Tuesdays with Stories! - #315 Gone Afoul

Episode Date: September 17, 2019

It's an English Tuesdays as Joe travels to jolly ol' England to see music in Wales & Cardiff and to play the Soho theater! Check it out! Sponsored by: Upstart (upstart.com/tuesdays) Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus eps and full video eps! www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy hey everybody welcome to another Tuesdays with stories I'm Joe list with me as always is my life partner in anal head yes mark Norman here that's him mark Norman's anal head I don't know if that's a new time I just

went with something you know take it do you and your wife come up with nicknames and such oh yeah oh yeah they're filthy oh all right I'm trying to think of some classics Klee face dickless it's weird to call a woman dickless because they they go what oh right they are dickless they are dickless unless you give them your dick for like eight minutes a night they're not dickless they're with dick that's true they're dick they're dickful yeah they're filled with dick it's like with child but with dick mm-hmm also you could say that when you're with your friend Richard I'm with dick yeah is there anyone going by dick anymore I

think if you're a comic named Richard you should go by dick immediately I'll stick you out of court but it's solely dick Cheney dick Cheney's about it well this dick dick Van Dyke dick cavitt dick cavitt dick dick sweat is like a congressman which is crazy yeah wow yeah trickle dick trickle dick Tracy a lot of there a lot of dicks there's no pusses no no Vaj Stevenson Vaj Reynolds Vaj Reynolds is a great lineman Vaj is a podcast featuring my wife and Adrian Appaluchia who's shooting the generates today today yes at the time of recording this is days ago for you folks listening at home and

it's exciting she's a killer she's got great jokes I hear that Netflix set up is never good oh is that right you did it what do you mean well what do you mean I don't want to shit on the conglomerate now shit we're not getting on yeah who am I shit you might be getting on who knows shit all right well just saying like I always hear the the setup is the venue is weird and the whole thing sucks and it's a horrible thing for the comics because they should finally get this big gig and then they go this is it yeah it's in a warehouse with three seats the key is control I think I'm gonna shoot my next special the village underground I'm

always there put a curtain up or whatever and just shoot it yeah the seller or something like that and I don't know what's going on anymore yeah yeah I guess so Ari's always up my ass like you got to tell him what's what you got to choke him you got to pin him down like I have no pull you fat Jew I know he's one of those guys that talks like that he's like you got to get this guy to direct you got to put it you know you got to wear no shoes you gotta do it in the daytime and shoot it in the snowstorm or whatever I'm like what are you talking about just tell you like you got to walk away and all this shit I'm like

you you got it made yeah maybe that's how he got there I don't know maybe he did 500 commercials for fucking enterprise so that's not exactly we got there Ari what he was a big commercial guy who would have that mug as their rep I know I think he's so ugly that he's like every man or something like that maybe I mean aside from camel cigarettes or man of chevets I don't know who have that camel faced he but on there I'm telling you he had a bunch of commercials that's how he got through you know whatever right by mitzvah yeah I did like 10 commercials I gotta see these I've never even thought to look them up I can't even fit that

honker in a vehicle I mean I didn't know I can't even imagine him in a car well you're assuming it's for vehicles it might be for you know he said enterprise I made up enterprise it's like commercial okay it might have been you know it might have been camel cigarettes or like maybe he was like a before he was the before and a before after face surgery that's not bad yeah yeah maybe he's a breathe right extra maybe add a wing or something you know on a breathe right I can't imagine that that a horse faced what do you call them semites semites well they if there's an anti-semite they must be I never understood what somatic means

and some might and I think somatic means you know you're of the Jewish people well why isn't it anti-biotics yeah but that's a biotic is it you take probiotics and anti-biotic this but it's Jewish you be anti-jew I guess and how about this I realized the other day Ashkenazi has the word Nazi right in it that's gold I mean that's pretty crazy it's not NAZI is that's how San Maril spelled it he's an Asha Nazi so yeah I guess so gosh gosh but gosh but that's pretty wild I mean it's almost like saying I'm an African Klansman right American or whatever I mean I gotta think this out better in my head but yeah I'm a person of colored

and it sounds like Ashkenazi sounds a little bit like Ashkenazi it doesn't feel like what's Ashkenazi mean oh Ashkenazi that's gold means bad that feels like an old street joke or something maybe I'll do it as I mean you got to do that that's killer I think a Jew has to do it well they're killer to the Nazis yeah they're that's great well thanks well I'll work on it but I gotta go I gotta do one of those 23 of me cuz I told you I found my name in the Holocaust victims book so I think there's a chance I'm a big Jew maybe it was just this is the start of the list you know no no it's Joseph list there's a whole page full

of lists how about that so I gotta spit into an asshole and see if I'm a Jew it cuz if I'm Jewish that I mean explains a lot first and foremost but it would really the Rosie circumcision comedy glasses I mean I think I could I could I might be able to pull a few strings you know and make it yeah that's true I believe they run the business if I'm not mistaken they run the business the real estate the the accounting the weather yeah that's what a Nazi told me once ash Ashkenazi well I should probably also ash in there come on mmm Nazis love ashes yeah they all fall down boy they were real jerks yeah not

good eggs it's kind of nice and this is a jump a leap kind of nice having Nazis because you got the one group we could all hate yeah that's nice it's nice to all collectively hate somebody and it's cool it's kind of like Scientology we go they're fucking nuts you all go yeah yeah yeah right yeah Nazis were all on board with Nazis thinking yeah except for the Nazis well no they're there they're they're on board then there's the Nazi sympathizer which seems like by the way if you're a Nazi sympathizer you're just a Nazi to me I agree maybe not signed in you know you like AOL but I think if you're like hey I'm down with the Nazis

you're a Nazi I agree I'm with you but I don't think a Nazi like well you got to take a few classes you can't right head or something I guess I guess like I'm cool with gays I'm not a gay good point but I don't think Nazi and gays I'm gonna go on a limb here and Nazi and gay do not equate no because one's a choice and one's you know not real you're born yeah yeah you're born you're born gay you're not born a Nazi there's also neo-Nazi yeah what the hell is that what are you glowing the dark or what is going on there sounds hip I mean I have a bit about it but it's like can't just be we can do the math we know you're not like

an original you're 22 what does neo mean it just means you're a Nazi now that not in World War two time oh because I always had neocon I thought that meant like a neoconservative meant like super conservative I thought neo meant like extra you think into the matrix like neo-Nazi means like you you burn Jews and their shoes oh yeah cuz the regular Nazis actually kept the shoes they kept the shoes they kept the hair they kept they kept whatever was valuable it's like a sneakerhead yeah that was one of their tricks they would say I think we already talked about this they say you can bring 10 kilograms of your best

belongings on the trip because they knew that bring their best stuff smart and they get the best shit wow I didn't know about that yeah Nazis were pretty pretty bright and efficient if you think about it very efficient yeah yeah but we got them we got around suck it the Russians helped you know by the way I mean I know this has come up before but no one talks about the blacks the gays the gypsies and the the retards that also got tossed in the mix well there was that song gypsies retards and blacks yeah oh yeah share I think that was the the radio edit yeah they talk about them less but I think the Jews were really

that was the the main that was 6 million and that was the main thing because they were like well that was the reason to take them down and like while we're at it collect up these folks do I think I think I guess I think it was ever not pure I don't know yeah but then I see I'm obsessed with Jews I'm a big fan of the last thing I'll say sure Jews it's got to be tough because you're kind of a semi without a country meaning the alt-right or KKK whatever they're going hey Jude you're not one of us you're not white right and then black guys are going you're white so then they're like well what am I I'm in the middle here

they're just a Jew I guess I guess but then they get no street cred either now they got no street cred yeah it's a it's a tough nut to jizz on yeah huh most most nuts are tough to jizz on cuz they're so small I guess but then it's your busting nut I think he's got some big nuts Ari Shafir that's true I have a photo of my phone a huge nut big two oh yeah well my dad had some big big swampy it's swampy nuts we're like swampy one time he rolled over and it was like it was like a bag of leaves oh yeah it was all topsy-turvy and swishy now you said swampy is that right yeah the W wet and you know we're from the Bayou so it was wet and like you

know like very gelatinous I got you I thought at first you said swampy like they swapped places you can get tangled that situation yeah they were just all over the place like like that bat wing remember the bat wing bat wing that's like part of the house no that's what you do when you you go hey buddy and you stretch out the skin oh oh we did monkey brains oh that was fun that was a good one that makes sense because it's that bag of goo in there well you'd squeeze them up so they were tight and they'd get red and there was like two half two hemispheres of the brain in the veins it was a good monkey brain because sometimes someone

would go hey monkey brains and they were like the life of the party and then someone would reach behind and flick them flick the brain and that guy became king of the party and this was like to grow up with a man but with a as a boy that's true which no one ever talks about it's very difficult to grow up as a woman way more difficult sure I would say with with the rape and the breasts and all that stuff the period and the rape again I want to just really bring that home and big rape is it's it's it's horrible and molestation all that business but boys also by the way we should make noted getting raped to some

degree molestation quite a bit but you know you got the people were just me the droop you that take your clothes off and once you got into a group of boys there was a lot of like the getting behind people on hands and knees and pushing them over was fun right I told you like one time in track and field they pulled a guy's pants down stuck the javelin between his legs and his pants so he was just naked so the javelin was between the shorts and he couldn't pull his shorts up wow the guy just held the javelin in there he's dick is flopping everywhere in front of the whole school and women I mean this is pretty brutal

that's dramatic yeah and then the shower that hit you with the the towels and then you're expecting to fight and know how to fight and then there was like the impossible sit-up where you'd fucking that hold your shoulders and your face in the asshole yeah so I mean it's pretty brutal out there and then you have these boners and like you when you a girl gets wet or whatever no one knows good point but a guy gets a boner you gotta like jam that thing down and tape it to your legs so this is some it's tricky out there for the boys it's tricky and you gotta just suck it up but here's the thing I equate it and I tried to do a

bit about this and never worked I quit to the south side of Chicago mm-hmm south side Chicago they kill each other quite a bit sure nobody wants to broach it because they're like well it's black on black okay you know if black guys are getting shot by the cops that's a headline if a black guy shoots a white guy that's a headline but if it's if it's black on black nobody seems to care and it's the same with male on male harassment if a guy harasses a woman right thing but if I slap you with the nuts that's sexual harassment and violent but we just roll on with it right nobody cares you go hey quit horsing around

you douches you know but like we got the credit card swipe the oil check the the the purple nirpal the dick tap bang cock dick flick nut check the whole thing lot of a lot of stuff going on and very sensitive spot hitting it so it's your genitals it's a it's tough business out there but why is it so much more like I get gay guys sending me dick pics oh really all day long damn it I never get that I'll sell forward them yeah someone send me if you're gay send me a big cock would you yeah they're wild I mean I get a gaping asshole I get everything oh yeah I'd kill for a GA but that's the thing I don't budge I don't post I don't you

know go I'm hurt and this is my story and I'm shamed and all that but I tell people nobody cares but if a guy sends a dick to a woman it's a different bag of hammers I see why do you think that is and I get that it is I feel it but I can't figure out why officially hmm well I think that women are dealing with it more free I think this is pretty rare here you're just getting a I mean I've never heard of a man getting a big wide anus oh I'll show you all I got DM's it's just dick mouth geez I think that's part of it I guess and you seem less affected you're not affected very much they're affected they're affected yes so

that's the key the effect the affection yeah that's very affectionate yeah to the asshole I'm not I don't have any answers here you know I'm just throwing it out yeah I'm a big dumb dumb but I think they're dealing with it a lot more and they're not taken as seriously there's there's seen as sexual beings and and there's a rape factor you know like it's dangerous like there's a dick coming out of woman yeah and you're a little more you could probably defend yourself a little bit better maybe but but yeah you know I feel for you too buddy you're getting me too over here I yeah but I you know I'll take it again it sounds like

you're being harassed by these very very much harassed but you know they ask first they say anything is there any kind of intro no some maybe sometimes we'll see if I'll write back or if I'll sometimes just like it just to keep moving on okay get a bunch of them so I don't want to be mean so I'll give it a leg they go he's in I got a live one here and then they throw the old web on you wow the batwing comes in like the old I gotta get some more followers because I'm not getting shit for dicks oh really shit predicts a great restaurant that's a better album title than right to Rome I guess shit predicts I got I got mixed

reviews on right to Rome but I'm gonna tell you I gotta write a bit I'm like it's hard to write a bit I was trying to write a bit I don't know right to Rome I got the right to Rome now I could come up with this was one time I came home and there was that couple fucking in my foyer they had the right to bone but that feels a little maybe it sounds more like you're writing a song here from the 40s you know I got the right to roam I got the right to bone but you don't got the right to bone yeah that's not bad well we'll see but the road so right to Rome is out all right I guess that's that I gotta write a bit if I can write a bit

about it I guess that's what they said a lot of people said the same thing if you can write a bit about it well when in Rome if I shot it in Rome maybe it could be right to a lot of people said right WRIT like I write the jokes but I don't like a pun I don't need a pun and now you're writing a letter to Rome what is that me also maybe you can do something with your phone roaming I got nothing that's something I recorded in like a weird air New Mexico maybe I could record it you're an area 51 over here maybe sure you come to the show by the way Santa Ana New Mexico yes it's gonna be festive I know some people buy plane tickets fly

in come from LA come from Arizona by the way it's like your own dick that's a Columbus boat isn't it there's the pinta that's the Santa Maria Santa Maria and then the Santa Ana now those are the winds that blow across LA the Santa Ana winds blowing hot from the north I thought the the dust was in the wind that's Kansas oh that's in the Midwest so where is that wait what we're gonna say Santa Maria the pinta and the Nina Nina yeah which one would you want to be on I don't think I'd want the Nina I like the Santa Maria Santa Maria even better more syllables now it's a Hispanic woman or Italian Maria I just met a girl named

Maria what movie I don't know West Side Story oh I don't give a shit about West Side Story the best musical I don't like the snapping oh get out of here come on easily oh singing the rain is 500 times better than what's in the rain is the good morning good morning we talked the whole night through good morning good morning make them laugh are you kidding to make them laugh it's the intro at Billard's underground I like the grain is singing the rain is great what is a Gene Kelly Gene Kelly I love them Gene Kelly Ginger Rogers Fred Astaire they're not in it at all it's Debbie O'Connor the lyrics and was

da-da-da-da that's not even a lyric but when you're a jet you're a jet all the way from your first cigarette to your last day and day but I am gay should be the lyrics and that's gay well they're all gay we're talking about you for a music g Kelly's not gay that guy was smashing puss with the best of well so are the jets and the in the sharks now I like Benny and the jets that guy's gay oh Elton John no way packer no gay I gotta get some story oh sorry stories here officer Krupp gay Krupp you man it was so intricate well let me give you some business you want to know what's in theater you know where the theater

started don't you in the the jelly old London town I think maybe not probably in Rome actually oh yeah yeah I think it all or grease grease sorry Greeks the honest I think that's a better musical also than West Side Story I don't know doodle I got you my wedding song and I'm losing control oh we should just fuck you're denying go to the page on right now we're fucking I'm dressed as Olivia Newton John and getting plod yes poodle skirt what's that you were in a poodle skirt that's what they wore back then in the 50s no kidding every girl a skirt poodle on her skirt for some reason no and the guys with the teabirds I've seen

it too many times I don't remember the poodle other than the pink ladies that's their that's their group name but they're wearing a skirt with a poodle on it ah no kidding if you want to get Alexa in there I'm pretty I don't like Alexa I've heard a whole thing that's spying on us and they take our credit cards or some shit oh geez well that's terrifying right when we said that the fridge turned on oh yeah well she woke up all right well let me let me get into some London and Wales and the United Kingdom here please I don't even know where to begin I mean it's a long trip yes buggy I went to do the Soho theater which is a

dream come true gig I open for Louie and London in 2016 they put me up at the Soho hotel in Soho in London which by the way their Soho is not named after like South Houston you know like ours we named it we stole the name from London yeah but then we also made it have meaning that's kind of cooler though I like the meaning I like the meaning too but they had their Soho was around first which is strange we stole everything though so it's like we pretended to not take it because like no ours means self-hosted we didn't but you're like okay but we had Soho right very strange it is odd but I digress but we I mean York Amsterdam

Columbus it's all taken yeah that's true we got nothing here but some stuff we invented a good we got the car the radio the TV the computer Wi-Fi cell phone we got some cooking a lot of stuff but we should have names are like you know haha like American names yeah come up with our own shit I think that's African we got a click in there you can't fuck with that no clicks they took the clicks all right just about hey I'm down well when the robots take over we might be speaking that shit hey guys this week Tuesdays with stories is sponsored by Express VPN internet

privacy is basically dead did you know that the United Kingdom government passed a law requiring you to hand over your ID before you can access porn sites that's absurd and what happens when your favorite porn site gets hacked just like Ashley Madison did what will you do probably kill yourself that's why I always use protection wink with Express VPN express VPN is killer seriously it shields your identity there's no location tracking you can access anything from anywhere and it's totally anonymous you know how I like anonymity how do you get it download the Express VPN app on your computer or phone push one button and

voila you're protected less than $7 a month 30-day money back guarantee find out how you can get three months free at Express VPN dot com slash Tuesdays that's EX PR ES SV P N dot com slash Tuesdays for three months free when you buy a one year package visit Express VPN dot com slash Tuesdays to learn more express VPN dot com slash Tuesdays that's Tuesday's plural have fun enjoy the rest of the show we love you anyways so years ago I was at the so hotel hotel and I was just looking out my window dude dude to do my back door looking at the so-called theater and Kate Burlant was there at the time I just saw her face and the

dates and it said so and I was like I'd like to play there yeah I want to do the so-ho theater and so it's been on my mind really tickling my asshole for years and I threw it out to my agent I said hey I'm gonna go vacation in Wales which all started I was on a Delta flight and they did the Sky magazine there's a whole article saying about how no one goes to Wales and it's the spectacular place they had a few photos and I'm very susceptible you are to advertisement you read that shit I don't even think about that magazine I read it and I went you know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna go to Wales they got me they convinced me I

feel like mr. orange and reservoir dogs he just convinced me give my dollop back there you go and so I said I'm gonna go to Wales and a lot of people thought I was crazy I remember speaking to Louie I talking to one Louie CK and I said I'm gonna go to London and then drive to Snowdonia in Wales and he said don't drive you're gonna kill somebody you can't drive the other side of the road promise me you won't drive and then a few other people like you can't drive yeah and I went well whatever I'm gonna do it I talked to Des Bishop now he knows his stuff he's the Irish citizen he lived there for 20 years he's huge there he

started Brexit and he said now he's like a fucking don't listen to me you just drive a car it's a car and so I said all right I do that you do this I'm like okay you're the last person I'm talking to about this you get what you need you go I'm not asking anyone else about this like a doctor's opinion I like this doc exactly I had the same thing with getting my wisdom teeth out with seat and Smith I'd ask you like oh it was a nightmare I was numb for years I could never get my dick hard again yeah you know they rip me off whatever I talked to seat and Smith he's like I did it it wasn't that bad I said great I'm going to

do it and I'm not talking to anyone else good for you he's got great chompers oh yeah great body to wow he's a specimen he really is handsome fella nice guy anyways funny guy great great the whole thing going on yeah good piece is that right oh big piece is he the one DM'ing you yeah I wish I could use a little chocolate honky-donk oh gross honky-donk that could be an album name I think that's a David Bowie album is it that's honky-dory oh it's a dance too the honky-dong is your throng yeah so anyways I said I'm gonna I'm gonna do it and I felt so good cuz I you ever dream something and do it yeah rarely I mean it feels

so good yeah so I said I'm going to fucking Wales and I planned the whole trip we got so ho my agent who's like a fucking miracle worker he got me the date Friday Saturday one show each night so-ho theater we started we've been mentioned on here spread it all over bunch of Tuesdays show up I'm telling us all out of order but bunch of Tuesdays showed up an American Tuesday gave Ron showed up probably a cheesecake factory gift card wow I got a cheesecake factory gift card in London what's he a spy what's going on how's he over there I have no idea but another couple flew in from Germany just for the show they

live in Germany I go because over there they're like the the country's all like states over there right the size of Connecticut I mean they went we flew in I go well how long you stay for the like we're flying back tomorrow we did literally they flew in the day of watch the show got back on a plane went back to Germany Ashkenazi another guy came in from like Bosnia or something he's a Bosnian gay he flew it people flying in from all over the globe we got gays and buzz gay buzz gay Brian Bosworth yes the big club big boss man oh yeah wait Brian but who is that he's a football player oh okay I'm thinking someone I'm

thinking of Don Bosley I think Bosley might be dead Tom Bosley sorry he was happy days Tom Boswell was a writer for like the Baltimore Sun all right a lot of bosses out there yeah quite a few mmm bars and dicks who else is a boss Rick rich bars yeah wave bogs he was fun he had chicken fell out of a car good combo not many people have those both in their resume that's quite an autobiography pretty short auto biogs bring it around fatty is this good I can't even tell I'm loving it this is all I want they always say do what you like and this is what I like all right well this is something so anyway I'm all over the map

so I got the tickets to London I'm going to Wales I'm going to London and then I bookend it with Bergen Norway now I got London for I'm very good at planning trips I'm like a master trip planner teach me fatty I got nothing I you got to leave so I we left Wednesday night and you fly through the night to get there Thursday morning and I knew I was gonna want to fly seven hours and then do a show that night a big show yeah so I said let's leave a night early yeah so we get there Thursday morning we got no shows nothing on the docket we just showing up to Soho I got a random hotel and so it was beautiful rock and roll

theme it was the manager of who's the band with the gay guy with the leather no Iron Man not that band different band Iron Maiden's manager owns this hotel whoa there's all kinds of rock and roll gear there's a picture of Jimmy Hendricks's dick and then the lobby yes and it to media we check in and great great spot nice hotel it's teeny of course Europe the whole thing we got the night off we end up going up to what's the what's the the accent are you fucking right there cockney yes we went to Hackney oh that's my act there's we went to the Hackney area to go to some rock club called Moth it was a rock club we

saw this band called I'm gonna just bounce everywhere here bounce it baby we saw a band called twin down in Asbury Park opening for White Reaper okay it was a lady singer and like a cool guy like Mike D on guitar and they're kind of rock and roll fun funky weird not funky but funky as in like wacky yeah cookie not like he hasn't like the bunch funky bunch so they posted that they were gonna be in London so they're opening for some other bands so I said Sarah let's go see that band we like well they're opening for some other band we'll go to a London rock club how cool can that be how cool is that and it's this Hackney

neighborhood which is like a 35 minute train ride two trains outside of London in London but like out of yes not in fucking Piccadilly or Portobello or all that make you nervous now we're taking two train we're going out the city I mean this is getting a little hairy now I like I like we don't have a show and it's the stuff we live in New York I have that moment of like what are we doing we're in some crazy city but like we live in New York City what the fuck and twan is playing there can't be so crazy right okay it's not the sticks yeah exactly so we get on the train we go out to Hackney yep and take the

couple trains out there it's beautiful and it's a weird neighborhood because it's like a couple like homeless people and junkies it's a little more seedy it's a little more rock and roll out there and we go to this rock that's a cool old rock club it used to be like a hang for like veterans I think it's like a veterans hall like a BFW almost but now it's like hipsters and stuff and we go to see twin and now we feel good because you're like you know what we're jet lag we're tired but we didn't stay home we didn't watch TV or whatever we're out at a rock club and it feels like we're like Brooklyn essentially okay so it's a

fun little adventure and then I bump into the band they're like still at the level they're piling in their own gear and I was like hey we know you and the girl it was like reversed for what we're like in comedy she's like what and I'm like I saw you in Asbury Park we're New Yorkers and Sarah's just embarrassed I'm like we're talking to the artist now I feel I'm like an uncle yes at one of these shows that's like hey my daughter does comedy like this asshole I'm like Asbury Park and they're like probably just trying to get away they're in Europe they feel cool wow we're like we're fan and she's like a bass drum and she's

like oh thanks well I could have been I mean this is a international leap here about a little bit of a high five kind of what I thought I thought I should be getting blown she's like you want to come backstage are you kidding and what's weird with these bands is you want to be like you know I'm bigger than you I got 30,000 Instagram they got 310 Instagram followers over here that's something now to be fair you know this gig is about to start they don't know where they are they're in a van they've probably been sleeping on a bus stop right so whatever you know who am I but there is that moment of like you know I'm

somebody right right I want TV I got a big podcast here you do they are great to they have an album but they're fun they're really good but anyways so we go in there and then we're sitting it's a rock club and it's kind of weird so we just stand and we're on no sleep we're jet lag we're all fucked up when comes out they rock it's cool twin twin peaks what's a twin TW EN I'm not sure interesting but then the band they're opening for is caught fuck me they turns out they're an American band also which was kind of disappointing because I thought we're gonna see some London band I want to see the clash to out here

exactly it wasn't a clash to it wasn't even it wasn't they were they were fine it was three ladies and a dude they're from Seattle fuck me I'll think of it later boring yeah no good bands out of there damn but they were fine but we were so tight we watched a couple songs from them and that was fun it was just fun we're like all right we did the damn thing let's get back on the train we take the train back Friday Saturday Sarah gets spots a top secret comedy club because she's like what am I doing cuz they don't want to open her they're like you do 60 minutes no opener it's theater style so you go okay I gotta go

Sarah sorry not on the show and no wonder didn't hear about it so she goes I'm gonna go do these shows so we're hanging out we're making love we're seeing the sights and she goes all right I'm gonna go to top secret I'm like I'm gonna go to Soho how cool is that you guys are scaring around internationally when we walk halfway we kiss the lips I say have a good set she says you have a good set and it's weird now because neither one of us saw where the other one went like I never experienced her club and she never experienced my class it's kind of weird but that's cool as you get to come back and converse tell

your tale but hers is different because she got to go meet London comics yes and like she had two sets one upstairs and she ran downstairs that club sounds pretty cool wow it's funny when you tell me she walks away picture her opening an umbrella and floating you know oh yeah she loaded yeah I jogged I don't know what that even meant I was a weird Mary Poppins I pulled that out of nowhere another musical oh yeah not a bad one pretty good pretty good spoonful of sugar makes the anal of queef yeah I also love Annie is one of my favorite sure is so anyways so I go to the Soho theater and they couldn't be nice or

couldn't be cooler they're so like they have to do like a safety thing they're like okay there's a fire you gotta get off stage if there's this you go over here you call the police blah blah blah I gotta sign the papers people were all nice and then they have a thing they're like we're gonna knock on the door and you're gonna ask if you're ready and if you say yes you're ready we're gonna go out and then there's a panel right next to the door like the stage door that will blink red when it's time when you're ready and then when you're ready you flick the switch down and that'll be our signal so it feels all crazy they don't

just go all right we're bringing you up this is like a submarine or something it's really fascinating and you're like okay so wait for the blinking light so now I'm getting kind of anxious because it's a big gig it felt like TV I'm wearing a Ted Baker I'm doing 60 minutes no opener and I was thinking about it I've never done a show maybe a college but I never do a show without any comics there right it's weird to have like no other comic even a corporate gig usually I'll bring somebody to do 10 and give you a good intro totally and usually there's someone that's like running the show more that's like I'll be here I do this

thing it's just me I'm just in the green room very loose very strange I got my notebook back there a chamomile tea I'm reading some you know AA literature trying to get a good spot you know meditating does it kind of feel like an I'm an artist man I'm about to do the so ho I got my book with notes in it I'm the only guy here it felt pretty amazing and it was like a dream I just wanted to do this theater and then it's so crazy to me to headline in another nation yeah all I'm thinking about it's like I feel like doing TV because you're like this is crazy it's a dream how do we get here and I'm like I just think of myself as

like a five-year-old living in Whitman mass and shit on my pant leg and I'm like Bobby I don't want to go to school I can't do it and like now I'm in London I'm headlining a theater in London unreal and there's people with Tuesday's shirts I talked to Ari about this it's so crazy to have people that were born in another continent yes who are fans of ours it's bananas it doesn't even make sense to like oh you fucking brownie you fucking faggot I listened to that you're like what yeah listen to us that's technology it got over there somehow these airwaves or whatever this Wi-Fi bullshit works over there too or play Mortal Kombat with a

friend in Vietnam what's that from cable guy ah yeah there's no end to the possibilities right but anyways so I go out there I the lights flicking I flick the thing off I'm nervous I come out and it's like a pop wow two they're going silent read I couldn't believe it wow there's British silent reef and that's lunch and uh I'm gonna call my fans the retards oh that's gold yeah hey retard that's gold I don't know maybe white retards no wait white reaper love white reaper see in the November 5th here in New York boy they're getting some

plugs on this I'll tell you that yeah come on out you should get a ticket they're like 12 bucks all right well how about a hello when we see him pushing those amps in your tweets well there's one of those one of the guys that works the band is a gay he works for a Tuesday yeah well tell the drummer will you your twin the drummer looks like Hanley a little bit oh that's a hot guy then yeah they're a hot they're a hot band I'll tell you my wife is like listening I was like ah take a break from them for a little bit I don't like it get your pants off yeah it's a little strange white reaper but anyways killer band I'll see you on the 5th let's go so you got two gigs at the soho

two gigs Friday and it goes well it's good but not killing it wasn't a kill it was like a good there's no waitresses there's not on their phones there because they respect the theater yes but it was good it was one of these weird things that happens when you come off stage and there's no one there to talk about it yes it's just kind of like all right well we did that and it felt like this big accomplishment I talked to a couple fans after the show really nice German fan American fan whatever obviously some British fans really nice and then I would walk back now Sarah doesn't have a phone so I had to go back she has a phone but it doesn't have a plan so I got to go back to the hotel and just kind of wait for her yeah and then she comes back we hit you know

we bang we talk about the shows we go for a walk and so ho at night very romantic beautiful trip just a uh just a great great time in London no I gotta ask a horrible question you're not gonna like it please I want to check notes you do okay I mean I've been to London it's a magical place it's it's it's busting oh what do you call it bustering is that a bustling bustling thank you that's what I'm looking for yes yes uh what's that place called Dave and bustling so it's bustling it's like New York it's all hopsy-dopsy everybody's on the move uh old cobblestone car beep beep you know the whole thing sure but the pubs there my god the pub oh it's all about the pub it's so romantic you're looking at glass and they're all all wood and the guy's got the Guinness on the

corner he's telling a tale and the guy's playing a piccolo or some shit there's a fire going yeah oh it's beautiful love the pubs pub culture and then the summertime or whatever time when it's warm they all are outside oh there was a guy with like nine pint glasses just stacked up next to him on the sidewalk they're all drinking and hey you know but they do exactly they're sitting on a barrel I was there with Bert and we couldn't not go into every pub the guy's got the big crank pulls that Guinness out of there it's an old ale it's beautiful it's tough and I kept saying I kept talking about it I was like it's hard to fully experience the UK and Ireland without going to the bars because that's such a huge part of their culture the bars are 300 years old 400 years old

so it is a little tricky in Ireland at least there's music play so I would go and just want to get a coke and watch the music because that's like why I'm there you know that's like who I am is the fucking the roots yes exactly the Dubliners and Luke Kelly and I'm wearing a Pogue shirt right now who's a London band actually but I've listened to Pogue's the whole time rainy night and so I kept listening it was fun but anyways it is tough it is weird because you're like I'd have a completely different impression and that's what we'd be doing you'd be experiencing that part of the city yes so we went to Portobello road and and shopped and then there's like a Ted Baker and stuff there's all this shopping there there's a lot of record stores

we could go to record stores but yeah the pubs and we went to a lot of pubs too for fish and chips we ate fish and chips every fucking meal yes love a chip so you could get a little bit of the pub feel with a fish and chip but certainly you are missing out on a lot on those kinds of cities yeah I don't want to rub it in your it's just like going to Italy without the pizza and the pasta I had that with reflux I was in Milan I couldn't do it I mean I'm trying to I gotta make do out here silent retard but they have great coffee shops and pastries so I would enjoy that during the day but without question it was tricky at least with reflux you go if I break this I'll suffer a little bit physically but exactly I'll have a little come in my throat

but that's it yeah I'm not gonna puke in the street and you know right my sister again yeah you won't go off the rails with a with a pasta noodle exactly so uh speaking of which we should go to the diner after this I would love to if we have time maybe do a diner bonus again we digress but yeah that was a little tough and tricky but uh all in all great time in London thank you to all the Tuesdays that came out God bless you that was fucking awesome and it meant a lot to me I was touched I would walk around in London with uh you know just on my own and just think wow I did it I did an hour show no opener 60 minutes Tuesday's galore and it felt it felt special I gotta say yeah that's a beautiful thing I was proud of it and uh made you know 11 bucks and um

that's that's pounds huh yeah so it's more like 13 bucks there you go and uh then now we're done with the shows and I feel great and vacation is starting oh and so now it gets a little anxiety but also excitement a lot of emotions a lot of feelings and so I plan the trip real well we got to London the day before two nights in London three nights total in London then I was like I don't want to drive a car in London I'm gonna be driving on the left side of the right side of the car the left side of the road I can't do it in London that's gonna be too much sure so I bought us a train to Cardiff whales three hour train ride that's the capital of Wales Cardiff so we take the subway the uh what do they call it the tube we take the tube to Paddington station get on the train take the

train across country now this is our first glimpse of England the country side oh the sheep the hills it's just spectacular fluorescent green beautiful we get to Cardiff now we have we get there around three o'clock now we have a night in Cardiff we're like all right let's go see Cardiff now once again if we could hang at the bars we'd be meeting people would have a different impression of Cardiff well you can go in though you can go in but like you're not gonna talk to people I'm a shy guy I'm a kind of a cunt Sarah too not the cunt but shy sure and uh if you if you're in a city when you're drinking you go you have a couple beers and you go hey we're from America oh get over this guy's from America you know we went to Minnesota one time oh you fucking blow me good boy and all of a

sudden you're like these are our friends from Wales now your pen pals all of a sudden the jukebox goes on well if I had a fucking sheep I'd fuck him in the butt whoo Cardiff hey you know but we don't have that so we go down to the castle there's a big castle we take a walk around and that was fun there's some kind of there's a huge uh seek do you know what a seek is is that a muzz I think it's kind of muslim on his hide and the seek and destroy yeah yeah yeah hide and seek yeah seek uh is the seeker Louis CK oh yeah yeah they call me the seeker yeah um but anyways there's a seek festival okay there's a seek and Smith that's very good well what is the seek is this is this the middle eastern thing I don't know I'm not proud to say I don't know what a seek is

at some of the turbine I think it's a brown guy who's in a cab it's it's brown as bearded the women aren't happy it's not a to pay what you call it again turban a turban it's like a good turbans it's something something's on the head it's head gay it looks more Indian to me though like Bangladesh India Sri Lanka and then you got Pakistani maybe a Pakistani I don't know somebody call in there's the Kurds and the Shiites cheese curd that's something she then there's the seeks episode of Shiite is that they like joking oh jeez I love the I'm hogging the episode now you tell me it's shit I got nothing I said Shiite oh killer not a Shiite they're not killer all right well anyways there's a seek festival going on and uh I don't know what they are but

they they're they seem nice they're wearing bright colors the food is good is it yeah I like that kind of food psych seek food I think it's seek I don't know Zeke who see he's plays for the jets that's a virus there's a virus Zeke Zeke go who might take it a Zeke uh uh but uh anyways there's a seek festival going on whatever it is I overheard it they said you know something seek I think it's got an H at the end no that's not right seek you're thinking of Islam there ain't no H in there I think there is Islam no where's the H oh I'm thinking of hijab G hot G hot as an H but that's not silent but that's an H but there's an H in there I think you know the re is silent well anyways there's a seek fest going on at the castle in Cardiff

okay so I don't know how I didn't think I don't think of whales I don't think of seeks but there was about 10,000 of them there wow and they had I'm getting to something here they had all this entertainment they had the big blow-up castle inflatable and inflatable castle and inflatable slide the whole thing that joke was dynamite oh I hope it didn't bomb yeah a lot of that stuff and they had an owl guy this is what I'm trying to get to owl they had an owl guy who was he he's an owl guy he's a guy he actually kind of looked like an owl looks like a frog so do you I got photos that's right I got photos of him he's got an owl over here he's got a falcon and an owl falcon yeah crest big falcon all right you idiots falcons eat squirrel

where are the cameras so we get in there and he's got the the the earpiece microphone thing and he's got a a hawk or a what did I say a falcon a falcon on this arm and then he's got a white owl on this arm and he's going hey kids look I got on the bird guy you know he's in a van with some birds and his wife's a kook and they're all sitting there Indian style so maybe that's what makes you think maybe maybe subconsciously that's why I thought they were Indian they're sitting there it was a pipe bomb so they're all sitting there and all of a sudden the owl just whoo it flies away it just disappears and we go oh wow he's doing some trick with the owl and the guy's like a little wet welch guy or whatever he goes oh cockadoo my owl ran away I better go back

and get my owl and we're going okay the owl flew and the owl just he flies up into the castle oh wow the bouncy no no the regular oh regular the stone castle okay now that thing wouldn't last 10 seconds those talents those talents would go right through it yeah well this guy was very talented because he's doing this whole bird spiel and he's like he doesn't seem to be nervous but he's like oh boy my my owl ran away this is not part of the show folks oh no and so I start to get a little bit nervous because I can see that he's getting nervous and he's like come here buddy whoo he's doing this call and you can see the bird is just looking at him like I don't know what the fuck you're talking about like it was like he was speaking different languages

so he's like well I better go get this thing and he gives the hawk to his kooky wife it's in her hair then he goes this guy's like 75 years old uh-huh so then there's like a rock wall he's trying to climb the rock wall he skids falls off the wall lands on his hand we're just going oh my god are you all right he's like oh don't worry guys don't worry the show goes on he's bleeding this guy's like bleeding profusely out of his hands wow this is going to foul yes he's just he's he's all bloody and he's walking up the steps and he's got to like climb into this like bushel and every time he gets close the owl will like flutter away oh no and so he's like holding on to the wall it's like wriggly field he's like holding on to the ivy and this guy is 107

years old he's bleeding like a sieve oh no and he's trying to get this owl to get on him and we're just like the seeks now they're all all the kids are like they don't even know what the fuck's going on they're playing badminton over here yeah sure and sarah and i like this guy's gonna die she put a video up on her uh instagram i'm like this guy's gonna fall off the wall and die but no ever the professional finally gets the owl the owls is like whoa flapping all his wings and his feathers are going everywhere he finally gets the little guy back on his arm scales down the wall and comes back and he's like whoa that was kooky wasn't it Jesus that's the thing with these animal guys they're they're tough like steve urwin you could throw him in a volcano well i guess he did get

killed yeah that's right but they're like up for anything they're kind of animals themselves in a way well it was crazy because i'm like this could be like a wilds first of all this guy could fall and die he could run out of blood he's bleeding he's 79 years old and uh the old guy falling is a bummer i know it was a real bummer and you can hear like and then he walked by got a close-up i mean he looked like fucking you know someone that bleeds a lot sure uh heavy flow yeah yeah uh but anyways he got the bird back and then we bought tickets we went on the little tour it was whatever and the tour what the seek tour the tour of the no no the castle the seats just happened to be there okay okay but they were uh they were plentiful i mean they were everywhere wow but they

you know they were having a great time over there sure did they have the bed like the what is that sitar sitar that's just indians i think sitar oh okay i thought they all kind of had a similar vibe with the music i don't know what's going on it's all the same artist over there i think there was music okay well i could use a tune no i don't know there's no tunes i think maybe there's a noise ordinance i don't know what was going on but anyways we did the castle then we walked to like the waterfront and i gotta tell you cardiff a little underwhelming as a city it was just kind of like poopy and i started to get depressed i got a real depression because cardiff was very underwhelming just kind of whatever the castle was neat the owl guy was fun yeah but you

were kind of just like all right and then we were pooped so it's like seven o'clock we're back at the hotel it was kind of a shitty hotel and i started to get this self-doubt creep in interesting where i was depressed where i was like what am i doing like i didn't even ask sarah if she wanted to go to wales i just got all i'm like clark griswold over here i got all fired up about wales i bought the tickets we're in the shitty city it's like kind of stinks right you're blowing it you feel yeah i'm like i gotta drive a car i'm shitting my pants what if i can't do it who said i could drive a car what am i crazy louis probably right i'm a fucking idiot oh boy and then i'm like what if wales i don't even i just google it i googled places in the park yeah i'm following instagram

i'm reading sky magazine what am i a fucking asshole we should be in the beach right we can be in the caribbean right here oh interesting we're so similar i would be doing the same thing well and i'm jet lag so i can't sleep i'm like i'm taking town all pm it's four in the morning i'm staring at the ceiling i'm like maybe i suck yeah nobody cared i did soho theater nobody was even there my family doesn't love me who gives a shit wow so i kind of had a breakdown but then this is where the lady should jump in and go you're playing the whole thing this is my job to pick your fat ass well she helped you picked up all right pick up you know she's like ah you're fine it's gonna be great we're gonna have a great time even if we don't we'll laugh it up it's hilarious

we're jet lag we'll get some sleep boopily boop bippity bip so the next morning now it's the moment of truth i'm a little nervous yeah we go have a big free breakfast i had a breakfast sarah slept in we only wanted to pay for one because you know running out of money yeah so i got a nice breakfast and i go we walk over to enterprise and by the way this all just worked out the train station is next to the hotel which is next to enterprise okay we're cooking it's all right there and i'm like i know what i'm doing i'm a goddamn man i plan the trip yeah we walk to enterprise now this is what's fascinating to me you walk in you're american i've driven on the the left side of the car right side of the road my whole life i'm a fucking alcoholic i've driven into fucking a fire hydrogen

wrecked a car i'm a piece of shit sure you walk in with a passport and a massachusetts license they go all right here you go they'll go we upgraded you for free to a Mercedes oh look at you Germany they put you into Mercedes there's no Ashkenazi there's no lesson or anything you're just in the car they go take care wow and so now i'm on the right side of the car the wrong side of the road and i go here we go and i said to sarah like you gotta be a hundred percent hyper aware with me the whole time you're navigating no phone no phone no nap i love it this is a two-brained good for you i'm like we're doing it yes i love it so i go i just gotta do it and i got a hot tip from sarah's dad who's from you know he's south african just a tip but they lived in england and

he said that the driver is always in the middle of the road come again so in the in america in most countries the majority countries the drivers on the left side of the car with the right side of the road so you're in the middle next to you is the the center lane okay the traffic the the drivers are passing each other next to each other oh interesting like if you're unpassing you you're right here boom got it so and then it's reverse there right you're on the right side of the left side of the road the driver remains in the middle of the road yes so that was a hot tip okay i like what i'm saying yeah i get it i get it because your instinct is to turn right into the right lane but you're on the right side of the car so you go oh i'm not in the middle of the road right i'm

on the sidewalk is out my window that's a good tip you know eight tips ashkenazi but yeah that's a good tip i'm not sure i get it they don't you know cheap oh i think you got tipped off that you were hiding in the basement oh no no i see oh the camera's off ah how long the camera been off for oh boy well sorry uh patreons all of a sudden the light turned off it's back on i don't know either i've been noticing the light yeah so am i i don't know maybe the battery is low i got plugged in maybe didn't care for the nazi jokes or the seeks or the meeps well you better get back on the mic here because that's very odd very strange maybe i kept recording i got a booger

now the camera's running again it said pause though when i looked at the screen well we'll send it to shelby maybe he works magic put a little like uh you know the indian head you know the the test the emergency oh native american native american she was thinking seeks yeah there you go well anyway so i get in the car and i'm anxious and the roads there it's not just driving on the wrong side of the road they're narrow and there's a lot of single lane roads that are two-way so you gotta do a lot of pulling over and like you go no you go and so i got nervous and i've never had car on my left yeah so you get your depth perception is weird so a few times sarah'd be like whoa whoa whoa and i'd be like whoa and i drive into the road i was freaking out

because this car's coming right at you and the lanes are so thin yeah that several times i kind of hit the curb just like a you know what i mean like a little sidewalk and then the car though was like a night 2019 Mercedes so it'll start going when you're close to something that makes me even more nervous it was a little nerve wrecking and it will break itself like the car starts breaking so all of a sudden you're like whoa what the fuck so early on there was a little bit of a fuck me in the ass situation there i mean how cool is that car though that must have been pretty high end oh super cool car it tells you you know miles to go on the gas there's a map on there you can talk to it and it says like you know you need road service and boobly boo and all this

shit slick in there so modern so pretty leather there's like a there's a thing on behind your calves like a movie theater seat like it's not just like a bucket seat there's like you could like recline in there it's pretty wild great car beautiful car so car diff ah so we hop on the road and it's just rotary central but you feel like every time you do it you feel like you accomplish something remember that scene in clueless where she gets on the highway by accident she's losing her virginity that's how i felt i'm like i feel like we're gonna have anal tonight yeah when i get to the park so it's a four hour ride long long drive but it's beautiful we get out into the welch countryside i've posted a million photos but it's just sheep everywhere and sheep

shouldn't be a insult i love sheep they're beautiful they're so gorgeous and they're just peaceful and nice but it's just rolling hills galore and it's exactly what i dreamed you get out there and you're like that's it wow that's the welch countryside sheeps and stone walls and castles and you did it fatty it was gorgeous and i'm like i'm doing it i'm driving you can't stop me god damn it yeah i can do it yes we got tuesdays in in england we're doing the tonight show over here we're fucking driving in wales and we made it happen we drove four hours the sun starts that we get to this village it's called boots air co-ed whatever the fuck we talked about that i get to the the the bnb this guy dave greets me the coolest guy i wanted to blow the guy he's like i used to work in

corporate you know not america corporate england he's like i made money but i wanted it i wanted to live out in the country and treat people the way you want to blah blah blah just a beautiful man who's this guy he's the he owns the air bnb or the bnb summer hill guest house uh great guy he's like welcome to the hotel it's the coolest hotel we've ever stayed in the breakfast was unbelievable the villager's guy he gave us these great tips he's like go for a hike around this town it's not even a hike it's a walk he's like i know you're tired he goes there's a golf course over here he goes there's a gate that says private do not enter he's like it's not private it's you can that's right to roam right to roam he's like they're being he's like if you ask me they're being a little cunty

over there he's like just open the gate it's not private don't worry i'm like i'm a nervous guy i'm like i don't know open a gate i'm in a foreign country of america and he's like do not he's like you gotta go do it just open the gate it's not private i tell everybody so we go great if we he didn't tell us we'd never have known we open the gate and it's like the land of Oz over there it's through the around the golf course and like babbling brooks this cow i mean it's solid cow it's gorgeous yeah cows and goats they's like there's a church you'll come across it was built in 1100 oh you think here i'm from boston i'm like i live in i'm boston baby history you don't know the fennel hall the fact our history is the horseshit horseshit from the 1700s this is from 1100 11 wow

that's not even legal this is like 200 years before william wallace you know and it's still standing you know it's a cemetery 800 if he was a foot yes wow bolts of lightning from his ass so we go in there that's gorgeous we went in there i walked around there's a you were inside 11 year old it's a whole thing and uh it's beautiful there's a footbridge a suspension footbridge we walked over there it started to rain it started to glisten i got a million more stories we gotta wrap it up but it was one of those ones we were like what it was i think and i did it you did it man and we didn't blow me and that the hotel was perfect it was the perfect distance we drove we we did it all by the way on the drive the day after seeing the owl guy fall where drive we see a lady and her

mother and the mother all of a sudden just goes like whoo and like just falls straightforward two hands and it was like she might be dead like we were driving 50 miles an hour or 80 kilometers an hour these crackers i got no rhythm i'm just looking in the review mirror and like her mother's like the daughter's like ah your mother's just can't help you get on the side of the thing i'm like ah so we'll get her yeah yeah it's the england town they're nice but uh right the room gorgeous i got a whole bunch more we'll get to next week or whatever but uh you dream it you can do it i hear if you think you want to do something just fucking do it and it just felt so good because i remember like ironically the trip ended we went back to bergen and then we hiked up the

mountain in bergen and i was like this is where i was with louis saying i want to go to where we were hiking the same mountain and i was like now i'm hiking the mountain again the trip is done we did it wow you dream it you do it it was fucking beautiful soho theater welch countryside and again we'll go back to this next week because i got a whole bunch of other fun weird stories and shit that popped up and happened but i love it this is uh this this is another hashtag we got too small to cancel from you and now we got uh if you could dream it do it or whatever it was dream it you do it or that's probably been said somewhere or you find your owl something there's something bloody hand old man owl hand old man seek and destroy i had a bloody hand after a

finger pup leslie cunningham in third grade but all right i gotta tell you this that kind of well this will be a nice way to end it so i'll two seconds last week we talked about how it's hard to get off your phone you go off your phone for two seconds you miss everything you know you try to take a break so i try to take a breather from my phone and i was like putting off a couple hours i'm in denver i get a text from the booker of fallon whoa he goes we had a dropout can you do fallon monday whoa it's friday i'm in denver i'm like whoa and you know these things come and go so you gotta jump on it right so i'm like i'm flying i have a sunday show what am i gonna do because i fly in from denver takes a minute you don't land two hours behind

two hours behind and my flight lands at three we had a pod at five right on monday yeah so i go i could maybe change my flight but then then we wouldn't get a pod in so i'm like ah i'm texting the booker all this he's like all right all right i don't know and and he's like i wish you would have texted me all this earlier we could have worked something out i'm like ah i was off the phone jesus christ the phone so then i go all right well we'll text me back let me know what you think he goes all right all right all right he comes back he goes we got a guy we got a guy i'm like well i couldn't have done it anyway but what are you gonna do but i was like hey man just give me a date like enough with this last minute not a date even if the date's in december

just give it to me so i can have it in my anal right and uh so he's like ah well you know it's a lot of white guys and all that blah blah blah i'm like all right i get it whatever and then the next week he goes i felt bad about all that gave me a date i'm doing it on thursday whoa two days from now two days from now holy shit back on the tonight show i'm back baby third time i gotta buy a suit i'm gay i gotta i gotta run the set the set's not there yet then i'm freaking out and i feel bad that's why i had to do that that quick set during our shoot because i was like i don't know where it is you gotta do it dream it and do it i'm looking at a photo of you on the tonight show right here there it is that's me that folks can we swing the camera around there you go shelby get

on that swing it around go ahead but yeah so check it out thursday night 11 48 in the morning whatever it is yeah it'll be about 12 30 12 30 tape it you but the key is to spread it on youtube spread it love it like it share it spread your anal spread it like butter what was that saying spread your butter spread the butter the butter and you know what to do in the comment section blow up those comments get it up the algorithm every single person listening yes you too not don't not do it yes go in there and write hey this is killer amazing set mentioned Tuesdays if you don't mind please but blow it up get that thing up the fucking these dumb algorithms they fuck you get it up the grapevine but you gotta get likes and and comments so every single person

listening go give it a comment hey great job hilarious fuck me in the ass whatever here here and mention the pods so other people see that and let's fucking blow it up let's do it too small to cancel folks and do the same with the Tuesdays with stories youtube go in the comments leave a nice comment something leaving mean comments and i don't appreciate it yeah please don't do that leave some nice ones give it some likes we're trying i'll have to comment to like these guys are idiots they don't know how to make themselves famous or whatever the fuck will help us for god's sake yeah throw it around tell a friend tell your daughter tell your mom and try to come white reaper yes sorry i got heartford next weekend funny bone heartford funny bone next

weekend october i got all my dates up comedian joe list dot com burlington vermont uh fucking columbia missouri appleton wisconsin nice uh laugh boston is coming up to 29th and 30th of november please i if i can't sell out my own fucking town i don't know what to tell you yeah laugh boston november 29th and 30th spread the uh butter come on out yeah margarine comedian joe list dot com i'll be all around la i look for go to my instagram we'll be posting everything uh tecoma spokane and portland uh tampa got moved uh shit why am i blanking on all my dates here it comes folks you know i'm you love them i hate myself there we go punchline sacramento let's fill that one up addison improv and dallas tejas with the old fat chrysal jessing of cap city

in austin acme in minneapolis you know what you love it roar springfield rooster tea feathers and sunny veil california hey don't forget santa anna the blue room and helium portland a lot of dates tampa got moved to next year we love you kiss your uncle blow your dad merch pump buy a shirt new ones coming soon tweet at louis yeah yeah follow us on the whole thing twitter insta we hate ourselves and uh yeah mausoleum brazila