Tuesdays with Stories! - #325 Cane Jiggle

Episode Date: November 26, 2019

Mazel Tuesgays, it's another hot one as futz's around Iowa and undergoing a root canal while Mark has trouble getting into a 49ers game before doing an apartment show in Philly. Check it out! Sponsored by: Cannae Pro Gear (CannaeProGear.com code: tuesdays) Subscribe to our Patreon for full video of the show, bonus eps, and all of our pre-2017 episodes www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe less Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be chasing holy hell we're starting folks here we are we're in we're in the lunch stuff studios remember that lie remember it up we're in it you have the light on

lights on it baby we got the fusilli Jerry we got the regular Jerry that's like the on-air light you know an old TV show yeah love it on air you know what that was nice I walked by a juice factory or juice jizz one of the juice Jamba no no I don't like it Jamba might have been a juice press juice for juice generation maybe yes there's one of those and they have a new thing where they have a red light blinking outside it says fresh almond milk being made and they'll light it up so it kind of gives you and it might just go on periodically but it works I'm like oh they're making fresh almond milk yeah they got the

almonds milk and back there you know it's what I find I saw the one in this one Seattle it's a juice generation I think outside they have a pull-up bar it says if you can do 20 pull-ups you're healthy you don't need a juice which is a nice little thing to do because most people are gonna do 20 pull-ups and they're gonna get the juice anyways but it brings people over there yeah let me go see if I can do 20 pull-ups pretty smart and then most people are gonna be able to do it so they go you should get a juice right you think they kind of buy even though it's a joke and it's fun they kind of buy it yeah I kind of wish that if I

did 20 I'd get a free mini smoothie or something oh that would be nice a little enticing yeah but then you'd have all the fucking muscle heads coming over there that's true did pull them out of business I know but now you got a crowd drawing a crowd and I got a little something cooking out there what about dollar off dollar off if you can do 80 setups or whatever we're compromising for the Jews then they could do one you know when they go you if you can do an impossible setup and they do the whole thing when you stick your asshole in their face oh then you get an impossible burger oh that's not bad yeah getting

sued by somebody about something you know why cuz they're using the meat on the same grill the fake meats put on the meat grill the fake meat in the real meat are mending yeah they're they're a coagulating or interracial or whatever you call it it's like a halal halal halal with an H huh ah halal what about it I think halal has to be on its own grill that's what halal is because it's all they put a fucking curse on it or whatever yeah they put a spell or a hijab yeah then they they suicide it up or whatever suicide bomber mm-hmm yeah oh remember every black comic when the almond milk came out

was like that that was my favorite joke like everyone had it with how you got a milk and almond they don't have tits very good I like that I love almond milk by the way I'm all in on almond milk get yourself some oat do yourself ever get oat milk is that good sugar I'm all sugar sugar okay I like an almond milk and I'll tell you what I had in Burlington Vermont I had some cashew milk and that really made me jizz a fucking cream pie yeah I don't mind I'll take all the milks I don't like a regular cow milk though how milk stinks it's all sugar and fat and fuck what's up with 2% 2% is worse I think because they're messing

with it I don't know what about what watery and jizzy it's like a whatever woman squirting that feels like 2% they can kiss 2% of my ass you got that right Seinfeld tonight oh you reminded me I forgot about it for a second hold on come back to that but yeah I wanted to this spark something in me shit I'm never gonna be able to get back to it no no 2% milk number 2 pencil milk the sugar fuck I'm never gonna get back to it it was good it was gonna open up a whole badge of milk milk now you're not helping you know you're not helping milk oh what we okay his whole milk is sugar 2% oh I heard a story about Jeremy Piven

oh he's a milker well he's a he's skating by with the meat to see fine all these clubs they won't have Louie but they haven't piven up the ass interesting we know he's like a he's been doing comedy for six weeks you know they did with the meat to thing that's weird is they only take one job away what do you mean okay Louie got me to so they go hey no stand up okay he goes all right Piven got me to they go so no acting so then he can still do stand up is he no acting right now he can't act Hollywood's band that's why you haven't seen anything that's why he's doing stand up shit about the craft no macaroni and

cheese no he just wants to make some money and still get blown but a lot of these same exact clubs regardless of like the national picture a lot of the same bookers and clubs that are like oh we would not have Louie have Jeremy Piven yeah no I agree that the politics are all cool you look at looking Gillis Shane Gillis can't do SNL but everybody's letting them do stand up right that's not a me too but he's gonna cancel I guess yeah well stand up lesser he's doing stand up at the stand he's not doing it at fucking the tonight show sure sure but he is on the road yeah that's true but a club a club in SNL are

not equivalents no no whereas this one specific club saying we won't have Louie but we will have Jeremy Piven is equivalent sure sure but they take the big one away I feel like yes I suppose so because they want to punish you it's like a mom they go you like a video games more than the softball you're losing the turbo graphic 16 so he's doing comedy as a punishment that's kind of fun yeah like no movies where you gotta go do stand up you fucking loser he's like alright fine and meanwhile we're jerking each other off because we got gigs I know I know we love the punishment we're masochists I love stand up I really

love it oh but here's the Piven yes I was in what the fuck city all the cities blend in now but I was going to do radio and the radio guy I think it was Albany and he was telling me about he took Piven to Starbucks and the guy or maybe was ducking donuts I think it was done in donuts to get a coffee and in the drive-through Piven was like you got goat's milk and the guy was like ghost milk what he's like goat's milk right and the guy's like ghost I don't what you what are you saying he's like goat's milk and I'm like he's at an Albany Dunkin Donuts they never even heard of goat's milk he's like you don't have

goat's milk like no we don't have goat's milk you had to get a manager in there and the guy's like no we don't have goat's milk right he's like you know so no goat's milk and I'm like what do you mean like that's a guy that's been living in Hollywood too long yes yes they're gonna have goat's milk right you don't have kale chips what's going on here well we got is a you know frosted minis or munchkins some say the oh munchkin when that gonna get that's gonna get offensive I don't think or munchkins fake is that what a midget like a fairy midget but they're not calling little people munchkins they're calling munchkins

munchkins and we should munchkin is cuter than little people I think you call kids munchkins but they had a growth problem you know wouldn't you wouldn't yeah where do we get munchkin that's only used now for a donut hole I guess it comes from Wizard of Oz maybe yes Wizard of Oz the munchkin kids that's the lollipop guild that's the gills just the munchkins by the way they're guild you gotta do dues I guess you do they shit like anyone else yeah probably shit lucky charms or something but my point is goat's milk greatest of all time oh I see I never had a goat's milk I don't think that's all the same well I wonder

if goats and cows are different or they're like a rival mmm it must be different I mean that's why you have goat's milk I guess but it seems like oat milk or almond milk you're getting no jizz you're getting no dairy right but you're still getting dairy from a from a bad but maybe he's fit if he's more fit or something I don't know what's the difference well it's Tuesdays with facts will fucking zap us up together or something I'll tell you the difference would a goat in the milk is a go to fight back you can push a cow over a go to kick in the balls oh yeah you can tip you don't have to tip a goat you

can't tip a goat or or a waiter so what do you do you hold him down like the hind legs you just grab him well he's got the he's got the horns too well you gotta grab him by the horns like life yes wait wait what's the goat and sheep are different yes they're both furry and and annoying I think a goat is like a male sheep no no it's something said no ram a ram is a male sheep yes because I looked it up because I had a bit about I tried to do a bit what the fuck was my sheep bit gonna be I can't remember but I was walking amongst all these sheep and I was scared and they were people were giving me shit because like I you're

such a city slicker afraid of a goat so I looked it up and goats can actually fuck you up goats will ruin they're like Puerto Ricans you can't trust them not a goat a sheep wait a male sheep has what is a ram no yeah okay maybe a ram he's got the fucking the dingleberries on his head so a female sheep you can take down I'll fuck a female sheep right up your ass yeah they got 88 cents to the horn on those things is it 80 cents or 88 I keep hearing different numbers by the way 77 this pay gap I heard 80 last night it was 88 a couple weeks ago I don't know what's what yeah we got to keep track of that how are we gonna fix it if it's all

over the road yeah that's a problem I keep hearing I get both sides are so convinced I just don't know why you wouldn't pay I just hire all women I clean up CEO yeah you'd be saving 12 to 32 cents per special for lady yeah exactly but I think I think the other theory is that it's all manual labor that's not they don't get paid less than the same job on average men are making more but men are firemen and window washers and cops and military and and stuff that you risk in your life whereas ladies tend to be teachers which pays like shit and nurses and blah blah blah that's what I've heard and then of

course I've heard just fucking the opposite yeah but I don't know I'm comedy I've done shows where females were making three times as much as me for the same amount of time yeah yeah but then they get mad when you say that which is weird you're like oh I thought you wanted it to be better I'm saying look it's better right at me for pointing it out mmm maybe you like a little victim action mother nature is a mad scientist yep I always say misogyny biology the number one misogynist but oh I had a point about the ram anal there's rams and goats the garbage man you don't see garbage women I had something a side

topic whenever you're come up with it oh now the pressure's on to come well if you don't come up with that I got a topic I don't think I'm gonna come up with it now cuz I want to hear your thing well my thing is an existential question oh boy we unlocked a big bag of hammers here what is a goblin wait where'd this come from well I think goats maybe think of ghosts goats and ghosts and then there's ghosts and goblins what the fuck's a goblin I think it's like a troll of some kind oh is that right it's a troll family oh I could kind of picture that now with a big nose and like a goblin right that's the green goblin and spider man oh

yeah I didn't care for that I don't think I don't think spider man has great villains it's like a guy with a bunch of arms it's a willing to flow yeah yeah I got like a nerve with glasses I'm like what is going on here oh yeah where's like Batman's got Tom Hardy on steroids sure and they's got Heath Ledger fucking on pills right well you're throwing in actors that would just changing it but they're portraying it I'm not talking spider man it's getting portrayed by fucking you know Harvey milk or whoever that guy was Sean Penn no Sean Penn what oh Sean Penn Harvey milk not Harvey milk homosexual died of AIDS

oh Jesus Christ big enough AIDS get Nicole nothing all good all good all good this is my usual airplane mode you see a book a text thing you're like oh my god what's happening uh-huh damn I had something on the women being paid and I lost it no goblins what did you say it rams down to his goats cheese 77% yeah goat cheese and go tea oh that's no good no you don't want to go tea one time I was that I think I'm gonna talk about this before but one time I was at a restaurant with a hang of comics and I was like it's like these people with go teas I who are you hanging on to a go tea unless you're a fucking baseball player

and I looked over the like it was kind of dark and like across the way there's a guy with a go tea pronounced perfect go tea yeah well now yeah oh it looks good on you right I had to do like that thing now why do you allow the baseball to do it didn't that weird have somebody does something enough you go all right well they can do it well they do it just because they do it I don't know it's like a thing I get black even then it's strange black people have a lot of that we're like that is weird but you're black so we let it slide you know like the pants sagging or like the which is just strange I'm like I don't want to get

around and also there's a lot of homophobia and that's very gay isn't it like showing your ass like that having your pants down yeah I'm you're showing me your pants it's almost like you're presenting I'm like hey I'm a closer to your asshole now well it could be that could be hetero to just general sex if your pants are down well fucking a guy in the ass I'm talking but you could but you pass down to fuck someone else too I see so his front is also down none of the front is not down the front's not down the front is higher up than the back half is that right back side is way lower I'll call in if you

have that for America you can have a pant tilt you can have a tilt I mean it's a way to put that because I feel like the African-American rump is a little more pronounced so from the side it's at an angle like this like the belt the belt 45 35 some guys are going reckless and just going like down to like mid-thigh because my belt's even you look at me from the side I got a flat belt even Steven flat belted fella I'm talking some brothers are really just showing rump brothers what is this 78 well I'm trying to mix up my jargon here for the F for okay rose well chocolate thunder down under yes I'm just saying it's like you

know I was talking to a friend of mine and he was saying all this slang and I was like it's weird that you talk like this but you're black so we go with it right it's very strange yeah well certain things you know you just do do that I mean same if you went to New Orleans and some guys like oh well really black early to get marbles in his mouth sure I guess he lives there yeah it's all cultural I get it well that's why I say people are always like where's your boss an accent and I'm like well I'm living amongst other people I'm trying to sound like a normal fucking name not idiot here I don't want to say I got rid of my

y'alls yeah I'm trying to enunciate right but y'all I think I'm using y'all occasionally everybody can use a y'all but it down there you say y'all for like 300 times in a day but y'all at least is grammatically correct yeah shortening you all y'all whereas like you're like that's not how you fucking say it that's a good point I've said this before New Orleans accents and Boston accents are kind of similar very similar there's a lot of times I'm like oh this guy's from Boston a couple more sentences I'm like oh wait no he's New Orleans yeah yeah we we slow everything down though Boston Sean Patton once said that Boston New

Orleans accent is like a Boston accent with a with a percassette you know New Orleans we take our time yes yes we have all the schools we're yes we got no schools yeah you're dumb and we're smart thank you no problem all right we got a we got hurricanes though you don't have that we had a hurricane once hurricane Bob when I was a kid 91 that's classic that's like a perfect Boston hurricane yeah you're getting Bobby fucking Bob Bobby I gotta talk to that some stuff yeah all right how do you swallow with your ass oh you can swallow with an ass I guess an asshole can pucker and wink yeah you can if you

just spread it open and then shit down in there and then close it somewhere that's a good point I don't know that's a swallow but maybe go to your hamstrings gravity sure it is some sort of a shoot a poop shoot a poop shoot crap shoot hi you don't you don't want that when you jump out of a plane no you want a para yeah you want a good shoot yeah just shoot me that was a TV show yeah yeah all right I just got back from the West Coast ooh the best coast that's what they say San Jose area Sunnyvale to be exact I love Sunnyvale had a Rob there which was unpleasant oh I talked to a few cats about that oh yeah but damn what yes yes I

know yeah it's it's rough San Jose pretty uh messy I think is what it is yeah like an actor messy yes so home of the sharks I took your advice went to Sunnyvale we sold out some shows so I feel like I got a little extra cash I got my merch over here I'm making some dough I'm getting a car yes get the car freedom baby I got my dumb gay like Hyundai Savant or or yeah something like that and Sonata I don't know what it was and I hit the town I went to Berkeley love Berkeley went to SF Berkeley was Greg's it's the classic it's like PCU the movie right you know it's like there's a guy going we gotta

get rid of cell phones you're all on them right now some guy with crazy blonde hair and I saw myself I'll just photograph again right right it was great it was right out of a movie you know then there's like the shaved head ladies over here the guy playing a little banjo I love Berkeley Trump will kill the Jews or whatever and that was great went over to SF just drove around San Fran just see the water see all the architecture loved it then we go to the Niners game what a great stadium Levi's Stadium oh yeah and man so I get there the guys like it was Joey Avery in the crew I love Joey that's a sexy kid good-looking kid a big

fat smile on that he's got quite a grill funny guy funny guy nice head of hair so he we all show up we get drunk he goes I got extra tickets this guy diode had an extra ticket he was a hosting for me died I died oh I believe he was an old car horn dude he had a he was some kind of brown I don't know but he had blonde hair and fun guy brown guy blonde hair you don't hear that every day died yeah sorry to hear that yeah yeah well what happened kamikaze but no so yeah we he's like I got tickets to the Niners game I said I'll meet you there I gotta I gotta get a gym in I drive over there obviously you

can't park this is how cool Joey Avery is I'm like I can't park I must like an hour of the games I'm just looping around I got the things with the petty cabs you know and then so you park so far away that they make a killing just bringing people to the stadium yes so I park I'm way away just trying to loop around but everything's gated off because it's all it's all silicon val over there and so they don't they're like no you can't come in here you I'm like why not just charge me 20 bucks I'll park here you could make you clean up but they're all millionaires they don't need my cash they invented the iPad or

whatever right so eventually I text Joey I'm like hey man I can't get in I can't park anywhere and he's like I got a spot go in say you work at this place called Liffey or whatever and just sign the clipboard and you're in man Avery wow lithium so I go in I see the place it's got a gate I move the gate I park in there and I'm looking for the clipboard guy and there's nobody I tell them like there's no one here he goes that means you're good just leave the car oh boy this sounds I was like alright and he's like he's he's got 12 bud lights and he's like fuck it get in there live it up well Nate used to have a joke about

that the guys that's not whose car doesn't they never care about the parking I'll pay for it people in the car are always like parking in front of a hydrogen park on the grass fucking park over there no one ever care when it's not your car especially when you're not in the car right then you really don't give a shit nobody gives a shit and he's in the sunshine he's got a Niners game he's got a hand job he's killing it so I go I feel weird what if somebody you I could just get towed a rental car I don't live here it's a whole thing and he goes live it up no he goes live a little okay now live a little is my Marty

McFly chicken you tell me live a little I'm fucked right you gotta do it pants down you could be putting my head into the into the pillow and about to ram me in the ass I'm like we shouldn't do this and you're like live a little I'd be like alright put it in yes good to know it's a hot tip for the fans I know I shouldn't I can't avoid live a little so I go fuck it so I parked the car I get out of there I walked to the stadium now we got the whole stadium thing where's your ticket my guy inside's got it we can't let you in hey they won't let me in alright I'm coming out and I go oh come on the games an hour in what are you doing

I got a ticket I got a friend he's a guy we can't let you in why would they let you in without a ticket well that's a good point but I was supposed to be told I know it's good for the goose is good for the gander well I had a guy who said meet me at gate f and I was at gate a and he's like you gotta go all he gave me one of these you gotta go all your way off I hate the way off it's long AF yes so I go all right all right so I'm like I gotta go all the way around you gotta go back out cut around at the back out alone is like half a mile right stadiums crazy but I get it this terrorists and diode and Isis and all that so I just go

I don't want to go all the way around so I jump like this little black fence and I jump it I walk in and I realize oh shit I'm in I jump the right fence oh you realize it I'm like ah I'm in and I was like where are you I'm like I don't worry about I'm in wow it was crazy right I mean this is like a huge breach of security I know if you could have had a bomb vest on I mean I bombed that night but I it was a four foot fence it was so easy I couldn't believe it wow so I jumped the fence no one saw me I walk in now I'm in the Niners game it's sold out it's killer and what a game we got a couple beers by the way I bought four

beers and a cocktail it's like $60 oh it's for these sporting events are outrageous crazy I hope they get bombed and then I go in we get the worst seats on the planet but we can see everything and it was a hell of a game like they were down then they stood an interception and they got the blood and it was a it was against the Cardinals tremendous game you saw I saw the highlights during the Patriots game but they kept cutting to that game yeah so then we leave there we're half in the bag we do the show and then the next day we go see Ford v Ferrari you see it I haven't seen it yet it's a lot of it's a

little Disney'd up it's lengthy it was it keeps you the whole time but it's boy it's Disney everything's so characterized and he throws a wrench at him and you're like did he really do that you know right yeah you always want like the pop-up video yes like we put this in for fun right you know so it's fun and I left there and I watched the there's a Ford v Ferrari Ferrari dock on Netflix which was way better the dock is always better yeah just I want the real shit yeah give me the real so here's can't watch a movie after the dock once you see the dock you like that's not what he looks like that's not what happens it's really I know

it's gonna go on it's like seeing a lady without makeup you're like all right well now I know the truth yeah that was actually it's more like seeing a guy flaccid ah that's better once you see you once your girl sees you flaccid you're ruined yeah I like it no makeup yeah I don't mind no mega I don't know why I say that yeah it's a good look cuz that's that's actually how you look also I'm not gonna wear makeup so I can't bitch at you I love wearing makeup so Sarah leaves the house I'm writing that makeup case blackface oh I got eyeliner eyebrows the whole thing paint my tongue go nuts paint my tongue what so then I now here's the

clinker I sent a box of shirts out you know me I gotta show you this this stack of boxes I really overdid it I'm fucked every now then a family like oh you're going to the stand bring me one large I'm like all right out of 7,000 shirts I got one down but those shirts a killer my feature act he cleaned up this past week I mean he cleaned that's why I did it that's why I poked yeah you got a clean so I bring a box of shirts I sell them all great perfect amount of shirts it was good times but a couple drunk cats were like hey I want to share it I go here you go and they go we don't have any cats I go Venmo me they didn't Venmo what

they just were dry it wasn't you're ripping us off it wasn't them it was I mean it wasn't them but it was it wasn't intense sounds intense to me well they saw him pull it out like hey this is you I'm like yeah yeah and I guess they just never hit send they went and fucked a prostitute or whatever oh wow that's a little off putting if you're listening how about the fucking throw a little cash to the kid over here you're talking about well it's your shit I agree but they're stealing now I'm like how do I do it was like 80 bucks I lost here that's fucking crazy it's money well hold on I'm not done there fatty okay well sorry

you tell me people are ripping you off and you just go with it appreciate the concern but I go ah am I a chuch if I hit these guys up no you're fucking what the fuck I know but I felt like a cheap weirdo so eventually one of them tagged me in a photo so I go I got his name and I go hey buddy I hate to sound like a cum-guzzler here but I think it took some shirts and didn't vent moment he was like oh my god I'm so sorry so I think he gave me extra money oh yeah he should so worked out it's guilt he tried to steal from you and then he felt guilty so he's like let me throw you some extra money he thinks he'll make up for the

fucking crime he committed you think it was intentional of course it was intentional what do you mean I think they were in a blackout they were having we got photos headlocks I mean they were they were into it I guess gays and all that I guess all right well it was a it was an odd moment okay all right just saying you don't pay someone you get the shirt that's you know yeah it's business it's bad business hey folks got to talk to you about can I pro gear that's can I pro gear this is good stuff they sent me a backpack I love this thing I bring it on the road it's got a million compartments it's got a slot for everything

it's got zippers and tethers this thing is a beauty it's lightweight durable I got a toothbrush in one pocket I got a laptop in the back shoes in the front clothes in the middle drugs on the side a water holder you name it this is the this is the good stuff folks this is a it's used by the US government and secret service agents use it and I'm using it to go to goddamn Phoenix like a douche I love the can I backpack you got to get one folks right in time for the holidays they even got a holiday sale it's on now with our code Tuesdays you can get an additional 15% off and for limited time only if you spend over 40 clams they'll

throw in free shipping come on that's good stuff that's a that's it can I pro gear dot com let me spell that C A N N A E pro gear dot com use Tuesdays you get 15% off this is good stuff you're gonna love it you're gonna buy it and you're never gonna buy another backpack again this thing's a beaut good eggs over there at can I have a good one all right what do you get cuz I got a big one and I'm gonna I'm gonna some of the tea all right save your business I got a few I've been going all kinds of events oh a lot of ticketed events over here and a root canal all kinds of things hit me I went to a football game the day before I was

out in Iowa Des Moines quit bragging it's you know I like that Des Moines funny bone good good club it's small it's intimate there's only one show Friday which I love and a nice time so I went to the Iowa State football game do an Iowa State basketball game and an Iowa State football game I'm entrenched in Iowa State sports aha the Cyclones oh we got those in Brooklyn games to so Saturday I go out there now the game is at 230 but the dumb show is at 7 same here and the game it aims Iowa is about a 50 minute ride away so I'm like I'm gonna go I want to get out there see the stadium whatever have a

thing and it's a big game they're playing Texas who's ranked 22 in the country and it's a it's a it's a hot matchup you know conference game and I'm excited and of course I wish it was a noon game or whatever but you're like I'm gonna go so I buy myself a ticket and of course I go over which ticket I should get this seat that seat I'll fuck you motherfucker get the ticket get in the car I drive out there I'm like I'll go out there early to really take in the soak it in cuz I got to leave early to get to the goddamn show I watched the game I'm sitting there it's a beautiful day I had to get a hot dog with no bun cuz I'm

doing this keto horse I love the no bun but it's not even enjoyable because ketchup's got sugar so I'm just eating a hot dog like a cock right I'm just sticking my mouth and like the people next to me they're like Iowa state that you can see them like kind of glancing over I think I'm one of these people right I am I guess so your keto though keto I think is you know there's some tough guys were keto well here's the thing I'm thin people hate a thin guy not eating bread like what you're not eating bread I'm like I got reflux it's a whole thing fuck off my throat hurts yeah it's not even keto it's it's a

reflux it's a whole thing so I gotta I gotta eat a hot dog I feel like a fucking you know what yeah yeah so I suck the thing down I got peanuts I never bought peanuts that are shelled that's no fun I hate a shell you're at your work now you gotta break it this trash everywhere it's just like yeah it's fun kind of throwing the trash out a little bit but I guess yeah it stinks well they would break to it like kind of blow the lady in front of me her hood was like filled with shells her hood yeah because she was sick I'm thinking of clitoral hood oh I thought you're thinking KKK both bad yeah well well she's got her hood

flipped back every time I break it flies and I'm afraid we're gonna get ratted up see the tickets they all know each other okay Bethany you got you got a big nut on your fucking neck again yeah so I'm eating the peanuts I'm watching it's a great ball game but these sporting events it's particularly football it makes me fucking crazy football is the worst of them because they gotta get the goddamn commercials in so when you're at home there's a lot of commercials but you go you take a piss you're talking you click to something else you check out a news story it doesn't see that you're looking at your phone whatever when

you're at the game it really brings home nothing's happening we're all just in there there's 60,000 people in the crowd there's fucking 60 players on each team 25 coaches there's 60,000 people just standing here with our thumbs up harasses yep nothing's happening because it's a big guy in a red coat standing out there being like there's a commercial on right it's for all the commercials at home you're like this game should take two and a half hours I know why do we need to see them just pump them into the TV sets well they are but they can't have the game going while the commercials are playing so that's

why we're all just standing here like a bunch of fucking chuches meanwhile I can't stand that there's no there can be any silence not silence talking but they have to go ladies and gentlemen during this break in the action check out this video of a fucking balloon being blown up and then they go ladies there's always a hero yes a hero now early on in the game it's a hero hero it's a guy that was in Afghanistan he got shot in the back and now you know he feeds kids yeah homeless kids he's a great guy we all stand take off our hats and everyone's crying it's beautiful yeah Billy then they come back with another guy this guy's a copy

arrested a there's a dog in a tree he got him he beat up a black guy we're all he's a hero who the hero bar keeps getting lowered so you'll have teachers well by the fourth quarter they're like his Susan she sprained her ankle on the way into the game right now she's stuck it out and here's Tommy he won a scratch ticket yeah three days ago we all oh great job Tom you fucking loser yeah yeah anyways so the game is taken forever then it gets to halftime and I'm like I gotta leave at 530 because it'll take me an hour to get back you're cutting it fatty but I gotta also walk all the way back cuz just you got a

park and fucking east asshole so I'm sitting there and that gets to be halftime and I'm like maybe I'll just leave now it's only 430 but if I leave now I can get back to the hotel eat and watch the end of the game all right I'm just gonna do it I'm gonna make a decision because otherwise I'll have to leave in the middle of the quarter I gotta keep looking at my watch the game watch the game are you alone I'm alone I'm alone in general in my life sure so I leave at halftime it takes me same thing I gotta walk all because I came in the wrong fucking entrance I gotta walk all the way around my asshole up past my

elbow into my eyeball and out my dickhole sure and as I'm leaving now the game starts up as I'm leaving so about a hundred yards in the stadium and I just hear this roar and I still don't know to this day was fucking four days ago I don't know if they return the opening kickoff it was the first play from scrimmage but it was a huge wild play Iowa State scored but it was interesting to have the perspective of hearing the crowd from like a hundred miles a hundred yards away might have been more than it was probably I don't know I'm saying a hundred yards play like a quarter of a mile away but you just hear like over

the hill this like oh yeah I'm like I miss something good I could have stayed for that but I'm not gonna regret my decision I get back to the car I bomb back no a bomb back get to my hotel I watched the end of the game it's a fucking classic of course Iowa State comes back they kick a field goal with zero seconds of the clock to win it the crowd goes crazy I'm like oh I could have been there for one of the great games but I was still there but I had to make it back for the show so I don't regret my decision I'm trying not to regret decisions no regret would have been nice to have seen that game yeah yeah

Greta Gerwig had to go see about a girl but I hear you so I went into the shows the shows were great and fun and fucking whoo whatever and then also before that of course I had my big date with Ryan Hamilton the hammy went and saw the great society on Broadway on stage around Columbus 30 nuts what's that called there you know the place we feel it Chris Rock first black guy without a mop what's that called over there the Lincoln Lincoln theater I didn't know that Lincoln Plaza I don't know Chris Rock one guy with a mop oh he did the MTV movie awards 99 oh wow that was his big joke at the Lincoln theater they

said the first black guy without a mop it was like oh I was in high school like this guy's crazy I'm sure the one had a broom what's that you said I'm sure one had a broom oh he's saying first one without oh I see you're saying he had a broom instead of a mop well I'm sure there was another black guy with a broom yeah so that's not a mop right I see what you're saying I liked it yeah well I just didn't catch it well that's on me he probably should have said first black guy in here without a mop and with leather pants there's no janitors with leather pants that's true right maybe any Murphy janitors not with the pants though

you got the pants after the janitor for sure I guess you would you can be buying leather pants with janitor money yeah and it's hard to mop efficiently with that that restriction it's gotta be tricky to do anything with leather pants yeah you think doesn't seem fun the rock stars are doing it yeah Jim Morrison leather pant could you ever imagine no even putting one pant leg on even when I'm at like the gap and I'm putting on like a kind of a nifty outfit I just picture every friend from high school going what are you fucking crazy you know we should do is do a pod a live power we wear leather pants

who that would be fun that'll get some patreon's I'm down for that why we should sell this merch Tuesdays destroys leather pants for the ladies that's lunch yeah I'd like to see that well anyways I went to the play and great time we met at the diner over there that I love had a nice dinner went over there great play most plays I don't get I don't understand what the fuck I'm looking at but I've like read a few books I know this period of history real well so that was nice and Brian Cox was up there I love Cox and love cock and that was great not much of a story just a great time nice time had enjoyed it took

a cab home went to Des Moines the next day and you're in New York City you're soaking up the arts little little yeah you gotta live a little and then this week I got myself a big fat root canal on Tuesday morning now I get so much anxiety I feel sick the Monday before I'm just I'm sick with anxiety sure you want to just throw up and punch my own asshole as hard as I can I've got that today and oh yeah you're going to do the Seinfeld business yeah yeah insane cookie but so exciting that's and so I got the root canal I'm shitting my pants now I shouldn't be I've had three root canals and last time I had two at the

same time so I keep thinking I'm like I'm just having one I'm having half of the work I had last time yes I got through but that anxiety still creeps up into my p-hole and so I'm like googling how long I'm like what am I googling I know I'm the root canal guy you don't need the goog so no googling I'm and I go there Dr. Lynn now folks if you have a rookie if you need a root canal don't get so nervous I went in there and he's like the needle's gonna hurt that's the only part it's gonna hurt and I'm not I never have a hard time with the needle no okay cuz they know me up with the creams or whatever they put to come on your

lips sure so that doesn't bother me too much if that doesn't bother you this is gonna be a cinch and I'm like well now I'm worried about that cuz you're telling me this wait wait the come on the lips is gonna bother you well the needle in there the needle they put the they put a little gel on there that numbs it a little bit with the needle in where's it going into the gum they put it in the side of the cheek and then into the gums I couldn't handle it well you're gonna have to at some point I mean I have had needles in me but it that part freaks just seeing it coming that's like well you don't look oh I gotta look he said

it's best to keep your eyes closed I'm like what are you kid I don't open my eyes during sex let alone a fucking needle head no you boy yeah so anyways he puts the needles in that's not too bad the root canal was nothing alright 11 minutes I never even felt it I figured I'd be sore today it's a little a little bruising but the son of a bitch he burned my lip you can kind of see it still a little bit I'll show you the photos it was bright white whoa and I texted him like hey I think you burn because they use a little torch you texted him about a burn I texted him about the burn wow burn

after reading I've gotten so many texts about me burning vaginas but sure they use some kind of a zip-ball or something to seal it up and I go hey I think you burned me here you son of a bitch he goes looks like you bit it oh he fought you on it I'm like I didn't buy if I've been it to be bleeding and bruised right why it's a little hot white spot like yes this guy's Bernie Sanders I love Bernie Sanders there's a color of Bernie's hair but anyways getting better because the mouth recovers quick it's all those enzymes or microcosms or something will you ever have a cut and you lick it I feel like it helps it no I

never looked at cut what you got a cover there you go to one of these I mean I know what licking is well I'm just saying you never had that no I don't think so I'm telling you there are times I might cut myself just to lick myself and you get a little taste of that inside queef you know you're like oh that's what my blood tastes like I mean I've licked some insides before but it was my wife's you know seahole that won't heal that hole is gonna be there for a while these cups all heal I think it gets bigger yeah well not if you don't have a baby yeah even still you just stretches out I think over time it's wear and tear right

maybe but that we don't wear and tear that much I got a medium cock hole you're pounding and shifting and twisting and turning oh wow she's been telling stories about me oh yeah newsletter but anyways I got the root canal I gotta go back I gotta shave down but here's the bummer part here's the the seed for more anxiety was laid well the bottom he's a last time we did two tops he's like the top is much more difficult because it's a little more there's more roots and I gotta use a mirror so it's a little trickier because it's upside down yeah you know and something something else but I didn't tell him I have another two

than the top that's all fucked up that's gonna need a root canal too so now he planted that seed for the next one to do worse God you can't get away clean yeah and I'm scared and then while he was doing it he's like you got a small cavity the tooth next to it we'll have we'll fix that next time I'm like Jesus age but here's the clicker you just got it you just talked about easy it was took 11 minutes so just know that for next time I know but I'm saying that next time's gonna be more difficult but it'll be fine and it's all anxiety I'll be alright and so I got a nice fresh root canal was nothing to worry about and I

feel pretty good alright so far a solid week for you pretty good week go to the hockey game tonight and then DC this week chocolate sit tan well this is all past so this week in Laf Boston haha and for God's sakes I've put it out there I'm taking my own life if I don't sell out one of these Boston shows for God's sakes oh you're gonna hit a couple bones I hope to get a bone in my ass you're gonna get some family bone you're gonna get some thanksgiving we need something to do bone you're gonna be alright and maybe some local bone I like some local I like some just regular we're fans of you so we bought some bones yeah bone you'll get

some gays out there oh love the game alright I gotta spit this nugget at you and I'm gonna try to keep it tight but it's dense alright give me a dense nugget a lot of details here so I get hit up by this kid you know me I answer every DM because I'm immature and insecure and all around just sad and so this kid hits me up he goes hey man I got a weird one for you gig and Philly this guy's done it that guy's done it this guy's done it I go how's the money goes well if you sell it everything you make this I go let's do it pretty good money he's like we'll do make it on a Tuesday or Wednesday you should you drive in do the

gig get your money you drive out I was like alright great so we set up two shows they sell out like that I felt cool it's like oh look at me selling out room seats 25 people 25 25 so we throw another show on there that sells out so now I'm doing an eight a 930 and 11 that's exciting very exciting but I'm also like what the fuck am I getting into but I fucking the money's good he's letting me keep the door I'll drive there with a Ian Lara now what are the ticket prices a hundred bucks 20 bucks 20 bucks yeah well 20 times 20 is 400 times another five is 500 right is that right I don't know yeah I think you're

right something like that something like that yeah maybe there was 30 seats but it was it was weird but I'm like this is what's going on and every time we we exchanged I was like this is getting weirder because the money is good and this kid knows what he's talking about but I don't know so eventually this girl hits me up and goes hey I see you're doing the Philly room in temp it's right around temple she's a Philly yes break your heart and I go yeah what's up with that she goes just want to let you know it's in a guy's apartment what I'm like huh now I'm now I'm all intrigued so I'm like what do you what are you talking

much like hey I just want to let you know a lot of comments come out here from New York and they're blown away when they see what it is and I'm just letting you know I'm like well thanks for the heads up mysterious hero lady yeah but I can't back out now and the money is good and I'm hanging out with Ian Lara we're gonna drive down there so I was like I fuck it I'll bring some merch make a night of it so I feel like the merch I'm like that's the great escape where I'm just carrying dirt in my pants to just like let it out everywhere yeah I don't quite get the analogy you ever seen that yeah well you know they got it they got too much dirt

they got to get rid of it bring it around to let it out I got you I just got so much in there I got to let it out you know I gotta like carry it bring it places yeah he's not selling the dirt after the basketball game no no but he's gonna he's got to get rid of it okay that's something that's something there yes maybe more updated yeah and now maybe something all right well you really took the wind out of my asshole there sorry I just wasn't feeling it all right so I bring a bunch of merch whatever night the day of the gig I talked to Ian Lara goes I gotta pull out no no I know I hate to pull out let me jizz on you

please so he's he's got to pull out he's blowing up he just did a tonight show go watch his tonight show folks he's killer Ian Lara he's like I'm doing something in LA for HBO I'm about to be you know the next Martin Lawrence black I'm exciting yeah so he's like I can't do it so I'm like I'm scramble I'm texting Doug key I'm texting Doug Smith I'm texting all these people with wheels yeah finally head up DeVito Anthony yep love DeVito he's in oh nice maybe that's a get maybe a get pretty good get that's a great get are you kidding you're out Lara DeVito is in yep so DeVito picks me up we hit the road obviously we hit traffic it's a

Wednesday no Tuesday at like five we just go right in the wall of traffic but we're hanging out we just open up we talked about the ladies and the comedy and the career and sadness and gays and finally we pull up you've been a temple area a fellow university yeah I think I've been through there it's wild baby it's just run down bullshit on one side of the boulevard and then the other side is like a pristine university mmm it's so weird America yeah there's all these honkies walking around and then there's like you cross one street and it's just syringes and like babies crying ah yes you know like a can rolling in the wind

and a boarded up building spray paint mmm times are hard yes so am I so we pull up to this old apartment building and a squirrel kid comes out named Lyle cute kid about four foot one and he's like come on in I bring my three bags of merch and I walk in it's unbelievable it's a living room with a big TV the TV's got bar beer prices on it they got a full bar set up he goes give me your merch I go what do you mean he goes I'm gonna put on the table and we'll sell it for you wow then we go in the back he's got a green room what I was like what you got a green room and he goes yeah yeah it's just Joe's verb Bob's bedroom but we

curtain it off and we cover his just staying Casper and we throw a couple lawn chairs in there he's got a TV going he's got video games he bought us Chinese food this is a basic boiler room it's wild yeah it's like a backdoor card game so he goes you want to see the room I go yeah we go down to the seller the basement he's painted the walls brick to look like a comedy club it's got 30 seats in it it's got three camera men a sound guy a stage a curtain and a working microphone what this guy's bonkers unbelievable I couldn't believe this shit wow what is he a comic to ah he dabbles I think he like he interns at

helium or some shit wow but they can't be thrilled that he's built a comedy club across the street that's what I said but he goes no they're coming to the show wow like the owners of here not the owners but the manager and some whatever's are coming the GM's are coming by I was like this is kooky he's like yeah he sold everything people are excited you're here there's a lot of Tuesdays oh my god great so boom clock strikes 750 that place is jammed he walks them all downstairs he's taking money he's taking tickets I mean it's it's a well-oiled machine he's got an operation going on this can't be legal

gotta be some kind of better business bureau some kind of bureau he's gonna get Epstein in about a week but for now rock on and what's it called cave just cave cave comedy yeah cave comedy yeah yeah so we go down I go down the DeVito goes up has a fun one I go down wait you know first show bomb bomb bomb you bomb the house I'm so impressed with this kid and then all of a sudden I'm just like tanking I'm like sweating I'm like three minutes in like this is gonna be bad I was like trying to riff on the room you know and oh man was it a huge I ate my own out they should have put a big plastic tarp over that because it got

bombed wow it was ugly I mean that house hated me and you know that was the longest hour of my life I get off stage and I just run upstairs I can't even sell merch I can't take a photo you know you're frazzled yeah of course so then the guys like I've never seen it that bad oh like which doesn't help and it's like yeah yeah that was rough I'm I don't know what happened down there I'm so sorry that was weird I was like yeah what could you do second show killer third show even better just the whole thing is great the only problem was the helium people saw the first one oh no so they come up in the green room and I'm just

like I'm sitting in a guy's bedroom I've got TV credits I'm doing helium in Jude I'm doing st. Louis helium doing Portland helium next month he's probably reconsidering no they don't read if they know you they know it's the crowd they've been around they know the business well it's just a it's a weird dynamic I've been a guy's home I'm in some like teenagers home eating Chinese food on a lawn chair in the middle of a bad neighborhood it's a kooky situation he's got a trench coat on and slick back hair and a blackberry and shiny shoes and he's like well I'll leave you to it does he do this this guy who shows all week

all you're not all week but he doesn't you know pretty often he makes the living off of this shit this is amazing it's unbelievable it's very impressive what a hero he's like a he's like a Philadelphia feeder if feeder you know still sold yeah yeah yeah I mean it was really well done and it was gritty it felt like we were part of something like this is fucking cool and I think this kid in ten years gonna be running Carnegie Hall or some shit wow it felt like a story yeah so second show is great third show is great and then a third show I felt so good actually sold some merch blind kid showed up from Hawaii what I swear to God

that's the craziest thing I've ever heard in my life I don't know those blind people in Hawaii Hawaii's got problems so this guy he's got the key's got the you know the stick oh yeah the cane with the ball on it the little red ball that they it was cool because he was in the audience and every time I couldn't see him he was in the back but every time he laughed the cane jiggled oh nice cane jiggle Ray Charles out there yeah did he have a lay no no no he was a virgin now how'd you know he was Hawaii of no leg other than that I can't tell he brought it up a few times all right that makes sense but a cute kid came up and he kept

doing the thing where he'd be like can we get a photo and I'm like yeah sure and he's like all right and I'm like oh I'm across the room I have to run over the room and get in the selfie right point of the selfie at three other people and we had to help them and it was it was great what the hell do you want a photo for that's what I said what are you gonna do with this frame it he goes I'll show people I'm like all right well I'm flipping you off you know I'm fucking I guess it's cool because you still have evidence of the hang that's true I guess you know and you gotta realize how hard it is for these these blind folk to get

around now they have it easy if you ask me they got a parking spot they get their own books come on they got a dog I guess so yeah I guess you got a point there I mean I'm kidding of course yeah blind is tough especially in a fucking apartment basement a horrible nigga go outside somebody could kick that cane this guy's done oh yeah so yeah I know Hawaiian too he doesn't know this the cement but so um yeah so it was a great night and we drove back we got back at like three in the morning I sold some merch you know that I've down another four shirts so that box almost as a dent in it that's nice out of the 17 boxes that are in

there and yeah great time blind Hawaiian drove back and now we're here it's so if I'm going from apartment gig in the middle of hell to the beacon theater wow tonight is the beat now how you feeling about the beacon you're gonna go you're leaving this I'm gonna say goodbye suck my own dick and go home yep and you're gonna go and meet up with Jerry Seinfeld in this position yes but with Jerry Seinfeld it's kooky bananas wacko and topsy-turvy I'm gonna jump in the shower put on a suit and one of his rules was no black suit and I go well I got a blue suit but I pulled it out of there it looks pretty black now what do you think

about that suit that's blue you think yeah that's blue especially suit people suit people can tell they know they know what a blue suit in a black suit I've worn blue suits for nine straight years and then someone's like that's a brown suit and I'm like oh shit I thought it was blue like now it's brown I am I don't see color I'm like that was shits I take a big shit and it's green that didn't make sense yeah but you know your green shits because you show them to me yeah I love a green shit that cactus wow thorns and everything that means you could really take a pounding probably oh so well because of your asshole can dilate

enough to drop a log like that that means you could probably take a decent hog but that's one way like that that's like it's designed to open that way the other way is uh you gotta it's going it's in reverse a little bit yeah yeah I feel like the initial entrance and penetration will be a little bit tricky but once you're in there I think the asshole just go oh at this point it's just a it's just a boom boom it's like a dump yes and it's be brown also oh good point although my poops are all green I don't think I never take a brown poop all right I don't know if that's bad or brown poop isn't that the uh no never mind it ain't easy

being green but uh all right so uh yeah sign tonight I'll be we'll have a full report next Tuesday this is a buckle up this is a good tease because next week's episode's gonna be hot we're gonna have a fucking Seinfeld at the beacon and there's a pizza date if I'm not mistaken you got that right all right that uh here we out on this one I thought about this is this is where I lose it thought about putting the old phone in the pocket and uh hitting that record button yeah you shouldn't do that that's ridiculous that'd be a great patreon though that's what I'm saying I'm not gonna put it out

but for us we can have a couple uh chocolate milks just for us I couldn't listen to it be too painful why just because all any moment that you're like oh yeah like any like yeah I have like I tried to play a recording one time I think we did it the live pockets of the creek in the cave where there's some guy the cab driver was talking about religion and I was like all this will be funny I'll play it yeah recorded it and it's so embarrassing because it's maybe in like yes oh yeah oh I remember that totally I like yeah it is funny but it's still like oh it's humiliating right you always say something that you're like oh

that's brutal yes I remember I went after the Red Sox won the uh the American League championship in 2004 I went into the city and it was like rioting and wow we got shot with fucking pellet guns it was wild and someone like blew up a car I had a vcr what do you call it a fucking camcorder or whatever it was yeah it was a camcorder camcorder and uh someone lit a car on fire like a Yankee hat in the back seat and they lit a car on fire and I was like Jesus the video is amazing I had this amazing video but I was like it's gonna blow guys move back

this is gonna blow and I was like this isn't what it's about we're supposed to be it's so bad like it gives me like douche chills I know that I'm literally like the camera is shaking and I'm like guys this isn't what it's about move away and I'm like I'm doing the thing when it's gonna blow up which it doesn't even happen I don't think I don't think cars actually blow up I've been there but I was like everyone run back and we would watch the video and I have to play it for people on mute of course and then how about this I remember Joe Carroll who's a comedian I love he's like a he's great I just love him but he was

like you gotta send this to the police like you have evidence and I was like no I can't I can't and he's like what are you afraid of that I'm like first of all I thought they were gonna find out it's me and I get me but I was like I'm so embarrassing on the video I cannot submit this even if I had the OJ fucking murder I'm like I can't do it because I'm like oh he's cutting her neck right oh my goodness I can see her throat yeah he's wearing a glove I just uh it was so humiliating so anything recorded I mean even the podcast I try listening to it I'm like oh I gotta take

my own life same same I know what you mean what time uh it's like that Chappelle bit where he's like they record those police calls I can't stop crying oh yeah yeah shit my pants yeah but uh one time I recorded uh on a kayak me and my gal were on a kayak and I was in the back like whoa we're doing it and I was like this is too I got it was such a cool looking video is in it was in Puerto Rico we're going through these beautiful vines and trees the the audio is so bad I couldn't put it up I say to Sarah I'm like you have to tell me when you're recording because I I'm just saying random I know

should be recording just when we're hiking whatever and I'm like boy the trees really make you feel alive right I'm like you can't post it can't do it can't do it but so listen to next week it's gonna be a hot one and uh go to the patreon I think people don't realize how good this page I keep getting people emailing me like I went through every episode I wish there was more oh yeah well there are more there's a shitload more live apps and there's all the live apps which are incredible and then there's a ton of queues there's bonuses then there's us talking to other comics some of it like there's like a movie

reviews on there there's just bullshit some of there's farts on there all kinds of big names up there so go to the patreon five bucks a month maybe six three three a piece go that's nothing for a month that's couch change that's nothing yeah so live your life but live it up live it up live a little live a little thank you live a little give a little little people uh this weekend big weekend laugh boston 29th and 30th turkey day one show friday two show say come to the early show saturday i don't care about the late show i want to i gotta sell out either friday or the early show saturday

come to those shows and then the weekend after that uh december fifth through the seventh is hilarities in cleveland and they're so good to me they take care of me they pay me well so fucking come to those shows love that city love that food great club december fifth through the seventh the weekend after that of course is albuquerque new mexico santa anna mark and i co-headlining doing a podcast come out to that fucking show and uh what else do i have oh i gotta i gotta give it oh it's sorry you can cut me off here lafayette in louisiana and what's the date i can't remember which one's which i'm bringing some hats and some i got a bunch of

tuesday shirts now that i'm on the shirt racket i'm gonna bring all those tuesday shirts to santa anna baby so keep a lookout and brandon bills sent to some hats i'll give you some he sent them some some beanies some t-shirts oh hell yeah and i also want to say somebody let me put their mope my moped in their garage and i can't find it who it was so hit me back i need your garage he's got a garage in a story he's like put your moped i'll give you a key oh wow and it's gonna snow out here so i can't have the hog uh freezing the depth like some kind of uh holocaust victim come by the house i live in a story oh i will yeah come by i'll make a day out of it december 21st is houston uh the smiley group what's it called

the secret the secret group the 21st and then uh lafayette in the 20th so get some tickets to that and a bunch of good ship come up in the next year too i'm gonna do the comedy store in march oh nice gankfest oh we're not supposed to be talking about skankfest wasn't that right yeah we fucked up oh why not but moon tower that's out oh boy well anyways that's it for me all right all right yeah moon tower is gonna be bananas uh great lineup this year even though i'm way down on the poster but what can you do alphabetical aha that's why shilta's up top uh all right i'm in medford new jersey on december 6 that'll be fun i keep posting the link so get those tickets i had to pull out a hoboken santa anna of the blue room in missouri portland helium folks

oh parkland when i jackson new orleans uh right after daft of thanksgiving get those tickets punchline san franciskey yuck yucks in vancouver hello you've been asking about that when tampa come on by then we got toronto canada for the dark comedy fest whatever that is even though i'm pretty white comedy store lehoya got them comedy club in new york st louis helium and uh zany's in nashville and atlanta and a lot of stuff chicago and may quit ask me about chicago it's in may we got plenty of time and philly in june love chicago so uh yeah come on out get on the patreon please i got shirts up on uh the site get a shirt i'm obsessed with shirts i hate myself and yeah get on the patreon praise a lot it's like your own dick and uh take care of each other yes queef and nothing and eat it

goodbye