Tuesdays with Stories! - #330 Oxy Mormon

Episode Date: December 31, 2019

Hey hey Folks, we've got a different one for you this week as Mark and Joe bust out the mics from a hotel room on the road in Albuquerque and shoot the shit on everything under the sun. Check it out! Sponsored by: Feals CBD (feals.com/tuesdays) Subscribe to our Patreon for full video of the show, bonus eps, and all of our pre-2017 episodes www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy hello everybody let's open this up a little bit yeah we got the mountains in the background Santa Ana winds are blowing baby mountains win again look at

that how about this this is the coolest recording spot we've ever done probably we're about a mile away from a giant mountain kiss in the sky the shoulder the clouds are just nicking the nipple of that puppy I'm I'm moving this is what we've been discussing I'm gonna move across from here this is how I sit in the office with Alan there you go this is what it's like just like this all right we got it we're in Santa Ana but we gotta stop saying that I guess we're in Barulo or something like that Berna Leo Bernalio we're in Bernalio but we're on a reservation called Santa Ana reservation oh is that right and we're

outside of Albuquerque New Mexico we're recording the podcast on location yeah in our hotel room can you say adobe adobe what's that from oh I don't know that's Peewee's big adventure I visit the Alamo I thought you were asking me if like I can say it's a difficult word nice he word it's a kind of clay I guess yeah I think it's red yeah yeah like the people well we were talking about we walked to Starbucks this morning which was a three hour hike you can't even see it out the window on the seventh floor here three hour hike it was long yeah and arduous but we went to Starbucks and we were talking about how I prefer I love the

Southwest the mountain and this is like spectacular here this view and the Native Americans and the mountains and the Grand Canyon all that stuff but I'm more of a northeast northwest outdoors hiker guy I like the green I like the huge pine trees and the moisture and I even prefer the animals you got rattlesnakes and mountain lions here oh yeah but up north you got you know black bears and grizzlies and squirrels rabbits you like some fur on your animal you want a fluffy little bitch that's a good way to put it I'd like cuz even the forest feels furry yes and it feels like it harvests life this feels like death death

also it's scorpions and beetles and lizards yeah it's no fun it's all this bad atmosphere good band names scorpions the beetles yeah you know why cuz they got to live in harsh elements are there any tough are there any bands from the woods you got the well the more sports teams you know the bears and the lions and the lions yeah oh my but I don't get me wrong now don't write at me and be upset I do love the south way I do love the the prairies and the wide open the mountains in the background those are cool I just prefer Oregon main yes Washington New Hampshire Vermont I like that I like green this is all yellow and

yeah it's warm colors and it's dry it's just dusty sandy clit yeah it's the kind of thing do we talk about this recently was it you and I or someone else I forget who it was I'll think of it later I don't want to sit here and think about it but isn't it weird when you you can't understand people not liking the same thing as you I don't have that I don't have that but like don't you think we agree like you're like how is this don't you think this is so much better I mean that's so much like the greens would be so much better so you agree but isn't it weird to be like how do you like that better I dry and dead and yellow but

I think that's the spice of life otherwise you wouldn't have gays and people who are in Asian women you know you need like a good to have differences I'm not saying it's bad I'm just saying something like people that think casino is better than good fellas doesn't that blow your mind where you're like what and then party goes are you fucking with me you just trying to be different right well people are like the stones I never get I don't like that you're like you don't like the stones right right doesn't that like I don't you find it mystifying sometimes people like people like I don't like music yeah like I

don't understand you or like chicken people that you want to meet someone that's like I don't like pizza right you don't like pizza yeah you don't like ice cream what's wrong and your life is worse how about that what these are some of the great joys and we've gotten to this about about food about where I'm like you don't like asparagus or okra or whatever the hell up I don't even know if you do like those but asparagus I love now but I remember you grow up meeting you and being like you don't like this you're like well and I'm like you're missing out you're like well I don't like it how am I missing out right

good point uh-huh but that but you said but you do see what I mean yeah I see what you mean things we're like what how do you how do you like that better than that it's crazy yeah it's interesting yeah I guess and it's funny like I'll take a bite of cantaloupe I don't enjoy cantaloupe and somebody else take a bite and go that's good well that's an interesting thing like taste buds that's interesting as you like that's or sometimes it's texture a preference so I guess it's like food I understand more but maybe I'm a picky eaters that's why I understand it more but some things you like I guess some people don't have a

sweet tooth they're like I don't like sugar that's interesting I can not like a fucking cupcake oh I love a cup cupcake Royale in West Seattle mmm it's probably a few of them you know there's a few in Seattle maybe they're all over I don't know but they make a mean cupcake okay since sad I dream about it cupcakes had a had a re-surgeants and I feel like the late 2010s or whatever it's just like cupcake factory Magnolia's everything popped up with cupcake right Daniel the sometimes this food that's so good I think I could jerk off thinking about it well I think about like the waffle covered in maple syrup with

butter as I stare at I hop out the window they call it food porn yeah I think I could just beat off drizzling and you know you see like even like a like I try not to eat fast food but those burgers they look so good in the commercial it's just stacks of boiling or moist burger meat with that cheese melting on there with the ketchup and the mustard no question about it well I'm going to LA tomorrow as we record this is pre-recording and that in and out it's just so hard to drive by in and out especially when it's like you don't see it that often we don't have it yes it's special but this is distracting are you

that you should we'll take a photo and post it when the episode yes it's just a big mountain you feel something I'm getting an energy from that mountain oh yeah I mean I think they're very wide as wisdom and it's life comes from the mountain the snow drips down into the water you drink the water the clouds become snow and the snow becomes water and the water becomes Pepsi and it's right you know you need it it is magical and the mountains moved in the crusts crumbled and cookies are tasty that's how the cookie crumbles then you get that one guy goes how could there not be a god when you look out there and see

the water turns into a human which was a fish which is a faggot or whatever you know but you know like you can see it right there and it's pretty amazing but I still go that's nature and it figured itself out yeah it happened but I get I mean I'm a spiritual con tier but yeah the god they I don't know that somebody made it yeah also they made it why would they make it we get cancer we get anal warts you know like he invented all that too I guess really fucked up well that is like to me it's like more so than that like you need to have death you can't have life without death wouldn't that be crowded but yeah it'd be a problem but I

don't get like the pedophiles you got people adults fucking kids you could have really that's where I have a trouble I don't want to get too into religious one then we're gonna lose people here well but I have a hard time with people that are religious or whatever they're like God works in mysterious ways you know that's your reasoning for a cop out a kid getting fucked where was God why wasn't he protecting that child exactly he gets all the credit I mean this has been covered eight zillion times but it's like George Carlin's bit when they make a touchdown they go thank God when they drop the ball they don't blame him

yeah same thing well also it's it's a little bit so I feel I'm free we're gonna better off taking talking politics than this but I don't want to lose half the audience but it's also a thing of like so God blessed you he may you get your job but while you're doing he just forgot this kid that's getting fucked in a fucking the side of the highway or whatever that's that's crazy or like Greg Stone has a bit about it where he was dating a girl they ended up breaking up because his her father was in the World Trade Center she's like God saved my father and you're like what an asshole you are so you just thank God

chose to kill these 3,000 people and saved your dad yeah but you gotta I understand religion I mean I'm a spiritual guy I read a religious book every day and you know I believe in things so I don't want to shit on people's religion but those things make it difficult to understand I agreed and I also do want to point out that if you're religious you tend to be better people most people I know who are religious are like nicer quieter calmer rational not rational but they're they're giving and polite and whatnot and then people who aren't as religious who are maybe a more clear thinking and

realistic are more cunty that's true I'm a very cynical person yeah I mean religion is also I like the idea of religion and I think it has benefits cause a lot of good I don't want to say more good than bad but you got wars and again the cover-ups in that Catholic Church there but this is some heavy stuff we're into yeah well looking at these mountains it makes you really rethink your anal yeah it makes you contemplative quantum well we're also we've just been walking around conversing so the conversation keeps going into places and it's one of the fun things of life

do you find conversation to be one of the most pleasurable things in life I completely agree it's it's uh it's riveting it's it used to be playing on a playground was so fun and all that but this is really one over everything when you hit adulthood I feel like conversation it gets something going in you like get your goat you know you're a diner you're really getting somewhere you don't want to leave I know that's why I want to go to IHOP I'm like let's walk over there we'll sit down we'll have a waitress the waitress will be weird and ugly and fat and we'll shit on her and then we'll the butter will be too

hot like we're at Starbucks and I was like right away I could tell what's happening they forgot my tea and then you have that thing and then we had some rabbit you some toy a dog you press and jingles everywhere we're getting laughs in there you get into some adventures which I again a theory I've talked about I don't know if I talked about in the pod maybe I did but when we were younger I've talked about I've talked about this a lot because I have this new theory about like a lot of my depression and anxiety is from isolating and being lonely where when I was younger

I live with Tom Dustin and EJ Murphy and we were together all the time we ran errands together oh we would go to the bank together would go get a coffee to my he's like I gotta go to the DMV like I'll come with you right and then you just sat and watch TV like sometimes in silence for hours sure are you like what do you think about this like you're never watching TV with people anymore no maybe a game a big game a game but occasionally yeah and it's like quiet we're watching the game like back then you'd be like you flip it through channels you like when I watch this all right we'll watch

this right that's fun occasionally have it Sarah and I have I'm gonna marry do a comic I have a life partner so we do it a lot but even then it's like she's got to do some editing and I got to do this and you got a job yeah there's something fun about just continuous companionship which is nice about co-headlining I said that weird co-headlining yeah theater yeah well you can really get to that because you know in the beginning there's the ugly what's going on with you how's that what that weather how's your asshole whatever but then if when you

can really get to that comfortable you're being exactly yourself both of you and it's working right nothing better yeah it's a special it also depends on the person you talk about great conversation is and I agree but we've all been there we're like I've been with this guy three days I can't get three words out of this guy he's a fucking quiff he stinks but enough about our parents folks uh yes but that's also the thing of like that's what's special about our relationship and relationships in general because there's only about fucking 20 people that I feel that way with right

well 20 is pretty good yeah that's in the world is spread out yeah but even then there's only there's like four that it's like really great right right there's a lot that you're like okay that's enough for that I mean yeah just that walk to star but I felt like we had a that was a humdinger yeah we got it we should have recorded it I know but then you need some regular conversations that aren't sure but I'll tell you when I was I remember you know being mentally preparing myself for the Seinfeld hang and all that which was such a big deal and I was terrified and nervous I remember saying myself

I'm gonna go in and show them that I can hang I'm gonna I'm gonna I want to be one of those people in life that he could talk to right and I remember going in thinking that we have that we have that with other friends you know and I wanted him to see that I could do it because you don't want to be up there going what else is going on yeah yeah well this certain is one episode specifically of comedians and cars where you're like this is brutal oh there's a couple more than one I think brutal well what I'm thinking about by the way Sam has texted he's a couch guy thank you the couch is there it would be it's

too weird not to use it because it's so big see I feel that way but the chair we're talking about therapy there's a chair that Mark can't even visually never even seen the chair think about the chair there's a chair and a couch and Sarah and I started the debate of who sits where and Sarah thinks that men sit on the chair and women sit on the couch but she's wrong obviously because you're you're a couch and Sam's yeah I'm on the edge of the couch like this talking to him he's he's like right where you are that's the chair is closer the chair is physically closer I can see the chair you can lean in and get close

but the chair is physically closer than the coach all right and the chair's got arms and he's in a chair I'm in a chair the couch is too much and it's leather so you slip down I always slide down I've only said the couch once and I went with Sarah because it was like she can't sit on my lap in the chair right it'd be weird if I put her over there I'm all and the couch is three seats a couch is for three people but it's me like oh I got my own row oh I see I got my own I'm in a first class seat there's no row well you're not laying down in that thing you got no leg room I'm first class baby well I'll

put my feet on his dick there you go I bet he's packing oh for sure like women are turned on by him no Adrian and Sarah want to fuck him because he listens is that right it's a man listening and he's kind of a handsome guy yeah he's a 109 years old he's very wise I guess so yeah he looks like an old like an old toucan I bet his cock dangles oh yeah anywhere is all black he was in a street gang in the lower east a street gang yeah he was in a Jewish street gang which is a bit of an oxymoron you know that sounds like uh maybe a bake sale or something it's an oxymoron uh street tufts rob you street tufts they were quite taken by it um now what do you think about this I had an idea wait

I had something I lost at the couch oh I was talking to him about something he was saying we had to go to Beverly's room his wife's room she's a therapist next door and we're going in there it's like whoa am I allowed it's big and weird we've done a couple times in there and he said a couple times we used to use this room for group therapy and he's like nobody does that anymore the times have changed but like back in the 80s and 90s you'd have group therapy oh it wasn't a group of people that knew each other it was a bunch of people and he goes that was great because you could do you could practice what I'm talking about right then and there real time you could be like this guy why are you talking to me like that I don't want people to talk to me like that instead

of being like when you go home call your mother and tell her you don't want to deal right in the moment he could be like why are you letting them talk about that yeah and he said he said it kind of sad he's like no one does it anymore that's not the way because I think with phones everything's individualized and social media whatever but it used to be you'd just get nine people in there being like my dad hates me and he's like maybe it's because you're a fucking loser well you're a fucking piece of shit yeah I think you're right people used to I mean we're social beings and we used to congregate and that's why cities and villages start because you go there's a guy over there I want to go over there you need to be around people and we've really lost all that I think

that's also why comedy is getting so popular I gotta sit in a group and hear thoughts podcasts you want to hear we literally have to seek out a conversation because we have so few yes so you have to download a conversation and listen to it and go this is pleasurable that's part of depression yeah I'm phone I got I'm trying to get off the phone but every time I try something comes up yeah it's impossible and and also let me throw this at you fatty no stick it right in my ass well I my phone does this weird thing that I didn't even ask it to do where it goes uh this week you used yeah seven hours of screen time and in my head I was like seven hours of that is appalling that is so embarrassing I gotta get off my phone I gotta go get a fucking hobby take a

hike what am I doing and then I realized well wait a minute I do all my work on my phone yes I do my emailing I do my tweeting I do my instagraming all that shit messaging so that's a seven hour work week pretty much if you're not counting writing and travel but a lot of it is going through and looking at photos too yeah that's you can't give it all the seven hours that's true but Alan our therapist does help me with that too where he's like but don't you like I'm like I look at my phone too much I'm an addict it's crazy and he's like yeah but don't you work on your phone like I don't use my computer ever saying I never open my computer me too I just look at my everything's on my phone so it is emails but the problem is every time I go to send an email I go let me

check instagram twitter and facebook yeah and like oh look at her in the bathing suit all right now you're now you click on her name and then you go look at her whole page see but I don't even have that I'm only looking at my own shit I'm looking at my likes my insights my my tweets my like whatever my favorites and all that shit yeah yeah it's all the shit that I'm looking at I get my news from the news yep and then my comedy I don't even consume comedy most of the time so you watch the news on tv yeah I'm a big news junkie I've been watching less of it because I'm like this is I don't like again political but this impeachment business I'm a political junkie and a cable news junkie and I'm tired of it I'm like I can't watch anymore so I'm like

you lost me right I'm into this yeah most people aren't even into it this is like my scene I'm into history and politics and all the shit and I'm like this I'm done I'm bored what do you think about this theory about Trump about like obviously he's a wacko and uh I'm not a Trump guy but in a weird way and hang on to your hats here yeah I'm holding in a weird way he's kind of sparked something that's uh lit a fire under a lot of people's asses where like first of all ratings in news comma like Colbert Seth Meyers SNL Samantha B John Oliver way up everybody wants to hear about Trump let's talk about Trump let's let's rip apart this guy and news news stuff's gone way up and everybody's talking about it constantly I mean sure there's some heated

shit going on but it's kind of like he's so hated that it's kind of whipped us up a little bit which we needed maybe a little bit I'm not saying he's a good guy I'm just saying there's a factor here but I think it's brought out the worst in all people I think it's people that are on the right or like we gotta get guns because if he gets impeached we're gonna attack we're gonna it's gonna be a civil war right and then there's like a rise in hate groups and then the left has gotten way worse because comedians are just tweeting about serious things about Trump and they're not being as funny anymore that's a good and then they're like we gotta go we gotta kill straight white guys or the devil like you got those groups and then you got the right people on the right

being like we gotta get rid of these fucking Mexicans and I think it's brought out for the most part the worst on both ends of the political spectrum and it's just a tie I think people want normal I want it back to normal normal would be nice I want a president you just ignore that's just kind of like oh yeah he's some guy see this what's great about you sloppy jalopy I can just throw out a big fat humdinger of a juicy question and you have an answer you always have an answer oh thank well I have a thought that's rare I'm a thoughtful guy another worse than the I don't know what are you what are you eating what do you mean you don't know give me something well that's a bad conversational that's a bad god it sucks they're just like I don't know and

you're like all right well that was nothing at least try there's no trying there's nothing worse than when you have a topic and no one gives you anything yes how about this I had this recently where people never got thrown back to me I put on a topic and I want to hear I'm not just doing it so I can give my opinion I don't want to be that guy but it went all the way around never came back to me that's not hurtful you know my topic here's my topic you have a bar this would be better there's a bunch of people but I'll ask you you have a bar you're opening a bar you have endless money what's your theme what are you going with Irish pub southwestern vibe a pop bar a fucking sports bar dive what are you what are you going for what's your pick maybe you could go nautical you

could go sailing yeah you want a theme right you don't want to be TGI Fridays with a wagon wheel and a sled and a bowling pin and a trumpet yeah you don't want that shit that's a good question I mean it's a bit of a uh-oh you got a bad text handling so Samuel said coach Phil Hanley wrote always chair I cannot imagine the coach wow how about that so people are hard and fast on this this is just like the cantaloupe people have people are different people are people all right so what's your bar oh I haven't I mean I'd like to have a moment to think about it but I went to a bar in LA once and it was all like 50s airplane theme I'm talking like like catch me if you can what is that Pan Am yeah you know with the little wings and the the girls wore the little outfit and I was like this

is pretty badass the chairs were like metal and everything interesting I like that 50s is nice with neon and that vinyl is big I don't know if I would do it but I was like this is well done and they really nailed it but there's a bar in the Lower East Side called grandma's place and it's all it's the whole thing is uh crafted after your grandma's basement like there's a weird floral chair and there's uh you know old old records on the wall like photo albums and shit and it looks so badass interesting it's lunch I'd like to check that place out it looks like that 70s show like that basement right that's what the bar looks like I like that it's like a what do you call that a crazy orange shag carpet you know and old wood and paneling it looks so cool

interesting tweet at us get out let's get a little tweak or tweet at Tuesdays and the two of us and uh tell us your bar idea yeah I like what you're going I would go dive I want the rot the like a punk rocky gritty a million stickers right I would do that that would be my move but the hard thing with that is then you're creating that and it's fake you gotta pull that works best when it's been there for 30 years of course like Manitoba you know that bar I love that bar that bar has like a little some weird stank on it when you try to create it it becomes tough but I do I see what you mean black and white photos of the Ramones and you know whatever yes yeah what are you thinking there well I've used to Barton at a firefighter cop bar which I always said it's a great idea I

know people hate the police but it's a great idea if you want to have a good business to make your bar a cop bar with all the patches and the things and I'll put old baton because you get the police in your side you're gonna have no problems oh good like I bartender this cop bar first of all was underage they would just give me booze because they're you know corrupt or whatnot but like no one's going there there's no gang members going there there's no not a lot of fights breaking out there the cops will fight because they're fucking maniacs but you're not going to have a lot of riffraff no one that's looking to sell drugs or have trouble is gonna let's go to that bar where all the cops hang out so and then regular people like it too because they know

there's not going to be trouble yeah and people like civil servants and irish it says irish thing so I might drink and my family's fireman and I got to come from this irish firefighter so maybe that but that's also the most popular cliche kind of bar yeah cliche I shouldn't say cliche but it's a very popular kind of bar but I also like a nautical thing with knots and sails and a picture of the Kennedy you know JFK with his hair blowing yeah that kind of thing that white and blue yes I like I like a nautical nautical is enjoyable I don't want to go on the seat to save my life but I like nautical things oh I love the sea like a big wheel as big those steering wheels there and something nice like that yeah yeah a couple of ceramic uh seagulls up there yeah and a picture

of a big wave coming you know or like a surf kind of place surf I love because I love surf bars you know Hawaii Southern California that you know it's naked guys hot blonde hair and chicks I guess a lot of dark brown wood and then that turquoise blues yes pop sound yeah yeah I like that I like a surf bar particularly in a place that's not the ocean yeah so it's a little escape we got Jack Johnson and Jimmy Buffett going you know I love those guys and uh that kind of thing Tiki is nothing to sneak I love a Tiki bar but then you get a little cuckoo with the drinks and I'm in a Easter Island head and a straw with a fucking umbrella and a kiwi yeah because I do also want to appeal to the beer swillowy plumbers and stuff I'm with you you know what else isn't too shabby

is a speakeasy I mean you get a lot of mileage just out of that secret entrance you know it's a phone booth or a photo booth or a diner booth like kriftog John Wilkes booth yeah it's just uh that it's just a shitty hole in the wall to place the size of a shoebox but you go to a phone booth it makes it all fun you could do that all thing where your bartenders have pinstripes suits on and a tommy gun the waitresses got no pants on or whatever ooh I got a good idea heavy 1920s barber shop bar okay I'm talking you got a guy with a little white coat and he's got he's got the little white suit on or not soup but the the lab coat like a like a barber yes and then you got all the drinks up on the wall you got mirrors everywhere the bar stools or bar barber chairs

I like that uh-huh that's funny is it the arm bar thing that's there for no reason yes there we go okay that's good that's something what about just a comedy bar there's all these rock and roll bars this one's got carlin and prio but you have to have comedy there yeah you have to then people are into that all right that's no good all right all right you know what else I love and this is now we're just getting kooky I just love a back door poker room you know some guy's got a poker thing going in his in his apartment yes I love that it's a dude smoking and there's like a a fucking dealer up there I love that he's got the rake and everything I like uh Jimmy's corner is like my favorite bar of all time that's a great bar and if you ever come to New York it's on 44th it's right off of

Times Square and it's this last bastion of old New York oh yeah and it's in Times Square which is crazy yeah and Jimmy he was an old boxing trainer he's there all the time you might be dead by now but he's still there I think you train Muhammad Ali oh yeah there's oh and it's covered floor to ceiling the beer prices are still cheap and it's a hole in the wall yes and uh there's like big signs that let's not discuss politics here it's all over you're not allowed to talk politics there they'll yell at you that's old which is interesting uh even though I like talking politics yeah but that place is pretty magical but that's one of those places you can't recreate no it's there it's like that because it's been like that since 1961 or whatever don't you love that old boxing gym

look too that's a great yeah you know you got that weird machine that jiggles you you know it's got the strap the jiggle machine then there's a bell there and if you ring the bell they make you buy a drink for everyone in there because people want to ring a bell it's an old ringside bell like I actually use bell yeah people just want to hit it yes and there's a sign that if you ring this bell you're buying everyone a drink that is brilliant that helps everybody everybody wins occasionally people will do it people go boom I'll set them up that's great it's fun uh I want to go back to the people no one hangs out the group therapy thing and I hate to say Seinfeld again but there's a sweetness and this reminded me of you where he goes I go where do I go he goes

is one green room because he forces you to hang I like that how cool is that I like that zillionaire American icon who hates paparazzi hates all the cameras will say no to a photo do it to a nine year old dying a nine-year-old dying old lady goes that blowby bitch and he'll he's like but we got a hang it's just about being together by being you got to be in there that's like when I talked about before I volunteered on this boat the clear water was like Pete Seger's group that cleaned with the Hudson and I we volunteered I stayed on this boat for two weeks we helped kids we taught them how to sail and talked about the environment and all this shit and then we play music there was everyone saying songs it was really great it was like the best two weeks of my life

but they had a rule all the crew at the boat on the boat when we had dinner there was one conversation at the table only what that was the rule it was like we're having one conversation which I love that rule you can only do if there's like six or less people yeah that's a lot we had like nine of us but you'd sit in a circle and there's no because that happens so often yeah you break you start talking then we were talking over here and then I'm like I'm here in their conversation you can't quite focus yes it's like that's that's it one conversation at the table how about that yeah we went there remember having this uh it was it started right after they killed bin Laden and they were talking to a very hippie-dippy this group and uh they're to my

left politically and they were like it's crazy that we're celebrating this death of a man because I mean I know it's like he did horrible things but to celebrate someone dying is very strange and they were making decent points about it but I'm like I didn't want to speak up because I'm like I was in Times Square yesterday we just because canner and I when bin Laden got killed I was watching hockey and my my roommate Jay the Indian guy who was in the World Trade Center Samoan yeah he came out and was like they just got bin Laden I switched the channel I called my mother and I remember being like they got that son of a bitch and canner when as soon as he got home I'm like let's get in my car we got my car we drove through Times Square yeah we had rocking in the

free world going and then the ticker tape going people like and we drove all the way down to the World Trade Center they're building the fucking new World Trade Center and it was a huge party people going crazy chanting USA and uh you know I'm a Buddhist fucking loser but it brought joy to me I get it I get it we went down there we were part people were showing their tits which is a little weird I put into Brian Ballinger I remember him texting me be like what's this guy's name you're with I'm like Jason canner and then afterwards canner was like I'm glad he knew my name that was nice yeah that's awkward hopefully no one tells him that but anyways people coming together that's what it is it was great and then like two days later I'm on this boat and I'm like these people

know how to live and they're just like playing music and the environment and it's like a community and then they brought up all these points of like how strange that your instinct is to go celebrate no thank you all set well the housekeeping's uh wrap wrap bap it at the door we're good they never go away now we got it share patrice's bit no that's one of the best bits ever maybe I've heard it you know that bit about immigration it's about immigration and about like they're taking our jobs he's like we need these people he's like I go to Bermuda or somewhere some island he's like they have like just white people or do the thing they knock like this housekeeping oh no one's there yeah they leave he's like my hotel in America you got mexicans clean my room

the lady's like kicking down the door she's like I gotta clean your room wow he's like I had the chain on she tried to slip through that space he's like I'm cleaning and he's like go away yeah that's a great great bit that's a great bit because it's silly and funny but it's about a bigger issue yes he makes it the funny silly part stick out exactly he was good um but anyways I remember going they were talking about like how weird that that's your instinct is to celebrate and then I'm like maybe I shouldn't have celebrated but I stand by that one yeah no that's fun and the tits are there and bin Laden yeah come on we're having a good time you didn't do anything well also and it's that was my natural instinct was to feel good I'm like fuck that guy yeah I fucking fuck him

let's live it up baby because when you have so much someone brings you so much sadness but I do understand and I respect these people who like someone kills their son or whatever and then they like forgive them and they become friends with the murderer because they're like here's a sad soul and you're lost and I hope you I read those stories are always like these Buddhist books about forgiveness and stuff and there's something because just being angry you're drinking your own poison and all that shit but and something will just hate death and violence and bothers them like no matter who it is right you know like my parents for whatever it is they're they're uh disconnected people but when they watch a movie and somebody's getting punched they're like ah they look away I'm

like it's a movie this is a fake punch right they did a foley thing where a guy punches a piece of meat in the background you know it's all fake and they're like I can't ah and anything like like the good the casino with the with the bat on Joe Pesci where they slide his fat ass into that hole yeah they would they would turn that off they'd be like this is horrible I can't watch this well it is unpleasant it is but you also want to be like first of all it's a movie and then I think about comedy when people go uh how could you say it we're walking out you made a school shooting we're walking out of here I'm like this is all just you know yuck them up we're joking yeah we're joking then you watch the news yes exactly watch the news I never got it that's confusing there's

something about jokes we always go back to this dumb I joked it Louis always said it people don't like is it it got you it gets you it gets here it it you the joke wins you lose yes interesting that's their natural reaction I guess so who am I to say yeah that's how they react it's how they react but uh I want to say another thing about the southwest yeah tell me about the southwest well here we are notice we walked to Starbucks on the walk there we look to our left as a gas station it's called warrior fuel yeah and then you look to the right as a coffee shop called badass coffee the people here are just a little bit edgier they're a little harsher because it's all about surviving it's harsh country out here yeah then you go up to LA you go up to Portland they're like hey

man relax well cool out yeah life is good like yeah for you you got a lush tree line bank bank over here but you go down here it's fucking dirt yeah there's I think there's less jobs but they got yeah they got queefies cupcakes up there and a spa here yeah here it's they have actual just voodoo yeah yeah yeah it's a harsh country down here I think it's hot it's dry the shit's dead and there's less jobs and uh I don't know much about it's killing me that we're not out and about in New Mexico but we only had a day and a half and we got two shows we have to do a podcast no car um but yeah Sarah's out at meow wolf I kept saying meow mouse meow mix yeah well we're we're we're doing it up we're hanging out we're getting to see each other and we're still

doing two shows did a live pod and the show last night the stand-up was killer that was a rocking show great show thanks for everything that came out people flew in for this yes we're bumping into people in the hotel like hotcakes out here yeah we had breakfast in the hotel breakfast nook and we see some people from the show then we bump into them in the hallway and they gave us a bag of fireworks yeah we got fireworks we're gonna go light them off I have it in my hand here it's a soaring spirit which is what we have gold shower oh that'll be fun I've been there amidst showers of sparks used only under close adult supervision for outdoor use only fuck we're gonna do it in the room place on level surface do not hold in hand light fuse and get away you're gonna be that's

gonna be your job buddy you got it so we're gonna go out in the desert they gave us another thing this is got like uh this one flies in the air yeah you light it and it's it spins so then it takes off it's a military satellite oh so where do you light that oh here's a wick here wick heart grisard wick this side up okay well that's gonna be fun we'll go out into the woods and light some fireworks what she said is kind of a southwest tradition yeah which see again that these people are a little a little zippier they got an edge they're a bit off yeah if you ask me but they were they were a good looking couple cool couple oh yeah oh yeah they're fucking um every time at the time a firework blew up about an inch from my nose and my hearing went out for like a four minutes

no kidding yeah we were did you have that I did I had the mmm and uh we were such rabid lunatic kids that uh one day for new years we just got blackout drunk just drank a ton of vodka I barely remember it and I was like guy shoot me and I just went out into the the lawn and they were just like sitting on the porch going pew pew shooting me with fire what do you call those uh roman candles oh my god and then one guy threw a cherry bomb and right at landed right at my feet and I went and it never went off and I go oh I'm throwing it back and I reached down to pick it up and it popped oh my god and it got me right in the eyes and uh hold my face was black like wily coyote or a Trudeau and uh my ears went and they were going you guys see the mounting like

right but I couldn't hear anything oh god that's scary chitcha chitcha cherry bomb oh you're gonna say chitcha changes oh there's also chitcha chia and chitcha chitty chitty bang bang yeah there's a lot of chitcha's why isn't it what's the chitchu train I think we like the chitcha why is it the chitcha how come there's no cook it was a cook okay okay there's no you know there's a gala lack you want to know by now there's ba ba black sheep but that's different it's ba ba is what they say ba ba ran also oh yeah ba ba black sheep ba ba ran yeah then there's uh my generation oh yeah that was a mistake originally oh really yeah he stuttered daltry stuttered and then they kept it in there mmm and other bands have since done that yeah that's bad one of my early jokes every

tell you this bit I was like don't you hate when people claim songs as being like their song like this is my song yeah I'm like dad you're not bad to the bone right you have a ba ba ba bad speech impediment but that's it yeah that was one of my big bits that was 20 I remember a this song born to be wild when I was a kid it's like stuck to me like hit me in the soul I remember when I heard that I guess I thought I was born to be wild that's where heavy metal comes from what heavy metal thunder that's the first use of heavy metal is that right yeah look at that well I love that song so much as a kid that I remember going dad let me borrow the keys and I brought a tape recorder into my dad's car and played oldie station and just sat there for

hours hoping it would come on so I could record that's what is interesting we're at this fun weird age where we're at the internet age but we're also that age we got both I remember I went and saw Pearl Jim they played Last Kiss for the second time first time they played it was in Philly then they played it a couple nights later in Boston and we were all like what is this weird cover and that this is an old song they play we just wanted to hear it again yeah then they recorded it for like a single a benefit but they hadn't released it yet so we had to wait for FM radio yes and then you'd record it on the thing yes how we got it exactly you spend a day doing that yeah it was fun it was it was it made it more special it's like they always say like when the peanuts

Christmas thing came on it was like holy shit you were running from the other room but now it's like I got the I got the DVR got DVD and you never watch it and what's interesting now is like every song that's ever been recorded I can just I have Apple music yeah right there I get in it boom it streams that's gotta change people it is there's a button on your remote to rewind TV isn't that insane yeah when you really think about that that changes a whole generation's thinking process because you don't have to wait for anybody you have complete control of everything well and it breaks down the community thing we've been talking about where used to be we all watch the same thing at the same time yes wherever the whole country is watching The Wizard of Oz

or Ed Sullivan show it's eight o'clock on Monday and we're all going to watch and isn't this crazy thing about in our family parents lifetime there wasn't VCRs no no like you saw a movie and that was it that was it you'd have to own a film canister or hope that it came on TV occasionally that's so funny you say that I was I rewatched Cool Hand Luke it's on Netflix I love that movie me too and I asked my dad I was like did you see that in the theater he goes yeah you had to be like oh my god that's so blowing it blew my mind because now it's like I saw it in the theater it's almost a brag right and back then I was like yeah if you want to see cool look you had to go to the movie theater yeah what else are you gonna do Blu-ray I couldn't just say 35 or 39 one of

my favorite movies ever oh man don't you just uh you want to be Luke like he's so stoic and see these uh what he could soft spoken but yet he's so tough oh that's all I wanted to be I love that fucking movie I love that guy when he plays plastic Jesus and it's so great drag line I hated but he's funny he won the Oscar George Kennedy take it off here boys uh boss that's a fun great film a lot of a lot of uh you know Dennis Hopper's in there Harry Dean Stanton's in there and uh the woman cleaning the car is like unbelievably gorgeous that body was like how did you find that woman she's like a a a mythical creature pretty good pretty good just Jessica Rabbit there's a reference in that to that in the sandlot oh yeah yeah remember um when the uh the what do you call

the lifeguard is up there getting up there and she's like she knows what she's doing she knows it's directly from cool hand Luke you're right it's an exact scene and line yeah isn't that fun she knows exactly what she's yeah she knows what she did yes that's fast Wendy peppercorn yeah she is so hot oh yeah I like the original better sandlot no no the original woman oh yes that body my god and it was curvy you know we always uh we got we like a skinny woman now curvy wins I mean look who's who's bigger Kardashian or the other one Paris Hilton it's Kardashian any day all right they like the curves you want to curve men men want to curve like a curve ball um oh I had another thing I lost it maybe you'll find it oh I got it oh great I'm getting better at getting it and I

think it's because I drink less oh that's good that helps yeah drinking more really uh I couldn't remember anything yeah keep that brain sharp yes uh the community thing when I was a young whipper douche my brother was a a boy scout and so we'd go and my dad was like a volunteer cub den pedophile whatever it is and he would go out with him so we went to Albuquerque or one of these places and uh all these parents are around and the kids and the kids make knots and tomahawks and kill you know spiders or whatever the hell they do and blacks and then at night we have a big bonfire and all sit together and just bullshit and it was super weird because I'm like eight my brother's like 12 my dad's my dad's age and you're sitting there with all these moms you don't know

and dads you don't know and cubs and teenagers you don't know and it worked you sit around a fire all you got is the stars and a conversation and the first 20 minutes are like how about those mets and then two hours in we're playing charades we're laughing there's a headlock going yeah there's a grab ass happening well nothing gets combo going like a fire because again it's spiritual it gets the juices going it's ever changing it feels alive it needs oxygen it spreads over here it spreads over there there's sparks flying off of it it's high it's low it's hot it's hot it's dying fix it you gotta get some more wood don't turn it over Johnson flip it at one you know move that rock and it's very meditative because you watch a log become smoke and then the smoke disappears and the log is

gone that's good the matter cannot be created or destroyed or whatever and it's just fun you watch this big fresh log become ashes that fuel the next log uh-huh it's very uh meditative situation i love a fire i'm obsessed with fire yeah i love a good fire you're you're a pyromaniac yeah my my dick gets fire he's covered a couple months that's right yes and we poke at that too and and the cool thing is the next you know you all go to bed next day you wake up you gotta come in your eye and then blood in your asshole and you look at that fire it's just a bunch of wooden ash and white ash and you're like oh that was a whole thing last night now it's just bullshit and sometimes it's so hot if you have a good rock pile you can get you can start restart the fire

from those ashes that's right and then it's back to the same fire it's really something i love the movie backdraft ashy larry yeah good times oh i'm getting all my reflux in the smoke and the talking it's starting to affect me oh yeah well i'm i'm so glad like back in the day you're kind of like oh i gotta go camping with these fucking losers and now i'm kind of glad i did all my parents made me do all that even going to see my family my dad's like we're going to see your grandma i was like ah but i get it now he's like hey you should know your family hold on one second here's sodar's response oh god he's a couch guy he's a couch i knew it sodar's a couch sarah i got everyone texting me now sarah's uh so me and haley are coaches i mean our chairs

that's interesting wow interesting interesting well handley's uh he's all about it's handley so he wants that chair you know he's like i don't you know like this this chair i want i want one thing to hold me because i'm me okay i gotta i gotta tell i gotta fix to fix this later here this is very interesting because again sarah had this big theory about the couches but it looks like most people are couch people yeah hi folks do you experience stress or have anxiety or chronic pain or have trouble sleeping at least once a week you're not alone many of us do oh yeah yes well this episode is brought to you by feels cbd feels is a premium cbd delivered directly to your doorstep what does fails feels do feels naturally helps reduce stress anxiety pain

and sleeplessness it's easy to take place a few drops of feels under your tongue and feel the difference within minutes mark i know you love this shit tell them about it i do i have horrible sleep i can't fall asleep i can't doze off can't turn the brain off i pop a few of these pups and it's just easy breezy you know because actually the key to falling asleep is just shutting that thinker down you know just those horrible thoughts childhood or the the bedwetting you name it and so the cbd just just mellows you out and it's not a drug it doesn't get you high like that but it nicely knocks you out so you can sleep calmly so feels has been feeling my best every day and it can help you too become a member today by going to feels dot com slash tuesday and you'll get 50

percent off your first order with free shipping good lord that's f e a l s dot com slash tuesdays to become a member and get half off automatically on your first order with free shipping feels dot com slash tuesdays all right so we're we're we're cooking now yeah yeah baby i think this is cooking are we cooking we're cooking and we got two shows tonight and i feel good doing comedy in this town because one you never done it here two these people are coming out and they want to see us and three we're a couple of new york flame throwers you know we're flaming we're throwing flames all right yeah they're like look at these fucking queeps whipping out the fire yeah that show was hot the first show we did stand up and i thought it was hot i felt like we had this our

man a jay open up and he was really sweet as pie he's got some jokes too yeah he's funny guy he's been at eight years he said yeah but never listen to the podcast the whole time i was thinking this guy was shitting his pants being like i'm with liston norman here tuesdays mr and then he was like what's the name of your podcast what goes on and he did this i tried to listen to one episode you never hear the try hate to hear that don't you hear hate when people say they tried to listen yeah and i get it look it's the cantaloupes not for everybody and then we asked him to be on the show and i felt bad because again he's a young whippersnapper a sweet kid probably a catholic boy got a daughter and he's got a kid and then we immediately went into pedophilia and rape and

gays and blood and shit yeah welcome to our brain a jay and he looked a little nervous but he did a great job and uh the pod was tricky it's on the patreon it'll be on the patreon you can hear it yeah but i got a little i was a little anxious it was up and down we had a lot of heckling going on we went dark we went blue and we went into the paint as they say yeah it was a little crazy but the stand-up show was killer killer show hot crowd thanks for coming and what happened was a lot of people that were at the stand-up show came to the podcast yes so by the end of the podcast they had been there for four hours and it's that's friday late show as well you know that means they worked all week and they saw two shows back to back of mostly pedophilia humor yeah so

we thank you all that came up but then afterwards they all bought merch they all said they loved it they all took photos so i gotta remember a lot of times like this episode particularly they might not be dying laughing but maybe they're interested in enjoying it you hope you hope yeah these were good and i gotta say from a selfish standpoint after these uh corporate anal rapes i've been dealing with i need a hot one like that yes i've been taking it up the pooper dry with an ashy dong and uh you go maybe these jokes do suck maybe i'm not funny so when i got a hot one and you got a hot one it's just like all right these are our people these jokes work blow me a corporate stiffs there are people and we appreciate you guys and our fans are

so nice i feel like we have good fans they bring gifts one guy made pottery for us yes harry pottery he made a teacup thing i forget what you call it but he made it out of pottery in his own clay he goes and gets the clay he used to live in brook i met two people last night that lived in one historian one brooklyn that moved to new mexico yes which is very strange i mean money goes a lot for they probably live in fucking mansions after living in williamsburg and i bet they killed a kid or something you don't come out here for uh legal reasons yeah maybe he was burying a kid and then discovered clay and now he's making pottery well this is a burial ground yeah good point aha yeah he made me a whiskey glass out of clay clay aching one lady i feel bad i don't know if she's

a tuesday or just a comedy fan but she lived in astoria and she mistook me for john fish he was like do you have a bit about the sushi oh wow that's john fish but then she was like i'm so sorry i'm humiliated and i was like i don't care it's a great bit yeah you thought i had that great bit it's his big bit that's not insulting to me no we're both from boston we're both white guys it is a little bit of a bummer though when you're on a show with you know and in tahiti and and there's a guy opening for you and he's got a bit about uh planner fascia isis and whatever and they come up to you like this it's about isis head's cutting off i don't know and they come up to you go that planner fascia isis bit is great he's like that was the guy before me he had a toe ring and a sole patch don't confuse us

that sucks and there's also something that sucks when you do a set like usually like a 15 minute set or 10 minutes in the city and then a comic comes up and goes i love that bit and they name the one bit you've been doing for five years and the rest is all new you just want someone to give you a thing of like that new ones huh i know like i like that one bit and then you're like oh that's like my a closer that i just threw in there because of this right right you always want that new one to get the oh that's good yeah that's true you know when you're bombing and one joke hits and they go that bit's great you're like yeah i know it's what fucking hit exactly i hate that but hey to eat your own and jizz and your mom yeah we should be grateful for any compliment by the way

it's been fun we should have done a uh what do you call that not stop motion time lapse because the entire sky has changed completely the time we've been recording this yeah it's all overcast and uh it's wild what the hell are people doing in this town my god well the traffic is horrific here it's crazy it's insane there's eight people and the traffic is backed up to back to Santa Fe yeah also it's kind of fun that albuquerque is such a big part of comedy history because it bugs bunny i took a left at albuquerque oh and then huge you know who's from here is uh marin mark marin is from here oh the one jew out here yeah salty jew yeah isn't that interesting yeah i think he's born in jersey jersey guy moved here when he was eight i think something like that

jersey the most condensed city state state people wise i mean yeah i love new jersey most underrated state i like it too because people trash because they have the jersey sure and the highways gross but then like it's so beautiful we've probably talked about this before yeah i think we had spring steam but speaking of spring steam every guy that walks up this dirt road it's like a spring steam song oh there he is that's the guy oh wow i was saying oh that is a different guy but it's a little fucked up walks yeah he is i was saying this i feel grateful i'm like always worried about my reflux and i'm watching like this old guy with a busted hoof and he's fat trying to walk up the highway oh yeah and he's one of those guys where he walks like his shoes are tied together i don't

little bitty steps how you dealing with that because i just i eat so much garbage and i like whiskey and i like hot sauce and i like dirty pussy you know it's gotta be tough that you're very you're handling it very well i mean you talk about it all day long but you're handling it very well i know i almost got divorced my wife hates me but it's tricky but then you just find other things that you kind of like and enjoy and i've been cheating which sucks and that sucks that's why she hates you yeah it stinks how about those guys who laugh at themselves wouldn't you wouldn't you like to be a guy who can crack himself up every now and then yeah every once in a while i'll say something that i'm like that was really funny yeah i mean there's a big comic

who i'm a huge fan of and i think we both respect him but he laughs at his own lines on podcasts and he's like and i'm like that must be amazing what you can make yourself laugh you would never need a movie again yeah i think sometimes it's a punchline indicator oh i need a joke so that's why i'm laughing i guess so yeah yeah i don't know i mostly hate myself though yeah same i say anything i'm just embracing myself like oh they probably hated that i feel that way too most of the podcast i'm thinking about things i said earlier in the podcast and then i think about all the people that i know listen i think of each one of them individually responding to what i say all the i'm like top to car hated that and fucking whoever else yeah i'm like sean sullivan didn't

think that was funny yeah i'm like i i'm just thinking about these people and i'm like oh they're gonna hate me that's why those brooklyn rooms are so tough sometimes because i'm like you thought that was dumb you saw right through that you like i'm looking at a guy with with glasses and a weird haircut i'm like oh you know what i'm doing you think i'm a hack and i'm losing but i think about that way with the tuesday's crowd too where i'm like oh i'm doing a bit that i came up with on the podcast and they're like uh i know what this is about and you're like shit but i'll tell you once you get over that and stop because you know they say overthinking is is the cause of depression and once you can just go ah kiss my ass overthinking it's a great life yeah and i have waves of it

right because i'd always come creeping back where i overthink and the seinfeld night i wanted to kill myself i would have put a hot poker in my own asshole if i could but if you just go ah it's not as big as a big of a deal as you think top two cars going huh what are you talking about again i don't know i didn't even notice you said that yeah well a lot of people are in their heads too yes top two cars probably like i didn't know you knew that i listened yes and that's why you get the certain people with the good conversations you need a guy on your wavelength or gal right that brings it all back around that's what's great about comedy yes if you meet comics that think somewhat like minded yes exactly which is also why these people who come in here and go

you can't joke about that you're like oh wait you're breaking the whole system up we had this like minded thing and now you're you're throwing a wrench in the gears well that's another time i'm overthinking now is when you bump in because we say all this stuff in pocket you don't know who who's listening but isn't saying they listen yeah i'm worried you bump into someone like one of these woker people and they're like i'm talking to them and i'm like it's going well but i'm afraid they're like i heard what you said yeah you said fucking fag or whatever the hell and i'm like ah they hate me i heard the greatest point this kid rob i don't know if it's the greatest point but it was a great point that i haven't heard yet let's go away rob has the greatest point

well it was a great point not greatest but i hadn't thought of it and i never heard anyone else say it and i blew my mind he goes everyone judge you on your material you make a gay joke and they go what are you homophobic i heard that joke i heard your act and you go well it's my act if we're going off of acts then bill cosby is the nicest guy on the planet right good point he's his act is obviously just bullshit you know because he's a rapist it's an act it's an act we're acting yes and so what you go off my act is is basically going like yeah you're trying to find something if you're gonna have my act you gotta go off his act right because if you want to be consistent that's the only way to do it so then he's a he's a saint yes and that i always feel that

way too where i'm like a lot of these people that the the wokers people that are like you can't say that and that's bullshit if we talked politics in theory would probably agree emotionally yes but that's not funny right if i'm like wow these people have suffered greatly and uh i'm like what's so funny about that yeah it's funny to be like i hope he dies fuck that guy well you know what is it is in a wheelchair you should get up and walk all this lazy asshole in a wheelchair people like that's horrible i'm like well i'm kidding well yeah it's all those agreement comics they suck they can't get a gaffer chuckle a tee he so they gotta go hey we we think uh trump's the lunatic they go yeah yeah that ain't comedy yeah i'm like yeah let's have a conversation about privilege

we'll be on the same page yes for most part it's called a comedy club there's a there's a sign on the building no i'm joking are you serious no i'm joking yeah uh i had to have to be so jokey i'm a comedian i had a guy on uh i put posted a video on instagram as you do of some fucking joke and some guy goes uh oh my god are you serious like meaning like fuck this guy this is offensive like are you seriously you think that i mean i wrote no i'm a comedian and he wrote back oh right which was nice right because you're like yeah yeah i'm a comic you fucking retard get out of here well that's part of it this is what louis always talking about is comic this is the problem with comics posting so serious all the time because people don't say here's a serious tweet and here's

a joke tweet so comedians keep saying serious tweets now it feels like okay comedians are tweeting serious stuff so when we tweet a joke people are like is this a statement right no i'm joking it's twitter yeah so it's the problem with fucking every tweet being like trump some misogynist whatever and again i'm like i completely agree but it's like you're a comic on twitter you should throw some jokes out there exactly and i'm like can't you quietly give money to uh candidate and then talk in private to people like this is the candidate you should be voted for right which i think that's something i try to keep them separate because this is my job yes yes exactly you're working and it's the same with some uh corporate stiff suit guy who goes i can't go on

social media and make a pedophile joke because i get fired it's the opposite with us because they're on the clock at work making pedophile jokes whereas we're on the clock at work making pedophile jokes because that's our job right does that make sense it makes sense all right well that's the thing people like you have a responsibility to do this i'm like i have a responsibility to be funny of course and for people to enjoy listening to me and it's mean to go out there and not be funny because people are paying money they earn to get a laugh and you're not giving it to it's rude it's rude and selfish might i add but speaking of fish how about those dicks oh those dickfish those were fun yeah but that's this is new year's eve now it's past oh people don't even know what you're talking about now

so it moves quick yeah by the way happy new year we got we got to kind of wrap it up here my throat hurts oh yeah we're and i'm hungry one hour but uh boy what a what a strange episode this was i feel like we took some peyote and just people got a sneak peek on our little mental mind trip yeah got weird and it's new year's eve so i don't know if you're probably not listening to this today maybe you're listening to it on new year's day but new year's eve you don't hang out till night so maybe to listen to it in the morning true true where you're gonna be uh i'm at i'm at san francisco punchline so we gotta figure out a recording because i'm there the second yeah we're gonna have to we might have to do a phone call thing or something people hate the phone or i know

we're gonna have to figure it out people email us yeah with how a few people have sent us a thing email maybe shelby or tweet at shelby yes classic shelby how you do because people have told me if we each talk on the phone but we each record our end on a zoom like this you can splice them together and it's not that hard right that sounds hard some trick also if we skype that kind of counts this video i don't know if people want to see up our noses for an hour but it's something yeah people do it i just listened to a tim ferris podcast he was talking to guy all skype and the sounds a little weird but first of all don't be such cunts like i listen to it within 30 seconds you adjust and you're like oh that sounds normal right right right so we'll figure something out but uh happy

new year 2019 crazy year what a year career wise politically uh news wise everything was kooky there's a while and end of a decade it's not getting any attention this is the last day of a decade wow that flew uh because it's like the aughts or the team the teens like this yeah we're back in the teens so it's weird this is a whole decade and uh end of a decade this is the first full decade i lived in new york city oh interesting here's a here's a new year's fart oh it was nothing it was a little damn it's a little nothing little bubbles like this like i hit a bubble you know oh was that it yeah that was weird you know it's weird as my gal likes when i fart because she feels more girly interesting isn't that a weird little blip into the mind of a woman well why don't you hit her and

take a shit on her chest i mean isn't that like a manly thing or something degrees but i think i'm with you i hear you i on the logic part but i think yeah it's logical to hit her and take a shit on our chest it is i mean if you're going off of a logical scale of like okay you like this why wouldn't you like it up to 10 degrees yeah like if she likes a fart she should want to watch you take a big log download of huge shit well it's like when these come guzzling corporates go we want you to be edgy that means that fart into a mic that doesn't mean uh talk about uh anal rape right right um but any who end of a decade hell of a decade and uh thanks for listening oh yeah i i don't even know my dates because i don't have my calendar with me but i

got madison coming up in a couple weeks comedy on state in madison i think it's january something i'll put it on my website or google it look at their website and then i'm coming to the oma ha funny bone we got skankfest coming up we got uh vegas yes we're doing vegas again me mark veder vekyone uh maybe arie possibly arie that's gonna be march 30th through april fifth i think yep come out to vegas comedy seller vegas and uh i'm gonna be recording my album soon at the village underground i don't know the date exactly might change so oh that's exciting sell that out yeah i'm hoping and uh yeah check us out on instagram like the videos comment on the videos go to the youtube subscribe to that give us nice comments to get it up the algorithm

and uh keep supporting us we really appreciate it and have a great safe new year's eve here here well said there chubs thanks uh i'm gonna be all over the road my my agent's been doing a lot of blows so she's really up the ante here i'm doing a one nighter in oma hall coming up it's all on my website one nighter in kansas city i think i'm going to wichita i'm going to demoin funny bone i love that i'm going to vancouver i'm going to toronto i'm going to chicago in may saint lewis out Tampa some other stuff it's all on the website i'm sorry i'm i'm blanking i'm gay i know i'm stinking at this so uh yeah tune in tell a friend get on the patreon for the live

apps t-shirt at podcast merch i've got shirts on my website and uh yeah follow us on the grams yell at chipotle get joe a starbucks card and uh uber's always fun we'll see you in hell happy holidays brazilla happy kwanzaa