave two first-class seats that means a lot to be a first-class customer sure but they're not gonna just wait an hour and a half

for you not an hour but we're supposed to land 15 minutes before the flight takes off so I'm like maybe they'll hold it you never know maybe he's like you're fucking stupid you don't know you're talking about like but maybe I'm with you so I asked the guy and he says well because your first class they might hold it okay okay car waiting for you brave hope so I go okay great so we're sitting there and all I can I'm just going through the thing I'm like I want to see my wife I want to fucking hug I need a snuggle I want to shed a tear and you know come on somebody sure so I'm in the guy we're getting close he's like we

won't know to a 20 minutes out and I'm just praying I got my music on and the guy comes over and he kneels down next to us and I go this is one thing or the other yeah and he goes I have bad news we're not gonna make the flight and I go fuck fuck me all I wanted to be home was for five hours it was already not enough time home right so we go off fucking goes there'll be a car waiting for you we land there's a fucking this is where it's nice to be rich we land there's a guy with a thing that says Louis CK Joseph list in a Porsche like I got poor a high-end Porsche in a suit and he goes we're gonna take you to the

Lufthansa first-class lounge four-door or like a fucking sports car I guess it was four-door it was one of the bigger one they have like bigger cars SUV the guy in a suit we get the first clutch we're on the fucking runway like they pick us up on the tarmac and they drive us in a Porsche which is nice that's amazing so we go okay and then Leah she's like I got you on the flight tomorrow morning Frankfurt to Montreal direct I go all right Louie got on his flight he's at a morning flight they take us to the Lufthansa lounge like all right hang here we're gonna go find your luggage because we want a luggage we gotta

figure it out so they don't send another plane boy it pays to be loaded oh my god the fucking first-class Lufthansa lounge they drive you right to the door they let you in as a greeter she's like beautiful she's like welcome to the first-class lounge we're sorry you missed your flight and they have me there's a restaurant like no prices you just order a fucking steak whatever whatever you want you can go take a nap put your feet up the whole thing it's beautiful the women are all hot they're like we're gonna get you on another flight right now wow we're sitting there about 10 minutes watching the news or whatever and

they're like like a scene from Ace Ventura Louie's like what the fuck is that looks at the board there's a flight so let's be 1 p.m. to Newark it's delayed five hours it's leaving in 25 minutes he goes what the fuck is this we hang up we're on the phone with the traveling we hang up we run over hey there's a flight to Newark what's up can we get on that let's get us on that they go oh my god we didn't even think of that yes yes so I'm going turn everything it's like fucking Superman reverse in the earth we're gonna get to Newark it'll be settle suck it's two river crosses will cost me a hundred bucks but whatever

it's Newark tonight baby you're home how lucky the flight was supposed to leave at one it's delayed five hours we're on it they start typing they run around they're like pushing each other into the bushes it looked like mr. Rooney and his secretary oh yeah the run around she comes back and she's like that flight's closed yeah I go what are you so what if we had said 10 minutes earlier she's like that's not worth thinking about it but you're like if we had just looked and then like why weren't you thinking that why didn't you guys think that they're like that's closed it was supposed to leave an hour she said the

reason they didn't think of it because it was supposed to leave at five but got delayed another hour but wouldn't have been funny if all those people were miserable they had a five-hour delay but it would have saved us of course of course we would have been like thank god damn but no flight available so they end up getting me on the Montreal flight the next day and then they get him on the flight the next morning so we go okay you're sleeping a hi-hat over here what do you well they go we got you at the Sheridan at the airport hotel now Louis says we're not staying at some fucking Sheridan I love a Sheridan so

his assistant goes hey we got you a thing at like the five-star best hotel in Frankfurt so pardon me now I have to start accepting I gotta email my wife I won't see you there I gotta email and now I'm losing a day in Montreal you know how fun that is I won't get to Montreal till 5 p.m. supposed to get there at 9 a.m. so do and I we're gonna have lunch we're gonna go look at tits the whole thing I'm losing a day at the Funnest Festival and a night with my wife and no cuddle night with my wife a nice snuggle and a day at Montreal I lose all of it but in life you gotta accept you gotta go alright that's what it is now accept

and then I shift into we'll go see Frankfurt another night in Europe what the fuck hang with Louis we'll go we'll get through this together so we go out we got a cab now all the cabs are Mercedes there the all-driving Mercedes which is a Nazi car I believe German shit yeah so we get in the cab now we were like all right we're finally we're finally gonna go back to the hotel we got our luggage crazy day we're not getting home long delay we get in the cab oh car won't start get out of town guys like Germany is in and out he can't get the car just it's a brand new fucking Mercedes and we're sitting there

like we're just laughing you're like this is read it's like the sign for the episode with a stuck in the garage right and the car won't start so we go after about 10 minutes you're like all right sir we're sorry we got to get another car yeah I'm sorry I'm sorry we get out of that cab we get into another cab we go all right we're take us to the high-end hotel blah blah blah get to the hotel go to check in the lady goes I need your passport Louis goes fuck lost his passport in the cab that wouldn't start come on gets in there he puts his passport wherever we change cabs and they're like did you get the cab now he

paid cash they go do you have the cab number he goes it wasn't even the cab that dropped it's not they're looking at the cameras of the cab we were in like it wasn't even that cab it was the cab we sat down and John Hughes movie oh and it took us forever to get through the passport control because we got there in a flight I just let those 40 people in front of us right so we finally got through he loses his passport because he's a cookie guy he's a klutz he's a cookie fella and then everyone goes like this oh you should have written down the cab number and then lose getting mad he's like the kind of people that lose

their passports in a cab aren't the kind of people that remember to write down the thing it's a good point if I remember to write down the thing I wouldn't have lost my fucking passport of course who's writing down these cab number who does that I do it now after I lost my luggage three years ago I take a photo as soon as I got a cab I take a photo and I pay with a card well it's the problem with cash you have no that's what I did three years ago I left my luggage in the cab didn't pay cash never got my luggage I've lost all my luggage twice in the last four years Jesus a channel any who he loses fucking thing now Louis God bless

him he was like he handled it okay he's like where I'm fucked and there's a party that feels like you're fucked too but at that moment of like I'm actually fine I can still get out of here right but you feel for the other gore that's sad and then you're like I'm starving I'm like can we still go out to eat or what was this gonna be a situation but this is where it pays to be wealthy because you're at a hotel if you're at the Holiday Inn they go I don't know what to tell you these guys the matriot either whatever they're like we're gonna call we're gonna call the police we're gonna call the lounge they called all

over they're like they're all gonna look they got the cameras pulled up and so he's like they're like go have dinner go out have dinner we'll figure it out then we good hospitality I just gotta say goes so far people don't realize it's so nice then we get in the cab and Louis asking the cab driving the guys like oh he's I'll call right now that's on America he's like I'll call the dispatcher right now he's like they'll send it out so he calls the dispatcher he goes this guy lost a thing in a cab he went from the Lufthansa first-class lounge to the hotel yada yada then he starts getting

text he goes look here's my text they send a text out to every cab missing passport blah blah blah technology we get dropped off in Frankfurt we go have a nice dinner at dinner we're sitting there he gets the phone call from a German number they found his passport look at that the cab driver went he saw it luckily Louis ticket was in the passport and on it it says first-class Lufthansa so the cab driver took it to the Lufthansa first-class lounge wow and they had been notified that someone was missing the thing so they called the hotel wow the hotel sent a guy to go pick it up wow when we come

back from the nice dinner passports sitting there unbelievable Louis that gave the guy a hefty tip oh boy probably the best thing that ever happened to that guy now let me let me ask you an uncomfortable question and I probably shouldn't ask it you're pissed off you're not getting laid it's been 10 days you're on a flight you miss a flight you're miserable you would lay over the whole thing are you kind of glad Louis there or are you kind of like and more Louis time well I'm glad because I got the hotel sure that has hotel he took me to dinner he paid for dinner and we had a great at that point earlier in the

day I was done yeah I gotta go home I cannot wait to get on this flight and we're next to each other in the plane there was a moment where I was like I wish we weren't even next to each other yeah yeah which is not on him no it's you're out you're out of gas it's ten full days morning lunch dinner yeah just like at it's not him or anybody you're just like I'm ready to sit by myself and just fucking fart and pick my nose and put my thumb in my dick hole exactly but big dick hole once the shit goes down I'm definitely glad because if I was just I would have been fucked myself I would have had to figure it out on my own and

make all these phone calls and email but they had like a travel agent and assistant with boom I'm on the flight I did nothing they're just like you're on the flight to Montreal and then here's the clinker this is where my shitty brain comes and I go well if I thought that Louis must be thinking that and not only am I here but he's paid for my shit well he's a nice guy and very generous and I think you know we both your comics you get sad you get lonely and a thing like that you always want to go through it with someone I feel like okay well you're stuck and you're like at least we get to have a nice day we had a great

dinner and we it was just it was chill because it was not five of us running around having a nice dinner we went up for ice cream and had a great hang and then I sat and fucking listen to some tunes and that was actually a nice night sitting in that beautiful hotel because once you accept you're like I'm here that's it yeah and it could be a lot where you could be in a fucking trash dumpster in the middle of Bulgaria exactly so then the next morning we went there and I just went with him his flight was at like 11 a.m. mine was at three but I was like let me just go with you there early and once again this

first-class business they drop you at the first-class lounge they take your passport you have to go through passport control they're like we have our own here give us your passport they take it which feels weird to just not a passport you go up to the lounge same thing breakfast lunch there's a nap room you can go and jerk off the whole thing wow right in front of someone if you want to we all just hang out there's a book you can sign into there's all kinds of shit there it's the nicest place I've ever been and when it's time for your flight they come get you so you start freaking out cuz you're sitting there you're like

my flight leaves in 45 minutes I don't have my passport I'm like OCD I'm right I want my fucking passport I want to be there at the gate an hour early but you said to be like don't worry it's fine and then a lady a beautiful woman comes over goes okay mr. list is time it felt like doing a late night we're just sitting there like eating snacks being like what the fuck when does this happen yeah it's time they walk you down there passport control is downstairs you just walk down there the guy stamps your fucking passport you get back in the Porsche they cruise you right over the plane and then as you're boarding the

airplane you see the bus full of all the regular they're coming up and I'm just with the first one on the plan the only one on there there my fucking thing who do you think you are now I'm sitting there I got the bed seat and nobody's next to me which I love cuz like those little those pods but like next to you is weird cuz if they have to go to bathroom they gotta step over you the whole thing totally sitting there nobody next to me I'm on my own just sitting at the last second somebody shows up I go ah I hate you yeah what do you do just get here I had this place to myself yeah I pull my hat then I'm

like I don't even look at this person right here list I go what I look up it's Wanda Sykes help me Wanda Wanda Sykes of all the gin joints in all the world I'm flying from Frankfurt to Montreal and I just happened to be next to friend and celebrity Wanda Sykes what is she doing in Frankfurt she's married to a French woman they were out they were in Nice on vacation or Nephew whichever city yeah they were just out hanging out and she's going to the festival we're going to say it's a huge festival and so I'm like what I can hear what the fuck she's like this is crazy I'm like this is the

most insane thing I've ever of all the people like you're in Frankfurt you thought there's no chance there would be anyone next to me that I know oh my god the odds of all of a celebrity or slim then of a black woman lesbian who you know who does comedy fascinating unbelievable odds and that I was with Keith for like 10 days their best friends like he opens for four years they came up together so I was like I was just with Keith Robinson for like 10 days they were texting and we talked politics which was fun and I like I like talking to politics of people that completely agree with me it is the best so that was

nice we chatted and of course it's like you're like alright I'll see you later it's an eight-hour flight so you got whatever and I napped watch some movies I watched her movies she was I got interested to see what movie she was watching all good she watched Get Out and then oh that horrible movie the horror movie with the old lady steals purses is terrible anyways and I watched sideways with some good laughs checked in every once in a while and landed and then went to Montreal and I got a pass the torture that just took forever so well did you have a moment of like hey where you gonna be or can we ride in a car together we

go on to the Hyatt or what are we talking well she gets VIP treatment from the festival I was in a van whatever and then she had to I was oh she had to wait for her luggage so I was like I'll see you later right so I got there I was so fucking tired I was on East Coast time get to Montreal and you know it's like three in the morning my time and then we ended up on the same show that night and she went after me I was like this is crazy that's Colin Quinn's wedding she sat directly behind me like where our chairs were bumping into each other we bumped each other in the plane and then she's following me at this show that's

why that was something by the way I killed I learned a new term she's like you still what did she say I forget it she's like you still you're still on top you're still on top or something like that which I guess means good that sounds pretty good I mean sucks for a gay bottom yeah it was something like that I can't remember what it was you still up you're still up that's what she said mmm she's like damn you're still up all right like I think up means like like you're winning in a casino oh yeah I think black people sometimes they'll say stay up right good yeah it's bad if you're an insomniac guy you're still up yeah but I was

still up again I was like yeah I'm still up I guess they ended right right it's kind of like we in woke you're up yes you're up that's where I came from all right there we go well I got I gotta get into Montreal at some point but you got to go because I got we got ten minutes left I got all the time I got nothing that good but I just want to say this is if you were on the Lufthansa lounge first-class pod flight I had a gig in the Worcester mass who ha ha who ha ha is the club it's in Worcester and you know it's right outside of Boston maybe 50 minutes outside of Beantown so I go I don't want to get the trains and you got

to get the train then get a bus to Worcester so I'm just gonna take a bus the whole way I get on the line you know the I do the Wanderoo Wanda Sykes help me Wanda yeah get her out of my bus hotel Rwanda so I get on the Wanderoo and I find this thing called our bus it's like one of these new ones like a like a mega or a bolt our like mine and yours are like 60 minutes oh you are got it and so it's like hey Port Authority leaves at noon gets to Worcester at four okay all right I can handle a bus ride for that long it's the worst form of transportation but fuck it you're pushing it a little bit there you think

well traffic you didn't even know yeah it's a 7 p.m. or we so I go I fuck it it's like a $12 ticket I'm doing it okay I get the Port Authority which Port Authority right when you walk into Port Authority you go I made a huge mistake yeah I don't already I think this is the most insane thing I've ever heard my life yeah well you know I like to rub it rub it against each other and I get the Port Authority is a hobo jerking off there's a guy puking there's a dude doing heroin I'm like what am I doing you find your your bus leaving area whatever your number terminal thank you illness so I get on the bus and I go oh pretty light

pretty empty it's a good feeling Friday like this I don't know 30 rows and 18 people it's gonna be great who's going to fucking Worcester yeah exactly so I get on the bus and I see these these twats you know this this lady on the left this dude behind me and they put their bag on the outer seat and I get it I get it everybody wants to sit alone sure but it's kind of a cut move if you ask me you know like hey look there's a lot of seats but you're just saying like don't don't sit here can't sit here yeah that is junior so I go I'm not gonna be that guy because I've seen on the Amtrak and they always have to go everybody we need

every seat blow me you know yeah so I go alright so I throw my little duffel up in the top shelf there and this lady comes on heavy set woman of color and I go look at her and she walks on and just goes anyone sitting here and I go nah but I look back 800 seats open I had a frontal area I guess interesting and she goes oh great plops down she got this big shitty Louis Vuitton one of those giant purses that hangs over and just crashes right on my sack oh that crash what the fuck is this she buy it a dictionary in there and it hit my dictionary and I was like oh and she goes oh I'm sorry honey whatever flips it

over and she proceeds to go through her smartphone to find people to call I'm trying to get a nap in I got a half a boater I want to write some jokes or listen to my said or podcast something and she's going Reggie Reggie it's been 10 years what are you up to and he's going huh who is this Rwanda what's going on and I can hear everything he's saying because it's on full volume I can hear everything she's saying she's fucking right next to be breathing on me from the moment we left to the moment we landed at Worcester which was fucking five and a half hours right because that that Connecticut that has to happen you

can't get to Connecticut without hitting that sandy hook shooting that the northeast corner is brutality brutal you drive out west it's just pleasant the wind is down the sun is up your dick is hard but the northeast nightmare nightmare and you could leave at 4 a.m. you hit something you got that right it's a bottle dick so I'm just fuming over how much I hate this woman her fat arms are bleeding onto my cheeks and I just keep looking over at these that fucking the yoga pant cunt with the black the big bag down I look behind me I see the fat nerd he's got the bag next to my god they were right they had the

right idea that was the longest five and hours of my life I go why am I taking the bus what am I doing Joe's on Lufthansa he knows Wanda Sykes I'm sitting next to Wanda but she sure as hell wasn't dating a French chick I'll tell you that and it's hard to we don't want to step over once they sit down you know what I'm gonna go to a different seat I don't like you of course of course and I had to pee and she had she was her feet were up into my area and all that and it was we were touching knees the whole time there was a dampness between the leg cunt huffing cunt huffing should have been the name of that bus now why

can't she text also text catch up catch up a text she was all mustard look she's old school she's older she's probably like 60 so she was she looked like the grandma on on get out there whatever that what's the other one us oh us she looked like a hidden figures cunt that's what I meant she watched us not get out oh I heard us sucked I liked it but then someone else told me a bunch of stuff about that made me be like oh yeah maybe I didn't like it well that happens oh I got more to say but I'll try to squeeze it in so whister the comedy the hotel is great it's a dead sleepy heroin town oh yeah it's tough it's nothing going on but

there's a couple restaurants and a ton of bars and I think it's like coming back yeah everything's trying to come back yeah yeah rock and roll never forget so we get the club it's a cool little club it's in the bottom of a bar on the downstairs and it's a we sell out almost every show every show is killer Tuesday's galore we saw you in Boston we saw you in Springfield we're coming to this we love you we love your stuff Mindy spring came out mandate the whole gang Susan Montreal wow and clusterfest yeah she's a nut she's an animal so we go we do the gigs I got Rob Pierce opening I love Rob great guy he says hello and this

guy Connor ripping it up before me we had a good group of comics food was good the whole thing sold out shows gift cards I got you some stuff but then last show it's Saturday night the guy texts me Mike Taylor I think this is the name he goes hey first show sold out second show ten seats left it's like five I'm like oh we're gonna make it baby no better feeling than two sold out shows first show sells out great second show sells out great can't wait get some gifts good spirits go up did I bomb sold out bomb sold out bomb so be you know when you go up and you try to do a little city riffing and it goes nope yes and you go

right away go okay well the last show I had my feet up this show I am at work that riff an eating it riff is tough yes a bad feeling because a riff inherently you think is gonna kill right right what's up with this fucking blah blah blah and not to be a cum guzzler but I had done the riff on the first three shows and it kills right I don't know if it's technically a riff but I wrote it there yeah that's a riff come though yeah right so you know I'm doing that and they all bomb in the crowd and you kind of go oh this is it's kind of like when you make a joke to somebody and they just don't face you like at a party and you

go okay this guy hates me yes I assume this Shelby's doing that right now yeah that's Shelby's MO so this I go okay well this crowd hates me so I got some good jokes I'm gonna bring the heat so I'm getting I'm getting them but it's it's uphill battle sure and then here comes to the right two gals drinking martinis or apple dweck tix or whatever the hell they're drinking and they get just going I didn't like that one oh god remember Greg Greg's crazy now he's a funny guy I'm like talking like this stone no sadly Han so I go ah shut up could you shut up you guys still talking you know I try to be polite at first

like hey you know people paid you came to the show you want to shut it up and they're like oh whoa whoa so I did that whole thing so whatever I proceeded to bomb for another half hour and I just lose them like you fucking pieces of shit I hope you die I hope you get AIDS I hope you get cancer I hope you kill yourself you're gonna die alone you had a miscarriage and that kid's lucky I'm just going off because I can't hang on and I can handle it and you know you're waiting for somebody to throw them out but nobody did so then strange of no it's there to do so nobody did a goddamn thing is there all just open

Mike guys trying to get a set sure and so it just sucks when you leave on the bad show and then they go well there's a bar show around the corner you want to go over that I go yeah sure what the hell else am I doing so I take a shot of whiskey I guzzle down my drink we go to that show it's an hotel Vernon it's this old bar that Babe Ruth used to drink at no kidding super cool bar baby who Babe Ruth yeah white man can't jump yes so we get in there and it's it's a nautical themed oh I love nautical yeah it was great and then I go up and I go oh well these good these are all comics it's an open mic I'm gonna fuck and I fucking

tank there who did a couple more shots just to ease the pain went home slept woke up at 7 a.m. oh my bus is leaving today taking the bus back oh my god so I go out the bus station is 13 minutes away so I walk there I get kind of lost I figure it out and then you get to the Union Station and I go excuse me man it's some Boston chicks bugger this right going can I help you and I'm like yeah where's the where's the bus part she goes to the right take another right and a right okay you get out there's a bunch of Peter Pan buses and I'm like oh these aren't our bus so I go up to the Peter Pan guy I'm like hey man I got six minutes

754 where's the our bus he goes oh that's on the other side of the station they got their own thing that's what makes it theirs yeah I hate them so I run over there everybody's loading in he's about to close the door I dive in and it was a fine ride home but whoo that last show that that's a kick in the balls that bus that's cookie to me double bus big bomb bus is no good you can't take the bus can't take the bus no bus no bus busing rights yeah so oh I just wanted I saw the Tarantino movie I loved it yeah I guess I gotta see it again I don't know I'll see about multiple things multiple times I felt I

was one hour into the movie I had not laughed I wasn't scared I wasn't thrilled I wasn't excited I was just watching a thing the last half hour I thought was great and I loved it I thought it could have they could have cut 40 minutes off of it it was not like it was lag like in glorious bastards the opening scene thrilling chilling funny interesting right I felt like it lacked all those things and maybe I'll watch it again movies grow on me but an hour and 10 minutes in I was like what's going on here why do they need to show 20 minutes of the film before he fucks up a line right it's like this isn't adding it

we're just watching him on set of another movie it was just too it was like Tarantino being it was like someone doing an impression of Tarantino right that happens with artists I will admit it drags a lot there's a part where like that Al Pacino scene I'm not gonna give it I thought Pachino was completely unnecessary I didn't think it was funny I didn't think he was interesting I just thought it was just like I was like whatever I agree but I liked it so much as the detail the acting was amazing Brad Pitt's character was like a fucking superhero now I loved him I loved I liked it could have been like a TV show I would watch with

those guys I thought Pitt was fun and funny yeah but the ending I like I said the last half hour I was like now this is Tarantino this is exciting and thrilling I just like I said there at 60 minutes in I was like I have not had one emotion invoked at all right right he was definitely stroking the dick of the movie business the whole he's just like this is my childhood show biz westerns and it was just like we're driving and then we're driving again and then we're driving again I thought Margot Robbie I thought she was like unnecessary her at the movie didn't have one line I didn't like get why she was

at the movies I was like this is whatever definitely not his best movie by far it's probably not in the top five but certainly not in the top five the the look of it I love the character I love the I love the western stuff I love when he couldn't get the line out I was all great yeah I guess that was fun and interesting I just all the build-up to it I just felt like it's Sally making his editors dead and I was like boy he could have used some help on that other died yeah a few years ago I just was like I don't know I was like I'll see it again I guess but I'll see it probably 10 more times but yeah ending I love I

was just like where are the where are the jokes amazing any how about that the spawn ranch that was a fun scene with Brad that was fun that that was long too I was just like get in there get to the house like he might go to the house he's gonna go to the house and then like what's your toes Hannah what the fuck squeaky Lee had done him I was like Hannah from what I was just like yeah I don't know I was just like fast forward through some of this shit yeah it was definitely long and I just I guess I was alone in Worcester and I'm sitting in that empty theater and I was like it was such a so visually stunning that I

loved it but alright so hopefully didn't give too much well it's two weeks from now it's been up for two and a half that's true and we got more road dates all kinds of road dates this weekend act me one of the best clubs in the whole wide world Minneapolis love that town I'm excited to be there so come out this weekend London is two weeks from now August 30 31st Soho theater telefriend Bergen the week after that September 6th and 7th Hartford funny bone back to New England September 26th through the 28th laughs in Seattle I think it's wherever the hell it is now October 4th and 5th I'll be there skyline comedy

club it's where I recorded my album nine years ago first time back took me nine years to get booked back there not a great album skyline Appleton Wisconsin then the blue room in Springfield Missouri and then Burlington Vermont that's a big one October 24th the 26th and November is crazy Albany to Moine DC Laughbos and Thanksgiving weekend comedian Joe list dot com join the patreon for the love of yeah yeah here here and so I feel like this this pot was the opposite of a and Dick Tarantino were it started on basic, Ihof with Florida right come see me im ms charlotte Denver

not a slope can took a alone in Indianapolis Minneapolis the other one what's that oh dead crows already passed we got Portland the blue room basically all the the clubs he just said Chessoning Michigan look that up and stop tweeting at me where when is it look it up on the fucking site or look on my website if you're too lazy to Google it how the hell am I gonna expect you to show up Google LA headlining the belly room on the 25th let's pack that out I got some producers coming to see me so

that's nice they're the worst audience members on the planet so we need some gays in there to really yuck it up so we can maybe get a special you know for once Sacramento Dallas Texas Austin Tejas Oklahoma at the Paramount Acme comedy club Spokane Tacoma Roar in Springfield Mass Sunnyvale Rooster T you know it you heard it here first folks we'll see you in hell praise Allah love you tell a friend