Tuesdays with Stories! - #381 Good Stink

Episode Date: December 29, 2020

Big end of the year ep here folks as Mark does a show for members of the tribe before meeting a weird celeb in Nashville while Joe has phone-less fun with the family and dodges a crazy guy on the streets of Vermont. Check it out! Check out our new merch here! Shirts, stickers, phone cases, mugs, you name it! https://www.teepublic.com/user/tuesday-s-with-stories Sponsored by: Lucy Nicotine Gum (lucy.co code: tuesdays), Feals CBD (feals.com/tuesdays), & Blue Chew (bluechew.com code: tuesdays) Subscribe to our Patreon for full video of the show A WEEK EARLY, bonus eps, and more! www.patreon.com/tuesdays

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe less Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy here we are folks it's Tuesday holiday break new year new queer what's shaking fatty not too much you want to get started should we start I'm kidding it's a joke it's a joke I know because it was a big start what do you

look like you're in a Weinstein's hotel what's going on there well I did just watch somebody shower but ah it was myself through the mirror do you how do you feel about the shower with the mirror across the way not a fan I like when the room gets foggy and I try to get dressed and dried before the fog clears that I want to see that that's a great novel name before the fog clears like that that's a dickens I always feel like I've been great with coming up with novel names but no I have no talent for anything else but right before the fog clears by Mark Norman I mean that doesn't that sound like a nice page

Turner with a thick cover that's a Hemingey I love it what what what the hell is novelty you know people go that that's a great novelty item what I pretend to know that's one of those words you know what it means but you don't know what it means yes exactly exactly like if somebody said I think novel I think novelty means rare not normal like like a novelty horn is like a novelty store is things that aren't you know you're not gonna get a spatula at a novelty store you're gonna get a pair of glasses that shoots come you know yes yes those are tough but it's fun for the eyes to get revenge is there always

getting the come now they can shoot it back but I think you're right cuz I love those stores it was like dried puke fake poo you know the chattering teeth the bug in the ice cube all that shit yes there's always come in eyes what is it about eyes that have all this come who are these comers I'm getting less coming the I was sorry what do you got so much I mean we're bouncing all over I haven't talked to you in days I just want to tease a thing that's not even a tease because not gonna hear it but I want to talk to you about a famous comedian off air because I was listening to him this but comedian be a guest on a

podcast and I started to get triggered go and what are you talking about this guy talks like he's one thing but he's a completely other thing and I'm just I'm teasing you but the fans can't hear this why you bring that up if they can't hear you're triple teasing cuz I just thought of it and it's fun to just tease you I'll tease you alright I'm teased I'm teased I'm tweaked I'm intrigued but yes I do think Asians there they get come in the eye less and also their dicks are blurred so yeah that's true yeah that's gotta be weird for a lady to have a blurred dick inside you but I mean each is anal you get a quarter come in your

eye everything's a little blurry oh yeah or brewery but that's my favorite brewery all right Jesus what the hell was I gonna say I had something oh it's gone it started with the shower steam and then we went into novelty and then novel we're all over the map here all over the I got so much jizzy I got so much juice I gotta throw at you I mean this is weeks of semen I got buckets full here well put in my eyes but hold on we just gotta wrap up cuz I don't like cuz sometimes this happens we just get into we get into we get into one thing and then we start talking about it people like ooh they're gonna tell us

how they feel about watching themselves shower and then we go all off on the come in the agent good point good point you got yellow fever and then they we don't come back to the steam so we gotta just bookmark novel novelty and bookmark Norman steam and the shower watching yourself shower all right well I'll say this about the shower at the hotel shower is always a bummer because that mirror is so well lit you can see every dimple blemish cut scrape scratch pockmark Norman you name it and wet hair on a man this pubes is leg hair there's arm hair there's chest hair there's ass hair back hair face

hair ah god it's it's horrific and we're getting older so things are looking worse and worse and also I got a real problem with hotel showers sometimes it's just there's this negative space where the door should be because I just they're like too hip so there's like ah we got no door we got no rules and it's the fucking the fucking floor is filthy yeah that's Europe has those it's not even a half wall it's like a third wall and now USA is picking up on that we should go for their like health care they got over there but instead we're going for the half wall which is anti-healthcare because I slip and fall

and bonk my head I bleed all over my my asshole but exactly and here's another peeve of pets what about the you try to turn the water on you know and you want to not get wet but sometimes the nozzle or whatever you call it the knob is so far in you hit it and then you're like there's no way to hit it and not get hit by the water this is why I think we may if we were big homosexuals I think we'd make a great pair because you know I'd let you come all in my face in my ass I mean I love to fuck I love to get fucked I want a man to hold my ankles over my head but in addition sure I feel the same way I go to showers I call in the

cleaning lady and go hey I know this isn't your fault but watch this watch me try to turn on the shower and it is an impossibility to turn on the shower without getting my sleeves wet and then of I understand for safety the water starts cold and goes to hot right now I'm getting smashed with freezing water right on my nipples and it's appalling it's appalling it's gonna rust the nipple rings it's too much I just want to turn the water on and take my time read a book light some candles get the dildo out but no I'm already soaked do you find that all candles smell pretty good yeah yeah they have novelty candles

that smell like farts pussy and taints but that's a novelty that's the the Gwyneth Peltrow right because for the most part I go to a candle store every candle I pick up I'm like that smells nice that's nice that smells like I've never smelled a candle and been like yeah certainly I have favorites but I've never been like yuck throw this away this smells like dog shit that's true now how about this because scent is the strongest sense tied to memory right so wouldn't it suck to get diddled or beat up or molested or something while having that nice candle you know burning in the in the windowsill and now the

room is like smells like cinnamon every time you go to Cinnabon you break down crying great point now this is a good point because I was thinking you're gonna go a different angle which I thought was a good point and I was gonna say hey I thought the same thing we both have good points but now we both have the same good point but now you got this point and I got this point now I want to come back to your point but this point if you get diddled in a you know a big grown-up an uncle or a construction guy comes on your little kid face yeah now for the rest of your life anytime you smell come you're thinking about that

I smell come I think alike my heyday of middle school and my socks and all that stuff like I have discovering orgasms and my my high school boyfriend but some of these people they gotta think about the playground trauma right right that's gotta be rough and that's why you know you watch these movies where a woman's been you know raped or whatever and then then the guy the nice guy hooks up with her later she's like I can't I just can't you like what's up with this uptight skank and they're like oh the trauma the trigger the scent exactly and I like your cinnamon point I mean there's gotta be I mean what's the number on this

ballpark there's gotta be 50,000 people that if they smell cinnamon their knees buckle and they start to cry exactly exactly yes I mean cinnamon old spice any kind of whatever the cologne the guy was wearing that did it you know clear water or whatever the fuck speech by Calvin Klein you name it clear water beach the beach but anyway all right so you got a ton of stuff I guess let's just start throwing jizz at each other I mean first of all I miss you it's good to see your sight for sore anal great to see you fatty always a pleasure I wanted to text you today but I saved it all because I wanted to really get that

funnel of goods going and then right when I see on the pot it all comes pouring out so I saved it but first I gotta run this this by this nugget so you know gigs are weird it's limited yeshiva University contacted me is a new place it's all Jewish University in Midtown in Manhattan there's a man's campus at a woman's campus because you know the Jews they keep it fucking primitive or what do you call it prehistoric and they said well the man's campus is uptown like in the Harlemy area so we're gonna do it at the women's campus but they don't like dudes on the campus so we got a real what do you call it when you come in they

really conundrum well when the guy comes in they really quarantine now they got a really filter vet because they go who's this chuch with the dong and the balls and the and the Adams apple coming in here to you know the the lady part area and so it's a quite a screening quite a screening on the way in by the way vet there's so many meanings for vet there's the the the pet police there's the baby killers there's the there's the go through your pockets there's the the veterans the war vets yes corvette yeah good point that's four vets wait what's the lady killer which one the baby killer I said baby killer that's what

they called the Vietnam people when they came back oh I see hey baby killer they threw shit at him that was like the first war where they weren't welcome back according to the movies and anyways oh wow man those are those are tumultuous time there the 60s I'm Rambo Rambo he came back and by the way I was just talking about this I want to get back to the vetting and the Jews but yeah you don't watch Rambo I feel like they're a little over the top with the that's another Stallone movie over the top but I mean things were a little rocky in Rambo because he was a specialist I mean it was demolition happening but man I

mean they cut it so over the top like I understand I hate these guys that are like you don't know what it was like man the veterans the Vietnam vets they got a lot of shit nobody welcomed them like World War two but I'm like were they really like he goes to jail they're like electrocuting them in shit they make his clothes off they're like gone a little dick I mean they're outrageously mean to Rambo they really are I mean I don't blame the guy for for high tailing it off to the woods yeah I mean I'm rooting for Rambo I mean what kind of police force is this I know the police are the police the whole thing with the

police I get it right I mean they're literally like I can't remember the movie exactly but they're like throwing dog shit at him Brian Denne he's just like sticking broken bottles in his asshole just because he's like a veteran that's true not to mention my uncle is a nom he's got a toupee a stroke cane and a lip dick Rambo's ripped he's in the woods and every he can build some kind of contraption that falls down and it spikes a guy in the neck made out of wood and you're like well he was in nom he was a vet so what my uncle was in nom he could barely program the vcr well hopefully he was like the guy he's John

Rambo by the way I don't care for the name John Rambo either I they went with John that he should have been like you know bazooka Bob or something that's true Rambo sounds like a Hispanic guy here comes Rambo to do the do the front edges they'll Rambo show it's a little goofy and then the next movie everyone loves him and he fights the Taliban or something as a kid involves something Taliban I don't know was around then but yeah yeah he does something he's with a Maharaj then I think well you know takes two to tango and cash but what are you going to do so I did Rambo by the way oh I think there's 11 of them Rambo and

Rocky are similar in that the first one kind of makes that like you can buy it you're like okay this like shitty boxer went the distance this guy's an angry veteran and he fights a police force yeah and then it both then they both went goofy but that's a you know that's for another you know day and time but talk about a guy who milked those franchises he's really pushing it yeah and as someone who's aging in show business I get the milking I remember when I was younger you'd like I would never you're like fuck that just do it milk it milk that cow sly I did a Fallon with sly once and didn't get to meet him but man he

looks he's one of those guys who looks great but terrible at the same time like you're like you're 88 you're ripped and you got leather for skin you got a full head of hair but it's all fake but it's it's it hangs on he's hanging in there but he looks terrible but he looks great at the same time yeah there's a lot of those fascinating yeah that's true Hollywood man so all right so I do we go to the the yeshiva university and the guy goes we got a problem and I'm like oh here we go these college gigs they're always a snafu every time it's never perfect so he goes we can't have we want to be COVID friendly COVID safe we

can't have too many people in one classroom it's against protocol so here's what we're gonna do you're gonna do an hour but now instead you'll do 30 minutes in one room three times interesting so different crowds different crowd in three different rooms so there's me in this other there's three comics these two Jewish guys Ellie something and this other guy and we rotate so we show up and they go all right mark you're in Koch Hall then Ellie you're in uh you know Beelzebub Alley and then Ronnie you're in uh Ebenezer dickless so we're like all right and then when you do your 30 you run to Ebenezer and then he runs to

Koch and then he runs to dickless that sounds fun it was kind of fun but I haven't bombed like this first of all everyone's wearing a mask I'm wearing a mask no microphone in a classroom every kid is acting up they're all on their phones I had to be like hey hey kids listen up what's going on I was like hitting the chalkboard I mean it was brutal I just counting the minutes and these like Jewish gals aren't they don't give a shit they just had to be there and they start making fun of me guy threw a paper airplane at me I said hey watch it Sonny I'll get you you know wait till I meet your parents and all this

shit it was brutal but it was it was wacky it was like a silent film like I'm running down the other guy he's running past me his yarmulke falls off you know the whole thing it was wild it sounds fun I mean you get the most Jew gigs like Elon gold doesn't get this many you get yet the Long Island one the the other one I mean this I think this is like the fourth Jewish gig you know what it is uh I don't I didn't either I thought it was the act because I have a lot of Jewish material I could be Jewish the hair the attitude the foreskin but it's the Seinfeld plug that's it I got the plug from the Jew god yes that makes sense he's a he's a

he's a big Jew he might be like the biggest Jew other than Jesus well Sandler might be up there Sandler yes and but but but he's comedy wise stand-up comedy definitely stand-up comedy and Seinfeld at its peak is bigger than Sandler's ever been I think I mean I think 90 million people watch the final Seinfeld that's true yeah you might you might have something married a Jew the kids are Jewish Long Island yeah yeah yeah there's probably someone we're missing there's probably like I hope so like what's his name uh bet bet and yahoo or denny Dennis yahoo whatever his name is I think it's google but either way yeah I don't know I mean Larry David's up there but he's he's a he's a little more niche yes net and yahoo net and vet

vet and so that was a crazy night and still waiting to get paid by the way which is a stereotype but uh wow what a wacky night just running in one room I did okay and that was like the highlight I left on a good one because you kind of get the hang of it after bombing for a half hour in one running to another one bombing and they're running to another one I had like six minutes by the third third 30 minutes I had six minutes on yeshiva because you're just absorbing the whole time of course yeah and then you get more in the moment plus don't you find that the more you do something the less stakes there are yes you don't get you've already bombed you've already it's like accepting your worst fear you're like all right what am I going to do bomb hey

fuck you and then you get that kind of attitude of like oh look at this fucking guy and then you know that yeah the first one you're like whoa this is my first I'm in a classroom these kids are 18 19 they're young as hell what am I doing this is so crazy it's a yeshiva it's all jewy it's crazy and then by the third one you're like all right sit down hey you're late hey sit down I know all their names I'm like hey Clark get over there you know and uh yeah I had the pointer in my hand and I had a teacher's pet good times uh so do they look this is a college you said yes university yeah their college do they look young as fuck because I'm hanging out with my family here and I got like a friend of my niece and then my uncle's adopted kid whatever the fuck

and you're like yeah I'm a senior in high school and I'm like what I know I thought the girl was nine years old right it's so weird how much younger people start looking like I'm like I thought it would probably touched on this topic before but I'm like when I was 17 I was beating off to every girl in high school now look at a high school girl I'm like this is appalling you look 11 years old which I guess is a good thing yeah that is a good thing I'm the same way these kids I mean there's braces there's like weird fucked up cow licks and you know weird crust ash on the dudes it's all creepy and weird the girls have these socks with like the frilly thing around them you know with that like little lacy I can't even I don't even know what it's called but it feels

it feels like kids for sure lacy sock sounds kind of nice well I couldn't think it's it's a sock with a rim of weird frilly shit yeah I've seen that but that's for that's for children that's what I think I saw that I think I saw a big lollipop one kid at a hat with a propeller on it one kid was holding a balloon they they feel young it's it's very odd and you're talking about like so I had a job or or I was driving a car or I was getting my mortgage pay and they're like huh what mortgage they didn't know about tiktok and and you know cake and pop tarts they don't know about fucking life yet yeah it's hard you sound like an old asshole I feel that way talking about sex sometimes with college kids I'm like I was fucking my wife and they're like yucky that's

gross be a wife oh get out of here old man by the way speaking of hats when you move just right with that bill of that hat it looks like you're like kid from kid and play it looks like a fro like straight on right there it looks like you have an afro can you see it if you blow your eyes isn't that insane oh wow that's crazy everybody go to the youtube somebody can pull this and put you next to kid and or play that's dead on make me play and him kid or vice versa because it looks like you have a fro you look like will smith or uh some fro guy isn't that insane yeah that's wild holy shit you're or I look like a uh uh what do you call those a shriner oh yeah I could see shriner but the black makes it look uh you know hairy yeah it definitely looks throwier

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I mean just thinking about like the early days of the pandemic I try to remember like May and June it was so wild back then when you just was like oh this will end any minute but what if my uncle gets it what's what if my mom gets it she's gonna die remember how scary it was then trump gets it we all laugh yeah it's uh it's weird and sarah and burlington vermont right now we're taking a little break from the family and uh yeah lots lots to talk about we came up here to burlington and I watched the news nightly news mbc news lester holt looks like he has a ponytail and he says hey everyone's dying and they show the hospitals and people got the things stuck in them in the tubes up their ass and everybody's dying and the numbers are just insane and I go Jesus

christ all right we gotta be careful we gotta hunker up and then pragmatically though or practically whatever the word is not pragmatically but in in practice whatever we come to burlington and we're walking around and we're like look at this bar looks cozy and there's 500 people in there I'm like let's go eat and then you're sitting there and you eat and there's the you know the waiters right here there's a guy over there there's two people over there same with the holidays christmas my aunt and uncle come over and they're like ah it's just two people we're fine we'll open the windows before you know it we got 27 people going we got a foosball tournament my aunt's got me up on her shoulders I'm sucking my dad's dick my grandmother is sitting on my face and you just kind of go

we'll see we'll see what are you gonna do we got one life and we all do it we all go hey bob smith was at a party on a on Thanksgiving go what a come guzzling Nazi piece of shit we should string them up in the town square then you go ah I got 61 people at my apartment right now you know we're all blowing each other and playing suck and blow so we all do it yeah it's like I said and to be fair my family like my my my parents work at hospital my sister works and it was some special needs kids so they all have to get that's not like one of the things we do but she actually does but she um they all have to get tested every week my mother got vaccinated I tell you this wow my mother's like a historic broad she got the vaccine she she grew a third tit which is fun

you should come over but she's alive yeah by the way zero side effects she works at a hospital she's like a receptionist and they literally came down said hey we we got some extra they sent too many do you fucking dames want some and they all you know did that thing and put their type writers down got the vaccine she said it didn't hurt at all she feels a hundred percent no side effects whatsoever so she's inoculated baby wow which is a load off my back because uh which you know how much like a load on my back sure but it's nice because it's that one it's one less thing you know you're like okay great I'm not gonna kill my mother so that's good that's so great wow vaccine mom good for her she see that's funny because my mom was talking about the vaccine six years ago

and everybody's like is she crazy what is she gonna risk it I'm like ah she's not she's gay and now everybody's mom is getting it and and everybody's cool with it yeah I'm a vaccine guy we've talked about it on the show I mean they can they can throw it right in me I don't give a shit but um so she has that and most people have been tested and it's kids and yada yada and one of the people already had it so we feel pretty good in the restaurant it's every other table whatever but it's that thing I've been saying since the beginning you assume everyone you know doesn't have it and everyone you don't know does have it that don't you feel that way of course of course that's human nature we we do that with everything

you're walking down the subway you're like I'm fine but that guy's a rapist and then that guy's going I'm fine but that guy's a pedophile you know we do it all day long right so so we'll see I mean I got home six days ago everyone's fine so far fingers crossed but man we're gonna look like real pieces of shit if my dad dies two weeks from now so fingers crossed at least you guys if he's dead you'll talk probably about the same that's a good point but uh how about this I just want to throw this out there I know you have a ton but this just happened like a half hour ago so we're in we're in Burlington we're staying at the hotel where the comedy club is the Vermont Comedy Club we're upstairs there because it's a hotel I knew so I said hey let's go there it's

nice and they're gonna have a good Wi-Fi I knew we had to record and it's just a it's just a stone's throw away from all the good stuff and we're gonna go hiking and all that shit nice getaway great town so I love the town you know that main square the town square there I don't know what it's called it's just shops it's picturesque if you've never been to Burlington you should come visit it you should especially visit Vermont Comedy Club because I'm sure they're fucking hurting here and it's a great club great owners so we're here we walk over there and you know you've been there it's picturesque the big Christmas tree and it's Bernie Sanders and it's this hippies town Ben and Jerry yeah but they don't feel to me and I could be wrong I don't live

here they don't feel like those pretentious fucking Brooklyn with the silly pants and the goofy glasses and that and the silly hat and they're like you can't say that or whatever they just feel like cool here yeah they're crunchy but they're not up not in your face yeah they just feel cool they're like everybody they've been doing this for a while it's not a new thing here exactly they're just like leftover hippie people and anyway so it's it's just a nice town but we walk out of this restaurant we have a nice meal we walk out and you just see this guy backpack on young guy probably 20s and he's got a screw loose he's cracking up and he's just going what the fuck does everybody want from me screaming and then he did like a um I think maybe the Black Panther thing or

one of the comic book guys that does a big wind up and slam on the ground do you know that move isn't that a comic book guy maybe it's Thor Thor or Hulk or Iron Man I don't know maybe it's Iron Man it's like they drop to a knee and they smash the ground I think something happens I think I've seen it before yeah maybe in a video game I've seen that I I'm not too familiar I don't know it might be a Mortal Kombat maybe it was some dramatic video game you like what a dork but so we saw him do that we're like oh there's a crazy let's go the other way because he's crazy and then we go into a bookshop get a couple books and we come out and now I see him he's screaming at two young women like like Earl Weaver like you fucking I'll fucking and they're like oh and

everybody's kind of scattering and watching him and we're like this guy's crazy crazy he walks up to another woman and starts screaming in her face he's like you think it's funny you think this is fucking funny and she's like ah and nobody's really doing anything or calling the cops and I'll just say this and I don't want to be controversial this is a very politically correct show but he's of african-american descent and I feel like we're in this place of if you call the cops on this man yet you're a bad person he's troubled whatever interesting nobody's doing anything no security no one's coming out and he's terrorizing this little town square yeah and so we see him over there we go we gotta go this way so we walk all the way around to avoid him and while we were

walking around he came back in the other direction he's like whoa he's like a he's like a a ghost or a goblin like a villain right he's propping up and then we see like a father and son like a little girl like an eight-year-old girl and her father and then he kind of just goes into like a he has a phone he's like looking at his phone and as they get closer he like throws a karate kick not at that not um close enough to hit them but like in their direction like like a foot away from them and they just go what Jesus and he's like ah he's crazy holy hell so what happened so he's literally terrorizing and we're like Jesus and so now we're like a hundred yards away from him but we have to plan our walk home because now he's it's hard to explain but he's like cutting

across this other grassy square and we're walking this way and like we're like shit and now we look around there's no other couples and we're like we're like booking it and it reminded me of being like bullied as I got in like middle school or something like you see you go you're walking home and like there's the older kids and you're like oh my god they're on the path it's it's whatever guy yeah and we ended up getting to the hotel safely but this guy's just terrorizing the neighborhood we're on a nice vacation and I'm afraid to go back out there because he's he's nuts and now it's night wow wow you leave Queens you leave New York City this hot bed of of nutjobs and the epicenter of corona you go to the cute town of burlington vermont ben and jerry's birdy sand you're being

tormented by a a nutty comic book cunt it's it's horrendous horrible and uh no one seems to be doing it and then you're like should we call the police like no one seems to be doing anything because I wouldn't mind having a cop go hey sir you got to move on or something sarah was like this should be a service they just drive you to the other side of town and like rambo that's why we started talking about rambo and make them at least walk back or something but I mean this guy is terrifying I'm looking over both shoulders and we're like we're walking really fast and shit yeah he feels like a guy that wants a confrontation right you want somebody to get physical so we can sue you or whatever yeah yeah you don't because you want to tackle the guy but

then if somebody gets a cell phone video of that you're ruined you're you're you're known as the guy who tackles the african-american drifter and who he might have a weapon he might be on meth I mean he seems like he's on something but also he doesn't look like a like a homeless person he's got a backpack and a nice jacket and he has a cell phone so he's not like fully like a street person he looks like he you know is relatively functioning he's just angry and drunk or he's on something it's hard to describe but he's not a homeless person I know right he sounds like a schizophrenic guy maybe off his meds you know and maybe he's having an episode or something I don't know or he's hopped up on something but yeah he's a he's a menace and we gotta we gotta stop

it with that he needs to be tased it feels like I don't get me right I am empathetic to anyone that's struggling in these ways again he's an unfortunate soul and yada yada but I like feeling that way from my hotel when I see him I'm like I hope this guy trips and falls and dies before he gets to me exactly and for some reason the comic book movements are bothering me more than the actual tormenting I'm like oh I get you just call me a homo or a fucking numbskull but I don't don't karate kick me I know and I feel for the dad because his dad is like taking his eight year old girl and I always feel like there's no recovering from that because he threw no kick and they're like whoa and the dad has to just be like yeah I don't know I shit my pants in

front of my daughter it was it was terrifying so and heaven help me if I bump into with my wife because I'm gonna throw her in the bushes and and run for it well it also sounds like this guy's got a problem with the lady parts that's what it feels like yeah that's what I suspect and and by the way like I've taken a fair amount of mixed martial arts so I know how to handle myself and sub the group but it makes you doesn't don't you always wish I wish I had started when I was six and I was like a seven 79th degree black belt and I could just go over there and Vulcan neck pinch him and then he falls asleep and everyone claps and then like a woman just comes over and blows me my wife is cool with it because I neck pinched the fucking loser right I think about

that I think that's a guy thing those fantasies in your head where you just go beat up that guy and then they give you the key to the city and the mayor eats your ass and you're the coolest guy in town and I asked my gal about that and she was like what I'm like you don't have those she's like no I just try to put makeup on I figure myself when I go to work well I used to do a bit about it I think it's on my album maybe I can't remember and but I had a bit about those people that someone tries to fight them and they say wrong guy yes and everyone's like whoa but I'm like I couldn't do that I have to be like ah right guy you got me sorry I think that's on an album I can't remember that's great bit I don't remember that one but it's so true you want to be that guy

who's like you don't want to do this trust me and they're like oh I want to do it and you're like all right here we go yeah now I'm just hoping that that's on my CD I think it's on are you mad at me I think it's on there oh all right well hey if you if it's not you got a you got a bit to to put on some wax I can't remember but anyway so that's happening and I want to kick it back to you because I know you have a ton of shit and we're halfway through that is uh tumultuous and it's coming out it's right outside your window so it's it's it's looming I'm not gonna go back out there I'm nervous we haven't had dinner yet I'm like shitting my pants oh yeah that's terrifying hopefully he gets tased or hit by a car falls in a manhole or something but first of all

so here's a clinkers bigot of Jew gigs I'm hot with the heaps right now and this lady hit me up and she goes hey I hear the the the chosen people are all over you can you do a zoom for my uh my temple queefs and I said yeah hell yeah what she's like it's this much money great money she's like but it's gotta be a good zoom I mean ring light nuva ring bud light with a laptop in a chair delivering clean material for 15 minutes you know good audio the whole thing I said oh sure no problem here's the thing I got a gig in that night I got a gig in Royersford PA soul Joel wait a minute was it soul Joel I don't know I had some gig and I don't know where it was but it was a snowy night and Doug Key and me are doing this gig in the middle of nowhere and then I realized oh I accepted

this zoom but it will be driving and she said you gotta be in a in a good location with a real camera and a real bike and all this shit so we go to the gig and the whole time like oh the zoom the zoom how are we gonna do this we're out in the middle of the sticks do want to show outdoors I go hot it's it's 829 or I gotta I gotta go on so Doug Key this is what a menchi is I jump in the backseat we got an hour drive he has a you know those those uh windshield covers that unfold oh yeah you yeah for the heat yes for the heat so he's got he's got like an SUV I'm in the back of the SUV he puts that thing behind me so it looks like a wall and I just put the dome light on that's the ring light and I do the zoom on my phone and at one point I'm doing well and the lady

goes wow you got a is that your apartment that's tiny I go yeah New York apartments it's a real shoebox over here and it worked and Doug's giggling while driving you know and I've got the snow whizzing by in the windows and we pulled it off wow I mean that's unbelievable I mean first of all great guy and what a outside the box thinker I mean he's a smart guy I don't know anyone even has those things anymore they're from the 80s they used to have like Garfield on them that's what I said our sunglasses or something yeah that's so true but he had one thank god he's living in the past uh wow that's unbelievable and she was none the wiser whatever that means none the wiser got paid uh but here's the clinker so I forgot it was a snowy it was it was the

blizzard then we had that blizzard a couple weeks back blizzard I mean yeah yeah okay all right thank you well we had a big blizzard or snowy night and I had a soul Joel gig so my plan was to drive to the gig do the gig and then do the zoom it's in the green room of soul joey he's got that weird building right so we're driving to the blizzard and it's like just light speed you know you know when the snow is just whizzing by and we were literally watching cars on the highway just slide off into the ditch sliding by us thank god Doug's got a four-wheel driver and it was terrifying and I'm talking to soul Joel like hey man should we cancel I mean who's gonna come to this he's like keep going man keep going we sold tickets and I was like ah so it's a two and a half hour drive we get about

an hour and a half in and I go we're going 20 miles an hour here we can barely see all of Doug's sensors are blinking on the dashboard like beep beep because they're all covered by snow so I don't know what the hell's the car's doing so I go we got to turn around so I tell Joel hey I don't like to cancel but we're not going to make it there it'll four in the morning at this speed and he goes all right fuck it so we pop through the neutral ground or the the median as you guys call it and we turn around and I did it on the way back in the snow and it was we rescheduled soul Joel we did it again the other night or later in the week and it was great wow that's great couple things first of all please driving in the snow is horrifying we had the same

kind of experience on the way up here we were driving through the white mountains and it was snowing like crazy but only for a minute because it's that mountain shit where it snows for fucking 10 minutes yeah but it was the same thing where I got they were like hey we can't you know the car is that device that says like you're getting too close to that car yes and it flicked on was like hey we have no idea there's snow on us forget it exactly it's weird that the safety device shits the bed in the most dangerous situation it's a good point yeah that's like the life raft going hey I'm out of my own fuck you guys like yeah that's what you're here for the water is too deep we can't work anymore yeah I saw shark about but yeah I know that feeling it's scary that feeling of like

we got to cancel and the person's like no no no keep going and you're like please yes I'm gonna die and then you just want to say similar to the covid talk you're like if I spin out and die you're gonna feel horrendous right right and Joel's a good egg and he you know the show must go on obviously this guy's got a dome in the middle of PA that he built with with heat lamps and he's put his life savings into this dome and it's fucking killer and every comic loves it go to soul Joel's by the way but he's doing the thing of like yeah but we got tickets so once you're in the dome you'll be golden and I'm like I know but I might die on the way there and then this is what got me to turn around and I go well how does it look are you there he goes oh I'm not there I'm with my family I

go turn it around he's not even there fucking right that's what got me to really pull the trigger well as everyone knows it's one of my favorite rooms and this leads well into this I'll be there January 27th so come on out to that gig and that's my it's my favorite gig it's the only gig that I've done during covid that I've like truly loved I mean I love that room and speaking of things I love you know me I mean you know me as well as anyone and you know that I love Lucy nicotine gum the uh the company was founded uh there's this episode is brought to you by Lucy nicotine gum I know a lot of you guys are trying to quit it's the new year I mean with three days away from New Year's Eve everyone's gonna have that thing well they want to quit something

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smoking cigarettes I mean I never smoked my wife smoked and she said it was harder than quitting drinking by the way I'm celebrating eight years sober from alcohol today oh yes congrats fatty thank you I know how hard that was to quit extremely difficult it's still a work in progress and so smoking from everything I've heard is way harder than that it's one of the hardest things to quit you know it we know it get yourself some help with Lucy nicotine gum you can support the show tell them how to do it mark well I just gotta say I never smoked and I eat the gum just for fun and I love that pomegranate great flavor so and you don't need to be smoking these days anyway come on I get it it looks cool but we know too much about the negatives so get the gum and

live your life yeah thank you for supporting this show go support them 20 off all products including gum or lozenges at lucy.co with code Tuesdays that's lucy.co code promo code Tuesdays 20% off of lucy.co and use promo code Tuesdays at checkout uh oh warning this product contains nicotine derived from tobacco nicotine is an addictive chemical but it's not bad for you and it gives you a fun little jolt check it out you already knew that so get 20 off lucy.co with code Tuesdays and quit smoking today and feel better yeah new year new you right yes here here yeah Sol Joles got the best uh best room in town and you're gonna be back there and I just we did it like five days later and it was we sold more tickets it was for the best and that is just the

hottest crowd they want to be there they all had blankets hot cocoa I mean those those crowds are the shit they're lunch they just want to laugh and they're hot love a hot crowd love that joker yeah I got too much you go I'm loaded up for bear whatever that means what is that loaded up for a fat gay guy I got something here that says missing it I don't even know what that is yeah I don't even know what this note says but uh I'll just go to this because I got a lot of I did this and it was fun nothing crazy nothing kooky but just a lot a lot of fun and I want to throw in another uh a plug on my youtube I put up this video where I made a pulp fiction spoof and that was a lot of fun I sent it to you so funny so funny killer oh thank you I appreciate it we I got

these uh I was on amazon buying all these gifts and I was watching pulp fiction while I did it and it was just like these fun scenes I love pulp fiction I'm obsessed and so I ordered some pulp fiction wigs and never do this thing while I'm like I got the wigs before the idea I was like let's just get some pulp fiction wigs in the house and then I was like now that I have these let's kind of come up with some some sketches so I shot a sketch it was so fun it took an hour total it's on the youtube but check that out but let me get into the holidays I drove up and you're nervous like we said everyone says if you go to visit your parents you're a piece of shit you're a fascist you shouldn't go kill yourself but uh we don't give a

shit so we drove up here and my my niece and nephew I try to really be fun I want to be a funkle Joe you know sure and so my my niece was had to go do some shit I just had my nephew we're sitting in the house and everyone's in the house and COVID and all this shit so we said let's go for a ride me and Sarah I was like I don't know where we're going just jumping the car I grabbed my nephew he's 12 I put some pants on him we threw him in the car and we just headed out and the south shore of Massachusetts if you're not familiar is just spectacular and sometimes sometimes my family they go you got to go to Maine we got to go to Disney World we got to fly to I want to go to Paris and I'm like you can drive a half hour and it's spectacular so we refer and

it's cold everyone goes it's cold I can't wait for summer I love the summer the fall the leaves but in the winter if you have car if you have access to a car or a centra you get in that thing and and go for a ride you turn the heat on your car might not have heat I don't know what's going on there that thing's 45 years old has the heat working that thing no but the car is so old that I can feel the heat from the engine through the fucking dash I think that's all heat is isn't it it's just energy right or something there you go I'll take it I'm warm which by the way when I get back we got to go for a cruise I'm dying to cruise in that that son of a bitch Tom cruise let's do it I can't wait anyways so we get in the car and we just drive we go all over Cullhassan I go let's go

to the beach no one goes to the beach in the winter why no winter beach yes well you can't tan you can't swim yeah but you bundle so we bundle we put some thermals on we put on a couple condoms we put on a hat we go down to the beach and there's surfers everywhere because they get the super wetsuit so it's just lines of surfers like 40 surfers in the ocean it's a low tide and the tide is like way out so we went out there we danced we made videos we did cartwheels we ran around so much fun and then my whole life I've been going to Nantask at beach was like this old school beach in massachusetts and you always drive to the beach you park you do your beach thing you back in the car you drive home and I look on the map and there's an old Bob Dylan lyric using ideas as my maps

I'm looking at the map and I go I've never gone further let's go out to the end of the peninsula we drive out there we just stumble upon an old fort fort revere it's like an american revolutionary war whatever the fuck you call it the revolutionary war fort that they used through world war one and world war two it's underground and there's all this crazy graffiti it looks like we rape kids and sure so we put my nephew in there to see if anything happened nothing doing but it was spectacular and he's excited and I felt like we really gave him that that feeling the uh that that bug of like you can just get in the car and go you know and it's not like here like a like a Jedi sticking a thing up a Jedi son's ass where you just go just get in the car and go and go

after it so it felt like service you know and we yeah I went let's stop in this park that looks cool the sunset let's stop over here and then we started to get hungry we're on the ocean so Sarah says it wouldn't be nice to get fish and chips we google fish and chips near me we found some restaurant they're at 25 capacity we couldn't eat inside so we said we'll take it to go and he goes I'll bring it to your car so we sat out there he brings it into the car we drove I looked on the map again I'm like let's go to uh what do you call it town hall uh what's that called Hingham Hingham town hall which is just like they're uh you know they're fucking they're town hall and I go they'll be parking there we go over there we park there we ate a bunch of fish we dibbied up the fried fish

I'm throwing it to him like he's uh you know Sufi what's that guy's name the whale uh Shamu Shamu I was tossing him fish like he's Shamu he's catching it I came in his face best day of my life we came back and everyone else in the family just sitting on the goddamn couch and we had all these videos and photos and I felt like a hero it was so fun what an uncle I won't waste all the time but I did the same thing the next day I go let's tomorrow we'll go to situate and we'll go to the situate lighthouse you just look at the the maps you find some stuff and we drove out to the lighthouse we walked out to the end of the pier we threw rocks in the water and you can go to the beach in the winter it's pretty nice you just got a bundle the ocean is still the ocean and it was spectacular

great time I love it a couple things here fatty I feel like you should have a ironically you should film this on your phone but you should have a series of things to do without a phone I mean you're so good at that thank you and that was the other thing because he's 12 and tiktok's got him it's got his teeth it's got the teeth in him exactly he's got the tiktok addiction they get these kids they prey on children at all of us but the children particularly because at least we understand we're fucking idiots and pieces of shit right kids don't even know and he left his phone at home I was so proud of this son of a bit no phone we just had the best time and then the next day it was sunday so you get the alert he's like my phone time was down 26 percent I wanted to kiss him on the

lips I love this son of a bitch exactly these kids they don't know any better they're they're they're obsessed with the tiktok and the tiktok and it's up their ass and they can't get on it's like the heroin needle that they need that spoon they light it up they love it it it's just feeding them with all the entertainment and dopamine you got to show them hey you got to live your life I feel like because I'm gonna get really queasy here but I feel like a lot of these youngsters especially the males they got no adventure in them they got no boldness you know I mean remember we used to jump off a roof and jump into a swimming pool that we didn't own and piss in it and then finger your friends asshole and all this shit like we lived damn it we were spray painting stuff and chugging a 40 and

eating each other out whatever it was and you had to make fun you got a bit about that we're making fun yes exactly and I told you I've watched a kid walk up a street like a full street just never looking up he's just on his phone and I'm like this is dangerous it's insane so it felt good to light that fire under his pubes and just a just a great time and again you don't always have to I don't know where you live if you're listening but you don't always have to get on a plane and go and plan a big thing you can just cruise a little ways away especially in New England because every house is fucking the 300 years old and everywhere you look in New England it's like you know Nathan for you died here what the fuck Nathan is Hawthorne you know he fucked his mother here and whoever

Sam Jackson you know flew a kite or whatever that thing is yeah yeah badass motherfucker and yeah it then you start thinking about all the the the anal that these people have done and they ate a clam once and they fucked their aunt or whatever it is and they had a life all that should happen they called their mama cunt and she slapped them and then they made up that all happened at this spot and that's so crazy to think about uh man that's great great good times and way to the way to live it up most kids wouldn't go with you so you were persistent or you just drugged him and threw him in the car but either way either way you got some some life into that dweeb yeah it was fun and you given memories you want to be that person that's like oh life was good when uncle Joe came over

and took his pants off so and I'm I'm sure he was like oh look at this fort I should instagram it you go no you fat quint you fat kook get out of here and just live it yeah gotta live it so live it love it quiff it fuck your dad blow your mom live it love it quiff it that's the next shirt but all right let me just throw this in your uh your butthole and put some spit in it and see if it and lets me enter because uh this is a a kooky ride first of all shut up to zany's in Nashville what a what a wacky turn of events they first of all a fucking truck drove through their wall and broke the wall down I always said that plays the hole in wall and then you said who's driving that truck Tracy Morgan and we both we both uh put it on Rogan's wall and I love that we both

had a killer zinger it got a zillion likes and we move on with our day yeah it was pretty fun it was exciting like two queeps in the night in and out zinger zanger sniper gone also they had a bombing there on Christmas morning or some shit Jesus you didn't see that oh in Nashville I see not at the club I saw I heard about that I haven't been looking at much news which has been delightful I have to say but I did hear about that I thought you met the club but I thought you know following the blank was headlining oh yeah I was that was the bomber at Nashville it was weird I was just there that truck just missed me it was crazy came right through the wall where the stage is so uh show some love to the Nashville zane it actually hit the wall right on Nate Bargazzi's

face which might have been intentional who knows uh so yeah so uh Nashville was crazy I was just there I had the best time I hung out with Nate Bargazzi one of the great comics great New York pal all that shit hung out with Theo Vaughn old Louisiana cat I mean that city's popping it's it's coming up and you know Nate's like I hope nobody more people don't move here I like the way it is it's fun we got a great club we got a great scene it's one of those cities they say 200 people move there a day it's crazy and uh Chris Porter was headlining I was doing the late shows he was doing the early shows so we're all having the best time the that's a great green room it's a big green room we're all hanging out boozing talking Theo Nate Porter me the butler

and then Chris Porter goes oh boy I'm in Nashville whenever I'm in Nashville you know who shows up and I go uh what are you talking about he goes oh you know take a guess country musician celebrity I go I don't know Clint black Garth Brooks Willie Nelson kid Johnny Cash and he goes nap and then boom the door kicks open eight guys standing there cigarette smoke fills the room long blonde hair it's kid rock wow I was gonna say that really well first I thought Alan Jackson just because that's the only country cunt I know but uh and once you said to all the guys in the smoking I thought this might be the guy but I couldn't think of his name I was thinking uh you know Chris rock or whatever kid dynamite that city he comes in he takes over

the whole green room uh he's got eight guys with him in leather jackets or smoking cigars I got a bottle of Jack Daniels they punch me in the face they call Theo a fag we all get up they take all the seats you know they're playing spin the bottle shooting dice I mean this guy just takes over a room and I'm like I'm looking at my notes like all right I gotta work on that uber bit and I'm like you know like it's clenching my pearls he's saying the n-word it was crazy and he goes uh Chris Porter goes up Chris rocks heck uh Chris rock uh kid rocks heckling him the whole time it was wild I was like what is going on here Theo is in the green room killing and and kid rock goes who who's this guy wait a minute I know you you're my sister's favorite comedian and he goes hell yeah the lord's with me

or whatever the fuck Theo says and kid rock gets his phone out and he starts filming he goes he's he's FaceTiming his sister and he goes hey I look who I got here and Theo's like what's shaking fat cunt and she's like oh my god and it was mayhem I still had to go on in the headline they all leave and do a bunch of crazy drugs and go to some party it was a wild weekend wow kid rock is like a cartoon character by the way were you taken by how large he is I think I talked about this on the pod years ago I saw him in washington square park and I might be wrong because it was a distance and the sun was in my eye and it might not have been him but he looked about six seven is he huge he's probably six three might be an inch taller than you he's not that not that huge but he's a

he's a big cup of jizz and he's an alpha when he shows up you go yes sir mr rock what can I get you I was on my knee I look like cappernick I just all over my lips it was wild it was crazy I gotta say when I saw him uh walk through the park and you know I said this before yada yada but I think there was he was nine guys and they were all walking a step behind him like they were Muslim women like is that part of his thing is that forced or is it just by chance I think one security one's his high school friend one's his driver one's his lover I don't know what's going on but they're all there and uh they're terrifying as well and one of them's holding the baseball bat the other one's got a lead pipe I mean it's it's no joke I don't know if I'm allowed to say any of this

but just a great weekend Chris Porter killer comic I watched his whole hour unbelievable it's guys a pro Theo and me caught up and uh just a great goddamn night now I know we gotta run but let me let me throw this nugget at you and I want to get your expert a pin okay I love to do I appreciate you blow and smoke before it happens well I know you gotta go eat eat your wife out here the you got reservations in her in her clip but uh let me just throw this at you flying during covid it's kooky everything's all up in the air no pun intended but they upgrade me to first class all right great it's not a full flight I get the upgrade hot dog that's exciting now with covid they board the back first right right so the upgrade is actually a punch in the balls

because you know the whole point of first class is you board first you're comfortable you get to eat and drink now there's no food there's no eat and I'm boarding later right it's a comfy seat true I'll give you the seat the seat is nice but me and this this lady are waiting she's like a well-to-do fur coat you know nice older rich lady and she's like uh what the hell I have a first class ticket why am I waiting and I'm like well that's how they do it now they load the back first and finally we go on now we're the last two people to board this plane because we're both first class and there's no bag space oh because why would there be the whole plane is on and the whole top deck is full and she goes this is outrageous I paid for a first class ticket she didn't get

upgrade she paid she's like I'm not checking a bag and she made a stink and I was like look she's a coos but she's got a point yeah that's a good stink I like your stink so I go look this queef and I run to the back of the plane with my bag and I find one open compartment in the last possible inch of the overhead and I throw my bag up there and run all the way back and I go hey stewardess cunt what do you say when that bell tolls you let me run back real quick before everybody gets up I'll get my bag I'll be in the front you won't even uh know what hit you and she goes you're gonna have to wait no boy and they go oh damn so I gotta wait for the whole plane unload then I can go all the way back there get all the way back up with my bag now what do you do there

now is it possible maybe to say what if I tickled your palm you go back there before you turn the unbuckled belt off you get the bag bring it to me and I'll slip you a fin or a sea or you know or whatever maybe that's that's a little bit your greaser maybe that other than that I think I just accept and go well they fucked me this is stupid I hate their system but I gotta let go nothing I can do and then I sit there and I read a book where everyone walks by I hope there's a nice looking ass that walks by and I can get a good look at that maybe a sniff aha okay okay well I don't think the grease is gonna work this is a spirit flight where we're at the bottom of the barrels she's she's uh I don't think she can take a tip but I'm crunched for time you know we land

in the afternoon I gotta get back home for I had something like a podcast or a zoom or something so I remember being like all right here's what I'm gonna do I'm gonna watch this fat skank push the button for the boom and right when sure her arm is up I'm running back even though she told me I have to wait I'm just gonna run back there what's she gonna do tackle me I'm gonna be like the Asian guy on the plane you know they're dragging me off but I see her go for the we're landed that the pilot's talking about his mom and all that whoa it's it's 80 knots towards the northwest it's 50 degrees out my wife's a fat hank hag and I see the hand go up and I go click and I just book it okay so you book it but now you're stuck back there you can't book it back in time can you

well that's what you're wrong there tubs I get halfway back and I hear boom and then you start you hear all these clicks click click click all the belt buckles I grab the bag and I just start shimmying I'm pushing people out of the way the fat guy hits me I dive into a seat I come back out I got the bag over my head like a like a Vietnam guy with his machine gun out of the water and I get all the way back and she goes sir I told you had to wait and I go yeah yeah yeah I got a connection she goes oh I didn't know you had a connection and I got out of there the connection get they get all kinds of uh what do you call it good behavior or whatever it is good will connection yeah it's like the people that go to prison and they they get into AA and they become

Christ people and they start a book club right get out after like three weeks or whatever you're that guy but I gotta say you're not gonna like it but I'm the guy that sits there going look at this guy he thinks he's better than everybody the rules don't apply what a piece of shit I hope he trips and falls and breaks his face but I've also been the guy that says that about someone then they turn around and I go ah it's Steve big Steve and then they go yeah I just didn't want to wait in line I'm like I get it why should you wait in line you're a funny guy so I hate you and I support you at the same time I'll take it that's enough for me it was only because I waited to get on now I gotta wait again I felt it was unfair I felt like I did

some waiting I can't do a double wait I'm going for it but it was a risk and it was a cunt move but my theory is no one is now no one is is waiting more time because of me exactly exactly so I understand both sides if you were mad at them and they were mad at you I get both sides and that's what I'm trying to be in life I want to be I get where you're coming from guy right right exactly okay I appreciate you understanding and that was it I had to get it out but we're back in the city I'm at I'm at side splitters this week at Orlando on Wednesday I'm doing a cheat gig there and you know I was a little what's his toes there the car rental guy yes Sean Sean Sean Sean no Sean I forget his last name Shaw Smith I think it's Shaw Smith

there you got a good guy he's got good gigs those gigs are fun Orlando is Harry that's a wild town it doesn't get it's due for uh that's uh some some characters out in the the Lando I think this Burlington guy came from Orlando they kicked him out of Disney and he came here there you go yeah January 27th I am going to be at Souljolls and I think I'm gonna be in Aruba but that might not be happening now because they're not getting any people there so a couple other gigs everything's been moved but spring time summertime I'm gonna be all over the map but right now it's all on YouTube and here Tuesdays with stories please go subscribe to the Tuesdays with stories YouTube page yes and uh go join the patreon the patreon is fucking insane you by

a lot of people ask about the video you get the video a week earlier and um Ron on and I have been doing a full podcast that's on the patreon the audio is on the Tuesdays with stories patreon the videos on YouTube it's a lot of fun we're having a good time and uh there is tons of bonuses we've done a couple ask me anythings on there that are an hour long each we've done a bonus a week the entire pandemic yeah a ton of guests are on there Christa Stefano uh Dan Soder Tim Dillon yep Nick Glaser Bert Kreischer yeah there's so much gold on there Ari Shafir you name it and uh I mean just the uh they asked me anything from last week is on there a lot of people said where's the episode I go it's there you gotta become a member you're messing out on some gold fatty so

get on it tell a friend queef it up a lot of queefs Doug Key and me have been doing stuff you got the Ron on thing which Sal accuses a huge fan of by the way oh thanks thank you big movie guy he loved the Good Will Hunting one he was quoting it all day today we had lunch oh fun yeah we really destroyed Good Will Hunting it was a lot of fun so go subscribe on the YouTube and like I said it's all YouTube and patreon that's the best way to support us right now and our patreon is three bucks for the love of fucking christ minimum deal in town hey hey yes hot deal hot numbers hot queef hot lunch check it out and we'll see you uh kooks next week yeah praise all uh meet out you're dead