Tuesdays with Stories! - #334 First Ryman

Episode Date: January 28, 2020

Holy hell, we've got a lunch ep for you this week folks as Mark travels to Tampa Bay to do stand up with Cowhead while Joe goes to Nashville to see Brandi Carlisle before a kook follows his home. Check it out! Sponsored by: Feals CBD (feals.com/tuesdays) & Away Travel (awaytravel.com/tuesdays20) Subscribe to our Patreon for full video of the show, bonus eps, and all of our pre-2017 episodes www.patreon.com/tuesdays We have have NEW t-shirts. Get em' here! www.merchpump.com/product-category/tuesdays/

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe less Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy hello everybody welcome to Tuesdays with stories it's Tuesday where gay and I tried to come up with something fresh and new but we're buying sell yeah I'll

buy and sell you for 20 but everyone people say that no I don't buy and sell yeah no I don't remember that really and so you up and spit you out that one I remember yeah that's real chewy up and spit yeah at least you get spit out by the way that's true because we get spit out you got another shot at it right right your mangled yeah you're back out there with some saliva and a dog might lick you up or something but if you chew you up and swallow you now you're living in intestines I don't know where you are good point by the way a dog will really eat anything oh yeah my friend knocked his tooth out skateboarding

popped up knocked his canine right out ironically canine and the dog ate the tooth no kid we had to wait for the dog to shit the tooth out and then he put it back in his mouth no come on yeah back out what's that what he fished it out of the pool the poo oh wow you gotta sterilize that thing shit breath we purelled it we cleaned it we put in a cup of milk milk we thought that would help because milk is good for your teeth does a body good I guess and a tooth is milk good for your teeth oh yeah like the calcium and stuff but that's probably all change I'm banking on this thing I don't do any research someone

told me that cholesterol is no longer bad certain cholesterol isn't bad and eggs are okay now eggs are good because I hope that's true because I'm eating eggs every day same three four eggs a day sometimes seven eggs eight what are you cool hand well 35 or 39 but taking it off here boss I just enjoy an egg and so every morning I'm starting with egg and cheese which also has cholesterol but now people keep telling me that fat is not as is good that is good sugars bad fat is good yeah so I don't know what's what is out fats in and tuna has a lot of cholesterol hmm swims upstream well salmon helps decrease your cholesterol

oatmeal and salmon dueling fish that sounds like a hell of a bar dueling fish a lesbian bar yeah the dueling fish then the neon could be scissoring I like that four legs coming at you scissoring is that real I don't think so you can find the visitios on oh yeah porn site but vaginas are so they're in eight not in eight but they're in you it's all in yeah well the clip is exposed though and that's where the real hood yeah but that's where the the real pleasure comes from is the clip but some people like the inside too yeah women have like a double thing going on right at the inner puss in the outer puss and it's a

double puss pleasure and yet it's still not getting off all the time yeah and it's still difficult because you don't know which one's which and then you don't know how to sometimes if you got to be really am I dexterous because you get the rub going with the right thumb and then the plunge with the left middle finger yes and then sometimes you try to go slow it's like that thing where you tap your head and rub your stomach at the same time you gotta go slow thumb fast finger or vice versa depending on how they like right because my lady I don't want to divulge too much come on devil but she doesn't like a soft clip

play you got to get in there really move is that right cuz one time in the past a couple times I've done a gentle cuz I like I think a tease the gentle is nice go tease tease is good but she don't want no tease eventually she fucking slapped my wrist like I stole the candy jar you're the tea drink yeah and then she just fucking like you gotta get the hand going so I'm like I didn't know I thought I was doing a fun tease but she said Edward please I don't want tease right she's like a 90s DJ down there yeah really really fast so but I think I feel that way too like if a woman was giving me a hand job you can go

slow for a while but eventually you're like I gotta bust this thing this nut yes I jerk off I'm not teasing no I'm going a thousand miles an hour oh yeah I'm really sometimes I've gotten BJs and you have to go take the girls hand and cuz you need a lot of movement here yeah sometimes that's that weird moment you tap or and go excuse me to it's I gotta take care of this business and then you're like you can come back and take a shot in the mouth if you're if you're that kind of girl that likes that oh boy but some do and some don't some don't some do this one where they present the cans cuz they want the the dish

cans yeah see that's rare with the smushing cuz I my gal's you could you take a cotton ball and she's like you know oh just a little while I had a previous girlfriend that I this is really hot to me and I kept getting yelled at maybe I talked about this before I can't remember we're doing this for nine years now bring it on but I was laying down on my back you see with just my lips open a little bit and then she just put her pussy and was just rubbing it on my lips back and forth and then everyone so she was getting into it so I would suck a little or stick my tongue out and then she'd like slap me

in the temple and be like knock it just stay put yeah don't move yeah and I was like oh I was trying to do actually she's like well don't you fucking homo and which I was into so seems like you should whisper like an Aesop's fable or something in there that would get it just a soft Mary had a little lamb up up top or maybe like a oh you go horse on her but you have to keep doing it because you got to inhale to get the horse effect yeah yeah but it was hot because she came right on my lips by me just a little bit of lip and she had like blonde pubes and at one point I think I tell you before she would seal

the her vagina lips onto my regular lips and that would hold my nose from either side nostril you know like pinch it and then she would be like yeah choke on it whoa and to this very day it's the hottest thing I've ever had happened to me yeah and I would I would shut gag oh because I'd like open your mouth so I have a tube from right mouth to boost but it was pretty hot I loved choking on a twat is really something that's a good name for a snoop album also sure it choked on a twat I'm at my spot hit the spot Scott here's the thing though I got I wonder if because you know

how when I was a kid I thought of a vagina would fill up with water if you put it in a tub certainly yeah it's a hole with air in it I thought that till just now yeah so I wonder if if you're sure if you're suffocating underwater if you could grab a snatch and take a little that excess queef out of there and then boom you got another breath yeah if she had to queef I think if she could pull it in before if if she'd you know however they queef if she sucked in a little thing or she'd just been getting railed by you know big dick Charlie sure and then she squeezed her knees together then went underwater she could

save your life well it goes to show you ladies before you get in the ocean maybe get pounded a little bit and you might have a life saver yeah you could save a kid yes put that kid's lips right on your snatch and save his ass save my ass it's a puffer puss remember that one what that was a carlin get an extension call from my plug save my ass yeah he doesn't want the plug pulled right in the hospital yes and get me a goddamn TV yeah that was his thing he was fun he had some moments I'll tell you that big moments lot of moments lot of so-so moments got no fight with Seinfeld it was our first fight was about carlin

prior oh he's a prior guy why say I think pound for pound carlin is a better comedian I know we love prior he's got a mess he's dead he's gay but I feel like carlin had a pun he had a chunk he had topical he had you know you name it everything one-liners the whole kid boodle books Jerry books he had you know 14 specials was it I mean TV late night movies I guess they both had movies but you name it I feel like it all around he had so much written shit you could take his stuff on paper and go this is better than prior shit written right yeah it's tricky well I would say prior has imagined in movies for sure yeah for sure

yeah what is it silver streak yeah see no evil here no evil for the toy I mean some of these are great but whatever and but yeah it's hard because the prior long beach is better than all the carlin specials I agree the best special goes to prior yes and they both have a ton of horse shit oh yeah priors got a lot of bad a lot of that mud bone I hate the character stuff I don't like I don't like the character business but yeah that that special top to bottom is unbelievable but that was Seinfeld's big arg was I go but look how many's got 14 specials got hours of good shit it's not all good but it's hours of good and

he had one hour and he goes but it's not about the quantity it's about the quality I'm like I hear you fatty but at some point if I got more quality and you got one quality I think the the quantity factors in right I agree like a guy sports wise if you average 20 points a game for 20 seasons aren't you better than a guy that averages 35 points a game for two seasons exactly that's what I'm saying or as good it's different I guess but I mean but he takes it personal because he's got one special yeah that's a very Seinfeld the thing biased yeah well Seinfeld is for some reason is not a producer of a ton of material no he

likes to perfect and hone and he thinks if it's a good joke why get rid of it my thing is because you could write another great joke that you don't even know about yet right and you put it out the joke continues to live I can listen to whatever I want right but it's a different strokes for different folks I think he's coming around a little bit I think he's going a little bit homosexual finally but I think he's coming around like I'm putting a new Netflix out you know I'm trying some shit yeah he's gonna have to write a new hour after this one comes out so that'll be interesting it's interesting because

well I have like a overabundance of material right now which is a nice feeling because often most of the time you're like I need new I got no new but I've been on the road so much and for me it's just like I gotta try something new because it's my fifth show in two days right and I can't tell that joke again see like let me try to talk about this and then by that you have to make it work so you start having more material because we're doing a lot more shows than him oh yeah he's doing a week at the creek or whatever a week at the beacon yeah one here and there it's two a night on Friday Saturday no it's a lot but

not as much as us we're doing the Thursday I did one Wednesday you know you got I did two last night plus 15s around to and the city spots well then you really don't want to do old shit on a city spot Tuesday at the stand I don't want to do pride and prejudice here I tried and true is what I meant I did a Jew joke at the stand the other night and I was like blah blah blah set up and some guy goes and he said the punchline I gotta I gotta quit doing that joke oh yikes well that's the thing with it's nice we're in this area we have a lot of great fans and we appreciate you and love you and we're grateful but some of

them are coming to multiple shows yeah yeah like I've been Madison like we saw you in Chicago three hours ago I'm like oh fuck so then I'm just trying to riff on the room and yeah not a lady's sweater because I want to give new material to this fellow and you hope they get it you hope they know hey this is an art form where you hone stuff and repeat it and you work stuff out but they say they get it but I still I still see a twinkle of bummer in their eye where they're like I know where this is going hate a bummer twinkle but that being said I also watch bring the pain 578 times so mostly because I like the n-word but

yes the people just the word ah come on we're all kidding yep he's fat and a bully big fat n-word but not fat anymore which is a bummer he's really quite fit he's don't let those jean jackets for you hill hill hole hill hum what do you call that a hot dog no no hill hill gulp down a bag of gummy bears at midnight oh sure I'm not saying he's healthy all right he's unhealthy for sure but he's not fat but he's probably a bully what was I gonna say I guess we could dive right into this I had a snafu in a kid did I talk about Vancouver a little bit well

I bought a bunch I brought a bunch of merch out there and I didn't realize maybe I said this already I think you might have said about merch I remember merch doing the thing well I just gotta buy 20 bucks Canadian is like $11 so I got booked all my shirts I've booked myself yeah you got a charge more you got it's like a magazine yeah 1099 American 1484 exactly and I got double-rooked I got took it right up the pooper because I took all my money to the airport and exchanged it like a chute oh now I got jizzed on my face by the Vancouver Airport now the Mounties now mount my asshole and and penetrate it that's

what they did that's too bad all right but I had to get that off my dick yeah get it off your dick put it in my ass see if it spreads how about this this is like a whatever this is just me being a big cunt of a guy but I realized I have a lot of anger issues and I'm working on it because I write a lot of anxiety is just anger and a lot of anger is just sadness I'm really working on it I'm in this point of my therapy where I'm recognizing now they say anger is a lot of hatred is from fear yeah that's what I'm saying anger and anxiety it's all one thing it's all really from suppressed repressed sadness right so and my

therapist our therapist is like this is good you're getting angry I'd like to see you angry he's like but now now the next step is to get through the anger to the sadness so I'm working on that but I don't want to be sad rather be angry but anyways that's already sad yeah you don't need to work on that I'm sad and angry most of the time but oh so I get on the airplane we're going to sound like a song sad and angry most of the time and so I get on the plane and I feel in my brain and it feels real sad and I'm not glad that's like Neil Diamondy isn't good but it's great it's not a fan I gotta call my dad that is what I got

to do yeah same but anyway so last week Sarah and I went down to Nashville Smashville music city at Blashville talk something about music city Smashville is all I got I think that might be it a dry rub yeah I don't know what else is there but bad for finger this is the thing I gotta stop doing we were talking about this off air I've been living like I'm ever since that Louis tour back in 2016 I was making nine grand a day remember that tour I've been still living like that and walk on that Chipotle yeah I'm actually pretty making a pretty blue collar living over here and I can't stop living the high life because

it's rubs off on you yeah you took that retarded kid out last week you went to the Celtics yeah I'm going to basketball game I mean to nine events I've had extra tickets to because I wanted to upgrade my seats because I'm a fucking idiot as well scalp those Nazis well scalp is a whole thing and I think well what if I want to run up to the upper deck in the middle of the concert fucking it is who are you the toy a couple times I've sold tickets for 40 bucks or whatever to a blind kids that's what I meant that's fine but I'm an idiot and so I decided to go see Brandi Carlisle at the Ryman which is in Nashville well

that's a must it's a it's exciting to go see the the thing and we were to turn this off it's distracting this images popping up and I get excited I'm like look at that Steve Martin Steve Martin is fun Martin and Lewis excuse me he thought he was Martin and Lewis what was that one that was George right yeah laughing something like that that was a later one anyways evil I also a later one anyways so I'm going down to the Ryman auditorium and but it's like I said I'm looking back if I somehow one day if I run out of money like the economy collapse or I just stopped getting work and I'm out of money it's going to be

the most no one's gonna have any sympathy for me no you're a spender baby like I remember we did that gig at the fucking big hunt and I was trying to be like Louie I told Joyce I'm like just keep the money I don't need my half of the money and then you look back you're like that was like 500 bucks of course but at the time I was making three grand a night so I kept being like I was just giving my I bought my mother a fucking summer house for the week not for life I was like that's on me I'm buying everyone ice creams and concerts and my wife I paid off her debt and wow now I look at my my my numbers and I'm like

they haven't gone up at all right like I'm even for the last three years even's okay even's okay but you should make some money put something away years you want to go up a scent a couple bucks sure so anyways I buy tickets to the rhyming I'm just an addict I'd say empty hole I was just referencing the anxiety air filled cunt so Brandy Carlisle he's doing the rhyming so I'm like let's get tickets we'll go down to Nashville and in the middle of the trip I'm like what am I doing I bought my wife and I first we got created but dealt to comfort tickets we got upgraded to first-class

cheap dealt to comfort tickets round trip to Nashville then I got a hotel that's across the street from the rhyming because I'm like we don't want to get uber and be far away so I got the Hilton that's 350 bucks then there's the tickets those are a hundred bucks I'm like this is a thousand dollar trip and that ain't including the meals the whores the coke the blow the donkeys everything all that shit which we did I'll get into that but yeah the midgets the Puerto Rican kids whatever you got so I wrestle with this because I'm like I'm getting a lifetime of memories and Instagram yeah that's that right but I'm

gonna be out of money now well can I say it first of all was this your first rhyming first rhyming yeah you took the hymen on the rhyming all right so that's that's pretty cool and every time I've spent money you know me I don't splurge especially on fun stuff like that no and every time I've done it I've gone oh what am I doing I don't have this kind of money I should be working I should be hustling I should be writing and being gay or whatever but I've never looked back and gone oh that really hurt me like I'm hurting now financially because of that I've never had that thought ever looking back I went to Italy I did all

this shit fine you're gonna be fine well my rent just went up significantly to you get the ad but I went up about 25% which is a lot we neither one of us have health insurance we're going to that we're each going to therapy every week that's a lot I've had two root canals in the last fucking six hours those are 10 grand but here's the thing this is a difference between Sarah and I we talk about finances with the rent and everything and she'll say maybe I'll cancel Netflix we could we don't go to the gym we could just run and work out that was my thing is the opposite I'm like I'm not cutting anything right make

more money that's the way to look I was like well I'll push more tickets I put out an album maybe I'll get some merch and we'll do this way better at it I was like we'll put some more bonuses on the on the patreon we'll get the live episodes going my mind is like I'm not cutting anything out of my life I'm enjoying my life I mean no offense her but that's a loser mentality don't save it make it right let's make more yeah that might be more practical she's practical I'm retarded but anyhoo so here's the thing that this is the cuntie angriness but I get on the flight and now Sarah's with me she's

behind me we're getting on the plane I'm going first as we're boarding walk down the aisle there ladies first and I get to my seat well I got to pick up her thing and stick it up the plane's ass here so and I got the tickets because I book everything so I'm going first I scan mine I scan hers side note is she just jizzing all day long like what a cool hubby you're like a roller coaster amusement park you're buying plane rides tickets to concert Ryman Hilton anal come on I'm a pretty good hub yeah hell of a hub you're poor hub I take a lot of pride in my hub-ness I'm totally got my ring I'm like this is a this is a

responsibility you're a hub yeah you're a provider providing fun yeah a lot of fun well fun is the best thing to have as Arthur said but thank God you're not a dad if you were dead you'd be buying lollipops and coke and all this shit these kids would be living high on the anal oh forget it I'd have the fattest kid of all time and have just dicks in his ass and chocolate on his lips you better believe it that ain't chocolate anyways what is it shit oh shit I assume he's eating ass oh I got you I was thinking come but then comes not black but can be if you're sick I guess yeah

chocolate come that would be that would be enough to make me gay chocolate come yeah I mean I love musicals I love Judy Garland and I'm attracted to men so chocolate come would just with the silent re though you'd have to just taste it and spit it back out I don't know if you want to put that down that's a good cuz you're already gurgling you know that's a good point aha well be shot at my ass that wouldn't affect the reflux but then you're not getting the chocolate that's a good point aha because you know it's like if your asshole had taste oh I'd be sitting on everything how'd you drop trowel and you just sit on a Hershey

but shitting would suck give me to eat and shit oh yeah think about taste all that diarrhea it's a good point yeah that would be a bummer that's the beauty of suppositories you don't taste it you just put that pill right up there and all of a sudden you're on cloud twat good point aha you got ketchup on it I know about the cup size anyways so we get on the plane I'm going to board I'm walking down the aisle and I'm in 13 I don't know a D yeah A or D I got the window well no Sarah has the window I got the aisle I'm in 13 C she's in 13 D I get there and there's a guy sitting in my window seat I just watched him put his

suitcase in and get in there okay and so right as I arrive I put my suitcase above and I look at him I start to say you're in my seat and he goes oh shit he goes I'm on that side he goes do you mind cuz I just I already sat wait wait I thought you were aisle I'm aisle but Sarah has the window got it got it so we make eye contact I start to say that's my seat yeah so which I love doing yeah you like a correction I do love a correction we're living in a society yes and so he goes would you mind cuz I already sat down and I go well yeah I have my wife with me so he's like ah now it's no big deal he gets up he moves but don't you

hate what is this mentality we're adults yeah you're in the wrong seat yeah get up and you gotta get up and move to the right seat right what is this thing of fucking no I already sat yeah sitting is some big it's one thing if you're 900 pounds right I feel for you got two broken legs or whatever you're a handicap but paraplegic that thing of like would you mind moving seats no yeah I mind right you're in the wrong seat also sitting the right seat by his logic where does it end you're sitting in first class some guys hey you're not in first class ah what's your mind you know like how we can do this all day yeah

get out of here I got my wife and we're not all moving and you're a dummy you should be like a fuck I'm an idiot over here so then he's like I gotta get my back like a whole like he puts guilt on me yeah you fucked up dickless I think that's a bit he was trying to run a run a ruse I think on you he wanted that seat I think maybe he knew about the view or something I don't know I think he just fucked up and didn't want to get up but I don't like to do your mind I was glad I had Sarah was because it gave me up excuse me yeah I know that's not it's a smart move of him because I feel guilty I go oh so I know it's fine because he

puts it on you it's a pretty smooth move for a neurotic cunt like myself and you want to be like well maybe but let me see who's sitting in these two is it a stinker is it a fat guy whatever but then you're you're the bad guy now right because I'm judging the even though that's exactly what he's doing right you know I was going downtown yes the exact pants I was wearing but anyways the very pants I was returning that was it oh there we go all right all right we're back we fucked up a little bit but folks hey hey this week's episode of Tuesdays with stories is brought to you by feels yeah it is CBD folks do you experience

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stressed out about of course is travel we're traveling all the time what last week I had five flat I went to Nashville and back I went to Chicago Madison the Yikes and I'll tell you I am using my away bag oh we love them and Sarah's got one too we both are in love with it Sarah says it's the best bag she's ever had and I can't I can't disagree I still use my old one I love it this thing's built like a rock it's light it's easy it's got the swivel wheels I take it up on the carry on I fix it up I put everything I got in there it's got the the pouch it's got the laundry bag it's got the battery that charges five iPhones

folks it's a killer bag away creates thoughtful products built for the way modern travelers see the world they started with the perfect suitcase and now they offer a range of essentials all of which will make your travels seamless the suitcase is thoughtfully designed and extremely durable the features help me keep everything organized it's easy to carry up and downstairs because it's so lightweight yes I love a lightweight oh yeah TSA approved combination lock keeps your belongings safe we all know how important that is I got robbed last year oh yeah luckily it wasn't in a way back so I

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20 yes Tuesday's two zero go do it you're gonna love it you won't be disappointed I 100% guarantee oh yeah you're gonna love this big fan of the away you're gonna like the way you look I guarantee it all right so anyways now that's out of the way we flew down to Nashville and now you've played the rhyming theater from not mistaken oh yeah and it is a hum ding one of the bed that is a lunch lunch theater yeah that's something I'd really like to do some day yeah I love to do that it was the Grand Ole Opry that Grand Ole Opry was housed there for like 40 years it's hot it's a hum digger I mean they got all

the old photos of like you know Hank Williams and Johnny Cash and all that mean this place has some history yeah Johnny Cash met June Carter there backstage and how about this they were throwing some fun facts up there before the show started and Elvis they didn't go for Elvis oh really from there one time and all that because the Grand Ole Opry was like church you know they all showed up and wore the hats and the suits and everything they hated days and they would watch the music and then he came out with his slicked up hair was doing his own rockabilly thing like what the hell is this garbage the pelvis the

sexual the black folk stealing and he was making it he was he was blacking up their music they were like we don't like this son of a bitch I don't know if that impression was great but he was like a beaver of his time oh yeah you know it's sexual stealing the black stuff leave it to beaver ah I'm a believer but daydream believer I guess that's the same believer but homecoming believe homecoming that's fun music video I love that song by the way I know I'm a chute to the queef but I love that tune how about this one time I used to have all these big

parties at my parents house they would go to Maine for the weekend I'd have everyone over right in that fun age but after high school but I didn't go to college do early twon and I had a gag where every time someone came into the house it's time there's only three of us we all busted in the chorus of that song so someone walk in go hey we're here I go cheer up sleep by the end there was like 40 of us and we do it every time so we come and then that one person that would come they'd be like what the fuck is this right and then they would be like okay I guess we're doing this so then they got to be in it and we sang the

chorus about 50 times it was great how did that core I mean why that song how did that come I think it was just stuck in my head and it was like a fun it's a fun group song I love it and so it was a really fun daydream believer party yeah yeah I'm I'm assuming there weren't any a lot of minorities there because they would have been like is this what honkies do no we didn't allow that obviously but now we had we had a couple Lamont price probably came down a couple people yeah smelly Lamont but not a not a lot yeah I mean Whitman mass I mean what do you want me to do I mean this is one of those things where people like you got no

black from like there's no black people what do you want me to do I can't just manufacture blacks you got a bus of men yeah well we try that up there all hell broke loose so yeah not me I didn't do any of this but I don't think the bus what can you do they had some bus issues as well I heard with the Rosa yeah well that was down south I believe maybe not that was Grand Rapids has the statue yeah yeah well it wasn't Boston she shit there once or something I don't think she yeah I think she retired to grant I think we talked about this before they're claiming her but I don't think she's you know they do that too with the the

Wright brothers everyone claims the Wright brothers home of flight flight or flight or white flight whatever it is Ohio Carolina I'm gonna show an LA they're telling me what the Wright brothers exactly that was Steven Wright yeah Mexico they want right one state gets the rights Ohio and North Carolina they should fight it out copyright brothers I liked it all right but anyways we go down to Nashville was staying at the Hilton that's beautiful and I love traveling we don't have a show you just kind of easy traveling we had hours to kill and the show is across the street from the hotel so we went we asked some

food advice and this guy told me about this hot chicken place oh that's the big one yeah there's a big one it's got a food this one that's like six miles away but they have a food truck right downtown 15 minute walks and we go great and we're starving this is hot chicken by the way this will this will leave you in the dumper for a week I know but I'm like I took an extra pill and I go whatever so we walk all the way to the food place and there's nobody there it's just dead quiet nothing not a not a creature was stirring not even a fruit cup a mouse I was gonna put something in there and all I could think of was slurs

so I just went with fruit cup I have the same problem it's hard yeah we got problems gook and queef and chink it's hard not to say the craziest thing you know it's fun yeah it's a lot of fun we have a good time with it no hate it's exciting no no hate I always say you know slurs and curse words and offensive it's like a little hot sauce on a sentence oh yeah you know just cuz you don't like Tabasco don't take my chitchin chill away what is it chicharoo what's that stuff I never touch the stuff all right but yeah it's the spice of life thank you slurs are the spice of life you got that right you know hate spices

yep and they're always yelling at us with these blocks right sorry cracker barrel but anyways we get there and you know it's like that eerie quiet and I'm like something's up here and this is the worst you don't even see that white piece of paper taped to the door hate a white paper never good news never good news on a piece of paper never free blow jobs or whatever because if it was something good it would be a permanent sign well said it would say rare yeah it's a temporary sign and I can already see from far away that I'm like this is gonna be bad news it's a piece of paper taped to the window and we get up there

close today private event we're starving so I go let's just go to Jack's you know Jack's barbecue there on main street the big one pigs the neon thing I love a pig so I go all right we know cuz sometimes you want to eat the fresh the local the cool yeah which I guess Jack's is but it's a little touristy whatever but you're like you got to have a place in mind like we're going to have chicken when you're starving you got to have a place yeah and plus when you're in a new town everybody's going I don't care whatever you think like come on we need some something concrete yeah we've so we get there it's close I go we're going to

Jack's Jack's it is yes so we walked back to Jack's and I've had Jack's a couple times and it's it's a humdinger but I'm sure there's gonna be a lot of people being like that's for tourists you fucking idiot it's reliable I'm a tourist well I thought it was reliable here we go my favorite part of Jack's is by the way you get a meat a brisket with two vegetables and mac and cheese is a vegetable in Nashville which I love I'll take it that's charming yes charm so I got a mashed potato and a mac and cheese and a big old brisket and I have to say the mac and cheese wasn't too hot and the brisket was just a tad dry oh you

don't want a cold mac and a dry bris no you don't want either of those things so didn't love it and it's on Main Street there and they're getting all these wannabe cowboys that flew in from you know Grand Rapids right right right 36 dollar meal and I can't have the crushed ice coke that goes so well with barbecue because the reflux so little disappointing wow that's a bummer yeah I know that feel when you spend you know what it is they just they pump them in they pump them out so they're not really getting their asshole in the meal you know they're not getting their elbows in there like they should with the old

black lady with the you know the apron on stirring the pot of gravy yeah they just kind of pumping it in pumping it here we go folks assembly line it's not as there's not making the putting the love in it there wasn't love but it was still good and fine and fun but when you're starving you just want that well and plus the reflux I'm taking a big kick to the groin here with a reflux I'm gonna suffer good point so it's a bummer to suffer for mediocre mediocrity yeah that's no good but anyways that was fine we went for a nice long well I went to I found some cupcake place over in Germantown and that was something that

was a delicious cupcake highly recommend it's called the cupcake criterion collection or something like that German chocolate gets swept under the tweet because that's good stuff it was nice Belgian Belgian mm-hmm so we went back to the hotel get dollied up and then went to the Rhymen which is quite a cathedral oh yeah and then they're showing the upcoming acts and like Burt Christchers up there which is hilarious weird because it's this like you know Elvis played here and Johnny Cash fuck June Carter in the ass and then Burt Christchers playing shirtless alcoholic coming in yeah and Regan is

there and other alcoholic but anyway I don't even it's not even worth getting into because I've told the Brandy Carlisle garden story that was touching but I'll just say this great show fantastic show and Tonya Tucker came out mmm a little guest spot great show TT but I gotta say this oh and I don't like to be a cunt of a cock but here it is we've seen her now five times now it's the first big tour so maybe she doesn't realize that she's got a cult following but we have seen identical set list story same order same everything now she's phenomenal and one of my favorite artists of all time but at some point

you gotta be like hey you gotta mix it up to it how funny we were just talking about this at the beginning about how these people come out and see us again and again and we're doing the same act and now she's doing that whole jazz well here's the thing cuz she's got five albums or maybe I think it's five and there's a hundred songs that I love or whatever 60 and you can do throw some covers in there you have like I'm missing out on a bunch of songs I love I love these songs and it's the same it's the story too that's one of her big songs but like there's a story she'll tell and it's word for word the same telling yeah

and you're like boy you gotta mix this up and Sarah's not as big a fan so she's like here we go again so I'm giving her a little slack now we're going to see her the Gorge again oh come on second year to row so hopefully she's like all right I can't do the same set list at the same venue from last year yeah yeah now there's ones I've seen her in all different cities so she doesn't know that we're following her around but a band like Pearl Jam they're aware they have to come follow so like we got to mix it up because people come both nights and all the shit so you got that right that's my one complaint oh boy Carlisle now

speaking of complaints uh-oh I've been talking way too much here we're gonna get a whole bunch of shit so why don't you stick something right up my ass and see if it makes me come I was I was enjoying that well I just want to say thanks to the folks of Tampa and Orlando we had a great weekend we sold a bunch out what what is that about Florida right when I land in that goddamn state I just go give me some meth give me a raccoon my ass a fan boat let me blow a Cuban guy and and do some blow and buy a gun and shoot a gay kid I don't know what it is about that fucking area it's a very sinful place I feel even thinking

about it right now I want to have a cigar at a titty bar and shoot heroin in my nipples right I want to do some tequila and just really ride a black kid into the sunset I don't know what it is but a man because I'm from New Orleans was also sinful place but Florida the sin is just it's in the it's in the water you know in the way that the water yes and so I just get there and I do the whole kitten caboodle where you go hey I know a guy now we know all these guys around we don't do drugs really so we know a guy who can get us on a bar show so we can make a couple extra bucks sure that's our grift so I land in Orlando ran a car

this guy Shaw yes this guy's a cool cat he's got he's he works for enterprise right so he can get you a hook up on a nice set of wheels there I know I always want to because he said he's like anytime you're at the car I went to car every three days right but I can't keep it yes exactly gotta save up I guess but I was thinking that in Madison I know and I was like shit I should hit up Shaw but then you got this weird thing where you go well let me let me grease him a couple bucks but then you're like well now I'm just paying the other original so if I grease you I don't need you yes exactly that awkward quiff there no

grease so grease ball lightning grease Italy Brian greasy what's that guy's name Brian greasy that's a rough name was the Italian player for Michigan all right his dad played in the NFL all right well ah big Bobby so I fucked you up with the Brian grease grease now I see I got you grease to the movie grease paint grease mustache paint stash yeah yeah yeah all right John grease he was a mighty pipe on all right John Glees Liam grease them they all get back to Shaw I get the rental car they watch that rental car I feel like you

because I'm just like you're free you have so much free go to Chipotle oh the gay bar you can go the Mount Mount Suvious whatever you got to do so I get down Orlando you get there early and walk around downtown with panhandlers and it's a Thursday so they're setting up for the for the whores to come out with the nightclubs oh yeah and so it's just the sun's going down I got a smoothie I'm watching all the nightclub guys set up but they're doing push-ups and putting the velvet rope out and you can see the bartenders are wiping the bottles down and everything's about to get crazy and then the sun goes down these gal show up

with their minis and their their what do you call stilettos oh yes oh the cleave my god the cleave mm-hmm it's so exciting because you know we're we're we're we're tied down man and we're in our late 30s here then just to watch these 19 year old skanks really coos it up is very exciting yeah it's exciting yeah they don't know what these these gals got that it's primal you just go I understand rape yeah so you you know we show up to the show it's at the sound bar I've upgraded last year was some upstairs bar area and this was like a real rock club and I had that cool thing where I'm trying to kill time and walk around and I

have people from the show going there he is oh you know you're running across the street so you don't have to talk to him that's an exciting feel Orlando by the way we talked about this a couple months ago when I was there it got a little stank on it oh it's got some stank Orlando is a little fishy it ain't all Disney World I'll tell you that no it's not folks oh no there's a lot of adultery going on in that town and so Shaw sets up a great show this guy put this whole thing together with scotch tape and gum and it just went off without a hitch all the comics are cool we hung out in the back a lot of laughs sold some

teas and then you know you want to celebrate we had a great show we had some fans come out some Tuesdays a lot of a lot of love from the twos they say where's Joe list that's all they always say that where's Joe where's Joe where's the fat man where's Silent Rea you know I got people tweeting that be being like are you coming to Chicago with Mark I'm like what am I hoping for Mark now yeah exactly we're two different human beings I got my own life for God's sake he's buried all right so I leave there you got a couple of whiskies in here and then I just hightail it in my rental to to Tampa and you got to get in that hotel and

you know the whole time you're like I'm hammered and I got a lot of people right me don't drive drunk I'm sorry it's a problem it's not that I want to drive drunk it's that that I like to drink and I have to get somewhere yeah what are you gonna do yeah I gotta do it I can't Uber so I get to Tampa you check in that hotel and then you go oh it's fucking five in the morning I finally made it an hour and 20 minute drive drunk I pulled it off I checked in you got radio it's seven yeah luckily it's Calta love Calta love the Cal fucking one of the best radio guys in the biz this guy now mind you he's a Tampa guy Bert Christ is a

Tampa guy so when we did the Bert tour he came out to Dublin right I remember that and he hung so Calta we have a great combo we're talking we're chatting and you're you know you're you're tired but you get a couple coffees in you you beat that hangover and you're just zinging and zanging you're like this is great I love this guy this guy's one of the best radio dudes out there and then he throws the big one on me goes and I'm gonna do some sets on your show what I go wait you're doing comedy's like I've done it like three four times I'm gonna I'm gonna come by so we were close to selling out now he shows up it sells out

it pushes it over oh wow so we sell out the shows and he's solid he's a funny guy funny guy with a ton of talking experience into a microphone so it just it kind of worked yeah a ton of weight on him too he's a large cat big guy oh yeah no stranger to the calories but you know Cal turries but yeah funny dude good egg and all the you know it was cool to watch him in in a comedy club because he's a big guy and he's he's a presence of people going oh my god it's like Howard Stern walking around in New York yeah does he get a big pop when he goes up there oh he got a pop he got a big lollipop up there and he ate it we

hung out in the green room it was just it was just cool and it was cool having like oh the the Tampa Celeb is hanging out with me yeah it's exciting very exciting so all the shows go great I gotta cut this shit out you know you know you do the thing where you go I got I did radio we had two great shows I'm drinking I gotta celebrate which is the exact wrong thing to do because you're on two hours of sleep you had a great show you got three tomorrow mind you one is it 6 p.m. I end up going out drinking all night I promise this kid I'll do his podcast I go meet me my hotel at two I give him the address I go to

bed I wake you go to bed at 5 I wake up at 2 0 8 oh geez I was out I was like oh so hung over the Sun's coming in I'm sweating and I got 8 million hey man we're outside hey man in the lobby hey man and I'm like oh I suck he didn't even do all that he was nice but I was like oh shit so I put a pair of sunglasses on I washed my face I wiped my ass and I opened the door he falls in he's got a pound of equipment he's got a lady with him he's got an amp a tuner a light rig and he was sweetest can be we did a great pot he's a musician so he asked me all about music and we did all music to comedy comparison what's his name

plug this pod the end of the pot is called house of I oh house of I like the letter I letter I name his band I count is in a band to bands down there what I believe he pays base or something wow feels Basie I can see base yeah made that up I think he plays in a band count Basie yeah Bobby Jules always like I gotta go see this Calta band all right well he does it all then geez he's got the the radio the stand-up a band and cake he's got all in him if he was attractive it'd be something oh yeah not another looker no all right so we yeah we do the pod and then you know you got your show at six so the pot ends at

334 like oh I got a shower and you feel like ass and I'm telling you man it was like it what's a movie where guys are real it was like leaving Las Vegas where you're just like all right you got it I was like the guy in a once upon a time in Mexico you know he's like no more boo what am I doing I got my face on a bowl ice you know I'm like you're never gonna drink again you gotta go home you're gonna read a book you're gonna jerk off you know it was like that guy yeah and I show up to sides where is it 545 the show is it six it's packed out with a bunch of old blue-haired Floridians and I just go give me an Irish coffee and I

guzzle it down and you go up there and you get the stage health and you knock it out yeah there's a long night six o'clock show can be pretty good actually it was a great show I love that club maybe the best of the weekend yeah that's a fun fun club fun club fun atmosphere Florida's I love it I love Tampa I love BT the guy owns it the best and these great the staff is great that's one of my favorite clubs and I've been working there since 2006 great club going there for 14 years they got wow they got rid of the Bobby Jule guy who used to run it was like a classic sleazeball Florida character he was charming classic

character he's still around I think a little bit he popped in at one point and so he pops in it's fun we all bust his balls and then I gotta say Joe trick or Rico hosted oh Joey and Steve Miller featured who's a big guy with a mustache not the band not the band guy not the Trump guy yes and Steve Miller he killed he was great so it was a top-to-bottom great weekend that I end up getting shit housed again the next night like a fucking retard and then I went and flew out hung over and had a bunch of shit to do yesterday and I didn't do any of it that was this weekend yeah so I was yesterday wow yeah I was at Madison

wait what's it called comedy on stage look at this I'm wearing a comedy on stage hoodie right now yes how about that you have Sam Fran punchline yeah and I got the comedy on stage hoodie yeah we're fans of comedy we're comedy club by the way I think these are identical hoodies just different clubs on maybe it's one company doing the whole kit and kaboos they're a little different I guess and we get the white stripe and the zipper I got the white zipper you got the white zipped zipper I like a sealed zip but you got a you got pussy lips over it I got a big Majora labia here I was trimmed up but I was at comedy on state in

Madison which I think we could safely say is our favorite club it's up there it's top three for sure but what would even compare because I think we like to be there because you don't want to sell other clubs you got to keep it sort of ambiguous yeah ha vague but I don't think it's hurting other clubs feelings by saying this one's the best and I'll tell you why other clubs if you're listening the green room itself oh it's an upstairs green room away from everybody else talk about lunch food they got a binder full of menus seven different restaurants binders of women so you just pick the restaurant you write down a

piece of paper and someone goes and gets you any meal within a couple blocks sushi steak meals anything any meals on wheels someone goes and gets it there's a pool table there's a record player we had thin Lizzie blast and we're playing pool Sarah and I played four games a pool we each one too we're very even in the pool game I stink at pool I can see that which I shouldn't say because I just said she stinks but she stinks I stink we both stink I got thin Lizzie rockin Craig pal Craig Smith is there haha who formerly known as sincere life oh the hip-hop artist love sincere I didn't know his name until about 12 months ago but

I didn't know he had a name I just know his name is sincere life now this guy he's living the dream I met him as a fan yes he came up he wanted stuff signed he loves Tuesdays with stories is a huge he's a skank guy legion of skanks crackle crackle you know what dude goes way back I mean last time I saw him the first I saw he was sitting in the front row wow but I had to say don't like you can't come to two shows in a row and sit in the front row you son of a bitch I gotta throw me off yeah bro and now he's on the show we always doing a stand he's a stand he's three years in now he needed a guest spot last year and killed

this year he hosted and he's killing I mean he's no he's not like some asshole make a wish yeah yeah he's a legit comic Craig Smith check him out all right sincere and that was a pleasure and he's just a great guy to work with hang out with he's nice and we're playing pool we're playing records we're eating for there's a massage chair in the green room you got that right there's a big screen TV in the green room oh yeah there's a Nintendo in the green room I mean it's better than my apartment legitimately right and the owners are there they say hello they're like oh my god thank you for coming can we get you

anything can we do anything for you that personal touch means a lot so warm and they personally will throw people out yes it's not like they got some henchmen no these are two attractive young sexy women picking people up out of their seats and going you gotta go cut bag they'll toss them right out and the Bart the Bart staff is all Tuesdays so shout out to them man I don't drink or anything so I barely even talked to them I'm just in the corner crying but so that's amazing and then it's the crowds have been trained there yes no one did five shows didn't have one single incident now most of these clubs it feels

like you got to be on edge because you forget what it's like to not to worry about anything oh every single show is great late show Saturday was a little drunk little row and they could tell not rowdy but just drunk little attention a little bit like whoa look at that shit but Saturday early was one of the best shows I've ever done in my entire life both show Friday were like top shows I've ever done yeah killer killer club killer unbelievable the sound is great they videotape the staff is great everything is unbelievable that club and the town is nice it's a cute wholesome fun little the water but it was constant

I love that city and I would recommend if you're a comedy fan take the trip yeah yeah like all these big car to reach and all these comedy nerve obviously go pack Joe used to live there or near the air or something mayor of that town but if you're a fan go check out a show at comedy on state because it's also infectious because the crowds are so hot everybody's dying I mean you just kill there it's not two albums there so it's the best you can't beat it kill Jerry but how about this so Saturday night and I know we got a rabbit up here soon so Saturday night we do the shows we get paid just the best weekend ever we say goodbye to Craig

goodbye to Anna we don't thank you everybody great time and it's seven degrees literally bundled up I got my hat on I'm wearing thermal underwear I got a scarf that I'm trying out and we're finally done to the hotel is 100 yards away from the club yes so Sarah and I are leaving and we're walking up the thing we're freezing so we're walking fast and there's a little alleyway right before you get to the hotel and this guy kind of pops out he's smoking a cigarette and he kind of like stumbles out all weird from the alley and he's like well making noises and he looks a little threatening a little little haggard face

and a little menacing and just I just think that's some drunk guy smoking a butt in the alley no big deal sure you're a little bit you're on you're aware yes that he stand there and he kind of wanders out and stands right in the sidewalk right where we're walking in the snow so it's a narrow thing so we're pretending like I whatever it's fine who cares so we kind of split and walk around him just kind of continue our conversation oh yeah and now we're walking and I'm a little aware of like what if this guy's right behind me and he's gonna stab me cuz I'm always anxious I'm always afraid that I'm about to get

robbed or killed or raped because I'm an anxious guy climate change bird flu the whole thing yep so we're walking I'm like it's probably nothing you idiot settle down and then as you're walking there's a little window because it's a Starbucks you can see the reflection I notice the reflection he's right on our tail oh that's not good now this guy wasn't walking when we first saw standing in an alley yeah and now he's walking and we're walking fast because it's freezing yeah we're speed walking and he's on our tail but we're like okay the hotel is right here so we'll just get in the lobby we're fine yes whatever but there is

this thing of he's so close I'm just waiting to get like a knife in my hip and get robbed it'll get shanked by a fucking grifter but I'm like it's anxiety it's anxiety so we get to the what's that round about door rotating door revolving revolving door so we pop in there we revolve through and he is right behind us comes right through he goes at the same triangle not in the same triangle next triangle but he's coming into the hotel oh boy and so I'm like okay maybe he's staying at the hotel but he was down the street yeah standing in an alley maybe just a smoke break I guess but why would he walk all the way

down here and he doesn't he seems fishy because he was like okay and so now he walks into the hotel so now I'm a little nervous because here's what I'm thinking if this guy wants to rob us he can just get on the elevator we get off on our floor and now where do you go that's interesting now you're in the hotel with him and what's he gonna you don't want to be like are you staying here because it's weird because what if he is now we just ask yeah exactly but if he walks to our room now I just have my key we're at my room yeah that's a great point because you'd never think oh I'm in the hotel I'm safe but no actually you're

not I'm not safe so we go and get on the elevator he follows us and I mean he's right on our tail what the hell's going on we get in the elevator and there's one woman in the elevator and then a couple that helps so and then we go up so I feel a little bit better but he's here and he's kind of just mumble he's visibly inebriated and he's doing like yeah is he is he disheveled is he a little disheveled he does not look like a guy that's staying at the concourse all right his pants are like baggy and ripped and his shoes are all wacky and his shirts dirty and he's not dressed is he grunge though maybe it's like one of

these ICP you know rock and roll nuts he looks like he has spent some time in the streets all right all right like he could be an addict of some sort he's a little roughed up okay he's roughed he's got a hood on he's a little roughed up you know it is cold but so now we're in the elevator we stop we go two floors up and now my brain is going a million miles a minute sure first thing I did is I hit the down button to the elevator because I was like we'll go down to the garage because he's not going down he wants to go up but I'm like wait what if he follows us there now we're in the garage right which is rape central so

that's no good so we're going up and I'm trying to think as I'm like do I should we get off at a different floor should we should I go oh I forgot something go back down where it's safe I'm unnerved by this I'm a little unnerved so we get in there we stop at the third floor another couple is gonna get on and the guy goes we'll wait for the next one and it wasn't packed full but I think he saw this guy was like I don't want anything to do with this guy either really so he got off then we go we're on the fifth floor the woman that's on the elevator she hit five she just happened to hit five so we didn't have to hit five because

she hit it so no one knows what floor we're on because we didn't have to hit a button he hit six no so but he didn't have a key you need a key but he never took out any key so he got a free hit he got a free key so the other couple gets off at four so I go up here's our stop Sarah so I grab her we just get off at four cuz now I'm thinking we'll get off with this couple so at least there's four of us fishies happening yes so we get off at four the doors close he doesn't follow us so I'm like okay but then I realize I just left him with a woman oh man I feel fucking horrible cuz I'm like if he's gonna rob so and now

it's just him and this woman it's a better robbery and I feel like a fucking piece of shit now yeah I didn't know there was a woman on there cuz I'm like oh god yeah she's the one that hit our button five so she's going to five he's going to six presumably maybe or not I don't know take the stairs up to five and then watch the hallway a little so we go to four now I walked on the hallway and both Sarah and I like that was crazy right are we being asshole you know something's up with that guy blah blah blah we tell the whole story now we go down to the stairs we're in the stairwell and we're just waiting there

and I'm a little shook we're both a little shook up cuz I'm also in that fight or flight mode maybe I'll have to fight this guy I got her holding the bag I took my gloves off so I can you know have an ever impactful punch if I got to fight the guy sure so now we're standing in the stairwell and I'm like should we walk into five now but what if he's just standing there or what if we wait here what if he comes through here now we're in the stairwell with them now no one's around oh boy so we wait a moment I'm like let me think so we open up the floor the door to five yeah and there's a figure walking way down the end

of the hallway I'm like that's him but it's not him ah different guy yes so our room we just kind of scurry to our room we key in and now we're home we're safe but I'm like what about the woman the woman could be dead but Sarah and I were like well she hit five and we don't know what's in the hallway right now we don't hear any commotion but he could have taken her up to six exactly or he could be killing her but so we're like what do we do and now I'm just hit with this now that I'm we're safe I'm hit with this wave of guilt of like I just left a woman there yes this is horrible but you have to be like well I didn't know he

was I could have fallen us on four yeah maybe you know he was just going maybe he just wanted to go get warm like he could actually be homeless he just wants to get warps he's gonna go lay on the floor in six I don't want to rob anybody he's just a homeless person that's trying to get warm yeah and you know you what you did was very good for equality you treated her like anybody else I suppose so so then we're sitting there and can do we're freaking out we're coming down and then I open the door again to look in the hallway and I don't hear anything and I was kind of looking out the window to see if any

police and shortly after we hear a big ambulance you don't like that and right away I'm like fuck fuck I someone's dead because of me I didn't do anything but the ambulance was going right up the street away so this is a little anti-climactic I know but nothing ended up coming of it we sat there we're like I hope we did the right thing it was scary then we both did the thing we were like I thought about going down so I was like why don't we just stay in the lobby and I was like I didn't think that I just thought your thought is let's get into the room of course but I did think I'm like what would happen if he got out

with us and just walk to our room with of course yeah I would have kicked him in the chest or something wow but it was unnerving yeah and you lose all that great weekend five shows paycheck in your pocket cuz I'm like fucking a yeah you just think about that poor broad but call in maybe it's a fan or something let us know if there's a news article out of Madison where there's a stabbing and a floor six elevator I thought about calling down the next day like was there any kind of incident not a rape or a fight or it but like was someone here that didn't belong right because he came from like a bar area and he was not

walking with any permit he stood still until we passed and then turned and walked with us it is strange there's no reason you would do that unless you were thinking I'll follow you cuz I wonder what if we weren't at this hotel we walked past it cuz it gets dark up there oh yeah he might have been waiting to get somebody then but maybe he just wanted to get warm and he's homeless but there's no way he's just a guy stand at that hotel that thought I'll walk down to the end of this street yeah cigarette stand in the sidewalk wait till these people pass walk as fast as you can walk without running uh-huh sticks

inches behind them and then go into the hotel no key go straight into the elevator up the elevator I got a theory okay I think he's a grungy disheveled drunk guy who was out at the bars realized he didn't have his key and he goes shit I can't get up though the elevator out my key but my my lady's in the bedroom listening to a guar so I will wait for some folks make sure I tail them because if I don't I might lose the elevator and then I'll get up to six and I'm home free maybe maybe I don't know wouldn't he have been like talking or chatting he could have gone to the front desk and been like I left my

key I don't have a key I guess you could have talked to the front desk and be like hey I'm Steve maybe no ID no no maybe forgot the wall he went out for this the the couple drink maybe he's fighting with the lady had a couple Jack Daniels then he's like I gotta get back but I'm the key and she's in the room but I gotta get the elevator I'll stick with these nice honkeys here they look put together they're married I don't know but he didn't say he wasn't like hey I forgot my key nothing yeah but that might have been the the the black out talking and there's also you had that sixth sense thing of like yeah right

away when we saw him in the street we were like this guy is up to something yeah alright I get it I don't know what he looks like it was a little kooky so anyways all safe and sound I hope that lady is not dead and I'll feel terrible if anything happened to her but my hope is that like I said he just wanted to go get warm and he slept in the hallway there or whatever but anyways we're over time sorry that was riveting it was it was riveting for us it was nerve racking but yeah what a missed little murder mystery there yeah but safe and sound great weekend thanks to all the Tuesdays that came out they came from

Milwaukee Chicago and God love you they're all so nice and a couple nice gifts you got the Uber gift card there thank you so nice I got some hugs from some fans and it was really a beautiful great weekend and weak Nashville Madison and great time I'm very grateful I gotta give one shout out to a woman named Karina Karina Karina big Tuesday big female fan attractive and she made a frame photo of me in a plaid shirt next to Fred Savage Ben Savage and me wow as a savage brothers spotted together or whatever I got it somewhere in here and it was it was really well done it was she's a graphic designer thing so it looked

really good wow savage garden yes and she said something like comedian dies at corporate gig or something murder alert whatever it was really it was really well done and then so thank you car good egg Karina and yeah just Tuesdays are coming out in full force and I feel like we're growing I feel like we're expanding the tweets Tuesdays with facts is killing it the Seinfeld references all the stuff we see it we notice it we love it and we're on the road like crazy so look us up and come to a goddamn live show yeah for God's sakes my next road dates solo are with myself Omaha February 6th through the

8th let me bust out the yeah I'm all over the road tomorrow this comes out next week yeah tomorrow I'm at dynasty typewriter we got one show left I'm shooting a special I'm calling it right now I don't know what I'll do with it but we're gonna shoot this thing and put it on wax for once in my goddamn life just to have it because I've got to get rid of this hour and it's gonna be a hot show it's a great room in LA come out to that that I'm in St. Louis Royal Oak Michigan Chicago in May Tempe in April Calgary it's all on my website I updated everything gonna go back to Cleveland Atlanta you name it folks we're coming

and please come out to see us yes February 27 to 29th Ann Arbor Michigan I'm coming back to that one hyenas in Plano Texas March 5th through the 7th and comics Roadhouse Mohegan Sun March 12th through the 14th and this is exciting folks my new podcast don't worry it's not gonna affect this podcast this is the priority I don't this is my love of my life I don't want people tweeting at me saying we're breaking up and we're dying Wednesdays with stories yes it's me and Jerry Seinfeld it comes out I think it's out now I think it's well first of all you can hear me on the honeydew podcast with Ryan Sikler that

was a fun one really enjoyed that podcast and we talked about my new podcast so we got to put it out so it should be out right now unless something got fucked up what do you call it it's called mindful metal jacket kind of like full metal jacket but mindful and it's a it's more of a serious not really a comedy we're putting it in the health health and beauty section I think how beauty that's a stretch I don't know I don't know beauty is a thing but it's um it's all about anxiety and stress and mindfulness and yoga and meditation and we got a bunch in the can and I don't know I think it's good it might be bad I

listened to one I just keep saying right every time someone says something I go right right so I'm self-conscious about that but I got a bunch I forgot one with Ari and Veter I did one Veter Stavros and Chloe Radcliffe and right Matteo right he's gay yeah that's a great episode so check it out it's out right now mindful metal jacket podcast and I got to do it with you if we can stay serious at some point I don't know it could be tough where I know a bunch of queeps yeah plus we'll just want to put on the patreon so it could be a nice patreon transition maybe it'll be a patreon first and then we'll paywall build

that paywall but anyways so check that out it's out right now it's a oh we're way over time like oh speaking of which check out the patreon yes we did a bonus last week there's a bonus this week yeah just the two of us fucking each other in the ass so here who comes first yeah and get on the patreon it's a great time to be on the patreon the first hundred and seventy four episodes are on there all the live episodes plus a ton of bonuses us plus us talking to other people is on there yes and we're doing skanks in Houston we're doing moon tower in Austin and we're doing Vegas at the comedy cellar in March and April so

come out to that in Vegas the whole thing and we're put together in LA we gotta do LA again together we gotta do another LA a little live live up in LA and oh I'm at stress factory bridgeport and New Jersey also holy fuck thank you God bless you praise our lucky mother's dick