Tuesdays with Stories! - #390 Loft and Found

Episode Date: March 2, 2021

It's a wild ep this week's folks as Mark is stuck in a tiny house in Raleigh while Joe regales us with more tales from Ecuador where he angers an entire parking garage and tries to catch a loose horse. Check it out!  Check out our new merch here! Shirts, stickers, phone cases, mugs, you name it! https://www.teepublic.com/user/tuesday-s-with-stories Sponsored by: Native Deodorant (nativedeo.com/stories or use code: stories), Raycon (buyraycon.com/tuesdays), & Lucy (lucy.co code: tuesdays) Subscribe to our Patreon for full video of the show A WEEK EARLY, bonus eps, and more! www.patreon.com/tuesdays

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe less Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy hey it's Tuesday folks I'm here I'm hard you're queer let's get a beer and cheer welcome everybody to another wild fun wacky super duper gave bloody asshole episode of Tuesdays with stories I mean what are we talking

we're in our eighth year I think this is why it's crap I'm sitting on a towel I'm wet I'm menstruating and it's 50 degrees outside I'm walking around in in a burka it's great I know I'm flying to Texas tomorrow and it's supposed to be 55 and sunny here don't you hate it doesn't matter because it's sunny there anyways but you want to leave on a crummy rainy shitty cloudy terrorist day yes you know it's like it's it's 68 and sunny and I'm flying to Texas which you know was frozen for a second there right right yeah they were there grid was all rods and cones were all out of whack but I think it's all melted I think the the

the horses are out in the pistol lays in the boots so they're they're back in action but are you gonna do stuff away there I know you're gonna be eating out the grandma and all that so you're gonna get to like ride the range and and shoot a bandit I don't know what we're doing I mean I think we're gonna go see my mother-in-law which will be nice and she's getting her COVID whatever you call it the vaccine the day I get there which is nice hopefully that kicks in or whatever yeah I think we usually go down there you know we ride bikes I have a $450 bike that lives in Houston because I think I might have told this story I

can't remember but you know we wanted to ride bikes they had a bike at the house and so I said I gotta get a bike but the nearest place was like super bike so one of these bike stores you know what I mean yeah like it was like it's a bike store it's not at Walmart it's right Glen's bikes and they sell the seed and the cushy pants and the bikes right so I walked in I said give me the cheapest bike you have and he's like cheapest we don't he's one of these assholes he's like he's insulted because he's like a bike is not something that you buy and the thing or whatever and I'm like just whatever it is I skip all your

horseshit I don't give a fuck about bikes I'm not you know Lance cock strong I just give me a cheap bike and he said the cheapest one we got is 440 bucks it's a lightweight titanium silverback whatever the fuck and I said lay it on me so I bought it because I didn't feel like going on a expedition I just wanted a bike yeah yeah I hear you that stick couldn't you go to Target and get a Huffy or a Schwinn or one of those you know what do you call the double bikes with the fat girlfriend on the back what's that called the parallel bars what do you call it when you got the tandem tandem yeah that sucks tandem

stocks I don't want a tandem because I never trust she's back there doing anything exactly exactly it's like the guy moves the couch he's like I got it you're like you're not lifting it I'm doing everything exactly anytime my wife is behind me I don't trust her because we did a pegging thing and she didn't bite me the way I wanted her to but yeah yeah yeah but so I didn't want to go and we talk about this a lot I just I'm not rich obviously but money is I'll make more money I just give me the thing I want stat I don't want to do any research and we would have had to get in the car drive 30 minutes to target and then walk

around then there's a line and a blue light special and you got to put it and load it into the car this was quarter mile down the street bought it but that was five years ago now so I've used it I use it a fair amount I'm down there a couple weeks a year and it's worth it to have the bike her dad but you know before he passed he's like you're a Nimrod he like thumped my skull because he's like you're so stupid you bought this bike yeah but if her brothers are there they can use it whatever so long story short I got a bike down there we'll do some biking we'll look for alligators we know we'll eat each other out and

then we go to Austin to hang out hey remember the Alamo wait are you gonna go to Austin I'm going to Austin for the weekend because her the rest of her family all lives down there she's got three siblings that all live in the same building so I'll be down in Austin eating case so in blowing her dad well let me know what you think about I just you get off of that that plane or or bus or or $800 bicycle you got there and it just feels good the air is fresher the tits are bigger the kids are younger there's something about that town right now it is bubbling up well I've always loved Austin and I hit up a certain someone to

do their podcast I got nothing back zilch not a zero I two weeks to get back to me that bald queef but he did and I don't know the clock's ticking for this this huge but you got a couple days well I feel like prom night where I don't buy my shoes or whatever it is because I haven't bought the plane ticket home because I'm like I might hear from him I think he likes me you know and so Sarah's gonna flight home and meanwhile the prices are ticking up and up and I just know if I click purchase it's gonna be like hey you're in you fucking fat piece of shit yeah you're probably right but you know he's kicking a heavy bag or

or you know beating up a gay he's doing something over there so you gotta take a busy little little munchkin so who knows well then you got that I got this call from a mutual friend who's like dude show isn't big anymore don't even worry about it it's unspotify now when you're like alright I mean that's like it's like when the hot guy dumps you and then like you know what muscles are out he's gonna hurt his back lifting weights you don't want to fuck him yeah yeah well I will say I mean in in our Hebrew friends defense I'd say if you did it two three years ago you got about nine ten million engagements now you get about a

million and a half so it is a drop but hey a million and a half is nothing to sneeze at well I don't know what I'd get because I did the show in a vacuum evidently I mean I told you the story I'm talking to Chris Scopo one night at New York Comedy Club and he's like the big move is Rogan when you do Rogan forget it and he's like that's when you'll blow up and I was like I did it eight months ago he's like well I never heard about that I don't know what I did I should have taken my shirt off or something I don't know what happened it was all a blur but I got three followers and I lost ten it's the list curse I

mean you've got the holy trinity of the maker break you exposure show biz breaks and they all cleaved I know it's me I stink they hate me these people hate me I bought a Porsche in fucking before the Netflix thing came out because Nate told me to he's like you gotta get a car now because you're gonna be blowing seven guys at once and you know I got 300 followers from that piece of shit last comic Netflix Rogan yeah the holy trinity I mean not to mention Letterman I did you know Gotham comedy live for whatever that was half hour special on Comedy Central Marin I don't think he even released my episode I don't know

what happened there forgot you blue Maron holy shit that that went under the rug now America hates me but I'm thinking maybe I'll get big in Ecuador I had some fun in Ecuador a couple people smiled at me when I took my dick out so I think I might have a chance down in Keto underlay underlay well it's a good diet and well speaking of texting I just watched I'm halfway through the Regan special not to get to into comedy but the Regan specials killer I heard it's amazing Ronon said it's great and Steve Rogers opened of course that little queep so well Ronon liked it I mean he hates John Candy so who knows

what's up with that guy but yeah if Ronon liked it it must be the best thing on the planet he's a piece of shit I think I'm breaking up with him we started a show tomorrow the Woody Allen episode comes out he hated Hannah and her sisters I am what I want to fight him I texted him a picture of my mother's asshole as a punishment he's like it's fake it's phony it stinks he's just a piece of shit he's a bad person good comic but just a scumbag of a human yeah he's taking his own five foot four bearded Semitic grief out on this look he was a dittled as a kid you can't take that out on Hughes oh first of all here's

a quick tail wait I want to hear about the Regan thing I'm off into this tail oh sorry sorry well it's just it's good to see you so I'm halfway through the Regan and I'm enjoying I'm like that's a great bit wow that's a great bit the writing is top-notch and it's such great observation so I was like oh I haven't talked to old old sign language in a while this will be a perfect excuse to text him you know innocuous not asking for anything not name-drop whatever it is and I just hit him up and I go hey dickless signee Jair Jair JS that new Regans a real beauty and he wrote back right away goes yes I'm killer bits in

it and that's all I got I'm like I'm I'm teetering on do I do I keep going or is that good was this today or was it today today oh if it's today I would throw it a little more give them a little just one or two more and see put a question on it you got to put a question mark yeah to keep it going question mark normand ah yeah throw something else out there but you know maybe how about that white hair or what are you gonna do another one or something like that you know all right I'm gonna do it right now right now we're doing a show all right all right you're right you're right but if you do it now you're gonna hear that and then

it's gonna be a whole thing you're right you're right that that I'll be all out I'll be out to lunch I want to be focused you're right but that could be good radio too I don't know Shelby what do you think is that a fart no it's a great shirt oh hey Tuesdays with stories I got comedy Q West going here oh there you go we're all merged up you can buy these at comedy Q West obviously I still think this is the best Tuesday's design yet it's very nice I don't know what it is but it's fun it's a sandwich and it's talking and the olives are eyes but whoever did it forgot the guy's name he's a killer

there's job Pete maybe it's Pete and a boy Pete all right so back to you back to Tejas no wait so Rana and I'm talking about Rana who I love of course he's a great guy and he really is a great comic and yes killer good a check out his albums downhill ever since that's a little good pull another one too that nobody cares about but yeah so the other day we're at the seller now the seller I don't want to they have in dinner every night you can have dinner at the seller and every once in a while someone grabs a mic and tells a couple jokes but go have dinner at the olive tree they're open 35% capacity I think 50 by the end

of this week movie theaters end up open at the end of this week I saw an article it said AMC is so optimistic about the pop they're gonna have they're not even concerned about the year of sales they lost wow yeah some guys said April we're gonna be rocking I mean things are things are cooking we're giving out two and a half million vaccines a day for the love of fucking cheese on my ass get the vaccine you fucking libertarian fucking weirdo whatever you ours and the blacks the blacks get up get everybody get them come on it's all safe for trying to get back to McDonald's here for some reason

the blacks don't trust the man I don't know what's going on there I don't know either some of them evidently but please take a vaccine don't tweet at me if you don't like the vaccine I don't give a shit but I probably muted anyways but but so we're at the seller the other night amazing hang it's Nick Griffin Louis CK run on Hirshberg Daniel Simonson who I think is my favorite comedian that guy he's peace tough as follow pure pure gold and a bunch of comics there will go to the bank just Johnson are you guys suicidal I can't do the voice it's very funny though he's Norwegian he's stiff as a board he's a stoic and artistic he's a killer yeah he's got some problems obviously but hilarious guy so we're all hanging out

Ron on goes on and you know we're not we're kind of half paying attention because he hates Woody Allen movies and sure all talking and we just over here that's the only way I can come and then Louis says and I just heard him say something that maybe think of a bit and he's like is this a bit and he said you know at the beginning I hated the the covid test but now it's the only way I can come and I was like that's funny that's that's a good joke and he's like is that his joke and I was like nah I don't think so uh-oh so I go out take it that's all you buddy and this is what a shitty friend I am well good friend of Louis I guess bad friend to run on I go no that's you take it the next day Louis does it on stage kills kills and I'm like that's gold

you got a bit there the next night he's at the cellar and he says to Ron on hey I a joke of yours inspired me to write this joke and Ron on's like uh thought he was fucking with him so he's like yeah yeah it's funny do it that's great uh Ron on goes on stage and does the bit and Louis like what what's this is that your bed he's like yeah and Louis like I thought that was my bit and Ron on's like no that's exactly my bit wow he put a dane cook he just took his bit and I gave it to him I was like take it that's all you but I didn't know I didn't hear the bit because no one listens when that guy talks because he's dumb right wow that I mean it's it's how it works folks that's subconscious it seeps in that's happened to me before you're like oh I think I thought of this

but you just heard it it's no malicious no no evil but it happens well I think he didn't hear the setup he just heard that's the other way I can come so he thought he was talking about you know pegging or right barfing or whatever and so then he thought oh COVID test that could be something but basically for like 24 hours Louis just had the same bit as Ron on yeah yeah and I hope he dropped it oh yeah of course he's like oh shit sorry man oh yeah so it was all good but the to me the fun part was that Louis was like is this a bit and I was like that's you man take it so I apologize to Ron on even though his movie opinion stink but hey kudos to the to that kid for you know coming up with a Louis level joke oh yeah he's got some of the best jokes go there's these young well I

think Ronon's the same age as us but these yeah these whippersnappers Daniel Simonson Ronon Matt Broussard and Anthony DeVito yeah Doug Smith there's a ton of funny cats out there a lot of Hashem Sam Ruddy there's a couple really really good Josh Johnson's got a couple pearls that I wish I had so yeah there's a there's a new crop folks yeah I like that Josh Johnson he's smart as a whip that guy oh yeah little way I hate people that are smarter than you yeah especially when they're younger and more successful I'm like can I have anything right Ronon too he talks and I'm like that shut shut up you're too smart I don't like it I need to talk to a nice retard which is why I think this show works well I'm here for you fatty um Eddie so I'm heading to Texas what are you

doing where you been what are you up to you're still gay is your father you know black first of all I just want to give a shout out I think we both have to give this cat a shout out up talking about old Antoine I came home from the road I got a big white box full of sugary goodness on my counter I almost came in a flower pot there's nothing I like eating more than white box you know what I mean you get that nice red little beaver up there um yeah Antoine's Antoine's cookie shop this guy I don't know what we did to deserve this but big old box of cookies yeah we got a great couple of Jews uh supported with like sheath guy is a is a cool cat and then Antoine's is good I'll take a blue chew for fun I mean just everything Harry's is all right all

those guys it's just great great eggs feels not to get on a on a plug rant but uh boy that thank you Antoine I don't know what we said that got you a cookie up my ass but I'll take it the only problem with Antoine's is they send them in you know cookies have a shelf life the clock's ticking so I'm eating cookies like fucking Michelangelo eats pizzas I'm just stuffing them in one at a time the whole thing I brought a couple to the seller and then I gave one away and people just jumped on it like chum so I kept the other one hidden I was like you know what I'm not giving away too fuck these assholes you're the cookie monster I am a cookie monster that's right by the way none we're going down the gullet which always bothered me as a child but yeah I got the hint

but either way just thanks for the cookies but there's 14 of them in there so isn't that crazy that you just think one day I had no cookies for a while and then a one week I had 14 cookies in my stomach I know in our personality it's the same with cigars I was in Ecuador I shoved 48 cigars up my ass in three days the whiskey it was it was just asinine I didn't know pun intended but I was smoking mornings to go you could see that addiction thing coming like Ari comes down he's got his sleep cap on it's four in the morning the sun hasn't come up and I'm like just sucking on a black dick yeah I can't help it and the cigar but it's also hilarious to think of Ari with the that gown on with the candle in the cap it's like he's like godfucking harpo in in duck soup right right

right uh-huh all right so uh yeah I just got back from uh one of my favorite clubs one of these sleeper clubs I always talk about uh wise guys in Utah's a sleeper uh what else is a sleeper what's another great club that I'm blanking on shit well this is an arbor comedy showcase great great example I like uh Ridley's mark Ridley's in uh whatever the hell royal oak is a sleeper and then this one Raleigh good nights Raleigh cool little town and these little towns are popping man because everybody's leaving the big cities LA's on fire New York's uh bunch of heroin addicts blowing each other in the street everything's closed down it's snowing so all these Nashville's and Denver's and Austin's and Raleigh's they're all popping up and uh it's fun yeah that's a good

town I always uh like being there I've done that club just the one time but it's a cool college town I like it's nice and warm and nice they're friendly and and some big gays down there was Rhysh down there Rhyshi no Rhysh but I'm going to Austin soon so I think he's saving it all up but oh shit I had a point oh you know what's great about these towns is we live in the biggest city in America the best city in the world if you ask me and you know you go here you try to have a quiet moment but there's eight people on the bench there's a guy shitting on the sidewalk there's a line at CVS the grocery store's packed it feels like these towns there's exactly the right amount of human beings in the town does that make sense yeah it's an interesting theory I like that it's kind of

like my theory of everyone on Coney Island looks like they're belonging on Coney Island they're like cartoon people that's an interesting theory well like you know you go to LA or new or Queens you can't park you go to Manhattan you can't park there's no parking spots you're like how do people do this and then in Raleigh there's always a spot right there or there's no line or the food comes quick there's no wait everything is just they have enough things for all the people because we didn't overdo it and overpopulate right now is any part of you I'm dealing with this this past weekend because I went to the cellar Friday and Saturday and boy I had quite a comedy weekend actually we were doubling up and running around it was fun like the old days but yeah I'm trepidation about

everything fully coming back because I drive to the cellar I park right in front of the club I mean there's parking for days no traffic at all I haven't been in traffic since 1985 I'm just cruising around and it's quiet the cellar's quiet everywhere's quiet and there's no lines anywhere I'm kind of dreading it coming back yeah yeah it's a give and take it's a tough one but yeah what would you rather would you rather have a comedy club where you're not talking behind a bunch of plexiglass like a guy at a bank or would you rather a little line here in a no parking yeah I guess so a balance but 300,000 people left New York so that helps a little bit that's a little wriggle room that's a dent yeah for sure but yeah it's just it's nice I guess I like our life but also cool that you're

just going back to normal life and you're having a blast it shows how good your life is or how you chose right as a as a comedian in Manhattan or New York because you're just shits opening a little bit you're like life fucking fun I had a great weekend I'm going to this club like that's just normal that's just your job and you're talking about how fun it is good point yeah everything feels new again and normal's a relative term we're all wearing masks I mean we're at the cellar with masks on which is a little weird because you can't get the smile and then sometimes you make a joke that's subtle and it's a smile joke but you can't see if they're smiling so you're just like ah this guy smokes cock on Tuesdays and then you just see like yeah and you're like ah is he crying is he laughing

I can't right right yeah you gotta look at that squint but then he's Asian so yeah it's a tough it's a tough racket but I don't know I assume we should be taking those masks off at the table because if we were eating they'd be off but they leave them on so I leave them on I don't know the rules well it's weird and I I I rift a bit about it because I go to the cellar everyone's wearing masks because everyone's packed in there at the table is like right six or seven people so we're all wearing masks and then you go to the stand and you know a couple people at a tail I don't want to get anyone in trouble but a couple people at a table they're eating so they're not wearing masks so I sit down I take I do whatever everyone's doing people are like yeah I'm fucking I saw some

animals with no masks on over here these pieces of shit then you go to this place they're not wearing masks because they're eating and you go everyone's wearing masks over there like a bunch of nerds whatever anyone wants I'll just I'll shape shift here here yeah I'm very malleable I adapt whatever you think is the right way but hey sometimes you got to put the foot down when a bunch of people are going hey this guy stinks or this sucks you got to go no no no no no I usually go with the flow but yeah you're incorrect there's sloppy jalopy no no the same Raymond I'm getting my other gun shoot everybody's ass yeah I sure as hell ain't no vistas or no views anyways it was very exciting weekend here but so tell me about Raleigh hot shows small shows gay

shows well sex shows I don't know if this is a new thing you've been doing comedy for 41 years maybe you you have a little insight on this but I go down to these clubs now in Raleigh or wherever the hell and some chuch from another town goes hey I got a room 30 minutes outside of Raleigh I'll give you a couple of shekels if you want to pop in there on a Wednesday or on a Sunday and make a couple extra bucks and then I'll drive you to Raleigh and I was like yeah why not so I did that it was great I went to Wilson North Carolina hey Wilson yes home improvement and you know he picked me up from the airport drove me to Wilson and he goes I got you a tiny house what I say who haha I go well what's the hotel he goes no no it's a tiny house

and I go I got a tiny house I live in New York and he's like no they're cool they're all the rage and I was like all right so I get to this house it's tiny it's a tiny house people are all into the tiny house it's like a friend buying a tiny house but did we skip over just regular house medium house how about a medium house medium house is regular this is quirky and weird it's gotta be tiny it's like you show up and there's a little midget there you go hey how about that but here's the thing the the the turn on what's that word the the appeal the appeal of of a tiny house I think is it's affordable and manageable yeah but if you're a guest for a night that's no appeal I mean if they're if they're providing you the house and I'm not shitting on this guy's asshole

I mean he was a good egg Matt good good good great asshole and Wilson I've always wanted to go to Wilson North Carolina it's a dream of mine I'm just saying for the issue of debate yes you get a tiny house because you're like it costs 800 bucks and you got a bigger yard I guess and you don't have to worry about the clunkiness or whatever right so it's providing you a house he's like hey it's tiny you're like well that's just you saving a few bucks you thrifty asshole maybe maybe that there's definitely some of that we pull up and it's a whole row of them it's like they look like dog houses you know and they're called like this one's called the Dakota this one's called the anal fisher this one's called labia tits or whatever it is that mine was I don't know mine was a

n-word lover I can't remember but either way it was tiny I mean you get in there I felt like uh to Kembe Matumbo and that motherfucker like you take a shit and your feet are in the kitchen sink and your your ball sack is on the couch I'm all over the place that sounds terrible that was cute did it have floor to ceiling windows that's what I picture with the tiny house with a curtain that comes across that's what I'm visualizing no no it's it's a regular house if you just shrunk it like in Willy Wonka or something and then you go up a little couple stairs and then you're in the loft and you're in the bed and then you sit up and you hit your head on the roof oh boy loft and found uh it sounds like a little veeter house it's a veeter house yeah but it was adorable and

I'll tell you being hungover in that thing was no picnic because you know we got pretty sloppy at this brewery and uh you know you wake up and you you're shitting blood you wake up in the middle of night you got a whiz and you got to go down that fucking shifty stairwell and you're naked you step on a marble I mean it was it was pretty rough but good show good kid good egg uh Matt thank you for having me and then he was nice enough to pick me up the next day drove me to Raleigh we got a bite at a barbecue joint and uh yeah it's always fun it's a fun adventure because you see how the other half jizzes you know you're out in Wilson all these Tuesdays came out they were super excited a lot of merch a lot of hyena fans and and skank fans they're all out there

in America Jerry well good day good to hear I'm gonna have to dip into Wilson and stay in a uh a tiny home that sounds no you're six two lanky ass I mean you'd be coming out the chimney I'll tell you what's uh not tiny uh-huh my cock and also my love for native deodorant one thing everybody knows about me is how much I love no native deodorant people think Joe List they think uh native deodorant I mean that's you know I mean you're a native baby like people like that guy stinks and they say no he used to now he has native deodorant I love this stuff like they sent us a example of the product whatever you say a specimen I can't think of the word oh yeah a feature what is that motif uh an example uh a prototype a prototype of a tester

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patreon right now you can get in there for as little as three dollars five dollars is where it's at and uh some people give like 50 which is insane wow yeah hey smoke if you got them yeah it's a lot of good stuff not to mention the backlog of of uh anal and queefs all over that place we got green room hangs we got road trips we got girlfriends and wives and mistresses it's it's a good time live episodes oh yeah we filmed a porn on there so sign up today it's the best patreon out there and uh yeah join up yes all right so yeah Raleigh just a great time and i'll tell you there fatty when when you're sitting in these uh and you're about to see this in texas when you're sitting in these tiny little cubicles we call apartments or filing cabinets with a bed

in it and it's snowing and raining and freezing you go down to Raleigh and that sun was shining every day i sat outside i would just sit in the sun like an old man who took a shit on himself and didn't want to move and people people walk by like what's he doing i'm just sitting in the sun because it was so i'm basking it was great carol basking i love the sun love to bask boy carol basking that remind me that was a year ago that was right when this all started the tiger queen crazy yeah that's fun i love i love the sun and it's good for you gives you that vitamin diesel and uh cancer i guess but it kills everything i think it warms you up you look nice you look refreshed nothing like the sun the sun is good sun is good sun is good you got a mask and uh

wear your mask out there in the in the buildings but yeah just a great time that club i love it we sold out all the shows we added some shows we did a show first of all there's a curfew over there it's like footloose you can't dance you know it's uh they're restricted and we added a show on saturday at three p.m wow yeah and i said why three p.m they said well we have to be out of here by nine or whatever so we got a six and an eight and the only time we could do it before that is a three so uh they did a three and it was one of the better shows no kidding i like afternoon comedy cosby always did it and he never had any bad ideas i like the idea of just being done at four thirty in the afternoon obviously you weren't done but in the future that could be the future

it could be the future and it works i mean you're walking i want the clubs three blocks away and you're what you're sweating the birds are chirping the sun is shining you're like what am i doing i'm wearing a jacket and i'm looking at notes that say you know swastikas on it but hey you gotta figure the people who come out at three are dine to see a yuck yeah exactly so good good for you good for them and saturday people aren't working so fucking i would love to be i'm an early guy now and i have to like retrain myself i'm one of these guys i fall asleep at midnight during my programs now i start like i'm slapping myself trying to watch the end of fucking uh golden girls because i get sleepy and i wake up at seven thirty in the morning so i gotta figure this out because i'm

gonna be at side splitters in a couple weeks and there's like a 1030 show i'll be nodding off on that couch on the stage isn't it kind of ironic don't you think that the more time we have our sleep schedules got better well i guess because we we worked at night before we worked late so we had to stay up late but now when when when your sleep schedule or when you know your work schedules differ you just end up sleeping when the sun goes down that's a good point and i wake up from anxiety because at seven i wake up to piss because i'm 88 years old and then i lay back down i'm staring at that ceiling i'm like i gotta get the emails i gotta get new shoes i gotta you know put a cock on my wife and it's all this stuff so you start to lose your mind so i just get up now and and

wow i was like oh my god you get up so early i'm so jealous i'm like well it's because i'm having an anxiety attack i'm not it's not like i'm a farmer i'm terrified so i get up yeah and i know and i don't want to get up i get up early too but i don't want to it sucks what how do people do that like my my brain clicks on and it just hell on earth and there's no uh i can't just go hold on now i need a few more hours i wish i could do that i know people can do it i think it's depression like where more anxiety there more depression i think ah interesting that'd be something it could be but doesn't anxiety lead to depression yeah i got that too but my depression isn't sleepy mine's a week i have a weight depression some people have sleepy depression i just stare at the fucking floor and

think you should kill yourself right right i stare at the ceiling and think you you suck everybody hates uh your dick's thin it's not good you got a thin dick do you i wouldn't say it's uh alarming like you wouldn't go jesus look at old uh needle dick here but you'd go ah i could use a little more uh plumpness this is interesting i was thinking noodle dick and you said needle dick both vowels work yes needle or noodle that could really fuck you on a crossword puzzle because if they both fit but then you're like why i got noodle or i got needle why isn't coming together yeah that's a good point it says you know describe your father's dick and you write needle i write noodle we got different crosswords i will say noodle is good because it's a funnier word but needle is still

puncturing yeah well the thing with needle though is it's hard it's a hard dick so if you have a thin hard dick but a noodle is like it's it's thin and it can't get hard unless it hasn't been boiled yes yes maybe it's an unboiled noodle yeah because an unboiled noodle is still a noodle either way it's noodle still a noodle and still pretty hard but i feel like if i tried to put a noodle in me it would crack the needle will penetrate yeah but a wet noodle when you say noodle let's be honest everyone's thinking a boiled noodle no one picture in the fuck out of the bag you got that right i remember the first time my mom i used to watch her cook because i grew up you know in the 40s and you know you she'd be like all right put the noodles in the boiling water so i'd take the bag out

you got these eight inch noodles you throw them in and half of them goes in the water and half of them doesn't i'm like what are we gonna do the pot's too small she's like jesus your special needs return she would crack it and put it in i was like i always like the crack i love that and then sometimes you get too big of a tube too big of a a stack you gotta take a little stack at a time yes snap them in there exactly it was always fun yeah yeah i love a noodle crack the little things in life we take for granted but then i try to enjoy them and i get bored it's interesting and then the asians invented the noodle and then they have the noodle dicks that's probably how they came up with it they have these little noodle dicks and they said hey why don't we boil these

yeah it's it's interesting the asians did come up with the noodle but yet i feel like the itals get all the credit well here's why i think because people don't think of rice as a noodle even though it's a noodle it's a mini noodle that's essentially right i mean so when you think rice but somehow rice has been removed from the noodle factory or category but i think rice is a noodle because spaghetti is just a lengthy rice that's a great point because if you look on a tie menu it says noodle dish rice dish interesting so they're basically the same thing but one is just a clumpy pile of it and one is a long strand of rice and ren this is this is good stuff we're into here i mean this should be the show of rice and ren i just got that all right this is the show yes we're not

changing it you got that right yeah three blind rice but yeah uh so yeah i got back from raleigh the shows were great and i would rather at 3 p.m on saturday than the sunday let me go home on sunday that by the way that's an hour and 12 minute flight which is amazing god do you notice these flights are getting faster and faster i think they're getting some super fuel or some kind of business because i went from ecuador to new york in 12 minutes i don't know what's going on out there well it's also nice i mean back in the day and it's going to come back but before covid it was a lot of like uh sorry folks we're number 38 000 on the runway it's going to be a minute uh this oklahoma city has got to go first and you're like ah i just sitting there and there's not been

any of that well how about this i got back from ecuador we landed in atlanta hot lanter as the folks call it and we get to customs and you know it's like those bank line things those rope thing and there's like aisles like like 40 rows of them you've come back from customs and everything yeah zero people i mean like actually zero there was eight people on our flight it was like the eight of us like the e-street band walked in one at a time and they went go ahead they didn't even look at our papers or uh blow us it was like it was unbelievable i mean literally nobody usually that's a not we had a four hour layover because they they knew you know customs and all that usually takes a couple days right nothing we just stroll right through so covid is the best thing that

ever happened to my life yeah yeah it's pretty good in a lot of ways and uh as i say we're gonna be we're all house cats we used to be pumas out there you know hunting wild and and sleeping in trees and now we're all house cats and it's gonna take some adjusting yeah it is but uh i'm looking forward to it i think this whole thing is going to be wrapped up by july at the latest whoo baby i love the optimism you i mean no offense but you're not a you tend to not be mr optimist well i mean i'm loving it i'm seeing vaccines up the every member of my family has been vaccinated because they're all plumbers and firemen and gay so they got the vaccine and now there's all these i know about 12 comics that are like a half a pound overweight so they're in their

wheezing and saying they're gonna die because their bmi is too high and you know i'm gonna have a party at my house in a couple weeks i know 10 people that have been vaccinated so i think we're cooking they're up to two and a half million people a day they're doing some kind of money package i think we're gonna be high flying soon whoo baby all right i can't wait i'm ready to get back although uh yeah i mean i keep saying it but i've still been doing the road like an animal and uh it is gonna suck when those airports are full and uh the traffic comes back yeah you're gonna have like the biggest adjustment because it's gonna be less flowy yeah yeah flow but it will be nice to have a full house you know it's all these 50 38 percent capacity all that so

that'll be nice to have a big full room of big fat people yeah i'm uh i'm looking forward to that someday too uh yes yes well you'll have it and at tampa i'll tell you that i'm excited about tampa that's gonna be a fun one march 18th to the 20th and there might be some special guests so get a ticket folks uh so i gotta say two things and i want to hear about uh we gotta wrap up ecuador for you oh yeah i got a lot of ecuador left all right great great well let me just let me just throw this in your taint and see if it gets caught in the pubes uh one thing i gotta give a shout out to this guy i forgot his name already but he came out in raleigh and i've been doing i've been hiding in the green room i usually do a meet and greet but i've been hiding because of covid whatever and this guy's

like i gotta talk to him and they're like all right so the manager comes back he's like this guy's pretty persistent i was like all right all right so i go out there he hands me a gift and it's it's like this flat square box and i go well what is he's like open it open it i was like all right here we go open it oh i should have grabbed it he gave me the he's like you don't have any license plates on the beamer guess what license plate he got me hold on uh really think about it because it's gonna it's gonna knock your nips off all right ass man yes all right yeah it's just got the the statue of liberty and everything new york ass man the whole thing my white whale and uh i can't wait to throw that i mean it's clearly not legal i'm putting that puppy on the back side of that

uh that choo choo train and i'm gonna be all over the city can i basically make a suggestion maybe throw it on the front just to kind of give yourself a few minutes before you get pulled over and sent to jail get like 10 minutes out of it because i mean if it's on the back they're gonna go hey what's up mr. funny man kramer and then they're gonna eat a whole fucking the ass with a plunger like that one time that's true i might get a billy club up the uh the rectum just just from these these dirty popo but yeah you're right that's a good point all right i'll throw it on the front put it on the front because the front it's still a gag you can you can plead ignorance on that one the back is like they're like they're gonna you know they'll they'll shoot you all right all right

front it is uh so yeah that was great and then um i did a show at eastville last week and i had a fun moment to tell me what you think about this is a racial moment but it was it was i had a happy ending thank god so we do a show what's that an asian yes yes we do a show it was great and these three black folk come out of the show they were super cool it was one of his birthdays like about i saw at the lunch i'm a big fan he goes let's all do a shot and i go all right fine we'll do a shot and he uh he goes to the bartender and it's this nice white lady and he goes give us three shots he goes what do you want she goes take a look at all three of us what do you think we want and she was like well you know it's brooklyn you know she's like well i don't know and he's

like come on what do you want i i just yell out get him the stereotype and they all laugh and she's like oh she's got blue hair and they go come on what do you think we want and she won't guess she's too nervous and he goes come on what is it sister and i go hennessey and they go yeah she pours hennessey for all of us who take the shots and we all hug oh that's fun i you know i never had hennessey my whole life because i've never had any black friends but it's what is it is it syrupy spicy what are we talking it's kind of like a liqourie whiskey in a way it's all it's not full schnapps but it's not full liquor it's somewhere in the middle and it's pretty damn tasty i gotta say oh all right maybe uh maybe we should become hennessey people yeah let's bring on the hennie

but it was just cool that they're like please judge us this is a comedy club we're having fun please stereotype us and she wouldn't do it yeah that's a bad place for that brooklyn's no good you gotta go to like you know uh where were you matthew north carolina what's it called wilson wilson mat was the guy yeah yeah so that was just a fun my love when we could be real with each other none of this kid glove it's very ironic that we have to tiptoe around black people because they've been through so much but we're like they can't handle this i'm like they handle a lot of shit they can handle a joke yeah i think uh it's it's strange who knows you know it's a whole thing it's a whole pile of business i don't know what the hell to think but i think that's fun and i'm glad they

enjoyed it and you nailed it i mean did you get some heineken's as a as a backer or what i got some i always made 16 stereotype jokes but the grape soda paid off and everybody had a nice nice drum stick and uh we all got out of there and found a fat white chick but yeah all right tell me speaking of brown people hit me up with some uh some equadah well first i want to mention tuesday's with stories also brought to you by lucy nicotine gum you guys know how much we love smoking we were smoking a pack a day for a while there remember you had the the pack rolled up in your sleeve like uh chris chambers yeah and um i mean i just couldn't quit the goddamn things and uh it was hard for me but uh luckily i did it's the best thing i've ever done in my life and

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ecuador that's the capital second highest capital in the world 9200 feet and i got all dizzy and wacky and that was fun it was like i was dripping then day two we hop in the car and ari's got a car down there his car has been in this garage now the first night in there we park in the garage it's late at night and as we're leaving the guy in spanish says and ari speaks a little bit of spanish and his friend speaks fluent and so they figure out the guy's saying hey we're about to close in a half hour yeah and ari's friend says well we're gonna come back tomorrow we're staying at the hotel we'll be back tomorrow to pick up the car the guy's like zippity bop boo boo boo ola yeah almost ds or whatever we leave that can go okay that's all set then the next day

we're packed up and now ari's been traveling so he's got tons of shit so when he every time he changes locations he's got to have nine suitcases plus sarah and i have our suitcases and our magnets and all the dumb goodies we bought the double dildo the strap on everything so ari and i go to get the car and then these dames they just sit there with all the luggage we're like we'll be right back we go over to the garage and ari's got his ticket and hands it to the guy and says okay uh what do we owe you and the guy goes buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh instead of speaking spanish and no offense to the spanish speakers i just don't know how to say it so i'm gonna say buh buh buh i'm nervous but everyone else is just walking up handing a ticket ari's got a $20 bill in his hand going

ari what do i owe you and the guy's like basically saying hey you've been parked here for two days what is this because i think it's an in and out kind of parking garage he's like yeah i left it in for two days i've been just left the car here and the guy's like well this is this is no good i'm gonna have to call my manager and ari's like well what do i owe you just tell me how much i owe you and he's like well i don't even know i don't know if this is allowed and we're like well what do you mean allowed like our car is just in there we parked it's a parking garage but this is all happening with a language barrier right so while this is happening there's like ecuadorian folks lining up behind us four people five people six people and finally the guy not finally but the

guy's like hold on well you gotta you better step aside come to this other window we go over to the other window and now people are just lined up they're going what the fuck's with these guys the guy comes back he's like i don't think i can get your car you got your passport what and ari's like my passport what do you mean i mean it's a parking garage i don't get it long story short the line ends up being like 10 people this goes on for like 20 minutes sarah's texting me like where are you guys we're gonna leave we're waiting for you we're outside with all the luggage people are looking at strange finally a guy in like an air force jumpsuit like a he's like a pilot ecuadorian pilot he said hey what's the problem over here what's what are you guys dealing with here and we're like we

don't know he's speaking english okay but he's ecuadorian but he must because he's in the air force i assume the american air force blows them or something so he says well what's going on we're like we're just parked we don't and i'm said the whole time i'm like we'll give him a hundred bucks we just want to leave just let us have just give us the ticket what the fuck is this the guy ecuadorian guy he starts talking goes you got your passport and he's like no i don't have my passport it's my fucking car what are you talking about ari's like i've been in and out every day long story fucking anal jizz on my mother's tits finally the ecuadorian air force guy he must say he says something i don't know what he did he sent him a dick pic or something he gets thinking he goes

there you go you're all set we go hey thanks so much i like pat him on the back i'm like appreciate he's like hey no problem oh yeah we take the corner there's like 150 people in line you can't believe it it looks like fucking pearl jam tickets just went on sale we fucked up the whole garage everybody's commute like every single person that works downtown wow waiting and we have to walk all the way past everybody and they're all just like you they know you they know it's us because they kept like peeking around and we're like we got our hands on our heads the whole thing it was like a half hour they had us gringos ruining the party but what was the deal i mean with it's kind of the guy's fault you you were about to give him a hundred clams like move move it along dickless

totally his fault and i wanted to say to each person it's like it's this asshole yeah i think it's that old like authority figure thing everybody wants a little authority and i also think maybe there's language barrier maybe i'm american asshole or whatever but they don't get people parking for two days i think he like scanned it and it was like 48 hours the guy was like what yeah he couldn't believe it and by the way it ended up being like 20 dollars and 50 cents so that's just a little quick nugget we get in the finally finally get the car we go we get all the luggage and it's like spilling out it's like the Beverly hillbillies and uh we drive out to meando m-i-n-d-o meando ecuador which i think i mentioned we got an airbnb yes exactly we got a big airbnb nicest house

i've ever seen it's amazing two stories lofty thing with the windows and the wood and the wrap around porch and she provides us these big rubber boots and all the lady is staying like a diagonally across the way she's got kind of like a tiny house she built it herself one of those deals cool lady french dominique she's french but lived in ecuador for 14 years and first of all i can't help but think sexual thoughts because she's just over there by herself we're renting this house and i'm like man if you were renting this by yourself you'd be over there going hey dominica can't help but notice you're alone yes yes good boots so and she has a horse in her yard so we look out the window there's just a nice beautiful brown horse

uh-huh interracial it's uh his name is general damn which is uh french for general yes and uh caught that he's got a nice beautiful brown cock he's got a real chris allen hanging off his uh torso there oh yeah and we we go over there and now i don't know about you you know you're a city guy i'm a city guy i don't like horses i'm afraid of horses yeah and i never knew i was afraid of horses until i was this is from 38 years old i've never been next to a horse before my whole life maybe a police horse at some point i don't know that makes sense but we walk over there and the horses stand next to the stable i mean arie and the horse are identical twins yes completely we got us a cigar she comes over here and arie's one of those guys he just walks up he's scratching

the horse's face and petting him and i'm like literally shaking i'm 20 feet away because i saw faces of death where they they grab you and they run and they bite you and they kick don't you feel like horses are dangerous of course they're they kick you you can't stand behind them they'll pee on you they bite too they can bite your hand off but if they trust you you can literally put a carrot in your mouth and make out with the thing and it'll it'll bite the carrot and lick your dick and all that so as long as it's as long as you let it sniff you and you tickle the sack you're fine well you just described me but christopher reeves i think got stepped on by one or something that's right that's right they'll trample so i'm nervous i'm standing over there i

don't like the horse but she's like yeah here's the horse he's 22 they live to 30 whatever whatever and she says just make sure you shut that gate because if he gets out i mean forget about it we don't want the horse getting out for raising a barn so we say hey no problem aye aye dominique you know blow me we leave we go out we have all our adventures i talked about last week we come back and ari's in the front yard playing with the dog sarah's upstairs you know masturbating ari's friend is on the hammock and i'm just sitting there having another cigar and all of sudden i hear i think the horse just got out oh and i go what the horse got out where i'm looking around i don't see the horse and i just hear yeah he's walking up the driveway and ari and everything's

barbed wire it's barbed wire everywhere we're kind of locked in there so he's like how did the horse get out all his commotion ari takes off down the driveway so i put some boots on there's a big spider on my boot that's a whole other story big bright red spider had to flick him away terrified of that too jesus i come down and it's hard to picture but it's a long driveway with high bushes we get to the end i look up the road down the road no sign of ari or the horse and i'm like where the fuck did they go i mean it's a horse so we're all confused so now me and the two broads we get in the car and we're like i guess we gotta go look for this horse how could this be and i'm and i still haven't seen it so i'm like are you sure the horse got out and they're like

yes i watched him walk down the driveway ari went after it uh-huh so i'm like this is crazy we hop in the car and it's this long really narrow pot holy muddy dirt road oh we're going down sure enough we see ari 150 yards down the thing he's got a long stick and he's behind the horse he's like trying to get to the horse with a stick somehow he got a stick come on they take a it takes a right down like the main road and we're just like traveling behind him and he flags us down he's like i can't he's like it took off full run we're like what and he's like it's way down there i lost it went into like the bushes we can't even see it anymore so he hops in the car we drive down we find the horse he's like in this yard so ari gets out with his big stick and he's like you're

gonna have to come around the other side he gets out sees the horse the horse looks at him takes off again it goes sprinting he goes running after it ari's chasing the horse with the stick it's wild oh my god oh my god he's oh he's a whisperer it's it's wild not to mention i forgot to mention when we were driving back from town we saw dominique she's on a date with a guy she's like having coffee with this guy so she's right down the street so we know any minute she's gonna come back and see us running around so we drive back exactly so we drive back around now we try to like cut him off at the pass we're in the car we drive all the way around and we're like i got some of this on video put it on the patreon oh my lord this is crazy we're all kind of sweating but there's

a little part of you that's like this is quite an adventure yes so we come it's hard to describe because it's all these little windy square roads so we come around this other road in the car ari's like telling us to stop stop and then he's tells like he's pointing hand signals which is so fun it's like a caper so i get out because i'm a man so i'm like i gotta go be a man i guess so i get out i jog down to him he's got a stick so i grab a stick now i'm driving the bus so we both got sticks he's like the horse man he's like the horse is in here meanwhile i'm shitting my pants i don't know what to do if i get near a horse i'm afraid of the horse of course i mean they're a big beast they can trample you kick you bite you step on you of course of course a horse so i get a stick

he gets a stick we walk down i'm just trying to be a man so my wife will blow me someday on my birthday or whatever sure sure i get it so they're in the car we walk down and now him and i are in like this yard and he's like all right i'm gonna go around this way and get it to come towards you you stand in front of that road to force it this way so we're gonna try to force the horse back you gotta force the horse of course yes of course so he's coming around behind the horse now the horse is walking towards me and i'm like shooing him like this with my stick and he kind of walks that way now sarah we got sarah set up at the end of this road because it's like all crossroads so she's standing for this one we gotta try to force him right and once he takes the right

we're gonna have the car chase him back up back up the road to the house so yes so he we're walking behind the horse we got him we're behind him and sarah is just like guys there's rabbit dogs everywhere there's just like these crazy dogs she's out there and three of these rancid fucking wacky dogs come running out and they go crazy and so she's afraid of the dog she's running from the dogs the dogs spooked the horse the horse gallops again he starts galloping the other way so we're all jogging behind i'm afraid of the dogs the dogs are nipping at us when we look over and there's like they're nipping i'm telling you they're nipping run over those fuckers there's three equidoreans in a house they're laughing their asses off they're all going zoom in a minute and i'm like what are

they saying he's like they're saying the dogs aren't dangerous don't worry about the dogs but i'm like now they've seen our horse yes so they're gonna say hey we saw three white assholes chasing your fucking horse around dominique so hey i'm gonna wrap this up so we start chasing it back then we get the horse now we're all behind it and it's going up the right way back to the house oh hallelujah we got the car behind us me sarah and aria on foot i got video of this too we all got sticks and we're all you know whipping him around finally the horse goes all the way up but we're behind him so we need him to take a left up her driveway oh left is tough he doesn't take the left he goes straight he's like zoolander exactly so he goes straight so ari's like i gotta get in front of

him somehow and i'm like we'll be careful because to get in front of him you have to sneak behind him yes so at this point i say hey we gotta bite the bullet you gotta call dominique this is this is going on for 40 minutes now and i'm like this house star i'm always the voice of reason i said the late the people saw us we're renting this house she's been so nice to us i want to eat her out i say tony that's ari's friend you go call go call dominique we'll try to work this out but we gotta let her know she maybe knows she knows a secret she might know the neighbors this might have happened before and she made it seem like it's happened so i say you go to the house you call and everyone agreed okay we'll call so now sarah and i are walking we're behind the horse

ari gets in front of the horse but the horse is taking off again up the road uh come on so ari yells back he says okay i'm gonna get it to turn around somehow sarah you stand in this road and block him it's because we're trying to get him to come back and he's like joe you stand in front of this road and that'll force him it's it's hard to visualize without a diagram but if she blocks this road he'll take a right because he seems to go where everyone is not yes so she's like if you stand here he'll take a right and then he'll be heading towards me and i'll force him right into the yard because i'm standing right outside the yard where his stable is okay okay yay or nay so somehow not bad so somehow ari gets around the horse and turns this horse around he's a

cowboy he's unbelievable this guy and i think because the horse thinks he's a horse or something i don't know i think it's his mom or something right so ari somehow gets the horse coming back this way and so sarah she's i can only see her and she's standing in the road like this and she's going he's coming it's coming and i'm like oh my god this is it this is the moment so i'm blocking this street i'm shitting my pants because it's gonna be me and the horse one on one and i'm the last line of defense so he walks up to her sees her takes the right now he's facing me i'm in the road and right here is the gate to the yard right as he takes the right and sees me he charges full speed he was like the fucking tri-star the beginning of those movies with the horse that

runs at you yeah yeah is there a clip plop is it is it the the cement no it's like a the horse is out of control it's running right at me its hair is flying i mean it's wild and i'm standing in the lane like i'm about to take a charge from lebron james i got my dumb gay stick but i just stand there and behind me is like a mile a row we don't even know where this road goes oh no and i'm standing next to the double door yard thing and i hold out for about three seconds i'm standing there going just trembling like i'm shaking in my my new balances finally i go i can't do it i jump out of the road and there's barb wire but i kept my arm and stick out so i just got a uh-huh like a parking garage ironically that counts i just open up the road

with just a little stick somehow some way general takes a hard left he's sprinting takes a left into the yard runs directly through the yard into his stable stops dead cold in his stable i grab both swinging fences i pull him shut i hook it whoo clear he's back wow holy hell we're like oh my god we all cheer it was like rocky one we're all hugging me arie sarah i go running back to the house to find arie's pal and i said have you called dominique she's like no i'm about to i said the horse is back it's back fortunately she had to drive all the way up the long driveway take off her boots clean off her feet go up say a prayer take a shit hold the phone so she didn't have a moment to call so dominique none the wiser the horse is back in its home i mean i my heart

was racing i had pins and needles in my face and hands and feet and dick wild wow well i'm glad everybody's calm and stable and the the the horse is strong with this one yeah we had to really hold our horses but uh yes one chick pony my god but arie was the glue that held us together because man i mean he's got a horseshoe up his ass or something because i was shitting my pants but it was quite a sight but i'll tell you it's probably the most scared i've ever been to have a horse i mean i mean charging full speed just oh that's crazy i can't imagine luckily he turned at the last moment i just had that thought of being like i'm a piece of shit i let everybody down i'm so sorry i couldn't do it but uh everybody understood and luckily he went back so well we're back in

the saddle again and uh man that is why i can't believe you didn't say that the first show well i got all caught up in the shit in the in the sky air cable car thing but boy it was quite a tail now that's the thing oh geez yeah we've gone long that's the thing about adventures is you'd give your left tit to get out of it but once you get through it you're so it's exhilarating you're so it makes life worth living uh it was exhilarating it was a it was a pony tail uh but it was really wild and i was hoping it would break its legs so i could have shot the piece of shit but yeah i got some video i'll put together something and throw it on the patreon it's not much but it was exciting uh but anyways i could see the whole thing in my head it was great see

biscuit i've i've gone too long i've had side splitters march 18 1920 uh get the tickets it's only half capacity and there's gonna be some other comedians there with me so come to those shows and royersford back in royersford march 24th the wednesday after that so come to those shows please hell yeah should be a hoot uh this weekend i'm at cincinati the liberty funny bone god that's a big room so for the love of anal please come by addison improv in uh dallas uh after that and uh lexington kentucky never been there i hear it's cute columbus funny bone i'm all over the road austin miami improv utah so yeah come on out get on the patreon tell a friend get some merch and uh thanks for all the uh the fans out there in the gaze you you make life worth jizzing so uh appreciate you

and kiss your dad and uh fuck your sister yes thank you patreon raise all up