Tuesdays with Stories! - #316 Chewin' The Breeze

Episode Date: September 24, 2019

Hachi machi, we've got a great one this week folks, as Mark gets annoyed by a fat lady on a plan before getting a HUGE surprise on Amy Schumer's podcast. Check it out! Sponsored by: Native Deodorant (NativeDeodorant.com code: tuesdays) Subscribe to our Patreon for full video of the show, bonus eps, and all of our pre-2017 episodes www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy a folks we're on the home stretch of this podcast folks

he it while we are canceled right on the tip of cancel it can't be much longer no siry bub we are nervous are you on camera right now I feel it's pointing directly at my testicle I'm nervous because this is more evidence for the fucking scary weirdos I know well I think the video is worse some oh yeah well Jared Frida he said on his podcast last week he was like you you don't get fired for podcasts you get fired for tweets and then three days later Shane get fired for the podcast wow Jesus yeah if everyone do me a big favor so we always say to spread the word tell everyone spread the butter spread your

ass cheeks spread the word to friends but don't tell anybody that's suspect about what we're doing here maybe nobody with a blue hair yeah Dora of a bird yeah tell your friend that's what I've been saying I went on guys we fucked that'll be out soon I think women and I say you know you when I played the podcast I say but it's extremely irreverent please don't just her key jerky listen to it sure cuz god you fuck we're having like a serious conversation about relationships and sex and you know I'm probably this big sweetie pie yeah I'm going well my why don't judge her for past sex and I'm

very emotional and I like to plan special days and it's hard to have sex sometimes because we're such buddies we have to love my lover and they're like oh my god you're so sweet you're a great person partner I'll tell you that I try to be a good partner and so I then I'm afraid that people are like this guys a big fucking teddy bear of a sweet big cunts I'm gonna check out his pod and then it's just us talking about raping children and punching dogs and yeah yeah licking ass and yeah yeah queefs and Jews but yeah go ahead queefs and Jews just saying I talked to a couple POC's sure people of cunts and they said I

could tell and their fans of the show they're like I listen every week it's so obvious you're joking you guys are idiots your glutes you're all over the place your gookie your tookie yeah we have a lot of pox a lot of pox chicken pox they like chicken small pox and big cocks on small pox woo you see we're good we're idiots we're goofs yeah we're goofballs yeah so we don't mean anything I mean I don't think you know who of SNL not fame I don't think he meant anything either but you know they always go well I watch it it wasn't funny like yeah sometimes it's not funny right and maybe it wasn't funny

to you and maybe it was funny to that Asian kid yeah yeah so what was I gonna say oh I we've talked about this before obviously through the years because a couple a couple times we've ruffled a few feathers and I just always assume people are aware that we're kidding I give people the credit for understanding well the difference between hate speech and fucking you know well you know what it is this is what it is because somebody had a great analogy about how UFC you punch a guy on the mat you punch him in the face punch him in the balls you punch him in the ass or you win the fight you did that you do that at a library you're

a lunatic psycho and you're like I know but in this space I'm in the fight it's totally fine there's a ref there's a clock does an audience but we don't realize that a pod is that space yes but it's just you in your fat dong on a couch yes Shelby's the ref yeah yeah they are the weirdo the Tuesdays of the audience you know yeah you got a clock and a cock and a clock but it doesn't read to them because it's just a fat white guy going slur slur slur so they go this guy's doing a political rant well that's what's frustrating too is well it's not I think about our show I mean I can't speak for shame but it's like it

gets posted out there you're like well it's not for you sure the people that are like this is appalling this is insane you're like I know you weren't supposed to hear it right it was our secret little basement hang here for the people that enjoy that kind of thing and we're good guys we just enjoy some of reverent humor yeah I was hanging out with men and women and somewhere in between I think some trance and some buys and some tries and thighs but we were all hanging out of this the club last night and we were saying horrific I don't river jokes and we were all howling men women POC whitey honky

spooks paid the whole lot of them and we're all having a great time and I was like if this any of this was recorded we'd all go straight to jizz hell that's how they go it's all I ever think about yeah and I'm like well how come we're laughing but people go this is not funny to you and Guzzlin Nazi and I think there's more people that find it funny than art yeah don't and what's so crazy me is like I align with all these people politically I'm like if we had a conversation about race and you know gay marriage climate change socioeconomics I'd be like I know it's crazy and yeah but I just like I said I

trust that people understand that we're fucking goofing around so clear but then then and this is I tweeted this today it isn't an ironic how whenever somebody I don't know if it is irony don't you think it's hard to figure out what irony it is it is I think it's I'll be the judge of this I'll be the ref thank you all right get the rape whistle out so I think funny to have a rape whistle that went like a slide whistle yeah but like a sexy one yeah like a that's like the hot chick oh the wolf whistle they call that oh is that right but the whoo whoo that's like sex we find out that was the rape whistle

you know you that sound like a girl with tits walks by you go aha that'd be funny if that was the sound you flip it your rape whistle makes like the n-word you take it aha aha I suppose I guess not sure that's what I was saying I hear you I get it though all right but wait sorry go ahead so uh-oh the thing's blinking look at it turn off I don't know our camera's blinking oh suck me sideways what do we do all right marks off the mic for a moment here you have an idea do you have another memory card okay so what I knew something was up that's probably why it turned off last week or earlier this week

I said in the show we never heard back I wonder if there's two in there you think hold on get this mic up your ass so people can keep hearing you we got a big griswold not here you can see it on camera we try that this is uh what is that what did you just flip it around another there's two in there but I think it only uses card a is it like a tape you this side a inside b it's not blinking little lights that not twinkling Clark all right let's get back all right let's try marks back I don't know if we're keeping that audio you think we should keep the audio yeah why not people like it it was 10 seconds in your mind it's like sex in your mind that was like a half hour we were goofing uh-huh nothing was happening yep but uh in reality that

was like seven seconds okay okay well seven seconds in heaven seven cents burn so uh back to the cancel culture uh by the way people always say why people have no culture we got cancel culture we invented that we got a lot of culture I know I but that's what people say um so yes a lot of times these people the guy who does the unearthing or the digging they call it sure and they they expose your you know slur whatever yeah journalism quote unquote that's what it's come to if you if you go back and search this comes staying stuff they then he's got something yeah we're all human you're you twats you gotta realize we all have flaws we've all done horrible shit you know I always equate it to when you're a teenager and you go fuck you mom I hope you die I hate you I hate you

you don't hate your mom you don't want her to die but you say things in the moment you get keyed up you get all juiced nobody hates their mom except for the people whose their mother beat them and finger fucked them or whatever yeah maybe the menendez oh yeah they seem to dislike her oh boy well they got a diddle daily oh is that right oh I don't know much about the menendez oh they ain't only raped and uh jerked and stuff the whole thing I'd kill somebody if they ain't only raped me sure sure sure I tried to anyways so uh well we'll see after the show and uh so but they always find something so I feel like cancel is the new smelted dealt it you know what I mean because like why are you so hung up on jizzing up my cum quad if you've got some queefs in your tomato salad and you deny

you supply it that also works right well I think also they get this is what bothers me about the thing is a lot of those people uh they're doing that a lot of its intent like to me yes the intent of the comedian was was to be funny sure and to bring joy speaking for myself at least or ourselves the intent of these people is to damage that person's career and reputation yes because I don't believe they actually think they're bettering the world they want likes and to move their stature up they're trying to get fans and more blogs or newspapers or whatever that's their motive I don't think they actually think they're making the world a better place no by keeping Shane Gillis off SNL I don't think that maybe they do think that maybe they're that delusional though

I mean a lot of these people are wackadoo right but I just don't I think that their motivation is to um further their uh careers yeah yeah oh for sure well we we reward these idiots so heavily you know like you're a hero that word by the way has been completely fucked out but like you're you're you're saving us you're doing the Lord's work you're doing the right thing you're on the right side of history blah blah blah and so people the you know they always say like you know in the future we're gonna evolve to have different thumbs because of the phones oh is that right I've never heard that yeah it's some theory I think we're gonna have a new muscle in our arm from the back padding we're doing on ourselves all right it's it's it's a you know what do you

call an anecdote that's an anecdote yeah I'm being folksy all right it was it was folksy that's I don't think that's real I'm taking a goof I think that part we should end it out that's stuck I never heard this dumb business that's a thing all right I mean it's half uh facetial or facial or whatever it is but uh I wonder if eventually our wives this one's gonna be as bad as that back cutting I wonder if our wives fingers will grow into a curve from reaching around and sticking their fingers in our butts that's the only way we come that's not bad thank you I appreciate maybe that's the back thing was decent I like the back thing so I like that one too that's the dirty version all right that's the B room the back was okay sure all right he's on board I just don't know that

they're literally patting their back well that's the joke it's a joke they're not actually doing oh I say it's a goof anecdote I don't know if that is an anecdote even it was a story it was anti-something anti-semitic funny uh oh oh well I don't want to say that that's funny I was I was doing um I did the guys we fucked I'm really plugging the hell out of this show apparently it's a hell of a program people like it but uh I was telling the story about uh getting warts taken off my cock at Planned Parenthood sure I love the pp and that's why I donate monthly folks don't cancel now why aren't you more public with that I'm quite public okay this is public we got some listeners all right public restroom I keep keep trying to grow the show by the way I'm like maybe

it's perfect right where it is I agree the Ari syndrome I want to be less famous like to grow that patreon folks sign up for it yes we're making some changes to the patreon it's gonna be awfully enticing but anyways oh I was saying I'm like Planned Parenthood I donate I love them because they took warts off my dick and I was like I don't even care about women's issues and then Karin was sound clip that's like a podcast they could just cut anything and you could just show me going I don't even care about women's issues I don't even care about women's issues I don't even care like just a loop right and then uh next thing you know old jeds a millionaire which I thought they could do a compilation of us saying horrible things but burr brought up the point which I've been bringing

up yeah you could also I don't I can't say this for Shane Gillis I don't know I don't listen to his program I don't even know him that well but the times I've talked to him I like him good guy hilarious comedian um hilarious guy big fat face yeah he's a big dumb head yeah he's a he's a he's a bluto type mmm Shawshank Popeye Popeye wasn't it I think he was brutus at one point I think we talked about this I think he was brutus at one point and bluto at another point it's kind of like different vivians yes the the the fresh prince mom yeah they thought we weren't gonna notice they're like america things blacks look alike we'll just switch in a new mom I noticed like I caught it when my mom changed I was a whole different kind of she's a man now we can yes

transition but anyways I was gonna say something about you guys oh you could also put together a compilation of me saying hey you gotta vote for Liz Warren you fucking idiots and you gotta get the environment and the planet and suck your own dick and eat your mother out sure there's a lot of that which is very nice no one's interested in that compilation why not because once again we reward the digging we reward the guy kicking people out of comedy or whatever the hell it is well the negative sells tickets it gets the tweets it gets the thumbs it gets the clicks the same with the news you watch msnbc it's fucking iraq ran war and climate change and your mother's cunt and whatever they're never like okay three guys helped an old lady across the street

you know Doug Smith broke up a rape and sure sure whatever whatever and that's why that should be a show the good news just gonna say how about that as an ad or a channel watch what I've been saying is uh email me the good happy stories but that you can't even find them right I like a hopeful story and that's ongoing by the way if you read a nice hopeful story shoot it up my asshole I'll and see if I like it I think you got some here fat man because that these viral videos half of them sure it's a it's a Jewish kid slipping on ice or something or a guy getting kicked in the balls by a Shetland pony but a lot of them 10 million 20 million 30 million views of some fat chunky lady giggling and she's like we're loving it because like yes she's having a good she's wearing

a Chewbacca mask or or is it there's a kid hugging a dog or a baby's riding a sheep or something right we love it because they go oh we're just inundated with all this gruesome horror and shit well recently there was a big viral where there was a black kid and a white kid they hugged I mean I cried and shit my pants perfect example the pants shit was unrelated I had some tacos I saw one guy put a Antonio Brown and uh Tom Brady's head on the white and the black kid and they ran towards oh that's fun it was fun that Antonio Brown's a bit of a kook now what's that about he's I don't know he's got some rape allegations he was farting the doctor's face he's a bit what a bit strange this guy farting and oh god now I like him again yeah there was a video

that just came out a couple days ago where the doctors I think he's shaving his belly or giving him a suv or what do you call that uh st ultraviolet what do you call that the pregnant lady oh sir no look at the baby they put the gel on oh hell no don't you put the bomb on I got this it's a uv something else no ultrasound ultrasound that's the one I think they would give it an ultrasound or jerking them off something but he queefed right in the doctor's face and he's like sorry I had a lot of fiber in the doctor's like whoo yeah it was funny silly but I think he might have raped people I'm not sure oh boy I didn't know about that well I haven't read the thing so I might get tweets being like he's innocent you fuck or we might get tweets being like you shouldn't be

talking about his farts because he raped someone sure I gotta be I I'm a little ignorant I haven't read any of the business but I know there are definitely rape allegations so we could ask the lady upstairs but she'll give us a whole queef soliloquy on that the lady upstairs soliloquy oh I think you're calling God like a man upstairs no I don't want to say her name because you'll chime in like it oh she doesn't know about rape other than what she's witnessed in this apartment she might have gotten raped by Siri all right maybe they scissor they serious oh yeah but anyways you know it's better off for Shane he's better off now he's a martyr he'll go on you know Bill Maher and Bill Maher what is martyr I pretend to know what

that means martyrs someone that dies for a cause oh boy you put it I've read the definition I didn't get it and that's a perfect little uh some age that sound like a gunshot out there yeah well I think they may not have to die I mean I get every time I say something I'm afraid people gonna tweet and be like you're fucking idiot you don't have to die but I believe it's officially originally it was dying for a cause I don't want to be a martyr nor are I right brave heart you know it just sounds so a martyr you know it sounds like an old-timey middle ages thing accidentally like a martyr by Warren Zevon one of my favorite songs of all time we made mad love shadow love random love and abandoned love accidentally like a martyr the work the hurt gets worse and the heart gets harder

oh nice it's a beautiful song I like that Zevon's good stuff now let me let me throw this one at you there sure stick it up my ass and see if I come now that song is probably what 1982 70s earlier 74 probably wow that early 73 maybe all right so uh you know that song you were born in what 88 82 82 okay so every young person I know girlfriend included uh knows nothing from the year seven on like when she was seven ah and I'm like well how come I know stuff from the 50s 60s and 70s and I was born in the 80s and you don't know anything from 1992 well she's into that what do you mean I mean you're into that she's not into that I feel like most people our age know they've seen ghostbusters well that was 84 hold on they've seen mean streets they've seen no no one's

seen mean maybe not mean sure they've seen cuckoo's nest right they've seen yeah cuckoo's nest maybe the godfather uh-huh mean streets is a little bit yeah uh well there but we're into movies uh-huh but some people some people haven't seen the godfather you mean people that are like I never saw Brendon sagalow that fucking pimple he never saw the godfather yeah he's out to lunch I don't think he's seen his dick well that's a different problem that's true he's he's eating his dick I've seen wait really I've seen that quite a bit oh yeah he's eating a hot one on there but just kidding he's hilarious yeah but he's a funny guy but yeah all right all right but I think that maybe because I brought this up to a young cat in Irvine we were we got in this big file like how

can we don't know anything a cat was he a musician he was a jazz uh sax player sounds black was he black now he was a young asian kid he was a good kid I forget his name I think they eat cat I think it's dog ah shit but yeah he was uh he was working with me at Irvine great club great city or whatever great people thanks for coming out folks so he's working with me and he's like I don't know 26 okay funny guy nice kid whatever but he didn't know anything I was like have you seen this no if you say goonies no and then we'd go music no Zeppelin no uh his stones not much Beatles I don't know and he's like what about this DJ queef and dick and I'm like I don't know who that is so he knows all the new I don't know anything new but he doesn't know anything oh I'm like how do you what about like

new heart or obviously he's in the comedy danger field he's like I know who he is and I'm like that's crazy that's wait I think that's a newer thing yeah maybe well we're also uh something we're off you know we're all obsessed with weird shit like I've always had like a um like a an unusual obsession with the 70s even when I was young I remember when I met Quinn for the first time name drop he was like this it's bizarre how much you know about the 70s oh he said bizarre yeah he's like this is this is strange like I have like a deep it seems like I'm from the 70s uh-huh like I know the films and the music and b-sides and retracts but that's what I was into yeah but I don't know shit about fucking house music or anything no I don't need a greenhouse you know

the movie and the show and the music yeah the show stinks the movie stinks that guy's British by the way who I don't know what guy oh the limpy uh cripple Hugh Laurie you know more than me about house I got nothing about it's Hugh Laurie yeah he's British but he plays an American and it's hard he doesn't he does a good job but Hugh Laurie and Hugh Hardy aha yeah exactly Jesus P Hugh so uh so then so then he had a good point Josh Potter was featuring he had a good point of Potter funny guy good guy can't see he works on uh your mom's house yes that's a good and uh Dr. Drew and Dr. which I'm doing in a week but yeah he goes uh well you gotta realize back then we had so few options when Samford and son came on at 2 a.m. and you were watching TV you just watched it

oh it's just a point so now you have so many options so why would you go backwards there's so much new yeah coming out everyone's like you gotta see this and then the people want to be part of the zeitgeist conversation exactly but there's a lot this podcast and shows and Netflix and movies and music that's the answer I think well we had a VHS with nine videos you had to watch that and then seek out exactly let's go to blockbuster and be like I gotta see this right but we also have the I have a personality type where if I see I watch good fellas I'm like this is so incredible what else did this guy make that's how that's what I say I gotta watch main streets and then you're like okay I watch main street and then you're like well De Niro's

and let me watch the godfather and I'm like I gotta see Coppola I gotta watch the fucking outsiders not great same uh outsiders thanks it's not good it's a good uh photo of that era like a good time capsule yeah I suppose but it's not a great movie yeah Coppola is weird because he made like four of the best movies ever like he like godfather godfather two the conversation apocalypse now and then everything since is a little rough you didn't like born on the fourth was that him no that's Oliver stone he made rumple mints rumble fish yeah rumple mints and uh that one's wacky it's okay outsiders I think stinks and then like there's like Dracula the rainmaker oh it's a lot of yeah yeah kind of whatever godfather three I hate sure but uh anyways but genius I love

reading him and listening to him and they said he said in interviews like I can't get a movie made now he's like if I get a mob if it's a mob movie they'll make it but that's it right right well you hit that great uh thing I talked about uh live sorry I got reflux oh I had a waffle earlier gobble I had a waffle with syrup it's bad gobble gobble I hate myself oh yeah I got no food discipline I can't do it it's tough it's like alcohol I just can't do it I'm like you're doing that I'll feel for three days I'll feel good the worst thing that can happen to me is I feel okay yeah then I'm like I'm gonna have a chocolate bar and uh Chipotle and uh wait I can scoop ice cream yesterday I had that treat ice cream is no good I had ice cream for fun and that was no good and

then I had a waffle today I almost text you yesterday about that it's no good it's bad I'm fluxing up here I can't not eat a waffle with maple syrup and butter I mean it's pretty damn good I'm a piece of shit well can you you can't really uh what do you call moderate where you have like that's what I say that though let's get half a waffle no I know I'm a drunk yeah you wanted to split a waffle like it won't work it's no good it's it's it's bad news bears but they don't have meetings they have overeaters but if I show up in overeaters they'll fucking they'll sit on my face kill me can you imagine if I walked in that's hilarious that could be a bit that's gold because I got a good metabolism this is why I do relate to by the way I was like you gotta check out this

Bill Maher uh fucking monologue about fat people I'm like it's great and then I realized it's like controversial everyone hates them people want him to die he's getting cancer cordoned into like a very special episode about it I'm like Jesus he's getting me three isn't that the worst like you don't realize I'm like you gotta see this thing it's great everyone's like it's problematic I was like I had no idea but I do relate to to to weight struggle because I've always had a great metabolism but I can't not eat I eat shit I'm eating cookies every day soda 20 a day and I had to get silent retard before I quit right right those quiet reese are the worst but the but uh the why I can't not get a waffle that I just had a waffle at a diner today today

earlier today today all kinds of syrup and it cost me about 25 bucks I had a I got a waffle and then they give you the it says maple syrup $1.50 but they give you something called breakfast syrup and uh the packets it's packets there's no I read the ingredients hate a packet it said caramel coloring corn syrup high fructose corn syrup sugar and uh your mother's twat and I'm like well this doesn't even have any maple no maple so if you want real maple it's a $1.50 so I call the guy or I went hey Paco let me get a little uh that was his actual name by the way don't cancel me for that that was his name tag I got a witness maple so I said uh that was his wife's name so I said bring me over the maple sorry sorry so uh mape victim he came over

statue or mape mape whistle hey he comes over he brings that the quintessential not quintessential authentic calling quintal oh we got a fucking ad by the way oh I forgot the ad we got to add that but uh so he brings over the the authentic mape and it's in a jar the size of my dick on a cold day it's like a teeny jar that's a buck fifth and he says a buck fifty goes you want one or two and I wanted to say I want ten of them of course and so I go I'll give me give me two of them I'll take two maples and I got them with my buddy and she's like whoa just gonna be a thousand bucks yeah so I go uh give me give me two maples he brings them over and they're the size of a thimble oh that's cruel so it's an x3 and it's a it's a mid-town diner so the waffle's 15 now it's 18 bucks

and I still don't have you've seen me eat a waffle I drown the thing oh you get in it's Katrina Waverley is the only place to uh get a waffle around here I've learned so anyways I ended up pouring the fake syrup on top of the real syrup cost me 25 bucks and now I'm flexing now all over the place you're an addict you had to get the extra crack hit it's gross but I'll tell you what's not gross I got it tell him about the ad thing you got it are you looking for a natural deodorant that doesn't use aluminum by the way it's hilarious I sure am all right I know that making that change can be hard you don't want to try something that doesn't work because then you'll stink yeah even if it is all natural pee you well I got a great new sponsor to tell you about we

have a great new sponsor to tell you about thank you and it's native deodorant native creates safe safe space safe simple effective products and native has over 8,000 five star reviews that's a lot of reviews so you know how it works especially for deodorant yeah native deodorant doesn't contain aluminum parabens or talc wow it's hard to not get talc anymore talc stinks instead it's filled with ingredients found in nature coconut oil tapioca starch shea butter less is more with native baby they have fewer simpler ingredients that you actually know plus they have a they have something for everyone native comes in a wide array of scents for men and women like coconut vanilla lavender and rose and cucumber and mint yes I love that they sent

to some of this I'm loving it I'm not even kidding I put it on every day I used to use a different deodorant I want to name names but I would find myself still perspiring yes a lot of sweat driplets coming down and now I'm using this native I put it on I go to yoga I perspire but not in a bad way none the stinky way I smell terrific and it's all natural I love that it's natural ingredients I like being part of the environmental solution we're helping there's all the kinds of chemicals and whatnot's in the other one plus I use it and I don't know if this is gross but the lady uses it right after me no kidding yeah she likes it and it's you know it's dude harry pit approved and uh tiny clam approved so for 20% off your first purchase visit native

deodorant dot com and use Tuesdays during checkout that's native deodorant dot com and use Tuesdays that's plural during checkout here here native deodorant take care of your body you got that right native all right native the natives are restless yes and stinkless mm-hmm aha now what the hell were you talking about I don't even know anymore I was talking about reflux and syrup and oh you were going off on a fucking binge attack well these cities the city diner that went to the astro diner you and I went there together astro that's uh eighth avenue sixth avenue we went after jim and sam I think oh yeah that's had a waffle you took a photo that's a classic was that jim and sam it was it was yeah that

feels like it was a long time ago but you saved the photo I got that's what it was because you just posted the photo recently yes but it was a while ago right well I went there today and it cost about 45 bucks two people diner 45 bucks you know it's funny when I posted that photo the other day I had a like a moment of like don't send this he's he's doing something illegal that I was like oh wait it's just gonna hurt him reflux yeah yeah no one's no one's catching my reflux I had a quick mental like wait no but uh then you know yeah I got a lot of cheat days I can't yeah I can't discipline it's so hard I feel it was writing work it's hard meditate all the stuff anything that's good for me I don't want to do anything that's bad I do want to do it they say discipline is

freedom wow which is ironic but you know basically it's saying like if you just don't do the thing you're dying to do just don't do it like that and then you're free but I want to do it but just don't like right not and then you know I want I don't want to write if you do the writing you did it now you're free you feel better you feel better and it's it's harder on the jump but once you do it you're better but the problem is with treats like that this is where it's a little different because I feel that way just just do it now you're free but my freedom makes me want to get it off like I'll go to work out I'll do a workout class I'll do yoga I'll meditate then I'm like you know what I earned some stuff I did that with like with um I don't like to talk about AA too much

because people take it serious but with recovery situations I'll put some time in and I feel so good and I'm like I don't drive and drag and year I'm doing great and I went and did some active recovery let me get a waffle yeah you earned it and all of a sudden old Jed's a millionaire and covered in syrup I think I did that Jed's a millionaire twice which is tough yeah well maybe up it too because maybe Jed's a billionaire because I feel like inflation yeah these days Jed uh whatever maybe I'll try some AA I need some new batteries yeah that's a good time all right that was a deep joke uh maybe enough but uh yeah so a couple a couple nuggets a few I got some nugs too get some nugs throw on a nugs are you out of Europe yet I got a whole bunch of Europe

but I'm having fun just shooting the breeze and chewing the fat do you prefer chewing the breeze or wait shooting the breeze chewing the fat I like chewing the fat better but I think that might be a little shamy now with uh fat cordon oh in my drinking days I chewed some fat quite a bit oh yeah fat labia and she never came I just kept chewing Chewbacca nothing nothing on that plate but grizzling fat uh great outdoors John Hughes um not his best not his best but it had moments there was moments that was when he let candy play a little bit love candy candy and acroy back when he was saying I want candy why is he no good is he crazy now oh he's all big foot and uh no kidding rapture he's off on the deep end he is a big foot oh yeah he's big like Texas

he's a cougs I'm about people getting rich and famous people really cuck out SNL cuck out that sounds hungry I'm hungry I could use one barbecue nice cucko yeah all right so uh one thing I just want to say I did Irvine I'm such a cuck dick cheese whiz I fly out to Irvine five hour delay oh you hate that I'm sitting here I got up at five in the morning for a 7 a.m. flight you know you haul ass to J I hate JFK you need to JFK I like them but I get why people don't like I'm an RFK man love RFK yes uh so I get out there five hours later the whole time he's gone that was an hour that was an hour I could have slept that was an hour and then you want to sleep in the airport but you can't yeah you can't they put the arms up on the chairs so you can't

sleep I know I know who told you to put the bomb on so that's two of those by the way is that two of those you're on doubles they're like a Serena I got too many waffles here all right I got Junior Midgo hey can I do something that's been bothering me oh can I there's something on your arm I want to take it up it's a thumbnail or something I think it's a mole maybe it's a feather string cancer period I don't know what it is but it was really throwing my eyes into a twitch thanks for pulling the strings so uh I get out there finally and it was a five hour flight uh how about this one I got this guy next to me like a finance guy keep shuffling his seat you could tell he's always had first class and now he's in the back in the barn with me was it Louis

no he's a good-looking guy oh he's got a suit on and the whole thing although it went suit yeah but full head of hair like good looking like rounded glass frames you know like cool oh uh fashion horn rimmed horn oh yes garbage horns so he goes uh ah god he can't get comfortable he's he's overdoing it like letting me know like I hate this seat now maybe he's coked up maybe maybe it's early I don't want to cast dispersions sure sure though I do enjoy casting a dispersion I like casting I mean you gotta cast such a casting I'm gonna put the movie together so so uh okay so we get on the plane uh it's 30 minutes delay now everybody d-board now we're d-boarding the whole thing no board d-boarding is the worst then I go just give it to me straight man I go up to the guy at the

count of the Indian guy I'm like just give it to me straight are we canceling this puppy and he goes I don't know I don't know I can't say I can't say cancel culture yep and then an hour later still nothing and here comes the snack cart ah boy kiss the death yep here come the Oreos and the Doritos and the Cheerios and the Paleos you never want to see an Oreo no the better the snacks the worst the delay aha they bring a pretzel it's like 20 minutes they bring out a fucking a hot dog and a filet mignon right you're moving there they got a pig on a spit forget about it that's a bit that's a bit you got two killers it feels a little hacky what's the other one you got the the over-eaters and on oh yeah yeah yeah I go in there I walk that's big this is what you do

you trick me that's big I'm jealous you're telling me I'm gonna go to an open mic and do it and they're gonna fucking boom me on stage oh you got a home and you got a tweak I don't want to home just go up there talking like this but I'm just saying I hate a home here's by the way here's the you do hate a home homes are big I'm not holding I like it to be good right off the bat or else I leave that has nothing with home yeah home alone yeah phone home so um you show up what was it oh yeah this is the beauty of that bit it's the only meeting where you can tell by the appearance what you show up look at you're like oh wait I thought you meant I thought we were back to the no I'm talking about the bit you show up as a string bean glasses weird teeth they go hey he could

be a drunk what do I know but you show up as a string bean glasses weird teeth anonymous eater they got this guy's a full shit yes good point that's the that's the meat of it didn't good point don't eat the meat eat meat yeah wait I had a thought hold on one second the ET the snack oh the snack bit yes at the airport reminds me of this guy Tom Gilmore a great comic from Boston it was a little nutty but the hilarious guy big Gil he had a bit about so great one of my favorite bits maybe it's been done he's like the newscaster that as the news gets worse he lose he starts loosening his tie it's funny and then he's like as like 9 11 like they would take their jacket off he's like what time I turned on the news the guy was shirtless I just ran for my

life something something like that but it was really it was honed yes but it was funny like they'll start with 9 11 like you know Peter Jennings had like a fucking a top hat and a sports bra and a monocle the top hat didn't make sense oh okay but because why would he put more head on take no yeah but anyways it was a great bit all right so get back there you're at the snacks kiss the deck so now I text the manager now I'm like okay it's over so I and now you start going hey look I tried I'll go tomorrow like what more can I do the flights aren't happening it's cross country folks it's almost liberating the shows tonight yeah it was a it was a Friday Saturday four show gig back Sunday love those I love them too yeah so but the cross country is such a

comp stain it stinks bucket come down you get the miles yeah yeah so I call I text my manager hey man it doesn't look good just you might want to let the club know and he goes ah well keep me posted you know now it's like it's like 7 a.m. over there and he's like yeah keep me posted but that's a bummer what are you gonna do all right so then I'm picking out on snack I had like eight bags of fruit snacks sure rub it in and so then the guy go like an hour goes by and he goes good news we fix the problem hey so now we reboard but I think we'd fluffed off a couple Jews because they were going well this is five hours I love that I love a fluff yeah get out of here Jews fluffy so that's a sound clip right there oh yeah you see get out of here Jews I don't care about women's issues there

you go okay you're on a roll so everybody gets back on now there's this there's three people fighting behind me just like why you don't don't touch me that's my arm read by you know they're fighting it the emotions are high I sense and this fat lady have he said what do you call it person of weight you know she's like a big cow that's what the seat sound made so uh so she's going don't touch me by and she's in the middle seat you can tell she's pee oh all of a sudden the power in the middle seat it's no good oh yeah yeah prisoner of war so the guy comes up the flight attendant guy the gay guy in the vest goes uh excuse me sir and he's pointing to my yuppie chum in my middle seat I got you can you come with me and he goes yeah sure so then fatty McGee behind me goes what's up with

that seat in the middle oh no I know and I'm thinking this is something maybe this guy's not coming back I got a free seat what she want with your seat she just hated her guy that's where they were fighting next to her god she hated him I don't care man she's gonna like you I guess not not with the nicknames I'm giving her so so I go oh uh some yuppie sitting here he just walked away I don't know I don't I'm just I don't know and she goes well you can't what are you saving the seat I go I'm just saying he might come back and she was very scary saving the seat what is this school lunch I know hey I don't know what to tell you so he got bumped to first class is what happened he went from middle to first class middle east to you know Beverly Hills that's the best bump up

of all time well he did a bump so he's up there so I think she caught wind of this and then passed the wind and then she sat next to me so now my flight's ruined because I got Delta Burke sitting next to me so better than United Burke that airline stinks so uh that was that was that was that flight that was good and then shows were great killer club by the way though the brain improv killer room I did it with Sal Volcano oh how great was that it was pretty great yeah it's pretty great lunch good guy yeah Sal's a good egg he used to listen I don't think he listens anymore yeah he's a busy Jew Sal if you listen to this text me Puerto Rican actually I don't think we'll be hearing from him or I tell maybe he's half half Sicilian just like you I think that's right yeah

he's got some Italian in there but I think he's a little Greek I think he's Italian and Greek I believe he likes anal yeah Jimmy the Greek so uh fine whatever shows are great and then this is this is where I thought of you oh I appreciate it I'm on no sleep whatever you get a you get a wink on the plane you know you know the thing when you're at the hotel and you go I just need a nap I just get give me 10 minute nap and I'll give me something because I'm on like two hours sure and it's three hour delay three hour behind whatever you call it so it's like nine you know where I'm living gotcha so I'm are it's hitting me hard I'm chugging coffee nothing's working I go just give me a quick queef of a nap and I can't fall asleep whatever and I go just gotta get through two shows

two shows a meet and greet just get through it baby you know I have good shows but just get it in then do the shows Josh Potter everybody kills we all have a great time I go back home early conk wake up I sleep for 10 hours wow wake up and I go here we go I've never felt so refreshed I go straight to Laguna Beach oh my honeymoon is that right that's right how sweet is that beach I love it well there's a specific beach at Laguna because Laguna Beach is like the name of the town there's several beaches and a thousand step beaches yeah okay okay I wonder if I was there we had a hell of a you gotta walk down a ton of steps I don't think I did a thousand ten oh I shouldn't have told you before but all the beaches are great I mean don't get me wrong you're not gonna get a bad

beach at Laguna Beach right well you know about the 12 step beach I love the 12 step beach so so I get there and uh it's uh I can't believe how pretty it is gorgeous the town is gorgeous the streets are pretty the beach isn't so clean everybody's good looking and young and I love volleyball and glistening and the muscles and the cans I don't have a moon there moon honey ah good moon honey all natural can't get back can't go bad warren moon yes honey the movie so uh honey mooners honey I struck the kids aha there it is honey crunch so uh I uh I spent like the whole day there I get a nice kiss a son I get a tan I have a taco on the beach I uh live it up and then this this show is that night we're so hot because you're rested you feel good it's that I call it

geographical Xanax ah I like that I haven't had it since Puerto Rico where you're on the beach you go I don't have a care in the world right now I got nothing bothering me but it's so hard to be funny that's the problem you can't write a joke at the beach well that's why LA comics stink yeah that and a few other things that's true that's some good ones that's true I'm just I'm generalizing for humor's sake it's about 10 yeah that seems high maybe well burr well he's I but I count him as a new yeah Boston too yeah he's east coast if yeah but that's for him but he's from Seattle yeah well that's west yeah okay west I think Kyle Kanane is very funny Kanane's amazing I think uh he started in what Atlanta Kanane's an Atlanta guy nice Chicago is that right yeah no kidding well either

way but you know Theo we don't have to do that well yeah we can do this all day um I think we're running out actually that's true all days of stress I think just made Paluso is a cool cat but she's from here too oh yeah she's I think she's Ithica or some shit yeah I just she was bartending when I met her here whoa way back when she's got a sexiness certainly all right I don't want to get to uh me too to yeah hashtag so whatever shows are great fly back to New York I get a text from Schumer whoa she goes hey uh do you want to do my podcast wow that's a big deal right yeah tomorrow and I go wow all right Spotify you know big numbers haven't seen her a while you get to go to her apartment she has a full spread anytime she has one human being over full spread wow she got a

Barney green grass spread and I haven't met the baby oh a tell right Steve a tell mean Gina tell so I go oh this is gonna be great so I show up and bridge it ever it's there and Keith and Rachel we have a fun it's not going to come out for a while because they was are they got a crew there they got cameras and lights and the spot they got desks set up with clipboards and shit Spotify people are watching it love Keith oh yeah the whole crew was great we eat we laugh we dine so gonna set the whole paper the table here set the table they made you set the table 9 a.m. is a pitch I'm pitching the discovery my tv show I'm pitching discovery well we've we've finagled it to our pitch this is a show we've been working on for months okay finagled the pitch

Mark Norman needs help remember I told you about it the tutorial sure yeah so meet tutorial so then I go all right this is it we've we've tailored every pitch to fit each channel okay you know what they're looking for because every channel is like we want diversity we want science we want math we want gay we want this isn't it weird that the channels have a specific thing they want shouldn't they just want good shows of course like they're like all right this network is just taking reality right now do you have any reality ideas exactly this network's doing just game shows right now do you have a game show and I'm like I just have the one show yeah well it's why Netflix and HBO Dominic because they just put everything on there they just want to show they got game shows and

movies and tv and everything yeah so we did science it goes pretty well it's our first pitch but we're like we're not gonna sell anything to science but fucking yeah so we pitch it it goes pretty well and then I go all right I gotta leave and go do Schumer's thing and they're like all right well you got another pitch at three okay so get back over here because that we're pitching a true tv and that's that's a good one get back to where you want so we go to Schumer's it's killer we have a great thing and she goes I know you have a hard out so we'll we'll wrap it up but I got a surprise for you and we're still on mic so I'm on mic with a surprise now do you like a surprise or you don't like a surprise I like a surprise I'm a rare bird I don't like a surprise I think I equate a surprise

someone saying I have a surprise for you reminds me of like a hey can you talk that's what I feel like a text a text that says can you talk I don't want to say hey I got this even if it's good news I don't want to surprise all right all right that makes sense that makes sense people assume that will like they like when people go you know they go thanks for asking I don't want to be asked that's me though but I'm a weirdo okay do you like a surprise though I do like a surprise generally I mean at the end of it I'll go I didn't like that but generally I tend to enjoy a surprise and usually if someone's prefacing I have a surprise it's probably gonna be good it's probably positive okay but this was a this was a loop this threw me a loop we're gonna throw you

for a loop wouldn't you be throwing a loop throw me throw him in a loop hey you throw him in a loop I suppose why would you be thrown for a loop how do you throw you now you're for a loop you for you throw threw me for a loop yeah did they throw you an exchange for a loop that's what I'm saying they didn't they're the whole thing means they tricked me or they twisted me up I think it means for like you you're looped you got loopy you threw me for like if you said I threw you for a fall or I threw you for a pants shit all right all right I gotta tell you I'm getting a little loopy right now because I had this is what I had a big crazy maple syrup big nutty pistons a big syrupy thing with butter and sugar a lot of sugar oh you're juice and then I had

a green tea and now I feel like I'm crashing I feel jittery and wacky oh shit all right I might need a cookie a blowjob or something crashing HBO let's get to this surprise I wonder if I have any sugar something for you I'll be all right because I think what happens is you get jittery and then your body writes the shit lands I got a cliff bar no I don't have a bar I don't care for oh yeah you're off the bar so uh okay I'm sitting there we're still on the show it's still going and she's like here's the surprise and I'm like well what's this gonna be this is on air this is on air okay and out from the shadows Seinfeld Jerry he shows up what come on he's the surprise he's the surprise come on he shows up and they're like hey they're all no you know they're all in cahoots what I'm

like oh I mean I was floored was in the closet I think he came out of the closet oh my god that's not that for a long time I know we all did he's out wow I mean just see it's surreal because you're like well what's it's gonna be like a Bengal tiger or a pie in the face I thought it was gonna be something little goofy right and he's goofy silly I guess he is goofy but he's silly he's wearing a polo shirt a baseball cap and oh my glasses and he goes hey everybody and I'm like holy shit so what was he doing he was high was he in on the secret I think so oh my god so he knows that you're coming in your pants from the side I think so I think so and I try to hide it but you know I mean talk about it off guard like you caught me sister you got me

right like I was way thrown for a big loop-de-loop I don't think you should hide no hide well I love you my god Jekyll and hide that's all I got him with Louis every time I see him like this is crazy I want to I want to fucking blow you oh really oh yeah put your dick away let's hang you know I'm watching together you guys are pretty well now it's all you know now it's all right now I ignore his calls I can't stand it but sure at the time yeah plus the jerking but yeah so he shows up but I'm like and then I just kind of shut down I've been zinging zanging on the pond I've been I've been holding cordled right right yeah and then he shows up but I'm like do you think he was listening with a mug and I was gushing on his big Jew ass oh my god was that part of the setup was she

asking you about Jerry she was oh lord she pumped me it's weird they're having fun about it before you get there it'll fuck with them I know well they know they're not idiots they know where I stand and where he stands and stand up now I mean there's gotta be you might you owe this woman your life of course you should eat her ass on Christmas I mean I'm down although the pregnancy makes it weirder but whatever who knows what with the uh the morning sickness but I'm just saying uh people shit on her she's got a bad rep but like the loyalty and the thing she's done for me I mean it's it's astronomical oh I love her she gave me 800 bucks I want to blow her the rest of my life she's a good egg if people go but what about this and I'm like I don't know I can't prove anything

I like her she's never helped me more than anyone else and they go I like you but I hate her I'm like well you wouldn't know about me without her probably yeah and also what are you what are you gonna do that for yeah I don't get that thing no I like her and and they go well she's not funny I'm like I've hung out with her she's fucking hilarious yeah she is funny yeah you hang with a table and she's she's shucking and jiving very funny person I love that one special with the thing and comedy central it's great mostly sex yeah that one's great very good so uh he shows up and it's just like now I'm in a room on mic with fucking Jerry so like how the hell did I get here and then I'm thinking like oh I gotta hard out I gotta go do this pitch like I gotta I got plate spinning

oh my god so I text my manager under the table I go I want to be late and he goes are you fucking kid me you can't be late for it we're pitching at a tv show and I go I can't leave no I sent him the photo of Jerry then I sent it to you later that was the photo oh right right right he goes ah you piece of shit so he pushed it back an hour yeah you gotta push back because here's the thing how many opportunities well some of these things it's like you want to sell a show to have a tv show but the only thing you want really you want to sell the show so you can be friends with Jerry Seinfeld this is you're skipping over a phase that's a great point who wants the show well he wants the show because he wants a goddamn paycheck of course we can't get 10% of a Seinfeld hang you

can and I won't give it up either but uh wow it's funny too that like Schumer's a megastar oh yeah she's there and like Keith is such a great hand like for guys like us it's a dream already like tough crowd the whole thing you're like I see Keith I'm like oh boy I better get on my egg game exactly and then you know uh Bridget and ever Bridget and Rachel were French they're fun they're laughing they're having a great time they're cool as hell but I'm shitting my pants around Schumer I see her I'm like oh my god let me I don't know how she did the garden for Christ's sake the whole thing so Seinfeld shows up and I do that thing where I'm sitting there and I notice my legs are like shaking like crazy because I'm 10 feet away five feet away from the guy and he's being funny

and he's like what am I doing here what and they're like she's like I can't believe he came he's like I got nothing to do you know he's he's he's so him yeah he's Jerry he's Jerry and he's the king we talk about his special we talk about comedy we talk about life and all that and Schumer goes the classic Schumer she calls me out she goes well Mark's completely shut down once she showed up and I'm like ah she's right I did I suck well but it's partly it's shut down but it's also like well I have respect for my elder I like I'm you have the floor what am I gonna do go over here listen to this one guys exactly you got a 65 year old legend in your asshole exactly so you know but so I say okay you have to have these like weird little tests in your head like these mental

pep talks like okay he's a legend but you're on the show too and he knows who you are and don't try don't uh overpower him but chime in you know you start like do a little but don't do too much but do a little you know yeah you just want to you want to be yourself yeah so I chime Allen yeah yeah yourself okay special god don't be yourself so finally I just now it's normal again we start chatting and the mics go off and then uh I just talk sit there and him and Keith they're talking I'm talking and Keith like remember that room in Harlem he's like oh yeah I bombed there once wow so it's so cool here about the 80s and this and that Keith's like 90 years old you forget I know he started 84 yeah so they bug me that was pretty good I was pretty good I could never do it

again I'm worried I stepped on it but I want to hit it again you bug me there yeah that one wasn't as good and he loves he loves jerry because jerry's kept it real he's like you still do stand up I respect that right you defended her he defended her I respect that blah blah so I leave I'm just clicking my heels Seinfeld goes I have a good night everybody he puts his helmet on rides his bike out of there wow it was so surreal and then I go to this pitch I am all zigging I'm on the move because you go to I got my feet up I'm smoking a cigar in the true TV office the lady comes in I'm like here's the pitch you can't what do you think about that suck my dick blow me if you don't pick it up we don't care we don't need you this is the show this is it and we're not changing it

and yes don't give us water in there she loved it she flipped I flipped through a loop the whole thing was great now it's back to you one of the best lines I talked about this the other day off air one of my favorite lines ever in the show history was just George right he got me bailed in the pitch oh this is the show and we're not changing it right like he tried to get he tried to go for a second to get a little bit and then jerry just stays behind how about this yeah um anyways that's the best la cocina um so yeah I'm not through with that moving company that's my vow to you um I hog the whole thing I'm no no problem it's a hell of a hog I love a hog right in my ass I'm right in my mouth um I'll just tell this quick one speaking of

celebrity hangs here this one was no surprise but Ari texted me he goes I'm dying to watch when he texted Mr. Wolf and I and he said hey let's go let's get together watch the Burr special we got a big group together sure whole gang and you were in Irvine and uh Michelle's like I already watched it whatever I think she hates us yeah and then I go well I watched like the first 20 minutes but we turned it off because we were tired sure so I go I'll I'll go and Sarah goes I'll go and he goes all right let's get uh we'll get Louie to see if he want to watch it with him good thinking so Louie goes well I got a movie screen in my house she's got the huge movie screen thing this is great so we set up a big date we're all going to Louie's house Friday afternoon

and uh we go there he's got snacks he's got a friend of his from school we go and buy food we got some food to go we're all at the Jebs like in the in the village at some place you it's like a cafeteria style oh they got salmon and mac and cheese like the guy's like oh I make you a fresh today the whole thing we got a little we got a little tins aluminum foil with the plastic cover we're all walking with our individual snacks I love a tin and it's so remember when you me and Sarah watched the Louie special yes the beacon and uh in our her old bedroom and stuff we're all like one of the bed it's fun to get comics together watch the special it's a good call I think maybe when wolves comes out we should all get together and I would love to maybe we can go to the theater

again and soders soders that's gonna be a while oh I keep saying that I think it's not out yet although I think if they announce it oh yeah I think it's gonna be announced didn't think it might have gotten pushed back I think he's announcing tomorrow oh wow this comes out in a week anyway yeah I think it'll be all right we'll take this out if we have to I'll text we have time to hear if this is too yeah I'll write to him all right all right but anyway next next big special we'll we'll all get together and watch and so we go over to Louie's house and we sit down he's got the huge pull down movie screen it's this giant screen and he cranks the sound up to like 80 you know we're all sitting there first we all talked about you know specials and we talked about the

Chappelle special we all broke down the Chappelle special nice they're like let's go see this Burr special so we got our snacks and we're all laying back on the couch like this you know it's me Sarah Louie his friend from high school we turn it on it's full volume surround sound and we all just howled and laugh the day away and it is crazy surreal it's like you're sitting there and there's moments because you know like I said like Louie and I become close for years now and Ari's close and the whole thing and so it's just weird moments we are like like that reality of like I'm at Louie CK's house watching a Bill Burr special unbelievable with my wife and snacks the whole thing our feet are up and we all die laughing we turn it off and like

well what'd you think we sat in a circle just going through the whole bit that bit was killer this was great I would have done this differently I wish I had that bit don't you love that bit the consensus by the way is that airbag bit is like one of the greatest bits of all time when he's like things get better originally they just had an airbag for the driver I think he does the driver going like whoo oh my family he's like now everyone has an airbag that's like one of the best bits ever so we were all howling laughing at that great day I got a couple other things but we gotta wrap up our ass don't say sorry you're hanging out with Seinfeld for God's sake I could have made it short I did Irvine and the whole thing no make it long maybe

make it loud but anyways there's a great time that Burr special is unbelievable exciting time for comedy as much as there is all the horseshit of cancel whatever bullshit everyone's doing fine everyone's doing great and and you know what I've somebody pointed out no one's really getting canceled for saying shit on stage well good point it's mostly tweets or a pod or uh you know a post or something right well they get met what's interesting I've seen one argument that was like this is not his act a podcast is where you speak your truth and get to know which is such a weird thing to just label something but I'm like no no a podcast is completely improvised didn't no one's even thinking like an act my act is like I fucking slaved over the writing and

fucking thought okay this word and that word I'm presenting this thing that I've created a podcast is just like I gotta say something quick yeah yeah fill the air whatever again I bet this is all more about us I think than Shane but Shane's a hilarious comic and he'll be he'll be great he's so fucking funny yeah he'll be so himself and he's just a great comic and a nice guy so anyways yeah I don't know what else to say no no we were living great lives I'm doing the fucking tonight show tomorrow and I bought a suit today and you're you're traveling the world and we're just killing it we're doing comedy we're getting paid we're paying the rent and that's that we love you Jews at home so thanks for listening spread the word tell like-minded people

and you know some other like minds if you don't if you trust them yeah we're so grateful we appreciate our fans are great and that's the thing too it's like people get upset and you're like we have such diverse people that um think this is stuff is hilarious yeah completely there's like there's plenty of age people like this guy's this fucking hilarious I don't know again I don't know about and if you don't like us just shit on us to your friends yeah yeah just don't listen that's what I don't understand well listen to a different show that's a tall order well normberg uh this weekend I am at the Hartford funny bone Thursday Friday said it's a tough bone it's a bad so if there's any fans that can come come by it makes it a little bit better and uh bring some gift cards if

you want if you want starbucks cheesecake factory uber I love them all at uh I feel like it's been a little while but uh again I know times are hard down on the boulevard so don't worry about it if not uh and then October big month Seattle laughs Seattle my fucking favorite city Derek will be there come meet Derek grab his nipples please laughs in Seattle October 4th and 5th then Skyline and Appleton the 10th through the 12th blue room I keep hearing great things Springfield Missouri Burlington Vermont end of October 24 25 26 I'm excited for that one and are we doing the live show the 11th is that happening yes November 11 village underground veterans day live Tuesdays with stories then uh November Albany funny bone Des Moines funny bone DC draft house laugh boss and

I'm not home again the rest of the fucking year Cleveland in hilarities uh hilarities in Cleveland in December Santa Ana the the Tuesdays festival yeah then I just added Lafayette December 20th Houston Texas December 21st bunch of dates on comedian Joe list big things happening on the patreon get on that patreon bonuses live ups up the asshole you get the video early it's a great time and we're gonna need you in case we get canceled I mean for god's sakes get on the patreon here here help us out and uh come defend us if they try to destroy us tell us how much you like us we have diverse fans so please you know we don't ask for much we're just if we get called out for something you know we're joking you know it's in jest so uh have our backs we we love you and

mazel tough panel sex uh this weekend uh I was I'll be at the punchline in Sacramento California so that's a fun room come on out room old sacks a hard sack to fill I don't know why no one comes but I know it's in a weird part of town it's next to a mattress door I'm gay but try to jizz on my face Dallas you always say when you come to Texas this is it Dallas Tejas Chesading Michigan we'd love to have you here's another Texas Austin Cap City love it Sean Murph uh Chris Allen's coming as well Acme in Minneapolis I love Acme we're gonna sell those out I can feel it Spokane and Tacoma don't ask me for a guest set you queefs Jeremy's or comedy club in Springfield that's a Thursday Friday gig rooster tea and Sunnyvale then we got Portland uh Santa Ana the blue room in Springfield

Missouri side splitters got moved to February and I'm in the comedy connection a comedy co in San Diego in March so oh I heard good things we'll make up that San Diego date thank you tell a friend kill your dad kiss your mom queef in your own mouth and praise Allah take care of each other I love you