Tuesdays with Stories! - #391 Funny Foam

Episode Date: March 9, 2021

It's a helluva ep this week as Mark get's too offensive at a promo shoot before texting with Jerry some more while Joe meet's Mark's giant cat and shares some more Ecuador tales. Check it out! Check out our new merch here! Shirts, stickers, phone cases, mugs, you name it! https://www.teepublic.com/user/tuesday-s-with-stories Sponsored by: Blue Chew (bluechew.com code: tuesdays), Sheath (sheathunderwear.com code: tuesgays), & Manscaped (manscaped.com/tuesdays) Subscribe to our Patreon for full video of the show A WEEK EARLY, bonus eps, and more! www.patreon.com/tuesdays

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy the the

the room in the moment in the now in the zone auto zone get in the zone E.A. sports in the game that I think I just nailed that and that sound real that was solid did you guys have a pet boys pep boys oh yeah drive away happy yes come to pep boys and drive away happy what about this one oh oh oh oh Riley's auto parts yeah that's big those are all big those are still big that one's still going yeah oh Riley because and then there's the other one is gonna go to moose that's models those are like the

local sports douches yeah we didn't have we had moose restaurant welcome to moose interesting was a Mexican joint well we I didn't have models growing up but models now is like the sportsy thing in New York right right the I bought a pull-up bar there years ago oh I bought a baseball bat there and then there was a Tuesday that tweeted me after was like I saw you with a baseball bat I didn't want to say hello because I think she was afraid I was gonna hit her or something I was a lady it was a lady and it's weird because I bought a baseball bat and like some dumbbells I think a psycho cuz I had like two dumbbells and a bat and

it just looked like I was trying to change my life or something right they said dumbbells went through the roof when the pan damn hit like when the gym's closed everybody got the bit dumbbell ordered so the FedEx guys ripped cuz he's just lifting dumbbells all day oh wow yeah that could be a bit or something but I went Vita Garry our pal Gary Vita who I saw last night he ate a bag of cheese in Brooklyn it was brutal it was one of these Brooklyn shows grateful to do it God bless you Brooklyn this is why I don't want you moving to Brooklyn right I did a show everybody looked like fucking Andy not to frame Andrew Beckett

from Philadelphia they all have like the win the winter hat that doesn't go over the ears which I hate like it's a little like cap oh it's like a dock worker hat yeah and they're like like horned rim glasses and or owl tooth what's the other one hounds hounds tooth horned rimmed I got you whatever they're wearing like John Lennon glasses and these things and they're just a bunch of like Kweefy yeah it just feels like you want to spray it all down no offense if you live in Brooklyn it's they look sickly they're like you want to go hey you got to eat a eat a eat a steak every now and then and do a push-up and put the put

the spin cycle on everything looks like hell they're wearing it looks to shovel come on get a permanent press I came down I was there a little late I'm walking down the steps and it's a veters on stage doing is and some of the best jokes around as you know killer one-line zings one of our favorite comics and it's just a and it's full it's like 40 people like this and I just hate them and I feel like and maybe I'm projecting but they're like look at this white patriarchy hetero whatever yeah and it's Vita he's like Ford six I know I know although he's bald and he's got an American history ex body I guess he does

that he's very he's like ripped he does prison work as well that's what made me think of the dumbbells because I went to his house he was moving and he had a nice set like a like a little like a little pyramid with all the things because I got one set of dumbbells at like 15 so what am I doing I'm I can tone but I can't beef sure no beef oh I want a beef not tone tone is for ladies I don't mind some tone dial tone tone look is nice but I mean tone is not bad tone bell I like that guy good good guy good egg for whom the bell tones that's a stretch but both of them in that one

bell and tone tone bell for who the bell I'll go in there no kidding yeah yeah I'm a little tone deaf but either way I see what you're saying and I snapped on a look I started in Brooklyn I lived in Brooklyn I lost my virginity in Brooklyn I got AIDS in Brooklyn but no sleep till Brooklyn but I'll say this I did a show there last week and I'm eating my own asshole on stage as you do and I just go look if you guys were in charge of art we'd be fucked right because like you know you let's say I showed you not not that I'm Tarantino but if I showed you a pulp fiction reel like what do you think

you'd be like that's a problem you got to change that and now we just have pulp fiction so they think they're saving the world but you're ruining art this is art folks I'm I'm queefing up here it doesn't feel so fun and there was some other comics too that were very funny a lot of just that blank stare face and I killed obviously but no but I went on at the end and it was a bit pulling teeth they loosened up a little bit but all I have right now is dick and shit jokes because you're right about what you know so I just picture I think they want like I don't even know what they want me to discuss the sociology or

socialism or spotulism I don't know but yeah it's it's tough anything kind of I think anything kind of dicey or interesting or adult is almost yeah that shit and dick is very relatable yes I like shit and is there a human being in the home right now am I crazy I think the ladies urinating oh geez it scared the shit on me I thought there was a ghost in my ass and let me ask you this and this is off camera so it's hard to say because without the video on camera but what I'm about to talk about is off camera where the cameras is this plant falling there's a there's a cactus in the room it's at a 40 degree angle I mean it

doesn't look good go to my Instagram page you got posted about the cacti about a week ago but here's the thing about the cacti that thing as strong as an ox you can hit it with a with a Louisville slugger won't budge but it's trying to get some sun so it's growing towards the hypo what I'm here now Andrea what is that with the hype biscus hypothesis hype no photo photo thank you Instagram yes there was a great pearl jam lyric do you see the way the tree bends oh does it inspire leaning out to catch the sun's rays a lesson to be applied hmm not a great rhyme well it doesn't have to rhyme it's a

rhyme what are we was it shell Silverstein is it the rhyme it's a song you'd like to have a rhyme at the end but I guess with with better it's all just it's not hip pop it's it's a fucking it's a rock and roll piece it's a number I would I would argue there's a lot of rhyming in the rock world some rhyming but you know under a bridge downtown my asshole is real brown all right that one rhymes yeah yeah yeah but now I hear you I hate that song yeah they had some real flops those peppers I think we've touched on this before we hate the peppers if you like them you stink they had a moment but yeah not overall it's tough I like that

they did the thing where you swing your shirt over your head that was fun like a helicopter yeah similar that helps yeah well that's another that's a rap tune like a helicopter take a shirt off swing it over your head like a helicopter well that doesn't rhyme at all and that's rap yeah well wave your hands in the air if you just don't care but I'm telling you you go any Beatles song it's rhyming no we all live in a yellow submarine yellow submarine submarine submarine this is the age old question does that rhyme now that's no good but love love me do you know I love you stinks hey look it's pop bubblegum but it's rhyming we I keep

talking about Ron he's like my my new bed buddy over here but we were talking about it on our show Beatles is really is like glorified children's music in a lot of ways while they evolved I mean they had a hell of an arc yeah they evolved a bit but you know it's I want to hold your hand right I'd like to be under the sea with an octopus yeah and there's a lot of don't get me wrong I like to be the people get very upset one time I posted about how the stones are way better than the Beatles and I got hate I mean I think I put a swastika on my sister's ass I mean people really get upset yeah well the stones to me have

they cook they cook there's grit there's layers and the sacks and keys and Keith and it's a lot more there's a devil and Satan and they're talking about eating black pussy and fucking slaves and it's something yeah right away rape and murder I mean those are fun things yes part of a balanced breakfast but um any jizz I don't know how we got here the cactus is falling down yes my mother's gay and that's coming to town yeah it's it's crazy because when I moved here that cactus was up like a baby's boner and now it's cocked like an old man's back but it's getting the sun I like that yeah gotta get it a lesson to be applied you

gotta lean into the sun folks you could say the same for the pandemic I mean you gotta kind of go where the work is looks look Johnson's restaurant closed but he got into the play plexiglass game and now he's killing it who's Johnson well I'm just making up people it's I'm just saying like as an example the guy who got into the heat lamp game is killing it I gotta adapt you got to go where the sun is ah we're gonna cut off your Johnson Boski ah yes there you go so let me throw this one at you there sloppy jalopy please we need something all right so I gotta start saying no and I hope the person ever hears this but a friend said

hey will you do this shoot for my company it's like a little promo we're doing it'll play in grocery stores in the back of the cab and it pays a couple clams and I said ah well all right I got an open four seconds on my calendar I'll do it you go out to BK go to Brooklyn it's way out I do the shoot it's pretty professional I mean this is a corporation with money and cameras and director and script and all that and they go you're gonna do this at the kitchen counter just be funny and whatever great show up they put makeup on me the whole thing they got the guy miking you with the weird camera string up the bed or the microphone up

your ass and everything I always like that I feel like it's kind of fun attention that's true yeah it's not bad like a man's touch yes yes so he touched me and it felt good and then you know action and I'm going you know it's just you and this counter and the be the copy and then they're like you know built it out to like five minutes your comic and I'm like all right so I just do this I just do oh like an alarm started going off on the street and I was like well that's my ankle alarm I guess we're close to the playground whatever and they were like whoa whoa whoa and everything I said got cut everything I made a

circumcision joke and a Trump joke and this and that they all got they were like whoa whoa do a clean can we get a clean one and I did a clean one and I just was like here's the product how you doing folks here we go and they were like perfect I'm like there's not one comedy element 20 ounce of humor nothing yeah you could have just got fucking Dick Schofield you could have brought in any asshole grab someone off the streets if you want nothing right and I feel this way sometimes in these things where they go you know really let's play with it let's let it feel out let's be organic I'm like just tell me what to say

exactly just tell me what to say or let me say whatever but there's no in between of take this make it your own twist it around yes no tweaking I don't want to tweak no tweak they don't tweak I they just they just tell you to do it then they go here's what you say at the end of it so that took a whole hour to get to that so I just did it straight we got through it but you're like maybe this is why there's so many unfunny comedians out there it's because they get a job like that where they don't have to be funny they're just good on camera or they're or confident and they talk and they get paid right well my

theory of why there's so many bad comedians is it's hard it's very difficult well that too that too I mean it's just hard and people they want to be comedians because it's fun and silly and exciting but it's hard and so they just go and they stink and they eat a bag of cheese but they go to Brooklyn and everyone you know carries them off the stage because they said whatever the right thing right right but that is I digress back to Brooklyn I'm sorry so did it with a were they happy with it in the end or you're unhappy but were they happy I'm unhappy and I take the check and I hit the Taco Bell but it was just

perturbing I mean I'm eating a bell grande going why would they hire me look I'll take the money but at this point I'm not it's not like I'm famous so it's not like we got Mark Ruffalo you know at least he's not saying anything funny but it's him it's a Kanye or whoever the hell well you got some some Jews some you got some followers these days but it's not like I'm posting about this thing I'm not sharing it well but you have enough followers that they see your face maybe maybe Tom Dick and Henry's see a mark likes this you know sock or whatever the hell it was I got I got I can think I'm just if I'm coming clean here I'm just

kind of annoyed with the whole show biz industry and I see a lot of holes in it and I don't believe in it anymore I'm pitching this show here fatty this one production company was like hey we we like it here's our notes and they give me the notes and I go all right we apply the notes we change the whole thing we we script we write a whole script me and my pal Salicus and then we turn it in that takes two weeks for them to read it then they finally read it we'll come back next week with notes they have more notes and they go let's just do it this way which was the original way I pitched it always always Jerry well it's that age

old thing it's as old as age that it's like when you hire a new boss he ends up firing three people because he feels like he has to put his thumbprint on my cock so I think they all have to do something to make it seem like they're worthy of a thing so they gotta go why don't we take this out and cross that out and I've had that exact same experience we write a whole show you give it to someone they say take this out spin this around flip that around then you take it to person number two and they go you got to take this and spin this and flip it and ends up back to square one yep every time so that's what's so

nice about YouTube that's what's interesting is yes we do all this stand but not to sound like we're perfect and flawless of course but thin penis we do all this stand-up and we figure it out without anyone helping and you're like I came up with all this that was just me so why don't you trust me on this thing I know I know and I mean another age as old as queefs or whatever it is prostitution is the oldest art form whatever it is nothing artistic gets better with a group it seems and especially a group that has a nine to five clock-in corporation I got kids to feed job right you know like I mean Louis

had the Louis deal and that's why it was such a great deal and you lose a ton of money as a as an entertainer but it's worth it for the fucking piece of anal exactly deal me in deal or no deal but I guess I mean one could argue hey he could use some editing you know so it's a it's a gentle touch to get it just right but that's what's so miraculous when you see something like Seinfeld or Kerb or you know Rocky or Jaws or something that like somehow they pulled off this like masterful thing yeah and knowing how difficult it is to do anything it's it's just shocking when someone pulls off something so great that's why we love

Seinfeld so much yeah well that's interesting that's an interesting point it's almost that I used to be impressed with the skill and how funny it was on the right egg and now I'm impressed that they got that writing made right that's even more of a feat at this point yeah just doing anything is a feat yes stinky feet fetish yeah what's up with feet guys it's a weird thing I guess I think you've just what do you call it exhausted all your options like nobody's I feel like no one's a 15 year old foot fetishist are they no good point I think you gotta really take in the tits and the vagina and the face yeah and then

after a while you're like let's go feet maybe right I mean it's almost like cocaine you don't start with coke you start with a little booze some beer or some weed yeah tits are a gateway tits are gateway yeah to the to the hoof but I'm half grossed out by feet guy and I'm half jealous because you see a gal in a flip-flop that's like seeing a gal with a tube top well I gotta say there are a nice fee I mean you can recognize a good foot in a bad foot you're making a face I mean I've seen some Barney rubbles out there bad I'll give you bad okay so if there's bad it must be good because without bad there's no there's no good

without bad there's no good without bad but I see a good and it doesn't twerk the nips I can get a nip twerk if it's like that if they have everything covered but you see a foot because it leads to the nudity I guess well it's the it's the start it's the start it's the bottom it's like the you're like okay it's some kind of skin I guess I mean summer you're not looking at a foot but if you're see a winter foot you're like whoa look at that yeah yeah yeah I was talking to a cat last night we both know and we were we were chatting about like oh you know first day of spring in New York the cleave the shoulders and he was like in

the toes come out I was like toes you want to toes give me anything else give me a mid-drift a neck a forehead over a toe well I want to know my theory call in if there's any teenage feet people because that's really some psychology if you're like 11 you're like look at that hoof it seems strange but I love a heel a shoe a shoe that's something I mean like a nice pointy black leather heel inside my asshole that's like my dream yeah really be stepped on is that a pump pump is confusing because there was also the Reebok pumps and now there's a pump is a is a heel pump is like a certain kind of heel there's a stiletto heel there's a

there's a you know a tar heel and would you say again a pump heel pump heel yeah pump is like I think heel Hitler I think sneakery like it's like it's not a pointy you can't have a pointy pump can you think it's pointy no but like the toe is not a point those aren't pumps that is a sling back they have a sling back sling back sling blade I've heard of that's a Billy Bob Thornton joint he wore sling backs I think the sling back is the one that's got it's it's slings back like it's got a strap around the back I like I like a strap that's a strap back on strap on then there's like a horizontal strap that comes that's

like a oh no it's a vertical I think yeah vertical is up and down yeah that's the one that goes from like the toe to the up the shin that's a vertical strap I think gladiatory something while the ones that go all the way up forget it those don't you find there's a lot of like trends that you see and you're like I know you're gonna laugh about that's gonna look stupid 100% that by the way it was back to back shoulders first it was the shoulder cutout oh yeah that was big silly like a year and then now it's the shoulder puff now I keep seeing the puff shoulder like like like our prom what are you Napoleon what do you need

that up there the little brush on the shoulder get out of here I hate a shoulder you know what else I hate is it any kind of doily thing the doyle sucks and how about this doyle rules the strap on one side the fucking strap here but no strap here like that asymmetrical yeah that I ace sexual I don't realize my wife wore that at her wedding our wedding so maybe I'll cut this out I don't mind though the horizontal strap or the one strap or the whatever it is the strap on but yeah there's a lot of things where I go this is silly you're gonna hate this you know those photos your dad goes look at

me in the 40s I look like a Nazi or whatever you're like I know why would you think that ever look good you got a what do you call those suits suits you get the big hat with the feather in it a little pencil thin mustache bell bottoms all that stuff and it keeps happening now I mean I think the sneaker high heels are gonna be goofy so you look back at those and say that's silly and clunky chunky white sneakers that model chicks wear is silly and and I think you could you could apply this to language as well these people say these hip terms I'm like well first of all you're 41 secondly that's a dumb fray

that's like saying cowabunga or radical right well our friend down in South America right now has picked up this habit you're gonna throw up get a bucket cut pause the recording and get something ready he's saying without irony hella we're gonna have hella Mexican food and he does it a lot I'm taking it's a hella car ride it's a helicopter he's saying hella like unironically I couldn't believe it I had to be I got I flew all the way to South America I'm all excited I take I get the passport and the test and the anal swab I finally get there he's like we're gonna have hella fun and I was like what are you

kidding you should have flown right back I mean on a helipad because yes I guess you know he's had some friends from California that say that but hella I mean give me a break I mean I got the hell out of here can you imagine me saying that what would you do if I was like yeah we had we had hella hella wings over there I can't even do it as a joke can't even compute you saying that it's crazy he says it oh man well again he's 78 he's bald he's an old Hebrew man it's is that no good was like onions or something oh maybe it's a dirty cup I think so it's it tastes like like like oregano like Puppa Gino's pizza cheese I keep it

close to the spices yeah it's got an aftertaste of spice oh geez let me try this bizarre I think it might be the glass yeah that's alright but alright I'll get you a fresh don't worry about it I don't need water to survive you can go did you know this you can go three minutes without break this all rule of threes three minutes without breathing okay three days without water and 30 days without food that's what I heard from Ari it's a hella fact from Ari man I mean when see this is the problem with South America and the problem with leaving the the society boundaries is you start you start get a little freer with your

things and actions because you're not checked exactly in New York you're constantly checking out of the way dick list what are you wearing you can't say that put the hat back on get a haircut whatever it is no check in South America well it's part of with the pandemic is there's no cellar table because if we were at the table there was seven of us or if we had moon tower like we were all supposed to be and he said oh we're gonna have a hella cupcakes yeah I would shut the hell up and fucking shoot yourself in the hella face you fucking fat piece of shit yes exactly well did you did you bring it up I said I was like

this is an outrage I can't handle this this is crazy and he said well you know he says it so I started saying it whatever and you got to pick your battles so I hope we don't hear the n-word because then it's over apparently he's this is subjectable to terms something's up I don't like it but what can you do I have to I have to be hella accepting and just understand that he's gonna say these things I guess so but I mean also I think there's a phenomenon going on and maybe it's not a phenomenon but guys our age I think when we were when we were kids people our age had kids and so kids start saying this shit so you're like

well I can't talk like my kid I gotta get I'm a lawyer right so you you kind of cut the cut the cord on the slang yeah it's hard and sometimes things just come into your asshole without telling you yeah that's true cuz I I started saying been a minute all of a sudden that came in and I didn't even mean to all of a sudden I was like what am I doing I'm like I haven't seen him in a minute I was saying and then you're like what the hell just happened to me I don't want to be in a minute guy cuz I can remember an LA fucking douche saying that and being like a minute whether it's been like six months what are you talking about oh but

then it's seeps so if I ever say hella I mean please take your boot shove it into my ass and then step on my face with the other one but it's see that's what's good about you there fatty as you can catch these things you said in a minute I'm jizzing and then you went whoa what are you doing who who have I become but other people go hey I'm saying the cool word I'm in the mix I'm part of the crew I'm in like no no you don't want to be in you want to be you well it goes to show me that sometimes because for me it's see because I always picture the person sitting there at their desk being like tonight tonight I'm gonna put hella in

there I'm gonna say hello don't you picture that they're like I'm gonna go to the cell and say hello oh god be a good fella yeah yeah well I'll tell her I guess so I guess I said dope once I had I know I took a shower after I took a walk around the block I called my mom it's bad I just slipped out I don't know where it came from dope is like the worst one to me yeah it just feels like that's dope I felt so off it right when it came out of my mouth I felt like I was kissing a man like this was all wrong something's all wrong here and I did it once I never did it again if you call someone a dope that's fine love love the

insult dope shut up you dope that's a good one yeah or he's hooked on dope baby's hooked on the word dope there's no hope with dope that was fun yeah I'm having a good time this should be the show this is not bad this is this is the show ruin the show the industry you know what I want to I want to throw this out again this happened in Key West which is nine weeks ago now but I've been you know me I've been really really meditating in the COVID what's it called again what are we calling them pandemic yeah down for a while we were calling it not the lockdown not pandemic I think lockdown I guess the lockdown we're

calling it that but now it's not even close I don't know so the pandemic I've been I've been meditating like you know like crazy yeah hello hello meditating and those those those don't connect that's kind of an oxymoror I yeah it's a it's a dope more I can't even do it I can't even fake it but anyways so I've been meditating I've been reading all the queefs and doing all the become and just really trying to chill it out a little you know oh yeah trying to because the brain is plastic they say you can really change the brain malleable yes I've heard this so I'm feeling better we're in Key West I'm not with our

pal Don Zolo I think it's a bit of a Tuesday yeah so James Patterson wonderful to me not the author Zolo might be the original name for Zoro in China all right count it thank you keep it rolling foot was on the line it's a tube but we're counting it it was a big leap but big reap John reaper white reaper yeah you reap what you so so buttons I'm there it's Don Zolo James Patterson wonderful comedian and Sarah and we go to this place I forget the name of it Chuck sir Steve's it's like a mac and cheese place they got a little window there's a bar you can go inside drinking the bar or they have a little

window if you've been to Key West you've probably been there late night they got a grilled cheese situation you can get some tater tots sounds great so every night after the show comedy Key West great new club check it out you gumball you walk over there and I love all these towns you just walk it's warm get some late night food so we're sitting outside the four of us and I gotta paint the picture it's a little side street in Key West and and Bert not bourbon street what's the hello Deval Deval Street Robert which is their bourbon street is right behind us I got my back to it there's a little N cave in cave little

and clay in clay is that right yeah yeah no it's okay in clay but similar to a cave yeah that's true it's kind of like infamous yeah it's into just famous it's in famous yeah it's very confusing anyway so there's an enclave and James and Sarah in there I'm sitting just outside the clave Cliff Clavin I'm sitting there eating some tater tots that's what they found Ben Laden and a clave and Zolo sitting here and you know I'm eating my tater tots we're having a couple yuck yucks telling some stories having a good time and I just you know there's a group back behind us whatever drinking and all of a sudden I just hear and this

guy this drunk guy comes running up behind me and screams right behind me so I jump I go out I'm like tater I dropped a couple tater tots I stood up like in like jump fight flight fart mode yeah and Zolo jumps up it scares the fuck out of us and this guy just keeps running it turns out it's just like a middle-aged guy he's like a 50 year old fat drunk asshole and two of his buddies and like their four women behind him and he runs he's dying laughing he was like just fucking with us he's like I'm gonna run up and scare this guy wow he picked the right guy and I'll tell you Zolo stands up and goes what the fuck an asshole

fucking it and then the ladies come up these fat housewife ladies are like we're sorry he's drunk and Zolo's like he's a fucking asshole and by the way I look up the street and the guy he's still jogging he turns his ankle a little bit of karma he's like oh geez and he kind of fell wasn't hurt bad but this is why I bring up the meditation I stood and like jumped and then I saw this is drunk guy I went ah yes sat back down went back to the tater tots and Zolo was like wanted to fight the guy and I said that already happens past yes I feel like I've really grown yeah that's big because you passed it passed in the old days I would have

wanted to run and shove him from because I could have just gave him a two-hand shove they gotta be dead I mean he's drunk and has his back to us and he's hammered and you know I'm like what are we gonna do we're gonna fight a bunch of middle-aged Tampa assholes right and I really cooled out and afterwards Sarah was like that was like unbelievable I think she was turned on oh I think the the Zen is hot possibly I'm not sure it is kind of cool because you're stoic you're you're you're masculine it's just you could you take it as it comes and you move on because I think in your mind you're like I should go beat up this guy

and defend our honor but I was like yeah what am I gonna do yeah he's drunk you did a thing anyways what was the story we were telling and after she was like that was really impressive and then she got she got a little hot and heavy she was like that was really something I couldn't believe how you just handled that all right oh my god there's a giant fucking cat in the house oh yeah that's the cat I guess you've never been I was expecting a kitten no it's a tiger holy shit look at this changes everything yeah yeah sweet as a lamb it doesn't look sweet oh it's gonna eat the wires like Christmas vacation yeah I mean this is a

huge cat Maine Coon what yeah that's what they're going all right we'll bleep that out hey speaking of oh yeah oh speaking of you say man main main main all right well I'll tell you what man I like I like man scaped Tuesdays with stories folks is brought to you by man scaped when they coined the term the thick of winter do you think they were talking about your winter pubes huh nobody's shaving it's a mess down there luckily our partners at man scaped specialized in products to make sure you're walking around town with sparkly new balls man scaped has precision precision tools for your family jewels

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first shipment free when you use your special promo code Tuesdays just pay five clams and shipping again that's blue chew dot com promo code Tuesdays to try it free I mean come on what do you got to lose folks except a soft dick contest oh boy supposed to keep it clean oh sorry I think that'll fly yeah we'll bleep it if we have to what did should we do the last or keep moving let's move we'll swing back around last is a special to me oh yeah I wanted to comment on your Stoic Zen moment I also wonder if you're in Key West with a couple of New England

booze hounds sure and so you kind of maybe went double time on the on the meditation yeah I suppose so I mean it really it definitely the the juxt of position makes you feel that way and you know it felt like it felt like Costanza when he gets cut off when he's doing the obvious like it's okay it's not the end of the world right that's how I felt and and then she Victoria she's turned on Michelle Pfeiffer sister fun is that right yeah wow she got the short end on that one who fight for her she's hot I think five well they're both fire I think Michelle is hot her he's hotter I guess that's why she was more

successful but the sister has a little thickness to her there's something there I like thick but that was in the 70 well Michelle was you know Scarface and all that when Boney was in I just forgot about my sketch idea scarf ace he sells scarfs he's like the ace of scarfs I like yeah you want to my velvet scarf or whatever I don't know I like that it could be something I was thinking of a Michelle Pfizer pun she smells like visors well vaccine maybe a poiser I see Pfizer the vaccine they got the now they had the first one Johnson and I can't well Johnson Johnson is a onesie that's the new single shot and doesn't have to

be frozen this is like you know let it go you can just be a nice room temp room temp single shot up the ass that's pretty good so we'll see what goes on with that I don't know can we I mean because these are these Pfizer's you know God bless them and they're doing the Lord's work and praise Allah but they they go bad every two seconds you got to wait for an old fat geezer to get out of the way but they these Johnson's it's a one and done and their room temp yeah Johnson Johnson really nailed it I believe it's a magic and dawn we're working on it yeah they nailed it so I don't know I'm excited I keep getting people I've had

two people yesterday be like hey I got it in on a thing try and then as soon as like click I'm like okay I click on it it's like hey you got to have AIDS or be in a wheelchair I think you gotta lie yeah they don't know if you got AIDS you could lie you could pass I guess you could say some things you gotta sign something that says you're not lying I'm always afraid of getting cuts never morality with me I'm like I'll feel like such a queef if they're like sorry pal you're going to jail right right right it's the fear of getting caught exactly it's funny Regan oh let me just throw Regan's who special is solid yeah we

talked about it last week a little bit but I still haven't watched it but I'm dying to watch and I can't wait to see it well he's got a great bit of he's like they always tell you a crowd don't don't do crime if you can't do the time and he's like that's a horrible message like you shouldn't do crime because it's wrong not because you can't you know it's always like hey I'm gonna steal that guys watch you'll spend them on the jail I can swing that something like that I don't know I'm ruining it but he's got some great stuff really funny it's on Netflix Steve Rogers and Caitlin Palloof open they got a nice little credit in

there is it Red Rocks it's one of those Red Rocks yeah beautiful outdoor arena or what do you call it the amphitheater beautiful I can't remember it's Red Rocks or it was Utah I think they might have been in Utah I didn't you because it didn't look Red Rocky I've seen a few concerts on video and it didn't look like that yeah I think it's I think it was Utah felt more money so I could see that but the leather jacket threw me I was like here we go he's having a midlife he's got white hair he's got a leather jacket looks like Billy Idol out here and he it was great it was just classic rig by the way midlife he's like 60 he's like

isn't this weird we're midlife I'm 38 so that's 76 or something right wait what do you mean 76 every half I lived half no 78 wait 38 because 8 and 8 16 yes of 686 no it's got to be 76 yeah 76 wow so if I live to be 76 this is my half way point but I mean I could die when I'm 64 because great Beatles song because you know anxiety the silent killer silent re her pee I mean you never know film yeah but if you live to 76 which is pretty that's about average about average that's a whole whatever you got now all the life you lived Whitman elementary anal in high school not going to college comedy all that again you get another one of

those that's true and plus the first two years you have no memory the next two years you're just getting laid the whole time then you're shitting in your asshole so those years won't even great I mean at the end it's gonna be funky oh god the cats getting near me for the first time it's gonna jump it's just a sniffer okay sniffer I'm a sniffer it's never his bitten or shit in its life the cats bite ever now not this one gentle as a clam cute pet it you know or not I don't mind its own anal he's a he's a he's a lamb all right he's on the lamb killed a Jewish kid in Idaho sniffing my foot it's huge it's all sniffs oh jeez but

you pick it up do you pick up a cat how you can I'm saying to you specifically sometimes I'll throw it around it's so big huge oh my god all right anyway so the audience can't even see this fucking thing but it's why I mean this thing is it's a it's a beast it looks like a child in a cat costume I mean this is a toddler look at the tail on that I can't stop look at it it's like an orangutan yeah yeah it'll rip your face off all right well I should I had something but oh wait hold on the baby when you're a born you lived to 76 oh yeah you had a great point you don't even remember to your shit in blood you don't know what's

going on you're drinking out of your mom's tits but when you're when you're seven you don't know much either when you say you don't even know what boobs are or clouds or photosynthesis or cacti you just you're an idiot at seven right yeah no I mean it's interesting but I mean I guess at 74 you're kind of a idiot too so you lose some but you definitely lose more early than you do late I would hope good point unless you get early development I mean you might get on set arthritis or whatever the fuck good point you never know I mean that's the thing folks you don't know what the future holds hmm I'm the reason

I am honestly the reason I bring up the whole reagan thing is because I we talked about Jerry last week sure and you said I hit him with another one whatever yeah I took your I thought about your advice I said yeah that's not bad so I texted him we did a pod which is an hour and change and then I tell Jerry yeah what huh you pod with Jerry we did a pod oh you and I sorry I would open with that I would hope well no so I texted him about reagan then we did a pod and then I was like well it's been an hour and a half or so since I can't just follow up you can't read you can't pause a text like that right it's too awkward yeah like

what it doesn't get a flow going if you have an hour between mm-hmm so I go ah maybe I'll think about it I just forgot so then I'm at a podcast last night at 10 11 at night I look at my phone it's 1048 pops in Jerry like whoa you still get a jolt from that name of course a Jerry Jolt Jerry Jolt and and he goes the raisins bit or whatever he's like the rate whatever bit was killer and I was like so now I had to run home and watch it again just for the bit knowledge because I didn't want to go in and go I love that video and he says what part you know I don't want to be a liar there so I was like so I ran home rewatched the

raisin bit and then said yeah that was killer and then I had a bit that I sent him that I liked wait refresh me look it's been a week when you said the initial text a Regan's great did he write back that he'd seen it yeah he goes yeah really funny because now now I'm led to believe maybe Jerry's a little full of baloney pants because he says oh yeah it's great and then nine hours later he says how about this bit makes me think he said it's great does the it's great I'll watch it later maybe right is that possible that's basically what I did to him right he's like I like this bit I had to

yeah so maybe Jerry was full of shit because I've done that by the way interesting where everybody's saying something is awesome and I don't want to you know when someone says I have this a lot with certain friends they say you ever see this and you say no they go oh they're gonna tell you about the whole thing of course so sometimes you go I saw yeah it's terrific so I've had this happen where I say something's good I loved it it's great just assuming everyone saying it's great I'm sure I'll like it I don't want to deal with it I'll just say yeah it's great then I watch and go hey hold the phone I find you're gonna run

to watch it you're all full of baloney because this is a piece of steam and shit yeah yeah yeah well maybe maybe well but I didn't I didn't expect that cuz I assume he's perfect in every way and I hold him up to a high regard so I didn't think he could be capable of fibbing but maybe right he might have fed maybe not fit maybe he maybe he watched it liked it and said you know Mark's right let me rewatch maybe that could be I think he's a busy Jew so I think you might be right and now I'm even more glad that I didn't write back what if I had pride what bit you like and he's like shit this queef is yeah now

I gotta go watch it good point well I told you the story before I think maybe maybe not when I first met Louie years ago now he was talking about the show Louie and he said oh man he told me this long story about the episode and the whole time he's telling me I'm like God I watched the show but I don't remember this one but I don't want him to think I just skipped an episode so I'm sitting there going just say it was great when he finishes talking just say boy it was awesome and I went back and forth and finally he finished this long story about this episode and I went God I gotta say I don't remember this episode and

he's like of course I never put it out and it was such a relief you could a lot of the great release because I actually was thinking about just being like oh yeah that was awesome and for you my whole life would be different if I was like oh well it was one of the best yeah because I've had this experience where my wife did a late night in a comic said oh she was amazing on that and hadn't aired yet and he was like oh so good you should be really happy about her and hadn't come out I didn't even call him out I just went thanks man oh is that me no different different guy do I know him yeah we'll talk oh boy that's

exciting yeah that'll get you that'll get you it's a it's a bad feeling but I'll tell you what's a good feeling folks sheath underwear that's the best feeling in the biz I got it on right now you guys know about sheath you listen every week they gotta they got a pocket for the sack oh my god I almost saw your puberty here sorry they got a cool logo first and foremost they got a they got a sack for your sack and a pocket for your cock it's like a cock pocket a cock it cock pocket and every time it's flavor I take my cock on it's like a silky pullout it's like a nice oil check they really cut my balls they help my

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some sheath underwear tell him how to do it mark yes love sheath go to sheath underwear dot com and order with promo code twos gaze this guy he gets it to get 25 20% off your first order and at sheath underwear is a hundred percent money back guarantee that sheath underwear dot com promo code twos gaze get sheath underwear and let them support your cojones by the way the catch went to the town on her tits is it a boy or girl it's a male but I don't see gender he just looked it's tits a whole bunch of really what went to bed I mean it was like a like a seven tit licks and a yeah sleep well if you had tits other feel

like you'd like them I'd never stop I still love tits yeah they're pretty good all all that was adorable I was a little snapper yeah I had something about oh whoa you talked about not lying and it paid off yeah well you ever have this one and I I this is one of those good no no good thing goes unpunished whatever that shit means no good deed thank you

so uh I had this thing where I was fucking up scheduling I'm just you know I you I fuck up all the time I'm not good with this stuff I need to write things down to put on the wrong day the calendar is out of whack so this guy goes here's a gig it's in Ohio or something put it in the calendar don't forget I go you got it and that day which I never do the gigs three months away I go I'm buying tickets today oh it's three months away I'll get a deal I'll knock it out whatever so I buy the plane tickets I go on orbits the whole thing get the ticket it's a little pricey

whatever and then two days later he goes oh you know what the gig felt through it's not gonna work cancel everything don't worry about getting a flight I was like where the old me would have slacked off never got in a flight and then he'd be like hey don't get a flat like great I didn't and I did it and then you get screwed yeah every once in a while but I mean I imagine the airline does a nice thing they shove the money back up your ass or something like that two days later was passed the 24 hour cut off so it was a whole thing where you kind of tell the guy like oh shit these airlines they wouldn't refund me like yeah what

are you gonna do see you next year yeah that's frustrating yeah sometimes you try to do the right thing and just doesn't quite work out and have you taken all your flight things from last year cuz I forgot I canceled 500 flights or they canceled because of COVID but I haven't redeemed any of them I gotta start calling Delta cuz I keep just buying flights I should be calling Delta and saying hey I had 75 flights I didn't use last year yeah how does that work do you why don't we have to do it it should just go into an account and then when you buy something it should cover it yeah good point but that's on them they know what

do that with miles I don't know they probably don't want you to yeah they just want to keep that cash it's kind of like certain comedy clubs one in particular used to not tell you you're getting paid you had to go get your own money and if you didn't they never even gave it back why yeah yeah like there's a comedy club that you if you don't go to the bar oh I know your money midtown that's it yeah yeah you don't get it and then for the first like two years I was working there I came from Boston no one gets paid for anything right and I didn't even know I'm not kidding it was like I probably did 48 spots and people

were like you're not getting your money I'm like what money no one ever gave me any money and I doubt it's one of those things we go hey it's been six years you owe me $9,000 and they're gonna go yeah you missed it no they close that book and like sorry that money's long gone oh that's appalling yeah it's a little shady it doesn't work the other way you know you go hey banker or energy company I'll just pay in six years or I can't think but I know yeah not a great analogy but I see what you mean well you know how somebody goes hey you owe me $68 you know you worked by shift at the register and the register $68 shy and

you go ah sometimes these things happen you're like yeah but it never goes the other way where I would get $68 right that was not great but something there something I got another Ecuador tail if you want an Ecuador tail please I know Ecuador was six months ago now but this is no horse tail but it's something ponytail yeah so you know Ecuador it's a little weird it's COVID and they got hit hard and we were down there during I think it was Carnival or Ramadan some kind of Ecuador I don't know Easter something I think it was Carnival or Carnival I think it's Brazil but I think they have it all over the place okay I

think in South America by the way I think Bobby Bobby Carnival like I kind of Olly he sucks really I can't stand him you know likes him as Louie yeah well he's not right about everything I mean I just think he's like boy he could have the surprise like one of these soprano guys it's like yeah he goes all in on that he stinks but anyway handsome guy I don't find him handsome either I can show you some pics all right send me something this cat is horrifying I mean well you know it's cool the cat had never made an appearance it dodged the cameras like a like a bank robber a cat burglar I don't have it caught it on

camera at all maybe a hit to Mattel Mattel a tail a tail is all this time it's like some a tail yeah well we know what you're thinking about these farts are like you know they sound like the thing that you blow the dust off the keyboard oh yeah it smells horrendous and I really am sorry what is that chicken take a mozzarella well we just had some pasta dishes over at my pal there you get any it's very stale it's not good all right this is this is this is dead alright dead air indeed that it smells like death we go down there and part of Carnival Carnival Carnival that's what I've heard Mardi Gras based on Carnival

Carnival well part of Carnival you get these big cans cans and they spray like funny juice something funny juice I could use some of that on my last set what the hell's funny juice is that jizz it's jizzy it's like this smelly foam you know it's like silly string but it's more like gloopy it's like a it's got like a it look imagine silly string if like you put silly string in your ball sack somehow and then you come had silly string in it got it's a good it's dense and and thicker yeah it's a gooey dense thing and so part of and the people are a little dense if you ask me but this is some twos gays down there

in Ecuador by the way unbelievable yeah I didn't see them but they message and said hey I'm from Ecuador I'm a twos gay and someone was like I second that yeah wow how about that so we go down there and Ari as soon as we get in the car he's like we're going out to eat but and he hands me like a can like a big giant like three foot can that weighs eight pounds he's like you're gonna need this it's carnival and they spray jizz at you and you got to spray him back or else they'll just nail you is it hurt no it's like it's like jizz it's like someone coming on your fat hurts your feelings sure but so we get down there and we're

just carrying around these cans I'm like I don't want to carry a can I hate cans and he's like now I'm telling you you're gonna need it and the the next day we didn't see anyone that night because it's like covid so it's like barren out in the streets everything's closed because of the holiday and covid uh-huh we go out to eat the next day it's daytime he's like now it's the last day someone's going to try to get us because we're white also we're like americans oh so I'm like all right but I don't quite understand because I'm just visiting so I'm like I don't know what this is someone's gonna spray shit at me and they're like

it stinks to him and his friend we're like it smells and I'm like this sounds horrible so I kind of forget about it we're just walking around and then I see it we're sitting outside in like a square eating a town square and I just hear like this commotion I look over and they blasted some guy in like the face face shirt everywhere as he's covered in it it's on his hands does it ruin you because you know sticky what do you call silly spraying just peel right off you're fine you can't peel it's almost like it's like uh it's wet it's like a thick wet foam it's foam foam is what I should have said when I did the testicle noodle thing funny foam would

be a better name than funny juice funny foam is what I should have said I'd like to amend it yeah funny foam it's funny foam and it smells and I look over it not to be confused with funny farm yes the chevy chase vehicle right so I hit the guy and I'm looking over there and it just like triggered everything when I was like a kid this feeling I'm like if somebody runs up to me and sprays funny jizz in my face I might beat the fuck out of him I don't care if it's culture he's like it's cultural it's part of the thing but I'm like what are you insane yeah people just spraying foam in each other in strangers faces and then I saw it happen like on the other side of the square like a minute later so it and they nailed this guy and he's covered in shit and

some of people are like into it I guess because it's their culture whatever but then we were there's the savior we were walking and there was like three kids and three adults all spraying each other like a family that sounds all right and I said hey we we gotta walk around and Ari's like you're right they're gonna there's no way they're not gonna nail us yeah oh yeah a bunch of honkies so we had to walk all the way around and then they would drive by in cars and be like a drive by jizzing a spray a drive by spray foam thing fortunately we never got hit they got hit a couple times before we got there we never did but how do you feel about that we're where you stand on this I don't love it because I like a goofy game and all play and traditional and all

that and jizz but I don't love the wetness of it like I don't want to be ruined after you hit me with a silly spray I go all right you got me thank you call the police whatever hella fun but the foam what if I got a tuxedo on or a dead baker or a clan outfit I don't want to get ruined you know I know in the face it's like humiliating well that too yeah it's in your mouth the glasses you got and you gotta go back to the hotel like that would ruin my day yes I don't want to be a stick in the jizz but I'm like come on I don't want foam in my asshole no no if it ruins the clothing that's a that's a game changer the silly spray is such a great invention because it's just like whoop okay thank you see in hell but this is you might as well hit me with some grape jelly

he said you want me to use grape jelly I love to use grape jelly I'm okay I like strawberry he's said and Ari's saying make sure you bring shit clothes and I'm like what do you mean shit clothes yeah I gotta walk around in a hazmat because some guys got funny farm in a can it's bananas and I don't I don't keep shit clothes in the house I would you know I mean if I have clothes because I want to wear clothes that's true I don't just have spare shit in my home I give it to homeless kids like a good person I did a couple of lawn jobs with a guy when he was like bring some bad shoes I was like I don't have bad shoes I got shoes and and dress shoes I don't I have my sneakers and my dress shoes I don't have bad shoes just around the house I know yeah if your

shoe goes bad you throw it away yeah I don't save it in case I got a mowa lawn in ten years I think these people don't understand New York and Ari lives in New York but people always say this in New York yeah you throw you like what I had reflux like put a pile of bricks under your I'm like where am I getting a pile of bricks I live in a one bedroom I don't have spare shoes I don't like I don't get I don't even have a fucking what's something that people have that we don't have screwdriver that screwdriver I don't know maybe I have one of those maybe maybe a lost team I get it I get it but yeah people always say hey pull out your measuring tape and light a candle and check your kibachi and I'm like I don't have any of those things yeah no bad clothes but anyways

we never got hit uh but let me just wrap this up because we're we're we're going long here like asshole but so one of the nights we're in keto we're walking around everything's closed because it kind of all I think it's a big holiday whatever and last night I mean the first night we're all playing cards all night it's have a great time we're up in the hotel we're the only ones in the hotel literally the only people wow so the lady that works there just blasted the music throughout the whole hotel beautiful hotel it was a small boutique but beautiful blasting music and then he's got the dog bandits so he's like I gotta have bandit go piss there's a homeless guy living right outside the door and he's he's scraggly he's rough and ragged he's like a real like

like a demon-y fucking crazy guy could you hit him with the foam I think that would be pretty bad putting yeah I mean he's he's got some his own problems all right maybe the foam is helpful I think you're supposed to hit people that are doing okay but he was wearing shit clothes aha and bad shoes who better to hit than the hobo I mean no shoes and foam is somewhat soapy FOMO uh so no FOMO he comes out there I mean we go out there to get bandit and and Ari you know he's a tough customer he's not afraid of too much but he goes why don't you come with me it's laid everything's closed and I mean all right let's go so we go to step outside and this guy he's right outside the door and then clave and he hears that door he just poke he kind of creeps

his head out it's it's pitch black and he's like uh he's bleh no sotros vambos or whatever and we're like ah hey how you doing and then there's a guy a second homeless we knew about this homeless guy and so he was creeped out by him just ed come out with me just in case this guy gets weird we knew he was there then right to our left there's a second homeless guy he's standing right in the middle of street barefoot looks like huck finne pants all ripped like frankenstein man you're at your cornered and he's got one of these stray dogs and all the dogs there like fucked up eyes ones red and blue and there's chunks missing out of them he's really sad and he's like and there's no booze but he's speaking in spanish Ari speaks enough these like he's asking for money

but the dog and he starts walking towards us and this guy it's like on his hands and knees he's crawling it's like 28 days later zombie film exactly so we in spanish we go back in he's like fuck let's go back in i'm like come on come on this is crazy we go back inside we're like whoo and we're like let's give the other guy time to leave at least yes so we stand there for about five minutes six minutes ago that's spooky out there yadaway yada we talked about ladies so much happened on this trip by the way i know is wild so then i'm he's like all right it should be fine now and i'm like why don't we just give it one more minute and this is a story about how i'm smart and he's dumb but i'm like why don't we give it another minute i mean why not what's a minute

what's a minute he goes i don't know we gotta go to bed we gotta get the dog to piss what we go out there and the guy the other homeless guy on foot homeless guy he started walking he walks slow and he hears the door because it's quiet as a pin drop out there in keto so as soon as he hears he's like he starts coming back down the street and so we're like bandit piss piss bandit go this guy pops back out and this guy starts walking back with his creepy ass dog and we're just yelling abandoned to piss i'm like throwing water in his face i know but the the stage fright kicks in and the dog doesn't know what's going on he's like i don't want to piss give me a minute can i go sniff around my asshole it's been a minute so uh we end up just diving back in we're like fuck this

because this guy's coming back that guy's coming back we dive back in we're like you don't know what it's like out there to these ladies this is i mean in my head it seems like a horror film it is super spooky super creepy and finally go hey the dog is gonna have to piss in the hotel room whatever we can't go back out there because now the guys really he knows we're coming back out there so haunted house i don't know what happened with the dog bandit he must have pissed in the morning or whatever maybe he held it or maybe he pissed on their clothes because they brought shit clothes our killing but uh i mean that's how the story ends i'm sure it's not a great ending but i mean that is a visual and a half i this this is why people don't travel they hear shit like this

they go fuck that i'll stay in mawaki well it's spooky i mean you can't flush your toilet paper down the toilet you gotta get tested you get uh what do you call that the boil in the water you got i got sick from the water crazy shits and i was all dizzy from the altitude yeah there's a lot crayon then there's rabid dogs and loose horses it was quite a trip plus the guy saying hello the whole time i just hate when someone the hobo the idea of a homeless guy guy going there's people there let's go towards uh it's just like i do your thing leave me alone i hate the idea of you can't do something yourself without a hobo hearing you yeah it was a little spooky and uh it's like that movie what is it with the with the hearing well you can't make noise are there here here's you

sound of metal no no no oh i know what you mean quiet quiet place quiet place quiet place that was okay yeah it could be about a library but either way yeah i just it's not a fun way to live i you want to i want the hobo don't keep walking and i go my way yeah exactly and i don't want to be sprayed with foam either funny foam you got that right well it was a hell of an app hell app and uh yeah we gotta we gotta wrap this puppy up with a bow i think did did that close the book on ecuador i think that pretty much closes the ecuador book spraying shit scary dogs yeah that's about it oh i have one more little thing maybe i'll throw one more thing all right all right put it in my ass see if it sticks right now oh it's long it's quick well we went to the big basilica

the huge church which i talked about but they have underground tomes like go down there you buy a ticket we go down to me sarah and arie go down there and it's all this smoke they got smoke for effect and so you're in the tomes it's all dead bodies everywhere i mean they're in the tomb you can't see him or whatever but it's down there and somebody for some reason somehow flicks the light some asshole some jokester flicks the light off he's fucking with his girlfriend we didn't realize that all of a sudden he goes pitch black so we're like in the tomb ancient tomb the whole thing yeah me got thick and it's all smoky and the lights just go out only for like five seconds but my god it was horrifying and the guys like a blah blah blah he's laughing joking but you're

like hey fuck off man he's fucking with his girlfriend but we're in there there's a lot of rabble rousers down here in ecu you got the funny foam you got the meat tomb you got all these joke pranksters yeah they're there and they're not merry either they're they're the opposite of mary what's that cranky cranky pranksters yeah christmas with the cranks i don't know yeah i'm with you well mary uh mary had a little lamb that that closes the uh doro on uh ecu doro so great times thanks for having me ecu doro on on to the next one ponder a uh reba yeah where where you're gonna be there sloppy joe a ruby ray uh all right side splitters march 18 1920 side splitters one of my favorite get your tickets sarah's coming with me might be other folks with me and march 24th

royersford pennsylvania nice uh outdoor show it's gonna be warming up they got the big tent can't wait for that one and uh april i'm going to kansas city helium i think that's april third or something like that or uh oh that's april first second third wait they have a helium yeah it's new oh great kansas city helium and then um april 23rd and 24 omaha funny bone one of the great funny bones and uh yeah check instagram and uh go hit my youtube go subscribe to the youtube and uh check out my full metal jacket and um joe and ron on tuck movies i got too many things going on i'm gonna kill myself yeah yeah i feel overwhelmed as well and uh yeah i'm at the addison improv in tejas you know it's funny i bought a ticket the tickets were like eight eight dollars because

that snow storm they're like all right come back everybody what's sorry about that i guess and uh then i'm at lexington kentucky remember that club no i don't either so uh come out to that kentuck when was last time you went to kentucky for comedy comedy off broadway i don't know i did louisville probably 2016 i would say so quite a while that's half a decade ago isn't that weird yes then you got columbus funny bone one of the great funny bones uh austin paramount theater miami improv wise guys in utah to coma comedy club agubis so yeah the road is back baby and uh we're gonna be back on it so come out and see a hack and uh yeah hell of a good time we'll be back in a minute brazil uh