Tuesdays with Stories! - #317 That’s Lagniappe!

Episode Date: October 1, 2019

Hey Hey folks, we've got a big one for you this week as Joe walks through piles of sheep shit to get home from Wales while Mark does stand up on the Tonight Show before going to L.A. to do the Joe Rogan show. Check it out! Sponsored by: Raycon (raycon.com/tuesdays) Subscribe to our Patreon for full video of the show, bonus eps, and all of our pre-2017 episodes www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe less Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy we're live we're live we're alive we're five we're Johnny five Johnny five sir my name is be and I spell it Ben remember give me give me five was big up top down

low too slow yes slow yeah are we both on camera because you're sitting seven months from me you stay there I think I'm on all right you should be in the way you can move it feel free to toggle I don't want to toggle all right I'm in but I'm gonna crack all right I should warn everybody my little some all full of come here young and dumb you're under the weather yeah it'll it'll pass what do you think I should take a pryless sac or a no prior attack is what I take for a silent re ah I would go a nice steam would be good for you have access to a steam room I think I might you should come over you me and you know who will

fucking there sure I don't want to say his name oh the hot black yeah he was something but gets yourself a steam a netty pot I hear about that's when you pour something in your nose there and it comes out the other asshole right right you may get the nice steamy shower you do that but really it's like getting sober like sober as in like sobering up from drinking time it's all time right time heals all wounds the rest of it's just treating the symptoms you can take a Tylenol PM or a cold and flu or whatever but you're supposed to get sick you live with it you get sick you recover it's boobly boo it's time it's part of life

part of life all these people like you got to get a fucking a super E vitamin you got a stick of fucking banana up your ass if you sniff you know a whip it a can of whip it sure you take two grapes you'll be better and you just get sick yeah you're all right all right you know thank you yeah you just got a rest and don't go crazy you know sit when you can sit lay down when you can lay down don't go nuts mentally can I maybe get a massage you know take care of yourself a little bit wash your hands all that bullshit I haven't done that a while but you're supposed to get sick you stay sick you ever I found occasionally recently

I've gone chunks of time without showering yes just from different circumstances like for instance Saturday I did the show I drove back I was in Hartford yesh yeah yeah rough club thank you to the gays that came bunch of Tuesdays came right gays got a gift card the whole thing right few gift cards sold CDs for the first time since 99 yeah what year is it I don't know what they sold like hotcakes bust I found a box of CDs and started selling them so a lot of people right now are listening to a really shitty CD but now well I mean who knows they might have just put on the wall yeah they

probably put in the wall or you know fixed a wobbly table it's like an old gag oh yeah a coaster if anyone's got a loose chair by a CD you know it's not bad it's pretty good everybody had their little CD hawk I do this why I still do this one none of the none of the jokes I did on the show are on the CD so if you're not enjoying the show get a CD double your chances that gets a nice laugh I like that kids like it but anyways I sold some compact dicks and sold about you forget what it's like I sold about 18 of them and all of a sudden 180 bucks in my pocket land yeah we call that what that's a New Orleans term

land yeah a land a yap no land yeah but means extra it's one word land yeah yeah you know when you get a smoothie and they give you a little extra in a cup that's a land yeah no kidding not to be confused with a land yurt no don't wear that up the garden which is similar to a laminate a lanyard laminate land yap and in Montreal they give you a lanyap lanyard yes how do you like that lanyap lanyard lasagna oh I'd kill for some of that reflect boy yeah it's too bad can't have that every time I go to a buffet I go he can't have that he can't have that he can't have that Jimmy buffet well I've been eating all these waffle I'm out of

control with the waffle and one Tuesday what's that you said cheeseburger and I can't eat it one Tuesday gave me some Massachusetts maple syrup what do you say syrup or syrup I say sir what am I like vagalist I say maple syrup syrup I know I got problems what the hell's a sippin on some syrup somebody was just making fun of the way I say hey hey hey hey hey and Sarah says I say her name with an accent I don't know what's going on Sarah I guess so I say Sarah Sarah yeah you go I love the way you say my name it's sexy I'm like I don't know what I'm doing here but all right yeah funny when you when you do something sexy you know

have no idea that I had a girl tell me your belt is sexy I was like wow I remember that we talked about that sitting here go to the gym and stretch it out my dick and shave my pubes and apparently it's my belt oh I should take it off and hit her with it oh you know what I mean yeah I do know you mean I mean hit her with it yeah I'm kidding of course I'm not endorsing hitting a woman with a belt unless you know she's into it yeah then yeah what else you're gonna do don't hit the buckle good gift for your mother but anyways I just had a big waffles I was gonna say I've been eating all these waffles with extra

syrup and butter and it's not healthy but it feels good oh it's delightful I was just a waverly and ate a fucking big waffle extra syrup the butter the whole thing some eggs I'm trying to cut back on waffles I was at a hotel the other night with the the free breakfast and I had the waffle maker which is a treat you like a waffle maker yeah I want my waffle maker to be in the back you know Pepe he makes it sticks on a plate and then jams into my ass it's an accomplishment it's fun you're like I did this you know and you wait for it and dings you flip it but the beauty of it when I come I'm like I did that and I

flip it so the beauty of the thing yeah well that's a lot of batter but I'm just saying if you flip it this one was a beauty because he I opened it and it had three quadrants for three mini waffles wait three quadrants wait no I guess can't be three in a quad every trip trip woods tricycle it was three it was three little waffles three were little waffles so I just made one cuz I was like hey I don't want to be a fat come guzzler I'll just eat the one I think there's one waffles and three little pigs haha yeah cheese all the way to the market I'm gonna kill myself so you made one waffles yeah three waffles one mini

you only want one mini well you got three minis I don't need a whole wafu my list I just wanted I just had a mini wafu and then I was on my way I go giant wafu huge wafu I mean I come on don't get me wrong I'd love a huge wafu but if you can make a mini it satiates you a little I got a big wafu and then I put I fill each square with syrup and then I put syrup around so I can dip I have a full full square plus a dip and then the butter forget it it looks like the fucking pukaki on the thing looks like my back but the thing is simple about the the syrup you want to see it because sometimes if you if you let it hang a

little bit it goes away even though it's so I just dealt with this problem witness yes you I want to see the syrup yeah it's a weird time because here's what I do I get eggs and I got to eat all the eggs first right and then I treat myself it's like a dessert waffle so but I don't know when to put the syrup because I don't like it too crunchy I like a little crime same but I like soft and then it's too soft all of a sudden I'm eating a sponge right it's like cereal or what are not chose syrup you'll aha so it's a weird time I gotta be now I eat half the eggs one egg and then I put some syrup on and then I eat the

rest of the eggs then I add a bunch of certain then the butter I'm just squeeze them out I open it and just go sometimes they give you the scoop Waverly has the best waffle really I think yeah now do you dabble with the blueberry no I don't like any of that business chocolate chip no Anna you know me still the same old G but I've been located I once I find a thing I go dead basics yes and I was just that in Hartford I was treating myself to an I hop every morning because out of the road you're lonely you're sad you're retarded you just want to go and like I'm just have this morning syrup and I'll

tell you what I started doing I bring a book to breakfast now it's delicate my phone I order I read a few pages wow eat my waffle and I hop they must have been thrown by that one oh man that Hartford Manchester Connecticut I hop yikes no teeth it looks like the waiting room at the courthouse I mean it's just facial tattoos and jean shorts and right it's a that's America folks bad spot it's a fat guy with an eye patch a limp and diabetes yeah not good and that club I'm grateful to work at the Hartford funny bone I'm not there's there's zero why we're gonna get canceled at some point so every I'm gonna blow every club every

club I go to it's the best club please keep having us after these and so it's the club that cares the least about hecklers no nothing every single show somebody yelled out there was zero I mean zero people went over when could you just not yell out during the show because it's a performance as zilch nothing help not a he ha not a tap on the shoulder nothing not even a stand behind them all these clubs they have a guy that stands behind you like that's not that effective yes it's funny to bring up heckler because I had a I had a thought first of all I had a long talk with Colin Quinn he's like I won't

do clubs so I was like what he's like I won't do it it's it's silly it's silly the idea that there's food there like you went to England sure there's a it's all just sitting drinking you go you go buy a beer you bring it in you know the idea of a waitress the idea of a check he's like it's crazy talk it's insane it's insane it's in the mall it's next to a Kenny Chesney or whatever Billy Eilish whatever this a singer is don't be cakey don't be cakey thank you statue of Liberty shaking the fist I want to talk about me want to talk about my want to talk about who's gay and who is by whatever it is the statue of Liberty

shaking the fist do she is shittiest fucking lyric ever I'm sorry I know we have some middle of America Southern conservative fans maybe although I think I might have alienated all them several times each election year but whatever immigrant I mean the statue of Liberty shaking her fit like so the terrorists flew planes in the building the statue of Liberty's like you why I ought to who don't make me come on like shut up you fucking douche what a knucklehead idiot oh yeah green lady from France how do you like me now shut up you're still talking about your ex from 1999 you fucking loser well now that I'm on my

way aqueef yeah he stinks can I tell you my quick story I've told this before in the pod but the Toby Keith they did a big benefit at the Beacon Theatre I think I've told this exact story and Chris Christopherson's there and then Toby Keith says hey none of your liberal horseshit tonight to Christopherson and he's and then Christopherson said you ever serve your country son and Toby Keith said would you say to me and then Christopherson said you heard the question you just don't like the answer yeah take it Toby Christopherson started shaking his fist yeah me and my Bobby McGee too many

Chris's in that name by the way one multiple Chris's yeah that's a good point Chris Cross Chris Cross is fine as the only one Chris but my name was Mark Markson the odd Joe Joseph you know Joey Joseph I wonder if there's a Joe Joseph I bet there is Marky Mark but that's a nickname Nick yeah anyways you got a heckler so I forgot oh shit so I got I got a heckler the other night in the sack punchline good club good love it very grateful to work there but here's the thing here's the clinker I can always right at the clicker well yeah I've just this point okay okay this might be the quickest clink ever may I say all

right well just to this we got a lot to cover here a lot of ground to jizz on but the point I'm saying is this guy this this club you're you're all you're all spidey sense up there you hear every queef every fart every mouse you know tummy cake whatever it is and I hear guys talking I hear ladies yeah but I hear like we're you got that right yeah you did whatever it is usually women the guys in the back there's like eight not eight but there's like five security so it's well groomed security wise but they're all in the back and the sides this lady's right here right notice it you got to have two bouncers in on

table plants plants yes like lost prevention it's here yeah I had to ray you up my ass and I had on in glasses I just walked around no one thought they just thought I was whatever I'm fucking old Joe gum shoes over here put them right at the front and center table give him a seat I'm gonna make eye contact with you throughout the show this is gonna be awkward but that's the only way to really and then you go hey shut up or I'll throw you out they go oh geez that guy's wearing a punchline shirt I like it yeah he rips it off like the FBI yes like the guy behind us and it says security I like that yeah cuz get

them in the mix cuz they're all in the back so you're not here in the whole rigamarole for sure that happens a lot with the audience too cuz oh I must have woken the whore shut up Alexa yeah I don't say her name oh god she's I can see her flashing in the mirror yeah that's but um I forget what I was gonna say the FBI lost prevent the crowd and get him in the crowd cuz it's 400 people in there oh but that happens in the audience sometimes you like would you shut up but no one else can hear the lady but this weekend in Hartford I had so many heckler I mean so many different times some lady immediately I like your

shoes right off the bat she's 72 years old you're like all right shut up then there was a lady Thursday she's right away she's ordering drinks loud what kind of beer do you have that loud and I'm like Jesus Christ and she just kept going yeah yeah me too oh totally yeah and I go you gotta you gotta stop talking I put it on myself which I kind of hate myself where I was like you're just distracted I know you having fun cuz she was having fun I was like I know you're not malicious you're enjoying the show but I have to compute it every time you say something out loud and she's like it's sorry I'm sorry I'm like

well you're not sorry yeah doing it you're doing it right now right and she's like gee and I'm like no no you're fine enjoy the show I know you're laughing I appreciate it but everyone you're the only one yeah have you noticed that have you noticed that no one else's set and then people say I'd be like yeah shut up and after three more like you handle that so well but I wanted to be like get the fuck out and get out of here you fucking loser they don't realize we're bubbling up inside I want to go hey you crazy coos get the fuck out you fat skank well and it ruins your timing cuz I'm like I'm talking extra fat I can't

leave pauses cuz I know she's gonna go but what about this how about that yeah same same and there was one at every show and can I just say I feel like a jerk pointing it out every week it's always women always a hundred not a hundred percent it more than 80% of the time easily 85% of the time and I've talked to female comedians I live with one they'll agree they'll agree and it's it's just I don't know what the fuck it is yeah you're so right about the timing and then I hate when I think I brought this up before but I hate when they go well you're a comic you're supposed to be able to handle it like well I'm

handling it right now handling it and I hate it still doesn't mean I don't I like it just cuz I'm a comic it's like I always say my analogy is a cop gets shot at but he's not like he's not like yeah just shoot me in the face I can handle it yeah exactly have to duck and dodge and fight back I was gonna go fireman it's like it comes out he's dumping water hey it's 5,000 degrees handle it you piece of shit your fireman should be able to handle your fricking boots and melt in your eyebrows are on fire it's part of your gig 9-11 fish shaking oh all right so yeah I had to get that out but we got so much to cut I feel like we got to

dive into this waffle yeah we got to pull some dicks out and suck them do we don't hear about saving the whales do we have a saving the whales what the country huh oh well I was going back to Wales I didn't know what I didn't know where to begin do we have a thing by the way we're not supposed to say the word I think but I don't know do we I don't know it's a good question we might have gotten the thing but we got advice not to say yeah say it so much it's been three years you look for you look for the thing I think we got something that's the intro song for her Sean something's going on by the way it's supposed to be

cheesy go to the YouTube page yes and subscribe evidently but this is all from comments we appreciate your comments someone said you got to get 10,000 subscribers in order to do anything a dent yeah so Richard Dent Harvey Dent dick dent I never thought of that there was a well there was a linebacker for the Bears in like 82 named Richard Dent but I just thought his name I never put together his name is dick which I have one of those you want to buy one it's an indent dick print sit my ass dick dent why didn't you go by dick dent how fun to have like a fearsome linebacker named dick dent yeah I mean it sounds

like it's something you would do to a woman like she's like oh I got a real dick dent well people talking about like if your name Richard why would you go by dick but if you're tough if you're like a fucking badass guy that's who should go by dick right hey I'm dick and I'll strangle you with my dick there was a guy in my high school tough guys name was Kelly but he was a badass right so it made him even somehow more badass because he was a lady name interestingly I knew a Kelly Kelly get out of here she married in she was Kelly you know Clarkson she married Jim Kelly also football player Kelly Kelly all right I

got it all right so you guys so we'll hold off for now okay oh shit my wife is stuck outside there hey you talk for a moment I gotta get my wife into what happened she's stuck in the buzz system oh you got a new buzz all right a buzz light here here we go let me let me I'm just gonna do the you know what I do it hey everybody it's 2019 folks everybody needs a pair of wireless earbuds you gotta have them before you go drop on hundreds of smackers on a pair you need to check out wireless earbuds from Ray Khan we love the rake they sent us a couple and I jog with them I work out with them listen to my sets and cry

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Khan dot com slash Tuesdays for 15% off Ray Khan wireless earbuds that's a chunk if you've been eyeing a pair now is the time to get an amazing deal one more time buy Ray Khan that's B U Y Ray Khan dot com slash Tuesdays plural Tuesdays thank you all right I think I got her in so let me wrap up some whales if you don't mind please because this is from a month ago but we keep shucking and jiving and sucking dicks over here so it's hard to get into it so as you guys remember I was in Wales a few months ago now yeah couple weeks ago whatever so we go from we were in this one village called something we did drive to this

other village called Dali goo Dali goo it's actually called like down to crazy language but it looked like Dali goose we kept calling it Dali goo Dali goo is fun which was a lot of fun so I told you about the summer hill guest house this big Dave guy owns it nicest guy coolest guy we say hey we're driving down to old Dali goo yeah tell us where to go hike he says you got to go to this town called art hog art hog ART HOG and it's actually pronounced that way art hog yeah one who hogs the art I guess so yeah so he gives us the directions he goes okay you gonna drive down there and he's like you're gonna find this this two-way one

lane road and I'm like which is dangerous it's like it's a it's a two-way road but it's only one lane you gotta like pull over into the bushes and let people pass it's scary and you're on a you're on the other the British on the wrong side of the road the British system yeah quarter pounder Royale with cheese so we're driving down there I drive past this one row we're just going by his directions yeah so I'm like hopefully I drive by a row that says single lane road and I got that might have been it but maybe not okay so we keep driving we drive and drive it now we're getting close to the ocean oh and

all of a sudden we just get there so I'm like we missed the road we're at the beach and it's just like these crazy high winds I'm like let's go out and take a look at the high seas what ocean is this well I think it's the Irish sea because the Irish is Ireland's directly across from Wales I believe it's the Irish sea Irish the Irish sea might be on the other side it might be the Irish spring might be Irish spring Irish curse Irish goodbye fighting Irish exit I don't know what it was but we get there I think that's the Irish sea somebody will go whatever but Ireland is directly across the way but you can't see it it's far

oh okay I thought it was right there now it looks right there in the map but your eyes can only see as far as your asshole can smell sure that'll bravert t-shirt um so we pull up to the beach and I'm like let's go at least check out the ocean there yeah we walk up and it's wild it's like nine-foot swells it's wind like 40 mile an hour winds it looks like if you fell in you'd just be dead in a second and of course these Welch people this is like regular weather they're walking around their York shears just like they've a hat on and they're like on the beach right it's like a beach day to these people but it's windy and

wild and just breakers everywhere like like distant like not just right here but like 70 feet out crazy waves like this wild sea and point break and Sarah's like let's get back in the car this sucks I'm like isn't this amazing I took a bunch of photos I'm like with the high seas we're on the Welch coast the whole thing yes but she's like I want to go hike it's freezing so all right we jump back in the car and I'm like I bet it was that road we drove by so I'm like keep an eye out for the road but when we were coming this direction the road just shot off like that so coming back the other way it's gonna be like a sharp

turn right backwards yes hairpin hairpin hair plugs hairpick so we go back there and I'm like I'm driving 10 miles now there's like a line like 40 cars behind us they're all pissed but I'm like what's nice is you still have the Welch license plate like I don't give you a Massachusetts license plate so they have no idea that I'm an American asshole right I feel like in my mind they're like get this fucking American cock sucker all the way but I'm just like hey I'll just be those slow Welch douche yeah you're a honky and they're honking at you yeah so I'm like low I've got both knuckles I'm playing the part I got my

glasses on the end of my nose and so I see the road I do the big hairpin I'm like I hope this is right and he told us there's a bunch of gates you got to open you got to get out of the car and open gates so I'm like well know it's the road when we see a gate Bill Gates so we're driving up this one lane road and like the car is getting scratched with thorns and narrow man and I'm like if a second car comes where every once in a while they'll be like a little pull off but we just keep like making note of like all right there's one a hundred yards back if we run into a car you'll have to reverse exactly wow so finally we get to

the gate big gate I go this is it we're on the right row because we're going straight up a fucking mountain single lane mountain crazy we get to the big gate I go all right Sarah get out I got some nice photos of her she gets out has to swing the big gate open I drive through she's got to shut the gate she jumps back in the car and now we're on like a high adventure and you could feel there's trees to the right so you can't see but you can tell like we're going up and we're on the harbor here this is gonna be spectacular this is quite an experience and your past is like this old cemetery and this old thing and like

we're in like a fucking it's a Mercedes but it's it's a regular sedan I work I'm talking we're driving like you know 48 degree angle going yeah I'm like if we fall down this hill it's raining it's windy so it's psychotic we run into another gate second gate third gate finally we get all the way up there and it just opens up now it's flat there's mountains over here green grass you look to your right you see all the ocean breaking everywhere it's almost like Laguna where you see Malibu out there but it's all bright green crashing oceans we found it like I can't believe we found it yes old school we figured it out big

Dave just told us I had a feeling it was that road we got up there we go for this beautiful hike and I mean there's mountains everywhere rolling hills you're stepping in we have these big work what do you call hiking boots on oh yeah and there's so much sheep shit that we're just stepping in it wow it's like a total release where you're just like I'm walking in shit yeah walking in shit shine sheep shit so we're covered in sheep shit we'll hop in fences the sheep are right there you're looking right at him you can you can pet them oh yeah they jump right up on the sidewalk I love a sheep they're all fluffy they're so

beautiful I love sheep we bought a little toy sheep he sits on our TV tray now I love the sheep big family sheep sheep said big sheep trick great and underrated all right so we walk through you see the ocean then I mean it's so beautiful and so like touching you're just completely in the moment and there's nobody out there it's just us it's us and like an old stone house over there and there's two big lakes Gregor Lakes or Greg and Lake I think it's called and they're right next to each other so you have Lake Mountain Ocean all is in a panoramic view it says the photos don't do just they don't do the justice and

they're pretty great though Jill this comedy on Instagram yep and it's just amazing then off the beaten douche there's a huge hill over here and I'm like let's go up there let's get off the path and go up to the top of this mountain it'll be amazing yeah and it's a haul up there I mean we gotta just it's like I don't know how high 200 300 feet and we're just hike all up there and it's getting so windy crazy windy we summit that son of a bitch I took a video put it on my Instagram I did like a one of these like we're up here oh yeah it was the most freeing experience of my life we're on top of a mountain you can

literally see over two lakes beyond to an ocean and it's only like 10 square feet up at the top of this thing it comes to like a point almost we stood up there for about 20 minutes the winds whipping 40 miles an hour and all you see is green grass other mountains the sheep on the mountains little gray rocks with the green the lake the ocean beautiful one of the highlights of my whole life spectacular look at that couldn't believe it unbelievable very very spiritual complete freedom yeah beautiful quite a trip so then we went to Dali goo we check into a old Dali goo that's beautiful I know I can cut right through all this

horseshit so then we stay in Dali goo we're in the village that's nice now we got to go back and we got to drive back to Cardiff which I'm so terrified of crashing the car it's time to return it do you get the insurance I did there fuck yeah I was like insure me up the ass I'm driving on the wrong side of the road in a crazy country so there I paid for it but smart smart and you got a Benzo so I returned the car now we're gonna take the train from Cardiff back to London all right so I'm getting closer and close but now I'm driving in the city it's one thing the country I figured out a drive in the country oh that

was the other thing we did a last-minute hike there right before we returned the car and that was the most spectacular of all that was like a mountain mountain that we summited and that was beautiful unbelievable and then we come down the mountain but we squeezed it in we had to return the car and get on the train by like 6 30 so I'm like let's just get one last hike in we do like a four-hour hike at noon I'm like we have exactly enough time to get back and return the car so beautiful these hikes are incredible best it's not worth telling the story cuz it's no story it's just like a spiritual it was great I can't

even express it I love my wife I love my life so now we get back in the Mercedes we drive back and now I'm in the city and it's like rush hour it's like five o'clock and I'm like I just want to get this car I'll feel so good when I return this goddamn car yes and I'm all the roads are so tight and people they don't care they're just whipping around rush hour whipping finally I get to enterprise I've never felt better than when I fucking put that thing in park I turn the car off I hand her the key she's like thanks I'm gonna great and I go oh my god I did it I feel so good like this weight has been lifted I got a

text message from my landlord says call me Joe oh and now I didn't even get a moment I had one second of like I returned the car and then the landlord call me yeah I hate a landlord call me anything with a lord is bad just say hey everything's fine but fucking whatever tell me why the call call me as brutal so I call him back and he goes I'm on the train let me cut but he's got a disposition he's a nicest guy but he's business so he talks like this hey Joe I'm on the train let me I'll give you a call in a few minutes it's that tone where I'm like oh my god we're getting evicted I love my part so immediately I

get no peace no peace no peace I was so afraid of wrecking the car then bunk grease actually yeah peace in the grease so right away I'm like oh my god we're gonna get evicted I'm gonna lose my apartment meanwhile I'm like we got to get to the train station we got time so then our now return the car at five our train is like 6 50 p.m. and I already wasted to I bought the tickets in advance I bought morning tickets for whatever reason early on from Cardiff to London then later I'm like we're not gonna want to leave in the morning we're gonna want to spend as much time as we can yeah and Wales so I bought a second set of

tickets for a 6 40 trains and I had two tickets I have four tickets what because originally I bought them early but I was like we're not gonna want to go back early change the plan but you can't refi about non refund that's a big chunk so I just waste two train tickets now I got two tickets on the 6 40 it's only five o'clock so I go let me see if we can get moved up I love you buying time so I'm like why not why sit here and Cardiff sucks as a city it doesn't suck but it's just whatever but then the train station it's not like Penn Station when you hang out and have a coffee there's nothing that they don't even let you in what your

tickets don't scan like it's too early to scan your because early bad for you it's almost like a flight it's like they hasn't registered yet right so they're like well they go the lady goes we'll let you in though because I'm like I want to try to change my tickets and she goes okay well then you just come right in so I go okay so I didn't have to scan she just lets me in so then I go to the ticket window and I go hey can we move up our train like is there an earlier train and she's like well there is but it's cost a fee you change fee so I go I'll just I'll just pay it to move up a half hour now you're paying more for the

so now I'm buying like a third set of tickets basically but I'm like I don't want to just sit in Carter for an hour because we're going back to London we have night in London paying for your time I'm paying for time in London so then I buy the tickets and she goes by the way there's a train leaving in one minute you probably still make it so I go you got to be kidding me so I bust back in she lets me in I grab my suitcase I go say let's go let's run upstairs we run upstairs the train is literally like all the more we dive on yeah now we're leaving like an hour and 40 minutes earlier I got three six tickets for the

ride home and they didn't scan me because they're like you're too early but just go ahead if you're just making a thing so no one's can make so I'm like well they'll scan on the train surely they never scan on the train no scam so they don't scan then I get there to London I'm like we'll have to scan when we get off the train I walk up and I got I'm kind of fumbling my phone I got my suitcase my backpack Sarah's gonna hurt thing and I'm like hold on I got some tickets on the thing that you got the guy goes just get just go he just lets me through wow so they didn't even check my tickets going off or on you didn't have

to buy one take I bought six tickets and use zero 1100 bucks to get home and it would have just been free but how could you know how could you know exactly but good if you go back to those trains though you just go early and go yeah I have my they just go oh you talk to a guy they just let you in because they're just friendly over there British hack they just go yeah come on in they got a lot of those don't name names yeah that's amazing I love when you beat the system but you actually got raped by the yeah I got fucked but also good but the nice thing was we got home like oh the last thing I bought cheap non-refundable

tickets they was a transfer she's like the tickets you bought you have to transfer in golly gook and a trans so I end up getting on a direct train an hour and 40 minutes earlier so we got in two hours early had ourselves a nice romantic night in London and then I went to Norway and I think I told the rest of the stories but that's basically it for Wales that that's what I put a nice little bow on Wales is like a four-week period of stories but don't you love being on a European train there's something about it because it's not a flight so it's not all that like I can't sit comfortably or you can walk around

and you just see like the countryside and it's a it's a you feel like you're doing something certainly and it's just yeah it's a rolling hills and it's everything's smooth they got their infrastructure that's the one thing left and right agrees on here in America the infrastructure yeah they got nice trains they're smooth and just they just go and everyone's pleasant and one of the perks of having a little moolah in your pocket there is like like when I was with Bert Kreischer it was like oh the first class is empties like can we do that they're like it's gonna be a hundred bucks each he's like oh yeah

let's do it yeah wow that's one of the things like you just could switch a ticket but here's what I'm working on now anything I gotta I'm working hard on this in the last week because my rent is about to go up and I got some new expenses I gotta stop living my life like that because I go through my statement cuz my accountants like we need to find blah blah blah so I'm like going through it just red red red like I'm like red there's like when you deposit it's black and when you take money out it's red I'm just like all taken by and I'm like I'm upgrading seats and hotels I'm getting uber eats

delivered every fucking day there's a lot of that stuff where I'm like this is too many I'm spending too much money I'm like oh vacation I say I love a little vacation on your own face but yeah every day or every every upgrade because we all see it we go you know 300 bucks to go to first class I am going to Chicago well here's what I do and this is where I'm bad with money but maybe it's good maybe I'm living like I go back and forth like say we'll do a weekend or whatever I'll do some gig and it's Wednesday through so I get paid $2,800 okay so I take the money and I go all right I'll deposit $2,000 that's pretty

good I'm putting two grand in the bank and I got 800 bucks to fucking I'll buy some meals I'll buy a ticket to a show I'll go to the movies because even if I spent 800 of it I'm still putting two grand in the bank right right but that mindset is later on I'm gonna be like well I should have been like I got 75 dollars that would be a better system because also you're gonna lose a couple percent dough for the rip cunts I know I'm so bad with that I'm like I spent 600 on the flight I'm paying 10% to my manager 10% of my agent and a third to taxes so I'm not actually yeah making that much money right making like half of

that money yeah before you know you're down to five hundo next thing you know old Jed's a millionaire or the opposite yeah old Joe's a fucking hundred there here we go idiot now I like this is like a congressional hearing I'm retiring my time back to the floor because you've been you had a birthday of Fallon and a Rogan I mean I guess just tell one of them that's been a wild ride or something cuz you had one of the craziest weeks in history that's why I'm sick now it's all catch it I did the they made me sick too oh yeah I don't want to get you sick but what do you call that was a joke what was a joke I

said it made me sick I just tough cuz a Bert I hate to bring up Bert again we used to always say I'm gonna I'm gonna borrow time for them from tomorrow I'm gonna borrow time or I know I'd borrow a little bit from tomorrow so like he's hung over today we're on no sleep and I'm like we got to get some sleep he's like I'm just gonna take a little sleep from tomorrow and use it today I'm like all right but that's when you're gonna die at 48 I don't understand I don't follow like we're all tired we need to go to bed we we haven't eaten but he's like I'll just borrow some energy from tomorrow I say so tomorrow he'll sleep

more I guess I is that it I think it's basically saying like you know you do a bunch of blow you die at 60 right but you use it up instead of just having a long life you're like I'm just gonna use it now it's a weird theory of his okay oh but I did that in LA where I just kept pushing it I should get pushing it staying up late waking up early so now you rest this week yeah time from this week and yet you took it so I see what you say it's something but it only works if you actually rest this week right otherwise you just keep borrowing time and then before you know what the banks for clothes and you die yeah our

producer Shelby just text us let me make sure it's nothing crazy here what he said what he knew you guys recording today yes I'll say yes she'll bow she'll be folks the folks miss Shelby I still think the Shelby face would be a great idea but he's it's an off-putting mug let me fart in the meantime a little ginger snap damn all right I'll monitor what he says and then you get into some of these things because I mean we got 20 minutes left what can you do you want to pick one and do one or what do you have 17 of them here I know they were recording again in a few days so maybe I'll save save some but give them

something these people are dying to hear because this Rogan thing has blown up oh we're doing all right I mean it's blowing up subscribe to the YouTube right now yes YouTube we're on it this is it that's something you can do that's not even patreon like cost money a t-shirt cost money subscribe into the YouTube you just go and go boop I've already done it myself one click all right so first of all let me just say it was my birthday I had dinner with my mom she was in town that was fun whatever yeah she's gross and then driving around the moped I bring them I had like six spots because I'm running Fallon

sure I'm running it running and I have six spots I get to the last spot it's at the stand moped's kicking ass I'm all over the road and everybody's like your moped's here and then somehow like a crowd is gathered wow see the mope you're the crowd guy I'm I'm I got the I got the art hog out there yes so I go all right go all right well everybody yeah this is what it's like you know got Rogan in a couple days doing Fallon tomorrow got my own moped life is pretty good so I click that puppy in the on position like it won't start now again with the no start no start so I go what the fucking and a sagalow or somebody goes what's

that puddle a giant puddle like a half hour earlier because I was running around so much it was exciting pumping the thing full of gap feed in the beast you know and won't start chase out there everybody's laughing at me like I can hear laughter and there was one drunk guy going that thing's a piece of jazz like hey fuck you get out of here you're not helping you know he's won't start can't stop talking 20 minutes of ri ri beacher that beat your guy trying to get it going he the people are helping beat you couldn't help no no help died here for some reason didn't have any impact and eventually I had to just go all right

everybody and I clicked that kickstand and I walked it on out of there walked it all the way home god took like two hours we we we you got that right pig the three little pig there it is second reference yes pigs ham juice waffle of Wall Street ah so syrup so I go fuck me go to bed you know you lose two hours you go to bed I wake up go to Fallon have a fun day I got the this guy Ryan he films the whole thing he comes out we jump in the limo we got to found I got the suit I want the suit supply killer you got to go there suit supply suit supply it's in so ho it's two floors of suits they measure you they tailor it they give

you coffee and water and I had a little guy named kebab kebab wait a minute I think was his name on Instagram was a hip-hop hijab kebab hip-hop sounds more sense I should do a joke about Bob oblobb ah that joke wait I might have been development yeah it's a whole thing oh boy sorry I had this I knew a guy named Bob oblobb and it was my signature bit it was like my number one bit and then arrested development somehow had a TV character name that and all of a sudden people started being like this guy's a thief that's from arrested development and I was like I did the joke along it was about this is the real guy he was

like a record producer my friend's band made a thing and the guy's name was Bob oblobb and I was like it must be impossible for that guy to get pulled over they must think he's drinking and driving what's your name Bob oblobb what oblobb Bob oblobb and I don't remember that bit I think it was pre me moving here it must be like 0304 and then arrested development and I remember distinctly doing the bit and someone had told me that arrested development had a character like that yeah and I did the show and then these two like bros are walking out he's like that guy he stole that from arrested development and I had

to drop it it was the first situation I ever had in my career where I had to drop a bit that was like my big bit painful it was painful brutal I think it was Bob Loblaw yes exactly yeah it was oblobb was mine and I remember Paul Nardizzi being like they fucking took it I know they took it I was like I don't think they heard it I was at the time I'm like I'm like MCing firehouses I'm like I don't think they heard it wasn't that funny I had a guy in New Orleans back when I was in the Nola scene which is like four people and a hamster and some guys like this daily show took my bit I'm like I don't know if they got a scout

down in the Big Easy there Fanny but you know you go with it now he's dead on heroin but yeah all right so do the Fallon 30 Rock you know you got some friends there Ruby shows up and the Lady Parts and Matt Sellecky all my all my chums are out there and I'll tell you I got a little squirrely I have not seen the set yet I feel bad I meant to watch it here's the thing my best the set before the set could come out Rogan came out oh weird I mean before I got around to watch the thing then the Rogan came out and all that started happening and then before you know it all jeds a millionaire again yeah doing that

reference everything's fun I'm doing I'm getting the haircut I got the suit on everything is a great time but some just wasn't sitting right and you know when they get you're in the backstage area that's the moment of truth you're alone it's dark you can hear Fallon going everybody we got this guy here blah and it's all weighing on me because Michael Cox the booker was like we needed like a sure thing so we booked you because we need somebody to knock it out of the park and I was like oh boy crazy like last time was so good and we want you to do that was like oh god you want to be that guy yes hard to be that hard to

be I'm not self-esteem guy anyway so like it's all and you ever have the thing where you know you're shucking and jiving then when somebody goes that girl really likes you and you're like oh really and now I'm uncomfortable of course or that guy really likes you now oh that crowd you know when a crowd goes woo Joe list is here then you're like oh shit I was gonna fuck around yeah of course I feel that way with adding followers and stuff blowing up like don't listen to this right it terrifies me the irony of it is while you're trying to get fans and you want people to like it then when they do you like you're like

well now I gotta live up to it yeah well it's kind of like the groucho thing yes not belonging to a club that would have you as member exactly that was a big big quote for everybody that he fucking nailed it but yeah so I had that mental thing and I just went out there and it all I just kind of went black and I was on stage and I was like coming in and out of it and I kept having those I had about four moments of like brain fart get out of it shut up kill yourself get get to it oh there it is off thank God the line came me brain fart come on no time for this bullshit I had four of those meltdown you have to get in then get

out of it yourself within a second it's scary and to you it feels like a minute yeah but the crowds like I don't even know you're talking about it was great and it was one of those crowds that was too hot every joke gets like a tepid laugh at a big applause yeah weird this is killing my rhythm and then you just picture the book or like oh shit I was hoping for like an A plus is like a you know maybe a B ish I don't know I'm sure he loved it so tell me what you think because it's not and I got off stage and one of my friends goes killed it not your best but killed I was like ah not your best oh tell me later he

meant it in a decent way but I was freaking out up there you can't tell you like I've done this 12 times what am I freaking out but the brain it knows how to get you that gets you yeah it's all anxiety it's all anxiety you got Rogan the next day right which that's a bad setup to me Rogan for four days before Rogan I was fucking sleeping under my bed with a chew toy I couldn't I was like freaking out yeah well you have one and then the other than you compartmentalizing something exactly and it's like you say that's so much build up the suit I've got a bob kebab or we're headlocking I trust this kebab guy

I don't know what it is he's a good thing that's his that's his Insta a bob kebab that just seems weird a job kebab either way it was offensive Bob around you know it goes well and everybody's like everybody's nice and whatever but it just didn't feel right there wasn't the magic yeah it happens a lot the magic is hard it's hard to get the magic it's hard to get the man I've only had the magic once yeah I think I've only had it once or twice one magic magic Johnson so but so I get out of there you know you just you got to do the handshakes and Fallon came in he was super nice but it's just you just

sitting there kind of like this the whole time can I say this about the late nights please sorry I cut off your face I feel bad but somebody I think I thought I had a thought about that after late night thing please there's never a time in your life where you want a minute of a long time more than right after a late night and instead the opposite is happening yeah it's like it's the least you've ever wanted nine people in your room like you just came off you're trying to put it in perspective and you don't have the alone time for about seven hours good point like next time I do a late night I want to be like

everyone out of the greener give me ten minutes in ten minutes because you come in and it's not it's like your wife and your friend and your other friend the book and then there's like the booker and then the sound producer and then they want to do the thing of like hey we do a thing would you tell us about the worst pair of shoes you ever owned can you talk about your fucking high heels clogs and it's like you just want to be like let me go be alone for like 20 minutes and then slowly you like the lollipop guild you want to the munchkins you want to come out and be like all right Sarah could you do you still love me right you

do you love me okay see a feeder did you think it was pretty you thought it was pretty okay you leave yes it's just like you're so fragile like people I don't think people understand you're putting yourself so far out there I know and it's a tight rope walk for five minutes you can't have any flood you can't have any fuck up you can't forget anything it's got to be perfection and if it's not it's the worst feeling in the world and I did this one because you brought that up I said a precedent where I go hey nobody asked me how you're feeling I hate the how you're feeling right the how you're feeling makes me gives me insane

anxiety spike because I'm like I'm feeling good are you can you leave me alone and then I'm like maybe I'm not feeling good but I have to say I'm feeling good but if I say I'm not feeling good then you go what can we do like get out of here none of it helps so well I'll say this though you should learn to say I'm not feeling good but then they got they got a they got a pry on that never ends right which I appreciate the prank is a care but what what are you gonna do change change the time of the show like it's it's happening you need the one how you're feeling from the person that's been there

right see I would like it if you were there and you said how you feel I'd be like well I'm having that thing where we have that thing like you need that bond thing yeah like a bug James but sometimes you get a how you're feeling even a booker of a show or the host of the show you don't quite understand no because you're talking to people every week about it yeah I've never been in this spot yes need someone that's been in that spot and he's just like you better kill this my job right so so whatever either way I get out of there and it was weird like left there got in the car and went to the airport God it was so cray and

you know the girlfriend was like really this feels very like premature ejaculation here like we just had this big moment you're gonna fucking leave I was like yeah I guess you're right that's pretty shitty you're doing it like Tom Cruise does it right you swing in you do foul and you fly back to LA you shoot a explosion scene and then you go and do Kimmel yeah I don't be cruise no cruise stinks stinks he's like six to four one no I love him actually he's alright so either way I get to LA I meet up with some friends I mean I get there like midnight I meet up with some friends and we go out hit the town I'm still in

my suit I flew in a suit crazy feeling that is a crazy feeling old school yeah you flew pan am I know and I could tell people like what's this guy up to and I'm like yeah nothing yeah don't be a ship don't worry the five minutes and nothing on nothing nobody cares so fucking landing LA go out I get my air B&B way too late and the girl was like hello you know you gotta get oh Jesus air B&B totally got raped on the B&B I'm done with B&B I've been done with B&B since I did one B&B back in the 40s I've learned took me a couple penetrations but I've learned my hymen lesson that thing is bloody I'd rather get shot by a

B&B gun I've tell you that they catfished me the photos they capture you they're beautiful and then you get there it's a fat whore what do you do with a B&B get a hotel your Tom Cruise for God's sake sometimes you can get a cool house you're like wow when I'm at a house in the hills it was the best thing I ever did a hill house is good hill house on the haunted hill the hills have eyes thank you so I go goddamn and then like the lady was mad at me because you had to wake up and I got a curtain behind you curtain yeah it's curtains for us all yeah beef curtains it's just a it's a living room a curtain than me and then

she's on the other side with her so I can't sneeze without her calling the police so the whole thing stunk and I'm you know the sneeze police I set my alarm I've been taking these ambient which I can't I gotta stop no it's no good bad news but I never got prescribed a friend gave me a couple hits and big mistake they knock you out but literally if you're at your laptop and you take one you'll just wake up with a laptop open but if you stay up they're kind of a nice buzz oh it's a buzz baby yeah Aldrin oh wow that was fun yeah so both astronauts that's right so I forgot what time so I'm texting Rogan when I lay

I was like what time am I on he's like oh pretty early he's like come in early I was like ah fuck so I get drunk pass out wake up oh man I'm way over slept and I just race over to his place crazy play I got a rental car too what a place it's something else I mean I don't want to give too much away but it's like it doesn't look like it's unassuming it's like a bat cave yes yeah like you don't think this is where this goes down yeah it looks like nothing and I'm looking in it like this is the right at what is this and then some big guy with a beard pops out of another entrance goes can I help you I was like Jesus Christ big Gary

he's a Navy SEAL yes I remember that guy so I go us sorry podcast he goes oh yeah yeah come on in you get in there it's just this vast room with a gym a boxing glove a pool table a couple Ferraris a big cat were wolf fucking werewolf thing it's huge and I'm like wow this is wild and they're like ah Rogan's in the shit it'll be right out then you go in the podcast room you're like oh my god this is it yeah the room everybody's I've been watching this for hours and there's JMO there he's on the ones and twos and yeah I just I was so keyed up from Fallon so keyed up about being late and like being hung over that

I didn't have any jitters I just went in no Jets he just sat down we started shitting on a couple comics and he goes alright let's start it up and then boom we just went right into it and it just it clicked oh I should tell you on the flight there I took the puke bag out and I wrote down every great story I have and everything oh there you go and I tell you that was the game changer that's big because I pulled out some stories from 1988 that I forgot about but that but writing them down on the puke bag I have I saved the bag the puke bag it comes in some kind of Smithsonian bullshit or whatever so I got the bag a

bag of vomit and yeah just it just it worked it clicked the Fallon was off and I think the shitty Fallon said I'm not doing that again you're right right in a weird way and I think it was it's more important than the Fallon obviously you want the Fallon to go well of course but there's way more viewers yeah listeners on a Rogan than a Fallon which is crazy and the irony is I went to the Fallon I watched like two seconds on YouTube like this like oh yeah I can't do that every comment is got here from Joe Rogan came from anybody else here from Joe Rogan okay that's nice but I got like two seconds in and turned it off

it was yeah yeah it's too it's brutal so then yeah just fucking I don't want to go too far in but after we we did the pod we did three and a half hours he seemed very happy with it which is nice and you know you start asking like how many times have you turned those mics on with somebody been like two minutes in going there's gonna be a long hour right you have no idea it's crazy yeah cuz he does a lot he does one every day every week and shit and we had a long talk like how do you stay so safe like he's a smooth cool to cucumber everything rolls right off his hairy muscular back you know yeah he's a fascinating guy we get one

negative tweet and we're like shit the world's coming down on me I'm gay the whole thing but he's just well I think there's an in-between like early on you're not getting too much stuff so any tweet is like why my god this guy hates us and you're not getting a ton of pot like you're like you get 10 positives one negative right fucking derails you then I think once you get to a certain level there's so much shit that you can't even read all of it yeah I don't give a fuck right and money helps all this stuff oh complete a nice 75 million in the bank you're like why do I care what someone tweets at me although I

think it still think it bothers him to some degree but I said how do you do it he just goes I'm active I fight I work out I run I jog I do comedy I write like he's like you just got to do shit yeah yeah apparently it's working for you fatty because you look great and we played pool for like two hours after you beat me I don't know six times oh well you hung out we hung out of there he had like some time to kill and then he's like all right you got to go I got another guy cuz I'm out of here and then we did shows of the improv all night sold out no that's fun just the great I mean when when you're dialed in in LA it is I

mean LA is already a magical place but when you're dialed in I got sets of the store you know Santino's like hey you feel like you're in I made it yeah you do shit over there it's fun it feels it's nice to go to LA and have shit to do yeah it's nice to me like I got that and I got to go to this and I got to go over that it's also a great time place to have downtime of course do yeah well hiking the ocean the whole thing B&B was a mistake no no down that was down syndrome but you know you go up in the green there's a new green room at the improv and like oh yeah woods up there like I know Roy and Whitney Cummings is

there and you're like how you doing and she's treat you like a like a real comic and really really exciting and it feels good when you start to know people like I can go there and know enough people and they know you and it feels like oh we're finally getting in 20 years I'm today is not today but this weekend will be 19 years in comedy isn't that crazy that is more than half my life wow good for you fatty that's quite a commitment it's something that's lunch but oh shit what was I gonna say oh wait I lost it again upstairs the improv oh I'll tell you being in that hot seat with the rogue there's a couple

times where he he's so aggressive and like alpha yes there's a few times and guys like us we're not tough guys no you just kind of want to go whatever you say you you go yeah yeah but you have to actually go no no no I'm gonna say my piece right not even saying arguing you're just gonna you got to dominate a little bit too you gotta it's like a fight where you gotta go no no I'm here to I just all those hours of us here Jim and Sam every live app Legion escape whatever it all culminates like bring all those old tools you've learned bring them out what's similar to stand up when you're doing tonight show we're like

this is still the same thing right doing over there right it's still just a podcast exactly I'm still on the mic fucking joking around so you like I'll just go into podcast mode podcast mode but you got to know how to go into that mode yes and that's gonna be second anal we do a lot of modes you braze all uh-huh mode yeah it's all a mode hey that's a good that tweeted that once how to do all right yeah so I don't want to get too much in remind the T's we got right now we're here but I got a big Netflix story I went to Netflix oh gee

that's part of the reason I was out there I'm doing Rogan I'm pitching I'm headlining at the store I had a big oh my god it's no wonder you're sick you probably have AIDS I got AIDS stress AIDS while I was staying in West Hollywood so boy canceled yeah you go yeah yeah did Tom Poppers radio show that was a lot of fun to Dr. Drew Burke Chrysler Jesus fighter in the kid Jeremiah kill Tony I did all those wow to a day every day and sets and boozing and heroin and pitching so I pitch all day hungover you know I'm a true TV I'm a TBS and then you go run over to some podcast like for do one of those do a podcast later at night and

do sets of really late and it was it was bananas had a great time but uh who I'm paying for it now and are you home for a bit now no well I'll get into that next week all right right I got a bad news for the Norman family mm-hmm and but I don't want to get into it father gay yeah finally came out thank God he had me before he flipped um but yeah what are you gonna be because we're all over the road and I feel like we can finally start sold some ticks now let me get the calendar well based on the Hartford funny bone where I'm not selling shit yeah let me but that's a tough market it was spring or fall whatever months is hard

to sell there's always something about a football game there's tsunami this weekend though Seattle that's a big market we got to be able to sell in Seattle they love us out in the sea I hope I don't know but I did a one night or two years ago for the brandy Carlisle show I gotta talk about that by the way seventh row center we'll get to it next week big tease but I meant laughs in Seattle this weekend only two nights Friday and Saturday two shows each night I love Seattle so please come out next weekend skyline and Appleton skyline comedy club the week after that blue room Springfield Missouri October 9 18th and 19th I hear

great things drive up from Arkansas or Kansas City wherever the fuck yeah you gotta go here's Shelby texting us nothing just checking and then Burlington Vermont October 24th 25th 26th come to that and then November I'm out every weekend the rest of the year for God's sakes Albany funny bone in November Des Moines funny bone in November that's a November 14th through 16 DC draft house the 22nd and 23rd Kennedy was shot in the 22nd yeah laughs Boston November 29th and 30th Portland Maine December 1st that's a one night or hilarities in Cleveland December 5th through the 7th and of course Lafayette in Houston on

December 20th and 21st live Tuesdays at the Village Underground November 11th here here and then the Santa Ana Tuesday's festival December 13th and 14th and new merch merch pump dot com we got a new shirt designed by our friend Diego this shirt is killer this is gonna be a hot cake hot lunch jizz bucket yes and download the outlawful app and then subscribe to the YouTube go to merch pump get the brand new shirt be the first one to get the new shirt now where are you gonna be you got dates up the asshole yeah check out our YouTube and check out our little video we made a video it's got 11,000 views in fucking two

days good for us this comes out tomorrow right yeah all right well this Thursday I'm in Oklahoma City at the Paramount trying to do a theater we'll see how that goes it could be embarrassing then after that I high tail it right over in a rental car to Addison Improv now what do you think I'm thinking about getting a stick shift rental and just learning it right there hmm I mean I drove a stick about 20 years ago like my dad showed me how to do it and I got it down we're using the wrong hands that makes me nervous but but yeah I just if I feel like I'll have to learn it if I get it out there on the road well I mean

if you had do you have someone with you that's now yeah I mean you can do it I mean I learned relatively quick off quote about the same spot it's been 20 years right but yeah try I guess what town is this again I'll be in Oklahoma to Dallas that's pretty quiet that's a long ride but I feel like you get on the highway once you're in fourth you're good but then there's traffic it's a situation but good point I don't know what now why is the what's the benefit of doing this I just would like to learn how to drive a stick because I would you know this is all Seinfeld that's what I think I think it's all a lot of hate you

want to take my Porsche for a spin well you know what if it happens you want to be ready that's what I'm saying but I don't know if it's that I just I would like to buy a nice I'm a fan of vehicles but I don't have any money but I'd like to buy one one day okay and I want to ruin your car I even asked Rogan to show me and he was like you're not doing on my car right right all right maybe it's the right but we'll see I mean you know I don't know you know better than me it's been literally 19 year I'm saying you know if you should do it or not it's in your heart Luke I'd like to hear your side of the anal I would I would just get

an automatic that's me but we're different people yeah all right Addison Improv all weekend in Dallas speaking of Kennedy Kennedy yeah 22nd Chessening Michigan at the riverfront bar and grill there's still some tickets to those the second show cap city comedy club in Austin oh I love that always looking forward to that one ACME comedy club in many I love that one we got a good little run going spoke and Tacoma Jeremy spoke and roar comedy club in Springfield mass Rooster Teeth feathers and Sonny Vail love that club say hello to Heather the best oh yeah then we got the old do a one-eyed jacks in New

Orleans around Thanksgiving Santa Anna the live pod on the 11th of November the blue room and helium in Portland and side splitters and stuff like that check the website go gay tell your friends praise Allah and vote for Yang yeah and click click on fucking subscribe and get the new shirt this new shirt is killer go get the shirt merch pump dot com slash Tuesdays and yeah still loving the Uber Chipotle cheesecake gift cards Starbucks I got all these cheesecakes thank you for the cheese so kind silentry don't get a waffle my mother's gay and subscribe on YouTube we'll see and help I'll take an eye hop up the ass he doesn't need on

need that you don't need breakfast someday I would love to all right