Tuesdays with Stories! - #338 Nacho Man

Episode Date: February 25, 2020

We've got a wild one for you this week folks as Joe has a wild voyage on the Impractical Jokers cruise while Mark gets caught jumping the subway turnstile before helping a fan with a special request. Check it out! Sponsored by: Feals CBD (feals.com/tuesdays) Subscribe to our Patreon for full video of the show, bonus eps, and all of our pre-2017 episodes www.patreon.com/tuesdays

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy how holy shitballs in heaven I am hungover you're gay here we are I was in a different country today really Canada oh Canada great white way is that what it

is the great Northwest great tundra great white way now white way is not it white way what is the white way I don't know I think we're doing things the white way the great north I think something north do north white north the great white north there it is but it sounds bad the great white north can't have that anymore well it's very white Canada I don't know I love Canada I'll be there in May 29th I think something like that a similar thing I think it's the same festival what's your festival every three weeks so that's a cookie thing the dark comedy fest that Rob may who's a good egg he just you know he had Tim Dill he

has Shane Gillis all the people you're not allowed to have well I'm doing it in May I think and it's Louis J Gomez Zach Amiko I believe Sarah is gonna be involved there you go so it's it's couples comedy yeah that was actually his joke be a text no I just did it that's pretty good yeah it's not bad figure I get the laugh and then reveal that that was his right well welcome back hey good to be back same time zone right same time zone but that customs god they kill you ah fuck customs it's all George W. Bush's fault ah that's what I read somewhere that passport I'll get into it but I got a whole back story with this this tale but

so much to I want to go in chronology here cuz I don't want to get too too off well I haven't seen you since the 70s we're both in different countries I was out to see you were gay for a week and what what cities did you hit or what where'd you go we just went to NASA it's so silly these cruises are very silly because you're literally like cruising right told me you can get from Miami to NASA on this is from Chris D. Stefano who is a little thick but also smart he's weird yeah those guys huge cock nice body very sexy seems dumb but is also really smart well he's a personal trainer what do you call physical there yeah he was a

physical therapist but I gotta tell you one time early on in my relationship with old thick dick yep Steve Forrest remember him Steve Forrest comic from Carolina you move back booze bag I think you got married drank it up yeah with Sarah he was like roommates I we just have to fuck quietly isn't it weird Sarah and I this guy would hear Sarah and I fuck yeah and now I never see him again that's fun isn't that weird there's a there's a guy living his life out there that has heard me come he can just think about that all anytime he wants me to it's not great but that's kind of fun it's not like you're raping you're you're

banging your girl now it always feels bad that the roommate situation like a couple weeks me and Sarah and I and then Derek and his wife are going out a little couples retreat little vacation hoping to swap it up you never know why not little tradesies but we were gonna and cash considerations Trader Joe a player to be named later but we were gonna get a house I want to get a house I booked a hotel Sarah's like let's get a house because we're going to like Palm Springs they have those houses with the glass and the slanty things sure maids Asian but so she wants to get a house but I'm like we can't get a house because

what happens if they have kids they're excited to get away what if you get a house with thin walls now we can't properly good point you got to go hotel and you got a kid running around that's gonna hurt the boner I go hotel well they're not bringing the kids help my boners but they're not bringing fortunately but we'll put up posters milk gardens man that was a real moment yeah we're in sync I think I gotta puke my tongue speaking of that Joey Fatone was that thing isn't it crazy that his name is spelt fat one oh my god Joey fat one I never put it together and he's the fat one yeah it's like the

rapist it would be like if the gay ones name was gay one right right or a homo yeah homo sapiens home or rectus homo Vaughn that was a weed what are you smoking butts oh smoke some weed I'm all I'm all over the road here reflux I'm hurting I think we had to smoke weed at this point because of all the things that evade the holes in the business gummies yeah to just smoke a straight thing seems dumb I'll tell you those Toronto weed is legal Canada and it just you're out there it's in a big theater and just puffs of smoke it looks kind of cool really like the 40s again I feel like Sinatra

everybody's all is just smoking clouds out there you can smoke weed right in the building right in Toronto that's so surprising Toronto there's such a gay progressive city I feel like gays love the weed well I mean like you know everybody be nice cities aha well weed is nice I'm saying like you know what I mean lots of rules no smoking no fast food that kind of thing I got you know I mean it doesn't it doesn't feel like a hard city right like Montreal smoking indoors fits strippers and whores and French people but that's Toronto feels you know but you couldn't smoke a sig it's got to be the dope what really gotta

be reefer yeah was that just that comedy bar because I remember them I remember hearing about that Lewis was talking about it it sounds off putting to me maybe it wasn't bad though although you might get a contact anal not on mine to contact anal sure I contacted my anal earlier contact lens isn't it weird that you wipe your ass your fingers are right in there oh yeah I think about that all the time and toilet paper is so thin like your fingers are in your butt and I always give a you never know wash my hands well no I've washed my hands about four times in the cruise they make you and it's like they're making fun of

themselves this Asian guys going washy washy what everywhere you go cuz Corona oh right right everywhere you go they say washy washy and they spray you right in the fucking tits wow well I gotta tell you just being at the airport every Asian has got the mask on all day long that's good cuz they're ugly people true you know cover that shit up yes dental floss on the eye only kidding of course we're joking Jane Gillis yellow hey hey Ronnie Chang great special I love Ronnie I was with him last night oh good egg he's a great great guy good guy funny guy cool guy yes enjoyable to be around but wait what were we talking

about I don't know the Mary Jean crew oh the NASA oh yes so Chris D told me this that you could go if someone told him this so don't get mad at him I don't want Tuesdays with facts to fucking cut my pussy off God hates facts but he said you can go from Miami to NASA in like 29 minutes wow maybe it was 39 minutes Miami to NASA because that's not that far on those cruise ships you can just fucking lay it down just go boom and fly over but they basically most of the cruise is just dilly-dallying around just farting pussy footing yes I'll tell you when I did that cruise I remember just looking out and it's just vast ocean

you're like damn we are out there yeah it's pretty nice it was terrifying that that porthole yeah well that the night time because if it fell in the day you off of course you have the fantasy you watch all these documentaries I have the fantasy of watching someone go and I'm the guy that's like Colin and banging up the thing yeah there's an interview and it's just me talking just off camera being like I saw the feet and I yelled man overboard and then they're like you know who's your mother and whatever yeah and that weird you look over it's like when you're on top of a building you're like I

could just jump you get that weird rush like what if I just do it I had that the whole time not only that it's not just the thing of like because sometimes you have the thing what if I said the n-word at a funeral what if I came on my mother's tits while she's sleeping some of those have been answered she was fine with it but it's not just just that thing when you're on the cruise ship on the balcony everything in me wants to jump off because I love jumping off high places into the ocean right so it's not just the thing of like oh what if I did the thing you're not supposed to do it's like I actually am hot and in the sun

yeah swim in there right and so I kept having that thing plus I'm dealing with some stuff so I'm just like god I want to get in there and during the day you're like someone would see me to throw me a line I'd have to float for a minute sure and they just reel me right in that's true but at nighttime oh you're gonna if nobody sees it it really I love the idea that all these guys have tried to kill their wives on those yeah that's right and then they're like she had on heels that she tripped it's like come on dude you did it oh yeah it was a Robert Wagner is that the guy who killed his wife or Natalie Wood I think that's the

tuned people yeah Wagner would and I think they fuck with that in the once upon a time in anal oh is there a they elude elude yes one word quailude not illusions illusions that was from cougars nest ah yeah I think that's why you get so kooky on a cruise because there's no land like that's why people are fucking and doing drugs and eating horrible food and all this stuff because you just there's there's no it's all topsy turvy there's no stability it feels lawless lawless uncharted waters that's one of the strange things about the cruise like there was this fucking I'll jump all over cuz I got a lot to get to

but there was this like crazy drunk lunatic lady dressed as macho man Randy Savage now I don't know if she goes every year or not not ringing a bell but she's a bit of a heavyweight maybe a maybe a light heavyweight but welter doughy well there got it wood wooden welter WWW the WWF but she was chunky and it's just a big alkie sure she was dressed as macho man Randy Savage the whole weekend what she had the jacket with the tassels all the way down the arm there's some photos out there yeah and for some reason she wore a pants but like a thong underneath that looked like a big bush

so she kept ripping down her pants and being like yeah with her bush and that she had scars and a lot of like real doughy shit things what do you call it stretch marks yes I caught it she's business that's a bad look and at one point I don't even know where to start with this lady my first time I saw her was at there's a big belly flop contest I didn't go to that I should have it sound like it was really fun yeah Ralph you may but I saw her afterwards and she was just kind of walking around and her like thong thing was hanging out like her full ass was hanging out stomach tits everywhere yeah and just stumbling

sunglasses and the macho man hat and was just like everyone was like look at this fucking nut yikes really off put it's just someone you could tell was troubled yes yes could use a little help wow every day with the macho no Hulk no million dollar man Ted DBS all savage all the time oh yeah step into a fat gym and there was no she should step into any gym and put in a workout but no miss Elizabeth or anything I could have been Elizabeth I'm taking Elizabeth that was macho man squeeze oh I didn't know he had a squeeze miss Elizabeth yeah he carried around on his shoulder him and Hogan fought over it was a whole thing

I figured he was playing the field I know he had a one-timer I'm sure he did both of me is the champion of the world good point sexy dude yeah baseball player what yeah he was drafted by some fucking team that explains those shades those are real baseball shades yeah the facial hair baseball yeah a good run yeah died though he died oh years ago what yeah I wish it was her belly flop pull pull full low or something like that Italian guy portfolio or something like that and his brother was a wrestler aha he was the genius the genius yep that's not a great wrestler name now guy with test tubes and a Bunsen burner I want to you

know a bushwhacker hmm genius is no good that didn't strike fear I think he read poems and a manager kind of character nice which must be weird to have your brother be like the greatest wrestler of all time and then you're like I'm gonna wear a gown and read poems yeah okay have fun Steve I'll be the genius what's even a lab coat what do you call that thing that the doctors have with the it's like a circle oh yeah it's kind of a symbol yeah what is that I don't know those very 50s was it a light or what was its function I think it was a reflector it was it was shiny it was metallic yeah metallic what's going on

with that a liquor hmm well speaking of Metallica the first the next time I saw her it was at Jim Brewer oh wow now Jim Brewer shit there's a theater at on the cruise yes we didn't get to do it I guess the comics used to do the theater but now they just have us in some bullshit lounge thing but whatever so we go to see Jim Brewer and you know me I'm very skeptical and very cynical real garbage asshole same here and everyone's like what goes see Brewer I'm like I don't want to watch a man do comedy what am I doing he's gonna be silly the velvet but I'm like I guess I'll go everyone's going to see Brewer whatever you know the

guy you've heard him it's you never seen him before yeah so I'll go watch him I guess and Hamilton me and Hamilton and Sarah go and Chris D's opening so I'm like okay we'll go there we go so I go we watch Chris D comes out does his set and he kills he's great he makes me laugh so hard funny guy he brings out Brewer and as soon as Brewer comes out he walks out and some guy goes go boy or whatever go boy you hate to hear that and so Brewer just trashes him subtly which was great he's like you've been waiting all day to do this he's like you've been practicing in the mirror you just fucked it up and which is so fun

to just belittle yes you pick apart a guy and the guy's going shitty got me there yes he nailed that one and there's 900 people and you're like you're that guy yeah fucking characters 25 years old shut up and he must hate it oh he must just fucking hate it so he takes him apart right when he's done taking this guy apart here comes Randy Savage oh she walks up to the stage yeah and she's got her video camera she's in a blackout stumbling around right up to the front row doing a selfie and she's like yeah bro half baked is my favorite movie and of course everyone hates her and then he was so professionally walks over and

get down on a knee and he's like do you have friends where are your friends oh wow and she's like they're right over there and he's like those are not your friends if they were your friends you wouldn't be doing this they would say why don't you not do that and then he did this whole thing and he's like what do you got some stretch marks there she's like they're my scars I'm a mother and he's like you're a mother he's like where are your parents and it's like killing he's doing it better than what I'm doing sure and then she's like fuck everything she got mad which would find out later I'll tease that so then he's

like okay this goes on for about five minutes security there's no security on that boat now no secure because here's what I realized normally when you're doing shows in comedy the people are on your territory yes it's the club it's our club right you're at the club I'm running the show you're disrupting get out of here but on that cruise we're in the way yeah cruise yes you're on their boat baby there's two thousand of them they're going to see the impractical jokers and we're just some assholes they don't know who the fuck we are now no they want Sal and Mer and Q Q and Joe Joe yeah he's the ugly one right well

I guess it's debatable mmm they kind of it's a toss up but also hilarious that guy yeah he's just yeah super funny guy I'll take that out post he was very nice to me but I'm an ugly guy myself but any tits so he nobody's coming over to do anything and then he goes on and on after a while he goes all right you can go take a seat now why don't you take a seat and then she kind of was like I just went back to her seat and surprisingly was fine after that now we're eight minutes in now he goes into just talking about the cruise he does about 20 minutes on the cruise and is murdering man I'm howling it was like black comedy

jam or whatever the hell that's called urban death death comedy yeah I mean we're all elbowing each other I got Hamilton in the headlock a blow into Stefano Ron Bennington's fucking Bonnie you know it's wild up there it's like someone threw a hand grenade in the crowd he's killing wow see I feel like that's like some old guard shit this guy knows how to handle a heckler he can do 20 minutes riffing on the actual place he's at it's not just I go up I do my act I leave this guy's a pro oh yeah and he's got some no he did some old bits some new bits and all kinds of I mean just killing we had to leave with like 20

minutes left because we had to go do our own show yeah which is always this point to leave a theater that's like they're crying laughing then we go up to like the lounges 11 people they're drunk I know I know I wonder I wonder if he's doing okay you know like is he doing theaters and getting his due I think he's doing well enough I mean he started a new podcast which thank god for podcasts I know you gotta have one he could just go I'm gonna start a podcast make 75 grand a year or whatever that's not what we're making we're making we're not Jim Brewer we're making much more but then I went to the lie he does a live podcast

with Keith he started a new podcast we go to that like let's go check that out Keith Robinson and boy that was amazing when this comes out go listen to it Keith Robinson on the Jim Brewer podcast I want to hear that great listen some of it might be edited out so they got a pretty spicy but too hot to handle too cold to hold call the ghostbusters in your in control but that was amazing and then Randy Savage makes one more appearance for us our show next night last night she shows up sits front row for our final show and Bonnie McFarland goes on first and the woman's like are you gonna be nice to me Jim Brewer is

mean fuck Jim Brewer and you're like oh you think he's the bad guy right and then this gal got some issues oh she's fucked well that's what I was gonna say about the crews normally in shows the heckler leaves you're like well never see that guy again right you forget in the boat you're so isolated you're like oh they're still here somewhere it's like a small town yeah they're on the boat so she goes there and then Bonnie's like what do you got fat you're all fat you should get some clothes that fit you and the woman's like oh body shaming oh you're so edgy body shaming we're not doing that anymore and Bonnie goes

I'm still doing it and that kill we all get crazy it was so fucking funny this gal needs to be pushed over boards you get gotta get beached leave her on the island she's got problems I have some empathy for her she's obviously popping pills and boozing and sure you know stretch marks get it together I wanted to I went up next by the way she's like are you gonna be mean and I said uh well I just want to say I'm not a fan and not gonna big laugh and then she kind of put her head down I just went through my set yeah and the whole time she just kind of was like sitting like this with her head down like she missed the game winner right

and uh put her in the poop deck or something this gal's uh menace it was bad menace to society um nacho man yeah she's stunk but uh that's the macho man I got some more crew stuff but I gotta I gotta kick it back over these people they'll write mean shit to me I want to hear about the crews there's nothing better than a practical joker's crews I'll just say a quick one so I did Gotham comedy club you know you headline that always exciting in the city fun times we sold her out so this guy hits me up on the DMs I answer all my DMs because I'm uh lonely and he goes hey man I want to propose to my lady can I do it at your

show I'm a big fan I'm a Tuesday the whole thing oh wow and I was like it's a little kitschy you know it's a little gimmicky and I said how about this fatty I'll let you do it after my set okay he was like all right you know win-win you don't you don't gonna fuck my setup you also get to do your proposal you ruin your life a lot of pressure though it's a lot of pressure but he ate it he wanted to do it I know but what if you have a Randy Savage or the heckler yeah well he seemed like a good egg I was getting a good vibe because he kept he kept it's all about intent because you could tell he was like I'm sorry I hate to do this but it would mean a lot to me

like he was he was throwing it out there wasn't just like hey fag let me put on the dip oh sure sure I'm just worried that you're gonna have a bad set oh weird thing well it was a the set went fine but I realized we didn't set anything up oh no like I just winged it and so I do my set and I go thank you thank you all right and then I was like how do I get this guy up here I don't want to just go hey you're gonna propose right get on up here that'll ruin it so I go thanks a lot and I just stand up there and I go hey what's your fucking problem now the audience the applause has died and I go what's your fucking problem the audience is like what the show is over now what are you on the guy

interesting and he goes uh huh and I go you haven't laughed once not once the whole hour and he goes yeah yeah I wasn't into it and he just rolls with it wow yes and I was like well how about you get up here and I do the classic get your fat ass up here and you do some comedy goes gladly no so he gets up there I hand him the mic I sit off to the side and the crowd is like oh shit this is getting crazy it was like a world star and uh he's like yeah Tiffany or whatever Sarah Clancy whatever her name was Clancy I uh I've always wanted to do this or whatever I have a question for you and just say what you well about marriage and jaded and how far we've gotten and antiquated and we're all disconnected the whole place gasp it was beautiful

they love it people love a proposal they fucking love it I don't care what 2020 we're not connecting anymore rolling our phones this was old school and he goes out in the crowd gets down on one knee the place is going apeshit because they didn't think it was they didn't see this coming wow they thought he was gonna try to stand up and uh holy hell the place went wild and uh he was like thanks a lot Mark blah blah blah I came back guys give it up for the bride to be holy hell I thought she was gonna say no that could have been a nice twist that would have been fun but uh she said yes they kissed the place is going crazy and then we had a second show which was not as good that's weird have to do another show yeah but it was a nice moment and uh good

good for you guys yeah have fun out there and the key is communication there's always a guy that gets married two years later he's like here's what's up yeah yeah so they'll they'll get divorced eventually but it was a nice moment and it was a beautiful thing and I put it on my insta if you want to take a look uh but the crowd had no idea and thank god it all worked because I was just winging that yeah that sucks to fuck that up but it sounds like you nailed it it went well it went well here's the thing about proposals whatever happens it's become special because it's a proposal right so even if you put it in dog shit and throw it in your hair it's still all right here here exactly that's what I did so uh now I'm riding high and next day I have lunch with my old pal

Matt Salacuse hey Sally and uh we go get lunch at the tiktok diner on 8th and 34th oh wow I'm feeling good I go to Penn Station to get the uh one train back to the house I go ah you know I've been having a good run I jump the turnstile oh boy as you do mm-hmm boop boop boop boop boop boop hey chachi come on over here and I go oh what's this guy plain clothes a plain closed cup that's how they get you and I go to help you and he's like and I was a real douche I had sunglasses on and a jacket it was a real bad move and he goes yeah yeah I'm a cop he shows me the badge and I go and he puts me up against the wall and I'm hand on the wall wow so now it's Penn Station so it's popping oh that's fun did he kick your legs apart no no kick because I I went with it what do you

call I didn't resist oh you uh comply there it is you gotta comply yes so uh you know he's like what do you do I'm like I'm a comedian he goes up let's hear it I had to tell him the joke it was right out of a movie oh my god what joke I couldn't think of a good one so I did the joke where I say uh this is so bad I wish I hadn't done it but I go you know I'm black that one that's a classic oh wow you did your own joke yeah oh yeah oh I would have busted out how many skunks does it take to stink up a room a few yeah that's my go-to how about this one I heard this one the other day uh uh my girlfriend accused me of being a pedophile and I said geez that's a big word for a six-year-old no that's fun that's good the other day that's nice so here's the clinker though I'm up against the

wall at Penn Station they're doing the ticket filling it out all right how old are you what let me see your ID I see four kids jump the turnstiles oh come on I'm like that but I don't want to rat him out right but you know they're a fun love an african-american and one kid gets caught and they bring him over so now me and this kid are hanging out he's got a big fro and uh they let him go and I go what what the hell why you let him go and not me they go he's 15 it's like what the fuck oh geez now what is that did he frisky up when against the wall and shit I think you could tell I was uh upstanding or whatever okay but uh no no stopping frist those bloomberg days are over I guess five million is that right that's the number I saw on the tv I was laughing so hard they had

like his campaign guy and he was like oh he did a couple hundred thousand and the guy the anchor was like it was five million five and the guy's like wow I don't know anything about wait he first five I guess I don't I mean he didn't do it personally he seems like he'd be into it it seems like a lot I don't know yeah I guess there's nine mil in the city I just love when people uh people are trying to that's why I love about politics the guy's like it was a couple hundred thousands like I got it right here in front of me it's five million the guy's like well the point is the crime went right right but anyways yeah so uh I got the ticket I put it on instagram I got to pay 100 clams wow that's no uh spring chicken but I figure I've jumped it for years uh it's worth it

yeah well it all evens it's like canner has a joke about you get a drink a ticket for drinking publicly and uh you know a beer is eight dollars he does the whole math he's a cheer yeah yeah but uh somehow it works out it's a funny bit but if you've only gotten caught once you're still in the black or the red or the blue or the brown yeah I'm in the the person of color black is good red is bad depends on the people but uh yeah so that was uh very eye opening when you get that ticket you're like when you're up against that wall and the guy's got the badge going you're like man I'm a criminal yeah it's pretty exciting it was exciting yeah you got to pay that off because that's one of those ones they find you later and they go hey you got an unpaid ticket

blah blah yeah you don't have a prior Richard prior yeah so yeah that was me so then I uh you know I got the ticket I put it on instagram I'm gonna pay it I'm gonna pay it today I swear to god pay it today yeah pay it forward so flew out to uh St. Louis the next day how about this Thursday to Saturday in St. Louis sunday I'm going to Toronto now I'll jump in here and then you you you finish us off okay I think I'm out of it after this okay I got a bunch of weird things all right so go out to st. lou helium fun town a bit of a bummer over there not a great city you know they got the arch and uh some weird pizza and ravioli and aides and crack and fentanyl yeah a couple things not much happening there yeah cardinals are fine whatever

good alumni though oh there's some people some musicians right they got Miles Day Chuck Berry maybe I think Cedric the uh entertain yeah a lot of fun blacks Brian Cox the football guy not the actor John again John again yeah he lays claim he's southern Illinois but st louis is his city started there nickie glazer uh um Greg Warren is kind of a st louis guy yeah all right well yeah fun time for the st louis guy I had a ton of barbecue I freely shit the bed I've been miscaraging all week with that barbecue careful but uh flight was delayed to st louis we had the busiest pilot on the planet for some reason the pilot came out he's like it's gonna be some snow it's gonna call it's gonna take a lot of gas to get to st louis

so we're gonna stop in Pittsburgh to refuel what we're like what it's a three hour flight he's like ah that bumpiness you know we're gonna have to push through the snow it's gonna take more gas we're like all right oh it sounds like bloomberg this guy's dunk so we're like what the fuck but you know what am I gonna argue with the pilot I don't know what the hell is going on so he's got wings so we uh we stop in Pittsburgh and it's not like you just stop and refuel you gotta stop taxi get paperwork refuel then he goes you know what we're gonna de ice put some de ice on this bitch right here and you're like what de ice what are we doing smooth ride the whole way no ice no turbulence no snow that de ice I've never had a quick de ice in

my life by the way no de ice hours it takes longer to de ice than it does to freeze ice aha you put a cube tray in the cube the fucking thing it's ready in a half hour you get that it's not quite ready but it's split you have the ice right that's kind of fun yeah yeah but the de ice horseshit get out of here get out of here ice ice baby I hated this guy we finally get to st louis supposed to get there at three I got there at like seven the show's at eight you know you gotta go right to the hotel rub one out fuck your asshole then go to the show I can't not jerk off upon a rival no it's that what do you call it the Murphy's law the Pavlov's dog whatever the fuck thing is something about checking in I gotta beat one off yeah yeah I just do it at the airport right when

I get there in the airport yeah fuck the hotel that'll de ice the oh yeah it's a little frosting ice is uh so yeah finally got there barely made it uh now I'm in st louis we're having fun me and Sean Murphy he's the feature and you know we're doing the things during the day we're doing this we're doing that shows are great sell some shirts brought too many as usual and I'm laying in bed hungover on Saturday and I go I gotta go to Toronto tomorrow I guess I'll check in you know it's like noon check it in okay birthday age passport number uh passport number oh I didn't bring my fucking passport you piece of shit come guzzling Nazi I blew it I know what happened I did the same thing back in 2014 I had to go to Winnipeg but first I did a weekend somber that's what it is

so your initial flight is domestic exactly so you're not thinking next flight exactly it gets you every time every time every time because you look at the thing and you go on flying to st louis with the old fucking pussyfoot de ice man exactly and you're dangerous and you don't bring the passport then you get there now it's time to go to Toronto I've done it myself all right now I'm a mistake I feel better because I it's so embarrassing you text your manager you text your ad like what the fuck you're scrambling and then you're like all right maybe the girl can overnight it maybe that's something you're like well where where are you gonna overnight it to I'm leaving tomorrow you know like how's that gonna work so that's out so you just start thinking like maybe there's a

way I can print something out you just you know you're going all haywire and they don't give a fuck they don't care it's Saturday you can go hey listen I'm white I'm cool I have no record other than the turnstile jumping I'm cool here's my number here's my photo here's my twitter here's my stories they don't give a shit but it's amazing that little booklet it's just this dumb pamphlet piece of garbage jizz face motherfucker yeah so to try to guess what I did I'm gonna guess you had to get on an early flight fly to New York get your shit and fly to Toronto from there that's pretty good you nailed it that was my only option that's the only option what else are you gonna do so I lost all the profit because the flight changes you lose the other flight that was 300

bucks and you gotta buy a new flight the day of or the day next day that's eight million clams and then you you know you gotta get the Uber to the house then the Uber back and the whole thing and finally I was supposed to get Toronto at one got to Toronto at you know 650 the shows at 730 barely make it you don't shower you hate yourself you're gay the whole thing's ruined but we did it three shows killer Toronto a lot of Tuesdays yeah I can't wait to go in May it's my most requested city so you better show up May 29th I think it is they love us over there a lot of gifts you know chipotle weed anal you name it and just good good crowds dark it's called the dark comedy fest so they're up for all kinds of all kinds of shit and uh yeah finally got back today but I went I boozed

it up that's why I'm I'm a shell of a man here but uh yeah so I'm back what a weekend that's why that passport thing that's why I use reminders so much every 10 minutes I'm like remind me of uh you know my cut my pubes remind me of what's that you can do that yeah yes siri say hey remind me to come on mack mark's back in an hour yes remind me to let out siri not it's not available airplane mode but I do it all the time I got post it's everywhere all kinds of post everywhere you come to my house it's just post it's all over the place I didn't know you were a posted guy huge posted oh yeah interesting a lot of reminders because I'm going to like Palm Springs I'm going to Indian Wells for the tennis tournament and I got physical tickets because I got a physical

ticket to you know scrapbook the whole thing yeah you don't want to leave that behind and I got it's in my calendar as a date I got four reminders I gotta post it already you gotta do that for you they say that's how you know you're smart because dumb people go I got it right but a smart guy knows he's dumb exactly and I hate myself trying to do a bit about this all exclamation points as though the post it's like hey right right I'll leave my luggage in front of the door I'm like this is just in case I forget to bring luggage on a three-week trip yeah but that's how they that damn passport because everything is on your phone now except the past it's so old school it's silly back in the day pre 9-11 horses you could just walk right across like in my day we drove to Montreal you could just

cruise right across there you had to stop and talk you had to stop you needed a passport that was like oh four I think yeah right that's right it was uh it was bush bush era bullshit Tuesdays with facts we'll slap it up there slap it up I don't know how it all worked because I was 21 but I remember people being like oh the bush and the fucking tourists drove right over that imaginary drove up you said hey I'm Joe here's my license and I'm gonna go you know rape a stripper and they said great have fun bonjour that's a fun weekend oh yeah they liked it hey folks gotta tell you about feels CBD do you experience stress anxiety or chronic pain how about trouble sleeping lord knows I do I think a lot of us do personally I'm sick of taking sleeping pills and heroin

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my best every day and it can help you too become a member today go into feels.com slash Tuesdays and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping damn half off and a shipping why about handling what the hell is handling uh that's f e a l s dot com slash Tuesdays to become a member and get half off automatically on your first order with free shipping feels dot com slash Tuesdays so now it's back to you there fatty well I had some travel issues too and I know the people some like and some hate to travel sure you're getting travel oh by the way Gary veter album is available right now veter las vegas right now is a half hour left in this episode when you're done go stream download upload by if you want to really support yes get the album

comedy seller records this is like a 12 13 years in the making I mean the guys never put anything out so this is all cream of the crop grade a yuck em ups yeah great guy he's mentioned off mentioned here usually it's a short joke but uh or a true joke ah but uh go get the album it's right now and of course we got a lot of plug in sam maril's youtube special is up right now that's killing it that's amazing you've probably already seen that based on the numbers yeah so it live lights out it just rips up enough my face am I believing ah no no oh god it's a discoloration gab is there a discoloration a little bit yeah it's a little white it's always there I've been picking at it for years oh god you don't want to pick how about this isn't the steam room today and we're talking

to a big latino bowl and uh he's like my name is David what's your name and uh we're talking about healthy he's like the son is healthy the steam room's healthy blah blah blah and he goes my friend lung cancer steam room he said he healed it healed it huh I'm like steam room healed lung cancer he's like yes man switch to god and I'm like all right I think I gotta question your police work there uh Dave he's gonna die and not know why I know I'm like so if you got a lung cancer get yourself a tea kettle you're all set there you go a little steam in the lungs the sauna cures uh aids you got that right and it gives aids from what I've seen in the rooms where the slippers um oh so listen to this travel fucking nonsense hit me so I'm all paranoid I got I was texting with you so

you know but I'll tell the fine folks at home here I did the Omaha funny bone fun weekend nice weekend went to the zoo you know they're one of the best zoos in the world killer zoo I went myself they had uh uh menonites what the hell's a menonite it's like an Amish rip off oh really yeah you've seen them they're people on it yeah they get the bonnet they don't think they use electricity calling if you know menonite or personal night I don't know what it is but they're out there is meningitis related to that is that their thing no I don't think so by men and well anyways I'm out in Omaha did the funny bone went to the zoo fine zoo I mean it's beautiful it's got some orangutans popping around here the monkeys are really all you needed a zoo I agree

everything else because they look like us they're swinging they're cute they make faces yeah they do shit you know that lion is is uh on heroin he's just laying there like an oxy cotton victim you know but the the monkeys are popping around the lion sucks lion stinks they'll do anything you want to throw a uh a can at him just to wake him up yeah he blows the tigers or whatever they're majestic but the tiger lion you gotta watch Planet Earth yes David Attenborough he'll fucking show you a tiger now you're talking they'll they'll pick up a crocodile and crack its neck yeah but live the orangutan he's swinging around and the monkeys jumping up and down and then there was something called the white fisted I don't know what the hell it was but it was some some kind of crazy thing but

there's something the rest of it then it's like snakes I'm like get out here with the snakes I hate the reptilitarium or whatever the fuck that is boom bummer fest I'm gonna ruffle some scales here but anyone that's into snakes I don't trust them I don't want to be around them that's a red fag I appreciate you thanks for listening you know come to the shows but snakes nah you're you're out these guys with the snakes at their house they they feed them the mouse and they think that's entertainment get a life pee you I prefer a mouse I'll take a mouse mouse in the house is fun yeah sure you put them on that sticky tray makes them easy to torture you take a shit on it make me eat it when they go oh god oh you hold their tail and kind of stick them under the water drown them a little

bit sure yeah kid stuff you could throw them too you could swim the uh spin the tail there fuck yeah spin the tail on the mousey uh but anyway we went to the air that was a great time but so I'm all paranoid about the travel because the cruise leaves oh we gotta leave the cruise is Monday yep at noon in Miami and if you missed the ship you missed the ship that's all there's to it that's all she wrote now Sarah's going on the cruise too but she's in New York I'm in Omaha then I have a web series to shoot my friend's doing a web series I'm in the thing I got a part now I've always wanted to be an actor I just didn't know how to do it and it feels pretentious but no that yeah love I love it when you're kidding I'm obsessed with the movies you're at the lesbian I'm in SAG I was in the

captain Morgan commercial I was in the uh the other one the Texas football commercial two girls one they're out there uh I got two out of my first three commercial edition that's unheard of boom boom everybody hated me yeah all the actors were like what fuck you you fucking loser hey you got in yeah I gotta look but anyways you know I wanted to be Jack Nicholson when I was a kid I'd always be crying and sure McMurphy ah the best oh yeah anyways so I want to be an actor I got a I got a role in a web series and I'm reading lies Sarah and I read the lines I recorded them so I'm listening to them in the thing and I'm like I had the dinner with the girl that's making the movie we went over our characters and my motivations this is big I'm really into it I'm all fired up but it shoots

Sunday she asked me to do it and I'm like well my flight lands at two o'clock so we could do 5 30 and it's Oscar night oh and I love the I used to tape the Oscars on V I have all the Oscars from 96 to like 2011 on VHS not 2011 help as however long vcrs went sure I got Roberto Bonini jumping around and Nicholson winning for as good as it gets the whole thing um I got them all lined up I loved the whole thing I know that love Oscar night big thing had a big part it's a whole thing I'm a little gay quite frankly well I wonder how many Harvey Weinstein high fives are on those footages oh I bet he's sprinkled throughout there yeah you're a god to me and they're they blow them and they kiss them and they talk about radius sure not a not a good person but any any jizz I've heard

so I got an acting gig right before Oscar night I'm like I'll be there at 5 30 my flight gets in I think at two something like that so but I'm paranoid because I'm like I'm gonna miss one of these right well if you're gonna miss one I missed the series you want to miss the acting thing so Ronald Reagan the actor so I got the I'm freaking out about this skin tag it's it's a bump you can't even see it it's bumped though it's a it looks like a scab it's scabbard's been there for years oh well you gotta you can't keep rubbing it ah boy well figure you know it might be a mole maybe it's a mole yeah it might be a mold I want to you don't want to rub that mole off is that bad yeah I gotta let the mole be

mole be dead mole be he was in a how I met your mother all right so I go to the airport of course and I get I like to get there early so I had the guy pick me up and other way my cab driver now I'm just doing bits the cab driver we're talking politics I know you guys don't want to hear about politics but he goes I can't I would talk about Mayor Pete like I can't imagine voting for a gay guy ah and I'm like well just say you don't want to vote for him right let's say you can't imagine it aha you can imagine anything yeah I can imagine fucking Mayor Pete in the ass while Bloomberg comes in my face sure I did it today yeah I mean everyone's doing it right now everyone imagine it

you got it I never I'm with you I never got one Billy you can't make that up no you could you could make up Star Wars Harry Potter Lord of the Rings it's all made up yeah you make anything up yeah what the hell you're talking about just imagine vote I mean this is the voting is just that you just yeah your little right fucking thing just imagine it just say I hate gay people I'm not voting for that there you go that I get by the way you don't have to say that you could be like he's 37 he's the mayor of a town the size of my dick I don't like the guy right what are you just is he a mayor he's the mayor of French liquor some horse town oh yeah of uh I don't know South Bend Fire Island yeah I like him he's cute I like him too somebody did a joke last night we did the

this week at the cellar somebody what the hell's the guy's name he's new over there Bernie Trump no no a comic oh he did a joke where he said people just looks like the kind of guy that when he raises hand in class he says question before he asked a question that's not bad that was funny I like it anyways I did the imagine the thing bit I did okay I like it anyway I get to the airport the guy tells me he hates gays or whatever sure drops me off I get to the airport now I'm like two hours early for my flight because I get paranoid so I'm early and it's one of these classic 1015 flight been delayed till 1115 ah shit okay well I'm delayed I text uh the chick I might be late whatever sure don't worry about plenty of time even if you're here it's seven does one of those

I'm like oh well seven that's ridiculous yeah then it's uh 1145 and you go okay great 1215 1245 that half hour delay every 20 minutes they're doing that and when that happens you're fucked increments then they start saying the flight is in Minnesota it's all Minnesota is the problem it's gotta be de-iced ice this ice that yep yep vanilla so I keep that you keep asking is the flight left so now I'm calling Delta now I'm platinum so they answer the phone right away and I go I gotta get to New York tonight or I gotta get to Miami tomorrow morning how can I do that they're like well you have to fly to Atlanta but you missed the Atlanta flight that'll get in at 1 a.m but I can't go home to get all my luggage and ship I'm like well maybe Sarah could take my

luggage but it's not gonna work I'm on the phone all day yeah yada yada yada five and a half hour delayed oh that's a whole web series I've missed the gig no acting no chance now I gotta worry about getting home for the Oscars and now I'm also worried if I don't get home tonight I'm fucked yes I mean oh I'm looking at car I'm like could I drive to Minnesota could I drive to Dallas could I fly to whatever sure if I miss this I'm out and Sarah's in New York she's got the ticket she's gonna make it oh yeah and now I'm gonna be gone she's gonna be off of the cruise banging the whole fucking gang living it up with macho man I'm gonna be in New York with she'll be miss Elizabeth so I'll be in New York with no gigs no acting shit no nothing nothing so finally

the flight goes you guys like the flight is in the air so everyone's like a flight's in the air the flight's in the air it's spreading around you know we're all excited yes yes it's a murmur get on the flight I land at like 715 I'll live it because I was a five and a half hour delay I got there two hours early I met the Omaha fucking airport for seven and a half hours brutal I could have watched both godfathers and that fucking abortion they called the third one miscarriage and all nominated for best picture that's a mistake yeah the third one sucks so bad lost in this list anyways what I finally okay that's good I finally get home and I'm just living you're inconsolable sure it's one of those things it feels stupid it's all just ego because now that you're

home you're home there's no need to be still be angry right but I get it but I'm like I missed the gig I wanted to act I spent so much time learning those lines I really was gonna nail it I felt it I had it and the ladies disappointed in you don't you feel like that like you're like if the flight's delayed they're like ah we relied on you you're like it's not me I know you had to send screenshots and then this is the worst you're like I got my girlfriend's boyfriend to take you spot and I'm like I hate that guy I don't even know who it is but it's some pimple to just learn my dumb lines he sticks he didn't put the thought into it not a fan then I get home how about this twist I got a check from SAG the screen actors guild it's the Oscars I missed my acting role but I'm like

hey SAG I got a check open it it's for one penny oh come on a one set check insult to injury I take a piss on that I flip it over come on that side I stick them together and eat them yes eat it eat the penny so I watch the Oscars fun Oscars Sarah came home we had a couple tweets some fun Chris Rock had some great jokes by the way oh yeah oh he was terrific I gotta watch that because I've watched uh Ford versus Ferrari I own one of each that's not even close ah that was a fun one a few other fun what Julie dryfus and will ferrell were really funny together and then good combo my Rudolph Kristen Wiig they were fine there was some jokes it was fun no host though a bit odd hate the no host hate to know somebody to great tweet a parasite one without a host no that's funny clever that's

pretty clever got like 8000 retweets so now I'm home safe and now I'm paranoid about the flight because now I start finding out with the ship leaves from Miami but everybody else flew down the night before I talked to Hamilton Christie Bennington everybody they're all like I don't know I'm staying at the hotel because they set up a hotel for a Sunday night yes in Miami so you could just fucking stroll to the ship that's what I did they got busted shuttle buses we're the only ones flying there the morning of so now the day before I'm traumatized I had a seven and a half hour delay and then you have the thing that's like well I had a delay yesterday so today there's probably no delay right but that doesn't make any sense doesn't mean but I get it good odds it's good

odds so we get there flight takes off now we end up being early because the flight gets in at 10 o'clock sure we take a lift right to the ship now the first one's there yes and uh at one point we're all get through you kind of pass surpass the surpass whatever bypass bypass thank you surgery we bypass the crowd we get in now we're just waiting all of a sudden fire alarm somebody went in the wrong exit everybody out they fucking take everybody out exit everybody a thousand people so now we're just stuck in the crowd of a thousand people oh boy we're getting recognized some Tuesdays out there a lot of Legion of Skanks shirt taking a few photos nice now they're like everybody back in we're like we're artists we're artists

they just hate us to like shut up you fucking New York liberal cucks gross uh so we couldn't get back in then we had to like fight our way through with the badges like Wayne and Garth you know we get back in we wait longer longer finally like all right we're ready for the artist come on in Sarah and I no lie are the first two on the boat I stepped in front of her because I got ego first one on the ship did you hit a champagne bottle on that bitch no no champagne all right well you don't drink but I walked in and we're the first ones on it was pretty exciting quite a thrill and everyone's getting there have you seen this have you seen that I was like I was the first one on the boat you son of a bit yeah nobody cares I'm a piece of shit I get my egos not my

amigo but anyways we get there and we're in level five which is like the decaprio horseshit irish idiots level there's 14 levels dex yeah paint me so we go down there boy she was sexy oh yeah a lot of the ladies didn't like her getting that role I remember when that came out oh really she's not pretty enough for him I was like oh look who's uh you know oh wow that judging by looks I'm more attracted to her than I am to him I don't know he was good but uh yeah she had saucy tits big supple white cans nice nice titties beautiful face she's a good actor too oh hell of an actor good Ruben Esk if you will she was you know kind of thick what's Ruben Esk you know like voluptu who's the Ruben in Ruben Esk I think the sandwich oh no kidding I don't know maybe Ruben stuttered

he was fat oh remember him yeah I always confused him and Lavel Crawford oh yeah I get that similar and earthquakes in there somewhere so we get on the boat we're in level five and there's no uh balcony it's just a little circle the porthole a porthole and you had said that you like it's a porthole we bump into J.F. Harris uh oh going in he's like everyone gets a balcony all the comments get balcony so at the last minute I'm like balcony great then I get in it's just a little porthole yeah which is what I was expecting so J.F. Harris fucked my expectations he fucked you so speaking of fucking Sarah and I bang have a nice bang rolling the hay and we're looking out the little porthole then I get a text from Sal Volcano and he goes hey

it's a huge mistake sorry about the level five we're working on getting everybody a balcony so hey no problem but meanwhile I'm like yeah you better you fucking asshole yeah kidding of course but he gets us the balcony now we're on the balcony which is a game changer because the balcony you can be outside with the seas looking out oh yeah I get that ocean air without getting attacked by you know getting a flying elbow from Savage so oh yeah right right so we got a nice balcony and uh it's beautiful the the thing the whole thing was just amazing yeah but how about this first night we're going to the show I'm the first one there again I'm like where is everybody you're an early bird I'm an early bird all the comics start showing up they're like God I got

stuck in the hallway from the seizure guy I'm like seizure guy some guy had a seizure fell down a flight of stairs what a full fucking J Fox seizure how an Ali yeah he went crazy and had a fish out of water seizure whoa flopping yeah he was flipping and flopping the whole thing might have been day two I think it was day two I'll be a little confused I'll figure it out on the on the on the journey so he's having a seizure like all the comics like yeah had to reroute and I'm a little bummed I didn't see it which is weird yeah you want to see a siege well everything is podcast for me I agree Potter the whole time in Omaha there's like the back of my head I'm like this will be pretty good yeah same with the passport same here because there's nothing fun about I got a flight to Omaha

and flew home no that stinks that's no good you need Potter so I'm a little bummed about the seizure but like Hamilton's like I'm traumatized Bonnie's crying Bennington's you know upset or whatever I always want to be the guy who gets the mouth then you're like don't let him bite his tongue you know you save his tongue oh yeah like a stick in there so yes he says his mother I want to be that guy um Bonnie wasn't crying by the way ah but uh the rest is true um but anyways he has a seizure so then we're doing the show and I'm on the balcony and again this is ego I'm trying to work on it we're sitting there and I'm like I think we're like I'm like Miami's right there I can I can see Miami I think I'm like is Bahamas how big is the Bahamas is it huge and Sarah's like I don't think so I'm

like something's up I can see a city right here like what the fuck city is this and she's like bye must be the Bahamas or some highly you're crazy and I'm like I guess I'm crazy because I can't be we've been sailing for fucking 14 hours sure so we're sitting there blah blah blah the guy comes on boom boom hey this is the captain you might have noticed we're heading back to Miami we had a health issue the seizure guy we gotta go back to Miami so everyone's grumbling like what the fuck and I feel like okay it's Miami I saw these skyscrapers and my only thing was like I guess the Bahamas is coming up they're picking up a notch yeah like Jesus Christ so we sit there we idle outside Miami like I don't know 20 knots 10 knots sure knots very farm knots landing so done knots so we're

sitting 20 don knots is off the thing and the boats we're just like what's going on here we're idling for hours and they had a boat come to us uh-huh turns out the guy died no night one what yeah this poor seizure guy because here's the thing it's a boat doctor they don't know what the fuck oh where's doctor on the boat I mean it's just a guy in the hold of the ship going I don't know what's going on he's at the silver thing probably sure wow dead man walking he's dead so I think they tossed him and his dumb family onto the boat below give her the sharks and they sent him back which I appreciate that they didn't go back and redock wow they just shipped him off and said good night like been loud and and then we went back out to sea I picture and put him on a raft

with a couple candles and just letting it go just slid him off to uh you know greener pastures whatever she's cast away huh but it's wild poor bastard died on the impractical jokers cruise talking about an impractical joke oh yeah that's a good one a lot of commitment I mean you'd hope that it'd be at least night four so we went out with the buffet and the whole thing but this guy first night was coming to see Bonnie and Bennington and fucking flipped out poor guy miss brewer so Bonnie Bennington and brewer yeah damn but uh wow the guy died died burial at sea yep poor bastard but anyways I got a few more things about off to save him for another week because we're at the end of our line I mean you got you got a minute if you got one quicky but

uh I got to the well I got to the beach that's a whole long thing uh I'll just tell you about barf cough guy barf cough guy I've never heard those three words together well we had a guy wake up I don't know what's going on if I have corona God help me but sure Lyme disease we're laying there the first morning the next morning whatever the first morning that we wake up on the boat and I just hear I can't even do it that's not even close to it yeah fuck I gotta get Michael Winslow in here to do it sure and this it was like a I can't I can't even come close I know the sound it's projectile it sounded like a barf but also like a cough okay in fact we even debated a boss yeah I was like that's a barf it says like that's a cough and for a while we thought it was

the toilet or the ship or something I was like that's not human yeah and it was the guy in between Hamilton Ryan Hamilton had the room two doors down this guy was in between us because Hamilton was like what is that like I don't know what that is but it was a big barf cough which sounds like a Russian but he's not a comic no no it was some guy we never got to look at him he was like a white whale yeah you know a have something wrong with him but uh crazy barf cough the whole time and it was like eight times a day I don't know if you ever left the room it's the wildest thing I've ever heard in my life it was like whooping cough whoa whooping whooping I think it's whooping whoop ass can of it I don't know but that sucks you can't enjoy the boat some guys heaving yeah I got no

story for it really but it was quite a thing it sounded like Ferris Bueller's keyboard oh yeah but it does like the hold on yeah it was one of those things but uh well I gotta tell you those Joker fans they're all good people salt to the earth but uh not the healthiest bunch in the bag no it was about a 60% limp yeah everyone was limping a lot of scooters and rascals yeah a lot a lot of c-section scars uh maybe an eyepatch diabetes uh good people though great time and then I got I got more stories uh karaoke was wild and we had some photos but uh man great guys I love those guys I mean Sal obviously I know the best coolest he's the best and Bonnie was hilarious she had me fucking dying laughing and uh her crowd work was great a couple of drunks and

Bennington's just amazing it's like you feel thrilled to be around him yes Keith is like a special guy and Hamilton's like the best hang Chris D's one of the funniest people ever get a good crew amazing crew and uh Joy L Johnson was fun and uh who else was there that was like the main crew we saw ah probably getting somebody for no I saw but he's like in the Joker's crew oh is he so we didn't see him too much all right I got some other stuff we'll talk about but all right we're gonna start doing some plugs oh shit yeah where are you gonna be there fatty let me uh just see because I got some big stuff coming up well March 1st I'm March 2nd Monday March 2nd recording my album at the Village Underground comedy seller Village Underground two shows wow come on out now a

lot of you have seen me before so it's gonna be a lot of the older stuff so just laugh it up laugh it up let's make a good album here folks even if you've heard it I need some laughs start some applause a lot of like whoosh not woo but maybe some whistles or whatever don't don't pull a macho man yeah Monday March 2nd big hot album recording this weekend I'm in Ann Arbor Michigan go blue Ann Arbor comedy showcase that's uh Thursday Friday Saturday great room then uh recording the album March 2nd hyenas in Plano Texas March 5th through the 7th Mohegan Sun comics Roadhouse March 12th through the 14th the belly room at the comedy store March 16th and uh of course gang fest is coming up Vegas we'll be at the comedy seller Vegas that first week of April

and I got Worcester woo ha ha April 17th and 18 and this is big the Uncle Dale Fire Department show we do it every every year that's gonna be May 9th we're moving up to a big hotel it's in Quincy mass this year we're gonna have a big Marriott and Quincy that's May 9th Royal Oak Michigan May 1st and 2nd and then uh Wise Guys Salt Lake City I'm excited about that one I'm skipping a huge tour for that so for God's sake it's worth it's a hot room all right and that's May 22nd 23rd Toronto May 29th and uh of course Moon Tower we'll both be together we're doing a live podcast here here and Skankfest we're doing a live pod and we're gonna have new shirts that might be available now but not 100% sure yet if I can speak out of school maybe our best shirt yet

I love this shirt very excited lunch and a hoodie we got a hoodie and a hoodie and a hook shop uh I'm at Zanies in Nashville love that town love that club can't wait uh Laughings called Atlanta Stress Factory in Bridgeport Connecticut come on out yeah terrifying city comedy seller Vegas Stress Factory new Brunswick that's Jersey Moon Tower funny bone in Des Moines Iowa not bragging then we're doing the old Zanies in Chicago Laugh Shop in Calgary Alberta back up to the Canucks Tempe Improv those tickets are all ready to go on sale Fila Fili Helium and uh all kinds of fun stuff after that you name it uh Soho Theatre in London I'm following your footsteps hell yeah and uh what else we got Miami Improv uh that should be rough Wise Guys after you

and uh Laugh Boston so plenty of stuff get on the Patreon suck their dicks thanks for all the gays been coming out we love you uh praise Allah and queep it up yeah excuse me