Tuesdays with Stories! - #439 Natural Bobble

Episode Date: February 15, 2022

Ooooh we've got a great ep this week as Mark may have found a new place in Brooklyn and Joe's apartment hang gets bigger before an interesting run in with some teenage bullies. Check it out! Check out... our NEW MERCH STORE here! New designs and items! https://tuesdayswithstories.bigcartel.com/ Sponsored by: Native (Support the show and get 20% off your first order by visiting https://NativeDeo.com/ tuesdayswithstories), Lucy (Support the show and get 20% Off with the code TUESDAYS at https://Lucy.co), Manscaped (Support the show and receive 20% off plus free shipping at manscaped.com when you use code Tuesdays), Sheath (Support the show and get 20% off with the code TUESGAYS at SheathUnderwear.com) Subscribe to our Patreon for full video of the show A WEEK EARLY, WEEKLY bonus stuff, and more! www.patreon.com/tuesdays Subscribe to out YouTube channel here: https://youtube.com/c/TuesdayswithStories

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Starting point is 00:00:00 hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe less Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy hey folks here we are we're back in lunch stuff studios nine who knows anymore we're like thrust you got there cooking now when the strippers on you do you
Starting point is 00:00:45 push back a little on the lap dance so do you just let her ride I don't really push I mean first of all I haven't a lap dance since 1970 someone's getting ready for a bachelor party I think I do already I'm thinking I'm gonna oh yeah I think you do this it depends on the mood the stripper the occasion the cause yeah you got that right Bill Cosby that's a bad strip by the way oh sorry yeah you got to mix it up swirl do a figure eight maybe now I'll show you the strip oh I'll show you how to strip that fart there you go this is how you get it all right whoa man the gyration like that all right I can't take it so I'm like
Starting point is 00:01:25 handle a little more like that where'd you learn that boys couch I mean well I've been to a lot of strip clubs back in the day that was something else I was a striped guy and then you get like the you know what I mean they do that crazy enough to know that's the that's the African-American ladies they can really get the what's that called working working yes I twerk from home by the way I saw you the neighbor over here at the office I saw his door was open he's got a big Buddha in there I think that's a good sign wife no like he's got like a real one not the fat one the fake fat one I'm like Buddha was not fat by
Starting point is 00:01:59 the way Chuck is fat Buddha's thin so I didn't laugh it's weird yeah but I just lost 20 pounds well you'll find it terrible but so he's got the Buddha so I think I think he'll be okay with us with all the obscenities and stuff well he'll let it go yeah yes so wait Buddha wasn't fat no Buddha's not fat Buddha's about sharing giving he's from India 500 years ago he's not fat all right fat is like the opposite of Buddha fat is like over consumption take it in give it to me you know it's weird he can't we Americanized it and fattened him up a little bit exactly and he's like he's like goofy and like look at me I'm fat
Starting point is 00:02:40 Buddha's stoic yes stoic and thin we like fat people we got Santa Buddha Trump we like fat lot of fat whoopie yeah plus all the like the Hawaiian shirt guys the Florida people a lot of fat Chris Christie yeah well they don't like him now Louie Anderson some people like him Ralphie Bay what's happening to these people yeah a lot of them passed away I think because their heart stopped oh so fat is unhealthy what a concept yep that's beautiful but quite unhealthy yeah big is a member one person of size tried to take shape and that didn't fly no I don't remember that at all they can't fly because they're too fat well when
Starting point is 00:03:19 pigs fly oh shit oh the sign got knocked out I saw blocking out the scenery break in my mind I like how it takes a second it has like a little delay that was nice that's fun hell of a sign people don't like the wire now that when I look at it I'm like the wire is not great yeah I don't know what to do with it I mean I guess we get a pain over it maybe oh I don't know who gives a shit who cares a lot to a lot to talk about I haven't seen you in five days I've been up down all around I'm getting a little make a little headway on the apartment hunting wait to hear about it I think we got one somebody explained it all to us
Starting point is 00:04:00 that the pay you don't pay the fee that's right the house pays the fee or somebody pays the fee pay the piper but it's a load off because I don't want to pay it no I don't want to pay anything by the way speaking of paying by the way I don't want to get into the house but I've lost all my money on lifts I'm lifting everywhere the subway system forget about it you can't lift oh I got a lift the subway people getting shoved on the tracks like it's like like something I don't know what's that movie from the 80s ghost ghost did she get pushed on the tracks I can't remember I know she doesn't care for the Jews but
Starting point is 00:04:33 jakes real bad bad take that might be one of the all-time worst takes that's not about race I mean Bill Byrd a great joke is they say what you want about the Nazis but they were not racist I mean really shit take but I don't want to get into now that's all that shit where Sharon Osborne will be more like poopy yeah whoopee cushion but anyways I'm taking the the lifts everywhere so tell me about the house yeah yeah those lifts will get you cuz you know it is for me you live to two minutes from the airport I gotta cross state lines to go to a fucking airport and that kills you on the lift yeah you're breaking parole but
Starting point is 00:05:10 the thing is with the lift I had this moment the other day I get all this I'll get into a big wild story later but I got all this anxiety about the subway at night on a Saturday these days yeah I'm having instances left and right schizophrenics lunatics gays it's wild out here in New York and I'm sitting there all day I'm stressing I'm like I fucking hate riding this goddamn subway I mean 34th Street forget about it whoo bag ladies guys with the pants down one guy's throwing turds it's bananas it's a haunted house I've seen more dicks than I saw in high school sure it's just wild so I'm sitting all day and I'm taking a
Starting point is 00:05:46 shower I go I can spend 25 dollars the train is 250 right 275 I think yeah which also adds a lift is 28 bucks I'm like for 25 bucks I can relieve 100% of my stress it's dropped off the door but sometimes I think a subway is quicker you're underground there's no traffic you're zipping with this with the lift it just to get two blocks I like here's a right red light take another right red light 13 people crossing baby stroller but I don't do much care about quick I care about a man with his pants off going it's a fucking 80s film out here I think I'd rather the black ashy dick and make it on time I got guys screaming
Starting point is 00:06:25 at me spitting at me and I'm teasing the story big time oh I can't wait boy you got real put your dick in my face face I don't know what it is I don't know if it's the glasses the overbite the herpes the mediocre jokes I don't know what's going on here but they really just want to throw shit at me maybe it's the red riding hood shoes you got you look like Dorothy out here might be the sneaks I mean I'm tall medium penis it's pretty good it's a thick cut it's a thick cut it's nice it's got some print yeah so the house now here's the clinker obviously you can't start with a clinker oh shit it was too early to claim give me some
Starting point is 00:07:08 jizz and then clink all right jizz then clink so I'm looking at houses all day up and down left right you got to go to Brooklyn come back talk about lifts my god so we realize what we want is just out of our pay grade I mean this is millions and millions and then you go one place like it's beautiful the girlfriend's quiff it on the towel oh my god she's flicking the bean she loves it right in the kitchen she's like oh my god this is so beautiful and you're like yeah this is 10 mil and then some oil tycoon comes in with an ascot and a monocle he goes I'll take it he pulls out a checkbook with a big quill and he
Starting point is 00:07:41 rips it in front of you and you go all right well that's gone kill me a tycoon oh I love a tycoon main coon so we go cop salad so we go to you know deep flat bush khanar see we're in Long Island now and they're like this one you can afford and you need that's cobwebs and you know Cosby's in there I cobwebs yeah what's a web of lies the worldwide web so we go in there and you're like this one you can get you're like we don't want to live here we're out the middle of hell the spooky dookie in here it's it's no good they go this is what you can afford so we go how do we get the place we like closer to the city but we can
Starting point is 00:08:20 afford it and we figured it out you want well you want all these ideas and these things but it's never gonna be realistic so I said well look I bought a I bought a classic car sure thing was falling apart and it's was to goes on it you know that I put there but you want a nice car so I bought the shit box and I had it fixed and it came out as the same price oh don't tell me you're buying a fixer upper oh we're going full money pit fixer up I walked in there my foot went through the floor you can look up on the third floor you see my legs dangling you know it was it was it was Tom Hanks movie she fell down the stairs you know
Starting point is 00:09:00 the banister broke this is a banister oh big banister Roger banister no four minute mile that's right yeah yeah so we're up in the attic there's a there's a Polynesian family in there going oh you know we had a flashlight autumn ice ice came in and got them but yeah so it's a it's a shit show a bad attack to me I got corona but we're gonna do it wait do you have it did you buy it did you ink it oh an offer I've always wanted to put an offer in but all these other offermen dick offermen but these people come in with trench coats and they go ah and they slam the door and they get back in their limo but what are we
Starting point is 00:09:41 talking what's the neighbor I mean you can't give too much away is it a brown stone wow you're Cosby you know he's in the basement his later work so it's a it's it's a doozy and it's a fixer upper I mean there's plutonium on the floor there's radioactive liquid dripping it's wild in there is it that's what's that asphalt no the thing that gives you a flop house now it comes on the commercial asbestos yes that's all it's made of asbestos yeah and so when do you get the deal because is it a thing because you put in an offer but do they look you up do they google you and see you saying you know Jews and kooks and
Starting point is 00:10:19 then they go we can't give this man up because people have said that you know they're like yeah if you want to have a kid I'm like my wife's 107 they're like well you can adopt I'm like are you insane I'm signed off 48 podcasts saying fuck kids for fun that's true that's gonna be an Asian isn't that strange we could both get drunk fuck each other in the ass and make a kid I think that's how you do it and we can do it a kid on a serial killer can have a kid a pedophile can have a kid you're getting high on your own supply but yet to do adopt you gotta have a perfect record out here well here's the thing though there's a
Starting point is 00:10:52 wait let me think of the word anal it's the thing where there's a line there's a devarance no somebody Eurethra can report back somebody has to give you the kid when you're adopting a recommendation there's a service a thread flat fee back a thread line but somebody if you are a piece of shit and you I'm an adoption guy and I go hey I gotta I got a lonely kid here I love you want them take them and then you immediately fist them and take a dump on his forehead yeah look at me and go what the hell you're doing you gave away get to this because you don't want to get popped exactly if you have your own kid and you take a shit in
Starting point is 00:11:34 his mouth on Halloween for fun well you gotta christen him that's fine it's your kid it's your kid yeah but but what about a box outside of Walmart with a couple of tie kids in there and you pick one out would that be nice but somebody of course that would be delightful well not good my cop kids pad tie but not good for the gander the gander the the the the pedals would would have a field day with that cardboard box exactly so you need to have a system in place but yes it is weird you're right it is it is a strange thing that any two assholes can find a 12 year old can pop out a baby and they
Starting point is 00:12:09 can just you know throw it in the dumpster yeah Mama June or whatever that white trash coos on on a honey boo boo in Carter now Mama juju or whatever her name is so June Mama June she's a honey boo boo is the reality I could never watch that shit I can't watch anything on TLC or BBD I can't watch BBC is fun who but BBC like that big black cock this is ABC the worst network by far I've given on TV I just watch it later on through our history when we were kids it was like you had like a Seinfeld and then you had like step-by-step on ABC like ABC you suck what was home improvement on there yeah that wasn't bad that wasn't
Starting point is 00:12:51 bad the family network it's affiliated with Disney I think whatever I hate families yeah families are bad I hate hockey and I don't like kids oh yeah movie I hate hockey and I don't like kids I don't know that's mighty ducks I was gonna say I thought you might have a mighty ducks pull out of you know estimate I can't have a kid you're right you're jerking it to what's his name Gordon Bombay do you say hey do you say a step as how about those people that say a step as I was at Bathalona shut the fuck up you come guys the Nazi go back to your hole in Jersey I'm having a nice time I think the studio really makes
Starting point is 00:13:39 I feel like I'm going to work before I was at your house I feel like your wife was listening with a cup and she hated me I can feel it I can feel the vibe going what's he's saying now she left some comments the cat you know she's got the claws and the thing with the back this feels like you know what I mean we're here it feels like we're at work I mean the other employees hate us our coworkers won't talk to us I steal the food out of the fridge we're back at work every time I get a look at one of these people it's just everything it looks like it's gonna be your neighbors it's your name your new
Starting point is 00:14:08 neighbors out there these Brooklyn queefs these are these are men with jobs Jerry these are queefs this guy's got a turtleneck on he's got a Buddha that's thin it's scary as hell but so what neighbor can you say the neighborhood I'm never gonna see it because it's gonna be three and a half hours away well you live in Westchester basically it's the same shit no I'm close Astoria takes me 15 minutes to get here no people always there door-to-door 11 minutes I'm like if I left right now I get to Queens at about 6 p.m. no half hour half hour well now we just doubled your time you said well I was exaggerating everybody
Starting point is 00:14:40 does this I told you Ari Shafir he lives in fucking Alphabet City well that shouldn't reveal he's full of shit he doesn't even like it he goes I walk to the cellar I'm like well I can walk to the cellar yeah give me a month it takes you 35 minutes to walk to the cellar and you're walking through a skid row yeah well he's Moses he's got to walk everywhere with his big stick and his tablets oh he's got a big stick all right my god and it's cut he has the thickest dick I've ever seen ever easy thick and his balls of the size of Delaware his balls are those are put off they look like actual basketball yeah
Starting point is 00:15:13 it's a problem I have a photo on my phone but it's a dick it's just enormous I mean it's a baby leg it's huge yeah yeah yeah yeah the amazing racist so it's in Fort Greene whoo which is a lovely area park you got the barclays right there you got all the trains you're not going to Barclays no I'm not going to Barclays but it's got the subways oh I see I see and all the shops around there but I yeah what am I gonna go to Barclays am I gonna see Sebastian Maniscalco what am I gonna do over there I'm gonna go see the Knicks or not the next the Nets sorry nuts for nuts I'm all itchy back here yeah I notice when you get a haircut
Starting point is 00:15:51 wow it's sweaty I think it's the sweat yeah I don't change my clothes all that often same I miss I say about today I'm talking days I've been wearing this since 1985 oh yeah I do the underwear flip oh get out of here flip Wilson got that right flip this house I've worn underwear the same day and Sarah because these women they hate men because we have it better whatever and she's like if I did that my pussy would smell like Africa are you kidding me I have foam squirting out and I'm like it's nature what do you want me to do I can't help you it's got a bowl of twat but it's true yeah you got a these ladies you got a you got a
Starting point is 00:16:29 spritz I feel bad for the women I'm like your pussy stink quicker and then and then again like birth like women have like six eggs and by the time you're 38 you got a half a wand it's broken and dusty and man you're like you got about 75 million sperm until you're 90 it really works out fair and I'm like well it's not like we created a game yes nature what do you want me to do shoot my fucking sperm off biology is the number one misogynist but don't get mad at God or or you know Galileo whoever made the system and like our blood oxygen levels our muscle twitches fibers all this stuff would dominate it's why you know
Starting point is 00:17:06 these trans women are joining trans men go to women and join these leagues it's like forget about it you're gonna have no records over yeah if it happens in MMA I mean it's gonna be a blood already happening he put a woman in the hospital Jesus Christ but anyways we got an advantage like I'm sorry what do you want me to do I don't know I'll eat your pussy every day I love eating pussy well it's changed underwear it's the same with the the black folk I feel like you know they're just better at sports oh they're just better you know and their pussy stink no but they're better at sports and they're good at all that
Starting point is 00:17:38 stuff and you can't get mad at them which some people do no I mean a few people do yeah they have white sheets or Nazis yeah whoopee my goodness you scared me you got to warn me give me like a chicken wing before you all right bringing this easy with the chicken or whatever pat your head or give me like a supposed to touch their hair yeah I know what you say give me like a I'm gonna give me legs don't say Jimmy but it was complimentary it was complimentary it was but yeah I'm sorry I got a ton of sperm I'm sorry my muscles move faster I'm sorry you know but we go bald yeah it's women and
Starting point is 00:18:15 children first yeah life expectancy shorter and we got a fight you go like this hey shut up you fucking piece of shit I'm eating my sandwich and you go shut up I'm gonna beat the hell out of your nerd boyfriend I'm like we'll take a lift so it's tricky I mean it's not easy it's well that's the things they go male privilege white privilege but there's like well there's privileges to every group uh-huh like women have the privileges you just named like yeah you just named six of them right there you know they the ladies night the free drinks the living longer I mean living longer is huge your car insurance is
Starting point is 00:18:48 cheaper you can have a kid I mean some women are glad they can have a kid right I don't want to have a kid easier to get laid easier to get laid your prettier for I mean till your 30 you're very attractive sometimes you get laid you don't even want to that's true also those are rough nights but yeah I could use the Jimmy like there by the way but chicken wing tippy toe tippy toe we're getting around of course so this house though it's a real it's a real ghost town in there it's gross it's sticky there's webs there's holes in the floor it's a mess that's very exciting though two floors two floors or how many bedrooms
Starting point is 00:19:27 I think two or three well there's a two-bed and office kind of you will love love versions by the way yes both are good oh boy that was a big slam I think I had the boot of fall oh god I think you heard the Jimmy leg oh god but either way it's gonna be a hellish you're gonna come by you're gonna go you made a big mistake this is a horrible idea here's a butt cake I'll never see again very supportive I appreciate it because I don't think a lot of people would understand but Salah Q's rock my world oh boy so I showed him a video of the place and he goes who you are your father I was like cuz my dad did that he
Starting point is 00:20:05 bought a fixer upper in the ghetto horrible childhood it'll be the same the ghetto that's true this is a fancy pantsy like Lee's from there but yeah really yeah for green no kidding well it all changes you got that right boy's not great yeah so it's that's an option we might not even get it we put the offer and we might not even get it so we'll see what happens the hardest part about buying a house or a place you think you got it and then they go nah because you're putting yourself there yes it's same with show business where they tell you how much you're gonna make they're like well it'll pay 78,000
Starting point is 00:20:38 annually each episode and then you'll get a bonus and then you're like oh wow you're like but we love the other guy and you're like what exactly exactly yeah you start thinking about we all will buy a car I'll go to Tahiti I'll get tits and then you know you never get it that's life that's life that's what all the people say yeah you're riding high in April he yeah he man hey man no the Sinatra he was Italian certainly was still is kind of and it back in the day you couldn't have a bar his dad owned a bar it called O'Leary's no kidding you couldn't have an Italian name on a bar was too dicey oh interesting a fake being
Starting point is 00:21:21 Irish so yeah it's about changing because but they had the Irish to the Irish were all whatever yeah I guess it was past that they just hated every group they really did they said the Irish was looked at as like you know black people back in the 40s are those feel your car or whatever well and then Titanic the down the pit having a good time that's right yeah yeah not great either and words of Europe whoa that's what they say Jimmy tap that hey folks Tuesdays with stories brought to you by native deodorant when it comes to personal hygiene who has time to read that long list of ingredients on the back of the bottle some ingredients
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Starting point is 00:23:08 that's all one word that's native deo.com slash Tuesdays with stories one word or use promo code Tuesdays with stories at checkout for 20% off your first order get on it folks and get smelling good Tuesdays with stories is also brought to you by Lucy the most romantic day of the year may be over but you've still got time to get one more Valentine from your friend Lucy Lucy is a modern oral nicotine company that makes nicotine gum lozenges and pouches for adults who are looking for their best most responsible way to consume their nicotine we're all adults and some of us choose to use nicotine to relax focus or
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Starting point is 00:24:20 claim or warning this product contains nicotine nicotine is an addictive chemical remember if you're interested in a better way to use nicotine visit LUCY dot co and be sure to use that promo code Tuesdays well you missed a hell of a little party we had from Marjorie what do you got another house party cooking at the apartment well that was just a joke but yeah we had a big movie viewing yesterday it's quite we got a real family I can you feel my mood changing yes you can feel it right yes you're gayer I got in and out I got people popping in popping by popping up and Rana and he's had COVID for like a
Starting point is 00:24:55 week it feels like it so we can't leave the house why he can but what that's a whole other thing sure I'm like I don't want to say we got shit all right we run on I get in shit for our COVID takes but I'm like the diner who cares you've had up to two days yeah get out the house get it and spread it is what I say but apparently that was a actually not supposed to say that oh really well I guess 900,000 people died or something if you're talking about AIDS I get it but come on it's COVID we're having fun yeah we're having a good time so I like this Jimmy leg thing this should stick this is something I'd be a pretty good
Starting point is 00:25:29 bobblehead for us yeah I think it's pretty fun but any jizz so he's been home he can't leave so Saturday night I got two spots at the cellar and I got like 8 30 10 30 then Sarah got 11 30 12 30 what do you do there you're there all night I'll tell you what I did I said hey you're on your own sister we like I high-fived her in and she's like you want to hang out and have some wings I'm going home take care you high-fived and got out well because I've been there for two and a half hours there's a limit to how much hanging out Saturday night people are coming it's loud it's drunk it's good for you so I said I'll see
Starting point is 00:26:02 you later so I shot home and then Rana Steven Caitlyn blue foe and Rogers they're out of town so they have run on cats it so he just uses their house like a make-a-wish he's using both houses let's be one unit so it's it's like he's got a mansion he's got your place over there sure he's going from upstairs to downstairs so I see him in the window just looking sad he's not even looking anything he's just like I gave him the way it's like a sitcom I gave him the window knock oh wow yeah he comes over we just chatted like for two and a half hours that's great just an old-school chit chat no Mike season is underwear he's
Starting point is 00:26:35 got it you can see his dick he's got nice legs by the way really big calves he's like a muscular guy I could see that yeah I don't even limp the top is bad but he's a he's Chuck ask he's like a centaur if Chuck had nice legs oh I have calves come on are you ready for this no take the pants off you are calf nothing our calf oh my oh nice pretty good you know I never noticed that we can't get a shot of that yeah put it in post yeah that's okay that's fine I think you are a calf made you know that that that was underrated yeah okay you heard I just wanted to make sure you heard it because that's a baby cow it's good
Starting point is 00:27:14 I believe it now a calf is a baby cow a baby cow is pretty fat I see yeah maybe it wasn't great anyway his utter madness what was I talking about yeah yeah anyway we had a nice like two-hour hang so then yesterday what I got a couple people that never seen Shindler's list and I'm like you haven't seen shit well I hope they got three hours ready well 315 new world order so I go hey well you got to come over we're gonna have a shindler's list party cuz comics watching shindler's list that's a fun time it's a barrel of laughs I gotta say that's a hell of a picture that shindler's I just rewatched it my favorite film I mean it's just
Starting point is 00:27:55 beautiful it's it's surprisingly very entertaining a lot of jokes a lot of jokes funny the Jewish the Jews when they get put out into the pit that in the beginning oh boy that's a bad sense to hear on the walk through the hallway that was bad that was bad we're talking about the Jew we're talking about the Holocaust yeah you got that right we got a whisper we're doing whoopee oh my god this is terrible that should be the new making whoopee is talking about Jews I think it's like dentists out here and lawyers and also known as Jews this is bad yeah oh boy all right well I'm gonna go tell them we're anti-holocaust just
Starting point is 00:28:29 hey not about race I got a pretty hardcore Israel take honestly but let's anyway I don't like Palestine here we go yeah something like a conference that I don't want to get too weird be able to talk with a group of friends and then everyone's like you're insane you're like a bad look yeah well you know it's whatever but so we watch shindler's list I had Isabel Hagen over Ronan Andrew Chavone I know you love Chavone he's a kook he's hilarious taking my spot I don't like him he talks like this his head moves back and forth I had the bobblehead thing that was our thing come on his head bobbles it's a
Starting point is 00:29:08 natural bobble I don't like a bobble I love it in me new balance Nate Barghatsy there you go natural bobble Nazi babes all right bananas yeah well we gotta be careful Nazi babe red is a lost art no wait last crusade wait was that the Nazi I can't remember who hot see Nazi I can't remember but anyways the whole guy and of course Sarah so we all go there we order a bunch of pizzas giant pizzas french fries the works and we sit around we talk about you know blow jobs and sex and anal then it's time to watch shindler's list it was a hell of a time we love a couple people chatted more than they should I'm sure you can figure
Starting point is 00:29:47 out who well you gotta have a little discussion when it comes to holocaust I guess well here's the thing only one person hadn't seen the movie but someone has had seen what if you see in the movie you have to pick your spots you know when you can talk this guy's talking literally he's like the list is life and I'm not even joking you literally it's like he's like the list is life all around this margins is the gulf and I literally here so I think I've lost weight anyway I'm like what are you insane come on this is the moment this is the list look list and I'm not changing it and but other than that it was a great time
Starting point is 00:30:23 and we got you gotta come over gonna do movie hangs Sunday movie hangs and the whole thing family hang over there I hit I knock on the ceiling with a broom and they go come on down that's a beautiful it's it's quite lovely it's lovely and it's necessary in these times where we're just jizzing on our phones all week I know you have a little human interact I know I'm isolated I'm lonely my father hates me and then you do it you go that felt good it was great great fun you're like all right next week I'll see you later whatever and you're just a buzz you're a buzz a lot of laughs smiles the whole thing so we're social creatures
Starting point is 00:30:54 it's nice it's nice to have some friends over what's the same reason you go to the cellar and then before you know it you spent 19 hours sitting in that back table talking about a apartheid and you're like this was great I know there's been some great hangs I know it's Reggie Conquest and Keith the other night those are fun blacks classic classics I mean just really howling and Keith is so fun because he's he's got a hardcore policy you take the joke side yes so you're like what do you think about this black coaches in the NFL he's like that guy's a snitch fuck he's a snitch and you gotta have racist go all good
Starting point is 00:31:28 coaches are right and he's screaming and then there's like women be like what are you saying shut up your piece of shit I love it and it was really we just laughed our asses off and Keith is the best and he was reading the paper once this is 1941 and we were at the table he was like look at this here it says a black man was shot in Philly and all you know everybody's like oh here we go and he's like well let me see what he did oh he went up to a white guy and pulled him out of his car to steal the car and the white guy shot him he's like good for him there you go Keith he's just keeping it on the level you know well Keith it
Starting point is 00:32:00 just he just takes the opposite side that wanted people will take trying to steal my car I'll shoot you too like it's not even a racial thing it's just the guy tried to take my fucking car so I shot him very funny guy and yes that was national treasure great guy we love to keep him around double strokes yeah like Luke List he's like I'll take a I'll take some french fries and which is like you can't have fries I'm not bringing your fries is like don't bring me fries I don't care she's like are you serious it's like yes I'm serious give me the fries oh wow because he's had the two strokes he's living he's like I don't care I'm
Starting point is 00:32:30 living happy he doesn't give a shit he's having a good old time and we love you Keith yeah Keith he'll never hear this he doesn't know what a podcast is but he's a legend and a hell of a character check out Keith Robinson if you get a Google in you he's got a special he does and it's good although he comes off of a bus which was pretty cringy like a bus rolls on to the stage and goes doors open he gets off he's like doing the I'm for Philly I took the bus and it's a it's a little rough but other than that the jokes are great he skipped that part I guess yeah give that a fast fast and keep it moving Trombon is hey I got the
Starting point is 00:33:08 time over here I can't I got the OCD I need a clock that's what we should get is a digital clock in the office it's nice put it right up there yeah we'll tell Shelby he'll spend 10 grand on it so how much how where were you this weekend well I gotta I gotta should I get into this story up in Teeson well it's not a big crazy but it's pretty fun I say I say save it to the last 15 but sometimes what happens is we go I'll save oh sometimes we go off and the thing I'll put it in my ass I'll see if I queen I'll save it for I might have another thing hold on let me look at podcast story all right I gotta just
Starting point is 00:33:43 give a shout out while you're looking yeah I don't have anything okay well I was in Kansas City fun town just a Midwest steak town you know what's cool about Kansas that they got a mob there that's not Italian I respect that what kind of mom what I can do I think they're Irish or they're ugly as hell but that's the KC mob and it's just like a bunch of beefy scary honkies we're talking museum or they showed up at the show well it's just a known thing oh yeah the guy who used to run it was a Teddy not Teddy some pendergrass give that a goop there Chuck if you don't mind some pendergrass he ran the whole town they
Starting point is 00:34:18 called him the chief which is what the team is named at everybody thinks it's Native American it's named after the mob boss chief okay well they might think it's Native America's they have a Tomahawk fucking arrowhead sure well they had to get out a little bit we can't have a Tommy gun they should play at Cadillac Stadium or whatever you know pinky ring stadium but the the the the mask Tom pendergrass Tommy P but the the mascot is a wolf so that was pretty smart they're like hey we're gonna take that chief name he's like hey it's a wolf bitch all these mascots are wacky there's like a great the Phillies like a
Starting point is 00:34:50 green dinosaur elephant guy yeah and then someone had like a bear that runs around I mean I got an Iowa state had it's a it's a bird they're the they're the cyclones huh it's like an eagle like I'm a cyclone bird I don't get it just have a cyclone yeah it doesn't make sense like a little tornado horse yeah the one I never got was Tulane the college in New Orleans green wave mm-hmm green wave that's it we got no we got the shitty Lake Pontchartrain the Mississippi Ripper green wave then Katrina comes in you're like well what's up with this that's brown wave you got that right very muddy yes waters he's good so yeah
Starting point is 00:35:28 green wave is our rival in high school the Abington green way oh so that's a thing yeah I guess I don't like it well I think the high schools just take the college's nickname I assume Tulane was around first you got that right part of the south so yeah we played Abington and we used to dominate now they dominate us things change they certainly do changes among us or whatever that's just the way it is but I digress Casey very fun Jeff awesomus open up murdering check this guy out jeff the G hilarious cookie-looking guy he's a fun dude great hang great time just killer jokes yeah funny guy funny guy out of Chicago and
Starting point is 00:36:12 we had Corbin Lee master opening he was great so I was just a top-to-bottom great weekend sold out some shows and we added a show which like 11 tickets sold to that one at 4 p.m. oh man sneak up on you wake up at 3 your shit shower and shave and all the sudden you're you're doing your first bit for what time was the first show in it initially six seven and nine thirty so then they go how about a three-third I go that's too early that's pointless because now you got this queefy weird vagina gap in the middle of the day we're like I guess I'll walk around the mall yeah God four o'clock yikes but here's the here's the
Starting point is 00:36:50 thing is I went and they're like hey you want to do the the alt show in town at midnight you're like yeah sure I'll do that you say yes six months about in advance and then 1130 rolls around you got six beers in you you got a prostitute on your lap and they go you ready to go and you go I said yes to that and you got a boy did I eat a big bag of queef up there it's a it's such a weird mother fucking nature whatever you cuz you want to say yeah cuz my yeah I guess no get out of here I'm out and you say yes and you're like oh and I said yes and then of course at five o'clock that day you go I don't want to do this crazy and then
Starting point is 00:37:26 after that you feel great like I'm glad I did it although I did I did eat my own ass up there but it was a lot of like one lady had pink hair she walked out I did a retard bitch she wasn't into it and I don't know the whole thing was tough it's it's a different world you're in the mall with a bunch of you know psychos and car heart and then you go to the alt show and it's a bunch of pink hair and also car heart and I ate my ass yeah it's tricky I've been on the road in years I missed the road I'm longing for the road yeah what are you doing out of here well like I you had Christmas break so I took a little break around it was a
Starting point is 00:37:58 but the Christmas wow explaining and then New Year I don't work New Year's anymore I quit that years ago I ever made in my whole life yeah then I had Vancouver got cancelled because the Canadians are weird yeah Toronto got cancelled that was supposed to be this weekend because they're Canada is still weird Johnny Mitchell then Houston I had to cancel because of I had COVID and then I'm just trying to work the road a little less so the combination of all the things but it's like life I'm like I'm on the road too much I hate being home for three days at a time the flights the thing of all this bullshit and then
Starting point is 00:38:30 you're home and when you're home three weeks in a row they all mush together you're like it's weekend again already I know when you travel it totally you're like that was a week ago that feels like six months ago I was here but the weekend you're just bang bang bang and and then you're doing 15 minutes that's it's hard to stretch out yes yes hard to grow it is it's tricky but the humans are very impulsive that's how we work you know you go boy it's fucking hot in here huh you crank it up get that AC going they're like god damn it's freezing in here it's hard to get that middle bell you got it's hard to the middle the
Starting point is 00:39:03 middle way Buddha it's very tricky so I'm looking forward to getting back on the road but then even that I'm like I have like a room before we key West which are more like kind of party vacationing yeah yeah that'll be a blast I did do Dallas I had Dallas weekend which was fun but let me tell you about this now we're talking because I think you're gonna have some thoughts this is gonna be a controversial everyone's gonna have a piece to say it on me fatty thought to Jesus right that was a full-bodied right here I think yeah you gotta get in the video I think this show is really if you're just audio you miss it out you
Starting point is 00:39:36 missed everything we do we lap danced earlier we lap dance the burps the faces we're doing a physical bit that nobody can see I think you're really gonna be on the YouTube don't you think the Jimmy's yeah yeah we got a head pat you're missing all kinds of goodies folks so get on the tubes and speaking of people changing I remember everything I'm so behind on everything I'm such an old fashion creep I remember going we're not gonna have ads we're not doing video fuck that I was pushing back hard I'm like we got integrity no video now I'm like we got a TV show let's get another camera you gotta get in on this stuff and
Starting point is 00:40:12 now I'm like put more ads in give us 20 ads I might wear a fucking sears bumper sticker on my forehead I'm gonna be like the fighters with the whole thing on my back it just says Macy's Day Parade or whatever Spotify sign us we'll take it I got an Edward compilation for your ass I'm like just sell me the money I want to buy six houses yeah you got that right fix her up or I need the money I need a banister yeah I remember early on I was like we got integrity we're for the fans now I'm like fuck the fans send me a check for God's sake I'm dying we love that fan crank up the patreon 40 bucks a minute there we go Rogan's out we're
Starting point is 00:40:51 playing heads up on there it's 300 bucks for you got a free hand job yeah I'm also starting a GoFundMe so please donate only fans I'll show my butthole what do I care I'll show you right now for free little taste I'm serious I love to taste your butthole I think I did in this mic we switched them that's right everybody I said this before off air that just full disclosure but everyone's writing to us like you picked up Mark's microphone that he farted in like you think the fart goes through underwear and pants leaps onto the mic and just waits for a fresh set of lips to jump on my lip it's all very convenient these
Starting point is 00:41:26 germs yes I had this when I pissed on a you know I was like a little football game in college I remember I pissed on the ground and then I walked by it and somebody goes you stepped in that piss I'm like yes the bottom my shoe I'm not drinking it with a straw on my hands and knees I walked through it I've also walked through horse shit mud spit quaves miscarriage placenta all shit yeah that makes sense I have a bit years ago that people I stopped doing because people were like you gotta you gotta stop saying that but I'll bring my drink into the bathroom people like you bring your drink into the bathroom like do you
Starting point is 00:42:01 think I'm pissing like I hold that I put the drink on top of the urinal and I take a piss it's not the same thing the piss isn't like flicking up and going up and through this tiny little hole totally back into my mouth and if it was I like drinking piss yeah I rubbed my dick all the urinal inside on the cake I just don't get it the people that you build a fort you don't want to put your butt to touch a seat also we've never washed our hands since 1914 so I think we're fine no immunity baby I don't believe in germ I'm pro-vax anti germ lick my ass I don't give a shit yeah well we don't we know germs
Starting point is 00:42:37 exist we're just not gonna let our life these these howie Mandels of the world you're like get out of here you narcissist that ain't bull that's all bullshit well he's got a disease I got empathy for that guy but the rest is easy he's got a scurvy I think he's got OCD or whatever oh he's all he's got a cuckoo brain thing I think sure but these people like you can't bring a drink into the bathroom come on well I saw you got hip with some viral video I got hypnotized and you know he won't touch anybody and he got hypnotized and he was like how you doing he met that he after he was under it the guy shook his hand
Starting point is 00:43:08 he's like and the crowd went nuts help because he was under he was hypnotized he was like hey and he shook the guy's hand the crowd's like he touched him it's the easiest there once you've established you have OCD and won't touch somebody if you do they go fucking apeshit that's hilarious well good for him that's that's a good bit great bit I mean it ruined his life when he came to but great bit came to came to is a funny term come on game three Tuesdays with stories is brought to you by Manscaped the lawnmower 4.0 trimmer Manscaped's flagship product has been saving guys packaged from nicks and cuts for years
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Starting point is 00:47:39 back to the show either way so tell me about your answer all right so I'm you know I keep having instant I ride the train I'll ride like a buddy system it's like I went in with Palufo and big dick right you can always swing his dick and chop someone down sure I hear that and she's she's no picnic either she can do a little throat job well she's the real protector she's got those boots like I feel like she could just beat the shit out of Steve and a homeless person at the same time you got there right so we're on the train together and it's like that thing where some guy sits and he just looks regular and all of a sudden like
Starting point is 00:48:12 after three stops he's like and you're like Jesus Christ it's just unnerving it's unsettling it's unsettling it's off-putting and everybody and everybody I talked about this last week everybody's talking about everybody has new things like I never sit down now I change cars like literally every single person is like I've changed cars 48 times I've never had this happen it's crazy and then the lady got pushed on the thing I like I got pushed on the thing another guy I guess I don't know but probably happen so it's all crazy so the other day I'm taking the train and I just get anxious I'm riding with Sarah
Starting point is 00:48:44 and then she leaves at 42nd Street so I'm like are you be careful I'm freaking out about her because at least you know I'm a man I got the muscle twitches all the things we talked about Lex so I go all right I'll see you later be careful though just text me when you get there there you go and so I'm sitting there I pop in a nice meta loving kindness meditation Joseph Goldstein I love this to me and that guy I like the Buddhism Joe Goldie kindness and the whole thing is like you know love your neighbor and may you be happy maybe free of suffering and do it for a stranger for someone else you don't like the whole
Starting point is 00:49:18 thing I'm sitting there really getting zend I'm loving everybody I'm feeling the love no problem that every time you get to this train the doors open it's like a crapshoot you don't know who's coming in yes yes so you got a swivel you kind of look and see like does anybody weird get in okay we're good and then this gives me the most anxiety the doors will close and they goes and they reopen you're like no I was happy we had it yes we had a good ecosystem this is the group yes but even then when there's no one crazy on you're not fully safe because the closes but then that door in between cars open the wildcard door the crazies
Starting point is 00:49:53 come in it is like a video game or a game show ah so they'll pop its you're never fully so I'm like meditating with one eye open loving kindness get to Union Square I'm going to the stand the club is right across the street from Union Square share 16th Street so I get off and I go great I'm gonna I'm gonna walk over there I'm still listening my loving kindness now there's a shortcut as you know from the entrance through the park you got there right but now it's night and there is a little skid row over there yeah so I go around the front by Barnes and Noble 17th Street that's a nice walk too it's beautiful it opens up
Starting point is 00:50:29 there and there's like where New York Film Academy used to be both alum Sam and he hope so and then there's the Barnes and Noble it's this beautiful building so I walk through there because I'm like instead of walking through the woods where there's that little skid row situation I'll just walk around where it's quite lovely I'm early you know lovely always early very well lit over there too so I'm really feeling the Zen the love and the guy talks like this whatever and there's that big space and even then I walk around so I'm far from this there's a woodsy playground area cuz I'm like I don't know if someone's
Starting point is 00:51:00 hiding there I'm just a safe guy all right so I'm walking through here and really strolling taking it in enjoying it loving kindness and I see these two young whippersnappers oh god too late probably 12 13 okay you can take it 13 they're hot hoods on but whatever it's cold oh boy hoodlums well you know like a winter jacket hood I see a hoodie so it's chilly and well winter coat I see got it this is a hoodie that's a coat coat with a hood hood coat so they're walking towards me and I do have a moment of like what's this cuz I was a city guy so I know you know you very aware mm-hmm and I'm like oh these guys they're
Starting point is 00:51:38 coming I love them I love them and I literally say may you be free of suffering out loud no I'm gonna say that that's a you're a target after they are sitting duck get up he's a Zen guy I'm retarget but I just go hey I threw them a blessing you don't bless my balls sure and they're walking this man I do think they're kind of walking towards me but I'm like they're probably going over the playground there's a playground over there their children everybody loves a playground so they walk behind me I keep walking stand spot loving kindness and I just feel boom boom I get hit what I get hit with two things like I'm wearing
Starting point is 00:52:13 a big winter coat I turn two bags of dog shit have been hurled at me they took you know the little green bag they did like a bang bang they hit me both boom boom luckily the bags are still sealed they didn't break covered in dog mess wow I look down and then there's two guys really laughing it up these two teenagers well they threw shit like a monkey they came at me and threw dog shit at me while I was meditating loving kindness wow turd throwing teen turd throwing teens that's right yes that's right teak cubed yes that a cube yeah it's a cube all right hey that was quite a pull yeah what are you Asian
Starting point is 00:52:51 so I think half I got the small dick explains it bad with numbers though but anyways I'm walking away and so I keep kind of walking I'm like what the fuck and I look up and they're like standing there and they kind of walked away because they're trying to you know when your kid yeah they do a walk away so then I'm just like well what do I do here oh well it's like it's not broken so I just kind of keep walking I keep stopping and like looking back at them and then one of the kids I swear to God he's 12 years old yeah he's like a Latina he goes you gonna do something oh I stop and I'm like going through all these
Starting point is 00:53:28 thoughts of like what are the options here yes because first of all I've been training in mixed martial arts for many years now and I'm like this is my one chance where I could actually beat the fuck out of this kid he's 12 guillotine he's got no pubes you can take him yes but I mean like I'm never gonna bump into somebody that I'm like I'll beat the fuck out of this guy because most of these guys are crazy homeless black people street folks and I was like this could be my chance but you're like what am I gonna do go over there and kick the face of a 12 year old in well I might add it is two of them so that collectively is
Starting point is 00:54:00 24 and then you're all right well and it could be oh you're saying I should have because it's yeah I think you clunked their heads there get a little pre-pubescent heads and kick their ass well there is the thought too because they're looking at me this is what this is why you train is cuz you're the nerd yeah like here's a gangly kid with glasses let's pelt this old fucking gangly kid yes how fun to walk up and be like hey there little fell how great would that be and the other kid comes and I fucking just walk away and be like this fuck you you thought I was a fucking fan just what this is like the fan this is all
Starting point is 00:54:50 happening my head is just walk over like just whatever with my umbrella and just one push kick to the chest you got that right a standover from open hand slap don't do that again yes how fun would that be and there is a place for violence in our society you get the shit kicked out of you and you go you know I'm gonna I'm gonna quit my I'm not gonna do that anymore yes I'm like I'm that conservative in this way I'm like there's a good place this is a human nature ain't no politics of this he threw dog shit at you fatty that's a conservative these liberals are like we shouldn't have prison we should have no
Starting point is 00:55:30 guns we should really high-five I think the line ends with dog shit I'm just telling you what these people the women's like prison and police don't keep anybody safe I'm like they keep a few people safe yeah this some safety of course I mean who do they call they call the cops that one goes but running around murdering people you put him in prison it's got a lot safer I don't understand I'm not saying prisons are perfect they're not the money the weed that's not violent people there and I'm not saying it's a perfect situation we got but let's not act like they don't keep anybody safe of course I mean the
Starting point is 00:56:03 Dahmer's been in there for quite some time and what's his other thing Manson yes Marilyn that was supposed to be a party that's the funniest thing ever said is that thing well comedians and cars with Michael Richards he's like Charles Manson that was supposed to be a party it's amazing it's the it's so fucking funny anyway so I'm going through my head I'm like what do you do here beat the shit out of this kid but I'm going through all the things also the other thing I'm worried about there's woods right here I'm like what if this is a trap what if they lure me in and I go well let me just go over there and all
Starting point is 00:56:36 of a sudden nine kids like he's Rufio he's like he's like he's got a whole tribe they come flying out of like out of the trees like a little fat kid they got like weapons he rolls yeah exactly I'm I'm hook your hook it could be the Warriors in there the little Latin Kings exactly exactly they're like roll marbles that weird knife that takes forever to unload yes it could be a sniper on top of Barnes and Noble I have no idea and then also one of just these two kids they're inner city they might have shanks and they might be trained to hi whatever right you're tall you'll go down like a big timber exactly so best
Starting point is 00:57:16 case scenario I commit a crime I beat the fuck out of a child hit them up worst case scenario they beat me up that's very bad also and it's like nobody the through dog shit doesn't hold up in a court of law 39 year old guy beats a child to death you can't be like well they tossed some dog shit at me they'll be like you can pull a pedo and be like I didn't know how old they were I thought they were older right yeah I don't know if that works either ah shit plus they'll be like do you have the dog shit I don't well exhibit a or whatever I've got to keep the dog shit every dog shit that's been thrown at me I have some of my
Starting point is 00:57:51 back you really think 12 because you want to do something cholo vato or whatever he called you it feels a little older I know but I think you age quick in the city I mean he was little I mean he was a little they're a little people maybe the Mexican I mean I would be shocked if he was 14 he was I mean like a little guy and like he looked like I mean he was a distance it was pretty dark but he looked like he had like baby fat it looked like they were also like the other kid was like kind of walking what you could tell and this is after a good distance like we had both kept walking and I just kept looking
Starting point is 00:58:28 because I was looking to see if they were gonna try some other business sure and only then was he like you gonna do something like I'm not gonna do anything what are you gonna do now what do you do you go now you just walk away I like I actually did laugh I wasn't even like trying to be mean it was like legitimately like yeah I don't know dude and what strange is your 6-2 in that puffy coat you you look pretty big I gotta say well we put that on or is that too much I'll put it on you look you might have to pull the wide lens here pan out pan Panama look at that that's a bulky coat big coat big coat look at
Starting point is 00:59:05 that you don't want to fuck with that guy he's ugly yeah take that essay uh-huh right I voted for Biden yeah motherfucking job how do you like that oh yeah right hi but yeah pretty good moves pretty slick oh that didn't sound good that's not it you're fine you're fine my agent texting I'll look at that that's good maybe you got a gig I'm gonna be fired you're on Telemundo next week goes uh-huh make sure I'm not fired all right all right but yeah good for you I mean I guess you took the high road I mean look somebody throws boom boom at you you hope to get some kind of revenge but well they're over there like I said I
Starting point is 00:59:54 mean what are the options what am I gonna do and plus like there's no only physical I can't I thought about like a vissurating them like your parents are dead you're going to jail right it's a shit your life sucks but I plus don't forget I never hit pause so I still have a loving kindness go that's hilarious forgiveness I love you side it's like hey be loved and feel kindness so I did that but I think we both I ended up walking away I thought about saying like you want to do something I'm like yeah stand-up comedy making fun of you I'll take you down right but how about this there's also this part of me that wouldn't
Starting point is 01:00:26 have gone well this is the weird thing about it there is that thing of like this I'm about to go kill in front of a pack yeah I know better than you as a person Netflix yeah that wasn't great what do you mean I'm a Netflix stunt who who are we kidding you think it wasn't great I thought it was when the shirt was odd but yeah they gave it to me okay well you got a free shirt yeah that's a whole bunch of money yeah you got some clams for that but how was the show I mean what what is running through your mind when you go to a show because now you have this should I have fought the kid I was just hit with dog shit what
Starting point is 01:00:59 the hell is going on in the world you know you got a lot running through that little noggin years well I had to let it go and then I went right on stage and murder I just told the story it's all really killed and now I can't get it to work again it's yeah it's just something that killed it's that young love it just murdered wait I had another thought about this whole no please please that's a bunch of cholo oh but we both walked away thinking we won like I was like you did the right thing you didn't cause a scene you didn't fucking you had to beat up a kid violence there's no place for violence I'm gay and then I can pray for
Starting point is 01:01:33 them like feeling like okay and they're walking away going we threw dog shit at a goofball he didn't do anything right so everybody won and I got a bit out of it I think oh but this is the other thing I was gonna say this is what's so sick about show business almost immediately I was like hey story for the podcast yeah that's the thing that's insane like normally I should be traumatized and sad and want to kill myself and and be like oh my god I got to do something with my life with these but I was like this sweet I got some Potter that there's some dog shit at me like I mean I thought about the podcast
Starting point is 01:02:05 so quickly well you're an artist you got to have content to suffer for your art I've done the same thing where I'll have like you ever have that imagination what do you call a fantasy where a guy does your wrong and you you picture fighting him on the street and then you go I hope someone films the fight and now I'm thinking about the filming of a fight that isn't actually happening right it's sad it's sick the content it's a goddamn IV drip that never stops and if it does stop the patient dies or so we think it never stops I'm trying to do the content Chuck hook me up with the thing I got a guy helping me with the
Starting point is 01:02:36 reels and subscribe to the YouTube yeah I told you I got a guy help me with tiktok now I'm getting paid for tiktok and not like Siobhan over here yeah and peanuts and I just give it all to the tiktok you take it because you're doing all the work yeah it's exciting so I'm gonna try to get the real I haven't got offered to get the money from the reels it's coming it's coming Siobhan is making money hand and fist this guy is making 500 a month let's not act like he's Steve Jobs over here well for a young whip a snap with a bobble head that's pretty good I hate this guy but all right all right he's very cute yeah
Starting point is 01:03:09 that's what I keep hearing you gotta love him all right well we're not having them on I'll tell you that well we don't have guests you got that right but we'll talk after yeah shit well oh wait what was this the pepper tone pepper pepper pepper tone any pepper tones in town he texted me and say hey you want to open for me at the pit I said oh we're big buds me the pep we go way big fan of the pep love the pep he goes you know how many improv groups were destroyed because of COVID not enough such a funny guy but yeah he hits me up because you wanted to the pit I say I'll be there the Batman hell yeah I don't know why I said Batman
Starting point is 01:03:46 that didn't make sense yeah you like Robin he's Batman yeah I guess so that's something I don't want to be Robin all right well I never got Robin I love Robin really well I liked Robin because it was a gateway in because I wanted to be Batman but I was six years old and throwing dog shit at white people so I was like I want to be Robin I want to get involved and that was the way in so you know Batman would take you in he told you how to fight you know he let you blow him and then you before you know it you're in the back cave that's exactly we've got a group text from Sam that's always nerve-wracking group is bad yeah it
Starting point is 01:04:17 scares me hate group but any a bunch of them like three in a row boom boom boom what is this hope he's just trashing someone I'm so nervous my agents texting Sam's texting I get so anxious I know it's terrifying children after me but yeah so I hope for Pepito last night it was light because it was a he just announced it late oh shit oh what's happening I got a text from Rogan saying do you want to be in the next n-word compilation that's a nice gig it's a good gig a lot of people will see it but any tips I hope for any there was a few people there we had a nice little hang I got a cheeseburger I sat in the back you know
Starting point is 01:05:01 what I missed I was at the pit and it really brought me back I think you'll think that appreciate this when it's last time you were backstage like an improv theater like I like that they had the poster was like here's some of our love and it's you're like young Michelle Wolfe and there's like props around and play it really brought me back to like Boston oh three sure you're just like everybody was together they'd be like a sketch group and a bunch of comics and maybe want to like have a show where that bunch of us are at the pit it'd be hang out well there's a splintering and the dividing it all just happened at
Starting point is 01:05:33 some point in the pandemic didn't help and everybody just went off into their own little tribes and it ain't pretty yeah I hate Native Americans it's the whole thing sucks yeah it's weird but boy this is fun I really enjoy being here this is a good time it feels like we're at work and the other employees hate us yeah we're having a nice time but I got a bunch of dates I gotta play a play please on me YouTube please go to my YouTube and subscribe I put clips up on there some Cleveland shit I got that going on I'm doing real so follow us on social media of course at Joe list comedy and I got dates up the ass tonight
Starting point is 01:06:09 I'm in Houston secret group in Houston tonight Atlantic City Saturday night Atlantic City comedy club for the love of Pete please fucking come to that another text from Sam it's getting me nervous Key West comedy February 24 25 26 come on down Tommy Dustin will be there Sarah of course Fort Worth hyenas March 4th and 5th side splinters in Tampa March 24 25 26 then I got Laugh Boston Buffalo Helium April 21 to 23 Cap City in Austin May 5th it's back May 5th Austin I will be there maybe I'll try to see if I can do that show if it still exists oh boy Spotify good nights in Raleigh May 12th through the 14th and
Starting point is 01:06:53 and then San Francisco I'm coming to San Francisco I was supposed to be there during COVID they got canceled so that's exciting that city still exists I'll be there June 9th through 11 then McGooby's in Baltimore June 16th through 18th Atlanta punchline I've never headlined in Atlanta ever once in my entire life I love you good crowds there so come out June 24 25 June San Francisco Baltimore Atlanta updated my website comedian Joe list and subscribe to the YouTube the movies coming soon the specials coming soon it's gonna be a horrific year for my mental health hell yeah and when is it not hey if you go to SF you might also get hit with human
Starting point is 01:07:32 shit so watch out yee ha Columbus funny bone this weekend with fat Chris L then a summit in Fort Wayne Indiana never heard of that one that should be interesting La Jolla we added some shows come on out California a side splitters in Tampa with my old pal Sean Murph funny bone Cincinnati Louisville comedy club Dania improv in Florida helium in Indianapolis that should be tough Carolina theater and Raleigh stand up live in Phoenix Calusa Casino resort in California McGooby's Addison improv in Texas so we got a lot of fun dates check out our Netflix check out our YouTube subscribe say hello and get on the
Starting point is 01:08:14 Patreon folks it is cooking we got a live up we gotta plug the live up oh yeah shit did you plug that no March 20 second for second March 22nd it did you think Pepitone would do it he might be gone by the guy he's here till Tuesday but that bastard yelling into a microphone oh my god he's so funny March 22nd live Tuesdays with stories at Fat Black I assume tickets got to be on sale I would think and they're gonna go very quickly very holds like 80 people so find some fun guess we'll rock it out and it'll be a humdinger and we'll be doing a lot of leg shaking and head tapping oh yeah and this will be on the
Starting point is 01:08:49 patreon so we can get rid pretty wacky yeah it's gonna be awesome so the patreon is just insane right now you got that right thanks folks we'll see you in hell keep it real and brazilla George is saying I

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