Tuesdays with Stories! - #438 Muddy Panties

Episode Date: February 8, 2022

Hoo weeee, we're back folks and seeing who can do the best elephant sound, why Mark is getting a bit of a pouch, the big win for Luke List, good jokes that don't really work, and Mark's ongoing realtor search. Check it out! Check out our NEW MERCH STORE here! New designs and items! https://tuesdayswithstories.bigcartel.com/ Sponsored by: DraftKings (Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook app, and use promo code TUESDAYS to get 56:1 odds on either team), Better Help (Support the show and get 10% off your first month of online therapy at BetterHelp.com/Tuesdays), Endeavor (Support the show and get15% off at checkout by using promo code TUESDAYS at  endeavorathletic.com), Express VPN (Support the show and get 3 months free by visiting ExpressVPN.com/Tuesdays) & Raycon (Support the show and get 15% off your first Raycon order at BUYRAYCON.com/tuesdays) Subscribe to our Patreon for full video of the show A WEEK EARLY, WEEKLY bonus stuff, and more! www.patreon.com/tuesdays Subscribe to out YouTube channel here: https://youtube.com/c/TuesdayswithStories

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy here we are folks we're here we're doing it well somebody told me don't yell so I panicked last minute I did a fire marshal bill I know I see these these

every every comment it you don't know what what any move you make somebody's like we're too vocal everybody's got an opinion everybody's got nipples everybody's got a quiff and I put them all up my ass and it's not healthy I mean is there a is there a moment where the show was just gold because I mean everything you shift I switched my legs I wear pants the the wire the lighting can't win it's rough a wise man once said you can't please them all and that was Bill Cosby actually no that's not the quote oh shit he had something like that something between you want to rape things the quote the quote is I don't

know the secret to happiness but the secret to failure is to try to please everybody there it is I'm getting sleepy that and shove a pill up her ass and fuck her right right but it's true but people are different things are different you know I'm sure some guy in the 80s was watching porn and he was like this sucks and you're like well you're gay this is a man of the woman fucking he's like we like different things not everything has to be exactly catered for you and that's okay right it's okay okay trying to do a Canada oh that sounded more like oh lay oh lay oh lay oh lay okay okay okay okay oh Canada's fine I

don't Gavin had a great job oh yeah I love you and Canada is so boring even the national anthem is oh yeah that's great I love what you the joke is he didn't change anything yeah maybe the timing a little but that jokes right there it's good stuff it's like Seinfeld's joke I love the left turn arrow thing he's like left turn okay right you know good times yeah he had some good stuff he had a couple zingers back in the day I don't even know if he does stand up anymore oh yeah he's really been around he wrote the pop-tart movie the pandemic he's gay now who knows pop-tart movie I mean a pop-tart movie is it out not out yet but

he wrote it it's done all right well he said like it was out that's why I was confused well he made it it's in the can ah guns and we're gonna get that puppy in a distribution I just played cans for Shelby we're thinking about doing tell it right in Colin what do you think we're thinking about doing one episode with sound bites like FM radio where it would be like George is saying cut it cans yes my father's gay oh yeah that's another one we need my friend would sure sure I love it let's get some sample we're shock jock we're morning zoo baby my father's gay has to be the funniest line ever ever especially as a

save like no no hey I'm a good guy my father's gay what an insane pole not as uncle his nephew yeah he throws his dad into the gay buzz immediately just to get out of this awkward moment I love it too good it's a hell of a program great delivery I was thinking about this the other day Seinfeld is on the Netflix now it's been on 19 different platforms he makes 14 million dollars a minute Kramer obviously the famous n-word rant yes Michael Richards that's the guy's name Kramer would never do that he he's you know he's canceled big canceled hasn't really worked since and yet you can have

the show yes on Netflix so that our cancel rules are all out of whack there's no staples here this is the show and we're not changing it right it's another fun clip it's not on TV what's on TV not yet thank you oh boy I love that ballet man you see ballet man you just get excited I just watched Capote that's a hell of a picture is that good oh it's fantastic I was working at blockbuster when that came out I was like oh I can't wait to take a bite out of that puppy I never did it's a good bite but but yeah the can't I mean the cancel obviously it's cookie I mean topsy-turvy yeah I mean I mean Mike

Tyson's got a cartoon he's got a Broadway show I mean he's like I used to knock out women and take their groceries yeah and I think he's got a rape charge I went to jail and wife of you I'm gonna on the who's on like the today show or whatever the more you can't do that on television whatever show he was on he got slimed remember he was with Robin Gibbons and he lifted his arm and she like flinched you see that clip right he's like well I think she's like who are these women dating boxing men I mean it's bananas this guy I'll just I mean we'll tell a joke offstage every now and then imagine him he's just one smack

and you through the wall boxing me you're selling you from Latvia he's that dating the boxing man big men yes you killed the other fighter yeah but yeah I mean so he gets to do all the stuff it's all topsy-turvy I believe iced tea was a pimp was he not I believe he's a pimp and I believe a cop killer and Dr. Dre I mean he put a woman's head through the wall we gotta name some whites here who are not canceled sure sure but Al Franken is a public enemy number uno yeah I mean Dr. Dre smashed a woman's head through a wall right feels like it's a little bit like hey I'm setting D Barnes I believe it was I'm not sure about the

barn I think it was Barnes and Noble D Barnes and Bailey Barnum and Bailey that's a good circus there's still the circus right they're cooking is that a monopoly because there's big top circus and then there's black circus black circus there's a black one then the circus circus whatever the hell that is that's different that's why they stand on their head and flip around I think is that you're they're gonna Harlem Globe or Cirque du Soleil Cirque du Soleil circus is the clown casino which is a weird cuz I think we talked about this before in the podcast there's a drop what kind of what kind of theme casino would you do I

think I made it restaurant or bar oh that's too too on the nose restaurant or bar no I'm saying what we talked about before was what kind of restaurant or bar what theme would you do oh there's the Egypt casino there's the clown casino I mean chef recommends yeah slam the door yeah we're in trouble it feels like you're at home with your parents and we're being too loud you know and you'd see your dad slam a door you're like we're out that's so bad they're men with ties walking around here ties jobs and offices ties cool ties but yeah so what would your casino theme let's think about this think we might have had this

exact conversation we do a casino now this is fresh cuz circus is weird they're like we're doing the circus casino but about a blackjack sure sure the bearded lady the elephants there's a couple elephants walking around in that place yeah I know what you mean yeah I have that at my family parties I couldn't get it that was terrible I think I might be able to do one you go you go well you got one lined up had the the dry lip that was pretty good better picked it up at the end what about this wait now that was a little miss big nice sound like miss Piggy yeah actor Frank Oz thank you

Reagan the wizard of Oz yeah hold on hit me with an elephant whoa that was great I think I got a hidden talent I think you got something you got it you know those little spin things where you pull the string and went right the duck goes yeah you got to do one of those like your own version yeah that's nothing but by the way last night I mean I want to mention his name because I've already mentioned it to tell it seems like I have a crush on him but I was hanging out with a young comic here we go again you love this kid he really made me laugh his name he goes by the name Andrew Chavone have you met him if you see I

don't believe I've met him I'm aware of him I know his whole biopic from you but he's a cute kid he's got real Mary in that face and he's got like deep high voice where he's like oh that's fun one of those silly voices sure but there was a comic on stage it was a bar show and the sound was loud you know when the mic is fucked up and it's like a lot you know those bar shows yes sound shit oh yeah that many of them it was too loud and the guy was killing but it was just loud and we're like why is it so loud and he goes this is like death metal death metal to find a comedian death metal is really funny mainly made me

laugh this kid he's got something apparently he's tall he's got the chubby cheeks he's you know he's a silly guy and he makes money on Instagram which I didn't know you could do yeah so I did I tell you about my tiktok fiasco you told me you restarted okay well it's cooking I'm rolling I got a three million the other day it's like a casino it's like a slot machine I don't know what made this one click but I got the three lemons I gotta get a lemon because I got nothing but I'm showing this kid show me he's got 1100 followers and he's making 500 bucks a month and then I go he goes let's see your tiktok I haven't opened the thing

since Christmas sure you know oh wait and he lifts it I got 1200 followers on tiktok oh wow it's that's what he said he's like you suck it was really hurtful mine sucked too I was right there with you and I just got rid of that puppy you want to use my guy you got a guy I got a guy and he's like you could make money on this now and I said make the money and you keep it if you just keep doing the talk so it's it's incentivizing right well you got a splitter you can just give him all the money well I figure it's peanuts no I got 500 bucks a month from Chavone this kid's a loser he's got nothing going on in his life I'll do 250

yeah give him the 10% at most I mean manager agent what are we talking about now you got a point you got a point but that's how little I want to do it I'm like take it all just don't even tell me about it I hate it yeah but I mean that could be thousands of dollars you got a point you got a point all right I take it all back we'll go we'll go 3070 but the Chavone fella he's one of these guys that we went to the movies a couple times Jesus you guys are butt buddies over here well he's a neighbor and he's a neighbor but we got these family hanks you gotta come to Astoria it's like a family yeah it's beautiful you got pot

luck cooking I got Ron on upstairs he's clopping around I mean the noise from this guy what is that people that walk like that I know what is he got heels on it's like he's playing hopscotch in clogs yeah you want to go up there just let me just watch you and see where the noise has come from because some of them you're like I can't even decipher what that could be yeah well I think he's he's a he's got a bad walk I mean the other day he walked in and Sarah's like hurt your leg and he's like what he does have a waddle she's like you get hit by a car like what happened and he's like what do you mean and then I got both of

them like whispering to me like why why so mean and then she's like what's wrong with his legs I don't know what's going on yeah but he's clomping around but then I got I got Steve and Caitlin up there and then Senya the other roommate who's quite lovely I might say yeah yes that's the next what man I'll send you a message real beauty beautiful woman comedian now she's like the landlord's daughter which is a great film yes the landlord's daughter this sounds like a like a hot to trot like a horse whisperer type could be a porn but so she messaged and goes hey we should all get to God I don't even know you guys we

shall get together so I'm let's have a big party we got a big unit over there and it's kind of like having roommates but you got private right now do you do pick up a common air or do you you mix it up well everyone comes to my house so far but it's a big spacious play plus Ronan's a bachelor so it's just shit yeah panties everywhere and what he panties is a great rock band good blue singer yeah but he panties they're open for a Leonard Skinner'd I'll accept it I don't know any blues singers well let it skin it ain't the blues they're a little they're a little muddy though muddy waters yeah they're like that

southern rock never get into Skinner'd no that smell oh I like skin I think they're good the smell you see about a smell sweet home Alabama the lyrics are clever they they fuck with people well sweet home Alabama's nice I like sweet home Alabama you gotta love sweet home of Ella gotta love Alabama my donuts goddamn you know that thing no at the end when the songs outro wing there's a line he goes my donuts god damn it someone takes his donuts is that right can we pull that up Shelby I don't know if you can pull that out it's difficult who stills a donut you can Google let's we don't Alabama my donuts

geez we don't know what knows the actual what he says but it sounds like my donuts god damn well I watched it pull it up I watched a documentary on them fun guys living out in Florida live out in a shack they would just practice for 12 hours a day do drugs they were a bunch of hippie-dippies everybody thinks of these hicks they're from Florida and they're they're nice gentlemen and they died in a plane crash so they're not from Alabama no that's what everyone thinks no kidding Ronnie Ron Van Zant I think that was the that was a guy he was like a bar brawler fun dude and yeah they they interview them there's one guy who

survived or something but he could he tells you about the whole crash it's fascinating yeah that's fun good fun I love a plane crash yeah I like a plane 11 buddy Holly so much a crash was it there was more of a I guess a crash it did have to crash at some point I guess so no Jews in the tower that's true that's what people say I don't know it feels like there must have been a couple yeah it's a business Manhattan I know two people whose dad died 9-11 how crazy is that no kidding Pete yeah that's one and then this lady I know no kidding dad died in the old 9-1-1 plus ran as easy he was there

connections he'll never live that one down he's a hell of a guy by the way great guy I'm going skiing with him in March yeah people like this piece of trash son of a bitch I see them like hey Steve alright sweet dude and I get it you know like people go why would he do it I'm like hey he's at the moment if anyone's gonna get it it's you baby you got that right I mean you got him like 5000 to one exactly I was in the Holocaust the slave trade I was everywhere I don't know what's why you might not even be from Louisiana from Florida like let it skittered Neil Stasi had a great roast joke years ago he

goes Mark Normans here or is he simple joke that's great eight people got it but I was howling that's really funny oh Jesse Poppin a great joke he goes you know we're all like to drink and I let these guys Sean Patton Neil Stasi Mark Norman I let them all sleep my place they all wet the bed I mean you guys are from New Orleans what's in the water there besides your houses that's great come on I made it a little too long but you get it roasts are fun by the way Sean Patton our friend our lover yes posted some old throwbacks he got like 40% more attractive have you noticed that he looks great yeah he cleaned up I

think we all did used to be hideous I was a ghoul shall be still weird but we we all had a bad go we were we were wet behind the ear we were whippersnappers well one of the things that's so brutal about life for these women they're there they're pussies bleed they got swollen tits they're mean but they got men just get more attractive every guy is more attractive we lucked out it's wild and then they hit 24 and they just turned to mushy shit shriveled dates it's over yeah they're they're disgusting and useless but it's tough for the ladies that's why they got an event to pantyhose or something you got to get

something cooking in your old age yeah men they get all grizzled up and like I mean like Paul Newman George Clooney in the 80s he looks worse than me yeah now he's a hunk yeah he's really something he can't act worth shit but he's really something else oh he's stakes stakes interesting well yeah yeah it's a it's a shame and they get hornier with age the ladies yeah we're at hornier we get less yeah they basically turn into men that's a good point I got we got something there they they're horny ugly and gross and they're like oh welcome to my world yeah that's pretty good but meanwhile we're getting more attractive yeah we

could fuck anybody in that's up well I've talked about this before offstage baby on on Mike whatever we are was this chair huh we're on Mike I mean chair you say on stage on stage what's podcast on on Donna on Blitzen on set all timers I don't know it's a we're on on it where we're on we're still on Mike we're on Mike yeah I mean yeah I gotta tell you I think this might be my favorite episode all the time we're on pod on Potter that's on par on par jack par by the way we got to talk about Luke list they'll tease oh double L hockey sticks by the way most I would just hold that thought what I was gonna talk about on

on Mike on par now before that edge it was about women oh I think on star I think I talked about this on the show I think I could fuck more now cuz I'm not desperate to fuck of course of course it's it's it's in the statistics when you're 22 you're like please come out of your eyeballs it's unappealing yeah yeah yeah we were all unappealing but now if a woman's like I'm not gonna fuck you like that's fine yeah I'll see you later and then they're like all right let's do it you talk me into it all right but that wedding ring I mean that it's a cliche for a reason they're fatty they go hey this guy is somebody's

willing to fuck him he's willing to settle down I can't have him I'm in right now will you wear a wedding ring you think doesn't feel like you I don't like jewelry and I don't like a ring for sure you get the handshake it hurts it's brutal it's weird I mean I hated it too I told you my my wife happened to be sitting next to me I was engaged and I was texting with a friend and I I tried on the wedding ring cuz you got to buy it beforehand sure kid can shove it in your ass on your wedding day and although we didn't have a little kid really we had Vita okay that counts so I put it on and I sent a text you know

she doesn't like read my text but she was just sitting over there and I just saw I was like I fucking hate it this is awful I feel like a woman and she's like I was like I'll wear the ring I'm only kidding it's I was trying to look cool for him right no I'm with you I don't want to wear it I got a nuva ring and a nipple ring but yeah I just I don't know I'll do it but I like the simple band I go simple band necessities yes but I'm a simple please I'm eating over here oh that's skinner yeah it's quite simple hey folks Tuesdays with stories is brought to you by draft Kings sportsbook the moment we've been waiting for us

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with stories listeners can get 15 I had that right there Raycon order at buy Raycon dot com slash Tuesdays that's buy Raycon dot com slash Tuesdays to save 15% on Raycon buy Raycon dot com slash Tuesdays okay now we're back to the show is it hot in here as my family I'm dying it's saying yeah I came from the steam room I just steamed yeah now I got layers on I put my thermals in the bag because I was dying it didn't take I never got there what does that mean it didn't take I took a shower I'm all sweaty I took a shower didn't take well I think he's saying you know I tried to do something but it didn't it didn't grasp

ah got it got it a couple times in the show yeah they do I never caught that it didn't take but I'm not a big shower middle-of-the-day shower guy I gotta knock it out in the morning oh really I show the middle of the day to be a shower starts you off here we go shower where we're clean we're ready let's get out in the world and if I show in the middle of the day I'm all off I'm like wait is this the beginning now what's going on interesting yeah I'll shower sometimes but today I was going to the gym beforehand so I just woke up came here I went to the gym you know pump some iron and just for about 10 minutes

and steam for about 45 and then got dressed and came over here so I'm not gonna shower before I go to the gym I'll go back then I'll shower before I leave all right I just like eating cereal at night it's a little off love cereal at night I actually like it too it's sad when you find out how much sugar and horror shit is in cereal don't you just love cereal then they tell you hey you know it's full of nitrates and glucose and miscarriage placenta you're like come on can I enjoy anything I don't give a fuck see but you're doing it now you're doing it to me I know I know I'm complaining about it I don't give a fuck

first of all I'm 39 years old I'm gonna live I give it till 50 then you start worrying okay think about Jay Leno fast food all those old people they ate burgers every day and fries my parents are alive whiskey yeah yeah it's cigarettes here's something you know I'm a trim guy I like to stay nimble it's not even all that all that much aesthetic or what's the word what's the where were you vanity supercilious no superficial superficial superficial it's not even that as much as like I want to just be movable sure even my little car I bought a little car I want that thing to be nimble whipping around so I've

noticed I put on a little bit of a little dumper at the bottom there Shelby and I were talking about just a little pouch a little kangaroo down there sure and I go what is it and I figured out what it is because I hadn't changed anything in my life it was like the Seinfeld where I'm measuring out the cereal yeah you you're getting old but I don't need a rios now my rider I couldn't think of anything so I was like I throw in some granola bars because how often are we at the the airport we're in an Uber we're in a train or whatever it is you guys need a little snack mm-hmm I don't want to go to a full restaurant see a snack so I

got these granola bars in my rider so I just throw them on my suitcase and then I'm eating 12 granola bars a day because they're just in there that's what's doing it granola bars are bad news it's a candy bar it's like I'm talking to a woman this is embarrassing granola is good no granola is bad I'll get out of here with the granola I eat a chocolate your cookie every day I shove it right my ass I do I mean it's good but it's fine I'm having a good time well I love it I love a granola but I'm saying eat 12 a day it's gonna add up but you're talking then but this is where you're full of baloney with this super

officiated whatever you said what was the word super fish a superficial because you can be nimble I eat a cookie every day I run a mile in seven minutes and 20 seconds I can whip around out there with a cookie but you're eating one eat 12 cookies and get back to me I can have some cookie but a cookie is crazier than a granola I don't know a nice arty dump I don't know what granola is quite frankly I don't either I think it's a wheat or a grain give it a goog shall we granola is no good granola is that's a carbohydrate and it's covered in brown sugar molasses semen all kinds of stuff maybe I don't know about granola I

thought granola was healthy but I'm from like the 70s yeah that's all like milk is good granola's good a cookie a day keeps your asshole gay well bread was good back then now breads the all grand wizard love bread really I get a bagel every morning croissant the whole thing I mean I who doesn't love a good good right risen wheat or what is it a yeast raised hi yeast yes the big yeast shall be risen yeast but actually yeah but it's in everything you try to avoid bread it's pizza it's it's cupcake it's muffin it's pancake it's sandwich it's a it's cake it's everything I think you just got a live your life a little bit you get

the exercise in I mean I quit the soda that's the big soda is horrible that's horrendous and soda but you think you forget that like think about the average asshole did you think about the average age of what do you call it consent death cold death yeah there is like 78 is that right that's like average so think about all people eating fast food every day drinking soda smoking cigarette smoking weed fucking their dad sure we don't smoke we don't do drugs really not like heavy drugs not coke and all that shit sure Shelby's tossing you a thing here do we get the my donuts thing seven secretly unhealthy foods oh god oh

boy number one with a bullet energy slash granola bars so that's where that little Dunkaroos was forming down there the granola well I stand corrected I don't know much about food number two granola number one's granola number two granola number one's a energy bar granola bar because that's got you know the kind bar oh it's so good for you it's covered in jizz and then chocolate and then you know horse gum but about my mother smoothies number three get out of here I was good they don't specify the crumbling I'm drinking a smoothie here's what's in my smoothie blueberries banana ton of spinach a hand full of spinach

and almond milk I try to tell me that's unhealthy well you're probably doing it right but some people get the the ice cream scoop in there the sherbet the anal this is why all this shit is bullshit people like Chipotle not healthy I'm like I'm eating brown rice grilled chicken vegetables and it's also right some veggies what are you talking about I'm with you on that chipotle you can't just have a restaurant be unhealthy exactly people like Panera bread you know how much is in the Panera bread I'm like I'm eating a salad I'm eating a salad talking about you got a point cheesecake factory to like that is that

they did a special in the cheesecake factory it's the fattest thing and the thing it's fatter than your mother's ass I'm like what are you talking about exactly I ate a fucking Caesar salad and a six pound bowl of macaroni and cheese that's healthy exactly it's like saying if you fuck that gay guy you will get aids like well maybe one of them but not him exactly it's exactly like saying that yes AIDS all right number four vitamin drink sports drinks that that's all that edge water we all know that get out of here fat free foods what's that mean that means like here's a fat free they shove peanut butter and sugar in

there and butter because it's all it's non-fat but it's still carby and all this shit chipotle after I don't know if I'll have time you gotta run therapy but maybe if we have time what this would can't be right what is it but this is this is to your point number five is salads well here it is these guys clickbait horse shit falling for these guys get the the dried cranberry the almonds and the the feta and the blue cheese and the syrupy dressing and the ranch I get it it's this is clickbait shit that's such the classic this is what journalism is heads up we got some bad foods mmm salad right get out of

here salad's good I tossed my father's salad salad is good you got that right lettuce greens my doughnuts goddamn all right where you at on this Neil Young love Neil Young I don't get it I don't get any of it I don't care I mean well we don't want to talk about what are we gonna do I know it's politics was just everything's radios all politics didn't that suck it does suck I love Neil but you know what are you doing who cares yeah how about this this is what is so annoying I'd like it like Pearl Jam's Instagram like we're coming to tour and then there's like several comments excuse me why are you still on Spotify and

you like put a gun in your mouth shoot it put another one in your ass I'll shoot that way so it explodes in the middle everyone's gonna get off Spotify by the way I'm off Spotify because they took me off because they don't want to pay me they don't pay comedians that should be the story not not hey this other guys doing really well what about us getting zilch getting screwed by the man yeah that's right you Swedish cuck I know you're out there listening and by the way can't you listen to Joe Rogan and go this guest is an idiot well that's what I do that's what I don't listen to it at all what you listen and you go this

guy is stupid well the problem is he's bigger than the news which maybe somebody should step back and go why is he bigger than the news why is this bald pothead who's who likes fist fighting bigger than the news and look I like I like Joe but isn't the guest not Joe yeah something's gotta something's amiss and it's weird that no one's factoring that in and it's weird to see news anchors and suits be like we gotta take this guy down then they throw out racist and you're like well now the whole thing's moot now it's all off kilter incredible and then you got Joe being like I'll try to do better and

you're like ah well he's he's he's gonna keep it real I think but but that post he did was pretty pretty solid pretty good I think he nailed it he came off as the good guy and he's like I like Neil I'm a fan yeah okay love Neil but well you know whatever to each his own you know Neil get on Spotify Rogan stay on Spotify what do I care Neil kicks ass I love Joe he's been very nice to me and now the CNN CEO has been plowing some some colleagues he resigned about that oh no kidding yeah well it's not in the news resigned for fucking fucking a lady a younger lady in the office that's that's a no-no to Daffy yeah to each his

anal and what's good for the goose is good for the gander yeah right well I don't know much about the issues it's all pipes all pipes whoopee Goldberg hates the Jews will move on what are we gonna talk about something oh yeah oh look list I guess I will list yes so tell me what is he a golfer I came on here I said I gotta change my name to Luke Luke list is a golfer which you know he's he's on the tour never won anything I better not be on Spotify he's just out there golfing away being Luke list and I've seen a couple people have been like hey you know Luke list I go oh that's great that a boy Luke E and we

talked about hey I should change my name to Luke I'll be Luke list how fun is that cool hand Luke list four days later Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday the tournament on Saturday four days later the guy wins his first ever tournament we're in the zeitgeist we were we're synced up period wise it's wild and it's by the way this is sad it's the most response I've ever gotten for anything ever in my life I got emails Instagram a guy fucking Louis Anderson showed up my house with balloons what he's dead yeah I came back it was just insane how many messages I got all day and I'm starting Friday like

he's in third he's looking for he's in striking distance all day to like this three holes left four holes left I didn't see the tournament I was out I had a family hang that day everyone come over you gotta come over I'd like to come by maybe I'll get the beamer out and high-tailed up to Queen I love that we'll go for a ride then we'll meet up with the others you gotta be chavone I know apparently this kids I'm jealous of him he's taking my spot 500 a month Instagram reels reels but he can't whisper you ever meet these people that can't I hate a non whisper it's bananas first of all he's always late I invite him to the

movies he's a silly goose so I say hey I'm going to the movies alone I'm a sad person sure so he comes he's like 30 minutes late this guy 30 minute that's unexcusable unacceptable yeah you like this guy I don't know about 30 might have been 10 well you know me with the lay I mean I'm you got 30 minutes early I'm doing circles around the place I got a mud on my pants that's a problem I do put the shoe up there is that what did it look at these shoes yeah the shoe these shoes have seen better gaze I mean they're they're red they're they're ugly we're gonna get close up on that shoe I mean look at this what you do walking

the snow I got the boots out there Johnson well here's the thing I've been wearing boots boots on the ground I've been wearing boots but I was going to the gym you can't you open the gym with a boot no they'll give you the boot they hate a boot you ever see wag the dog I like it that's a hell of a picture but they got it nailed it before before it was a thing I know one of those things ahead of its time Dennis Larry has one of the funniest line I remember being a kid and rolling my dad nights one of our bonding moments I don't hear that sentence anymore which one Dennis Larry at one of the funniest lines that's a

very 90s sentence well you might have got it from someone else but good boy Lucy K and wag the dog he goes there because they create a fake war with who's Belushi where's he from well Albania Albania yes create a fake war from Albania with Albania and you know Dennis Larry works in Hollywood and he's supposed to be creating whatever and he's got like a patent paper and he's like Albania is hard nothing rhymes with Albania I don't I got nothing what if we did Italy instead like we do like you do the boot give them the boot that's the whole half cock thank you that's the whole joke but it made me laugh so hard

the boot the thing about you know you're writing yes it's so funny to me I know work workshop because I've we do that you go whoopie Goldberg whoopsie Goldberg sold bird hold bright and I'm sitting there like and then you tweet it and everybody hates it but it's if you could see the process of how silly it is just rhyming things all right Goldberg Moldberg holdberg you know it's iceberg lettuce Goldberg Titanic it's a it's a horrifically embarrassing process well that's the show I mean that's a whole show well you're they're seeing in real time but if you saw me at a coffee shop going that's bad well I just did one

Rogan Neil young feel young I just do when you ever you're right that's how I write shall be cracked on that one yeah we got up we need a cat a stuffed cat and a Shelby bust yes things we need in here both busses does anyone make busts call in if you make a bust I don't want a cop called in but there's got to be a bus guy out there or gal oh gals have nice bus with that girl from the bus wait what was I gonna say it was so good Liz the buzz no Larry wag the dog oh you ever write one I spent a day writing you're like four hours of writing come up with one tag yes and it eats shit story of my quiff I did two days in a row I'm

talking zilch oh yeah not a tea on a hot crowd yeah and the whole joke I got a joke about my buddy touching a painting it does very well I don't want to give it away cuz I got a new special I only got 12 minutes I can't give this away but don't give it away I had a line about how it leaves oils and I was like an oil stays on a painting permanently and I'm like that makes me want to touch a painting more and then the line was see the smudge with the eyebrows is supposed to be that was me nothing really zero I'm embarrassed by it is my camera not working give it four tries they say I'm two for like zero not a not a chuckle

oh two for no good zero to two but I do that same thing I'm in my apartment I'm talking to a wooden spoon I'm in my underwear I got half a boner I am killing in my apartment the teddy bears are laughing my figurines are howling and I bring that shit on stage and whoo I'm like they're gonna write an article about this this bit's gonna change society zilch I still have that bit I remember from like 2003 how I got braces for Christmas you know the bit I used to do it I tried it I've talked about it like my braces were a Christmas gift for my birthday oh yeah tetanus shot and I was like this is the funny joke anyone's

ever ever I still lingers I mean it ate just cheese every night just a big bag and chickless bitch I'm with you man hey we all have our white whales I got that bit about it we went to the strip club there's no no women in there it's a gay bar that's a bit of horny dudes listen to Motley crew drink and Bud Light that's with the heart on that you gotta do that again I've tried it up down left right six ways to Sunday it is death up there maybe what it is is people don't understand that there's a time when there's no strippers I really sell that yeah I sell it you gotta go I went to a strip club there was it was during the

day so there's no dancers right no dancers right because otherwise they're like why would they be no dancers that that does come I can see them kind of like wait what yeah maybe you got something there what about the toothpaste toothpaste yet cavity working on it's killing in my apartment okay you need that turn because you know when you're you're killing in your apartment you're writing great stuff or you think you are and then you go up and you you're doing well with your old stuff you all right here we go I'm gonna throw that new one in here it comes and the first line gets zero and you just immediately go of

course I got nothing I'm freaking out then you kind of start stammering and then you're your dry mouth and then you can't get the second part out and then you have no confidence in it so they hate you yeah you're showing off the pouch we got a pouch granola energy bar hey Tuesdays are stories is excited for the new sponsor endeavor athletic the last thing you want to worry about at the gym is how your clothes are riding up in a certain space don't let ill-fitting athletic gear get in the way of being the best you can be on the field in the gym or wherever you exercise that's why endeavor small batch craft athletic

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the reps get hard and your performance gear shouldn't either thank you that sounded nice I like that stuff Tuesdays stories also brought to you by Express VPN have you ever watched a movie on Netflix and then wanted to see the rest of that directors work well if you're in the US and in Spielberg mood you can watch Minority Report but if you want to see Jaws in Jurassic Park you would need to hop on a plane to Argentina watching Netflix without using Express VPN is like paying for a gym membership and only being able to use the treadmill you got there right P you express VPN lets you change your online location so you

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gotta get on two of them holy hell tell them how to get to the merch there where do they go two separate shirts Tuesdays with stories dot big cartel dot com there you go that's Tuesdays with stories dot big cartel dot com we got a ton of shirts great designs killer we have those phone things but your phone whatever this case the case the case we got mugs shot glasses maybe we should work on shot glasses stickers pants socks jockstraps sports bras muddy panties yeah you name it a way face everything you've ever wanted Tuesdays with stories dot big cartel dot com you gotta show up with a shirt on when we see you please their

lunch get on it tell a friend Georgia saying cut it so Siobhan ah who is this kid break up and I'm gonna rough him up he's a cute kid so he comes to the movie theater he's like 20 minutes late and you know me I'm very a petic I don't want anyone to hate me I want to be a good citizen yes and so there's a bunch it's an afternoon movie it's like a psychological thriller starring women so it's like it's me and a bunch of old ladies I'm already out and I think he's just going cuz he's like what Joe List invited me somewhere you know we're big deals you know apparently yeah so a list he shows up he's like 25 minutes

late and he's like comes in he's like you want some popcorn he's like one of these guys can't he's physically incapable of whisper I hate those and all those people are at my show every time they're like I'll get the my time I'm like just tell the waiters an inch away from you why do I hear you I'm on the other side of the room on stage but you could whisper right and when I love a whisper that's you whisper he doesn't think where there's still a bass in his voice oh who and I'm going this oh late I want to be a good boy yes rub my head after and give me five bucks and then then you go you want to go shut the

fuck up but then you seem like an asshole they go Jesus you're shushing me you're like well you can't whisper bad whisper and then we went to the movies another time geez we got a double date well this is a few days later a lot of movies what to see network at the I asked me you're going somewhere you went to the you meet Napa Salak use yeah I'm listening so we went and saw network one of the great movies of all time on film which sounds romantic doesn't it really does they're like 16 millimeter film but then you see it and you're like it's what do you mean it's popping and it's literally film from 1976 it's like

listen to a record you go hey this will be cute and old-timey then you're like you know you can't get a garfunkel going it sounded like Donald Duck but we went there and and you know Louie he's a big movie queef so he's there yeah and so you know Louie doesn't he just shows up right at movie time doesn't get anything so he's like give me a popcorn give me some M&M's he's one of those guys a luch so I know Chavone is late so I text him hey show up with popcorn and Reese's pieces or you're out of the business no one who's late and he shows up he's sitting behind us because we had a few of us my friend Bill Chef was

there and Sarah so he shows up he's sitting behind us and I get the popcorn I go there you go Louie I stuff that in your mouth and so I'm sitting there go hey this is fun this is fun got Sarah big Lou and chef is over there and I look I go hey shit like this he's honest got his face like this guy everything you tell me is horrible he's late and tell well he's very funny makes 500 a month on Instagram that's pretty good well the movie is tough though because it's a weird hang because you're like hey we should go do this together but you can't talk yeah so it's maybe after you get a milkshake and you blow each other

but at the time you're like I want to talk to this 500 bucks a month guy well that's why it's important to be early for a movie because you stand in the circle and you chat you chat in the circle and you sit you come back you have a post circle circle jerk pretty circle post circle yes I love that so did you hang out after you have to run we did a little circle but we had to go back and so that was that we did a quick circle that was funny that was great that lines awesome and then you know he went and I don't know what he does with his life but well sorry when I first met the lady I was like trying to think of fun

cool things to do and I said hey the what's that movie called it's a wonderful life ah playing at the IFC it's Christmas time it's snowing we're we're not Jewish so I said let's pop an edible I'm trying to be fun new guy let's pop an edible go watch it's a wonderful life so she goes great she's down for anything she likes drugs and Jimmy Stewart suicide yeah so we we pop the edible we're like whoa we're that couple at the counter like I'll have a milk done like the guy with the zits is like all right you fucking cook get out of here we go in there we're giggling you know that opening where the stars are

talking it's the worst sites are special effects of all time yeah and there's a guy in there three rows ahead of us and it's just us and him and he of course he sits three rows ahead might have been me might have been you but he's weeping oh we pay and we're in the back high out of our minds going oh look at this guy we're all high and this guy is I think he watched it with his dad his dad died in front of him or he diddle them or something but this guy had some good deep connection with this flick sure me too so eventually it was like George he turns around he goes what the fuck's your problem you guys coming here you

don't shut the fuck up and we're both high like he just yelled at us turned around sat back down and kept crying and I was like let's get the fuck out of here and we got out of there and it was like the most tense awkward moment of my life being that high being the only people getting yelled at by a stranger whoo that was a doozy I was I saw Rushmore in the theater that was really when you're in high school you see every movie that was huge that was fun and Rushmore you know one of my favorites both of these movies maybe his best oh absolutely no question about it Anderson so we're there and as me my

friend Mike Robinson and Derek and the whole gang and for whatever reason I was it was packed because back then a movie came out everybody went everybody went he was a hot director and you had Bill Murray in there you had Schwartzman that was a hot movie Mario well the trailer was hot because I had the oh are they I was in the trailer so everybody was like here it comes yeah I see that scene was big Luke Wilson and so I we were sitting with kind of like we had our you know feet up legs spread like this not up but you know your knees and there was a mother and her son what are we in Whitman this is a yeah probably bridge

water mass or Randolph big big said that was like the first stadium style cinema it was so exciting Randolph it was very very big but we were sitting there and for whatever reason we were just farty we had a lot of farts I don't know what we had that happens and so we couldn't stop farting it became very funny and I felt bad though because your your assholes here and the lady and her son's head are here you're projecting and you know it's bad I feel bad I was 15 don't call in but you can't stop and then you're trying to force fire and it's and he's trying to hit him on the head I know and they were getting mad

rightfully so you can't blame them so they kept doing this thing we just kept squeezing out more and more and finally she stood up and goes you guys need to get your ass checked out because she pluralized us yeah single eyes the assholes that we share an asshole you guys need to get your ass checked out right we caught that and we went ass we have to die it was like death comedy jam in there and they ended up leaving they probably told the manager well your shit air all over them it was bad I don't I'm not proud of it we were young buck I was young and full of cum or whatever I mean I was Max Fisher you

know I was right and screenplays and farting yeah you were degenerate and you were vandalizing her hair with your gas it was bad I feel bad if I was at the movies now and somebody kept farting behind me I'd probably but lose it but yeah I'd probably be upset boy a little tuned up now this before I even drank I was just I was just a kook well you're a young boy boys will be gay boys to men you ever like them I bought their album dum dum dum dad had a couple well we were so young that like when you're young young like nine you kind of just buy what people are buying I know all right who do the blowfish it is or whatever it

was all word of mouth it was all billboard there was no internet so my first three CDs oh boy dookie oh okay boys to men to yeah cranberries hey two ain't bad but that's cranberries they are killer I still like them I love the cranberries but the cranberries were weird because zombie kicked so much that's not really what they sound like that was like they're one heavy song that was a big doozy yeah aren't that heavy no they were pretty light and airy but I like those two you have to let it ring yeah dreams was fun dreams big very big and dookie rules my first three CDs were usually illusion one and two

roses and Billy Joel's greatest hits volume one hey another round with that and they were all killer still pop all of those on yeah those hold up sure certainly one's a compilation so of course yeah you ever see his little drunk ass live who Billy Joel yeah absolutely when I did my tonight show I emailed my agent and said hey can you give me some BJ tickets and we went it was me and Greg Stowe we sat like eighth row they were like WME tickets garden at the garden yeah it was like the 50th show or the 100th show whatever we uptown girl all night it was quite a night I love it white bread world yeah I

saw him once Bonnaroo of all places Bonnaroo back when Bonnaroo allowed guys like us to perform there and it was like Kendrick Lamar Alabama Shay it was all these hip you know cool young sexy bands and then Billy Joel closed it out so I went and saw everybody and then you go see Billy Joel you're like oh this is why he's a fucking legend he's fun yeah he's on top of the piano just be bopping and scatting it was wild yeah he's a hitmaker by the way Elton John playing the garden in a couple weeks and I'm gonna hit up the agent say hey can you get me in there I'd like to blow him another round with that yeah he's a he's

a big gay sir Elton John by the way a lot of female gays coming up to me lately the ladies are branching out into the twos world well I gotta tell you I mean the other day two days ago I was at the fat black black and Sam and I were on the line up was it was Sam Maril me Greg Stone Louis that was the four comics in a row horse guns it was quite a lineup and they were hot too and Amy Blotnick was on too I wasn't there when she was there but she was hanging out upstairs great great hang good egg I like that blood very funny and a beautiful lady I might add sure so we got go we go on watch Sam I'm dying he's got great stuff

of course I go on have a great set and then Sam and I were out in the bar chatting and then this like beautiful one I like a stunner like a stole cold stunner walks by and you know the kind of woman you're having a conversation you just do like the oh yeah anyway and then you keep talking she comes out of the bathroom and goes hey Tuesday no fucking queen and I turned into like a child I was like well you're the most what you're very pretty Tuesday blood like Sam was like you're right like he had to slap me around I was shocked and chagrin or chagrin bad I think chagrin might be bad I was shocked and excited because I mean

that she was tall and all put together I couldn't believe it yo Marcus hey I am just I'm floored I'm flabbergasted I'm flustered I mean you gotta see this day I mean it was wild it was like it was mysterious I went back in the room I was like looking for I was like was that real did I imagine that yeah all Sam at home and he had to tuck me in our most of our fans look like Rick Moranis this is so nice to hear I love hearing that so madam if you know who you are you saw the guy at the fat black you know who you are you're a tall cup of handsome send us a photo I want to see it I feel like high school I was like thanks for

listening miss I mean this was something else she was a stunner Fox Fox stone sure wrestler yeah all right well good good for the ladies out there where we're branching out I don't know what brought them in but I'll take them we love you ladies and we support I believe all the women they are like one episode though they're like hey Tuesday and I'm like how about that day when I shit in the girl's shoe and she's like what yeah I'm out you lose them I never how about this you can't judge a quiff by it's Smurf but I was I've seen these apartments in Brooklyn as you do and my realtor guy who I'm sticking with the

main guy got a lot of nice messages about real estate all these people like you got to stick with your guy fuck that slick Rick piece of shit so Edmunds we're sticking with Ethan Allen so you know he shows you these nice places we we go to one place the lady showing it nice attractive older lady she's like hey I used to a waitress at Caroline's I go get out of here so everybody Wanda Sykes Jim Gaffigan David tell and she's like you're not gonna believe I used to bang and I was like get out of here and she gives me a little whisper it's the filthiest man on the planet so then you immediately just see her

differently so she whispered she knows how to whisper yes so she said yeah Bill Cosby but yeah so it was fascinating because like now I know so much about this guy and then to know that she was plowing him you're like oh you're a fucking animal yeah that's fun that's always a good feeling it's always weird when someone says they fuck someone because immediately you go into that bedroom of course of course and she's a pantsuit wearing like shiny shoes ponytail clipboard you know the whole nine like upstanding citizen you hear about that you're like oh you're a fucking deviant that's my number one thing I love a

shiny shoe a shoe just shining a clipboard put it up my ass yes yeah I just love that because that's the thing about sex is everyone sits in the library and calls their grandmother and reads the paper and then all of a sudden they're like tie me up yes stick a fist in my ass right most exciting things my mouth eat come off my shoe it's so true it's it's quite a shift you know everybody is on the up and up then once that bedroom door latches it is put a lamp cord up my ass and plug it in close doors baby oh yeah I love that you think about you know Michelle Obama's she's like eat my ass out from behind the

whole thing you got that right half clock again yeah yeah all that stuff that's very exciting yeah would you hear that whole thing about Nancy Reagan's like the king of BJ's oh I heard that yeah yeah everybody's everybody's freak mother Teresa I'm sure was getting pegged by six guys and had a cock in her mouth and dick and ass and you know she was a giver very generous wouldn't she a priest I thought they couldn't touch anything I'm sure she dabbled you know didn't I think some people hate Mother Teresa there's like people that are like hey now she stinks well if she's a mother she has kids so she's somebody somebody

railed her that's a good point wow is Mary Mother Mary comes to me didn't she was the Virgin lady immaculate conception yeah that's right I don't buy it or I've never heard anything like that happening but your whisper thing is big because it makes you appreciate the first guy who came up with where'd you learn to whisper a helicopter which I know is like a hack stock line but the first time that guy told that that must have been the roof must have just shit blood did to Paula right I think the problem I know I think maybe why I mean he did it I think he said Fallujah that's even whisper Fallujah yeah Fallujah is the

word on the planet it's very good I switched it over to because I didn't want to steal the line so I said where'd you got to learn how to whisper an orgy which doesn't really make sense but it kills interesting well an orgy you can whisper though you lean in go you know come in my ass I guess you're right yeah yeah that's how I picture orgy I picture it very a body showy yellowy showy it's about even body noise though now I just want to use body what does body mean I think it means like a showy a very body very gaudy maybe I think a gaudy hmm other body was like your arms and legs and torso all together as

one yes all right the human body but yeah yeah but you know an orgy I picture like the stock market where I was like by now so low yeah I love the idea of an orgy I wish you had that men in black thing with a when you think about you think about it you jerk off and you think like it'd be so fun if like the New York Knicks were at my house and we were all fucking my aunt yes that when it comes time to apply it you're like I can't do that I'm not an orgy guy right exactly thick carpeting and weirdo lighting it's but you're just in your mind you're just like please like I want to blow the Miami heat while you know

Melissa ethridge plays or sure sure but if that happened you know my window out of here I can't yeah I know I get it but it's like your joke but the dirty talk in the middle of you like I put it in my ass peck me fatty and then later you're like that was weird now we're eating cereal and watching LA law exactly it's so hard I always thought that was like threesomes it's so weird to be like okay take care Eric that was fun you know how do you do that I've had a good stop but you're not in relationship with either of them no I'm talking married I'm talking we bring over you know Bethany to come eat my wife out while I'm sitting

on her face said but you can't like take care so we'll see it the I think there's women for that they think you call them up you have a red phone they answer it they go I'll see you there I mean there's men for that I know a guy Philip he'd be great Philip with one L Phil Hanley by the way Phil Hanley is the only guy I know he's got COVID for like six months I know he's a delicate flower that guy but I think he's back he did a set last night oh he did 85 I haven't talked to just hearing from people COVID is taking some people I thought it was a hoax this whole time and a couple people are just dropping like flies they

they're they're often an incubator and Kuwait well I mean Ron on Hershberg my upstairs roommate family hang come on over apparently it's a hot hang it's big over the show bone character he's he's on my turf we all everyone came up watch the sixth sense the other day well who picked that one wow we had to talk about it for the podcast I trashed a lot of very obscene gay people who cares about that movie but people get very upset you make fun of a movie they're like you're a piece of shit your movie better be brilliant you suck my dick you podcast sucks and I'm like I didn't care for the film what do you want yeah

also that film fucked America because it made us think M. Night Shyamalan was talented and then we just had a slew of horse shit on a conveyor belt back to back all day long with the the the village people signs sign wasn't bad I guess and care for it but check out the podcast Joe and run on talk movies we really trash it but what was they say all the family hang with Steve Rogers as a popcorn machine the whole apartment was like popcorn we got popcorn but Ron on has has what do you call it COVID right now oh yeah and he's fine I saw him you know the other day he was at a bar you know gallivanting and he

said I feel great they say the best medicine medicine is laughter but I think for AIDS it's not a COVID it's fucking getting it and once you got it you're golden right but some people have had it hard I guess but but he's doing fine I know my point is he's a you know a neurotic Jew here limp and bad combo he's just it's not a limp he just lumbers he lumbers he's a lumberer he's it feels like he's his legs aren't all the way attached to him it feels like someone's controlling him a little bit they're flowing I feel like he's not gonna care for this no he's a funny guy he's got a nice beard he's got a great

hairline maybe the best hairline in comedy well he's a handsome guy wow let's not get crazy he really is he's a handsome guy he's got that dark skin he's very tan tan and smart as a well I wish I was as smart as him this guy reads in the tub and he's you know brilliant comic God him in a tub is terrifying well he's very very smart very funny and attractive and does well with the ladies well you know he's a smart funny guy you can clean up if you're not really making it up in the looks you can pick it up on the back end yeah he's got a lot going on for him but it's just a noisy walk is all but anyways he's got cover

he's doing fine all right great I think it's very livable he saw Denmark pulled all the restrictions the England pulled the restrictions I think we're getting out of this thing it beat Tom Brady oh yeah Brady he he called it quits before covid it quit like twice Shelby look upset what happened oh god yeah I thought that we lost the whole tape oh Jesus that would be something sometimes I look over Shelby just looks like he's living with us I know well that's what I prayed to God that you're not the consensus for the entire audience oh my cuz all we have to go off of is your mug have zero listeners oh yeah no ladies no hot

ladies I'll tell you that send me that photo sister yeah this this is really a knockout but it then it's gonna be awkward she's like I'm the hot lady here you go I'm calling myself the hot one right but yeah she's the one lady I talked about fat black on that Tuesday night with that lineup there you go so you can't you can't mistake it but it was dim lighting I mean what if she sends it we're like Jesus Christ she looks like a two-faced yeah she looks like me right hey we don't yeah don't send us a Louis Anderson photo well yeah we got to wrap up dates but yeah you got to come over and check out Andrew Savone

Sarah and who's the other one run on and send you that's quite a quite a lineup you got over there it's a hell of a house it's a it's a great great time great hang you know what it is it's that classic old-school hang where Ron and he goes out he buys a salad he goes I just got a salad should I stop by I go come over we eat together for like a half-hour you go I'll see you later beautiful those are those great hangs that I miss I mean like I used to go to the bank with Tom Dustin would go get coffee together right it's nice to have somebody next door it is and we need that interaction because all we do is sit on our phones and tweet

and twitch and all this other horseshit and you're connected to the whole world but yet so unconnected to people this is what worries me about you moving to Brooklyn your guy's gonna be wearing skinny pants at a fedora oh go and say retard he'll kill call the police last your chavone is gonna be you know I didn't want to name anybody but if I come over there and you're whatever I'm right by Spike Lee's joint I might become like a BLM activist oh geez Spike Lee anyways check out showing Ron on talk movies hey Saturday February 19th Atlantic City Comedy Club is anybody listening good luck good luck you're

gonna be a different guy after that love anybody to come to that for the love of Pete not one person has written been like I can't wait for AC oh yeah hey oh see she's a lot putting you know yeah I think she's attractive but imagine dating that all right Key West February 24 25 26 come on down Tom Dustin Sarah tall Amash myself Key West make the trip down back and Fort Worth Texas hyenas March 4 then side splitters March 24 25 26 you got to come to that one my favorite room ever for God's sakes hell yeah come down to that laugh boss in April 14th through the 16th helium buffalo April 21st the 23rd oh I can't

forget Houston that's a one-night only OT OTO one time one time only Houston secret group February 15th back in the Pacific Northwest Tacoma May 30th come on that and I updated my website oh is that right yes I've been updated my dates I mean oh good I put the special up there please subscribe I want to get above 20,000 YouTube subscribers for the special so get on there I'm getting close you're about to hit six bill on the hate myself I think it might happen today very exciting that's lunch I'm at the Omaha funny bone this weekend love Omaha get a steak see a show Columbus funny bone after that love Columbus

probably my favorite town in Ohio Summit Comedy Club in Fort Wayne I'm not sure if that's still on the books La Jolla California side splurge in Tampa with my old pal Sean Murphy funny bone Cincinnati Louisville Kentucky Dania improv in lower Florida Indianapolis helium with Umar Carolina Theater and Raleigh stand up live in Phoenix Calusa Casino in California Magoobies in Baltimore Addison improv a lot of fun dates out to lunch check out the stand up so on Netflix we got two seasons covering and check out we might be drunk with Sam I got all over the road podcast and yeah praise Allah get on the

patreon get some merch we got Greg merch cooking Shelby's out there slinging shirts you don't want to be the weirdo at the live show without the merch on so get a shirt come on by do we plug the live date oh good call February March March what is that March Tuesday it's a Tuesday I believe it's March 20 20 seconds 20 second March 22nd live Tuesdays with stories that the fat bike puts you up which by the way you gotta get the tickets because the room that holds about 80 people I know we're gonna sell that puppy out bring the ladies bring the the queefs oh yeah that beautiful lady oh yeah she already saw you there same

room so fat black yeah March whatever we already said we're gonna get up on the website patreon is insane oh yeah crazy fooling so fun all right saying cut it thank you praise Allah music you