Tuesdays with Stories! - #314 Gee Whizz

Episode Date: September 10, 2019

It's a gay old Tuesdays as Mark & Joe spitball some hour special titles before a jet lagged Mark gets into his trips to Vegas & Denver while Joe almost "Normand's" his plane ride back from Norway. Che...ck it out! Sponsored by: Roman (getroman.com/tuesdays) Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus eps and full video eps! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/

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Starting point is 00:00:00 hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy spitting at me hey good morning South Korea here we are folks he's dead isn't that crazy
Starting point is 00:00:42 oh Rob Williams oh Rob Williams oh yeah he hung himself is that right oh yeah I know it's a hanging maybe not a hanging I think he hung himself no you're thinking of Emmett Till now he hung himself for sure wow I don't want to say for sure but I'm pretty sure men really he hung it right up he hung him up wow flubber hang him high yes you mind you remember throw him over your shoulder like a continental soldier what's that you don't ever heard that there's hang low and they wobble to and fro you can tie him in a knot you can tie him in a bow you can throw him over your shoulder like a continental soldier may your ears hang
Starting point is 00:01:21 no I don't know that one and then we change it to balls ah puberty hit well balls makes more sense yeah his ears hang low but I heard Sarah just told me this and it made me a little apprehensive that the nose and ears continue to grow I heard the same yeah they age yeah AIDS age oh age age I imagine they would shrink your ears start going you bleed a lot and your junk doesn't shrink with AIDS because then you could use it less hmm a little like a self-cleaning thing like it helps the world oh yeah well that you can still fuck with a small dick Peter this is true yeah the other guy who do you
Starting point is 00:02:03 think we know has the smallest dick what comic do you think and now we're just putting it out there so I don't want to say this person does if we name someone I want them to get upset yeah I know somebody with a tiny dog and who's pretty bothered about it oh really later could you whisper it into the microphone or you know I'm very well and it's ironic is his name would would would make you differ oh wow Damien lemon all right all right that's exciting true somebody has the smallest dog that we know yeah I'm gonna go with maybe a boy maybe Hanley we're in really nice clothes you know sure what I've
Starting point is 00:02:44 heard good thing oh right you know a little lady worked at Caroline okay she said he had quite a donkey hammer what doesn't he have that guy I know all going on by the way I saw a Sam Sam Hanley mix I said to tell I didn't get much from them actually what do you mean a mix it was a guy we were in Norway I saw a guy and I was like Sam and Sarah's like I was gonna say Phil and I was like you know it might be more Phil and she's like but I see the Sam aha so I took a photo and I sent it to them and I didn't get much I'd like to see this mix I'll pull it up this a labradoodle of a Merrill and Han I gotta say I don't think
Starting point is 00:03:24 the photo does it justice aha it's one of those situations yeah they hate the justice claim yeah I was always calling justice what do you go here we go it's pretty good whoa that's good right way more Sam I think it's what more Sam but you had to say because he was tall and thin the up around the eyes looks a little bit you can see a little Phil okay with the cheekbone yeah but yeah alright there's a little bit of Phil like that pick with the old lady and the bag of jizz or whatever it is you know it's both of them oh you shake it like a baseball card no no no it's like you're looking at this way it's an old lady
Starting point is 00:03:59 oh yeah yeah yeah that's a hot lady deaf leopard had that album with the skull and the lady sitting there that's right camera can you see that folks zoom in there get on the patreon patreon or the YouTube how long does it happen before the YouTube week okay something like that the pates get it early alright patreon's you get it early and a lot of people join by the way few tweets go patriots thank you they did a hell of a ball game last night 33 to 3 oh yeah I watch my back I don't want you to scratch now come on get maybe a little bit further right up up up up up up and away now to the right down right there that's
Starting point is 00:04:33 the good stuff back muscles yeah I was I've been working hard I was in the green room with a I had a lesbian opening for me so she had the game on the whole time true story what came the Patriots now the Patriots dealers oh Sunday oh you were endeavor last night yeah I just got here folks wow this is great that now for you listening at home that's everybody yeah they could be listening in a car but they could live in their car yeah but I mean but at home implies not here right and there's nobody here now I hope not that would be weird well it's happened before that's Joe six grand could be someone in the closet
Starting point is 00:05:09 Hanley so last night I got home last night around 10 p.m. from Wales England Norway trip which we'll get into wow that is so wacky wacky do and by the way we talked about the US Open last week I went to the open I left on day three of the open landed streamed the final game of the match and it ended as we were passing the stadium whoa so I'm watching it on my phone and then I'm driving by the stadium was pretty neat not that great whatever it's fun it's fun it was fine good note technology man it's it's something it's unbelievable you can just stream watch the whole thing but anyway so I got home last night at 10 p.m. went
Starting point is 00:05:54 to bed at midnight sure woke up wide awake 4 a.m. this morning that's the word because I got the Euro time yeah and you never get used to I've spent a month of this year in Europe isn't that crazy wow insane so I just wake up at four I sit there of course you start having anxiety because you're like I've been on vacation I'm a piece of shit I haven't done the podcast tomorrow I haven't done a set and blah blah blah I'm blue bully blue do you also get the New York I get the New York intimidation right when I go I've been here in a week I got a fit in the groove I don't know what the do I look him in the eyes
Starting point is 00:06:27 this subway ride I get a little nervous of course and you have the vacations so and in the back of your mind on vacation you know guys like us we have a hard time enjoying the vacay sure because there's always that part of you like do I have an email it's our business it's not like maybe a lot of businesses like this I don't want to sound like an elitist counter or we're doing it what we're doing is harder trickier but in our business it is a little more it's freelance so if you have a regular job in an office you leave for a week you can turn it off a little bit I think a lot of jobs true but our job that could be an
Starting point is 00:06:57 email sitting there so I'm trying to avoid my phone that could be a nine thousand dollar gig hey we're gonna offer to someone else almost beside apparently I miss a Seinfeld text exactly so or there's a tweet going hey the podcast isn't up your piece of shit or hey you said my name on there I want to sue you yeah yeah you never know so there's a little party that's going off fuck I gotta do that let me just check that so then you gotta check your whatever are you doing a phone plan out there and over the pond I'm trying all that well I pay the it's ten bucks a day and I have the fucking phone call which
Starting point is 00:07:28 is a hundred and ten bucks it's no no no picnic no yeah picnic I guess I want to come up something it's no nothing to sneeze at there you go which begs the question what would you sneeze at pepper mmm because you don't like it or well that's you know you get the pepper and he sneeze I know but nothing to sneeze at implies it's pretty good oh yeah you're not sneezing at it because it's causing a reaction that is an odd phrase of anal yeah it's not good it sounds like something Seinfeld would have done back in the day yeah nothing to sneeze at I'll sneeze at you yeah anyway God bless you but hey text them that's not bad
Starting point is 00:08:08 whoo I don't know maybe throw here here there they're at them because I'm not doing anything with it well he did take care now that was a bit of his which is a weird thing to say because it means it's like when you dump somebody go take care now take care now because I'm not gonna be here much longer that's his twist okay that's a decent twist that's something there he's good comic not as best you check on the time already sure we're all gooped up oh alright because we're only like four minutes in here Mike was in I don't even know what I was talking about you had the game streaming the stadium oh we're
Starting point is 00:08:47 sleeping as well as getting out all over the map I got it at 4am I woke up at 4am and then I fell back asleep from 5 to 6 to 6 I'm back up more anxiety get finally it's 7 I told myself as I get 7 you can get up and Adam at least that's somewhat yeah I'm up early right for is like egregious it's pitch black outside what am I gonna do you're like a psycho jogger at that point right so I slept from midnight to four and then five to six so I'm a little fucked up here oh yeah that's and now it's it feels like you know 1115 to me but you however you just got home 10 minutes ago yes yeah I raised home and set the camera up got
Starting point is 00:09:25 the pod cooking and if you have and I unpacked and I did all that and if you have a minute of like this is hard what am I doing I need to sit down I feel like it all crumbles exactly fly into it jump right into the wave well you know what they say don't just do something sit there wait well that's an old Buddhist con tear don't just do something sit there well as it's a twist of the old saying don't just sit there do something you know that's a common hey don't just sit there do something I like it so the Buddhist they say don't just do something sit there aha it's a little bit of a twisty twat meaning like sometimes you
Starting point is 00:10:04 need to sit yeah you got to relax and my I've used this call map every morning and I try I got everything going on I'm going to the gym I'm steaming I'm jerking off I'm going to therapy a a the call map yeah I got Tyra Brock up the ass I'm reading tick not hunt on Wednesdays I'm trying at all oh yeah and so the call map they said the same thing they said you gotta you got to relax sometimes it just be a human body yes yes just feel it stop doing stuff because you think you got a rush from one thing the other and I have the thing and you have it yeah you have a worse than me I never feel like I had this
Starting point is 00:10:40 feeling that I also the day is escaping go I realize oh yeah that feeling is there no matter what like today I got up at seven right I come out I do my push ups I do my cat I got some workout that's some crazy Asian with tattoos on his neck yeah super hot sexy sexy he does I do these eight minutes to get yes doing this and that I'm doing that thing by the way he does four sets I do one I do what I look the best I've ever looked at my life he's an animal for that guy is like a dynamo yeah he's really something a dynamo I don't know what I'm doing anymore I wonder if there's chicks watching that and rubbing the
Starting point is 00:11:19 bean oh I imagine so I think some of the comments allude to that I bet there's a lot of Gaysians going in there but I wonder how many women are doing it yeah I sent it to Ray Allen because he does he doesn't like to work out at the gym so I said hey take this workout and I bet he's rubbed one out to that I can see it I'm not saying he's gay but he's the coxman he's open minded you know I get up I do a shitload of push-ups and then I make my oatmeal I have a smoothie I'm listening to this project I'm working on and I send out some emails and I even sat in red I listen to a rat I do all this stuff and
Starting point is 00:11:57 I'm like oh my god the day's getting away and I'm like I've done everything I've done already but it doesn't matter when you get up and what you do you're still party that's like what am I doing I'm a piece of shit right but in a way I think it's a better way to live I mean it's miserable and you're anxious and freaking out the whole time but I think you're gonna get more out of life that way I suppose so well I'm putting in the breaks and I did the meditation blah blah blah but I don't know what's what we should get into some stories really I wanted to say something about that it escaped me I got so lost on the the hot
Starting point is 00:12:26 Asian dude that I lost it damn it ah it was really something about that whole world the losing the day thing ah oh my god it's better be good that's not great so I've noticed now as an adult like when I was a kid it was like party get laid figure it out dude go nuts have live your life be adventurous born to be wild and now as an adult I'm like I gotta get so much done I got freaking out and I noticed now that I when I sleep in it's cuz I need to or I'll die ah I was a kid I was like I want to sleep in cuz I don't want to get up now it's like I got to sleep in so my body can right moving for two seconds well I did this thing
Starting point is 00:13:04 this is another reason I was freaking out I start taking and I know you know this game too I start taking Tylenol PM to fall asleep and then I start getting I know it will addicted to the idea of like if I don't take it I won't sleep so then I lay up awake going oh my god we had this in Europe because I was on West Coast or whatever the what are the fuck coast bullshit American time ah Eastern yeah Eastern standard and is there an Eastern wacky like standards are Eastern cookie and Eastern I think that's called West Eastern promises whatever because Eastern cookie that's pretty specific but anyways so I was I kept taking these
Starting point is 00:13:43 Tylenol PM then one day we couldn't sleep cuz we're on the East time and so I was like let's take half a Tylenol PM so I ended up taking Tylenol PM eight days in a row yeah now I'm like I'm all fucked up my liver's gonna squat out so then last time I can't take one and now I took too many now I'm trying I'm like I don't take one no matter what yeah then you fucks up your sleep and right we're all we're a fucking mess of people we really are we're all whack-a-doo and then you take a minute to stop and you realize it's all flown by like I'm at Denver Comedy Works like this is one of the best clubs are like yeah it's your
Starting point is 00:14:16 third time here I'm like I've headlined this place three times where did all go I know years did that take to get to the first one then I didn't enjoy that in the second one came around now at the third one like I gotta take a minute here it's crazy and then you try to hold on to the things that I just are a therapist for the first time in six weeks and how about this I was like he's like I haven't seen you in so long and I was like since I've seen him I have been to Minneapolis yeah LA Denver crazy Wales England the Netherlands Norway Bulgaria Romania Poland and Italy cook she's like since I've seen him yeah and
Starting point is 00:14:55 so it's it's just cooking it's a great life and I'm like I feel like I'm enjoying it I'm in the moment I'm very grateful I do a lot of gratitude lists horseshit but that's a good name for you it's a Joe gratitude list I appreciate that I just thought of a I think I got a good album name I think it might be pretentious and stinky that's what mine is oh boy well mine was worse and I'll get into the story I gotta get into the whole I got a lot of stories we're doing a lot of bullshit but here what do you think of this title I'll tell the story I don't tell the story and then the title the title in the story well
Starting point is 00:15:33 I'm anxious to hear both do we need the story for the title maybe I'll tell the title I'll tell the title and then if you hate it I'll tell the thing and then you'll hate it less or more all right right to Rome as in the double on time as in the right to Rome well don't be a double on time here if I did it in Rome right it's not really a double on time here but here's the here's what happened ROAM yeah yeah yeah Rome if you want to right to Rome well here's the thing this is what made me think of it maybe it's not a great title I hate myself I don't know if I get I mean well it's not a pun no no okay but here's the thing we're
Starting point is 00:16:12 in we're in Wales and we're hiking and then the hiking trail comes up to a fence and there's like a big farm and a house on the farm and there's sheep everywhere and the trails like right this way and there's a fence there's a ladder over the fence and I'm like well this is the trail and Sarah's like I can't climb a fence there's sheep and there's somebody's home right and I was like well there's the trails clearly says this way there's another marker in the yard of this guy so I'm like this is the way to go so we climb the fence and now we're just into the sheep everywhere and I'm a city guy sure I don't I'm like to
Starting point is 00:16:46 sheep bite the attack and she's like I don't think so no and I feel like a fucking like you know a fish out of water comedy like it's De Niro chasing down Charles Groban I'm like well I don't know maybe a sheep bites maybe they kick they run it yeah I don't know fuck and they all start walking towards us and they're staring and I just kind of went hi I come in peace and I'm freaking out yeah and then we hop back over the other fence and there's a guy coming and I'm like maybe this is the guy's gonna shoot us I don't know I'm American yeah I don't know these farmers act and he goes only hey hardy hey hardy hey boobly boo
Starting point is 00:17:17 he's got an English accent whatever and I go this your farm he goes oh no no I'm just passing through I'm just a passing I can't I couldn't stop doing the accent there now I've lost right now governor just passing through now that's Australian I can't do it either he goes I'm just passing through and I go well this trail is so interesting because it's on somebody's yard here and he goes well in in Wales they have a law it's called right to Rome you have the right to Rome anyway wow you can walk right on through you have that right that's cookie America Stakes they'll shoot you you walk out they shoot you this is my
Starting point is 00:17:52 land I own this yeah you're on my property blah blah blah but we need property otherwise we got too many nut jobs here don't you think I feel like the right to Rome is fun in Wales out in farm country with the sheep are running around you got to do it in Wales yeah yeah yeah they got they got four million people total or some shit yeah we got nine million or whatever well now that I've heard that the story it's it makes a lot more sense but I like this I like the same right to Rome and we're out here Roman I got the right to Rome I'm never not traveling yeah maybe I got a mic stand with a handkerchief on the end
Starting point is 00:18:24 of it and a black guy I don't know what the black guy's about bad yeah it's a little much I can see you walking on train tracks with the stand right to Rome baby beard yeah call in tweet at me and let me know but if you hate it just say just say don't don't go with it or give me a thumbs down or something don't say I'm a fag who stinks and I'm a liberal or whatever if you were an alt right comic that would be huge huge title right to rub they'd be against the right to roll oh yeah well I got the right thing that's where I got the right but I like the idea of hey I'm out here doing and I got the right to roll I just was so
Starting point is 00:18:59 fascinated by love the idea of like and it's respect everything's respectful there they go yeah yeah you walk through and and then people are actually I'm not saying we should be this way politically whatever don't this isn't about politics but when you let people do things they end up being in a small grouping of course if you go and I'll come right in people end up being more respectful yes it's like that kid in third grade who was allowed to drink vodka and then by 12th grade we were all drunks and he wasn't yes yes exactly or the French kids they all drink wine when they're like four and then now they
Starting point is 00:19:33 don't they're not really as many alcoholics right I like the idea of like yeah you pass right through it that it's it's this land is my farm but who am I to say it's beautiful walk through like there's national trails going right through people's yards yeah and there's a fence there's a ladder over the fence they have a fence to keep shit out but they're like hop over it come on in I like it I like it too it's a it's a great concept it's very it's it's friendly I like all these things in Wales where it was just kind of help yourself yeah like I stayed at a bed and breakfast I got I mean I'm all over the map here but this
Starting point is 00:20:07 guy Dave I wanted to blow this guy I love this man called the summer hill guest house if you ever go to Wales it's in I don't know how does the language is so fucked up boots and look you're a coyote some shit I don't even know all right was it the Scottish it's B E T W S space why like Spanish and they pronounce that err wow and then co-ed and it's pronounced boots air code is that the Germany it's like part German part Gaelic I'm gay I don't know like Gaelic but anyways this guy Dave he had a bed breakfast thing and he was like come down here he's like this tea over here you help yourself this milk put anything
Starting point is 00:20:52 you want in the fridge it's a hotel wow he's like just do whatever you want the whole thing and you like tea oh man I drank the fuck out of some tea it's funny because I go to the Midwest and I get touches of this like every now and then you're like oh these people don't hate each other and they're not everybody's not mad and pushing each other away there's like come on in and they say hi at the bank and they're not yelling at you it's pretty nice main is like that I go up to Maine everyone says hi hello come on in you you want to go ahead of me like you might be in a hurry you go take care whatever yes and you forget so
Starting point is 00:21:21 you it felt good they also have zero fat people in Europe huh it's crazy not I'm not gonna say in Europe of course there's some a fat Italian way less you're right yeah you just I every joke I did I was in London then I don't even know Norway and you do jokes about like I don't want to make fun of fat people because some of you are fat and they like kills here cuz I like we are fat but there they're like well no we're not yeah like we're not fat there's no one fat here that's so funny you say that cuz I had a British lady at my airport I'll get to that later but I was like should I take the middle seat she goes well you're
Starting point is 00:21:54 not the fatty and I was like wow that was great yeah I mean no no American would say that they yeah you can't make fun of that you by the way do you see Bill Mars monologue this week not monologue his soliloquy what have you called at the end oh yeah I don't know what you call it a monologue and then he has the end woman show another monologue but it's all about health care I completely agree with him is like we're all fat we're part of the problem we were talking about health care but everyone's so unhealthy yeah but it just bombed he's just talking about fat we need fat shaming you're all fat you're all gross and he's like fat
Starting point is 00:22:25 shaming is good we've we shamed racist people out of being racist we should and it's just like eating it there's no applause it's great that's great it's literally it's eating it how ironic that's fun it was fat with a pH yeah I got a bunch of fat jokes and I'll tell jokes about trans blowing me and all this and then the fat stuff like why is that you know why is that because they're fat and I guess so yeah but people think fat is so gross they really have a problem with it like even if they're not fat they're like I can't make fun of a fat that's horrific you're like well they did it to themselves well he said a
Starting point is 00:22:58 thing that I've been saying for a while is like okay we should you know I'm anti-fat shaming or whatever but it was fun to say things and then say or whatever yeah whatever bullshit but um Holocaust wasn't real you know whatever whatever but you know I'm not I'm not for shaming fat people and I feel bad because it's a struggle and I've always had a good metabolism I mean I have a horrible diet so I get it I eat like shit I just fucking re-refluxed out and fish and chips every day there's no options in Wales you can't even get a salad they're like we have burgers and we have fish and chips if you don't want
Starting point is 00:23:36 that you fucking beat it and they're still not fat yeah I think they hike I guess something they got the right to roam yeah but anyways so but he was saying there's a thing of like accepting fat like yeah okay we're beautiful and we accept you but also you if you're that overweight you're unhealthy yes so like yes like and I think there's a lot of women that are overweight that are sexy and there's some men that aren't disgusting I guess whatever but but some ways you're like yeah but you gotta be careful you're you're unhealthy right like it's yeah the doctor eventually doctors are gonna hey you need to lose
Starting point is 00:24:16 a few pounds you know how dare you and they're gonna get sued or something's gonna happen right right I'm not now I'm not saying you know I'm sure we have a lot of I'm sure we have majority fat listeners so I don't want to feel I mean I got nothing against fat ease I just I think it's weird that it's bad to shame fat so much because it could kill you more people dying America of obesity than starvation exactly that's what he was saying he's like he's like we had 40 people die in mass shootings last month he's like we had 40,000 die of obesity right whatever you call it heart disease or and fat it's all because you
Starting point is 00:24:48 it's sounds mean to go hey you need to lose weight then it like giving someone a sandwich is a lot easier who's starving go hey you go you're like a hero but if you go hey man you gotta lose some weight you're gonna die you're an asshole give me a hero ah we're off we're often we're often gay here all right we are often gay that's a good album do we have an ad by the way no we do I totally forgot about the Roman tell him your album title and then we'll do that mine is a less sexy than yours yours was you know like wholesome and cute that's stinks mine was I got a lot of generalizations you know race gay men
Starting point is 00:25:29 women drinking so I was gonna call mine generally speaking oh you're generally yes generally I like that something there maybe you're in a general's outfit you got like a patent thing you give it a salute call the general now all right maybe that one's not good that was that Eric Rivera in that commercial is that right remember he was in a commercial for the general that's a big get why the hell can't I find my up Fanny hey speaking of commercials folks hey folks look bunch of we're a bunch of dudes out there we got problems we don't want to talk about them you know I've had illnesses where I just go I'll rub some dirt on it
Starting point is 00:26:07 even though it's anal bleeding but you gotta do something about it oh look we're all human here we've had elliptic erectile dysfunction but with Roman you can see a dick doc online 70% of guys who experience erectile dysfunction never see a doctor what the doctor fellas that's a big percent oh yeah you gotta go hey chat with a licensed physician get the med ship right to your door in an unmarked box with Roman it's easy to get hard for a free online visit and free two-day shipping go to Roman dot com slash Tuesdays yes get Roman dot com slash Tuesdays plural for a free online visit one one more time get Roman dot
Starting point is 00:26:59 com slash Tuesdays and you guys I know you're out there you're rubbed dirt on it kind of people yeah go use this it's fucking great I love it Mark loves it we use it and you're gonna you're gonna love it too I got a good feeling please support the people that support us and also this episode is always as always brought to you by laughable laughable if you're not using the laughable app you're doing comedy and podcast wrong I say every comic you love they're all on there multiple pods different hosts different guests whatever you need it back logs years and years get on there we love the laughable it's right
Starting point is 00:27:34 there look at it I use it myself you type in a comic and every podcast I've ever done pops up yes you like Mark Marin you type in Mark Marin boom there's his podcast all the ones he's been guests on it's pretty great and it's through the years to you can find it oh wait podcast to me you know saying the word right right that podcast app isn't great but laughable easy to use easy breezy Japanese killer and so check it out alright so what should we do so you want to get into some stuff I told a little welch bullshit oh my other pod the my other title is this one's no good was how do we get here meaning how do we
Starting point is 00:28:12 get here like I'm doing a special that's crazy and how do we get here like society wise I like that I like that generally speak might be the winner I like generally speaking better all right how do we get here I feel like I just I hear that a little more how do we get here it feels a little more cliche right right like a lot of people are saying hey how do we get here generally speaking is like a it's a it's a double make it be meaning and to me you're doing some physical things but generally you're speaking generally that's I like I like generally speaking all right well thanks that's good so yeah I've been on the
Starting point is 00:28:49 road I haven't done the excursion you've been on you're like fucking who it's a guy who traveled the world in eighty days Magellan is that him I'm really Carol Lewis and Carol was one Magellan was something who was that I say was a Carol Lewis Carol was it a vase or something like that yeah or you know one of the beauty of the beast or I don't know roll doll what kind of role doll by the way yeah there's was raw doll in his Ram Dass and then there's who's the painter who's the painter where everything's dripping oh Dalí Salvador Dalí and then raw sale bass Sam yes I don't know sale bass he changed salmon to
Starting point is 00:29:34 bass all right good for the tuna so what you've been all over the place where the been I did like a mini gate tour I did Indianapolis for a weekend at the helium great club can't wait to work there hopefully I put your name in all the Tuesdays go we gotta get Joe in here like I'm your agent right so I go I'm gonna try to get him in and then see you do Thursday Friday Saturday then I went straight to Vegas on Sunday which the lady was unhappy about because she's like well now I don't get to see it all blah blah yeah so it's tough yeah it's tough you gotta make it work you know it goes but I want to talk about Indie they put
Starting point is 00:30:13 you right downtown you're right in the heart of it it's really one of these real Midwest towns you know it's like steel belt and all this bullshit and they love their football team and Colts yes so everything's great I got Sean Murph dog opening for me he's killer a mermaid we got Tuesdays coming out it's a helium so it's well run the food is good get the salmon get the swordfish best in the city every night's going great one night I believe it was Saturday early show of course everything's going good these two gals in the front very attractive ladies are hammered their house and they keep like going I'll tell you what like he's
Starting point is 00:30:56 there in front row pointing at his dick and pointing at his face and he's a kooky looking fella so eventually at the end he goes hey ladies and he's like not a mean guy he's like a nerdy cute guy sure and he's like hey man gals I don't care if you talk but like just be considerate marks coming on so please stop and they were like whoa you know and it was adorable because he like he was like disciplining them and he's so nice and then I come out and they're talking they do the thing where you go all these biscuits and they go I made some biscuits the other night and then so I started getting all the racial stuff and
Starting point is 00:31:32 I can see they're like rolling their eyes and any interesting joke about gay people they're rolling their eyes and then there's a black guy sitting behind them this is great moment they go I did some joke about black people and she goes can you believe this guy watch it turn to the block to the black guy to the show and he goes yeah take that you white skank yeah you like it you got you got black explain bitch yeah so it was a nice moment and then she was like oh now she's like the I hate the comic blackies against me it's all over and she goes you know what we're funny that was her big heckle what meaning like her and her
Starting point is 00:32:12 friend her and her friend or maybe that means they're funnier than me I don't know oh no they stink I can tell they stink so eventually the guy they throw him out and he you know he picks him up by their belt loop and a shirt and he's carrying him out and they're like we're funny too we're funny the way out it was crazy so I'm doing the whole you're gonna die alone your gross I'll kill you but I'm still gonna probably try to bang him but you know just jokes and so they go outside they throw him right on the sidewalk close the door and they just hang out on the sidewalk what yeah well they hobos so Sean Murphy goes out to
Starting point is 00:32:43 to bum a sick he starts talking to him oh and apparently they're in the army the army I don't know what that means but they're they're like huge comedy fans they love Geraldo they love Dangerfield they love a tell oh my god and yeah that was it but it was so crazy it's always a hot gal and they always put them in the front row and they're always dumb I can't live there in the army hot girls in the army you don't hear about every day why I think of the Midwest these people they don't have as many options they think right right they go to the army they go to the army yeah there's a lot like you go to a strip club in the Midwest
Starting point is 00:33:15 sometimes and you're like why are these beautiful women strippers these women should be you know on Broadway or some are like working fashion week but the Midwest I got a horrible dad who finger fucked me when I was one and this is it that's an early age to get a finger fuck could be a big key you want to be at least 10 when you get your finger fucked by your dad for the first time I guess ideally it's weird you know just because you know we live in New York and everybody here we forget most people moved here right make it to be something so you think of everyone moving here yes so we live in this world where everybody
Starting point is 00:33:50 who's living amongst us is trying to do something same with LA actor or director or whatever and here I've in Midwest if you like they're like well my life sucks and that's it right but the army is you know that's something I guess I'm doing something armies kind of a second choice don't you know and there's like eight people going I'm going out there I'm gonna go fight in Iraq I love it well I think you get to see the world you got a scholarship you got some discipline you do the push-ups and yeah yes my parents did that they needed money yeah they get the service yeah yeah well the army some but the army and strip I think
Starting point is 00:34:25 they're both brutal stripping in the army yeah I'd rather strip I think than go to the army oh for sure I'd love to strip that seems fun the army you know no one's yelling at you when you're stripping except for all the customers you listen to warrant you're putting a Ben Franklin in your labia yeah no that's a lot better and that's you know I guess the army could be fun if you're not in the war right there's no war yes that could be fun you make some good friends you hang out you see the world a little bit yeah whatever money that you leave and it feels like everybody's like I got a check you get these checks in the mail from
Starting point is 00:35:00 the gun like I know you get first on the airplane that's pretty good stripper there's no hey if there's any strippers here welcome aboard come on on the plane that's a good point yeah so there's that there's more benefits army yes stripping get free coke I don't think the army's getting handed blow a lot yeah that's true that's true they could blow it up but I know people that love the army they went to the army there's the best time in their lives they know so it can't be fun but gonna play it right you know yeah what is it a private they're showing privates private's pretty good I think no private's bottom of the barrel
Starting point is 00:35:36 private's anal on a pillow private pile yeah yeah private's the worst you want Colonel Lieutenant General the strippers are showing their privates that's what I said you say that already yeah I missed it I do like the idea of the Delta being like if they're gonna call the strippers on first you got to go like candy you're up first yeah that's not bad all right but yeah this could be a Seinfeld too maybe send it to him I'll just send him the whole link to the pod he'll like this don't do that but yeah so then you know Indy was great you leave Indy you go straight to Vegas is 18 delays you know getting from Indy to
Starting point is 00:36:19 Vegas was like 12 different flights they're all delayed I didn't get to Vegas to like fucking 1 a.m. on Sunday but it was one of those off nights we just go I'm going to the buffet I'm taking it easy so then Monday I wake up Vita shows up a Vita Ari shows up Jared Fried shows up a lot of Jews yeah well it's Vita's album taping so it was a fucking synagogue in that Rio but we just have a great time we're doing buffet we're laughing we're drinking that green room Ari's got a joint going you get the free food the snacks everywhere the shows are killer and Vita is gonna get a fucking lunch lights out hot album out of
Starting point is 00:37:01 this one I can't wait I'm looking forward to that album I'm a fan of Vita good stuff I forget you know you see but all these dog shit shows where you can barely hear the guy because he's four foot two and he couldn't speak over four decibels but he's got amazing jokes one after the other killer it's his first album so it's all the good right right at the best of best of from the from 88 whenever he started and just great long talks with him and getting high and it's one of you never want to leave that green room yeah Liz in there telling you good comedy seller juice and Frieze on fire and then Ari's light in the fart
Starting point is 00:37:36 and Vita's blowing me was great that's that makes me miss our trip that was a great trip that was a great trip too except I got robbed other than that it was amazing that was bad about that we both talked about robberies on this but Vita he's also he's fun to hang with because he gets so excited yes bouncing and stuff he's talking real fast you can't you can't get it all out you know because he's like locked up with his wife all the time totally and then we'd go to the buffet and he's like one game of roulette like alright and he's out there come on he made like 500 bucks over that's fun so yeah just a great time so
Starting point is 00:38:08 then the last night Ari's like I got to go back to New York to find some venues for a special right he's been talking about that for a while yeah yeah and so isn't that a cool thing in showbiz I gotta I gotta look for a theater I want to shoot at yes a location yes so he's going he leaves so we're like let's go one night on the strip so we all go out Frieze Ari Vita and myself and the the Jumeobile and we get to the Bellagio we watch the found we have a great mom we take some photos and we're like let's get one drink so we go and get those slushies you know the daiquiris oh yeah yeah yeah I don't know what we were
Starting point is 00:38:42 thinking those are like New Orleans I always see those things those big nine foot hurricanes but yeah they come in a long tube and it's green and annoying and I came in a long tube one time check my levels did you get any kids out of it no I just swallowed it all right so we start chugging those things and we have a great night then we go to the Cosmo we're like well we want to see some people good-looking people sure we'll just go to the Cosmo and look around because that Rio it's a it's a fucking petting oh the Rio it's filled with real tards it's horrible it's like a Walmart in there with with a slot machine so don't
Starting point is 00:39:16 slot shame but yeah so then we go to the Cosmo and we're talking we're all hanging out just tell stories at the Cosmo bar Ari's like I gotta take a shit he runs off takes a shit comes back and he looks blue he's like queasy and weird we're like whatever he's like I just shit and then I yacked on top of the oh my god so and he bleeds out of his asshole every shit and you forget Ari 71 I know he's old he can't be hanging he's been smoking weed all night he's chugging slushies and then we've been eating buffet right he's not just ugly he's also old true and that asshole is taking a beating he shits blood if his
Starting point is 00:39:51 farts are just loose they're flapping yeah like right he shits like a goose it just falls it just falls out there's no kegel muscles going so shit's like a goose is a good album title oh yeah I should fear shit's like a goose and you could put a goose body with his head on it yeah oh yeah alright so yeah that was it then I flew to Denver which is one of the perks so Thursday night Thursday morning this is this is this is show biz for you this is a kick in the balls Wednesday night I got to be in Denver on Thursday for a show but it's in the contract that I have to do morning radio hey come on lady who runs Denver I love
Starting point is 00:40:34 the club I love you I love the city I've been there a bunch the numbers are pretty good they like to be in Denver I don't need to do this radio radio is antiquated it's old school it's done right she's like gotta do it yeah so I was the first radio she goes 620 pickup who for a 7 a.m. radio show who so I go alright well how what is the longest I can possibly stay in Vegas because we forget I forgot to mention it sells bachelor party Sally volcano of a personal Joker past guest yes it's Chris D it's Soder it's DeRosa it's big J it's Verzi it's Nate wow it's the whole gang wow they show up the day I leave oh that's
Starting point is 00:41:20 painful painful I've been sitting here with boring veter for three days well they killed myself Peter sucks and then these terrible hang fun gentlemen show up and I'm like god of put the Calvary's here and I got a high tail at a city so the last flight I could find was 140 a.m. what you're flying at 140 a.m. and you have morning radio yeah so I land or 40 what get to the ho to get to the condo at 510 515 oh my holy sister so I just played arcade games for an hour and got picked up on no sleep had about 38 white claws went straight to radio offended six PA's got fired spilled a coffee and then went back to bed I was mel mel was
Starting point is 00:42:06 good love mel yeah but I had my sunglasses on I'm just I'm just doing this one you're like that where am I you know when you don't sleep your brains all loopy your ears are full your dick's hard it's a whole thing yeah I feel that way right now it's it's brought my ears itchy it's itchy it's hanging low the whole thing throw them over your shoulder now I'll try like a continental soldier was always a bummer because my ears are attached yeah yeah that's good then Denver was great we really did it up and so yeah I want I want to get to the EU Brexit all right I'll tell you a few things and then I'll have to save a buddy because
Starting point is 00:42:41 I got all kinds of crazy things I'll hear them all you mentioned the ladies the hot ladies in the front row yeah so Sarah and I love this one yesterday so we're flying home first of all I'll tell it a little out of order I'll Tarantino it up a little bit because we ended up ending the trip in Norway Bergen Norway third time in Bergen Norway in 11 months yes I've been to Bergen more times I've been to my parents house this year wow I don't know that says about the release I don't know either but this you know Christopher he's a big fan of the show loves the show he wants you over there have you done
Starting point is 00:43:11 it I can't remember I'm looking for some dates I can't put it together yeah it's it's something it's something but so we do the show now I'll never do this again in my mind you have that thing where you go we're on vacation we went to London I did the Soho theater I'll get into that some Tuesdays were there it's pretty special through the Soho theater then we go to Wales on vacation for five days then we tack on you can't tack on to a vacation it's no good no good it's looming you know what I mean and once you're on at the end of a vacation you have that feel we talked about earlier you're like I gotta get back I haven't done a show I
Starting point is 00:43:47 haven't tweeted I'm gay right you got to go back home and and reacclimate yes so right at the end of a vacation it's a lot because you're like you feel relaxed I got my feet up I'm drinking tea every day I was listening to into the mystic while drinking tea and looking out at the woods it was like unbelievable and the man but that can only last for a few days then you're like I got back to work right so we go back to work but it's in Norway so you're a little you're tired and it feels like you're still pressured to go see shit a little bit and yeah it's that you're doing shows in a foreign language the whole thing so and they're
Starting point is 00:44:19 foreign language to them I'm not doing the show in Norwegian aha so anyways we're getting the last the night before we're finally leaving it's a 10 day trip we're exhausted just beat up you know we get through the shows and it's like 12 15 a.m. of already taking a Tylenol PM our flight leaves at five o'clock the next evening okay and so you're like we're gonna wake up sleep in wake up have the breakfast the whole thing and Sarah I just hear Sarah I'm in the bathroom brushing my dick and I just hear Sarah go oh my god did you see this did you see this oh god and I thought someone died yeah Sarah has a
Starting point is 00:44:55 doing this sometimes will she'll keep reacting without saying what the thing is horrible I know I know she goes oh my god this is crazy oh my god I'm going what the fuck is my parents dead is my dad you know sit spit it out what is it and then she goes oh a boat crashed in Fiji and six of them were dropped and I go I don't give a fuck about the boat what I like the water I don't give a shit but this one she goes did you see this and I go what is it now I'm doing this downtime on the phone I'm trying to fucking get off my fucking phone yeah so doesn't I don't my phone is off from 11 p.m. to 8 a.m. not off but you know it's
Starting point is 00:45:35 a couple apps I still use but anyways so I haven't seen anything and it's a message saying our flight is canceled our flight from Oslo to New York City has just been canceled Norwegian air last time I did this gig we talked about how shitty Norwegian air worst airline in the history of fucking airlines wow they stink great country great club shit airline how about that and and I love this guy Christopher he's the he's the bad he's a big fan I love him I love the room everyone should do it and go see it if you're in the area but I'll never let someone else book my flight I hate I'm on Norwegian I got a middle seat
Starting point is 00:46:12 we're separate we flew whiz air to from London whiz I don't know where that's a it's a black Wizard of Oz it's some Europe shit it's purple we had to go check our bag it's it's crazy you can smoke on the plane the pilot you know is fucking a child it's called whiz for God's sake yeah yeah I gotta take one so I gotta leave them out of my will or something yeah sorry I'm on four hours sleep I got nothing so there I got I'm all over the place but we're in London we're flying to Norway I go to check my bag cost money to check your bag which is frustrating sounds like the spirit of Europe exactly the spirit of Europe
Starting point is 00:46:57 that sounds like a ship so I go up and the lady says it's gonna cost you 80 bucks we do we weigh the bag you can get a 10 kilogram bag for 30 bucks but a 20 kilogram bag is 80 bucks okay anything over 10 you have to pay for the 20 so my bag is 13 kilograms ah so instead of 30 I gotta pay 80 it's 50 more bucks for the three kilograms wow I'm taking out my shorts and sticking about my wife's ass I'm wearing three hats I got two pairs of shoes on the same foot fuck them I'm trying to get it down I couldn't get it down what it was like a hard-knock when you're 12 no matter what I did I jerked off five times couldn't
Starting point is 00:47:40 get it to go down all a doctor if it lasts more than four hour I finally got to 11 kilograms with the flights leaving soon the wisdom gonna wait you don't wait for a whiz can't nothing to stop the whiz you're wearing three tuxedos a straw hat and a diving bell I had everything I was I had magnets I turned into earrings I just it was crazy so my wife's she's got three fucking sheep stuck in her butthole yeah I bet this is a wolf in sheep's clothing alright so I go alright I gotta pay for the 20 ounce bag you fucking piece of shit damn so she goes I don't take money I wanted to kill somebody I got to blue I had some
Starting point is 00:48:22 of those in my ass but that was for fun I go to give her the car she goes I don't take money you gotta go over there and now Sarah's doing that thing she's like honey no you know pull me back I got a little bit of Boston tune in me I like it and I'm going what do you mean I gotta go over there and there's a line over there there's a line behind me I waited in line to get here yes I go what if you don't take the money and she goes we don't have the ability to take money here and I'm trying not to lose my mind you're in a foreign country you try to I try to represent America well yes so I'm on my best behavior always but
Starting point is 00:48:52 I go so you take the bag you weigh the bag and you put the sticker on it and then you throw it on but you are not allowed to take money you have to go over there to give the money yes that is absurd it's absurd and she's just rolling around cuz she's gonna fuck she doesn't feel bad it's not her fault or whatever so I try to beat but you're like alright I'll be back yeah but I gotta leave the line yes walk to the other side of the airport to wait in that line then pay this lady money right then she gives me a fucking receipt which is written with a hand she just wrote down paid for a bag I gotta walk
Starting point is 00:49:29 all the way back wait back in the same and talk to the same shithole and go alright here's my bag here's my 11 ounce bag the cost 111 bucks then we get on the plane I'm in seat 5 B middle seat she's in 35 F also middle seat I'm on the front she's in the back so we die we're not together it's a whole thing who set this up this is the Jeff guy Jeff Robert Chris Christopher great guy good guy fan of the show love the guy I'm sorry Chris but I mean you can't put a two Jews in a middle they fucked me they fucked you in the middle like oh all right all right I gotta go to the Middle East which by the way last episode we did
Starting point is 00:50:08 that I was in burger we trashed the airline thing you get me a shit airline then so then I'd take the R out of Norway no way yes I got you so anyways I take the end out of my penis yes yes I don't know yeah that's what the Jews have a yes is that right the pay yeah I don't know how they spell it all right well sorry I'm on no sleep I'm doing my best Hebrew but anyways so then cut to that's that's the flight to Norway the flight home gets canceled I never even heard of an international flight is getting canceled the day before now it's insane he's like I'm on the phone with them I'm doing everything I can but I don't know
Starting point is 00:50:46 why you're gonna get but that's the earliest flight the next flight is sold out so Norway just Norwegian air just fucks you yeah and I go I'm going home I'm 10 days in here we had the podcast today I had therapy today I haven't seen my therapist in seven weeks I'm gonna have a fucking drink if I don't see him right so I gotta go home so I called Delta I don't call him I go to the app and I book a flight I'm like I don't care what this cost I'm going home we'll figure out what are your nuts well I got like I'll work it out with Christopher I guess I'm like give me the flight for the thing and whatever the fuck but I
Starting point is 00:51:18 gotta go home at some point money if it costs 50 grand I'm like I have to go home I've been gone for too long yeah I'm fucking tired and it's just too much I hear you so I booked the flight now my flight I was supposed to fly from Bergen to Oslo Oslo to JFK okay my flight to Oslo to JFK gets canceled now I've already taken a town alpium it's 1 a.m. boy so I'm like I gotta do all this before I fucking start falling asleep yeah yeah yeah so I go to Delta I go I don't care about my look at the money I'm just booking it and it's in Norwegian money so it's like 18,000 fucking and okay I'm nervous so I booked my flight
Starting point is 00:51:58 Oslo to JFK I go fuck it's done forget it so you already had the Oslo or you had to do the both of them so get ready sorry sorry so I'm thinking I lost my Oslo flight I better book my Oslo flight so I booked a flight from Delta Oslo to Norway and the flight goes from Oslo to Amsterdam it's KLM okay Amsterdam's their hub so I booked a flight it says all right you'll fly from Oslo to Amsterdam Amsterdam to JFK I booked the flight that says hey do you want premium seats for 89 bucks I go maybe I'll get some free eighty nine bucks yeah you already spent an arm and an anal on the original exactly but then I realized
Starting point is 00:52:36 this is how they get you that's for the short flight the flight from Oslo to Amsterdam so I go I'm not falling for that yes I'm too smart and then I go wait a minute Oslo to Amsterdam I booked $2,000 tickets for the wrong city you pulled a dormant because the flight was from he dropped a whole seat three oh geez he's been jiggling the whole time oh god well he's Norwegian alright too Brute yeah so I was thinking the flight that got cancelled was from Oslo JFK so I had Oslo in my head so I but I just went to Oslo in Norway I'm on I'm on a Tylenol PM I've gone 10 days I haven't slept I fucking whatever so
Starting point is 00:53:28 I booked the flight from the wrong fucking city so now I'm like we got to get from Bergen to Oslo Oslo to Amsterdam Amsterdam to New York so I start looking at flights there's no flights I'm like maybe we're to car and drive to the night of our take a Tylenol PM it's a six hour ride to the mountains wow this is where this is where brand loyalty matters because now I'm now platinum on Delta I call you get your own phone number I just call up the lady Jennifer from Delta your goddamn here I wanted to eat this lady out from behind for an hour here here immediately I go I just booked the wrong flight it's
Starting point is 00:54:05 one of the morning I'm on Tylenol PM my wife hates me I go can you help me out here I got to get home and she goes well let me say you're in Bergen this is not gonna be a problem at all we're gonna get you right home no sweat love to hear that so then she ends up booking me from Bergen there happens to be a flight on KLM from Bergen to Amsterdam I can keep the same flight from Amsterdam to JFK okay and my flight the flight from Bergen to Amsterdam leaves at the same exact time the flight from Oslo 10 minute difference 2 o'clock so all that changes is I gotta leave 10 minutes earlier Jennifer couldn't have
Starting point is 00:54:40 been nicer she's like I'll call you right back we'll make it work it all out I just hear that I love that sound I love the tick tick tick tick and see she took care of it and then the whole thing flying on a better airline at a better gotten earlier on a better airline but man it was it was fucking something it was stressful now I mean well done Freddie is your lady sitting up going come on Joey yeah she's petting your leg and hugging your back and all that should be petting you the whole time well she was on Twitter the whole time but she was good she went hey thanks for doing a good job you know dad but the reason I
Starting point is 00:55:16 brought it up and I'll get into the trip next week but yeah the reason I brought it up was the ladies you mentioned the two hot chicks in Indianapolis Sarah and I couldn't stop laughing yesterday we get on the flight finally the flight from Amsterdam to JFK which is a seven and a half hour flight and it's packed these airlines are brutal I mean like your knees there's just nothing you know it's seven and a half hours and I can't even like fit in the seat it's crazy Capronik you're all neat it's horrible as a lady you know the group of three girls hot girls all in a row not hot that attractive young ladies early 20
Starting point is 00:55:50 mid 20s the flight as soon as they take off the old man in front of her just moves his seat back and the woman just goes no no whoa not happening what is saying I don't in saying goes back that's what they do exactly she goes not happening she goes we're all tall back here all she said all of us like he's gonna like he's moving to see back on all three of them right right she's like we all got together the three I'm like why first of all take responsibility it's you it's you and him your friends have nothing to do with it right right and he goes okay he goes well it's a long flight for me to he's like it's tight on
Starting point is 00:56:25 me up here so I'm trying to get some room and she goes it's not happening she goes it's too far it's too long of a flight to space because I'm tall we're all tall what a cruise and the guy goes all right how about you push my chair up as far as you're comfortable with which is pretty funny because he was nice he was like I'll move my seat up but he put it on her like you move it to where you'd like he goes I'll press the button you're pushing me to where you can handle it this guy's great and she pushed it with both our system up and like put them to like lean back a little bit but we were like that is how late
Starting point is 00:56:56 Saturday I just hated her the whole time she got up and then I would get farts and go crop dust it's a good crop dust so it's really fun the whole flight I kept crop dust in his bitch what a skank but what is saying that's insane it's a weird time we're living in it's not gender but what do you call a generation to be like nope absolutely not we and by the way I don't move my seat back as I like to be the change I want to see in the world you know by calling random-wing bitches and farting on them sure but wait isn't that the whole point like you move the seat back then the other person can move their
Starting point is 00:57:33 seat back and it's a domino effect in the seat recline that's the whole point I know but I don't like to move it back as I feel bad because it's a guy I look who's back if it's a kid or someone whatever I try not to move it back I'll just go I'll just deal with it but the lady in front of me she moved her seat back she gave me a warning she's like I'm gonna move my seat back okay I don't even know this was a thing I thought it was just commonplace you move the seat back I feel bad moving the seat back it depends on where I'm at if it's extra leg room I'll move back wow this was an issue I feel guilty so I thought that's
Starting point is 00:58:02 what you do on a plane you know yeah you move your seat back you put your tray down like are we gonna stop the trays at some point where does it end still tray is your world yeah but it was crazy but whatever what can you do but this whole thing of like you just deal with it I've never told someone no you can't move your seat that's insane I've never even thought about it like somebody moves the seat back I already moved it so I'll adjust my little screen you just the screen it sucks but you fucking live with it and for the most part by the way it doesn't affect the leg yes exactly area stays the same it's just close to
Starting point is 00:58:37 your grill so the tall thing is actually a bullshit because I'm taller than her right and it sucks to have them back but that only affects how close you are TV screen yes exactly I get I think what happened was she's an entitled lady she's had a lot of stuff going on whatever she's young and she goes I hate the fact we have to fly this is gonna suck at seven hours she's going through all the shit and so when this guy did that I think she had a game plan yeah was ready for this he was locked and loaded yeah and then when he moved it back she goes nope not gonna happen but I don't get I think she just couldn't
Starting point is 00:59:11 have one more thing in her world be uncomfortable and then she said we're all she know we're all get out of here I don't like it I'm putting my seat back every time sorry folks you put the seat back in front of me I'll take it you put your foot down in the seat back thank you my mouth we're gonna wrap it up we got a phone call to do here all right all right I should look at some dates but I'll get into the rest of the stories is obviously I did all the hiking and the thing and the boops and the baps and the beeps and the sweeps well I gotta tell you speaking of sweeps and beeps I went out well I got kicked out of a bar in
Starting point is 00:59:44 Denver I'll tell you that one next week but I really did too much drinking in Denver that staff is so fun but I hung out with for Gatsy and he's like you want to walk over to the theater with he's in the four seasons we talk comedy buys me lunch in the four seasons oh my god we're watching MMA on a little iPad was unbelievable he's really living the dream he tells me what he's making the whole thing it's crazy he knows what I'm making by the way that's how good he is at business he's like I bet your man and he nailed it wow so then he's like well you gotta go to soundcheck you want to walk over so we pass we walk past the
Starting point is 01:00:18 club I'm doing to go to his gigantic theater two sold-out shows right on the strip and I mean unbelievable wow he walks in they go hello mr. Barghetti we got the drink green room made up he's got a little rider in there oh my god it was unbelief he's really done it he did it he did it we gotta do it spread the word I say every week I keep reading these comments being like these guys are the best that no one knows the other idiots they're fucked up their businessmen but why don't you tell somebody god yeah tweet it retweet it share it spread your asshole and rub it on the remote yes
Starting point is 01:00:53 I'll eat it September 25th 27 28 Hartford funny bone October 4th and 5th last Seattle come out there I love Seattle and there's a bunch of people there come on out Skyline and Appleton October 10th through the 12th I just put these all my website comedian Joe list dot com the blue room in Springfield October 18 and 19 Vermont Comedy Club love that room love those guys love that couple October 24 25 26 come out to that Sarah will be with me and that's gonna be fun so come out to that and then November Albany funny bone Des Moines funny bone DC draft house Laugh Boston November 29th and 30th Hilarity's in Cleveland
Starting point is 01:01:34 December 5th through the 7th Sarah's with me on that one too I'm doing this Lafayette gig well that's out there yeah official yet so but don't keep an eye out for that and then Santa Anna should be on sale now I believe it's up the New Mexico gig Tuesdays the story's festival goddammit come out there down low laughable and get the merch the merch has been moving we got a new shirt coming soon it's a beauty tweet at Lewis Gomez and say hey where's the new shirt he runs the company pump yell at him say hey where's the shirt let us know what the album titles right to Rome generally speaking let us know what you think go
Starting point is 01:02:10 easy on us we're very fragile and where are you gonna be you got all kinds of dates oh yeah call Lewis fat too that'll get him Irvine improv this Friday Saturday that's gonna be a humdinger great room I'm gonna go down to Laguna Beach maybe pop over to Manhattan get a little tan honeymoon then I'm doing some podcasts and stuff around LA fighter in the kid Bert Kreischer Dr. Drew wow you do all of them yeah try to make a real run out of it sure punchline Sacramento I'm all over the goddamn West Coast I'll post all these on my Insta and all that good stuff improv in Dallas hey hi Addison improv come on out to that Tejas
Starting point is 01:02:51 Chesading Michigan for a cancer benefit but there's tickets open to the public give that a go cancer cap city comedy club in Austin Texas once again ACME in Minneapolis Spokane and Tacoma both of those that's up on the upper left corner of the country Roar Springfield mass rooster tea feathers once again in California Sunnyvale then we got Santa Anna and New Mexico that'll be fun the blue room in Springfield Portland helium and in my Tampa side Splitters Day got moved to January but I'm still coming you coax also I'll be in Hawaii in February they got this some Hawaii festival so yeah that's it we're gay spread the anal
Starting point is 01:03:39 jizz on your mom's salad bowl and get some shirts patreon videos talk to Shelby think that's gonna do it yeah fucking yeah sorry I'm sleepy yeah we're gonna bye

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