Tuesdays with Stories! - #313 Pavlov's Hot Dog

Episode Date: September 3, 2019

It's a damn good one this week as Mark & Joe share some memories about getting fucked up together before Joe talks about his benefit show with Michelle Wolf and Mark has his first mishap with his new moped. Check it out! Sponsored by: Away Travel (awaytravel.com/tuesdays20 code: tuesdays20) Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus eps and full video eps! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe less Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy the auto a low on battery

just one battery thing it's licking the fuck we're fucked all right I'll just keep talking here would talk with plug in a thing I'm glad I know that we have a lot of plug man so what is this plug to MTV's unplugged this is the the power cord and these are the two mics oh I see why no the mics um all right we got we I could have been back as we had one mic unplugged and

one power cord and batteries in there from the the Great Depression silent era they speak of which the Gullman trailers just came out oh watch HBO HBO is coming back in a big way they got Gary Gullman they got Dan Soder and who's the other Rami Rami I think it's Rob is it Rami have it gone Rami oh that's why I didn't like it you stuff yeah Rami Rami Rami Rami sounds that sounds too cute to be Indian Rami Rami Rami sounds like the noodle though

I have seven some Rami's sat down a couple Rami's in a Pepsi by the way in prison Raman noodles of the new currency cigarettes are out no kidding I mean they still use them but Raman is is numero uno is that right is because that because they're getting healthy or what I think it I'd rather a little little manja than than a smoky smoky but doesn't this smoke I I just learned this recently I guess less if you smoke for a while a cigarette gives you a little bit of a buzz really kind of a cigar you ever smoke cigarettes or a

cigarette I have I'm not a fan but I have I've never like actually inhaled and smoked a cigarette I've had like a drag of one and be like this sucks yeah but I think you get a little buzz from a cigarette and apparently they relieve stress and curb appetite so I think in the in the joint if just say hey I mean just got a nearly railed I need a I need a toke that's not I need a butt for that but that's some relief I guess something your ass is pouring blood and there's shit everywhere and you think let me have a Marlboro kind of cool out that's a tough word for a Bostonian to get a Marlboro Marlboro Marbles it also helps

you shit that's right I live with canner he'd be like I gotta go smoke a cigarette so I can shit right which that's some I have a bowl oatmeal personally right maybe dive in some cold water or whatever coffee no that's a shrink your dick yeah yeah difference but that's good for the anal gotta shrink it so I can fit that balloon not that's a good idea if I was in prison I'd be like you can you can fuck me in the air I know it's not an option it's more of a rape situation but if he's like you can fuck me the ass but I need you to take a nice bath first yeah that's true but I don't think a nice bath hurts a bone or

the boner pushes through shrinkage I don't know you're trying to get a bone or a nice bath pretty hard that's a good point or not hard once you get out of there you see that beautiful ripe buttholes staring at it winking at you I think it'll prop up buttles don't wink did they oh they do wink a little wink I've seen we've talked about this yeah doesn't wink as much as it squinches it's just a squintcher it's like a lemon got in there yeah and it sometimes it breathes it opens like a fly trap yes it's a cock trap it's a quiff but you know it's weird you ever watch anal porn with it they just prop that mofo open

it's it's gaping it's horrifying you can see all the the glands and the the veins oh you know escargo it's a lot I can't do an anal pull by the way I haven't turned this brings me into one of my stories by the way I haven't watched a lick of porn in a long time that's probably healthy I think it's healthy will also a bit on the road with Sarah so we just have sex right there's no point you don't watch porn if you're with a sexual partner unless you're watching together and that's some kind of thing we even got to that phase of our relationship I don't think I would enjoy that no it seems weird because if you're fighting

over who's picking who and yeah and then you know I want you know three black guys fucking a white woman and she wants two lesbians eating each other out yes the ladies like the Lez oh is that right oh my ex was obsessed she was like oh if I watch porn it's all scissoring no kidding yeah I guess it makes sense you don't see a hairy dude but then you're attracted to dudes it's all cookie yeah it seems like too much work you got to do that like like crab yes I don't know what goes on there it's cookie and how much bad are we really contacting you know like you the clips the size of a half-eaten jelly belly yeah you know how's

it gonna get to the other clip I don't know there's a hood there yeah it's not an accurate contact right I'd rather take a big old vibrator and just stick it right on there I like that so I haven't watched porn in a long time so let me tell a little tale I was a fat black couple weeks ago Liz gave me a ton of dates I've been at the fat black up the ass I'm rich yeah good money good time having a great time but I'm doing my act I'm trying to dust off some old material to do this album at some point hopefully and I go yeah you know I don't watch porn and some woman in the balcony goes liar what is that I hate her first

of all you're like I'm not lying I mean I'm telling a joke I have a bit like I don't know why I would lie I don't have any there's no benefit to me benefit I'm not I'm married I'm not trying to impress a woman or anything right and I'm just said even if I was lying I'm setting up a joke who gives a fuck I'm not lying and in this situation who cares if I am lying the disrespect of it all I'll tell you what you're talking about you don't know it's a show it's a performance whore and stop heckling what do you why are you yelling out and why do you feel the need to be like no no no no you're lying it's just the worst

kind of heckle I'd rather someone yell fucking blow me you suck and I hope you die in a fire and your mother's gay then then go liar yeah because the whole thing with that is you just want to go you're fucking coos twat's cake like you have nothing I mean you could do the whole breakdown of why would I be lying about that what am I talking about but you just want to attack after that yeah well it's obnoxious they're attacking you it's obnoxious attacking the performance you're ruining the whole show but you're the bad guys somehow if you attack then later same show different woman ruined a whole bit I'm

building up this bit I'm doing my Dead Sea bit again a dusting that one off and she was a Dead Sea it takes a it she's alive and well see yes a sea aunt but I'm in the bit and it's a long bit and it just pays off with this dumb one fucking joke and it's like a four minute bit I'm three minutes and 50 seconds in and the last line is just like a bang it's like one of the big laughs of the whole show and I you know I don't want to do the whole bit and a lot of you have heard it doesn't matter but I'm like you know it's hard for women to dip their vagina in a glass you gotta and then here comes the big fucking punch line and

she goes salt bath salt bath I go what I didn't know what she was saying I thought she was saying Saul bass I didn't know what the fuck I go what what is this and you have to just stop one like that you have to stop this when you're at a punch line and they interrupt you have to stop the whole program it's all shows over so I know that might as well go all right so what are you saying what are you talking about you've ruined the bit so let's have you have some attention yeah they do the thing of just go ahead yes you like you fucking piece of shit you ruined the show now you're acting like what are you doing just go

on with the show even though I ruined the whole bit exactly it'd be like if you made a saying castle and just kicked it down you're like what are you doing like just keep building finish it guys ruin you skank finish the castle fucking I want to put her in a castle dungeon you don't hear about dungeons anymore do you is there any clubs called the dungeon the comedy dungeon I think it's too associated with our Kelly vibe he had a dungeon I believe like a rape dungeon yeah yeah that's probably more popular than a comedy dungeon yeah between a dungeon and a basement one's dirtier what I think a dungeon's got some some bars

in there and some like torture devices yeah that's a good question what is the difference with a dungeon and a base Alexa what's the difference between a dungeon and a basement that's never works starting to get long yeah this is where she always rants and raves alright alright so I don't have you heard that maybe shall we can plug it in in post yeah plug plug it in shell we need we miss Shelby by the way he's not here anymore you got a job I think he's like you know mailman I can't be a mailman what does he do it

I wonder is he dog walking is he at a bank okay it's got to be something technical I bet maybe a flight control something fun he's up there pushing tin as they say yes tin yeah man that's what we'll call show me the tin man because he's stiff rubbery though he is a little gangly it's not I don't have a rubbery he's got but he's just a nice complexion you know beautiful skin but he's wiry like he feels like a what do you call pipe cleaner he can twist him and twist him to move in certain ways maybe he's cleaning pipes like in prison yes he might be a dungeon master for all we know cuz he feels like it could be a

dungeon master cuz a lot of times there's the dungeon guy who's not there's a big powerful guy runs the dungeon but they kind of have like a weaker yeah with the keys the ring of keys and he's easily defeatable you know but I think you're in the jail and you're like if I can just get to him yes they get to him and snap his neck or whatever yes master yeah yeah one of those guys laughs all the show me never laughs but he always overlaps it the bad guy like good one sir yeah bad posture a lot of warts is big yeah bad teeth situation my cock but I'm a good dungeon master oh that's right you got one eye oh yeah well that's a good

one on Alexa she never she never helps us nicely done but if you didn't hear it it's a medieval thing prisoners basements more just you know gets flooded or whatever yeah I think is the worst comedy club name you know it's your chuckle hut and an uncle fuck dick and all that skid marks is my favorite fake one that I've never heard that's great when I was you skid marks and buffalo and I would laugh every single time to follow us the best names for things like what was the ugly stripper oh sheet rock sheet rock rock coming to the stage sheet rock please welcome diamond to the stage look

at him sapphire ladies gentlemen sheet rock he's bending the pole he goes is there a welder in the house is the best man is the best that's classic comedy but you don't see much of it oh my god he's the best but anyways someone tweet on him and tell him we said nice things he needs to hear that I would say funny farm is bad so funny farm thanks to farm there was two of the one in Youngstown and one in Atlanta that's why comedy seller is good yes basement it's the comedy seller it's got a little dignity to it it's a cc you got a little alliteration there right the comedy shop I never like is it such a takeoff of the

comedy store right and shop is worse than a store it's a shop it's a little yeah it stinks and it's like you stole the thing what else is bad but the other one is the village underground is good too it's like village underground that one's fun yes doesn't mean comedy but it just sounds cool yeah it's kind of legendary yeah like a Lenny Bruce went there or something what was that well I love the club and I love the guys that ran it but motley's in Boston it never it didn't make it wasn't Googleable it wasn't like comedy related you didn't know what it was you heard motley's you just heard okay you want to have

something it should be motley's comedy house yes motley's comedy club even the vault sounds like a place you go to hear some shit well that was shortened though that is the comedy ball oh I didn't know we just called it the vault mmm what else is bad in the vault the improv stinks yeah not great but it's caught on it's legendary so it sounds good just improv improvisation why is that the name and it's not improv that one's not a great name funny bone I don't care for like the comedy store I can't tell if it's good or bags it's just it's just cemented I like that one because it's a store like it's like a

place you go to purchase something and the thing you're purchasing is comedy that's true selling comedy better than the comedy fat a laugh factory because that just sounds like gears and that's like goofy there's like a lumpa lumpa back there by the way we love all these clothes working them work us work us comedy on state I like it's on state street with comedy on state street just a bare bones I like comedy works comedy works it works yeah it's not bad like they're like a factory it's zingier it's zippy Baltimore comedy factory is good it was in an old factory olfactory oh hey that was always weird the nose is the

olfactory yeah what's the new factory asshole yeah I was gonna say Lincoln now what would you name a comedy club I got something in mind I've always thought about it a lot thought about this but I don't have it right on the tip of my cock what do you what do you got there I got a couple ideas I always like was the riot house which is named after the continental Hyatt house they called the riot house wow hey but now it's riot like laughing that's a lot of house I like it's a house you go to for a riot the riot house it sounds a little fun like a little dangerous yes it's a little wild it's a little crazy here rowdy

and also I might want to add Noxie's riot house after my friend Kevin Knox dear friend who was a great guy he passed away name a club after him you know making a little thing he's have a mullet the oh would have a mullet on it I've thought about that but again that's kind of like motley is where you're like you have to put comedy in there you gotta get comedy in there they could call it Noxie's riot house and then the comics is called am going to Noxie's right but that's a guy I loved he died of cancer great funny guy what about the story where he beat it that guy up yeah he slapped a comic around because it was a

room where he was stealing so he kind of smacked him around a little bit while hosting the show he was like hosting an open mic and then he would come back stage and smack the guy around and bring up the next act wow it was pretty wild that is the whole new world that's a whole different era yeah it was pretty amazing you would never see that now great guy funny guy died comedy really I was talking to a comic I won't remain nameless he was saying that Sarah Silver been showed up to the to the New York comedy club not a bad name New York comedy club simple yeah but Sarah Silver showed up and everybody just all

these young comics just swarmed her and jumped on her and they were like trying bits on her like can I try that do you think it's funny it's like cuz it was so many of them I think they were trying to one up each other and there wasn't anybody around to go hey what are you doing like at the cellar they'd be like hey leave her what are you crazy you're out of here you know this is the comics table but so she got swarmed and the one guy I knew was like oh this is so embarrassing she'll never come back and he's like if he's from Philly's like if that ever happened to Philly we would trash that person for years to come about

what they did to Sarah Silver and all that like you gotta know your place and he's like it's sad to see that that could happen now and if I trashed them I'd be the meanie right interesting there was some regulation before yeah you gotta just trash I think I guess so but sometimes in Boston they'd be like too much regulated too much like bullying and like yeah what did you do you're going to do TV you fucking fag you don't do that you're like wow I'm just trying to succeed yeah that was some of that it was like they get to that you don't want to have too much bully you gotta have a balance that's toxic like oh look at this

guy moving to New York Mr. New York that kind of thing geez alright and now you're starting to hide your your secrets about what you got cuz you don't want to get shit on right right exactly I remember there was a thing in New York where I mean in Boston that kind of affected me in a negative way where there was like a new young comic and he was like yeah a headline or whatever and I remember there was like some older Boston guys being like not like the successful ones but just like had been around and we're doing pretty well and they were like yeah that guy claims he's got 45 minutes he's full of shit you

don't have 45 minutes here at least five years in or something like that and I remember being like oh geez I better I better not have time I don't have time I better not say I have time so for years I was like I have 20 minutes but in reality I had written a lot more stuff but I was like I kept dropping material to be like I only have 20 I'm not one of these assholes that thinks he has more time so for like years meanwhile these people are five years in they go out in headline right like I could have been like I could have been John Mulaney right but instead I was like no no no I only have 15 don't worry everybody I'm not

one of these jerks that thinks he has material like I felt that need to not do well that is upsetting and and what do you call it hinging what do you call it hindering hindering yes Hindu that's hindering but I respect the fact that you were so worried about these Jews his opinion of you and and being the right guy that you you adjusted yeah it's weird it's such a balance by it's so hard when you're new yeah plus you get so much in life not just comedy but in life you get so much advice from like older people wiser people but you still don't listen yeah I had it like Dane Cook was like you're drinking too much you shouldn't

be drunk like this at the club you got a quick drink and I remember being like what a fucking idiot yeah guys talking about this loser square meanwhile I'm just like stumbling around everyone's like we was drunk asshole right but I thought this is day cuz a billionaire the top of the right where I want to be yeah and I'm going shut up you fucking idiot yeah I've had a few of those we go you don't know what you're talking about and they were completely right but have you had it where it's where they were wrong of course when they said not to do 20 minutes of jail or whatever but then we also had the movie when stand-up

stood out which I love the whole they did a whole showtime documentary about the Boston comedy scene and all those old guys just drank and did drugs and they should have been focused on the career and then my generation watched the movie we were like wow that's great weird yeah and then we just did it we just did what they did instead of being like I better get sober and work on my career we were just like all right I'll do what they did I'll take I'll have what they're having but also it was fun as hell I mean we had a good time and I do the same thing I was blacking out four nights a week but we had a good time it was fun

but sometimes this is like too deep sometimes I look back I'm like was I actually happy and having fun or was I actually just miserable acquiring STDs and pissing everybody off and point not living up to my potential it's probably better to be a Mulaney and just cut cut the booze and just work on your career and get a wife and make money but everyone has their own path you gotta do it on your own timeline and your own thing and you know you can only do it when you're ready and all that fun shit some of those mornings oh man after like you know going out all night you have no money you're drinking drinks I'm drinking a

wine glass off the bar I'm chugging a beer I found in the corner you know and then those mornings I'm like what am I doing you're on three hours of sleep you hate yourself you hate your kids you hate your wife brutal but now you have a good thing where you're like all right I gotta I gotta I gotta make up for this I'm a piece of shit I gotta write all day cuz I'm a piece of shit for last night totally I didn't have that I would just go all right well I'll just start drinking again and the guilt the guilt is so effervescent right it's so pungent that I gotta get rid of it yeah I just go to the gym or hit the books or

kill yourself yeah I just wanted to kill myself but now I'm doing all right and remember that time we stayed up all night at your house watching Mark's brother in the next day we woke up went to Applebee oh that was a great night I still think about how fun that was we watched a movie we went to the movies you me and bulger yes oh the movie if I start jerking off don't try to stop me as hard as I've ever laughed in my life but it was so childlike was so freeing you know everybody's like we went to Cancun and fucked eight whores and rode jet skis I'm like I bet I had more fun yakking it up with you with a VCR

going and a joint and a couple of hooch and my room was 14 feet by nine feet yes stayed up in the top of each other we spooned and watched here duck soup and laughed I remember I dusted off that thing it was a comedy all-stars where it was like Bill Maher and Paul Reiser talking oh that and Larry Miller it was like from the 90s they were all talking forgot about I think we watched that we watched what stand-up stood out and we watched a bunch like duck soup and coconuts or something hours of entertainment yeah that was fun I remember one time going back to the Apollo again don't forget to tweet him we were

sitting yeah he needs it we were in the kitchen and I was doing his bit about the yeah it's the hardest I've ever killed in my life I was doing his bit about the dildo his wife bought a dildo and had more veins in it the niggie pops forearm and she took batteries out of the remote he's like I'm crawling around it took batteries from the smoke detector he's like I'm crawling in a fire she's having the best orgasm of her life but I did the whole bit you're on the floor laughing you spit water everywhere we're smoking weed out of a Mountain Dew bottle my roommate came in he's like a 68 year old Indian Samoan guy Samoan that was why

wouldn't he work at Newark? LaGuardia he's still over there wow but we had never I had never like spoken to him I was just like hello hi you came in you like what's with the Samoan right in his ear shot it was I was freaking out I was hiding under a pillow got chief from cuckoo's nest coming home at five in the morning I know what was happening he's more like you know the guy from the tenon bombs movie I mean what do you call it? Bogota? Bogota yeah like Rushmore and stuff I saw I remember him being huge I don't know why like eight feet tall no no he's like five two oh he's heavy I don't know I got the heavy I guess I was on the floor

when I saw him not heavy but he's like a he's like a he's a regular sized guy with like a little bit of a belly but great guy sweet as pie sweet sweet man you can tell you just wanted to live didn't want to bother anybody didn't want to be bothered kept out of the way yeah you made me nervous having people over made me nervous because I was always afraid someone's gonna walk into his room which I think happened one time someone stayed over and I thought it was the bathroom so they just walked into his bedroom he's like hello that's crazy but great guy wish I had but again I was a drunk like now it's been more time talking to him

hanging out chatting that's true the time I was just drunk and I was like who's this guy and I wasn't a great person such a funny New York thing like looking back you're like oh yeah that guy live with you but if you put that in a movie people would be like who is this yeah classic New York poor guy shit yeah they'd be like this doesn't even make sense who would ever just live with a middle-aged Indian guy I don't really know never time it's like the half baked thing with the guy on the couch yes that was even right even right exactly Boston stand up sit out yeah he's the best part of that movie that's a great

movie if you haven't seen it go watch it I don't know where you can find it but it's around I got the DVD maybe it's on Showtime or it might be actually it was originally on Showtime maybe it's on Amazon speaking of which I want to plug Nick Griffin special go watch his special it's called what's it called I already forget cheer up cheer up Nick Griffin cheer up it's on Amazon or whatever go buy it support this guy one of the funniest comics on the planet I mean joke after joke perfect joke all great he's such a great writer great comic been doing it for 800 years you're missing out he's the most underrated

guy out there yeah probably one of the best comics ever I've mentioned on the show a lot I think he did nine letterman's he did my show so Monday this past Monday a week ago now eight days ago we got our show Michelle Wolf and I do it we've done about five of these we call it Michelle and Joe save the world or earth wind and funny that was Keith Robinson's title he came up with I think before they made a poster where it was me and Michelle and the earth with headshots and then underneath it said earth wind and funny but the way the poster was made it made it seem like I was the wind oh yes it was earth with a

picture earth funny with a picture of Michelle and then wind oh that's it was me I'm the wind it's like your ring go I don't want to be the wind now all the wind is whimsical you know everybody loves the wind Bob Dylan song caught in the wind you know blowing in the wind you can sailboats yeah farts wind farms ah windmill that's something all right winter winter chicken dinner that's a stretch but that wasn't good whatever wind is good you know you don't want to be we don't we described as windy as a comic no win that's what I would say like you know Lewis Black is like a big

windbag right we should start using that how was that guy if they're like too preachy would know it little windy little windy I like it start that and suck their dicks which I think is catch by the way it on oh which I gotta say so I go to fat black yesterday and I got my little fat black crew it's me big dick Rogers Caitlyn Palufo his wife Isabel Hagan and I had Sarah last night probably too many a lot of openers yeah what are you cat Williams but we had a nice little crew women do it was it's been those three Steve Caitlyn Isabel but then Sarah was around so I said what come by do the show what are you

gonna do what are they doing three each they did 10 each and then I do 45 all right well you think about it on the road you do 15 and 25 that's true 40 that's what people doing 10 boom but it is a lot to get used to there's a new person the new person a new person and the crowds are not always hot that's a tough black it's the couches and I think there's a lot of B squad like we couldn't get in the cell we're going to the fat black but yeah the lighting's weird they're on couches they're right on top you but in a bad way on the stage they're also holding like biscuits and mozzarella sticks and

menus and a guy with a menu on his head and water on his shoulder and a hot dog in his hand and you know shoe up his ass it's too much but it's it's still fun I appreciate it you get to work out so I said to everybody hey come meet me at Waverly diner my favorite diner right over here on 6th Avenue looking diner fun trivia question little Louis CK trivia first restaurant he ate in publicly after the whole debacle M&I he said well let's see what this is all about and it was fine wouldn't that be weird like let me go eat outside oh that's what it was like he's like let's see what this is and it was quite an experiment but one

guy came over this is a year ago now it's great the whole thing was like two years ago that's flying by anyway not well not for him but anyways so I go to Waverly diner I love it I say hey come meet me over there it's me Sarah Steve Isabel we have a good time there's like that thing where you can't get the menu to come out though the waiter to come over he won't come over then it's like all of a sudden we're there an hour and a half early all of a sudden it's 745 750 and I'm like I give you a waffle here I got a show pal step on it yes he comes over it's like 823 luckily Caitlyn went straight there we bomb over

there I got a full waffle in my belly we start the show we're about to start the show the crowd is lined up to go in and a young lovely girl attractive young woman leans over and says hey suck their dicks how about that come on this is like a missed connections and wherever you are God bless you tweeted us I love you I mean this girl and a good looking young girl oh my god not like not some old haggity bag bag of bones I mean that's wife material right there if he asked me the lean in with the suck their dicks and good looking and coming to your comedy show come on this this girl's MVP

very exciting and you're like it's like a it reminds me of the Seinfeld wish we whispers don't call me you either you know and it reveals that she was the sex lady right it was like that kind of thing we were like whoa any time a woman on the track woman leans in to tell me something I think it's gonna be you're going to jail yeah I'm gonna ruin your life yeah you suck your small dick you're sucking bad I'm gay you're gay I just terrified I still have the glove you're like no no yes I kept the condom but anyways that was exciting so we had some some gays in there some twos gays go gays and that was

fine cuz for a moment we did the episode came out that day and I was like oh let me try this is this funny at all I saw a nipple in the park and they were like whoa twos gay because I just told the story right the joke bomb but they were happy to hear something they heard on the podcast so thank you gays for coming out please write in message us this this gal I'm just I just want to see what what she's all about no one's going on for coffee here no assholes are gonna wink I'm just I'm just blown away by this whole scenario that's another thing we're gonna start no assholes are gonna wink hey I came to the show no assholes

are gonna that's a good thing for meeting up but no one's fucking right yeah we have me and her had dinner no assholes are gonna wink but we're having dinner some say platonic we say no asshole winking no assholes are gonna wink too small to cancel when the other one windy and suck their dicks and don't forget you know what is it lunch and try song after a wet song we got a lot of trying to get into the big t-shirt back into the book here hey oh gotta tell you about away bags I love away they're the best business and travel I love their luggage I'm looking at one right now literally sitting on my floor stacked to

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with us anyway twenty dollars off a suitcase visitor way travel comm slash Tuesdays 20 because you get $20 off that's why away travel comm slash Tuesdays 20 use promo code Tuesdays 20 during checkout Tuesdays get on it 20 bucks off Tuesdays the number 20 at the end for 20 bucks off that's the promo away travel comm slash Tuesdays 20 use promo code Tuesday 20 at checkout but no heckles last night fun show I don't remember I got nothing this is one of those ones where you think you have stuff well really have much oh but I didn't even tell the earth wind and so I do earth wind and funny and it's Michelle and I we do the

thing we give them money the rainforest which by the way nobody even knew we go up on stage together which is always fun we make it weird sure and good laugh her good laugh her and like she'll go for it she's doing rape jokes we're doing like women getting hit jokes and love it love the wolf by the way nobody in the audience they don't they don't know it's a rain for in our mind we're doing a rainforest benefit nobody know they're just came to see a show they don't see the flyer with her on it I assume she's selling some tickets here that's no flyer that was an old flyer just like now it just they just sell it out or

whatever got it and we just talked about the rainforest and saving the ramp the whole crowds like what the fuck are you talking about was until the end of the show we went back on stage you're like did you guys know this is a benefit for the rainforest and a hundred percent of people like what no oh we had a great show her and I go up we go do it our set together then Nick Griffin who's the best check out his special the king oh my god he's so funny by the way just slept in the some Montreal airport like that's how humble the guy is he just he just doing the road eats out of a vending machine and fucking sleeps at airports

he's the best he got a great joke about how he's all depressed everything he goes for a while I thought it was lonely and I spent some time with people and that wasn't it one of the best he goes up kills one of the best then Keith Robinson goes next he's one of the my favorite guys ever funny than Keith he kills then we're trying we got the shows a little light on booking I got Ryan Hamilton Keith Robinson Nick Griffin and Michelle's been on vacation out in Hawaii celebrating her special that'll be coming out of Netflix keep an eye out for it so I go we should probably get one more so we send out some feelers

and she goes I got Anthony DeVito but I tweeted at not tweeted at but DM'd Jim Gaffigan saying hey you got kids we're doing a benefit for the rainforest over here it's the earth's lungs stop by you a set and now I don't hear back from which I don't expect to Keith Robinson's on stage then all of a sudden I get a notification it says from Jim Gaffigan says I'll be there in five minutes I go hey all right we got Gaffigan coming that's exciting very exciting and just to get there the answer back yeah it feels good so then and then he goes FYI and they gave his numbers that feels nice you know I'll never text them but

it just feels nice to have these numbers in your phone completely you ever do this you ever someone's acts looking over your shoulder you like hold on I got I gotta just quickly do with it you kind of show them some of those numbers on there oh sorry that's Jim Gaffigan don't worry about that yeah what's Eddie Murphy doing in there right right well he likes trans because you can write any name in there that's true it's a good point you just throw Barack Obama in there I don't worry Barry and I we fuck well as a single man every number in my phone was a big tits McDonald's you know whatever Jenny Pizza Hut that's a

great story have you ever tell that one or Joe I love I think it was Tommy Johnnigan's story but I would say you know back in the day years ago he would have all the girls in there as like you know Milwaukee crazy feet you know big tit nipplehead right and you know they're getting on the plane he's talking to Johnny he goes man I could have I could have fucked two kids last night he's in the phone as two kids right she's got to wish I had fucked two kids and people going fuck two kids what oh that's that's a bit or Johnny just a story that's a real thing that happened that's hilarious he's getting on the

plane he's like I gotta fuck two kids the name that's alright right story yeah it's a comedy story but Robin is a classy cat but I think we're fine yeah this is years ago ten years ago more than ten years ago actually he was gay then all right anyways well I don't know what his situation is but anyways I don't like to tell tales out of school of course sure we have not graduated nope so the show is great Gaffigan shows up and then in the Michelle and I are alternating hosts we go on together then it'll go me then her and me and then Ryan Hamilton's going next Gaffigan he's funny he kicks in the door he goes they said I could go on can

I go on you know he's a goofball I love that that's fun and I go yeah and then Hamilton goes do you want to go next like she's got you got to get her though she's going up on stage right now so he's like I'll go next he throws his bag down he's got to like show her that he's next to that move oh of course so he's like lighting himself underneath his face like ghost story style and like terrified she's doing she doesn't give a fuck she's doing a joke about you know fetuses dying yeah exactly and it sees like old clean pants she brings up Gaffigan's wolf bringing up Gaffigan like this is like star power oh yeah a

lot of pale and he kid I mean he is just like obviously one of the greats of all time kills for about 20 and then he's so he's so sweet and humble he's like where's the light am I getting the light I was like I was gonna like you're fucking Gaffigan yeah was the crowd pop big pop and it always is the same situation with these drop-ins they never go crazy till they see the person yeah they don't believe it I don't know what the psychology is yes but you go Jim Gaffigan they go not till they see the person no matter what every crowd it's reality I mean it

hits you you know it's like that's why I can't get into God I'm waiting to see him right but check on my cock I will say that Keith Robinson you want to talk about name dropping and and showing up at shows first night at the cellar finally working there I'll pass the audition I'm going on Keith hobbles downstairs and goes all right you're up young brother whatever and he goes next up you guys are in for a real treat this guy's great and I was like oh my god he's being so nice to me Jerry Seinfeld the crowd goes apeshit and I have to go on that's right you have a Seinfeld yeah oh geez and I mean what a boner killer when I

showed up they're like who is this dweeb well that's what's interesting about Keith I think I told the story recently he will fuck he doesn't even need an audience one time he gave me the wrong and the at the cellar to get in the bathroom you have to press a code to get downstairs it's like a secret code for customers only in comics or whatever and he gave me the wrong code just to watch me not be able to get into the bathroom yeah but there was no one at the table it was just him so he'll just bust balls and there's no audience like I'm like so you're just doing this just to be mean to me like and he's laughing at himself he

loves it it's in them most people don't just trash or fuck with someone when it's just one-on-one of course you're like well this is crazy that guy's he's the best well I remember James Smith who's a funny comic Australian cat very he was he was a biggest ball busting ruin your life prank guy and all these people would walk up to the cellar table and go oh where's the bathroom to go right in there and he would just point to the kitchen and he would just eight people going to the kitchen in and out and they'd go what there's no one in there and see here's some African guy like get out get out of here these people are

terrified like I'm up with a blood diamond yes diamond in the rough sheet rock get to the horse sound they do the trunk the whole thing it was great oh yeah classically funny well this is a real this is a trip down memory lane I know podcast well you want to get on the lane I had a wacky night last that I got to bring up you know the moped's it's a staple now my in my life people are talking a lot of messages a lot of tweets about it I did five sets last night and I go hey I'm bringing the hog out this is the perfect night for the hog at 75 degrees I'll throw in a light jacket are we calling it a hog now I'm calling

a hog okay did you name it do you name a bike or is that just a boat I think you name it yeah you name it a boat you name a lady this I don't want to get on a lady and and ride it maybe Bill a bill's not bad all right there I'll call it Bill until you come up with something better I like hog all right we'll do hog bill hog bill hog you know I grew up on hog Memorial Drive wow a lot of fat chicks all right so you're on believe the hog come on the hog bill and you know it's Purr nicely and me and the lady go out and have a couple beers you know she's like I got out of work early it's a beautiful day we

go sit at wogies on Greenwich Ave and have a couple of pops in the in the summertime made up now true story we go out there and then I go oh shit I got to get to the stand and she goes well I'm gonna get some food I'm gonna go to this place over here and I go get on the hog I'll drive it to the food and I'll go to the stand wow so now I got the hog cooking I got the whore on the back we go down to the food place and she's going I gotta tell you this this this bill is is hitting exactly my clit that's the thing with bikes the women love the bike I had no idea that was a myth no that's no myth they come everywhere yeah

so she's holding me for deer anal and I'm going we're at the red line she's like I'm getting off like not off the bike I'm getting off this is it feels exactly like my vibrator just smells like gasoline wow and so I was like wow this is hot she's hugging me I can feel her legs clamping you know I was like this is amazing I never thought I'd be this guy I never thought I have that moment in my life where I'm going she's going I'm so turned on wow not my life bye-bye kids that's from me myself in a room so I drop her off and she's all hot and bothered I had to give her a couple napkins and I pop over to the stand

Stavros is a show boy he's got some killer stuff by the way he's oh I love Stavros that's a fun show he's out there every Tuesday yes when people have their own show every week they end up getting stronger and yeah they're pumping it out and he could only had his own fans there so it's just a great night I get back on the hog to go to the next set but I got like a half hour or 45 I got plenty of time Greg Stone Rachel Feinstein and Anthony DeVito there and they're having a good time they're they're cooling out and drinking and everything and they go let's see the bike and I go all right and I go I gotta run though so I try to

start it it won't start I got all this is embarrassing they're going everything all right and so embarrassing cuz they was like the bike here we go we've heard about it all right and then just right right you know nothing I look like an idiot oh boy and you know there's already the bike jokes and you know any time a comic does something outlandish you you got to cut it down or anything different not even outlandish you wear a hat people like what are you a hat guy now you piece of shit you wear a hammer loop on your gene you're a fucking mechanic all the sudden it's a whole thing they'll find it even if you're

eating a hot dog the hot dog is the focus all right you know that's how comics are so the bike won't start and I'm so embarrassed I feel like a kid again we're like I can't get it going I can't get it up and so I go well let's get a drink let's get a drink you know I so I have to walk them back inside and then when they get drink they start talking I run back out try to start it was so embarrassing you're like clock Griswold the lights the Christmas lights I'm the lights yes Hanukkah so now I'm so embarrassed that I just pop the kick stand and just walk it around the corner so I can start it in peace and not be

embarrassed right and it's still nothing nothing I mean I'm like my life I hate myself well it is from the 40s this thing act in 1986 okay so I was like what did I what am I doing wrong I'm changing the fuck with the choke I'm turning the reserve gas I'm playing I'm tinkering I'm like a man down there I take my jacket off I roll the sleeves up I have a cigarette I'm tinkering I'm hating blacks the whole thing you took the jacket off then you rolled the sleeves up shirt sleeve I see yeah it's hot out so I go fuck it a clock's ticking so I have to I walk it to New York comedy club like 20 oh my gosh whatever humiliating

humiliating I'm in the street bikes are passing me because I can't get on the sidewalk it's too clunky oh my god oh my god I suck so I park it and I try to start it again in New York comedy club it kind of bucks but it won't catch hmm and some guy walks by and goes that's out of gas I forgot about gas oh my god you forget about gas I forgot gas existed I live in New York I gotta I gotta moped I have a gas situation myself when I rent a car I forget about the gas yes because it feels you rented it it's someone else's right it should be full yep so I guess when the guy gave it to me it was low or whatever you know because

it goes 8,000 miles to the gallon but so now I'm like all right well let me Google gas station Google gas there's nothing this is Manhattan there's one on FDR all the way to the east side yes and there's one on 8th Avenue yeah all the east are all the way west so I go fuck I got three more sets so I locked the bike up everybody's making fun of me out of gas you're an idiot blah blah yeah do the set I run to the seller do the set I run to the the VU do a set and then I go I guess I gotta go pick up the bike but I don't want to pick it up I'm mad at the bike yeah you hate the bike so I'm sitting there with Che and Schultz and Sam

and Phil Hanley was such a good hang the wolf shows up now we all start pounding them wow what a hang it was a killer hang was mine is a couple epic as they say mm-hmm so now we're putting them back we're putting them back these kids can booze man you know Che's an animal and wolf's the fucking deviant and we're having a great time now I look at my watch it's 330 oh I still gotta pick up the bike get somebody will snag that thing if I leave it out there Billy don't be a hero I know fuck Bill Burr so I got a war I'm drunk now it's 4 a.m. I get the bike now I gotta walk it all the way back I don't get home to fucking 510

sweaty I smell like anal I come in the ladies like where the hell have you been you what have you been doing you've been fucking a grease monkey and this whole thing so the bike is finally bitten me but after you leave I'm gonna walk that puppy over to 8th Avenue and fill that tank oh you still haven't got the gas no I was too late I was like ah I'm going to bed wait they might be one closer to that than here isn't there they used to be one on Broadway Lafayette there was like a big one that's gone remember that one on Houston yeah Houston there was a huge one gone wow the condos man no kidding yeah the west side's got a bunch of them and

then Queens you can get somebody don't want you can walk to Queens obviously gonna hit the George wash but yeah brutal so out of gas but we had a great night and you know we drank a bunch and laughed and talked about the Chappelle special did you see it I haven't watched it yet last night I got home but I was too tired it was a long day I went to the US open all day and then I had my show and I was too excited I didn't want to watch it when I was exhausted right right but I'll get to it I heard it's great although I'm going on vacation today so I don't know when I'll see it but I'll see it all right I love this best writing but

I think some of the points are so brilliant that you're like wow well maybe I'll watch it this afternoon before I leave but with the US opens going I gotta I watch all the tennis I get very excited I went out there yesterday my favorite time of the year oh how was that I feel so stupid for booking this big vacation during my favorite two weeks to be in New York and I'm in another country I can't even watch the fucking tournament I'll have to just check it on my gay dumb app but it was fun I go out every year I love it that nothing no story really but took the seven train out there as usual I love pulling in I love

that old boardwalk if you don't go you got to go check it out it's great is it flushing or is that that's flushing yeah yeah you got to flushing and tickets to the big stadium I saw Samona Halop was my favorite player ever and very sexy yeah had a breast reduction tennis reasons that's a bummer yeah that's exciting they're better now sector Dix Naomi Osaka who I love and I got to see her win Samona Halop one and then I went and watched a Wasniac in Carolina was a lot of dames the was yeah it was really fun and up the wazoo then left there went to fat black had Waverly this is like a Tarantino story going

backwards but let me ask you this sure this is a dummy a dumb tennis question sure ignorance over here is it every year because it feels like you're at the US open three times a month it's every year well that's what I was saying it's funny because I was saying to Sarah the problem is going to sporting event doing things every year it makes the years fly by you realize the time you start getting older I'm like I feel like I was here fucking three weeks ago yeah it's crazy and as you get older it's a sad fact of life time goes quicker yes because it's a smaller percentage of your life exact amundo when you're for one year is 25

percent of your life right when you're 39 1% I'm 37 one one year of your life is 139th right when you're a hundred a year is one percent of your life I know and then when somebody goes you know you got about 40 summers left you're like whoa yeah wow when you put it like that I gotta get laid well from the climate reports I'm reading we might have fucking 11 left yeah that's what they say hurricane coming yeah a lot of coming yeah a lot coming coming tornadoing everything's a heat change and a glade they had a funeral for the glaciers oh it's all crazy it's like 14,000 gallons of comma day and then they say the salmon

are gay now that's a whole Dostradamus out there it's not it's not a pretty picture but I think this way is out they can invent our way out carbon capture we got a plant trees eat less beef and I stopped eating beef just because of reflux ah so you're here fighting the good fight on accident part of the solution beef is bad those cows they they queef in it they wink exactly they fart and burp and cows they're windy yeah windy windy cows killing the ozone which is kind of nice it's like hey cows are doing it all right we all we got I gotta speak on spice up with one of our best episodes ever we got 10 minutes

oh sorry I'm afraid we're getting too sad and we're gonna have people tweet at us saying we're a fucking idiot tree hugging fucking losers all right but anyways yeah try to cut down on the beef and you know vote for someone that acknowledges science then we just got shut down yeah they hate us they hate me whatever they like you they hate me what can you do no you got the hot chick sucking your dick get fat black yeah she just said to suck their dicks and what can you do what was the other one suck lick their balls well you can eat that you can do varieties of them suck their dicks eat them out yeah and then if you

bomb me they couldn't get them up you couldn't get them up couldn't get them up or sounds like a real one I couldn't get them up couldn't get them up that one's pretty good I like that I like that also but anyways I'm off to Europe for a while I leave tonight go into London ready yep and what do you think of this here's something I don't know this is a story I had a real we had the park hang on Sunday I had a classic Larry David Seinfeldian situation do you love when you have like this is a Seinfeld completely so my friend Isabelle you know her yeah she went to buy she went to go to the bathroom I said hey is one of

you grab me a hot dog if you don't mind you're up because the hang you don't want to leave the hang no you're sitting we're all sitting in a big circle you got your good circle spot I got I like who's next to me you know yeah and I just holding a piss all day I'm in the sun I'm in the grass I'm not going anywhere I love it do you give her cash now fuck her all right well that comes into play all right so she gets up and she earlier she went and got a hot dog I go away you gotta offer the hot dog if you're going to the hot dogs then you gotta say anyone want a hot dog yeah because that's a trip that's a whole trip and it's just you

know it's just thoughtful thinking yes come on we're a group bitch yeah you got so then she goes I'm gonna go to the bathroom I go hey how about that hot dog so she said oh great no problem I got your hot dog I said nothing on I got the silent re it's a whole situation no would you if you didn't have a silent re would you get a condom I'd get a big catch up I'm gonna catch up on a hot dog I don't care for mustard so the mustard is off the hot dog so she leaves we're sitting there we're all talking I'm in the back of my mind I'm excited about my hot dog yes now now there's two words in hot dog what's one of them hot yes sir so we're sitting there

we've got a little card game go I don't know what the hell we're talking about tits or come or business nipples and all of a sudden I see her out in the distance it's her and maybe Chloe Radcliffe you know her oh yeah sweet as pie that girl's an angel yes so they're out there in the distance I see him coming so I start tasting the hot dog oh yeah you salivate I'm salivating Pavlov's hot dog excellent word excellent reference I love all of it that could be a title she'll boat they shall be he's not gonna get this far into it now he already left after the dungeon master tuck that hump and the keys yes master I was gonna say the same thing so anyways I see her in the distance and I'm going all right I'm trying to keep the conversation

going and act like I'm not salivating but I got one eye over here my eyes just go independently I got one eye on the dog and one eye on my you know friend over here yes and I'm going yeah yeah the godfather's great it's a great film whatever but really I'm thinking about the hot dog now I look over here I look back up now that now her and Chloe and the hot dog have all stopped to chat and meet a cat 10 feet away a cat there's a group 10 feet away ironically if you remember last week's episode it was the woman whose nipple was exposed ah she had a kite and a cat a cat kite a cat kite aha a cat kite bar so she's give me a break she's got a cat and a kite and a nipple yeah that's a good group and they stopped to chat with the cat ah a cat chat but this god damn

bitch has got my hot dog oh the cat stopped the dog now you go as a says it's very syphelion you don't stop on a hot dog run so true you gotta bring finish the trip bring the hot dog drop it off then go back to the cat right also you don't want to be petting a fluffy bitch with a dog in your hand and the cats got nine lives you got time you got time I think you die seven times you can still chat with the cat yes a hot dog doesn't always land on its feet exactly so she's sitting there for like 10 minutes I've got everyone I'm going look at this this fucking dames got a hot dog of mine and the word starts to spread the whole group's like this is crazy and somebody like wow she's stopping to chat with the cat I'm like you don't stop and then somebody brings up the point well did you

did you give her money for the hot dog that's irrelevant that's irrelevant but if you had given her money there might be more of a pressure to deliver it now maybe the pressure I can't tell but I'm with you though that is kooky also first of all you can't enjoy a cat while you're holding the dog in your hand no well I think here's the thing I think you know she's a she's a shy lady I think Chloe wanted the cat but she didn't know how to leave the group because she's like are we a pairing because they went all the way there together that's right so she didn't want to bail on the clothes yeah just had to meet the cat that makes sense so she's talking to the cat because of the clothe right we want my dog is getting cold now I got a cold dog and a hot cat and it was a

shit dog to begin with on a tin roof yeah it's a shitty dog of course finally after about 10 minutes I got my dog I go what the fuck you're doing yeah you piece of shit yeah it's probably got a hairball on it so I go thank thanks for nothing and then I can't have any condiments because I got silent Reese now it's just a dry fucking old hot dog with cat fur on it you got a movie hot dog yeah I would have liked to you know claw I don't know I'm trying to do the cat reference right yeah it's a hell of a tale thank you well here's the clinker is that cat didn't even enjoy her the cats don't want to be bothered by some skank with a dog that's don't give a shit no but anyways I got my dog I still appreciate it but I said I'm not giving you money for the hot dog I'd pay you

back if it was a good hot dog but it's a shitty hot dog so you're gonna have to eat the money wow I mean we're old friends it's fine did she did you air your grievances about this cat situation to her right there and then oh wow and I think a lot of people now people don't you know we got a relationship or whatever we're friends so and I've got a couple of breakfasts don't get me wrong so it's not a big whatever but I think a couple people were like this guy's a piece of shit because people don't something just new groups you got great people bringing other people so I think some people are like Jesus Christ don't ever do a favor for this psychopath abusive uh but anyways I'm all it's all a joke anyways but I do think you got hot food you're

gonna make the delivery of course it was a grub hub folks and I was starving I might add now the clinker I've said that seven times but the catches next time catchy clinker next time she asked you for something make sure you're walking over with the umbrella or the pancake or the socks whatever and she sees you pop over and talk to a telephone pole for half an hour yeah let's see how she likes what's good for the goose is good for the gander yeah goosing maybe I will yeah or but here's the thing you don't want to be like these people this is like the political problem good point instead of people going I didn't like when they did that let me not do that people go let me show them what that's like that's how we got to the sex this area we're at with congress and all this shit great

point great people go well you did this when Obama well I'm gonna do this when he's president wait till we're president now you're doing the same shit you hate it exactly it's how we got here so everyone should be treated the way they want to be treated so if you're making a delivery just deliver it if it's unless it's not hot right if it was a you know a well you need hot open man anything food fruit food or drink bowl of fruit but also there's a hunger factor I'm hungry you're so close just give me the food so I think you have to go no food if it's a pair of you know pants sure but then I'm naked but a hot pair of pants and nothing better than that yeah good point but hot pants we were talking last night you raise a good point there fatty about how in the 60s

we were talking about how the left was all about like hey we want to stop the war we want to have civil rights so we're having free speech yes and we hate religion and all that and we're gonna talk about it and the right was going hey pipe down you can't talk about our stuff like that fuck your free speech and now the right is going we want to say horrible things we want to have free this we want to talk about that and the left is going hey don't talk about that so it's really just about what you're saying not about you know free speech it's it does feel like the free speech group has flipped yes and the left has a lot of like he shouldn't be able to work he should lose his job and it's really kind of flipped the rude it's flipped and it's it's it's such human nature like

oh but now I want it's what I want right now we're gonna change it but similarly the right there you go free speech free speech free speech and then someone trashes someone from the right or says something little they go hey you shut up you can say that where they should go all right that's fair because that's what I want right instead they go why don't you shut them down like you wanted to shut us down it's a whole thing it's a whole business but yeah it does feel like in the 60s the left was the free speech and now it feels like the right is the free speech and yeah and it just comes down to your it's all about size this is my side fuck your side you know like you know when they go hey you call Lena Dunham fat that's fat shaming

that's body shaming but then you go hey Trump's hands are small we love it and you're like well I thought that was body shaming yes I don't know Chris Christie in a softball uniform no problem right he's a big fat idiot with tight pants exactly it's all gookie dookie but hey we gotta we gotta wrap this son of a bitch up why don't pay attention any of it now this comes out on the big twos big twos we have they all come on on Tuesdays oh that's a good point that's the next Tuesday I'll be in Wales when this comes I won't even see any of the tweets and everything that's exciting well you got Wi-Fi there I'll check occasionally but I'm trying to go good for you off the grid you're going Ari but yeah I'm excited about the trip and I think this is one

of our best episodes ever I really enjoyed the hell out of it I hated myself for the whole time I got problem oh we had a great time all right where are you gonna be there fat man well I'm in uh Norway this weekend let me look at my butt Oslo or the other one the other one Bergen Bergen I'm not going back to Oslo because I made fun of that lady that introduced me oh that's right I'm afraid to ever go back there again Aaron Bergen uh hold on hold on I'm pulling up my book I got a bunch of dates that I gotta start plugging I can't get it here let me go right while you're digging you go all right this weekend comedy perks in Denver you heard us talking about I love Denver I love this one of the great clubs and the whole thing when it gets on the calendar

everybody's excited also I think Nate Brigetti's in town the weekend I'm in town red state Nate with Cantor so we're gonna have a real shit show and who else is there Larry the cable guy oh wow that's gonna be one big uh hee-haw and him and Cantor are kind of tight oh all right and I think I got Sam Ruddy opening for me so that'll be fun oh shit yeah oh I love the rudd then somebody somebody dropped out of uh fucking Irvine Improv which is a huge room and they gave it to my fat ass so please LA you're always saying hey when you come to LA this is it yeah this is the big one not just LA drive up from San Diego drive out from Phoenix take a trip for God's sake yes Baker the uh the other one yes so Irvine Improv two nights Friday Saturday September 13th and 14th

got Josh Potter opening you know Josh from the uh famous yes your mom's house podcast yeah I like Josh uh fucking Kill Tony uh headlining the belly room on September 25th punchline Sacramento Addison Improv in Dallas with Fat Crissel Cheseding Michigan Capsity in Austin Tejas Acme in Minneapolis pedophile what is it Isle of land Isle of man Lake of the Isles Lake of the Isles I like an Isle seat Spokane in Tacoma and Roar Comedy Club in Springfield Mass Rooster Tea Feathers in Sunnyvale and uh Seinfeld gigs and Portland and Santa Anna for us with that Tuesdays I email my agent about getting that ticket link up people keep saying there's no tickets available yeah sorry about that we're gonna get that on it's far out but yeah we gotta get on that far out man all right

Hartford funny bone the best funny bone in the world oh come out to that one any fans that one because it's a tough room Hartford funny bone September 26th through the 28th and then October is a big crazy month laughs in Seattle on the 4th and the 5th come out to that you know I love Seattle Skyline in Appleton the 10th 11th and 12th come to the Friday early I want to try to make a bonus there for God's sake Friday early shows Skyline or the Appleton I mean uh 8 o'clock whatever the fuck some show come to the same show though maybe coordinate your Tuesdays yeah blue room in Springfield Missouri October 18th and 19th and then Burlington Vermont go Bernie October 24 25 26 and then uh November I got some fun stuff Albany funny bone Des Moines funny bone DC draft house is my favorite

room ever and Laugh Boston November 29th and 30th and we just added oh I'm going to well first of all hilarities in December in Cleveland December 5th 6 and 7th Santa Anna the Tuesdays festival yes Saturday the 21st we just added secret group in Houston get those tickets everybody I think that might sell out it's me and Sarah December 21st right before Christmas good Christmas gift and yesterday I added you've done this gig Lafayette Louisiana yeah that's a good gig December 20th Friday December 20th so if you're I've never done work New Orleans so maybe take the road trip out or whatever you're gonna I don't know how far as Lafayette from New Orleans that's three hours but there's nothing to do there so you gotta come see the the list of maniacs yeah come on out everywhere

in Louisiana come out there December 20th Lafayette December 21st secret group in Houston get tickets early for the secret group I want to sell some ticks there and uh oh are you at the blue room yeah I'm at October what city is that Springfield Missouri I'm there as well in December so yeah a lot of blue yeah and uh go back go to uh merch pump dot gov get some Tuesday shirts new shirts cooking new shirts cooking and we're gonna shoot some video stuff we got some video stuff coming the patreon's rocking and uh just keep supporting we really appreciate it yes we love you godspeed and uh yeah keep spreading the jizz we uh we got the videos coming out and where we hate each other and all that so I have a good time I'm out of I'm out of jizz here I'm on over yeah

suck your dick and call the love story yes hot dog de paulo cat