Tuesdays with Stories! - #401 Babble On

Episode Date: May 18, 2021

Folks, it's a dramatic ep as Mark plays a golf course on Long Island before a rough parking job in Philly while Joe confronts the dregs of society while in Austin. Check it out! Check out our new merch here! Shirts, stickers, phone cases, mugs, you name it! https://www.teepublic.com/user/tuesday-s-with-stories Sponsored by: ExpressVPN (expressvpn.com/tuesdays), Feals CBD (feals.com/tuesdays), & Sunday Custom Lawns (getsunday.com/tuesdays) Subscribe to our Patreon for full video of the show A WEEK EARLY, bonus eps, and more! www.patreon.com/tuesdays

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe less Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy you're spitting at me here we are while this is a big up right here I this is why you gotta get on the

YouTube the patreon because we are in a whole new scenario a whole new world kids take off your clothes a new all good what is it women or girls all good teenagers teenagers all good teenagers take off their clothes this is too bright we got a what's it called a ring light yeah an uber ring and it is just blasting I can't you can probably see it in my glasses which are all scratched I have no idea how this happened well this oh yeah you're getting too wild on the streets there's fights and car chases hang on I mean I don't know what's going on baby it's fine cuz you have a beer in

a bag and I'm dressed like a guy that has a beer in a bag I got a Bruins tea and a sweatpants that don't fit I gotta tell you just so fun being at your place you know it's usually I feel like I'm having the party I'm entertaining the dinners at my house now but your house I'm cutting loose I'm in Queens I'm drinking a beer I love it and yeah it's switched because I want you out of here it's a bummer I'm not happy you're here my neighbors are gonna know that I'm racist I mean real issue yeah the slurs are flying tonight baby I mean I'm not accustomed to having a friend over here usually it's me and Sarah we're talking

about you know flower petals and bridges of Madison County but you come over here and it's you know F a G this and I tee that and it's just crazy and I tee is that a new one that's a basketball tournament ah yes god I thought it was the non ignorant token ah that's something fungible I don't know we're gonna cut all that I can't see anything I can't see Peter Peter you gotta look at after hours and strangers by the lake over there on the wall like who knew do luck yes yes that means my cunt is wet it certainly is I got my spring steam that uh Salacuse gave me the guy's so generous giving giving too much he's just

giving I'm like I don't even know you son of an onion I know I feel horrible with the cues I never give him anything and then I try to pay for some he won't let me I try to kiss him he won't let me he's the accused Salacuse I felt that way I don't know jump ahead because we'll come back to it I felt that way with Rogan because he's all into this Austin thing oh yeah he's deep in and he's like you gotta move here you gotta move yeah you can go here we have this we have that and I wanted to go you don't even know me what if you hate me he likes you he likes me he's very sweet he's nice we're friends of friends he's a fan of my

comedy yes we've talked for six hours total I'm like if I move here you're gonna be like what is going on you're always worried about something hypochondria who gives a shit about the Red Sox your father's gay I don't care about your parents well I listen to the first four minutes of the app I gotta tell you and I could tell he was very like comfortable friendship it felt like you guys had slept over in the same sleeping bag well we have had a previous three-hour talk and by the way it's the fans are so nice but also hurtful everyone's like it's about time finally what a day list is in and I'm like I've

done the show I did the show a long time ago I did this I did the goddamn show before nobody heard it and I don't think anyone heard this one either cuz I've gotten 50 messages but all there are all starts with huge Tuesday lifelong fan nobody's reached out and said never heard of you you fucking loser but now I like you right yeah that's tough it's tough with the rogue well I will say yours I think got scrubbed from the Spotify there for talking about some you know gray matter well I'm too hot to handle I mean that's the way I am you know I come at it hard and loose and soft and hard all at the same time so

they kick me off I mean Spotify can't handle the list you got that right the herpes were flaring up that day and they had to pull you right out of there but hey great week for the twos I'm on Marin you're on Rogan pretty hot what are you doing they doing the bunny ears well it looks like I'm scratching your head I'm scratching your head but I'm not right there right there that's good it's pretty fun I like this look this is nice and you can see our dicks yes stick I don't know how my glasses got all dinged up it's like I fell down a flight of stairs and all I see is the reflection of the scratches oh that sucks well yeah you

were in Austin for 13 days it feels like and a lot happened you did your theater I was in Houston so as a stone's throw away what you were in Houston I just got back what we got a lot to talk about fatty what you sneak in there across the board I had no idea you were in Houston that's a long cup of jizz but we'll get in all of it I mean I've been sitting in six months so we got I've been up down around town and Chinatown I'm blown away I mean I could have come out there yesterday I had nothing I can't wait to talk about all this stuff I don't have my notes because we're shooting it on my phone because we're idiots and I don't

have any notes I don't have any ads so yeah you're gonna have to do all of it maybe I'll just look at your notes to see if it sparks anything because I had some good stuff hopefully I'll remember all I don't know but it's I'm fresh I'm fresh up Austin I took two flights today just got back and I appreciate you coming over cuz I mean I'm on four hours sleep to 5 a.m. pick up brutal brutal I hate the four hours that's something about that four hour if you got one more you'd be alright and if you got one less you'd kind of be alright cuz you're just in crazy land well that's what I am I'm crazy I'm getting a win cuz I

haven't seen you you rejuvenate it's like you just shot a hot load in the ass what do you think that feels like I hate to always go so blue and goo but do you feel the jizz was good do you do you feel the jizz of course fill up as it get hot I mean you're even a woman even vaginal like can they feel that load shooting is at all in size at all pipes I've wonder the same I think the the anal you can feel everything because your ass is the most sensitive part of the I mean sometimes I'll wipe for two hours just because I'm like whoa and I clean it out with a with a zest bar and I really go to town but I think a lady it's

it varies cuz I my ex-girlfriend I would shoot a hot load of gasoline in there and she was like all right we done here and my gal I do I do an eyedropper full of visey and she's like everybody's different everybody poops everybody hurts everybody poops yeah cuz it seems like such a it's the same with blowing a guy this is why I want to blow a guy cuz I want to feel a hot splooge on the back of my chest sure we can do that with a gusher or you ever had a really greasy fried chicken when you bite into it that grease hits you yeah but you're not working for it's a biting squirt I want to blow and a blow and a blow and then

the house comes down all over my the little thing that hangs I mean that feels so satisfying oh yeah the hangy ball I imagine I don't know I'm no stranger by the lake over here but how do you feel about the cartoon poster with the black dick on it is that all right am I weird black dick there's one guy he's a white guy with a brown dick he's all the way to the right is huge yeah here while black dicks are big I know but I my dad had a brown dick I don't know why it was a mocha it was so weird cuz he's a he's a tan guy he's like a European he Frenchy swarthy woppy kind of guy and he had a weird big brown piece judge

Wapner I mean mine's a different color too but it's from being it yeah I'm sure my well my dad grew up in the 30s so he there was no internet you know so he was just throwing that thing down on a chopping block and it was a tenderizer yeah you had to beat hard back in the day beat it good like the heart of a fat guy I mean it's a hard beat right right yeah yeah he was he was on the beat and the beat is on but he was he was packing heat I think I got about a half what my dad's got ultimately half I think so yeah he was a generation I guess I guess so yeah he had huge cards and Harry Harry chest Harry shoulders I got no chest

there interesting yeah I have a little something my nips looked like they fell on the floor of a barber shop in the 80s and they got a little sticky but that's about it just take some good dust and hair and maybe some lint women get that isn't that weird when you see a nice pair of dits with a big puke on it am I crazy no I don't know that one not my wife but I had an Italian dame for a while and I told you would make up would make out I mean we never made up we broke up but she had a five o'clock shadow of like she had like a Buster Keaton looking face it was like a haggard yeah five o'clock shadow but I'd

take off for what do you call that thing Peter Brazier oh yeah and just like look like ball hair just spread out but once every half an inch that just be a nine and a half inch curly yeah those guinea cunts that they got a lot of fur on them sometimes those Greek that Mediterranean skank that it's like a grape leaf on their sideburn yeah it's off-putting but I feel bad you know because it's like you know the judgment bodies or whatever whatever the shit is that we're supposed to do but you know we're not naming names of just every while you see a nipple with a crazy puke on it of course my big fat Greek

prostitute and I'll tell you that sometimes women are good about that women have must see all kinds of horrific shit on a man like dingleberry belly button jizz cobwebs in the taint and they just let it go you don't see women going like what the fuck's that that's men do that men are very a little more insensitive we just take it and they ride with it because they don't embarrass you yeah I cannot imagine and maybe it's cuz I'm a heterosexual man but I can't see some attractiveness in a man you know I'm Brad Pitt's better looking than Wallace Sean oh you got that right but I see and we're standing

in front of the doably what did he say no inconceivable conceivably so I'm looking at the strange by the lake so I'm thinking about the main guy the bad guy he was a hunk and he's a hunk but he's all hairy I like I don't know how hair is so off putting I agree I was thinking about this today that's so funny to say that my gal she always says I wish you were hairier which alright I can I can take that as a critique but it's just so fascinating how women how different women are than men straight women and straight men are so wildly different which is so weird how we're doing this thing we're all the same wildly they

want to be choked they want to have the hair pulled they want to be spanked I know you you were the exception you like that too but the hairy chest the the towering over you the control the take charge women like a guy who's mean right some some of these but yeah that's more turn on but if I see a woman that's taller than me I mean I hope she passes away in a car wreck I mean I'm just nasty it's gross I'm sorry I can't handle it but this is sexual preference I don't really die I hope she flourishes and goes to Harvard and becomes a you know a professional wrestler whatever they're qualified for yeah yeah the hairy tall dick yeah I mean

I had a flight attendant today I mean she was ducking to get through in her cast with the size of Cristiano Coye's quadriceps I mean it was just bad news bears and she barely fit in that suit it was bursting at the seams she looked six eight finally get a special order and extra you know like the extra seatbelt extender should probably get that on the shoulder pad yeah just a big can of yuck but you know but some guys are into that and and again just to be family look at these legs than that's brighter than the ring light it's off the camera look at this I mean Jesus it's a lanky leg it's all legs it's pretty gross and yet

somebody has sex with me my teeth are as crooked as a politician my forehead is bigger than you know my father's asshole but you know someone blows me well thank God as men the personality goes a long way the bank account the the clothes you wear the car you drive the pipe you're swinging and all factors in thank God well especially as you age like this this minute bowl lady I'm sure by the time she's 48 there'll be some asshole you know feature acts on the road at the funny bone that goes yeah you're a nice lady help buy your dinner and then they'll work out or whatever I know a guy who loved tall women back in

Baton Rouge she was a waiter with me he called him trees he's like I like climbing them I want to get in the leaves and rustle them and build a nest you know what it is for me when I'm when I'm having sex I like a missionary where I'm sitting up I like to hold the ankles like I'm working a tractor yeah but so I need a petite leg a little leg that's not much work to hold it up cuz those big tree legs yeah trunks I feel like my shoulders gonna start to hurt I can't support it for too long I don't like a thing I want my I want to be able to get my whole hand around the ankle and it's lightweight so I can maneuver yeah like

a like a Charlie Chaplin machine kind of thing yeah like a what's that Rockham Sockham oh robot yes yeah some women even like the old guys like I like a milf and a mom and a lady who's been you know divorced and down on her luck and beaten but some women like an old man you know like in a wheelchair with liver spots and a shrinkled cock and that blows my mind it's all preferences who knows what where love grows or a rosemary goes whatever that dumb gay song was but I'm just happy to be married I'm with you you're with me sure that's it let's call it a day here here yeah it's same here where I'm glad we're together

and I gotta tell you speaking of old weird men I had a golf gig oh boy I haven't heard that in a long time I used to do those back in the 90s did you a lot of golf gigs loved a golf gig but the gig sucks but you don't golf I don't go I like to golf I just don't golf so did you get to go I did not get to golf that's the best part of the golf gig no gig golf no golfing but golf of Mexico but it was a fuck up so I you know I have my day my night of shows I got your New York comedy club here I got your fucking seller spot there you get I had a stand a seller in New York spot so yeah and then I get that email going

looking forward to having you today oh like oh what did I forget what did I not write down what did I do get the assistant I gotta get an assistant so I go shit oh my god I'm at Long Island golf resort or whatever the fuck and I'm like oh not only am I not remembering this gig but it's on Long Island and it pays pretty damn well oh boy golf gigs are big I mean yeah cuz they know it's shit so they're like give them $25,000 so he'll come and eat shit and slice exactly four minutes was the only part I did well out of 20 and so I go all right let me let me map this out and I'm pretending oh yeah I can't wait can't

wait it's at six so that buys me a little time okay so I look it up it's a 50 minute Uber or a 42 minute LIRR learn yes so what time is it now when you're reading it uh two okay yeah so I got some daylight left so I go alright I can haul ass out there get there for six you know there's three people on the show there's a host and a you know basically a guy who's getting thrown out to the wolves you know some open miker who's does six and then he dies and then I go on so I'll be out of there by seven I hide Taylor back to New York I'm back to New York by eight eight oh five okay all right so I I get there on the

LIR by the way the LIRR it's just so foreign to me there's numbers it's like a racetrack betting it's like we're betting on the dogs or the horses I'm like what is this I don't know what's quenella trifecta Barbarella I'm all over the place is this at Grand Central Penn station okay Penn is tough because it's tough I like the flippers though I love the flippers yeah little letters that flip for the folks at home yes all the names become something else they go right and just like a horse race you know it's like hey coming down the line is anal Fisher and then we got dick cheese and Nazi

and all that just it's like the names Belmore is coming down and then we got Ron Concoma you know and it sounds like horse names bless you thank you Palestine so then I'm like all right what am I doing here I gotta figure this out then you got to connect in Babylon it's a whole kitten kaboo didn't you hate that song by the way that David Gray Bob Marley I don't know Babylon remember that I was here when we were young I don't know Babylon I fucked the whole story I was hoping you'd jump on and hate Babylon Babylon 5 this is Babylon 0 it's David Gray from the 90s it was like high school it was huge when

we were like juniors I think it was really gay and like that one might have done something that might have turned to the jar something it might a jar I think I did a good job as I was doing that was good Jar Jar Binks that was pretty good Babylon oh yeah yeah David Gray he was kind of a softy cunty singer songwriter douche he did that one and he did save tonight tomorrow I'll be gone your father's gay that was a big one yeah I hated that and then there was Babylon I remember it now it's stunk stunk stunk but I cried to it twice all right so you see Babylon pops up are you taking the Babylon I get over I gotta get over to Babylon then

switch tracks and and the other part about the Babylon and the race track and they were on cockama is there's 88,000 cum guzzlers and ties and briefcases and then the fat chick with the the roller suit case and the cunt with the dog and you're like you know you can't see anything you're bump into people it's like it's like home alone so whatever I get through it I get the Babylon and then you go all right I got that that transfers the biggest moment of your life because you got like a minute and everybody's going and you go hey do you know where dick cheese is and they go who never heard of it I'm like you live

on line island all my life get out of here you never heard of anything I've ever asked what is that no and then you don't know until you're moving because they don't and it's not till you start moving they go this trans gonna stop at bumble fucked suck my dick blow my dad fuck a kid and they don't say it you're already moving so the time you don't hear your stop you're already in motion then the guy comes with the Nazi hat and he says hey but you gotta go he's doing that with his arm too and he's saying okay hey you gotta get off of the next stop and he's mad at you for some reason right you gotta get off of the

next stop then get a cab back to your parents house and then go back in your mother's twat she really gives you birth yeah and you get the guy who who's trying to avoid you he's got the earbud in you go hey buddy which way is a Babylon he goes hey buddy and he goes I don't know and you're like yeah you got nothing for me so I finally ask a guy with the hat on there's some kind of Mountie and he goes oh yeah it's right across the track that comes in two seconds I jump on that I get out there now I gotta jump in an uber to get to the to the links is that we call it links the links and that what people call

the oh hit the links I was still looking train yeah so I get to the links you know that takes another 20 minutes finally I'm there beautiful say what you will about these country club queeps and all this shit but man they got the grounds and the guys in the white jacket and the golf cart going the cigars they're clinking Budweiser's it looks like fun all I want my life is to belong to a country club you watch curb the golf every day you steam is a steam room and you just belong to a club I mean you get older when you're young you're like wow we shouldn't have that classes right the whole thing and now I'm like I want

class I want I want to be a gated community I put my thumbprint on there yeah they say welcome mr. Liz they give me a bathrobe and we all talk about how much we hate poor people that's the life baby that's living so you show up and I'm like hey comedy show and some cute lady in a dress is like oh it's outside I'm like oh it's an outdoor show of course COVID queef so I go out there full spread with the weird Hispanic guy you know chopping brisket and then the big the big you know those big metal things they open like that they put the paper cutter no it's like a big troth almost and they open it up and it

kind of you know and then they put the the tongs on the front then you go in it's chicken parm it's you know chicken marsala and salad and noodles and all that shit I mean I mean hog heaven that's that's my dream I like to say you pretend there's gonna be a head in there maybe you know you know in the pulp fiction when he opened the briefcase that's what it's like for me when they open those dishes I'm like I got a bandit on my neck so I just scooped down the food he's like you're on in two minutes and I go where's the dessert card he goes oh that's in so I pile over all these cookies in my pockets I go up it was

actually all right oh nice bunch of guys smoking like it on picnic tables in like outdoor chairs it's kind of like oh that wasn't bad and then I heard one guy kind of had some rough spots because I went edgy whatever it was a it was a PG 13 kind of had a couple rough spots I got out I jumped back in an Uber but I took a piss first and I come out I'm washing my hands and the guy goes hey great job I go sorry I push it a little bit goes you got to push it and I went yeah got the Uber went went drove back to the LIR got back in time made all the shows oh that's a relief and you got a nice fat check in your pocket big check

those guys are usually cool too because you know they're all just golfed they all they got the dopamine's going they had a good hang they had a cigar they got a little nicotine a couple drinks and they were sweetest pot they don't want to watch some twerp up there with the bad jacket and shitty hair go on and talk about Jews but they were nice and they got life by the balls and everybody talks about the 1% a bunch of douches and like they just want to golf they made their money leave alone yeah they like golf and I like golf and what are you gonna do I mean these public courses forget about it this is it's patchy and

all nasty I mean I'm a Kramer did a whole speech about it you can Google it Google it give it a go so all right I'm a bargain now I want to hear about a little Tejas a little Joe rogue a little a paramount I got no notes my notes are inside the camera but whatever we'll figure it out but so I'll get into it I'm excited to tell it because I told this story on Rogan but he's a different kind of guy you know sure he's kind of he's got muscles he's he's got these ball and he kind of goes oh interesting he's interested tough not to crack trust me I kept waiting for him to be like did your jizz on the tits you know something

like that something fun no jizz no tits but so I go out to Austin I'm there for the long haul this is the longest I've ever stayed in a domestic hotel by myself is every six nights I'm there wow I've got to Paris for a week sure my wife you know in the UK but I mean there's not a lot of situations where you're at like a domestic hotel for a week well you've been doing comedy since 41 haven't you never you didn't it used to be like Tuesday to Monday was the old way they did it back at the the Jew face there well maybe act me but then I would open for DiPallo and he didn't do that shit he wasn't doing that maybe there's some

gigs a couple I don't know I just throw it out there but usually those are condo gigs doesn't matter it's the longest in memory anyway so memory I'm staying the hotel you stayed at the Stephen F. Austin downtown cute and the lady apologized because we did the podcast you were out there and I was like that room looks tiny and you're like it's tiny and they put in the wrong room I guess is that right tell mark I'm sorry you in a small room I was like I'm in a huge room and she's like we fucked up she's like I listen to the pod I feel so bad we owe them like yeah oh when you go back I think you're getting the king

sweet hell yeah because she's like I watched it I was look I was doing measurement she's like we feel horrible the whole city's embarrassed I thought it was tiny I brought a little boy in there he made fun of me I mean I had I mean I had my I was jogging in there I was a little hurt well I had to warm up to keep from these street folk what happens so I get in the car I fly to Austin and I just I love Austin and I almost hate how much it's exploding I know makes it hard to be like because every time you say I love Austin like are you moving of course I'm not moving Tim Dylan hates it he won't shut up by

it's a cow town I can't move around over there it's tiny do the whole thing in one minute yeah well he was like yeah I don't want to I don't want to get into Tim's stuff boy I'm sure he says it anyways but he's not gay anyways love Tim didn't get to meet up with it because he lives way the fuck out we were gonna meet up and then I got tired because of the thing whatever but so fly to Austin I'm all excited I get in like six o'clock and I'm ready to seize the day I love Austin I'm downtown it's beautiful and text some people I text Rebecca Trent who runs the creek in the cave which is now in Austin which is

like bizarro world because it's a fixture here in New York and Queens right down the street from where we are and they start Lee they got it cooking then two shakes about a dog's dick yeah wild I love dog dicks I like the taste so I get down there and I get picked up they stay treat you like a million bucks oh yeah I don't deserve it I'm at the Palace Theater Houdini and the Mark's brothers played their paramount theater excuse me so it was very important so I get there I'm staying in this nice hotel down downtown they pick you up in a big old SUV oh yeah big guy in a suit and a vest he meets you you tip that guy 20 bucks

both ways well the lady this morning I gave 10 because that's all I had a 10 and a 50 women get paid less well this one did but that's all I had it's so hard that's why I won't transition and then it feels hard to explain it you want to explain like I only have a 50 but that feels weird to be like I'm not giving you 50 obviously oh what are you a Rockefeller but it's a 12 minute car ride and it's a nice company so I soon they get paid well and 10 bucks is 20% of 50 right yeah yeah that's 20% of 50 so even if it's a $50 car which I don't know if that is yeah whatever yeah so he picks me up and this guy was he had like a

southern he was like a Sam Elliott type Texas and so we're driving and he says I don't need to wear a mask I'm vaccinated I said hey I'm vaccinated too and then we're driving quietly for a while and he says so you're comedian I say yeah and he goes well he goes isn't it weird with this political correctness so now you got to dance around a little bit because it is weird and I don't want to get in the whole thing it's all we ever fucking talk about sure I'm tired of talking about it sure but he goes yeah well you know it's weird with this political correctness because you know we can't say this you can't say that but I drove a

hip-hop artist and he said and he was in the back seat he was nice as could be gave me a big tip couldn't have been nicer funny guy but every out of the word out of his mouth was this guy just shoots off the n-word like a machine gun I mean like I assume he's a afro-americani no he's white hip-hop no he's black okay so he's I was like you know Snoop or somebody parallel to Snoop I don't know but he said yeah the guy just went and you're in the back seat like you landed in Texas and it was Texas yeah and and you know in the the context you're like I understand what he's saying he's quoting which but I'm

like I don't think we're doing that anymore either I was like I don't know if you got the emails or so you check the tweets but I don't think that flies anymore but just me and him we're having fun sure it was quite an experience to land in Texas a 10 gallon hat the white mustache and bang here it is culture shock baby yeah that was it was raining n-words and then of course I feel like an asshole because then I say n-word because like he's saying the n-word I'm saying quote n-word I'm like oh the thing about the n-word is oh he's just responding but now I feel like he hates me so are you not gonna say it you're a narc and now I

feel weird you should have said it in the confines of the car I feel like you're amongst friends it's not bugged it's not a friend I don't know who this guy is what if he pulls like a mission impossible right that's an impractical Joker scene get the guy in a car see if you can get him to say the n-word within 30 minutes yeah so that was a spicy deep dive into the into Texas well I don't want to cast dispersion to this guy because they might be able to trace back here's the thing I'm worried about what if someone goes someone from the you know the people that work for the club listened before but the hotel so

what if they go hey let's find out who his driver was get him can so I maybe I shouldn't even been saying this that's out now well but he's a nice guy and he was quoting he's an old-school guy you could tell it wasn't malice he was just like this guy was in my car and he was saying this right right I get it I'm just saying it's weird to hear that nowadays because you're like Jesus Christ yeah yeah yeah gotta be careful sir of course of course thank God he's not a comedian who but who knew this is the the infamous Tony Hinchcliffe weekend oh guys going comedians can't say shit and you're like well just give it two hours

and we might have a new culprit well that's the other thing is I had just gotten off the plane taking it off airplane mode and somebody had sent that to me so this was all happening at the same time so any any jizz so we're in the car then we're driving up 6th Street which has now become a lot of homeless people oh a lot ref yeah did you notice that oh yeah quite a scene there and I said to him and this is a little careful stepping because it was after the other talk and I went hey let's look at a little more spicy here and he's like oh yeah they just passed a law but they're not enforcing it yet but these 10 because

it's tense everywhere right at just hundreds and hundreds of unfortunate folks sure sure a lot of drugs a lot of drugs feel for them empathy but like any good liberal I want to support and I care about them they deserve our empathy and help yes but I don't want to near me right before to help from you know that is the liberal way a distance yeah here's a couple bucks someone figure that out yeah get it not my backyard right so we're driving up and he goes yeah you gotta be careful around here it's a little crazy and I'm seeing like people just openly doing drugs yelling screaming walking right in front of the

car like pretty wild yeah it's like 5 in the afternoon 6 in the afternoon or evening whatever you call it anyways I'm telling this long story long so he drops me off and I go all right great I go upstairs check in beautiful hotel all excited go get eat some food text Rebecca I say hey I'm gonna come over to the creek tonight yeah why not and I go I'll walk I look it up 8 minute walk right down 7th Street East gotta walk a few blocks east of the hotel I start walking nice and quiet dark no big deal what is a Tuesday this is Tuesday night I'm heading to the 10 o'clock show so it's about 950 I'm gonna get there early

hang out get to know myself or get to know whatever the fuck get to know the people but 9 o'clock I'm walking now you know the city pretty well between the hotel there's two big parking lots one on the right side yep one on the left and they're both empty it's Tuesday night no one has any business so it's just pitch black wide open spaces and you hear like a little like street sounds like oh boy this is getting a little little nervous little on edge you know I've spent a lot of time in my life in the city so I know I'm street smart you're tingling a little yeah spidey senses I'm going all right I'm not a hick here I'm

a city guy so I go all right this is looking a little thanks you get the head in the swivel and you're ready to rock and I get in front of this big parking lot pitch black no cars and I see two shadowy figures and a third shadowy figure on a bicycle BMX hate the bike don't like a bike but from a distance I was like they're just drinkers they're stumbling home and then I got a little close and I'm still like 200 yards away and I'm like shit they're not drinkers I can tell by the way they're walking ones and should they look a little haggard they walk in a little fucked up they've seen some better days

and as we start to get closer 50 yards I'm like these are some street guys oh boy street tufts and then the BMX guy takes a wide turn out in the parking lot and I'm just keeping an eye because I haven't seen them communicate together but he's taking this wide loop so I got an eye on him and he starts kind of circling back my direction but still some distance now we're closing in and these two guys are coming as they get closer I see I start to make them out and they just look beat up they're fucked up a little limpy little fucked up drugs and I'm thinking you know they're on drugs you need money if you have a

drug habit you're homeless yep any money's good money I'm walking hey I got money look at me and you got glasses you're not a towner and not a lot of a lot of skinny hulanky honkeys walk around at this hour right now you know I'm wearing you know jean whatever by look at me I have money I mean I'm not I'm not living in the streets so derelict so they're getting closer so I just and they're taking up the whole sidewalk so I just step off the sidewalk and walk along now that was a bad move a beta move they didn't like that because they perceive that is look at this white motherfucker what you what you racist

mother and I'm just quoting here yeah and they go you racist motherfucker getting off the side well look at this motherfucker and and it was like Jay and silent Bob there was a taller guy he was the leader yeah then the shorts guy what guy was it sure he was just kind of fucked up he wasn't responding at all maybe a little and he's like yeah mother fuck and he kind of stopped here and did like a look and I just kept walking and didn't say anything whatever that look but I'm off the sidewalks then I moved back onto the sidewalk like maybe I was just trying to give him space I wasn't trying to but also you keep your

distance and then the bike guy he comes around over here all of a sudden this bike guy is back over here and I'm like I don't like this then I come up to this thing that's called the arch which is a famous homeless shelter I guess everyone said arch over at arch so I get to the light the red light the intersection and there's about 25 homeless folks and they're not sleeping begging for money they're active they're yelling it's like glasses smashing it's just a scene and I'm like I don't feel like walking through that it's a whole thing it's it's a whole thing you know I don't know if I'm in danger whatever it is and then

I look on that corner and there's about 15 people over there they're having a hang yeah so I'm like I don't want to walk through the middle of the street because that was already initially stepped off the sidewalk so I look to the left and it's up into this parking lot it's just pitch black over there and to the right if I go right that's 6th Street which is where the driver and the lady at the hotel was like that's where everybody is you want to avoid that okay so I go hmm well this isn't looking good a rock and a hard anal so I crossed the street and just start walking back I'm bailing and I'm so close I can see the

creek but I'm just going that felt like an incident what am I doing I'm not even booked on the show I'm just going down there to say hello there's 30 people over here and it's rocking and rolling they're fighting over whatever so I go you know what I'm gonna walk back maybe I'll take an Uber so I start walking back up on this side of the street I'm walking back up the street and I noticed the other two are walking away but all of a sudden they stop boy then here comes bicycle guy and he starts coming up and he uses his feet on the cement to break ooh so it's like a and he also has an umbrella across the thing which could be

a weapon who knows what what the hell is he a Batman villain so he pulls up and then just kind of breaks and stops here as I continue to walk and we have like an eye contact and I'm just like okay just keep going up a little because now I know he's behind me and I can hear I'm listening don't hear any movement so I don't know where he is now at this point you must be thinking like it's on like this is about to go down something's going down well I'm just thinking the heart's racing a little bit I got a lot of meditation anxiety nothing's happening yet just be cool everything's fine maybe you're just freaking out you're

an anxious guy but then as luck has it I think these two turned and saw me walking back this way so they cross directly at me and a guy goes you wouldn't be following anybody would you can I just say this is you're in Texas it's late this feels like a Western you got the guy on the bike which is like a horse then he's got his two dumb drunk guys with the jug with the X's on it and they're like oh yeah and then the guy's the alpha and he's he's like a shitty bandit or something you know and he's just mocking you and following you and he's got nowhere to go and you're you ain't from around here boy like all

that shit and you're like the weird farmer who's like kind of lost that's what it was like and so he said you wouldn't be following us and I put up both hands and said oh no sir I'm just lost I went sir I went hey hands up I'm not here to do anything I said I'm just lost and I tried to give him the this is you this is your spot I'm an asshole fuck me and he goes yeah you better be lost and then I tried to kind of once again I step off the side go this way and he starts and then it now the heart starts really racing because I know there's a guy behind me these two it's our second run in they came across to

that confront me and he's like you better fucking be law and then said several other obscenities yep and they start coming yes so that he starts he's heard it a lot already coming close I know I've heard it from every character I've bumped into has said it and then what a lady would she threw one out unexpectedly well you know those scooters they have the uber scooter the bird there was one of those and he kicked that with some with some guff and was really letting the explicitives fly so that at that moment I went take care comb your hair and I just went full run I said fuck this I'm out of here I don't

know what's going on with this but I'm not sticking around to find out went full run never look back this is the most embarrassing part I get a block up and I'm in a full run I just see like two hipsters and skinny jeans holding hands like fedora just heading that direction and I'm like am I a cunt what's wrong with me I'm a piece of shit but you know you didn't know why take the risk that's how I feel Rogan agrees like he did the right thing you gotta get out of there and I talked to Diego Lopez he's like oh fuck a street fight you gotta get out of there the whole point of training is to is to be a little bit safer yes and if

you can run you're safe so I got the fuck out of there texted Rebecca she's like I'll send security I was like I'm good it's an omen I'm going to bed God bless you I'll see you tomorrow night and the next night I told Rogan's I'll give you a ride so he picked me up he's got onto Raj we rode in the Tesla was very excited never been in a Tesla first Tesla experience it's pretty wild right pretty fun there's a goddamn movie screen there is a movie screen it doesn't change gears the seats are made out of marshmallows or some shit that it's quiet as a cum guzzler it's a beautiful thing we gotta throw some yeah yeah I

didn't want to interrupt the the saga you know I feel bad it wasn't funny I stink oh that was I was on edge I felt like I was watching a what is it Quinn tupplet to zero care of the zero no carry the zero zero to tend to Yuma all three didn't you pretend to you I was trying to think of that guy when you said Ben what's that so good God he's good oh he's good so good what boy if you had him with you it would have been a different story oh yeah Tuesdays hey we're brought to you by Express VPN most people don't get to choose their internet service provider in most areas is only one option that's how they get

you folks without competition they throw on data caps streaming throttles the list goes on but worst of all many ISPs track your internet activity and sell that data holy hell that's terrifying to prevent ISPs from seeing my internet activity I protect all my devices with Express VPN so what is Express VPN it's a simple app that encrypts all your data and tunnels it through a secure server which means it hides all your activity thank God because I got some searches that'll scare a lady just think about how much your life is on the internet every person you've texted and video you've watched is tracked Express VPN is

the best way to hide your online activity get on it folks all that molliped off cocktail recipe it's gonna come back to haunt you just download the app tap one button on your device and you're protected Express VPN does all this without slowing down your connection that's why it's rated number one VPN service by CNET and wired tell them how to do it fatty all right I will so stop handing over your personal data to ISP visit Express VPN dot com slash Tuesdays and you can get an extra three months free for free other tech giants who mind your activity and sell off your information they stink protect yourself

with the VPN I trust to keep me private online that's Express VPN dot com slash Tuesdays one more time go to Express VPN dot com slash Tuesdays to learn more all righty here we go don't care feel me now hey we're also brought to you by feels CBD we love the feels I take it every night comes in a cool bottle helps me sleep it calms me right down no high no fuss no must just just ease that tension take the edge off folks so what is feels it's a premium CBD delivered directly to your doorstep that's nice CBD naturally helps reduce stress anxiety pain and sleeplessness I can't sleep I'm in pain I have anxiety I hate myself so

just takes the edge right off and helps you just relax take a few drops of feels under your tongue and feel the difference within minutes the thing to remember about CBD is that finding your right dose is important and everyone's dose is different new to CBD well it offers a free hotline and text message support if you got questions and want to know some experiences and how to get the right dose feels works naturally to heal and feel better there's no high there's no hangover there's no addiction join the feels community and get feels delivered to your door every month all right this is fun become a member today by going to

feels dot com slash Tuesdays and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping that's F E A L S dot com slash Tuesdays to become a member and get 50 percent off automatically taken right off your first order with free shipping one more time feels dot com slash Tuesdays and feel better you got that right we go all the hat I think we go all right here we got three sponsors they're all very important here they are hey we're also brought you by Sunday custom lawn plans look folks we live in the Big Apple there's not a lot of lawnage out here maybe one day we'll hit the big skit and hit the old high rise

and get a couple of acres but who knows but I grew up mowing lawns I grew up in a goddamn dilapidated mansion we had the football field in the back I had to cut that puppy with a unelectric mower what do you call that unelectric non regular motor mower a clipper mower a natural natural organic or organic CBD what is that gluten-free mower I don't know but it was it was a regular old mower and that thing was I had one glass of lemonade I got eight cents if I did it I grew up in the 40s it was a whole different world back then is your lawn a little ginger watch it thrive with your own custom lawn care plan from Sunday it's like a meal

kit for your grass get all the nutrients your lawn needs and nothing else it's all natural baby and let me tell you your grass will eat this up and look better than ever you'll be rolling green nothing looks better than a good manicure lawn out there it can really change the the layout of the house and the whole look of the hood whether you're in California or Kalamazoo you'll get a formula for healthy green growth just go to get sunday.com put in your home address and get free lawn analysis this is the future of gardening folks yeah why not it we got our own weed strain we got the food we like we got the booze we like

we get the the drugs we like get the lawn you like and do something good for the lawn you know you're feeding your cat goddamn prime beef how about the lawn I don't know what that means but it's made with real ingredients that you can actually pronounce like seaweed iron and molasses lawns eating better than I am plus it's Father's Day coming up so tell them what to do there tubby I got this from my father by the way he loves it let Sunday take the guesswork out of growing a greener more beautiful lawn this spring visit get sunday.com slash Tuesdays to get $20 off your first custom lawn plan

at checkout that's $20 off your first custom plan at get sunday.com slash Tuesdays yes all right nicely done I gotta give you a quick clicker please give me a click so as we're talking by the way I'm worried about the driver should I not have told that story no you're fine you're fine it's funny he's a nice guy he probably drives well drove very well so this morning we're recording this late Monday night we gotta thank Shelby for staying up he's burning the midnight oil getting this up there she'll go he's an insomniac so great TV show thank you so I get picked up this morning 5 a.m. still pitch black outside get picked up nice

lady throw the thing in the trunk slam the door we pull up it's like a woody Allen movie huh driving up the street 5 a.m. pitch black who do I see old lanky and shorts right next to the parking lot right where they got me I must have been right in their home I saw him this morning wait wait wait wait the muggers the costors the guy why didn't mug me the guys I said the airport no on the hotel because it happened two blocks in the hotel I'm driving up and they're right there I would recognize I pick them out of a lineup I was like that's them they're right there and it really like actually humanized them more because you

just see them like they're two little buddies just hanging out so they're just loser homeless weirdos well I take out loser but they're just retarded I don't know they're idiots I mean it's like when you see the bully with his dad and come here you fucking fat cunt that he's slapping the kid around like oh dad you're like oh wow this is this human yeah I think they're just they're just paired off their couple of pals they fell on some hard times but you see them and I did it was like straight out of anything else that Woody Allen movie with Jason Biggs like as I'm leaving I see like Kristina Stinky yeah and I just

see him and I did this move and watched him and I'm like that's for sure them same outfits I guess they don't have a lot of wardrobe but I saw that the big shorts the littler guy and the big tall guy with the whatever that thing is corn row like a nylon hat skull cap a skull cap do rag do rag thing yeah whatever it is a hair net it looked like a hair net ah yes hair net but it was funny to be like there they are there's those two guys and it did feel like it's just Pete and Jim or whatever yeah what were they doing digging through the garbage or eating each other out it was hard to tell cuz we're moving they looked like

they were facing the water I don't know if they're peeing or looking for a play or just kind of chatting or whatever but I was like that's most definitely them did you give him a dude dude hey dickless you should have beat me up when you had the chance nice bike come stay no I didn't say anything and I didn't tell the story but I felt like Gordy the chance when he saw the deer I was like I never spoke of it until you know right now when I told 80,000 people wow but it was something yeah what a full sirk full sirks just lay John was a lay him I think he's in LA going down on a guy but he was a funny cat and got great

hair and a scientist yes like we're so let me be a two partner I'm sorry I see all these notes I got 20 I haven't even got to the bar amount we got 10 minutes left I'm sorry oh my god I write everything down so half of this is not that I can speed through 14 things so let me just do up the big one I'm gonna do the big cheese and then move on with my life yeah please I'll go I'll get in to Texas next week I'll do Texas next week too well all right well what do you got you got a I'll do a little nugget do a nugget that's my main nug okay well my main nug is is told it comes so maybe I'll save that too I don't know if I can

not get another main no because they like your main nugs I mean we got 10 minutes here all right all right I'm saving so as I already know I'm gonna get a scolding here but I can't say no and I got to start saying no cuz I had the worst travel day of my entire life oh boy I can't even I don't want to hear should I leave the room maybe solo maybe you should cuz I'm embarrassed already and I hate my anal and all this shit so so I'm supposed to go to Salisbury Maryland for a gig oh wow that sounds like a high-paying gig you know I worked it out with these kids these queefs out in Maryland you know over DM and I'm

blah blah blah made a deal would do two shows but we can sell out too okay here we go two days before the gig I had to cancel and I realized I already made plans for another gig oh boy so they hate me they're like oh my god we've been promoting the whole town's a buzz we got billboards with your name but we made t-shirts and bumper stickers like ah shit I feel horrible but I already planned this other gig I'll tell you what Nicholas I'll give you another week so we bumped it up two weeks and I said I swear to God I'll be there whatever and they go okay you're making it up we appreciate it and then of course the

day comes and whoa boy did I regret this so I shoot this drumming video all day drumming yeah this kid made a drumming video of me my stand up and he drummed to it like to the beat it was pretty great this kid's like a drumming Josh he's like this drumming virtuoso phenom savant hey Josh yeah so I start going hey this is a great video and he goes oh yeah I'm a fan of comedy well and I go we should do a video together we're on stage together and he goes I would love that so then we get together and I say well why don't we just shoot a whole day of shit in the park and all this and make us like a little sketch okay so we

spend the whole day shooting this thing we do the stand we do the video it's a whole nine-hour shoot then me and Sam go do a pod at like 10 30 at night that goes to 1 a.m. then the next day I gotta go to Salisbury Maryland which includes getting on an Amtrak to Baltimore even though I just got back from Baltimore that weekend getting on Amtrak to Baltimore I'm on no sleep then Umar Khan funny comic out of Baltimore is gonna pick me up and we're gonna drive two hours to Salisbury okay and this is a gig in Salisbury which is a college town apparently there's some normal school there you've heard of I can't think of

right now Maryland maybe that's it Maryland University I don't know that's not in Salisbury that's in like Annapolis there's some kind of school there that people have heard of it's a college town and it's like on the on this big restaurant on the river kind of thing and so I was like all right so the night before my buddy Eric is texting me Eric man Park Norman shooter the whole thing he goes hey you're better off taking a bus to Philly which is like an hour and a half then I'll drive us and I'll film the whole thing wow that's nice yeah and I said all right great so I jump in the

car with I do that so now I got to call them they cancel the train whatever so I get on the bus go to meet Eric man I go sleep on the bus I don't sleep on the bus I get in the car with man he picks me up in Philly we drive to three hours to Salisbury we get there two shows it's a bit of a haul it's a drunk mess I kind of bomb on the second one a lot of Tuesday's headlocks these guys are boozing I try to sell some shirts the openers get they were super nice they were super funny they got a little drunk and I did the second show and I was like I got to get out of here and I just did the second show I ran out the door and it was

one of those things were umars like they're looking all over for you where the hell did you go I'm like I had to go I did the show I left so now I'm like what do I do do I go back to Philly and sleep on Eric man's couch or do I try to get back to Baltimore and get a train now it's one in the morning two in the morning so I say fuck it'll sleep on his couch I'll get it a bus at 7 a.m. so I'm already on no sleep there was a whole day of shooting now we've been drinking now we're back in Philly and now we get to Philly about 2 a.m. okay but I gotta get back to New York the next day to fly to Texas oh you're flying on the next

day yeah boy I really pushed it here so I we get to Philly now we're circling his neighborhood because he's got to park the rental car yeah it's a nightmare then I got to wake up at 7 get on the bus to Philly get to New York get to JFK a bus and a plane the same day same day oh it can be done folks I can rally normally normally I can rally but this was a tough one so we get to Philly at 2 a.m. we're circling he lives in in city center center city whatever it's a really cute little it's like the village of Philly hmm and it's right under that bridge it's beautiful so we can't find parking finally Eric's a Jew for Manhattan he's

like I can't really parallel park that well and I was like well if you want me to do it I can do it but we find a spot right in front of his house miracle and I was like it's pretty tight and it was one of those parallels where you're you're paralleling on that side of you okay so it's a little harder so that on that side what's that you're bad on that side he is he is so he's pulling I'm like all right you got it you got it you got it and he pulled in too hard and he hit the butt on the curb and I said yeah you got to pull it out and rejuke it pulls it out paint scrapes up man this is a just really gave it the oh Jesus it's

two in the morning we're on no sleep we've had a couple of beers I got a shit myself I want to get some sleep I hate myself it's a prince of nightmare well the thing is that sleepy is like the equivalent of drinking yeah they say if you're on no sleep like right now I'm like six beers in this is my seventh yeah yeah so now it's a whole another bag of hammers now it's we got to hide the rental we got to hide the body we got to kill your wife we got to figure something out and get some sleep on top of it whoo so he goes hey pulls it out it's just that you know that thing where you hit the car and you're up against the

car and now you got to pull out more to get off the car right it's like Garth with the screwdriver what a what a weird analogy but I got it I know but one of the funniest moments so good so so he pulls out and now we're now we're driving and he's going oh my god I'm gonna call my dad what do I do here oh my he's a nice boy you know so he's like oh I can't believe that like it's two in the morning we got to stay on shape stay in focus so now we're looping around again he's like I'll just put in the garage what are we gonna do we got a sneak back in with the neighbor we gotta climb the tree go through the window he

can't see us because barely that's a neighbor's car so maybe I'm giving away too much information because some neighbors probably like who did it that he hears this I feel like we're ruining multiple lives as I said shit if this guy gets fired and this guy gets arrested I mean we're gonna have to kill ourselves yeah I know I know this is bad all right well we're deep in but so now we're finally find a spot five blocks away and I go let me park it we part I parallel park that puppy right in there thank you oh yeah which he filmed park parallel park Norman we get it in we take our shit we walk up now he gets

out and he's like hey this isn't so bad I mean it's got the big on it and he gets a little water out of my water bottle he's doing a little that and it's pretty good it's a lot of scuff oh it's scuff but there is some crinkles scuff is good scrape is bad scrape is bad not a lot of scrape but a good crinkle well that was cute so now we walk back is like what do I do do I leave a note do I write a letter to my congressman do I call the police do I call a FEMA so we go upstairs we try to go to bed it's tossing and turning I can hear him praying to the Lord and going west I wish I could take back what I've done and

I've sinned and Allah take me so we finally doze off there's the alarm we gotta wake now we gotta get our fat asses up we go out we see the car it's got the hole the other car it's got the whole kitten on the side we're doing this shit you know we're trying to be casual we don't know whose car this is we're doing a lot of that and it comes up pretty good although our sleeves are all white and gay it looks like we've got bukkake and I jump on the buzz I get back to New York I kiss the lady she goes hey where you been I got a long story I gotta go now I grab another bag I mean I can't imagine this woman she needs a

support group I know I don't blame right I got made her a mannequin of myself took you can slap it around so jump grab another suitcase that's bigger I fill that with dildos and guitar picks and I crap that fucking play in a JFK and I get to Texas and the rest is history oh my god I mean this is horrible it makes me it gives me like the willies I can't handle it you gotta get an assistant yes here's what I want you to do I want you to go out get an assistant for six bucks an hour someone you know with a pair of balls of tits or whatever sure that can help you scoop and boop whatever yes and then get yourself a nice car not a nice

car shit like a Chevy spark something to throw up your mother's ass that you can jump in and drive to Salisbury steak because it's great you're on a bus I mean you're doing very well you shouldn't be on a bus to a plane the bus was the best option ironically but I'm with you when I was on that thing I was like this is not where I should be buy a car for like 11 grand or whatever I mean it is less I know there might be cars for six grand or whatever the fuck but something reliable don't go by a fucking 1941 you know Pontiac Duesenberg yeah just get a nice yeah you know a Toyota a fucking Chevy my ballsack yeah whatever I got

you I got you buy something nice and whatever something yeah something you know what's reliable yes and you throw it in the thing and then you got a gig in a 300 mile radius you pop in you drive over there you fuck your mother in exactly yeah you probably but then you got to park it that's the other thing park Norman you got to keep it in the city you got to move it every eight minutes all the street sweepers coming it sucks but it's better than taking a bus and I don't even I don't know this Eric man is he sounds made up I don't trust the further than I can throw him now he's a cute kid nice guy let me crash on

the couch and you know it felt like it felt like the 40s again with your friend like oh we broke the window with the baseball what are we gonna do you know it was that feeling again but I think we made it work the guy's not gonna notice it for 10 more years and he'll shit a brick when he sees it but it was it was subtle enough we made it back we made every gig but I'll tell you you know you get on that plane to Texas I'm at I'm at JFK I'm like oh my throat starting to hurt I got Ebola you know you got on a plane now you're now you're on a plane like this you know with no sleep or try to sleep luckily I get to

Texas I don't want to get to a new because we got to wrap up but the guy texts me before I'm getting on the plane goes you want anything for your green room and I go it's gonna sound weird but I want heavy drugs give me a Xanax give me a sleeping pill a propa fall a Xanapan as whatever killed Michael Jackson give me that and he was like you got it I was like all right great so I got there he had me a baggie full of horse tranquilizers and I put those in my dick hole and went to bed I slept for like 13 hours yeah that's how I feel right now I'm just wiped it I gotta get up in the morning and drive to Maryland

ironically or Virginia whatever one of them yeah that's close sure for lovers both the Baltimore suburbs oh that's right the DMV DC suburbs whatever and he just those are some tales I mean I gotta get a lot more about Texas you got Texas next week's gonna be all Texas I mean this is a controversial episode I'm in my head I missed half things you said cuz I'm worried about the driver who seemed like a nice guy yeah he's good he's doing Rogan in a week what we should do is record again this week while we're here you're you get a little rest a little relaxation I can regroup I'm barely here though I'm the thing so

tomorrow morning I get up as the people are listening I'm driving to Virginia to film a thing tomorrow I gotta drive five hours film for four hours and drive back five hours holy dick and I would stay but I was just gone for six days I missed my goddamn wife she's 78 years old she's not gonna live much longer what wait is she going with no she's got her own business and I'm shooting some things so maybe myself and then I get back I have Wednesday here and then Thursday I go to Mohegan Sun this weekend with the great Matt Wayne I haven't I've been waiting to do this gig for two years now comics roadhouse and then next

Wednesday back in Royersford again wow three new minutes but I'm bringing friends I'm bringing some heavy artillery oh yeah if you know what I mean oh bald balding clear loud and queer it ain't Rogan but taller yeah and Matt Wayne's coming to that one too and he ain't gonna sell any tickets though so special guest gotta be a big show so get your tickets go hit up Royersford soul Joel's and if you're in New England comics this weekend Mohegan Sun come out let's game we'll hit the roulette wheel together wait a minute this is a ticket slip sip you're not gonna like it but I gotta throw it out there and just

shoot me down on air so we don't even do it because it's gonna be a clinker up your your stinker we're both gonna be in Connecticut this weekend yes all right just say we could meet up and shake hands and touch decks and well maybe if you had the Chevy spark I'm talking about me a little easier but I'm gonna have to drive to you 45 minutes each way which is possible it's possible maybe Saturday the three of us we meet halfway you take an Uber who's I got I got hot Doug Key over there hi tail on all over CT maybe we'll do a Doug Key Matt Wayne Joe Listmark Norman hang that midday hell of a queef yeah I like it

down low but yeah yeah all right all right this is something to think about but you know we're gonna be bored you don't hang out no gunk when well what's it on Unkinsville I never had to say it I think yeah I think you got it well I got roulette wheels up the ass well you're gonna lose all your cheese in one night you're gonna shirt your shirts gonna come off so at the second night maybe you should ask a doodle over to Hartford well if someone's coming somewhere I mean let's be on I mean they don't even need to ask the audience you're in Hartford which is the shittiest place on the planet I'm at a

casino yeah good point I don't mind throwing a little craps around get Doug Key now we'll all play we'll take over a blackjack table ruin everybody's night we'll secretly film on the fly that's pretty good and by the way you know if Chuck hears this he's gonna come up oh he's no England gay Chuck get your ass up there Chuckie cheese this is gonna be wild and finally some exposure for MW I mean this guy yeah he's holding on by a thread for God's I think he's a garbage man at this point but I don't know what he does for a living but either way I do he's a physical therapist that's right yeah he

cured my back so yeah all right we gotta wrap this thing up where you gonna be you said your dates I already said them I'm also gonna be at soul Joel's on the 16th I believe and Hartford please tickets are horrible spoke cans looking all right I'm down in Houston I'm in San Marcos San Antonio I'm back in Houston I was in a I was in a suburb of Houston just now so I love Texas I can't stop going and where am I also shit in my mouth the Toledo Dayton I'm in some weird markets so God no Syracuse Portland God knows I need you so come on out say hello and praise Allah we love you queep it up

Georgie