Tuesdays with Stories! - #441 O.G. Cha Ching

Episode Date: March 1, 2022

Hey ya queefs, we're back for another hot episode as we try and figure out the origin of "Cha Ching", while Mark get's hammered watching the Super Bowl in the Virgin Islands while Joe travels to the pacific northwest. Check it out! Check out our NEW MERCH STORE here! New designs and items! https://tuesdayswithstories.bigcartel.com/ Sponsored by: Sheath (Support the show and get 20% off with the code TUESGAYS at HTTPS://SheathUnderwear.com), Füm (Support the show, quit smoking naturally with Füm, AND save 10% by using code TUESDAYS at https://www.breathefum.com/TUESDAYS), Blue Chew (Support the show and receive your first month FREE at HTTPS://BlueChew.com, with promo code TUESDAYS) Subscribe to our Patreon for full video of the show A WEEK EARLY, WEEKLY bonus stuff, and more! www.patreon.com/tuesdays Subscribe to out YouTube channel here: https://youtube.com/c/TuesdayswithStories

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe less Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy thank you those my AC DC that's a James Brown I did it's all very similar it's all pipes it's all the same old thing rolling around a baggy jeans were out then it came skinny jeans now it's back to baggy jeans and that's

why I stayed steady with the two short blue jeans my whole life yeah give me a hammer loop and a jabo or a Jinko how about that Nike socks with new balance sneakers what do you think about that blacks they don't like that they like a matching Chris Allen man he I still get shit he's like death threats he's like you're wearing nikes with new balance you piece of shit honky cracker son of a bitch who cares we're all gonna die one day I like a Nike sock and a new balance sneakers so sue me you son of an onion both good brands you gotta match the brands I get the color matching but now the brands too much no brand Richard

I buy solid shirts I go Amazon I just give me 10 gray 28 blue and nine white I can't help it asked did you say wamazan did I son of a could have sworn I heard a wamazan we have to play it back Walmart and Amazon merged but I'm on no sleep I flew on a flight at 4 a.m. and I'm here landed at Newark 10 minutes ago I know I gotta say I was like I think we fucked up I was texting Chuck behind your back I was like listen Mark's no showing he's you know you know Chuck he's like I'll sit in he's like he's like I think I think I was meant for this anyways you're gonna poison me aren't you story oh no stories not on

my watch yeah you got a 10 word limit used five but anyway I was like there's no I texted Chris I had to talk on the phone for God's sakes he's like can you chat yes I'm like I hate the Kenya chat I was a nice chat we had a good talk but great guy I love Alan good you know we had a great weekend yeah but I want to hear about it sure well we got we got stuff Air Force these nuts in my mouth Air Force to do that huh you guys do that thing hey army or Air Force then you answer army army nuts in your mouth oh sure that was big it was a big thing D's nuts was big I always thought it was a little overblown everybody's like D's

like alright it's okay what's the origin of D's nuts you know it's I don't know it's a good question but it's a you want these what these nuts yeah I didn't get it I never like nuts I like balls sack ball bag ball bags the funny is to me ball bag I don't mind nuts Cajones and wavos marbles I like ball I like any kind of bag douche bag ball bag booze bag bag is big what bag you know what else is big is Wad gay Wad come Wad come Wad come Wad come all yeah come all you faithful and bad even baseball you say slid into the bag yeah bag is better than base beat the bag out of them that's a

great one that was great love beat the bag at what time I was at an A&M I don't want to get rid of my anonymity but whatever I said instead of saying I'm an alcoholic he said hey I'm Steve I'm a booze bag and I laughed out loud I was like that's classic booze bag is gold and I bagged her is great when you fuck a lady how I bagged her years ago yeah bag it up bag lady bag dad been there there you go bombs over Baghdad that feels good that's the phone would have in the resume went to Baghdad war zone I've been in a war zone same I did the the Qatar I did the Dubai not Dubai what's the other one the shitty way

Sarajevo right now no what's that was the Bosnia no oh you know it Kuwait Iraq Afghanistan Kuwait a minute hold on Afghanistan Afghanistan that's what I said oh sorry yeah that was a hell of a place boo I'm out of it I know so anyway but we thought you weren't gonna show cuz I'm looking at the Instagram Chris Allen pops up and it says one more show tonight in Columbus and it's 22 hours ago I'm doing the math going that's last night you got that right but I had a we had a Sunday show but I knew if I got the earliest flight out so I got the 7 a.m. or landed in Newark at 9 45 whatever the hell it was but yeah all good all

gravy we're here we're queer grab a couple z's I got a few z's I slept on the plane slept in the uber that's when you know you're tired when you get off the plane you get an uber in Newark I'm in the tunnel snoozing the guy to go hey sir sir then they woke me up and I went home love an uber sleep oh yeah good stuff five stars well I mean well I mean where do we start what do we do I haven't seen you in a few weeks I really missed you know that feeling with you long I was longing love along love it a year there we go that was snappy some fans don't care for that so I apologize well

you get off to smell it it's just all audio they like you're better than this we're not better than it we're doing it I hate when people say you're better than that cuz I'm like you don't know me then that means you don't know me yeah I think it's pretty funny so whatever and we're keeping in line you guys talking about your Russia gate Ukraine Biden we're farting I hate all this I do a bit of my I don't want to just show up here doing my act but people are like people say what she's out of your league I'm like she's in my bed she's in the same league for sure is in her ass we're talking about the league big

leagues yeah 20,000 leagues under the under the clam he listens to this grant no who wrote that I think that only in dynamite roster hold on I know don't say it Chuck you piece of shit hold on I got it I got it is that the white whale Nemo never never never says Nemo is the captain yeah captain Nemo finding Nemo I think you think of Leonard yes Jules Verne there it is never read it I like back to the future he did the time machine as well by the way Jules Verne was big he had a run back to the future referencing Jules and Verne that's right yes what you fucks Mary Steve Berger if you had the

opportunity sure I mean I'd fuck Marty McFly if I had the opportunity and his mom you see your tits and all the right moves is that right oh my god get on it watch it tonight those are the right moves pretty fun film too is that the football football yeah Hayden T. Fox or Chris Hayden what's his name lol from wings sideways oh that's Thomas Hayden Hayden Fox from coach Craig T. Nelson Craig T. Nell I like that guy you see him you just like him he's one of those guys he's good and coach was on 23 hours of the day was like the original in practical jokers every time I turn on TV in the 90s coach was on I loved coach

because it was like a sitcom which I love that it was college football which I love and I just loved it and then Luther van dross what's his name oh Lex van dyke yes Jerry van dyke right right when I get Luther is there a Luther van dyke oh Luther was his name well you got the van van dross Luther van dross Luther was his name all right boy there's a lot of pipes a lot of connections and I got to tell you seeing the name dyke as a kid was a good time that was entertainment back then like oh shit his name's dyke they put it right on the screen I like the van van's fun too and lesbian in a van what's better than that a dyke van

dad's van dyke van dick now we got a porn van and dyke three of my favorite things but you know how we talk about this as comedians as people not just comedians I'm sure everybody I hate when people like just comedians we have this and I'm like no I think everyone feels sure whatever farts yeah we're all depressed but you know there's all a joke there's always a joke that just lingers and I have a joke from coach that way it maybe laughs so hard as a kid that I remember wow I got a few of those where he said his daughter is like in real is our marketing and she's trying to sell bottle water this before the

bottle water craze haha like in the early 90s remember the carlin bit I do yeah have a drink before you leave the house what did everyone get so fucking thirsty but she has a empty bottle of water she goes dad what would I have to do to get you to buy this bottle and he goes put beer in it that's big great zinger that's big and every white male in the 90s loved beer huge joke that was every father's day card hey dad I got you a beer beer beer right back yeah I love you beer I for the straight beer anyways that one lingered and saved by the bell I think I've talked about where she's feeling screeches arm and she goes

boy you must work out and he goes no she goes you're so firm he goes it's my elbow I work out that's like a double joke double joke I mean we've talked about screech you cantaloupe who you call a cantaloupe you melon head come on the joke stick what about there was the fresh Prince which they really made into a drama I don't want to go in a rant I got a I got a got a whole thing on this assistant fury we've got to make everything sad oh everything's sad my lady's watching 98 fiance and all these sad the Hefner documentaries out he diddle a bunch of ladies and you're like ah do we have to take everything you

know when they talk about the guy dipping the lady in Times Square that's a salt you're like maybe she liked it I don't know do we have to spin everything to be a bummer we won the war you got a couple rapes if you win a war yes it's couple me too right it's gonna happen and it was the 40s for Christ's sake it's like Polanski his baby got stabbed his parents died in the Holocaust give him a rape or two yeah it's part of it it's it's a symptoms easy tippy-toe but yeah jk lol we're joking comedians just kidding yeah well we're talking about rape something hold on lansky Belair Belair it's drama but the fresh Prince of

Belair had one where they got an offer on the house someone's gonna offer 15 million or whatever and the who is the daughter Ashley is that her name Hillary Ashley was a hot yeah the dog the young one was hot Hillary was never into oh I love Hillary oh I didn't care for it but the daughter the young one I mean was but anyways she was like they were all excited about the money and then yeah she was like no what do you call that when you really love a place the door now the emotion the sentimental yes she was the sentimental one she goes will say something and he goes cha-ching I hate the cha-ching that's

the original bing bong you know oh gee cha-ching not a fan cha-ching was weak it's easy it was just a dumb phrase it was like this was I threw a shoe at the bad conflate conflate cha-ching became that this is 1992 he was the first to change no cha-ching was a rally's commercial with Seth Green Seth Green this is Seth Green was nine when this came out there wasn't Seth Green Prince I mean we're talking 91 92 I think it came from a commercial I didn't know cha-ching at the time give it a gook Chucky went to cha-ching cup I got an itchy calf you ever haven't I love it at you kept I'm all sunburned from the

Virgin Islands I'm just doing this all day I look like a like a percusset head that's fun yeah it's itchy I'm all pipes it's bad I'm all spotty I did the thing with the spray tan you got to get the lotion spray tan I had that's all the lady had I was like yeah give me some of that I haven't put suntan lotion in my whole life oh you mean sunblock yes what is a thing with a spray you are Donald Trump shit no yeah I don't want that no no bronzer by the way spray tan sounds like an Asian guy hey I'm spray tan but yeah so yeah I took the spray and it's I got burnt here white here burnt here white here I look like a

pizza fuck yeah that's all right don't eat me but yeah so you're the fresh prince are we gonna do this with all the sitcoms let's get family matters hey we got a serious one or goes home easy he he entertains the family all day then he goes home and cuts himself and cries he's I'm a nerd I can't get laid Laura hates me well the cop it couldn't be a cop it have to be something else well the dad be a cop he's like I was shot at I'm a black man I have to kill some people that would be fun yeah all the sitcoms and the old days was a very special fresh prince now they're all very special they should do the reverse they should do on

a very special Belair we got jokes and he just says to change a bunch it'd be nice speaking of special we got a new Victoria's Secret model with Downsie that's fun I miss this yeah we're talking about inclusive she's cute but she's got the special needs of the mentally challenge wow I gotta check this out I already rub on out to her which is by first I was told never to rub out to retard it people but now it's allowed I guess wow I didn't hear about this and I feel bad for the girl who didn't make it like I'm auditioning oh I lost too what where you guys get your news trigger me dot com where's the story

trigger me that's a gun magazine that's a good site yeah is that taken put in trigger me dot com because I might buy that and just have stories of like hey heads up a black guy want to swim meet or whatever no he's eating a water ball whatever whatever triggers people yeah well that that's a good put the list of school shootings of the week on there too yeah anything over there there's someone bought it and so they have it up for sale for like fifty six hundred dollars now I'm triggered wait no first to Ching though I don't know no no to Ching origin now it's tough to tough to Google that's a tough Google yeah damn I

got the downs though what about what about this to Ching the rallies commercial get the date and then to Ching the the Will Smith F and get the date but what's the rallies because we didn't I don't know if rallies was national well I had you guys called it checkers checkers yes chess and checkers yeah so it'd be set green he had the red hair I think it was set green it was some guy with I think it was a redhead from children of the corn there was a redhead who was in a bunch of commercials for 10 minutes but Seth green didn't come about till post nice print 92 is the rallies commercial okay yeah yeah is it look like Seth green

yeah Seth green oh wow kid right yeah he's yeah he's his hair is big yeah oh big oh Seth green was in the it too that's right yeah so he was a child star or a child guy or whatever sure yeah that's right play to come in and he would go what do you want we'll have a big view for chiching and you hit the register and you would do it like that behind the back and it was that was a good time back then but I think what makes the fresh prints you have to hail a reference to Ching otherwise it would just be a random chiching so you have to know that chiching is a register but the setup will like she thinks she's going to save him maybe the joke stinks what am I doing fighting for this fresh prince of L.A. joke it's easy

it was just a reference like what we hashtag now that was that then pull up the line that he delivers it with some gum sure that will smith oh I got the he's talent will smith is one of my all-time turnarounds huh on a opinion like I loved will I love the fresh prince I loved his rap I loved the show and now he's doing this I give me the Oscar and he's like well I couldn't read either like that bullshit you suck and he's all serious now I know he flipped with a pursuit of happiness and the the other one oh and then he did a he was independence day was the highest gross grossing movie of all time oh but everyone wants to take it serious Jim Carrey too yeah drama coming out in a couple months but whatever they all want to go serious you never see it go the other

way you know you never see Daniel Day Lewis like well you know I'm dumb and number five I disagree maybe you've heard of this guy Bob De Niro uh bad grandpa meet the parents meet the Fockers Rocky and Bullwinkle I mean he was taxi driver Jake Lamada Travis Bickle the other guy dear hunter he was like yeah get him off you know now he's like you're gonna meet me how about was Pesci drama first he was a singer before he was like a Jersey Boys guy wow he hates acting I got the ching scene oh really let's see it I don't know how loud it's gonna be can we play it on a clip or something it's pretty soft we can pipe it in yeah uh this is a long break they're gonna hate this here he comes we'll say something did he say ching ching ching ching that's what

it's listed I think is racist ching ching yeah that's a chef yeah it's almost a different thing I think it's a karaoke joint all right ching ching ching wow it was big it was exciting I can't remember like remember that though yeah yeah yeah it's funny what sticks in you never know dicks pretty specific oh yeah so I've been all over God's creation we got a lot to talk about you got a decent thigh gap I mean you've been to since I last saw you you went to Omaha you went to virgin island you came back here and then you went to Columbus you got that right here again oh yeah things are cooking a lot of pods in between it's been a whirlwind Jerry hit me with the wind so we do Omaha fun club Colleen's there you get your liquid death up my ass Andy Fiori

he killed it yeah he's in over there that's the one club he works and we had a nice host guy and just hot shows sold out of merch great times wow love Omaha me and Andy got a steak one day oh my steak yeah you got to do the steak we had one guy he uh you know the shuttle guy at the hotel so this guy Dave he's like born and raised Omaha I know everybody out here we're like all right it's like a four second drive to the steak shop and he goes ah yep yep just tell my name at the steakhouse we'll get you look at your free apps all day and we're like yeah right Dave thank you whatever we get out of the car we get our table at the steak place high-end you know white table clawed tuxedo waiter and we go Dave and they go you know Dave I go yeah we know Dave they go oh boy

I'm talking shrimp cocktail calamari it worked it never works and it works I mean George saying Kramer is the hardest in my life oh yeah Kramer what about him I'm saying his name yeah it is an awkward thing that's gold that's gold you remember these you were sucking them down like Coca-Cola the lead in yeah Kramer all right anyways so big Dave he gets the hook up so they give you free or what do they got a free app bunch of free apps and uh you know we look cool because there was a bunch of stuffies around the table you know these these fat cats you know these high society kids they've been animals no no I wish I feel like stuffed animal you go to an adult woman you hook up with a woman you go to a finger you're better at the bar and her bed is just covered with stuffed

animals so yeah it's a little bizarre right it's a little cookie it's a little arrested development and then you fuck next to them and you see uh you know the cookie monsters face or whoever you got a jizz on kermit just doing other stuff's looking at you it's embarrassing I gotta say though I take a stuffed animal I had sex with a woman had a dog and it would literally it sounds like a bit and it's like cliche but it would be like licking my feet my asshole while you're hanging well somebody's shouting outside well they've been they're getting out of eating out by a dog but if the dog licked your butthole I guess that's a perk that's not bad it's a threesome yeah exactly two bitches but uh so yeah so yeah great time in Omaha now here's the clinker this is

why I people always say drop your manager you don't need a manager I'm like I'm using my manager I heard a dry heave it's like yelling something's going on there's a man and woman yelling at each other outside ah divorce it's a little strange it's a holiday we're recording this on president's day we're the only ones in here one other guy and I think he's beating a woman up there maybe it's a Monica Lewinsky situation yeah ching ching president's all right so uh five forty one a.m. flight and this is my management set all this out don't you love using them for extra shit this has done do with work yeah it's a little weird but oh is that bad well I'm getting my 10% gosh darn it I know I don't I don't know how to get that 10% I hate the 10% they literally email me

they're like all right here's the hotel and I'm like all right well here's three thousand bucks I know exactly it's a strange thing strange system that's why everybody says drop them but I use them baby there's more yelling we're getting kicked out of here this is what I was happening the other day when I was here this is I came like when I came back to clean I just heard a guy this is crazy is that phone or is that phone because I heard a woman's voice though didn't you woman screaming too all right we gotta get back she's gonna know it's she's dead now holy shit what well it's nice no we're not the most fucked up people at the office I know we gotta we gotta do the blues by this thing when we pile all the chairs up in

front of the door yes yes pile there's no way out of here go more pile all right so oh my god I hope that picked up here yes it's crazy that was louder than the chaching yes oh my god oh my god I can't handle this bring me back to my childhood I can cut stuff because this isn't coming up to next week so I'll cut dead air but this is where you're gonna add in a you know raging bull yeah this is wild what if we're witnesses what if it's like that that documentary like we just witnessed a murder we picked up the sound yeah it's the curve oh this could be something it's a long shot yeah did you hear what he said he said talk to your advisor yes he said why don't you ever do anything he said do something I don't want him coming in here yelling at us he said repeat him look like I

had to get like mo all right all right so we're in Omaha no you left Omaha we left Omaha early flight the manager books the flight 541 flight out of Omaha you gotta get there at 441 you gotta wake up at 410 that looks uncomfortable then you fly to Miami get on a another plane to the virgin island st. Thomas baby the capital of the virgin islands my guards from there is that right that's right why yeah great guy great host tough people over there you know you land and you're you know you're foggy you're tired so when you land it just it all hits you like oh my god I'm gonna I'm in the virgin islands how did this happen because you know you kind of go into zombie mode on the flight and everything you're just trying to get to your gate and all that so you land you're like

oh my god you see outside the airport it's just hills and valleys and trees and ocean and that beautiful the ocean air hits you and the airport is like it is right smack in that valley baby you're looking out and they have the dancing ladies when you get out of the plane they go welcome to say Thomas and you're like oh my god I'm here still drums yes oh I did I stole them so so uh then then the reality sets and you're like wow I'm here there's a bunch of guys in Hawaiian shirts it's fun fat ladies and so you're like now I gotta get to my hotel and the lady's already there she got there before me right so I'm like all right gotta get to that hotel and this this is when reality kicks in where you're like all right I guess I gotta get a cab let me get an

Uber oh they don't they don't have Uber here okay oh I found a cab driver sir I'm going to this hotel he goes wait right there huh wait right there okay what am I waiting for he's like you want to pay $65 you want to wait for five other people and then pay 10 I was like okay I guess I'll pay 10 so now I'm sitting there like a huge waiting for five other people who need a cab I don't really pay the 65 I should have just done that so I'm sitting there for three years and you're like well now I'm I'm losing my excitement it's like in swingers when they're like Vegas and then they just slowly start falling asleep so finally get our five people what is it with these super shuttles you're always the last one to get out and you never get dropped off first do you no the

shuttle you all that's the thing I always try to go to the back because you want to be courteous sure you move to the back so everyone else can get in but then you get fucked for being courteous I guess you get fucked but just where my hotel happened to be they're like you're last we'll get you first we'll get you first you're going here you're going there oh I see what you mean I've had that too with the the the the airplane shuttle they're like the airlines in order it's scooping it booze you bitty boo shibbity bop shibbity boop shibbity boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop delta exactly fuck your mother in the ass why does it always be you're never the first guy but you know to each of you and I get to look out the window and take it all in so I'm trying to be

positive now here's the clinker we got a cute couple young hot black couple with a new baby the baby's annoying it's gross it's fat and the baby's yapping it up and they go we have an Airbnb he goes what's the address they go we don't know and he's like well I don't know where to bring you so now we're sitting there and they're going through their emails and shit and they're like I think this is it he's like I don't know what that means and we're like so I gotta just sit there with him the whole thing took it out I'm losing beach time baby so finally we found the goddamn place then I get to the hotel I try not to dwell you want to just enjoy the vacation and boy I had a couple of they call them painkillers that's the drink over there the painkiller we hit the hotel

bar I took photos all of my stories it was just paradise as far as the eye could see and we had a boozy fucky I took a Viagra out there Viagra I took a blue chew thank you yeah blue chew yeah so Tuesday or whatever promo code great the only problem the only flaw of the virgin islands you got to run a car I should have run the car because we had to get a cab everywhere we went to they change the prices every time ah that'll be 21 that'll be 15 that'll be 18 I got a damn you shady queefs but they roll the sidewalks up at about eight ah yeah these all those locations they're not a party there must be a club thing or something there's gotta be so the first time we get there we're like I'm going out I'm soaking up as much party time and it was the Super Bowl

Super Bowl Super Bowl night rams versus the bangles so I go well let's just see what's what so I get it a cab and I go take us right to the funnest place in town I was that guy I just threw a bunch of water threw a wad of cash at him gay wad and they brought me to the blackest most Caribbean restaurant there's roosters walking around with the only white people there steel drum steel cars and there was a bunch of big bleachers on the parking lot with a big old projector and we watched the Super Bowl in the virgin islands hammered with a bunch of uh St. Thomas locals now were they reacting were they into the game was it just kind of a thing that's on and they're like oh weigh in weigh in and they were hammered too we were high five and it was great interesting

oh sorry oh yeah that'll get you don't cut to me on that one that was bad bad bug sorry Shelby there's a booger over here oh he'll figure that one out that was small put some wallpaper over it yeah yeah so catch up on it great great week uh you know you forget about comedy I call a geographical Xanax just oh my god I got nothing to do I'm gonna sit by the pool I'm gonna eat breakfast I'm gonna drink a red stripe and that is it the bat and I love the sound of the palms and the ocean coming in you get in that ocean that heals oh you got it I got you better believe I got in the nose that ocean was it was warm it was crystal clear I peed in it it was a great time and uh you know what's fun is when you're you're both swimming together and then she

clinks on you your bob a swim clink love a swim clink with a bob love I'm all about the swim click and I get like so fucking horny I know the ocean because they're wearing the tight it's tight it's like that latexie whatever it is nylon rubber bathing suit and it's all tight and the tits are like exposed because you know you can just go like this yes and then you feel the buns and there's like a layer of nylon wet buns and then they hitch on the hips they wrap your velvet rims around my hips and sure you just get on there and the ocean's coming you just want to fuck right there yes which I did once and she was like it's salty oh sorry bad you get a squid and you're squid yeah yeah squid game but uh I think I cleaned her out a little bit it was you know the

salt cleans yeah you can't fucking the ocean I think that really destroys her she'll never be able to you know shit again that's crazy hopefully she can't have kids now but we had a great time and just got drunk all day and then you gotta like get get it together for the dinner the dinner's like the big outing you're covered in burnt sun all day you got cocoa butter in your ass and just had a great time how about this it's a it's a whole different gaggle out there there's a fat guy from Florida there's a crazy you know Jewish lady from LA out there and Muslim lady full guard swimming in the ocean I'm talking burka the head gear on swear to God I almost took a photo but I'm like the sun is beaming her husband her fat you know husband is hairy looks like an uber driver he's

just like a Middle Eastern guy shirtless big necklace smoking a cigar drink wife full black guard oh she's gonna drown you can't swim like that I know yeah sneakers and like her her guard was flowing in the water and she got out she would beep beep beep but I'm like you're soaking wet oh my god this is horrible yeah burka baby this is terrible burka burka that's bad news by the way speaking of horny and the bathing suit and the thing I gotta whisper because if this guy hears this he's gonna fucking he's gonna call ice shoot his wife yeah that is terrifying terrifying that we know he has to do them that's an OJ Simpson situation but you went to the last time you had sex with the panty slide oh the slide it makes that they go bonkers for this they go

bonkers I'm telling you they bonkers they go crazy it's amazing that panty over you just pull it open and hold it and I made two because I haven't come since Christmas 71 sure you know what I mean I've been the same dame tell that to my back it's the 50s yeah and so you do a panty slide forget about it I'm like I feel like a teenager I know it's amazing the the amount of joy that's behind that little that one little piece of fabric and then beep the whole world opens up well you know what I did because I was so into it because you know she went banana she was like whoa she looked like the exorcist her head oh yeah I didn't shit came out give her the crucifix so then the power of Christ compels her so what I did was I did a little research I googled oh yeah I was

like panty move aside first it's like three pages of porn yeah then I got to what's that website Qdoba or Qora porn hub yeah Quora Quora it's whatever you ask questions it's like Reddit I guess I don't know this but it's like people say like like I had anal sex can I get pregnant from those questions and community answers so there's a bunch of Qdobas where women are like hey is anyone else turned on but and I read like all these fucking things on how turned I had a fucking hard on I was in the back of an Uber it's all like I gotta send it to you please I mean every single woman is like oh when he pulls my panties over and then like one guy pops in he's like I love when they pull my boxers over and blow me they're like get out of here you ask what are you doing

and I was reading his account for like three minutes before I realized it was a dude I love it and I looked up and it was like Kenny F 61 I hate Kenny F Kenny yeah I get out of here Kenny but yeah I'll send them to you all right please a Qdoba it's it's all in there well all I want to know is what turns women on because they all lie about it they're all secretive about it so they love the slide now we finally have a a Koran a Q-don whatever this is called but I'm going to check that out because I want to know ladies you won't tell us it's all in there but the panty slide is big and that they hold and then you finish and then the come comes into the underwear forget about it and then you go to the ocean it all washes away and start all over again with a

clean slate slate all pipes yes love a panty slide you know it's fun as you sometimes you rip those panties they love a rip yeah but you gotta be careful because some of these women are out buying $300 pairs of panties not on my watch my gal's panties look like an old Kleenex but either way we gotta keep it moving see how virgin islands were great pop back into New York and I'll tell you I did a hey babe that podcast hey babe Christy and salvo cano ah Christy gives you an uber out to Staten Island it is another world over there you get out you go through Jersey you go over a bridge you get to Staten Island it was it's like yeah you go through I drive here I go through Jersey to come here it's woods this woods Jerry yeah yeah it's giant street I want to go trick or treating

over there it's beautiful great houses I live 40 minutes from the studio in we're right next to Times Square and like I just live in like a super affluent neighborhood like a hundred people could come park on my street right over it's crazy yeah it's crazy yeah it's gonna lower your money yeah geez then I go back to my house in Rhode Island I don't know yeah it's a different world he's got a pool he's got a backyard he's got a spiral staircase spiral you John Gotti his wife's there cooking up some ziti and shit his grandma's there there's kids running around he's got a gym wow in his home yeah he's like you can live out here anybody can live out here I was like yeah that's that's like a crazy the grandma's a little much I don't like the grandma

well you know these whops they like family it's the Olive Garden we didn't discuss the grandma I had a pony but uh either way great time but you know you come back into the the world after being on the ocean being drunk every day popping a flutu and you're like I'm not funny I have to get back into being a cunt and getting my anxiety up again just to have some some comedy going yeah it's not that you're not funny it's just you know it just slowed down a little bit yeah you're off oh that was a couch ripper a little bumpy Kelly Rippa hey hey folks Tuesdays with stories is brought to you by sheath underwear I guarantee I'm wearing I'm not even a look oh look at that you know sheath they're sexy they're comfy they're sleek

you separate those dicks and balls we love them we give ourselves melvins every week on this show check our underwear out and make sure we're wearing the good stuff I'm wearing it right now baby don't try don't you want a pair of underwear that can hold up to the wear and tear of weekly wedgies sheath underwear can do it baby I love these my ladies got some the dicking balls have their own pouch they need a little me time they need to separate Palestine and Israel US Army soldier and Tuesday Robert Patton knew there had to be a better way to keep his dick from sticking to his leg and sheath was born out there in the hot Middle Eastern Sun fighting the good fight magical dick pouch aside this underwear is comfy cool and comes in so many different patterns

you can have a pair of sheath ready for any occasion and they didn't leave out the ladies either the comfort you guys know for your balls sheath is applied to boobs with their sports bra go to sheathunderwear.com and order with promo code Tuesdays and get 20% off your first order and sheath 100% money back guarantee that's sheathunderwear.com promo code Tuesdays get sheath underwear and let them support your nuts okay hey folks we got a new sponsor Tuesday Stories is brought to you by Fume boy it is not easy to quit a habit like smoking no you got that right oh my god I have a hard time quitting anything I mean my wife Chipotle Starbucks and cigarettes is the different they got a hold on you just making you throw up your

your lungs turn green or whatever you got that right but Fume is the safe way to quit smoking handcrafted fumes 100% Canadian maple inhaler is made to comfortably replace the hand to mouth habit simply insert one of their non-addictive flavored cores core comes in dozens of flavors like peppermint or lemon berry bliss I like peppermint that's one of my favorite flavors of anything tea candy cane yeah mint pepper pepper it's interesting because I don't like peppers but I like peppermint ah yeah yeah good point isn't that interesting it's aromatherapy and an inhaler there's no smoke no vape no nicotine to worry about even if you're not trying to quit smoking fumes cores can help with relaxation energy and more I mean this is something for

everybody I've never smoked today in my life I'm gonna shove some fumes up my butt let's get fumes whether you are a smoker or an ex smoker who still struggles with cravings fume is the perfect tool for you it's time to create positive habits and quit naturally with fume and we're here to make it easier right now if you had to breath breathe fume dot com slash Tuesdays oh boy does and use our promo code Tuesdays you are going to save 10% off your entire order you're going to save on the cigarettes you aren't buying and save on your initial purchase of fume that's 10% off your entire order when you head to b-r-e-a-t-h-e-f-u-m dot com slash Tuesdays and use code Tuesdays good read thank you it's not easy now reading is hard hey folks Tuesdays

with stories is brought to you by blue chew swing love the bc I took one down to the virgin islands pop that thing I was hard as a rock I was like a schoolboy plowed my lady and she loves fucking schoolboys spring is just around the corner and blue chew is here to help you get out of your winter slumber and thaw out that dick woo I love it it's easy it's quick it's chewable it tastes good I eat them like candy if it didn't make my dick rock hard and eventually fall off so they are great they work well they never fail might as well keep it on you just in case blue chews tablet offers the same ingredients as Viagra and Cialis but in a chewable form if you don't like swallowing pills this is for you your lady's going to swallow two once she sees that

boner since blue chew is an online prescription service there's no doctor's office or waiting in line talk to a licensed medical provider and get a prescription all online and it works fast you can be ready whenever the opportunity arises so if you could benefit from extra confidence when it's time to form blue chew can help and we've got a special deal for our listeners gays try blue chew for free when you use our promo code Tuesdays at checkout just pay five clams for shipping that's B L U C H E W dot com promo code Tuesdays to receive your first month free visit blue chew dot com for more details and important safety information and we thank blue chew for sponsoring the pod so I'm hogging well what are you been up to there fatty well I got no no I mean

I'm a similar thing when we talked about off my care whatever Jordan is that I went I went out to gig harbor again to Washington for the second time in like four weeks I'm just in love with these carebear children uh yes you like kids well the thing is it's like I went out there and then I was home and you have that thing where they cry and you're sad and you're gay and you just want to fuck the kids and you go why well I'll see in a few months but you get home and you're like that's not enough that's too far I can't go four months because a kid that's like a sixth of their life Jerry yes you'll never see him again so I had Toronto and they canceled by the way people keep giving me shit like you fucking homo come to Canada I'm like it's your bad shit stupid country

I know Trudeau I'm trying to get a truck in there they wouldn't give me one it's like I don't know what to tell you they canceled Vancouver's been rescheduled for June but anyways I was off and Super Bowl weekend so I sat there for a second I said maybe I'll go and do and I was like why don't I just go back to gig harbor you're on the west side I'm sad I gotta get back out there because I love these children and my buddy's cool too and his wife whatever he's all right who gives a shit but I so I looked on it I was like let me see do I want to fly back across the country and the thing with flying is the whole the thing that sucks is like going to the airport going through security so if you're going somewhere you're going somewhere to me a five hour flight

is not that much crazier than an hour and a half flight because it's all the packing putting up the horseshit sure sure the zone one zone two take your shoes off empty your pockets exactly so I go you know I'm gonna go so I looked at Delta one which is the pod the oh baby doll and it's like 600 bucks and I'm like maybe I should go and I'm like this is irresponsible but as you scroll down to the bottom on the app it says uh gift cards unused tickets what and I click on it you forget because of the pandemic you might have this by the way I had 40 flights book as you know right before the pandemic I was about to go to Australia LA Boston Vegas we were going to Vegas oh that's right we're much mad and then Houston so I had like seven dates book I go into unused tickets

I got like three thousand dollars unused tickets so I punch it in Delta one first class Delta one to Seattle which changes everything everything all you gotta do is go out there plus I'm I'm clear man I bought I'll tell you what else I did uh-oh this was big I got all these miles on Delta but I never pay for flights with the miles because you don't get the credit I don't think you want the miles you want the cash so I took the miles and I bought premium uh Delta sky club plus one guest Miles Davis the sky club is a game changing you want to go to the airport I want to go to the airport yes you look forward you're like I won't eat breakfast I'll go to the club I'll go to the lounge well here's what I've never done ever in my life I flew with a full belly like distended

I get there early JFK I go to the lounge boop and I got a plus one even though I was by myself but next time you know whatever next time we're fucking I'll go just to eat that's not bad that's not bad I think you need a ticket though to get in I'll buy a ticket you got a breakfast like 200 bucks it's not bad not bad it's worth it so you go there but I think you save money because normally at the airport you buy a croissant and a coffee and they're like that'll be 48 bucks exactly they rape you in the pooper I go to the lounge and they got it's just like dead silent in there there's like 200 people in there but it's silent because nobody's an asshole they're rich they're rich quiet people so I'm scooping egg after egg I mean I had about 350 scrambled eggs

and then I had about a quart of oatmeal and I'm like just full yes and then you leave the lounge right as it's boarding then I'm first class because I had the unused ticket so I went with a full belly cruise right on I got my pod I went back and then they bring a breakfast oh yeah I go more everything so I'm shoving my ass like Marlon Brando I showed up to like are you hungry I'm like I'm not I gotta go throw up so I can eat again yeah went out to Seattle gig harbor and you just get when you know when you get lucky with the weather it was like 53 and sunny every day I bought 700 cigars sat in the backyard and you know what's nice about these these these children love kids they love me I mean I do it a bit about it I'm like I want my wife to love me the way my nephew

does yeah sobbing well if you saw your wife once every six months it might help yeah maybe but like I tell my wife like I'm going to the you know Orlando funny tits for a week she's like all right see you later you fag damn but that's kind of voting yeah but my nephew he's a puddle we're in the car he's just like oh my god and he's also like oh and like what do you want to eat he's like what are you eating fuckl joe I'm like I like chicken pie he's like give me a chicken pie I'm like I want to marry my nephew that's kid's hot in 10 years when he's 15 I'm gonna I'm gonna ask him out I don't blame you I'll officiate the wedding I mean he's sobbing when I leave he's like whatever you think I'm predicting Super Bowl scores I'm like I got 30 26 which was pretty close and he's

like me too put that down for me too he's adorable hashtag me too you got a sidekick I love him his name is Joe the two Joe Joe Joe rabbit and we were talking I'm like yeah you know of course Derek's my best friend in the whole world he's like what I'm your best friend I had to just ditch him I'm like I know he's a piece of shit I hate him anyways Derek's out he's fat yeah so fuck him I got I got Jojo sweet joey I'm fungal Joe had a great time out there no gigs just having a sweet sweet old time good for you living it up very wholesome very wholesome we're sitting around the fire we got the campfire the cigars finally annoying kids go to bed we're just sitting there I love a campfire no no even talking we just got the Stoge and the fire and you're just going life is grand life is all

right then you come back to New York and there's 300 homeless people at least smoking crack in front of you and spinning on you but by the way they're supposed to be clearing it up this this week you see that no one's gonna get a snow plow get them all in how do they do it Eric Adams the mayor he came out and said that's the end we're putting our foot down starting this week new policy they're coming up with a nurse and a cop and a guy it's a big New York Times article God I would hate to I see these hobos out there you know at 6th Avenue by where I live and they gotta hit them with a cattle prods they're trying to touch you you know and these cops you can see I'm like all right get the car you know they're covered in feces and trans and SARS well it's hot you know I'm a

empathetic guy but you're like listen we're all getting accosted on the subway every day it's brutal so supposedly they're swooping it up but we're living in a society I saw a guy peeing on the way here on the IFC theater just peeing on it like oh all right yeah and I just walked right by him I gave him a high five well people have been smoking on the train like just that's like regular right that's like you see that more it's like mad men on the subway it's crazy I mean it's just wow I saw no somebody told me this story Steve Rogers witnessed three people light cigarettes at like the same time wow just everyone's just lighting it up it's crazy Jesus it's it's mayhamba down there what it's bedlam what is bedlam I think it's a part of hell I think it's from the bible

it's like anarchy it's like kooky hell I think it's like hell had a volleyball tournament or something okay I think I'd play for them it's it's it's it's bedlam then there you go can we get a signal where are we are we 50 minutes in and 41 ah bedroom is a scene of uproar confusion yeah so like biblical uh let's see I thought it was hell I thought it was like a hell bible thing yeah it comes from a name of a hospital in London what oh no no you're kind of right because it says st. Mary of Bethlehem okay which is devoted to treating the mentally ill over time the pronunciation morphed into bedlam okay so there's a little religious a little bit a little bit of help much like us Joe and Mark well they're not gonna be care for all this talking from chuck I'll tell

you that yeah you do 10 words is all I'm giving you an answer all right we're getting those DMs they're going hey where the hell shall be the sky's a goof at least she'll be quiet it's dinner yeah better hair but yeah kidding a little okay so uh your face is breaking my heart I'm kidding no we're joking you look like you look like your mother just showed you her tits on your birthday which couldn't be that bad that's decent present would you want to see your mother's tits on the inside of your father's asshole like I'm like a real asshole spread I go I don't want to see my dad's ass it's covered in semen there's a hot wheels car in there just give me the tits it's it's easier whoa that was a lot about you you got some problem you're back all right oh boy yeah

cookie time yeah I'd like to see how they're gonna clean up these streets because it ain't that easy I've just thrown them all in a pit and light in a match you know you gotta you gotta figure something out to do it humanely yeah well I think that's the approach it's gonna be a nurse or like a social worker a cop and a baker or something I don't know something had a candlestick maker there's a combo going I didn't read the whole article but that's what I that's what I gathered I can't wait we should go watch that we'll just get a couple of lawn chairs a cigar and watch these guys taste these hobos but he came out and he said hey you know this is where that's enough enough or whatever but I gotta say people like all the comments are like what are you gonna do

with them they always do that but I'm like what are you we can't have this people are dying people got pushed on the tracks I know and it's like I'm sorry but then you're like we're getting a constant every single day everyone I know well you know what we got out of those people commented let's let's put a hobo in your living room for an hour right see how you like it and I think we're gonna be seeing a lot of this it feels like for a couple maybe last four years there was a lot of like kid gloves dainty we gotta get rid of this we gotta be nice to that we gotta say hello to you and pat you on the head and no meanness and I think there's gonna be a big swing and dicks and some real dads coming in going like shut up put your face down in my ass and go to work

might be could be there's gonna be some tough love coming in this country I could feel it but maybe we need it the subway yeah we gotta we gotta clean it up Chuck looks so sad I feel bad I was I was kidding you crushed him I haven't seen you this sad since they took away this the silent Bob movie not gonna talk all right well it worked the lap is big they love the laugh silent re all right I love to laugh but anyways came back from gig harbor and then I got Atlantic city this week which I want to talk about but I want to hear about no I want to hear about AC Columbus well Columbus was quick and easy we sold out all the shows I flew there on Friday or Friday Saturday Sunday gig which is rare for me I usually a Thursday Friday Saturday man but it's president's day so

they said you might as well do Sunday I bet it sells out no one's got work today so I said fuck it let's do it and man me and Chris Al it's fun seeing Chris Al again we chat we you know it's one of those friends we a lot of stuff builds up but then you see each other and you get it all out that's fun love a build up get out and after two days you're like all right I got nothing exactly you're out of shit but you know it's fun he's a gentleman of color he's a heavy set black woman and you get to go hey would you think about the Rogan thing how does that affect you black man and you get a different perspective love a perspective yeah so we had a great time and hot crowds working out bits just the real stuff going to lunch every day talking comedy real road weekend I love a road I missed

the road I'm longing for the road because like I said I had all these gigs cancel weeks off whatever then I did Dallas but it was only two days I'm doing Fort Worth that's only two days and I'm doing a ruble but that's like a regular week I want that's classic Thursday late show Friday late show Saturday suicidal feeling a highlight of the day is your shower we're like I'll take a shower right yeah you rub one out and I just read on the floor it's crunchy yeah and great time hotel is a block away from the club all gravy all good hungover the whole thing but good shows a lot of gays out there the gays are lousy in Columbus the gays are multiplying we got young gays whip a snap of gays there's more lady gays female gays are coming you know I have gays you know I

had to stay on the other night Latina gay and she was like how many of your fans are Latina gays and she was cool she was laughing and wow build that wall good to have you sister kids and cages we love you it was a funny moment because I was at the stand and I was doing a joke about my wife and she said Sarah loves you and I go oh you must be a fan and then I said to the crowd my wife is Sarah Silverman and I thought it was gonna laugh or like a everyone was like this oh I had to be like yeah not really she's 58 right she's older than Sarah Silverman but yeah wow that's cool was she was she Mexican or maybe a Spaniard or maybe a South Amir I didn't check the tag but I think some kind of Latina and she was a Latino in a wheelchair so that's like that's like 10 points

we had a Latino woman in a wheelchair Latino so that's like 40 fans wow it's a Esteban Hawking yeah we had a uh a real uh diversity higher good let's get it out there we love the groups we love the colors let's mix it up we're the we're the UN of comedy yes uh funny yeah un n word Negro couch but uh geez but uh that was exciting so lady lady latinas we never heard from that fat black woman she was not the fat black woman the woman at the fat black pussycat I'm still waiting on that that angel she's out there she's mysterious I think she doesn't exist or she pops smoke or maybe I imagine the whole thing because I was talking to Sam I think it was a mirage yeah you were freaking out he put a Jewish curse on you you saw the demon Sam mirage

speaking of mirage you played a casino huh yeah so I did Atlantic City this weekend I mean he just looked so sad you crushed him you crushed him no you can't hide you got a bad poker face Jesus Christ I feel terrible I was only kidding no one's written to us it's great oh boy I'll say some comments oh I shouldn't get an email I shouldn't have written that I was drinking at the time oh boy but yeah so you're in you're in uh Vegas with AIDS yeah so I had Atlantic City now you know me I mean I'm I'm gay I love a casino I love a city but I've never been to Atlantic City my whole life and I'm a Jersey Shore guy I love Belmar and the other place Asbury Park and those palsy and uh Red Bank you know about Red Bank oh yeah I love a bank love Jersey I long to live on the

Jersey Shore even though every time I say that 48 people are like piece of trash garbage you can't move there but uh you know yeah people get angry I want to it's almost like Chuck started talking so we got Atlantic City one nighter and I got old BD Rodgers big dick Rods uh yes BDR yeah so he's coming down and uh I was gonna drive and he goes I'll drive and I go great and you know Ron on my upstairs neighbor sure sure I don't run on Hershberg yes not the other one that's the one so he's going away to do the Europe tour with Louie and they're going to Ukraine and Israel so he's gonna die yeah he'll get killed and he's like he's all dramatic he wants to have like a going away party he's nervous it's your life you're quick he's leaving for five weeks I'm like no one's even

gonna notice you're gone yet no I think we could use a little break you got that right I mean clops around like a Clydesdale upstairs well he's got a limp on him doesn't he I don't know about the limp we keep referencing it oh boy I think he's a diabetic I think he lost a toe in 88 something's weird he's a sweet guy great podcast Joe and Ron on talk movies we got over 300 viewers he's a funny cat every week hilarious guys recording a special by the way let me get a plug in April 11th finally rerecording the special April 11th he was supposed to do it COVID whatever sure anyways he's going away so he's like let's have a get together so we get big Rodgers Palufo no Palufo she was out of town Gabe Malika you know him no no nice guy funny guy too many new people this apartment Steve

Rogers Sarah and then I plus one I bring in Chavone I gotta get through a whole episode out here and about this comes plus one of that you guys look kind of similar you're replacing me physically and comedically dark hair five o'clock shadow a lot of fun uh boy well I'm Seinfeld I'm meeting this cat at the live app so uh we'll see what oh yeah he's gonna be on oh yeah I'll be on too I'll tell you that I'm bringing a lead pipe and uh I'm gonna be really good I got an eye on you Shiv that's gonna be something Chavone and by the way his cousin is Tony Chavone the wrestling guy you must be a wrestling guy I just want to say anything I don't know what he is either I guess he was an announcer for like WCW which I never watched but he was like a wrestling guy okay

but anyway back in the 80s and 90s but anyways so I plus one him I'm not going anywhere without Chavone I'll tell you that apparently it's all I hear about who is this guy he's stealing my thunder so he comes over and we go to the diner good diner hang then Steve and I head to Atlantic City we're in the squall did you see the squall are you gone squall big squall white squall white squall it was a sideways snow it was a real what a twister yes at the end m ah sorry I'm having a great time I don't know anybody else Chuck's gonna kill himself yeah fans will be happy at least he's not talking I'm just getting Chuck D. Chuck A. Chuck E. G. A. C. yeah here we are you're what's that song AC Slater no no I don't want to get in that whole argument again

yeah the band yeah the band after they had broken up and got back together missing half their members but whatever hey the song's a song that's Bruce anyway so we go down there I'm playing Bruce on repeat and Steve's driving he's one of these guys that he goes play whatever you want I trust you and I go I can't be in a jersey not listening to Springsteen so I did all Springsteen blasting because I don't want to talk so we're just rocking out we get down there and we're like we'll check into the hotel I'll shower there I'm wearing sweatpants I'm like I'll shower at the hotel then we'll go do the show but then we'll drive back got it now you've done this gig Atlantic City yeah I ate a dick it was the height of pandemic three people showed up one girl got

kicked out she was yelling the whole time it was kind of a nightmare oh well times have changed pandemics over it was packed out 300 people but we get to the hotel and I don't know if you know this folks at home the hotel the Claridge yes shit box great theater great gig worst hotel I have ever been to ever in my entire life trash heap literally the worst hotel it was built in 1930 renovated in 1932 it hasn't been touched since oh yeah the holocaust happened the depression happened that place is a bummer the stains on the walls the carpets torn up the beds a fucking slate of gravel his sticks is it's just insane so I get there and there's a line for the elevator because the elevator is so slow there's like 14 people in line and the guy goes yeah there's

the line for the elevator I go a line for the elevator he's like it'll move fast don't worry does this yeah I hate the wave away so I get in line and you get on the elevator your pat and everybody's already in there because it's like floors below so you're literally like crammed in there like this right and it it stops at every single floor on the 11th floor I walk in and I think it's supposed to be like a suite but it's conjoined or adjoined rooms with just no door in between like it's been ripped off what was it a hole there's just like a door well but no door oh it's just wall they walled it in no no not walled in open it's open so you see the other room yes and it's two different rooms they each have a key into the thing so I thought I'm like

is Steve in that room or is someone gonna key into that room yeah but I think they call it a suite they just like have adjoining twins I see and they take the door off got it but then none of the lights are working wow carpets all stained and like shitty I take a shower lukewarm at Beth like a minute it's lukewarm it's like a cold shower hate a lukewarm and uh it was just nasty nasty so we had to go down to the showroom they had to give like a half hour to get down there yep we go to the elevator 11th floor there's four people in line there they're like we've been here for 10 minutes it's just the slowest shittiest finally they leave they're like we're not even gonna eat we're gonna just you know go anorexical whatever they go back to the hotel the whole group

fleabag this place so finally we get on the hotel and there's like three like guinea dads and they're playing acdc on their phone like this just like hell's bell really just riding it's so mind-blowing to me they're just riding an elevator like we need hell's bells on no question about it it's jersey I get it so they're just like playing it out their phone on a hotel elevator strange whatever five minute ride or two minute ride these whops and then the crazy thing is if you go hey uh can you turn that down they go what the fuck's your problem man you don't own the elevator well I didn't even bother so we get on they go that third floor oh you guys go to the third floor you're going to the comedy show we're going to the comedy I'm going oh my god this is

a nightmare hell's bells is playing yeah and they all got drinks and we start walking together because I'm like there's no way around it so we're all walking together as a team and I'm trying to like they're gonna watch me so I'm trying to really be like hey you know my wife doesn't blow me you know how that is he's like I know what you mean brother you want a beer and I'm like I'm good there you go and then one of the guy goes hey wait a minute uh-oh you're the fucking guy on the poster he's like give me a no give me a wedgie that one of them blew Steve and threw him in a dumpster yeah so you got this weird thing and then you walk up to the door and then they know you so like we'll take you backstage he's like let us go backstage we'll fucking do blow and I'm just like

this is a hell gig whatever hell's bells we go back there then I talk to the the guy that runs the place and he's like all the uh the securities all MMA people they're like bad at they throw you right out of here they got cattle prods nice and then they're like the crowd is great I swear to God it's gonna be sold out blah blah blah ended up being one of the best shows I've done in a year or two I mean it was hot I did some riffing I shit all over the room in the hotel it'll be on youtube brought the video camera content king of content baby gotta have a continental breakfast but yeah that is a good layout when that room is full I mean I had a lady walk out on me I mean the whole thing sucked for me but uh that's great you sold it because they can be dicey out there in the AC

it was a little dicey dicey city and um Steve made the mistake of just typing in Atlantic city instead of the hotel so wherever it took us we went down like a wrong turn and I was like just hit reverse and floor it backwards this is scary yeah one wrong turn in that area and it is it's like the wire it's wild we rented bikes and that was a big mistake yeah one wrong turn and it's an overrated tv show there you go anyways great gig drove back all springsteen all the time and uh hopefully hit some bonuses whatever but thanks to everyone who came out made it great again uh yeah for that hotel god and they they talk it up when I did that gig they're like the hotel Sinatra stayed there he killed a guy in there and I'm like I know I saw the tape I know it's on the floor still

it's bad news bears but the room is awesome the gig was great first time in Atlantic city I love that skyline it was delightful the boardwalks all right but everything there has just got a little bit of dinge on it it's it's patina all over that place yeah exactly but uh great weekend and I gotta assume we're over an hour here am I crazy 58 whoa all right it's the uh the buzzer let's throw some plugs in here oh yeah hair plugs hair plugs uh there you go butt plugs let me see here yeah what do you got there fatty a stick in my knees mate uh oh I feel like you're neglecting her a little with the uh the mini joe well I like her better let's be honest oh boy the older kids always better because they're like they're fun she's like writing a movie she's like we should

shoot it this way he's like I should say this and you're like shut up your piece of shit yeah yeah yeah but uh okay here we go Fort Worth hyenas March 4th and 5th that's this week right I don't even know anymore it's all day together oh my god that's this weekend holy shit I'm in Fort Worth this weekend I'm sorry then I'll be in aruba no one's coming to aruba for me uh then what do I got oh I'm at the grove in Astoria on uh March 21st if you want to come it's Monday night in Astoria if I have any queens people come on out trying some new shit keep hearing about this room yeah it's a fun room and then uh side splitters in Tampa just a few weeks away March 24 25 26 you know it's one of my favorite rooms one of my favorite towns so come on out to that that's

going to be fun live Tuesdays with stories March 22nd Tuesday of that week we got Karen Fian who's hilarious love very funny and check her out in penthouse oh yeah fun fact and uh of course Andrew Chavone everyone's going to meet Chavone it's going to be great maybe I'll bring the cat just to balance it out and then uh Laugh Boston April 14 15 16 I'm on the record I am drowning myself in the Boston Harbor if this show doesn't uh one of these doesn't sell out get that content and then of course Buffalo Helium the following week that's April 21st 22nd 23rd fun Matt Wayne will be there then May 5th through the 7th Cap City in Austin May 12th through the 14th Good Nights in Raleigh then I'm in Tacoma Comedy Club one night only May 30th and then June is

big San Francisco punchline Magoobies in Baltimore Atlanta punchline that's going to be fun and then I never work again there you go sounds about right every career's got a ceiling whoa that's fun uh head the oatmeal hey I'm at La Jolla comedy store one of my favorite clubs like goddamn gorgeous town come on out I think we got one show left on Sunday side splitters in Tampa just like the Jojo funny bone Cincinnati Liberty funny bone they call it it's real far outside of Cincinnati let's be honest Louisville comedy club in Kentucky Kentucky very underrated absolutely dania improv come out down to southern Florida I don't know where the fuck the dania improv is but I'll be there and I'll be square Helium Indianapolis that's a fun room the Carolina Theater in Raleigh I'm doing uh

Charlottesville the uh what is that called uh hit and run the the summit no the Sumner the state that little theater yeah oh I love that it's a great spot why am I blanking on the name I've ever been a brainqueef I don't know Charlottesville Mark Norman google it some of these people it's like yeah you can figure this out the southern the southern there it is Dan up live in Phoenix maybe a DC gig Addison improv uh Huntsville and Alabama Magoobies all kinds of fun stuff cooking check out the website check out the other pods check out the specials YouTubes Netflix Patreon is cooking the live apple beyond there we got new merch always cooking maybe I'll bring the cat to the live app put in a carrier and you can poke it with a stick put in a bathtub with the waterfall

if you know what I mean folks go let the Whitney Houston sorry about Chuck join the Patreon we're having a great time ah jeez I'm only kidding uh Chuck say something to the fans all right we gotta go sorry about that but but yeah all right thanks gang we love you praise our love comedy Georgia say it got it